#I (someone who doesnt have DID nor Osdd) knows that

[alliumdykes]

yk I would love to make a horror themed webseries online with inspirations from many things I enjoy, talk about, and obviously show it but the fear of Matpat going theorise on it and be like ‘There are many references to the artist Louis Wain in this one scene with x character, Louis Wain was a famous schizophrenic artist, There for x character had schizophrenia’ despite me wanting to do a cool ass scene inspired by the kaleidoscope cats of Louis Wain

[deakwithit]

being a fictive and knowing you were once delusionally attached to your source to the point of blocking kins/id/any sucks bc i still feel like the real one, even though i know im not. like wdym im not the only oswald cobblepot, why cant i be?

but osdd/did doesnt make you a fictional character, i never was nor will be oswald cobblepot really, im just a manifestation of deep rooted problems. i may look like oswald cobblepot but at the end of the day, hes just someone i resemble. i wont ever be him, and reminding myself of that is both positive and negative. sometimes it sends me into a meltdown, other times it makes me feel less trapped. i like being myself and having my own personality, i like my gender and my identities, i like my labels, i like who i am outside of my "source"

i wish i never fell into that anti recovery "this is me and me only" mindset. i wish i never fell for the concept of doubles. i wish i could go back and tell myself im not a fictional character, so id stop dissociating as much. looking in a mirror became difficult because i didnt look like me.

i wish i could go back and not be this slightly delusionally attached person who clings onto their source, but it feels like all i have sometimes.

i represent our bpd, our anxiety, im supposed to help us, but ive only hindered. my host days are over and i know they wont come back. im content with that. i fronted for a year, only going in small intervals, only getting to leave fully maybe a couple times. this was supposed to be a break for me but all i feel is bitter hatred towards my headmates for taking my life away from me. i wont get to experience everyday again, i will just pop in sometimes to have a conversation, nothing else.

nothing about this is fun, this is cruel, demeaning, embarrassing, humiliating, and not once in 2 years has there been a day i havent suffered because of this stupid disorder

why do other systems get to go through life without amnesia, with low dissociation, knowing their parts and their intracacies, knowing their member counts, etc, while i cant remember wether i worked yesterday or not. i go to work and dont know what im doing or where im going half the time. i have to cook, as a fast food worker, and i make too much food and i wonder when i even started moving to make it. i dont feel myself, i dont feel like im there, i feel like im floating. all i can do is think, im trapped in my own head watching myself move and its agonizing, i dont know what i couldve done as a child to deserve such abhorrent symptoms. this is ruining my life. i cant remember spending time with my bf. i can hardly remember details of my own life. i still write my deadname on things knowing ive been out for years as dante. i cant remember anything and it is pure suffering to wake up everyday

[royalstormpsych]

you didnt apologize for the incredibly ableist assumption that DID OSDD people are just jealous of endos

my bad, i was distracted this morning when i answered some of the notes on this post and i had to go before i could address everything

i was definitely overgeneralizing, and i didnt mean to be ableist, nor imply that theyre just jealous or all only want to be miserable all the time - some of that was poor wording and some of it was genuinely just being an idiot and im genuinely sorry for that and will work to be better for the future

my post was based on my own personal experiences with the plural community (or DID/OSDD community or system community or whatever else anyone may want to call it, someone informed me that not everyone is okay with calling it the plural community which i didnt know!) and many systems that i have met, but i blindly assumed that this was community-wide based on what i encountered in my bubble, which was a mistake on my part. likely what is the case is i was correct for some few individuals in social circles i've found myself in, and assumed that it was correct for the majority, which is clearly not the case

thank you everyone for holding me accountable and letting me know whats up, some people have added their experiences and told me what is actually the case for some people and corrected my mistake which is genuinely appreciated - i am here to learn and i'm sorry for being disrespectful. however for my own sake i will block people who were rude or hostile to me, while still taking into account the points they made. just because they were right and i was wrong does not mean i have to tolerate being spoken to in a way im not comfortable with, but i will still acknowledge that they were right i was wrong

i wont discuss my own personal experiences with trauma or systemhood/having DID/OSDD, nor will i disclose now whether i am a system or not, but please know that i am very deeply personally familiar with these topics and have much experience. this doesnt mean i cant make stupid mistakes like that, im just addressing that some people may think/have thought that im some rando who heard about DID/OSDD yesterday and doesnt know that people are traumatized

yall can lmk if you want me to delete the post, but for now i will leave it up so that i or anyone else can reference the replies to it in the future because some people make very good points

[vxmorpheus]

Help I don't know if I have DID or if it's another Thing™ my brain decided to diagnose me with because it's stupid

Well, I cant answer you too well... Im not a doctor (nor is Morpheus legally). DID/OSDD systems have a wide variety of experiences, so its different for everyone. Personally, Im able to link most of my headmates to specific trauma that created them. There are Endo systems as well (splitting with no trauma). Do you have hypochondria? Nonetheless, I can only tell you of my personal experience, whereas you may be experiencing something different than me. So, you cant rely on my answer for proof for yourself.

I thought that everyone had a headspace with a house and people inside and that was normal, but apparently not. A great friend of mine, who's friends with a lot of systems, pointed that out for me and I talked about it with my therapists and well... yeah... I figured out who was all here and Seth complained about being unacknowledged (Insanity too but not as much). Hell, I'm still figuring things out and we're all trying to relax during switches and be ourselves. By that i mean, more comfortable with expressing ourselves individually. Morpheus, Tyler, and Sanity are the main ones who are able to act themselves. Insanity just doesnt care. Seth is still trying to get better so when he's front i keep him quiet. The only time when he speaks verbally is if I said something stupid or someone said something relating to him that he didn't like. Everyone else just wears "the mask".

Like I said, I can't help you with this in a proper way. This is more with self discovery and speaking to a therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists. This is the best I can say.

[mikayma]

I don't mean for this to sound aggressive but if you've never known someone with DID / OSDD nor have it yourself you have absolutely no right to give your opinion on that topic, although you said it very lowkey you don't get to say we are overreacting at all, okay?

(Sorry if i write very bad, im in my cellphone right now)

Sorry if i make it Sound like overreacting, thats not the point i wanted to comment because people have all the right to say what they think, good or bad.Still i think even if there are people who didnt had/or had someone with DID/OSDD still can give their opinion about it, ofc it has to have a good base.I can say it because after the movie my family and i started to look for information about it, and we got to know more about people who have it, that its not easy at all, and that, Of course, things like “changing physical habilities” its completily impossible -unless there are proofs-But, that doesnt change the fact that people -incluiding me- liked the movie, and that not al people who has DID or OSDD is “bad” or “dangerous” or “has super powers”.But still you can always have the chance to see it if its what you want and then give more comments about it.

As you say please dont take it in an agressive way, more, in always up for talk about it in a peacefull way!