josiebelladonna

[josiebelladonna]

now because we’re moving, I’m not going to jump into this just yet (you know, changes in address and whatnot). plus, my originals are in progress: i don’t think it’s going to be something where I can serially add new chapters.

but. yeah. I’m going there. I really want to go there. (can you imagine me with a full-on writer’s website? 😅)

[josiebelladonna]

…literally had no idea we had a copy of the joy of cooking (I already packed it, you’ll have to take my word for it)

[josiebelladonna]

Please credit Fawn!!, I found this on Pinterest.

Similar and yet different. Pride Month Day 2.

[josiebelladonna]

I am happy because everyone loves me

[josiebelladonna]

Why is Tumblr turning into toxic Indian aunties??? Now for Tumblr, slightly revealing pic are marked under sensitive content 😭😭

[josiebelladonna]

“moon shadows” 🌙💀

[josiebelladonna]

Fyodor Dostoyevsky // Alanis Morissette

[josiebelladonna]

You might be gifted if…

(or why you’ve always felt like a misfit, even in rooms full of smart people)

• You feel like you don’t fit into society. Like others don’t see things you deem obvious. You feel alienated and connections often feel like too much emotional effort than worth it.

• You think in layers. Always. A single idea unfolds into a web of meaning, and you follow it like a detective chasing a ghost.

• You notice everything — the tone, the silence between the words, the shift in someone’s eyes when the mood changes. It’s not anxiety. It’s pattern recognition.

• You were called “too intense” as a child. Or “too sensitive.” Or “too much.” But you were never told: you’re deep.

• You struggle or even go full shutdown to start tasks that don’t feel meaningful or just aren’t yours, even if they’re easy. You’re not lazy — you’re allergic to the meaningless.

• You learn in leaps, not steps. One month of self-study teaches you more than a semester ever did.

• You’re often bored, but not because you want stimulation — you want resonance. Something to grip your mind and not let go.

• You’ve always felt disconnected from social norms. You don’t get why others are energized by parties, gossip, being seen. You crave connection, not exposure.

• You have existential crises between chores. You question systems while doing the dishes.

• You feel like you’re pretending to be functional in systems built for someone else. You burn out not from working — but from working against your wiring.

• You feel like other people actually manage tasks better than you. Somehow they make progress/finish them while you lay down in mental freeze just thinking about them.

• Injustice infuriates you.

• You didn’t even know “giftedness” was a thing beyond school programs until way too late. But now that you do, something clicks.

It’s not just about being smart. It’s a whole different mode of being. And it feels isolating.

Giftedness is not arrogance. Arrogance might occur as a protective mechanism, but i’s not being better. It’s who you are. And you don’t have to apologise for it. You don’t need a proof for it.

Since I feel like it’s too rarely spoken about I want to bring recognition to these parts of people who felt like they never had a place in this world, but never had a language to see why. You are not alone.

[josiebelladonna]

me: i’m pansexual, polyamorous, and aromantic. if you think that doesn’t make sense, you should try it.

also me: I still don’t bloody feel right labeling myself, like what if I’m wrong?

[josiebelladonna]

propaganda i am not falling for:

always moving on. some goodbyes need to rot a little. some griefs need to be held in the mouth like a stone.

beauty defined by algorithms. beauty exists in crow feet and smile lines

pretending to be chill. i’m not chill. i care deeply and inconveniently. i read into things. i write poems about eye contact

beige apartments with no soul. give me bookshelves and incense and loud art

sneaky links and unclear intentions. i want devotion. and also clarity

treating books as decor. read them. dog-ear them. argue with them in the margins

[josiebelladonna]

Quarter After Twelve

Andy: bisexual and aromantic, he/him

Isaac: bisexual and questioning, he/him

Richie: gay and REALLY questioning, he/him

Allison: pansexual and polyamorous, he/him (his name is inspired by Johnny Cash’s song “A Boy Named Sue” no less)

Tina: graysexual and aromantic, she/her

John: bisexual and demiromantic, he/him

Jeremy: gay and polyamorous, he/him

Zero: gay and polyamorous, he/they

Spanakopita: bi-curious and polyamorous, he/him

The Scorpion Ladies

Jane: bisexual and polyamorous, she/her

Vanessa: bisexual and biromantic, she/her

Maya: pansexual and two-spirit, she/they

Egypt: lesbian and two-spirit, she/her

Camille: bisexual, polyamorous, and transgender, she/her

Jillian: graysexual and gender-fluid, she/her and they/them

Jordan: bisexual and aromantic, she/her

Moon Shadows ‘verse

Hannah: pansexual, polyamorous, and aromantic, she/her

Alex: bisexual, polyamorous, and biromantic, he/him

Eric: bisexual, polyamorous, and biromantic, he/him

Christine: pansexual, panromantic, and genderqueer, she/her

Steve: bisexual, polyamorous, and biromantic, he/him

Rob: bisexual and panromantic, he/him

Alison: bisexual, questioning like crazy, and polyamorous, she/her

Serenity: bisexual and gender-fluid, she/they

Bubbles: lesbian and biromantic, she/her

Jim: bisexual and biromantic, he/him

Richard: gay and demiromantic, he/him

Heisenberg: asexual and aromantic, he/him

Caroline: lesbian and demiromantic, she/her

Christine from Seasons Grey is also bisexual, while her departed best friends Chris and Ann were both questioning; Valentina’s ace. Elle from Blood & Chocolate is lesbian. Q from Love is Not Enough is nonbinary. Leilani in After the Gold Rush is polyamorous; so is the woman in red from All That Glitters.

I remember Marla and Belinda, and the Cherry Suicides especially Zelda (fever) were all bordering on queer-platonic. Mrs. Hamilton from now it’s dark had male and female clients but identifies as straight; so do Cindy and Gwen.

And I keep feeling Millie, this girl from a bad dream which is inspiring me to write an original horror story, is polyamorous as well. Time will tell how the kids from House of Ill-Repute identify (they’re still kids, after all).

[josiebelladonna]

“I like how you surround yourself with boys.” -my mom c. 2007, as I had posters of green day and jack white and cutouts and cartoons of formula 1 drivers all over my bedroom walls.

a common perception of me is that I’m somehow full of myself, something that has followed me from adolescence onwards. the sharp edge to my round face, the fact that I love men and like befriending them, the fact I find myself looking at women a lot… I get it. it’s confusing, especially when I have no interest in relationships.

I get it. I get it, even though there isn’t a shred of truth to it. why on earth would i be full of myself when that��s actually a major fear of mine?

and then you insinuate to me that I can’t feel this way. I’m not allowed to love men. I’m not allowed to show how much I crush on a guy. It’s annoying and obnoxious, and I’m fucked up for wanting to write about it, and writing it in a manner that i enjoy rather than how I think other people are going to like it, because I feel that should be a bonus. and then you insinuate that I can’t have an opinion, or stand up for myself. It’s not okay.

this community has barred entry before i even started. they have left me to die. and now, I’m seeing all the fears surrounding them and the plights they’re facing. I’m sorry but I can’t join you: i’m more focused on myself.

“be yourself!” I see every-fucking-where. “be yourself! be proud of yourself!” Yeah, but when I am, I get nothing.

I can’t win.

this is pride. this is my experience of it. Why in the world would I be proud of something that has never given me a shred of joy, confidence, pleasure, anything? Why in the world would i be proud of something that has only isolated me and made me feel less than because when I go about with it, i’m met with stares and invasive questions—“oh, you have a picture of him on your wall, he must be your boyfriend.” “oh, you talk about him, you must be obsessed. lol, get a life.” Funny how those two sentiments are in tandem with each other, at least for me. what’s even weirder is how no one seems to question it, especially when looking at the androgynous way that i dress. I thought you guys were experts at spotting someone who *isn’t* straight? yeah, i’m the one sending mixed messages.

pride is bullshit. I have yet to find truly anything welcoming about it. i’m sorry, i can’t join people who hate me, talk to me like i’m five years old, think i’m the antichrist in some way… i can’t do it.

I’m pansexual, polyamorous, and aromantic. who cares, right?

[josiebelladonna]

blood and chocolate is mlm

xenon dreams is pansexuality and polyamory with a bucketload of aromantic elements.

so is Like Blood from a Stone + Midnight Oil (and how).

now it’s dark, though platonic, had a slight overtone to it—plus, there was the overtone of “openness” with Joey and Candace (even though it was kind of fucked up as Candace was abused).

The scorpion ladies have a wlw/sapphic vibe (and when i think about it, scorpion tails could be a metaphor for strap-ons).

Quarter After Twelve has the works with Isaac and Richie (mlm), Tina and John (platonic into queer-platonic), Jeremy and Zero (mlm big time), Andy is bi, and Allison’s gonna go through the same tumultuous bullshit i went through/still experiencing.

All That Glitters is Not Gold and After the Gold Rush are about exploring bisexuality.

the entirety of moon shadows is all about polyamory.

now, if you excuse me, I’m going to go and have a heart attack because I’m not proud at all.

[josiebelladonna]

my turn!!

[josiebelladonna]

[josiebelladonna]

PJ Harvey // Rub ‘til it Bleeds (Demo) i’m calling you weak getting it up and i was joking sweet babe, let me stroke it take, i’m giving god’s truth, i’m not lying and you’ll believe me i’m calling you weak and i’ll make it better and rub ‘till it bleeds

[josiebelladonna]

You belong with me. 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤

Letter on my site :)