#I can't stop you but you're lazy take your own smh

[orionscelt]

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[maruke2003]

I posted 1,154 times in 2022

That's 1,153 more posts than 2021!

173 posts created (15%)

981 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@moonlightdancer26

@halfblood-princes-crown

@somesnapefan2

@zephahhhh

I tagged 329 of my posts in 2022

#severus snape - 121 posts

#pro snape - 88 posts

#harry potter - 55 posts

#elloona - 39 posts

#anti james potter - 38 posts

#anon ask - 33 posts

#anti marauders - 30 posts

#snape - 30 posts

#severitus - 28 posts

#the elloona fam - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#smh you're probably some old ass man in his mothers basement telling teen girls to kill themselves because you can't get laid

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ugh something that infuriates me about the marauder stans is when they say Harry should have named his second son 'Remus Regulus' or 'Rubeus Remus' or 'Regulus Remus'.

Do they not realize that Harry named his children after the people who have impacted his life in some way or another.

James Sirius- James, whom he's been compared to his entire life. Both the good and the bad. Harry's patronus takes his father's animagus form. And Sirius his Godfather who tried his hardest to be there for Harry despite his own shortcomings and short time together. He did everything for Harry (except when he ran after Peter instead of dealing with Harry but that's a different story).

Albus Severus- Albus after Dumbledore. Dumbledore (despite all the headcanons out there) who care for Harry and was sort of like a father/grandfather figure in his life. Severus after Snape. Snape who literally saved Harry's life more then we all probably realize, who used his last dying breath to give Harry the last piece of information to finish the war. (He quiet literally stopped trying to stop the blood flow once he saw Harry). On top of that remained in a spying position for 17 years. Snape also was childhood friends with his mother.

Lily Luna- Lily after Harry's mother of course. Luna isn't actually in her name to be named after Luna Lovegood. Luna means moon (in some language I don't remember and am too lazy currently to google) so Luna is essentially named for Remus.

147 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

#4

I've been itching for awhile to argue with a Tik Tok Snater 👀. I've finally got one so let's goooo.

First of all, James didn't slay, he never did. He was canonically a bully, no matter who they're bullying it's still wrong. Second of all the whole "what sa" or "it wasn't sa" is so wrong. Because it is, it is sa. Saying it wasn't or blaming it on Snape is horrible. I'm not even going to go down the road of the victim blaming that goes on here.

"walking on a corpse to hug a dead girl he was obsessed with"

Girl- calm down. First of all that's movie canon not book canon. Even if it was book canon do you really think Snape would have stepped on James's body, stepped on him?! Like do y'all hear yourself. The man would probably slip and fall on the stairs if he had stepped on him 😂.

See the full post

155 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#3

What are your thoughts on the fact that marauders stans are essentially taking all of Snape’s character traits and shoving them into Regulus

I love this question 👀.

Honestly it's not even the only character they've done it for.

They've taken Snape's spy position and given it to Regulus

They've taken his abuse and neglect story and given it to Sirius. (Not saying Sirius wasn't abused, he was, they just like to take Snape's story and give it to Sirius as if it's his when he himself already has an abusive childhood)

They've taken The Half Blood Prince's book and claimed it was James'

It's stupid. It's delusional. Like you claim you don't like a character and list all their faults and then give it to other characters.

They claim Snape was still a Death Eater/blood supremacist despite defecting because of Lily. He remained in a position to spy on the dark side for almost two decades of his life. And in the process he started believing in her cause. They claim it's bullshit and call him a Neo Nazi or a Wizard Nazi.

But then.

Then they turn around and say Regulus who defected for his house elf, who was a known blood supremacist, who was obsessed with Voldemort, is not a Nazi. "Regulus black was an abused boy who joined the death eaters to take him down from the inside. He was never a blood supremacist. He was in love with James Potter and was friends with all the marauders"... Like girl no.

They also claim that if Regulus was the spy and not Snape and that Regulus taught potions and was head of house he would have been nice to the students, including Harry and Neville and Hermione. No. Snape wasn't nice because the remaining death eaters wouldn't like to hear Snape playing daddy figure to the boy who lived. Or the child to both a known light family and the boy who could have been the chosen one. As well Hermione a muggleborn, need I say more? He couldn't have been nice because of his position. He would have lost it.

Don't even get me started on the whole "James is the Halfblood Prince thing" anyways I've gotten off topic.

Marauder fans/stans know Snape is amazing and badass but because he doesn't fit into their "hot/attractive" ideology he isn't worth it. So they take his entire life, his personality, his accomplishments and give it to his tormentors (not Regulus).

My final opinion is that it's far fetched and ridiculous. Regulus Black decided to defect in a single moment and when he did he died. If Voldemort hadn't used his house elf to plant his horcrux he wouldn't have known any better and nothing would have changed for him.

162 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

#2

I'm on Pinterest doing a thing with Seph (@halfblood-princes-crown) and found this and I'm wheezing 😭😭😂😂

Apparently this art belongs to @waterlouper so credit to them (if I'm wrong let me know)

314 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

James Potter didn't "change" he didn't stop bullying Severus Snape. He just graduated and supposedly never saw him again.

617 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[zhongrin]

Small blood tw

Then i can make him beg for it instead

I want him to be a living scarf too warming me in more ways that one and so i could give him forehead kisses all day so he'll stop hissing at other people smh. He would make me stay in bed with lazy kisses and deep bites as i shift closer to him so used to his presence and mannerisims that i wouldn't dare push him away unless i feel like seeing that adorable pout on his face a bit of blood still on the corner of his mouth and the slight pain on my shoulder to remind me of him only him.

Oh zhongli would deffo do that and him feeding you his own cooking by hand, not knowing its been infused with his blood so both of you are linked by blood aswell, until the air, clothes, food and your own blood are full of him him him and no one can do anything about it. Not when you so willingly sit on his lap and have your fill of him, all of him, his presence, voice, blood and scent.

(I got the blood thing from a yan fic i read before lol it was so good )

good point this is why dain is your pathetic little meow meow-

his favorite spot is on your shoulder tbh he would stay there 24/7 if he could??? he's surrounded by your scent and you're allowing him to stay so close to one of your most vulnerable parts, and he's always high from excitement from that fact alone. oh my gosh since he's part cat he would be super active at night and early morning, yes? you really can't catch a break in bed oomph

literally just read something like this on my dash help we yandere lovers share one braincell lmao-

i would. i would gladly take his essences (the many varieties of it) if it makes him happy <3 i'm a devout follower and i would be more than pleased to follow his instructions and surrender myself fully to him ;;; he can just tell me what to do and i'd do it in a heartbeat. sit on his lap? done. eat his cooking? plate licked clean. he wants me to worship him? am on my knees-

[deffonotsimping]

I really do hope I’m not annoying you or something. But I have a request that’s practically evil, and torturing to Aether. HHEHEH😈

Reader who awfully looks like Lumine, basically like a doppelgänger of some sort but without her personality. Reader is just a lazy bum, and apathetic in life. OKAY, DONE! I HOPE THIS ISN’T TOO SPECIFIC😞☝️💔

😋 now this is some nice angst plot

characters: Aether

-> Masterlist

content!! gn reader, slight angst, lazy!reader, paimon being a crackhead she's so goofy you can't take her anywhere, me being terrible at writing angst

Aether

Aether swore that the minute his eyes laid upon you, he stopped breathing - not in a good way, however. He was in utter shock until Paimon shook him and talked to him.

"Paimon thinks we should really get some sticky honey roast!! Hello??! Aether~! Get me some sticky honey roast!!"

The poor boy couldn't even focus on her rapid talking because he just kept staring at you. Of course you noticed.

How couldn't you? This stranger was just staring at you all weirdly and - were those tears in his eyes? What a weirdo, honestly. So that was the so called honorary knight of favonius?

"Lumine?", he spoke and Paimon blinked in confusion. "Paimon thinks Aether's having a stroke!"

You furrowed your eyebrows. "No idea what you're talking 'bout, buddy, but my name is Reader.", you lectured.

Soon enough, after he got over his initial shock (or did he?), you two actually became good friends! He was a little off put whenever you acted all lazily because he just kept seeing his sister in you.

Sometimes he even called you by her name instead of your own and sometimes he still stared at you with tears in his eyes.

One day however, he lashed out on you, the frustrations of not finding his sister, seemingly not even getting closer to finding her took over and his emotions had bottled up for long enough.

Unluckily for both you and him, you had decided to seek him out to get him to help you with a commission once again. You were too lazy to do it yourself and he was always offering, so why not take use of it?

Well.. you ended up with some burn marks from electricity and his wide eyes staring at what he had done.

And do you seriously think he'd ever forgive himself for hurting one of his friends, nonetheless someone who looked so much like Lumine? Didn't think so.

THIS WAS SO BAD IM SORRY LMAO

don't even have the motivation to highlight it smh, maybe later

forgive me! your request is such a cool idea, I did it no justice! Next request is hopefully gonna be better :)

[cheelduh]

How to bet your way into someone’s heart. (Highschool AU)

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: Fake weed. Poor Signora smh. Oh yes, lots of swearing. UNEDITED ASF IM LAZY BYE.

Synopsis: Childe is being an infatuated idiot, Lisa has eyes for vending machine chocolate, and Kaeya is desperately in need of a pencil. With all these distractions, there’s no way in hell you’ll be able focus on the task at hand.

This is crack.

I don’t have time.

You think as you race down the hallway, shoes slapping against the floor as you expertly dodge multiple students in your way.

Bullet. You're as fast as a bullet, because everyone around you is a blur and you don't stop, can't stop, not until you meet your target.

It's funny how one can accomplish many challenges and feats they were unable to, merely due to pressure. Pressure is a twisted ugly thing that can gnaw its way into the pit of your stomach and grow like a parasite. Pressure is a parasite that can either bring the best in you, or the worst, but at the cost of one's peace of mind.

"Move it Signora!" You shouted a warning at the senior blocking your way. There wasn't any time for you slow down at that point, and you'd risk bumping into the breakfast club's stall if you swerved to the side, sending juice flying everywhere.

Signora's eyes widened momentarily, getting the gist albeit her anger, and choosing to back up flatly against the locker.

Her lipstick nearly slips from her fingers as you swerve past, a thick gust of wind in your wake.

It messes with the hair she woke up two hours early for.

Signora plots her revenge. You still don't have time.

You nearly kick the door to your home room down, but you can't risk the perfect image your teachers have of you. So you pat down your t-shirt, take five tempting deep breaths, and tentatively knock the door.

The door opens and you're met with a young man, familiar amber pupils welcoming you.

You try not to huff and puff at the cost of your stamina. Thinking back, there's no way in hell you could have physically been that fast.

"Good morning Y/N," Your homeroom teacher gives you a small smile, moving aside to let you in. "Class is just about to start."

You check your watch, then turn to him with an apologetic tone, trying not to crack under the eyes of your classmates. "I'm so sorry Mr.Zhongli, I slept through my alarm."

Your idiot ass forgot to set one because you studied till four in the morning.

"You're like thirty seconds late, cut the shit." Beidou boos from the back, causing your stance to stiffen.

"I don't wanna hear it Beidou. If anything, you're two periods earlier than usual." Ningguang calls her out for you, but you have a feeling it's more so on behalf of a personal vendetta.

Ignoring the two bickering, Mr.Zhongli gives you the handout. "Take a seat. Do not fret over such minuscule things dear."

Relief washes over you. Your impeccable attendance is not on the line.

Childe tries to flag you down next to him but you send him a pointed glare and sit next to Lisa instead.

"You should give him a chance you know." Lisa doesn't even have to open her eyes to know what's going on.

"Please," You scoff, digging through your bags to collect your notes. "As if I have the time to fool around with a shady kid like him."

Your friend sighs in disapproval, and makes no move to take out her own notes as Mr.Zhongli begins the lecture on the Archon war.

"You should really pay attention." It bothers you that she doesn't, but then again it's not your place to tell her what to do or not to do.

"I don't need to." She yawns, blinking an eye open towards you. "I have you after all."

"I'm tired of saving your ass." You groan and pull a pen out of your pocket to get started on the exercises as Mr.Zhongli talks in the background.

The course outline contained all the topic, and you made sure to teach yourself as much as you could before class to stay ahead.

Immersed in the worksheet, you blinked away your sleep and tried to answer as many questions as you could at the moment. You didn't hear the slight shift next to you, and the change of breathing, or the rate of which time went by.

A familiar scent makes its way into your nostrils.

"Lisa. Why do you smell like mango juul juice." You know the scent from when Signora blew a mango flavoured fog in your face yesterday at lunch when you said you were hungry.

A chuckle erupts and you freeze in place. "That's because I'm not Lisa."

You blink. Once, twice, and then crane your head to the side to meet a pair of teasing cerulean eyes.

Fingers loosening in shock, the pen drops on the desk with a short thud.

You whisk your head towards the front of the classroom, and Mr.Zhongli is nowhere to be seen.

"There's no saving you now." Childe's smirk widens, and he scoots closer to you. "Mr.Zhongli had to get something from the staff room. The staff room is near the cafeteria."

"Which is also near the merch stall." You grumbled, bringing both hands to massage your temples as a headache is beginning it's reign.

"Tsk tsk. Smart girl. I'd like to add that he's forgotten his wallet in his office as well, which is in the south wing."

"Son of a..." You mutter underneath your breath, and opt to scoot further back, but your efforts are futile because your desk is in a corner.

Your next beacon of hope is Lisa, so you scan the room full of chattering students, only to find her pestering her crush, Jean.

Shit...there's nothing getting you out of this one.

"What did it take?" Is your only question, the despair starting to brew. How much did it take for your best friend to betray you?

"A dollar and fifty for vending machine chocolate."

You take a moment to breathe, calming your nerves and burying down the urge to screech. "What will it take?"

"For what?" Childe replies back innocently, and you can't believe how fast he can change masks. You almost give in.

"For you to leave me alone."

"Aww come on girlie," He whines, closing in the distance. "Don't be so cold."

What did your mom tell you that one time? Oh yes. That if you were ever backed against a wall, then just break the damn thing down.

Too bad it's figurative. You're just about ready to sock him in the face if you didn't know he was into that sort of thing.

"I'm serious about you," He says, and it sounds so real, so genuine, nearly makes you sputter. "See? I've even bought school supplies.

He unzips his light backback and spills the contents on the table.

A lone piece of paper flies out, a lighter, and a mechanical pencil with no lead that follows straight after. There's also a pocket knife that you choose to ignore.

You're not the least bit surprised.

"First of all, how the fuck are you passing this class. Second, do you really think I'm into nerds?"

"Well, considering that you are a nerd—"

"You're making things worse."

"My bad, my bad." He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "But on a serious note. I'll do anything."

You cross your arms. "I'm not just another one of your conquests Childe. It's not like I have the time. There are better things to do."

"You need to relax." He says so simply, with complete disregard as to what you are trying to say.

"I am relaxed." You reply, picking up your pen to continue your work. If he's going to annoy you, then you might as well get shit done while he's at it.

You're not wasting any more time.

"When was the last time you got a full eight hours of sleep?" His voice is soft, too soft, and it's not at all like the Childe you know.

Your pen stops momentarily, but you will yourself to continue writing. The words look fumbled, but you don't care. The best thing to do is get your work done and ignore the idiot next to you.

"C'mon, Zhongli won't be back for another half an hour at least. Let's go." He kicks the bottom of your chair to urge you.

The pen shakes in your hand, and you narrow your eyes at the paper, digging holes into poor question eight. "I'm trying to work here. Let me work." You'll say anything to get him off your back.

"Fine fine fine..." He raises both hands in mock surrender. "I'll stop bothering you."

Your ears perk up at that, and you turn to him so fast he has to hold in his laugh. "Really?"

"Yeah," Childe nods along, bringing your hopes up. "If you win a bet, that is." And they're back to ocean level.

You roll your eyes. There's always a catch. That doesn't mean you're any less interested.

"What's the bet?" You ask curiously, all your focus now on him. Just as he longed for from the very start.

He flicks a thumb towards the door, leaning closer to whisper next to your ear. "We bet when Zhongli comes back."

"Are you kidding me?" You aren't bothered at all at the close proximity, mainly because you're too tired and only care about the freedom that will come with your win.

Childe, however, is a completely different story. His heart is beating a thousand times a second, but his face doesn't show it. Not one bit.

Kaeya leans in from the seat behind you two, interested in what's going on. "Ooooh secrets."

"Shut up Kaeya." Childe and you monotonously drone in sync, still having your little staring contest.

The captain of the skating team smiles, about to ask—

"No. We don't have an extra pencil. Even if we did we wouldn't give it to you." Childe finally breaks his gaze to scare off Kaeya.

Kaeya raises a smug brow, and leans back in his chair like the jerkwad he is. "Then don't let me keep you two love birds."

That's all it takes for him to earn Childe's unwavering respect and loyalty for as long as he lives.

After the two are done creating an elaborate handshake as a mark of their newfound friendship, you decide to just forget about the handout. It's not like you're getting anything done anyways.

"Anyways, back to the bet." Childe says, resting his cheek on his fist as he stares at you dreamily. You try not to break under his gaze.

"If I win, you have to go on a date with me."

"No way in hell—"

"Then I'll bother you for the rest of highschool."

Highschool is eternity. You don't want to live through an eternity of this.

"Fine." You answer, and for the first time he sees genuine fear in your face, it makes him waver slightly. Not enough for him to pity you.

"If I win..." You trail, thinking loud and clear as you ignore the excited chatter of your classmates. "I want you to pay attention to class."

"What?" He exclaims incredulously, blinking in disbelief. "I thought you'd get me to stop talking to you altogether."

"If you're paying attention in class, you don't bother me as much and your grades go up." You grin smartly, and oh archons it livens his entire day up, and it's only nine in the morning.

"You care about my grades?" Childe bites back a smile.

"Not at all." You lie, and quickly look away. Woah the floor tile looking trippy.

He decides it's better to get on with the bet without causing you any more distress. After all, you've given him such cute facial expressions today. He's feeling quite generous.

Pulling out his cracked-as-shit latest model phone, he unlocks it and tinkers with it a bit before turning the screen towards you.

"We'll be using this to time both of our predictions at the same time. Whoever has the closer time to when he finally swings by is the winner." The rules are simply put, no room for error.

You tilt your head in confusion. "Why am I seeing a slime review?"

"SHIT!" Childe fumbles with his phone, aggressively tapping on the screen. He lowers his head and voice as if he's been through fifty consecutive hits in the face. "It's uh, Teucer's account."

"Yeah...okay." Is all you can say.

"Ok what do you bet?" He changes the topic to unfuck the situation.

Putting a finger in your chin, you think for a minute, calculating the average of all the times Mr.Zhongli has left the classroom for a considerable amount of time.

"Fifteen minutes." You're sure of it. It's like clockwork every day.

"Hmm..." Childe crosses his arms, seemingly in deep thought. "Five minutes." He places his bet, and both timers start simultaneously.

Five minutes?! Is he serious?

You laugh inwardly. This challenge is in the bag.

The sense of victory you feel dulls when your ears pick up the echo of footsteps nearing the classroom.. Both your heads snap up to the doors.

There's something scary about Childe once his competitive side comes out. "Looks like I've won." He turns to you, eyes darkening evilly.

"What? There's no way in hell a ginger is right." Your palms are clammed up, eyebrows furrowed in panic. You calculated every single variable, how could this be?

You race to the front, Childe right on your tail as the entire class clamps up. The footsteps get louder, causing even whispers to become total silence.

Then it hits you. The shitty music about getting bitches and bars playing on the other side.

The door is swung open by Childe, and you're face to face with an idiot sophomore with a speaker in his pocket.

Childe’s grin is long gone, and you sigh in relief.

The false alarm encourages the class to return back to their idle chatter.

"Scaramouche?" Childe spits, narrowing his eyes at the unamused boy. "I thought it was Signora's shift today."

By "shift" he means being a complete dickwad and scamming fake weed to students in return for their souls. It only really works on the freshmen.

The only reason the club still runs is because Signora threatened the principal with some sus pictures she snapped of him and his assistant.

"Apparently she had an emergency." Scaramouche explains, lowering the volume on his outdated beats pill. "Something about a hair appointment because she got ran into by a, and I quote "lecherous imbecile.""

You steer clear of the conversation, finding the whiteboard far more fascinating and worth your while.

A loud cough is heard from behind the kid, and you're met with a crestfallen look on your beloved teacher's face.

You go through a whiplash of emotions, becoming completely numb towards your loss.

"They were out of slow cooked bamboo shoot soup." He sighs, handing a stack of papers to Childe, who is wearing the fattest smirk on his face at his victory. "Please hand these out to your classmates Childe, and we will begin shortly."

You check down at the timer despite knowing who’s won. Five minutes and twenty five seconds. Somehow, you don't feel as dejected as you thought you'd feel.

Maybe the date will be fun. Maybe Childe isn't so bad. Maybe...you do have time to indulge in these sort of things. If he’s so hell bent on getting your attention, perhaps it’s possible that you can make some room in your heart for him.

However, all those thoughts fly out the window when Childe hands you the new worksheet.

“I hope you're ready for our date tomorrow. We'll be sparring till sundown, and after you’ll be feeding me with chopsticks." He winks, and it makes your heart flip even though all you want right now is to go to the bathroom and barf your guts out.

Feelings are complicated.

You smile back at him nauseously, tight lipped and all, then you pull out your phone, go on maps, and search for the closest cliffs to jump off of.

After he's done, Childe slouches back in his original seat with a different kind of enthusiasm, and opens up his messages. He texts Zhongli a "thank you <3".

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie