#I am lucky I don’t have a real job rn because this literally did take all day

[specialagentartemis]

tearing my hair out. What A Day

love to get a bill for $1000 in the mail for an MRI that I had been assured three times by my insurance would be fully covered, then got to spend all day calling my insurance then the MRI place then my mom then the MRI place again and only then learning that someone at the MRI place fucked up when they entered my case into their billing system, having simply assumed that when I said my injury was due to a bicycle fall that that meant I was hit by a car. So they input my injury as a car accident, without verifying it at all, and then my insurance went “oh! Well, if it was a car accident, then we don’t have to actually pay for it, the other car will,” except there is no other car, so the bill bounced back to me. And I had to do all of this detective work to find out what went wrong because it’s not like anybody else has any interest in doing their own jobs, and THEN I had to call the hospital, and the surgery center, to make sure that the mistake wasn’t downstreamed and they didn’t ALSO submit insurance claims saying it was a car accident, and the hospital never picked up because of course they didn’t because they never do, and then I had to call the insurance again to explain everything I had just done and that I had gotten everyone to resubmit their bills properly and could they please cover what they said they would cover now.

and they told me to wait 20 days for them to process it.

and also now my broken wrist hurts from documenting everything everyone said on the phone because who knows what they’re going to say in 20 days.

what a spectacular system

[coralinejones]

30 questions

tagged by @vercopaanir omg 🥺 thank you sm for tagging me!!💕 you're literally my most favorite fic author atm and i'm currently reading part 9 from your Din series (which i absolutely adore btw), so this made me so happy ahhhh🥺🥰!! 

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better

1. Name/Nickname: veronika/ronnie (rarely)

2. Gender: female, she/her

3. Star sign: aries

4. Height: 5′4″ ?? i think (basically 163cm lmao)

5. Time: 18:20/6:20pm

6. Birthday: april 🥰

7. Favorite bands: Gorillaz, twenty one pilots, The Neighbourhood, Chase Atlantic, Wallows, and others that i can't remember rn lol

8. Favorite solo artists: blackbear, harry styles, troye sivan, hayley kiyoko, and also definitely others that i can't remember, i basically listen to anything tbh lol

9. Song stuck in your head: Dead Weight by PVRIS and Daisy by ashnikko

10. Last movie: The Graduate (had to watch it for my film class)

11. Last show: The Mandalorian (rewatched the finale with my mom 😭)

12. When I did create this blog: oh wow, a long time ago,, could be back in 2012/13 i think?? 

13. What I post: multifandom, literally anything i like or am currently obsessed with asbfshjfbc

14. Last thing I googled: what is 163cm in feet asfnsjhdbdn

15. Other blogs: don't have any😔

16. Do i get asks: very rarely but when i do it makes me super happy🥰🥺

17. Why i chose my url: it's the full name of one of my favorite fictional characters from my most favorite movie ever created :')

18. Following: almost 5k oop

19. Followers: oh wow i think around 1k but idk why anyone even follows me tbh asnfcshjv

20. Average hours of sleep: used to be around 6 but i fucked up my sleep schedule real bad during quarantine, so now it's around 3 + a few hours when i inevitably take a nap😅

21. Lucky number: 9 

22. Instruments: can't play any unfortunately😔 would love to learn piano though

23. What I’m wearing: a 'lisa simpson for president' hoodie and some sweatpants abdhajbfcahs

24. Dream job: literally anything related to film, ultimately movie director and/or screenwriter :')

25. Dream trip: visiting california again 🥺 or new york, i miss it sm😔

26. Favorite food: does a slushie count??? ahjbdahjdbs if not then i guess potatoes in any form lmao

27. Nationality: czech :)

28. Favorite song(s): Kids with Guns by Gorillaz, Forest by twenty one pilots, Softcore or Void by The Neighbourhood

29. Last book: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

30. Top 3 fictional universes I wanna live in: hmmmm some pretty planet from star wars, a cyberpunk city from blade runner and most likely the whole fictional universe in lord of the rings because it seems so peaceful 🥰

 I hope everyone is having a good day/night💕, and I’ll tag: @th0r-gasm @kinggranny @daisimoon @eznova @loulou-garou @richardsunicorn @lazerswords @eddiekasppbrak @dindiarin @mjby @shelton-devers @vas-happenin-team @lovelydjarin @film-bones @lukedjarin @awkwardangelshezza @heythere-mel @johnboyega and anyone who wants to do this :) 💖 also no pressure, if you don't wanna do this then that's okay too ☺️!!

[wri0thesley]

Hi nat, advice anon from the day before yesterday here again 🥺💕 sorry it’s taken this long to try and formulate a response. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to me, I worry that I over-explain when I’m trying to be as clear as possible with things, so I’m sorry that my messages are so wordy but like, first of all omg you absolutely 1000% did NOT come across condescending at all 🥺🥺 I very much appreciate the encouragement.

It’s kind of hard to find any amount of free time b/c I work your basic, bland ass office job (and it’s not even sexy or anything like my Endeavor fantasies smh…) but I’m basically up at 5am to get ready every morning, work from 8:30 am until 6pm, and then revenge procrastinate by doing literally anything until it gets so late that I know I’ll suffer in the morning for it, because I’m so desperate to cling to those hours I don’t have to be at my office. Like, it’s hard enough to not have a mental breakdown trying to plan a lunch for the next day, honestly. That combined with the stress of the whole uh, worldwide situation of the last year and all that has kind of made me feel really stagnant creatively. I feel like I finish selling my weekly 40 hours of my life to this place and then spend my entire weekend curled up in a ball reading and watching things and wanting to write but still unable to will myself to just DO it.

It just sucks trying to find motivation, especially for the things I want to write, as I’ve been revisiting past interests and things that are considered “dead” fandoms at this point like Free! or Magi or Kuroko no Basket. And even with the ideas for more currently running series like JJK, BNHA, and Haikyuu!!, it’s almost more intimidating because there’s so much out there that it feels like it’s so hard to get anyone to, idk, care? If that makes any sense lmao I’m also at this weird point where I’m getting largely insecure about my smut writing and worrying about it being repetitive and dry. I write mostly about the male characters with uh, outie-style equipment and I’ve never had any personal encounters with that type of giblet so I’m constantly second guessing whether or not any of it is actually any good asdjfkdkgd

Anyway, that’s all beside the point. I wanted to come and thank your properly for speaking with me even just like this. It really means a lot ashfkdkgd I’m really too shy to come off anon rn but like, some day in the future I hope the offer will still stand to be able to slide in and properly introduce myself and say hi asfdjglxgmz but!!!! You’re so sweet and friendly and have made me feel very comfortable opening up even just like this. Some of these are things I haven’t even been able to express very well to other people in my life very well, I’m glad my rambling made sense ;;;;; thank you for making me feel safe and welcome here and for talking with me about all this junk. It truly means so so much 💕💕💕

response cut for length!

ahh sorry it took me a little while to reply to you anon! things get buried in my inbox pretty quick and then i'm like 'oh no is it weird if i reply many days later' nfdgbnjkfgbk

the pandemic has really just . . . done a number on everyone. i am lucky in that as a carer i just am home all the time but for people who are still going into work and offices and trying to deal with their job on top of everything else . . . oof. i hope you are at least in a place where cases are winding down!<3. (smh not even sexy . . . anime men have truly given us all unrealistic expectations for everything)

motivation is definitely one of the hardest things to find! but i also know from prior experience that forcing yourself to write for a fandom bc you think it'll be popular is no fun and you'll have a way better time writing what you want to write - if writing for 'older' fandoms makes you happy, you should do it!!! i think people care plenty about the popular fandoms too though personally, for how many writers are out there writing for them i am always surprised by the response to what i write for them ;w;

fgbjnjkb if all you write is smut - which same - it definitely can feel like you're writing the same thing over and over again! i'm guilty of using the same expressions to describe things. A Lot. but honestly i don't think people even notice if you havent had Experience; i have something i like to call Rule Of Sexy which is 'this is fiction and it might not be possible or comfortable in real life but it sure sounds hot!'

the offer definitely always stands anon!! i hope things pick up for you and you can find it possible to carve a little time for writing for yourself!

[cecilsstorycorner]

30 Questions Tag Game

Thanks @teriwrites for the tag! I’m all cooped up on a mountain alone so it was nice to have something to do lol

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better 

Name/nickname: Cecil

Gender: No (agender)

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’10”

Time: 8:39 am (an anomaly, everyone got up real early to head out and I got swept up in it)

Birthday: March 13th

Favourite bands: The Crane Wives, The Tiny, Bitter Ruin, Charming Disaster

Favourite solo artists: April Smith, Radical Face, Shayfer James

Song stuck in my head: Ways to Love - Jason Webley

Last movie: Oh gods it was Twilight. For context I was feeling down and my mum went ‘hey you know what cheers you up- making fun of bad movies with someone’ and she was right

Last show: Superstore (my family’s been watching it after dinner while we all do our separate work things. It’s not bad actually, very therapeutic if you’ve ever worked retail or even any customer service job)

When did I make this blog: Sometime around November or December I think??

What I post: My own art/writing nonsense, occasional thoughts no one wants to hear

Last thing I googled: schlaflied die ärzte (I’m trying to get better at my pronunciation through songs and this one is simplistic enough and also just very fun)

Other blogs: Mostly just my main @dontdropthejam, I have a bunch others but they’re not really used anymore

Do I get asks? Sometimes! Mostly for ask games. I quite like them though! (I know so unique)

Why I chose my URL: My typical handle for art and stuff is cecilstrinketbox, but since I’d already used that to make a now abandoned art blog here, I made a version more fitting to writing! Plus I literally ran a story time at my old job for a while so it felt appropriate

Following: 504

Followers: 150 (which is insane and I’m very grateful so many people wanna see my nonsense)

20. Average hours of sleep: From 5-11, depending. It’s never enough I am so tired

21. Lucky number: 13, but not because I’m trying to be ✨quirky✨ or something, it’s just that my 13th birthday was on Friday 13th on the 3rd month at 3am and I think that’s very sexy of me. Also 42 because I grew up with a nerd dad and it rubbed off on me

22. Instruments: Basic ukulele, by-ear fingerpicking/single key guitar and piano. I like to pick out songs on the guitar and sing alone. It’s rarely in my range but that’s okay I do it only when no ones home

23. What I’m wearing rn: Pyjamas and a big cozy blanket sweater thing. I’m a warm lump and I love it

24. Dream trip: I guess like... Germany or some Scandinavian country or something? For both personal background reasons and because I really wanna learn more about the folklore there. I also wanna go back to Scotland but I’m planning to live there so that’s less a dream trip and more a hopeful future plan

25. Favourite food: It’s more a meal than individual food, but sometimes on special occasions my family makes this Sunday roast with roast potatoes and the best Yorkshire Puddings you’ll ever taste. But it takes a full day to make so its a rarity. Luckily my dad knows how to make cheaper ingredients taste fantastic though so if we clear a day in advance it’s not too tricky to set up from that side

26. Nationality: British/German and living in Canada atm

27. Favourite song: Holy Branches by Radical Face

28. Last book I read: I just started A Conspiracy of Truths by Alexandra Rowland and I’m very excited to actually get back into reading again!

29. Top three fictional universes: Ooh I’m not really a worldbuilding person but probably 1. My friend’s dnd world (she’s making a whole source book for it it’s incredible I fear and respect her so much), 2. the alternative world that Bly Manor takes place in (I know this is a stretch but I just really like their ghost rules), 3. Whatever Spirited Away’s got going on

30. Favourite colour: Depends on my mood tbh. Sometimes a really soft blue, sometimes a deep warm purple, sometimes heavy forest green, and so on

I am absolutely not tagging 20 people oh gods. This isn’t a writing thing so I don’t really know who to tag even more than usual, so I’ll try @little-boats-on-a-lake and @chayscribbles if you want to, plus anyone else who’s as bored as me!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [is gonna rock up late despite literally living with Charlie so enjoy the entrance everybody]

Joe: [when you weren’t invited but still gonna show up like you have somewhere better to be, love that for you, the effort we’ve not gone to because we live here so it’s kinda okay but not really Joseph, also I imagine kinda shook she ended up showing]

Ronnie: [likewise in the sense that she dresses the same everywhere she goes unless it’s a job interview or court appearance lol but we know she looks good if you’re Joseph and into it, I imagine her zoning in on Jamie immediately like who the fuck is this and then oh I’ve heard nothing about you kinda energy soz gal]

Joe: [rude but not untrue in this case, at least Charlie can make it seem like you’re joking and Joe can go get you a drink like soz this is all we have energy ‘cos in jokes]

Ronnie: [I highly doubt they have enough seats around that table so I also imagine her dragging up something to sit on like yeah I’m here to stay bitches and drinking Joe’s drink while he’s gone as a throwback to when she did when they met at that gig and cos we’re obvs claiming him LOL]

Joe: [we know the food is gonna be studenty anyway so having smaller portions won’t kill any of us lmao, just dying at how shocked Sophie is having to conceal she is, host on queen, boring boyfriend having no opinions of course]

Ronnie: [don’t worry gal depending how much of a jealous rage we get into we probably won’t be eating it so you’ll still have brownies left, her face would be iconic and I totally picture Marc on his phone the entire time because Paul used to do that when he was with Trace]

Joe: [giving nothing to this bizarre situation, too real, Charlie and Sophie holding this together, soz guys, Joe jus amused af, do we sit opposite or next to hmm]

Ronnie: [read that as soz gays, ILY mum & dad, I think he needs to sit opposite Jamie so that she can accuse them of eye fucking each other or whatever so probably next to]

Joe: [okay yes gather ‘round everyone]

Ronnie: she lives here

Joe: yeah I told you, Silent Bob’s gf

Ronnie: you said he had a bitch not shes been chained to the radiator since youse lot moved in

Joe: maybe that’s his secret

Ronnie: whens he letting you have your go

Joe: got my own radiator you can have a go on when this is over

Joe: not to brag or nothing

Ronnie: wont be over til the fat flatmate sings & the other one sucking you off while her & mariah duet and the boyfriend pretends he aint watching youse instead is fuck all to brag about

Joe: be lucky if it got close to that level of mildly interesting

Joe: where are you in all this then

Ronnie: under the sink looking for drain cleaner or whatever else i can drink

Joe: why do you get to have all the fun?

Ronnie: i dont waste my time asking bullshit questions

Joe: how are we gonna waste our time

Ronnie: im gonna kill your shared girlfriend & youre gonna cry about it

Joe: I don’t think I am

Joe: no amount of tragedy is gonna breakthrough the chemical fog

Ronnie: you would if you could

Joe: [🙄 at her]

Ronnie: [tips however much is left of her drink into his lap not at all accidentally but we know Charlie and Soph will pretend it was]

Joe: [whip them off to go get changed boy]

Ronnie: [when you wanna follow him but you just gotta glare instead]

Joe: [probably taking whatever we’ve got in to make this go easier, ‘scuse us, so much missing out]

Ronnie: [you know she turned up already on something so do what you gotta do Joseph]

Joe: [Jamie should be talking to you about uni things thus alienating everyone else a lil ‘cos that is a bit rude and will annoy you gal]

Ronnie: [fully just opening up a wound over here literally cos she was already jealous but did not realise they had this much shit in common or anything in common actually so we’re just livid and bleeding]

Joe: [Sophie just running with the kitchen roll like omg do we have bandages guys like oh babe you truly only mean well, Charlie just giving the can you not looks of it all, Joe just jealous because we’ve obviously got our long sleeves]

Ronnie: [a spoken out loud fuck you at everyone but mainly Joe as we go to the bathroom to not deal with this but instead evoke the energy of when Mae downed that mouthwash because she definitely would and also go through the cabinets for anything sharp obvs]

Joe: [at least you can go under the guise of checking on her but really you’re just seeing what she’s doing]

Ronnie: [1000% have not locked the door because we wanted him to follow us but that won’t stop her telling him to get out because walking contradiction forever]

Joe: [locks it behind him in response]

Ronnie: [the most intense glare in response because could not be more livid rn]

Joe: [grabbing wherever the wound is like we’re gonna kiss it better or something like Soph for a casual bit of blood drinking]

Ronnie: [obviously have to push him away really hard because we’re obviously really into it and excuse you boy we’re trying to be angry and hate you, soz to all the flatmates when you hear that crashing about]

Joe: [lmao this tiny bathroom getting destroyed, steady yourself and her despite that clearly not being what she wants right now, roll up a sleeve ‘you never did the X’]

Ronnie: [the glorious visual of trying to get past him to leave/push him away again at the same time in a small space so you just end up pressed up against each other and the door making eye contact and it’s hot af ‘you never took me anywhere’]

Joe: [‘so let me’ do you mean let’s get out of here or in a saucy way either or you skinny as hell girl so if you not really trying to leave it’s easy not to let you]

Ronnie: [‘she’ll let you’ because we’re not just dropping this even if we want to]

Joe: [‘who?’ like an oblivious boy ‘cos clearly not where our head is]

Ronnie: [a really vicious read of Jamie based on what we’re learned this evening that I’m not gonna do because I am not that mean but it’s obvious it’s her and not Sophie we’re talking about, hope you don’t hear us gal]

Joe: [‘I’m not interested’ in every sense right now ‘and you know that, stop pissing about’]

Ronnie: [‘wasn’t any other cunt round the table hanging on her every fucking word, I know that’ because that was blatant Jamie]

Joe: [‘I can’t help it that her fella’s an accountant’ what do you do Marc, do any of us know lol, shrugs ‘we go to the same school, that’s it’ and a look like whatever the fuck this is is clearly more]

Ronnie: [she would wanna lol but we can’t because still mad ‘that’s it?’ not actually a question though more like you better be telling the truth boy ‘why the fuck have you never told me about her then?’]

Joe: [‘I thought I had when I said he had a girlfriend’ not not a lie ‘none of them are what I want to talk about, that’s it’]

Ronnie: [‘you were thinking with this’ grabbing his dick when we say so ‘that’s it’ cos even if that was true Joseph we shade the rest of the flatmates often and you know damn well we love doing it]

Joe: [shakes head even though we are very clearly into that ‘she’s no Soph’ like it wouldn’t be as funny soz]

Ronnie: [‘is right’ like yeah I know you actually seriously wanna get with her, and moving away but not to leave but to pick back up whatever implement we were gonna hurt ourselves with before he came in but didn’t get chance to because we’re genuinely upset]

Joe: [literally putting ourselves in front of it like no ‘Ronnie’ like I don’t know how you’re going to even put it into words boy so it’s mainly a !!! look]

Ronnie: [a look that starts out like don’t try and stop me/fuck you but turns into !! when his does like say something/do something if you mean it]

Joe: [got to go in and kiss you whilst making her push whatever she was gonna use on herself into him, now or never, enjoy the tension finally getting released]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re kissing you back so we all know what’s gonna happen next lol, soz flatmates I really hope you can’t hear anything, especially Charlie cos you actually know they’re related]

Joe: [it is not a big flat so keep quiet, just think he’s comforting her for all this time or what, god bless]

Ronnie: [she would be trying to keep quiet but not for y’all more so he thinks she’s unimpressed/not that into it but that would literally last all of a second because she’s obviously very into it]

Joe: [the levels you aren’t gonna wanna go back in but can’t be seen as being romantic lads]

Ronnie: [I could easily have her leave if we want though because it’s a fact that she doesn’t wanna be here and everyone would be relieved except Joseph]

Joe: [that probably makes sense, honestly, and you’ve freaked them all out, as was the point]

Ronnie: [and lbr you’ve freaked yourselves out with how good that hook up was too so]

Joe: [just go hide in your room like you’re very taxed by that in an acceptable way boy]

Ronnie: [god knows where you’re gonna go gal but please don’t OD again like you literally did in Margate no time ago]

Joe: [the headfuckery]

Ronnie: [poor Charlie just like UMMM WTF cos she must look bad even for her rn and we’ve behaved terribly and then literally legged it so]

Joe: [thank god you’re such a natural party go-er so you can make up some excuse to put them all at relative ease but yeah, for sure like excuse me]

Ronnie: [might be fun to do a convo between them when we’re done with this one]

Joe: [I’m down even though I really haven’t used him yet, I’ll give it a go]

Ronnie: [yeah it’s been forever since we did the group chats with them and Bronson and Bea it feels like another life, I can send you the convo we did where she told him she met Joe if you like cos I re-read that the other day and it was pretty good]

Ronnie: [but the real question is who’s gonna break first and start a convo and how long are we leaving it?]

Joe: [please do ‘cos did not realize we’d done that tbh]

Joe: [I could make a case for either of them, him to prove he meant it as he left it last time but her so she can’t automatically be on the ‘it meant nothing’ total defensive hmm]

Joe: [some hours later when the party is over, or could be]

Joe: Charlie was going pub, he’s left here though

Ronnie: [even later because whatever she’s doing she’s messy and can’t reply to the extent that she doesn’t need to because he won’t be expecting her to and yet here we are]

Ronnie: did whitney ask you to pass it on to us cos hes still disappointed like

Joe: couldn’t say

Joe: just letting you know that you’ll have a free gaff for a while longer

Ronnie: where have i chucked the other one for the sake of this free gaff in your mind mckenna

Joe: alright, free rooms better than fuck all

Ronnie: its his emmy oggie i aint there either

Joe: anywhere good?

Ronnie: compared to what

Joe: established it’s no brag compared to tonight

Ronnie: not gonna stop you comparing me & her

Joe: compare to what?

Joe: pleasantries over cocopops

Ronnie: youll be interested in eating her out now youve got what you wanted off me

Ronnie: 9 is easier to carve than an 8 and you wont look like youre trying to copy the infinity sign one of your other exes wouldve got inked on her

Joe: it’s not remotely the fucking same

Joe: if I was arsed about getting my numbers up there’s millions of girls in this city I could hit up before you

Ronnie: yeah youre not related to any of em and theyd have less clue how to shoot up than you do

Joe: even if the related bit was ringing 100% true, you’re the only user in town now?

Joe: you don’t have to pervert it when it already was

Ronnie: youre already romanticising it like a fucking 13 year old so yeah i do cause one of us has to get real

Joe: you reckon I’m so okay with it just because I can admit I wanted it

Joe: who do you reckon you’re lying to like I weren’t there

Ronnie: who do you reckon youre talking to like i didnt fucking leave you there for a reason

Joe: Fuck off

Ronnie: i did

Joe: for someone who reckons they’re so open, you chat so much shit

Ronnie: open to what soft lad infection

Joe: scars and trackmarks on your sleeve

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: you didn’t miss much

Ronnie: no shit you didnt just invite me cause you wanted to fuck me

Ronnie: can do that anywhere

Joe: yeah and you didn’t just wanna come to make Soph cry, like

Ronnie: i owed you

Joe: get it off your to-do list then

Joe: well done

Ronnie: stop crying youll never look as ugly as horse girl doing it or go for as long as her

Joe: you love her, we all 👀

Ronnie: i said shut up

Joe: no, you say something that’s not stupid

Ronnie: what for fucks sake

Ronnie: what did you reckon id say when you started chatting shit like nothing happened

Joe: alright, I don’t know

Joe: it happened, right

Ronnie: you werent hallucinating

Joe: nothing that makes that happen in the bathroom cupboard

Joe: I don’t regret it, I know that

Ronnie: meant to be made up to hear it am i

Joe: nah, probably not

Joe: but you wanted me to talk about it so I am

Ronnie: i wanted you to take the fucking hint when i legged it as soon as

Joe: you could’ve blocked me, so

Joe: pardon me for not taking it that seriously

Ronnie: not your crazy ex & i couldnt deny you your bullshit heroics

Ronnie: mary aint carrying me anywhere and i know how bad you wanna see me turn blue

Joe: you like having a stalker, is what you mean

Ronnie: block me and get your whore flatmate to tell you what she likes about you

Ronnie: weve established i aint got the talent to sing no cunts praises

Joe: we’ve established I’m not interested in that

Ronnie: cause you want me to tell you how smart you are at fucking me instead of beat the shit out of you

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: familys forever, sis

Ronnie: not to your ma baby

Ronnie: did i look enough like her for you

Joe: what do you reckon

Joe: your theory, not mine

Ronnie: mustve youve still not fucked off

Joe: you’ve got room for another face tat or two

Ronnie: go do that then

Joe: you can leave out the yes sir

Joe: not my fantasy

Ronnie: no shit like youve been my bitch since you hit send on facebook

Joe: 😂

Joe: I’ve been worse

Ronnie: you trying to turn me on or what its a bit late for it

Joe: just the once, alright

Joe: bit cliche but probably for the best considering

Joe: very sensible of you

Ronnie: cliche that my da didnt stick around long enough for his side of the family to properly cut or sew me up so ive gotta regret not getting chance to put a razor blade inside me before you 💔

Ronnie: now youre gonna reckon i care youve said the once ll do when i just hate you & hate how you fuck even more

Joe: Could’ve said it was about as much fun as

Joe: it’s alright

Joe: both confused, clearly

Ronnie: youre not confused youre fucking smug

Joe: hardly another achievement for the fridge door

Joe: what’s to be smug about

Ronnie: probably for the best i dont answer that if thats how you feel

Joe: come on

Joe: aside from proving you were full of shit about not wanting to as well

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: you don’t want me to say how I really feel

Ronnie: making me cum earlier dont mean you know what i want now

Joe: right, you want me to declare my love so you get more out of telling me to fuck off, that’s more like it

Ronnie: do i fuck

Joe: then what do you want

Ronnie: like you give the slightest shit

Joe: I do too

Ronnie: no you dont

Joe: I fucking do

Joe: [prove it in a way only y’all would, carve her name or something]

Ronnie: [send him your own pics of the bite marks you’re covered in which is a self harming thing you’ve not done since you were a kid because it’s been a headfuck every second since you two met and we’re not coping honey]

Joe: you hungry?

Joe: you didn’t eat fuck all, I mean

Joe: could get something not dubiously prepared by Soph

Ronnie: hungry as you are funny

Joe: I weren’t trying to be

Joe: on the spectrum, or whatever you said

Ronnie: you wish you had the excuse or the musical prodigy status

Joe: 💔 about that genuinely

Joe: just a dickhead

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: I don’t know what to say

Joe: there’s no point saying I’m sorry

Ronnie: no point is right youre not sorry

Joe: nah

Joe: it’d be lovely for you if I’d found you and you were fine

Joe: but like you said, it ain’t about me or her, it’s about loads of shit and you clearly weren’t so

Joe: just seems pointless

Ronnie: im made up you finally got your head round it

Joe: Yeah well, I didn’t tell you I was a good person

Joe: don’t mean I don’t give no fucks, just ‘cos I ain’t trying to save you

Ronnie: you keep telling me you aint like it matters to me who you are

Joe: yeah, it doesn’t in why you’re fucked

Joe: but what do you want from me

Ronnie: its your fucking fault im like this climbing the walls same as when i was a kid

Joe: yeah ‘cos you were doing really great before weren’t ya

Ronnie: all you give a fuck about is letting yourself off the fucking hook

Joe: Blame me then what does it change

Joe: do something about it other than fucking yourself up, I don’t care

Ronnie: stop lying that youre bothered if your only answer to me losing my mind is that i was before

Joe: I can’t help you

Joe: If you thought I could, though why the fuck you would

Joe: then I am sorry

Ronnie: 💔🖕

Joe: I’ve got my own problems

Joe: if I had any solutions, I’d light ‘em up and shoot them into myself first, naturally

Ronnie: youve got a solution i gave it to you

Ronnie: why the fuck would you make me feel something

Joe: Selfishness

Joe: pure and simple

Ronnie: on your way to a grown up habit im dead proud

Joe: what more could I want

Ronnie: that to scab over seeing as youve finally admitted its bullshit

Joe: I still think about you constantly

Joe: I still want to know everything about you

Joe: I’d rot with you

Ronnie: youve got your own problems to think about

Joe: yeah, and that’s hell

Joe: I’ve done plenty of that

Ronnie: yeah and youve got your escape

Joe: take yours

Joe: can have plan bs and cs even if a is the best

Ronnie: youre the kid who tells the rest to jump off a bridge

Ronnie: cute

Joe: you’re implying I wouldn’t and all

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what you do but i aint giving you the satisfaction of being the last fuck i ever had

Ronnie: youd cling to life long enough to write a pathetic song about it

Joe: that’s the nicest thing you’ve said

Joe: which is saying something ‘cos you’re so sweet, like

Ronnie: youre welcome

Joe: I’ll do a Dylan style ballad about all your 👼🏼 deeds

Ronnie: thats the biggest turn off out of everything youve ever said or done

Joe: thank god, you’re insatiable 😏

Ronnie: once you said

Joe: not for my benefit

Ronnie: its all only for your benefit remember

Joe: if that were true you’d still be here

Ronnie: if it was true i could be

Joe: come back

Ronnie: cant ive got a face tat to get done

Joe: I understand

Joe: my art isn’t there yet

Joe: won’t ruin your beauty

Ronnie: go ed and chuck yourself off a bridge you dont have to wait for me to boot your door in & do you in for chatting shit

Joe: well I am already devvo I’m not a prodigy so yeah, add lack of a steady hand to the list of failures

Joe: probably the meds

Joe: you know being poetic is all I do, why have we downgraded it to chatting shit 💔

Ronnie: why are you calling me beautiful when you could write it in your suicide note for your ma theres your downgrade

Joe: you’re too romantic for your own good

Joe: I wouldn’t be writing a note, sorry to dash your illusions

Ronnie: not me saying i get you mckenna thats your delusion

Ronnie: what are you gonna draw on me then

Joe: you do but it’s more fun to take the piss and pretend you don’t so

Joe: That is the question

Joe: won’t brand you, don’t worry

Ronnie: if i dont want it ill cut it out no pressure

Joe: it’s just skin right

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: how olds your oldest scar

Ronnie: older than you

Joe: what did you do

Ronnie: i used to take headbanging literally

Joe: ah, the floor never saw you coming, yeah

Joe: I have a head scar too [cos he either does or did on the stalker show idk but there we go with a photo like she probably knows hun]

Ronnie: [I just imagine her smiling to herself like yeah I know nerd]

Ronnie: cant both be poets had to express myself somehow before i pushed a safety pin through my cheek

Joe: that explains the permanent 😾

Joe: fucked the muscles, like

Ronnie: your shit jokes do

Joe: it was always easier to just start fights to get hurt

Joe: when I was a kid

Joe: though you work out ways to be sneaky fast, if you have to

Ronnie: they didnt wanna fight me

Joe: everyday sexism strikes again

Ronnie: fuck off not cos im a girl

Joe: why then

Ronnie: wouldnt be me getting hurt and if i was i didnt care

Ronnie: all those mental problems you told that call centre cunt about like

Joe: ‘course you were too proud to make it count

Joe: have to let them get some punches in or there was no point, yeah

Ronnie: no point in fitz flouncing in either fun though

Joe: true

Joe: I’ve got a brother and all, I remember what it’s like

Ronnie: scraps never went far enough

Joe: yeah

Joe: most kids aren’t that psycho

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: being misunderstood served me so well for the whole musician thing so whatever, I guess

Ronnie: i mightve bothered keeping some of my bastards about if they were guaranteed nutters thatd serve you well

Joe: you’d get your own room then, like

Joe: even if you had to pack them to the rafters

Ronnie: for a stalker youre dead concerned about my privacy

Joe: nah, ‘course not

Joe: I’d rather have a place to do the gear without the possibility of Soph or Charlie 🥺ing at us obvs, nothing but selfishness

Ronnie: theres loads of places

Joe: you can show me

Ronnie: is she there now she can let me in

Joe: no idea

Joe: their room is near the door, makes sense they’d be your first victims

Ronnie: youre too selfish to get off your arse and do it

Joe: if you’re coming I’ll carry you in myself, you know that

Ronnie: ill be there and youll still be going on about what youre gonna do

Ronnie: no wonder the other kids kept smacking you

Joe: yeah, all mouth me, deffo what I was known for

Joe: not a euphemism and I don’t think they were wishing it was but who knows

Ronnie: you sure you dont want charlie giving you the eye

Ronnie: how it sounds

Joe: I’m alright, tah

Joe: pretty sure he’s over it now I’m enabling you

Ronnie: hes over everything thats not horse girls from kent but reckons the fucking lost causes are us

Joe: He clearly just gives a shit about appearances

Joe: looking nice, polite

Joe: they’ll never speak again, like

Ronnie: forget him

Ronnie: open the door

Joe: [do that boy]

Ronnie: [boop his little head scar as you come in like oh there it is]

Joe: [‘s’not even a good story’ and producing some takeaway moment from the kitchen as you go through ‘cos the dinner party was not heavy on the dinner bit]

Ronnie: [a look like ffs because people caring in any way ew no but we are gonna eat it because probably haven't since that Margate moment]

Joe: [shrugging like bitch I’m hungry as we tuck in, obviously]

Ronnie: [kick him while you've still got your big boots on but playfully not aggressively]

Joe: [😏 but in a more genuine way than that cocky face looks, I am vibing Chinese not that that matters but there we go]

Ronnie: [weirdly I also thought that maybe because it's one of the grossest haha but yeah eat your food lads]

Joe: [greasy greasy goodness, love the subtle shade if any of them come out for a cuppa or whatever like oh hello again lol]

Ronnie: [I hope it's oblivious Marc just living his life]

Joe: [that’d be most amusing, unbothered, casually]

Ronnie: [I just imagine them doing stuff to try and make him notice like when people stack stuff on a sleeping person but idk what you could do in that little kitchen]

Joe: [for sure, just being subtly annoying/weird and he is just like does not compute ‘cos we mind our own business, so childish]

Ronnie: [love that for you two]

Joe: [we stan the regression for you]

[wetwellie]

Your Name AU

(because i’ve seen this movie a bajillion times and it makes me feel things and i am FEELING THINGS about zimbits rn) (It probably won’t work, but i’m gonna make it work)

 Bitty is a guy who is trying to peacefully spend his last summer before heading off to college in peace. 

He spends his days working his part time job at his Aunt’s produce stand. 

and Baking

and playing club hockey twice a week

Fairly peaceful

and...boring as hell

Until the dreams start

Jack has just started his third year at Samwell university

he’s still broken

still anxious

still the “golden boy” --even if he doesn’t feel like hes polished and shining

but he’s making do

and making friends

just a year or two left until

until what?

graduation? getting signed? 

wasting away? 

Jack doesn’t know. But he’s resigned to focus on hockey and let the rest of the world pass him by

Until the dreams start

Jack wakes up and it’s too hot

He shifts to get out of bed and finds that the covers he is tearing away from his body

are not his

or Shitty’s

or any of his roommates’

also. uh

those skinny legs and short shorts are not his

his hands look different too

and his face feels different

and the voice that calls to him from downstairs is not one he knows

huh

well

weird dream

hope it’s over soon

Bitty goes downstairs to eat the next day

His parents are both fairly silent

“I see you got over whatever mood you were in yesterday, young man”

“mood?”

“it doesn’t matter.”

That’s all he gets out of them

When he drives to the produce stand his cousins run up to him smiling

“I see that you actually remembered how to drive that thing”

“What?” says Bitty

“yesterday you were all over the place. almost knocked over the stand. if you were anyone else I’d think you were drunk”

“Aunt Judy figures you might have been possessed” the other cousin says

“With a fit of stupidity”

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about” Bitty says

“It doesn’t matter. Just don’t ‘get lost’ or forget ‘how to drive stick’ again, Dicky” she says using finger quotes

Later in the day, Suzanne asks Bitty if he’s really feeling ok. 

She was really worried about yesterday’s behavior

Bitty replies that , despite evidence on the contrary, he feels normal

They finish up some jars of jam and Bitty returns to his room for the night

There is where he finds it

Tucked under his pillow there is a note in scratchy handwriting

“Who are you?”

Bitty wakes up cold, in a bed that is too big for him

an alarm he doesn’t remember setting, or ever having, is blaring next to him

he looks to see the time

4:30 am

oh. 

hell no

bitty gets up to unplug the dream alarm clock, and returns to sleep

Bitty wakes up 6 hours later with another man coming into bed with him

This man is naked

and moustached

one of those dreams? huh

never would he dream about this kind of guy though

because this guy doesn’t crawl into bed, like he thought

he wraps bitty in a burrito made out of comforters and yanks him onto the floor

“I know you needed to a break, but let the coaches know before you sleep through morning practice like that”

“practice?”

“yeah. and you’re lucky that I’m waking you up in time to go to your 11am.” 

“but it’s summer”

naked moustache man just looks at him and rolls his eyes

“we’ll grab lunch after class”

“Wait!”

“What”

“...where is my class?”

Jack wakes up the next day 

and is dragged to the doctor to test for a possible concussion

“the things you were saying and doing yesterday were crazy”

“you skipped morning practice”

“After class you threw down your notes and said you’d never major in History”

“You baked seven as an apology for skipping morning practice”

“And then you dropped into fetal position in afternoon practice when Ollie was about to check you”

“And you took, i don’t know, 7000 selfies of yourself and called yourself handsome”

“have you ever taken a selfie before in your life?”

jack just shakes his head

“yeah. like i said you’re getting checked for a concussion”

Did I hit my head? , Jack asks

“no. but it can’t be” Shitty pauses “It wouldn’t be your other thing would it?”

I don’t think so he says. 

Jack has never really had memory problems. and his anxiety and panic never particularly affected him in the way described

faintly, he recalls a young boy at one of his games right before the draft, voice broken as he says “Jack, don’t you remember me?”

it leaves his mind as quickly as it entered

because he had bigger problems to figure out

namely how he had new entries on the journal on his phone

it was a summary of all of the things that “Jack” did the previous day

“Thanks for a long day of being a Big Shot on campus, handsome!”

signed Eric

Eric?? 

Who the hell is Eric? 

it happens again 

Jack spends a day as bitty

and Bitty spends a day as Jack

and they wake up not remembering too much about what happens

the only thing that cements that it’s not just a weird dream is that

well...real life consequences

Jack becomes a lot more...spinny and less up for contact when he plays hockey

and ends up enjoying time with his teammates a lot more

and has a huge country dialect now

and one time someone came up to him speaking french and jack had no idea what was going on???

and he smiles sometimes??? 

and at the end of the day he’s almost always on his phone typing away

Bitty is able to kick ass into gear with hockey

but can’t bake worth shit

honestly, suzanne hasn’t seen anything of that quality since bitty was seven

AND he had to check a recipe

also, he’s started to bike to work

driving stick is impossible

he’s very serious on some days

he spends his evenings watching history documentaries and writing in a journal

Well. It seems like this is just gonna be life for a while, they both figure

best set up some rules

Bitty, as Jack, is NOT ALLOWED TO DITCH CLASSES

no use of the word y’all

no beyonce

no short shorts

don’t drop like a brick when someone comes to check you

seriously Eric it’s fine 

Eric it’s my body that would get hurt don’t worry

also please don’t drink or use drugs in my body

it’s a long story but again

it’s my body

Jack-as-Bitty is asked to be polite to his friends and customers

and please never bake anything ever

don’t leave the house dressed like some weird clothing outlet exploded

if you yell at my teammates i swear to god, mr. zimmermann. 

don’t disrespect senor bun

or anyone

stop frowning so much, even Coach has asked me about it and i don’t know what to say

don’t watch stuff on my netflix account. your history documentaries are messing up my recommendations

Despite the rules

They find ways to keep bothering each other

But also trying to make each other better

As captains of each others teams, both teams are able to benefit from their guidance

Bitty’s team gets a lot stronger technically

but kind of hate how much of a hardass Bitty is 3 times a week

The SMH is more in synch with each other than ever

and Bitty is able to help out a lot more

But Jack ends up having to put a lot of money in the sin bin for 

‘acting off’

Jack is very upset to find a picture of himself in the swallow, sitting on the roof of the Haus shirtless and wearing short shorts chilling

like

what the fuck Eric 

But they get a little routine down, and nothing changes except for minor nuisances

so whatever 

It all works good until one day, while Jack and Suzanne are bonding over making jam, Suzanne looks Jack right in the eyes and says 

“oh...you’re not my dicky. you’re dreaming aren’t you?”

Jack snaps awake in his bed

not Eric’s bed. His bed

Huh. weird. 

He goes to check his phone and of course, there is a long journal entry left over from the day he didn’t get

It’s all mostly ok until he gets to the end

“It looks like your first big hockey game is tomorrow night! Be sure to have fun. Enjoy it!”

“There’s a comet tonight for me. I’ll take lots of pictures so that you can see it next time we ...do whatever we do”

 Jack and the SMH win the game. and he actually tries to have fun. but the only person he wants to celebrate with is

well

he’s in georgia

bUT

Jack has a phone

He dials bitty’s cellphone number that has been saved in his contact

his heart is beating quite fast. 

and then he hears 

“We’re sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service”

 Jack stops switching after that

He should be relieved. overjoyed

but he’s not

he doesn’t miss the humidity

or the dirt roads

or the bugs

but he does miss something

and he’s forgetting all about it

so he tries searching online for the town

the town he can’t remember the name of

he doesn’t want to forget, so he starts drawing sketches of what he remembers

they’re not bad

pretty darn good, even

Not as good as Lardo’s, but she’s still abroad

He tries to call Eric’s number a couple more times. He gets the same results

 Jack can’t take it anymore

During the winter break, Jack flies down to Georgia for a weekend, rents a car, and drives himself in the general area he remembers the town

he stops locals and shows them sketches

“is there any town nearby that looks like this?”

they all respond in the negative

he does this for hours

the sun is starting to set when he resigns to give up

he pulls into a diner in the town he’s in, orders, and looks at his sketches again

maybe it’s possible that the town isn’t...even real?

it really could have just been his dreams

that is what he thinks when the server returns with some water

“Hey. that’s a pretty good picture of Godfrey”

 “Godfrey?”

“Yeah. I grew up there.” he says looking a bit sad

“Can you tell me how to get there?” 

The server pauses and gives Jack a mourned, but puzzled look “ it was about a 15 minute drive from here but-” 

“it was?”

“you didn’t hear about what happened?”

Jack shakes his head. 

“If you don’t mind,I’ll take you to it after you finish your dinner”

It’s all gone. 

Oh God. 

Everything from the small ice cream shop to the old creek where Bitty’s cousins would hang around

It’s all rubble

and mounds of dirt

Literal miles

Jack can’t breathe

he can’t

breathe

just breathe

just

breat--

[dyke-fruit]

can you talk a bit about your adhd? specifically how its impacted your writing, how you manage it as an adult?

of course! so, disclaimer, i’m kinda undiagnosed -- i was diagnosed with add as a kid, which has since been realized as an outdated term and kind of enveloped under the adhd roof. also, apologies if i use terminology that isn’t for people with adhd -- i have no clue what is or isn’t okay to say. i’m also unmedicated.

i’ve only recently (since january) connected my executive dysfunction and my weird little quirks with actualized adhd symptoms, so i’m also new at this! 

so, for writing, i’ve been drilled for the past four years to complete deadlines, so entering the summer where i’ve not had Real Deadlines has been... a learning curve. i don’t want to say i’m “lucky” but i feel pretty lucky in that my adhd lets me write, but, like, only do that. i struggle with basic life stuff, like cooking, having three million things to do all at once, to the point where i have to sit and do Nothing. writing is about the only thing i can do (most of the time). 

a key thing for me is breaking things into steps -- i struggle really hard with just Starting things. i need to know where i’m starting, and whether it’ll be hard or easy to start. bc most of the time i get overwhelmed and Shut Down. that means outlining, having a clear plan for how i’m going to work and what i’m going to work on. at the beginning of the summer i was very overwhelmed and stressed by the state of the world, but i know that being creative fuels me rather than drains me, so i knew i needed to write bc it WOULD make me feel better.

i forced myself to be busy post-grad, which meant having... four projects i was working on. this REALLY helps my adhd and writer’s block in general, because if i get stuck, i literally just work on something else. i’ve thrived like that for years now, and i don’t really get writer’s block because of it. i compromised with myself in may being like “okay, so on monday, you’ll work on Project A. tuesday, Project B” and so on. that meant even if i wrote a single page, i did what i needed to do. that did not work VERY QUICKLY. so i switched to being like, okay, everyday i’ll write a single page of every project i have. i saved best for last, usually, because i knew if it got to be 2pm, i wouldn’t want to do it. often, i ended up writing more than a page and feeling really good! and when you feel good, it’s good! i also found a lot of good in breaking up my sessions with other things -- i can’t sit and write for hours at a time. i write for an hour, then play some guitar for a bit, go back to writing, then go outside, then write, then maybe draw for a bit. i get creatively inspired by other creative things, so i found drawing/guitar was rlly good for me in quarantine. but -- all of this is basically impossible if you have a job. i am unemployed, but check back in a few months when i force myself to get a part time job and have breakdowns every other day haha. 

it’s a lot of trial and error -- i highly recommend trying to find posts and stuff here on tumblr about actionable steps to take with specific tasks you’re having trouble with. i’m starting to do that with cooking, and it’s very very hard, but manageable. 

for LIFE, i think recognizing feelings i’m having as adhd symptoms has helped me the most. i’m getting unnecessarily mad at something? oh hey, it’s because of that. calm down. i’m hyperfixating? oh okay cool! i know i need to prepare for a huge breakdown when i’m done with it lmao. i think once i get health insurance sorted out, i’ll pursue getting medication, but i’m really afraid of someone telling me i DON’T have adhd (bc it’s hard to get diagnosed as an adult+it manifests differently with afab peeps). 

but truly, there is A LOT i’m doing wrong. and it’s important to recognize that... the world is fucking wild rn. we are exposed to so much stress and other stuff that makes adhd worse, so while ignoring things you Need to do isn’t really possible, don’t beat yourself up for not doing something. 

[dylanobrienisbatman]

100 Questions

it’s long so it’s under the cut, but man was this fun. thanks for the tag @the-most-beautiful-broom ♥ i’ll tag my loves (if you want to haha this is a lot) @raven-reyes-of-sunshine @perhalta @dracovengeance @hedaalicia and @amihanmayari

1. What is your nickname? Bails

2. How old are you? 24

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius!

5. What is your favorite color? green (Aw hey linds, same !!) 

6. What’s your lucky number? I was number 8 for marching band every single year (F8 for flute 8) except my junior year, and my junior year we had a shit show, so im calling that. 

7. Do you have any pets? 5 dogs back home in seattle but none where i live now or in NY when i get back

8. Where are you from? everywhere and nowhere. my dads military. but im american! 

9. How tall are you? 5’ 5″

10. What shoe size are you? 7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? A whole lot, but they’re not always all with me. 

12. Are you random? not really. im pretty set in my routines and very comfortably a home body

13. Last person you texted? my best friend @broadwaybound2016

14. Are you psychic in any way? not even a little tbh

15. Last TV show watched? The Bold Type (WATCH IT ITS AMAZING)

16. Favorite movie? I’m not really sure but i just watched Love, Simon and im literally just crying because of it right now so im gonna go with that until further notice

17. Favorite show from your childhood? probably Lizze McGuire

18. Do you want children? Nope

19. Do you want a church wedding? I dont really want to get married

20. What is your religion? agnostic? maybe? im not religious, and not very spiritual. I love spirituality, things like crystals and stuff, but i try not to appropriate those things from groups/cultures who actually use them. I’d love to learn more about them and be someone who actually knew how to practice but, again, i dont want to step on toes culturally and take things that aren’t mine to take

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? a lot! a ton of surgeries on my ears

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope, im literally a goody two shoes

23. How is life? lovely

24. Baths or showers? showers!

25. What color socks are you wearing? i dont really wear socks? i like those little half socks. I’m not wearing any rn

26. Have you ever been famous? nope.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? probably. i’d love to have a voice, and if it was for doing something i love, i cant think of anything better than getting to share my passion with the world like that. But it would definitely be a lot of pressure

28. What type of music do you like? i’m into literally anything. I love Hayley Kiyoko, the 1975, big fan of just basic pop like ariana grande and charlie puth, Harry Styles’s album is a masterpiece, Shawn Mendes, 5th Harmony. i love anything.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes!!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just two!

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my stomach

32. How big is your house? my house at home is a 5 bedroom 3 bath, my apt in amsterdam rn is just a room in a hotel type place with my own bathroom, and my apt in nyc is a studio

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? i literally hardly ever eat breakfast, but i love a bagel

34. Have you ever left the country? I’m in europe RIGHT NOW! lol

35. Have you ever tried archery? once, i was terrible

36. Do you like anyone? Not right now, but i might want too

37. Favorite swear word? i love the word fuck. it’s got so much you can do with it. i swear like a sailor.

38. When do you fall asleep? ummmmmm? whenever i guess lol 

39. Do you have any scars? A few small ones. a decent one on my knee from falling off my bike when i was 8

40. Sexual orientation? Bisexual

41. Are you a good liar? excellent

42. What languages would you like to learn? ALLLL the languages. I’d love to learn native hawai’ian. i spent my high school years there and the culture is so incredible, and i was so welcomed into it by my friends who were from there, i’d love a chance to really connect too it and try to learn that. 

43. Top 10 songs? Oh boy... im just gonna bullet these because i cant decide the order but this is the general

the way i am - charlie puth

young god - halsey 

rather be - clean bandit

feelings - hayley kiyoko

woman - harry styles 

make me feel - janelle monáe 

six inch heels - beyonce 

get right witcha - migos

my my my - troye sivan 

nice for what - drake 

44. Do you like your country? i’m torn at the moment. I hate tr*mp and everything him and his stand for, but i think america can be a wonderful place. 

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes!! <3

46. What is your personality type? MBTI: INTP 

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes!

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Hermione and Hermione is me. (also i really relate a lot to Lexa from the 100, which... is interesting. the way she suppresses feelings, her generally logical approach to things, the way she is totally useless around pretty girls.) 

50. Left or right handed? right!

51. Are you scared of spiders? If they’re like, big spiders yes. or if they come out of nowhere. im way more scared of cockroaches tho.

52. Favorite food? For some reason this question has been really hard for me lately? idk. i love a good indian style curry, and tacos? 

53. Favorite foreign food? Indian!

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m CLEAN, but im messy. i feel like cleanliness and orderliness have been misconstrued to mean the same thing, but clean is to dirty as orderly is to messy. I’m clean and messy, i am not very orderly, and i am NOT dirty. 

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Experience a walk down the street in a city at night where im not afraid

56. What color underwear? black

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? not too long, but it sometimes takes me a long ass time to pick an outfit 

58. Do you have much of an ego? It’s as big as it should be. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? i suck on them until i can bite them

60. Do you talk to yourself? Constantly.

61. Do you sing to yourself? Hell yeah

62. Are you a good singer? i’m decent but i need another voice to match with. on my own i can’t carry a tune. 

63. Biggest Fears? failure. and heights. 

64. Are you a gossip? I can be, but never about like.. bad things. I like to talk about how this friend or that friend did x y z cool thing but im not like “omg did you hear so and so hooked up with so and so” 

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Not really because i can’t spell for shit

66. Do you have long or short hair? Short-ish? i cut my hair in march of LAST YEAR and then trimmed it again this year and i want it to fucking grow

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i would definitely forget some

68. Favorite school subject? History

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Pretty introverted. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nah, im not allowed too for medical reasons

71. What makes you nervous? when I see kids wandering and their parents not noticing (okay im keeping that because me too, but also travelling? like the in-transit part of travel, catching busses/trains/planes makes me panic)

72. Are you scared of the dark? not at all

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? i try not too unless its major. usually its unintentional or the mistake is irrelevant to the flow of the conversation/situation  

74. Are you ticklish? Yes, but i hate being tickled unless its like, my sister or my dad

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes i have lol (linds, ily, we DEFINITELY have been over this already)

77. Have you ever drank underage? a little, but not until i was like 19, and then i was in europe for 6 months, so i didnt REALLY drink underage until i was like... less than 6 months to 21

78. Have you ever done drugs? Pot pretty regularly here in Amsterdam, and i’ve done shrooms

79. What do you fantasize about? getting a beautiful loft in a big city (preferrably london or NYC), with a kick ass job, a dog, and maybe a girlfriend with huge curly hair.

80. How many piercings do you have? Four

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yep!

82. How fast can you type? I just took a little online quiz that said i can type 72 words per minute with 93% accuracy? 

83. How fast can you run? lol I don’t run (same linds... same)

84. What color is your hair? brown!

85. What color are your eyes? Green!

86. What are you allergic to? I’m a bit lactose intolerant and pineapple makes my tongue itch?

87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i wish i did sometimes 

88. Are you depressed about anything? I’m not depressed “about anything”, im just generally someone who experiences a pretty mild case of depression.

89. Do you like your age? Yeah, i dig it.

90. What makes you angry? bigotry, ignorance, and spilling things. I spill drinks constantly, i spilled a WHOLE BOWL OF CEREAL ON MY FLOOR THE OTHER NIGHT.  

91. Do you like your own name? I didn’t used too but i really do now

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? not that i know of

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t want kids. 

94. What talents do you have? i have a pretty great memory, but for random things i dont need 

95. Sun or moon? Moon <3

96. How did you get your name? My dad, he just liked it. My middle name was also my dad, he heard the name Jess on the movie A Man From Snowy River and he thought it was a nice like, nickname/pet name, so he gave me the middle name Ges (pronounced like Jess) with the intent of calling me that (it didnt stick), but he didn’t want anyone to think my middle name was Jessica, so he spelled it Ges.

97. Are you religious? I am not, but i have a lot of respect for the concept of religion, as long as its used for the real purpose, which is to make people feel peace and help people find love and comfort. 

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I have not, but i shold

99. Color of your bedspread? White

100. Color of your room? White, with one black wall 

[leamen]

Reassurance

my friend met a friendly homeless guy the other night who showed him a community shelter and the idiot gives him acid as thanks even though the homeless guy was already clearly on other drugs and at the shelter the homeless guy blacked out and they kicked my friend out well they told him to come back a few hours later but my friend just ran away scared today a group of homeless guys went up to him at the park and said "well look who decided to show his face" he ran away he's been hearing things all day and a couple hours ago he told me he was hearing people talking about him as the killer bc he thinks he killed the homeless guy i really don't know if he's delusional or if something really really bad happened but he can't spend another night on the streets it's cold in montreal now i booked him a hotel room in the city and told him to rest up and we'll figure something out tomorrow and this fucking guy sends me a dick pic as a joke saying it was a selfie i'm sure he's just exhausted and delirious but i'm kind of upset he better be embarrased and apologize tomorrow morning i spent 300 dollars on his hotel bc he's in downtown i was so worried

lol he seems a funny guy the best he can do rn is get some good rest n food n water in him. hopefully getting his basic needs fulfilled will get the voices away how’d u two meet

we haven't met yet but i've known him on discord for a couple years he moved to montreal from alberta on my insistence he was depressed and his life was going nowhere and i felt the same living in new york until i moved to toronto i really opened up there and i thought him moving to montreal would be the same for him

did it end up worse?

but he ran out from his job last month yea couldn't pay rent and now he's homeless

wdym he ran out

he had a panic attack and stopped showing up

what was his job

at a restaurant i feel like an idiot when i moved to toronto i had at least a couple friends there and my mom knew people there i lived on couches my first month there and my friends helped me a lot but this guy went in totally alone i really should have known i feel really bad that's why i'm moving to montreal next month to help get him out of the mess i sent him in he thinks i'm being a good friend right now but fuck i'm really an idiot

so ur just gonna throw away everything u have in toronto?

i already did over a year ago when i lost my job in toronto and had to come back to new york at the start of the pandemic i lost all my friends way of life a lot of things important to me

cuz of the pandemic?

the pandemic

ah

i met a girl i loved very much and i watched our relationship crumble and turn bitter over the course of a year we should have broke up when i left i thought going back to school would help fill me with purpose but i just crumbled in school too and now i'm taking another gap year im just fucking everything up

no ur not. ur putting in as much effort as u can in one shitty situation after another whatever the outcome is, ur heart is in the right place eventually things will straighten out. there’s no changing the past, but u seem to have a lot of options ahead of u. u just gotta play ur hands right i’m glad u found sweetness when u did. it changed my life n i hope it’ll change urs

i dont know where my heart is i haven't been myself in over a year

from what i can tell ur an amazing person

u kno when someone u know is just out of it one day and not being themselves it's been like that for a really long time for me

i definitely know what ur talking ab the haze

i don't know who i am anymore i'm not good with words right now but i don't want to be who i used to be that version of me is too far away but i don't know who to become i can't describe it properly right now im just blabbering at this point im glad my friend didn't get mugged or arrested or worse i had a discord b4 but i tried to disconnect myself from anything to face my fear and to be totally alone but im back so i failed

u didn’t fail

the ppl in sweetness are nice

i tried that too n when i returned i was ashamed then i realized i had to accept those ppl into my life. i had to let them let me connect ya know ya know i haven’t known who i am for a long time as well. what helps me is getting into art, in whatever medium it may be. i personally chose conversation as my art form, hence the dream conversations in my story. just having a conversation whether it be with real ppl or made up ones that i write up helped me think ab myself i’m terrible at introspection and my own identity so i literally just ask ppl to describe me or what what they think of me lol ppl r always ready connect

i used to be the opposite i don't know myself anymore and im not really paying attention but i used to be so aware of my own state and attuned to subtleties i used to be really upbeat and happy go lucky but it's been so long since i've felt naturally like that i'm not sure if it's true for me to say that's the real me anymore maybe who i am now is the real me

i learned a long time ago that there’s no such thing as a “real me” the you before was the real u n the you now is also the real you. you are always you, it’s just that ppl change

what about personas and masks

ur going through a rough arc rn, but that doesn’t mean that it’s u forever

to me the true self is the one with nothing to hide you wrote about it in your story how you change a bit of yourself to everyone a different you tailored to different people but the most unchanged version of you i thought that was true self it's hard because i'm in a rough arc now but it's not the first time ive beat depression before and won but it feels like cancer it feels like remission is way harder to beat and it hurts the most to see your progress crumble and you go back to right where you started

definitely, but the fact that ur talking to me rn means that u haven’t been beaten yet letting it out to someone definitely helps a ton

[a different you tailored to different people] i believe those r all just different parts of one you

i wonder

because ppl can’t be one thing all the time. ppl r too complex for that it’s the ability to adapt and change that makes us human. knowing that things will always end up changing for u can be scary but it can also be comforting there’s always room for a new or a more

thanks for reminding me i already know this deep down inside but it's very deep down and i don't feel it there's a lot down there i'm not ready to face yet

as long as u know it’s down there n as long as you’ll get to it eventually, it’s ok to take ur time

i cant be taking my time not when i have so much time to make up for agh

just make sure ur not pushing urself too hard

sorry i think im just being difficult thank u i at least needed someone to talk to about what happened tn

no definitely not i very much enjoyed this conversation feel free to talk to me any time !

u as well

[gracetrack-higgins]

I’m literally the worst so here are some tags that I was tagged in and COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT WHOOPS 

learn more abt moi under the cut!

I was tagged by @elozable ages ago to do this tag so here it isssss:

nicknames: Gracie, Graciebird, Miss Grace (Idk if that counts as a nickname? but it’s def what people call me the most)

gender: female

star sign: Libra

height: 5′4″

time: 12:08am yikes

birthday: October 3rd

favourite bands: I don’t really stan many bands, I just like a lot of different artists and singles! 

favourite solo artist: (ok this one i have a legit answer for) I really like Lauv, Sufjan Stevens, Dessa, Halsey, and like literally any Broadway artist ever tbh (so many of these artists are bc of Claire...you win all the music awards Claire!)

song stuck in your head: Fun Fact About Grace! I get multiple songs stuck in my head at once so right now I have Stupid With Love from Mean Girls Broadway (bc I just binge watched all the Too Grool For School Vlogs), Haydn’s Brahms Variation #8 (from Orchestra rehearsal), and When I Drive from Bonnie and Clyde. My head’s a mess.

last movie: last movie was technically Doubt, which I finished watching in class today. Before that I watched Newsies Live the other night (DUH)

last tv show: Ugh I haven’t watched TV all week. I think the last thing I watched was House Hunters with my dad tbh.

why did you create your blog: I’ve had a tumblr for literally as long as I can remember. It started out as a Star Wars thing but wow hoo boy am I in it for Newsies now lmao

what do you post/reblog: mostly Newsies! Some other Musical Theater things, memes, the occasional Star Wars post so my SW friends don’t think I’m dead.

last thing you googled: Mean Girls Broadway Vlogs, and right before that was “aggravated assault jail time” so do with that what you will??? (it was for writing no worries guys)

other blogs: lmao i used to have a fishblr?? a tumblr for fish??? about fish??? i went through an aquarium phase (I still have 2 spoiled betta fish that live in Too-Big Tanks and i love them)

why url: okay look at it and take a wild guess

i follow: 497 (wow)

followers: 767!!!!!! WOW!!!!!

average hours of sleep: 6 hours?

lucky number: I don’t have one I don’t speak numbers :(

instrument: I’m a violist!! I’ve been playing string instruments since I was 6 years old, first violin and then I switched to viola when I was around 10, and I’ve been playing that ever since. (I literally just got back from orchestra rehearsal as I write this up)

what are you wearing: pajamas! booty shorts and an oversized t-shirt

dream job: ooooooh good question. I really want to work in activism work, mainly with LGBT+ kids and inclusion programs! I’m majoring in human rights so we’ll see what doors open up with that! I also really want to work with the Broadway community somehow. :)

dream trip: highkey want to go to Santa Fe, ngl. I also really want to do a European tour!

favourite food: asdfasdaf I don’t know. Extra Butter Popcorn and Mozzarella cheese (not together, separately, but still). I have very bad eating habits.

favourite song rn: ummmmmmm okay Faking Bright by Saski, I Like Me Better by Lauv, and Brooklyn’s Here from Newsies (of course)

last book i read: I haven’t read for fun in ages. I read my theater textbook the other day, but I don’t think that really counts.

top 3 universes: Star Wars, Newsies (does this count?), Elena of Avalor/Disney Princess-verse!

tagging: anyone who wants to do this!!! :)

OKAY AND TAG #2!! tagged by my dear @wordshakerofgallifrey

What hogwarts house do you belong to ? — i’m a proud hufflepuff baby!

What is your favourite Disney movie? — this is literally an impossible question. my top 5 always change too but as of right now: The Lion King, Aladdin, Meet The Robinsons, Brother Bear, Fantasia 2000

Where are you from? — Sunny South Florida

What is you favourite ice cream flavour? — I have 2 and it depends on my mood: Black Raspberry Chip and Moose Tracks.

Summer or winter? — I guess summer??? I’m a FL baby so I’ve never had a real winter so I don’t know! I’m very used to the heat.

what is the song that makes you want to sing at the top of your lungs? — !!!!! let’s reference my belting playlist. My Petersburg from Anastasia, Watch What Happens from Newsies, Everlasting from Tuck Everlasting, Defying Gravity from Wicked, Monster from Frozen on Broadway, Someday from Memphis, LITERALLY MY ENTIRE BROADWAY PLAYLIST ITS FULL OF JAMS

Cat person or dog person? — both! I love animals!

What is your favorite hobby? — obviously writing, but I also love dancing (tap dancing!) and playing viola!

Which is your favourite book? — Okay I have many but my favorite book growing up was Johnny Tremain. I own like 7 copies of it. other than that I’ve got a List of Star Wars Books that are my favorites.

What is your favorite musical (if you like musicals, obviously)? — Idk if you knew this from the Everything About Me but it’s Newsies.

What is the best gift you have been given? — hmmm I’m not sure. My sister made me a King of New York gag gift for my birthday last year and that was pretty great. Also Claire wins all the gift giving awards too because she’s knocked it out of the park with my Where’s Spot book ;) and the necklace that I wear every day now! (thank you claire!)

okay I’m lazy and i”m not doing the Make 11 Of Your Own Questions thing so if anyone wants to answer those questions feel free!!! enjoy!

[beowulfs-booty-call]

Beowulf for the character list!

Ohhhh gosh Jordi! How are ya pal!!! (I still have to finish the other ask you gave me! I’m making it super long and detailed just for you!)

AND GOD YES, THE FAVE BABE OKAY HERE GOES

Favorite thing about them:

Beowulf’s motif and his huge ass muscles because they’re goals. Also, the wolf pelt, definitely. Oh! Oh! And his happy-go-lucky attitude because my ass be having it too omfg.

His bravery is another thing, tbh, because he just straight up tells everyone on tv that his match was rigged because he knows he’s not really a hero. He’s the people’s hero. That was the reason in the first place why he got famous! To go in front of people and explain the situation knowing full well you might get back? That takes guts.

Least favorite thing about them:

The “Wrestler Bro” attitude sometimes. It’s fine, but the dudes at Lab Zero gave him a split “Does he think wrestling is real or…?” and “He says things you don’t expect in whispers.” in fights and it’s a wasted Easter egg Imo. The game makes him act and behave as though he’s rather dim-witted, which, cool because he’s a simple guy, but they also shoehorned Annie in to save his butt time to time and I dislike the sort of relationship they gave them both. 

It’s also been said behind the scenes Beowulf did take part of the nationalistic effort in the war. Now, granted, if that was the case? Why didn’t they expand upon this? If he was a soldier, I feel he should obviously be referenced too, if not, as it already seems Parasoul knew he was merely a political pawn, I feel Beowulf’s love of the Canopy Kingdom really should have been broadened on because it’s bad writing Imo that they left out these things in favor of highlighting Annie in his story mode.

Personally in my essay I wrote, I really am big on the Annie inclusion, but I feel that it took away from Beowulf’s true personality and potential. Why add in Beowulf being saved by Annie, if he was meant to destroy Grendel anyway via suplex? I feel if such was the case, have Annie take on Double in the first place after she swallows Beowulf into Gehenna and he takes on Marie Ala Squigly and Filia.

That said, the dimwittedness is rather bland to me. It’s obvious Beowulf’s intellect shouldn’t be the brunt of the joke, and the fanbase was even worse with his treatment, outright ignoring him or treating him as the butt-monkey of the cast because Annie or Minette wasn’t voted in and it really does tick me off. We could have really shown how Beowulf was obviously using the wrestler persona to grieve for Grendel. We really could have had Beowulf figuring out just how big the Medici Mafia is and him going after those who wronged him after beating Marie. 

We really lost out. And that’s my biggest pet peeve.

Favorite line:

I am two hundred, eighty seven pounds of FOLDED STEEL, AND SEX APPEAL.

brOTP:

Beowulf and Adam

Beowulf and Big Band (After their fighting in the story mode and I imagine him coming back to right wrongs)

Beowulf and Annie (I feel like she should have been much more better friends with him. And of course I feel like she’d be so goddamn dirty with him in making censored jokes because he GETS it but he... He can’t man. The kid’s got him. And he can't curse because how would that look!!! You can't call out a kid who referenced how your ex was “all up on your blood sausage.”!

OTP:

Beowulf and Me aofhiefsjfa[

I’m actually okay with Beowulf and Ms. Victoria actually! I think they’d be so cute together, if anything because I use to think of me and my ex like that, hilariously enough. I.E: Beo is the sort of guy who would waste like 50$ on you at a carnival because he wants to get you the huge ass prize, but then on his last dollar, you take the shot, win it, and you give it to him and his eyes literally are just hearts.

nOTP:

Beowulf and Eliza (Realistically, she’s only gonna use him for his blood to get stronger. I feel like if anything, there’s nothing left of Eliza. So, at this point, you’re dealing with a real monster.)

Beowulf and any underage cast member - I mean C’mon. Really.

Beowulf and Annie - See above

random headcanon(s)

- Beowulf actually is really literate, and writes poetry time to time. However, no one would pay to see him go “To be or not to be… SUPLEXED”

- He likes to wear suede and you can find him walking and going about in his scarf and puffy jacket drinking hot tea and lattes because just loves winter months

- The Hurting actually is a sentient being and was given to Beowulf via his old sleazy manager Unferth (In the original tale, Unferth gives Beowulf the Hrunting, but beowulf is so strong, he breaks it.) yet it stays strong to this day. When Beowulf is alone, or when he’s really in a pinch, the Hurting opens up its maws and has long sharp fangs and monstrous tongue used to grapple opponents. Only Beowulf speaking to it can calm it down and turn back to an original chair. No one realizes a thing.

- Grendel’s arm hears EVERYTHING beowulf says, as Grendel is still alive through the arm. However, all it hears is Beowulf screaming his quotes so instead of coherent sentences its: “ALL’S CHAIR. RUNNING WILD. AWOO. I AM TWO HUNDRED–”

- Beowulf actually is a secret musical / Opera critic and is a big benefactor of the arts. He also shouts insults and screams very helpful messages to the actors. 

- When out of a job, Beowulf once took up a librarian job working in Filia’s school. Cue Ms. Victoria having to attend to students and him riding on the Janitor mobile and D. Violet secretly having a crush on him. He also bench pressed many a book case. I would know. I was one of the book cases. The kids later were the first ones to see him back in action with Ms. Victoria after he got back in the game, and they gave him a crude letter to him about being a hero and boy oh boy do I love Beowulf being kids’ hero like he was to me.

Unpopular opinion:

As the only male dude besides Big Band I feel he was purposefully thrown under the bus and really, there’s not enough porn or love for him. Much less, everyone seems to have like 2 intro animations, Beo has 1. I call favoritism but, anyway:

I think he doesn’t need a paring to shine as a hero. I think he needs to be shown more so people can realize just how awesome he really is, not with Annie saving his butt all the time so he can tout about wrestling being real.

Had he not shown up, we only would know about him via Peacock’s story mode with Andy Anvil saying he came out of retirement.

Give him love! He’s earned it!

And also like, I think he is as smart, if not, smarter than the rest of the cast, he just hides it under a veneer of being a pro wrestler. No one pays for WWE style entertainment in new meridian, they want real emotion, and that’s what Beowulf’s so used to. Because of that, he whispers and talks about things, but when you really think about them, they all have some meaning behind them, like when he calls Eliza the Crimson Scourge. I hate the idea that people think he’s a dumb dude because he’s not. Y’all just sleeping on a good character.

Song(s) i associate with them:

Space Jam’s Let’s Get Ready to Rumble

Dudley’s remix: Dudley Blew My Mind

Alex and Ken’s theme from Street Fighter 3: Third Strike

Major Lazer and Ariana Grande - All My Love

Because he liked 80′s songs and because I love funk music:

Bite the Apple - Rainbow Team

The Limit: She’s so Divine (In this case, he: “When I got here in July…”)

Let’s Get Physical: Olivia Newton AKA SIDE TO SIDE BEFORE IT WAS EVER SIDE TO SIDE

Reminder: I gotta draw him in that outfit afjnlsfgs

Also!!!

Side to Side + Let’s Get Physical MIX:

Dua Lipa: New Rules 80′S MIX (Totally something he’d listen to for the gym)

favorite picture of them

Wow it’s super nsfw but I’ll crop it for the benefit of all.

Here’s my fave sprites too

Look at him, majestic creature, no?

BICEP GRAB

Ass a palooza

And finally…

( I don’t recall the source rn for this pic, but I’ll be sure to update it asap when I get a chance!)

[suspendedfl00r]

Hello,

My soul yearns for a good write to try to make sense of my world right now. I haven’t found the most success writing pen to paper; due to the fact I’m always tired and fall asleep or just feel guilty like I should be doing other thinks like work. This narrative follows my overall process with creation which is fine cause sometimes you gotta just focus on school. I am curious if I should just delete all my social media apps again. Also curious as to why I feel I need adderall to function. I essentially dream of days where I can just wake up at a normal time get out of bed and just do life. Getting energy for breakfast and working out, and being more delicate with the way I nourish myself. I guess that goes in more ways than one as even considering the media and conversations I intake + the things I exchange energy and time with being different. I wish to spend my free time reading books, eating cleaner maybe plant-based, working out doing yoga, painting drawing embroidering tinkering with electronics, tinkering with models making clothes, drawing imaginary architecture, making models of it. Writing poetry, playing the guitar, making YouTube videos, + beautiful media.

I guess when I think of all the things I wish I could do I get so distracted from the present. I’ve been trying to detach from this idea I have of myself just being better and accepting myself as I am in order to be more real about moving into those spaces I wish to fill. What I mean by that is: rather than looking at my art, the architecture I’ve done, or think about what I have done and how it is not enough compared to where I wish to be; I’m trying to shift my energy towards being happy I have these skills and I’ve done what I have as experiments as a process. Rather than distilling fear into these areas of my life wondering if I’m good enough or what I’ve done is good enough, I wish to be at that place where I am just doing, experimenting not being held back by my fears or yearnings to be comfortable in my bed. But jumping out of bed to try something new, or planning my meals and bed time carefully so I do have time to squeeze in all these dreams and aspirations making use of all my time, energy, and money rather than just sitting in my room waiting for the opportunity to present itself.

Anyway that is the first layer of my mind the second layer consists of my responsibilities and having confidence in my movement. Staying focused and not getting distracted.// so I gues this has three dimensions work, school, personal life: lately I’ve been loosing slee from the demanding rhythm of life: working the two jobs has been a great blessing and learning process. However it has been really rough lately just to get out of bed and go to the work that pays the bills: which annoys me cause In the back of my mind I overthink about how I am perceived in the work place. Also T.A.‘ing has been super stressful. I guess I’m putting too much effort in the wrong places: with the professor I am bothered with how unorganized and over assigning work, the kids are just assholes that takes shit to the dean after I spent two days pulling all nighters to give them feedback. The whole class has been a shit show, and I feel both the students and the professor lack to take responsibility and I am just in the middle trying to help, but not doing so well as I’ve not taken this class. Also underplayed and forgetting to clock my hours.

Concerning my own classes I just pretty much fell behind the last couple of weeks from just lacking focus, which needs to be addressed as a real issue because no matter what I have to shoot for the A+ and practice statics so hard that I pass the class with flying colors I am definitely doing better than previous semesters but I want to have all of this class understood and down pat. So I will not struggle in solids next semester. Overall my biggest issue is that worksite from both jobs has been prioritized over my course which is due to the fact of paying bills, paying for school, and buying adderal(also been hard to find)

So as far as my personal life it is just a ball of stress and money especially when thinking about the car how I need to fix it. Wanting to have a good relationship with my family. Having kam around really helps but also adds to the stress as I’m usually a concerned about feeding us, overly sharing of my drugs and time. He is a Superman the way he works and I wish the best for him but I also realize I must see my self in the same light, and sometimes I see him as not having g his shit together and literally needing my help and this is wrong because that view reflects on the way I look at myself. His presence I really value but I often catch myself using him as a blanket to run away from my responsibilities. So as I feel myself with him, I see what I’m doing how it makes me crazy and I want him to just take care of all my problems for me the way I try to do for him. So essentially I find myself creating cycles of overdepency or toxic interdependency where my movement is based on his. Which is bad because we do move entirely different. He is so important to me because I feel he is my only friend really who gets me and hears me out and doesn’t judge me like my family does, while also loving me and actually caring instead of just using me like many of my friends do to just fill up their time as they run from their loneliness. He reminds me of reasons to be happy, while also reminding me that the stresses of the real world are real but you just do it.

so all in all I am doing okay and I still have time to do everything I want In this life and even this semester. My creative pursuits do not need to be happening now, however I am preppingg for them by focusing on my priorities of the now.

Which seem so jumbly because the lack of sleep. But really it’s simple!

Top priority: take care of yourself first! Eat nourishing food sleep at good times, exercise when you can and Allow yourself time to breathe. Stop worrying about how you are perceived and out overthinking to rest. Simply be gentle and loving to yourself by showing up for life. Nurture ur growth first. Before you consider Anyone or anything else!!

Priority #2 pass statics!!!

Study what you did not understand!! Chapter 21-22 then refresh on all the things you found tricky. Do all the exams and remember to not depend of reference material.

priority 03 pay bills/work

First acknowledge you need to be a good worker so stop delaying and pushing g things off. Just get them done, show up on time.

-stop breaking your back for people who will not notice/care

-to be avoid worker simply do the job you don’t have to go above and beyond but do the job well. ThAts it.

-do not let your jobs affecut your emotions: you are not defined by them in anyway and you are just there to do the work and make money. Dont over give, demand respect and don’t be a push over: be confident and focuses that your time and energy must be conserved to focus I. School: stop feeling guilty about work. Feel grateful that you are lucky to have two jobs during this plague! So echa me ganas.

As far as TA’ing

Get grades in but have a plan!!

Grade all project one and 2 then enter the rest of the grades

Also stop overworking yourself here for pretty much nothing. It’s not worth it girl. The professor and students jobs are not ur responsibility!

-do not let it get in the way of statics

Final remark: so yes I might feel super flakey about work life rn: but those spaces are temporary and do not let it distract you from the mission to graduate As the architect engineer master crafter!!! To learn! You are not the only flake everyone is struggling and you have a lot on your plate which you have communicated. So do not wear the guilt of the working world. You are a student and you get to participate in the work I g world and as long as you communicate and so your job you are ok!!

-as far as today go in to work

Focus on staying concentrated!!

Do good work

Tomorrow is a day off you can catch up then!! Also be happy share positivity with yourself and others!

You are doing fine! There is a lot going on but it will calm down! You got this!

[punkscowardschampions]

China & Bobby

China: Hey, have you heard

Bobby: ?

China: Your girlfriend is setting up private rehearsals with that kid Louie

Bobby: I know they’re running lines together, yeah, and you know she’s not my girlfriend

China: If that’s what you want to believe

China: that’s not what my sister reckons it is

China: or Jake, actually

Bobby: 👌 Well, I’ll believe what’s actually coming from Libi

China: 😂

China: Have fun waiting for that

China: hardly going to tell you, is she

China: I’m just warning you, so you don’t look like a total cuck

Bobby: what’s funny is 1. the idea you’re looking out for me and 2. that I’d need that when it’s Libs we’re talking about 😂

China: Yeah he said she was probably frigid

Bobby: I’m SO glad I can’t usually understand what either of you are saying

China: Ignorance is bliss

Bobby: when you’re talking that much nasty bollocks it is

China: Um, it’s her you’re actually mad at, not me

Bobby: No, it’s you I’m fed up of

China: I’ve done literally nothing to you

Bobby: You’re a bit busy with Libi as a target for now

China: How am I?

Bobby: You’re only talking to me to try and stir up trouble and make her look and me feel bad

China: Oh, because I’M the rude one here 👌👌

Bobby: Yeah, unless you wanna say sorry and start over

China: I don’t owe anyone an apology

Bobby: Alright, I’ll see you in rehearsal then

China: You mean the actual rehearsals we all go to, or the cliquey one your girlfriend organized?

Bobby: Depends if you’re gonna turn up there without an invite

China: I wouldn’t come even if she wasn’t excluding half the cast

Bobby: so it’ll be left to Ms Howe to referee, lucky her

China: She literally started it, if it’s annoying you, you should bring it up with her

Bobby: I just said, you’re the one annoying me

Bobby: whatever massive scandal you reckon is going on must’ve passed me by

China: *you wanna pretend it isn’t happening

China: whatever, that’s on you

Bobby: I don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s real

China: Jesus, get with it

China: thought you weren’t meant to be slow

Bobby: She wants to do a good job, so would you if the lead had been given to you

Bobby: the rehearsals with Louie are just that and we’re having our own without you and your mates ‘cause you say stuff like that and think it’s okay, you have done since we were kids, don’t start pretending you don’t get why when it’s not a new thing

China: I didn’t say you were slow, I said you were acting it

China: you use it as a get out of jail free card for everything, if you’re looking to be offended, then you will be 🤷‍♀️

Bobby: I have stuff to do that’s not this

China: So?

China: Go do it

China: Being salty with me isn’t going to change anything

Bobby: don’t worry, I wasn’t relying on you to change Mullan’s mind about the casting or anything

China: Yeah, I’m blatantly not the only one who didn’t get the role they wanted

Bobby: That much we could’ve agreed on, except it’s too weird

China: I didn’t actually think that whole deaf plot was a terrible idea

China: neither of you deserved leads, but if he’d made her the maid or something, it could’ve been a subplot

Bobby: She did deserve the lead, sir got that bit right at least

China: 🙄

China: her and Jake look ridiculous together

Bobby: Yeah, that’s why they need extra rehearsals together too or the whole play is gonna fall apart

China: Well she hasn’t asked him, that’s my point

China: She clearly fancies that kid, God knows why

Bobby: No she don’t

China: How would you know? 😂

China: She’s giving him favourable preference

China: or maybe she thinks it’ll make Jake jealous, tragic

Bobby: We’re best mates, there’s nothing she wouldn’t or don’t talk to me about, but even if she didn’t wanna, I could tell ‘cause I know her inside out

Bobby: she’s not into Louie or Jake

China: When you were both children maybe

China: boys and girls can’t be friends like that after the age of whatever the fuck she is

China: 10, 11

Bobby: How did you work that out?

China: I’m not giving you a biology lesson we all had 5 years ago

Bobby: She’s not my only mate who’s a girl, I’d have to fancy them all, are you gonna go into the subject of polyamory or something like Miss never did?

China: That’s why I said mates like that

China: There’s a difference between BFFs and a girl you hang out with on occasion, duh

Bobby: whatever, it’s not true anyway

China: If you’re this upset, you should really say something

Bobby: I’m not that bothered that Mr Mullan can’t recognise a decent idea when it’s handed to him, I still get to be in the play

China: Yeah, so what I meant

Bobby: You’re the last person I’d tell anything personal to, not THAT slow

China: It’s pretty obvious

China: everyone knows

Bobby: *thinks they do

Bobby: but it’s alright there’s loads worse they could be saying than I’m going out with Libi or want to, least they reckon I’ve got good taste

China: You’re sickening, truly

China: don’t tell me all about your 😍s when she’s the one that don’t give a fuck

Bobby: You’re the one going on about it

China: You bang on about each other constantly, it’s gross

Bobby: yeah well

Bobby: I’m not gonna say or be sorry, especially not to you

China: Do something about it or shut up

China: before everyone else gets as tired of it as we are

Bobby: We’re not kids doing the nativity now, you can’t push me about or get mardy and automatically get your way

China: Ugh, I’m giving you advice to help you

China: fuck knows why

China: you lose all your mates then, girls or otherwise

Bobby: There’s no need

Bobby: but tah, the offer’s decent of you

China: Don’t take the piss

Bobby: I’m not, it’s a headfuck but cool of you to try and help me sort what you think is going on

China: Don’t be a freak about it

Bobby: 👍

China: I’m sick of her bullshit, you were the only other person who might’ve been too

China: but of course not

Bobby: I can only agree with you that Mullan is a dickhead, she hasn’t done anything to me

China: Perhaps not yet

China: I disagree

Bobby: ‘Course you do, whatever makes her the bad guy

China: I can just see what you don’t want to already

China: She’s all over both of them

Bobby: My 👀 are fine

Bobby: they’re both being full on with her but it’s not like she’s encouraging either of them

Bobby: she’s just 😳

China: Of course, she’s totally innocent

China: get real

Bobby: You and I both know she don’t look at Jake with 😍 and all she’s ever said about Louie is he’s alright, totally uninterested is what I’m saying

Bobby: maybe they’ll become mates after spending loads of time together, that’s up to her, she’ll know him better than I do by then, but there’s no real 💘

China: and maybe they’ll get together

China: it’s just as possible and you’d be able to admit that if you weren’t so butthurt about it

Bobby: What are you gonna try next, opposites attract? This is stupid

China: I’m not trying anything

China: Plus I hardly think bland v bland is opposites

China: Jake is ‘opposite’ I guess

Bobby: Calling him bland has helped a 🤏 putting aside you also said she was

China: I knew you were jealous 😏

Bobby: That I don’t get to spend as much time with her when that’s what I signed up for and we already don’t have lessons together, yeah

Bobby: I never said different

China: I don’t miss my friends when I can’t see them for a few hours a day

Bobby: I get why you don’t, loads of them haven’t been great recently

Bobby: and you’ve got more than me, it’s not gonna be as deep

China: You don’t get it, you don’t know anything about me or my friends

Bobby: as much as you know about me and mine

China: except one of your friends is my sister and the other is her little boyfriend, so nah, actually

Bobby: Which is how I know what’s going on, how else, I can’t hear the gossip just going around, can I?

China: And you believe my sister, the infamous liar?

China: that’s solely a you problem, not a me

Bobby: I also believe what I saw when he busted up your party we were at, but okay, no heart to heart happening

China: Yeah, no

China: my ma has a shit boyfriend rn, so what

China: you should really be having that heart to heart with your girlfriend about her mess of a family

Bobby: Her nan isn’t very likely to get a shit boyfriend anytime soon, she’s alright

China: Oh, you mean her great grandma, that she lives with

China: because her teen parents died

China: yeah no she’s probably grand

Bobby: She’s got loads of people around her making sure she is

China: Won’t be long before they peg it

China: who then, her incest loving auntie, perhaps?

China: I guess her actual grandma, who’s younger than my mum, cool, cool

Bobby: Feel better yet?

China: Like I said, worry about her

Bobby: there’s no need, I said, and nothing lost in translation when we’re both on our phones

China: yeah right

Bobby: You don’t want much do you? Tell I love her and slag off her family in the same chat

China: I’m not asking you to do anything, I’m pointing out the obvious

Bobby: 😂👌

China: Fuck off laughing at me, state of you two

Bobby: I’m laughing at what you’re bothering to point out

China: Well I don’t see how you’ve got any room to laugh when it’s about you and your bestie

Bobby: ‘Cause it’s stupid and you’re way off

China: 😂👌

Bobby: I dunno how you’ve got any room to tell me how I should react to such a weird convo

China: It’s not weird, you’re weird

China: if you reacted appropriately it’d be fine

Bobby: maybe it’s just ‘cause it’s you

China: what’s that meant to mean?

Bobby: I could count on one hand the amount of times you’ve spoke to me since I moved here and every word’s been rude

China: You’re too sensitive, still

Bobby: Piss off, you know it’s not on

China: So cry about it

China: you’re calling me rude, don’t see me moaning

Bobby: I could’ve called you loads worse but then I’d be as bad

China: Heaven forbid

China: 😇 wouldn’t love you then

Bobby: Not being a massive dickhead is a choice I’m pretty happy with for everyone who has to put up with me and not something I’d want even if Libs and I had never met

China: You want a round of applause?

China: you’re both so righteous, it’s ridiculous

Bobby: Only if you sign it

China: Ha ha

Bobby: I know you know it from assembly

China: If you see me hitting one hand into the other, you know what that means

China: why would you need a sign, you just want special attention

Bobby: Why does French have le and la? I didn’t invent the language

China: It’s not a real language

Bobby: Bit awkward for all the people who use it

China: If you wanna be a snowflake about it

China: Language is about more than just functionality, that’s all sign language is

Bobby: I wanted a way to communicate when I was too young to write, I don’t see how that makes me a ❄️

China: And that’s nice for you and your family

China: there’s no reason I need to know it, it serves no purpose to me, and loads of people who will never need to talk to someone like you

Bobby: Nobody’s forcing you, school doesn’t even offer it to people who want to

China: Then what’s your point?

Bobby: I’m just answering you

China: I don’t want to talk to you

China: this has a point, pointless as it has ended up being

Bobby: Alright

China: Enjoy then