#I DONT CARE THAT WE DONT KNOW THE EXACT DATES ITS JUST A MEME

[auntie-murdoc]

[stick-ball]

pspspspsp Kevin's trauma and his choice to stay with Thea, why her why not someone else? How does it work considering his characters as whole books/ec , does it make sense or just feel "random"

<Picks you up like a little cat and smooches your head.>

This responce has been sped up by the people who asked Nora on twitter to break Kevin and Thea up, making me see red KillBill style, so:

For me, Kevin's and Thea's relationship makes perfect sense. Maybe it's the realist in me, maybe its the idealist in me, I don't care. When it comes to Kevin's traumas, I think that since most people can't really relate to a majority of them, they get all hung up on the one they most definately can, as in, his mommy issues. When we relate to something, it becomes a really big deal. And here we go! Thea/Kevin suddenly is feared to be toxic instead of being seen for what I think it is: finding love in a hopeless place.

The main issue i see discussed is the disproportion of power at the beginning of the relationship. The main concern is the age difference. I personally don't really get the hate about the age gap between them, because if you read the extra content you will know that while they met when Kevin was 14 and Thea 18, it's not like anything happened between them at that age? First, Kevin saw her as an impressive player, when he did actually see her. That wasn't all that often bcs from what I understand from the EC, Kevin and Riko trained with the Ravens sometimes before they joined the team but a big part of their training happened without them, as well as their life growing up was more detached from the Uni students than people seem to think. And honestly, do you think Tetsuji would just let all the freshmen know they signed into the Yakuza sportsTM? Methinks not, but be delulu if you want I guess. 💋

So anyway, from the EC, it seems like Kevin had a crush slowly build up for Thea over the years, growing from his appreciation of her skill and athletism. Considering how cold that guy is, it probably took him some time to realise, after his irritation at her romances (yeah hello she was dating people her age when Kevin was mooning for here as a pathetic teenage boy, bye bye Thea haters) with other teammates started having nothing to do with the fact it could result in the teams distraction during the game, bcs of their hormones and feelings, and turned to conscious jelousy. And here I have to applaud young Kevin because he did not even realise he was distracted from the game by being jealous. Knowing how oblivious Kevin can be about non exy issues, it likely took quite a while.

So what's next? The "getting together"? Kevin and Thea only started having a sort of physical relationship when Kevin and Riko were already freshmen for Edgar Allan, at 18/19.

Whoever wants to fight me on this being a toxic age gap, what exactly is your angle?

Anyway, Kevin was the one to initiate their relationship, after Riko was done with his distraction from the game and his focus on picking fights with Thea, and told him to sleep with her and get it out of his system. (And that's how i met your mother.) It wasn't much more than that for a long time, because having a relationship on a 12 hrs day/night full of training and uni and juggling two other teams on top of that as well as celebrity status literally sounds like the most insane schedule ever, so it's insane they even managed to talk privately at all.

Now, we circle back to the question, why Thea? Why not someone else? Well, first and fucking foremost, because Nora Sakavic said so. Second of all, because Jung and Freud weren't as stupid as imternet memes would have you believe. (Read their books, read all the books please, i can rec you like a 100 psychology texts, dont be shy)

To keep it short, we do base our attraction on the role models we have, one way or another. I saw enough of my friends pick partners that have the exact character quirks that make them just slightly like an after image of their guardians. Kevin doesn't really have a father model, but his mother? She's always going to be a huge part of his life, is it really so weird and dangerous, that he got infautated with a strong, driven, 4 years older woman, who's incredibly talented and just as determined as him? I don't think so. Is it unhealthy? Is it unsafe? As much as life is, I guess, no one is perfect, but I think he could've done much much worse for himself.

Why did Kevin decide to stay with Thea? I would find it pretty obvious, because she doesn't actually need him. She built herself, but she wants him. Even if she will never have the same fame and recognition in her career that he does. Being wanted this way must be really new for Kevin, who was always a trophy to show off because of his legacy, always a property. But Thea is not competing with him, she doesnt want to own him either. I believe his mother is as much of a role model to her, as to him. So, they have sex, when they want to, they talk - when they feel like it. They don't, well fucking fine, so they don't, they fall in love anyway. It's okay if exy comes first in the beginning, considering both spent a lot of time in cult mentality, I think neither is all that bothered as long as its not obsessive (we could discuss how reasonable it was of Kevin to ghost her for over a year and not tell her about how he broke his hand but thats a whole other essay).

What's really wild to me, is that I think the power imbalance in this relationship is the opposite of what many may think.

Kevin holds all the cards. Thea joined the Ravens as a 18 years old talented athlete, she was one of the only girls on the team, and the Nest was not a place to make friends, on top of that it was a mafia cult. She had everything to prove there, and no way of being prepared for all the grooming. On top of that, she knew nothing of the Moriyamas or even of what actually went down with the whole Perfect Court thing. Kevin knew everything, on top of that, up until he left, he had nothing to prove. He ghosted her, is it so hard to believe she accepted his cold shoulder in this dynamic, in which she obviously is not at the top of the foodchain? He kept secrets from her, is it really so hard to believe she was angry? I think neither of them was ready for neither what life at the nest was like, or for a relationship when it happened, but I also think they are incredibly lucky that they have eachother, their shared passion for exy, their daughter, their dog and friends from the dog park who can't talk about exy to save their lives.

I think Kevin was incredibly lucky for finding Thea, because maybe she did not know everything, maybe it wasn't easy for them, but they understood that Rikos death wasn't a one dimensional victory, that it was just as much of a tragedy for them, for Kevin. I'm happy with the canon and I wish more people appreciated this ship, as its very soothing.

As an ending fun fact, did you know I am the only person to make a playlist for Thea Muldani in all of spotify? Pretty insane if you ask me.

[nomintokki]

Unreachable | Na Jaemin

PAIRINGS: Idol!Jaemin x Bestfriend!Reader

GENRE: fluff, slight angst, childhood to the successful life story of Jaemin

WORD COUNT: 1.8k

A/N: mentions the 00 line; slightly suggestive ughhh,,, smut ig??? But its not really smut kljdlkash i cant do that.  thank you @mjlkau​ for proofreading. Anyway hope yall enjoy.

After hours of contemplating if I should go to Jaemin’s Party in celebration for his drama debut. I am now inside my car driving on the way to his condo. Jaemin has been my friend as for long as I can remember, we basically grew up together. We have been neighbors since childhood. Thus we share a lot of things together; we went to the same school, grade school onwards, and to this day, we still keep in touch. We make sure to meet at least once a month. I can proudly say that even after his debut, our friendship never changed. We would still catch up from time to time, send random memes, call each other and such.

I was contemplating on going to his party, simply because I didn’t think I’d fit in his world. I’m just a normal person after all, a nobody. I’m pretty sure his ‘small’ party won’t be that small with all the big celebrities attending it. I knew his fellow band members, several actresses and actors who would be working with him would probably be there too. See I, a mere citizen, just don’t simply fit in. But of course, how could I say no to my best friend? He was being really persistent, begging me to be there. In his exact words he says, “Please y/n go I want my best friend to see and meet my new friends! Besides, they want to meet you too.” I just couldn’t say no.

He told me his new drama will be a romantic one, as he will be partnered with a fellow actress of his. I don’t know why but when he told me that, there were tingling feelings inside my stomach. No, actually- let’s be real. I was probably jealous. I knew for a fact that I have been denying my feelings for Jaemin. I think it all started when we were in high school, but they were just part of adolescence, I guess? In high school he started to bloom into a newer and matured man, handsome as ever, no longer the same childhood neighbor I grew to know. The way he helps other people and takes care of the littlest things is maybe the thing that attracted me the most.  I didn’t want to ruin the comfortable friendship we already have, so as much as possible I keep on brushing away the thought that I am attracted to him. Most especially at this time, he is way out of my league.  I do not know why out of all people he, Na Jaemin, a successful idol, soon to be an actor, my best friend, is the one my heart chose to fall for. I know for a fact that he won’t be available to catch me if I fall for him, well actually I already did. Who am I for him to choose right? I meant he can be with the most beautiful actresses and idol stars out there why would he choose me right. In order to not hurt myself more as much as possible, I ignore and brush off the fact that I like him.

Finally, I arrived at his condo. That was the longest thirty minutes ride I have ever driven. 13th-floor room 1308, alright I am in front of the door and the loud music can be already heard. I ring the doorbell, as it opens it revealed Jaemin, arms open, happy to see you. “Y/n!!!!! You came! Are those tiramisu??? My fave thank you Y/N! Come inside I’ll introduce you to my members. GUYS Y/N is here!!!” Jaemin welcomed me with a hug and grabbed my gift for him. I replied to him with a smile. I don’t think my nervousness was hidden tho. I don’t know if I’m nervous to meet his colleagues or because I am once again seeing him.

“OH if it is not the famous Y/n.” A guy named Heachan one of his members said. I chuckled at his remark and shook his hand that he offered me. “You know what Y/n Jaemin always tells us about you” Renjun, another one of his members, said as he also welcomes me. “Oh really what does he usually say about me?” I replied “he was telling us how much he l-” Renjun was cut off by Jaemin’s hand. “I was telling them how we were always out playing during our childhood days and how I always defeat you when we play kart rider” Jaemin interrupts Renjun. “From what I remember you always lose when we play” I replied and everyone in the circle laughed.

It was indeed just a small party his members were there, some of his managers, and some of the cast of his upcoming drama. I actually had a good time. His members keep on asking me questions about how Jaemin was during his younger days. I told them stories where Jaemin once cried because of whisker’s away, and that he had a pet chick and rabbit once. It felt good talking and hearing stories from them. His colleagues were simple just like him I didn’t feel the gap we had when I was conversing with them. Jaemin’s partner for his upcoming drama was indeed very pretty, again my thoughts of being with him just suck, even more, I really need to move on. But don’t get me wrong she was really kind and single…

The time had been moving by quickly as the night became darker, the hours becoming more late. Some of his guests already left. I wanted to leave early since i still have duty the next day, but he asked me to stay and help him clean. Now I know why he really wanted me to go. Some of his members are still here tho specifically the ones in his same age, Haechan, Renjun, And Jeno. While Jaemin and Haecha sent off and accompanied some of the guests to the lobby Jeno, Renjun, and I started to clean around the room. “You know what y/n were happy to finally meet you,” Jeno said “yeah Jaemin really treasures you as his friend you know he won’t shut up about you” Renjun added. I chuckled at their remarks “His life was probably boring he didn’t have any stories to tell besides mentioning me hahaha”. “You and Jaemin seem to be really close huh?” Jeno asked and I responded with a nod as a wipe down the counter table. “Jaemin never dated girls during his highschool years right?” Renjun asked maybe out of his curiosity. “He was scared of girls and too lanky to get one back in the days haha” I replied “oh yeah he was really lanky when he started training I remember hahaha, but you know what y/n, you and Jaemin actually look good together,” Jeno said “actually! You both had the chemistry” Renjun added. I just smiled at their remarks not wanting to get my hopes up. Jaemin never really showed interest in me so I guess he just really saw me as his friend.

The doorbell suddenly rang. Renjun went to get the door. “Where is Haechan?” I heard Renjun ask. “He didn’t want to clean up so he will just wait for you guys at the parking,” Jaemin said as he approached the vacuum to help us clean. “That b*tch” Jeno remarked. “I guess you two can finish that we’ll be off now bye Jaemin congrats again on your drama! Also bye Y/N nice meeting you!” Renjun hurriedly said while dragging Jeno out of the door. “Hey hey hey you two promised to help me clean!!” Jaemin said but he was cut off by the door Jeno closed. “It’s okay Jaemin this won’t take long anymore they did a lot anyways” I told him as I continue to pack the food that was left.

After a few minutes, we finally cleaned up everything. Tired and exhausted we both slammed down on the couch and let a heavy sigh. “Y/n.” called me out and I responded with a hum resting my head on the couch facing the ceiling. “Thank you for coming I know you really didn’t want to” he said I turned my head to face him “of course and because of that you owe me” i kiddingly replied.  It was quiet but the atmosphere was relaxing, most of the time me and Jaemin are like this, just enjoying the presence of each other. It wasn’t awkward or anything were used to being like this around each other. “Y/n I need to tell you something” Jaemin suddenly said and sat upright. He always tells me random stuff but there is seriousness in his tone which made me nervous. I faced him and gave him a ‘what’ look as my reply. He took a deep breathe and met my eyes “i like you, y/n… for the longest time i have always liked you. No, actually I think I already love you” I couldn’t believe what I am hearing from jaemin after all these years we actually like each other??? I was speechless at the moment I did not know what to respond, my brain was having a hard time processing the information I just got. “Did i shock you? I am sorry for the sudden confession. I do understand if you dont feel the same way-” I cut him off and asked “are you practicing your lines for your upcoming drama? You sound pretty convincing nice one Jaem!!!” I chuckled and laughed out my nervousness I had to make sure he wasn’t just kidding me. “y/n dumbass I actually like you. I am not practicing some lines with you omygosh you really are my best friend. But kidding aside y/n I truly like you I, I love you y/n” I can see in his eyes that he is really genuine with his words. “No were both dumbasses, I liked you ever since we were in high school Jaem” I noticed his eyes grew when he heard this “I didn’t want to tell you since I didn’t want to break the friendship we had” I added. “Me too! I guess we were both cowards huh? But I couldn’t keep these feelings anymore I had to let them out that’s why I’m telling this to you right now” he says while locking his eyes with mine. He slowly cups my cheeks with his slender hands “I never dared to try and date anyone because I knew that I only wanted you, y/n”. I could say that the tension was rising he closed the gap between us. He wasn’t my first kiss but as if its my first kiss heat grew and butterflies on my stomach became wild. I kissed him back and as if we were dancing our lips were so in sync. I reached for the back of his head and placed my fingers between his hair.

I don’t know how I got to this but today was a rollercoaster. I could not believe the thing that I was most worried about earlier this morning would be my greatest dream. I am happy to say that me and my long time crush are in love with each other.

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[bint-amina]

after peter wolff writes his son a short letter in which he relates the details of how the matriarch of iris’s coven came to him and asked if damian might be able to email iris or something just to reassure her that he’s ok, damian takes out his phone (he has changed his number since he last talked to her) and he texts a familiar number.

[d] Stop trying to contact me.

[i] Damian???????? [i] Oh my god????? Jfc I thought you like [i] Died [i] Are u ok??

(a day passes)

[i] If u dont reply Ill assume the answer is no and get Grace to talk to ur dad again

[d] That was a low blow.

[i] It was desperate u mean. Which is tru [i] But Im not fucking kidding. I thought you were dead

[d] That’s a lie.

[i] How would u fucking know huh

(half a day goes by)

[i] I heard about the guys in the city [i] Thought maybe after that ur dad got sick of ur shit and called a priest or something lol [i] Cuz ur a demon

[d] Clever.

[i] Actually that wasnt clever sorry. If u have to clarify the punchline u really cant in good conscious call it clever can you

[d] Not really, no

[i] Lol [i] Good to see you’ve still got ur sense of humor

[d] ‘Humor?’ [d] Is that a Korean word?

[i] Har har [i] You speak korean dummy [i]  작은 년이되지 마

[d]  나는하지 않으려 고 노력할거야.

[i] You google translated that one didnt you

[d] I’m out of practice.

[i] Its ok, me too

(another day goes past)

[i] Hows your mom

[d] I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in six years.

[i] Wait what lol [i] Then where are you

[d] Some school somewhere. [d] Not Columbia, obviously

[i] Obviously lol [i] What kind of school

[d] I don’t know how to describe it. It’s designed for creatures like us.

[i] Wait your dad sent you to VAMPIRE school [i] One might even say........... Vampire ACADEMY [i] Wait what the fuck is it a high school lol

[d] Sort of. It’s a combination. [d] I’m in classes that supposedly will transfer back to Columbia when I return

[i] Oh youre coming back?

(sent at the exact same moment:) [d] Be more specific [i] To NY i mean?

[i] Lol

[d] Hole in one.

[i] Good call tbh. It sux up here [i] Did you know vermont is the whitest state in the country

[d] It’s second actually, after Maine

[i] Ahhh yes the compulsive fact checking.......almost forgot why I broke up with you

(20 minutes later)

[i] That was a joke lol

[d] I thought it was

[i] Nah you didnt

[d] I was around 80% sure

[i] Not statistically significant enough to reject the null hypothesis [i] Cmon Damian get back to your roots. Do some math to figure out your feelings

[d] Insufficient data

[i] Lol

(two days later)

[i] Lily says hi

[d] She’s still around? I thought for sure she wouldn’t make it through her first year.

[i] Lol yeah [i] She had a couple accidents too but [i] Nbd tbh. Im not going to get worked up about it anyway

(an hour later)

[i] Im still dating her btw

(a few hours later; in early morning, after class)

[d] I was almost hoping you’d lie to me

[i] Yeah. Sorry [i] She said I could if i wanted to but I would rather not lie to you tbh [i] I feel like........if we’re going to try reestablishing trust and everything [i] Then I should try not to lie at you

[d] Why would we be doing that?

[i] Cuz we dated for two years and itd be great if we could like get along [i] Cuz you ghosted me for a fucking reason and honestly? Id like to know why

[d] I’m sorry.

[i] Yeah you are

[d] It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.

[i] Yeah and it probably wasnt graces intention to imprison me in the immortal shell of a 16yo but ya know. Shit happens [i] We deal

[d] One silver lining to us breaking up. The age difference thing doesn’t come up.

[i] Bitch if we were still dating I would personally find u a new ratbag every god damn day to make sure u didnt look a day over 17 [i] Cuz thats creepy

[d] Fair.

(a day later)

[i] Ok..........sorry for saying “if we were still dating” [i] I just read a cosmo article that said Im not supposed to say that to an ex

[d] It’s fine. I know what you mean.

[i] Im not hitting you up to get back together [i] Ok?

[d] I know.

[i] Like.............itd be great if we could be friends [i] If we cant thats also cool [i] But hmu once in a while so I know youre not dead?

[d] And when the inevitable happens?

(Damian’s phone starts to ring. He looks at it. After three rings, he silences it, then waits until the ringing has stopped.)

[d] I didn’t mean it like that.

[i] Shit like this is why I worry about you

[d] Don’t you think it’d be easier on us both if you just lived with the idea that somewhere out there I might be dead?

[i] Why are you being mean to me lol

[d] I’m not trying to be mean.

[i] Did I fucking ask what you were trying to do Damian [i] I forgot its such a crime to care about someone you dedicated two years of your life to [i] A year ago you wanted me to marry you and now youre saying Fuck off and let me die [i] Like your own feelings aside thats just disrespectful to me [i] Anyway lol have I told you that this is your problem cuz it is [i] Its Damiantown 24/7 with you. I feel like that meme bitch from the brady bunch [i] “Damian Damian Damian”

(three hours later)

[d] Sure, Jan

[i] Oh my fucking god

[d] Sorry.

[i] What the fuck is wrong with you lol

[d] In my defense, that meme is extremely funny

[i] You dumb fucking idiot [i] I cant believe you just turned the one meme I EVER showed you against me

[d] You also sent me the article about the frog once

[i] Ya cuz I was afraid you were on reddit accidentally trading memes with nazis

[d] That’s just insensitive.

[i] I said accidentally didnt I? I was looking out for you in case your dad ever checked your search history [i] Not that he knows what the fuck an internet search history even is [i] But he’d be devastated 

[d] He actually would kill me, in that case

[i] (wooden stake emoji) [i] Not if I got to him first

(Damian spends a few minutes scrolling through his emojis)

[d] Where did you find that one?

[i] I downloaded a vampire pack [i] Without using an ip blocker or anything [i] Just to fuck with the nsa

(20 minutes later)

[i] Do you ever think about how we’re the irl x files

[d] Constantly. And I’ve never even seen The X-Files.

[i] Bitch I sent you the netflix link like 20 years ago

[d] I lost your login information.

[i] Ah yes [i] Just like how you [i] “Lost” [i] My number

[d] No, I just didn’t write it down

[i] I think its off netflix now anyway

(3 days pass)

[i] Oh i totally forgot [i] Did you take my jacket

[d] The one with the fur is my jacket

[i] Wtf I sent you the link!!!!!!!!!!!

[d] And I bought it because I liked it.

[i] Are you fucking kidding me

[d] I thank you for your impeccable taste in style.

[i] I let you take it cuz you liked wearing it [i] Tbh so disappointed you didnt take the other stuff you liked wearing [i] Toxic masculinity Damian

[d] Could we avoid any potential taunting please.

[i] Im not taunting [i] It looked good on you

[d] Great. Thanks

(an hour later)

[d] I actually don’t have the jacket anymore, you know.

[i] Did you leave it at home??????? Score [i] Ur dad likes me anyway so Im just gonna hit him up then  [i] Bye lol

[d] No. [d] I actually may have passed it along to someone else.

[i] OH????? What the fuck lol [i] Who

[lonelylittletransgirl]

3:40am - 04/05/2020

14 weeks since i’ve talked to the boy, almost 15; i guess technically only two weeks if we’re talking about me being stupid and messaging him, but 14 weeks since he’s spoken to me, and i’m finally ready to talk about it.

when i met him he was magical, i fell for him instantly, it’d only been a few months after i finally got upset enough with Lisa to leave the remains of that friendship behind, and i was feeling a little down with how little social success i was having with the start of college. I remember standing around in the lecture hall before a test, his class was before mine, and i followed a group of people i wanted to be friends with in. he and i both stood awkwardly among our friend groups, this wasnt our first time meeting, but putting our awkwardness aside, it was the first time we spoke, and the start of his era in my life.

the semester rolled forward, and my mental health spiraled, i was facing a daily struggle of do i put gas in my car or do i eat, can i afford that snack while editing at 4am or was i just to go hungry until lunch as not to disrupt my precarious eating schedule. i was stressed about how low my grades where, how tired i always was working an abusive job that paid well below industry standard on the nights i wasn't up fixing group project issues at 4am in the learning commons, sleeping in my car didnt help, but it gave me an extra hour between late nights and early mornings saved off my commute, ontop of saving gas, it wasn’t that bad but was certainly not helping. my mother was driving me insane, like she always does, and i was willing to do anything to keep out of the house, i just... lost control of my life, and completely stopped caring, and this is where he really stepped in. skip a class because im too numb to focus, he’s by my side in the learning commons, someone to talk to, send memes to, keep me entertained, i couldn't go home, my mother would notice im not in class, but i just couldn't drag myself into the classroom every day.

jump forward into the summer... or really... middle spring, probably late may... early june... our mutual friend xander needed some furniture for his new room, the boy and i kept promising to see eachother over the summer, i finally invite him to come to ikea with xander and me, so... we all went together, and after dropping xander off i go back to boys house with him for the first time, and this leads us into the start of the summer.

we see each other often, always initiated by me, but never unwelcomed by him, the exact timeline is all a blur now, but i remember canada day, going to his grandparents house with him, his whole family was lovely, they where so much more functional and kinder than my own, i had an anxiety attack at some point during the day but only the boy and his brother knew, that day really stands out to me because it had been the first time in years id felt accepted by everyone around me, i was able to be myself, i was with people i enjoyed, i had no stresses and it felt euphoric. I remember that night distinctly for entirely different reasons though, it started off well, the boy and i went to milton to see the fireworks from outside the old highschool, a place my dad used to take me and my brother when he was still in our lives, i got a sunburn on my back despite using sunscreen, clearly not enough, and i remember the boy laughing at me because it was a really bad burn in the shape of the bralette i wore in place of a swim top, it was all fun, until the drive home. driving him back to his house something felt wrong, i dont know what, but i remember bursting into tears, this wasnt the first time i cried around him, and certainly wasnt the last, but it really stands out as a night that changed a lot about how he felt towards my emotions. going back to the first time i cried around him, we went on a bike ride on the trails around his house, i borrowed his moms bike and he rode his, at some point he started biking really fast away from me until he reached a house, a house i learned later was the house of someone who hurt him years ago, i... dont exactly recall how i felt about it, but we biked back to the school nearly beside his house, the sky dark at this point, and he went off sitting alone in the field. something about.. him biking away from me, not telling me anything, then leaving his bike on the fence and running into the field away from me, it felt for the first time i can completely recall, like he was starting to push me away, i remember walking up to him in the field, i was already holding back tears at this point and he could tell, he asked what was wrong and i completely collapsed into tears over how i felt. i recall rambling on about my dad, my mothers ex, my mother herself, and my history with abandonment, isolation, and how him leaving me like that made me feel; i remember him holding me, keeping my hair out of my face, stroking it gently while pushing it away, softly telling me its all okay, he apologized, explained everything, and after my eyes where clear enough to walk past his mom not looking like id just bawled my eyes out, combined with the incoming thunderstorm approaching over us as we laid in the grass up at the starts, we headed back to his house.back at his house was rather uneventful, i remember laying beside him in his bed, we watched some youtube, shortly after getting back to his house i left fearing the incoming storm, roughly... around midnight if i had to guess, keeping in mind this is before i was allowed to stay over past his midnight curfew.

moving along through the summer we come to another important night, it was similar to the bike ride night, a humid summer evening, this night i remember fewer details about, but we where laying in his bed, being idiots, i recall him showing me how to act more feminine for a man, sitting on his lap, wrapping myself around him, it was all in play, nothing serious, but i did really like him, and he knew it. at some point the play turned into me laying on his bed, arms at my side, he’s hovering over me in a playfully dominant way, we joke about being ontop of one another with both of us being so submissive, we never take it seriously, but something was different; he looked in my eyes and there was a glimmer to his, “what do you want?” he asked, i told him he already knows, after playing dumb a little more, he starts softly kissing my neck... it was a strange feeling, not unwelcome, but not rough enough for me, he was very gentle, pausing to make sure i was okay, asking for consent often, finally, he looks into my eyes, and says once more “what?” while giggling, i just stare back up at him, after a few seconds he says “i know what you want” and leans in to kiss me, then again, and before i knew it we where making out, and kept it going for a few minutes... until his mother knocked on the door telling us it was past his curfew. and thats the story of my first kiss, and the first time the boy kissed me, i... felt euphoric again, i remember feeling on top of the fucking world for days following, i was so happy, and so in love, and was now completely enamored with this boy.

there where more fun filled summer days, we never kissed again after that, but there was still occasional cuddling, by my request, lots of hugs, and i was still babe and he was still the boy i loved. i guess the first time i really started to feel envious was during pride, we went as a group, myself, the boy, our mutual friend chris, and some other friends from their group discord. the day started out great, it was my first pride and there was so many people, so much excitement, it was all happening and starting out fun. partway pretty early through the day one of the boys ex’s met up with us though, and really stole all of his attention from me, i tried to hide that i was upset, the rest of his friends left to go home leaving just me the boy and his ex, but eventually it became too much, i decided to go home alone, so they dropped me off at the subway station, and turned around, walking away without even saying goodbye. the second i was through the doors to the subway i burst into tears, i felt like an idiot crying most of the train ride home, the drive home, i felt like shit that whole night, and it really hurt to see the boy i loved with someone else. i put that day behind us though, and enjoyed the rest of the summer with him.

Fall arrived, he went back to school, my depressed spiral into mental illness landed me on academic suspension, meaning a year of no school, so i did not. we where separated much of that time, we would see each other maybe bi-weekly, we grew distant, not by choice, i really wanted to see him all the time, and he accommodated whenever he could.

at some point, i dont remember when, but we had a fight, he got mad at me for acting like his girlfriend, he reinforced that we aren't dating, we aren't a couple, he made sure i knew he was gay, and only liked men, and i dont remember the outcome of that fight, but his mom found out, and told him to bring me back. his mom was such a dear, she loved her family, baked every week, cooked meals for them all constantly, always took me into consideration and always offered me something, she would even go out of her way to accommodate my pickiness, and always found something that worked despite the boy being vegetarian and me being picky. she took the boy and i to the mall, boy always joked with me that my bras where too childish, and i did only have three, so his mom took the opportunity to teach me about bras, and the wonders of them, and all the things id need to know after starting hormone therapy. after that he was pretty accepting of my presence, we where very active in the discord, talking for hours a day, it kept me entertained at work and him in class, along with all the friends in it, and the next major turning point was the introduction of rowan.

its now 4:47am, to be continued later