#I could see this being unnerving to somebody out there but IDK what specifically

[bitsbug]

Is your interpretation of pebbles’ puppet made of fabric? Can it soak up milk and be slapped against a wall?

YES YES IT IS. YES IT CAN BE WEBKINZ PLUSH'D

slapping him against a wall would come with a muffled metallic thud, because underneath all the fabric and stuffing he does have components in there. It's mostly metal framing and biotic processors.

[wolfofchaos]

WORDS!!! LOTS OF WORDS!!!! Idk if any of it makes sense. This post isn’t specifically about otherkin/therian stuff, it’s just about me. Like a little vent post ig. Since this isnt my main blog. I think I have like 3 followers? So sorry to yall, u dont have to read this, u guys are probably nice ppl, But i don’t actually know any of u (except one) so I’m honestly not concerned with how yall see me (if u do read this u will most likely think im a bad person, and thats okay, thats why i say that)Tw: verbal abuse, s/h

I’ve been dissociating a ton lately. Most of the time it isn’t harmful, it will just be me walking around my kitchen for a bit in my socks and then feeling cold on the soles of my feet bc i walked so much that my socks wore out/thinned out/got holes, and realizing that it’s been over 3 hours and ive been walking in circles the entire time. In those kinds of dissociation I’m like stuck in my head, in a different world (I say that quite literally). It’s unnerving when I do snap out of it, but it doesn’t really hurt anyone (except my beautiful socks that I keep tearing from walking on them too much, ive gone through 3 pairs in the past 2 days and im sad bc they had really cool designs and were kinda expensive, for socks that is). I’m used to that kind of dissociation, I’ve been doing that since I was around 9 (that’s my earliest memory of it anyway).

But then there’s this new(?)/ uncommon-for-me kind of dissociation where I’m doing something I wouldn’t do and I don’t feel in control. It’s different from being so angry that I lose control, I’ve dealt with that before. It’s like I get triggered and then somebody’s just going off and saying all these messed up things and I’m just watching it all happen in horror and I keep telling myself(?) to stop but they don’t. Today my brother triggered me and suddenly it’s like I was watching a movie of myself yelling at him, saying exact same abusive stuff my parents would yell/scream at me. As soon as I could take control again I started stomping on my foot bc I can’t have anyone hurting my brother like that. It’s very confusing and scary and I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe subconsciously I don’t want to admit to myself that I can be abusive. Maybe it’s like my brain’s way of separating me from abusive me. I’ve gone to therapy for several years and I’ve learned how to deal with anger and recently I’ve definitely had to use those skills bc my mental health has been dipping a bit. But this feels totally different. I kind of just shut down and its like someone goes “dont worry ill handle this *proceeds to handle it very badly while im banging on the glass telling them to stop*”. Idk what’s going on but I do know that I am very disappointed in myself and feel very bad about it (I apologized to my brother and explained that I never want to hurt him like our parents do and that i am going to try very hard to not let it happen again. But I don’t really know what happened. I don’t really know how to stop it. So I’m just isolating.

I am notoriously bad at identifying what/who I am. My brain doesn’t use words most of the time. There’s a lot going on in there but I don’t communicate with myself using words. Usually when I dissociate I’m different people in different worlds but my body is just on stand-by/stuck doing the same action over and over again. Only recently have I felt that someone else has taken over my body. A similar thing happened last year where I thought my dogs and I were possessed but I don’t remember much of that. So idk if it really is someone else doing this against my will, like I think there is, or if I’m just too ashamed to face my toxic behaviors and accept them as my own.

End of rant!