after-everything-pjo-zine

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Hhhrgrg going to bed in a sec cuz I rly need to sleep but guys I love him I neeeeeed him I wanna hold him tight and let him hold ME tight and cuddle him and just be so so happy in his presence he is the moment the hour the day the heavens the earth the myth the legend he is EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEEEEEEE 💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💖💘

[frecklystars]

[crawling out of the pits of hell while covered in glitter] good morning

i wanted to say i am sorry for not interacting with anyone, im still not doing well :c my ryan character hyperfixation is uh, kinda gone. BUT... im starting to um. feel a little better, watching brba and bcs. it's not hyperfixation level, but it's enough to help me get through the day. it's very weak, but it's there. i'm clinging onto it super hard. enough to actually want to start writing love notes about characters again ;-; idk how long my attachment to them is gonna last but i learned the hard way that if i'm feeling something for F/Os, i need to write it or draw it, interact with it in ANY way, just allow myself to enjoy it before it passes. so. im gonna try so hard to do that

i still have plans to draw ryan's characters, even if im not rly feeling anything for them anymore. i feel really sad that i feel Absolutely Nothing when looking at them, but tbh maybe it's good for me to put down those characters for a little while and pick up these incredibly violent cartel criminals other characters for the time being. maybe in a few months or some time next year, i might be able to come back to ryan's characters again. my brain has only consumed barbie/ken/etc for over a year and since i've been feeling So Fucking Unwell for the past... uhhh wow idk I guess five to seven months... it just doesn't bring me any joy any more. brba/bcs doesn't bring me the same joy either but it's not making me feel TOTALLY numb, and you bet your ass i gotta grab onto literally anything to help me thru The Horrors at this point

because of bcs, i gained a new F/O!!!! even when i'm hurting so much every day, i was able to look at a new character and gain some comfort. his name is ignacio and he has become such a strong comfort character to me!!! 😭💘 im so grateful!!! bc i spent so, so long feeling so unsafe self shipping. but ive been feeling better -- not okay yet, definitely not good yet, we're aiming for Okay eventually... but at least better than rock bottom. a little better.

i am definitely not back coming back online the same way that i used to be, but i am gonna actually try to exist here at least once a week or something, just bc i wanna write my love notes sooo bad. i wanna open my inbox!!! there's 900 new messages in there wtf i love you all very much. im so sorry i havent opened my dms, both here and on discord, im just. wow im just really going thru it. but i wanna try to get back to people even if it takes me a long time. i wanna at least READ what ppl are sending and then try to queue some responses, even if it's just like... one per week lol it's better than nothing. to your credit, i think a lot of my joy with self shipping is because you guys send me so many sweet images, a lot of comfort and reassurance, a lot of just... nice. nice things. and i've been exposed to bad people for so long, i forget what real kindness is, and ofc not being exposed to kindness makes me feel more paranoid/scared of everything around me. i think having the steady interaction with kindhearted ppl can really help me, esp when it comes to self shipping and trying to feel safe with my F/Os again

this blog is still gonna have ryan posts, for those of you who have followed me for the past year for that kind of content! lotsss of ryan in my queue. lots of barbie in there. ill still queue his movie stuff for sure and i love drawing his characters. but there's also gonna be a lot of breaking bad and better call saul here (what a wild combination lol???) i rly need to self ship to function and thank god im getting back into it, even if it isnt hyperfixation level, it's something. OH, and i've already drawn pictures. I drew self ship! not even my star form, not vent art -- genuine, fluffy, kissy cutie art!!!! with the most violent criminal characters ever sdlfkjsdlf it feels so great to be in love again!!! i am able to get through things so much easier when i have F/Os to help distract me. i don't know how long this will last, for all i know i'll only be able to get joy from these characters for 2 days, 2 weeks, maybe 2 months if im lucky. but ill take what i can get no matter how short the timeframe is

i learned the hard way that if im in looove with a character, i cant push it down or shove it away, i should allow myself to blog about it and talk about it. thats literally what this blog is for, for me to self ship lol it's literally a self shipping blog. so!!! if i wanna make a love note, im gonna make it, and NOT shove it into my drafts, ill actually post it!!! so!!! im sorry if that annoys anyone but i wanna get better sooo bad and the Salamancas are gonna help me do that ❤ and you can always blacklist the tags "love notes" and "woof" if my posts are ever annoying

ok im going offline again, but hey im gonna try to be online at LEAST once a week, even if it's just for like... let's say 3 minutes. just to say hi to some people and make a love note and then go offline again or something. in the meantime i missed a lot of you guys, if ANY of you have ever interacted with me in a positive way, whether it's a nice ask, tagging me in a post, sending me a nice dm, drawing me something, etc etc literally any kindhearted thing you can possibly do, i promise i have thought about you. even if we've never directedly interacted and you've just written a nice reply on my post or written nice tags on my art. i remember kind people very well and i have been thinking abt a lot of you on and off, even the people i have never directly interacted with before. i hope you're all well, thanks for being patient with me when i've had to make a lot of vent posts lately, it's been rly rough but here's to hoping i'm gonna feel a little better soon, or at least feel okay.

[sugar-omi]

YEAAAAAAAH HEHEHE THAT WAS ME.... i'm that bitch... been that bitch still that bitch, will forevr be that bitch...... BUT NOW ALL OF MY IMAGINES ARE BECOMING REALITY AND I CAN'T STOP SHRIEKING!!!! (all of my imagines are Also becoming. imagines except i'm posting them on my own blog this time LMFAO)

NOOOO I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULD BE MOVING TOO FAST + I DON'T KISS ON THE FIRST DATE SO I HELD MYSELF BACK. BUT I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTED TO. AND JUDGING BY THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN I WAVED GOODBYE FROM OUTSIDE HIS CAR? I THINK HE DID TOO... IDK I MIGHT JUST BE DELULU THO

i remember VIVIDLY how our post-shoulder kiss convo went. this is the kind of shit you'd see in a netflix special. to all the boys type shit. because NO FUCKING SHOT.

"and for what it's worth, i still think you're really pretty."

"mm- what a coincidence. i happen to think you're really pretty too."

"you- uh. you do?"

"is it really that surprising?"

"well, i- no, i just...um."

"oh, ouch. and here i thought i was being subtle."

"pft- you're the furthest thing from subtle, if you ask me."

"am i? i know the cove holden kinnie isn't talking, mr. 'i like your ankle bracelets and i'm gonna make a point to tease ximi about wearing them for me'."

"you- mmmm. if you weren't so lovely i'd find a less gentle way to shut you up."

"yeah? i'm not saying you can't try."

we both laugh, it fizzles out, i tell him i should go before my ra chews me out for showing up to rolecall late...AND THEN IT HAPPENS. AND KEEP IN MIND THE MUSIC IS STILL PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AND HIS LIPS FIND MY SHOULDER AS THE SONG SWELLS UP TO THE CHORUS. AND WHEN HE PULLS AWAY AND LOOKS UP AT ME I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER FELT SO UNABASHEDLY ADORED IN MY LIFE?????????? UM????????????

i feel so very Normally about this man. i promise.

YOU ARE SO REAL ABOUT NOT KISSING ON THE FIRST DATE. I LOVE YOU SERIOUSLY

AJKSDASK THAT'S SO GOOD???? IM LITERALLY SQUEALING N KICKING MY FEET N SCREAMING????? IF IM LOSING MY SHIT LIKE THIS YOU MUST BE CLIMBING THE CEILING RIGHT NOW

thats so good though... ohhh i know he's going crazy i KNOW IT.

THAT "MMMM"?????? OH MY GOD. IF WE COULD PEEK INSIDE HIS HEAD YOU'D BE BLUSHING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO YOUR TOES

YOU ARE NOT DELULU. EVEN IF YOU ARE. REMEMBER. DELULU, IS THE SOLULU!!!!!

omg he's obsessed. i cant. im so unwell about your life rn. i want to be a fly on the wall. dw you are so normal babe.

ALSO CALLING HIM A COVE KINNIE TO HIS FACE AND A TEASE IS SO GOOD. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. THIS IS GOD TIER SHIT. YOUR RESPONSES ARE GODLY???? ITS ABOVE GOD TIER????? HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD?????? PLEASE

[leafiion]

uugughhghg i forgot he leaves his diary here. elias. el. eli. ur my everything .

i am SICK

"miserable adulthood" elias elias elias elias eliasssssssssss ragghhhh this lore makes me so fucking sick and unwell i could fall over and die

idk how to explain anything in the entire fcking world about any of this. but he makes me so ill. i dont give a FUCK about solaris t b h i just want el to know i love him so much

elias are you Single. asking for a friend. who is me. we would probably never get along but we could have a really awful relationship and give luna 100x more issues just by proxy

honestly as a total revenge lover this has always been baller as hell. i will probably never be coerced into caring about solaris unless the zekrom route has some as of yet unseen Solaris Moments that suddenly absolve him of sin and the vengeful satisfaction i take in murdering his garchomp at pyrous but i 1000% support this

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 aughghghgggg this makes me so . i dont even know. did Deus Ex Puppina do that or what and for why im so curious i need to know so badly. why did you do that. damnation in the form of a gift god bless reborn city we're all gonna dieeee we're all going to die so badly

im going to Kill myself. thinking forever about how elias gave up the pendant to luna yes as her birthright but what else can it really Be to give up something that solaris gave him that also straight up fucking Cured his disability. how long did she run away from him & how long did it take before his worry about retribution / anger at her denial overran that. elias please pleaseeeee

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

thinking about how so much of mental health recovery is self forgiveness and allowing yourself to move on and how (having been raised in religious shame structure) not being able to can really trap you into patterns if you don’t. im about to make this about that vampire show lmao. i tried not to. i didn’t even expect this. i was gonna just do a to delete personal post. but whatever. you don’t have to read. but, there’s so much shame in being unwell. all religion teaches you in that anyone of “sin” is deserving of instability, of punishment, unhappiness of hell. then religions tell people to turn that voice inwards and name it their governing god voice. thats so damaging.

my mind is whizzing with religious trauma thoughts in amc iwtv. as well as mental health aspects given how i’ve been and i haven’t really done wtf your call this in a while and i’m really too shrouded in the shame of being unwell to even feel like i should say anything at all anymore. i’m pushing through bc that’s honestly the problem.

that’s what i see reflected in louis. suffering silently bc you might be the hell you can’t escape bc the magnitude you’re experiencing it makes you feel like you must deserve it. if it’s you then what else could there be. doesnt seem like even what’s good can come without hell-in-tow. in his line of work, in his life with his family, in the only way he could be with jonah, in lestat, in claudia. hell is always right there where the good things are. and then everywhere you look the thought is it’s reinforced. religion indoctrinates in you that good is for those who are pure. louis was never afforded pure. even tho it’s actually an injustice and pure is a tool for exclusion and hatred etc. etc. sometimes even when you know that, even when you have the awareness of how unfair it is to be held to a standard never meant for you, it doesnt mean shame isnt effective.

im thinking about shame and self-flagellation in louis. someone on here once pointed out how louis might have thought he was really losing it where lestat was concerned, with all his tricks, and how that was probably why he didn’t want to look at it head on. i get that observation bc of the shame and i also get the appeal and seduction of just letting the mind go with whatever it is if you’re receiving something you’ve been starved of for a long time. bc sometimes losing your mind feels like chains falling and bounds expanding. and it’s all so alluring especially when the state of your mind is as a result of the rigidness of society and life around you. and then the shame that comes for what you perceive yourself to have allowed when things go to hell. especially when it seems like hell is a rapid endless thing with infinite ways to show you all you ever wanted decay before your very eyes bc trauma is death and death is trauma and this is the death and trauma show.

and religions determine what death is in your mind’s eye. and religious shame is a spider cocooning you and telling you to think yourself a butterfly all the while. how do you forgive yourself from there? and if you can’t can you even look at the full scope of your situation? what if the shame is a dead brother, a town burning, estrangement with relatives, abuse/victimhood, a dead sister/daughter all things that were core values to have a certain way. all things that you defined yourself by and the good times (sarcastic) keep on rolling. what hurts the most sometimes is what you did or didn’t do. idk that i have anything else to say. im getting to the point within myself where i keep thinking “who even cares” so imma stop here. bc i’d like to share before i convince myself to delete. but just if your out there struggling with mental health shit i hope you forgive yourself for things you’re holding onto out of shame. not even just as a self kindness but also bc you deserve to and progress is hindered if you dont in my opinion. i am not a professional. this is simply from what i’ve experienced/observed. if you got beef with yourself and you prefer to take it to your grave. do your thing. im just a username on this thing.

[choco-mint-cals]

Oh my god the last few days have fucking sucked so bad kill me now.

I am sick, I think, a cold? I am just unwell, I can't restrict nor exercise. I've tried :( I wake up so hungry and shakey, and my sugar completely dropped. That or today, I was already fatigued and tired just doing 10k steps. Had to lay down afterwards.

I am on my period, which is a fucking defeat of its own it manages to happen still despite eating 300 FUCKING CALS. okay whatever. Had it the first week, fully restricted, only 1lb gone. I've been waiting for it to be finished, so maybe I can weigh myself afterward. When on your period you can fluctuate 1-5lbs. And i desperately wanted to lose 3lbs this week only to fucking lose 1. Its also now the SECOND week of my period. And it's getting stronger. Dude what the fuck.

There's also no food in this god forsaken house. I've been so hungry, but genuinely nothing to actually fucking eat. Unless I want to eat the 50 pack hotpockets they bought in bulk or barbecue chips??? Can i please have a fucking vegetable, something not processed. The one time I'm letting myself eat I rather it be something with actual NUTRITION. it's been how many days of no groceries. How on earth do they survive off of hot pockets and eating out? Please kill me. Begged my mom to go shopping, asked for vegetables, and she brought me home a cream cheese bagel....dawg. I'm just gonna instacart some soups tomorrow, a nice avocado salad kit, and apples.

Too much is happening, and I'm dreading sleeping again, I'm already in pain. For some reason, it's worse at night and in the morning. I sweat so much and its just debilitating with people who sorta don't give a fuck. I already feel so sweaty. Idk how I'm going to be able to shower.

Im so sad about not being able to restrict, literally what a pointless week. I was so excited to be bmi 20 finally, and it's literally so close. I've should've been it by now.

My stomach hurts !🫠

[writhe]

i need ONE WEEK without something that’s high-pressure or has stakes or is otherwise in some way emotionally challenging 

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[glitter-dean-rights]

So, what do ya reckon Orville's SPNsona is(/spn kin)..?

part2: "like who from spn he kins? maybe he's self-inserting into the fic.., does that make sense? Im so serious about this, btw, love ur desktop theme <3"

OKAY FIRST OF ALL this is so far up my alley i cant even begin to process it!!! also hiiiiii thank you this is very sweet i keep fucking up the colors and it needs some emotional support but tyyyyyy <33

i hope ur ready for me to take this SO seriously !!!

i think the question is fair but orville peck like kinda isnt a person? hes the concept of a person like he doesnt exist like he ~does~ and you can figure out stuff from his songs but like also what is he doing what does he want ya know hes kinda like a straw man of audience projections which is ALSO what dean is basically

like they both sorta exist as vessels (lol) for people to like understand or interpret their art where like orville is very much like all about mystery man focus on the emotions and the music and dean is much more like the lens of the story of supernatural like everything (esp in later seasons) is like filtered through how HE feels (a lot of people have said this a lot better than i but they are correct and i am agreeing) so i think there's an obvious parallel there. Also dean would be so horny for cowboy orville sorry not related but its simply true

ok so like i guess the question becomes kinda like two parts for me like 1: what songs lyrics make me go bananasinsanecrazy when applied to supernatural and 2: which aspects of orvilles fake person outlines would different characters of supernatural apply themselves to WHICH is a very fun question to answer so hi gonna answer them both in a way that makes no sense

i think like the like obvious is like hes hot he gets kicked out of bars hes sad he wants to have a home he misses a home that doesnt exist nobody ever sees his real face he knows his way around a truck stop hes lonely hes gay he believes in the imagery of taillights in the distance and like slow dancing in a dusty bar on the side of the road he just wants someone to stay hes full of emotion but you cant tell he wants to be a cowboy he wants to not be attached hes so full of emotion hes gonna burst (also im sorry but "buddy we've got major blues/another suitcase in your hand" like hello "wouldnt it be nice if i could sleep in my own bed/wouldnt it be nice if i could let the dead stay dead/wouldnt it be swell if i could get things off my chest" HELLO sorry im adding question 1 into my answer also if u think too hard about fancy u might get a brain anneurism so dont do that i know its a cover miss reba really did something with that also winds change dead of night god dont even get me started sorry i keep adding to this but listen to blush sometime and think dean thoughts "fishermans son my dad liked to run/cant picture ur face but i know it was pretty" theres SO MANY) very deancoded it must be said

BUT ALSO if u think too hard about castiel and drive me crazy u will get brain worms confirmed also kalahari down "on your daddys farm/you say your afraid, tell me not to frown" unwell BUT THE KICKER if you ever want to lose all ur braincells listen up buddy lets go heres the thing "back on the run/back to the blue/winning is fun/losing is too" roses are falling guaranteed breakdown "the ache inside/the hate/i found a way/to sit and wait/and now i cant/your voice/your face/without a trace/ill wait for you" LIKE HELLO going insane does anyone want anything

idk im sure sam has like feelings and stuff too but ill be honest i dont care asdkjfhsdk (no not really like i love sam my weird little 'maybe theres something fundamentally wrong with me' boy but i have no lyrics that make me want to gnaw on glass like they do with some other people but like turn to hate maybe if u wanna go a little insane "take me back to the time i was yours you were mine/take me back to the world i know" he said i just want to be normal i miss the love of my life im undone "i hope to die" like hello trials arc im trying not to let the sorrow turn to hate i see it) ((could this also be applied to dean yes but we're gonna let sammy keep some personality traits)) (((also must be noted that maybe orville is not the man for sam)))

[creaturebehavior]

i need to have a conversation with someone who is sober

my heart feels broken for some reason

am i just PMSing?

i feel really unwell mentally spiritually emotionally

i need support and i don’t know how to lean on my sponsor. i love her.... idk how to talk to her simply because i have issues with vulnerability.

i feel sick and my stomach is flipping. my head is spinning.

i have to work more tomorrow and i am about to snap i’m feeling overwhelmed

my soul is aching . like the core of my being is in deep pain.

something is happening again. god help me through this. it’s always just us, isn’t it? god it hurts. it hurts . i miss you . i’m sorry i neglect our relationship. i’m so selfish. how could you love me unconditionally? i don’t understand. why did you create me? do i even want to be here? it’s not all about me i guess. if i was created to serve then why does my life look the way it does now? god, why am i here still?? why did you put me here in the first place? why do you forgive me? why do you love me? i don’t always understand

i want an escape a breath a cry a scream i’m really not much different from that fifteen year old i used to be except i suppress it all

i feel alone. just me and god. what’s it going to take?? what’s gonna happen if i continue on like this? what’s gonna happen if i can’t figure out how to change my life starting at the littlest things?

every day every mistake feels like my fault. i need to kneel on the ground, i need to curl up into a ball and cry while god tells me i am enough and i am lovable despite being human and not every error in this life is my fault. and that when i do make a mistake it’s not the end of the world.

i’m so tired. i’m tired of ema doing this all alone. i don’t trust anyone like i wish i did. i don’t have anyone who i can lean on in times like these where the distress is so deep, other than god. and i can’t figure out if that’s wrong or not. it feels wrong though. it’s times like these i feel i’m detaching emotionally and dissociating as an infant i don’t know how to describe it. the painful self soothing.

im concerned for my well-being

oh and now some flashbacks.

[slitherfromeden]

hi hello oh my god i've missed your last reply somehow so i didn't ever send anything back i'm incredibly sorry aaaaaahh!!!!! i've just read through your recent personal posts to catch up, darling i'm so so sorry about your grandpa.. it must be so hard having seen him like that. i'm sorry. but i'm sure you being there was an incredible comfort for him. i'm sorry. you seem stressed about school also. do you want to talk? promise i won't miss your reply this time >_< so much love ♡

hello, lovely!! 

sorry i’ve taken a few days to respond, things have just been kinda hectic ahsdfh. it’s completely okay dont worry about it!! thank you so much. l guess to some extent i am happy he died because these last two years he has been VERY unwell and he was just so miserable and suffering so much and it just,, wasn’t fair on him. but still it’s only been like 3 months since my other grandad died and stuff and it’s just a lot very close together. like even when i was in the hospital with him, i was holding his hand, and he couldn’t even hold it back properly because he was too weak to even grip anything. like every couple minutes or so, for about 5 seconds he would grip but. it was just so hard. the funeral is on wednesday so there’s that ig ahsdf.

school is kicking my ass a bit. teachers are being quite lenient, since the school knows about what is going on with my family rn, and i’m allowed to take as much time off as i want and i dont need to hand in homework or anything but still i just,, this is my last year, and the uni i want to go to just changed their entry requirements for the course i want,,, i got AAAA last year, and the entry requirement was AABB so i thought i was guaranteed a spot but they changed it to AAAAA,,, which means i need to get an A this year after thinking i didnt need to put so much effort in. might just change my second choice to my first choice since that is still AABB but idk asdhfas. i’ve also still been pretty lonely in school and stuff and... idk. i was off today but like,,, today was the first time in a while (long time for me ahsdfha) i seriously thought about killing myself. like im not gonna, at least not in september, but jesus christ i was thinking about it. i see my psych on monday so i guess i’ll talk to her about that but. idk. i’m just not doing too good rn asdfha. how are you, lovely?? have you been up to much?? so much love <333333