#I didn't leave the house until 3pm each day and we didn't see anyone so what did she think I was doing? I wasn't having sex that's for sure

[missanthropicprinciple]

I just feel like a total failure tonight. A loser. I’m feeling bad about my age, not having a job, I have no partner, no kids, not even a pet, two friends have not responded to my last communications and one has left me on read for over a week even though both of my messages were about specific dates for getting together, and I’m three months away from getting my license because this driving instructor wanted to use a particular testing site and didn’t mention ahead of time that I might be booked up for months. So because I can’t drive myself anywhere I can’t get 1) an eye exam that’s overdue, 2) a general check up, 3) a dental check up that I haven’t had since 2013 (yes, I know this is ridiculous) and 4) drive myself to a (hypothetical) job. I can ask my mother for help but 1) this is humiliating, 2) she doesn’t want to even utter the word dentist out loud because of her trauma and/or she wants to micromanage where I go for treatment, 3) doesn’t even know I had an exam and a pap smear in 2018. These are things I want and need and in my eyes, about my own self, I feel beyond worthless.