#I HOPE U GUYS LIKE THIS ONE cuz I haven’t been able to draw a lot in the past few days :(((((

[michuyox]

Double date

another version without the lighting i guess

[sakasakiii]

Do you have any original characters? Whether for Tolkien or in general

hello nonnie!!! eeeeee i was actually really surprised and excited to receive this ask! LONG POST INCOMING warning cuz its time for Rin's Ramblings again

i do have two ocs actually! although i haven't paid them much mind up until recently 😂 I wanted to write Ithilos as an extra healer into that one AO3 story where Elrond performs emergency surgery on Maedhros (and i never did!!!). Marildë came from a concept headcanon I had waaay back in January where I was obsessed with the thought of Maglor having kids (twins??) of his own back in Valinor, but unfortunately being unaware that his wife was pregnant up until just before he had to depart to M.E with the Noldor (something that eats him up like crazy but hasn't been able to tell anyone but Maedhros)

heheh so yeyeye... these are my Tolkien ocs!!! although they had been banished to the Void of my mind up til u asked hehe. When it comes to OCs I absolutely ADORE though, @astral-romances has Aredhel's triplet children I have had utter the delight of getting to know better recently, so go check them out if you haven't already!! (they are so SO cute pls stan Walya and Canyo) 🥺

now in response to the second part!! i uh,, i do have non-Tolkien ocs actually 👉👈 i wont go on about them too much here lolol, but ill place the rest under the cut due to it not rly fitting in with the theme of this blog!

when i was a fandom drifter last year i used to work on my own stories WAY more, but now that I've been into the Silm consistently (its the longest fandom I've ever stayed in cuz it has such a lovely community!!) I barely draw them anymore... but here are some sketches of assorted ocs from all my various stories:

they all come from different ones, but all exist in the same overarching world... I won't ramble about it too much here, but I do have a side blog where I sometimes dump old sketches/art I find when I'm digging through my sketchbooks for archiving purposes. So the stuff there is probably way more detailed than my response here!

still though, THANK YOU NONNIEeeEE im so very flattered you asked!! sorry I ended up rambling more than answering your question LMAOOO but im very grateful i had a chance to talk about these guys for a lil while!! 💓💓 thanks again and i hope u have a wonderful rest of your week!

[teacup-baphomet]

G/t Drabble (Crash landed on a hostile planet trope but NOT via the a tiny vulnerable human in a planet of mean powerful alien bigs route)

tw: a bit of censored cursing. Uh. I’m not sure what else. Maybe broaching of sensitive tops such as sexuality and religion. But not really. Mostly it’s just rlly dumb word play/lame humor and a confused alien being confused (and kinda freaked/troubled due to the confusion? you’ll see if you read it i guess). there is some sad lorg boi times. idk. no romantic relationships. just a shaky friendship is forming between a crash-landed big-arse alien (a human! *gasp*  i woulda never guessed something as vile as that o: ) and one of the much smaller, very much not human locals. most want to kill the poor dude who got stuck on this planet of hostile lil guys who think he’s a monster and immediately decide they much off him asap. so like having this one ally is kinda important to him. But it’s hard. because. lots reasons rlly. culture differences. the language tech can only do so much. the size diff creates definite issues because trust is hard in general. and trusting a big being that could easily cause havoc on your planet mostly just cuz he /seems/ nice is not a very good foundation... there is much to learn between the two before they can be truly good frens. so uh good luck to them lol *raises glass* I mean. I don’t think I’ll ever write these two again. but I’m sure they’ll end up good friends. probably.

Anyway without further adieu, here have a disappointment (read: attempt to be creative but i’m kinda lazy tbh and still kinda bitter I can’t draw for more than like 10 minutes before I start spacing out :/ )

"We are called humans or the scientific name is homo sapiens" spoke the large alien, Lyle.

"Homo sapiens? That is rather long, is it not? Why is a "scientific name" even a thing? Why would that be necessary? Scientific name versus what kinda name? Emotional name? Why are these science names two words? Seems annoying. What is wrong with just calling yourselves simply homos? Or something else just as nice and concise. Straight to the point if you will. Probably. I... Uh.. I obviously don't know what exactly is the purpose of a scientific name as i already implied... Sooo..." The much shorter – and much scalier- native being (called Torrynts) awkwardly looked off the side to stare at the plain, blank, siding of their dilapidated, isolated house as if it were the most interesting thing in the entire vicinity. Which it wasn’t of course. There was a f***ing alien 15 times their size only a few them-sized lengths way…

 Lyle gave his new comrade – and only friend on this gawdforsaken planet that mostly wants him dead- th pondering, and possibly ironically, rather colourfully scaled Torrynt by the name of Kyvlar a bemused look, bordering on coy.

"Huh. 'Straight' to the point you say?" He paused with a small snort. "Well, my not-so-statuesque friend, do I got news for you~"

Kyvlar suddenly blanched, giving a Lyle a look that was like a knife to the heart while blurting out. "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up! We? There are more than one of you? Here? On this planet? Were you just a distraction the whole time. Oh... Oh no.... Have we really been victim a secret homo invasion this whole time! I-"

 Their panicked monologue was interrupted by a most horrendous noise. Like a slowly dying tornado with the hiccups or something.

"STOP. Stop I-I can't. I can't. This is too much much!" Spoke Lyle with his hand covering the bottom half of his  and his eyes scrunched shut.

 'Welp,' thought the Torrynt, 'This is the end. This is when I die. I should have known better than to immediately put my trust in such an enormous obviously dangerous specimen. Ho-'

 Kyvlar’s dramatic internal speech was interrupted when the alien surprised them by uncovering the his face, revealing a huge grin. ‘They weren't upset? Huh?’ The Torrynt blinked owlishly at the human in confusion.

 "Sh*t, bite-size (Kyvlar noticeably paled at the impromptu nickname not 100% the foreign joking tone, well it would have been noticeable to someone their size at least), I know you don't mean to, context-wise, but you reminded me of my great aunt Karen when my Uncle Todd and Uncle Copper decide to have their friends over along with relatives for a gatherin'."

Plastering on a faux distraught look and blatantly mocking tone, he  continue with exaggerated hand gestures. "Oh no, it's the...the...," he paused with snort, "... the homo invasion... No, no, no... Not here... not in this... this good, Christian neighborhood. Aren't just two of them enough? Oh woe is me!" The alien dropped the mocking tone and smirked towards the smaller being. "Heh. Good ol' great aunt Karen could never remember Uncle Todd was Jewish and so was the majority of that neighborhood.... It’s where my Uncle Todd was raised actually…"

 The said smaller being just stared blankly at the homo-no-human they supposed as just “homo” meant something else, they weren’t sure what else, beyond just something else.

 "Uhhm. Wh-what? U-Uhm, so what exactly is “homo” then? And what’s Christian? And Jewish too. What’s that? Are... Are those other types of -uh- intelligent, sentient creatures on your planet? Y-you know, b-beside hom-er-h-humans? Or are these subtypes of humans? What kinda are you? What is a great aunt? or Uncle? Does the great indicate a larger size? Oh gawd, a-aren't you humans b-big enough regularly? Oh... W-wait. O-or are you a great- uhm- great aunt, was it? E-er, g-great something? Ohhh. Zyntall (Torrynt swear). I'm sooo confused r-right now... " The timid tiny being, sighed in frustration before their eyes snapped open wide in a panic, and they did an immediate one-eighty with their behavior, and it was off all their previously trust, as wavering as it was, vanished in an instant, squeaking out a quick "sorry. oh, Z-zyntall... I'm so-so-sooo sorry. I-I hope I d-didn't offend y-you or anyth-thing... p-please, oh please, don't hurt me" while gazing everywhere except towards the much larger alien, hoping desperately the 'bite-size' nickname was just a bad joke...

 Clearly they not only didn't get what so hilarious about the whole thing but also thought he was a monster prone to violence – still. Lyle sighed, all the mirth that was previously in his expression draining out of him leaving him with an uncomfortable grimace on their face. How disappointing... They really wish there was another human here to share in the jesting. But alas, that was not meant to be. At least as far as they knew there was no "homo invasion" in the making. Lyle wasn’t naïve. He knew humans were easy to slip into a gray moral state, at best. The role of villains at worst. And many of his kind would likely take advantage of a planet full of tiny, vulnerable people. Lyle couldn’t help but inwardly cringe at the thought, getting nervous about something that wasn’t an issue. At least now. Currently, human-wise, it was just him on this distant planet. And as far as he knew, no one - well, no other human at least- had any clue where they were. It probably just seemed he simply disappeared. Never to be seen again most likely. Trapped on this random alien planet in scenario that is akin to some sort of a personal hell of sorts.

'Wow. Hello, major depressive episode that’s making me overly dramatic. I haven't seen you since I was - what - eighteen?' thought Lyle regretfully. Calling this planet a personal hell was probably a bit over the top. But still, he couldn’t even seem to keep the trust of his single native ally. It only adds to his feelings of lonely isolation. And he feared his lonely angst will only get worse and worse. But only time will tell.

Giving a small sigh, he mentally prepped himself to try and get back his small friend’s trust. At least he was able to laugh for a wee bit earlier. It had been so long since he had done such. It was nice. Hopefully next time it will not lead to a backtracking in his attempted friendly ships with an open local, or even worse, a hostile local. The little laser guns that native being had stung like a b*tch. It reminded him when he got bit a couple times by some fire ants during a vacation as a child.

-----------

So yeah these were rando improvised characters made on the spot.

But Lyle is a guy (he/him. He’d be chill with they/them too)

And Kyvlar is… a Torrynt. So like they/them I guess. Torrynts don’t have genders. Like at all. I guess they hermaphroditic (intersex if talking by human terms but not really as they are capable of reproduction and they aren’t human so… I dunno… Not even sure if hermaphrodite is a useful term. As idk if hermaphroditic animals, in nature, are capable of reproduction… I don’t think so? But I’m not sure tbh…). There is no variants like there are with human “sex”. And male/female concepts are 200+% foreign to these wee reptile-like aliens (albeit warm-blooded minded, so perhaps more draconian than reptilian idk. Also aliens being described as reptilian gives me hives due to a conspiracy theory that is like super bigoted actually n’ stuff. Very yikes. Don’t want to talk it about it rlly…). Their reaction would def be “wtf. That’s the weirdest sh*t ever” to such a thought as male n female binary dynamics & whatnot. No exceptions. They’d be like why a lot of you guys limiting yourself because of whether or not you are a potential offspring vessel or not. I don’t understand.

So Yeah. Uh. Anyways.

Their conversation about this prolly (or close to this):

Lyle: Hi. I’m Lyle. Just some random dude form Earth I guess.

Kyvlar: a random dude what?

Lyle: uh. I’m a dude. I guess I meant that I’m a boy though dudes don’t really have to be boys I think. But not to derail too much… Yeah. I’m a man/guy/boy/brosef, whatever you wanna call the male gender. Please not by brosef actually, heh. Anyway. Yep. A boy. That is what I am. Uh. How about you. I can just tell… you ….you have uhm two legs. Oh damn. Wait. That sounded so stupid. I wouldn’t assume your gender or anything. I just… You don’t look exactly human so..uh. UGH. Nevermind. I don’t even know where I was going with that... Heh. ANYWAY, so yeah what’s your gender is what I’m trying to say. Sorry I’m awkward as f***. I’m not used to socializing much. Been doing deep space sh** on my own for a few years now and.. uh.. yeahhhh….

Kyvlar: *stares blankly*

Lyle: Uh. Yeah. So. A Gender? Do you, uhm, have one? Or…????

Kyvlar: Uh. I think so? I mean I’m mostly a day-by-day I’ll figure it out then type but I, I really want be able to fix my home up. I want to learn to cook. Kinda suck at it now. Uhm. I guess… Uh. I should probably help you get on good terms with my people so they stop trying to kill you. You seem nice n’ stuff… so yeah. There’s that. I could use a little more purpose in my life. Not to-

Lyle: wait. Huh? What are you talking about? Are you talking about an agenda?

Kyvlar: Yes????

Lyle: *snorts* I didn’t say an agenda. I said a gender. As in A. Gen. Durr. Like are male or female or maybe something off the typical binary track??

Kyvlar: Uh. Er. Huh??? I, I’m so confused right now…

Lyle: Hooo boy. I’m so not prepared for this discussion at all.

-----------

One of these days I’m gonna have a character that’s silver-tongue and smooth af and not some bumbling awkward doofus (*cough* like I am *cough*).

[warriorqueen1991]

Razorblades And Lemon Juice (pt. 6)

Characters: Vampire Negan X Reader

Warnings: angst, talk of suicide

Notes: love u guys so much, hope u enjoy :)

—————————————

You woke to the sun pouring in through your windows, warming your smooth face.

Pulling the covers over your head, you closed your eyes once more.

The light rapping of knuckles on your door pulled you from within your wool cocoon with an annoyed groan.

Pushing the covers from your body you got to your feet tugging the ripped shirt from your body. Looking around you pulled open the draws of the dresser next to the door, a small smile tugging at your lips at the clothes stacked within.

Grabbing a thin blue shirt you quickly slid it over your head as Negan knocked once more.

“Come in” you called out, your voice cracking slightly from your sore throat.

Pushing the door open slowly, Negan leaned against the doorframe. His eyes roaming around the sun bathed room before finally settling on you.

“Meet me in the fucking throne room when you’re ready” he growled pushing from the door “you know the fucking way?”

You nodded

“Good”

And just like that he was gone, you knew he was scrambling to build back up the walls he let crumble last night.

He felt vulnerable

But you had to harden your heart if you were gonna help him find his.

****

Walking slowly to the pair of double doors you let the feeling of dread set in.

What if your play at helping him understand the effect his actions had on people had effectively sealed your fate?

What if he decided to make a rash decision?

Laying your hand on the cold metal, you took a deep breath before pushing through.

Negan was sitting in his throne, his long legs stretched out before him. His chin resting on his fist, his eyes closed as if he was sleeping.

Watching him silently you wondered if maybe you should just come back later.

Had he been waiting for the hour it took you to leave your room and find this one? If so, was he angry?

Would he lash out?

“I haven’t slept in years princess” he drawled lazily, his eyes remaining closed.

“Trust me when I say your not fucking interrupting”

Moving forward you kneeled down on one knee, bowing your head respectfully.

A low growl pulled your attention back to the creature on the throne. His eyes now open, staring down at you as his tongue ran over his bottom lip absently.

Shifting himself in the leather seat, he moved his hands to grip the skull arm rests slightly, cocking his head to the right as he continued to watch you.

After a long drawn out moment he jerked to his feet with a tight groan, sauntering to your still kneeling form.

“On your fucking feet” he rasped, rubbing the back of his neck before moving to the doors.

Sliding to your feet smoothly, you followed him.

Negan was oddly quiet as you walked down the cold halls, you found yourself missing his playfulness. What would’ve happened if you had never followed him into The Whisperer camp?

Would he of just continued on like he had before, seeking your friendship by pretending you were a guest and not a prisoner?

For a moment you contemplated asking him, but then quickly thought better of it as you came to a stop in front of yet another door.

It almost looked like a freezer.

Eyeing him in silently increasing fear, you took a deep breath “what is this?” you whispered. He hummed grasping the handle, his soft glowing eyes drifted to you before he jerked it open.

Trembling you slowly moved around his large body, peering inside.

Letting out a tired sigh he gestured to the surprisingly large room “this…” he waved his hand slowly at the fairly small stack of blood bags “…is all I fucking have left of peaceful fucking survival”.

You looked at him then back at the blood, the room was chilled but not nearly enough to keep it safely stored.

“How do you keep it cold?”

He smirked “before she was fucking murdered, Lucille had MacGyvered the shit out of some fucking solar panels we found”.

He moved inside the room ushering you inside “thought it was pretty fucking ironic myself”.

Picking up one of the bags you turned it over in your hand in thought “Negan this needs to be a lot colder than it is…” dropping the bag back on top you sighed “this stuff could really make you sick”.

He wrinkled his nose “little late for that bit of fucking information sweetheart” he uttered moving back to the door “I need you to crawl up there and tell me if the fucking panels are damaged or if they’re just fucking wore out or some shit”.

You looked at him “what will you do if they can’t be fixed?”

He shrugged making the leather on his shoulders squeak “fuck if I know” you looked to the ground folding your arms in thought as you returned your gaze to the dilapidated freezer.

Scratching his jaw he chuckled darkly, moving closer as he leaned into your space “don’t look so fucking worried princess…my death would work out ace’s for you”.

Taking a leap of faith you grabbed his arm as he moved toward the door.

His face hardened as he glared at you, a deep rumbling growl vibrating up through his chest in warning.

“I don’t want you dead, Negan” you said firmly giving him your own hard stare.

Jerking his arm free he snorted wrinkling his nose in amusement, cocking his head “everybody wants me fucking dead darlin, you’re just late to the fucking party”.

Shaking your head you moved to push in front of him, glancing down the stone hall, narrowing your eyes you grimaced “does that ladder lead to the roof?”

He moved in behind you with a deep purr “why?” you looked at him over your shoulder “cuz I’d rather get a good look at it while I’ve got some decent lighting”.

He chuckled “as much as I love your fucking gusto princess, you should probably eat something”.

You shook your head “I’m not hungry” once again looking at him over your shoulder you jerked in surprise as your nose almost bumped into his.

His hands gently grasped your biceps, squeezing slightly as he ran his nose up your neck making you shiver.

“A…are you?” you whispered.

Feeling the slight tickle of his breath on your flesh made you shiver.

You couldn’t deny there was a part of you that was curious what it would be like.

Letting out a deep rumbling purr he tensed up behind you, his fingers gripping you slightly as his breathing became ragged.

How long had he been consuming bad blood in order to stay away from humans?

How much damage had it already caused?

You could help him.

Your thoughts were quickly silenced as he slowly pushed you forward, away from his chest.

He seemed almost reluctant.

Turning to look at him you took a deep shaky breath.

Reaching back to grab a walkie from his belt he tossed it to you, “let me know what the fucks going on” he rasped grabbing another walkie from a nearby room.

You smiled clipping it to your belt “Negan…” he shook his head with a small smile “let me know what'cha find” he rasped.

You didn’t know what…but you wanted to say…something.

Turning back to the freezer he disappeared inside before returning back to the hall holding the blood up to show you.

“don’t fucking worry princess” he drawled “I can hear that fucking bleeding heart of yours from here”.

You frowned “Negan you really shouldn’t drink that”.

He sighed, rolling his eyes to ceiling “and you shouldn’t waste your fucking pity on me…so I guess we both make dumb ass fucking decisions”.

You frowned, why did you care?

Without him you could go home.

Giving him a slight nod you moved to the ladder ascending it quickly, shoving the large steel door you stepped out onto the roof.

The large assortment of solar panels were easy enough to find, unfortunately they were damaged beyond repair and what panels were still intact were small and heavily worn.

You sighed, why hadn’t he just gotten rid of the blood?

Why poison himself?

Quickly grabbing the walkie you pressed down on the receiver “Negan?” when he didn’t answer your brow creased “Negan can you hear me?”

“Fuck!…yeah darlin I can hear ya” his voice was rough, almost pained.

“Are…are you ok?” you asked rubbing the back of your hand across your mouth. His voice crackled back after a pregnant pause “fit as a fuckin fiddle” you rolled your eyes at his heavy sarcasm.

“They’re destroyed Negan…i’m…i’m sorry” you waited for a reply, pacing the roof slowly.

“Ok…Come on back sweetheart”

You paused at his tone, you expected anger…not this quiet acceptance.

“I…I might be able to fix em if…”

“No since beating a dead fucking horse princess…it is what it fucking is”

You sighed, biting your lip “ok, I’m coming down”.

Making your way back down the ladder you dropped off the last step with a frown as the sound of rough coughing and painful wheezing echoed down the hall.

Stopping at the entrance of some kind of lounge area you slowly peeked inside.

Negan was sitting at a dusty wooden table, the empty blood bag laying in front of him as he messaged his temples.

Clearing your throat softly, you gave him a small smile as he opened his eyes to look at you.

He looked exhausted

Letting out a tired breath, he leaned his head on his gloved fist “have a fucking seat darlin”.

Taking a seat in front of him you watched him quietly.

Letting your eyes drift to the empty blood bag you bit your lip nervously.

“Negan…you…you should get rid of that stuff” you tried to make your voice sound firm but it came out soft and worried.

“no” he growled

“Why not?…you could go out and hunt animals or something… or make peace with the communities we could…”

He slammed his hand on the table making you jump.

“I fucking said no goddamnit!…I don’t do that shit anymore, I’m too old and to fucking tired to be drawing attention to myself”.

Your brow creased “but you killed The Whisperers, you left the compound I…”

“That was fucking different”

You narrowed your eyes at him “was it?…you said killing them was a service to me but personally i think you’re full of shit”.

He glared at you, where the hell had that come from? His jaw ticked noticeably his tone a low warning “careful princess”.

You shook your head with a heavy sigh “I think you were starving…i was just an excuse”.

“I don’t leave this place” he growled “every since…” he trailed off, his eyes drifting to the empty plastic in front of him.

“Outta sight…outta fucking mind” he rasped, letting out a series of light coughs into his fist wincing slightly.

“So why did you agree to help me?”

He scrubbed his face, folding his arms on the table “you fucking needed me, no one’s ever fucking needed me before…guess I wasn’t fucking thinking clearly”.

He chuckled softly “the blood was just a fucking bonus…nobody’s gonna start a war over those fuckers”.

Your eyes drifted back to the blood bag “but it’s poisoning you” he dropped his gaze, tapping his fingers gently on the plastic he nodded “it’s fine”.

Your face twisted in confusion “no it’s not Negan this…this stuff is…”

“I’m not fucking tossing it!!!”

His loud roar made you flinch, his fingers were wrapped tightly around the plastic squeezing it tightly.

You were breathing heavily as you watched him, his lips twitching in anger as he turned his face away from you.

Eyeing the bag once more you frowned “it’s Lucille’s…isn’t it?”

His features instantly fell, his jaw flexing as he dropped his gaze “it’s…it’s the only fucking thing I have left of her”.

You reached across the table cautiously, his eyes drifting to your hand slowly as you wrapped it around his.

He was still gripping the bag.

“Negan…”

He met your gaze as you spoke

“…she’s gonna kill you”

He nodded with a sad smile “wouldn’t fucking die from anything else”.

Your heart was breaking, “but…why make me stay if you’re just waiting to die, why even care?”

He shrugged “seemed like a fucking good idea at the time”

You pushed your chair back, getting to your feet with a look of disappointment “ya know what I think?…I think you were lonely…I think you were alone too long and you didn’t want to die the same way”.

He opened his mouth to argue but you quickly cut him off “…but you know what? That’s not gonna happen, I’m not gonna just sit around and watch you kill yourself”.

You glared at him as he to got to his feet leaning forward on the table “why do you fucking care so much?”

Shaking your head you growled “cuz your not a monster, you’re just selfish, angry and depressed…you’re fucking human!!!”.

He stared at you in silence, for once you had rendered him speechless.

Sighing you pointed at the bag “you’re not drinking this shit anymore, you can keep it…I understand what it means to you but you’re not poisoning yourself”.

He chuckled, his eyes widening in amusement as you ordered him around.

“So what do propose I fucking eat princess cuz unless your fucking offering its pretty slim fucking pickings around here”.

You looked at him expectantly.

He furrowed his brow in confusion “jesus fucking christ darlin, we both know that’s something you don’t fucking want”.

You shrugged “ I…I wanna help…and you…” you rolled your lips “you don’t deserve to die”.

He looked confused and concerned at the same time “but…” you shook your head “it’s my decision right?” he gaped at you before snapping his lips shut with a silent nod.

You smiled in triumph “then it’s settled"

He looked up at you in concern, it looked like he was gonna throw up or somthing.

The fact that he was so worried about your decision didnt help to quell your nerves.

Taking a deep breath you smiled gently, you just hoped you hadn’t biten off more than you could chew.

—————————————

☆TAG LIST☆

@embracetheapocalypsewithme @negans-network @jdmfanfiction @jdms-network @zoesmama2024 @noodlecupcakes @dixonsbait @ashzombie13 @artemisxeros @i-am-negan-trash @asshatry @dumplingjoker @robertdowneyjr-rdj @kristenallison04 @azanoni @ryangoslingstanktop @jackythemoo @ask-kakashihatake @staceyruby @collette04 @neganslittlebird @jmackie1983 @naughtybellax @hereforthejeffrey @japanmikey2k16 @haleyea

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #11: "okay so heres the tea mawmaw henny... anyways" - Bryce

I guess i wasnt right to be paranoid but doesnt feel good knowing your name was used as a fake target. I really want to win the next immunity but idk. Hopefully i can do well.

nick tried super hard that tribal i got a tiny bit nervous but i'm glad that things seem to be going pretty well and working themselves out with nathan brian and sharky but i feel like nathan's gonna be pretty upset with me after the season :(

Welp I blew another challenge. Good times. Hopefully Nathan won't win because I want him out next. Ideal boot order for me going forward is Nathan, Bryce, Maynor, Matt, Anna. So we'll see how this challenge shakes out and then I can create some beautiful mastermind plot to send his ass home. Tbh he's just gotten too shady. It seems like every round it gets back to me that Nathan has been working some plan that he never told me about. And Nick was always the leak so with him gone Idk how I can trust Nathan anymore. But I feel solid with The FB Bois and with Brian's steal a vote in his pocket we should be able to control the majority from here on out. There's a lot of "hopefully"s in my head right now.

The challenge didn't go so well because I was sleep deprived and reaction time was slow. I don't think Im going to win. It is crazy though that it is the Final 7 already. Im closely working with Nathan in this game. I would totally go to the end with him. This is where we can make a move to keep the majority. Nathan says he is able to get Annabelle's vote and I think I can get Bryce's vote which means that's 4 and enough to send either Matt, Sharky, or Brian home. It sucks cuz I'm also working with Sharky and Brian but both haven't really talked game game to me. They have told me the vote but not really strategy talk. So I feel like I rather side with Nathan, who actually talks to me about strategy. We have to wait and see who wins immunity to really make a plan for tribal.

i really wanted to uh win immunity but JKFASKJ guess thats never gonna happen. i was like how can anyone flop at this simon says game and well. love simon outsold... i want to get annabelle out this round but now it can be hard without the blanket of protection that immunity brings what if it backfires. we still have brians steal a vote tho so thats 3 votes and we'd only need one more barring another idol. speaking of idols i still have NOTHING.

Okay now I'm starting to feel a little guilty. Nathan just came to me stressing. He's never made it this far and he feels like he's so close but he's feeling the pressure to build his resume. I get all of those feelings. And I know if I'm the one to betray him and ruin his streak I stand no chance of getting his jury vote. I'm feeling so conflicted. Nathan is a threat and I can't trust him. But I finally understand why he's been such a mess throughout the merge. What do I do?

So remember how I said I felt bad for Nathan? OVER IT. So I wanted to vote him out this go around. But then I was unsure. And I told him it would be easiest to just vote Bryce. AND HE TOLD BRYCE. I'm over it. he's doing literally too much. He's never made it this far and it shows. Like scrambling and betraying your allies who had your back and EVEN FORGAVE YOU WHEN YOU LIED TO US. Like It's not cute.

ok so heres the tea mawmaw henny. ... anyways i um love stream of consciousness writing NNN so sharky doesnt trust me and wants me out but like everyone tells me why doesnt he trust me ive been nothing but honest anyways gays cant be trusted. but maynor sharky and anna wanna vote matt. and matt wants to vote maynor/anna and i wanna vote anna with brian so idk im just scared that if we use brians vote steal we'll be in danger at f6 maybe voting matt is smarter like if they just voted sharky id be down but i dont want to go into f6 with sharky AND nathan/anna

So I forgot to vote last round before I literally passed the fuck out after work... how sad!  Nick still did go, just like I had worked on... But I'm OK again because I won immunity //again// (a physical threat...) so therefore I'm safe for yet another round.  It's worrying because if I ever lose I become a huge target for the vote, and I think this round is very risky bisky.... but it'll also finally draw the final lines in the sand with people I want to go to the end with.

I've decided that Nathan's messiness and choice in allies is what strays me away from him.  I love Annabelle, but her relationship with Sharky is what deters me from going further with her.  I like Maynor, but his sketchiness during every tribal is what deters me from going further with him.  If Nathan got over his obsession with voting for Matt... Every.  Single.  Round... then maybe I'd feel better about this all.  If he threw out Sharky, then whew, let's do it!  Nathan is one of my favorite people ever, and he's so enjoyable to talk to... his big ass heart is what's making me feel so fucking bad about this decision, but I think it's what's best for me.

At the moment, I'm seeing a very iffy chance at winning come final tribal time, but I still have a fighting spirit to get there and to dominate final tribal.  I'm just worried about losing all respect from people like Nathan, Sharky, and Annabelle when I vote them out.  I know it's very plausible, so I have to start planning around that.  I have to be able to manage talking about a dominating game and also owning up to being shitty from time to time.

Ideally, I'll be sitting in final 4 with Bryce, Matt, and someone else (it's between Maynor and Nathan/Annabelle).  I know Sharky has to go, but I also have to be ready to work around him making finals with me.  Final 3 situation ideally would be with Matt and Bryce and then final 2 with whomever I see it easier to beat.  And that's all the tea I have for now.

To have tied in the immunity record and also be confirmed top 6... I'm so proud of myself and what I have done given all the time restraints I've had in this game so far.  It's impressive, if I do say so myself.  I really hope I can make people proud of me... and even if I go in 6th, I know I did the damnest fucking thing and fought my ass off.

Annajane, Matty, Jack, Jones, and Drew..., thank you for believing in me enough to cast me for this season.  I hope I don't let you guys down and haven't yet.

Marie, I hope I'm making you proud by still being here!!  I'm trying really hard every day to ensure one of us could do the damn thing.

Zacky, Tobi, Loris, Scott, Justin... and to really anyone out there rooting for me... thank you!  I may not know everyone who is rooting for me, but I really appreciate any support you've given me this season!!

So I think this vote might be the breaking point for me and Annabelle. If we're really coming after Nathan I can't tell her. I also told her that Matt's idol was the merge idol which isn't true. But the fact that she asked makes me think she doesn't know another idol is out there. Which is a great sign. I feel bad but I'm worried if she has to choose between me and Nathan she may choose Nathan. Ugh

God I am SO over these people! Like i seem to be the perpetual target every single round! And it is quite demoralising tbh. I seem to be the easy target cause Brian has immunity and Sharky has got close with Annabelle. and we 3 are a "trio!!!" who apparently need breaking up, even though nathan really needs to like fuck off out of here. I appreciate how hard the man is playing but he's just coming off as a dick now. As he has said, he wants to basically be fuck buddies with Brian to the end, which is not a cute look for him, riding Brians coat tails to the end where he will clearly be beaten. I am just SO over it. At least I _should_ be safe (and should is the correct term here) cause we will have bryce with us hopefully going into this vote but if i leave, i leave. I just want these people gone so I can have a stress free game for ONCE. Like please just fuck off out of here and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

ok so idk whats going to happen sharky threw my name out but now says he didnt and since i want him to vote with me i just say oh ya ofc i believe u. like i want anna out but sharky/matt wants nathan and maynor/anna/nathan want matt. what about what *i* want...

Today is the day where Nathan and I take majority with Bryce and Annabelle anf get rid of Matt or our plans come crashing down in flames. Either way we are making a move. I just hope we prevail and things go our way and our plan doesnt leak.

brian is amazing i need another immunity win so we can just have ari stans only winning immunities. i'm nervous because like this tribal is like anyone can really go the next few rounds but i feel like people still don't think i'm a threat but idk we'll see this game is really like i'm not sure.  

So now Matt is pitching Maynor because we couldn't choose between Anna and Nathan. But they still want to keep it a secret. And that's a terrible idea. We're going to do all this lying and plotting and then vote out the smallest threat. That's a wasted opportunity. I could get behind voting for Maynor but I'm not going to lie to Anna to do it. Plus they want to do it for fear of advantages but like...if Anna or Nathan have anything they'll definitely use it at F6 if we lie to them about the vote. We're overcomplicating this.

ok so like im gone.. idk its so hard to know whos telling the truth. what if sharky leaks to anna i want her out. like anna/maynor/nathan SHOULD be doing matt which means that like as long as me and brian vote together ill at most have 2 votes against me so maybe 3-2-2 but i really trust matt so i feel like he'll vote with us. i really dont wanna vote nathan out when anna is still here... bc she'll go to sharky so quick and take maynor with her. im trying to think of damage control if things do go bad ill just have to tell nathan i wanted anna out bc i thought he was closer to her than me and then maynor idk what to say NNNN... also sharky made an alliance with me matt brian and him but didnt tell me before hand lol love that.. i feel like the abi maria of the season idk why... or like the gabby who doesnt get her way AJSDHFKJA so sad... anyway im a goner :(

It looks like Brian, Matt, and Sharky are voting Bryce. While they think Bryce will vote Sharky. Me, Nathan, Annabelle, and Bryce are doing Matt which will suprise them. I think imma have to do lots of damage control with Brian and Sharky cuz last time I voted differently than they did, Sharky was fine since it wasnt him but Brian was made he was lied to. So like oopsie. But hey its the game of survivor and sometimes you have to lie who ur voting for.

Okay so...I amde a questionable choice...a VERY questionable choice. I told Annabelle everything (almost). She came to me and confessed the Matt plan because she didn't want me to be blindsided. Which verified all me feeling about fighting to save her. So I told her the truth (almost). I said Bryce leaked all of that info to us. I told her the 4 of us came together. I didn't tell her we named it the Fajita Fellas. That's just for us. But then I told her that I had protected her and got the vote on Maynor. Now if there is an idol played it will be on Maynor and Nathan will still go home. I'll send her a PM during the voting and be like SOS it's switching to Nathan. That way I cover my ass. Now I'm just trying to calm Brian down because he is ANXIOUS. Can people just chill out

Nathan is voted out 4-3.