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brucewhite · 4 days

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I Am Here | Herce

Date: Early June 2024 Featuring: @kouros-herc Warnings: Just sad :')

Bruce and Herc spend one last afternoon together.

BRUCE

Tomorrow, Bruce would leave Swynlake for good— well, as far as he knew. And he still felt complicated about that, even though he knew it was what he wanted to do. But today wasn’t about that. Today was about the people he was leaving behind.

Like Herc, who had been there for Bruce through some of his most difficult moments here on land. Who never judged him, who always believed the best of him. Bruce wished he could stay to return the favor ten times over, but that wasn’t what friendship was about, was it? It was about give and take, yes, but it wasn’t about keeping score.

So he was trying not to keep score in his head as he met Herc by the lake and starting setting up their picnic. This was just another day. A perfect day, even. Or maybe just a good one.

“I brought lemonade,” Bruce said with a smile. “Even made it myself.”

HERC

Hercules had been dragging his feet the whole way here, and feeling guilty about it. The moment he arrived, some invisible timer would start and the sand would trickle away until the hourglass was empty, and Bruce was gone. He did not want Bruce to be gone. But he knew, deep down, that the sand was moving anyway. All he was doing was trying to stall a pain that was inevitable. He could not show up at all, and Bruce would still leave, because he had to try to catch his pod’s migration pattern. All it would do was make it more painful for Bruce.

“Woah-” Hercules blinked, as he sat down and began to fiddle with the straps of his rucksack. “How do you even make Lemonade, I didn’t know that was possible? Well, obviously it’s possible, but I didn’t know you could do it at home?” (He was of course thinking of British lemonade, aka Sprite, rather than the type that could easily be made at home).

“I, uh, I brought the food-” He gestured to his rucksack, and began to open it up so he could get out the tupperwares. He’d made Bruce a poke bowl. His request.

BRUCE

This wasn’t British lemonade— it probably wasn’t even American lemonade, actually, it was a recipe Bruce had come across on TikTok for a “hack” that involved combining seltzer, lemon tea, mint leaves, and honey. His vegan days had gotten him interested in those kinds of recipe “hacks,” and even now, even when he wasn’t even vegan anymore, he couldn’t resist trying them.

“Oh, it was just something I saw online,” Bruce explained, taking out the jug he’d brought with him. “Thanks for cooking, mate. What have you got there?”

HERC

If you asked Hercules that was still pretty awesome! He would be asking all about it once he’d tasted some.

“Well,” he shrugged, feeling like it was embarrassing to admit he had made Bruce’s pick of meal for some reason. The feeling almost made him want to blush, but he shoved it down. This was Bruce. Bruce had never judged him for things like that, and Hercules had learned the dish because he wanted to share something with Bruce and to be able to show him he cared. If he couldn’t do that now, when could he?

“I actually, um. You remember you suggested I learn how to make a poké bowl? I, uh. Well, I’ve been working on it. So …” He pulled out the two large, mismatched tupperwares (the largest he’d been able to find). “I think I finally almost cracked the dressing-” he held one out to Bruce.

BRUCE

Bruce lit up when Herc showed him the poké bowl. He did remember that, of course, but he knew that Herc had a decent-sized list of people he was learning to cook for. It would have been understandable if he hadn’t made it to Bruce’s request by now. So it was touching that he had.

“Oh- for me?” Bruce said, grinning and looking up at Herc again. Who was being humble, of course, but Bruce hoped that he felt just a little bit proud of himself. It really did look delicious. “Herc, this is brilliant! I can’t wait to try it. You must have spent ages on it!”

He took his chopsticks out of the bag he’d brought— he usually left a pair in there, just in case. You never knew when a trip to the Moon Market would turn into an impromptu dinner out. “May I?”

HERC

“Of course for you!” Hercules felt warmth towards his friend sweep over him like a tidal wave. Who else would he do it for? Well, he had a lot of people who he was doing similar things for, but the poké bowl was for Bruce. Even if he made it for himself in the future, or he made it for other people, it would always be - partly - for Bruce.

“Honestly, it’s not that hard to make. I’ve had to do some practices, but that’s been fun. I’ve really got better at chopping things.” He added with a modest little shrug. Things had got a bit jumbled up in the tupperwares in his bag on the way here, so it didn’t look as neat as it should but he was just going to hope it tasted ok still.

“Dig in, buddy.” He waved a hand, and held off on eating any of his own, as he watched Bruce instead.

BRUCE

Bruce grinned and picked up some rice, some fish, and some sauce with his chopsticks, then took a huge bite. “Mmm!” he said immediately, though his mouth was too full to respond.

The fish was bright and fresh, just the way Bruce liked it. And the rice was deliciously fluffy. Most of all, though, Bruce could imagine Herc slicing the ingredients, carefully arranging them— just the way Bruce had taught him when they’d made sushi together. And that was the best part of all.

“Delicious!” Bruce said, still with some food in his mouth. He swallowed. “This was so thoughtful, Herc. And you did a brilliant job. Thank you.”

HERC

He didn’t know why the sight of Bruce, with a mouthful of fish but still beaming as wide as he could with his mouth closed and humming his approval, almost broke him. He forced down a mouthful of his own bowl, and somehow it didn’t help that yeah… yeah. He’d finally nailed that bloody seasoning combination.

Still, he swallowed, and then laughed a loud and sad and happy and brilliant laugh all at once. “Well I always said I wanted to make you something special, right?”

Now it would just be special for other reasons. A final little something that Bruce might remember. He hoped he’d remember the other stuff too. The imperfect stuff, when Herc made a mess of dinner and they had to get take out to eat while they talked too much and had to restart the movie. Or trying to crack some new football skills that neither of them could master.

BRUCE

To Bruce, it was all special. The picnic that Herc had put so much time and effort into, yes, but everything else, too. The movie nights and the days on the football pitch and the laughter and the tears, yes, even those. The times they had seen one another at their lowest. And the times they had celebrated together, too, but most of all, the ordinary moments were special.

“Well— you’ve made plenty of special things for me over time, but I do appreciate this one. So, thank you,” Bruce said.

He was silent for a moment, chewing on his fish and watching the breeze on the water. His home under the sea was beautiful too, but there were so many sights on land he would miss. Like the surface of a lake.

“You know, when I first got here, I thought everything was so… well, overwhelming, for one thing, but strange and beautiful, too. I’d never seen this world before. I’d never seen sunsets, or movies, or mountains, or even shoes… There were bad things, of course, but I thought most of this world was brilliant.”

He paused, still working out how to say what he meant.

“But I think the most brilliant things of all were the kinds of things I already knew about, that weren’t new to me at all. Friendship, love, hope, that sort of thing. It’s different, of course, but it’s not all that different.” He chuckled. “Sorry, I’m getting too philosophical, aren’t I?”

HERC

Hercules looked out across the water too, taking the chance to eat some of his food as well. It really was a beautiful evening, the kind where the sky was a watercolour and a few perfect wisps of cloud drifted across it in little dashed brushstrokes.

“Philosophical is good,” he spoke, smiling sadly. See, he’d miss that about Bruce. His other friends? Q, Mer, Mary? They didn’t talk about these kinds of things with one another. But it always felt safe to do that with Bruce. Something about the way he saw the world made it so much easier.

“You know, uh… in a way I felt the same when I came here.” Hercules nodded, feeling his eyes prickle a little again. “Obviously it was nowhere near as different for me, but I was so used to the city that this all felt completely new and scary and… lonely.” It had felt really, really lonely for such a long time in Swynlake. Even after he’d been accepted as part of the furniture of the town, he had still felt like he was on the outside and everything else went on unaffected by him.

“You made it less lonely.”

Bruce had maybe been the first person Hercules had loved as more than just a casual mate, or a mentor. Bruce was his best friend, and for the first time in his life he’d had one. “Thank you for that.” Hercules turned towards him, smile a little wobbly, but full of love.

BRUCE

“Well, you made it less lonely for me too,” Bruce replied easily. That was true. There were a lot of wonderful people in Swynlake who cared about him now, but building that network had taken time. At first, there were only the agents, and it had taken Bruce a long time even to trust them. Becoming friends with Herc had been an important part of feeling like he belonged here.

And now that Herc shared all that, Bruce realized it probably wasn’t by accident. They had things in common that Bruce hadn’t realized at first, but now it made perfect sense that they had found each other. They both knew the loneliness that came from being afraid of your own magic, being afraid of hurting people. And they both wanted to be better than what people would assume about them based on that magic. Even if they hadn’t realized why at first, of course their two souls had found one another.

“If you’re alright with philosophical, then I suppose I’ll say this. I’ve always believed that things happen the way they’re supposed to. That some people are supposed to meet. My pod follows the currents when we travel between the seasons, and we believe that they guide us in more than one way— that they guide us in our lives, too. I don’t like goodbyes, Herc, but I do think we were supposed to meet,” Bruce explained. “And I think that will stay with us for a long time. I know it will for me.”

HERC

That was what Hercules feared the most; that Bruce would leave and he would feel that loneliness once more. Michael was already gone, Simba stopped by for visits but could never stay for long, and now Bruce … He had friends that remained, but it all felt impermanent. Fragile. He had fought so hard to find this, and there was nothing he could do to make sure it stayed.

Bruce had such faith that everything was going how it was supposed to, and that it all had some sort of reason to it. Hercules wasn’t so sure, especially when that seemed to involve so much pain. It couldn’t be right, could it? But then … there were scales to be balanced here. Bruce staying might make him happy, but would it hurt Bruce’s family in the long run? To know their pod-mate was still missing? Not knowing what had happened?

It still felt selfish to want Bruce to stay.

“Of course I’m not going to forget you, buddy,” Hercules sighed. “I never will.” He would carry Bruce with him, always. Not just because of the scar on his leg. Because he adored Bruce, and always would. He would want to be more like Bruce, to remember how he was kind and patient in spite of everything, or that he never defined Herc by his strength… There was a hell of a lot to remember, like that big old smile of his.

“I just wish there was some way to know you were ok out there-” he confessed.

BRUCE

That was the hardest part, really. If he were a shallow-water merman, he could travel out to land now and then, pop into an Internet cafe and send a message to the people he wanted to stay in touch with. But he knew now, more than ever, he had to stay hidden deep under the sea. Even going slightly off course, swimming a little too close to the surface, had put Bruce in a dangerous position last time, and he’d paid dearly for it. He wasn’t going to do that again.

“I know. I wish there were a way to reach you,” Bruce agreed somberly. “But I’ve got it worked out. If I can’t find them, my pod, I’ll come back. I’ll find a way. So you can just assume if you don’t hear from me, that’s a good thing.”

There was, of course, another possibility, and anyway, it wasn’t that simple. Herc would probably worry either way. But it was the best Bruce could come up with.

“If I ever get the opportunity- if we ever run into another pod that goes to the surface, I’ll try to get a message to you,” Bruce offered. “It doesn’t happen very often, but especially lately, it’s become more likely. So I’ll do my best. But in the meantime… I know it’s not going to be easy, but I just hope you’ll trust me. That I’ll be alright.”

HERC

Hercules nodded, equally solemn for a rare moment. He hated the thought - and he knew it all too well - that anything might happen to Bruce, and not only would Hercules not know about it, but he would be utterly powerless to prevent it. It was hard enough to imagine that never hearing from Bruce again would be a good thing.

There would always be a question mark, and try as he might to force himself to picture Bruce swimming in dark blue waters, he would always worry.

“Of course I trust you. I just … wish it could be different,” he shrugged. He wished it could be like Simba, who he could text once a week or so and check in on, instead of like Michael, who he just had to hope was ok…

“It would be great to hear from you, but I get it, if you can’t-” Hercules sighed, and smiled at Bruce, although he couldn’t hide a note of sadness in his eyes. “But if you ever need somewhere else, you can always come and find me, ok? No matter what.”

It didn’t matter if it was here, or London, or Greece. Wherever he was, he would make a home for Bruce too.

BRUCE

Bruce nodded. He knew he would. If he ever got the chance, the first thing he would do would be to reach out to his friends, to tell them he was doing alright and to make sure they were too. The latter point was important to him as well, of course.

Because Bruce was taking a risk, jumping back into the ocean, hoping to find his pod. But life was difficult on land, too, full of risks. He’d wonder the same about his friends. Whether they would be okay. He would just have to wish the best for them.

“Of course. And the same to you. Not that I imagine you’ll have much need for the deep sea, but take care of yourself, alright? And if we do meet again, I want to hear about everything.” He smiled. He knew it hadn’t been the easiest time for Herc, these past few years.

HERC

“Yeaaah, I think I’d struggle to keep up down there,” Hercules shook his head, and gave a sad chuckle. No amount of scuba gear was going to help him to adjust to that environment. He would never belong there, but Bruce would. Maybe the same was true here, eh? Maybe Hercules could belong, but Bruce never quite could … He wasn’t sure he felt like he belonged now, but he had to hope.

He looked out for a long moment at the lake, his hands stilling rather than carrying on eating. Suddenly his appetite felt completely gone.

“Anyway, come on bud, let’s try some of this lemonade, right?” Hercules forced the smile onto his face, determined not to let too much of that show. This was about Bruce and saying goodbye, and leaving Bruce with a memory of him as ok…

“And how did you even decide to make some!”

BRUCE

“Oh, I saw this brilliant video online,” Bruce said, taking out the plastic cups he’d brought and pouring some into each one. It wasn’t exactly a bright or appealing color— more of a translucent brownish— but when he tried some, it was actually quite good. Nothing like lemonade. Why did they even call it that, Bruce wondered.

He chuckled. “Well, that’s not half bad. I don’t know if I could properly call it lemonade, though. What do you think?”

That was really what mattered— whether or not it was a culinary masterpiece, it was for his friend. And it was a part of the last memory they would make together.

HERC

“Neat!”

He had to admit that it wasn’t looking like any lemonade Hercules had ever drunk before, but he didn’t even think to hesitate before taking the cup that Bruce offered him and taking a mouthful of it.

“Mmm. Yeah! Lemony,” He nodded, smacking his lips a little. “It tastes good! I guess we can call it Bruce’s lemonade. You’ll have to send the recipe to me-” It could be another little tile in the mosaic of ways he would remember Bruce. Fish and lemonade and coming down to the lakeside, football and Bond movies and a thousand other little things besides.

“Thanks, bud-” He shifted a little, so he could nudge Bruce with his shoulder. “I appreciate it, and you. You know that, right?” He hoped he’d made it clear enough, even if it wasn’t always with words.

BRUCE

“I know,” Bruce replied with a smile. “I mean, I’m sitting here eating my favorite food that you learned how to make for me. That’s quite clear to me.”

It was more than that, obviously— Herc was not shy about showing he cared. And that was something Bruce appreciated about him.

“You too, mate,” Bruce added, nudging him back. “This place is lucky to have you still. You’re going to do brilliant things. And I hope one day I get to hear about them.”

He wasn’t going to hold onto that idea, that he’d get an update someday. It would probably never happen. But still— it was a nice thought.

HERC

It hurt to think they would never do this again. Hercules might drift here to come and eat and drink lemonade and think about Bruce, and perhaps wherever he was, Bruce might stop and eat and think about Hercules. But never again would they sit together and share a meal. He didn’t know that anyone else felt lucky to have him. In fact these days he felt more like a burden, than a blessing …

Hercules dropped his head for a moment, staring down at the pebbles between his legs as he felt the tears welling up in his eyes and this time refusing to be pushed down.

Bruce would never get to hear about those things; about what new schemes he wanted to run for the gym, or how his cousins were doing, about who Hercules was excited about going on a date with and if there would ever be a person who loved him back, about the weddings and births and whatever else lay in his future. And he would never know Bruce’s.

“Yeah,” he lied, looking up again with his eyes red. “Yeah it would be super cool to catch up,” Hercules nodded. Maybe they could hold onto that hope, or at least the knowledge that they would have listened.

BRUCE

“Maybe someday,” Bruce said vaguely, looking out on the lake. On land, he’d always found the sight of water a comfort, even if the water was so different from what he was used to in the ocean. What would remind him of Swynlake, when he missed it?

He looked at Herc and saw the tears in his eyes. And that made Bruce’s heart ache. They could talk and talk about how lucky they were to have met each other, how they’d never forget one another… but it wouldn’t change how terribly sad this all was.

“Hey,” he said. “It’s alright. It’s sad, isn’t it? But it’ll be okay.”

He put an arm around Herc, the same way people had comforted Bruce in his many trials on land. It was a human gesture, something he’d learned here. And something he’d carry with him. It wouldn’t change anything, but there was a reason people did these things, why they tried to comfort each other. Maybe it was just enough to know you weren’t alone.

HERC

Maybe someday.

It seemed like a hope in vain, but all the same there was something comforting in it. In amongst the staggering unlikeliness of them actually making that happen, the idea of being able to sit on some other beach in the sunshine and share everything seemed like a tiny firefly against the blackness. But a spark of light nonetheless.

Hercules leant against Bruce as the other put his arm around him, and did the same in return as if that would somehow anchor his friend to him.

It was sad. It hurt him, it felt like his heart was rubbed raw from it, like it would never quite be alright again. He knew that wasn’t fair though. It would heal. The scars might linger, but the wound would heal.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffed. “I wanted to be cool, I just … yeah. It’s… it’s sad.”

BRUCE

“You are cool, Herc. That doesn’t make you any less cool,” Bruce responded, slightly misunderstanding the meaning of what Herc had said. It was important to him that Herc knew that he didn’t think any less of him just because he was sad about this. “You don’t have to hold anything back. That’s what friends are for, right?”

It did make it harder to say goodbye, knowing it made people sad like this. But Bruce believed that both things could be true: it could be right, and it could be sad, too. And he didn’t want Herc to think that he had to act a certain way just because Bruce was leaving.

HERC

Hercules had never in his life felt cool, and maybe less so than sitting here and crying about how much he was going to miss his friend, but then Bruce was still saying all of the right things and it was getting harder and harder to think about saying goodbye to him.

“I love you buddy,” Hercules sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. That would be the thing he’d miss most; the way Bruce met him uncompromisingly wherever he was. There was no awkwardness or posturing, no pretending they had to act cool or hiding their emotions from each other, there was only a gentle steady presence that said ‘I am here. I don’t care.’ He didn’t know that he had that anywhere else in his life.

“Just promise me you won’t ever-” He wanted to ask Bruce not to change, but change was Bruce’s whole thing, right? Adapting and shifting wherever the currents of life took him. “Don’t ever forget that you’re the best, alright? You’re like… who I want to be.”

BRUCE

Bruce smiled. “Well, I appreciate you saying so,” he replied, feeling that warm rush of affection he so often felt for his friend. “But I think you’re pretty great as-is. In your own way. I love you too, mate.”

Maybe that was part of it. Friendship. Something that was quite the same on land or in the sea. You found yourself drawn to people you wanted to be more like, and maybe if you had really great ones, you could start to see yourself through their eyes. Bruce hoped Herc saw the person that Bruce saw when he looked at himself. Dedicated, caring, loyal, strong. Someone who never gave up.

HERC

On some level, he knew how very lucky he was to have known Bruce at all. For all his short time on land, he could have ended up anywhere, and he ended up here, where Hercules could know him. He kept telling himself that as a way to ease the sting of saying goodbye. Right now it wasn’t working, but maybe in time it would be some sort of comfort to him. Bruce’s memory would be a comfort.

He sighed, heavily, and leant his head against Bruce’s shoulder for a moment to just feel his presence a little longer, before he straightened up a little again, and took another sip of the lemonade to try and clear the thick, cloying lump of emotion that was balled up in his throat.

He didn’t know what else it could say, but it felt like there was so much more to say, like he could keep trying to say it forever and never quite find the words.

“Your pod are going to be so happy to see you again,” Hercules spoke softly, trying to remind himself yet again. He was not the only one who would miss Bruce, but his pod had been missing him far more.

BRUCE

That was the hopeful thought Bruce kept returning to, then the thought of leaving made him too sad. That he would get to see his pod again, the people who had raised him, the people who had thought he was dead for the past four years.

That came with its own anxieties. What if he had changed too much, beyond recognition? What if they found him too strange to fit back into the pod’s usual structure, or they found his stories bizarre and confusing? What would they say when they found out what he’d done?

(Because the truth would come out— it always did on those long swims).

But that was another thing Bruce would just have to trust. A common pattern in this process of saying goodbye.

“Yes. I don’t think they ever expected me to come back,” Bruce replied, just a hint of hope in his voice. “That was something I couldn’t live with. The idea that they’d think I was dead. It’s going to be different. And probably not easy, in the beginning. But it’s worth it to me to see them again.”

HERC

Listening to Bruce talk made Hercules feel guilty again; for the selfish urge to keep his best friend there close, where he himself wouldn’t have to live with the fear that Bruce was dead but his family would have to keep that gaping absence where Bruce ought to be.

But he could hear it in Bruce’s voice. The love, the excitement, the hope of his home-coming and finally being reunited with his pod. It broke Hercules’ heart a little. But he steeled himself, trying to turn off the constant aching hurt that seemed to have lived in his chest for days now. He could be the brave one, right? He could make sure Bruce didn’t regret leaving, and didn’t feel guilty.

“They’ll always have hoped,” Hercules could speak with certainty there. He would carry that same hope in reverse, that Bruce was safe out there somewhere and might one day come back, even if just for a little while. “And you’ll make it work. You’ll be home again.” There was a little comfort in that. Bruce being happy, being loved, being whole again in his heart. Hercules couldn’t help but squeeze him a little closer all the same.

As for him? Maybe someday.

BRUCE

He would. Bruce had to believe that. And he wanted to be prepared, too, that not everything would be perfect, but what ever was? His life in Swynlake was a beautiful thing, even if it wasn’t perfect. And so would his life back home, when he arrived. Because he would. That was another thing Bruce had to believe.

“Yes, I think I will,” Bruce said, his smile small but hopeful. “But let’s enjoy today, eh? We’ve got this whole beautiful afternoon. I’m not done making memories here yet.” Every day, every moment now, Bruce was keenly aware that there would be lasts. And he was trying not to dwell on that too much— instead, to take it as a reminder to appreciate every little thing.

HERC

It was a beautiful afternoon. Hercules sipped his lemonade again and looked out at the way the ripples on the surface of the lake lapped the shore. Trees nodded gently in a breeze, and behind them he could hear the sounds of life carrying on regardless. Did nobody else know the whole world changed tomorrow? Or would it just continue on, a little less bright for the fact Bruce was gone from his life?

But for the moment, they were here. They were here on this madly-spinning world, and Bruce’s arm was as warm against him as the pebbles on the beach were cool.

He drew a deep breath in, his chest rising and falling. “Yeah,” Hercules agreed, as he loaded up his fork again and got ready to eat again. “Whatever you want to do, buddy. Anything at all. Lets make those memories.”

He would hold them close when the time came.

#herc #i am here #<3

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