#I am not in the headspace to have comprehensive thoughts on this but yes so true bestie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

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Sometimes moving on is good

Chapter 3&4

The two of you met often for drinks and chatting, while you exchanged a few messages.

You : Hey😝✌️ what is up ? I haven't heard from you today, is everything ok? Btw i finished your recipe but the cake 🍰 was not looking good😭🤣

Diane : hi, sorry i was busy with work. what happened with the cake? Oh i know you must have overcooked it, i used to do that all the time at first. What does btw mean? And why are there little faces on my phone ?

You :🤣oh honey...those are smileys you use that to had emotions to texts. AND Btw means by the way, everybody knows that diane.

Diane: haha ! Well I don't, anyways I finally finished the book you handed me last time.

You: OMG ALREADY??? IN 3 DAYS ! did you at least like it?

Diane: i did especially because of Jude’s past. Oh, and then Jude’s present, because sometimes life just keeps knocking people down, even when they’ve already suffered more than anyone ever should.

You: yes ohh it was so sad. I almost shead a tear. Which does not happen often !

Especially when reading... But I'm glad you liked it.😘

Diane: well i did the writing was really good, and the plot was interesting, what do you mean especially when you read ?

You: well... I always have trouble connecting to a book, especially when I have to read it, AND WHEN IT'S LONNNG🤣

In all seriousness I just have a hard time reading for as long as I can remember.

Diane: oh...why is that??

You: well I was diagnosed with An Oral and Written Language Learning Disability with impairment in reading and a specific reading comprehension deficit years ago. So basically my brain don't wORK.

Diane: i apologise that was intrusive of me

You: oh no don't worry I'm fine with talking about it, it's not that big of a deal, it doesn't stop me from messing up your cake🤭😭.

Diane: 😂 you'll do better next time don't worry. Do you know what are the causes ? You don't have to answer. It's just, well medicine interests me a lot.

You: apparently an abnormal cortical development, that occurs before or during the sixth month of fetal brain development, may have Abnormal cell formation known as ectopias, and more rarely, vascular micro-malformations, and microgyrus.

It's all big words but yeah those are the latest studies about dyslexia sais.

Diane: oh okay, i never thought it was actually physical, it's good to know

you: me neither until I searched it ! Even if I had it🤣. Sorry i gotta go I'm gonna be late for work !

Diane : sure, have fun! well Don't have fun...you know what I mean

Goodbye y/n.

When you got back from work you directly went on your phone hoping that diane sent you a message just so you'd have an excuse to talk to her. You had just seen her a few days before but somehow you still missed her, and little did you know she was missing you too.

After a few weeks you grew closer, and she invited you over for lunch or brunch, but tonight, you were going out. Together. You had asked her on a date a few days before.

"Hi Diane ? Yes it's me I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me on Friday ?...mmm...yes well I know a great place next to the cinema... Totally we can go out to the movies and then diner...what do you want to see ? Okay, cool see you then."

Yes, you were neighbors, you could've asked her in person, but you didn't want to be rejected face to face, it seamed easier to do on the phone.

And tonight was the night, the movie didn't start until a few hours, but you had already started getting ready. You picked up a nice outfit, Classy but casual, and put on just a little make up.

On the other side of the road diane was also starting to prepare, she was -not gonna lie- overall a bit anxious, why did you ask her out? Was it a date ? No it couldn't be, you'd never think of her like this. She was lucky to call you her friend, maybe you didn't even think of her as a friend ? God I'm so silly i got carried away, she probably doesn't even like me back. She was completely overwhelmed with thoughts, her breathing was shallow and she could not get in the right headspace as she put on her outfit.

She didn't notice that it was almost time, and that you were going to show up anytime to pick her up.

She offered to drive but you said you'd like too since you worked from home and didn't drive your car out often.

next thing she knows, her doorbell rings and as she goes down the stairs you hear her say "coming !" in a soft voice.

"I'm so sorry I barely even finished getting ready... Here come in I just have to find my shoes and I'll be right there." She looked so beautiful in her bordeaux dress that you didn't register her words.

"...o.. okay.." you manage to say while eyeing her up and down. Even if she didn't seem to know, she was beyond beautiful and you were going to make sure she did.

"You look.." you couldn't finish you sentence before she started rambling and letting all of her anxieties taking over her speach.

-" what too much, oh no i should have never put on that, sorry i thought it was cute but I'm too old for this and ugl...

She didn't have time to finish you just cut her off;

-"NO ! No i ment you look beautiful like this"

You couldn't help but feel attracted to her right now, but you put it aside, she didn't like women obviously?

-"Oh...wait really ?" You could feel the shakiness in her tone

"Yes...of course you look cute, and the dress is amazing on you. Don't even worry about it you are a very beautiful women diane."

You said in a firm voice that made her knees go weak.

"Well we should get going sweetie, do you have your shoes?"

"Yes..let's go" she closed the door blushing widely as you opened up the door to your car.

You bowed as you said "Milady" in a formal tone

She giggled softly and it was the most precious sound in the universe.

The car drive went by in a comfortable silence as just the soft music and a bit of humming could be heard.

You invited her to the movies, she offered the popcorn and choose your seats.

It wasn't necessarily a scary movie, but when things got a little tense, you could see her clench the armrest, so you scooted over and offered her your shoulder so she could hold on to you. After a bit of esitaton she accepted your embrace and the two of you cuddled together while the movie played. She gasped and then laughed at herself a few times.

When the credits started to roll none of you wanted to move, but you broke the silence and told her;

"As much as I'd like to stay here and cuddle you... I think the dude standing there with the bucket needs us to leave... Also the reservation is in ten minutes."

She sighed softly in defeat, gathered her bag and started to get up.

She rose too quickly and felt dizzy as her legs started to buckle. But you cought her hips before she could fall.

"It's okay...I got you", you said softly in her ear.

"Are you good? Can you walk" you asked as you still held her hips firmly. Which send a shiver down her spine, and a tingle down further to the both of you.

"Yeah.. I'm good thank you I just got up too fast".

You both went to the restaurant, the waiter took your orders and you both started to chat about anything and everything, the movies, life, cake, and even your delicious pastries.

"I was NOT scared !?"

-"YES you totally were ! you clang on to me the whole time I heard you whimper at Thé screen everytime there was something scary on."

-"sorry about that..."

-"why are you apologizing ? If it had bothered me i would have told you so..."

-"oh..okay, but I wasn't scared, just sometimes the movie was making me anxious ! I mean like that part in the stairs...brr..gave me chills."

-"alright alright fine..you weren't scared...I'll give it to you.. just because your cute"

She nearly choked at your comment and became as red as your wine.

"It's okay you don't have to be shy with me."

-"Do you really think I'm cute?"

-"Yeah, already told you you were cute today; and well not just tonight"

-"thank you y/n"

"Anytime diane, you are beautiful i want you to know that"

She didn't want to cry in front of you but you saw the tear she was desperately trying to hide run down her cheek, and got worried.

"Oh diane...are you okay ? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable... please look at me" you moved closer to wipe the tears off of her face, and gently stroked her cheek.

"I'm fine y/n, just it's been a long time since anybody called me beautiful"

-"Well that's a shame then, and I'll make sure you hear it a lot more."

"You don't have to do that... I don't need to hear it"

-"You do. And you should be hearing it, i don't know why it stopped but I'll make sure it doesn't ever again"

She sobbed at your words again

"Oh No...sweet girl don't cry.. please... you're okay diane, I'm here always, I'm your friend"

She calmed down a bit, and felt butterflies in her stomach at what you said.

-"You are? You mean you actually want to be ?"

"OF course silly, i wouldn't have invited you to diner if I didn't at least like you diane."

Just after that sentence left your mouth the waiter arrived to pick up your plates, you breathed out 'thank you' as he left.

"You know, I don't understand why you didn't think I liked you, at leaaaast a little ?"

You joked as you took a sip of your glass.

"Well.. I've been alone for so long now...I don't know...i thought you were just hanging out with me because you didn't have a choice...".

You were saddened by her words

"Diane..I... if I had known you felt that way I would have said something a long time ago ! I don't want you to think for a second that i am here out of pity or because I got nothing better to do. I'm here cause I wanted to have a nice evening out with you."

You said as you put your hand on top of hers, when she didn't draw back you started to gently stroke it.

"Would you two like some dessert ?"

You pulled away to take the menu form the waitress.

"Do you want some dessert diane? They have apple pie, and tiramisu?"

-"i don't know...I'm not that hungry for both but i don't want to choose."

-"we can share you know"

-"huh? What do you mean"

-"well, i take the apple pie, you take the tiramisu, and we split"

-"are you sure? I wouldn't want to bother y..."

You cut her off before she could go any further.

"Yes I'm sure diane"

"..o..okay then"

"Are YOU sure??" You asked in a funny tone

She giggled and nodded.

You asked the waiter for both and shared when they arrived. After fighting a bit over who would pay you told diane that you had asked her out and therefore you should pay, "and if you want to pay so bad... you'll pay next time."

Both of you were full, you had spent an incredible night, it was dark but you offered diane a quick walk around the park, and she agreed. The two of you made your way back to the car after laughing your asses of and getting even closer than before.

You drove her back to your...her house. And before she entered her home you softly said;

"Well diane, i had an amazing night, we have to do that again sometime."

-"yes we do, i had so much fun too"

-"And I ment everything i said tonight,.."

For a few moments you just looked at each other, your gaze met her lips and she thought about how sweet they would taste before thinking 'who am i kidding she'll never kiss me, get those thoughts out of your head diane'

Before you could process what was happening, both of your bodies grew closer and your eyes shifted between both of your lips you kissed her, softly. it was a calm and quiet kiss. You broke off for air and looked into her eyes. You caressed her cheeks and put your hand on the small of her back before kissing her again, she moaned inside your lips and you took the chance to put your tongue in her mouth. Her hands flew to your neck and she kissed you back.

After a few minutes of making out you pulled away, you didn't really want to break the moment but you asked

"Diane... it's late i should go back home..."

She looked a hurt and a bit sad while she let you go.

"No don't.. I don't regret kissing you Diane don't worry. I just want to take this slow"

"Oh alright I thought you didn't... nevermind. Go home y/n, it's getting cold out here" she looked down at her hands and

"..you don't regret it don't you?"

"No i enjoyed it" she said blushing slightly.

"Good... I'll see you tomorrow then... Good night diane"

you kissed her sweetly again before leaving and you both smiled like teenagers who just had their first date.

-"Sweet dreams y/n"

#diane sherman x reader #diane sherman #sarah paulson fanfiction

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sserpente · 5 years

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A/N: May the Fourth be with you all! Request from anon. Enjoy, everyone! ♥

Words: 1778 Warnings: smut

‘Boyfriend’ was such a ridiculous term. ‘Boyfriend’ would indicate that Kylo Ren was yours, no? Ha, he most definitely was not. Kylo Ren was an emotionally unstable mess with powers beyond our comprehension. He was dangerous and he was not to be provoked—something you had not wanted to believe General Hux when he first told you.

Yet here you were now, meeting at night when only a few cleaning droids roamed the hallways to train together, talk and fuck. Naturally, the latter hadn’t initially been the plan. But his face… the first time he had shown himself to you without that intimidating mask and locked his brown eyes with yours, your heart had jumped like an electricity shock rippling right through it. You had seen his pain, his innermost thoughts and sorrows.

And you probably loved him. Certainly though, you would never admit that—not even under torture.

As of late, you had not seen him around often. Kylo was busy finding this oddly talented Rey girl he sought to recruit for his cause and he rarely took the time for you to meet him in his quarters; and you would be lying if you kept telling yourself that it didn’t bother you.

You knew about his Force bond with Rey. You knew that they seemed to understand each other in a way you never would. You were not Force sensitive. You never would be. You were a regular employee fixing things around the Finalizer. Nothing special. And you were bloody jealous.

Gnashing your teeth indignantly, you marched down one of the vast metal hallways on the way back to your own quarters—ten times smaller than Kylo’s but cosy nonetheless. You spent most of your time wandering around when you were upset. Tonight was one of those nights you’d probably end up doing so until the next morning.

The hallway was dimly lit. Emergency lights illuminated the metal ground to your feet, your shoes creating clinking sounds with every step. Gosh, how you hated this! He was on your mind, twenty-four-seven. You had, perhaps, made a grave mistake by falling in love with this man.

You cursed when you tripped over an opened floorboard revealing some complicated electricity and countless wires. Whoever had been working on this today had obviously been too dull to close it again overnight. You gasped when you fell, face-forward, your hands coming up on reflex to cushion your fall when suddenly, you stopped mid-air, only inches before the ground and, unceremoniously, were hoisted back on your feet.

Looking up both in confusion and realisation, you found Kylo standing right in front of you, a few feet away from where you had tripped, his expression unreadable. Almost. There was a hint of anger in his eyes—and for whatever reason, it had you fuming.

“Thank you, Commander… or should I say Supreme Leader now?”

Kylo frowned, stepping closer.

“I was in your quarters. You were not there.” He responded reproachfully. You clenched yours fists. Oh, was it your fault now you had not been available when he finally remembered your existence? You took a deep breath. Remember. He’s not your ‘boyfriend’, that’s not the correct term for whatever he was to you.

“What a shame. Did you leave a note? Good night, Supreme Leader.”

His fists clenched, a low growl escaping his lips. Kylo grabbed your arm the moment you attempted to strut past him, almost smashing you against the nearest wall. You gasped.

“I was looking for you.” He choked out through gritted teeth.

“Well, here I am.” Why now, why tonight? He was clearly frustrated. Perhaps he had come to you to talk. You were the only person around whom he could trust when it came to his dark thoughts and destructive emotions. Swallowing thickly, you shoved your bad conscience away along with him, resulting in Kylo pressing you against the metal with his whole body and leaving you no room to escape.

You flinched when rammed his fist into the wall right next to your head, his whole body shaking with anger and devastation all the while facing the ground. When he looked back up to you, his eyes were glowing yellow.

Anxiously, you took a deep breath. This was not good. This was not good at all. “What happened?”

“What happened?” He repeated mockingly. “It’s her. It’s always her.” Another blow followed his words, leaving a dent in the wall. A faint similarity to what his words did to your heart.

“Then what do you want from me?”

Kylo had no need to ask. He knew what you were thinking. Sleeping with him repeatedly had enabled him to do one thing—he could read your mind so effortlessly you felt no pain whenever he elected to invade it.

Right now, he was holding back. Whether it was hard-earned composure that kept him from hurting or fucking you though, you could not decide. Either way you knew he was not going to answer your question—not directly.

“How was your day?” He forced out instead. Snorting, you raised an eyebrow. Kylo sucked at small talk and casual conversations. You believed by now he actually cared when he asked for your well-being, yet you could tell it was irrelevant to him. Naturally. He had more important matters to attend to.

“Horrible. Hux is making my life here a living hell, as usual. You would know that if you bothered to check on me every now and then. You promised, remember?”

Kylo’s eyes were still a dangerous yellow when they locked with yours again. Noticing your lack of resistance, he placed his right hand on your hip, travelling upwards ever so slowly—over your waist, your stomach, your breasts—until he could wrap his gloved fingers around your neck to squeeze it lightly.

“He will change his ways soon if he wants me to keep him alive.”

You snorted. Kylo squeezed your neck a little harder, causing you to tense up.

“Hux is an arsehole. He demands respect for nothing. Respect is earned.” You spat furiously.

Kylo tilted his head slightly. “But you respect me. I can sense that.”

“Yes. You. Because you could choke me to death without even touching me.”

“That’s not the reason.” It was only the weakest hint of a smirk. Kylo rarely ever smiled genuinely, you were proud to be one of the few people coaxing a little happiness out of him—even when he was furious.

“I’ve told you to stay out of my head, repeatedly.”

“Well, you make it too easy.” Rolling your eyes, you attempted to wriggle away. You longed to be angry at him but the more aware you got of his obvious arousal pressing against your thighs, the more you felt your indignant emotions melting away. You should get away from him now.

“Let me go.”

But instead, Kylo’s grip around your neck tightened even more, almost cutting off your air supply.

“No,” he breathed. “I need you.”

You gasped when he lifted you up and forcefully pried your legs apart, knowing you could never refuse him. Your own excitement betrayed you. Your heart was beating like a steam hammer, your already wet cunt pulsing with need. Moaning, you allowed Kylo to impatiently fiddle around with your one-piece uniform, almost breaking the zipper to reveal your naked body to his yellow eyes.

Was it strange not to feel any fear? It probably was.

Carelessly, he peeled it off until it hung from your ankles until all there was left for him in the way was your knickers. Groaning, he tore them apart and dropped them to the ground.

Kylo was lost, trapped in a headspace you could not quite grasp. Over and over, he mumbled your name as he freed his throbbing cock from under his black armour, aligning it with your soaking entrance.

You dug your fingernails into his shoulders when sheathed himself inside you, the impact of his hard length impaling you knocking all air from your lungs. His hand was still wrapped tightly around your neck. It was an illusion, gave him power over you, to control you. He always did it. He controlled your thoughts, your dreams, your arousal, even your orgasms. Which of all those was it going to be tonight?

You had missed him. Oh, you had missed him so much. Being near him, taking in his scent, resting your forehead against his, kissing him. Your eyes fell shut when he picked up his pace and rutted into you like a possessed animal, hunting his own pleasure like a starving wolf in heat. He knew exactly how to thrust into you to make you squirm and scream, tonight was no different. And right now, you did not care if somebody could hear you. If somebody would catch you fucking the Supreme Leader in the hallway.

“Kylo…”

“You belong… to me…” He growled in response, removing his hand from your neck to bury his face in your hair, inhaling your scent. Sharp pain rippled through you when he bit down on the sensitive skin, suckling violently to leave a love bite that would remind you of his words. This was all about him. Kylo sped up even more, shuddering and breathing heavily when he neared his climax.

He was fucking you so relentlessly you feared he would lose his mind. With but a few more, agitated thrusts, he tossed himself over the edge, burying himself as deep inside you as he possibly could as he came, his hard member coating your tight walls with his warm cum, throbbing and pulsing inside you.

Carnal satisfaction spread in your entire body even though you had not experienced the peak of pleasure yourself. Kylo stilled, his softening length still inside of you, and rested his forehead against yours.

Was this what he had wanted? Why he had gone out of his way in the middle of the night to visit you in your quarters? A quick fuck to get rid of all his built-up frustration? You swallowed, ignoring the painful stings in your chest. And you were not going to say no, of course, not as long as you got to be close to him. You belong to me… it sounded incredibly erotic, like a promise. But you wanted it to be more than just a naughty and filthy threat.

“Let me go now?” You whispered with defeat in your voice.

“No. I want you in my quarters tonight.” Surprised, you looked up and met his eyes—his irises finally having returned to their natural colour. “And that’s where I want you to stay with me from now on.”

A/N: If you liked this story, I would be flattered if you supported me on KoFi! ko-fi.com/sserpente

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awintersrose · 4 years

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ObiKabu for kinktober #15 would be interesting.

Kinktober Prompt 15 - Impact Play (From this list of prompts)

This one is more rated M...

His skin is the first thing to draw the eye, genetically unique and begging for adornment. Adornment is something Kabuto can easily give.

The true challenge is the pride in the older man's eyes, his stance, the line of his spine. It would require building up, breaking down. Exploration, study, and a trained hand.

Working over a submissive is quite like a complex dissection at times - taking a specimen apart using the very building blocks of systemic response and release. Only these specimens, both precious and conscious, have the benefit of learning who they are, who they could be, who they would be under his control.

Kabuto is well accustomed to bestowing such gifts on deserving targets.

From the moment he sets eyes on Obito, the decision is made, the plan formed, right down to the implements, namely a sweetly crafted leather martinet gifted to him by his first master.

Learning from the best has had its benefits. Namely exposure to Leather culture steeped in tradition and protocol, most of which he’s adopted as part of his chosen play style. The rest is all his own, and that’s what leads him here, with an especially wondrous specimen all too willing to be tied and plied with pain and the prospect of pleasure.

“I bet no one’s ever used that on you before.”

Kabuto pauses. There’s no need to allow anyone to see him ruffled by such a statement, and really, it’s a silly one.

“I was mentored by a leatherman, and thus spent a lot of time in that community. I’ve bottomed before.”

“Yeah, but did you enjoy it?” Obito’s lips quirk in a slightly cocky smile.

It’s annoying. It’s entrancing. It feels a hell of a lot like a challenge.

“I don’t see where that’s of consequence. It was educational, as it was meant to be. I take it you think you can do better?” Kabuto loops jute rope around Obito’s chest, threading the ends through the bight.

The taller man stoops slightly so that his mouth is close to Kabuto’s ear. “I know I can.”

Definitely a challenge. One that Kabuto would be apt to ignore were it not for the hairs standing on end along the back of his neck and the curiosity that runs rampant at a single thought.

“Then I suggest you put your money where your mouth is. Prove it.” He smirks, letting the rope fall. “I presume you know what you’re doing, yes?”

Somehow their positions are reversed against the wall and Kabuto’s not quite sure how it’s happened. All he knows is that Obito is very warm and very close, with fingers poised at his chin - staring him squarely in the eye.

“I know what I’m doing, cutie. Take your clothes off and I won’t ask you to call me Master.”

“I would have undressed anyway,” Kabuto grumbles, unbuttoning his shirt and laying it aside, followed by his pants. “And you’ve not earned the title so that’s a moot point.”

“Well now you get to undress for me. Same limits as we discussed, or do you have anything more I should avoid?” Obito’s right hand spans Kabuto’s throat, tracing the fluttering pulse there and noting its urgent beat.

“No, my list was comprehensive. I’ll safeword if I need to.” Kabuto peers up at him, rendering a dare of his own. “Shall we begin? Show me what you were so confident about.”

“Oho, aren’t you demanding? I will. One thing first,” Obito traces his jaw then deftly removes Kabuto’s glasses, setting them aside. “Now turn around and put your hands up on the cross.” He gestures to the St. Andrews cross nearby.

Effectively blinded, Kabuto reaches up to hold onto the rich mahogany with a slight sigh. The relief, however, is short lived as leather falls run the length of his spine, then pure warmth presses flush against his back.

“If you safeword or take your hands down, I’m going to stop. Understood?”

“I understand,” Kabuto replies.

It takes active effort on his part to suppress the shiver that lingers somewhere around his spine, but when a hot exhale rushes across the nape of his neck, his ear, his reactions are rendered involuntary. He can practically hear Obito smile.

“I’m not going to expect you to count, but I am going to expect you to feel every. Last. Bit.” That teasing voice turns darker, almost purring, as if the man has become another person entirely. “And maybe, just maybe you won’t keep those sharp teeth gritted the whole time.”

At once, there is cool air at Kabuto’s back and the first strokes fall, criss crossed lashes laid one at a time across his shoulder blades, their warm points of impact radiating outward. The sensation steals his breath for all that the strokes are light.

He’d nearly forgotten what a good flogging feels like. The martinet’s falls are shorter than is usually optimal, but they are lavish and well tooled - and they bring Obito closer in proximity. Besides that, Obito wields it well.

Kabuto does own twin bullhide floggers that would be even more appropriate for the task, but as additional strikes are laid with almost mathematical precision several times over, he forgets all detail of the implements - too focused on the here, and the now. Obito seems to read his reactions in an instant, switching the pace, increasing it, laying incendiary stripes down the muscles of his back and his hips with near flawless technique.

Each fall leaves a mark, even if invisible, stealing away a piece of his sanity, his resolve. It’s as if the dark stranger is weaving a spell wrought in pain and slow-burning pleasure, turning Kabuto’s very nature against him. He had no intention of truly surrendering to his chosen submissive, merely enduring this little challenge, and yet he hears Obito laugh softly in response to something.

It takes him a moment to realize it’s because he’s uttered a sound.

“Kabuto - it’s alright if you like it. Let me hear you.” Obito’s broad hand runs the length of Kabuto’s spine and hot lips brush the skin of his neck just below his ear. “I want to.”

The unexpected softness leaves him reeling just before Obito draws away and lays another series of deft strokes across his buttocks and thighs, the martinet whipping through the air so swiftly that Kabuto can hear the tell-tale sound in anticipation.

Like it? Is that what’s happening? He could yank his hands away from the polished wood, call red and stop the scene in its tracks. Could, but doesn’t. The way that his mental capacity is drifting slowly from his grasp is alarming to say the least.

As leather makes contact with skin, another sound, a gasping sort of cry, gets bitten off in his hearing. The husky voice behind him still urging him on confirms that he is in fact the one guilty of the utterance, and the slight humiliation makes him feel as if he’s teetering on the edge of something.

He just might fall.

It’s strange. Nearly discomfiting. A soft haze lingers short of his inner sight, blurring the edges of sensation and emotion - a bit too far to reach. This is just as well when he’s not so sure he wants to relinquish a logical headspace. Yet as the scene meets its pinnacle, it seems it’s no longer his choice; everything becomes gently fuzzed over, less sharp… better than he imagined.

So, this must be subspace.

Obito’s hands, now free of the implement, trace the fiery heat glowing upon Kabuto’s skin, as if to soothe, never losing contact as they glide up his shoulders and slowly toward his wrists. His chest meets Kabuto’s back as he guides both hands away from the posts and secures Kabuto in a solid embrace. And just like that, the scene is over.

“Such a good boy.” Obito’s whisper is nearly tender, an unexpected anchor. “Thank you, Kabuto.”

Being called anyone’s boy should rankle and twinge, but somehow it doesn’t. Perhaps in combination with the play session, this is something to be documented in full, perhaps tested once more for the sake of confirmation. Being thanked, on the other hand, feels just right, and as he leans back against Obito, he turns to give him an imperious look.

“You’re welcome. I admit your technique was satisfactory - you didn’t lie. But next time - I get to do as I like with you.”

A smug grin crosses Obito’s lips as he leans in closer, brushing lips against Kabuto’s cheek. He can feel his new play partner’s breath stutter in his lungs. “Something tells me we'll see about that.”

AO3 Collection

#obikabu #obito #kabuto #naruto #naruto shippuden #rose's delayed kinktober #there was another request for this same prompt but I could only choose one #the rarest of rares #another to add to my list #my fanfics #awintersrose #if you enjoy it please let me know?#or visit the collection on AO3 #Anonymous

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wistfulcynic · 4 years

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For the author asks, #15 and 20. Totally asking for a friend. TOTALLY.

I think I know this “friend” of yours.

15. How do you write a really good metaphor?

A good metaphor is a walnut. Or perhaps an onion. Or the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Or--why would you ask me this question?? Why would you do this to me??

AHEM.

Okay, in all seriousness metaphors need to be handled with care because they often teeter right on the knife edge of cliche, and an overused metaphor is far worse than no metaphor at all. Good metaphors draw out a visceral reaction in the reader, an instant jolt of comprehension or even emotional response, and so personally I try to save them for situations when I really want the scene I'm writing to resonate with people. And I try to make the comparison something as universal as possible, to get that response from as many people as I can.

20. What is your best piece of advice for writing smut scenes?

Okay. *rolls up sleeves and settles in* Let’s do this.

The number one thing people need to do if they want to write smut is read it. And not just fanfic smut. Fic smut is great in many ways, primarily because in F/M scenes the woman’s pleasure is always prioritised (obviously, as most fic is written by women, but this is freaking revolutionary when you consider the history of sex written by men and the way people have sneered at romance novels--also written by women--for so long, and I COULD GO ON BUT WILL SPARE YOU, YOU ALREADY KNOW MY THOUGHTS ON THIS) and also because of the sheer variety of LGBTQ+ representation in fic smut, along with things like BDSM and other kinks that you tend not to find in mainstream fiction. Fic smut is groundbreaking in a lot of ways and a great place to learn about how others do it, and also an indispensable resource for people trying to figure out their sexuality.

However. It is not always beautifully written. I’M SORRY BUT IT’S NOT. There is a great deal of “insert tab A into slot B” style fic smut or scenes where characters seem spontaneously to morph into filth-talking porn stars, and while there is NOTHING WRONG with that, as you know I am all about the emotion. I write love stories and so the sex I write is a physical expression of that love--yes, even before the characters know they love each other, or sometimes even before they FEEL it--and I genuinely think that a lot of fic smut, no matter what the characters or the kink, could be improved by focusing more on the emotion and less on the mechanics.

And that is where the reading comes in. There are some (NOT ALL) beautifully written romance novels and they have informed my smut writing more than anything else. In the language they use and the way they incorporate the thoughts and feelings of the characters, all of this has contributed to how I approach smut and also to the lack of self-consciousness I feel while writing it.

Which brings me to Smut Writing Tip #2: Leave your super-ego at the door. Smut is the place to let the id go wild. It is about what you want--what you want to do yourself perhaps, or what you want to read, or what you want the characters to be able to do or express, or a combination of all of those. I know a lot of people feel embarrassed writing about sex, even when they don’t feel embarrassed reading about it or having it, but there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Initially it might feel weird to type “cock” for example and then to see it there on your screen just waiting for you to DO something with it, but once you move past this and get into the scene -- once you kick the super-ego to the curb -- the words will flow more easily, You just have to find that headspace and dig in.

FINALLY, speaking of words: be careful with the euphemisms. Obviously you want to shake things up and not use the same term over and over, but that can easily devolve into “Reginald’s quivering member” territory, and that IS embarrassing. It’s okay to call things what they are.

SEND ME AN AUTHOR ASK and I will reply with a WALL OF TEXT. (not sorry 😘😘)

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bixgirl1 · 5 years

Note

I think I saw you say somewhere that have a squick of self harming in fan fictions and that's what you don't like right? Do you have other ones and what do you like ?

Hi nonnie! Yep, a squick is something that, when reading, a person tends to avoid. It can be an outright trigger or simply something that makes the reader crinkle their nose and shake their head before closing out. It’s a fairly universal term in fandom that helps to explain why you won’t/can’t/don’t like reading something, and the beauty of it is that, once the word is used, no further explanation is (or should be) required — because sometimes there is no further explanation, you know? Sometimes you just… don’t like something.

As for my personal squicks/likes/and dislikes, that requires a longer answer, so I’m going to put it under a cut.

The short answer is yes and no. Self-harm can be a squick of mine — but it very much depends on how it’s handled, and its context. It’s something I’ll usually avoid reading if I see it in the tags and am not familiar enough with the author to feel safe reading it, which is something I take into account. If I see a story posted by an author that I’ve liked but have never read anything from them approaching that tag, I’ll probably wait to see if they’ll post a fic with similar but more gentle tags/content to see if their style/thought processes on the subject line up with my own. Other writers, whose work I’ve consumed to the point where I feel comfortable enough with their headspace, I’ll dive right in.

That being said, honestly, these days I have very few hardline squicks — scat-play and/or vomit-play are two, and suicide and self-harm edge very close as well (with the caveat from above). When I was less familiar with fandom, more untried, I had — or thought I had — a lot. lol. That can happen, I think; it can be really terrifying to edge out of your comfort zone. But then you read absolutely every long, plotty drarry a writer offers, every short, hot bit of smut, and there are these other ones lingering with tags like incest or dub/non-con or major character death or infidelity, and think “hmmm.” All of those are still listed in my ‘know the author first’ file, but I’ve learned I can love some stories with those tags. But that’s me. Not everyone will want to venture out of their comfort zones, and that’s fine. Great, even! Fanfic allows us a lot of wonderful things, and one of those can be escapism. So never let anyone make you feel bad about sticking to the things you like; this is all just relevant to my personal fic tastes.

And regarding those, in answer to your other question — I know I’ve got a list somewhere, lj or dw maybe, with a pretty full list of my likes and dislikes and squicks, but I haven’t updated it in a long time, so:

(I’m applying these to Harry/Draco, but I’ll read a bunch of other pairings too. Harry/Teddy, Draco/Albus, some Jeddy and Scorbus, Harry/Sirius, a bit of Wolfstar, James Sirius/Albus Severus, Romione, and Pansmione are probably my faves)

Squicks and/or squick-ish content (ie, stuff my friends would never put in a gift fic for me. lol) I’ll only read if I know the writer very well and trust them (asterisks next to the ones I’m more rigid about):

-Suicide**

-Self-harm (especially cutting)**

-Vomit/scat play***

-Major character death

-Unhappily ambiguous endings

-Character bashing*** (to be fair, if a writer does this, I don’t usually like a lot of their stuff)

-Endings (happy or unhappy) where my preferred couple doesn’t end up together**

That’s it. And I make exceptions.

General fic dislikes that I’ll “psh” if I’ve read a couple of the writers things and like them, but that still have the ability to turn me off of a story real quick:

-Non-con

-Massive deviations from canon characterization. (Meaning: Draco is incredibly flamboyant and there’s no explanation or hints as to why/how he’d become so; Harry hates Ron; Ron is stupid; Hermione is a perky prop, etc. I’m perfectly fine reading most things if I understand why they’re that way.)

-Infidelity

-Also, when mental health issues are addressed (I tend to write about them a lot), I dislike grandstanding about them as much as I dislike them being glossed over, if that makes any sense. If I want to read detailed explanations about mental illness, I’ve got about two dozen textbooks I can refer to; alternately, if trauma is brought up in the fic, there needs to be (for me), some exploration of it.

-Permanent disability fics

-Fisting

-Muggle AU’s

-Mpreg — very rarely (usually just because I’m not often in the mood for it)

-Schmoopy fluff. (I don’t mind the sweet, but I don’t want to get cavities)

-Bloodplay

Now, for the fun ones!

Fic likes:

-Tropes. I’m a trope whore, I admit it. I love so many of them they should probably get a subcatagory of my favorites. lol.

-Forced Proximity

-Bed-Sharing

-Eighth Year

-Auror Partners

-Powerful!Harry

-Controlled!Draco (magically, for both; I like ‘em skilled as hell)

-Wandlore

-Master of Death lore

-Aristocratic Draco (or bad boy Draco, or fucked up Draco…I like Draco a lot, okay?)

-Flirting

-UST

-Pining

-Banter and snark

-Friends to lovers

-Lovers to friends to more

-Dub-con where they both enjoy it

-Sex Pollen

-Antagonism

-Veela/Creature Fic

-Smart Harry (let’s give the boy some credit, can we???)

-Harry, Ron, and Hermione staying close

-Rescuing/being protective (I don’t care who rescues and who does the rescuing, though I tend to think of Harry as the rescuer more often than not. But I like when there’s an exchange.)

-Life debts

-Legilimency

-Accidental (or, hell, intentional) bonding

-Humor

-Angst with a happy ending

-Harry’s and Draco’s hair/eyes being described as they are in the books

-The first time they call each other by their first names being significant

-Fics that focus as much (or more) on characterization and relationship development as they do on outside plot

And a bunch more of these too.

Sex and sexual kinks:

-Draco. God yes. Put him in robes or a sharp suit or torn jeans and mmmmmmsfdhdfhlgjhuihghlhd. I like Draco being noticed. (*whispers* Objectified, even, especially if Harry doesn’t realize he’s doing it.)

-Vice versa Harry.

-Rimming

-Spanking

-Rentboys

-Sexual power plays

-One of them being experienced, the other not so experienced.

-Both of them being hella experienced

-Topping from the bottom (and also the top).

-Bottoming from the top (and also the bottom lol)

-Dirty talk

-Trust games (blindfolds, tying someone up)

-Fingering

-Post-sex fingering

-Flaccid cocks getting played with; proprietary touches.

-First times

-Dom/sub dynamics (with clear boundaries and safewords)

-Gentle sex

-Extended foreplay

-Semi-public sex

-Magical sex objects

-Cleaning spells (thank fuck for the magical world, amiright?)

-Messy blowjobs

-Kissing. Lots of kissing.

-Angry sex that turns into more

-Frantic sex

-Partially-clothed sex

-Frotting/grinding

-Teasing

-I might have a bit of a foot kink? lol

-Confidence

-Timidity/nerves

-Coming untouched

-Handjobs

-Shower/bath

Aaannnd most other sexual kinks you don’t see listed under my squicks or dislikes.

So there you go. A non-comprehensive guide to what I like and look for in a fic. Like I said, I’m not too picky about my dislikes these days (if I was, I wouldn’t be reading puppy play or consensual non-con or double penetration, and there are fics with those contents that have blown me the fuck away), but it’s really a personal thing. Kink tomato, and Fic Tomato (which idk if the latter is a thing, but I hope everyone gets what I mean. lol).

Thanks so much for the ask, nonnie! It was a bit of a treat to stop and really consider how my fic likes and dislikes have changed over the last couple of years. Highly recommend you making your own list — and never letting anyone make you feel bad about it! ;D

#nice asks #fic life #reader life #squicks #likes and dislikes #anon

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desvuse · 3 years

Text

Invisible Thread: Three

Trigger Warning: Sexual Innuendos, Explicit, Age Gap.

⠀

They wanted each other.

More than one could ever tell, more than what words could ever explain, more than what the universe can give. They wanted to let their feelings consume them, bit by bit, as a whole, they wanted that. They wanted to let each other break it hard, so hard as if they don’t fear anything. They wanted to exult in this time, in this very life of their existence by taking each other in, keeping them close and dear to their hearts.

He put his hand around her nape to deepen the kiss, his eyes were shut close and he had never tasted the sweetness the way he did that night. Exhilaration grew sharp, striking every inch of their limbless particles within, slowly turning on the heat of the night. Their hearts were no longer throbbing in discomfort, it had shifted into gladness that rushed through every drop of blood. It was no longer just lust that they had in mind, that took control, that dominated their actions. It was beyond comprehension, more than one could ever be capable of explaining.

He lifted her up and placed the figure on the table just right behind her, still with their lips latched around each others’ and raging passion that turned it into a sloppy kiss. Wet and wild, even after countless of it, the kiss had never failed to turn them on. He devoured her ripe red lips as he felt himself growing big and hard in his pants. He had always been weak for her, easily tied down by just a slight touch. Even the scent of her body had become a drug to him, driving him crazy just every single time it flowed through his nose, addictively so.

Their kiss was almost breathless and it lasted longer than how they usually did. Now that he broke the kiss and started to plant his lips on the skin of her neck, he could hear the sound of her moaning echoing through his place and passed through the canals of his ears. The tip of his penis tingled as blood rushed fast through its veins, growing it even bigger, hard, and rigid.

“Mmhh..”

Every movement and every touch that he made caused her to feel hot in between the thighs, dripping wet all over her folds. She rummaged her fingers through his hair and grabbed as he sucked her neck and went down all the way to her chest, leaving traces by kisses. At some points he’d stick his tongue a little to taste her skin, followed by the brims of his lips on it. He understood her body more than anyone else that had the chance to touch her.

“Daddy,”

It felt just right to call him that way, unlike to any other men out there, she felt it the most suitable to say when it comes to Tobias. Just how powerful the feeling that grew inside of her. A few minutes ago she felt as if she would have resented him for the rest of her life if he were not to speak the truth. A few minutes ago she wanted to burn him alive and now right this very second, she wanted to taste his love all for her.

It was also his cue to go on, the green light that doubled the gladness. She moaned by the time his hand lifted her sleeveless shirt, exposing her skin to his lips, making her arch a little, arousing him even more. To the South he went, tracing her skin using his lips, still, whilst having his hands taking off her jeans and panties slowly. He knew how to drive her insane by maintaining the slow pace and making her beg.

“You are so beautiful.” He nibbled on her skin just right before his face was in between her thighs, blowing a warm air through his mouth against her wet folds. The sensation did make her moan again, a little louder this time, she could feel herself getting impatient as he placed his lips on her inner thigh, inch by inch, from one side to another, and then finally to her folds. Dripping wet and warm, he took a glance at her whilst running his fingers on her stomach and thighs.

“Ngh, please..”

He pulled her closed by putting his arms on her thighs and dragged it closer to his face. Just a second after, he had it buried in between the limbs and his tongue running on the lips of her vagina. He licked it slowly and then it got slightly faster, back and forth, also its tip twirling around on her sweet bud. It was enough to make her beg, it was enough to make her fall into desperation. She craved for that, for the touch, for more of him. Her hand moved South to reach his hair, grabbing it hard for the pleasure that pervaded throughout her whole being.

“Daddy,”

“Please,”

She wanted that, to ache for him, to go all desperate for craving him to get inside her, she wanted that. She surrendered, the entire being of her was giving up. She was, too, in love with him.

“Sweetheart,” Tobias breathed the warm air for once more, blowing it against her folds, giving her the tingling sensation that caused her to get all hot and more wet. “My sweetheart,” a gentle and loving peck was given right before he stopped and got back up, grabbing his own covered rigid length down there. He couldn’t hold himself either, it did give him pain for he kept it there long enough while was busy with the warmth of her wet vagina.

The feeling was rather indescribable, his heart was thumping hard and loud as soon as he caught the sight of her face. It was her, it was the woman that he wanted to keep close, it was the woman that gave him hope, it was her, it was Chiara. She did not leave, she did not go, she stayed. He was able to touch her, hold her, and even hear her moaning out his name.

Perhaps it was some kind of miracle that happened. Did his thread really grow and linger around her? Did he only wish it to be that way? Did he force her to do this right now?

Tobias leaned closer and took her lips for once again, kissing her until they both were almost losing breath, tasting every act of madness through each other’s desperation. He couldn’t believe how he managed to make her stay, he still needed to make sure that what he saw and touched was really her.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” He mumbled in between the kiss as he unbuckled his belt, letting his rigid penis out of his pants.

“It is you,” he was still saying some words to convince himself that it was reality he was facing.

“It is me.”

Chiara wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close so she could feel his body, and her lips were busy taking him aggressively. “Let me feel this, too.”

The day she had been imagining inside her head was finally here. Saying that she fell for the man was never something she would have thought of happening. Yet there they were, craving and yearning for each other’s touch as if tomorrow would never come. Her hand moved down South this time, still with her lips latch on his ever so hungrily. She grabbed his rigid, throbbing flesh. Even her fingertips sent shivers down his spine, growing the length big and hard.

It was only a brief seconds before he grabbed her hand, stopping her from what she was doing and brought her down to get her back standing on the floor. He ripped her thin fabric off her skin and then turned her body around, pushing it rough enough to arouse her but gentle enough to make her feel safe. The next thing he did was bending her over the counter as he leaned closer to kiss her cheek from behind. His lips did not only stop there but it traveled through the skin of her back this time, tracing every inch of it before he grabbed her by the hair and whispered close to her ear.

“I want you.”

“I want you so bad.”

A slap on her bum was given, loud and very much arousing, leaving a reddish mark on it. Though he was still covered in his shirt and he only lowered his pants, he was still looking so hot. While Chiara was all naked, sweating and panting, desperate to feel him inside of her.

“Shh, fuck.”

“Please, Daddy,”

He had his own palm wrapped around his flesh, giving it a little massage before he slammed it gently against her bottom. They were all consumed by lust, it was eating them alive as they let out the rage through the kiss, touch, and now he had his rigid length thrusted inside through her folds. She took him so well, wrapping his penis within the wet and warm walls of her cavern.

“Ahh—”

Both moaned in pleasure, releasing more and more ecstasy. They did not care about anything else, all they wanted was each other. He started to move his hip, thrusting deep and slow at first before the pace escalated as she adjusted to his length inside of her.

“Oh, fuck— Nggh..”

Tobias had tasted countless sex and yet none of it satisfied him the way she did. To have it with her was more than just sex. To have it with her was a remedy, a pain reliever, a soothing lullaby. To have it with her was an expression of his emotion.

The feeling that he had never thought of having after he let it all long left obsolete, the feeling that they tried too hard to deny, the feeling that confused her all this time.

To declare it as love would take more time than confessing about what they wanted. To say the three words perhaps would never be written on their list. All they care about would be each other’s existence.

“You are so good,” Tobias moved faster, ramming his rigid shaft inside of her ever so senselessly. “Fuck, baby,”

Chiara had become a moaning mess, as if the slightest touch of his skin could send her off the edge. She ached for that, for him to treat her as she was his, and only his to own.

Drenched in sweat, they both moaned, praised one another just like how they always did. Yet this time they did not only let their body be touched. This time they let their soul speak about truth, crafting the sexiest memory inside their headspace.

“God, baby—“

“Ahh, yes, Daddy. Shh— please, please.”

He put his hands on her hips, picking up his pace as fast as he could, feeling close to the peak of the pleasure. Another slap and one more of it landed roughly on the skin of her bum. Chiara nearly lost her mind, he fuck her so good to the point where she forgot that it all starter with a fight that almost end it all.

“Baby,”

“Love— Fuck,”

He cursed out loud as he could feel the pulsating flesh tingled, he was so close to his release.

It didn’t take so long before Tobias leaned closer, bending his own body towards her, kissing her shoulder and ear from behind as he thrusted and fucked her in a fast pace, senselessly so.

“Ngh— Nnh—“

“D-daddy—hhh..”

He wrapped his arms around her body, pulling it close as he made a deep and rough thrust to let out his release, reaching the peak of his limit.

“Ah— Baby—“

“Ahh—“

“Daddy..”

Her legs were trembling as she came, too, not so long after he did. She could feel his lips pressed on her cheek as she reached climax.

One might have thought that a sex which started by fight would not solve the problem and yet either Tobias or Chiara did not think that way for this sex. Through the ragged pantings and trembling body, that was the sweetest, most comforting sex both had ever experienced. For it felt like getting consolation amidst the mess and fucked up reality.

That act of madness did not grow any guilt strangely so, Chiara had no idea how that would be possible. This time, it was not just sex, he did let her see that. In a span of the brief intercourse, he had the ability to make her feel what he said. The compassion, the side of him that she thought would never have existed, the emotion, she felt that.

“I want to let this grow.” He said whilst trying to control his breath, catching the air of oxygen just as much as he could. “I want this feeling to grow.”

Chiara smiled, the curve on her lips were finally curled heavenwards and she thought the same.

“I want that, too.”

And I love you.

She probably would never understand the meaning of love, she doubt he would ever as well. And yet it just slipped out at the back of her mind and arose from the pit of her stomach.

They both were well aware that they might be the most resented lovers the universe could have ever witnessed now. But just for once, after so long, after they both let it die long ago, for once they wanted to feel it.

They wanted to feel this.

They wanted to feel this love.

Little did they know, the invisible thread had been lingering around all this time, only they did not have much courage to see it with their eyes.

People have their own way of showing love. Some do it through words, some use their wealth to do so, some would present just whenever their lover wants them to, some yield the way Chiara did, some recklessly find it through the twist of life the way Tobias had it.

But love will remain as it is, for as long as one holds it close.

That night was not the end.

That night was only the beginning.

After all, he was still a husband to her aunt and the father of her cousins.

He was still the one that she shouldn’t have fallen for, not even in a million years.

⠀

Invisible Thread: Three

End Part.

#the-mayhem

0 notes

elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

Text

13x01 Watching Notes

The common pronunciation around these parts for “Nougat” is "Nugget" FYI

There's a secondary mission here to find out WHY DID DABB TWEET "BUTT SHAKE"?

Expectations: I'd say a good 95% new plot action nonsense to 5% mourning and we've seen all of it in fragments because they're spoiling the good stuff to lure us in; we're doing well as a season if Asmodeus isn't horrifically hammy and looks like he'll be able to carry all the Buckleming episodes they'll surely shove him in, and Jack is either not a pillock or is clearly *supposed* to be a pillock and the writing reassures us of that, although I did start to warm up to him in those tiny glimpses of promo stuff so we might be good there.

Aside from that I'm so superbly chill about this season (not worried about Cas, assuming Mary needs to get back as well, I'm just going on trust that Michael is well cast based on the actor's fanbase after scrolling his twitter the other day and the fact he seems cool in the promo stuff in a way that does not make me nervous unlike the other 2 new characters, and like no preconceptions about what I need this season to be) that I've actually achieved what scientists may have thought was unpossible... I made it through an entire hiatus embedded in the heart of a wanky fandom and I don't really have strong opinions or needs for about what's to come :P

FUCK ME UP, DABB.

OH THE TITLE CARD IS GOING TO BE GOOD THIS YEAR

I say after just seeing "the road so far" because that looks classic. I can't remember which other season it most looks like because I'm way too hype but it looks good.

Gah I have the Worst Song Comprehension in the entire world WHAT IS THIS? There's just a montage of TFW hugs of various types going on and

"I never opened myself this way" and Dean in 12x22 opening up Mary and then the FREAKING GRENADE LAUNCHER MOMENT okay so the recap definitely is telling us the meta theme of season 12 in case we missed is so we're all on the same footing for season 13. This family loves each other a lot and we're busting down walls.

I watched the rest of the "road so far" then said out loud, "No. NO." as it wound up nursery first, because "no" are they not even going to show - OH SHIT IT'S THE SAME VIDEO AS THE ONE IN THE SUMMER. NO. We're ending this thing on dead Cas and Dean.

If this is how they mean to play it, I think I wanna take back that "fuck me up Dabb" from the previous point.

OH NO I got tagged in a post like this last week about the bit in 8x19 where Sam goes into Hell and there's the woman there in one of the cages who is like "we've been waiting so long! You finally came!" and like... did I think she meant she was mistaking Sam for Lucifer, and I always think YES that is a GREAT reading for that scene and fuuuuuuck me I should have reblogged that post and gone looking for links to some of the other cool posts about that because that's like one of the small redeeming things about 8x19 to me, because that is just such a good creepy amazing Sam thing and also I am still so freakin bitter that Lucifer was Nick in the cage because he should have looked like Sam and 11x09 and 11x10 should have been Sam v Lucifer!Sam moments because where the FUCK did Nick come from...

Anyway you can probably guess exactly how far I've got into this episode aka 1 entire one word line but it's already completely fucked me up.

If you all don't remember my season 12 experience, yes I am the biggest Destiel shipper on the planet but I actually get super hype for good Sam plot stuff and I dug every moment of the season 12 Sam stuff about his powers and everything and this is a confrontation that *I* personally think was built up and due because of the evolving way it's going - they confronted his past, the parts he had no control over happening to him in season 12, and I surmised that season 13 ought to be about the parts that WERE in his control, and Sam coming to terms with some other old mytharc stuff that happened to him, the way he managed to fuck up the world on a cosmic scale that Jack will have to come to relate to and he can use to guide Jack...

So yeah, this is not the first time this has happened to Sam, but this is definitely the much much better, more potent way it's happened and I am DELIGHTED and we're 1 word into the season :D

*Dean stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* Yep I need to go shoot something.

YEAH GIANT FLOATING EYEBALL TITLE CARD I KNEW IT.

Sauron is the big bad, but where is the one ring.

More seriously fuck yeah that gives complete continuity between my watching notes from 12x23 to this one because I am pretty sure I stopped them (aside from final whimpering notes to wrap up) thinking about Sam and Jack with yellow eyes and how this all looped back to the start. And how that was the key visual imagery, the way that Jack had yellow eyes and Sam's whole legacy of that stuff - things I've been screaming about since 12x12 and how it all came back into the story. I mean the scream I made in 12x12 when Ramiel flashed his eyes is a noise I've sort of low-key been making right until this point and I'm just so delighted about this imagery being given such a central place because it's not JUST Jack's eyes, even though he obviously has the most terrifying yellow fire floating around in his eyeballs, the colour is a motif that takes us right back to the beginning in terms of the story...

HECK YEAH MARY -

wait

this isn't a recap going to a Mary scene

LOL SUBTLE DABB

This nursery, as we were saying after season 12 ended, is just *soaked* in the vibes of the original nursery from the show... I kinda think the bad energy in that place would probably have given Dean that nightmare ANYWAY but it's symbolically super relatable to everything that's going on, especially as he's got to deal with re-losing Mary, and Sam's dealing with the massive heap of themes about trauma from the Pilot onwards...

I'm sort of vibing with 6x01 re-doing the burning on the ceiling thing to re-start from the start (8x01 also re-started from the start but borrowed different imagery and also addressed Sam's arc through the Trials stuff hence the 8x19 thing and also him talking about how pure he was in 8x21) - obviously we have been saying this all seems like a season 1 re-do in a weird way, especially taking the Winchesters back to basics (but in an awful way), and I think for Sam, just meeting Jack under those circumstances we ended the season on were enough to loop him back to the start, because baby in nursery and yellow eyes blah blah, but for Dean his trauma in the Pilot was Mary specifically (and 1x01 separated out him and Sam that his trauma was Mary, Sam's was Jess - which 8x01 borrowed for Kevin and his girlfriend, because Kevin was always a Sam mirror and had glowing golden god power eyes when he was activated in 7x21)...

So yeah Dean just got a top up of Mary trauma because the fucking WEATHER around here is pilot mirrors.

I would assume also probably maybe that was a semi-magical nightmare but I would not fucking put it past them to just show us Dean having a bunch of nightmares and like 7x05 maybe where he woke up from a dead Cas dream, we get stuff like that to show his absolutely wrecked mental state so I'll hold out hope it was kind of just Dean's imagination tormenting him, because we've only seen his nightmares extremely rarely in the absolute worst situations.

Just as a "the show is about more than sam and dean" stance, fuck the shipping, it needs to be so obvious on screen that Dean is suffering from losing Mary AND Cas in a way where it's obvious the dynamic can not just be Sam and Dean any more.

OH NO SEAGULLS

(Uh, I mean, they are by a big lake, but yeah they are a bad bad omen. I think there was meta about them circa 10x14, to give an idea of how bad hearing seagulls is.)

Wow Sam and Dean are having a lot of bad sleeps now.

"Wait, was that -" "Lucifer's son." look, Sam knows how Jack started his life. That he has the concept of "father". That it's about all he's said and all he's motivated by right now apparently. Sam sounds pretty freaked out and putting a LOT of weight on that concept - not "Kelly's son" or "the nephilim" - the fact Jack was born, and asked about Lucifer, and then walked buck naked out of the room and now we ain't got jack on Jack, like... This is a Lucifer related PROBLEM.

I just say, because I am pretty sure Sam's gonna be defending the kid in a couple of minutes so I need to lay out all the thoughts on what Sam knows and his headspace I possibly can as I go.

Oh nooo Cas's truck.

And I tell you what, I wrote a meta after 12x23 about how it was impossible to work out where Cas's truck was parked in the entire final conflict, and there was no fucking WAY the Impala and the truck were within shot of each other. Well guess fucking what. They are easily contained within frame now. I know you could just say minor continuity error but that's not why I'm yelling :P

I'm yelling because I was writing about how the placement of their vehicles shows their closeness to each other or other metaphorical things (such as the no personal space parking job from 9x10 where Dean then pulled away and left the pimpmobile behind) and aside from the super dusty car, I am pretty sure I am saying that Cas's truck has appeared in visible shot because now it's not getting in the way of the action they can use it to symbolically show that Dean and Cas's vehicles are basically flanking the shot - but also they're so far apart and the house, representing Jack, and Kelly, and how Cas died, is between them.

(This meta business is like riding a bike :D)

Nakey Jack getting the same walk shot as Amara did.

Amara got it because creepy feet.

He's getting it because penis.

Hey there's the pirate place Dean's going to punch.

Holy shit I have never laughed so hard at the show in my entire life. I had a coughing fit that's scared the neighbour's dog.

(wait, good laugh - 10x15 still owes me a drink)

Salty Butt Combo sounds good anyway.

(this must be why Dabb said "butt shake", the fucker. The absolute fucker. I am going to kill him.)

I'm laughing on a meta level too (I mean, hysterically, out loud, but also meta) because especially in season 8 burgers were connected to humanity and Dean's return from Purgatory, and Dean has a history on the show of eating cheesebutts all the time for various reasons... I mean... This is liiiitterally turning Dean's favourite, metaphorically significant, food into butts.

I mean... do I just... run with it? I mean like... is this the new meta thing? We now have to associate Dean digging into a burger with eating ass? I mean what are you doing Dabb?

I actually have a headache now because I laughed too hard and too loud.

Please please tell me Jack comes into this place, accidentally kills these dudes, and leaves a trail of destruction that when their supervisor gets to the store to deal with it, the police are like... trying to deal with the bodies but also cracking up a little and finally she looks up and it's like... HIGH SEAS BUTT COMBO

I mean that's going to make it into the newspapers

Oh wait, the inventor of the Buttshake is the guy from the police station that was talking to Jack so he's going to at least make it out of this scene.

See, that picture of Jack with pants on was in the PR photos and I was like "naaah" and defended that Jack did not have pants on and people didn't believe - no one understood. I knew this was gonna happen and because I don't lay down too much spec and what good would "Jack wanders around buck naked for like the entire first quarter of the episode" have done anyway so I was just making fun of him for being fully grown and naked in the hope that the fact he was naked was a major character trait because it was one of like 2 we knew about him... Yeah I'm feeling vindicated on a crack spec I can't really prove, especially as I was joking that Sam shames him into manifesting pants but I mean... I knew. Guys, I knew.

This has gone from horror to stoner movie classic in about 2 minutes flat.

I fucking love this show.

ALL THE CREATIVE WAYS THEY HIDE JACK'S NAKEDNESS THOUGH.

I am gonna make a gifset if I can stop cry-laughing for long enough

"Hi baby! .... *How naked*?"

Yep.

I mean I think it's adorable that Jack wandered down to the nearest place with more people to make enquiries but this is also wigging me out a bit because I thought that the smart thing to do would be to give him like all the functioning knowledge for this world (I do remember a post going around Tumblr that babies learn like 6x Les Mis amounts of words in the womb) BUT start him from scratch but that it would be super hard to pull off, and essentially they've decided to do exactly what I thought was going to be the most intelligent handling of the situation but not exactly the easiest, and he seems to really have been born with a single motivation and the most basic understanding of the world that his little baby cosmic supercomputer brain is going to have to piece together the entire world from context cues and natural intellect to deal with the rest...

I'm all for it as long as they handle his progression well. And don't use him as the ... butt ... of the joke.

I assume we all know the butt thing was because Jack is naked and it was joking about the fact he's wandering about butt out but they can't show it so they're just like butt butt butt on the menu board instead.

Promo scene! Oh no! We're not thinking about it. Not over it from last night. Dean is piiiissed.

Sam saying he had it under control is interesting now we have seen the actual scene in question. Sam did not really have it under control. He was babbling uncertainly like, no I'm not your father and also btw that freaks me out because he HAS possessed me before and being mistaken for him is SUUUPER uncomfortable and he's the reason for like 100% of my trauma past and present, and you're freaking me out... And yeah, between scenes he's decided they can't hunt Jack, that even if he seems to be laser focused on finding his father there has to be hope for him. This context is important: That Sam knows Jack's motivation and what it MEANS on a deeply horribly personal level and is defending him anyway. (I mean that "anyway" in the context of what Sam might think or feel rather than from my perspective where I can see it all from space and obviously Jack is not just any of this and anyway he'll be hunting with them sooner or later and there's presumably hope for Jack in this world...) But yeah, Sam knows how it is, searching for your father, for one thing. Which, interestingly, costuming aside, I don't think there's been MAJOR John and Lucifer parallels (hilarious that Lucifer changed his clothes just in time) in the same way that like, God and John were paralleled at a major narrative level. But now Jack wants to find his dad, which is the season 1 motivation for Sam and Dean, and that makes Lucifer and John narratively paralleled.

I don't think Sam is necessarily defending that Jack came out the womb with a one track mind to find Lucifer (maybe he wants to kill him, we haven't asked the guy his opinion yet) but that of course he thinks Jack can be reasoned with, saved from himself, and Sam relates heavily to being given powers beyond your control, and that there's hope for Jack to have a normal-ish life etc. None of which can be accomplished by just killing him outright.

Dean's just mad because Cas is dead and none of this would have happened if not for Jack

There's literally NOTHING TO META over on the Destiel side of things

I am feeling the void that they just left Cas there while rushing out to deal with Jack but I guess he's such an urgent problem Cas can wait and the house is remote enough that the milkman isn't likely to come round and see Cas lying dead in the back garden.

"Before he hurts anyone else" - he barely hurt you guys, it's more like he banged you up a bit and it was obviously a terrifying display of power and you don't want him to do *even that* again but - I mean - Dean, honey.

those words are going to be my approach to him for a while I think :P

That sheriff car really pushing the Twin Peaks vibe just because of the mountains on it... Was comparing it last season... Watched Twin Peaks for the first time shortly before the finale and caught Dabb just outright stealing an entire line from one of its episodes.

Either the police station is super close or Jack has been unintentionally terrorising the guys in the pirate restaurant for like an hour while just staring at the sign. He's thinking really hard about ordering the salty butt combo.

So we're really pushing how creepy Jack is. I mean, duh, it's the first episode and the first like 5 minutes of his screen time so he'll smile scarily for us.

They definitely cast him well for looking like Kelly but also having a really evil looking smirk.

Oh no. Cas.

They said Dean put the sheet over him and he's indoors so I guess that scene just happened in between things although right now we have no context for that so unless the angels say they didn't move Cas inside and put a sheet over him we don't have anything but actor confirmation this was a thing that happened, which is, of course, meaningless currency but makes for good headcanons...

I mean I paused it on his dead face and went "waaaah" so I need to watch the rest of the scene but this is where I'm at going into it anywho.

Nope, one angel had to ask which means they are investigating the house which meeeeans that this was how Dean left Cas and it's implied by the subtext that this is what happened in one of those "the subtext isn't an ineffable cloud of possible happenstance, they just didn't show it on screen so this fills in the blank for us" ways and I am not okaaaaaaaaay

Also we have them as our straw man angels - one saying he deserved better (LOL I HOPE ALL THE CAS STANS ARE HAPPY THAT'S BEEN SAID IN THE STORY) and one who is saying he didn't. Representing that Heaven is conflicted about Cas's actions and that some still revered him and some still loathed him.

Also the one who hated Cas called Kelly a "Brood Mare" so he's a dick and I hope he gets stabbed pretty soon because we know there's angel stabbings in this episode, and I just was not paying any attention whatsoever to them in the spoilers.

So the clothes Jack ended up in were spares from the police station. The kid who worked at the pirate place has come along with them because fuck responsibility (he is so the bad influence cool guy and I hope Jack kinda gets a little puppy love crush on him although he's calling Jack weird still...)

That statement that no one is weird but normal in their own way was really nice though. Positive influences around Jack! Yeah!

Hahaha they literally said "Lost and Found" for where the clothes came from. Subtle. Jack's lost and found - he's a spare thing left behind, to be collected by the original owner or taken by someone who needs them more.

I used that phrase for a fic title back in season 12 about Mary about how she had been lost and found - died and came back - but also how she felt lost in the world now and then was found again when someone who related to her situation bonded with her and - okay it just turned into Charlie taking Mary back to her place and them making out but the point is that's the emotional tone I was using the title for. I assume it also applies to Jack's emotional state, but he hasn't been "found" yet and I'm assuming Sam will do that for him, but I don't think they'll go back to their place to play video games, drink a few beers and learn the ways of luuurve.

(I know some people were (crack?) shipping them but even though Jack's an adult now and technically only like... well, the actor would be within the window to have a thing with Sam and for it not to be weird age wise, but the whole framing of it... Jack acting like a grown up baby... yeah. We'll see how it goes but the dynamic wider fandom has built for them has been with Jack as a child. The way I see it is more the intern dynamic if he joins up with TFW, but the way they relate to him will have to be as a child by necessity at least until he's demonstrated emotional and intellectual maturity to them, and even then I think the impression will linger for a while...)

that was a weird side note... these notes are a disaster. Look it's been MONTHS and I didn't do rewatch notes for season 10 over hiatus like I meant so I am out of practice at this.

I also took a short break to chat with Mittens to confirm I wasn't going crazy, that WAS the same song as the other video they released in the hiatus, and yep we got the Nothing Else Matters destiel music video as the season opener. No I haven't processed it yet :D

Oh gosh Jack remembers his mom (HI KELLY, RIP) and he says she's in Heaven (can't recall his surname), and that memory was basically the footage from the USB stick, so he's internalised that somewhere without watching it. It's 2 influences, good and bad - a pure perfect dead mom (booo tropes the show was supposed to have ditched dramatically via Mary) and a literal satan father who "should have been there" but wasn't - ironically removed from the narrative by the reformed pure dead mom from last season, Mary. These are the two biological influences on him, anyway. The 2 sides of his nature he may struggle with and the way the conflict may be framed for him.

Buuut and here's a thing that might be contentious. So he knew Lucifer was supposed to be there when he was born and that he has to find him? He seems to have had that low level awareness of the world around him even in the womb, or at least was born with messages or some sort of communication from Lucifer lingering in his subconscious. Lucifer seemed linked to him while he was in the womb and I suppose this confirms it may have run both ways. Bleh.

The Jack As A Blank Slate characterisation is good because it excuses his actions from season 12 as done without knowing intent as he's still figuring it all out now, but these lines do implicate him in the actions, by giving him a sense of at least semi-awareness, of having a missive from before he was even born, knowing that he was supposed to find his father.

I think that also goes with Kelly leaving him the USB stick with the message on it - he has a missive from both his parents. Kelly's of course being so positive and hopeful for him, and Lucifer just kinda... being threatening to his goodness by wanting to be anywhere near him.

OH GOSH and he remembers burning Dagon. He did have an awareness of what was going on towards the end of the pregnancy!

"I remember the universe screamed" well that would be opening the AU I guess

yeah the thumbprinting thing isn't going to do much good :P Blank slate imagery again - he's not on the system, he's new!

Oh boy the stoner movie kid is going to have a wild ride explaining this.

Jack's getting better at full sentences though.

*blink blink*

And that was the Invention of Sarcasm.

Or he was telling the guy how stupid he was like... I have a superior intellect. I know this is a chair and this is a floor and this is the planet earth. Thank you, moronic human who keeps asking me the most obvious questions ever, it's really helping me collect my thoughts and begin to understand my environment. Are all humans as stupid as you?

Uhoh, the "I'm hungry" did not bode well with Amara. But is this going to be a fake out? He didn't seem about to attack the guy for his soul, so is he just going to have a whole ton of junk food when we get back and the guy is like yeah I knew he had the munchies so I raided my stash of M&Ms I keep here and it's all good.

I really can't tell how much of Jack's story is Ominous Nephilim Shit and how much is Stoner Bro Movie Lols

Here's the context about the curly butt fries line and destroying the world. People took it literally and it always seemed like this would be the context that Dean was putting fake words in Jack's mouth because he does it ALL the time. Like the line about getting bored of croquet so you know what's really fun? MURDER. I love it when he does this. I need to make him do it more when I write him.

Anyway Sam understands Jack, he can guess his location. Dean is doubtful and *specifically* mentions torching Chicago I think because of the 5x21 reference to his pizza date with Death. I think that is actually a good comparison because cosmic being but one who was a good ally in his own massive cosmic way. It's a nice omen. Dean is being wrong/right with his sarcasm. It's complicated :P

The fact he is letting Sam go in there also means he doesn't think that Jack is in there probably because the shack is still standing. Sam is going to go find clues! But while they're sitting in the car and Dean's sending Sam into a shack alone I can't help but remember 2x21 which was of course where Sam got snatched in a fast food shack and Dean asked for pie and it aaaaall began. I also wonder why Dean punches the sign and that makes me think that something might happen to Sam somehow although I can't guess how.

I have never related to anyone more than Drunk Fries Girl except I've done it in reverse, just missing the deadline on hashbrowns in McD's and stomping out of the store instead of just ordering fries :P

Sam deals with the awkwardness of asking for a tall naked guy with a level of composure Dean wouldn't manage in a million fucking years.

That's the entire meta.

You were right, Sam!

Sam's asking after Jack as the FBI and it's a way to not have him act as his father on the phone. But the thought occurred to me and I wonder if it passed Sam's mind or if he's judged Jack's age that they're not terribly far apart - less than 10 years.

I don't think they're really playing into this comparison right now anyway - like it was just for the opening scene, or the sheriff would have asked, "are you his father" and put Sam into the awkward position and THEN have him say that he's an agent.

This is literally the best exchange in the entire show because Sam is having to pretend to be FBI while talking about Jack, with Fries Girl and Over Enthusiastic Pirate Guy watching, and his eyes just went to the cheesebutt menu and he saw it and he did not laugh on the phone.

I think Sam is strong and brave and of pure heart and fuck the "trials" or whatever the fuck shows the measure of a man, he just passed through the fucking abyss and came out the other side because he didn't laugh at Cheesebutt.

And, look, I laughed at the cheesebutt thing and the way it reflects hiiiilariously on Dean and the burgers thing. We all laughed at it. But Sam just blinked off in short succession a gay accusation and the urge to laugh at cheesebutt like it didn't even fucking affect him and I am just

Dabb

what

At the end of 12x23 my only conclusion was "i have been mindfucked"

and I thought

maybe season 13 will be you know... normal

Dabb it has been 15 minutes and I am so fucked up about everything :P

And now we cut to Dean with his messed up knuckles. Did he just go punch something off-screen?

(You know, the pirate sign that he punched in the promo for a totally random out of nowhere example of punchable things in the vicinity)

I hope he's not coping so badly that we're getting it in angsty flashbacks because that blood was not there before. And angsty flashbacks basically mean Destiel is canon.

OH NO FRIES GIRL IS HERE.

The drunk are an open and friendly people... Is she going to get Dean to open up? She's literally infodumping her life story on him because she's been up all night and her feet hurt and no one will give her fries, and I think she's about to fucking put the moral of the season in Dean's head somehow I don't know yet because I have literally paused because I was contemplating removing the dash between me bitching at Dabb for the wonderful fucked up episode and this commentary on it :P

Yep she told him that she punched Becky's stupid Elsa poster (what is Dabb's deal with Elsa from Frozen? Does he have a small daughter we don't know about that inflicted Let It Go on him in a loop? :P) and lit all her stuff on fire and started rambling about just burning the world down in her rage.

And then called Dean sensitive to Sam and this is amazing because her drunk wisdom sees right through his shit. I love fries girl.

I LOVE Fries Girl, she wrote "bitch" on the car :D :D :D

was THIS why Baby is all dusty? People are writing rude words all over everything this episode. I mean it's like a theme. A theme of desecration and burning the world down around you and who gives a flying fuck about consequences - you can change all the menu items to Butt because your mom's the sheriff and banging the guy who owns the restaurant or whatever, and if your roommate is a bitch, burn down all her things.

I mean then she writes it on the car which is sort of ominous about all their stuff being burned up.

I mean Dean did have that dream about Mary

He's lost Cas, that's his world burning down around him.

It's... Look, it's weird they have put off whatever Dean did in the intervening time Sam was eyeing up the cheesebutt menu to show later because we know we see it later because there's a hanging "what happened to your knuckles" question and we saw the clip in the promo. It's a storytelling decision to delay this, and we just see Dean dealing with it by drinking, splashing some alcohol on the cuts, and that's that for now.

What a fucking mess. Dean. Honey.

I suppose to keep the action flowing we deal with Jack but Dean's emotional story is running alongside it and it's being put off, held back... but it's not being held back forever. It's going to be opened up to us. But for NOW we just see kinda what Sam and outsiders see - the same thing I was meta-ing about the promo scene, about how they kept us outside the car for that conversation, about how we're not being allowed into Dean's grief and not being able to name Cas is another thing, another delay, another inability to confront it, just... we're outside, we're watching Dean struggle from afar. From Drunk Fries Girl POV.

This episode is fucking magnificent.

Maybe Jack is eating Clark, which is the name apparently of the kid.

Or are they laughing?? I think I heard laughter?

LAUGHTER and the munchies fake out.

I love you Dabb.

This literally says EVERYTHING about Jack and I now trust him completely.

Jack's first part of the story has gone from ominous to what a fucking cutie. He might not actually be a stoner but he's adorably sort of mascot-y to this guy and it's just hilarious that he can be like fuck the system I want candy, let's misuse my powers to get more candy because I love nougat. I mean I was wrong that the world would be saved in 13x23 because of trousers because that was a joke but I am legit thinking that this Human Things redux arc for Jack is going to save us all because fucking nougat. And that's a serious spec you can hold me accountable for at the end of the season.

The fact they're sitting on the floor giggling together is just sweet. Jack is learning about friendship so I doubt he would hurt Clark intentionally now, so if Clark does get hurt by Jack it's going to be a tragedy. Maybe something to show Jack how dangerous his powers are and make him want to be more careful and respectful to human life. I think Clark maaay be in the firing line as an adorable toy that gets mangled because Jack doesn't know how rough he's playing >.>

Also Jack you should probably not eat so much candy, because you'll get sick.

OH NO JACK. Is angel radio messing with your head?

OH NO he hurt the sheriff!

OH NO this is how he does the lights blowing walk? IT's AWFUL. PROTECT MY CANDY LOVING GIANT MAN BABY.

SAM TASED HIM

I am so upset. I apparently am extremely protective of my Nougat and angel radio hurts him and they're yelling about him and want to kill him and he's sensitive too :<

(whatever wizardry Dabb wove with the stoner movie subplot worked.)

Sam and Dean are not hailed as heroes for stopping Nougat, they're arrested to and given the first ever proper search to confiscate all their guns and knives by a cop who knows what the fuck she is doing. Now Dean has to answer for themselves, using his real name and actual job. He's not got a fuck to give.

She asks him if he's a superhero and some part of Dean just crumbles away inside and he says no. In 9x07 especially there was a strong theme of Dean being a superhero and Thinman also had superhero comparisons to them and it was part of the shine of the job wearing off - one of the more subtly horrible Dean moments in season 9 is that superhero action figure melting on the hob yelling "I clobber evil!" into a horrifying mangled sound. I think I just saw his face convey the exact same symbolic awfulness just in his eyes. Fuck you Jensen.

Note to self: gif that if somehow or other someone else hasn't yet.

I mean it's all shattered because the illusion is gone, Dean has nothing left to live for, he's just a guy doing a job. There's no meaning, no personal glory, no one to do it FOR. He's just the tool that gets it done because it has to be done, because what fucking benefit does he get from any of it if the job is also just watching everyone he loves die. That doesn't make him feel like a superhero that makes him feel like total bleak nihilism where you might as well just be upfront and dead inside and tell the truth because what's even the point of lying.

This episode has a lot of nihilism but some of it is fun buttburger style and some is killing me inside :P

Also Dean had to confirm angels are real, and the look on his face when he does THAT is ALSO AWFUL. Because everything is awful.

All that baggage where confirming angels are real he knows what people think. He knows what HE thought. He knows how what he thought was different from what other people thought about angels (see: the entire conflict between him and Sam in 2x13) and what angels eventually became to him. That one angel WAS watching over him. That there was one who broke the pattern and was ... Cas.

Help.

I tell you what I thought while I was getting dinner... This is the first time I've felt like we're in a show run by the guy who helped create Plucky's.

This is the tone. This is the exact right mouthfeel for Dabb era. This is what it SHOULD be.

FINALLY the Sam and Jack confrontation we deserve!

Sam is getting through and chatting! Jack is talking about why he was scared which is nice and symbolic about sharing and caring feelings for better communication and understanding!

Sam's still scared of being in the same room as Jack, flinching when he moves, much like when he's around Lucifer. He's legit scared of a thing and Sam is the biggest badass hunter in the world (like, no offence Dean, you have an impressive and showy history but in terms of brute strength and raw badass mofo power it's Sam :P He's Sam Fucking Winchester and you have a much more personal, over-dramatic flair to the big kills and such)

Jack moves forward intently because he doesn't know that this much eagerness is a trait stamped out of adults, and sits cross-legged, childish, but still imposing. He's learned cross-legged is a fun way to sit and I'm really liking the choices here to make him both naive and powerful.

He's fucking sitting with the Mr Burns hands i knew it i knew this was going to be a trait of his, I called it from like 2 promo pics. God damn I'm good at reading body language from just a few stills :P He's exactly what I was expecting but in full 3D animation.

It's just... a cute weird trait. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he just rests them where they are and lets them hang, because he doesn't have any tics or mannerisms. He's mannerismless. He's so new he hasn't got the faintest trace of social anxiety. This is a raw, undamaged soul.

I am going to weep when Nougat gets hurt in the bits that make him so sweet.

See now he's apologising for hurting people. He sounds so confused when he says "I'm sorry" like he's sounding out the concept but the great thing is he's learning 1000 miles an hour. Anna told Cas he doesn't know what it is to be sorry and Cas still struggled with it in season 7 in the "playing sorry" game and only in 9x11 expressed that he truly understood empathy and human emotion now. Jack tries on an emotion for size, discovers it, and now seems to be fairly earnest about it.

Sam: *blink blink*

Sam was RIGHT. <3

Hahahah he says Kelly is a part of him. Another point for me! That was one of my specs for how he got to learn English and concepts so fast - that the reason it's fatal to birth him is because he's going to not just absorb the basic baby stuff like nutrients and stuff but he's going to suck her dry of facts and concepts and that's what destroys her. It's like what Amara did but far more complex.

Damn, I'm sorry you had to die for this Kelly, this is a pretty terrible idea in some ways. I better not overthink it.

He just said that his powers are him but not him - he sees them as something other from himself. The whole deal that he needed to be born powers and all, that taking the grace was taking a part of him - yeah. The Cas argument about his grace too, that it can be removed from him and he'll still be Cas, the grace is just power... If Jack sees it as a separate part of himself, a "Not Me" part of himself... That's a huge thing.

Oh my fucking GOD He thinks Cas is his FATHER OH NO OH NO OH NO OOOH NOOO.

(Also thanks a LOT people reading along with me for not telling me. Look, the analysis about Sam thinking it was Lucifer and Dabb's BIG Nougat Fake Out build up were all like... how it was meant to be read :P I guess that's why they backed off the father thing for Sam immediately after using it in the one place it would hurt the most.)

I mean Cas did basically act as the co-parent with Kelly and I am pretty sure our Nougat has some lines crossed here and OH MY GOSH DABB YOU MAGNIFICENT FUCKER

See when I said they were making Jack look SUPER FUCKING CREEPY when he was naked at the drive in obviously that was a fake out because I knew he was gonna be hunting with them later but oh my fucking fuck de fuck I want to go back and watch Jack's bits all over again where he's wandering around naked (as Cas is wont to do) asking for his father because FUCK.

He's born as Cas and Kelly die and now he's wandering around asking for Cas and that whole opening, that whole build up where he seems sinister... He remembered Cas all along... Oh gosh I said some things about him back there... I should go back to that scene immediately.

...

I nearly cracked a fucking joke that Jack doesn't have a last name just like Cas and it turns out that scene was a joke about Jack not having a last name because Cas is his father and HE doesn't have a fucking last name.

I hate everything.

"I'm trying to find him. I have to find him" YEAH SO JACK IS ON THE "WHERE IS CAS" TEAM AND THERE'S ANGELS SAYING CAS DESERVED BETTER, I THINK DABB HAS BEEN READING THE BLOGS AGAIN.

Jack picked Cas to be there to be his parent and guide when Cas said that thing about being his guardian to show him the righteous path and Jack heard it from the womb and was like YES I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU and that was that, Cas was his father now. Found family in the extreme. Who is the best family, the good family? I'll have that one please.

Oh gosh and now it's sadder that the sheriff was asking for a phone number or address because Cas HAS those. He has a HOME.

...

Anyway back to the Sam and Jack scene, which I already watched through but I want to watch AGAIN DAMMIT.

Gosh this is magnificent though because it puts Cas so squarely in the middle of everything - even though he's dead he's Jack's focus and he's Jack's moral centre and everything that is good about Cas is what Jack wants to beeeeeee and oh my gosh is he going to choose the Winchesters to be his new guardians because they were Cas's family? HELP ME.

I'm still kinda not over Jack completely becoming Kelly in the womb and being born by sucking her goodness out from the inside.

What a godawful parenting metaphor/commentary on the mother's sacrifice.

Oh and the door to the other world thing as the lead in to talking about his father? I was so sure it was going to be about Lucifer and then -

oh god I am in pain.

Because he diverts from talking about the portal to talking about needing to find his father to protect him and I was like A: well you need the portal for that and B: nooo, Nougat, you don't need that fucker in your life! and then -

oh.

Ow.

Anyway Sam's face while talking about Cas is just... ARGH. And Jack's so earnest and happy about Cas protecting him and how he had to grow up

And then poor Nougat's face when Sam tells him Cas is dead and he's SO ANGRY. And THAT, my dear Nougat, is how you get to the lovely position of being furiously vengeful against your birth father in order to avenge your chosen father and I am delighted.

Cas is Jack's Bobby.

OH NO Clark has gone out to smoke with headphones. He's so gonna get angel murdered if Jack's not gonna kill him (because he is a soft squishy nougat person) and then Jack's going to be even more hurt.

STOP HURTING JACK.

FRIES GIRL IS AN ANGEL.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

SAM, TELL DEAN ABOUT THE CAS'S SON THING.

HE SAID LUCIFER'S SON, THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.

I suppose Sam doesn't want to convey that to Dean because he knows how Dean is with concepts he hates because he's currently flippantly talking about killing "Damien" out back rather than engage with the subject matter, but tbh I think bringing up Cas would be such a knock to the feels that Sam might be able to get in the line that "this kid seems to have a Cas-guided morality" while Dean is still emotionally picking himself up.

AHAHAHA Dean said "that won't do jack against her" - he's still using "jack" as a phrase

Dean's Becky... what a surprise :P Maybe Fries Angel writing "Bitch" on the car wasn't subtle enough.

The angels find Dean an annoying roommate whose drama they're always having to deal with.

Mittens just reminded me I wept about 9x07 to her and the poor melting action figure and how the angels want to burn Dean down. I am not okaaaay.

OOOH we're getting angel radio now because Jack's our in!

I don't think their eyes normally light up to communicate with it but new season new rules and this must be a mechanic we're dealing with more than just this one example.

Poor Clark - Jack briefly had a friend, learned to sit cross legged and eat nougat from him, and now his friend who made him laugh is dead. It's a HARD LIFE being a Winchester.

Also the main Winchesters are getting smashed up

Wait Dean just got back up with STYLE. Nice fight

Hey Clark is still alive-ish... Maybe Jack can heal him.

OH NO BANISHING HURTS NOUGAT TOO.

That was some great quick thinking by Sam.

Guess walls affect it or Fries Angel was too far away.

Fries Angel needed to stick around to deliver some Destiel exposition that she knows Dean's first thought to "Jack can do anything" was not "I will use him to reopen that portal and get mom back" but "I will get him to resurrect my dead angel" and just immediately goes from that to crushing Dean about Cas's death

"Castiel, he's dead. All the way dead. Because of you."

That is.. the worst line

"Or what, Other One?" Jeeeze the angels really do have more of a beef with Dean about the whole Winchesters thing for some reason. That really means in a couple of lines of exposition that every time heaven has mocked Cas about The Winchesters they really have meant Dean... Just, you know.. remember who wrote the eeny meeny miney mo scene for a sec, back when he had to be subtle about Dean calling Cas but that just being a random happenstance to what the angels were talking about, essentially :P

Oh no she stabbed Nougat!

I assume he doesn't die because... you know.. spoilers.

He's got his own Cas-like pull the blade out moment, but... Wow.

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE SAID THE LINE "I'M FINE" ON THIS SHOW AND MEANT IT

IT IS A NEW ERA

NOUGAT IS THE HERALD OF BETTER TIMES

Poor guy is stunned and confused and a little hurt though.

Oh no Clark is fine but going to hospital. I mean I assume this means doctors will help him. His mom is telling him he'll be brave and so on.

Poor Nougat is so sad about how horrible this world is. Cas isn't here to protect him and Sam and Dean just did a moderately adequate job at fending off the angels while getting the shit kicked out of them because angels are scary and powerful again.

Sam tries to bring up the keeping Jack thing again and Dean's like yeah we can keep him but he's evil so I guess that means you clean up the mess a la taking a puppy home?

Dean's still convinced Jack is evil and brainwashed Kelly and Cas - it's kinda more terrifying that he BECAME Kelly and absorbed her, and I do think he chose Cas to be his father and none of it was malicious, and they gave him the love and promise of protection he needs to be good and all and it's a billion times more nuanced than Dean thinks... He's being protective of Cas, depressed about their life and their chances... I think he's going to be pretty wrong about Nougat because from 12x19 it was obvious he had chosen Cas BECAUSE Cas was good and would protect him. Even when he didn't think he could do it himself. So I think Jack, uh... motivated Cas... because he wanted him... Like, I still think Jack did shit to Cas because he did creepy shit to Kelly which we're apparently going to move on from because he is an adorable squishy guy who I want to follow with a blanket and a stick to beat off people who will wear him down. But yeah, 12x19 is super weird and I don't *like* the method Jack acquired his mom and dad, even if I do think that he's not evil and the end result seems extremely positive if he popped out the womb determined to find Cas, and has a Cas-centric morality. Loving Cas is obviously the good and best thing you can do on this show and it's vindicating in spades he's a nice guy because he loves Cas and considers him a father for the protection he offered.

(Still think if he was pure good to start with he'd have SAID "hey I plan to be born a full grown adult, you don't need these diapers" but that WAS what caused him to open the rift so maybe his attempt to warn Cas went astray... :P)

But yeah I still find Jack "choosing" Cas to be his father and to create that bond out of nothing, almost instantaneously, to be a little suspect in the happenstance of it, even if as I've been saying all along I have been completely open to him turning out to be, well... Nougat.

But Dean doesn't care, he wants to kill Jack. "At least the only people he can hurt there are you and me" WOW DEAN.

WWWWOOOOOOW.

OH NO OH NO OOOOH NOOOOOOOOO O OoOOOOooooOOOooo o Sam is saying "are you sure about this Dean? It's Cas" - I assume in reference to burning him rather than burying him and Dean's gonna be like, Fries Angel said he was dead as dead.

I don't wanna see it.

"You don't think I've tried that" OH NO

Here's the flashback! Told you it was coming! (You have all seen this episode no one is mad enough to wait 18 hours just to watch for the first time with my notes) But yeah as I was saying, sidelining Dean's emo stuff to focus on the action, to set it aside, to put us away from it, to keep it back for when it would hit most. To do some god damn STORYTELLING around here. Some fucking ardfgjhlsksdfhjklslhfdjqp storytelling. That when all the action is done, when Dean has been ground down into a fucking paste by this day, the day of having to come to terms with the loss of Cas, when we know he went off to have some private punching things time and Sam was being the least gay to possibly gay in the comic stoner movie side of the story, Dean was having a moment SO POWERFUL that it could ONLY be conveyed to us by not showing it happening until we were deeply, truly, in the context of Dean mourning Cas and where we could focus on that with nothing left to distract us that this is the Worst.

.... I have been sitting here not pressing play for over 10 minutes

OH NO

I have paused it immediately

because they used the camera angle from Baby

the Roadhouse one

and the one from the fight where Cas was on the phone

so uh

Add hysterical weeping to the things this show makes me do because I was one stoic snarky hahaha isn't this ridiculous Jack planned to adult all along so the diapers thing was a massive prank kinda person and then bam Dean went out back to pray and I was scream-crying and then he said Cas was his everything and I am never going to be chill again

Okay, Chuck… or god, or whatever. I need your help. See, you– you left us. You LEFT us. You went off. You said… You said the earth would be fine because it had me… and Sam, but it’s NOT, and we’re NOT.

We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of ‘em. Even Crowley.

’Cause after everything that you’ve done, you OWE us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here and you make this right, right here and right now.

Please. Please help us.

Thanks Mittens.

So.

Uh.

First name basis with the guy upstairs: this is a personal appeal in case he ever actually cared. (Spoiler alert: I don't think Dean is going to come out of this with a better opinion of God)

*I* need your help. Not we, *I*. This is on Dean's behalf for Cas.

He brings up the line which we went into Dabb era on and I ripped to shreds critically at the time that Chuck ever put that burden onto Dean because he has some broad ass shoulders but they are not big enough for the world and his whole problem is he's always been carrying it in the first place so Chuck didn't do SHIT to make him feel better AND NOW DEAN IS CRITIQUING THE CARETAKERS OF THE EARTH IDEA. THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE HIS BURDEN. MAYBE NOT BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO IT BUT BECAUSE HE SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO DO IT. He was singled out as the firewall between light and dark but he doesn't feel like a superhero. He doesn't clobber evil. He's being STRIPPED DOWN AS A PERSON. WHO EVEN IS HE. WILL DEAN QUIT HUNTING? JESUS CHRIST, I SAID THAT LINE IN 11x23 WAS AWFUL FOR DEAN BUT I DIDN'T THINK DABB WAS GONNA GO *THERE*

And he says the world isn't fine - and they're not. Their emotional state reflects the world. The centre of the universe thing, in the storytelling, makes the world reflect Dean. His misery or happiness is on a cosmic scale. This tangledupness of him in the middle of it all is killing him because the world will be in danger and that can't all land on him. He can't be the Atlas of this world. But he is. OH how he is. But this isn't a world with superheroes. Just HUMAN GUYS DOING THEIR JOB.

And then the transition. The terms and conditions. The "you have given me a fucked up burden so pls unfuck it and here's how" swinging around from "everything" to "him". The implicitness of it all. The... The fact everyone knows it's about Cas. It's not about Mom. It's not about Crowley. He can say their names. He couldn't say that Cas was dead. Fries Angel immediately identified it. Cas is the answer to all the questions, where all roads lead. And they've come back to the house where he died, FOR Cas, and Sam asks about praying and Dean has already asked and got no answer, already been told Cas is permadead, and THIS is where we deliver the bombshell. Everything flows into "him".

Cas is Dean's everything.

And yeah he wants Mary back and fuck it fuck you God fuck everything just fucking include Crowley to because why the fuck not, you owe me. All that pointless stupid death and loss, it's enough to make me feel bad that Crowley is gone.

And oh the wank over the summer he would ask for Crowley back too (and I smacked the desk and hooted with laughter, with tears still in my eyes, reeling from the "everything" line because I called the way Dean would ask for him back. I knew it!), it just... Even Mary doesn't compare because she's tacked on in the repetition, the clarification that everything is him is Cas. And it's totally fine for Dean to ask for these others he's lost back, for them to be in the same sentence as Cas, because yes he lost them and it hurts and it's awful, but there is a very special awful reserved for Cas. The kind of awful where Sam has to pause and ask Dean if he's sure, if he doesn't want to find a way to bring him back. And we ALL know we're not supposed to bring people back because there's consequences. We're all adults in the room, they both have done it, seen and FELT the consequences for having it done TO them. But Sam knows. He just knows what happens when it's someone like Cas. And maybe we don't have any more bullshit, we just ask politely and carefully if this is going to be a "bring them back at any cost" situation, and how can I help?

And then at the end of the prayer Dean cracks out the exact look and angle of expression for his Plea To God face that he has used... once. In 5x14. When utterly at the end of his rope. This is what losing Cas has brought him to - the lowest point, the one back in season 5 that was a danger to the guardianship of the world lumped on Dean's shoulders, because it was where he was when he nearly said yes to Michael, the despair cycle he couldn't deny any more at the time... Yeah, this has kind of seen and waved at season 7 on the way to hurtling all the way back to the Worst Dean Has Ever Felt To Date.

Nice.

And Dean has given up all faith in God ever helping them or caring about them.

OH NO

NOUGAT

Sam has taken him to see his dead mom. :(

Time to grapple with the concept of loss.

*beeps her big toe*

Oh Nougat I truly feel bad for you now. Look at his big soft face. He consumed her to gain his life and powers and his intelligence and his GOODNESS and oh no that means he's gonna feel baaad about it.

But Dean is downstairs with Cas, alone. Can this episode get any fucking worse.

THOSE SERIES OF ACTIONS QUALIFY AS WORSE I AM WEEPING AGAIN.

Oh god Dean.

You should have told him.

You should have fucking told him.

Oh Nougat you... sweetie. He has no clue what to say. :(

Sam tells him to say thank you, because he devoured Kelly, and to say sorry.

Oh Sam, he's crying for Cas as well.

OH NO Dean's so defeated about Mary it's just... UGH.

I assume these are the first things he says today where he gets immediately proven wrong - I assume the last scene will be a hop across the universe lines.

"They're all gone"

This is simultaneously the best Sam stuff in 1000 miles of canon and the worst Dean episode ever and I am in agony.

Yep that billisecond of footage was completely right. Sam is sad, Jack, who we didn't see, is struggling sweetly with the concept of death and what it means and how to act and feel right now, and Dean... has checked the fuck out.

RUN, MARY

I LOVE HER.

FUCK YOU LUCIFER BTW

Ugh her face is like mine when he says he needs her. The shot looks like the fucking Titanic poster. I'm assuming they do not get very far before Michael gets involved, though.

I'm gonna go back to ugly-crying about the rest of this.

This is Dabb's best solo episode hands down. I laughed, I cried, I struggled with the complex philosophy of being human and if you should consume your mother from the inside out in order to be born as a full-grown man.

I think I'm keeping Nougat.

#13x01 #season 13 spoilers #I say fuck every 3 words #also fuck you dabb and your fucking nihilistic stoner comi-tragedy nightmare of a show #Dabb vs cars #my stuff

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theseventhhex · 6 years

Text

James Interview

James

‘Living In Extraordinary Times’ follows the release of James' recent ‘Better Than That�� EP, the band’s first new music since their hugely successful 2016 album ‘Girl at the End of the World’, which debuted at number two in the UK album charts, second only to Adele – their highest debut entry in nearly twenty years. This is the band’s 15th studio album, and delivers the same vigour and urgency as its predecessors, a fusion of social commentary and personal reflection, covering everything from the current political climate in America in frustration-charged times and eternal optimism for better change. Simply put, this iconic outfit remains as important and relevant as ever. James’ knack for super-skilled musical arrangements and significant messages shows no signs of weariness… We talk to Jim Glennie about improvisation, meditation and Man City…

TSH: The remarkable consistency from James is so prolific and impressive. How does it feel for you to continue to have a unified band chemistry in the wake of yet another top release with ‘Living In Extraordinary Times’?

Jim: Everything feels fantastic. This whole recent period has felt so good for James. We’re constantly writing songs which serves as a key essence and factor that keeps us going. We love writing - it’s kind of our life blood. We’ve actually written throughout the summer and we’ve even written for the next record. It’s just what we do; just like authors writing new books - we just love writing new songs. There’s no stopping us.

TSH: There remains a hunger to still be creative and relevant rather than a heritage band?

Jim: Absolutely. The last thing we want is to get up onstage and run through rehearsed versions of the best of our material. We love expressing ourselves creatively because it signifies the cusp of where we’re at with our perspectives. We grab the spaces that we can when we’re together and we work relentlessly.

TSH: As opposed to the Scottish Highlands you found yourselves working in Sheffield this time around?

Jim: Yeah, we did the whole of this latest record in Sheffield in a studio called Yellow Arch. Everything worked out geographically for us. We were doing some festivals throughout the summer and Sheffield was sort of in between where we were at. We liked the city and the people and went there a few times and found that the place suited our purpose.

TSH: Tim’s mentioned that the process in forming these songs was ‘magical’?

Jim: Yeah, and I guess that’s because we just have a really good way of writing. We get into a room and just play. We switch on the drum machine and we record everything. We plug away for hours and hours and days and days. Along the way, we get into weird places, odd sections and strange headspaces, but the chemistry is always pleasing, and as Tim said, this time it felt magical.

TSH: Does starting with improvisation allow you all to excel?

Jim: Yes, and that’s the exciting part. Seeing the songs emerge is great. We just jam and spontaneously play - we listen to one another and things just appear - it’s really pleasing. All the songs have a life of their own and our process is never calculated. We simply piece our varied compositions into songs and journeys unfold. This way of working can be time consuming but the spontaneity of something appearing in the room that could potentially be special gives us such a buzz.

TSH: Tim’s lyrical style and overall songwriting is absolutely exceptional and so affective. As his close friend, what’s it like to see his comprehensive mastery close up?

Jim: Tim is such an amazing lyricist and he is totally underrated. For us, to come up with such great music and have Tim’s substantial, meaningful and impactful content added on top is truly incredible. It’s also great to play these songs to people live and hit home these powerful lyrical messages. Tim’s stuff can sometimes be quite obscure and he can also nail between the eyes too. It’s amazing how he layers up the lyrics and adds a unique depth and complexity to his writing. It’s wonderful.

TSH: What stands out most when you overlook a song like ‘Many Faces’?

Jim: That song feels like one of James’ journey songs. It involved a fair bit of improvisation and some chopping and changing. It’s more of a linear song and it’s going from section to section. With that one I feel like we found an area with which we hovered over and found some sweet spots. Also, it’s a song with some amazing lyrics to reflect the times of today and musically we get behind it with passion when we play it live.

TSH: I wanted to get your views on some past James hidden gems. Firstly, ‘Play Dead’ - a song that comes out of left field and displays a distinct new depth to your sound at the time...

Jim: That song is post ‘Wah Wah’ actually. When we did that record with Brian Eno and Markus Dravs it opened up a lot of new doors for James. We brought in these mad sonic shifts to our songs and what came in the wake of ‘Whiplash’ onwards was us trying to sort of implement new sonics and ideas. I think it was Dave who had the beginning jam of that song at his home studio and he did some of the mad stuff that’s on there - including the chopping up and sparseness of the beginning arrangement. When he played it to us we just thought it was brilliant. That one takes off as a more traditional James song towards the end; it becomes more lush, it sounds big and has some strings incorporated too. Looking back, it was a transition period for us in seeing how our songs could be messed up and taken away from a traditional format using technology. It was a very exciting direction to take.

TSH: Also, talk us through what you recall about the band fleshing out the excellent ‘Five-O’...

Jim: You know, I actually don’t know why we called it ‘Five-O’ - I recall it was something to do with Hawaii Five-O, and I’ve not got the foggiest beyond that. We still play that track live with Brian Eno’s vocals recorded. I remember Brian Eno layering up the backing vocals and he just has the weirdest voice; it’s very odd, thin and not that pleasant to the ear initially, haha! However, when you layer it up, it sounds great and it also cuts like nobody’s business. His vocals don’t have a deep rich resonance to them but they consist of a very frequency driven sound. His style was brilliant and worked so well on that song. I remember Brian Eno loved that song and he was steering the ship on that one in our rehearsal room in Prestwich in Manchester - it was one of the songs that pulled him in. What I love about that song is that it just comes straight out of the blocks and never eases up. It’s like everyone piles in at the beginning and we keep going - it’s like a steam train!

TSH: Does meditation help to keep you centred amidst all the bedlam in the world?

Jim: Yes. I meditate often and it stops me from going mad. I used to meditate for three hours a day and even now I still love doing it. I don’t know if it’s the same as spirituality but it does me the world of good and it’s my refuge from my ever chattering nonsensical brain. I guess the world in general feels very uncertain and chaotic but this current record is actually about a positive change that we feel is coming. It’s something we were really keen to get across. It’s not an album that reflects on the rubbish going on in the world; instead it touches on a period of change that’s coming. I don’t know what the change is or how it will manifest itself but I am hopeful we’ll unite and see the light very soon. Sometimes it feels like things have to get really bad before they get good. I guess you have to have hope that we’ll start to do things in a way which is less selfish, less destructive and less harmful. It’s about having belief that amidst all the chaos goodness will prevail.

TSH: James are renowned for their stunning live offerings. How does it feel for you to connect with audiences the world over for countless years?

Jim: Performing live for James is just the most incredible and amazing part of doing this. We simply love connecting with our fans and performing for them with dedication and devotion. Having a direct two way response with the audience feels like such an amazing achievement. Of course we like to change our set and offer some variety because performing live for us often means doing things we’ve not done before. Overall, it’s amazing to tour the world and have new fans and old fans joining us. Playing live will always allow us to feel liberated and satisfied with our craft.

TSH: Being a Man City must also leave you feeling very satisfied?

Jim: Haha! Being a Man City for the last seven years or so has been incredible and so much fun. I sometimes go to the games with my son too. I was born in Moss Side a mile from Maine Road and all my adult life I’ve suffered Man United wining everything. However, with Pep Guardiola on board and our rich owners, it really is a special time for Man City fans. I am just so pleased to see how amazing we are playing - the football is world class and there is so much quality in the team. We have some incredible players, especially in midfield. It’s a joy to watch such a beautiful style of football. Long may it reign.

TSH: For the band’s future preferences, what sort of aspects do you hope to maintain and stay true to?

Jim: You know, I feel like we’re always trying to prove something - it feels like we’re pushing ourselves to achieve something, but we‘re not sure what that is. Maybe it’s this unknown exploration that drives us in a way. Nonetheless, I am so proud of what we’ve managed to do to date and the whole band remains determined and optimistic about continuing this journey. It’s always exciting for us to get back into the studio to discover and unravel what the next step for James will be. Our next step is never a response to what we’ve done before; we don’t have a concrete plan of where we want to go. It’s normally a new connection or a reaction to something - we don’t have any control over it and we don’t consciously analyse things - we like to just let things evolve naturally. We just get into a room and something always happens. I guess the day it doesn’t click for us might mean the end for us. However, right now it feels like we’re able to get together and still do what we need to do. Ultimately, you get what you’re given. We’ve made a career of doing things with this in mind and we’ll continue to do so as we look ahead.

James - “Moving On”

James - “Born Of Frustration”

Living in Extraordinary Times

#Interview #James #Man City #Tim Booth #Jim Glennie

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circuitousgrievance · 7 years

Text

KANKRI: -Its been a lot. Everything. Everything ever has been a lot and Kankri isnt quite sure he knows what he feels right now as he sits outside right near the entrance of the ship. Ideally maybe the air would clear his head and he could think a little better about what it is he should be doing now that this whole nightmare is over.-

GAMZEE: =Whitenoise, all of it. His head has been worse for the duration of this experience. All emotions and thoughts he can't get a hold of, arrange in any kind of comprehensible fashion, or simply allow to settle. It's been a stupor of anger and helplessness, and he's struggling to cope. With himself and everything around. With everyone around. He's been out walking again, more or less in a daze trying to outspeed the hazy flickering at the back of his mind seeping into the corners of his vision. It's frizzing even now as he spots Kankri sitting outside.=

GAMZEE: =Ultimately, after just watching for a little, he walks on over to him to plop down by his side. He doesn't look at him, instead trying to catch what Kankri might be looking at out in the air.= mind trailing on the breeze?

KANKRI: -He is not quite looking at anything in particular, probably that rock several yards away. He doesnt much react when Gamzee sits down next to him, but he does briefly glance at him.- Yes.

KANKRI: Very much s9.

KANKRI: H9w are y9u?

GAMZEE: =A very interesting rock then, since they are both looking at it. He shrugs a shoulder.= LIKELY AS FINE AS ANY OTHER MOTHER FUCKER LEFT AFTER THIS HORROR SHOW.

GAMZEE: regardless ain't me what i be of concern on now. =Looks at him finally (guess the rock wasn't that interesting after all). Instead of asking if he's okay, a stupid and pointless question, he wraps one arm around his shoulders in a one armed hug.=

KANKRI: -He thinks an interesting rock, in fact boy that rock is damn awe inspiring just look at how his eyes start to water a little when Gamzee wraps an arm around him, all for that rock, boy.-

KANKRI: -He does briefly tense up during the initial embrace but only for a moment before his muscles relax and he leans against Gamzee.-

GAMZEE: =The rock is truly an inspiration to us all... He simply holds his arm on him in a loose drape while Kankri tenses, only pulling him in against him once he's relaxed and leaning. Fingers rub against Kankri's shoulder in slow steady motions, his cheek resting against the top of Kankri's head. He's never been good with words, not even after the supor left his system. They're caught in his chest, and for now he doesn't know if he's capable of fishing it out. Instead he speaks with a gentle squeeze to Kankri's shoulders, giving what comfort he could.=

KANKRI: -The silence is really appreciated, more and more lately Kankri found himself not wanting to spend the energy on the words he usually gushed out. Simple was fine, simple was better. And after a minute or so of this, and a few silently shed tears, Kankri slowly straightens himself up and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand.-

KANKRI: I'm fine. Its 9kay.

GAMZEE: =The tight grip on him loosens somewhat once he straightens, letting him move as he liked. Gamzee watches him wipe his tears, turning more towards him to let his free hand touch his cheek. Thumb swiping below his eye, catching tears.= YOU AIN'T.

GAMZEE: but ain't no crime in having youself be so.

KANKRI: -No, his cheek is gross with the wetness of his weakness.-

KANKRI: -But still thats a really sweet gesture and he reaches his hand up to take Gamzee's and hold it.- Well I'm g9ing t9 6e fine.

KANKRI: Its just a matter 9f waiting it 9ut, which I will d9. In the mean time I can f9cus 9n h9w thankful I am that this is 9ver and I w9nt 6e l9sing any9ne else.

GAMZEE: =Crying isn't weakness, but whatever floats his boat. He twines their fingers together, not saying anything straight away as his words swirl around in his pan. The whitenoise is more insistant. He has to wet his lips before speaking, gaze flitting off just to the side of Kankri's face then back again.=

GAMZEE: DOUBT HE NEEDING ON HAVING ME TELL HIM THAT SIMPLE WAIT WITH FEELINGS UNPROCESSED AND ADRESSED AIN'T HOW A MOTHER FUCKER BEST HANDLE HIM SHIT.

GAMZEE: requires work, adressin', have a real time to break apart then build back on up anew.

KANKRI: Perhaps that is true, 6ut currently my moirail is unc9nci9us and s9 at the very least Im just g9ing t9 have t9 wait until I get t9 adressing any 9f it. -Its a good excuse.-

GAMZEE: =Squeezes his hand.= CANNOT LET THEM FEELS FESTER WITH LINGERING CLAWS, BROTHER.

GAMZEE: find on ways to give release elsewise while john rest.

GAMZEE: =He scoots closer, eyes firmly set on his.= WAYS OF ESCAPING-- RETREATIN', FIND SOME PLACE WHERE ALL AIN'T SO MUCH WHAT IT BE.

GAMZEE: for a time, not always, until it good.

KANKRI: -Turns to meet his deep purple gaze with his own duller red, and he listens to him and tries to grasp the concept of those words.-

KANKRI: Are y9u suggesting t9 me attempts 9f meditiati9n?

GAMZEE: =It's frustrating how he can't seem to make people understand, much less himself. The idea was already there, he knew, but all this time he'd been teethering. Unsure whether to do one thing or the next. He had never made true desicions for himself, where to go, other than... Ones that lead him to other people, make connections he so longed for. This time it was nothing like that, a desicion that would lead to more loneliness he had thought, but maybe it didn't have to.= ESCAPE IT BE WHAT I SUGGEST, PHYSICAL AS BE SPIRITUAL.

GAMZEE: have a way aways from here, noise and mofos suffering louder than what they dare speak, than what they dare spill from headspace feeling on too heavy for themselves.

GAMZEE: AS OF PATH WE NOW DO TRAVEL, TIME WILL COME WHEN A MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT KEEP HIS STEPS, AS WHAT WICKED NOISE ROLLS IN HIM FEELS AND MIND BE TOO PIERCING.

KANKRI: -His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he hears out the idea, and then it hits him what Gamzee is proposing and suddenly his stomach is swirling and it feels like up and down might be switched.-

KANKRI: .....Leaving. -He needs to say it just in his own voice, for clarity. And he briefly flashes back to his last sugar high and all the rambling about living on Avalon and finally escaping the misery that followed this ship. It was still such an intoxicating thought and dream, but without the drug jacking up his heart rate and erasing the emotional and responsibility tethers he had here... Kankri found the idea a gut churning bitter sweet.-

KANKRI: I... Leaving the ship. Leaving every9ne else.

KANKRI: I d9n't think that I...can. J9hn will never leave and.

KANKRI: And then there is Porrim, and Horuss, and-- -He swallows.-

KANKRI: I kn9w I'm n9t much use t9 this crew 6ut we've c9me this far while I d9nt really 6elieve t99 hard it fate I still feel like there is reas9n t9 stay, t9 keep seeing where it leads.

GAMZEE: =His eyes are searching, confused, even after Kankri is done explaining. His knuckles whitening at how tightly he is holding his hand, then easing the grip once he realises how tightly he'd hold the hand resting in his. It wasn't a surprising answer. He'd expected it frankly, but there had still been that brief flash of hope that he didn't have to start over. That someone would be with him. It's a selfish request, he knew it deep down. One that couldn't be done. Still, apart from his desire to not be alone, he did want for Kankri to be happy. To find some peace. He laughs airly, shaking his head.= ain't useless, all peeps got some use in them for one or other.

GAMZEE: DON'T SUGGEST ON LEAVING FOREVER, AIN'T WHAT-- MOTHER FUCK.

GAMZEE: ain't what i'm saying at yous, or... what it be i is suggest.

GAMZEE: JUST 'TIL ON AIN'T HURT NO MORE.

GAMZEE: 'tils you don't cry or feel like you ain't you and none is right.

KANKRI: -He did wince a little from the strength of the grip, but since Gamzee stopped soon enough he didnt say anything or pull his hand away.-

KANKRI: -He does need to look away though, feeling the tightness in his stomach rapidly crawling up into his chest at the flashes of upset he can see in Gamzee's face.- As great as that s9unds, (fuck) as amazing and h9pefull as that s9unds. Leaving isnt g9ing t9 make me feel 6etter, Gamzee.

KANKRI: I already tried leaving my pr96lems 9nce, and thats h9w I ended up 9n this ship in the first place. I just-- -He pauses a moment to take a breath and force himself to look at Gamzee again, just really take in the sight of this troll sitting next to him, being there for him, pestering and pushing him to get better.- I can't leave. I d9nt want t9.

GAMZEE: =It hurts hearing that, and it hurts more feeling how he's getting angry about it. Angry that Kankri is saying no, that he has so little hold on his temper, angry that his wistful fantasies so rarely come true. He knows it isn't right to demand it, to expect it, nor to get angry over him telling him no. The whitenoise is overpowering, and he swallows. He wonders if he is doing the same thing, that when presented with the option to "take a break to heal" by Tavros he wasn't actually going to do so. That he was just finding another way of escapism. Gamzee's jaw sets tightly, as if he wants to yell (and he wants to), something stinging painfully at his eyes and then... His expression falls, tension gone, but with apathy in it's place. The one safespace he had left.=

GAMZEE: KNOW YOU BEST, THAT HOW IT FALL IN THE END OF ALL THINGS.

GAMZEE: ain't forcin' you to do none what you don't wish, can't push mine careless shit so far.

GAMZEE: =He swipes a thumb over Kankri's knuckles slowly, then lets go of his hand all together to wrap his arms around his own knees. Eyes back to the rock over yonder.=

GAMZEE: =The rock holds no answers to his thoughts, of what might be right, instead he spills the truth as it is. Harsh and all.=

GAMZEE: ONCE WE ALLS MORE SKYBOUND, A TRASHASS CLOWN WILL BE NONE MORE.

KANKRI: -That split moment of anger in Gamzee is shocking, it threw Kankri off to see it but at the very least its ebbing away and so Kankri can release the breath of anxiety he didnt know he was holding onto. However when Gamzee releases his hand he almost tries to grab it back, but no, he hesitates and then lowers it.-

KANKRI: .................... -It was what he had been starting to fear over the course of this conversation. Obviously he couldn't stop Gamzee from leaving anymore then he could convince him against staying. And it sucked. It actually physically hurt and suddenly Kankri feels extremely winded and like his entire body is burning and there isnt any real way to stop it. He wont cry though, hes not going to cry now. He just swallows it down a dry throat, and turns his gaze forward again.-

KANKRI: If thats what y9u want then 9kay.

KANKRI: ...I will miss y9u.

GAMZEE: =His fists clench as he sits there. Only briefly as the nonsensical swill of grief and anger rises in his throat, only to be pushed down again. He keeps his eyes focused on the rock to keep from going back on what he's saying. What he is going to do.=

GAMZEE: =He laughs, humorless.= ain't what i want.

GAMZEE: BUT IS WHAT I IS NEEDING.

GAMZEE: can't go on up and witnessing these sickening displays, have them what matter torn apart while own pan make none sense.

GAMZEE: SPEAK OF USELESS THEN IF THERE BE ONE HE NEED LOOK NONE FURTHER THAN HERE. =Taps a finger to his temple.=

GAMZEE: more in the now than before, be what i is slow to realise.

GAMZEE: BRING ON MY OWN ASS UNDONE, TO CONTINUE THIS HERE PATH WHICH I TAKE.

GAMZEE: thus bring on all else what mattering to me.

GAMZEE: =Sighs shakily, swallowing thickly.= SO IT MUST BE, THAT I STRAY. GAMZEE: =His voice shakes now, angry and upset.= but never don't come at me like that.

GAMZEE: THINKING IT SOME SHIT I GONE UP CRAVE AND WANT. GAMZEE: for none less true.

GAMZEE: =Rubs his face, turning to Kankri with his voice more level.= YOUS MATTER, STILL DO, WON'T STOP.

GAMZEE: don't think i ain't true in that.

KANKRI: Right. N9, I kn9w. -He still doesnt look at him and keeps turned away.-

KANKRI: We are 69th d9ing what we need t9. I hate that circumstances are what they are and that every day its wearing d9wn every9ne that much m9re. 6ut I understand y9u want-- needing t9 leave.

KANKRI: I w9uldnt want y9u t9 stay and risk y9urself anym9re then I w9uld h9pe y9u w9uld feel if the r9les were reversed.

KANKRI: I'm angry. I d9nt like it. 6ut that has n9thing t9 d9 with y9u, and it w9uld 6e selfish 9f me t9 h9ld any anam9sity t9wards y9u f9r it. S9 I d9n't.

GAMZEE: RATHER YOU UP AND SPILL WHAT FURIOSITY YOU GOT AT A CLOWN.

GAMZEE: than keep it on inside with the rest.

KANKRI: -He finally looks at him again and when he does Gamzee can see his face is red and he scowls and snaps.- I just t9ld y9u I d9nt!!

KANKRI: ........have any. -Takes a deep breath and tries to settle himself.-

GAMZEE: =He's watching him, the whitenoise overpowering and the apathy fully settled.=

GAMZEE: AND IF SHIT BE TRUTH, THEN SKIES BE GREEN AND GRASS BLUE.

KANKRI: UGH! D9 y9u want me t9 6e angry with y9u?? T9 6e upset and yell? What g99d w9uld that h9nestly d9 f9r either 9f us right n9w!

GAMZEE: to let it go.

KANKRI: May6e I d9nt want t9! 9r at the very least end it all with us screaming at each 9ther.

GAMZEE: GOT ALL RIGHTS TO BE ANGRY, WON'T UP AND TELL ON YOU TO BE ELSEWISE.

GAMZEE: only have none want to know i leave when words are unsaid. GAMZEE: FILL ON NOTHING BUT REGRET.

KANKRI: 9kay fine. Then I'll say it. -He huffs and folds his arms tightly.- KANKRI: I am angry. Furi9us. At y9u f9r saying y9ure g9ing t9 leave, and its stupid and childish 6ut it feels like y9u are leaving just me and-

KANKRI: And it hurts! It hurts 6ecause it makes me wish we never g9t inv9lved 6ecause then I w9uldn't 6e feeling like calling y9u a c9ward 9r 9ther h9rri6le things purely 9ut 9f pers9nal spite. 6ecause as much as I want t9 reas9n with myself that y9u getting away fr9m all this is the 6est p9ssi6le thing f9r y9u I can't help 6ut feel resentment t9wards y9u and its n9t fair t9 either 9f us and that just manages t9 get me even m9re angry a69ut the wh9le thing!!

GAMZEE: =In one way apathy really hurts, it makes you numb and nothing... Nothing matters or feels remotely real, but at the same time it can serve as a comfort. A protection against things that are too much. It's the latter now, a comfort as he simply takes it. Takes the anger Kankri is spilling over him.= GAMZEE: cannot blame you on your feels, brother.

GAMZEE: IF ROLES WERE IN REVERSE, KNOW WELL ON HAVE HIMSELF THE SIMILAR STIRRINGS IN MINESELF.

GAMZEE: feel anger on mine own ass as were, that i ain't more right in the pan.

GAMZEE: STRONGER OR BETTER, MORE KNOWING ON ALLS THIS SHIT WHAT SPILL.

GAMZEE: but i ain't, and that what i hate.

GAMZEE: THAT WHAT I NEED.

GAMZEE: to figure on out.

GAMZEE: SO CAN BE SOMEONE I AIN'T HATE, THAT CAN BE SOMEONE WHO KNOW MORE HOW TO BE OF ASSIST TO THOSE WHAT MATTER TO ME.

GAMZEE: so can feel more like i is normal.

KANKRI: -He knows this, he understands it, and hell he even agrees with it. But it still does nothing to settle the swirl of horrible emotions inside of his chest and mind.-

KANKRI: (I kn9w.) -He hisses out through gritted teeth and then wills himself to calm again, he said his piece, there is no more reason to continue to throw that anger when it will do nothing to solve the problem.-

KANKRI: I want y9u t9 get 6etter. And then perhaps when y9u are, tell me.

GAMZEE: =Watches him hiss, then looks away.=

GAMZEE: STILL PLAN ON GIVING PESTERS.

GAMZEE: tell on how i do, how you do, for ain't much crueler thing i can be think of than leave all in silence.

GAMZEE: UNLESS SO HE WISH OF ME.

KANKRI: N9. I w9uldnt wish that 9f y9u.

KANKRI: 6ut. I need time t9 reflect 9n this and 9ther things....

GAMZEE: so i realise. =Looks back to him, an extended pause before speaking.=

GAMZEE: STILL. TIME DO REMAIN IN SPACE BETWEEN HERE AND NOT.

GAMZEE: don't need be "see you later" just on yet, as i remain.

GAMZEE: BUT IT IS FOR YOUR FEELS TO DECIDE ON.

GAMZEE: whatever picked, clown do comply.

KANKRI: -He simply nods.- Right.

KANKRI I'll 6e keeping y9u updated then.

KANKRI: -And with that he risks touching their shoulders together, leaning into him. Even if he is angry, and hurting and sad, Kankri wont let it ruin this one last moment where he can have that comfort.-

GAMZEE: =Again, the hope comes creeping, and he hopes that they will be able to have good... Or at least civil days, without bitterness and anger, until the day comes for his departure. A fake hollow sense of peace maybe, knowing that it's coming to an end, but better than the alternative he thinks. With Kankri leaning, he leans back, arm coming back around him carefully. Hand hovering above his shoulder, hesitating, before placing it on him.=

#Old log #Gamzee log #ip log #ip #Takes place the day after all the earth shit got done.

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