#I do think fitz would still struggle with the fools love without the homophobia

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The fun thing about spending way too much time thinking about RotE over the past several months is that I can think of so many what ifs that would have changed the series. For better, for worse, or just for different varies, but there were a lot of things that could have gone in another direction in the Fitz books alone. Some I would find interesting:

Chivalry chooses to stay on as heir and let the scandal blow over (this would go very differently based on if he did or did not acknowledge Fitz)

Burrich was not beaten as a child for having the Wit, so he has a more balanced view of the Old Blood and tries to help Fitz handle it

The Piebald Prince was never overthrown in a coup so the “beast magic” taboo doesn’t exist

Verity takes Regals assassination of Kettrickens brother and attempt on his own life much more seriously (tbh it is insane that this was swept under the rug in canon)

Fitz never knocks up Molly (this has implications for him, Molly, and Burrich)

The Skill coteries attacks on Shrewd are discovered before they kill him

Desire dies before she can get Chivalry killed, and he outlived Regal. (Would he want to meet Fitz? More up in the air, would Fitz want to meet him after 15 years of knowing he existed but keeping his distance?)

Fitz remembers Chades lessons and does not take Rosemarys presence for granted, only speaking to Kettricken about their plans when he can verify that they’re alone or with the Fool or only communicating it in Kettrickens native language

Fitz makes the connection sooner about exactly what kind of interest the Fool has in him (crying and saying “when I remember how beautiful you were” and KISSING HIM ON THE MOUTH just goes right over his head)

Fitz doesn’t give his memories of Molly, his birth mother, and the dungeons to Girl on a Dragon, allowing him to process them in a more healthy way and not spending 17 years partially Forged

When Fitz and Nighteyes are traveling the world, they end up in Bingtown at the same time as Amber and join up with Team Paragon

The Six Duchies has a more neutral attitude toward homosexuality (before anyone thinks that’s just boring wish fulfillment, I think Fitzs deep rooted attachment issues are at the real root of his difficulty accepting the Fools love and are a much more interesting character trait than his internalized homophobia)

During the infamous confrontation over the Fools feelings, the two of them are not sick. Alternatively, they have been drinking

When the Fool tells Fitz to leave it and they can just keep going like they always have, Fitz agrees (tbh I think if he didn’t have a Skill hangover he would have given how he prefers to pretend sensitive topics don’t exist)

The Fool chooses not to tell Fitz about his impending death because he fears it will break the fragile peace between them

Fitz undoes Burrichs Skill block and is able to save him (still mad about this; HUGE implications and potential for drama with Fitz, Burrich, the Fool, Molly, and Nettle)

The Fool refuses Prilkops offer to return to Clerres due to his trauma and goes back to Buckkeep instead

The Fool refuses Prilkops offer to return to Clerres and asks Fitz to go to the Rain Wilds with him to continue to track the progress of the dragons

The Fool lets Fitz go with him and Prilkop to Clerres and Fitz becomes the Destroyer as well as the Unexpected Son

Fitz gets the Fools message on Winterfest and goes on a rescue mission, bringing him back in time for Bee to come into the picture

The Fool makes his way to Withywoods before the incident at the market

Lant actually is killed during the attack on Withywoods (how does Chade respond to this?)

Bee kills Vindeliar at the same time as Dwalia, meaning that Fitz is never injected with the Traitors Death

The Fool figures out how to use his Silvered fingers to free Fitz from the pillar. Though this is really only noticeably different if his worm infestation is discovered and destroyed early on by a Skill healing (I am especially curious how Bee would react to the Fools attempts to teach her if Fitz was still alive)

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I may make fun of Fitz all the time for being so painfully oblivious to the exact nature of his relationship with the Fool, but in all seriousness it is a very realistic portrayal of an abused and abandoned child who never got the tools to process it. There were so many formative events that all stacked on top of each other: his mother leaving him, his father choosing to never even meet him, Chade bluntly informing him that his grandfather is allowing him to live because he will be a useful tool for the royal family, Burrich threatening to cut him off because he has the Wit, being abused by Regal and Galen and all of the adults who he trusts looking the other way because it’s more convenient for them to pretend they don’t notice (except for Burrich, but he has no power to stop it.) Even when he’s nearly killed, he tries to turn to Verity, Shrewd, and Chade, and they all shrug their shoulders and say Regal got a talking to and they’re sure he learned his lesson (6 years later, he has Fitz tortured to death.)

All of this led to a Fitz who struggles with attachment, is extremely distrustful of the people he’s close with, and who doesn’t believe he deserves love. Whenever someone does get close, he subtly pushes them away out of fear. He assumes that Chade wouldn’t even do something as simple as help his foster son get an apprenticeship without bargaining for it. He lets Burrich and Molly believe that he’s dead, despite this meaning he can’t meet his own daughter. He won’t even reach out to Patience, the closest thing he had to a mother. He of course makes up excuses about how this is for the best but really I think it’s because he’s afraid to face them. He believes that they wouldn’t want him, or that he would just cause trouble for them, or that he failed them. He prefers to keep things surface level and transactional, like with Starling or Jinna, because it doesn’t involve being emotionally vulnerable and the rejection and abandonment that he fears will inevitably come with that.

That brings us to the Fool. He is the only person Fitz ever believes truly knew him (Nighteyes did too of course but he’s not a person, which is why I think it was easier for Fitz to accept their bond.) The Skill wrist was both an obvious sexual metaphor and a reflection of the kind of love the the Fool offered him: unconditional, unlimited, with total honesty and sincerity. This scares the hell out of Fitz. He doesn’t think it’s possible to have that kind of emotional intimacy with someone and have that person still love him. I think that is what really bothers Fitz, and why he tries to nuke their relationship (well that and finding out that Amber existed and Beloved had this whole other persona who he didn’t know triggered some major trust and abandonment issues.) The homophobia is just an excuse that he makes to himself to not have to examine his feelings any further. Tragically, after the Fools death and resurrection, he seems to come to terms with things and be open to that kind of love and the vulnerability that comes with it; but at that point the Fool rejects him and leaves. This is pretty much the most painful thing he could have done given Fitz’s history, and it it weighs on them until the very end.

tl;dr the real thing keeping Fitz and Beloved apart is Fitz’s fear of accepting love