#I feel like it's been so long since i've talked about Ciaran where is my SON where is my BOY

[ex-textura]

Any headcanons for Ciaran's time in the cult(s)?

and/or

How has Ciaran changed now that he has his freedom? 💜

SO MANY. So many. You know there's gonna be a cut, you know me. It's been a while and there be rambling ahead.

Also uh...Canon typical durge grossness ahead.

The Ciaran from before (before Orin's attack, before the worm) was such a different person. It took some time for Sceleritas to break him down when the urge had first awakened and he fought then much as he fought after waking on the nautiloid but little Ciaran didn't have friends and loved ones who supported him to keep him fighting like this new Ciaran did. He'd already killed them all. So eventually he broke down to the dreams and the horrors and once the fighting stopped and the walls came down a whole new monster was born.

Ciaran Finch (he named himself that. Can't remember the name his adoptive parents used so long ago. Dark Little Songbird, for the way he made his victims sing) loved the cult, he loved the murder, he loved the blood and the screams and the power. He loved the way people cowered at his feet and the way they prayed to him, for power, for forgiveness, for death.

He was also a flirt, but in the worst ways. He knew what he looked like, was in fact incredibly vain, knew he could take what he wanted but he found pleasure in letting people think they had a choice (if they said yes, he'd sleep with them then kill them. If they said no...the reverse). He was...truly awful.

Sometimes Bhaal's hold on him would weaken and he'd find himself scared, or feeling compassion. Once or twice he'd let someone go without hurting them and could never understand why. Of course he'd be punished for it after and Scleritas would have to scold him and set him back on the 'right path', but those instances were rare.

He was sleeping with Gortash. He liked to dominate the little tyrant. He'd hurt him and laugh when he came back for more. He didn't love him, but he was interested in him and that was the closest anyone had ever gotten. So he kept him around.

Scleritas came to him about 60 years ago. It only took a couple of years to really break him. He'd been fully indoctrinated ever since. There were a great many years of brutal murder in between meeting Scleritas and meeting the tadpole gang.

---

Ciaran now... is different. Not just from the monster he was, but even from the broken man he'd become. He's almost childlike now, in his wonder, and the way he's exploring his world as though he'd never seen it before. He sleeps. He sleeps SO MUCH. And he snores. And drools. Any opportunity he can get to curl up somewhere soft, he does. If it's with his head on Gale's lap, all the better. He's started drinking with the others now, too. He'd held off on anything that might put him to sleep or impair his ability to fight the voice but once it was gone and he was free from the burden, he's let himself loose. He doesn't drink much, certainly not to excess, but he also has next to no tolerance anymore so it doesn't take much to give him that warm, giddy feeling.

He finds he likes wine, but he prefers the lighter varieties. Ale makes him gassy, and disturbs his sleep so he avoids that.

He talks more, now. His chattiness from his old days is starting to come back to him but now rather than boasting and taunting he just...rambles. He makes dorky jokes that only he laughs awkwardly at. He gives compliments freely and hugs openly. He's still shy though, its all so new. So when he catches himself going on a tangent he blushes and shuts himself up, or deflects to take the focus off himself (still doesn't like being the center of attention. That's something he hasn't gotten back from his old days and probably never will).

Mostly, though, I think the biggest change is...he's happy. Sure the world might be ending and it's still his fault and it's still his responsibility to fix it but Gale is there, their rift mended. He's got his best friends at his side. People love him and he loves them. They have a dog and a cat and an owlbear and a HAMSTER! And his dreams are sweet. and his heart is full. He's just. Happy.

[misc-obeyme]

am I the only one who doesn't feel represented when it comes creating female lead in general?? i see rare unique and different female mc or characters compared to the typical female lead of interactive choice-based games.

my mc or me personality is more challenging and rebellious, she has that macho attitude and knows how to push someone's buttons. She is muscular and aggressive with a "what's up bro" and "nah fuck that fuck society" vibe, unlike the soft, pale as snow with "cute elegant clothing, long lustrous hair, slender physique and a quiet pleasant personality" typical female lead. there is nothing wrong with cute gals, they cool, they cool, but they're other gals then the submissive ones.

i do enjoy the game, let's be honest, who can survive simeons charm?? but i don't actually feel myself when i play as mc if you get what i mean. this wasn't only for tomboys tho it was for female mc in general who don't find themselves in mc, not getting represented. i gave my example and my struggling.

I think this is an issue for a lot of otome style games. I find that I don't like playing ones that have an actual image for MC. If they don't use the pronouns too much, I can usually gloss over that stuff, but the MCs are so very different from how I identify as a person that I can't self insert at all. (Not that I would if I could, to be fair.)

In fact, I feel like Obey Me is the only game in this genre that hasn't been as bad. (Well, Arcana was pretty good with this too since they let you choose your pronouns but I haven't played it in a while lol.)

MC is gender neutral by default, so they have that at least, which is more than I can say for most otome games. However, the personality problem still exists in OM and really I'd say it's just as bad as most of the others. Generic OM MC has some funny and unhinged lines, but most of the time everybody talks about how nice and sweet they are. I mean, we all joke about them being the demon therapist, but that's really how it is.

On the one hand, it's kind of annoying because you're right. Different types of MCs just don't exist really. And since the default is often female, it's like the one personality they think anyone female can have.

On the other hand, they're going to have to do this at a certain level. They can't give MC too much of a personality. In the end, they're still going for a target audience and I guess they think most female players are going to want to be portrayed as nice and sweet MCs?

All that rambling aside, your feelings are completely valid. To be honest with you, I don't see this changing in otome style games any time soon. So the best we can do is imagine the story differently for ourselves!

So many times I've been given a set of dialogue options for MC and been like... okay neither Ciaran or I would say any of those things. Here is what Ciaran would say if they were experiencing this moment! Then I choose the dialogue that's closest. Or if it's main story, I choose the ones that I think will raise intimacy lol.

Anyway, I don't think you're the only one. I think this is a pretty common feeling. And maybe one day someone will make an otome or dating sim game where the MC has a more rebellious attitude or is female but muscular. It says a lot about how women are perceived when the "generic" female lead is considered to be a nice and meek type of person. It's an unfortunate circumstance of society.

[ex-textura]

Tell us more about Ciaran because I love hearing about that boy!

How does he deal with stress? Or at least how he *tries* to?

And since you got me thinking about his braids - would he enjoy someone doing them for him?

Also - have a wonderful day! 💜

My dear, I love to see you in my notifications! How are you?

I spent ALL DAY thinking about this ask. It was wonderful, actually. So thank you for that lol

Once again, I got...excited. And talked to much. So a cut for your convenience.

Ciaran. Ciaran does not deal with stress...well. Or at all, maybe. He's trying his best and he's muddling through and the meditation helps a lot, but at the end of the day there's been a lot more stress than there has been dealing with it and it's starting to break him down. (I say starting but let's be honest. This isn't new) So there's the meditation, obviously. He goes away from the camp in the evenings and finds as quiet a place as he can, closes his eyes and listens to the wind in the trees and tries not to listen to his thoughts or the blood rushing in his veins. He's found it also helps to sit with the camp and listen to his friends (he can call them that, now. Astarion opened the floodgates) just existing. Karlach and Wyll are always doing something energetic, Gale has been teaching him how to cook and always has some info to dump, Astarion floats amongst them offering sass and complaints as he does. It doesn't always work, mind. Sometimes when he hasn't slept in too long and the bloodlust is especially high being around them just makes it worse but on the other days, remembering there are people who matter and who care about him in turn really puts things in perspective and helps calm the nerves. Somewhat.

And last, practicing music. Making something good out of nothing. Focusing on the notes and the sound and using his hands to create rather than destroy is incredibly cathartic for him. Even when the music is bad (and it often is, to be honest. He's still learning after all) it feels good.

His braids!! Yes!!! He's only just gotten used to touching and being touched but he's been LOVING it. The idea of someone else with their fingers in his hair, tending his needs and caring for him would be practically a divine experience. Even better, though? Someone else taking the braids out. Ciaran with his head in a lap, fingers carefully picking out the tight braids and then scratching at his scalp with nails, running their fingers through his hair while he stares through a book, or meditates, or just sits there and feels. Gale doing so while talking about everything and anything. Tara purring again Ciaran's chest. The sun setting. The piano playing.... This is where my brain has been all day. This is all I can think about. Ciaran's cat-like qualities manifesting in lapping and loafing and begging for scratches. My brain is. So full of these thoughts right now THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT! I've been floating on air all day lol. You're the best T_T