#I am part cat tho so I really should be aiming for 16 hours a day

[misty-moth]

There’s more to read, but I started getting eepy an hour before posting time 😭 future me shall resume ~later~… which will either be in a couple hours or 8+ hours, I really have no choice in the matter 🤷‍♀️

[books-and-cookies]

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (PART 4/?)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Sorcerer’s Stone

1. How to rile up and anger a Potterhead: tell them Ginny is a shallow and awkward character character or tell them movie Ginny is better than book Ginny 2. Now watch the rage unfold and the world burn 3. One of the biggest slights of humanity was not having the Deathday Party in the Chamber of Secrets movie. SACRILEGE. 4. BLASPHEMY.

5. “Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, was kept busy by a sudden spate of colds among the staff and students. Her Pepperup Potion worked instantly, though it left the drinker smoking at the ears for several hours afterward. Ginny Weasley, who had been looking pale, was bullied into taking some by Percy” – real talk though, I love how JK so subtly inserts hints in seemingly trivial information. 6. “Half an inch of skin and sinew holding my neck on, Harry! Most people would think that’s good and beheaded, but oh, no, it’s not enough for Sir Properly Decapitated-Podmore.” – yes well I have to side with Sir Properly Decapitated here 7. Even though it’s similar to what I tell myself daily: “I can qualify as a functional adult even if I cry repeatedly during the day, consider pizza a basic food group and will pet/hug any dog I see”

8. “It was Mrs. Norris, the skeletal gray cat who was used by the caretaker, Argus Filch” – are we 100% sure Mrs. Norris is Mrs. Norris? *Arya Stark giggles in the distance* 9. “Wooden filing cabinets stood around the walls; from their labels, Harry could see that they contained details of every pupil Filch had ever punished. Fred and George Weasley had an entire drawer to themselves” – this is the legacy one should aim for in life 10. “A highly polished collection of chains and manacles hung on the wall behind Filch’s desk” – Mr. Grey will see you now? 11. Can. Never. Unsee. Filch. As. Christian. Grey. FUCK 12. “It’s only a bit of mud to you, boy, but to me it’s an extra hour scrubbing!” – like…can you really blame the man for getting so angry? 13. Oh god, I AM an adult, I’m seeing reason when it comes to Argus fucking Filch what has my life become 14. That Kwickspell thing that Filch wanted to try sounds like a bad infomercial

15. OH MY GOD I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT IT WAS PEEVES WHO BROKE THE VANISHING CABINET DRACO WAS TRYING TO MEND IN BOOK 6 16. FUCKING JK THROWING FUCKING CURVE BALLS 4 BOOKS IN ADVANCE WTF 17. Harry being roped by guilt into attending Nick’s Deathday Party just reinforced the belief that it’s better to shut yourself inside your house and not have any human (or ghost) contact for the rest of your existence.

18. “A promise is a promise,” Hermione reminded Harry bossily. “You said you’d go to the deathday party.” – Hermione is that little voice inside your head that berates you when you eat too much candy at once, but that you know means well and loves you 19. “So at seven o’clock, Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked straight past the doorway to the packed Great Hall, which was glittering invitingly with gold plates and candles, and directed their steps instead toward the dungeons” – the 3 most iron willed 12 year olds I’ve ever seen 20. “he heard what sounded like a thousand fingernails scraping an enormous blackboard” – me when I try to sing 21. “The dungeon was full of hundreds of pearly-white, translucent people, mostly drifting around a crowded dance floor, waltzing to the dreadful, quavering sound of thirty musical saws, played by an orchestra on a raised, black-draped platform. A chandelier overhead blazed midnight-blue with a thousand more black candles” – the aesthetic™ tho 22. “Heard you talking about poor Myrtle,” said Peeves, his eyes dancing. “Rude you was about poor Myrtle.” He took a deep breath and bellowed, “OY! MYRTLE!” – Peeves leading the good fight against talking about other people behind their backs (shut up Karen we know you do it) 23. “D’you think I don’t know what people call me behind my back? Fat Myrtle! Ugly Myrtle! Miserable, moaning, moping Myrtle!” – kids are cruel man, poor Myrtle 24. “Through the dungeon wall burst a dozen ghost horses, each ridden by a headless horseman. The horses galloped into the middle of the dance floor and halted, rearing and plunging” – this is the definition of an Entrance™ 25. “. . . rip . . . tear . . . kill . . .” – imagine hearing this on Halloween of all days 26. “. . . soo hungry . . . for so long . . .” – I mean can you really blame the Basilisk for pulling the shit it did? I’d be murderous if I hadn’t eaten in 50 years either. I’m murderous if I don’t eat for a couple of hours.

27. THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE. – dun dUN DUUUUUUN 28. “Trust me,” said Ron. “We don’t want to be found here.” – Ron, the voice of sanity and logic 29. “Enemies of the Heir, beware! You’ll be next, Mudbloods!” It was Draco Malfoy.” – Draco, you glittering drama queen 30. “My cat! My cat! What’s happened to Mrs. Norris?” he shrieked.” – imagine your only friend in the whole world being petrified, you’d act like this too 31. I’M SYMPATHISING WITH ARGUS FILCH WHO AM I 32. “It was definitely a curse that killed her — probably the Transmogrifian Torture — I’ve seen it used many times, so unlucky I wasn’t there, I know the very countercurse that would have saved her. . . .” – Lockhart is that annoying person that hovers and offers unnecessary advice when it comes to things you actually know how to do 33.   Yes, Karen, that means you

34. “something told him it would sound very far-fetched if he told them he had been led there by a bodiless voice no one but he could hear” – no shit, Sherlock 35. “Really, Severus,” said Professor McGonagall sharply, “I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn’t hit over the head with a broomstick.” – Minerva is HERE and she’s laying down the law, fuck you Snape 36. But seriously, imagine how scared shitless they all are of Harry playing Quidditch, that Snape is actively trying to get him banned for something completely unrelated. He’s like that annoying kid in kindergarten who told on you for something stupid just so they could play with the toy you were playing with 37. “Professor Sprout recently managed to procure some Mandrakes.” – how very convenient for the plot, just sayin’ 38. “I’ll make it,” Lockhart butted in. “I must have done it a hundred times. I could whip up a Mandrake Restorative Draught in my sleep —” “Excuse me,” said Snape icily. “But I believe I am the Potions master at this school.” – am I cheering for Snape here? Yes, yes I am #noregrets #boycottLockhart2k17 39. Find yourselves friends who believe you when you tell them you hear murderous voices on corridors 40. Omg but could Muggles learn magic through Kwikspell? If a Squib is someone born into a magical family, but without powers, aren’t they the equivalent of a Muggle? If they can learn magic through Kwikspell, could Muggles do it toooo? 41. “trying to put them in detention for things like “breathing loudly” and “looking happy.” – I cry 42. “measuring his History of Magic homework” – this takes me back to when I was sitting a mock exam and they were asking 3 pages on something I hadn’t even touched while studying for the exam, so my writing magically became really really big. Did I fit 3 pages? Yes. Did I pass? Also yes.

43. “I think she’s trying to read the whole library before Christmas” – goals tbh 44. If anyone can conquer their TBR, that someone is Hermione Jean Granger. 45. “My subject is History of Magic,” “I deal with, facts, Miss Granger, not myths and legends.” “Please, sir, don’t legends always have a basis in fact?” – Hermione lawyering up is my favourite reality show on TV 46. “Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts” – Slytherin was a fucking hipster 47. Also, friendly reminder to everyone out there who still thinks all Slytherins are Evil™, one man does not equal everyone else. Thank you, good bye 48. “Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing. Slytherin, according to the legend, sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school” – Slytherin was extra as fuck 49. Basically he was like “fuck y’all I’ll make myself a tree house and NO ONE IS INVITED” 50. “That is believed to be some sort of monster, which the Heir of Slytherin alone can control” – do you think Slytherin had a pet name for the basilisk? Like Ser Fangalot? 51. “It is a myth! It does not exist!” – creationists about evolution 52. “I — don’t — like — spiders,” said Ron tensely.” – I’m with you, Ron bby 53. “If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my — my teddy bear into a great big filthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick” – I mean can you blame Ron for having Issues? Also, Fred, you little shit 54. “Percy Weasley had stopped dead at the head of the stairs, prefect badge agleam, an expression of complete shock on his face. “That’s a girls’ bathroom!” he gasped. “What were you — ?” – judging by Percy’s reaction, Ron committed the ultimate offence, punishable by death and banishment, in that order 55. “Malfoy, the Heir of Slytherin?” said Hermione skeptically.” – the title of my new album, coming out this winter 56. “There might be a way,” said Hermione slowly, dropping her voice still further with a quick glance across the room at Percy. “Of course, it would be difficult. And dangerous, very dangerous. We’d be breaking about fifty school rules, I expect —” 12 year old logic: we have a theory we need to prove 12 year old logic: let’s do the most Illegal™ thing we can think of and literally transform ourselves in other people 12 year old logic: FUCKING BRILLIANT COUNT ME IN 57. “Oh, come on, no teacher’s going to fall for that,” said Ron. “They’d have to be really thick. . . .” – enter Lockhart, stage left

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