#I also recall a friend (family moved here from PL when she was 2) in high school telling me it usually gets worn on the middle finger

[morgenlich]

mazel tov to the happy(?) couple 🎊🎊🎊

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 2

PART 1

Summary: PART 2  ! of Draco falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and dealing with the consequences of opening his heart to someone. 

Warnings: angst !!! but just a little fluff as always, BLOOD, violence, more crying, very detailed sectumsempra scene, mentions of death

Words: 4.9K

A/N: omg i can’t believe so many people liked the first one and to everyone who left me a comment, I appreciate you so much you have no idea plsss you guys are so beautiful. but here is part 2 and I hope you guys like it as much as the first oneee !!!!!!!! this one got dramatic. I’m thinking of doing a part 3, but I’m not sure and i also want to make it be mostly fluff so PLS let me knowww <3 i do not own gif. 

It was an awful feeling; the feeling of needing a specific someone to bring him a peace he so very much lacked in his life. It was a feeling of not being able to feel joy unless he had you by his side. He felt stupid and pathetic knowing he had made an even bigger mess of himself and regrettably of you. He felt more weak too, wondering to himself why he couldn’t stop crying and do what he needs to do without several potions or you with him to get him through the day. 

He didn’t want to need anyone. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want to need advice.

“Why can’t I just do this?” he cried to himself one night in the room of requirement, kicking something by his foot across the floor in frustration. He stared at the dead bird in hopelessness, not wanting to move it from its spot in the vanishing cabinet. He had managed to send inanimate objects, but not living things and that was only a discovery he was able to make when you were still in his life.

It had been weeks, since he left you under the tree, broken and in tears. He regressed back into to his old ways of lacking proper self care, of sleeping and eating, his studies being the last thing on his mind, him distancing himself from his Slytherin friends again. It was right back to square one, maybe even below that this time.

In Potions, he didn’t dare look at you, ever. He moved to a seat in the very back of the class where he would be hidden from you and could sulk to himself in peace.

“Mr. Malfoy, forgive me as it is none of my business, but why are you no longer working with Miss Y/L/N?” Slughorn asked him one day as he came by to grade his potion.

“It is nothing of concern, Professor,” Draco answered bitterly, holding back the scowl that wanted to show but deciding against being any more rude to authority. “I just rather work by myself.”

“It’s a shame, Mr. Malfoy, you both were my star pupils,” Slughorn mixes the potion around, eyeing it with a frown. “Now the both of you are falling behind. This potion is not passing, you forgot to mix in the dried periwinkle leaves.”

Draco never noticed how you would glance at him throughout Potions class. Of course, he was ignoring you and you felt that nasty realization every time your eyes landed on the platinum blond.

You felt numb, to say the least. You cried for days and days on end. If you weren’t in class, you were in your dorm, wrapped underneath the covers wondering why someone you shared so much love and time with had dropped you with no explanation. You tried endlessly to get him to talk to you, cornering him in the corridors, going up to him in class, but he would ignore you until you went away. He never once met your eyes, and your heart broke more every time you saw the coldness in his icy gray’s that made you feel like you didn’t even exist to him.

Your roommates and friends had gotten involved, forcing you to take better care of yourself. Staying up and hugging you while you cried. Bringing you meals from the Great Hall into the dorm. Brushing your hair when it started to become matted. Encouraging you to divulge yourself in studies rather than your sadness.

“Y/N, you are so much more than what you’re feeling,” your closest friend whispered to you one night as you cried in her embrace. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s okay to cry and be sad, but this is eating you up. Remember how strong you are. Remember the healer you are trying to be. You’ve helped so many people, inside and out, let your friends help you now.”

You nodded sadly, and finally accepted the help your friends had been trying so desperately to give you. You allowed them to take you out into the Great Hall again for meals. To Hogsmead for a fun day out. To the courtyard where you guys would sit and just talk. It was nice, feeling your old and normal life coming to light again even if it was just for a couple hours. But when you couldn’t sleep at night and your mind wandered off to Draco, you felt that same empty feeling of a gaping hole in your heart sting at you. 

There was nothing you could do or say anymore. The cornering him was getting desperate and made you feel weak. The ignoring was never going to stop. You didn’t cry anymore, forcing yourself to bottle up your feelings for him deep down into your mind, body and spirit to the point where you just tried your best to recognize him as a dream. 

Your brain didn’t know any better, right?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Draco sat on the floor of his dorm, head resting against the side of his bed as he twiddled with the letter from his mother between his fingertips. His owl, Aquila, sat beside him and enjoyed the loving pets he was giving her with his other hand. It was rare she let him do this, but he figured it was because she felt that he might have possibly needed this. She nibbled on a crumb of a biscuit he gave her that she had brought with her on her journey from home. Draco sighed and opened the letter again, his eyes scanning over the perfect cursive of his mother’s handwriting once more.

My Dearest Draco,

          How are you, my love? I feel as though we have gone too long without writing to each other. I must say, the Manor feels lonely without you and your father here, but the house elves have been keeping me company. They are quite entertaining, some of them. I do hope you enjoy the small pastries I sent with Aquila that the elves also send on their behalf. 

I know the pain you are feeling, my son. I know it wears at you and I am deeply sorry that I cannot change it or help you. Please do entrust in Professor Snape, as he is the only one who can help you and understands your circumstances. You cannot get through this alone.

Please also remember that you are just a boy. In these times of turmoil, it is easy to lose yourself in your own despair. You are young, Draco, only 16 years of life and it has already failed you. Please find it in your heart to locate the little several joys in life that keep you going. Despite your situation, It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there. Do not succumb, it is what he wants. 

I will always love you, and I hope to see you soon. 

All my love,

Mother

He felt tears sting at his eyes, clutching the letter to his chest as if his mother had charmed it with the feeling of a hug. It wasn’t, but he swore he could feel it. He felt sad, knowing she was all alone in that house, but suddenly remembered that his aunt was seeking refuge with her at the Malfoy Manor and his mother left it out for the sake of keeping Bellatrix’s location secret. Seeing as she was a maddened Ex/Present Death Eater and escaped prisoner on the run. The thought of Bellatrix left a bitter and foul taste in his mouth, making him feel even worse that his mother was stuck at home with that beast who was nearly as bad as the Dark Lord himself. He didn’t care that that was her sister, his aunt, she had no empathy for anything, especially not for him. He recalls her telling him right before he went to school, that he should be grateful and honored for being entrusted with a task so important.

As much as Draco wanted nothing to do with his tasks, he didn’t ignore them. He begrudgingly let Bellatrix teach him Occlumency, something he desperately needed to learn and was now a little good at. He had even tried convincing himself that he needed to do this. It was all up to him. He was chosen for this. He hated it, but he was chosen nonetheless. And he would try with everything to save his family and to make them proud, even if it killed him.

He ignored the thoughts of his aunt and his dreadful life options, refocusing on the words his mother wrote to him. They echoed in his mind, imagining her saying them to him. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

His mind wandered to you, knowing full and well you were are the one and only joy in his life he so deeply desires. His mother’s words hit him hard, to the point where he almost ran out of his room to go look for you. Almost.

But he was stubborn and still couldn’t pull himself out of the mindset he had boxed himself in where he thought being with you would be worse in the end for you than not being with you. 

So he went over to his desk, Aquila following him before flying up to the wooden surface where she perched herself in front of him as he sat down and pulled out a parchment and quill to begin his responding letter for his mother. He thanked her for the pastries, told her he would try his best in confiding in Snape, loosely promised he would fulfill her wishes of him finding some happiness, and gave her his love. He gave the letter to Aquila, smoothing the feathers on the top of her head one last time before she chirped and flew to the window and then out of his room and into the open dark starry sky. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

More weeks had gone by. And then a month. You were seeing less and less of Draco and for a healing heart, it was the best thing for you, but also the worst. He had even began skipping class as much as he could, not that anyone ever noticed, except you and Slughorn of course.

“Miss Y/L/N, may I have a word?” Slughorn came up to you while you were working on a potion with your friend. The same friend who had given up her seat to Draco who she now despised and regretted ever doing in the first place. She gave you and the professor a look before getting up and heading to the front of the class where she began to pick up vials and jars to store the potion.

“Of course, Professor,” you answer with a polite smile.

“I spoke to Mr. Malfoy about a month ago, he seemed rather distraught,” he began, placing a finger over his chin in thought. “I’m beginning to grow worried of the boy! Is there a reason he’s no longer showing up to class?”

You swallowed thickly before responding, “your guess is as good as mine, Professor.”

“Ah, well, one mustn’t pry too much,” he says. “Also, I’m pleased to see your marks improving in the last couple weeks. Keep up the good work, Miss Y/L/N.”

And with that the professor turned around and left to go check on other students, your friend returning.

“What’d he want?” She asked, setting the supplies down on the table.

“Wanted to know about, Mr. Malfoy,” you mocked quietly, your voice turning bitter when the name left your lips. 

You knew Draco’s disappearance was your fault and you felt that twang of hurt beat against your chest thinking about it. That whole conversation with the Professor killed your entire mood. It wasn’t great to begin with, but the feeling of nothing had turned into hurt. 

You were roughly stirring the cauldron, preparing to put the nearly finished potion into the two large jars so it could sit overnight. They were right beside your arm and you felt your elbow collide with the glasses, cringing internally when you heard them crash onto the ground and shatter. Luckily there was nothing in them, but you had still made a mess of glass. In your heat of embarrassment and with the people are you now staring at you, you forgot you could easily clean up your mess with magic so like a klutz, you instead bent down to pick up the shards of glass that scattered the floor with your bare hands.

A loud gasp left your mouth as you began to pick them up, feeling the largest piece of glass in your palm deeply slash the skin of your hand. You dropped it, feeling the blood begin to drip down your arms and onto the floor.

“Oh no, Y/N,” your friend sighed from above you, gripping onto your other arm and lifting you up. “Are you okay?”

The question was meant for your hand, but you felt it hit your soul just as it did whenever someone asked you that question when you were so overwhelmingly not okay. You shook your head no, the pain from your hand and your heart taking over you completely as tears began to trickle down your face. 

Slughorn came up to the table, waving his wand over the mess of the floor and fixed the damage done to the vases and making the small puddle of blood disappear.

“Class is dismissed, students, you are free to go to the Great Hall for lunch,” Slughorn announced and everyone quickly packed up their things and hurried out except for you and your friend. The full-bellied Professor watched you with concern and you turned to your friend where she took your hand in hers and placed it palm up for you.

You shuddered, bringing up your wand to the cut and simply thought your healing spell before watching it completely fade into a faint light pink scar.

“I’m going to explain to Slughorn what happened and put away our stuff,” she says to you, a sad glint in her eyes. “Go clean yourself up and I’ll meet you at our table for lunch with everyone when you’re done.”

You could only pathetically nod before you slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged off into the direction of a bathroom. You decided to go up to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, wanting to be alone from everyone so you could clean yourself up in peace and also have a meltdown. You didn’t know why you wanted to torture yourself with the ghosted memories you shared with Draco in that bathroom, but you still went. 

You took your time getting there and you were only down the hall when you saw the entrance. It was then when you heard a familiar ghastly screaming and wailing. It was horribly loud.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER!”

Moaning Myrtle floated from the large wooden double doors, screaming so loud it ricocheted off all the walls of the now deathly silent castle. You felt all the blood drain from your face as an awful and sickening feeling had bubbled in your stomach.

“It better not be Draco,” you said to yourself, your legs taking longer strides towards the bathroom. “Please, don’t let it be Draco.”

By now, you were sprinting towards the end of the corridor, throwing your bag to the floor as soon as you reached the doors and flung yourself through and into the destroyed bathroom, stepping into a pool of water that had streaks of crimson red. Your eyes followed the trail of blood, stopping suddenly when you found the source.

A blood-curdling scream twice as loud and stronger than Myrtle’s, left your throat as you tripped over your own feet to reach him. You saw Harry Potter, standing a little ways by the door, a panicked and pained look in his eyes as he tried to understand what he had just done. 

Once you reached Draco’s nearly lifeless body covered in angry red gashes, you fell next to him, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time in ages. He was breathing raggedly in choked grunts, clutching at his mauled chest as he struggled to breath. The stormy eyes you loved so much were clouded in fear. Nothing but fear.

You shoved your hand into your pocket, searching for your wand and pulled it out hastily. You shakily waved it over his cuts, thinking and saying any spell you knew that came to your mind in the matter of 5 seconds. This was what you did. This was all you did. Why couldn’t you heal him? None of your spells worked.

“I, I can’t heal you,” you sobbed, resorting to putting your hands over his chest at a failing attempt to stop the bleeding. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“n...o,” Draco said weakly and quietly. He mustered up all his remaining strength and placed a bloodied hand over yours, you grabbed it tightly and leaned over him when you realized he was trying to speak. “S-sorry. lo...ve. y...ou.”

It felt like there was a knife in your chest being repeatedly stabbed into your heart and twisted. His eyes closed and you cried harder, knowing you were going to lose him. Everything was happening so fast. You had only been in the bathroom a solid 10 seconds, everything around you moving in a slow blur but so quickly.

It was as if Merlin had answered your pleas, the sound of the door slammed open and a maddened looking Snape rushed inside, pushing Harry roughly to the side and looking down at Draco and then you only momentarily before dropping to his knees beside him and opposite of you.

“Vulnera sanentur,” he began running his wand over the cuts on Draco’s chest and you watched with wide teary eyes as the blood pooling around you began to retreat back into the wounds. He said it again, and once the blood was back in, the cuts began to close. He chanted it one last time, and the cuts had healed into thick and reddened scars. “Miss Y/L/N, please help Draco over to the hospital wing for some dittany, and quickly please. We might be able to help with the scarring, perhaps avoid it completely. I need to deal with, Potter.”

Draco was half conscious, a dazed and confused look in the gray of his eyes as they fluttered open and closed. You noticed the scar beginning to form on his paled face and you bit back a sob. You knew if that scar stayed there, it would only drive him into a deeper hatred for himself.

You quickly got up, Snape picking up Draco and throwing his arm over your shoulders so that you would be able to help him over to the hospital wing which luckily happened to be a hall away from the bathroom. The adrenaline and sheer love for the boy was pumping through your body which had made you feel stronger in basically carrying Draco through the halls. He was dragging his feet, mumbling incoherently and you couldn’t stop crying.

You saw the doors to the hospital wing open, Madam Pomfrey staring at the scene heading towards her in horror. 

“DITTANY!” you called to her. She threw open the doors wider, nodding before she ran back inside in a hurry. A passing seventh year Hufflepuff had dropped all of his books and his bag and linked arms with Draco’s free side, helping you take him inside with much more ease. Madam Pomfrey yelled to rest Draco on the nearest bed and she quickly returned with the dittany, shooing the both of you away from him.

“I’m afraid the two of you are going to have to leave, immediately,” she demands, her hand reaching up to grab the privacy curtain before shielding her and the love of your life from you and the prying eyes of shocked students gathered at the doorway to see what had happened. The Hufflepuff that had helped was already out the door, but you couldn’t bring your legs to move.

“Away from the door!” McGonagall suddenly appeared from behind the crowd of students, a disgruntled look etched into her aged skin. “Return to your house’s common rooms! That goes for you too, Miss Y/L/N.”

She gently placed both her hands on either of your shoulders, guiding you outside the door and out of the hospital wing. She gave you an empathetic glance before grabbing the handles of the doors and shutting them with a loud clang.

The lingering students stared at you in discomfort and grimaces. You looked around, still in a daze and then looked down at your body. You were drenched in blood and water, looking straight out of a horror movie and closely resembling the clothing of the Bloody Baron, Slytherin’s house ghost.

Everything still felt quiet and slow. You didn’t even notice your friends rushing towards you in hysterics, throwing you in hugs as you only stood there, unable to react. You let them pull you away, leading you to your house’s common room, tripping every now and then. You caught a glimpse of Moaning Myrtle in the distance, her cries still very loud and apparent. She had gone around the entirety of Hogwarts wailing the same news that had broken you, only this time you heard the new choice words she had added along the way.

“MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM! MURDER! HARRY POTTER HAS MURDERED DRACO MALFOY!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You sat immobile on the edge of your seat besides Draco’s hospital bed. Much to your surprise, Madam Pomfrey had allowed you to stay overnight with the fallen Slytherin Prince. You recognized it might be her way of paying you back from all your countless volunteering and because of that, she trusted you in knowing exactly what to do when it came to the medical field of the wizarding world.

It was around three in the morning, the incident having happened well past twelve hours ago. You were showered now and in a fresh pair of robes, your pajamas holding in your warmth as a cold draft flowed throughout the dark dimly lit room. The hospital wing was tall and large, it felt like a castle in itself, and it only made you feel more feeble. You scooted your chair closer to the bed, placing a hand onto the mattress right next to Draco’s paled slender hand.

Fingertips ghosted over his knuckles, your body shivering at the closeness of the near contact. You didn’t know how he was going to react when he woke up. It was all a waiting game, and your heart squeezed with anxiety as you awaited his regained consciousness. You didn’t forget the words he said to you right before he slipped away. They rang and rattled in your head like a pinball game on loop.

He had told you he loved you.

The thought of him dying and you never being able to tell him you felt the same haunted you. You thanked Merlin that Snape got there when he did. You also made a mental note to hex Harry into the oblivion the next time you got a chance. 

You sighed deeply, your voice quavering as your ran a hand through your tangled hair. His face glistened under the orange lamp on the bedside table, his skin tinged with a grayish undertone and his eye bags deep and dark. The scar you had seen on his face earlier was gone, the skin now just holding a skinny reddened line going across his features as if he was just hit with something. You smiled slightly, knowing it would be gone in the morning and feeling grateful for him that he wouldn’t be scarred with it.

His body was covered in a hospital gown and bandages infused with dittany, but seeing how bad his cuts were before they healed, you knew those would leave something behind no matter what. In your studying towards becoming a Healer, you read about the effects of dark magic and the marks it left behind on its victims. You didn’t know what spell had done what it did to Draco, but it was violent and radiated with darkness. 

The softness of his his skin was met under yours, your hand finally allowing itself to fall over his and you let out a sharp exhale at the touch. It wasn’t like earlier when you were holding onto him for dear life, rough and filled with fear and pain, this time it felt familiar. It felt warm despite the coldness of your skin and his. You shook quietly, another set of tears rippling through your body as you tried your best to not wake him. You sat up and slowly leaned over him, looking down at him to observe his peaceful features. He slept soundly and peacefully, his breathing even and quiet. Even though he almost died earlier today, he looked as though he was having the best sleep of his life. The sleep he gravely needed but seemed to never be able to get. 

Your free hand softly rested on his cheek now and you carefully moved your lips towards his forehead where you placed a long kiss. A stray tear had fallen onto his skin as you pulled away and you frowned, wiping it away with your sleeve before moving your hand up towards his hair. You smoothed it back, the soft blond strands feeling like silk between your fingers. He was a dream, an angel to you. You stood by what you had told him that unfortunate day under the tree, he was good, and you would tell him again and again until he believed it himself.

Just as you pulled back from him, a sharp gasp erupted and he shot up in bed, grabbing and tearing at his gown as breathless quick pants fell from his lips. 

“Hey, Draco, I’m here, you’re okay, relax,” you coo gently, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly in yours so he wouldn’t tear his bandages. Your heart battered against your chest, the waterworks in your eyes beginning all over again. He stared at you, searching your eyes and he began to cry too. The same broken and deep sobbing from months ago you had grown accustomed to hearing. 

He threw himself onto you, crying even harder as his arms wrapped around you, his hand on the back of your head pressing you into his chest. You climbed into the bed in deep shaky breaths so that you were now sitting on your knees between his legs. It was overwhelming, to put it lightly, both of you crying into each other as you remembered the fall out, the lonely days and nights, the wasted opportunities, the endless missing of one another’s presence in their lives.

“I’m sorry,” Draco chokes out. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought that by pushing you away, you would be safer, but I can’t do it anymore. I need you, I love you, Y/N.”

You cradled him in your arms, rocking the two of you back and forth, and you shook your head reverently.

“I forgave you the second I thought I was going to lose you,” you respond quickly. “Merlin, Draco, you scared me to death. I thought you were gone.”

The same words from his mother echoed in his head again and he finally understood what they meant. 

“It is okay to be that 16 year old boy and revel in those joys for as long as you can before it is too late and they are no longer there.”

Darkness was going to arrive one way or another, it was going to steal the rest of whatever life he had left in him one day. It was out of his hands, out of his control. The time to live his life was now. Because he didn’t know when he would ever have this opportunity of love again, of safety, of light. Everything was undefined and unknown and he felt the anguishing regret of all his decisions when he had seen you in the bathroom hovering over him with a hopeless look in your eyes. He promised himself, to Merlin and to the sun, the moon and all the stars that in the 1% chance that he survived that close call with death, he would never abandon you again. His heart pained at the memory of him trying to sputter out his final ‘I love you,’ not knowing whether or not you heard it or if you understood how genuinely he had meant it.

The room was only filled with sniffles and shaky breathing, both of you still in the same rocking position, afraid that if you let each other go, the other is going to disappear.

“Draco,” you say, lifting his head up from the crook of your neck so that he could look you in the eyes. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t ever, ever leave again.”

“Not in a million years, darling.”

PART 3

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[kang-euigeoni]

Whiteflower pt. 1

Genre: romance?, angst Summary: You wake up in a hospital with no memory and meet Bae Jinyoung confined in the same hospital. He is cold and distant, but he slowly warms up to you.

i'm making this MANY chapters so pls wait for the next ones! here’s part 2!

You wake up and everything is white. The stiff mattress, the cold metal bed, the thin sheets thrown over your legs, even the ceiling, walls, and tiled floor. You realize you’re in a hospital room, and you have no idea how you got here. You inspect your body first to check why you were here, lifting the sheets to see you had both legs intact, reaching up to touch the top of your head and finding it wrapped with bandages, and find that your hand is also attached to an IV drip beside your bed, and you start to panic.

Just then, a male nurse comes in with a tray of pills and a cup of water. “Oh, I’m glad you’re awake!” he says cheerfully. You ask what happened, and he explains that you were in a car accident and rushed to this hospital, where they found that you had a concussion and a slight fracture in your skull. It had been two days since then. You would have to stay in the hospital for a while until the doctors said it was alright, which could be a month or two. But when she asked for your name, you froze. You couldn’t recall your name, or where you lived, or if you had family looking for you. The nurse explains that you didn’t have any identification with you at the time, and your phone was destroyed in the crash as well. You feel lost and confused, and start crying. He tries to calm you down but it takes a while. After your panic attack, he introduces himself as Jisung, and promises that if you need anything or feel like another panic attack will come, he’ll come right away. You feel comfort in his caring demeanor, and you can’t help but think that in this moment, he is your only friend.

A few days pass without much happening. You try to remember as much as you can, but your memories only comes frustratingly in flashes and blurs, and there’s not much you can piece together. You tire of the whiteness of your room, and decide to go for a walk on the third day.

You wander into the hospital’s small but quaint garden meant for patients. There are benches and flower bushes and a few patients, nurses, and visitors mulling about. In the corner, you see a glass greenhouse, the kind for potted plants. You walk inside and see a scrawny young boy in a hospital gown like yours, sitting on the ground cross-legged and drawing an open sketch pad. The light streaming in from the frosted glass made his light brown hair glow around his small face like a halo.

“Hello,” you greeted the curious-looking boy, who looked to be around 18. He glanced up and stared blankly, as if expecting you to say something, so you do. “You drawing?” you ask, moving towards him to peek over the sketchbook. You see the pad filled with a large pencil sketch of the pot of white flowers beside him. He ignores you and continues sketching. Curious and bored, you simply take a seat beside him. He seems unfazed by this and doesn’t react, which you take as a good sign. 

“What flower is that?” You ask, trying to make conversation. “An orchid,” he replies, never lifting his eyes or hands from his work. “You draw very well,” you compliment him, but he doesn’t have a reply.

You notice the bruises on his arms from needles, the dark circles under his eyes, and the paleness of his lips. Of course, you think, this is a hospital after all. You decide he doesn’t seem like a talkative type, so you put off any questions for later. Like this, a few hours pass by in the greenhouse as you watch him sketch. 

By the time the sun sets and it gets too dim to continue sketching, you’ve accidentally fallen asleep on his shoulder. He realized it a while ago when he felt your head slump against him, and decided not to wake you, but it was getting late and it would be dinner time soon and he would have to get back to the ward. He gently shakes you and you slowly wake up, wondering out loud when you had fallen asleep before remembering who you fell asleep on. 

“Oh my, I’m so sorry!!! I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. The atmosphere was just really comfortable and relaxing, and well, you see, I haven’t been doing so well the last few days...” you start rambling, and at that last part you see him look at you with amusement, “Of course, you’re in a hospital after all.” You can only smile at that; at least he’s talking to you now. 

“What’s your name?” you finally venture to ask. “Bae Jinyoung, what’s yours?” “Well, you see, that’s the problem, I don’t know.” He pauses for a moment at that, seemingly judging whether or not to believe you. “Well, then,” he decides, “what should I call you?” You have no reply to this, so he says, “how about Orchid?,” referring to the drawing he did earlier. Suddenly, you feel grateful. At least, with this stranger, you had a name. “I like it.”

He simply nods and waves goodbye before going back inside the building, leaving you to wonder if you’ll see him again.

[survivorazores]

Ep. 13 -"Bang Voyage" - Mo

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164196042628/individual-immunity-4

Im upset, Bryce was like my closest friend and apparently I threw someone under the bus which I don't recall talking shit about anyone?

Like what's even the point of having a heart to heart apologizing to me for lying if you're just gonna lie again like that's so fucking dumb y'all are dumb

Im alone

I feel so bad!!!!! This tribal is going to be so hard to clean up!!!! Now 3/4 INFPs are in jury. With my luck I'll be next. Gotta win that immunity tho! Oh my I'm so stressed. Thankfully the only person other than the Gal Pals and Ali T that I spoke to was Bryce, and now I can't talk to him!

And now Mo has gone awf in the tribe chat asking who he threw under the bus!!! YIKE!!!! AND NOW RUTHIE IS RESPONDING ADKFNJDAFKADS I love tea I love tea I love tea! Oh but now Abbey is fucked because she claimed the Mo vote was hers fadfkadj oh my god this post-tribal is going to be so messy. But the good thing is, with this vote, I didn't have to do any damage control among the others. Mo, Will, and Ruthie are all people I'm not close with and I don't have to explain myself to them. The others do. And I can sit back and watch while the others target one another. Here a nut, there a nut, everywhere a nut-nut!!! I hate myself for using the slang term nut but idk what else to say at this point!!! This is great for my game. :-) Hopefully we can get Mo out next!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh

Congrats to Emily for winning this game, since Abbey and Amanda Lynn decided to join the losing side. Like you really think that Rafael, Bryce, and Amanda G would vote for either of them? I mean... come on... really? Dumb. So dumb.

Will lied, Ali T lied, Ruthie lied, Bryce was honest and now he's gone. Im sad that Will chose to trust 2 people who have previously lied to him and he was aware of it, rather than helping me and Bryce. I need that next immunity, or at least the idol.

What the HECK just happened?  None of the girls are talking to me and I'm SURE AS HECK not going to talk to any of them first. I'm going to keep pretending I voted with them before and just go with it and maybe blow up a little that they did THIS if any of them try to confront me! I have to win immunity!

Its gonna be nearly impossible for me to be around for all the post-tribal strategy that takes place right after tribal especially since it's already difficult for me to make tribal this week if I could at all. The plan seems to be: keep Ali voting with us and target Mo next. I still feel too out of the loop. ik Ruthie told me to just enjoy my vacation and not worry about it but like, the farther this game progresses the more important it is for me to stay active because I don't want to sit on the sidelines while the rest of my alliance strategizes and inactivity can make you a target (see: Will). I'm trying to be active but this time difference is....not helping at all

YASSSSSSSSSS *spits drink* *dances hard* I thank god I have this idol this game had been a roller coaster and I'm so happy I have this I need to be smart about it tho I don't need to tell anyone, if I even tell Amanda Lynn and emily they might make me play it so YASSSSSSS YASSSSS I wanna be smart and not play it right away so I'm gonna and lie and say it's not in the 1300s but I'm shook I have it I'm legit dancing in circles it's surreal I think I can win this game now and do some damage

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QZpWtIEuhMQ

So now that I've slept and calmed down I'd like to formally apologize for some of the uh... harsh things I may have said in  my previous recent confessionals. But at this point I think my ideal final three is me, Ruthie, and Ali, and I think that we could make it there. Because if Emily, Mo, or Francie get to the end they're gonna win plain and simple, I could maybe beat Mo but definitely not Emily and who knows about Francie. I don't know if I trust Amanda Lynn and Abbey enough to go to the end, plus they have the votes of the girls probably. This isn't to say that I could necessarily beat Ruthie or Ali for sure but I think I'd at least stand a chance against them. Unless I'm a total idiot and I'm being dragged along as a goat but we'll see about that.

The thing I'm gonna miss most about this game is Ali's confessional thirst. Also I'm a flop at individual immunity challenges but I was better at challenges pre-merge alsjdbdbakakahska

I swear to GOD there aren't any GOD FORSAKEN idols on this ISLAND!!! What the FUCK!!! I just want to find an idol. Come on my dudes. I just want one. I feel like the people in our idol hunting group are lying - I mean, I wouldn't tell them if I found it. So I don't blame them. But. I just... why can Amanda G find both her idols like so quickly and I have been searching,,,,,, EVERYWHERE and I can't find anything??? Like oh my god. I am frust-er-8-ted. I say it like that because three syllables isn't enough to convey my frustration. I need four. I want this immunity tonight but I really haven't been studying the symbols as much as I should. After I shower, I'm going to auditions, and I could possibly have down time then where I could just run through the symbols. If I can do it from memory right now it'd be like... plus sign, ..., smiley face, equals sign, multiplication sign, and a heart. I forget the second one. And I'm not sure if all of these are in the right spots of what I'm even supposed to do with them!!! I have a bad memory!!! But I'm excited for the comp nonetheless. I have fun doing these comps (but I have more fun when I win!!!). Hopefully I win my third immunity tonight!! If I don't, I'll expect some votes coming my way. May as well add on to that one vote I got two tribals ago, she's lonely. She needs friends. Much like I'm lonely because my friends are gone. Well, I voted one of them out. And the other was out of my control ... well we could've split the votes but we didn't because I didn't think we would need to lmao. Oops. So not really out of my control. But ANYWAYS! I'm hoping we can get Mo next! He seemed very shook when Bryce went home. Let make him shook-er!!!

Ali held me at gunpoint and threatened my family so I would write this. But in all seriousness I'm glad that there was like an actual reason for Amanda Lynn and Abbey lying to me and I would like to (somewhat) redact my previous confessionals calling them dumb. I was bitter, you'd do it too. But I do think I could beat them at the end, and I definitely don't want to go down easy now. That could all change soon but we'll have to see I guess!

I am so nervous about this comp!!! I just want to win. But I am doubtful I will win tonight :-/ ugh. I hope for the best! But will I get it? Doubtful. While I really want to win again, I also don't want to make my target bigger. But I like being immune... And I'm already a target so... The more I win the merrier? I don't know. Wish me luck anyhow.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164240491143/individual-immunity-4-results

I'm next

I'm almost confident about the fact that i'm getting the boot tomorrow.

That was embarrassing I'm usually so good at challenges but not memory ones lol I literally need Emily to stop winning because as soon as she loses she's gone unless she has an idol and then I'll be ready to die

AHHHHHHHH idk what's more embarrassing, getting out on the third shape or being in that hangout with all the girls that turned on me last week! I still don't know what happened and I want to get to the bottom of it but at the same time URGH.

but for real my reasoning is this: I didnt tell emily because she lied to me but I still trust her and Amanda lynn shes been upfront with everything with me, she might use it against me but im really happy I told her

I'm going to have such a big head by the end of this game. I need to stop winning. But also I don't want to stop winning because it's FUN!!! I love it!!! I love not having to worry about going home at tribals. So cute. But I need to recognize that I will  lose sometime and I need to keep a leveled head. But right now I'm just going to celebrate!!! I'm so happy :-) and now I can try to get Mo out this round!!! Then Will probably. But then... final six. I need to get Amanda Lynn out before she goes too far. I need to figure out how I can do that. I'll probably need to convince Ali, Ruthie, and ... Francie? I think most people know that they can't beat Amanda Lynn in the end AND she's great at words and convincing people. It's not that I'm not confident in my game and wouldn't be hopeless next to her at tribal, but I think it would be better if I was not next to her. And it would be a great move on my part orchestrating her tribal. So we'll see how that goes. Anyways, I'm going to relax for the night and hope game talk doesn't start too terribly soon. And tomorrow I GET MY BRACES OFF PREPARE FOR A VIDEO CONFESSIONAL TALKING ABOUT GAME AND NO BRACES!!!! Yay!!!

I feel worse about voting out Mo than just about anyone else in this game but everyone has to go at some point and he started acting acting shadier towards Emily and Amanda lately and whatnot. I am still going to vote him tonight I just feel really bad about it is all.

Ugh I hate doing this but I'm sorry mo mo you're leaving unless you have an idol but I have an idol aswell lol 8th: Mo 7th: Will 6th: Francie 5th: Emily 4th: Amanda Lynn Final three with myself, Ruthie and Abbie I hope this happens pls god!

Well this might be my last confessional. Who can never be sure?

http://youtu.be/vJCilFcr-mg

SO Amanda and I are on track for finals IF everything goes well. We've finally got an alliance with will that seems to be working! If everything goes well Amanda I and francie or Ali are gonna be at f3

I'm really like not about to force a tie in the F8 vote that seems so unnecessary like why do we want things to be difficult? It would only be good for me to vote out Amanda Lynn in terms of a challenge threat, backstabbing her now would result in me burning a jury vote and losing a loyal ally I had in the game. If we're being honest I don't think I really have a chance to win against most of these people, but all I can hope for is that I get to the end with people who are less liked, since I basically controlled the pre-merge and saved my ass when I needed to most. But I'm not about to bring goats to the end, I want win fairly.

Okay so I definitely should have been making confessionals throughout the round, because tribal is 90 minutes away and a lot has happened. So first, I apologized to Will. He was cool about it he’s fine. So I formed an alliance with him and Abbey and presented him a plan to get us 3 to the finals. And it kinda goes like this… First, we vote out Mo bc thats what everyone is looking to do anyway so dont rock the boat. Next, vote out Ruthie, but Will cannot vote with us. It needs to look like he is not voting with us so they don’t suspect we are together. Then at f6, we vote out Emily. Bc girl is too good at this game. She keeps winning immunity and she’s just genuinely good at this game. Then from there we pick off Ali and Francie. All of that is what I actually want to do up until the point we vote out Emily. After she goes, I planned to go to Ali and tell him why Emily had to go at f6, make up some lie about how her auction item was a Legacy Advantage that she would use at f5, and therefore she needed to go now. Then we take that opportunity to vote out Will. And then at f4 vote out Ali, so that its me, Abbey, and Francie in the f3. I feel like I could beat Abbey (sorry girl) and I feel like I could beat Francie, so that is the best case scenario. This seemed like a fool proof plan. BUT THEN. Freaking HURRICANE MO decided to blow through and start throwing my name around. So I’ve been in full panic mode for the last 2 hours bc I’m just starting to work with Will so idk how much I can trust him, and like… Emily is a smart girl. She’s got to know that at this moment, I’m her competition in the end bc I keep matching her in challenges. So I’m running around to like Ali asking for his idol (yeah, he has the idol and I’m the only one he told. So naturally, Abbey knows too), asking if people would go to rocks for me, point blank asking Emily if she’s flipping bc she and Francie have been talking about how they dont want to vote for Mo, and going to Ruthie for the first time since the Bryce vote and UGH. After 2 hours of panic, I still feel a little up in the air, but Ruthie is telling me she was going to vote for me but since I messaged her decided not to, and Emily is assuring me that she and Francie both are voting Mo, and blah blah. I’m having Ali play his spyglass anyway, but it looks like its gonna be 7-1 (I hope). I’m trying to trust my alliance… worst case? It ties, and Ali, Will, and Abbey all said they would go to rocks for me, and I’m hoping this last minute bonding between me and Ruthie would cause her to flip. In case I am voted out, I gave Abbey my auction item, which is to call any eliminated player. I was going to use it to call Ricky and apologize, but I can do that after the game, and if I am voted out, she can use it for something better. I just… really hope I survive this round.

http://youtu.be/R48dONv4Qd8 http://youtu.be/SckQyWHrgkc

If Amanda Lynn is trying to trick me again I'm going to throw my computer out the WINDOW. i mean i deserved being told the wrong way to vote once yes because of the Will thing but THEY DIDN'T KNOW I KEPT HIM I'M STILL SO SALTY, me being the bottom of the totem pole of girls? not cute.

Bang Voyage

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164276106278/tribal-13

LAST WORDS: That was so fun, I had such a blast and it honestly made my secluded summer much more exciting. I wanna say thank you to the hosts for having me and hopefully I'll be able to return one day on another season (Heroes Vs Villains) ANYWAYS. I made a bunch of new friends and I will continue to kick it and make puns with all of them.

Mo becomes the fifth member of the jury and the eighth placer of Survivor Athena: Azores

[cafsunwoo-blog]

hello~! it’s ur stressed 2 the max,, sleep deprived girl here !! my name’s haylee ( she/her ), nd one time i drank 4 americanos during a shift at work ( it was near christmas ok ) ,,, 3/10 do not recommend. i’m trash at introductions, but below u’ll find some quick info abt sunwoo ! he’s a work in progress so pls be kind 2 both me nd him ;; we’re trying our best ! also i don’t have a bio / connections page set up yet, but they will b very soon ! still feel free to hmu if u want 2 plot ok,, chances r i’ll lov u forever if u do. okok [ jimin vc ] gOODbye

biography related ; tw mentions of nsfw stuff,, ( he’s a camboy oopS )

sunwoo was born in san francisco !! he grew up alongside his older brother -- they’re three years apart. his parents were relatively conservative, but for the most part they let sunwoo do his own thing ! they actually put more ‘ effort ’ into raising his older brother, and with his success, anything sunwoo did kind of went unnoticed. sunwoo realized this rather early on, n he decided life was too short to try living up to all that his brother was doing, u know ? it wasn’t like his grades were terrible n he was a bad kid -- his grades were average n he snuck out only a few times ! he was a ‘ typical kid™ ’

when he was seven, sunwoo had his first asthma attack ; it scared him bc before then, he wasn’t even aware he had asthma ?? he just thought he was a healthy kid. he remembers his chest feeling really tight nd coughing a lot n looking v pale -- he was trembling when his friend took him to the school nurse, but that’s about all he can recall. he was taken to the doctor’s and was diagnosed with asthma and due to his forgetful nature,, sunwoo didn’t often take his medication, n his condition worsened :// he uses an inhaler now, n goes out of his way 2 avoid things that trigger his asthma bc he’s smartened up a bit 

sunwoo had trouble holding down jobs tbh,, n one night when he was scrolling through random websites,, he stumbled across a cam site ( don’t ask him how ! ) nd he ended up becoming really fixated on the idea of performing in front of a camera,, pleasuring not only himself but giving pleasure 2 others -- just through a screen. he managed 2 set up his laptop in a way that he only filmed his body, nd before he knew it, sunwoo was performing his own show 4 a small audience ?? ( he was eighteen at the time ! ) he made sure 2 keep his face hidden -- tho as he grew more comfortable,, he switched from hiding his face entirely, to wearing a mask that concealed the lower half of his face !! that allowed 4 a more personal experience in his opinion ?? soon enough his audience grew, nd he’d be lying if he said the praise didn’t please him ! that nd the money’s wonDERFUL ? 

his family moved 2 south korea when he was nineteen ( v close to twenty ! ) basically bc his mother’s sister fell gravely ill, nd they wanted 2 be around her nd spend time with her while the could. sunwoo didn’t mind, he wasn’t in school at the time n he skypes his friends all the time anyway, so he adjusted fairly quickly. he just struggles with the language a lot,, but he’s learning !! he did start attending school when he moved to korea tho, nd is currently majoring in astrology ! his brother was the only one who didn’t move to korea btw,, he’s still attending uni in the us -- he’s training 2 be a doctor bc he wants to save people ! 

personality related 

they’re super friendly nd love talking 2 people nd making friends ! they can b a little cocky tho, so pls feel free 2 put him in his place !! 

he likes 2 sleep in a lot, and drinks a LOT of coffee -- his blood’s probably made up of caffeine rn ? but he HATES the taste of black coffee,, he needs a loT of sugar in his coffee 2 make it taste good 

he keeps his cam job a secret ; so far no one’s caught on / brought it up in public, n he intends to keep it that way !! 

he’s lowkey jealous of his brother but won’t admit 2 it,, at least he won’t admit 2 it seriously !! he’ll say it out loud but in v mocking ways 

his aesthetic consists of a lot of plaid, roses, ripped jeans nd rings 

also plots / connections dont have 2 be smutty just bc of his profession,, if anything, he’s a lil awkward n unsure of himself sometimes,, n doesn’t really hook up w ppl often ?? he’s the type that wants 2 get 2 know people beforehand ! tho he’ll say pick up line after pick up line bc he thinks he’s reaL funny ( he’s basically aLL talk u feel ? )

[ellefsonbeblandadr70insuran-blog]

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audi a3 insurance cost

[xavierscos]

Stuff to post w art today:

For the robosona ref:

Yup here’s my botsona!!!! Here’s some extra info on him!!!

·         He has inner fans to keep him below a certain temperature (one of them is busted)

·         If he gets too flustered/excited and goes past a certain temperature, he’ll blue screen and crash

·         If he gets too stressed he’ll do that weird color static thing computer’s do and then he’ll crash

·         Has a volume + power button on the side of his head. You can mute him by turning down his volume button (which will then result in him communicating through emojis and such)

·         He can use emojis when he’s not muted but he doesn’t really like doing that. The only emoji he uses no matter his volume level is the knife emoji

·         Can display words one at a time on his screen (the most used are: various curses such as FUCK, CUNT, ASS, SHIT; YES; NO; MOE; C-3Y). the word ERROR shows up when he crashes/does the blue screen thing

·         Pupil can change shape (hearts, eye swirls, money symbols, etc)

·         His cat companion Booby (yes based after my cat Boobs) was actually stolen! Yup! This lil bot fella stole a cat from someone’s house and the cat just ?? went with it?? And bonded with the bot??? anyways story is xai was homeless for a lot (he still is but now he travels) so every day when the person went off to work he’d sit at the fence and pet the cat bc booby would hop over it and he’d feed the cat and shit and one day he just. ran off w the cat

<b>Liquid mood-color chart </b>

Purple – standard mood, average

Pink – lovesick/lovestruck, doting, affectionate (tints the purple a bit more pink around ppl he genuinely loves buuut gets really bright when feeling Extra Affectionate)

Blue – sad, sullen (darker means feeling worse)

Red – angry, outraged (brighter means angrier)

Yellow – excited, energetic (different from happy – brighter means more energized)

Dark green – jealous, bitter, resentful

Bright green – disgusted, grossed out,

Pinkish-red – embarrassed, flustered, nervous,

Blue-green – apologetic, guilty

Neon/cyan blue – Frightened, panicking, scared

 ------

For the Duckpaw/Perse + alters

Hey yall as u kno duckpaw/perse has DID so I,, finally made art of her alters anyways let’s go

WC name | Human Name | Info | <b>How to tell if WC form is fronting</b> | <i>How to tell if Human form is fronting</i> |

 Mudpuddle | Mariana | She/Her. She’s the essential “caretaker” of the system. Makes sure the body isn’t damaged beyond repair and will take care of the body after Duck/Perse has had a bad episode. | <b>She constantly grooms her fur so it curls upwards slightly rather than Duckpaw’s straightforward style. Speaks in a soft, low tone.</b> | <I>Curls her hair w/ a curler. Wears blouses, dress pants, boots.</i> |

Patches | Dudley | They/Them. Tends to stick up more. Will front when Duck/Perse is being pressured to do shit she doesn’t like and/or recalling blocked out memories. Irritable, snarky, snide. Tends to be rather smug and a know-it-all. Yells @ ppl who pisses them off. | <b>Doesn’t groom as much as Duck or Mudpuddle, so fur kinda sinks down ish. Not really too far but. Still spiky like Duck’s. Cranky, loud. Will typically let u kno they’re fronting</b> | <i>Wears suits and ties, or dress shirts and pants. Wears hair up in a bun.</i>

Bugs | Bud | He/Him. Prefers to isolate himself, distances himself away from friends and shit. Doesn’t interact much unless necessary. Sleeps a lot and eats a lot. | <b>Will run off from camp and hide out in territory. Doesn’t groom, collects dirt in fur. Doesn’t really talk around others either.</b> | <i>Won’t change out of pajamas, doesn’t brush or wash hair, locks himself in the room.</i>

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That ross/perse picture

Oooohhh boy lemme dive into the history of human au ross + Persephone real quick uh

<b>Trigger warnings: Physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental/emotional abuse, psychological trauma, death, pedophilia</b>

Ross had 4 other siblings and he was the youngest – his mother died after giving birth to him, so he always kinda carried around this guilt that he was the reason his mom was dead. His dad always kinda was distant/didn’t spoil him as much as the others, but he still cared for ross and shit. When ross was about 10 or so he was driving with his siblings while he talked 2 ronnie on the phone. Another car kinda rammed into them and they got in a pretty bad car wreck which Ronnie heard over the phone so he called ross’ family and shit. Reyes and hollyanne and his dad all came and a couple of ross’ siblings died on scene; he was hospitalized with one other sibling. He had a broken arm and a couple fractured ribs, bruising and lacerations but he was alive – his sibling was in a coma and didn’t come out.

Ross’ dad was kinda resentful bc he lost all of his kids besides ross and he already kinda resented ross for taking away his wife so he like. flat out ignored ross, didn’t talk to him, didn’t really do anything. Hollyanne started picking ross up to and from school bc he started missing bc his dad wouldn’t drive him. Eventually ross and his dad moved in w hollyanne and reyes (and then addar and Persephone came along). ross’ dad started saying some nasty comments over a period of a year or two that started to bring ross’ waaaayyyy down so ross turned to another guy (said guy was 18, ross was 13-14) who flattered him and told him nice shit. This guy took advantage of ross + ross’ insecurities and slept with ross more than once (despite ross saying he wasn’t comfortable the first few times)

The family caught ross + the guy in his room one night and hollyanne/reyes were pissed @ the guy bc this dude is 18,,preying on a 14 y/o so they kicked the dude out (they started filing for charges/restraining order after) but ross’ dad was pissed @ ross bc this wasn’t “right” (ross’ dad was a firm believer in abstinence and also this is an adult with a child and ross’ dad kinda blamed ross for not realizing what was happening was bad) so ross’ dad’s belittling started getting worse and worse afterwards and one day ross kinda said something back and ross’ dad hit him over the face and hollyanne/reyes were like “alright you have to go like right fucking now” so they kicked ross’ dad out and he left w/out looking back and ross hasn’t spoken to him in a while

Ross is now a bitter dude who thinks his only value in life is sex/sexual purpose and he doesn’t believe he can amount to anything good so instead of risking shit (like failing grades or job interviews or whatever) he bribes ppl 2 either do shit for him or give him shit (take a wild guess abt how the briberies work)

 Persephone has like 98% of her memories from her childhood blocked. Her mother died a little bit after her first birthday and no one knew who her dad was so she went into care under her uncle and her uncle was,, kinda poor so he had a bunch of friends/family he lived with. Persephone saw a lot of death growing up (people overdosed on drugs, sickness related, people got shot) and that kinda stuck with her through her life so she has a phobia of death stimming from that. Also some of her uncle’s friends started getting uh, handsy with her and touching her and shit so that has ,, stuck with her. She’s blocked out the memories but if she tries to recall them she’ll have a bad mental reaction. Eventually she managed to book it during the middle of another move (the family moved around a lot) and she kinda wandered the streets for a few days until hollyanne/reyes spotted her and took her in. eventually after a little bit of living w them she came out as a trans girl so now holly and reyes r helping her with her transition n shit. Also they got her professionally diagnosed

When she was in like 7th grade ross had brought home some dude he worked with on a science project. The guy was a senior but took some lower classes and shit,, also he’s addar. Anyways addar was always rlly friendly w Persephone and gave her a lot of brotherly attention and holly was eventually like “Hey do u mind babysitting ross and perse while reyes and I go out and do some errands” and addar was like “sure!!!” eventually they all got super close and addar moved in(?) so now theyre all one big happy family :”)

 Uh characters mentioned belong 2: :devberryboats: :devbabysiut: :devppurble:

((pls don’t read this if the triggers will cause bad shit just lemme kno what u wanna hear abt the history ill give u an abridged version of where ur charas r involved))