#I am blessed to have witnessed these two characters fall in love and actually act upon it

[spacetwiga]

leave c!phil out of bullshit 2k21 -- a not so tiny post by a new enthusiast

As someone who finds both common fanon and actual canon to be quite fun, I really think the general DSMP fandom would benefit greatly from a few things in general: the greatest, in my opinion, is learning to accept that popular fanon won’t usually be the canon you receive. Another, of course, is that POVs are golden, but with these two things being flimsy in being accepted, they are the major flaws that cause about 90% of the absolute messy takes that gain traction, oftentimes poisoning a canon character's ability to exist in the story.

My biggest beef regarding this comes from how y’all treat c!Phil, so here I am, being annoying on main side! 

TL;DR... Just because someone acted like like a guidance to others, doesn’t always mean that they'll want to be the father figure role for everyone that breathes. Similarly, pinning down a character on a single trope is wack, so don't be surprised if they grow away from it.

Baby’s first little dsmp rambling below!

(Warning: it's long as hell)

The Dream SMP plotline is not written out like most popular media. With so many moving parts in the form of daily streams and the wonderful tool of live improvisation, it makes perfect sense that such a giant cast would not always be on the same page. Adding onto that, it also makes more sense that a vast majority of the cast will be placed into supporting roles, as the story needs to have characters that serve as narrative anchors and others that function as the links in a chain, all weathering the storm that is the plot.

Screentime, of course, plays a major factor into canon exposure -- in terms of the Dream SMP, POV matters equally, if not more, too. 

It’s a pretty neat way of showing things, but in the end, the fanbase has a lovely (read: godawful /lh) way of analysing characters, particularly when it relates to how they interact with others from their fave character’s POV. The tendency to analyse things from a single character's POV is fine, but not when attempting to critique the greater whole of a conflict. Both sides, no matter how wrong they may seem to be, matter.

Adding onto the fact that everything is live, there are things that will spiral out of control, casual words being skewed and thus having the potential of a single line seemingly contradicting the entire ‘story’ that the fanbase has made. If it directly affects a fave's POV in particular, one is more likely to take offense, as bias immediately bars one from trying to see the other person's side of things.

POV is important. 

Which brings me to c!Phil, and how critics tend to ignore his perspective to prop up another character, or justify the tearing down of another.

Improvisation is both a blessing and a curse; the fanbase, however, loves to test out the latter. With it, the fanbase starts crafting tales to justify it...And so begins the mess that is c!Phil discourse.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is not supposed to be your fave’s fluffy father figure... unless you’re c!Wilbur!!!

😃☝🏾Dadza is good...👉🏾😎👉🏾 But fandom wants the excessive, idealized version.

-- birb 2k21

Family dynamics are generally loved for their potential for comfort, particularly those of a found family nature. Fandom in general tends to lean into them wholeheartedly, with most major bases having at least one prominent group present; SBI, of course, is no different. From fanart to popular fanfiction, it's arguably the biggest group dynamic alongside the Dream Team, and for that, a precedence was set. 

c!Phil, if he ever joined, would fix everything! All of the ‘kids’ would turn to their new mentor and everything would turn out fine! This all knowing, morally just character will chuckle at their antics and wacky hijinks will follow! Fun times, right? /s

The hope for it, however, has long since been shattered, and frankly, good for him!

To go a little ooc, cc!Phil has stated multiple times that, while he was friendly with a lot of the cast as c!Phil, his only paternal link (at least biologically) lies with c!Wilbur. Simple, right? It should be -- there are multiple clips of him saying this -- but fans choose to ignore it in their critiques, generally citing favouritism or downright neglect for the character’s flaws. From 'favoring' Techno (who, in canon, holds the highest link in friendship outside of c!Wilbur's familal link) to 'neglecting' to visit Tommy (who he barely knew, and also assumed, like many others, that he was fine), these critiques weigh heavily on the scale that judges Phil’s so called father figure trope. 

The story, however, has only leaned into (and persisted with) that for c!Wilbur alone, and adding onto it, there is an established acknowledgement from both ccs. That confirmation should hold the most weight, especially since both Phil and Wilbur seem alright with it. Even so, that familial has yet to be explored much for both characters, particularly regarding c!Phil, who has his debut (at least narratively) in a scene that feels opposite to the classic fatherly role.

c!Wilbur denounced accepting that helping hand to fall entirely into his explosive end, setting a precedence unlike most fatherly types arriving to save their kid. Usually, fandom narrative would love a close save, father and son uniting to heal and build up what was broken, but c!Phil’s entrance inks his story in failure. Angsty, right? We love angst!

And yet, as the story ticks on, the bad takes pile up.

Why? Well, I’l used to think that it is a “funny haha” type thing; a way to grieve for a character that was lost, as Alivebur was genuinely a great character. However, with the plot slowly progressing c!Phil’s story to evolve away from the ‘mentor the kids’ trope , I should have seen a storm on the horizon.

It should have been seen from the moment he stabbed c!Wilbur in the chest, but optimism is one hell of a smokescreen.

Built up fanon, however, is probably the greatest fog to ever exist.

There are lines before the button room confrontation that paint a picture of Wilbur seeking out the approval of his father (who seemed distant, at least from his POV), as well as hints to the SBI dynamic, but with the countless dismissals/retcons from CCs involved, as well as little to no consistent canon acknowledgement of this team dad role...Why base an entire hate piece of c!Phil just because popular fanon isn’t real? 

Why, for the sake of building up a well rounded character, would one place the title of a communal parental figure on a grieving father who has little attachment to the community involved, especially when most of them are too busy delving into their own issues?

Furthermore, why go for Mr. Philza Minecraft: Angel of Death, CEO of KEKW, Functioning Immortal????

It’s madness, luv, and frankly, antis cannot let c!Phil process any of his grief (or flesh out his character) without his contributions being fatherly. His role has been idealized to the point where he is not a character on his own, but an accessory to the happiness of other characters. That is not how the world works, and in a conflict riddled server like the dsmp, arguing that it should be like that is counterproductive.

c!Phil had his own shit to deal with, and as he slowly uncovers how fucked up the server actually was, he merely adapts to it. He learns to play the game by his own rules, and people become mad that he’s succeeding in his own way. It's as simple as that, particularly when referencing his initial exposure to the world he now inhabits.

c!Phil is a man who used to hear of his son’s success from the letters he received, words spinning tales of won revolutions and newfound friendships. To a father, those letters are more than enough to assume that all is well, and with it, he had no reason to check on his son, who was already old enough to be carving his path alone. For him to arrive and see just how broken his son actually was, and then, in front of faces he only vaguely knows, kill said son... There's a lot to take in.

He shouldn't have had to care about L'Manberg in those moments, not when he had his son in his arms, dead by his own goddamn weapon; his son who, to his knowledge, was doing pretty well up until he caught wind of his plot. Yet, he does.

He gives them the benefIt of the doubt, even ignoring the one person he has shown to have deep history with (c!Techno) to assist the nation in defeating the withers and rebuilding what was lost.

c!Phil stays in a nation that has seemingly brought his son right into his demise, holding in that grief to help people who he assumes have the chance to rebuild, to reform. For a moment, he trusts that the system can turn into something positive, offering to hunker down and do what he can to help. That’s the start of a fatherly type role for most -- with many expectations rising from fans to ‘fix’ all these traumatized characters.

In another plot, perhaps critics could have gotten the tropes they want from c!Phil, but to blame the character for reacting negatively to a world he barely knew, right after seeing it ruin his son and target a friend...Maybe the need for a "father figure" only stems from making their faves happy.

Characters that don't directly support your fave are not inherently awful characters. Critique based on that alone is...flimsy, really, but honestly, you can use to to show how they process things.

Which brings me to the events leading up to Doomsday, and with it, the steady rise of c!Phil’s defining traits.

Say it with me, folks: c!Phil is one of the most loyal members on the server, but loyalty doesn’t mean he's blindly following along!

😃☝🏾Butcher Army take this L👉🏾😎👉🏾 Found it in the L’Mancrater

-- birb 2k21

The butcher army arc, while nestled among the mainline story of Tommy’s exile (which I will not even mention, because those dadza takes about visiting may deserve a post on their own), allows for c!Phil to see into the minds of those who had once been with (or even against) his son’s plans. Sure, he may be witnessing them after the eve of their newfound traumas, but this is an important observation to make when comparing how easy it was to denounce his affiliation to them and side with c!Technoblade.

Unlike the new Administration, slowly dipping deeper and deeper into their own form of power hunger, c!Technoblade’s base desires had never wavered. His trust in others, however, had, still nursing the sting of a betrayal, but with no conflict in sight. He is reforming, finding comfort in his solitude, and still maintaining contact with those he trusts.

Techno's Compass, for one, is a major example of their mutual trust. Despite being on opposing territories, they are civil enough to trust each other, just like old friends.

Thus, when you take two old friends who are more than used to conflict -- one grieving and one betrayed, but both seeking neutrality -- it shouldn’t have surprised the antis that c!Phil would place c!Techno’s whereabouts (and life, mind you) over some government he barely knew. 

And yet, above all else, c!Phil starts off as a neutral party for everyone's sake, forgoing potential conquest for peace.

To c!Phil and c!Techno, it’s like fighting back to back, knowing that one can always trust the other to fend off those just waiting to take advantage of your blindspot, while also quelling the need to imagine your partner turning around and doing the same. That sort of friendship is forged through many, many hardships.

They betray what little trust he had built in them. That’s on them.

c!Phil is aware how untrusting c!Techno is, and while c!Techno feels safe enough to give his all for c!Phil, he never exploits it to get ahead, which is something L'Manbergians felt okay with doing.

They take a book out of the playbook used on c!Techno, for c!Techno.

They went after yet another person who was close to him, using their power and influence to hold an execution under the guise of seeking justice. If c!Wilbur, at least pre-corruption arc, sent letters to his father, one would at least expect some of his old ideals of freedom and fairness to leak through into his friends, right? To see those c!Phil assumed would hold similar ideals immediately skew towards a darker, brutal side, particularly in threatening others to get what they wanted...Well, shit hit the fan.

c!Phil does not have that strong relationship with any former L’Manbergians, and despite there being potential for such, it didn't work out that way; instead, however, those characters manage to mistake his kindness for weakness. They take his preferred neutrality as a way to exploit him, to gain in such a way that he lost agency...

No more Mister Nice Dadza, and honestly, he’s justified in that notion.

They’ve lost his trust, time too short to have gained that strong link like c!Techno’s or c!Wilbur’s, and with it, came the inevitable association with Doomsday.

c!Phil knew c!Techno’s intentions from the beginning -- which had only wavered into dormancy because he had grown tired of fighting, understanding that the cycle he wishes to break is not worth his efforts -- so the agreement in participating is effortless. 

c!Dream was there too, of course, but in their mutual quest for eradication, it’s made canon that c!Techno and c!Phil hid away most of their arsenal, despite seeming overprepared. They have no loyalty to c!Dream; they’re smart enough to play along, however. He was a means to an end.

There’s no lies present in their relationship; c!Phil needed someone who didn’t try and pull wool over his eyes, and c!Techno let him see.

c!Techno needed someone who wouldn't stab him in the back, and c!Phil stayed true as his hidden sword.

Which is why, as the two joined forces, ideals aligning and power synergized, they didn’t think twice about nuking the nation to bedrock. Mutually agreeing that the system needs to die, they did what they could, and they succeeded.

How cool of them, tbh LMAO.

New L’Manberg tugged too hard at the sleeping tiger’s tail; they shouldn’t have expected it to roll over.

Their openness to each other was known.

There was no need for underhanded plays, for hidden betrayals, for undisclosed words.

Their loyalties were strong.

They were in sync.

In conclusion (maybe, maybe not...this shit is long holy heck)

😃☝🏾 I may hate this analysis in 30 minutes👉🏾😎👉🏾 Or I may make a part 2. Fuck it!

-- birb 2k21

And that’s what makes c!Phil an interesting character: He tends to be critiqued in reference to chatacters who have very well wronged him, have no affiliation to him or get associated to him through popular fanon. There's a lot to cover that I haven't (from Ghostbur to the whole Tommy 'dilemna') but overall I'm digging what I have now and if I ever get more energy, I'll continue!

c!Phil enthusiasts, I hope I did you proud LMAO. It's my first forray into this side of tumblr 👉🏾👈🏾 I'm a lurker.

c!Phil antis, you can either act respectful or go argue with a wall. I got experience dealing with antis on Tumblr; I am immune to BS.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. Signing off!

- BIRB.

[alice-in-wonderart]

I have found your blog and I love it!! Good look with it! Can you do headcanons for pregnancy and post-delivery for the juniors? (I see you write about them, and I don't know which other characters you are comfortable to write for). Thnkx~

I write for right about all characters! The Nies, the Jiangs, the Wens, the Lans, even all of the Jins (except Jin Zixun he can go be mean somewhere else) + Yi City power characters are all characters I write for ✌️ (I may have missed a few names) That aside, thank you so much for reading my stuff! I'm glad you enjoy them ❤️❤️ Aside from having 0 time management skills, running such a blog is so much fun! Here is your request about the Juniors being...well- themselves.

Ouyang Zizhen

You're what now?

OYZZ.exe stopped working.

Then he realised three fundamental truths at the exact same time. (if u get the reference, bless ✌️ )

Once the realization of the situation hit, his eyes watered and a loud, yet emotional whail escaped his lips, before engulfing you in a big hug. He was going to be a dad! You two were going to have a baby. And then realization hit him again.

Shit. He was going to be a father. A father to a baby - his baby. That was a lot of responsibility he was about to take. A lot of work, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of time and energy. Babies are hard.

And then realization hit him a third time. He was going to have an actual family with you. And you were the mother to his child. YOUR child. He almost couldn't believe it.

Cue OYZZ becoming 70 times more affectionate and careful. You want to go outside? By all means, but let your gentle lover accompany you. Just in case, y'know. You want something sweet? By all means, what kind of sweets does the queen desire? You need new clothes because of the baby bump? By all means, what kind of silk do you want? Colour? Pattern? Style? You want to sleep? 3, 5 or 50 pillows?

OYZZ is a walking panic bomb when it comes to your pregnancy. Conveniently, he also knows how to mostly hide said panic. But you being in pain, having morning sickness and and in general feeling off is not something he signed up for. So, he will dote over you as much as humanly possible.

But then judgement day arrived. And he was out of it. He somehow never considered the fact, that you were going to one day have to give birth to that baby.

You have never seen a more distressed looking man than OYZZ when he finally got the permission to see you. His eyes were puffy, his lips were quivering and he was so pale, he could easily pass for a corpse. It seemed as if he was the one giving birth, not you.

And he immediately dropped to his knees next to your bed, gently taking your hand in his. You were alive. You were alive and argueably healthy and that was what he needed to hear.

But then! In comes the medic, holding your child in pure white blankets, gently letting you take it. And the moment his eyes landed on that baby he knew, that his heart was stolen once more.

"Congratualtions! It's a girl."

Guess who is about to become "Daddy's little princess".

Jin Ling

"Hahahahahhahha. Funny. Oh wait, you're serious?!"

PaniK

What do you mean you're pregnant? When did that happen? When did you learn? How were you sure? Wait, you were how many months in?!

Give him time. It's not, that he isn't happy. He's just panicking like crazy. Of course, once the initial mental breakdown™️ wears off, he'd come up to you and give you the most emotional hug you've ever experienced. He'd hide his face in your hair, as he mumbled into you how incredibly grateful he actually is.

Now, as the Lanling Jin Sect's leader, of course it was expected of him to have an heir, so such news travelled quickly. Immediately this became the gossip of every household and ultimately led to you receiving a metric ton of gifts from all over the place. Jin Ling would also make sure you were living the most lavish, yet healthy lifestyle possible.

The truth is, he was utterly terrified. After all, he grew up without parents, lived only with his uncle and as a result was quite hot-tempered. More than anything, he wanted to be the best dad possible. He wanted his children to grow up in a loving family, with their parents next to them, with a mother to care for them and a father to teach them. And he was afraid whether he was capable of even being a good father. But of course, you knew he was going to be the best father in the world.

Now, speaking of hot-tempered, Jin Ling honestly would throw more hissy fits than you. In fact, he'd get more mood swings than you too. In fact, even when pregnant, you're the calm one. Because if you think he's snappy and over-protective of you usually, wait 'till you see him once he learns you're pregnant. Hoo boy.

He was at work, dealing with the pressures of leading a sect when one of Lanling's servants hurriedly burst into the room, giving him the news that made his tough guy act crumble in seconds - his wife was giving birth.

At the time, he was surrounded by now Sect Leader Lan Sizhui, (idk it's a hc), Nie Huaisang and of course - his uncle, who all ushered him to go see you. Thus, he stormed out, running towards the nursery like his life depended on it.

"What do you mean I can't enter yet, my WIFE is in there." You haven't seen scary until you've seen Jin Ling, amidst an utter mental breakdown, being held down by a few nurses, trying desperately to stop him from going in.

Once they DID let him in, he'd be by your side in 0.001 seconds, only to see you holding not one, but two babies.

"A-Ling, look. They're twins. Say hello to papa, little ones." For once, Jin Ling didn't mind the tears that began falling from his eyes, as he gently held one of his two sons in his embrace. Perhaps, being a father wouldn't be that bad after all. Not with you by his side.

Lan Jingyi

*dramatic gasp*

For once the loud, wild Jingyi was left speechless, unmoving, utterly starstruck by the news. He'd never admit it, but for a while he'd been dreaming of having a family with you. So, when you told him the news, his heart skipped a beat. His dream was coming true.

And then, with the biggest smile on his face, he'd lift you up, carrying you to your now shared room, stating how you shouldn't strain yourself and how he'd take care of everything you need.

"Er-gege, I'm only 3 months in, it's barely noticeable yet, I can take care of myself."

Denial.

Lan Jingyi will be there for you at the cost of right about everything, even if it meant breaking Lan's rules, much to yours and everybody's dismay. Macho man™️ will protect his darling flower. What he wasn't ready for was how complicated pregnancy actually is.

Whenever you're more moody, he'd be quick to anger as well, so small and pointless arguments wouldn't be uncommon. But for every little argument, there is also a sleepless night where he'd cuddle you, whenever your stomach would hurt, or you'd feel uncomfortable.

Now Lan Jingyi is a cool dad. He is a cool dad before he is officially a dad. Whenever you two are alone, lying in bed, he'd lean in to rest a hand on your stomach. And he'd always give a happy yelp whenever he felt his little one move. And gosh, how much he'd talk to the baby. He'd tell your stomach stories of his great adventures, he'd joke around and believe me, he's planned every family outing for next 10 years.

Absolutely everybody thought it was going to be a boy. Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling even bet on it, OYZZ being ABSOLUTELY sure it would be a boy.

Giving birth was a whole new adventure. He'd wake up much too early for his liking with you frantically shaking him awake.

"The baby is coming." "Who's coming?" "The baby." "THE BABY?!"

Cue, Lan Jingyi losing his damn mind. He'd be up and running in a blink of an eye, casually scaring the medics and waking up the entire Cloud Recess in his hurry. Don't run in Cloud Recess? He's not running. He's SPRINTING. Do not shout in Cloud Recess? He's not shouting, he's SCREECHING. Do not speak out of turn? FOR GOD'S SAKE MY BABY IS COMING. And he'd be like that the entire time, until he's allowed to see you. He'll write the rules a thousand times if he has to later. He won't, Lan aren't heartless.

Seeing his healthy little baby, he was right about ready to pass out. He almost didn't hear you joking how your little girl was a loud crier and was about to be just as wild as her dad.

" Wait. It's a girl? We have a little girl!" Cue Ouyang Zizhen screaming in misery, as Jin Ling victoriously smirks his way.

Lan Jingyi on the other hand couldn't have been happier.

Lan Sizhui

QWQ

"This is the best day of my life, I can't believe we're going to have our own family!"

With a bright smile, he'd pull you in for a sweet kiss, shaking with excitement. Honestly, he'd have the best reaction out of all the Juniors. He's a family guy, who gets to witness true love everyday around his fathers, so having a child of his own with you was one of his long-term goals. He was old enough and wise enough to be absolutely ready to embark on an adventure through fatherhood.

Lan Sizhui would be so loving and gentle with you. You'd have him wrapped around your finger, he'd respond to your every beg and call. He'd minimize any work-related travelling to make sure he could be as close to you as possible.

When he wasn't there, he'd assign his cultivation partner and trusty bestie Lan Jingyi to take care of you and look after you. Did you necessarily need it? No. But you understood his worry, so you let him be.

He'd be there for you when you were feeling down, through your mood swings, morning sickness. He never complained, never fought with you, never gave you anything short of his unconditional love.

In fact, he was so SO compassionate, that he'd get pregnancy cravings WITH you. Nothing like the two of you, sitting awake at 2 am, (uncommon for him) eating chocolate-covered cucumbers and apricots.

Similarly to Lan Jingyi, everybody were already 100% sure the two of you would have a little girl. With Sizhui's sweet soft-spoken behavior and big warm heart, having a little gentle flower to spoil rotten seemed like the obvious outcome.

Lan Sizhui, on the other hand, refused to give into all of those "what ifs". Only time could tell. Besides, he'd be just as happy and proud no matter what gender the baby would be.

With his careful planning and skillful avoidance of any travelling, thankfully he was there when the due date was up. On the outside, he remained as calm as physically possible, but oh, on the inside it was a storm. Few could see through his façade, but by the trembling of his fingers, discreet chewing on the inside of his lip and eyes darting all around him, his true feelings came to light.

And when he finally got to see you, you've never seen him more unlike himself. With a worried expression and hasty movements he'd make his way to you, trembling hand reaching out to cup your face. He'd leave a gentle kiss on your forehead, before turning to the newborn in your hands.

"Sizhui. Say hi to your son."

A single tear rolled down his face, carrying the weight of all of his love in it. One look at his child and his heart was pierced by a million arrows. At that very moment he vowed, that he'd protect this child with all he's got, teach him all he knows and love him with all of his heart.

Thank you for reading~

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[opera-simplified]

Opera Simplified #2: The Rake’s Progress

The Rake’s Progress

Opera Simplified #2

The Basics:

Music: Igor Stravinsky

Libretto: W.H. Auden and Chester Kallman

Premiere: September 11, 1951; Teatro La Fenice; Venice, Italy

Based on: William Hogarth’s eight-painting (later engraving) series A Rake’s Progress

Setting: England (mostly London), an unspecified point in the 1700s

Characters:

Tom Rakewell, a young man- tenor

Anne Trulove, his girlfriend- soprano

Nick Shadow, a devilish manservant [the libretto’s words, not mine]- bass-baritone

Baba the Turk, a bearded lady- mezzo-soprano

Trulove, Anne’s father- bass

Mother Goose, a brothel owner- contralto

Sellem, an auctioneer- tenor

Keeper of the Madhouse- bass

Requested by: @harry-leroy, who also very generously and enthusiastically read excerpts of this over—thank you!

The Opera:

Act I:

Scene 1:

A spring afternoon. The garden of the Trulove house in the countryside, with the house at right, a gate in the back, and a bunch of trees at left, where Anne and Tom are sitting together.

Anne: It’s May, and the whole world is enjoying the beauties of spring!

Tom: This is Venus’ season and she’s making everyone fall in love and helping restore the Age of Gold… **

Anne and Tom: How sweet it is to enjoy nature together!

*Trulove enters from the house and stands aside, watching Anne and Tom.*

Trulove: They look so happy and in love, and I really hope that’s the case and my fears don’t come true. We think we know everything when we’re young, and then we realize too late that we actually don’t, and I hope that doesn’t happen to my Anne…

Anne and Tom: WE’RE IN LOVE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND WE’LL BE IN LOVE FOREVER

*Trulove steps forward.*

Trulove: Anne?

Anne: Yes, Dad?

Trulove: They need your help in the kitchen.

*Anne curtsies and goes inside. Trulove goes over to Tom.*

Tom, I talked to a friend of mine who lives in London, and recommended you to him, and he’s offered you a job at his counting house! ***

Tom: That’s very nice of you, and I don’t want to seem rude, but...I have other prospects.

Trulove: Son, you don’t have a job, and you’re not looking for one, and that worries me.

Tom: Look, I get it. But I assure you, Mr. Trulove, that your daughter will want for nothing if she marries me.

Trulove: My issue isn’t if you’re poor. If she wants a poor husband, that is fine by me, but no matter what, I will not let her take a lazy one, because she is too good for that. You understand?

Tom: Understood.

*Trulove goes inside.*

The old fool doesn’t get it! Here I am: I’m young, I’m happy, I’m in the prime of my life, and I’m supposed to waste the best years of my life in drudgery? I’m supposed to spend my life working just so some boss can become rich, I can barely survive, and ultimately I’ll just be thrown away and replaced with the next worker? No! Heaven has predestined our fates, so I will abandon myself to that. After all, if something is supposed to happen, just let it happen! I’ll live by my wits and trust my luck; the whole world is out there, just waiting for me...and I’ll live by my wishes. Like this one: I wish I had money.

*Nick immediately appears at the gate.*

Nick: Tom Rakewell?

*Tom, startled, turns around.*

Tom: Uh…

Nick: I’m looking for Tom Rakewell; I have a message for him. Is this his house?

Tom: No, but you’ve found him wandering in his thoughts and footsteps.

Nick: So you’re Tom Rakewell?

Tom: Indeed I am! Tom Rakewell, at your service.

*Nick bows.*

Nick: Nick Shadow, at your service, and ready to bear you a bright future. You recall an uncle, sir?

Tom: No? My parents never mentioned an uncle.

Nick: I think they had a falling out, sir. But...do you have any friends?

Tom: More: I have a wonderful girlfriend.

Nick: Lovely, sir. Go get her and anyone else who will listen.

*Tom runs into the house as Nick unlatches the gate and lets himself into the garden. Tom returns from the house with Anne and Trulove, and Nick bows to them.*

Forgive me for intruding, but I have a lot to tell you all. I once served Tom Rakewell’s uncle, who lived abroad for much of his life. I worked for him for many years, in many different trades, and he was very successful in all of them and became very wealthy, but all that wealth didn’t do him much good when he lay dying and dreamed of England and happiness. He did know about Tom, though, and figured the best use for his wealth would be to bequeath it all to his nephew. Well, he is dead. Tom, you’re rich.

Tom: I knew it! I made one wish, and Fortune made it come true. Shadow, sir, stay by me, would you?

Nick: Thank goodness, because without a master, I would soon die!

Anne: Thank God! We can get married soon!

Trulove: Thank God! And make sure that Tom never gets too big for his britches and that this doesn’t go south.

*Tom puts one arm around Anne and gestures outward with the other.*

Tom: Look, Anne, there’s no more obstacles and the world is ready and waiting for us!

Anne: And we’ll have peace and love forever!

Trulove: God bless you both!

Nick: I hate to burst your bubble, but there are new problems that come with such a large fortune: you have to get the inheritance approved and legally secured, and in order to do that, we have to go to London.

Tom: Those things can wait! I want to marry Anne.

Trulove: No, you should settle your estate and get it secured and then you and Anne can get married and have a secure future!

Anne: Dad does have a point, Tom.

Nick: There’s a coach waiting down the road.

Tom: Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!

Nick: I’ll get the coachman.

Trulove: And I’ll explain this whole situation.

*They go off together.*

Anne: Goodbye for now, but remember: whatever may happen and wherever you may go, my love will go with you.

Tom: I know you’ll always be with me. I love you.

Anne: Farewell!

*Nick and Trulove come back.*

Nick: Everything is ready, sir.

Tom: Shadow, sir, I’m not entirely sure how this works because I grew up very poor, so I’m wondering: what are your normal wages?

Nick: I’ll give you a year and a day to figure that out. On that day, we’ll settle our accounts and you will pay me no more and no less than what you think my services are worth.

Tom: Agreed. Mr. Trulove, as soon as my estate is settled, I’ll send for you and Anne to come to London. And when Anne gets here, all London will be at her feet, because I’ll make something of myself and London will be mine, and London will treasure my magnificent soon-to-be wife.

*Tom and Trulove shake hands as Anne, overcome with emotion, hides her face.*

Everything good waits for the one who can win the game.

Anne: I’m so happy but at the same time, I’m crying…

Trulove: I’m worried that this new comfort may lead to even more problems with him, but maybe it won’t…

Anne: Tom, I’ll always be near you, and you’ll always be near me…

*Nick lets Anne, Tom, and Trulove through the gate.*

Anne and Trulove: Goodbye, Tom!

*Nick turns to the audience.*

Nick: THE RAKE’S PROGRESS begins. ****

Scene 2:

An unspecified amount of time later, at Mother Goose’s brothel in London. Tom, Nick, and Mother Goose (not the one from the fairytales) are sitting at a table downstage right and drinking. Meanwhile, a bunch of roaring boys, prostitutes, and clients are hanging around. There is a cuckoo clock at upstage left. *****

Roaring Boys: WE JUST LIKE TO HANG AROUND AND ROAM THE STREETS AND GET INTO FIGHTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT

Prostitutes: WE’RE GREAT AT GETTING PEOPLE TO LOVE US AND GIVE US THEIR MONEY

Roaring Boys: WHAT’S BETTER THAN FIGHTING FOR NO REASON OR BASHING PEOPLE’S HEADS IN OR WHATEVER

Prostitutes: WE SURPRISE ALL KINDS OF GUYS AND WE CHARM THEM AND THEY GIVE US MONEY AND THAT’S HOW WE LIVE

Everyone: A TOAST TO OUR TWO FAVORITE GODS VENUS AND MARS

Nick: C’mon, Tom, show Mother Goose here what I’ve taught you in preparation for your new life and all its pleasures. So, what are you supposed to do above all else?

Tom: My duty to myself.

Nick: Isn’t he smart, Mother Goose?

Mother Goose: And handsome too.

Nick: What is that duty to yourself?

Tom: To scorn the advice of any who disapprove and follow Nature.

Mother Goose: What is Nature’s secret?

Tom: What beauty is and where it grows.

Nick: What is beautiful?

Tom: Whatever is pleasure for the eyes, but it has just one flaw: it dies.

Nick: Exactly!

Mother Goose: What is pleasure, then?

Tom: It’s different for every person, but it’s whatever someone wants it to be, whatever makes them happy.

Mother Goose: Bravo!

Nick: One final question: what is love?

Someone: WHAT IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE BABY DON’T HURT ME DON’T HURT ME NO MORE WHAT IS—

Mother Goose: NO ONE ASKED FOR THAT STUPID SONG

Tom: Love? That word burns every part of me…

Nick: No answer?

Tom: NO MORE

Mother Goose: Do you need more wine?

Tom: LET ME GO

Nick: Are you afraid?

*The cuckoo clock chimes one, and Tom gets up.*

Tom: BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE

Nick: WAIT

*He turns to the clock, which turns back and chimes twelve.*

See? Even time itself obeys you, so enjoy life! You can worry later.

*Tom sits down and starts drinking a lot of wine.*

Chorus: Who cares about time passing when we have food and drink and fun and love and the night?

*Nick gets up and indicates Tom.*

Nick: My friends, fellow worshipers at the Temple of Delight, it is my privilege to present a newcomer who wants to be initiated and as custom, will sing for you. He is young and rich and will be perfect for our group. I present my master and (if he will allow me to call him this) my friend, Tom Rakewell!

*Tom comes to the center of the room and sings.*

Tom: Love, you are too frequently betrayed in the name of desire or the world, and I’ll admit that I still dream of you. You are my sorrow and shame, and yet I always forget you, but please don’t forget me; if I die, in my last hour I will call upon you!

Prostitutes: It’s such a sad song, but it’s so charming! Forget your sorrows in our arms, in our lips—

Mother Goose: UH UH I’M THE LEADER AND I CALL DIBS ON HIM TONIGHT

*She takes Tom’s hand as the patrons form two lines, between which Tom and Mother Goose walk to get to the door on the back wall. Nick watches.*

Chorus: LANTERLOO LANTERLOO THE KING IS COURTING HIS QUEEN AND THEY’RE GOING TO BED AND HE’LL CHOP OFF HER “HEAD” IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN LANTERLOO LANTERLOO ******

*Nick raises his glass as if making a toast to Tom’s success.*

Nick: Sweet dreams, Tom!

Chorus: LANTERLOO LANTERLOO

Nick: Dreams may lie, but dream, for when you wake, you die.

Scene 3:

The same as Scene 1. Anne, dressed in traveling clothes, enters the garden from the house.

Anne: No word from Tom...has he forgotten my love, our vows? Regardless, he needs my help. I love him, and I can feel that he needs me, so I will go find him!

Night, find him wherever he is, and tell him I’m coming for him! And you, Moon, guide me and shine warmly for him; even if his heart is cold, you can’t be more cold for him, could you?

Trulove: *from inside the house* Anne! Anne!

Anne: Can I leave my father and his love behind for a man who’s deserted me?

*She starts walking back to the house, but then stops and turns.*

No! My father is strong, but Tom is weak. He needs me. He needs my comfort and he needs my help.

*She kneels.*

Dear God, protect Tom, help my father, and strengthen me.

*She gets up.*

I’ll go find him. Even if he’s forgotten me, I still love him and that’s not going to change, and if he still loves me we’ll pick back right up from where we left off. I’ll go find him, and love will help me.

*She goes through the gate.*

Notes

Act II:

Scene 1: 

Morning, some time later. A room in Tom’s house, which overlooks a busy London square. A window is open, letting in light and noise from the street. Tom is sitting and eating breakfast when a particularly loud blast of sound comes in; he gets up, annoyed, and shuts the window.

Tom: LET THERE BE SOME DIFFERENT NOISE FOR GOODNESS SAKE BECAUSE IT ALL JUST ANNOYS ME AND EVEN YOUR BEST MUSIC CAN’T FILL THE HOLE IN MY HEART

“Follow Nature,” they said. “It'll be great,” they said. I wanted to be free, but now I have no choice but to be a slave of fashion. The food and wine is overrated! Cards are stupid! And always with the women bringing by their daughters to talk about marriage! There’s only one truly good person in the world, and I refuse to think about her!

*He gets up.*

Well, the hunt is on! On and on we go, following Nature blindly! And happiness and freedom always evade me, and there are empty smiles everywhere and my heart is full of darkness!

*He sits down.*

I wish I were happy.

*Nick enters with a broadsheet in his hand.* **

Nick: Master, are you alone?

Tom: Don’t remind me.

Nick: *handing Tom the broadsheet* Do you happen to know this lady?

Tom: Baba the Turk! No, I haven’t gotten a chance to see her at the fair yet, but I heard that even brave soldiers faint at the sight of her. Is any of this even possible?

Nick: Well, two licensed doctors have said she’s the real deal. Do you want to go see her?

Tom: You’re up to something, aren’t you?

Nick: AT LEAST LOOK AT HER PICTURE

Tom: She’s ugly.

Nick: Do you desire her?

Tom: Ew, I desire her as much as I desire gout.

Nick: Do you even remotely like her?

Tom: Heaven forbid I do.

Nick: Then marry her!

Tom: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND

Nick: Look at it this way: everyone is wretched because they are a slave to either pleasure or conscience. The only way to be happy is to be a slave to neither, and since you don’t like Baba and since marrying Baba would be seen by society as a very odd thing to do, it’s perfect! You won’t have to worry about being a slave to anything, and you’d be free, and then you’d be happy! At least think about it.

Look: first, we’re all chasing girls; then, we chase wealth and rank; and then, when we’re old, we chase virtue. Always chasing something that is already fated to be. You need to step away from that and be free! Free from passion and reason alike! Well?

*Tom and Nick look at each other, and the former starts laughing, soon joined by the latter. They shake hands, and Nick helps Tom get dressed to go out.*

Tom: PEOPLE WILL TELL AND HEAR MY STORY FOREVER BECAUSE META AND ALSO BECAUSE WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT I MARRY THE INTERNATIONAL CELEBRITY BABA THE TURK

Nick: Let’s make you look your best in order to win Baba the Turk, and then the whole world will love you. How does that sound?

Tom and Nick: WELL LET’S TRY TO WIN OVER BABA THE TURK

*They leave.*

Scene 2:

Autumn, dusk. A street in front of Tom’s house. A staircase of semi-circular steps leads up to the front door at center. The servants’ entrance is to the left; a tree to the right. Anne enters, hesitates for a moment, and then knocks on the front door. She sees a servant coming from the left and hides behind the tree until he passes.

Anne: My heart is brave, but I’m afraid—my mind just keeps screaming, “YOU’RE ALONE IN LONDON!!!! BE AFRAID!!! BE VERY AFRAID!!!” I need to be strong in order to find him and win his love back, though...Dear Lord, help me, but even if I have to go this one alone, I can and will win him back from damnation!

*She turns to go back to the door, but stops when she sees a procession of servants bearing oddly-shaped packages coming from the right. Night begins to fall.*

What? What is this? Whatever it is, I have a really bad feeling about it.

*Two servants bearing torches come in from the left, as well as other servants bearing a sedan chair.* ***

Oh, lights!

*The servants set down the chair and Tom gets out.*

It’s him!

*She runs over to Tom, who makes sure to stay a little way away from her.*

Tom: Anne? What are you doing here?

Anne: Well, look at you.

Tom: ACCUSE ME

Anne: Tom, no.

Tom: DENOUNCE ME TO THE WHOLE WORLD

Anne: TOM NO

Tom: GO HOME ANNE

Anne: ...Are you coming with me?

Tom: ME?! WITH YOU?!

Anne: I’m not leaving without you.

Tom: YOU HAVE TO

Let me not think about going back home!

Anne: I need to love him in order to have any chance of winning him over.

Tom: Anne, please, listen to me. I know you’re virtuous, and London is not the place for you. Virtue only exists on the surface and in the daytime here, Anne. Be afraid.

Anne: What do I need to fear, when I have your help and I love you?

Tom: My help? Look, London has ruined me. I am unworthy of you. Go home.

Anne: You still love me; you are worthy.

*Tom, moved, steps over to her.*

Tom: Anne!

*Baba the Turk, who is heavily veiled, sticks her head out of the sedan chair window.*

Baba: TOM YOU KNOW I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME OUT OF THIS AND I’VE BEEN WAITING IN HERE FOR PRACTICALLY FOREVER SO COULD YOU PLEASE FINISH UP WITH WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING THANKS

*She puts her head back in.*

Anne: Who’s that, Tom?

Tom: ...My wife.

Anne: your WHAT

...Oh. I see. So I’m the unworthy one.

*She turns away. Tom steps toward her.*

If only I had known then that it would turn out like this...oh well. If you’re not going to be faithful, then at least I will—forever.

Tom: It’s done, it’s too late, the world is dying, my heart is dying...I’ll bury my heart and never let it feel anything again!

*Baba pokes her head out again and sees Anne.*

Baba: C’mon, what’s the delay? And who’s that girl who’s keeping Tom occupied? Whoever she is, I’m getting more than a little annoyed with all this waiting. COME HERE TOM YOU KNOW I DON’T LIKE WAITING AND I DON’T THINK YOU WANT ME TO SUFFOCATE IN HERE

*Anne runs off, distraught.*

I’m still here, Tom. I haven’t run off.

*Tom helps her get out of the chair.*

Tom: I’m here, my wife.

Baba: Who was that girl, my love?

Tom: Just a maid.

*The doors open and several servants come out with torches as other servants take the chair away.*

Townspeople: *from offstage* BABA THE TURK IS HERE WE LOVE HER

*Baba begins to go up the stairs as the people pour onstage.*

BABA SHOW YOURSELF TO US

*Tom and Baba get to the top of the staircase. Tom goes inside the house as Baba sweeps around and removes her veil.*

BABA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*Baba blows them a kiss and keeps her hands outstretched like the great performer she is.*

Scene 3:

The same as Scene 1, except that Baba has now fully moved in and as a result, there are a bunch of oddities everywhere. Tom and Baba are eating breakfast; he’s sulking while she’s talking.

Baba: ...So yeah, there were two brothers and they both had mustaches and they gave me a really cool set of musical glasses in...Vienna, right? No, wait, it was Milan because there were a bunch of donkeys there and I guess there are a bunch of donkeys in Milan. And it was the Chinese fan I got in Vienna, no, actually, maybe it was the water from the Jordan River, or was it the Chinese fan? I get so confused with all these awesome stories I have, you know. I got the snuffboxes in Paris and the gravels from a Cardinal in Rome— ****

You’re not eating, my love!

Count Moldau got me the gnome, and Prince Obolowsky got me those cute little statues of the Twelve Apostles, which are probably my favorite gifts after the fossils. Oh, right, I need to tell Bridget to never touch the mummies ever, not even to dust them; she can do the wax dummies. And, oh yes, I love my birds too! Have you seen my great auk? Oh no, the moths will try to get in them! 

What’s wrong? Why aren’t you talking?

Tom: Nothing’s wrong.

Baba: Talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Tom: Why?

*Baba gets up and hugs Tom.*

Baba: come ooooooooooooooooooooooooon why are you so saaaaaaaaaaaaad smile because I love you and I want you to be happy, dear husb—

Tom: *pushing her away* SIT DOWN

*Baba bursts into tears and gets very angry very quickly.*

Baba: I’ve been SCORNED—

*She picks up an object and smashes it on the ground.*

ABUSED—

*ditto*

NEGLECTED—

*ditto*

BAITED—

*ditto*

oh I SEE HOW IT IS I KNOW YOU LOVE THAT GIRL AND HATE ME AND REGRET EVER MARRYING ME BECAUSE SHE’S SO MUCH PRETTIER AND CLEVERER AND YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH MORE SO THAT’S WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET ALL THE TIME BUT DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE YOU’RE MY HUSBAND AND YOU WILL NEVER BE HER HUSBAND, NOT—

*At this point, Tom suddenly gets up, grabs a wig, puts it over her head, and thus cuts her off. Then he walks around aimlessly until he goes to the sofa.*

Tom: ...Man, I just need to lie down and sleep.

*Which he does. During this time, Nick peeks his head through the door at right and after seeing the coast is clear, he wheels in a large object covered by a sheet. He removes the sheet to reveal a large machine. He then picks up a loaf of bread, opens a door in the front of the machine, puts in the loaf, and closes the door. Then he picks a piece of a broken vase from the floor, which he drops into a hopper on the machine. He turns a wheel and the loaf of bread falls out of a chute. He opens the door, takes out the piece of china, replaces it by the loaf and repeats the performance, so that the audience sees that the mechanism is a false bottom. The second time he ends with the loaf in the machine and the piece of china in his hand. Then he puts back the sheet, wheels the machine backstage near Tom’s sofa, and takes up a position near Tom’s head. And before you ask, yes, I did copy-and-paste most of this stage direction from the libretto because...yeah.*

Nick: Fa la la la la la la la la ‘tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la don we now our gay apparel fa la la la la la la la la troll the ancient Yuletide carol fa la la la la la la la—

*Tom wakes up.*

Tom: I wish it were true…

Nick: Oh, you’re awake?

*Tom starts.*

Tom: Who’s there?

Nick: It’s me, master, your shadow.

Tom: Oh hey! I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I made a machine that turned stones to bread so no one would go hungry or want for anything ever again, and the world became so beautiful…

Nick: Was it, perhaps, this machine?

*He pulls off the sheet to reveal the machine.*

Tom: I must still be asleep because that is exactly it.

Nick: How does it work?

Tom: I need a stone!

Nick: *handing him the piece of china* Perhaps this will do?

Tom: *doing what he narrates* I place it in the top here, and then I turn the wheel, and then—

*The bread falls out.*

HOLY SHIT THE BREAD

Nick: Does it taste good?

*Tom samples the bread.*

Tom: YES IT DOES MAYBE THIS GOOD DEED WILL MAKE ME WORTHY OF ANNE AGAIN

*He falls on his knees.*

WITH THIS DEVICE THE WORLD WILL BECOME A SECOND HEAVEN BECAUSE NEED CAUSES ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS AND THE CRIME IN THE WORLD AND WITH NO NEED WE’LL ALL BE GOOD

Nick: *to the audience* He’s a fool, you see, but know this: you can do good business with me.

Tom: THERE’LL BE NO LABOR AND NO HUNGER AND NO GRIEF AND NO POVERTY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE GOOD AGAIN

Nick: If you try hard enough, make it flashy and cool enough, play to people’s fears enough, people will believe anything you tell them.

Tom: MAN WILL BEAT NATURE AND RULE THE WORLD

Nick: INVEST IN THIS IMMEDIATELY

Sorry to burst your bubble a bit, Tom, but we’ve got to mass-produce, we’ve got to advertise, we’ve got to get partners, and that’s all gonna take money and time and work before your dreams come true.

Tom: ...true. That does burst my bubble a bit, because I don’t want this to be empty and not do anything and not help people.

Nick: Hey, I already spoke to some people to get help because let’s be honest here, there’s really no way to be self-made in this day and age. You have to have outside investment, you have to help from influential people, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding everyone.

Tom: HOW COULD I LIVE WITHOUT YOU LET’S GO

*They begin wheeling out the machine. Nick suddenly stops and turns to Tom.*

Nick: Shouldn’t you tell your wife about all this first?

Tom: What wife? I have no wife. I buried her.

*They leave.*

Notes

Act III:

Scene 1:

A spring afternoon. Otherwise the same as Act II, Scene 3 (complete with Baba still stifled by the wig), except there’s cobwebs and dust everywhere and it looks super-rundown and creepy. An auction is about to begin.

Crowd: Ruin! Disaster! Shame!

*More people enter.*

WOW LOOK AT ALL THIS COOL STUFF LET’S BUY IT ALL

*They turn to address the audience like they’re on an 18th-century version of The Office.*

You know, this sort of thing happens to a lot of people. People hope to make it rich and then they end up throwing themselves into the Thames. Tom Rakewell is the latest one ruined. Perhaps he’ll throw himself into the Thames next. Perhaps he already has.

*They turn back to look at all the cool stuff like they’re all little kids in a candy store. Meanwhile, Anne comes in alone and also starts looking around, but not like a little kid in a candy store.*

Anne: Does anyone know what happened to Tom?

Some People: We heard he went to America.

Other People: NO HE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED

Some People: uh what that’s not even a thing

Other People: YEAH IT IS YOU’RE JUST STUPID

Anne: ENOUGH seriously does anyone know

Another Group: He’s Methodist now!

Yet Another Group: No, he’s Catholic!

Still Another Group: No, he converted to Judaism!

Anne: I DON’T CARE WHAT RELIGION HE IS THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM HERE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM

People: uhhhhhhhhh he went into debt and we guess people are looking for him

Anne: well since none of you are being helpful I’ll look for him myself

*She goes off to search the rest of the house.*

Some People: who’s she?

Other People: probably some ex-girlfriend, idk

*They go back to looking at all the stuff. A group of servants starts setting up an auction platform. Eventually Sellem shows up to begin the auction.*

Sellem: okay everyone let’s— NO NO NO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SET THE PLATFORM UP OVER THERE

Servants: ugggggggggggggh

*They start moving the platform.*

People: ‘kay everyone let’s get those bids ready

*When the platform is set up, Sellem mounts it and begins the auction.*

Sellem: OKAY EVERYONE welcome to the best auction ever

Everyone Else: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sellem: there’s a thing called the balance of nature which states that for everyone who loses, as many people win. Congrats, you’re all winners and you’re helping restore nature and I guess the balance of money and stuff like that

Some People: ...that doesn’t really make sense but okay we could get stuff so we’ll let that slide

Everyone Else: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Now then, lots one and two, which cover the categories of vegetable, animal, and mineral—

Someone in the Crowd: I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN MAJOR GENERAL**

Sellem: EXCUSE ME WE’RE STARTING

okay who wants this stuffed auk that’s really cool and who wants this dead fish that’s also really cool

*People start putting up their bids.*

One...two...three...five...seven...eleven...fourteen...nineteen...twenty...twenty-three...twenty-three once, twenty-three twice, sold! to that guy over there.

Next up: a Roman marble, a consecrated palm branch, and...all this other stuff, idk. I wasn’t briefed on all this before coming here. Owner’s a crazy guy who skipped town and his wife’s down for the count, so I don’t know. Anyway, let the bidding begin!

*People put up more bids.*

One...two...three...six...eleven...fifteen...fifteen and a half...fifteen and three quarters...fifteen and seven-eighths, not sure that’s even a thing...finally, sixteen...seventeen...seventeen and a half...seventeen and a half going once, going twice, sold! To you, madam.

People: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Sellem: Alright. Lot 666, then, ladies and gentlemen—

People In the Crowd: what happened to the other six hundred and something lots

Sellem: SHUT UP IT’S FOR THE EFFECT

People: Is it at least a chandelier in pieces? ***

Sellem: SHUT UP anyway no it’s not a chandelier or a chandelier in pieces actually maybe it could be because we don’t know what this is either. It could be a cake. Maybe we should cut into it to see if it’s a cake. Maybe it’s an organ or a golden apple tree or an oracle or a pillar or an octopus or— ****

People: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LET’S SEE WHAT IT IS

*They start putting up their bids but keep shouting.*

Sellem: Fifty...fifty-five...sixty...sixty-fi-GUYS I CAN BARELY HEAR MYSELF THINK-ve...seventy...seventy-five SHUT UP...EIGHTY...EIGHTY-FIVE...NINETY...NINETY GOING ON-...OH NEVER MIND THERE’S A HUNDRED...HUNDRED GOING ONCE GOING TWICE SOLD 

*At that moment, he pulls the wig off Baba, who immediately revives and continues with the last thing she said before Tom silenced her.*

Baba: ...EVER!

People: WHAT IT’S HIS WIFE

Baba: excuse me what the FUCK is going on here why are you selling all my stuff GET OUT and if you so much as touch any more of my stuff you’re gonna have to deal with ME

Tom and Nick: *in the distance* lalala old wives for sale lalala

*Anne runs in and goes straight to the window.*

Anne: was that him was that hi—he’s gone.

Baba: looks like they already sold all my stuff

*She turns to Anne.*

My dear—

Anne: His wife!

Baba: More like the woman he married and then dumped, his little joke. Come here, my child.

*Anne goes over to her.*

Sellem: uh this is getting a little awkward so this auction is over I guess everyone please leave

People: GET THE POPCORN THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN AN AUCTION

Baba: Hey, you know what? Maybe there’s some good in him. Maybe not, I don’t know. But he still loves you.

Anne: He still loves me? Then I should’ve kept looking when I came here a long time ago.

Sellem and People: He still loves her? Aww that’s sweet but also really sad.

Baba: Watch out for that guy who’s always with him. Tom may have rejected me, but out of those two, he’s not the snake. Go. Find your true love.

Anne: But what about you?

Baba: Hun, don’t worry about me. I’ll pick right back up with my career.

People: That girl’s gonna go find him!

Sellem: well looks like no one’s interested in buying anything anymore so rip me and rip this auction I guess

Tom and Nick: *in the distance* lalala let’s sing songs about boys having wings and gold falling from the sky and other stuff lalala

Anne and Baba: IT’S HIM

Baba: GO FIND YOUR LOVE

Anne: I WILL SAVE TOM

Baba: GO SAVE TOM

People: TOM REALLY SCREWED UP SO IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TOM DO IT QUICKLY

Anne: God bless you, Baba!

Everyone Else: GO SAVE TOM TRUE LOVE RULES

*Anne runs out.*

Tom and Nick: *in the distance* lalala who cares about Tories and Whigs I don’t lalala

Baba: SELLEM GO GET MY CARRIAGE

Sellem: ...Yes, ma’am.

*Sellem grabs the carriage from the pile of stuff about to be auctioned and helps Baba in.* *****

Baba: GET OUT OF THE WAY ALSO NEXT TIME I SEE YOU YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THIS

*She leaves.*

People: ...what even was this day

Notes

Scene 2:

A starry night, a little after the events of Scene 1. Tom and Nick, who is carrying a small black bag, come to a churchyard with several graves (including one empty freshly-dug grave). There is an elevated tomb with a spade leaning against it. On the right there is a yew tree.

Tom: *out of breath* Are...we...there...yet?

Nick: We’re here, you dum-dum.

Tom: WHY ARE WE HERE THIS PLACE LOOKS SO CREEPY AND SO DO YOU

Nick: Remember, it’s been a year and a day since we made our deal. I upheld my end of the deal, so now it’s your turn.

Tom: BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY

Nick: But you still have your soul. Look at me. This is who you chose to hire, and here is your price. **

*He takes four objects out of the bag and shows them to Tom as he points to the fresh grave.*

That grave will be your grave. Look: here’s a dagger, a noose, a vial of poison, and a gun. You have progressed to the end, you rake.

Tom: noooooooooooooooooooo why did my uncle ever choose me as his heir

Nick: you screwed up big-time and it’s too late for you buddy so you might as well join all the damned in hell

Tom: I know but this suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks

Nick: It’s about to strike midnight. You choose one of these four objects, and on the stroke of twelve, you will use that object of your choice to end your sorry little life and deliver your soul to me, as is the price.

*A clock begins to strike.*

One, two, three, four—

Tom: I DECLARE A THUMB WAR

Nick: SHUT UP five, six, seven—

Tom: HAVE MERCY ON ME HEAVEN

Nick: STOP TRYING TO BE WITTY AND RHYME now it’s eight

Tom: IT’S TOO LATE

Nick: No, wait!

*The clock strikes once more, but Nick holds up his hand and it stops.*

Tom: ...did we just inadvertently write a poem?

Nick: what?

Tom: ...we rhymed.

Nick: You’re trying to distract me and it’s not going to work. But you are a very dear friend to me, and although I sense you’re trying to mess with our agreed-upon conditions, I am a gentleman and I am amenable enough to change said conditions and suggest a game.

Tom: A game? That’s it?

Nick: A game of chance. Do you, by any chance *ba-dum-ch*, have a pack of cards?

Tom: That’s all I have left in this world and for the next.

*He takes out a pack of cards from his pocket and hands them to Nick.*

Nick: Haha, I like a good joke! Keeps our spirits high and makes the game go well. Now down to the serious business: the game is very simple, the result simpler still. Nick will cut three cards from the deck.

Tom: Can I ask a question?

Nick: Questions for the end, please. If you can name all three, you are released from the contract. If not, you pick your method of death. Your question?

Tom: ...Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

Nick: Because Nick wants to. Do you understand the rules of the game?

*Tom nods.*

Then let us begin.

*He cuts the cards, shuffles them, and holds up the Queen of Hearts, his card of choice, so the audience, but not Tom, can see it.*

Tom: oh no I just can’t 

Nick: Try.

Tom: BUT I CAN’T THINK

Nick: Just think of one. You wish you could control the game, but all you can do at this point is think of one card.

Tom: Anne!

*He calms down.*

I’m not afraid anymore. I choose the Queen of Hearts.

Nick: *holding up the card to Tom* You have chosen correctly. It’s such a simple game, you see?

*He tosses the card aside as the clock strikes ten, then turns to the audience.*

He loves games; they’re how he tries to keep the hope alive but it will all end in despair.

*He turns back to Tom.*

Round two.

*As before, he cuts the cards and holds the top one towards the audience.*

Tom: ...Now how am I supposed to win back my soul?

Nick: Try. Maybe Fortune will help you a second time.

Tom: luck be a lady toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight luck be a lady toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight luck if you’ve ever been a lady to begin with luck be a lady toniiiiiiiiiiii—

*The spade falls with a loud crash.*

THE HELL WAS THAT THAT SCARED ME

*He looks and sees that the spade fell.*

You know what? It’s fine. It’s a sign: my choice is two of spades.

Nick: Two of spades?

Tom: Two of spades.

Nick: Not even queen of spades? ***

Tom: did I stutter

Nick: *barely hiding his anger* Two of spades it is.

*He throws aside the card as the clock strikes eleven.*

Congratulations. Luck is indeed being a lady to you tonight. BUT there is still one more to go. This is your last chance and as your friend, I don’t want you to mess this up. I’m a very compassionate fellow, after all. So if nothing else, think about your hopes.

Tom: WHAT HOPES DO I EVEN HAVE

*He puts his head in his hands and leans against the tomb.*

Nick: OH STOP BEING SUCH A WHINY TENOR oh wait actually he’s a tenor which means he has no brain cells which means—

*He reaches down, picks up one of the two discarded cards, and holds it up to the audience.*

Simplest trick of all time. I told him there’s no return, he believed me, and he doesn’t think anything is going to repeat.

*He slips it into the middle of the deck.*

Tom, stop whining for long enough that we can get this last round over with.

*He shuffles and cuts the deck as before.*

Tom: well I can’t figure out anything from what he’s saying so luck be a lady toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight (again)

Nick: he’s toast

Nyah nyah Tom are you scared, you little lover boy?

Tom: oh lordy this is the worst day EVER

Nick: they’re comin’ for ya!

Tom: ALL I WANT IS A RETURN AND LOVE BUT I CAN’T HAVE EITHER

Nick: IT’S TOO LATE

Tom: RETURN! LOVE! LO—

Anne: *from offstage* TRUE LOVE CAN REDEEM YOU

*Tom and Nick both freeze momentarily.*

Tom: LOVE, RULE FOREVER I CHOOSE THE QUEEN OF HEARTS AGAIN

*He grabs the pack of cards as the clock strikes twelve, then screams with joy and collapses.*

Nick: DAMN it I literally cheated against a tenor and STILL lost also the demons are hungry for SOUL FOOD AND I DON’T HAVE IT FOR THEM AND NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO HELL EMPTY-HANDED

You know what, though? I can still do some damage.

*He turns to Tom.*

I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE YOUR SOUL AWAY BUT I CAN TAKE YOUR SANITY AWAY SO NOW YOU’RE INSANE FOREVER

*He sinks into the grave. Blackout, then the set changes. It is spring. Tom is sitting on the grass, and having lost any trace of sanity he may have had, he’s singing and putting grass on his head.*

Tom: I am crowned with roses...my name is Adonis...I’m in love with Venus… ****

Scene 3:

Tom’s cell in the Bedlam mental hospital. There is a straw pallet on the floor, and Tom is standing before it, facing a group of fellow patients. *****

Tom: Alright, everyone, time to get ready, clean yourselves up because VENUS IS COMING TO VISIT

Patients: No she’s not.

Tom: Yes she is.

Patients: NO SHE’S NOT

Tom: BUT SHE PROMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISED

Patients: But you’re insane.

Tom: So are you.

Patients: She’s not coming.

Tom: VENUS COME NOW OR I’M GONNA DIE

*He sits on the pallet and buries his face in his hands as the patients start to dance mockingly.*

Patients: Lalala it’s foolish to hope because we’re all insane and nobody cares a scrap about us out there and anyone who may have before doesn’t now and life sucks and we don’t have any friends and night never ends lalala

Tom: ...was that supposed to make me feel better?

*A key turns in the lock and the door opens.*

OH NO CRUEL MINOS IS COMING EVERYONE RUN BECAUSE HE’LL WHIP YOU IF YOU DON’T

*Everyone else runs to their cells as the Keeper of the Madhouse enters with Anne and indicates Tom.*

Keeper: He’s not dangerous, so don’t be afraid.

Anne: Tom!

Keeper: He doesn’t respond to that; he believes he is Adonis, so you should probably call him that instead.

Anne: Oh, I see. You’re very kind.

*She gives him money.*

Keeper: Thank you.

*He leaves. Anne goes up to Tom.*

Anne: ...Adonis?

*Tom sees her and jumps up.*

Tom: Venus! At last! You know, everyone said you’d never come, and I almost believed them, but look! You’re here! Come, sit on my throne.

*He helps her sit down on the pallet and then kneels before her.*

Look, so I really screwed up because I went out into the big wide world and chased useless dreams and left you behind, but I want to be faithful to you forever and I hope you forgive me.

*Anne gets up and helps Tom up as well.*

Anne: What’s there to forgive? You’ve come around and everything is okay.

Anne and Tom: There’s nothing to worry about now; we’re in Elysium together and nothing can mess with our love… ******

*Tom suddenly staggers. Anne helps him back down to the pallet.*

Tom: I’m so tired...let me lay my head on you...and sing me to sleep?

*Anne lets him do so.*

Everything is good now.

Anne: *singing* You little boat, the sun is going down, go sail to the Islands of the Blessed...

Patients: *from their cells offstage* What’s that voice?

Anne: There are gardens and streams and music everywhere there...and it is the dream of every weary soul…

Patients: This music is beautiful and somehow it’s making us forget our sorrow...

Anne: The animals all live together in harmony, and the plants sway with the wind…

Patients: SING FOREVER HELP US FORGET OUR PAIN AND BRING US PEACE

*The Keeper shows in Trulove.*

Trulove: Anne, I’m sorry, but it’s time to go home.

Anne: Yes. Tom, I have to go, but I will love you forever. You don’t need me now. You just need to sleep. Goodbye, my dear.

*She joins Trulove.*

Everyone has to die and release their soul at some point, and I think now is your time. I don’t think we’ll see each other again in this life, but I will always love you…

Trulove: God knows what must be, and this must be, and yet I’m crying.

*The Keeper goes out with the Truloves. Tom wakes up after they leave.*

Tom: Venus? Venus? It’s spring, everything is ready for our wedding, where are you?

*He looks around.*

Achilles, Helen, Eurydice, Orpheus, Persephone, Pluto, everyone! WHERE DID YOU TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND WHY DID YOU TAKE HER WHERE IS SHE *******

*The patients all come in.*

Patients: Venus? No, you’re crazy, no one took her.

Tom: My heart is breaking, I’m dying, everyone, sing for Adonis, who loved and was loved by Venus…

*He falls back onto the pallet again and dies.*

Patients: Mourn for Adonis, Venus’ love, forever young...weep and mourn…

*The curtain falls and the house lights come up.*

Notes

Epilogue:

(You thought the opera was over, but no!)

*Tom, Anne, Nick, Baba, and Trulove appear in front of the curtain.*

Tom, Anne, Nick, Baba, and Trulove: HEY EVERYONE JUST A MOMENT BEFORE YOU GO BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THE STORY IS TECHNICALLY OVER THERE’S STILL A FEW LESSONS TO LEARN FROM THIS WHOLE THING

Anne: Not everyone is lucky enough to have an Anne in their lives to rescue them and to take the place of duty.

Baba: Whether a man is good or bad, ladies, remember this: all men are mad and everything they do? Theatre. All theatre.

Tom: Don’t get a big head out there and don’t dream too much because it’ll lead to nothing but sorrow.

Trulove: I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Nick: I just have to do what I’m told. People often say I don’t exist, and at times, I wish I didn’t.

Tom, Anne, Nick, Baba, and Trulove: So let’s tell the ultimate moral as one: since the beginning of time, everywhere, one lesson has proven true. For idle hearts and hands and minds, the Devil finds work to do. If you don’t take care, he’ll find work for you, and you, and you!

*They all bow and exit.*

The End

Up Next: Benvenuto Cellini [yes, I have decided to slightly change the schedule]

[sparda3g]

Black Clover Chapter 222 Review

A long time ago, have I not know this series’ writing, I would have thought Noelle had her development, and the next one won’t happen for a very long time. That and she will stick to love dilemma. Not that I’m against the pairing; I prefer she has her own character aside from being a love interest. Now, I am proudly confidence to know her character isn’t done and already set for a major development and goal. It’s all planted in this amusing chapter that I wished it went on longer.

I do like the color page of Dorothy with a floating imaginary creature; nicely describe her characteristic. It’s good to see her again, awake and all. I still remember my reaction when her actual personality was shown for the first time. The Elf version was exactly what I had in mind; glad to be wrong. Now we see her to take part of the larger story, starting with Noelle asking her about her mother and the Devils. Interestingly enough, speaking about the matter would result a curse. This sets up for the explanation for Nozel’s questionable act.

I like how we get to see the “Glamour World” again, now without a war. Noelle falling down through many imaginary objects, like looking at Alice in Wonderland. At first, I thought it was odd for Noelle to react like she has never seen it before, but then I remember, she wasn’t part of that outbreak with other Black Bulls members during two Dorothy duel. Plus, it allows Dorothy to explain the functionally of her world, even if we may understood the first time we witnessed it. That said, it still sounds incredibly powerful, especially now it’s confirmed to be separated from outside world as well as under her control. Even Noelle thinks that’s insane. Don’t be fooled by her bubbly personality.

Although fans may have learned about her world already, it doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with it. If creating a tea pot out of thin air wasn’t convincing on Dorothy’s capability, the next moment will. Asta has mastered the art of teleportation, brought to you by Yami, and so, he teleported to Dorothy’s world and flirt with Noelle. We’re in the endgame now. Okay, that’s not true since that Asta is an imagination, but it is hilarious how Dorothy took advantage to tease Noelle. Too bad for any Asta, he will be forever sent flying by her. Maybe one day…

It goes back to serious tone when Imagery Nozel appears to explain a piece of the true story. It’s revealed that he knows the truth of their mother’s death and it wasn’t because of Noelle, rather a curse. He remained silent about it, which most likely led the brothers solely blame on Noelle. As previously said, it’s a curse that shall not be said, so Nozel can’t say anything that can put his family in danger. Imagine being placed in a position where you can’t say anything, so only thing you can do is watch your brothers picking on the innocent sister. That would explain Nozel easily accept her being rather than being completely cruel.

Basically, he does care about Noelle. So much so, he embraces her like she was her little angel. That threw me off but I got a good laugh at the shifting tone. Funny that Noelle feels guilty for knocking him away, but Asta, it’s cool. Oddly enough, according to Dorothy, she always sees him to be that kind of gentleman. Is he supposed a closet siscon or has sister complex? That would be quite something else if that were to be true. Funny how the real Nozel was shaken up elsewhere.

Shifting back to the main topic, we learn more about the Demons’ awakening. It’s confirmed that they cannot manifest to their world unless a mage or so use a forbidden magic; much like Patolli unintentionally awakened the Word Devil. I suppose that would mean whenever there’s a demon lurking, there must be a “summoner.” If so, that’s interesting. It’s like having two enemies in one secret. The biggest reveal is the specific demon that killed Noelle’s mother is still around in their world. That demon is Megicula.

I don’t know if this is looking in too deep, but the name “Megicula” is interesting. It sounds to me that the demon could be portrayed like Dracula; instead of sucking blood, it is magic. I wonder if that demon could tie-in with Asta’s origin and by him, I mean his lack of mana. What’s also interesting is Noelle has gained the main target for her major development. Not only will she help Asta, but she will get her revenge for her mother. It’s worth reminding that she cannot speak about this with others, unless they find an access to outside world. I wonder how this will affect her when she gets closer to her swore enemy. This has great potential.

This was an amusing chapter, though it was pretty short. I respect Tabata’s time and effort though. Plus, the extras are fun to read. As for the chapter, I enjoyed the content and its fun visual. Dorothy is fun; hopefully to see more of her in the future. There were interesting details regarding with Silva Family and Demons. Noelle now has the target to chase after for more reasons than one. That can grant her plenty of developments, keeping her character afloat. This heroine is going to go far; bless Tabata for giving her the shine she will continue to gain.

[hollywoodx4]

You all asked for another set of my trash human Hadestown hot takes so.....

I think maybe I should just start from the beginning and go from there, and sprinkle some details in when I think about them. And since you’ve mentioned before that detail is a good thing, I’m going to try really hard to articulate the 500 versions of “I can’t” and “She did that” and “UM” and “GIRL” Also as always, I apologize, but this is honestly a lot of Eva and Reeve heavy content. I love all of the cast, they are all so phenomenally talented and wonderful, but as usual my mind has chosen to hyper-focus on two things so this is what it is.)

(So. I’m thankful for this platform because before my notes were ALL “Um” and “Girl” and now you guys are motivating me to actually write what I’ve been thinking about non-stop all day on my one hour of sleep. So. Thank you! I went about labeling every song-and I actually end up having thoughts for every one, because I went back and listened through and wrote down what I could remember/the things I thought were relevant for the people that won’t be able to see it outside of the boot that literally everyone but me has at this point).

This is only act I. This is a loooooong hot take. This is a lot of Eva and Reeve specific commentary. This is just a lot of commentary. I think it’d be cool/beneficial/whatever to listen as you read? LOL thanks for coming to my actual, legitimate 5 page essay on Act I.

So. My overarching thought of the night (and, actually, I think I mentioned this when I was there two weeks ago too) is that Eva has been playing an incredibly soft Eurydice lately. Compared to when I was there for previews in April, or even back in August, it seems like each time I’ve gone back she just gets softer and softer, and it’s made me so incredibly happy to see her characterization grow. I do see Eurydice as someone who has been through a lot, and does have that tougher skin, and I think that Eva does a fantastic job in representing that in Any Way the Wind Blows. She keeps her voice strong and consistent, and has this look on her face that’s a cross between worry, wavering confidence, and just this tough shell of a girl who’s trying not to look like she’s given up. And this works so incredibly well when she meets Orpheus. Because I’m telling you, the flip in her demeanor happens in the most noticeably beautiful way during Wedding Song. But first, let’s talk about the fact that I’m not sure who decided that it’d be a good idea that Eva play with fire during this song, and aesthetically it’s just such a MOMENT to see Eurydice looking bored, head down on her arms on the table, eyes wide and uninterested/exhausted/hungry as she runs each of her fingers through the flame (and, at times, pauses to inspect the finger she’s just put into the fire, rub it against another finger or the table, and then begin her game again) I don’t know why this has become one of my favorite things about the staging but? I imagine this being something Eurydice just does sometimes to keep herself from thinking about how hungry she is, and it becomes a habit so that in the iteration where they both make it out of Hadestown and live happily ever after Eurydice just does this one time and makes poor Orpheus jump out of his skin worried that she’s somehow going to send herself back down by doing this. Because they still are walking on eggshells about the fact that they made it out and here she is playing with fire, LITERALLY. Okay, moving on....

So. What I like about Wedding Song live is that her speaking voice just. It’s a bit higher, softer. She still carries the teasing tone, but there’s just this incredulous lift in “is he always like this?” and a lot of laughter in “Oooh, he’s crazy.” and Reeve plays Orpheus so sweet and innocent that you can’t help but feel bad for this bumbling idiot stumbling over himself at this beautiful girl sitting there looking completely cool and collected. But. There’s a beautiful thing about the composition and balance Eva is able to maintain in that you can see that Eurydice is openly intrigued, but keeps herself guarded in a playful sort of way. Almost like she can’t keep herself guarded and wants to let her guard down. Her smile kills me over and over again during this scene. Again, Eva’s Eurydice has turned into quite the small, beautiful romantic and I just am so in love with everything that she has subtly changed and morphed, the girl is an absolute QUEEN.

Also, I can’t go any further without saying a big THANKS to Eva for making me cry the SECOND I heard her start to sing Any Way the Wind Blows and just continue that train all night long. What a fucking night.

Okay, so my favorite thing about Epic I is the sheer power that small boy Orpheus has in singing his la laas for the first time. I remember distinctly having the most goosebumps the first time I witnessed this back in April, and every single time it just. Leaves me breathless. And I think now that it’s been a few times, the goosebumps come from knowing how significant this melody will be throughout the show. But Reeve’s facial expressions as he sings them? Make you believe that la is the most important syllable in the dictionary. He closes his eyes and just feels the music and plays his guitar and he is just so phenomenally talented that WOW. Also my favorite small part of this song is that during my favorite line “with them the cycle of the seed and the sickle, etc.” he spins in circles while playing and singing and just. It’s the smallest amount of choreography that feels the most necessary, as if it’s Orpheus becoming so enraptured with the music that he has to move! And it’s in the middle of the tables that are in the “bar,” with the workers and Eurydice looking on and watching him tell this tale. It all feels so incredibly genuine-it makes you believe that Orpheus singing to the workers is something they’ve witnessed, almost something they look forward to when they come to the bar. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re all just watching him, intrigued but also settled in? As if this is routine, this is comfort, his songs are meant for them and for this little community he has. Even when he plays the first note of the Epic they’ve settled in and are sitting up watching him and listening intently. It gives his character a lot of soft power and dynamic without having to say anything, establishing him as an integral part of this life without so much as a word.

Uhhh Living it Up On Top is just my most favorite feel-good bop. Why? Because of the ensamble. Watching them dance is a blessing. It honestly feels like watching a fucking family reunion freestyle dance party every single time. You can physically see and feel how close this cast is; they make faces at each other, they laugh, and also this instrumental break included the Eva Noblezada booty drop which is EVERYTHING. And she also did a full leg extension kick this time which. Girl. Save some talent and cuteness for everyone else. I also find it extremely appropriate that during all of this kickass dancing and partying our boy Orpheus in all of his gangly, limbly qualities can be found sort of flitting around the stage, taking Persephone’s coat, then Eurydice’s, then putting things away and moving around giving out the cups to toast- like. It’s lowkey established in this scene that he’s 10/10 not the cool and effortless one in this relationship and is the cute small boy child. And I don’t know if that’s because I think that Eva’s really cool and charismatic and Reeve is a bit more shy in a crowd situation, but that’s 100% how this comes off to me/how I perceive the characterization and I’m here for it. And when the line “to the patroness of all of this, Persephone” came up Reeve was like 10 octaves higher than the cast recording, all squeaky and flustered. And then between that and his next line, he took a breath and smiled the big stupid baby Orpheus smile that makes him so charming-if you weren’t rooting for him before now you’re messed, but after the smile? And the high-toned, flustered rambling toast? Makes it impossible not to love him. (Also “to the world we dream about…” is my most favorite Hadestown quote so. I choked because every time I hear it, especially as genuine and sweet as Reeve says it as he looks out at the crowd, and then at the audience, is just. It makes you feel the reality that this show crosses with its messages and its story as a whole). And then after they drink their toast they all sputter and cough, and then the ending when they all sing “HOW ARE WE LIVING IT” it literally is so powerful and dynamic, I love this ensemble so fucking much. Their energy truly fuels the show. We are blessed.

OOOOHKAY CHILDREN BUCKLE UP FOR ME BEING DECEASED. Because All I’ve Ever Known? Um Eva, what the fuck? In a good way. In the way that the second she started singing I started crying immediately. Because I’ll say it again, she’s just become so soft and romantic that I can’t even handle it. The distinct memory I have from this song (where I literally almost hit my cousin because I went from heart-eyed staring with no breathing and my head in my hands like the stupid hopeless baby lesbian that I am to breathing everything in all at once and coughing a BIG cough of just. Literally just love.) During “You take me in your arms, and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me” Orpheus holds Eurydice with her back to him, and she opens her arms and sings about the sunlight. And I fucking SWEAR TO GOD the smile on her face. Like. Big, wide, eyes closed, you’d 100% fall in love with her the second you saw it too. I don’t know how you couldn’t. She just looks so incredibly happy and peaceful and this is the moment she completely drops her guard (although I’ll say that I believe a lot of it is dropped earlier along. But this moment is a transcendental experience) OH ALSO during the violin instrumental she literally does this like. Handstand split Over Reeve’s head that is so poetically beautiful (that entire choreography is, like. It really just makes the love feel so incredibly palpable, and the fact that this is the turning point of moments where suddenly there are NO MOMENTS where they’re not all over each other is just. It’s a moment.) And then they kiss and it’s flawless and I sob profusely at how beautifully done this entire choreography/moment/existence of two souls happens.

Way Down Hadestown also includes two of my favorite moments; Amber Gray dancing with her body at a 90 degree angle, head looking at the floor, and Orpheus and Eurydice peacing out and sitting to the side sharing a bar stool unable to keep themselves away from each other. Which. Is everything to the point where I literally told my cousin to watch them during this song. Because. His ear kisses (which. I hyperventilated about for like 3 paragraphs back in the beginning of October) are SO MUCH (so tender. So soft. The brushing back of the hair over her ears and the soft spoken words and the head on her head make me want to careen into an abyss and fall in love immediately) but I love them with all of my heart, he is so soft and gentle and it literally feels like such a moment being intruded upon that this is the way these two characters were meant to be played and I will accept nothing else. Also, Eva’s little minor chord, jazzy vocal moment during the last “way down under the GROOOOOOOUND is so beautifully done, I can’t believe she exists and just acts like it’s not a big deal that she can just. Be that good. And I also love the way that this moment is staged; Hades and Persephone are standing on the center turntable, and at those last few “way down, Hadestown, way down under the ground” after “kind of makes you wonder how it feels,” right when it kicks back into the faster tempo the turntable starts to descend. And there’s some fog, and they all stand and watch them go under the ground, and when Eurydice sings the last “way down under…she moves closer to the now hole in the ground and looks deeper, as if she’s so curious as to what is going on.

A Gathering Storm/Epic II I just like that in the OBC recording, Eurydice sounds kind of salty when she says “well, until someone brings the world back into tune, this is how it is.” But I think that it’s perceived more as a kind of matter-of-fact thing, as if watching Persephone descend has brought her back into her shell a little bit, set off some anxieties. She shrugs her shoulders and looks complacent, as if to tell him without as many words that she’s done this before, this is old news, this is going to happen. And when he says “he came for her too soon,” it’s rushed and quiet, but frantic, as if the entire weight of the situation immediately has been cast on his shoulders. And for the most part, that’s all I’ve got for him. The real superstar in this scene is the fucking imagery used to introduce the workers, and the symbolism of the workers AS THE WALL.  So, when he says “With a million hands, he built a wall” the workers ascend from the center turntable in that really tight knit formation we’ve all seen pictures of and it’s just. Watching them in their uniforms come up as he’s talking about this big, brilliant wall and the workers begin to move in unison, then begin their chanting???? The lighting changes, the entire feel changes just based on the workers chanting and really having this ferociously unified choreography. And the most intense facial expressions ever. And they move from the center turntable to the outsides, and then fucking Hades and Persephone come up when the transition happens to Chant and it’s. All you need to completely transform a set is the lighting change, the workers, and the turntable. It’s the most incredible thing to witness this and feel like you’re in a completely different place.

Also, I just always feel for Eurydice in this moment. Because. She’s trying so hard to communicate with Orpheus, who’s standing at the bar stool they’d had their moment at during Way Down Hadestown writing this song, and you can see that she’s trying to be supportive but when she says “is he always like this?” it’s just. Exhaustion. And she says it so much more quiet and defeated than she does on the OBC. It’s heartbreaking. Because at the same point you’re watching Orpheus struggle to write this song, closing his eyes and tapping his feet and just trying to feel and let that feeling translate him into the rest of this song but it just won’t come, and you can see his growing frustration in his furrowed brow and his closed eyes. What I noticed is that during Eva’s little solos “Trying to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us…” / “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind” She hasn’t gone up on the last little phrase like she does on the OBC, which is one of the things I find to be so powerful on the OBC. And it’s still beautiful, but I’m wondering why she’s seemingly been choosing to go down instead of have that little moment of vocal power. OH ALSO. When she says “Give that back! It’s everything we have!” Her voice was BROKEN. And by that I mean she sounded so worried and devastated that. It just. Her voice was cracking as she pleaded for the fates to leave her alone and it was so immensely wonderful, but heartbreaking. Because as she struggles with the fates and their winds, and they rip her possessions from her one by one, she shrinks further into herself as she tries to buck up and continue fighting. But you can see as each thing gets taken (her backpack, her coat, etc) she grows more and more devastated and frightened. And then when they take her jacket, and she has nothing left, and she sings “SHEEEELTER US, HAAAARBOR ME!” She’s on her knees with her head in her hands, rocking back and forth and it is torturous to witness because you just want to cry for her. And Eva’s such a fucking powerhouse that you can feel the raw emotion, the fear and the devastation, and it just consumes. It’s amazing to be broken by Eva Noblezada over and over again, and that’s what she does this entire show. She is phenomenal.

Hey, Little Songbird is a song I don’t really have a lot of notes for. But the one note I do have is that Patrick Page makes everyone so in awe and also slightly frightened or incredibly woke (the amount of small whispers in the audience that compare him to a certain man of political power are to be expected, but always are significant) He also just. Skeeves me out so much in this song, and Eurydice is so broken already that it’s kind of like. She’s resigned and having trouble making sense out of anything that life has just thrown at her, and she keeps going to hold herself because she’s cold and hungry and tortured, and she just. Honestly, she makes the choice seem like one that Eurydice had to make because she looks so lost and hungry and upset and unable to hold herself up anymore that the choice doesn’t seem like a misguided one.

When the Chips are Down If I could have as much talent in my body as these girls have in their pinky finger I’d be set for life. Also, now’s a good time to mention that I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Jessie Shelton step in as a fate and it just. It was a wonderful experience, that girl is incredible. I saw her in August as Eurydice and she did a fantastic job (my only note back then had been that her chemistry with Reeve hadn’t been as strong, but I loved what she did with Eurydice-making her more badass and thick-skinned and over-it and also I genuinely don’t think that the Reeve-Eva chemistry can be matched.) But the flawless nature of these three souls singing together and just. Being the shit-eating-grin, fun to fuck you up, take no prisoners voices inside of your head? It just furthers the interpretation that they are the voices in your head amplified, because while they’re sort of doing their mockery of Eurydice/pushing her for her choice/etc. she covers her ears at one point they’re taunting her and it just. It feels to me as they’re pushing her around that they’re the personification of the battle inside of her heart as well, and she can’t escape the turmoil.

Gone, I’m Gone Me crying because I knew Wait for Me was coming so I was digging through my bag for my tissues and gently laying some on my cousin’s lap. (she hadn’t done a full listen-through of Hadestown before either, so I just. Gently prepared her for what was to come without saying a single word.

Wait for Me Okay, how detailed can I go? I don’t know how to fully capture the immense, all-encompassing, my heart is literally stopped inside of my chest but also full-on beating heavy as possible feeling. The second the first notes started the tears started pouring. I have such a fond memory of seeing this for the first time that every time afterward, I just. MY body kicks into this mode of complete and utter captivation. I’m also an empath so getting to experience a room full of people on the edge of their seats, dead silence, utter captivation and zero breath…..I will never forget this feeling. When I saw Hadestown back in April while it was still in previews, this song was given a 3 minute standing ovation….everyone was just struck and unable to handle the raw emotion. And it still rings true to this day-I was clutching my tissue with such force, watching the lights swing and the workers and their lamps through my tears. The most powerful moment is when the workers come out with their headlamps, and it gets dark-you wonder where you’re being transported to next. It’s a tethering atmosphere. And then, when they plug the lamps in and send them up? When the lamps begin swinging and their lights swing over the audience, casting this brilliant movement and shadow into the air? It holds so much mystery and hope and it gives off this incredible, indescribable power. And the power of the chorus singing along with him? It doesn’t feel like they’re the workers singing along. It feels like Orpheus’s love is so strong and so powerful that the workers are actually just his voice amplifying and exploding and CAREENING AND CREATING ALL OF THIS FUCKING POWER FROM HIS SONG AND HIS LOVE. And also, during the la la las around 1:40 on the OBC recording, when it gets soft and quiet, that’s when the lamps go up into the air, and there’s a rumbling and some fog and the set sort of opens up to reveal sections of bright lights that glow warm, and red. He’s opening the fucking stone wall with his song, people, and it’s the most brilliantly moving staging I have ever seen. Again, you don’t need one million props to captivate an audience. It’s the way the story is told and the music is composed and everything working together. I love this. I love that nothing distracts from the moment, that the las and the workers elevating his voice and the movement of the set and the lights and the fog all come together as one coherent set piece instead of parts of a working machine. It feels so natural that you believe that Orpheus is actually opening the wall with his voice. This piece of theatre is so transcendental that you forget that you’re not actually there. Props to Reeve Carney for existing because the way he performs this song is just so captivating and pure, and you can see the desperation in his eyes but you can also hear it in his voice; it’s more strained (not in a bad or unhealthy way at all, I just mean that it’s like. The culmination of his efforts from the Epic and how hard he was concentrating have elevated his power and he’s just fully unleashing it) You can physically see what I believe-that this strain, this hurt and this hope and this desperation are what lead him to opening the wall. He was able to do it because as he was singing, he was clearly just hurt and so damn determined that he just. He had this red-cheeked, hard-lipped expression while he sang and his body (which I lovingly describe as gangly and limbly) is just. In a power stance. Like. You fully believe in the power of this man during this song, he gives it everything and he is a good portion of the reason it carries its power so immensely through the audience. There’s not a dry eye in the house after. And what I love is the collective, disbelieving mumblings of “oh my god” or “wow” or “he’s incredible” that echo through the room as the applause happens (and lingers, and lingers, until Why We Build the Wall cues us to take a fucking breath) (and the subsequent chatter of people basically asking if what they just watched was real, unable to not mention it during intermission).

Why We Build the Wall This is another one of my all-time favorite Hadestown songs. It just hits so hard. And for a while in the very beginning, I wondered why they didn’t end Act I with Wait for Me. I understand now. I don’t think I fully appreciated this song during my first few listen-throughs, and possibly not even after the first time I saw it. I think that this song deserves to be there because while Wait for Me has a lot of emotional lift and power and just pure mass to it, Why We Build the Wall holds its power differently. It makes the audience kind of shift in their seats, come back to the world we are in, kind of step back from the beautiful show of powerful love and hope and dedication that is Wait for Me and remember that oh, this is what’s going on on the other side. This is the man that’s trying to take everything away from Orpheus. And Patrick Page is such a gently commanding presence during this song-he is strong, and powerful, but in a way that feels scarily easy to him; like he is so confident in his power that it translates to this easy, call-and-response conversation because he knows his workers have no choice but to answer him and to appease him. Also the workers? In this song? Are a sheer force of nature. They look to the audience as they respond to each phrase Hades sings with these set-in-stone, serious, hardened expressions that match each other, and are perfectly in-synch. That’s what terrifies me about the Workers, is that they are so in tune to each other that it truly is like watching a wall, or a well-oiled machine. They do such a beautiful job in creating this sense of unease that this song was absolutely meant to be the ending of act I; they drive you to tears and ferocious emotion with Wait for Me, but they keep you unsettled and uncomfortable and stirred by Why We Build the Wall. And that, my friends, is why this musical was nominated for and won so many Tony’s. Because of it’s ability to make you feel, to ponder and to talk and to interpret. This show is so unique, and wonderful, and full of incredible things that I am always just in awe of it every time I see it.

Carry-Over notes: I skipped around a lot of my notes from the night of the show just because I couldn’t fit the less articulate with my actual thoughts post-show. I listened to the entirety of Act I while doing this, and took notes to the best of my ability and what I could remember.

·        Eva Noblezada is such a soft human being, she is a treasure to this earth and I fully support everything she’s done with Eurydice thus far; soft doesn’t mean weak, and she translates that really well to the way she chooses to carry her. She is a strong woman, but she is so fucking in love that she is also so soft and pure. But you still wouldn’t fuck her up ever

·        A good chunk of my notes from that night are about how Reeve singing the la laas in Epic I is a transcending experience, and how his soft and genuine and gentle expression made me break down immediately, and it can be felt in your soul.

·        I also mention about 100 times that Reeve is 10/10 the only boy who has my heart because he is so artistically passionate and just really really fucking good at what he does (and so, so soft especially in the Orphrydice moments and what I’m calling his making Orpheus canonically obsessed with kissing Eurydice’s ear/side of cheek/neck it is THE SOFTEST MOST PURE THING)

So sorry. This is the longest of ramblings. But you asked for details and honestly I’m really excited to be able to have these long ass notes to save and keep with my playbills to show in the future with my kids or the patrons of the Broadway themed café I want to open when I’m a mid 40s lesbian with a wife and maybe some adopted kids.

[prairiedust]

Red or Green? The literary and folk themes of Oroborous

Red or green is the official state question of New Mexico as ratified by the legislature in 1996. Order anything at any restaurant, even a burger in some places, and you’ll likely be asked “Red or green?” Do you want red chile sauce on your entree, or do you prefer green chile? The “state question” can sometimes reveal geographical origins-- red sauce is supposedly favored in the northern half of the state, while green is more popular in the south (I lived in the south, and you could easily get either one anywhere so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .) The best green chiles are grown in the south, so maybe that has something to do with it-- like wine grapes, chiles from different parts of the state have different flavor profiles. Green chiles from the Hatch area are world famous.

But it’s important to remember that the sauces are made from the exact same fruit. The difference is all in the timing. Green chiles are harvested early, unripe, then roasted and chopped up and canned or put in the freezer, whereas red sauce is made from chiles that have been allowed to ripen fully and are then (typically) dried.

It’s all about timing. Let your chiles stay on the plant too long, and you miss your chance at the magical elixir that is green chile sauce.

Timing.

The sister stories of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are, to a great extent, about timing. They are about waiting, about vigils, and about being at the right place at the right time-- or the exact wrong time.

(If you have not already read this rundown of Snow White in season 14, I suggest at least reading a few of the translations of the original folktales here or here. And cw the Sleeping Beauty story called Sun Moon and Talia is dark. I’ll be discussing the difference between the original material and the Disneyfied stories somewhat. Usual disclaimer that this is lit crit and not spec, why you ask, because I am a hundred years old is why.)

I want to say first that Steve Yockey in Ouroboros did a truly wonderful job allegorizing the story of Snow White, which has been teased for a while now. In the Grimms’ Snow White, as in other tales of that type, Snow White has been 1. run into the wilderness by her stepmother, B. taken in by a group of dwarfs, Three: then poisoned by that stepmother and fourthly laid to rest in a glass coffin. While the story has been poked at over the course of several episodes, Yockey sums it all up again in this one.

Dean-- along with the rest of TFW 2.0-- has been traipsing around New Mexico looking for a peculiar monster. Trope one. From the screen shot it looks like they’ve possibly been through Clovis, Roswell, Albuquerque, and finally made it up to Raton. As far as wildernesses and in-between places go, New Mexico is the most liminal state in the union-- many people in the country think it’s part of Mexico and if you think that’s a joke when I was a senior looking at colleges I had two well respected schools send me their foreign student applications. Roswell. AAAAaaaaahhhh Roswell. Roswell is the city that straddles reality and science fiction. They fry ice cream in New Mexico, they eat both ripe and unripe chiles there, and they have old mountain forests and arid white sand deserts within fifty miles of one another.

Another nod to the Snow White story is the Ma’lek Box that Dean mentions again-- B-- it can be seen as an allusion to Snow White’s glass coffin (in other versions, it is merely ornate or sometimes bedecked in rare gems but it is definitely something that she alone can not get out of… being dead and all...)

Finally, when the Gorgon knocks him out and Michael escapes, Sam tends Dean’s wounds while he is unconscious, which fulfills the traditional Snow White requirement for someone other than the king/prince to affect a physical change in the heroine’s state-- cutting off an enchanted dress or jostling the coffin so that the bite of poisoned apple can be coughed out-- in order to bring her back to life. Walt Disney and his studio added the “first love’s kiss” into the Snow White matrix in 1938, not even a century ago, but it quickly took over the narrative-- Disney also brings the story into a more accessible reality for modern viewers, he introduces the prince into the actual storyline earlier than in the folk tale, and then has him awaken her with The Kiss. Which do we, as an audience, prefer? The rabbit-hole of darker, more psychological Snow White tale types, or Disney’s recent and overwhelmingly iconic romantic reimagining?

Red or green?

Yockey gave us green, the version that has not ripened into what most people know as Snow White through the Disney cinematic behemoth.

The other duality in this episode is that we have Sleeping Beauty being referenced simultaneously with Snow White’s allegory.

Sleeping Beauty is Cas’ story and elements from that tale type can be seen in how the Gorgon stalks and overcomes his prey. The Gorgon uses sex to snare a human for consumption-- he says he’s an opportunist but that women have begun to be more cautious now that they are “waking up” from a long period of oppression. Sleeping Beauty’s deep sleep comes as the result of a symbolic sexual awakening-- in the more recent stories that awakening comes from the machinations of an enemy, so it is more a violation than a sudden innocent awareness. Where am I going with this? I don’t even know, this seems like it belongs in a different essay. What I’m trying to say is that the Gorgon uses sex to put people into a state of paralysis, and the evil fairy (known in the Disney movie as Maleficent) used a sexual metaphor to lure Briar Rose to her doom before she was ready for that kind of encounter. We are asked to contemplate the symbolic aspect of the Gorgon’s predation because he also uses a symbolic act-- eating eyeballs-- to see into the future and thus subvert the natural order of time.

In Sleeping Beauty, the evil crone/Maleficent also subverts the timeline by jumping place in line. She was not invited to the party in honor of the infant princess, but after nearly all of the other wise women have given Briar Rose their blessings, she breaks in to curse the baby. There is always one fairy left who, while not powerful enough to nullify the curse, can modify it to a deep sleep instead of death. In Ouroboros, TFW2 exploits the fact that Cas and Jack exist outside of the workings of Fate to defeat the Gorgon, but not without great cost.

Which brings us to The Wrong Kiss. I didn’t even want to meta the Sleeping Beauty stuff because of the kiss, seriously. So. What happens to Briar Rose is tragic, but in the three most famous versions of the story she comes out of her enchantment because a prince falls in love with her. Jack, here, as a result of Cas’ deal with the Empty, is no longer in the Sleeping Beauty story, he is not a Prince but a Giant-Killer once more, and the antidote he administers to counteract the Gorgon’s venom will not work. Once he activates his giant-killing powers, he can heal Castiel. (In the reciprocal, Cas is an agent of the SB story and the antidote works on the dude the Gorgon was about to eat because Cas administers it. It’s a very meta way of treating the folklore theme by both subverting it and keeping certain characters strictly within the parameters.)

Jack finally lives up to his name as a Giant-Killer when he takes out Michael. In Appalachian and English Jack Tales, Jack is always clever, sometimes to the point of unscrupulousness, but in the story Jack and the Beanstalk he is a naive picaro who betters his circumstances through reliance on his simple nature as much as his wits. Often “Jack” does not change as a result of his adventures, as most fairytale heroes do, but like many other mythological tricksters he operates outside the bounds of normal morality. Jack Kline has managed to hold onto his innocence despite initiation into the Winchester clan. Now that Jack has, presumably, burned off some large portion of his soul, it will be interesting to see how his picaresque nature might actually change. Because the story of Jack the Giant-Killer? Not the same story as Jack and the Beanstalk. The Giant-Killer is the story of a deadly clever young man who defeats several giants as well as Lucifer using mainly his wits and is afterward given a place on King Arthur’s Round Table. The story in its entirety borrows from Cornish, Welsh, and Briton mythology, echoing other simple folktales as well as hearkening to high heroes of the Mabinogi. Jack has become larger than life. (AN I started this before Peace of Mind, I’ll get to that one by the end of the season maybe :P )

In a less meta sense of course, this episode is one huge mythological allusion-- Cas refers to Dean’s imprisonment of Michael as a “herculean” feat, the MOTW is a Gorgon (and traditionally gorgons were a trio of cursed sisters in Greek legends,) and Dean enthusiastically references the 1981 Clash of the Titans film twice. In a /more/ meta vein, Andrew Dabb quotes the more recent Titans movie in a tweet on this ep’s airdate. I find that exciting because the story of Perseus in CotT features a descent into the underworld, and again while I flirt with speculation here I would REALLY like to see these nerds freaking raid the Empty.

As for Snow White and Sleeping Beauty now? Red or green?

It feels as though the Snow White story has possibly been tied up and tucked away now, solving the riddle of the “red or green” sister stories. Michael, Dean’s evil rival, is dead. Pretty sure. Whether his grace is contaminated and will have an adverse effect on Jack remains to be seen. See drsilverfish’s lovely analysis of the oroborous symbolism in the last two episodes for more discussion about what it means for Jack to have consumed Michael’s grace. But. Unless there is a Ghost of AU!Michael coming up, he’s gone.

We are left, however, with Cas’ deal with the Empty-- he gets to operate under normal parameters as long as he does not exceed the minimum threshold of happiness (and I want it to be an accidental or unexpected moment, unlike a lot of meta writers, but then that isn’t spec it’s just what I hope for.) And what does that mean for destiel subtext? I don’t know. Honestly, this is a little too intense for me, I am not “canon positive” or “endgame positive” and this episode freaked me out. Analytically, though, it places the subtext at a really interesting place. It means the princess who gets rescued from an enchanted doom is still on the loose, still avoiding Fate, and the prince is still out there having Adventures in the Woods. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 71

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Shotgun

Word Count: 5800+

Summary:  Gen has some problematic dreams, George decides to make a move and Alfie is there to help pick up the pieces as Gen loses herself in her anxieties.

Warnings/Tags: References to non-con/Implied actions. Language. Violence. Then domestic fluff. Protector/Caregiver Alfie. 

**Chapter song is Shotgun by Spoon.**

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

You sit at the head of the table in your ornate dining room, the morning sun streaming in through the windows. Your posture slumps after a strong yawn as you pick through your bowl of berries and cream. You didn’t want something sweet but the eggs were also not hitting the spot. You pick at the pork-free classic English breakfast in front of you, the toast being the only thing you didn’t want to spit back out.

“What’s wrong with you?” Claire demands, finally settling into a seat after seeing her move about the house all morning.

“Not sleeping well.” You sigh, pushing around the beans on your plate.

“Any reason?” She says with a casual tone but you shift your eyes over to her anyway.

“Dreams.” You answer flatly.

“Are dreams responsible for you being so picky with your food as well?”

“I’m tired and nothing sounds good.” You mutter childishly.

“Are These dreams something I should be informed of?”

You shrug. “They’re abstract.” You groan and push away the plate. “I’m trapped in darkness. There are these sets of glowing eyes moving around and I can’t tell anything about them. I hear men’s voices, lots of different ones, but the eyes aren't human eyes. It feels like something is wrong, but I don’t know what. I keep getting moved around but I can’t feel anything or see anything. Then I hear Alfie's voice and it stops.”

“What does he say?”

“It changes. Sometimes it’s gibberish, sometimes my name.” You shrug. “Then I’m suddenly back at home after feeling like I’m falling and getting dizzy. He’s in bed with me and telling me it’s okay. He’s there. Nothing bad is going to happen to us as long as he’s there. That’s what he keeps saying. Sometimes in Hebrew, sometimes not.”

“A dream within a dream?”

“So it would seem.”

“Interesting.” She nods and hums. “Reoccurring?”

“Yes. I always wake up nauseous and panting like I’ve been running. And I feel like hell the next day. But I have had a lovely dream about being in France with Altar though. Sitting in the lavender fields from my childhood, he comes and picks me up and spins me until I’m dizzy and laughing and when I open my eyes he’s turned into Alfie.” You give a content smile. “That one is rather nice though. Doesn’t keep me from sleep.” You shake your head.

“Does sound nice. Especially in comparison to the others. But it’s nice Alfie seems to be a protective figure in them.”

“He’s in my dreams a lot.”

“Good and bad?”

“Yes, some are just common nonsense. Some are sexual. Some are tragic.”

“Tragic?”

“Yes ones where I die or he dies.” You frown.

“And those aren’t prophetic you think?”

“No, the prophetic ones feel different usually. I don’t fade in and out of them they come hard and wake me up after. They don’t feel... dreamy like dreams do.”

“You must be tired.” She chuckles. “Dreamy like dreams is entirely lazy and beneath you.” She pats your hand.

“Well, I am tired, Claire. I’m tired and thus irritable and it makes me want to act like a child and pout. I hate it."

“You aren’t the only one.” She laughs. ———— You go to bed early and sleep hard that night. A dreamless sleep. Something you’re extremely grateful for.

The sound of your door opening wakes you. You stir only slightly, hearing boots on the floor and murmuring.

“Alfie love? I wasn’t expecting you until morning.” You say with a yawn, rubbing your eyes. But when the footsteps stop and you move your hand from your face it’s clear the silhouette it isn’t Alfies.

“Not your Solomons, love.” The man's voice says, a dark laugh coming from him as he gets closer. You move to reach for the dagger under your pillow that you keep when Alfie isn’t there. But he moves too quickly for you in your tired and sleepy state. He holds you down, mouth over your hand as you struggle against him, resting his weight on his knees on your body. “I’m not here to kill you Genevieve. I’m here to serve as a warning. George wants to let you know he has people that can get to you. That's all. Has people that can get to your little Jew beau. He doesn’t want to have to hurt you.” he pauses as you still and listen to him, your hand trying to find the dagger that’s been displaced in the struggle. “I'm guessing he thought I was a better man than I am. Sending me to test how easy it would be to get to you. Which it was not.” He adds as if he was impressed. “And I think I deserve a little reward for all my hard work. What do you think? I don’t think George would care if I had a little fun. Not with how he spoke of you. Don't think you'd mind either.” his voice is low and breathy and you growl, thrashing and kicking against him as you felt his clammy hand touch your skin. “So odd he speaks of you so poorly but doesn’t want you hurt. Makes no sense to me. Seems like you could take a bit of abuse. Fiesty thing.” He grunts out as your retort throws him off balance, giving you a chance to bite his hand and you do not hold back. The metallic tang makes you feral, feeling it drip down your chin as you keep hold like a trained dog and rip his flesh. He responds in anger, knocking you sideways, but you see the glint of the dagger and reach for it, taking it and stabbing it blindly at him.

You black out from rage. The next thing you know you’re being held back, covered in blood, the dagger still in your hand as you take in the scene in front of you. You’d sawed the man's head off, blood everywhere on your carpet and bed. He was covered in deep gouges, a particularly large cluster between his legs. His head had been thrown against a wall, a splatter on the stone and filigree that didn’t look that out of place among the black and red velvet and paintings of violence.

“ARE YOU OKAY?!” You finally register from Claire as she shakes your shoulders. She sees you blink rapidly, face moving from stone to angry and she knows you’re back. “What the fuck happened here?!”

“He said George sent him.” You spit out and Aggie gasps, her hand to her mouth. She never thought the man would try to actually harm you in any way. “He said he wasn’t going to hurt me. Then he said he was going to...” your nostrils flare and you growl to push back the nausea the thought sends your way.

“I get it. I get it.” Claire says. “Can we... get this cleaned up?” She asks of one of the guards that had been summoned when the noises of two animals fighting were heard.

“No.” You demand through gritted teeth. “Take his fucking head and put it in a box and mail it to my father.” You state clearly. The boy blinks with wide eyes at the request.

“Genevieve perhaps when you've had time to-“

“DO IT!” You shout, rage burning through your veins. He didn’t want to hurt you? Only scare you? Well, you could certainly scare him. You knock Claire back and move to your desk, the blood on your hands all over the paper and pen you withdrew from the drawer, slamming them down with force into the desktop.

“If you think you can threaten me. You are wrong. If you think you can threaten Alfie Solomons. You are the stupidest man in existence. If I so much as hear from you again. If I am approached by anyone, given anything from you I promise the next head cut off will be yours. I will reign down hell on you and anyone that supports you. I will tell everyone you sent a man to threaten and rape your own daughter for practicing a religion that was hidden from her that she was blessed with through blood. I will send names out of every man you ever took their word over mine. I will scream it to the ends of the earth what a monster you are. I have witnesses now. I have proof and you will have nothing left once I am done with you. Not even your fucking head.”

You throw the pen across the room in your anger and scream again. The emotions not subsiding. “Send that with the head.” You snarl at Claire as you storm out of the room. She hears your screams traveling through the hallways, a door slamming before they go silent.

“You heard her.” She sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

“I can’t believe he’d do this.” Aggie says, face still pale with shock.

“We'll have to wait for her to cool before we find out exactly what happened.” Claire tries to remain diplomatic and level headed. That was her role after all.

“We should call Mr. Solomons.” Aggie says quietly. “He would want to know.”

Claire nods, looking at the doorway you’d ran out of. “Yeah. It’ll take him to snap her out of this.”

“The poor thing.” Aggie's voice full of pity for you. As was her way. “Let’s get this cleaned up as quickly as we can. The sooner there’s no evidence to better. We need to make it look like this never happened.”

“And call all the guards. I’ll interview more this week. And we’ll need guns. Everyone will have a gun now.” She groans. She hated guns but knew they were necessary at this point.

“I don’t know how he got in.” The boy picking up the man’s body says.

“I figure come morning we will find out.” She says with an indifferent face. “Do as I said. Do a head check. Get times and locations from all the men on guard right now.” She gives him a stern nod.

“Yes ma’am.” He says with an apologetic look.

“I’ll go check on her and call Alfie.” Claire mumbles, following the sounds of your screams. She sees maids scurrying away from the garden.

“What’s happened?!” They all ask, clutching their dressing gowns together.

“There’s been an intruder. The situation is over now but she’s very... angry about it.” She grits out the last words. “Tell the other girls to go back to bed and lock their doors. Nothing we can do right now.” She leaves them and walks out over the stone steps where you’re holding a pipe and knocking it against a stone statue as you screamed wordlessly. “Genevieve I’m going to call Alfie.” She announces to deaf ears. Seeing no reaction let her know you were gone yet again. --- “Alfie?”

“What fuckin' time is it? What’s happened?” He gruffs out, brow low as he stumbled his way to the telephone in the dark.

“It’s Genevieve.”

She hears an audible breath and his tone totally changes. “What’s happened?” he demands

“There was an intruder. Physically she’s fine but...”

“BUT?!” He shouts.

“She won’t stop screaming in anger. She’s... you should come over. I think you’re the only hope at getting through to her. She won’t even respond to me.”

“But she’s okay?”

“I don’t believe she’s hurt no.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I fuckin' can.” He answers exasperatedly. ——— He walks into the scene. There are guards that greet him with apologetic nods as he walks through the door. Not a good sign, he thought. He stands in the lobby, Aggie finding him first, carrying bedsheets covered in blood and his eyes widen.

"Not her blood, dear." she answers, with a sympathetic smile. She knew what he would be worrying about. "We're trying to clean up the scene and secure the house. The chaos should die down shortly. She's outside." she nods and resituates the sheets in her arms. "Just follow the screaming." she shakes her head and sighs as she trots off down the hall.

His brow is low, taking in the scene with unfriendly eyes, wanting someone to blame but not being able to find it just yet. He walks further into the house and hears loud metallic thuds. Something hitting against stone as he follows the sound and soon he hears you and your noises of outrage.

You've taken a lead pipe, he's assuming from the greenhouse that was almost finished and attacking a statue in your garden. You weren't making much progress but he highly doubted your motive was to rid the pedestal of the statue. You're covered in blood and sweat, your dressing gown loose and moving about and flashing him bits of skin and he wishes he could take the image in without the dark overtones that were in the air.

"Gen?" he says tentatively, walking down the steps, keeping his eyes on you. You grunt and growl and shout as you lift the pipe over and over again, using your entire body to knock it against the already armless Venus statue. "Genny bee?" he offers in a sweet tone, not sure how to approach you without getting hit himself. You hadn't even given him a reason to think you'd heard him at all. "GENEVIEVE!" he says loudly but not threateningly. "It's your Alfie, love. Can ya stop tryin to take off the poor lass's legs as well, it's already been through enough innit?" he gets closer, taking cautious steps back as your swings slow but do not stop. "Can ya talk to me and keep swingin' at least? I'd like to know you're alright."

"I'M NOT ALL BLOODY RIGHT!" you shout, your energy back again as the rage starts to turn to pain.

"Are you hurt? They told me you weren't." he steps closer, he sees the strain in your arms as they shake and your chest heaves.

"Not my body," you answer as you let the pipe hit the ground, tears starting to well up in your eyes. "Although he tried." you spit out, picking the pipe up again and giving a weaker, less controlled hit to the statue.

"You wanna tell me? You wanna hand over the weapon so I can get near you love? I'd like to be able to comfort you somehow." he admits, coming up on your side.

"You don't want to know." you choke out, lip trembling but brow hard and eyes still furious. You give the statue another exhausted wack.

"Can we stop hittin' the statue, you're gonna be hurt if you keep doin' that." he says in an authoritative voice.

"If I stop I have to think. I don't want to think." you say with a break in your voice and he frowns, hearing the underlying hurt now.

"Then let me take care of you, love. Let me do the thinkin' for ya for a bit." he says, his hand reaching out to touch yours that held the pipe as its end rested on the ground.

Your head snaps over to it, you flinch only slightly, mainly from the instinct to lash out at anything in the moment of heightened emotion. As he takes it from your bloody and now you see, injured hand, he tosses it out of reach and as he begins to pull you towards him you feel your mood shift fully, a sob rising from your chest as he pulls you against his.

"There, there, love. Let it out." he shushes and holds you, his hand on your head as he kisses your hair. "I'm here love. Ain't nothin' gonna get ya as long as I'm here, eh?" he says, rubbing your back and he feels you jump. "Genevieve, pet, are you alright? You sure you're not hurt?" he pulls you back and holds your cheek, seeing the dried blood around your mouth and down your neck, wondering what the hell had happened.

You stare at him with fear in your eyes and he's concerned you'd taken a knock to the head with your mood swings. You were scared because he was saying what he had in your dream. "No. I'm not." you shake your head, face wet with tears.

"Now, now, my love." he coos, pulling you back in. "You want to get a bath? Get all this off of ya? Start new? It'll help ya process it. I know your muscles must be achin' from all this."

They were, and he was right. "Can you hold me for a bit?" you ask, feeling terribly small. Exhaustion hitting you hard again.

"Sweet little Chanah." he whispers, kissing your head, gathering your wild mane of hair and pulling the shoulders of your satin dressing gown back up. "Of course. Anything you want, love. You want me to carry you back in?" he asks, looking down at your tired but somehow innocent looking face. You looked like a helpless victim and even though he knew you were far from it, he felt a surge of protectiveness over you.

"Please." you say, giving over to the sadness that washed over you with tiredness.

He picks you up and cradles you like a child, you wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his jacket and breathe.

"How in the hell do you do it?" Claire says in disbelief, walking out of your bedroom with buckets of red water.

"What?" he asks, readjusting his hold on you and you grunt in response, paying no mind to Claire but focusing on the way he smelled as it calmed you.

"Calm her down like that. She tried to take my head off." she frowns.

"Lucky I suppose." he purses his lips together. "Can we go in? I'm gonna get her in the bath."

"Yeah." she nods. "It's all cleaned up." she steps out of the way and he moves past the girls scrubbing the floors. They pay him no mind as he sets you on a bench in your bathroom.

"I'm gonna take my stuff off and I'll be right back. I'll just be outside. That alright?" he asks, holding your chin up to him and nodding.

He moves into the bedroom. "What's the damage?" he asks after closing the bathroom door behind him, taking his hat and coat off.

"Take a look in the box and see." one maid says with high brows and a mixture of surprise and annoyance on her face.

"Hmph?" he grunts, moving over to your desk. "He opens the top, seeing the head inside and nods and sighs. "Yeah," he says to no one in particular. "That checks out dunnit?" he shrugs off his suspenders and sets his shoes by the bed down to his shirt and trousers now. "Alright love." he says, clapping his hands together and moving to the tub and turning it on. "How ya want to go 'bout it? Want me in with ya? Want me outside the room? What ya need, little one?" he says, hoisting you up and moving you over by the toilet, ready to take

"I need this night to be over. I need some fucking rest." you groan, having flashes of the surprise attack come again before your eyes. You moan and rub your eyes.

"We can do just 'at after a good bath. Ya need to relax, ya shakin' like a leaf." he says, holding your hands.

"I don't feel well." you say with a contorted face.

"I'd say not. Gettin' attacked in ya own home. No one handles that well. Especially not someone that keeps a house as well as you." he says with pride for your measures of safety. He wasn't sure how a man had gotten in, but then again, he hadn't been sure how a bomb got in his house so he tries not to think about it too much. He wants to focus on you.

"No I mean..." you feel your stomach lurch again. "I'm going to be sick." you say with a deep breath, turning towards the toilet and standing with one hand on the wall.

"Fuckin' 'ell love. What happened? Ya have such a capacity for violence ususally." he says with concern, pulling your hair back in anticipation.

"I haven't been sleeping." you reply with closed eyes, shaking your head, making you dizzy. "I'm exhausted and then this and he..." you remember him on top of you and the wave of nausea hits, you let yourself drop to your knees and Alfie frowns, rubbing your back.

"Ya don't gotta talk about it if it's makin' ya ill." he says obviously.

"I do. You need to know." you groan and lean forward, feeling it coming on again.

"Worry 'bout it in the bath. Just get the evil out right now." he sees your face contort again as you get sick into the toilet. You can hear him sigh, reaching and grabbing a washcloth from the sink.

"I haven't even eaten anything, how do I have anything to-" you throw up again and it burns, bile that brings a pounding of your head.

"Shush. It happens love. It's shock. I saw it plenty in the war. Just let it pass. You'll be fine. Don't fight it." he instructs, as you gag and take the cloth from him, sitting back on your heels.

"I feel like hell." you mumble, holding the cloth to your face. It smells of lavender and you find it comforting. "Can you put some flower in the bath, darling?" you say with closed eyes, your hand to your forehead.

"Course." he answers, rising and turning off the tub, breaking up the stalk of lavender from the plant that still thrived in the window he'd gotten you so long ago.

"Help me in." you say quietly, dropping the dressing gown as he helps every limb into the tub, sitting you down slowly like he had when you were injured before. You remember how caring he was last time and it calmed you. "You can get in as well." you say, blinking up at him, your face now slack and less hurt as you wipe it with the cloth he'd handed you. The warm water feels amazing, the cold night air had tightened your muscles, the shock had frozen them in a tense hold and now you were left trying to process. Your least favorite part of recovery.

He slinks in behind you, knowing it's what you'd want. Without a word he washes you, pouring water down your hair, the flowers and oils he put in helping conceal the pink color from the blood.

"Thank you." you whisper, settling back against him. He wraps his arms around you as you rest between his legs. "This helps." you nod, snuggling into him, holding his forearms as they wrapped around you. "Having you here." your voice is weak and breathy.

"You should get used to it." he states and you blink your eyes open and lean to look up at him.

"Hmmm?" you ask with tired eyes.

"I'm gonna move back in." he says with a stern nod.

Your lip pouts in thought, looking away from him for a moment. You hadn't expected it. But it did make perfect sense.

"I want to." he reaffirms. "Is that alright with you? I'd like to be here for you. To protect you. I should've already done it. I just..." he shrugs and sighs. "I've just been worried about everfin' else I just thought it might be able to wait until after the wedding."

"An attempt to stay traditional." you smile up at him.

"I know what we are doesn't mesh well with the customs but I wanted to be as right as reason would allow for you, Chanah." he says with guilt in his voice.

The way he says your name soothes you. "Ari, love." you say softly, face nuzzling into his chest. "Keep your house for the week of separation. That we can do." you nod. "Don't worry about the time up until then," you say with a soft smile. "We aren't traditional. You are right." you nod again. "We want to be together. So we should I believe. I would like to have you in my bed every night." you hum happily. "I would love to see you off to work in the morning." you smile wider. "Make you breakfast like I did at your place."

"Sounds like a dream, love." he says supportively. "I'm stayin' tonight. Well, what's left of it. Tomorrow I'll get my things brought over, yeah?"

"Yes." you nod. "And about tonight?"

"Don't make yourself sick again, pet." he says, stroking back your wet hair with his hand, kissing your head.

"I need to tell you. Perhaps talking will help." you shrug. "It will make you so angry this tub will boil from your red hot temper." you warn, holding his hand in yours.

"I had assumed as much." he sighs.

You tell him everything, the suggestion of defiling you, how George had sent him but said he didn't want to hurt you. Which meant a lot of things. You show him the letter as he gathers a sleeping gown for you and puts it on you. The room now clean and clear, the fire bright and roaring, clean sheets and his arms tight around you let you fall into a restful sleep. So restful he's able to pull himself away from you for a moment to use the phone.

"Yeah, she's fine Ollie." he says dismissively. "But I need you to get some boys together and do some surveillance for me. I want you to go up north to her fathers, George Greene. Make sure ya don't follow her brother of the same name." he states harshly as the mistake would not be made twice. "I want a watch on this man. I want names of who he meets, who comes and goes from his house, I want constant monitoring of him. I want the boys armed and ready to go if I ever say so. She may think he'll stop after this but I'm not takin' the fuckin' chance." he growls.

He comes back to bed, you mewling only slightly as he pulls you back into his chest, his face in your braided hair, his limbs wrapped in yours, feeling so defensive and protective over you. He'd never seen you get sick over something like this before, but then again, he believes he understood why it did. It wasn't just violence. It was the personal touch to it, the threats he'd made, the underlying hurt and betrayal you still felt from your father. He felt guilty for not being there, although he knew there was no use for such a feeling. He would be there now. Every night he'd be there with you and he wouldn't let anyone touch you again.

----- The feelings of possessiveness always follow him into his dreams and into the morning with you in his bed. He wakes to find the bed empty next to him, seeing the bedroom door open. He doesn't assume the worst, he knew everyone was on high alert. He pads through the halls, pajamas on that you'd bought for him and kept at your place, same as he had done for you at his. So when a shirtless, sleepy-eyed Alfie walks into the kitchen, following the smell you turn and smile. You got to do this every day if you wanted. It felt so perfectly domestic. Something you'd missed out on growing up. Making him breakfast felt so intimate for you. You'd never really cooked for anyone else before and with the Rabbi's instruction you'd been cooking every chance you got. You were trying to learn new skills that your upbringing had passed over in teaching, wanting to expand your abilities and learn how to be someone more nurturing. Someone who could take care of a family herself. You wanted to be a strong matriarch. A pillar for a family who made a house a home through her actions and words. And Alfie soon picked up on this.

Most mornings you would be up before him, as he had the habit of coming home late. But you didn't mind so much, you got him in your bed every night and in your kitchen every morning and that's what truly made you happy nowadays.

"Mornin, love." he grumbles, a kiss to your head as he pats your shoulders from behind as you watch over the stove.

"Good morning, darling." you coo, watching him shuffle over to the small table in the kitchen.

"What's in the diary for today?" he asks, pulling the paper over towards him.

"Nothing for me. Ollie said you had business meetings today."

"Nothing for you?" he asks, trying not to sound scolding. Ever since the break-in you'd not really left the house much. He didn't want to push you at first, but it was starting to worry him. You seemed happy, but you kept having Claire handle everything and he wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Just seeing to the greenhouse. Poor Essie isn't doing too well I'm afraid. I'll be spending some time with her in the barn." you say in a more sad tone, accepting the long relationship between you and your childhood horse would be coming to its natural conclusion soon.

"You've been around the house so much lately, love." he says, beginning to stand, moving to rest his hands on your hips. "Wouldn't you like to get out a bit?" he asks with a kind tone, putting your hair behind your ears as you turn to him.

"I've been working here." you shrug.

"What about doin' somefin 'ats not work." he suggests.

"Like what?" you say with an unsure face.

"What if I take ya out? How long's it been since I went out and proper courted you eh? You wanna make me sit through a show? I'll watch somefin' I hate." he chuckles and gives you a charming smile.

"Oh, I don't know. No need to waste money on it." you shake your head and turn back around.

He blinks and stares. "Since when do you care about wastin' money?" his voice cracks as it shakes off sleep.

"Since I've been thinking of being a wife and mother." you say with a straight posture, more confidence in your voice.

He stands in silence with narrowed eyes, his mind putting together your recent actions. "Me movin' in with ya make ya fink 'bout it more?" he asks, resting his face near yours.

"Yes. That and my lessons with Rabbi Gold. We've been discussing the role of women. Family dynamics and what is expected of us when we become married and with children."

"Why are ya jumpin' the gun on all 'at?"

"I didn't think I was." you say with a light twist to your words.

"Well..." he begins, pressing his nose into your shoulder. "What if as your husband I want you to spend some money on somefin', yeah? Want my pretty little Chanah to get all dolled up like I know she likes. Want to take her out and show her a good time. Make her happy. Have ya do somefin' besides make me tea." he chuckles.

"It has been awhile." you say, he feels the sigh leave your body.

"It has. You don't need to get so caught up in your lessons, love. Ya know you get too obsessive 'bout it and it makes you a mess. I want ya happy, relaxed, doin' ya hobbies 'n that like you used to. Don't worry 'bout me too much love. And I'm finkin' 'bout the future enough for the both of us. You do ya lessons and keep practicin' and don't you worry that pretty little head of yours about money. If you need to worry about anything I'll let you know eh? We're fine. Business is fine. No reason you can't go and have a nice night out."

"Does always lead to a nicer night in." you smile and he gives you a cheeky growl with a noisy kiss to your head.

"'Ats my girl." he pats your bum. "Don't go loosin' yourself Gen. Ya both Chanah and Genevieve. I fell in love with Genny bee first, eh? And Chanah kept me around. Put me in my place dinnit she?" he gives your waist a squeeze. "Don't need to kill off one for the other. Especially not for me. Who the fuck am I? Fuckin' nobody." he laughs and pulls away.

"You are someone, darling. You're a very important someone. And I will keep your words in mind. You know how I get." you shake your head.

"That I do." he nods supportively.

"I've never been a nervous person. And all this makes me so nervous and I don't know how to handle it so I go overboard."

"It is in your nature to do such a thing." his voice warm but teasing.

"It means so much to me. Having been denied it for so long. I'm not used to feeling out of my element. And I want to be the best wife and mother and girlfriend and businesswoman I can and it's all..." you sigh and let your shoulders slump, feeling your words as they rushed out, seeing what your problem had been. You'd been so focused on the house, running it, making it perfect that you'd neglected yourself.

"Ya gonna run yourself ragged if ya keep that up."

"Yes." you nod, plating your breakfast. "You're right, darling."

"Mmmm." he hums, pulling you over by your wrist after you set down your plate.

"What?" you giggle, him pulling you fully into his lap, looking up at you with a cheeky smile.

"Say it again love."

You roll your eyes and laugh. "Such a wanker." you giggle and he pinches your bum.

"Indulge an old man, love." he grins.

"You're right, darling." you say with a kiss to his lips. "I forget you are an intuitive beast." you coo, scratching your fingers in his beard.

"I am that, yeah." he gives you a big grin and catches your lips in a deeper kiss.

"Such a clever man." you coo.

"Now 'ats a grown woman's filthy mouth right there." he chuckles, rising and holding you in his arms.

"Such a provider. So protective and strong." you continue on in a purr.

"Right 'ats it." he lifts you and resituates his arms, walking out of the kitchen. "We're goin' back to bed, we are."

You kiss on his ears and giggle. "Such a brilliant mind. Such a dominating body. With a tongue that will bring me to my knees one way or another."

"I know which way it's gonna be this mornin' love." he smirks.

"I thought you'd want me on my back and not my knees." you tease.

"You know I'll take ya anyway I can have ya." he says sincerely, as you squeeze your arms around his neck, continuing to whisper praise into his ear past the doorway and continuing on after he'd kicked the door shut behind you.

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer @cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog @brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix @jess2464 @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons @pootle @negansdirtygirl22 @musingsby-night @wtf-is-wrong-with-this @shine-dont-shadow @inkinterrupted @vale0413 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @sxlomons @aphnxrising @emerald-bijou @elaenom @give-jack-a-lightsaber @anrm1@ultrablackwidower @tinastarkandco @arrowswithwifi   @marvelgirl7 @they-are-not-just-stories   @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes

[ohscorbus]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Saturday 16th June, 2018

This isn’t a super long recap, just a couple of little things I really loved (mostly about act four) and wanted to gush about! By which I mean half of these points turn into rambling headcanons and this is actually well over 2k words long. I should probably apologise now... *whispers* I have a lot of feelings, okay?

Act Three, Scene One

“So we can continue our work together?” “We can” - It’s always been difficult to imagine Scorpius ever being the Scorpion King, and Jonathan’s Scorpius even more so. Yet today I truly saw the Scorpion King on stage for the first time. It was so jarring. Jonathan has such a baby face. His Scorpius is the definition of precious. Yet when he lowered his chin and his voice as he spoke to Umbridge, their was a flash of something. It was dangerous and sinister. It only lasted a second or two each time, but it was there. It was frightening how he could slip into that, but a relief that he couldn’t hold it. It’s not who he is but clearly it’s there within him.

Act Three, Scene Twenty

Jonathan was so great to watch in the torture scene today. He was getting so angry with Delphi. I love the way his voice dropped as he spoke back to her. He’ll stand up for himself and defend his friend even if it kills him. That anger, that fight inside of him… in the most unexpected turn of events, it’s Jonathan’s Scorpius who I can see the Scorpion King in the most. (Or at least aspects of him. It doesn’t seem like an impossible jump anymore.) He may look like a sweet sunshine child but make no mistake, he’s a Malfoy and he’ll protect what’s his at any cost. For example, despite having been tortured several times himself, the second Delphi goes to raise her wand at Albus to hit him with a crucio, Scorpius immediately leapt up and tried to get in between them despite being bound and injured himself. There was zero hesitation here. Even when he stumbled, he got straight back up and moved towards him again. It was a selfless act as well as one of pure defiance against Delphi. I was beaming with pride. Now this is the Scorpius people don’t see. The one Scorpius wishes his dad knew about. It’s sad because this is Scorpius. It defines so much about his character. I hope Draco learns about it one day. I also hope Albus acknowledges it at some point. I don’t know how you even go about thanking someone for doing that. But if anyone can, it’s Albus. Oh! Also, imagine Albus and Draco talking about Scorpius one day and Draco thanking Albus for looking out for his son or something. But then Albus being like, ‘Me??? He was the one who protected me.’ Now that’s a conversation...

Act Four, Scene Three

“My geekiness is a-quivering” - (Jonathan is still saying geekiness not geekness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) Scorpius was flailing so hard he was at the point of passing out. Bless him. So Albus comes running over and stands in front of Scorpius and says, “Scorpius, breathe”, and as he does, he’s raised his hands up and slowly lowers them in hopes Scorpius will breathe out in time with him. He did, and it was brilliant. He had those breathing exercises ready to go which makes me believe this isn’t the first time he’s had to do this. Amazing. Such nerds. I LOVE THEM.

Act Four, Scene Eight

"You know about Delphi?” - So right before this, the boys are asked where Delphi is and Scorpius tries to respond but struggles. You see, Jonathan’s Scorpius has a bit of a stutter and he tends to restart his sentences and stumbles over words. I love it because it adds a whole new layer to Scorpius. This nervous, lonely kid who’s bullied and gossiped about by children and adults alike, and now he has this to deal with too. What’s worse is that none of the above are going to help him overcome his problem either. If anything, they exacerbate the issue. The contrast between him and his dad is also interesting. Draco is such a Malfoy, a real smooth talker. I’m sure watching his son grow up and struggle with his speech must have been difficult for them both. It’s another hurdle they would have had to overcome. But anyway, back to my point. When Scorpius was trying to talk here today, Draco stood next to him and just like everyone else, was eager to hear what was going on. This is vital information! But when Scorpius started to stutter, Draco started nodding his head along with him. Not in anger or out of frustration, but in an encouraging kind of way. I couldn’t tell you what happened much after this because I was lost in a world of headcanons. Of Draco’s concern, of Astoria’s support, and of their joint effort to help him in any way they could. I have no shame in admitting that it had me in tears. I haven’t seen Draco acknowledge his son’s stutter before and I never realised how much I needed it. This tiny little thing said so much about their father-son relationship. Especially since it was after their hug. It was like getting a glimpse into their lives outside of Hogwarts. 

This is what I adore about James Howard. He takes those few and far between moments in the script and adds so much richness to it. He’s a true blessing to this play.

Act Four, Scene Nine

This is such a weird thing to notice but I myself am weird so here goes… you know in St. Jerome’s when Albus is asleep on the pew while Ginny and Harry are talking? Well Albus is always completely still, but today Joe moved slightly. I think he was simply readjusting his head (books don’t make good pillows whatever Scorpius says) but it made me think of an old ‘what if?’ I had. So once upon a time I suggested that maybe Albus wasn’t actually asleep in this scene. He’s merely pretending and ends up listening in to his parents conversation. I don’t think he is, but can you imagine if he was? Albus listening to his dad talking about how he does love him specifically. That he loves him to such an extend he understands how you could repel the spell of death (a spell Albus has now witnessed firsthand). His dad listening to his mum for advice just as he himself probably has over the years. Because ‘dad is pretty complicated’ so I’m sure he’s had many conversations with her about him over the years. Again, I don’t think he is listening in but reading/watching that scene with that in mind makes it super interesting. The later scenes too. Albus awkwardly looking at his dad after the ‘there’s plenty of things you’re good at’ line. Albus would understand what that’s about. It isn’t ‘right’ but he would finally see that his dad is trying. Then Albus standing up for his dad to Draco. He doesn’t quite know what he’s doing either but if his dad is trying then so can he. They share a small smile after this by the way and it warms my heart immensely. As does Hermione and Ginny knowingly smiling at each other and Harry.

Talking of ‘what if’s,  you know in Deathly Hallows when Hermione falls asleep on the sofa and Ron on the floor and Harry sees them in the morning and they’ve clearly fallen asleep holding hands? Well... imagine this with Albus and Scorpius in the church. Albus is on a pew and Scorpius has collected every single cushion he can find to make a bed on the floor beside him (he’s too tall to fit longways on the bench). Imagine the adults finding them some time later and noticing how their arms have fallen, clearly meaning they were at some point most likely holding hands. Now that’s a conversation I’m sure either of them want to overhear right now. Because it isn’t about that.

It doesn’t stop Ron saying ‘bloody hell’ as he stumbles upon them. Or Hermione’s knowing smile. Or Draco’s initial internalised panic before he’s overwhelmed by relief at his son’s happiness. Or Harry experiencing déjà vu and not knowing what to do about anything. Or Ginny smacking Ron as he boosts about his love potion while she tries to contain her own delight. Because she knows right now, this doesn’t mean much more than two best friends holding onto each other for support (and probably out of fear the other will disappear as soon as they close their eyes). But she’s got a feeling it probably won’t stay this way...

Act Four, Scene Ten

So while Ron and Draco are winding each other up in the church, I decided to watch Albus since this act is Joe’s strongest. He did not disappoint. When Ron first said ‘zap her’, Albus looked across at him and smiled and nodded along. His face screamed ‘yeeeah!’, he was clearly very onboard with this ‘masterful’ plan. But then Draco laughed at the plan and pointed out it’s flaws and Albus turned to look at him and instantly changed his allegiance. He stopped getting excited over Ron’s plan and looked far more serious and started nodding along with Draco. I absolutely LOVED IT. I loved it because you got to see two sides of Albus so clearly. Because there’s aspects of Ron and Draco in his personality. He’s impulsive and funny, yet all dry humour and pure resourcefulness. (His plans are spectacular when he puts his mind to it.) So it was brilliant to watch him flit between the two so quickly.

Personally, I think these two influence Albus a lot. Or at least have in the past and will do in the future. They’re important to him. I think the way Albus runs up the stairs towards Ron in the other timeline when he’s frustrated by Harry says a lot. It makes you wonder how often he’s done that. Gone to his uncle Ron for sweets and a joke because they’re easier to ask for than support. It’s a thing they do. A code. Then of course Draco’s influence will come much later. I have no doubt about that. They’re so alike and have common interests. Although right now he’s probably just 1000% aware he no doubt blames him just slightly for dragging his son into this. He wants to make a better impression (he’s Scorpius’s dad after all) and besides, Albus is a Slytherin. He understands Draco’s logic over Ron’s Gryffindor style plan any day. (It must be nice, having grown up surrounded by Gryffindors, to finally be around an adult Slytherin.) But yeah... to see Albus stood in between these two and connect with them both was everything.

Act Four, Scene Eleven

“You’ll always be an orphan. That never leaves you.” - From the angle I was sat, I could see Scorpius perfectly over Harry’s shoulder for this line and oh boy was that interesting. So as soon as Harry says this line, Scorpius instantly looked at Harry and the look on his face broke my heart. Now I know he’s not an orphan, but it was like he was understanding that the loss of his mother was a pain that was never going to go away. It’s something that will stay with him forever, and that’s something he’s going to have to process. I feel like deep down he knew this already but hearing Harry Potter confirm it out loud clearly affected him. It only lasts a moment before he remembers where he is and what’s happening. He then quickly broke his stare and looked down at the ground. It was such a fleeting moment but it said so much about Scorpius. I guess with Albus not talking about her much and the topic being one Draco can’t seem to broach with him, having it said so plainly in front of him gave him no choice but to face it. But then after everything he’s just gone through, maybe it’s an approach he won’t hesitate so much over in the future?

Act Four, Scene Twelve

“And there’s nothing I can do to stop him” “That’s not true” - Draco’s line was said in a slightly different tone today but that’s not what threw me. It was the fact Draco flicked his robe back and reached for his wand. I have never, ever seen a Draco do that before and I was in shock. (Or at least never so aggressively? That’s what caught my eye. The forcefulness with which he did it.) Because what could he have done? Gone after Voldemort himself? I could understand that on some level. For his childhood and for how it’s still affecting his son’s life. But then Scorpius reached over and put his hand on him and said, “Dad, now is not the time”, and he stopped. It was like it hit him where he was and who he was now. You could see the effect Scorpius has had on him. His whole body changed as he realised what he instinctively wanted to do and what he needed to do where totally different because he was different now. (I wonder how that felt? Having those feelings take over so quickly. I wonder if Scorpius has similar fears with the Scorpion King? I wonder if when/how Draco and Scorpius discuss this?!) The fact he then spends every second of the rest of this scene holding Scorpius so tightly in his arms to comfort him tells you everything you need to know about who Draco is now. This is how this man protects his son, by putting his needs first. Nothing shows how much he’s grown like this scene does.

While it was a super interesting choice for this scene, I’m not sure I could take it every time. My heart stopped beating for a second there. I mean, let’s face it. Draco would no doubt lose a duel against Voldemort. But I guess that glimpse of the old Draco was intriguing. But orphaning his son is not an option. Revenge, fear, justice. Those instincts mean nothing compared to what his son means to him.

I have to say, it reminded me a lot of Albus. Albus is headstrong and fuelled by his need to defend Scorpius during the torture scene, yet one gesture/word from Scorpius and it stops him. That parallel is fascinating. I’ve always said those two are more alike than they realise right now. But once they get to know each other they’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

Act Four, Scene Fifteen

“That heart is a good one” - As Harry said this, he pointed at Albus’s heart and a second later, it was like Albus realised what his dad was saying and instantly got a little bit embarrassed by the compliment. He quickly zipped up his hoodie and turned round away from his dad to hide and Harry laughed so much. Albus, realising everything is surprisingly okay between them, turns back to face his dad and gives him a shy little smile. It was adorably sweet. My heart...

The Harry and Albus hug at the very end hit me right in the feels. Harry reached his arm round Albus’s back and Albus looked down at his dad’s hand on his shoulder and smiled. He then rested his head on his dad’s shoulder and pretty much tucked himself into his chest. They both looked so happy. Harry then put his other arm round Albus and brought them into a proper hug and as the lights went down, I cried like the little girl that I am. These Potters have a lot to answer for.

[candidlytaron]

Chapter Three: τρία

Play the lotto you might win it

It's like 25 for life so you bust out of prison

Something's in the air

It's like that feeling when you're just about to kill it,

Take your last shot you know you're gonna hit it

Something's in the air

— Shawn Mendes • Something Big

• • •

THE PROJECT

ISLA

    Isla and George sits across each other on a café. George takes a sip of his coffee and Isla is telling a story about how her audition went. They haven't seen each other in quite a while because of their busy schedule. George offered they hang out here, instead of the flat, since he wanted to treat Isla for her favourite cheesecake and thick hot cocoa.

    Georgios or George Alanis had been Isla's best friend since they were in middle school when Isla was still staying in Greece. They were both nearly an outcast because they were both new. George came from Sydney and Isla came from London, both are half-Greek. George was actually the one who got Isla hooked into acting, but Isla just couldn't abandon singing, so she began doing musical theater workshops in freshman year of high school. "At least I get to do both things that I love and have learned to love," she explained.

    Ever since then, as opportunities rain down on George, he doesn't forget to share his blessings with Isla, and she does the same, therefore, they both rise to the top together like they promised to each other. And now, they've auditioned in the same upcoming production, and are looking forward to finally working with each other for the first time, after all these years.

    And with their closeness, typically, people assume that they're a couple, as much as they try to explain a hundred times to interviewers that they're just best friends, with a statement even released in their social media. It's either that or they completely assume that they are eventually going to fall for each other. Their explanation was: if they'd eventually fall for each other, it could have happened a long time ago but it didn't. And none of them seem to hint out having feelings for each other anyway, so they're confident it's never happening.

    "...Georgie, I'm extremely fucking desperate for this, you have no idea," Isla says, placing down her cup of coco down harsher than intended, it creats a small spill on the glass coffee table. So she wipes it with a napkin.

    "So am I. Everyone's looking forward to seeing it, so imagine the exposure that's going to give you."

    She laughs. "But what if it turns out to be suckish? How's that going to go?"

    "We've won big awards two years ago, last year and this year, Isla. If it turns out to be suckish, it's kind of a part of life as an actor, isn't it?"

    Isla rolls her eyes. "Taron doesn't have a shitty movie?"

    "Oh, well, that's because in your eyes, he's perfect. Also, didn't you hate The Golden Circle?" He says, pressing his cup on his lips and taking another swig.

    "Yeah," she says, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "I did hate the story line. However, Taron wasn't even terrible in his performance there at all. If anything, he deserves all the awards."

   George shakes his head, smiling. "No, Isla, I was talking about the movie itself, not Egerton's performance. You thinking that it's perfect is already quite intrinsic. I was just thinking that that movie was definitely over-hyped for a shit story line."

    Isla gasps and throws a napkin on George's chest jokingly. In shock that someone would actually talk shit about the film that even she hated. It's like criticising someone's parents. You're not allowed to do it because it's going to be very offensive, but their child can.

    "What?"

    "Don't even say that!"

    Laughing, George takes the napkin off his chest and toss it back to Isla. "I thought you hated it! So do I. I can't believe you actually made me watch that shit."

    "George, I'm the only one who can talk shit about that movie."

    "And I don't?"

    Isla nods, looking absolutely protective and determined. "Yeah." And George just responds to it by chuckling and taking another sip on his coffee, with a playful smirk that also screams 'You are unbelievable, Isla Constantinou.

• • •

    A month has passed since the audition for what might seem to be their biggest production yet, and this, we get the results. This is a highly anticipated movie of the next year because the creators hyped up everybody with the release of its story line and concepts, including Isla. That's why it's going to be such a big deal if she ever gets accepted. But she knows in her heart that she's going to be good at executing the character. Like she's born to play it. She's insecure, yes, but this time, she feels really confident and even she can't tell why. She just have this gut feeling that she'll be succeeding if she gets this role. The exposure, the story line, everything's just perfect.

    She sits on her bed, with her chin on her knees, her toes curling on the white duvet and her phone in her hand. Anytime now, they will contact her, and she's been really wanting this role because of the character's great backstory. She was taught way back to not expect so much after auditioning, but now, only once in this case, she's breaking the classic rule. She knows she did well, and she gave it her all.

    Her phone rings, making her jump. She turns to the caller ID and it's the casting director. Her heart starts to race as she slides her thumb sideways to answer the call she desperately had been waiting for. "Hello?" She's trying to remain calm, but the pressure's already on. She just wants the result so she can get it over with, whatever it may be—a celebration or devastation and bitterness.

    "Isla Constantinou," the director greets. "We might just be giving you this character. But I'm going to need you to be able to try with the other casts to see the compatibility. Is that all right?"

    Her lips are quivering, as if she can't find the words to reply. She's just nodding and nearly in tears, but she keeps reminding herself that the pressure is still on. The results aren't final. She still has to be good at this next stage.

    Finally, she responds. "Yes! Yes. Who are the other cast, if I may ask?"

    "For your role or for the other characters?" Isla shakes her head as if she can be seen by the director. She doesn't even want to know who is also competing for her role. She just wants it hers without any more competitive demeanor nor insecurity.

    "For the other characters."

    "Well, there's Trent Grand, tentatively played by Georgios Alanis, Howell Ellis, played by Taron Egerton—"

     Hold the fuck up, She thinks, her heart racing even faster and she isn't even paying attention anymore to the rest of what the director is saying. She's only focusing on one thing. Taron Egerton? She's going to possibly be working with the Taron Egerton? It's everything she's ever dreamt of ever since she got in to show business. Although, the pressure raises up to its core temperature. This is what she's been waiting for all her life, and it can finally happen. Here, she begins to wonder if she'll ever get along with him or she's just going to get ignored like she feared would happen. But they will both be playing the lead. They have to almost always agree with each other, or at least would just have to interact with each other.

    She almost forgets that her best friend is also a tentative cast. So, the possibilities are:

         1. She might stick on George's arm the entire time whilst she fights her anxiety over officially meeting sober Taron. At least, when he was drunk, he wouldn't remember anything embarrassing that Isla could have done. This is a completely different story now. And she doesn't even know if he's going to remember her.

         2. If he does, it's going to be extremely awkward to hear Taron say 'Hey, did you became my instant best friend in the after-party whilst I was fucked?' She wouldn't know how she's going to respond to it. Hence, probably using George as a shield in case this scenario actually takes place.

              2.1. If she'll be honest, Taron would be weirded out by her, surely. But she already has a defense in case he attempts to distance himself away from here because of what happened. 'I saved your ass from getting too drunk at the party. You should be thanking me.' Unfortunately, though, she didn't save him from getting videotaped getting pissed and dancing awkwardly to EDM.

              2.2. If she lies, guaranteed Taron will find out about it. There were already a lot of eye-witnesses of Taron getting too drunk, let alone seeing the openly desperate celebrity obsessed with him, with him.

         3. George will be encouraging her to talk to Taron and befriend him. But he might recognise her.

              3.1. If he recognises her from all the gossip websites, it's going to be pretty awkward if she tries to befriend him. Everybody is going to think that she's trying to make her way on Taron.

              3.2. If he recognises her from the award show, he will probably welcome her with open arms or he'll interact with her—what a dream.

              3.3. If he doesn't recognise her at all, that's definitely going to be extremely embarrassing, at least for Isla's part. Taron possibly wouldn't even get to observe the mortifying moment but she will never forget it.

         4. George might be the typical friend who pushes you to your crush and that's not going to end well. Isla shall speak to him as early as now, but first, she'd need to congratulate him. It isn't confirmed yet that they really got the part, but at least, finally, she will still be acting with George. It's everything she's been waiting for because it never happened. They got involved in different workshops because Isla's house is a little too far from George. He offered that he'd give her a ride to and from the drama school, but Isla's step-father just shook his head. He never liked the idea of Isla being friends with George because he thinks that it's just George's way to get into her pants, which George vehemently denied. Nevertheless, to this day, Isla's dad is still skeptical, but is starting to trust George bit by bit because nothing has happened to them in the past nine years.

    The director stops mentioning the main characters and those who will portray them. "Is there any more questions?"

    "When will this trial be and where will it be held?"

    "Tomorrow morning at ten. I will be texting you the address."

    "Okay," Isla says finally. Smiling from ear to ear. "Thank you very much."

    After the phone call, Isla calls George right after. The phone rings, and George immediately picks up. "So, what's up?" He picks up, sounding like he's trying to contain his excitement and waiting for Isla to figure out. But Isla already knows the surprise, and she notices that her hand is actually shaking. She doesn't know if it's either from excitement, or from nervousness, or both—definitely both.

    "Georgios, Γεία σας! we're cast in the same production! Although, tentative, but still!" She says, almost squealing from excitement. "Tomorrow morning, we work on the compatibility of the casts."

    "Ah-huh? Is that the actual reason why you called me? Or is there still something else in your head?" George already knew way ahead. It appears that Isla's the last one to know, at least between the two of them.

    "What?"

    "Something tells me that there's something else you have in mind."

    Isla rolls her eyes, as if he can see her. "Okay, okay, fine. Taron is playing the lead and my character—Heather's boyfriend."

    "Ah-huh. That's what I've been waiting to hear," he says, laughing. "That's exactly what I have been waiting to hear." He sighs and shift quickly to another topic. "Anyway, what time do we wake up tomorrow?"

    "Well, it starts at ten, so maybe seven. Well, depending on the travel time. Where is it, anyway? The casting director told me that he's going to text me the address but I haven't received anything yet."

     Then her phone vibrates. He puts George on loud speaker and see who messaged. It's the casting director.

    "Never mind. I just received it."

    "Me too. I'm actually viewing it on this traffic at the moment. It's about one hour from our crib, but it's still depending on the horrid traffic. I guess I'll pick you up at seven."

    Seven?! Isla thinks. She usually wakes up at quarter to eight and just adjusting a bit so she set up the time at first. But she forgets to mind the deadly London traffic.

    She needs to make a good first impression. She has got to be there on time.

     She can’t tell who she wants to impress though: The directors or Taron?

    She swallows, and nervously say "seven it is."

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER FOUR

[secondsofhappiness]

I don't think you've ever said if you think the baby is roberts or not? What are your thoughts about twists happening around or after Xmas?

Aw anon! I’ve avoided this question because it’s such a difficult one to answer for me. I’ve learned NOT to try to guess the storylining of Iain flipping McLeod. He is a law unto himself as show runner but here’s my own set of opinions seeing as you asked for them!!

There are so many theories and possibilities (god bless this creative insightful fandom) and, so far, the theory that Rob isn’t the dad hasn’t been disproven or nothing has happened that makes it very unlikely… it’s still very much a possibility.

I also LOVE the Adam theory. I don’t believe it’s true but it still hasn’t been disproven which is bloody great. Now THAT would be a twist and a half and only fandoms write genius stuff like that no matter what show you look at. It would fit perfectly with their scenes Adam and Rebecca randomly had together, the fact Adam told Rebecca to go find Robert that night, that there was huge focus on Adam’s ability to have kids, that he found the pregnancy test etc. I’d LOVE it to be true but I personally don’t think it is. In an IDEAL world it’d be an ingenious turn of events.

My personal opinion is that Rob is the father. That is just my opinion though. We know the Whites are sodding off (🎈🎈🎈) and clearly one of them will die. We don’t know if Rebecca is dying (insert my already stated feelings on this possibility!) but it’s pretty likely she’s also leaving so that reality, to me, leaves the option of the baby remaining with Rob (and then eventually Aaron too) or leaving with a White. I think these are the likely outcomes…

All factors considered though, there is so much contradiction that it’s difficult to predict the end of the storyline. I’ve tried to make a summary below because there are so many factors that suggest this isn’t a clean cut situation but there are polarising factors that mean it’s confusing… all going under a cut for spoilers!

I mean there’s all of the following…

a) The handling of the ONS fallout. It was a collection of the weirdest scenes that still haven’t been explained or made sense of… you know how, I won’t go into them all. It was about unconventional a one night stand if every I’ve seen one… and on a Soap too. Soaps are never subtle. Maybe it’s more of Iain and his weirdness.

b) The early pregnancy stuff. It was an utter shit show. It was a depressingly bad depiction of a young healthy female and her control over her own sexual health and her handle on her body. It was so bad that it was a slippery slope to not caring in the slightest about Rebecca White. That’s entirely not the point when portraying a newly pregnant woman…

c) No DNA test. Still the strangest factor in all of this. Why even have her shack up with Ross numerous times but have only her assurances that it is Robert’s as the confirmation of his fatherhood….! Jesus.

d) The baby is the major issue between Aaron and Rob. It has continuously been framed as such even specifically stated as such and so any development on that front would have to be enormous and there are suggestions that Aaron is still very uncomfortable around the kid after it’s born. This is very important. Aaron has a heart the size of Leeds but the show has framed this kid as “the issue” from day one so hard work would be needed to ever solve that. That said, I don’t believe Aaron would ever hold anything against an innocent little being. He knows the realities of a poor childhood.

e) Most of the interviews given by Danny or Ryan or Iain barely mention the baby. Emily has done one interview and as far as I can remember it didn’t talk about the parentage much or the eventual future of the kid. A baby is a pretty huge addition to a character’s life and future storylines and you’d think it’d be mentioned more especially where Aaron is concerned

f) The Whites are upping and going. If Rebecca leaves or dies then, to me, that’s an indicator that THAT is the big end to the story rather than a parenting reveal. Her dying is still gross to me but if that’s what happens then it feels odd to have the added “oh and by the way the kid isn’t yours”

g) I get the point that Rob is heading for an epic fall from grace to further snap him out of his ways and prompt a life change and perspective shift but I have this sneaking suspicion that the kid IS the major factor in this. Obviously it is going to be A factor (and should be) but I have a feeling it’s going to be the major one as it doesn’t seem like Rob reverts to his old ways in any big way post Sebastian entering the world. As much as I’m not a fan of kids magically changing a person because it DOESN’T, not entirely, not someone whose actions are extreme and deeply ingrained as Rob! I’ll say it till I’m blue in the face but kids don’t cure people. People’s faults and foibles and issues do not disappear. Children are life changes but they are not magical. I am a product of this as a person and I HATE the idea that kid’s cure a person’s personality. I think based on Iain’s recent interview and the spoilers, Sebastian is going to play a huge part in Rob’s redemption and there’s a high chance that the stuff in December will be the fall out from the Lawrence stuff, Lachlan wanting to ultimately get revenge and I think there’s a high chance the theory that Rob nearly dies saving Liv and or Aaron is going to happen. All of that would have Rob basically banned from his kid’s life, near death etc. I don’t know, I’ve started to wonder if Rob’s life will be made hell by Lachlan and that his life is threatened or Seb’s life and that’s was takes him to rock bottom.

h) I think Thursday’s scenes with Rob and Sebastian (as I’m lead to believe) will revolutionise his character. I am not a massive baby fan but I AM a fan of character development and character based story telling and I’ve THOROUGHLY enjoyed this Rob storyline. It has been hella weird and done in such a damned quirky way that I’ve loved it. We’ve seen him at his worst and I have a feeling we’ll also see him at his best and I think Aaron and Sebastian and Liv will be the things that facilitate his best, his emotional, his human side. I think those scenes may change my opinion on how the storyline will play out as I’m told that they’re highly emotional and show Rob’s character in a whole new light, in that he actively recognises his major faults and that there’s a huge connection there with the kid already that appears revolutionary for him. That’s what I’m told and I’m really looking forward to that tbh. If that’s the case, I don’t think I’d want the baby removed. I don’t think I’d like Sebastian taken from his life if that’s how those scenes play out because if Sebastian is going to be THAT important to Rob or THAT overwhelming for him then I’d like him to keep that. As long as he doesn’t become about bloody nappies or night time feeds I’ll be ok with the baby sticking around and as long as there is further realisation for him that isn’t just Seb related. If Seb turns out NOT to Rob’s in this circumstance then I think I would be devastated too. It’s like the thought of removing Liv from Aaron. Nope. It would be gut wrenching if this is what Seb is to him and perhaps that makes the possibility of him not being the father likely? That’d be an epic kick in the gut if Seb is shown as vital to Rob so quickly and then he’s removed from him… it’s all based on those scenes and I’d love to make a post afterwards as I think they’ll be really revealing.

i) Having Rob think he’s the father then removing that from him is pretty much a repeat of the Adam storyline. Would they do that so soon? (This is what makes the Adam Theory so brilliant to me, he’d be getting the opposite treatment this time! If only we could have this!!)

j) There’s also this major repetition of Aaron and Rob and kids aka having their own. It’s so heavy handed that I wonder if this is all being set up to have Rob realise he needs to be better and as a way to have him realise he does want to be a father but with Aaron. I’d ADORE an adoption storyline with them. For m/m rep it’d be wonderful and these two are nightmares so seeing them parent further down the line would be hilarious but now…? I still feel it’s too soon for both of their characters. Yes their ages are normal for having kids but… well, they’re NIGHTMARES. They’re still growing and learning and doing insane things.

k) For Rob to not be the father it’d mean that Rebecca didn’t know and was a grade A class idiot for not realising that having sex with another bloke in the same week could also mean pregnancy and that condoms break… or that she has been manipulating Rob all this time. I think the latter is unlikely, for me. Rebecca used to be feisty and her whole “nobody uses me” stance at one point has been so brutally buried and killed that, at this point, she’s such a wet drip and so plain and lacking in oomph that I’d struggle to accept she’s been so clever and sharp for months… plus she’s had solo scenes where she’s cried or shown a personal reaction. Granted, there have been few, but like her call to the clinic, they were scenes with no witness or purpose in any manipulation. That said, there are MANY scenes that make no sense in terms of her reactions aka Liv or Aaron and that “don’t hurt me and my baby” stomach shielding (ugh god that was terrible). I can never work out if it’s the acting, the inconsistent writing of her character and Rebecca’s motivations or if it’s actually a THING and that Rebecca will have been interesting all this time without us knowing. I’d LOVE it to be true but the show seems set on portraying her at this hard done by sweetheart who does no wrong, who should be pardoned for all she does, who hasn’t a clue but is so cute about it all that it doesn’t matter… Christ what an awful attempt at writing a bold young female. She could have been so much more. I’d love her to prove us wrong but sadly I don’t feel the show will divert from the current Rebecca.

l) This is a horrible and uninspired way to provide a young m/m couple with a child. It’s just old hat, boring, crass and just yuck tbh.

There are so many other factors that all contradict each other and I don’t know… I guess that’s what I’m saying! I’m quite torn…!

I don’t think I mind either way if I’m honest. I’ve never had an issue with the baby sticking around except for having my personal conditions for it haha :) I have always kind of wanted Rob to show his human side in all this and to show he didn’t hate the kid and did recognise it was an innocent being in all of this.

I think I’m weird because although I don’t like babies, I like kids on the show because they’re often great additions. Look at Arthur or Jacob or Liv or Gabby or April. ED does kid’s well, they just do babies and toddlers badly, imo.

ALSO, I’m also weird because part of me REALLY likes the idea of Rob having something that’s his. A little person who is entirely new and a blank slate to try with and love. Sebastian, if he is Rob’s son, would be Rob’s own little person that wouldn’t leave him, that would look up to Rob, that would see Rob as a hero, that would rely on Rob and I really LIKE that idea. I reckon if Rob stopped being an A class weirdo, expert manipulator and actually thought what he was doing before he did it, I think he could be a great dad, for a soap! Hahaha. I like what it could do for his character. I don’t connect Sebastian to the Whites, though. It’s probably awful but I have zero connection with any of them (except Chrissie a tiny bit) and I couldn’t care less in the grand scheme of things what happens with them. They’re off eventually and so I find it VERY easy to remove them from the equation now. Also, even if they were sticking around, I feel like Rob would always hate them, would always resent them and would never ever feel any connection with them even after having a kid with Rebecca… so, to me, I can separate the two very easily. Shows how bad the writing of Rebecca as a mum has been and how shoddy The Whites are in general!! Adios Amigos!

So anon, what a rant. Who bloody knows! I have really convoluted feelings on the matter and I’m REALLY looking forward to tomorrow’s scenes especially with Rob and Sebastian. I am so excited for them because a friend who has seen them has assured me it’s entirely not like they’re going down the boring stereotypical route, the scenes sound so brilliant for Rob’s character. THAT, I’m here for, even if I don’t find babies cute haha

We shall see soon and whether it’ll all make sense in the grand scheme of things is to be determined but I don’t know about you… if the Whites are buggering off then that’s half the battle for me!!!!! I’m willing to be proven wrong. Do it show, I dare you. Now, as long as Aaron’s character is cared for in this storyline as it progresses then I’ll be pretty happy whatever the outcome. I’m so chill nowadays hahaha. It’s not the Rob centric storyline we wanted but it’s the one we’ve got and in some ways it has been EXCELLENT and so HIM but yeah, there have also been some significant missteps and bloody stupid ideas so who knows at this point… I’m just determined to enjoy it. He’s my nightmare Human. Any centric storyline was going to have him doing nightmare things and learning to be a human so I’m down for that. Hope that answered a bit! ❤️

[couchmonkey]

PILOT season!!

When I was young, Brandon Tartikoff was a hero of mine. I always fancied myself a closet programmer, so I love pilot season. THR published a list of the projects moving forward and as I was procrastinating, some are already on the air.

Let’s start with Stumptown. Inspired by the Oni Press graphic novels, Dex Parios (Cobie Smulders), a strong, assertive and unapologetically sharp-witted (but, let’s face it, hot mess) Army veteran working as a P.I. in Portland. Michael Ealy plays the cop because there must always be one. His boss is Camryn Manheim (yes!!), and the whole reason I heard about the show is Tantoo Cardinal, a powerful local Native American tied to Dex’s past. Oops, almost forgot the best friend, JakeJohnson of New Girl. His past is a little messy, too. He now owns a bar and employs Dex’s brother Ansel (Cole Sibus). It’s a tight cast, and Dex really is a hot mess nut she gets things done.

All Rise, it looks like, was originally pitched as Courthouse, good thing they changed the name! Simone Missick is a former DA who just became a judge and is encircled by Ruthie Ann Mills as her assistant, Lindsay Mendez as her stenographer, J. Alex Brinson as the deputy in her courtroom, and Marg Helgenberger as her mentor. I was not familiar with the first three when I started the show but they are a strong team. The 2 main lawyers are Wilson Bethel, a DA and old friend of Missick’s judge, and Jessica Camacho, a VERY determined public defender. I like the dynamics of the show, it’s very seldom a case of the week situation (even though there is one). Viewers get little snippets of most of the characters’ lives organically so, in my opinion, you enjoyed the show more the more you watch.

Evil is one of the most unique shows on the air this season. It pits science and religion, Katja Herbers plays a skeptical clinical psychologist who joins a priest-in-training (Mike Colter) and a blue-collar contractor ( Aasif Mandvi)  to investigate supposed miracles, demonic possessions and other extraordinary occurrences to see if there's a scientific explanation or if something truly supernatural is at work.The give and take between science and religion is truly engaging and Michael Emerson is truly creepy and possibly playing for the other side in this battle.

Bob Hearts Abishola follows Bob (Billy Gardell) who, after having a heart attack, falls in love with his Nigerian nurse (Folake Olowofoyeku). I think I saw the pilot, the rest of the episodes are on my DVR at the moment and thanks to some of the promos and Christine Ebersole, I do plan to get to them. ETA: I’ve watched a couple.  Folake Olowofoyeku is really great but because this whole thing seems to involve the progress of their relationship, it runs a little slow for me.

Carol's Second Act is also piling up on my DVR.  I’ve been on bedrest because of an injury and have been mostly streaming. But, like Bob, I do plan to get to it. I do like that Patricia Heaton is the lead, a med student of all things. I have to think it’s also still on the air because it also has a strong male lead, Kyle MacLachlan, although I’ve never personally seen him do comedy.  Cedric Yarbrough is a strong motivator for me as well as I saw every episode of Speechless. ETA: Well, plans change. I erased them all. I thought if I hadn’t gotten to them by now, watching them would be a chore.

The Unicorn is a sitcom I actually have been watching. I didn’t want to at first because, although I’d heard of Walton Goggins, I had never actually seen him in anything. But it’s kind of like Seinfeld in that there is such an impressively strong group playing the couples who are his friends. Omar Benson Miller (yes!!) and  Maya Lynne Robinson are a couple with 4 kids and essentially a no nonsense approach and Rob Corddry and comedy goddess Michaela Watkins are the white color kid with a single kid who is well on her way to nerdhood.  These four a Goggins’ lifeline after his wife passes and he becomes a single father. The whole widower thing is handled well. His wife is mentioned or remembered in a completely organic way and allows the show to stay away from a trajectory that could have become maudlin.

Prodigal Son is another fairly unique concept for this season. Tom Payne plays Malcolm Bright, the son of a notorious serial killer called The Surgeon (Michael Sheen) who understands how killers think. The criminal psychologist uses his skills to help an NYPD unit led by Lou Diamond Phillips, a cop he’s known since his youth. What is interesting for me so far is that Bright’s mom, Bellamy Young, is her own kind of nuts, and Malcolm, who started off as a little nutty (I mean consider his past), is well on his way to possibly off his rocker.

Bluff City Law is a case of the week legal drama set in Memphis. The viewer is getting smidges of the character’s private lives each week but character development seems a little slow. I like Caitlin McGee’s performance but I’d never heard of her before watching this. The anchor for the show and the law firm in it is Jimmy Smits. The supporting cast, especially Barry Sloane who’s mostly navigated a single case for the first part of the season, is just starting to get noticed. It’s not something I race to watch but I like it. ETA: It has gotten cancelled. Poor Barry Sloane.

Emergence was a show I was waiting for as it marked the return of Allison Tolman.  She plays a sheriff who takes in a young child that she finds near the site of a mysterious accident who has no memory of what has happened. The investigation so far has been weird and sometimes violent and definitely is affecting her family, including father Clancy Brown and ex-husband Donald Faison. But, bless her, she is nowhere near ready to give up. The cliffhanger before Christmas break was very illuminating.

I have watched a couple of episodes of Perfect Harmony (the rest are on my DVR). I love that Bradley Whitford is doing outright comedy although his character, an Ivy League music professor, is quite cranky. But I’m not in a rush to get back to it because it doesn’t seem like there’s enough material for it to run for multiple seasons. ETA: Like Carol’s Second Act, these got dumped off my DVR.

While we’re talking about enough material, Sunnyside was one of the first casualties of the season and, I have to say, I saw it coming. The pilot was well done, Kal Penn played Garrett Shah, a disgraced former New York city councilman who finds his calling when faced with immigrants in need of his help and in search of the American Dream. I know the immigration and nationalization process in the US is a lengthy process but it just didn’t seem like there was enough to keep people coming back despite the presence of talent like Diana Maria Riva.

Almost Family revolves around Julia Beckley (Brittany Snow) having her life turned upside down when it's revealed that her father, a pioneering Nobel Prize-winning fertility doctor, used his own sperm to conceive dozens of children over the course of his career. She connects with two “sisters” in particular and I think that’s what they’ve built the show on but I had a hard time believing any of the negative effects of all this coming from Snow and chose to stop watching. I do have the Australian show it’s based on as part of my Netflix list, I think I will probably end up watching that first.

I did start watching Batwoman before my injury, it being female led and all. Ruby Rose does inspire a bit of monotony in the voiceovers that populate the show but I get it, she’s tired, she’s working hard and only making minimal progress, I understand she’s not full of pep. It is kind of weird to watch her slip into the suit and try to make it work for her and watch Camrus Johnson, the steward of the life Bruce Wayne abandoned, do his best to both avoid and become her Alfred. ETA: That got dumped off the DVR, too. There’s SOOOO much TV.

FBI: Most Wanted is a spinoff of FBI (somebody may have to stop Dick Wolf) featuring 
Julian McMahon of Nip/Tuck as the head of team tasked with hunting down fugitives. Sadly, it’s been pretty run of the mill so far except for McMahon’s in-laws, which include Nathanial Arcand as his brother-in-law and a member of his squad.

The CW did reboot Nancy Drew and while I did not hate the concept, I’m still loyal to Pamela Sue Martin and chose not to watch it.

These are the shows that are on the air. Some mid-season shows are still ready to roll out. Some are already being bolstered by promos like Deputy. I am looking forward to that one and watching Stephen Dorff unexpectedly be made the sheriff of LA County. I think and really hope Yara Martinez, last seen and underutilized on Bull, will get to be a meaty part of this drama. ETA: Yara has gotten some featured episodes and done well but she’s essentially in the same boat as David Conrad on the Ghost Whisperer and Jake Weber on Medium.

Tommy is another cop show but thankfully Tommy is Abigail Thomas’ nickname and Edie Falco is front and centre as the first female chief of police for Los Angeles. She got the position as part of a court mandate after some ugliness in the department and often has to deal with the mayor, Tom Sadowski. Tommy’s assembled a pretty tight circle so far and, of course, does things her own way, so I’ve been trying to watch this live.

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist is SOOOOOO good. I’ve missed Jane Levy so much and this has not only a lovely story but singing and dancing (with choreography by Mandy Moore). After an accident in an MRI machine, Levy’s character can hear people expressing their feelings through song. Her supporting cast is top notch. Alex Newell of Glee plays her neighbor who is trying to help Zoey figure this out, Skylar Astin of Pitch Perfect and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is her BFF, Lauren Graham is her boss, and Mary Steenburgen and Peter Gallagher are her parents. Some of the most touching scenes (and songs) have involved Levy and Gallagher, who has lost many functions, including speech and a lot of movement. Thanks to Zoey’s condition, he is able to express himself to her through song and Gallagher’s voice is so sweet.

Geniuses has become Outmatched and features Maggie Lawson and Jason Biggs as parents of 4 children, 3 of whom are geniuses. I’ve seen 3 episodes so far. Everyone except the “normal” child seems to be waiting for a rimshot. I did enjoy Tony Danza as Jason Bigg’s dad but I am not going to be busting my butt to watch it. 

Uninsured has become Indebted. Adam Pally and Abby Elliott end up having to take care of Dave's parents (Fran Drescher and Steven Weber), who have mismanaged their finances and need help paying down a sizable debt. Sadly, like Outmatched, everyone seems to be waiting for a rimshot and the jokes seem really repetitive. Weber’s character, for example, is constantly talking about spending extravagant amounts of money even though he is deep in debt and I doubt they’re going after a dementia storyline with him. When the name Dan Levy popped up on the credits I did a lightning fast search on IMDB to make sure it was not, in my mind, THE Dan Levy of Schitt’s Creek, and thankfully, there are 2 of them.

Lincoln Rhyme, who was played on the big screen by Denzel Washington, is now Russell Hornsby from Grimm and Fox’s failed Proven Innocent. There’s still an Amelia Sachs, there’s still a Bone Collector, and Michael Imperioli is always a strong utility player but I’m finding it collecting on the DVR because of the plethora of good stuff available on Thursday and my need to get through that because sampling Friday’s mostly guilty pleasures.

Katy Keene has made it air. It’s a Riverdale spinoff on the CW and they are spending a lot on advertising but not enough to rope me in. Not that I think it’s not a good show, I’m just not the target audience.

Of the rest of the list, I know the planned reboots of New York Undercover and NYPD blue did not make it out of the gate. 

I’m never going to get this post finished if I included all of the pilots on the list I still haven’t talked about, so I’ll go with bullet points about the ones that stood out to me:

Nana: Katey Sagal playing a grandmother. Yeah. 

An untitled comedy pairing Leslie Odom Jr. and Kelly Jenrette: GREAT team, well matched I think.

The Republic of Sarah: Sarah Drew of Grey's Anatomy goes from mayor to president. So much story potential there.

Broke: Jaime Camil and Natasha Leggero plus Pauley Perrette - uh, yes please. Sounds like a very strong team to me. 

Next is a vehicle for Jon Slattery of Mad Men, who I adore, but I don’t recognize much of the supporting cast, which could be a problem if none of them are able to rise to his level.

Filthy Rich features Kim Cattrall and Gerald McRaney, a very strong base but I’m wondering how the religious community will respond to a story about how imperfect true believers can be. Another plus for me, it’s supposed to be filmed in New Orleans.

Richard Lovely is a vehicle for the uber talented Thomas Lennon, who plays the disgruntled author of the best-selling children's book series, Mr. Mouse. It looks like he’ll have Wendie Malick as a frequent scene partner and I believe that to be an ideal pairing.

Council of Dads is getting a lot of advertising but will involve death. If they handle it as well as The Unicorn has, I think it might have a chance.

That’s all I’ve got. I wish I’d finished this sooner. My DVR is 63% full. I’m going to match more TV.

[iris-sistibly]

4R’s: Encantadia Season 2 (May 1, 2017 episode review)

Episode 204

Recap:

The myth of two moons

Amarro and Lila Sari who has been searching for Deshna found Hagorn’s new hideout, Lila Sari had her hopes up but lost it when the two found out that the camp is protected by a spell. All that’s left for Lila Sari is wonder if Deshna was looking at the two moons like her and did not care of Amarro’s tale about Haliyah falling in-love but was heart-broken and this pushed her to create another moon for her to live. Amarro knew getting through the barriers was way impossible and finally convinced Lila Sari to seek help from others.

Cassiopeia has been waiting and has been worried sick about Emre, not long after, the god showed up with the de-jar in his hands, apparently because of Haliyah’s blessing, the weapon recognized him and immediately went with him in contrast to Keros’ belief that Emre will fail. Emre thanked Cassiopeia for all her help, faith and trust.

Of the crown, scepter and sarkosi

The new guardians and Hitano made it safely to Lireo, Pao Pao admitted that Mine-a being the sang’gres’ new enemy was truly scary, why or how did it happen they do not know. Muyak and Imaw strongly believed that the enemies did something to Mine-a which was why she acted the way she did, but Imaw was also saddened that his old friend is no longer the queen he has known. Imaw showed them the crown and scepter which are the symbols of power and dominion, precious items that are passed down to the queens of Lireo. The crown and scepter that witnessed how good Mine-a has been, even if Mine-a is on the dark side right now, Imaw told the guardians to believe in Mine-a and believe that in time, she will be back to the good side.

Ariana was left staring intently at the crown of the Lirean queen, another memory flashed back in her mind, memories of Amihan in her younger years being crowned as the new queen and Mine-a’s successor, and the struggles she went through during her reign. Hitano found her, the Punjabwe revealed how she has been seeing Amihan’s memories in her mind. Hitano admitted that would have suspected that Ariana is Amihan’s sarkosi if it weren’t for her age, for she was probably born already during Amihan’s time. Ariana suspected that it could be possible given the fact that she has already died and returned to life for no clear reason, Hitano warned her not to tell anyone about it unless she has already confirmed it.

For the love of their mother, Deshna’s betrayal

The sisters went to the woods, Pirena and Danaya engaged in a quarrel after Danaya refused to tell her sisters what she has been planning. Alena reminded them that it wasn’t the time to fight, Pirena suspected that Danaya was planning to sneak into Hagorn’s hide out to be able to talk to their mother. Danaya sensed that Deshna has been keeping an eye on them and has been listening to their conversation, the young Hathor showed up, the sisters asked for help so that they will be able to get through the barriers of their camp without anyone else noticing, Deshna has been expressing distaste towards her father’s schemes especially how he brainwashed Hara Mine-a. Thus she agreed to help them, the sisters made it inside Mine-a’s tent where they attempted to convince her and counter Ether’s spell by using Danaya’s gem, the earth gem was useless against the powerful curse. Alena tried to use her water gem but ended up being stabbed by Mine-a herself, the sisters were forced to return to Lireo. Hagorn returned, Mine-a narrated how the sang’gres were able to enter their camp and tried to turn her to their side but proudly showed the bloodstained dagger she used to stab Alena, but deep inside, Mine-a also felt hurt for hurting Alena.

Hagorn was enraged after finding out that someone made it through the camp despite of the protective spell. Hagorn took a hint that it could be Deshna who allowed the sang’gres to pass through especially when the soldier told him about the time when Deshna did not allow them to enter Mine-a’s tent for some unknown reason. Hagorn began looking for Deshna, Ether showed up and revealed that it was indeed Deshna who helped the sang’gres and now she has already ran away from him.

Rave/s:

💎Hm…pretty interesting episode for a week starter, like I said in my previous post Marian’s return has renewed my enthusiasm for the show, and I really like how Marian is playing a confused bida-kontrabida. Of course, she’s queen M what more can I ask for? And as much as I am not enjoying and probably will never enjoy Arra’s performance, I am actually kind of excited of how everyone’s going to find out that Ariana is Amihan’s sarkosi, I still think that AleBarro scene intended for Ariana to wake her inner Amihan up, I think Manik will play a huge role of a possible character death most probably Ariana because I remember the prod mentioned before that another one of the new guardians is going to die and everyone is demanding for Ariana to be killed, so yeah, I hope this week will not disappoint.

As you guys know my YbraMihan heart is probably not going to like tomorrow’s ep which is why I am staying away from fan pages as much as possible because I don’t want other people’s opinion affect mine, you guys know how hard I ship YbraMihan and I am literally dreading that episode, BUT, I choose to keep my mind open for the next episode because I don’t want to sound too biased since I want to judge this show for the story itself not for the love teams I ship. We shall see how everything’s going to turn out tomorrow.

Rant/s: No rants so far

Best performer/s for this episode: Marian Rivera 💎

Rating: 8 out of 10💎s  

Credits to: GMA network via YouTube and Dailymotion @GMAEncantadia (Encantadia’s Official Twitter account) @GMANetwork (GMA’s Official Twitter account) @GMADrama (GMA Primetime series’ Official Twitter account) Encantadia 2016 (Official Facebook page) www.encantadia.com.ph (Encantadia’s Official Website)

[tayegi]

wo w ee i am so excited to see where u take equilibrium! tbh i really like how u r writing jungkook (not in the obsessive relationship sense but like) because it feels like u r really giving us an insight to his mind and how complex of a character he is and like what drives him.. idk if that makes sense lol but i really enjoy the entire story and cant wait to see how it develops !!

Here are the rest of my equilibrium asks under the cut! I am so truly sorry that I just simply do not have the time to answer the rest of them (besides wouldnt you guys rather have me expending my energy on writing ch 12? ;)), but be assured that i have read each and every one of these messages multiple times over and appreciated them all

bonyg said:Equilibrium is really giving me mixed feelings, it's so complicated that I don't know if I want oc with Jungkook or Jimin. It's just not healthy to be in this relationship :"( if I were oc I'd definitely left them both even if I'm gonna die without Jimin :'( it's getting more exciting and I can't wait to know what's gonna happen between oc and Jimin. Thank you for updating ^^

jaaneman-s said:Hi, I don't if this sounds or rude or not, but I'd like to thank you? or idk, I was born in a very manly culture? I know (on my own) how certain things that look okay in this culture but are not in equalness and respect to the woman happen but reading equilibrium has like, opened my eyes a little bit? When I read ch.11 I just sat down and spent a while thinking about everything and how different you view stuff from my point, and how this is actually right? anyway keep the great work ily ♥

Anonymous said:pls read equilibrium at my funeral🙏🏻

Anonymous said:oh oH OH is it going to be one of the cases where the boy "misinterprets" the girls basic human kindness for flirting?!!?? If so, @ the character: go to hell

Anonymous said:Well, it seems like JK (and a little Y/N) has tipped the balance and now everything is coming crumbling down. Who does JK think he is?? I can't imagine Y/N could let the weekend go by without getting close to JM, especially since he needs her. I'm just anticipating the moment when jimin realizes and everything is out in the open. I really loved this chapter! You can see how bold JK is getting knowing that Y/N will do anything he wants, just for his cooperation. Suspenseful!

Anonymous said:me rn: *prays for a joon hyung to sweep OC off her feet and abandon JK and JM* (seriously i'm such weightlifting fairy trash it hurts) (also do you know where i can find my very own joon hyung 😭😭😭😭)

Anonymous said:Reads part 11 Equilibrium -insert jungshook meme here-

Anonymous said:Don't be bothered by those ungrateful readers who thinks you're obligated to write them more than 3k words. Seriously, did they somehow get the impression that they're paying you for this? Just write at your own pace so you can produce quality stuff.

Anonymous said:Finally got around to reading Chapter 11 & if I'm the oc I'd be on a plane up outta there so quick! Set Jimin up with some soup & a blanket, & scoot skedaddle my way out of dodge. Jungkook isn't about to talk to me like that, thinking dick isn't abundant & low value. Shit... Also bless your writing, each Equilibrium update has me on pins & needles~

Anonymous said:I just like... What if Jungkook comes home unexpectedly and finds y/n and Jimin getting it on and then flies into a murderous rage, severely injures Jimin and kidnaps y/n. The second part could be Jimin feeling all guilty and trying to find her while she tries to escape

Anonymous said:Holy shit I'm convinced that Jungkook poisoned Jimin because he's going to be away for the weekend and he's paranoid and crazy as shit that the OC might do something with Jimin so he made sure he's unable to do shit with her 😵 cuz when he called to ask her where she was for his graduation, he didn't even seem all that surprised that he's sick, he just cared about where the OC was.

Anonymous said:Twist end: OC learns boxing and kicks Junglebooks ass

Anonymous said:theory: part two will be titled monogamy and Jungkook and OC will have an abusive relationship. Cause you seem pretty adamant on the idea of abuse (which is 10000% not a bad thing for obvious reason) so i feel like you are taking this story as a lesson for girl to see the warning sign. and part 3 will be about her leaving him finally and becoming single or whatever

Anonymous said:I don't want to defend the oc by saying this but in equilibrium she clearly is right now the one who is fucked up The other 2 get what they want after jk's scary possessiveness and if she wouldn't be controlled by her feelings towards jimin then maybe she would've already left She has also fault but earlier they took advantage of each other's feelings and everyone got something that they wanted but rn oc is like trapped in a cage & can't even touch jimin Idk maybe I'm the only one who thinks so

Anonymous said:I don't understand equilibrium??? Like I thought it was sweet that JK wanted her all to himself but after chap. 11 I think it's just plain creepy with his possessive obsession towards her... like WTF! I kind of want to see Jimin's side of the story like why is he in love with JK and what is with JK not giving a f**k about Jimin at all like when he was the one who initiated this relationship anyways WHUT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!

Anonymous said:I mean it Jungkook will kill them both. Like this boy has the makings of a serial killer. Why the fuck does the oc not love herself?? Why are you trying to create your happiness from the sparse attention given to you by a man??!! Why the fuck are these people so dysfunctional?? Even Jimin and Jungkook they're basing they're entire happiness on people who they know don't care!! If there's ever a lesson here its self love first before you can love someone else.

Anonymous said:Just read the new Equilibrium chapter (11) and wow JK is absolutely terrifying in there. I'm so glad there are stories out there that portray abuse the way it should be portrayed and not romanticized. I really just want the OC to get the hell out of that house and faaaaar away from this messed up relationship ): she needs to run away from him asap like forget Jimin he ain't helping you either just run while you still can girl!!!!

Anonymous said:iF JUNGKOOK GAVE JIMIN SOMETHING IM ABOUT TO GIVE HIM THE BIGGEST WHOOPING EVER

Anonymous said:Regarding Equilibrium, I reread some chapters after I was done with 11. The necklace bit in 11 makes the sex scene in 4 kinda freaky. The way Jungkook yanks on OC's chain and how he got angry when OC said that she didn't know where hers was. It's like Jungkook finds security in the couple necklaces because he associates it with OC being his and when OC doesn't wear the necklace, he feels that his possession has been taken away from him. Maybe I am thinking too much but it was such a cool detail.

Anonymous said:I have a feeling that jimin's going to witness something that's gonna break his heart bc if you look at the situation then jimin should be happy bc he gets his alone time with jk who he loves and he doesn't have to pretend to love the oc that often bc jk doesn't let her go near him and if jimin sees something that breaks his heart(jungkook&oc)then maybe he would leave both and so they would all go their own ways(?)none of them would have a reason to stay but maybe jk will become even scarier idk

Anonymous said:You should just have the OC in Equilibrium go full on Bruce Lee on JK and JM

Anonymous said:Chap 11 in Equilibrium freaked me out btw. Especially after the sex scene when OC watches Jimin sleep. You wrote "tug" so that implies that OC used her hands. So when OC finds her hands restricted by Jungkook, that honestly scared me. Also in that scene, it was interesting for OC to say that she would do anything to comfort Jimin but seemed to take back that statement when she was restricted by Jungkook. It's like OC has become more afraid of Jungkook than she is in love with Jimin.

Anonymous said:In ch11 of equilibrium it was really sad when she compared herself to a pet... like girl, you're a functioning human being, an adult that can take care of herself. You're able to get out of this cage that's been created around you. It's scary what manipulative people can do to someone but at least she knows what messed up situation she's in now and not like... being attracted(?) to the crazies JK is pushing on her

zeloandhobiaremyhubbies said:Hi there ^^ I'm a new reader, and can I just say I love your writing skills and the story line so far. With that being said, coming from a person who has a close friend in a manipulative/almost borderline abusive relationship, I can honestly say I hope the OC get out of that relationship, especially with Jungkook. There's a thin line between being jealous/slightly possessive and possessive and pretty much controlling. Ugh! I want to know what happens next, but I'm also scared to know as well.

Anonymous said:What do you mean you don't know where is the chain OC(me)?! How can I be so careless?? What if Jimin will find it, no I am sure he already did 😑 and now probably the person I precious the most hate me cuz I took his love of life... This shit (relationship) is not falling fast enough huh? Good job me, good job 😒😒

holdingbackforsnow said:I've read equilibrium 11 and somehow I have the feeling that Jimin knew. Even before Jeongguk showed how messed up he is for us readers. I feel like, that's why Jimin entered the relationship. Maybe he was worried for the OC and wanted to act as a buffer in between her and Jeongguk (including his feelings for Jeongguk) that would explain his phone call, when he was gone on business and even how he wanted the OC to go to graduation so badly. I feel like Jimin knows more than we think...

Anonymous said:As much as I anticipate every update, I hope you are taking care of yourself too! Even as an undergrad, I still get stressed & overwhelmed with my workload so I really worry about your well being since being a phd student is so much more stressful and you still give us great content. Thank you so much & I hope you can take some time for yourself as well! ik remembering to take care of yourself is the last thing on your mind with a huge workload but please please don't neglect your well being!

Anonymous said:Oh god Jungkook in Equilibrium is really a psychopath. The fact that he's so manipulative and lacks empathy for others; it's quite terrifying to think about how long he's been manipulating everyone without anyone realizing it. As a psychology major it's really interesting to read a character like this but it's scary how so many people see his behavior as okay esp since there's so many real cases of abusive relationships like this, it makes me really sad. Ty for shining light to issues like these

Anonymous said:Wow, jk has really started to go crazy-something's gonna blow up soon.love the tension you are building though. It's really appreciated the time you take to build an intricate storyline. and not to focus on negative stuff, but for real, if any misogynistic messages pops up now, then... While I think most readers (but apparantly not all) saw the possessive traits of jk in earlier chapters despite it being somewhat(but not very) subtle, this time you rly spelled it out

lastshadowmonkeys said:to stay with Jimin. Everyone's being manipulative as fuck and it can never end well in my opinion...This is so...Wow, and it all comes out of your brain and imagination, that's amazing! I'm so excited to see where this all will go and if Jungkook will just lose his shit (or any of them really, someone is bound to lose their shit) and to see where Jimin stands with oc now and wow so many questions! I'm intrigued! Amazing job, thank you so much for writing this piece of art!

lastshadowmonkeys said:after that, but woops boy was i wrong. He just turned full on psycho, and i have the impression Jimin is not even interested in her in that way and never has been. That leaves OC to be in a relationship with men who don't love her at all, in the end, which is so so sad and i just wish she'd get over her love (or is it obsession, really?) for Jimin, so she could get the hell out of that toxic situation. She's being manipulative herself, going through all that misery to somehow be able (3)

lastshadowmonkeys said:blowing my mind and i have immense respect for that. I'm not lying when i say i'm trying hard to improve my plot skills haha, since my mind tends to be too chaotic to ever get any structure in anything. I enjoy your stories so much. As for Equilibrium, shit's about to go down man and i just can't fucking wait to see what will happen. At first i was rooting for Jungkook and the oc since it seemed like he just had pent up frustrations from being misunderstood? I thought it would get better (2)

lastshadowmonkeys said:Hey Lu! Even though my asks get lost a lot of the time, it doesn't stop me from telling you how much i appreciate the fact you make time to write such wonderful, intriguing stories to make us actually think about important matters. Equilibrium has become one of my top favourite fics ever, and i just love how you can make every chapter like a little piece of a giant puzzle. You write so well, and they're actually plot goals! To imagine you're a grad student on top of all that is just (1)

got7boystobang said:I feel like (in fact; i knew it due to the fact that u hate nochu so much) the end of Equilibrium is going to be such a downfall for jk just like what happened in jjk must die and that crys drabble idk how tho but u just always have ways to kill jkook cause i bet you've millions of pictures in your head on how to😂😂😂 i love your dedication!!!!! lol

Anonymous said:Ugh, Jungkook is threatening people now? Yeah, it's time to call the cops. That's scary. I felt uneasy the whole chapter. I asked myself several times while reading, "Yo, what's wrong with this kid? And what's up with Jimin? Is he just CHOOSING not to acknowledge some of the fucked up shit that's going on around him?" And actually, homegirl is holding up a lot better in this chapter than I thought she would. Interesting. Thanks for another chapter! Looking forward to the next. :)

Anonymous said:Omg so intense!! Gosh I just don't know what to expect anymore, I'm glad there'll be alone time with Jimin but then what if Jungkook finds out, and what if-what if-gah! Can't wait to see what will unfold next, thank you once again for updating even though you're busy~

Anonymous said:WTF OC JUST FUCKING DROPKICK JUNGKOOK IN THE FACE AND GTFO!!! HOMEBOY IS CRAZY AS FUCK

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 115 Review

This series keeps on giving. Whether it’s insane action, crazy drama, or emotional backstory, it has plenty to offer. It also contains a great mystery to many elements of its lore. This chapter wasn’t action packed and yet, I was very thrilled by its content. It’s going to be for a while before we see the inevitable end, but the build-up, the suspense, and the twist are enough to keep the audience excited and anticipated. Bottom line, this chapter was outstanding.

Before the chapter takes off to the wonderful journey, we have a short scene with Hange, Floch, and others, where they are very near to the location of the explosion that sent the fans blazing. It’s there to let the fans know that we are in for a rude awakening, one that would spark controversy. We will get to that fairly soon. Fans, myself included, have been aching to know whether Levi and/or Zeke have died or not. We first go over with Zeke and to answer that question, yes, he is dying. He did take on the lightning spear, so Levi wasn’t kidding. With that said it begins a very emotional “sendoff” for Zeke that truly got me sympathetic.

Let me start by saying the presentation is astonishing throughout the scene. Not only the artwork is clean and solid, but the visual and paneling are stellar with deep meaningful display. I grasp the heartfelt and sincerity of Zeke slowly passing out with his last vision of unachieved dream. Even the horses that slowly collapse got me emotional. Zeke’s fading words are depressing to read. Not only he’s dying, but he sounds deeply regrettable. It’s really the moment of farewell.

The flashback ensue and for many, it means his time is here; it’s the end of Zeke. I definitely bought it. That said the flashback does answer many questions, including ones we didn’t know we wanted. It picks up from the last time where Zeke and Tom discussed about eradicating Eldians. I thought the flashback last time was splendid and touching, but this last piece nailed it.

It was this moment where Tom gave him words that would set Zeke’s goal permanently. One info he didn’t share with Marley is about the War Renunciation Vow that can be broken. He confirmed it that the Founding Titan is present there and can work into their plan. Zeke cannot obtain the Founding Titan, but he can support the Founder and convince the holder to their plan. It’s the matter of trust that Tom counted on Zeke to make it happen. If so, then their dream can come true. Sadly, it would be their final moment.

As fans know already, Zeke is the Beast Titan currently, which means Tom must have been consumed. I thought this part is pretty sad. Tom was set to be eaten by Zeke to pass down the Titan. Although he won’t be around to watch Zeke, he will be in the afterlife to support and watch him to make their dream come true. Zeke agreed to carry on, addressing him as someone he wanted to say proudly: dad. That hit me hard. I really love this backstory between the two. I won’t say Zeke is forgiven, but I can really understand and emotionally connect.

Yelena has stated before that she has seen Zeke or Beast Titan as her God, so the following scene is not really new. The only noteworthy of it is how much she has been influenced by him, easily manipulated in a sense. Actually, this would be beneficial to the later scene. The point is she has been converted drastically. I don’t know if Zeke feels guilty or not, but it doesn’t matter much for he has an army to back him up.

One of the answers that I didn’t expect to get but quite welcoming is how Zeke learned about his biological parents through the report on Eren. Reiner and Bertolt reported the details on Eren and how they confirmed he’s undoubtedly the holder of the Founding Titan. He also learned about Grisha and where he was last seen. That’s how Zeke learned about everything, which is simple enough; however, my interest came from his reaction to it.

It was agonizing for him to learn so much about his family’s whereabouts after his departure. He also realized his mother was changed into a Titan and Eren confronted it. We all know how it ended; killed by his half-brother. It pained him to know his douchebag father was alive and made a new family. Could you imagine the pain that spawned from your own father carry on to another? Care or not, that’s heartbreaking. What’s also heartbreaking is he believe Eren shared the same fate as him. No wonder he told him back in the last arc that Grisha isn’t worth believing. That’s strikingly touching.

The last piece of the flashback is the most interesting one of them all. It’s when Eren and Zeke have a conversation back at Marley before the festival. It is very interesting in many ways. To begin with, the true plan is revealed and it’s actually from Zeke himself, hence the first part of the flashback. In other words, euthanize Eldians. This is very strange, but more on that later. Eren had a decision to make and what persuaded him to confront with Zeke was the moment from his father’s memory.

It’s finally explained on what Eren has seen during the ceremony where he holds Historia’s hand. If you recall, he went through many visions of the event where Grisha killed the Royal Family to obtain the Founding Titan. He finally witnessed it and from that moment, he gained a new thought about his next action. He revealed the tragic event to Zeke, essentially caught on the notion of Grisha’s awful act. It has some disturbing images to display with eerie words such as killing those children like a bug. To top it, he even went far as saying as killing them was a necessary for his existence. Translation: killing the Royal Family save everything. That’s messed up.

He did note that Grisha’s action was still a mistake as well as his own existence. It’s like we gone back to Uprising Arc Eren before his rebounding development. Because of the memory, he agreed to Zeke’s plan. This is really strange. Isn’t Eren all about accepting life or being blessed to live? Shouldn’t that be Zeke’s character, hence being the foil character to Eren? Is he serious about it or is it a lie? It is possible to be a lie since lately, it’s suggested that he is the same as always when looking upon life. If so, that is sad that Zeke is only bought in, but what choice does he have? Eren holds the Founding Titan.

The closing scene is pretty sincere. They couldn’t hand shake in agreement, so catching the ball would do. It’s a great symbolic of passing down the torch from what he shared with Tom. Whether Eren is truly hiding his actual intention or not, Zeke felt like he has bonded with a brother he never thought he wanted. Basically, it’s a bond he has grown fond of to cherish. Seriously, it would suck if Eren is lying, which has a strong chance. Zeke has grown greatly to me as a character. Now, he’s going to die; unable to fulfill that wish. It’s really sad.

Then a mysterious girl appears in a vision.

I didn’t understand what was going on. I thought the girl was someone he has long forgotten or cherished or something. It wouldn’t matter much, seeing Zeke has died or very near. His dead expression did sadden me. Then a random Titan appears, from the ground I assume. It opens its guts for some reason and place Zeke’s body inside. That was a strange moment. I really didn’t know what to make of it. It was just strange, but it won’t be the end.

The fall of Survey Corps continue with an interesting insight of the mental game. The opposing force, The Jeagerists, are taking over with more soldiers surrendering or even change side. Yelena is now feeling like the big boss with her overly confidence attitude. All she was missing was to say, “Excellent.” To think, I actually trusted her. Pixis keeps his head up despite the situation, but more importantly, disappointed with some of the soldiers who changed side. Some changed side because they believe in Eren; some changed side because they are enslaved by the poison they drank, Zeke’s spinal fluid to be exact. Shame.

The interesting part is despite Pixis being a hostage, he still outclass Yelena in their mind game. Pixis is mentally strong while taking shot at Yelena, who is mentally weak from insults. On the surface, she supposed to be dominant, but Pixis keeps bringing her down by showing her contradictions and misguided belief. He put her in her place when they talked about saving the world, when in reality, it’s only saving an island. Pixis is still the man; show her the reality.

That said the visual shows her looking pretty rough around the edges after logics were thrown at her. It’s clear Isayama deciphering her as a mental case; one in which needs a reality check. She’s perhaps mentally scarred by following the self-created cult with Zeke or Beast Titan as her God. I don’t know if Pixis will help her change her view or not, but as long as she stands by her belief, she is guaranteed to witness her early tragic fate.

The next scene is…very interesting…in a controversial way. I’ll be completely honest with you. I was spoiled earlier because it was a hot topic around the time. I am of course referring to Levi’s status. Before I share my own two cent, let’s go over the scenario. Hange and others arrive to the scene with a random Titan on the ground and Levi. Now, it’s time for the verdict on Levi’s status. Hange approaches to him and confirms it to everyone: he’s dead. Popularity poll? What’s that?!

The display of Levi’s body is gruesome to say the least. He has shards on his face, a really bad scar, and he lost some of his fingers; fingers to use the blade to hook on or trigger. Hange confirmed his status, but Floch insist to check his pulse. A strange phenomenon occurs from where that random Titan is at, but I’m going to skip that scene for now. Because of that occurrence, Hange takes the chance to take Levi and dive in to the river to make their only escape. That’s the last of them for this chapter. Levi is dead as the spoiler suggested.

I don’t think so.

The setting seems more favor to a lie or maybe even misunderstood. Hange looked at him and that could have been reasonable enough to buy in. What got me thinking twice is Floch. He wants to check the pulse to see if he is dead or not. One guy wanted to shoot Levi in the head, but it’s only Hange that told them he’s dead. Was it to prevent kill confirmed? Also, Hange was pissed when Floch suggested to check, as if to say, “Shit, once he knows, he’s done for.” Lastly, why would Hange take Levi with her if he’s already dead? You can argue that she wants the body for proper burial, but that doesn’t seem likely.

In my opinion, this is a good way to handicap Levi for this scenario. It’s no wonder it was shown how godly he is or was when he took on Zeke. This way, the Survey Corps would have a tougher time to take on Eren and his faction. Not to mention, he’s not only out cold, but he lost his fingers; essential in combat. You could argue that he will die in the next chapter, but the chance is about a half. He’s an Ackerman and he was caught indirectly, which is vastly different from Zeke, who ate the explosion directly and critically.

It’s uncertain at this time, but I do believe Levi will live. Now, how can he recover? I can see Hange and Levi going to Historia’s location and get his treatment somehow. Will that be enough? Probably not, but time will tell. If anything, I love the setup because it had everyone on their edge of the seat. Sure, some may stop reading because of their favorite character has died, if that’s the case. It’s suspenseful and the next chapter could make it or break it.

Now we return to the scene with that random Titan and it’s very interesting. Everyone caught the wind, literally, and they see the man they have been searching for: Zeke. Basically, he is resurrected. I really like the symbolism of his awakening; from heavy rain for his tragic end to the ray of light for his renewal beginning. It’s as if he truly is the God that Yelena has visualized. Hell, he’s naked as well, so it couldn’t be a coincidence on the symbol. It’s very interesting because of how it happened.

According to him, he met up with a little girl, who was in the vision earlier. She saved him by reconstructing his body in the sand. Could this girl be the original Ymir; the one from the legend? What’s enticing is the scenery Zeke was in; the one he called “Paths.” It’s the same vision as what Ymir saw after consuming Marcel. To be honest, I thought she was literally in the sandy place with a beautiful sky, but I thought wrong. It’s a special world that only two (so far) have seen. To them, it’s a bliss. Zeke is moving forward to the plan and without any distraction, he will meet with Eren in no time. Very intriguing…

This begs a lot of new questions that managed to remain under the established lore. Zeke has seen “Paths” like Ymir, but what exactly triggered it? Is it simply just wake up after their “sleep?” Why is it only those two so far? There could be more but on record, it’s them. Is there a change within Zeke, like has he changed his approach or everything remain the same? For that matter, why that little girl saved him? The way how it was illustrated highly suggest that Zeke is truly the key to everything. Amazing, because that’s what Isayama once mentioned about his character. He’s sticking to his word; I like that. So many new questions, but this arc has become very interesting. But why stop there when you can have a great exciting cliffhanger.

We’re back to where Gabi is held prisoner. She is still perplexed about her status and “devils.” I don’t blame her for feeling confused, especially since she wasn’t able to complete her development when Eren interrupted. Speaking of Eren, there he is, being the tyrant he is, but he does offer her a cooperation in order to save Falco. That’s surprisingly nice of him, though the mention of Sasha’s killer does irk me. Does he hold a grudge against her? She is frozen by his presence; he definitely reached boss status. Sucks to be her and the guards are just watching her suffering.

Hey, wait a minute. Is that Pieck in the background? That guard looks like her. That or Isayama is out of female character’s design. Out of nowhere, that said guard straight-up stabs the other guard right in the throat. Holy shit, it is her! Pieck! Damn, what a badass entry. No wonder she has tons of fans; in and out of story. Now this is a conflict that I thought I would never see; Pieck versus Eren. This is going to be damn exciting. Poor guard though. He’s just dying there from the stab to the neck; no one there to save him. Shit happens I suppose.

All in all, this was an outstanding chapter with plenty of unlocked secrets and new ones. It’s told in a very emotional story that could have been a wonderfully tragic sendoff, but there’s another plan in mind that has its own exciting road ahead. The best part is how it was presented. Whether you like the artwork or not, even if it was drawn really well, the visual presentation is fantastic, deciphering the characters’ behavior and emotional turmoil. Also, how it was paneled felt very meaningful. The ending left me excited, though Levi’s situation is alarming. I believe he will pull it off, but we’ll see. Whether you dropped the series or not, the road ahead shows a sign of great promises.

[hollywoodx4]

I was blessed enough to see Hamilton so here’s my thoughts.....

(these are from my phone, on which I took notes during intermission and for half an hour when we got back to our hotel after the show....I am still so incredibly shook from the beauty of this show. This is also a good 90%  chunk explaining my love of Lexi Lawson throughout all my thoughts so I mean.....enjoy)

(also @apocalyps-o I’m tagging you because as a new Lexi stan I am here for a fellow Lexi stan and you need to know legitimately every detail of how flawless I think she was.)

— Lexi Lawson

Literally an angel

Eliza is my favorite above any other character in this musical so although I was honestly just happy to be there I had the most high standards. They were MORE THAN EXCEEDED.

She is so soft and good, her smile makes me want to fling myself into the sun. She plays Eliza exactly as she should be-gentle, kind, and with this kind of air that makes me want to squeeze her and never let her go. She makes the Reynolds pamphlet hit twice as hard because you fall so deeply in love with her. Her inflection of every note, her vocal control, the way she would do these really soft, long, gradual crescendos that just felt so natural and SOFT SHE IS SO SOFT

Her helpless was such an iconic moment because she really showed Eliza’s naivety but also her excitement, and a lot of her relationship with Angelica because she kept going back to her and hugging her or grabbing her arm, and they’d gossip and I was so excited about the air of sisterhood they held. They’d share these looks with shining eyes and when Mandy Gonzales held her tenderly by the elbows I wanted to cry-It was a closeness I really felt blessed to witness. Also, Lexi’s Eliza Eskimo kissed Peggy during Helpless when she puts all the letters back into their box and it made. My. Entire. Night. It was the cutest thing. Also, her riffs were incredible-the last little riff if Helpless, she held out the first note a bit shorter so she could go into this miraculous, longer, so controlled and effortless riff to ALL sides of her vocal range where she had the biggest smile-so gentle.

Something to note about the difference between her and Pippa is that I think Lexi generally took everything a bit softer-the moments that were big and belt-y in Pippa’s Eliza ended up still being big with Lexi, but gentler. There weren’t these big, loud, joyous moments of belting but these blissful, effortless riffs that really just tugged at my heart as an Eliza stan. She takes the whole idea of Eliza being this naive, young, ANGEL and runs with it so beautifully.

Also, it really made her burn more impactful I think, because she had her powerful moments but they’d been showing more with her facial expression and movement than with the volume of her voice-so when Burn comes, and her voice is cracking and she just looks so DEJECTED? When she sings the first verse as one sort of deep, lethargic sigh? Oh my god. There’s this hint of rejection in her eyes, a helpless sort of tears beginning to pool, it’s the most heartbreaking thing.

She also laughed during helpless at Lafayette, and had to bring herself back it was so precious.

Watching her dote on Peggy too was really sweet, and the Peggy was really funny and I feel like she was rolling with the whole “and Peggy” Joke

Quinton Johnson as Mulligan stole the show. Really. He is so funny, he would do these little motions and actions in the back that had me cackling. The entire audience was CACKLING because he gave so much emotional reprieve after some of the more intense, heavier moments.

I sobbed during dear Theodosia SO MUCH. Daniel Breaker?? He comes out and he starts singing, then you can see him start to cry, and by the end of his first verse he is crying and my heart just felt so attacked by the amount of emotion in that performance. The two of them were so incredibly on top of portraying that feeling, that pride and happiness and pure joy, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

The cast dynamic as a whole was incredible-I really felt the way they made the show into their own experience, twisted it to fit their personalities and what they wanted everyone to get out of their experience. The show was so. Funny. And it’s due to the cast and the way they made little moves or added extra quirks that I couldn’t handle. During the cabinet battles there were mics, and I was dying over the fact that there was also a mic drop, and the audience completely ate both cabinet battles up.

And Hamilton Was played aggressively in a way that he really felt more like he was really trying to keep himself under control, like he was having a difficult time keeping his mouth shut and his energy down and finding the appropriate balance of using his voice and trying to keep himself in check. It was really neat to see the way that everything felt much more urgent with Hamilton-like he really was running out of time and he was aggressively trying to get his points across. He was an anxious mess as Ham is, but he definitely portrayed a bit more of the power and precision that Hamilton possessed.

The best scenes in act two were:

Maria being kind of lower key, showing a bit more of her actual young mannerisms because SHE WAS A CHILD. And then during the Reynolds pamphlet when she literally had this look of utter fear and betrayal on her face, like ‘how could he, how dare he,” because her life was falling to shambles. An unrecognized, underappreciated role to portray so much in so little time.

Phillip rapping because he was so shy, and then as Alex built his confidence up he got louder and stood up a bit taller, and by the end Alex was really showing his pride and so Phillip hugged him and left cheering himself on, it made Eliza so happy, she was reeling by the end, what a nice family moment.

Also Lexi doting on him during that scene, sitting on one side of the bench, waving her arms playfully like she’s conducting but she also takes his piano seriously as he’s rolling his eyes. Their whole take on pip and Eliza’s relationship was so sweet. I feel in general that Lexi Lawson did such a wonderful job of showing Eliza’s nurturing side, the way she so gently coddles Phillip and even during helpless how she’s always looking back and going to Peggy, making sure she’s alright.

Lexi’s voice quivering as she’s singing to dying Phillip. And then her choked out sob. Oh my god.

It’s Quiet Uptown. The entire thing. This performance had me shaking in my seat. I felt so deeply rooted in their emotions that my heart felt like it was going to fall out of my body. Right as they’re singing about Eliza standing with Alex in the garden, they were standing next to each other, each of them tearful and looking away from one another with pained expressions. Then, when Eliza takes Alex’s hand and they sing “forgiveness,” Alex completely broke down. Like. Crouched on the floor holding her hand, both of them are sobbing, then they hold on to each other so tightly the rest of the song. She touches his face and they kiss, and god knows how I remember it through the sobbing, but it was the most emotionally raw performance of anything that I have ever witnessed.

Her burn. Because she was so subdued, and everytime she said “do you know what Angelica said” it was in an “oh, stupid me, I should’ve known” voice with this sort of sad slouched shrug, holding her letters and playing with them with her hands and that was HEARTBREAKING.

Her GENTLE, completely heartbreaking CRESCENDO, and the way she finally lost it and BROKE DOWN as she sang “you’ll sleep in your office instead” in a cracking, loud, tearful voice. ugh.

Lexi during Who Lives, Who Dies where she absolutely tore me to pieces with her eyes all tearful and proud as she sings about ELIZA’s legacy. You go girl. And then her gasp at the end? Iconic.

A good goo Jefferson. He was HILARIOUS. Just in his exaggerated movements and his facials, I was dying over every facial expression he made. And Madison carrying around a Hankie and being a big nerd baby.

And every time the king came out and everyone just screamed. He was so animated, and so light on his feet, it’s like the laughter fueled him and every time he came out he was ten times funnier than before.

anyway, I’m about to work every weekend and every day after my full-time job just so that I can see Hamilton again.....this was the best payoff for the ridiculous amount that I work. Like.