#I genuinely didn’t know until midway through the appointment

[pixel-with-wings]

me when the disability with “embarrassing” symptoms disables me in an “embarrassing” way:

[raleighcarrera]

cliché

ride or die | colt kaneko x mc (ellie wheeler)

an au where everyone is college friends and logan is getting married and the best friend of his ellie always hated is going to be logan’s best man. as the maid of honor, she’s probably expected to be at least a little nice to him. 

for @rodappreciationweek, of course! day 7/wild card

(spoiler alert: i bent the rules of weddings for plot reasons so go easy)

tags: @choicesarehard, @lovehugsandcandy, @pixeljazzy, @troublemakerinspace, @dancingboba, @yaushie, @brightpinkpeppercorn, @tempesrature, @zigtheeortega, @beccadavenport, @theeccentricbibliophile 

~15.5k words | M (18+)

she squealed, clapping her hands excitedly in view of the laptop’s webcam. “i’m so happy for you guys! seriously, this is amazing.”

from across the country, ingrid beamed, still holding her left hand aloft so ellie could see her ring. “did you know?”

ellie shook her head. “i knew he’d bought a ring but i didn’t know he was proposing now.” her attention turned to logan, “i thought you were waiting until your anniversary?”

he shrugged, looking just as excited as ingrid did. “i couldn’t wait anymore, it was driving me crazy.”

ingrid leaned her head on logan’s shoulder. “ellie, say you’ll be my maid of honor.”

“oh my god, of course i will!” ellie gushed, blinking away a sudden wave of emotion. “please, you guys know i’d do anything for you.”

the two of them exchanged a glance. “glad to hear you say that,” logan said slowly, “because i already asked colt to be my best man.”

the smile dropped off her face. “are you kidding me?”

“come on, it won’t be that bad,” ingrid rushed to assure her, “you’ll hardly have to deal with him. but -- while we’re breaking bad news to you...” she pursed her lips, and then shrugged. “we already set a date, too.”

“it’s in three months,” logan interjected helpfully.

ellie felt her eyes bug out. “three months?”

“el, we got our dream venue,” ingrid sighed wistfully, “you’re going to die when you see it. it was the only saturday they had available for, like, the next five years. it’s in santa monica overlooking the water and it’s just -- it’s perfect.”

“that’s really soon,” she said dumbly, “we have a lot to do.”

“totally.” ellie watched as ingrid shifted from blushing bride in love to ruthless, no-nonsense delegator. “we’re going to cram as much of it in as we can when you’re home for spring break. i already made us appointments to go look at dresses and tuxes and then -- we’ll figure everything else out when you’re here.”

the thought of spending her spring break shopping with colt kaneko was already making a headache start to throb behind her eyes. but ingrid and logan were her best friends. and they deserved the wedding of their dreams.

she pasted the biggest, most extreme smile she could muster on her face. “sounds great, you guys.”

*

ellie relished the long flight home from new york to los angeles, well aware that it was probably going to be the last moment she had to relax until the end of the summer. 

there had to be some irony in the fact that she was midway through pursuing her ph.d and more stressed out about her college friends’ wedding than anything else. 

but her coursework was going well. everything in her life was falling into place perfectly, exactly how she’d always envisioned it. 

this was the wrench in the plan. how she was supposed to make time to come back home for ingrid and logan’s wedding when she’d already committed to spending her summer in miami doing field work was a problem she didn’t need.

so she spent the flight napping, enjoying the five hours in the air as the only chance she’d get to kick back during her spring break. if she knew ingrid at all, she was going to be barking orders from the moment ellie’s feet touched orange county soil until the second they left. 

still, there were at least a few hours she could spend delaying the inevitable.

riya picked her up at the airport and ellie threw herself into her arms eagerly for a giant hug. “oh my god, i am so glad to see you. thank you for picking me up -- i pretty much have bridal boot camp all week.”

“ingrid’s got it all planned out, huh?” riya asked, helping her get her suitcase in the car with a grin. “look, it probably won’t be that bad. you’re you -- when darius and i got married you were the reason we didn’t even need a wedding planner!”

“that was different,” ellie explained, as riya started driving them back to the city, “you and darius are normal. maid of honor doesn’t mean the same thing to ingrid that it meant to you, trust me.”

“well, i believe in you,” her oldest friend declared, “and even if it’s awful, just come over afterwards and we can drown ourselves in wine.”

“done and done,” she sighed. “i’m sorry i probably won’t be around much this week otherwise. i know it’s been forever since we caught up.”

“please, i can’t even imagine how busy you are,” riya said, waving her apology off, “you’re getting close to the home stretch, eh?”

ellie shrugged. “i still have two more years of study, but -- yeah, pretty much. it’s crazy.”

“so crazy,” riya agreed, “but you will absolutely see me and dare in miami as soon as you get set up there.”

the thought of it, with everything she knew was ahead of her this week, sounded like nothing short of paradise. “can’t wait,” she said genuinely, sighing as the car slowed to a stop in front of the house she’d grown up in. “wanna come in and say hi to my dad?”

“uh uh,” riya chided, “i’m done being the buffer between you two. sooner or later, you’re going to have to have that long overdue heart-to-heart.”

“okay, dr. phil,” ellie groaned, “thanks a lot.” her phone lit up with a text from ingrid as soon as she closed the car door. 

be at your house in 5 it said, pulling a sigh of relief from deep within her. 

saved by the bell.

*

ellie only had a moment to drop her bags and shout a quick hello to her dad before she heard a car horn honk and rushed back outside, leaning over the car’s center console to give ingrid a big hug hello. 

“boy, am i ever glad to see you,” her friend said. “everything is already such a disaster. the venue is giving me such an attitude about moving our ceremony outside and my sister is an out of control diva who is, like, demanding to be allowed to read a poem before we say our vows and -- i swear i’ve almost killed logan at least twice.”

“wow. okay, well -- all of that sounds fixable.” though already she knew the next three months were going to be nothing like the ramp up to riya and darius’ wedding. ellie stifled a sigh. 

“oh, it will be,” ingrid threatened darkly, “we’re doing everything at once today. dresses -- tuxes -- groomsmen, bridesmaids. i tried being nice about it, but do you know what i realized? some people don’t deserve to be allowed to make their own decisions. so i changed our appointment and i’m going to supervise and everyone who acts normal will be allowed to come help me pick out my dress at our new appointment on wednesday.”

ellie blinked. “whatever you want,” she said finally, her brain still working to process what the hell she was talking about, “it’s your day.”

“yes it is,” ingrid agreed viciously, “i’m glad you’re on board. come on.”

ellie followed behind her into the boutique they’d arrived at, immediately catching sight of eight or so of their closest friends from college, plus logan’s cousin and ingrid’s sister, the latter who was staring at a long, pink dress with her arms crossed petulantly over her chest. “i’m not trying that on,” she said, as ellie stepped closer, “it’s going to accentuate my shoulders.”

“look, brat,” ingrid started, lowering her voice to the dangerous timbre ellie had come to associate with group project members who weren’t pulling their own weight, “get in that dressing room and put this on right now or so help me god --”

“ellie!” 

she turned around and saw logan, the distressed look on her face instantly melting into one of relief. “oh my god, hi,” she laughed, rushing over for a hug, “it’s so good to see you!”

“hey, back at you,” he grinned, “seriously, i know this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your spring break, but -- thank god you’re here. ingrid needs all the help she can get.”

ellie pulled out of his arms and saw that he was wearing an elegant black tuxedo, the lines of which settled nicely on his shoulders and seemed to suit him perfectly. “okay, but -- this is a great tux.” she called out to ingrid over her shoulder. “come look at this one.”

ingrid walked over and gave logan a cursory glance. “i hate it. get changed.”

logan shot her an amused glance, but dipped back into the dressing room without a word. bless him, ellie thought, before drawing in a deep breath and asking, “okay, where do you want me?”

as if on cue, a harried shop attendant immediately dropped a pile of gowns into ellie’s arms. “follow me.”

*

the first dress she tried on was bright pink and heavily ruffled -- so ugly she honestly didn’t even want to show everyone. 

but she hitched up the skirt and stepped out of the dressing room obligingly, standing in front of the mirrors and the rest of the bridal party for ingrid’s judgment.

you have the ideal body type, ingrid had explained nonsensically to her as they herded her off with the gowns, so you’ll try on all of them and then once we find one we like everyone else will try it on, too. 

ugh. “it’s not... that bad,” ellie said delicately, once she was situated on the platform in front of the group.

“not if you’re little bo peep.” 

god. she’d know that smug, arrogant, self-centered, self-obsessed, narcissistic egomaniac voice anywhere.

“hi, colt,” ellie said pointedly, without turning her head, “nice to see you, too.”

he stepped closer, directly into her field of vision. there was no avoiding looking at him, then. 

colt was just as handsome as he’d been the last time she’d seen him, over a year ago at logan’s twenty-fifth birthday party, but this time, he was in a navy blue tux that had no business looking as good as it did. 

he smirked at her. “as if anyone could miss you in that thing.”

ellie sighed, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. formalwear could only go so far when it came to making him appear tolerable, it seemed. “do you always have to be the most insufferable person in every room you’re in?”

“not always, no. but i like to win.”

“it’s disgusting,” ingrid declared abruptly, before ellie could snap back at him, “please take it off. can you try on the purple one next?”

she ducked back into the dressing room, thunking her head softly against the wall once the door swung shut behind her. why me, ellie thought miserably, i’m a good person. this isn’t fair.

it took two and a half hours, but eventually, she’d tried on what felt like every single dress at the store. finally, once she’d wiggled into a gown that was a soft, sky blue, figure-hugging with thin straps and delicate lace accents over tasteful cut-outs, ingrid gasped, “that’s it! that’s the one.”

every bridesmaid, including ellie, sagged with relief. “great,” she smiled, “i’ll just get out of the way so everyone else can try theirs on, too.”

just before she stepped back inside the dressing room to get changed, she caught sight of colt, who was still standing around on their side of the shop for some reason. he was staring at her, face carefully blank -- though there was something in his eyes she couldn’t quite place.

as soon as he noticed she’d caught him looking, he stormed off.

once ellie was back in her street clothes, ingrid said, “i’ll finish up over here. can you please go make sure the guys are on the right track?”

ellie winced as she approached the men’s side of the store. half of logan’s groomsmen were dressed in navy, the other half in black -- logan had a white jacket on and one of their friends from college, brent, was inexplicably wearing pants that were powder blue.

“oh my god, ingrid’s going to kill you,” she said to logan. “i can see why she sent me over here to babysit.”

“hey, i’ve got it sort of under control,” logan said defensively, “she said she wanted slate grey. look at this.”

ellie cringed again as he held a jacket on a hanger aloft in front of her eyes. “that’s charcoal grey.”

the determined look on logan’s face crumpled immediately. “fuck. can you help me?”

she was already nodding before he finished his question. “just -- get in there and get that off before anyone sees. i’ll pull tuxes for everyone.”

it was only a few minutes before she was passing out new outfits, herding each of logan’s groomsmen into their respective dressing rooms one by one. 

only one of them gave her any trouble about it. as soon as she passed him his tux, colt scowled, asking, “what is this?”

“a tuxedo,” she answered tersely, “presumably you’ve seen one before? like, an hour ago? those are all called tuxedos. maybe you never learned the word?”

he merely rolled his eyes at her. “why are you giving it to me?”

“because i want you to put it on. now. like, immediately.” 

still, he just stood there. “i already tried on forty of them.”

“then one more shouldn’t make much of a difference.” she shoved his shoulder expectantly. “go.”

ingrid wandered over just as they all started to emerge. as they stood in a line outside the dressing room, she laid a hand to her heart and gasped. “oh my god, they’re perfect. baby, you did such a good job!”

“actually --” logan started, though he stopped abruptly as soon as he caught sight of the way ellie was frantically shaking her head from behind ingrid’s back, “uh, thanks. i want everything to be perfect for you.”

“oh my god, you guys can do something right,” ingrid sniffed, “i’m so happy. okay -- fuck it, let’s go get drinks. i’ll get the first round.”

*

a few of their friends cornered her as soon as she got her first drink. it was the same every time she came home; everyone wanted to know how new york was, how school was going, what the dating pool was like on the east coast and if she’d met anyone. they asked the same questions every time ellie was able to make it out so they could catch up, and she gave the same answers.

it was exhausting. she gulped down her glass of wine as quickly as humanly possible, just so she could have an excuse to escape back to the bar. 

the bartender slid her a shot when he passed her refilled wine glass back to her. his smile was sympathetic. “you look like you need this.”

ellie grimaced at him, but immediately lifted the shot to her lips and knocked it back. “that obvious?”

“oh, yeah.” he placed his palms on the bar top and leaned in close, grinning brightly at her. “let me guess. family reunion?”

“worse,” she sighed, “two of my best friends from college are getting married. in three months.”

he whistled, slowly shaking his head. “brutal. i don’t think we have enough alcohol in the bar to help you with that.”

“tell me about it,” ellie laughed, taking a sip from her wine glass to chase away the burn of the shot she’d done, “you don’t even know the half of it.”

“well...” he smiled charmingly at her again. “my shift is over in twenty minutes. i’ll gladly listen to you complain, if you want.”

she blinked. “oh, i --”

“hey, don’t look now, but that guy over there has the angriest eyebrows i’ve ever seen.” the bartender leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “boyfriend?”

“what?” ellie turned around and followed the line of his gaze. 

sure enough, colt was glaring at them from the booth with the rest of their friends, his eyebrows drawn together thunderously. 

“oh my god, no,” she said, turning back around as quickly as possible, “never. we don’t even like each other.”

“right. well -- listen. if you do wanna pick this up some other time, here’s my number, okay? no pressure.” 

she watched, dumbfounded, as he wrote it down on a cocktail napkin, printing his name evenly below it. ben. 

all the girls cheered for her when she got back to the table.

“is that a phone number?” julia demanded, her grin wide and wickedly sharp. she reached over and plucked the napkin out of her hand. “jesus, ellie. you’ve been back in the city for, what, an afternoon?”

“give it,” she said, stepping forward as the rest of the girls passed it around the table, out of her reach, “oh my god, he was just being nice.”

“no, please,” gemma laughed, holding the napkin up over her head, “tell us again how you’re too busy to date.”

“i am too busy to date.” she bounced up on her toes and snatched the cocktail napkin out of her friend’s hand, folding it up and tucking it into the pocket of her jeans. “and i live across the country, remember?”

“hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun while you’re home this week, right?” brent asked, making her aware, all at once, that the guys were officially clued into their conversation, too. “speaking of, ryan moore keeps asking me about you.”

beyond brent’s shoulder, colt was still staring at her. he looked tense, his grip firm on the glass in his hand. his jaw was clenched tight.

“can we talk about something else?” ellie asked finally, lifting her wine glass to her flushed cheek. “my love life can’t be that interesting to you guys.”

logan reached out and ruffled her hair. “hey, you’re our last single friend. you can’t blame us for being invested.”

“colt’s single,” she reminded him, before she could bite her tongue. ellie risked another glance his way and found him scowling at her.

“colt doesn’t count,” ingrid interjected, “he doesn’t have any social skills. you are a catch. you just need to put yourself out there.”

“and i promise, once i have my ph.d, you can set me up with anyone you want.” a discussion they’d had at least a thousand times before. ingrid looked as pleased about it as she’d ever been, which was to say not very much at all. before she could respond, ellie continued, “hey, will someone please play pool with me? i haven’t shot in forever.”

to her surprise, colt offered, “i will.” ellie slowly turned towards him and found him smirking at her again. “who knows what’d happen to your virtue if you went over there alone?”

fucker. he’d probably volunteered to go with her on purpose -- now there was no way for her to get out of it. and if she stayed at the table for one minute longer she was going to scream.

her eyes narrowed at him. “thanks.”

colt set up the table like she wasn’t glaring at him bitterly, humming to himself while he racked the balls and then passed her a cue.

“you’re awful,” she said, as she snatched it out of his hands.

he just grinned at her. “thank you. break?”

ellie leaned over the table to line up her shot, knocking the cue into the balls. two of the solids slid into the corner pockets. her hip leaned against the table as she watched him survey the setup critically, and she took advantage of the fact that his eyes were elsewhere to study him in turn, making note of what was different about him since the last time they’d seen each other.

he’d recently gotten a haircut, but was otherwise unchanged -- he wore the same leather jacket, had the same smug smile, was still so insufferably arrogant she found talking to him pretty much impossible.

“so, what’s your deal?” he asked suddenly, pulling her from her thoughts and knocking the striped number eleven ball smoothly into one of the side pockets, “you a rocket scientist or whatever yet?”

ellie rolled her eyes, trying not to flush when he lifted his head and looked directly at her. despite his many, many flaws, she’d always found him unnervingly hot. “my degree is in chemistry. so -- no. i still have two more years in the program.”

“yeah, but what are you going to do with it? once you’re a doctor.” even the way he said the word sounding mocking. 

she ignored him in favor of focusing on the table, and knocked one of her balls in. once it was his turn to shoot, she answered, “if you need to know, my specialization is in environmental science. one day i’ll hopefully work alongside some of the best in the world to ensure environmental hazards are at an all time low.”

“so whaddya moving to miami for?” he asked, effortlessly sinking two balls into the pocket at once, “their environment is already pretty sweet.”

“the department is sending me to collect data from the water and air outside of the city,” she answered, her eyes on the table as she tried to locate her next best shot, “it’s for my dissertation. it’s only for the summer.”

“shame,” colt murmured, laughing under his breath when her next shot went wide, missing her target completely, “i’ll be stuck dealing with this mess on my own.”

“somehow i doubt that,” ellie said, “it’s only a timezone change. there’s still phones and video calls and plenty of ways for all of you to bother me.”

“only if you pick up.” smoothly, he sunk the last three striped balls, one after another. she scowled at him. “the way the rest of them talk about how hard you are to pin down you’d think you were the president or something.”

“i have a demanding course load,” she huffed out defensively, “so we should get started on planning their bachelor and bachelorette party before my flight back on sunday. that should be the only thing that’s still up in the air after all our appointments this week.”

“don’t even get me started on the concept of a joint bachelor party,” colt sighed, leaning over in front of the eight ball, “it’s going to be the lamest trip of all time. side pocket.”

“i don’t know,” ellie murmured, resting on her cue as the eight ball sailed effortlessly into the side pocket as indicated, “i think it’ll be fun.”

he straightened up and smirked at her, spreading his hands out wide as if to say look at me. what an asshole. “you would.” colt nodded at the table. his smirk lengthened. “looks like you still suck.”

ellie shoved her pool cue back into his open hand. “one thing you’ll never know,” she promised, spinning on her heel and striding back to the table as quickly as possible.

*

“thanks for all your help today,” ingrid said sweetly on the drive home. “i know it wasn’t easy -- dealing with my idiot sister and all of those guys.”

“colt was as terrible as ever,” she mused, officially thinking too much about it. “i don’t know how he never gets tired of himself. he is such a prick.”

“totally,” ingrid agreed, even though ellie knew she’d softened to him, lately -- though she wasn’t sure she’d ever understand why or how. “but he just picks on you because he likes you.”

ellie lifted her head from where it’d been leaning against the passenger side window and turned towards ingrid with a look of confusion contorting her expression. “what? no.”

“yes,” she insisted, “he’s wanted to bang you since freshman year.”

“okay -- you’re too drunk to be driving,” ellie laughed, though even she could hear the undercurrent of nerves in the tone of her voice, “he’s an asshole to everyone. it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“well, he sure doesn’t talk to me like he talks to you.”

ellie waved her hand dismissively. “because you and logan have been dating for, like, a hundred years. i’m positive he’s just as big a dick to gemma and julia and christie.”

“okay,” ingrid mouthed, arching her eyebrows at the road. 

she furrowed her brow. “he is.”

“forget i said anything,” ingrid said breezily as the car slowed to a stop in front of her dad’s house. “i’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine, okay? seriously, thanks again for all your help.”

“anytime.” 

dread filled her stomach as ellie dragged her feet up the path to the house. all the lights were on inside, which meant her dad was still awake. “hey pumpkin,” he greeted her, as soon as she toed off her shoes and dropped her bag, “long day?”

“you have no idea.” ellie walked straight to the sofa and flung herself down onto it face-first, groaning into the cushions. for a moment, it felt like she was back in high school, without a care in the world other than coursework and group projects and prom. she drew in a deep breath. “planning this wedding is going to be a headache.”

“you’ll pull through,” her dad assured her, “you always do.”

ellie pressed her forehead to the fabric of the couch and scowled, the freedom of her hair covering her face allowing her to express how she really felt. that was what everyone always said: she’d be fine. she’d figure it out. she’d make it happen.

part of her was so tired of always bending over backwards, always finding a way to make things work -- always being perfect. 

some first day back it was shaping up to be.

“i guess,” she mumbled, letting herself sulk for one more long moment before finally lifting her head and sitting up straight. “are you working tonight?”

“yep -- on my way out now. glad i caught you, though. i feel like i haven’t seen you in forever.” 

she winced, turning away from the disappointment in his eyes. “ingrid has a pretty full schedule for us this week, but maybe we can have dinner tomorrow.”

“sure thing,” her dad said brightly, pausing by the couch on his way out the door to gently grasp her shoulder. “i’ll see you in the morning, then. hang in there, kid.”

ellie slumped back into the couch, watching him go blankly. half of her was so exhausted she couldn’t imagine doing anything other than collapsing into bed for as long as humanly possible, but the other half of her still felt anxious and unsettled, the way she always did whenever she had to come home. 

being back in los angeles always felt like losing control of her life. there was something about being around her old friends and her dad and other people’s expectations that made her feel not like herself -- like some kind of persona she was putting on so everyone would perceive her a certain way.

so she could look like she had everything figured out, so everyone would keep saying you’ll pull through. you’ll figure it out. you’ll make it happen.

the thought of keeping it all up for an entire week of wedding activity with ingrid and their college friends was daunting. worse still was ingrid and logan’s engagement party on friday night, hanging over her head as the last obstacle between her and her flight home to the solace of her silent new york apartment, where she’d be able to analyze soil samples in peace until her mind was quiet again.

*

the week passed by in a blur. true to form, ingrid kept her busy for a majority of her waking moments with dress shopping, fittings, a trip to the venue, the florist and the bakery and, finally, last-minute preparations for friday’s engagement party, which left ellie tying ribbons around party favors late into the night on thursday.

“i could kill logan,” she complained to riya in the middle of the one free hour she’d been able to steal away for a mani-pedi, “i swear to god i’ve been playing the part of the fiance since i got back.”

“it’ll all be over soon,” riya hummed sympathetically, “the wedding will be here before you know it.”

as she dressed for the engagement party, she repeated the words to herself over and over again in the mirror. it’ll all be over soon.

she arrived at the venue early. the first person she saw after she stepped out of her rideshare was colt, who was loitering by the entrance to the restaurant, smoking. 

“some dress,” he smirked at her as soon as she got close enough to hear him, not even bothering to pretend like he wasn’t looking her up and down, “you trying to get laid tonight?”

“you know, ‘hello’ works just fine, too,” she said, pushing past him without a backwards glance. her face felt hot as she considered the comment, looking down at herself self-consciously. fuck him. i look nice.

fortunately, the party itself was less exhausting than she’d expected it to be. it was actually sort of nice to catch up with people she hadn’t seen since they’d graduated, and though she had to run through the familiar talk track she was getting sick of over and over again -- how’s school? how’s new york? what are your plans for after your thesis? -- the open bar made her hate it all a little less. 

eventually things started to wind down, until it was late and only the wedding party was left. ellie teetered in her heels as she pretended to help ingrid clean up, shuffling around as inconspicuously as she could manage, given the drinks she’d had.

“are you drunk?” 

she jumped, startled by the question. ellie’s lips pulled down into a frown as she noticed the out-and-out delighted expression on colt’s smug face from where he was suddenly standing next to her.

“no,” she lied, “and shhh. someone will hear you.”

“god forbid.” the shit eating grin on his face stretched further. “you want a ride home?”

ellie blinked. “from you?”

colt wasn’t at all deterred by the high arch of her eyebrows. he shrugged. “if we get out of here now we can probably avoid carrying presents to the car.”

that was all it took to convince her. she followed him out to the parking lot with a laugh, drawing up short when he stopped her in front of his motorcycle. she propped a hand on her hip and asked, “you still ride this thing?”

“it’s part of my image,” he answered, and as he came closer ellie found herself staring at the gentle slope of the smirk on his face. maybe it was the low lighting of the parking lot, but he looked a little softer than he had all week -- almost like when she’d first met him, in college, before he opened his mouth to say something rude and their relationship devolved into exchanged barbs and sidelong glares. 

colt cleared his throat, looking down at the helmet in his hands. “here.”

she flushed, pulling it on as quickly as possible in the hopes that it’d cover her face before he noticed. 

in all the years she’d known him she’d never actually gotten on the back of this thing. she’d seen him pull up to parties and speed away from them with plenty of girls holding onto his stomach, but she’d never actually thought she’d be one of them herself.

the bottle of wine she’d had was making it seem like no big deal, though, so she pressed up snugly behind him and rested her cheek on his shoulder like they’d done this enough times to form a habit.

and then they were back at her dad’s house, so quickly that ellie was almost sad about it. colt was actually mostly alright when he was quiet -- the speed of the bike hardly facilitated conversation -- and he was warm and solid against her while he drove, comforting her to the point that she was half asleep when they finally stopped.

she slid off the bike with a yawn, clumsily yanking the helmet off and handing it back to him. “thanks,” she murmured, glancing at the house and cringing once she realized all the lights were still on, meaning her dad was waiting up for her again. ellie lingered silently beside him, fidgeting. 

colt hesitated. after a moment, he killed the engine. he pulled his own helmet off so she could see his face. “you okay?”

“yeah.” she pursed her lips, then exhaled, blowing a messy lock of hair out of her eyes. “i guess i am a little drunk.”

his lips pulled back into that stupid, familiar smirk. “i know. i saw you guzzling chardonnays back there.” 

ellie leaned in over the handlebars. “stalk me much?”

“you wish.” 

movement in her peripheral vision caught her eye and ellie sighed as she saw the curtains shift. colt followed her gaze to the house, then turned back towards her with an eyebrow quirked.

“is there a reason you’re still standing here?”

she rolled her eyes at him. “it’s complicated.”

he laughed. it was after midnight, and the sleepy street she’d grown up on was completely silent and dark, save for that sound. “don’t tell me little miss perfect has daddy issues.”

“what, you thought you had the monopoly on them?” she shot back, too drunk to stop herself.

surprise flashed across his expression for a split second before he laughed again. “touché,” he murmured, “i probably deserved that.” 

ellie still didn’t move, standing at the front of the bike. they stared at each other, silence hanging in the air between them. it had to be the longest amount of time they’d gone without arguing since their freshman year. 

that felt like a lifetime ago, but she still remembered what she’d thought when they first met at orientation. 

cute, and then, once she found out that he was in the honors college like her, and smart, and eventually, once he opened his mouth, but a jerk. 

“what are you staring at?” he asked finally, and though he was difficult to read on even her best day, when she had one-hundred percent of her faculties intact, she was pretty sure there was no malice in his voice -- just genuine curiosity.

“nothing. you’re being weird.”

he laughed again. it took her a moment to realize why it sounded so different than it usually did; most of the time he was laughing at her. but not tonight. “no i’m not.”

“yes you are.”

“okay -- you’re trashed. do you need me to walk you inside?” 

all the lights were still on. yeah, that was just what she needed. the thought of colt and her father coming face-to-face made her own mouth curve into a grin. “no. but thanks for driving me home. that was almost decent of you.”

“well, i’d hate to be fully decent.” even his smile was different when he wasn’t making fun of her. 

ellie forced herself to take a step away, though it was difficult -- some strange magnetic pull seemed to want to keep her in his orbit, to see if she could maybe make him laugh softly at her again. 

as soon as she stepped back, the bike roared to life, though he didn’t pull out of the street until she’d wobbled all the way up the path to the front door and turned back to wave at him.

huh, she thought to herself as she ducked inside, wine-drunk acid swirling in her stomach with something else unidentifiable along for the ride, weird.

it wasn’t until she was tucked in bed that she privately acknowledged to herself, nice, though, too.

*

as expected, ingrid filled the weeks after her spring break with questions and complaining and dozens of skype calls.

ellie did her best to balance it all with school, which was ramping up as they got closer to the end of term, and packing for her move to miami, though on any given day she felt torn in at least ten different directions while she struggled to get everything together. 

the sound of another incoming facetime call was going to haunt her nightmares. with a groan, ellie fumbled for her phone blindly, not taking her eyes off the instant noodles slowly spinning in her microwave. 

“what now?”

“hello to you, too,” said a voice that definitely wasn’t ingrid’s, and ellie turned her head to see colt staring at her expectantly from the screen of her phone, jolting both from the surprise of seeing him and the sound of the microwave going off. 

“colt?” she blinked, suddenly aware that she was in her pajamas and tugging self-consciously at the cropped tank top she was wearing. “what do you want?”

“we have to go over some things for the bachelor party,” he sighed, and when he shifted she saw that he was reclining in bed. her face flushed.

“bachelor and bachelorette party,” she corrected.

“whatever. is now a good time?”

ellie cast a glance around her apartment, which looked like a tornado had recently swept through it. her kitchen table was covered in textbooks and pages of notes, though the living room had half-packed boxes covering every available surface. “i guess. one second.”

she set her phone down to retrieve her instant noodles and then leaned it up against her toaster, standing in front of the counter to both stay in her phone’s field of view and shovel noodles into her mouth as quickly as possible.

“seriously?” colt said, “isn’t it ten p.m. where you are?”

“i’ve been busy,” ellie answered defensively, between bites, “some of us have lives.”

he rolled his eyes. “did you book your flight yet?”

she paused, fork halfway to her lips. had she booked her flight yet? “i think so.” ellie pursed her lips, and then remembered, “yes! it gets in at seven. i’ll meet you guys at the hotel.”

“okay. the rest of us are driving down together, god help us all.” he scowled.

“relax. it’s only, like, four hours to vegas, anyway.” she was the one who was going to lose two entire days to travel and timezone changes. 

“do you want to sit in a car for four hours with everyone?” he smirked at the look that crossed her face. “i didn’t think so. how are the dinner reservations coming along?”

“good,” she nodded. at least she’d remembered to do that. “we’re all set for friday and saturday night. we can walk to both restaurants from the hotel.”

colt had been adamant about planning everything else, and she’d been all too happy to let him take the reigns. the last thing she needed to worry about was getting them into nightclubs and securing bottle service and busting her ass only for him to ultimately turn his nose up at it and declare the whole thing lame. 

“that should be everything, then.” she just barely saw the way he narrowed his eyes at her when she tipped her head back to get the last of the styrofoam cup of noodles down her throat. “except for whatever girly shit you have planned.”

“hey, you’re going to have to be the one to tell logan that your bad attitude is what got all of you excluded from mani-pedis and facials,” she shrugged, resting her elbows on the counter and leaning in toward the screen. “just so you can do what on saturday? smoke cigars and play darts?”

“someone has to draw the line somewhere,” he said, revisiting the argument they’d had at least four or five times since she was home the month before. 

“you’re impossible,” she sighed, her mouth stretching with a wide yawn. ellie pulled a face at herself, shaking her head. she had at least another two hours of coursework to do once they hung up. 

“you’re the one who looks about ten seconds away from combusting,” he smirked. “you can say no to things, you know.”

“i’m fine,” she insisted, “and i do say ‘no’ to things. when i have to.”

“right. it’s not like we haven’t known each other for eight years or anything.” 

ellie rolled her eyes at him, her cheeks still flushed red. like he’d paid attention to anyone other than himself and whatever girl he was fucking when they were in college. “everything’ll calm down after the wedding.”

“whatever you say,” he shrugged, “just don’t miss your flight to vegas, okay? i’m going to need someone to talk to who doesn’t make me want to blow my brains out.”

what? colt hung up just as she opened her mouth to respond, leaving ellie staring at her phone background in confusion. 

she took one last glance around her apartment, slowly trailing her eyes over the dishes in the sink, the schoolwork on her kitchen table, the piles of shoes that had to be bubble-wrapped and boxed up in her living room.

then ellie turned on her heel and headed off to bed. for once, it felt pretty fucking good to do the wrong thing. 

*

when her flight got in she sent logan a long, detailed text with all the information he could possibly need -- what time her rideshare was going to get to the hotel and how much time she was going to need to get up to the room and get changed -- and asked where she should meet everyone when she was done. 

his response was two short words. casino. craps. typical.

she rushed to get into her dress and get some makeup on and found everyone standing around the same table when she got downstairs. of course, the only available space was just to colt’s left. ellie squeezed in with a grin. “hi!”

“hey, you made it!” eager cheers from around the table greeted her and the tight hugs she was forced into let her know that she had a backlog a few drinks deep to catch up on. 

when she turned back around, colt shoved his hand in her face. there was a pair of dice sitting in his palm. “blow,” he said, staring at her expectantly. 

“excuse me?”

“blow,” he repeated, smirking at her, “it’s for luck.”

“i’m not going to --”

“come on, ellie,” logan grinned, “he’s up, like, two thousand dollars. you have to!”

“this is so demeaning,” she grumbled, but pursed her lips and blew on the dice as requested. colt stared at her the entire time, not even breaking eye contact to roll.

it was only when the croupier said, “another easy eight,” and the table broke out into cheers that he looked away, directing his gaze down at the stack of chips that was pushed over to him. 

“okay, what’s the next one?” he asked, taking the dice into his hand again.

“huh?”

“what am i rolling?”

“oh.” ellie glanced around the table and found everyone looking at her expectantly. “seven.”

“okay, any seven.” colt shook the dice in his hand, then held them out to her again. “come on.”

she leaned in a little closer. “you know, i’d love a drink at some point.”

“if we get this one i’ll find you a whole bottle of dom,” he promised. “blow.”

ellie blew on the dice. she grabbed colt’s arm anxiously as they waited for them to land.

they did, a moment later. she craned her neck and saw them facing up, over the line -- five and two.

all the noise they were making was starting to draw a crowd. ellie found herself sharing a grin with colt when he looked back at her again.

“another seven,” she instructed, head already bowed towards his hand.

he rolled a three and a four. the people gathering around the table were enraptured.

she blew on the dice again. a one and a six.

the forearm of his jacket had indents where her hand kept grabbing at it frantically, but colt never showed any outward signs of nervousness. if anything, he seemed to get more and more excited as ellie called out the numbers and he rolled them, one after another -- an eight. a six. a ten. another seven.

“holy shit, that’s twenty thousand dollars,” ingrid breathed finally, her mouth open in shock.

colt picked the stack of chips up, nodding at the roulette table behind them. “come on.”

“where are we going?” ellie asked, but followed him to the table anyway, her heart racing. all of their friends fell in line around them, hushed. 

“we’re gonna double it,” he smirked. “red or black?”

“you’re going to bet it all?” her eyes went comically wide.

“ellie, red or black?”

everyone within hearing distance, including the attendant, was staring at her. she looked down at the table, and then at the screen, which was displaying the outcome of the last few rounds. her mind raced as she tried to calculate all the ways it could become more complex than just a fifty-fifty probability.

colt noticed her staring and shook his head at her. “just pick.”

“black,” she blurted out, and watched in horror as he dropped the entire stack of chips down onto her choice. “oh my god, i’m going to throw up.”

his arm wound around her waist as the ball dropped into the table and started to roll around. instead of recoiling, ellie held onto him in return, digging her nails into the fabric of his suit as she stared.

there was dead silence at the table when the ball dropped neatly into the slot.

“twenty-nine,” the dealer announced, smiling at the both of them. “black.”

sound exploded all around them. their friends were jumping all over colt and the table, clapping him on the back, cheering and screaming. the spectators who’d been watching them joined in, and ellie couldn’t stop a deliriously joyful laugh from escaping as she looked, beaming, from the stack of chips on the table to colt’s face.

he was already grinning at her, and reached out to shove her shoulder excitedly before pulling the chips off the board and towards their end of the table -- four stacks of ten.

logan pushed between them, a beer bottle dangling from his fingers. “jesus christ. that was insane. way to make an entrance, el.”

“me?” she demanded incredulously, “what kind of person puts twenty thousand dollars on black?”

“what can i say,” colt shrugged, eyes still bright when they settled on her again, “i’m reckless.”

well, that was the understatement of the century. she slowly shook her head as the rest of the players at the table moved on to the next round. “i can’t believe that just happened.” 

colt reached out and grabbed her wrist, then unceremoniously dropped five chips into her palm. “here. your cut.”

ellie blinked down at her hand like she’d never seen a casino chip before. “five thousand dollars?”

“hey, all you did was blow on some dice.”

“no, i --” she shook her head, trying to shove the chips back onto his pile with a laugh, “you don’t need to do that. it was fun.”

he shrugged. ellie watched in surprise as colt smiled at her, fixated on the upturned corners of his mouth. “whatever. remember i did the next time you’re pissed at me.” 

colt walked off before she could try giving the money back to him again. she stared down at the chips in her hand for a moment, staring at all the zeroes that looked back up at her.

if what had just happened was any indication, it was probably going to be a strange weekend.

*

after dinner they went to a nightclub. her buzz was kicking in, so the lights and the music hardly bothered her as much as they might have on a normal night, and though she was loathe to admit it, colt had actually done a pretty nice job setting everything up. they had a booth to themselves and bottle service with sparklers, themed shots and props for both logan and ingrid -- sashes and buttons and crowns for the both of them.

seeing how happy everyone was made all the aggravation of the last six weeks worth it. before she knew it, she’d had more shots than was probably wise and her feet were killing her from dancing, leaving her flushed and sweaty when she stumbled back to the table.

as soon as she sat down, ingrid rushed over and grabbed her arm. “come on! i want to introduce you to a hot guy!”

“no,” ellie moaned, digging her heels into the booth while ingrid tried to drag her out of it, “stop, we’ve been dancing for hours. i need five minutes.”

“okay, but he’s so hot,” ingrid insisted, “and you could get laid tonight!”

“or we could just enjoy your bachelorette party!” she screamed back, over the music, “that’d be so fun, too.”

“oh my god, you’re impossible,” ingrid sighed, dropping down dramatically into the booth beside her. "look, he’s right over there.” 

ellie followed the line of her eyes and saw an admittedly very hot guy standing with a few of their friends. she lifted her hand and waved at him, and he smiled charmingly back at her, waving in return.

from behind her hand, when she pulled it in to cover her mouth, ellie said to ingrid, “he looks kind of stupid.”

“oh my god,” ingrid groaned again, “forget it. i’m done trying to set you up.”

before she could argue further, logan ran over to refill his drink and pulled ingrid back up to her feet, dragging her away from the booth and back onto the dance floor.

ellie watched them go, then turned her eyes to the half-full bottle of vodka in the ice bucket on the table. she was in the middle of trying to decide whether or not she was one drink away from puking when colt walked up to her.

“hey, loser. you wanna dance?” he asked, just as she made up her mind and reached for the bottle. he wasn’t loud enough to be heard over the music, but ellie could see the shape of his mouth make each word clearly, mostly because she tilted her head up to stare at him in complete confusion as soon as he got close. 

“with you?” 

“i thought you were supposed to be smart,” he said, and she recognized the easy grin on his face from dozens of late nights out with all their friends in college; he was drunk. “come on.”

she stumbled to her feet and followed him without thinking too much about it, even though there was no way their friends weren’t looking at them as they found a spot on the dance floor together. 

“you know how to dance?” ellie asked, blinking down at colt’s hands, which settled confidently on her waist, in absolute, total surprise, “since when?”

“since always,” he answered, lowering his mouth to her ear, “you just repress all my positive traits.”

“you don’t have any positive traits,” she shot back, though she gave in and wound her arms around his neck a moment later, letting him pull her in close.

“ouch,” colt murmured softly into her ear, and ellie sunk her teeth into her bottom lip at the low tone of his voice and its proximity. “that really hurts.”

her head tipped back to stare up at the flashing lights in the ceiling. colt didn’t say anything -- of course, he loved to get the last word -- and after a moment she forgot how utterly strange it was to be close to him at all and let herself enjoy the dance, smoothly moving her hips against his.

it was unnatural how natural it felt. she was dancing with colt kaneko -- it should have felt insane. they didn’t dance together. they didn’t get along. 

except that evidently they did, and she kind of liked it, too. 

when he dragged everyone out of the nightclub at three o’clock in the morning he wouldn’t tell them where they were going. even ellie was surprised to hear about a planned part two of the evening, though the way he seamlessly swiped a bottle of dom perignon from a table they passed on their way to the door and presented it to her as soon as they stepped back into the lobby of the hotel made her laugh with her whole body.

“you didn’t even pay for it,” she grinned, cradling it in her arms like a baby. 

he looked around, then started leading everyone down a side hallway. “i never said i would. hang on.”

logan caught on as soon as they all stopped in front of the fancy glass doors marked pool, and ellie kept watch at the end of the hallway while the two of them worked to get the door open. one by one, their friends filed quietly inside to the hotel’s closed indoor pool, giggling while they stripped out of their clothes.

“this feels illegal,” ellie said, while ingrid helpfully lowered the zip on her dress for her, “no?”

“it’s only a crime if you get caught,” logan answered, running past and jumping in the pool directly in front of where they were standing at its edge, splashing them both.

“oh, you’re in for it,” ingrid promised, jumping off after him. 

ellie self-consciously pulled her dress off the rest of the way, walking over to the steps and wading into the shallow end carefully. she swam out to join the rest of the group, head spinning from the drinks she’d had.

“hey.”

she turned around and came face-to-face with colt again, staring at what she could see of his bare chest, sticking out of the dark water before averting her eyes with a flush. “we’re totally all going to jail,” she said, apropos of nothing.

“that’s the plan,” colt returned, still smiling that easy, open smile. but he’d always been a lot more fun to hang out with when he was drunk. 

“why’re you being so nice to me?” ellie asked abruptly, reaching out to hold onto the pool wall and treading water to stay afloat in front of him. “it’s weird.”

colt laughed. his own arm braced on the side of the pool beside hers, and she looked over at the way the water slid of his muscles, her mouth suddenly dry. 

“guess i like the reactions i get,” he answered, effortlessly short-circuiting her brain as she tried to figure out what the fuck that was supposed to mean. “plus, it looks like you’re my good luck charm.”

“that was pretty crazy,” she acknowledged with a soft smile of her own, “i’ve never done anything like that before.” in fact, it’d been almost more excitement than she could handle.

“there’s so much i could show you.” 

the look in his eyes was intense -- searching. she wasn’t sure what to say, but fortunately the noise from the rest of their friends splashing around covered the too-loud pounding of her heartbeat as he stood there staring down at her.

it was the most alive she’d felt in months. before tonight, she hadn’t even thought she’d want a break from her routine -- from school, from her work, from everything that made her her.

wading in the pool now, with colt, all she wanted was more.

before she could find something to say, logan and brent swam by, kicking up water with a splash. “come on!” logan called out as a wave of chlorinated water hit her smack dab in the face, “we’re doing back flips.”

she forced her eyes down and swam off after them, hurrying to put some space between them. 

drunk as she was, it was a struggle to even stay afloat.

*

the semester wrapped up quickly; before she knew it, it was time to start shipping her things down to miami. ellie saw and heard from everyone less and less as she finished her coursework and switched into summer mode, even as the date of logan’s wedding grew closer.

finally it was time to hand her keys over to the girl who’d be subletting her apartment for the summer and catch her flight; when she stepped off the plane she forgot, for a moment, that she wasn’t home in los angeles -- it was humid and sunny and everyone around her looked happy, a far cry from the scene she’d left behind at jfk.

ellie went straight to her summer housing and checked in, a little astonished by how nice the apartment was. there was a pool in the back of the building and the beach was only a short walk away; there were floor-to-ceiling windows exposing the view to her and illuminating every last one of the boxes she’d have to unpack where they were cluttering her new living room floor.

her eyes landed on one marked kitchen stuff and ellie tore into it, using her keys to rip the tape. the still-sealed bottle of dom perignon from the bachelorette party was sitting on top of everything else, wrapped in bubble wrap.

the trip or the heat had probably made it go flat but she pulled it out anyway, sitting on the floor and popping the cork. ellie took a sip from the bottle and grimaced -- all expensive alcohol was disgusting.

she set it on the floor and took a photo for her pictagram story anyway, the boxes and the view in the background. it was only up for a few seconds before her phone screen lit up with an incoming message.

it was colt. dork was all he’d written, when she opened her direct messages. the little animation beneath his words indicated he was typing something else. how is it?

pretty bad she wrote back honestly.

guess i’ll have to work harder to impress you

she stared down at her phone, rereading the words twice before she huffed out a genuine laugh. ellie had been avoiding checking in with most of her friends while she focused on moving, but it felt pretty nice to talk to colt again. the new peace that had settled between them had admittedly been a welcome respite, distracting her from every stressor in her life. 

with a shake of her head, she gave in and wrote back guess so.

*

everyone in the wedding was spending the entire weekend in santa monica, and ellie was grateful for the opportunity to avoid awkward conversation with her dad, heading straight to the hotel when she flew in on the morning of the rehearsal dinner.

things were already in full swing even though it was early in the day when she arrived; though she was exhausted from her flight and the work she’d left behind on the east coast ellie still let ingrid pull her up to her suite to start getting ready together.

one by one the rest of their friends started to trickle in, chatting excitedly about the wedding the next day, and eventually, after they’d gone over saturday’s schedule at least a thousand times, it was late enough in the afternoon that she had to go back to her own hotel room to get dressed for dinner.

ellie was the first of the girls to finish getting ready and logan and the rest of the guys were already downstairs at the lobby bar when she came out of the elevator. logan pulled her into a hug as soon as she got close, kissing her cheek hello.

“are you so excited?” she asked, squeezing his arms, “big day tomorrow.”

“i can’t wait. i know we did this fast but it still feels like we’ve been waiting for forever.” he looked adorably eager. “you look nice, by the way.”

“thank you,” ellie said primly, stepping out of his arms to spin in a circle, the skirt of her dress swishing around the tops of her thighs, “not half bad for an all-nighter and a cross-country flight, eh?”

“thanks for flying out so early. i’m so glad you’re here.” logan called the bartender over as she moved down the line to say hi to the rest of the groomsmen, and when she came back around to his other side to accept the drink he held out to her she noticed there was one person missing from the group.

“where’s colt?”

logan arched an eyebrow at her. her face flushed pink, and then worsened when that voice she could pick out of a crowd said from behind her, “miss me?”

the smart remark that was waiting on the tip of her tongue died when she turned around and saw him. he always wore formalwear well, but something about how he was dressed tonight captured her attention in a way that was impossible to ignore. she swallowed.

“just wondering if tonight might actually be peaceful or not,” she said finally, lifting her eyes from the few buttons that were open on his shirt at the front of his throat to look him in the eyes. “i guess it won’t be.”

he shrugged, leaning around her to signal the bartender for a drink of his own. “i promised i’d behave this weekend.” 

“yeah, and you’d better follow through or ingrid’s going to come after us both,” logan grinned, waiting until colt had his glass in his hand before sticking his own in between the three of them. “cheers.”

“cheers,” ellie smiled, clinking her champagne flute delicately against the two rocks glasses in their hands, “congratulations. i’m so happy for you guys.”

“you can back out at any time,” colt said, and then, as ingrid finally walked over and hit him on the shoulder, “ow. what? you can back out, too.”

she linked her arm through logan’s, tilting her face up for a kiss. “no one’s backing out. come on.”

they filed into the restaurant, where everyone’s families were already waiting at one end of the long table. ellie sat down on ingrid’s right and came face-to-face with colt, who was sitting directly across from her at logan’s left. he smirked at her from the other side of the table, bumping his foot into hers underneath the tablecloth. 

she kicked him back, turning her cheek to stifle a smile when she saw him wince as soon as her high heel collided with his shin. 

dinner was surprisingly pleasant, making her cautiously optimistic for the way the rest of the weekend was going to go. tomorrow was sure to be exhausting, with a full day of primping and photos before the ceremony and reception, and the after party following late into the night, if she knew their group of friends at all.

but it’d probably be pretty fun, too. at least she could start drinking heavily as soon as her toast was over.

though she was woefully sober after the cake had been cut and the night started to wind down, certain that a hangover would be a wrench in tomorrow morning she just didn’t need, with the day ahead of her. 

they all took their time saying goodbye and slowly started to head to the elevator. just outside the restaurant door, colt caught her elbow and asked, “wanna go for a walk?”

she stared back at him dumbly. why? “huh?”

“come on, the beach is right there.” his hand slid down her bare arm to curl around her wrist, and he tugged her towards the french doors that would lead them outside onto the hotel’s back patio before she could protest.

ellie slipped off her shoes as they moved down the steps and out into the sand, silent when they both walked off down the beach together. the stretch owned by the hotel was private and closed for the night, so they were the only two people making their way down to the ocean, though she still wasn’t exactly sure for what. 

“how’ve you been?” she asked finally, when it felt like it’d been quiet for too long.

“fine. how are your... water samples?” 

her eyebrows arched. part of her was amazed he’d remembered, and a little warmed by his thoughtfulness. “um, good,” she answered slowly, “well -- not good, they’re contaminated, but... good for me? to have something to study?”

out of the corner of her eye, ellie saw his lips twitch. it was good to know he still found her embarrassment amusing. “that’s good.”

“are you nervous for your speech tomorrow?” she asked, because she was certainly nervous about hers. his smile spread.

“no.” he’d long since let go of her arm, but colt still only shoved the hand on the other side of his body into his pocket, letting his other arm dangle near hers. “i’m just gonna wing it.”

“you’re going to -- i’m sorry, what?” she demanded, completely horrified. “you cannot just wing it.”

“well, i’m going to,” he shrugged, “so don’t lose sleep over it.”

“oh my god,” ellie groaned, “i feel sick just thinking about it. please tell me you’re joking.”

“you know i’m not,” he laughed, that same soft sound from the night of logan and ingrid’s engagement party, when he’d given her a ride home. her cheeks flushed just thinking about it. “don’t you ever get tired of being so self-righteous?”

“no,” she sniffed, “don’t you ever get tired of being so...”

ellie trailed off as she searched for the right word. colt stopped suddenly and turned in the sand to face her, grinning widely when their eyes locked. “so what?”

arrogant. smug. obnoxious. insufferable. reckless. “so...” she paused, tongue darting out to lick her lips, “well --”

colt leaned in and kissed her before she could decide which word she wanted to settle on. the hand that’d been in his pocket landed on her waist, and he lifted the other to her jaw, cradling her cheek in his palm when he pulled her closer to meet his lips.

she froze. part of her had been expecting this, though it still felt so unbelievably beyond imagining -- colt kaneko was kissing her after they’d spent the last eight years at each other’s throats, and tenderly, too, his lips soft and gentle when they brushed against hers.

ellie sighed quietly into his mouth, then looped her arm around him and kissed him back, sliding her fingers into his hair at the back of his head. 

he was a good kisser. not that she’d thought about it, or anything, outside of one or two times --

fine, a few times... 

colt snaked his arm fully around her waist and pressed his body in against hers as close as they could get; there was only the sound of the waves on the shore while they kissed for what felt like an eternity, with all the familiarity of two people who’d done this dozens of times before.

there was something about being alone with him that eased the tension being home always brought with it. something about the new calmness in their relationship reminded her of her apartment and new york and the places she’d always felt most like herself, almost like colt understood her and the things she wanted to say but wouldn’t without her even having to say them. 

finally, his thumb pressed into the hinge of her jaw and he broke them apart, tipping his forehead against hers to stare into her eyes.

in the dark, with the moon behind him, the depths of his gaze consumed her entirely. ellie worked to catch her breath while staring back at him seriously, though there was surely some shock on her expression.

“um,” she said finally. “i --”

he swept her into another kiss and she was grateful for the chance to collect her thoughts before being expected to say something, though every last one she had left her abruptly when their lips met again. all she could focus on was how good the kiss was -- how it felt like giving into something she’d been holding off on allowing for far too long. 

this time, when he pushed her away, he spoke up. “do you want me to apologize?”

ellie realized her fingers were still curled into his hair and forced them to relax. she dropped her hand onto his shoulder. “no.” her eyes lingered on the minute upturn at the corners of his mouth. “an explanation would be helpful, though.”

the hand colt had on the small of her back dipped lower. she raised her eyebrows at him again. “i want to spend the night with you,” he said bluntly, “if you want.”

she pretended to think about it, even though she already knew what her answer would be. judging by the look on colt’s face, he knew she was only acting, too, though he stayed quiet for once and let her go through the motions of looking back at the hotel in thoughtful consideration. “yeah,” she said finally, with a nod, “let’s go to your room.”

*

colt’s room was on the other side of the hotel, and he’d forgotten to pull the heavy-duty shades shut the night before, so the sun filtered in through the gauzy curtains and hit her in the face early, waking her up before she was ready.

ellie rubbed at her eyes and took in the sight before her: the muscled arm slung across her waist was attached to a set of broad shoulders and a sculpted torso, though colt was sleeping on his stomach so she could only see his back, the sheet draped low over his hips. 

his face was squished into the pillow and he was still peacefully asleep, his breathing even and quiet beside her.

she stared at him for a few seconds before a deep sense of dread started to set in, filling her with slowly dawning horror.

you slept with colt kaneko! her brain screamed unhelpfully at her, like she didn’t already know. what the fuck were you thinking?

okay. this was fixable. all she had to do was get to her clothes and get out of his room before he woke up. she could make it back to her suite before anyone noticed she was gone, right? 

his body stirred beside her as soon as she shifted to the edge of the mattress. ellie watched colt’s arm slip off her waist and stared as his eyes slowly blinked open, his jaw cracking with a yawn. “hey,” he murmured, voice thick with sleep and perfectly cozy-sounding, halting her progress out of the bed and almost enough to make her turn right back around. “what time is it?”

“seven,” she returned just as quietly, and he flopped back against the pillow with a groan, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“the fuck are you doing up?” he grumbled. “christ.”

ellie shifted another inch to the edge of the bed. “we need to all start getting ready soon. pictures are at two.”

“it’s seven,” he sighed, “she can’t possibly expect you to --”

“she does.”

colt groaned again, louder this time. he rolled onto his back and pressed both palms against his face, then pushed his hands through his hair. “we’ll get up in ten minutes,” he declared decisively, dropping his cheek into the side of the pillow. his eyes were half-lidded when they landed on her. “come here.”

ellie hesitated at the edge of the bed, biting her lip. 

that was probably a mistake. 

she cleared her throat, averting her eyes. maybe all of this had been a mistake. it was so unlike her -- flirting with him, kissing him on the beach, having a one night stand. he’d never even liked her before she started doing all of these things that felt so wildly out of character for her. in fact, he’d always hated her. 

what the fuck did he think they were doing, anyway? 

panic was starting to set in, hot and desperate. “i should really get going,” she said, then stood and snatched her dress up off the floor before she could be sucked in by the curve of him against the mattress. “ingrid’s going to wonder where i am.”

there was complete and total silence as she pulled her clothes back on quickly, piece by piece. finally, colt said, “okay. i’ll see you later.”

his voice was slow -- carefully measured. ellie didn’t look at him before double checking to make sure she had her phone and room key and nodding blindly in the direction of the bed, doing her best to keep her voice faux-chipper. “totally,” she called out mindlessly, rushing out the door.

her chest squeezed tight with anxiety and refused to relent for the entirety of the morning. ellie found herself fighting off a meltdown through hair and makeup, through hours of gushing over ingrid and how beautiful she looked, through a session with the photographer in the bridal suite. 

her thoughts were elsewhere during the group photos with everyone. it took every effort not to look colt’s way when they all got together before the ceremony to take so many pictures her face was hurting from maintaining her fake smile.

still, her mind drifted. the part of her that was adamant she’d made the right decision couldn’t seem to quiet the little voice beneath it wondering what if, her curiosity needling her brain incessantly. 

now she’d never know what he might’ve been about to say or do. she wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of having two pieces of her life that didn’t fit together -- new york and school and los angeles and colt -- because there was no knowing if anything would’ve even come from it.

maybe that’s for the best, said the larger, more rational part of her brain. 

all the excuses she’d used a thousand times before came back to her at once. she was too busy to date, probably, and ill-equipped to have a boyfriend. guys she’d dated in the past had complained about her being hot and cold, either clingy or distant depending on where she was with school or in her professional life. the only parts of herself she could actually tolerate most of the time seemed to be the biggest turn-offs: she was too driven, too focused on her passion projects. 

each word felt hollow, now. maybe she hadn’t done the right thing.

ellie’s pulse raced dangerously as everyone lined up at the edge of the cliff for the outdoor ceremony. she and colt stood just behind logan, side-by-side. 

he wasn’t looking at her. her stomach twisted unhappily. 

she gently reached out to touch his arm. her voice was barely a murmur when she leaned in close and said, “hey, can i talk to you?”

colt looked down at her like she was insane. in front of them, logan started down the aisle. “now’s not really a good time.”

fuck. she was almost definitely going to lose her nerve, but he was right. she pursed her lips, looping her arm through his. her free hand clutched her flowers tightly.

colt felt stiff beside her, at odds with the easy way he’d held her last night. she used all her focus not to trip as they walked down the aisle together and then separated on either side of the altar, the both of them looking anywhere else but at each other.

fortunately, the ceremony provided a welcome distraction from her swirling thoughts. logan and ingrid had written their own vows, and she cried the entire time they spoke to each other, tears silently dripping down her cheeks as she watched two of her oldest friends profess their love.

even the poem ingrid’s sister read made her heart skip a beat, her bottom lip wobbling through the ceremony until the officiant finally pronounced them husband and wife.

ellie was still smiling through tears after they’d kissed and started back down the aisle together. she forgot to be nervous about walking with colt until he took her arm in his and said, “seriously?”

then everything that had happened rushed back to her at once, and she was uneasy and miserable again.

“come on,” ellie sniffed, dabbing delicately at her eyes, “that was beautiful.”

“it was something,” he mumbled, so quietly the excited din of the crowd nearly drowned him out. “i’ll catch up with you later.”

he dropped her arm as soon as he possibly could, disappearing into the venue. ellie watched everyone through the glass windows for a moment before following him inside with a sigh.

bathroom, then bar. even if the first thing she needed was a large glass of wine, the absolute last thing she needed was smudged mascara. everything else could wait.

*

it was almost the end of the cocktail hour when logan found her at the bar. ellie grinned at him wholeheartedly and passed him the champagne flute she’d taken for herself, signaling for another.

“thanks,” he said, reaching out to squeeze her arm, “like, a thousand people have already tried talking to me. you never told me this was going to be so exhausting.”

“getting married is a huge deal,” ellie laughed, “of course every single person here wants to talk to you. you’re going to be making the rounds all night.”

“just -- keep me occupied for a few more minutes,” he said, gaze darting around the room, “make it look like we’re having a really serious talk. start with whatever put that look on your face.”

“i don’t have a look on my face,” she argued, though she knew it was futile.

logan arched his eyebrows at her. “ellie.”

“what?” she asked. she shuffled her feet anxiously and then continued, “look, i’m sure colt already told you we slept together last night, so --”

logan started coughing, spitting champagne back into his glass. he set it down on the bar with wide eyes. “oh my god, you what?”

ellie felt her own eyes bug out to match. “he didn’t tell you?”

“no,” logan hissed, then coughed again. “what do you mean you slept together last night?”

“um,” ellie started, her voice high as she swiveled her eyes to the ceiling, “well...”

“jesus, i can’t believe he finally went for it.”

she slowly lowered her gaze back to his. her brow furrowed in confusion. “what?”

“oh, man. he’s liked you for forever. i didn’t think he was ever going to...” logan trailed off as he caught sight of the expression on her face, which cycled from confusion to realization to horror so quickly it made her head spin. “wait, how’d you guys leave it?”

“um,” she said again, cringing, “well...”

“yikes.” logan matched her look with a wince. “you should probably talk to him.”

she wandered into the ballroom as if in a daze. ellie found her seat at the table with the bridal party and breathed a sigh of relief once she noticed colt was far away from her at the other end -- at least ingrid had done her one favor. 

after the toast, she told herself with a nod, i’ll talk to him. 

after the toast she could have the hard drink she’d need to get through the conversation. they could take a few minutes to themselves.

but first she had to actually get through the toast, and that meant sitting politely while colt gave the best man speech, which he did unflappably well, of course, even though he hadn’t prepared for it at all.

ellie was reminded all at once what’d made her hate him in the first place: colt was good at everything without having to worry about it. in college, he’d effortlessly pulled perfect grades in even the most impossible classes; tonight was no different. he made jokes that landed perfectly with the crowd, getting the appropriate amount of laughs, and finished with something surprisingly sentimental that garnered lots of applause -- both ingrid and logan beamed at him when he sat down again.

and she had to go next.

she pointedly ignored him as she stood with her glass. “hey, everyone. i’m ellie. for those of you who don’t know me, ingrid and i met on the very first day of college -- eight years ago. i’d just turned eighteen and i was away from home for the first time. i actually bumped into ingrid in the parking lot...”

ellie hit all the marks, too: what she loved about her friends, what made them perfect for each other. “-- and i knew he was the one just from the way she’d talk about him. she always got so giddy, it was like there was a whole other side of her i’d never seen before. every day she’d have something new to say about him: ‘oh, logan said this,’ and, ‘oh, logan showed me that’ --”

everyone was crying by the time she wrapped up. ingrid blew her a kiss as she lifted her glass into the air, and ellie grinned brightly back at her and logan before the band came back on and she could finally sit down again.

the girls around her were gushing about how good her toast had been, but ellie leaned around them to catch colt’s eye at the other end of the table.

her eyebrows lifted meaningfully. she nodded at the dance floor.

colt rolled his eyes. she watched him shake his head.

ellie thrust her bottom lip out into a pout. 

he looked sort of close to smiling, setting a swarm of butterflies loose in her stomach. it was both better and more dangerous than the thought of him being angry at her had been. later, he mouthed, turning away before she could frown at him any harder.

that was fine. it’d give her a little more time to work up her nerve -- hopefully.

she grabbed ingrid on her way back to the bar.

“oh my god, i can’t believe you,” ingrid sighed, squeezing her tight in a huge hug, “that was only the most beautiful toast of all time. you ruined my makeup, you bitch!”

“okay, you still look perfect,” ellie argued, squeezing her hand, “you’re the most beautiful bride ever. don’t even start.”

ingrid sighed wistfully, looking off towards the sweetheart table at the front of the ballroom. “i am pretty beautiful, huh?”

“are you kidding?” ellie demanded, “the whole thing was gorgeous.”

ingrid’s grin sharpened. out of nowhere, she said, “logan told me you totally fucked colt last night.”

“shhhh!” ellie cast a glance around desperately, but they were blessedly alone at the bar. “oh my god, i didn’t --”

“yeah, right. why didn’t you tell me?!”

“it’s your wedding day,” she laughed, “i wanted to -- i don’t know. it just happened, it was weird.”

“what’s he like?” she asked, passing ellie a glass of champagne.

“can we not do this?” ellie ducked her head behind the glass, trying to hide her flushed face. “isn’t it time for your first dance?”

ingrid waved her hand dismissively. “in a minute. so? spill!”

“oh my god, it was obviously incredible,” she mumbled into her champagne, “now get out of my face, this is exactly why i didn’t tell you.”

“fine, but we are so not done talking about this.” she reached out and tugged on one of the neat curls of her hair before linking her arm through ellie’s to walk back to the front of the ballroom together. “and you’d better save me a dance.”

*

she didn’t get her moment alone with colt until after the entrees. ellie had given up on trying to catch his eye, so she was surprised when he walked over and said, “i’ll take that dance, now, if you can stop crying long enough to make it happen.”

“people with souls cry at weddings,” she huffed, standing and taking his hand in hers, “i’m sorry you can’t relate.”

“you’re forgiven,” he smirked, so that she could almost pretend there was absolutely nothing weird going on between them as they walked out onto the dance floor.

but his expression shifted when the song changed and her hands laced together behind his neck, absolving her of that illusion near-immediately. she cleared her throat as his hands settled on her hips and they started to sway together.

“i’m sorry,” she said again, more seriously this time. 

he pursed his lips, then shrugged. “for what?”

“for being weird this morning. i don’t know what you were going to say -- um, if you were going to say anything, but i totally freaked out and i obviously didn’t even give you a chance to get to it, so. that was uncool. sorry.”

colt’s gaze was calculating on hers. she wondered what he was thinking. “don’t worry about it,” he said finally. “it’s nothing.”

she drew in a deep breath. well, if he wasn’t going to give her an inch... “logan said you’ve always liked me.”

ellie watched as his eyes narrowed. “logan’s lucky today’s his wedding day,” colt murmured darkly. his hands tightened on her hips briefly, then released. he turned his head and leveled his glare on her. “so?”

“so -- i thought you hated me,” she laughed, that thread of nervousness back again. “you never -- i mean, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

he rolled his eyes at her. “okay, you’re always, like -- smiling and happy and constantly surrounded by people. when we were in school you were in, like, student government and on debate team and running a thousand clubs or doing extra lab hours and everyone always liked you -- so you wanted me to, what, exactly? just walk right up to you and be like, hey, do you want to see a movie?”

ellie gaped at him, her mouth open in shock. “i -- yes! you could have just asked me out.”

“right,” colt snorted, “that would’ve gone over well. you thought i was a total asshole.”

“colt, you were a total asshole,” she reminded him.

he shifted back and forth on his feet. ellie stared in fascination as the tips of his ears went red when he dipped his head to avert his eyes. “i didn’t want you think i had a crush on you or anything.”

it felt a lot like she was having an out-of-body experience. “well... did you have a crush on me?”

colt cleared his throat. “you weren’t like everyone else,” he said, in lieu of an answer, “you’re still not. but i get that you’re busy. this doesn’t have to be, like, a thing.”

“hang on, i’m still processing.” whatever this was, it was officially bizarre. 

it seemed impossible to wrap her head around what he’d just admitted: that he’d always liked her, even at her most neurotic, at the most school-obsessed, five-year-plan focused she’d ever been. 

so she didn’t have to change.

for once, it didn’t feel like she needed to put up some front that was, frankly, exhausting to maintain.

everything just felt -- nice.

“done yet?” he demanded, “the song’s almost over.” 

ellie leaned in and kissed him, uncaring of anyone who might see. his hands were warm over the cutouts in the dress at her sides and she was breathless when they finally broke apart, long after the song had changed.

the look on colt’s face was a mixture of self-satisfied and surprised when he pulled her off the dance floor and out onto the terrace. “i am busy,” ellie said, once they were alone.

colt nodded, looking out at the view of the beach below them. “i know.”

“but -- if you really don’t mind that i have to split my focus with school... and the distance... and the time difference...”

“are you trying to talk me out of it?” he asked, sounding amused.

“...then obviously i’d love to date you or whatever.”

“huh.” colt was smiling as he stared at the ocean. “i guess i probably should have just asked out you five years ago, then.”

“it might’ve been easier,” ellie allowed, shifting to lean her shoulder against his. she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. “but that’s not really our style.”

colt turned and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “true,” he hummed, and then, “you smell like you have a whole can of hairspray in your hair.”

“i probably do.” she hesitated, looking down at their joined hands. “are you sure you want to do this?”

“yeah.” ellie looked back up at him and found colt’s eyes still stuck thoughtfully on the view. “i’ve wanted to for a really long time.”

“that’s so crazy to me.”

“why?” he finally turned and looked at her, his gaze no less intense than it had been last night by the ocean. “ingrid’s right. you are a catch. it’s crazy to me that you’ve stayed single all this time.”

“well, i was --” she bit the inside of her cheek to avoid again using the word busy, and then pivoted to a more uncomfortably honest answer, “-- never interested in compromising. before now.”

his lips spread into a smile. she felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of it, soft and genuine and open on his face. “figures i’d be the one to break your streak,” colt said, in that same overconfident way she always used to hate.

“oh my god, do not start,” she huffed, using their joined hands to push his side until he stumbled a step away.

colt retaliated by spinning her around and pulling her in close, trapping her against the ledge of the balcony before she could move. “why?” he challenged, “what are you going to do about it?”

she was going to kiss that stupid smirk right off his face, for one.

and he was going to spend the night dancing with her and later hold back her hair when she had too much to drink.

then they’d both spend most of sunday in bed, skipping brunch with the rest of their friends to put the hours before her flight to better use.

colt would drive her to the airport. they would say their goodbyes on the curb.

and she would be too excited to sleep on the trip back to miami.

“just wait,” she threatened, though her voice was sweet; she tilted her chin up to brush their noses together. “you’ll see. i have it all planned out.”

the look in his eyes made her feel like she was doing something dangerous; colt looked both fond and delighted, content and sweet and sure. his free hand lifted to thumb at her cheekbone, like part of him was still surprised to find the both of them out here, wrapped up together like they were. 

“i’ll bet,” he returned, his voice low and full of promise. “that work ethic is one of the things i like most about you.”

“you’ll have to give me a list of the rest,” ellie laughed, eager to hear his take on it all from what was arguably the most unique perspective in their friend group. 

“eh, you can wait,” colt shrugged, gently pressing her in along the stone ledge behind her back on the balcony, leaning over her with another grin, “there’s a few other things we have to catch up on first.”

fair point, she thought, though she’d be damned if she ever actually agreed with him out loud. she had a lot to fill him in on, too. 

he’d probably waited long enough, though, so ellie folded first and gave him that kiss she’d planned, colt’s smirk dissolving as expected when his mouth pressed against hers. 

when they finally broke apart and turned to head back inside, they drew up short outside the doors to the balcony. every last one of their friends was standing in front of the glass facade, staring at them, their eyes wide and their mouths open. ingrid and logan in particular looked unreasonably overjoyed. 

“christ,” colt sighed, as ellie instantly flushed bright red beside him, “is this what this is going to be like all the time?”

“no take backs,” she said, squeezing his hand. she turned to look up at him just in time to catch his eye roll, and the subsequent glare that made the group watching them from behind the door scatter with raucous laughter.

“fine,” he answered, sounding put-upon, but she hadn’t looked away yet and so she still caught the private smile that tugged his lips up against his will.

perfect, ellie thought to herself, and then, for the first time in as long as she could remember, nothing else -- no self-doubt, no exhaustion, no pretending. 

colt was probably going to have to help her get used to how it felt to have everything she wanted.

[myslibrary]

Scenario: RFA+V Reacting to pregnant MC:

 Yoosung:

● Yoosung was a little baby when it came to your new unusual routine

● Don’t think he’s not happy. Oh no, He was ecstatic to hear the news. He was going to be the dad!

●At first he was a bit nervous

● Continuously asking if you need anything and if you’re okay, Only to get the same response everytime.

●Decides to bring his gaming to you, to keep an eye on you of course

●You’d wake him for your special cravings, ”Baby... Could you be the best husband in the world and fun and get me some ice cream,” You shook him a bit; Without complaints. 

● The pure boy, groggy as ever, with slight hesitation, “Sure, I’ll be back. You stay here!” He sits up to grab his pants. 

● He gently grabs your sleepy face and kisses you. He couldn’t resist it! You made this boy melt from the knees.

●Yoosung comes back to find you on the couch, crying? You looked so lost, sitting there, wiping your face with your wrists.

● “MC? WHATS WRONG?” Baby Yoosung comes to the rescue or mood swings and is immediately embraced. “I just missed you so much.”

●”Don’t worry, I’m sorry! I’m here now.” He then showers you with kisses. His hold on you becomes closer as he wants to cuddle not just one, but both of you!

Zen:

● You feared telling Zen about the baby at first.

● Now you wonder why you were so scared. When you told him, He was shocked at first. Face in pure shock. Oh- He crying....? 

●You had no clue what he was feeling until he embraced you, crying in your shoulder. “I’m so happy MC...I will try to be the best father to this baby.”

● As time goes on, He began to grow used to your morning sickness.

● One day he noticed you scolding your body in the mirror. His Brows furrowed. 

● “Love, what are you doing....?” Zen's voice popped up from behind you, causing you to jump in fear.

●”My body...I feel so big. I am big.” Zen's face grew pain when he heard such hateful words about your body. He found your body so beautiful. You were holding his baby.

●He hugs your from behind, placing both hands on the top of your stomach. “I find you so beautiful. Please don’t put yourself down like that. MC I am so grateful I found a lady who is beautiful inside and out to grow a family with. At first I was truly scared I could never be a good dad, But through time and beforehand you showed me I can be loved and I can show love. You are beautiful. You look so good.”

●All you could do was turn around and sob uncontrollably into his chest. “D-Did I say something wrong?” Poor boy needing to figure out how to manage your mood swings.

●He releases from you, Crouching to you, kissing your stomach. He was a gift from above.

●”We’ll get through this together MC. I promise.” Thats all you had to hear.

Jumin:

● You were Genuinely terrified to announce the news to Jumin. I mean he didn’t  seem like the one to want kids. What if he sees you less attractive? what if he leaves

● You finally decided to ‘yolo’ the situation, to wing it. You told him over dinner. “I’m pregnant.” 

●Jumin coughed a bit drinking his wine. He sat the glass down. You were avoiding eye contact. The room went silent. You began to frown and shrink a bit.

● All you heard was a low chuckle, then a touch to your hand. 

●You quickly look up and he’s carassing your hand with his thumb. He’s crying. Jumin planted a soft smile on his face. It made you melt. “I promise you, I’m going to love this child the best I can. You have no idea how much of a blessing you are to me.”

●As time passes, You’re about 7 months in. You both are relaxing in the living. He was reading silently while you played with Elizabeth. 

●You felt the urge to use the rest room. You quickly got up to make your way. Jumin’s gaze was on your back as you rushed in.

●You came back, Only to do the same thing every 15- 30 minutes.

● At first he thought you were playing a joke on him...Or something was seriously wrong with you.

●When you came back, You noticed his book was laid on the couch to hold his place. His eyes studied you walking back in the living room.

●”Is everything alright...You keep getting up to use the restroom? Is everything alright? Do I need to call someone? Do you need to see a doctor?”

●All you could do was giggle avoiding the heat on your face, “Jumin. It’s common to when your pregnant. Relax. If there was something wrong, You’d be the first to know.” You sat on his lap, pecking his cheek. Nothing could be more perfect.

Seven:

●When you found out for yourself, Seven knew right after. He was blazing with smiles and joy. 

● He never knew he’d be here with someone. ever.

●Seven definitely kept an eye on you more. He admired you. You stayed positive through the whole thing, only to give him affection and children. 

● Around 4 months in, he finally started talking to your stomach. “My little hacker good  morning!” You could see his eyes glimmer as he rubs your tummy. “ready for your check up? I know I am !” Seven Jumps out of bed. He rambled on about names and about he’s going to be the best dad ever since he’s 707″

●In the appointment, you breath begins to hitch as the doctor lays the ultrasound wand on your stomach. Seven is sitting in the chair beside you, trying his best to hold in the joy and excitement. “I’m so ready to see our baby, I love you so much MC.”

●”Uhm. Mrs. Choi.” You both quickly look up at the doctor. “Not just one...There are two babies.” As the doctor stated his discovery, You felt Sevens hand tense up. He was biting his lip smiling with joy, having his own party in his chair.

●”This is wonderful, I’m so lucky !” While he’s celebrating, your body drains from reality. You fear if you’re ready for two. “Mc. You’re going to great ! We’ll have the best pair of kids. They’ll be unstoppable!” He throws a fist in the air midway.

●”Huh make that three...Three? Three.” Seven gasps in euphoria. “THREE?!?! OH IT”S ON!” He flashes a big smile your way. All you could do is sigh and giggle at him.

● a few weeks later While you’re home, He makes sure you eat properly. Seven is more worried about your health, He forgets to eat sometimes. He began to work on the nursery.  “Seven, You need to worry about yourself as well. You can work on the room another time. Go eat!” He pouts. Suddenly he reminds himself and winks at you. “No worries babe. I’m running off only the best at the moment. My chips and soda !” “SEVEN NOW!” 

V: lets say He had his surgery before this

● It all started when he noticed you were getting sick more than usual. Were you sick? He was good at studying your emotions. You certainly didn’t feel well. You were laying in the bed as he came over quietly and felt your forehead.

●  “Do you need some medical attention, my love?” he asked while you held your face with both of your hands. All you could do was nod. 

●  Neither did you know what was going on. Were you dying?! You hope not. Everything just got good for you both.

● You arrive and they do tests on you and your body. You changed into the gowns when you got there. All you both could do was wait. 

● Drifting into sleep with V Holding your hand, the doctor comes in with the news. Knowing you were asleep the doctor pulled V away for the results. He lets quietly and gently so you didn’t wake.

● “The results came in and it seems you all are 8 weeks into pregnancy. Congratulations.” He stood there in shock. Eyes widen, with his mouth a bit open. His heart sank. Was he ready for children. V knew it was a bit selfish, but he couldn’t help himself. 

● All in all, he had to accept your decision. He had to realize he would be happy either way. Maybe he was scared he wouldn’t be able to fill the needs as a father. V then grew determination to be the best father to your child.

● As you woke, V gently told you the news. Your mouth suddenly dropped just as his did. You then asked all the questions he asked himself outside, but targeting yourself. This made him Feel a bit better knowing he wasn’t alone. He then decided to give you his little pep talk. 

● “Mc, I think you’ll be the most passionate, most gentle, loving mother out there. You have what it takes. Honestly I am so happy I can experience a new chapter in my life with you.” Your fingers intertwined with one of his hands while his other hand found its way to your head. He then pecked your forehead. 

● Soon, Deeper into the pregnancy, He would try his best to stay around you. V was surprisingly gently passive aggressive with you. “Beautiful, I don’t need help I got this on my own. You’re do me so much of a favor for being you and staying relaxed and safe.” He smiles at you and pecks your lips.

● The same with Yoosung, You would guiltily wake him up to make craving runs. Grabbing for his shirt, “Honey, I’m sorry but could you possibly Go out and get me pretzels...With cheese on the side...That sounds amazing right now.

● He groans out of bed after kissing your warm forehead, “of course, anything for you.” He left for your pretzel only for you to call him about a bag of lettuce as well. He couldn't help but smile as he melted from being in the scene of you being pregnant. It was so special to him

[dreamlover31]

Love Will Find a Way: Chapter 28

He sat at his desk, case files stacked on one side while he scribbled away on the yellow notepad, another stress induced and albeit high profile case fell into his lap. A trust fund kid was a suspect in the drugging and raping of a young woman at his Manhattan loft, the victim had spotty memory, the physical evidence could be interrupted as both consensual, rough sex or rape and the guy had the best legal defense that money can buy.

There had been difficult cases before this, but Rafael was up against long odds…I’m in way over my head here, there’s no way this guy is going to spend one day in jail. Tension began to build up in his shoulders, the pounding in his head became almost unbearable, a small groan hummed through his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose; right at that moment, a tapping at his office door gave him a small reprieve.

He tilted his head to see that it was his assistant Carmen at the door.

“Carmen, I said no interruptions”

“I know and I’m sorry Mr. Barba, but Ms. Duvall would like to speak with you”

From the moment, her name was said, his muscles tensed once again and his blood pressure began to rise, it had been almost a week since he caught the woman he loved locking lips with another man, during their time apart; Rafael had been staying at a local motel.

His mind wracked with anger and confusion, how could he have fallen into the same trap twice, after what happened with Yelena; Rafael felt that he would never find someone as wonderful and radiant like her until he met Alexa. Everything seemed perfect, right up until he found out she was pregnant and then out of nowhere, it all came crashing down, a blank expression formed on his face as he spoke bluntly:

“Tell her I have more pressing matters to attend to”

“I’m sorry, but she’s waiting outside and is very insistent”

Rafael sighed, “Fine, send her in”

Carmen nodded as she stepped back from the doorway and motioned for Alexa to enter, Rafael didn’t so much as bat an eye in her direction as she stood in front of his desk; he continued to scribble on the pad and flip through the current case file before him. Alexa was stunned at his act of disrespect, but remained vigilant, after a few minutes of tension filled silence; Rafael asked:

“Is there something I can help you with?”

“I was in the neighborhood, I thought that you could use a little pick me up other than coffee, so I stopped by a local Chinese place and ordered some things…” Alexa lifted her arm to show Rafael the large takeout bag but his eyes did not leave the file.

“I went to the doctor’s today”

With that, he ceased his actions and for the first time since she came in, he looked directly at her.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?”

“No…I went for an ultrasound and…” her voice trailed off as she placed the take-out bag on the small, wooden circular desk to the right and then reached into her purse, she pulled out a small folded up slip of paper. Her fingers worked quickly to straighten it out, Alexa then extended her arm out with it in hand. Slowly, Rafael bent over his desk and took the flattened-out paper from her hand.

“The doctor said that she’s doing really well…I think she kind of looks like you…she’s a happy, healthy baby”

He glanced at the ultrasound picture, the news that his daughter was in good health granted him with a sense of joy, and yet a cloud of suspicion erupted in his head as to her ulterior motive for being here, was this a ploy to get him to come back or was this a genuine act of co-parenting? Whatever the reason was, he thought to himself that he would not be suckered into it; he was not about to set himself up for another bout of heartbreak, then in a cold and emotionless tone, Rafael replied:

“Is that it?”

Alexa recoiled at the sound of his words…why is he acting like this? Doesn’t he care about me anymore? Before she could retort, Carmen came back in the room.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but Lieutenant Benson is on her way up to debrief you about the case”

“Tell her I’ll be with her in a minute”

“Yes, sir”

When they were left alone again, Rafael closed the file and jotted down a few more notes, all the while, his eyes didn’t steer towards Alexa’s. It became clear to her that coming to his office was a waste of time, with a defeated look, she walked to the door but stopped midway and faced Rafael.

“I’ll let you know when my next appointment is…that is if you want to come”

“I’ll see what I can do”

“Ok…take care of yourself and enjoy the food”

With her head down, Alexa exited his office, Carmen gave her a small wave but had gone unnoticed. She padded down the hallway until she stood in front of the elevators, her finger pressed the down button, then within a few minutes the doors opened. A soft smile grazed her face as she took in the appearance of Olivia, as soon as she stepped off the elevator; Olivia returned her smile with an added look of surprise.

“Alexa?”

“Olivia”

“What are you doing here?”

“I just stopped by to give Rafael an update on the baby”

“Oh…what did he say?”

Alexa lied, “That he appreciated it and to let him know when the next appointment is”

Olivia knew better than to take her words at face value, her body language spoke louder than that, her shoulders were slumped and her eyes looked as if they were about to tear up at any minute. Her lips parted as if she was about to say something until Alexa interrupted.

“Listen, I have to get going but I’ll call you later ok”

“Ok”

Olivia waited until the elevator doors closed then followed the path down the hall towards Rafael’s office, she bid Carmen a quick hello then quietly asked if she could give them some privacy, Carmen agreed and then grabbed her purse right before she slipped out the door. As she made her entrance, Rafael’s arms were propped up on top of the desk while his chin rested on his folded-up fingers, his eyes trailed her movements up to the point where they faced each other.

“Look Liv, I know how badly you want to get this guy…but this case is falling apart like a house of cards”

“I just ran into Alexa”

“Oh…”

“Is that all you have to say?”

Rafael sighed heavily, “Liv, with all due respect, this doesn’t concern you”

“The hell it doesn’t. Alexa is one of my closest and dearest friends, she’s like a sister to me…do you know how much it kills me to see her so miserable?”

“Jesus Christ, things didn’t work out between you and Tucker, so now your meddling into other people’s relationships?”

Olivia’s eyes widened as she bit back the anger that threatened to spill out, at the same time, she took a deep breath and mentally counted backwards; once her body and mind returned to a relaxed state, she declared:

“I’m just going to pretend that I didn’t hear any of that…look I understand that you’re hurting, but so is she. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think about you…just last night she kept calling out your name in her sleep, begging you to come back…she still loves you for god’s sake”

Rafael’s face fell, his mind began to replay the interaction between them earlier, even though they never made eye contact; he noted how full of hope her voice sounded when she handed him the sonogram picture and how quickly it turned into disappointment after he dismissed her with his callous behavior, it was then he realized that despite his anger and feelings of betrayal, he missed watching Alexa sleep peacefully during the early morning hours before he left for work; his fingertips caressing her soft, pale cheek and his lips planting small kisses on her growing belly.

They sat in silence for what seemed like five minutes, then Olivia placed her hands on top of his desk where their eyes met.

“Please, for Nadia’s sake…just talk to her”

He just sat there in a trancelike state, finally Olivia let out a frustrated sigh and proceeded towards the door, just as she was about to cross the threshold, she turned around and said:

“Let me know if anything develops on your end”

The second she left, Rafael looked over at his phone lying beside him, his finger clicked on his contacts app then scrolled down until he came upon Alexa’s name. With his phone in hand, he began typing away on the keypad.

We need to talk. There’s a diner around the corner, meet me in about 20 minutes.

Ok.

Alright, I’ll see you soon.

Yeah, me too.

Tagging: @madpanda75 @laceybellerain @southern-magnolia @tropes-and-tales @karens-imagined-world @thatesqcrush @teamsladsandgents @beccabarba @skittle479 @madamsnape921

[wilthebean]

I use the holidays...

as a time to step out of my usual routines. I don’t think about the second bottle of wine I’m ordering. The third slice of my mom's sweet potato pie I'm about to shovel down my throat, the pack of Camel Lights that will eventually end up in my purse. All my pseudo secret bad habits are out in the open until January 1st. I always found this time a year a bit overwhelming, so doing things that I considered out of control felt comforting. I’m trash with no one to tell me “no.” I reel myself back in when “I” see fit. But something felt different this year.

It’s hard for me to describe my 2019. If I had to describe it in one word that word would be “crying.” An activity that I like to avoid at all costs. I cried alone in my bedroom after yelling at my ex-boyfriend. I cried while walking to a second 4th of July party because the first party had my ex-bf there...with his new girlfriend. I cried in New Orleans in front of Michelle Obama as she spoke about self-worth. I cried alone in my hotel room in Miami during a work trip, I was a battling sickness and was completely overwhelmed but didn’t want anyone to know. I cried in a bar bathroom right before I hosted one of my first comedy nights because I thought the night would be a failure. I slightly cried on the subway after I convinced myself I ruined my chances with the first guy I genuinely liked after my ex. I thought I was ready for a new adventure. I was wrong. These moments good or bad chipped at me in a way that was extremely uncomfortable. I spent the better half of my 30′s cultivating my world, my system, and most importantly my emotions. Nothing made sense anymore, nothing was working. 

So now we have the holidays and emotionally I was a wreck. I stepped the fuck out of my routines with reckless abandonment and was determined to end 2019 numb. Any food, liquor, and occasional drug that was available to me I would consume.  I saw no reason to “reel it in” or “work on myself.” I was tired. Friday night I went out and I’m sure I had a blast but don’t remember much of it. I woke up Saturday morning with my stomach in knots and my head pounding. I stumbled out of bed and saw the trail of clothes/shoes that started from my bedroom to the bathroom. There was dried vomit in my sink. I don’t remember throwing up. I finally saw myself in the mirror only to see smeared eyeliner and lipstick on my face. I always wash my face right before I go to bed. That bothered me the most. 

It dawned on me that I had appointments in the early afternoon. I had a therapy session downtown and then my cleaning lady was coming right after. I crawled into the shower, brushed my teeth, put on my black hoodie, and called an uber. Every turn and bump from the car made feel sick. I was relieved to get some fresh air after getting out of the car. The security guard asked me “Yo..you good?” as he took my ID so I can enter the building. “Yeah, I’m good. Just not a morning person.” as I tried to muster a fake smile. “He smirked and said...it’s 1pm.” 

My therapist was in the bathroom while I was buzzing the door to gain entrance to her office. She was probably smoking a cigarette but didn’t want to tell me. I could smell it on her when she greeted me at the door. The smell made my stomach turn. I got to her office and I could immediately smell the combination of Frebreeze, a portable heater, and cigarette smoke. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to last in her office. She wanted to start the session asking me about the holidays and how I spent it. All I could think about was if I didn’t get fresh air in 2 minutes I was going to throw up all over her couch. I squirmed and rubbed one side of my temple as I described Christmas morning at my sister's house. I felt beads of sweat on my forehead. All I needed to do was survive 15 more minutes, then I can run out of the building and puke somewhere. She stopped midway of the session and asked was I okay. That I seemed preoccupied and distant. Then out of nowhere, I cried. Through my tears, I said, “I can’t take this anymore..this is all too much!” She thought I was having an anxiety attack, I just wanted to leave the smelly room. I started to apologize for my random outburst but she insisted there was nothing for me to be sorry about. Those emotions, whatever they were would eventually go away, that I have to let them run its course. I can’t control how I feel but any bad feelings won’t seal my faint or determine my worth. That was nice of her to say, even though what I really wanted was fresh air.

After my therapy session, I managed to walk myself to a local coffee shop without vomiting all over myself and got home just in time to let in the cleaning lady. I laid in bed with a hot towel on my face the majority of her stay, until she kicked me out to clean my bedroom. By 5pm I started to feel better. 

I guess my reckless abandonment finally caught up with me, but I didn’t mind that the last time I cried in 2019 was because I was severely hungover at my therapist's office. In fact, I thought it was a bit funny. It’s impossible to be numb without facing consequences. I should’ve just told her the truth, told her what was really going on with me. 

And there you have it. I think I discovered my life lesson.

2019 I was hungover and didn’t tell a single soul, so for that, I suffered.  

2020 I need to start asking folks to open up the god damn window.

[writing-anomaly]

Torn

Fandom:  Jojolion

Summary: Yasuho’s life is tearing at the seams. The volatile Rokakaka trade is catching up to them and when Josuke unravels, Yasuho  is pushed to her limit. She’s left more vulnerable than ever as she struggles to protect two men who barely know her.

This a story in which the protected must become the protector.

Chapter 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trigger Warning: References of suicide in this chapter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Excuse me. I'm looking for Kaito Yamada."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No. I'm his....daughter."

Yasuho practically choked on the words. She made a note to bleach her mouth out later; she needed to purify herself from uttering such a blasphemous statement.

She walked the short distance to the hospital for the sake of appeasing her mother. The building was midway on her route to class so she passed by there regularly. For her own sanity, she usually preferred to walk on the opposite side of the street from the medical facility.

Focusing on the birds singing amongst cherry blossoms helped to keep her mind from reliving memories she'd rather forget. Yasuho had been a patient there only once that she could remember.

..When she'd tried to commit suicide as a child, after her dad left home.

The divorce had wreaked havoc on her heart. During the separation process, her father tried to visit regularly in an effort to maintain her a sense of normalcy. Her heart lit up every time he came. But when he left...her fire would die down into a pile of ash.

So every time he came, Yasuho did her best to make it a special occasion.

Dressing up was a must.

On one of her school outings she even bought an expensive hair clip, hoping to earn one of her father's compliments. It was beautiful cast of gold with pink crystals near the center. Yasuho was sure he'd love it. Everyday she wore it in anticipation of her father's arrival only to suffer mental attacks from what she later realized to be a Rock Animal disguise. The memory of that occasion burned her soul like a block of dry ice.

When Yasuho closed her eyes,

she could see her father seated at the dining room table with his usual cup of tea. The bright morning sun made him glow like the savior she always knew him to be. The hero who would save her from her unruly mother; her sadness; herself. After she finished checking herself in the mirror, she ran to greet him. With every step she could feel his strong arms embracing her, holding her in place when every other aspect of her life was falling apart faster than a pillar of sand.

But, before she could open her mouth, he turned to her with a smile that broke her heart as he said, "I can't see you anymore. I have a new family now."

Strangely, any feeling of safety or wholeness began to disintegrate along with her father's image. His love, his security, became nothing but specs of dust, drifting within a fleeting breeze.

The whole ordeal had been a stand attack, of course, but she didn't know it at the time. Her hair clip was a Rock Animal, and it had defiled the only refuge she had ever known.

Yasuho's thirteen year-old mind was unable bear the weight of his rejection.

It broke her.

Numbness had taken over when she made the decision to slit her wrists. She carefully laid herself in a half-filled bathtub to make the clean up easier for whoever found her. It ended up being her mother who rushed her to the hospital she was currently standing in.

The University Hospital of Morioh.

Yasuho turned her attention back to the elderly woman behind the help desk.

She was currently on the phone trying to fact check her claim of being Kaito's child. The woman seemed skeptical as she squinted up at her from behind the black marble countertop, scratching at the coarse black hair, stuck awkwardly on the left side of her wrinkly chin.

After a few moments the younger worker sitting next to her whispered, "Yamada-san mentioned he had eloped recently. This must be his new step-daughter.

Yasuho interjected. "I just need to drop something off for him. He forgot his key."

The elder woman's expression lightened, "Ah, I see. Well, Dr. Yamada is currently tending to a patient but you may sit in his office until he returns. I'll just need a copy of your photo I.D."

The woman accepted Yasuho's card with a shaky hand, printing off a guest pass before handing both items to her. "He's located on the 6th floor, near the back end of the ICU. Have a nice day!"

Yasuho returned the woman's smile with one of her own and a curt bow, before making her way toward Kaito's office. The complimentary surgical mask she put on did nothing to protect her nose from being filled with the strong smell of alcohol and ammonia. White walls, white floors, white lights; it was a visually sterile environment. Not much personality or color to speak of.

... and another reason why Yasuho hated this place.

The halls were crowded with patients, doctors, and visitors alike. All consumed in their own little worlds, bumping into others without much care. Wanting to avoid the masses of people, Yasuho clung to the walls and away from the center of the walkways. After passing through a security check at the entrance of the intensive care unit, she was directed to the end of the hall where she found a door labeled, Dr. Kaito Yamada.

She knocked, as a curtesy.

When no one answered, she quietly let herself in and closed the door behind her.

His private office was white like the halls and moderately sized; big enough to easily fit four people comfortably. Mounted on the walls were shelves filled with a wide assortment of medical publications as well as anatomical books. A life-sized skeletal model was propped up on a stand near the far corner of the room. The exam table, she assumed, was for sleeping on; it was unusual for a doctor to invite a patient into one's private office.

Yasuho plopped onto a stool she pulled from under his computer desk, spinning in it like a hyped up toddler. Yasuho giggled, taking pleasure in the dizziness that made her head feel like a cloud. It was an immature act, but the privacy of Kaito's office allowed her to be indulgent. Settling into a quieter state of mind, she listened to the muted sounds of life going on beyond the closed door. Her ears twitched to the hurried shuffling of feet, fragments of a serious conversation, and the soothing sounds of a soft purr.

"The radiator must be old." Yasuho thought aloud.

After ten minutes, her inquisitive nature took control and she began to snoop around Kaito's belongings. His black bomber hung on a hook, mounted on the door.

"Bingo!"

A small smirk appeared on Yasuho's face as she dug his wallet out of the coat pocket. She had no intention of swiping cash, she simply wanted to know more about him, for her mother's sake.

Thumbing through its contents, she found his practicing license.

Kaito Yamada

Tokyo University

Specialization: Neurological Surgery

"Hmm..ok, Mr. Big shot.." Yasuho softly mocked.

At least he hadn't lied about his job..

If there was one thing her mother couldn't stand, it was a broke liar.

Next, she reached the album section of his wallet which held three photos. The first image was of his graduation from medical school. Kaito stood alone, no family or friends with whom to celebrate the occasion were present. Regardless, his face held a familiar glee that said he was ready to conquer the world.

Next, was a couple's photo of him and her mom taking a selfie on the beach. They looked genuinely happy as her mother laid down next to Kaito's sand covered body. She had tastefully sculpted him a set of boobs from the sand.

Reluctantly, small giggle escaped Yasuho's lips.

Her eyes widened as she recognized the girl in the last photo.

"She really gave him my picture..." She couldn't decided on whether to feel flattered or livid. Neutral is where she stayed, considering her mother didn't try to keep her a secret prior to the elopement.

Sighing, she placed the wallet and all its contents back into its appropriate pocket.

Click!

Yasuho panicked when she heard a loud sound behind her.

"I'm sorry, this isn't what it looks like!" She pleaded, afraid of being caught red handed, snooping in the doctor's coat.

After a moment, Yasuho paused.

The only entrance to the room was the door on which the coat hung. She had been facing it the whole time, and it hadn't moved at all from what she could tell.

"What is going on?" The words that escaped her lips were hushed by the fear of an answer. Yasuho, felt something big nudge into the small of her back and push her chest into the wooden door.

She screamed.

The surprise of having her body pinned made her tears fall in full panic.

Is this a stand attack?!

Another deep voiced purr emanated from whatever creature had caught her in its grips, sending a soul-shaking chill to the very core of her being. Her body trembled violently as she felt a hot breath work its way up and down her spine.

Unable to turn around, Yasuho activated her stand.

"Paisely Park!" She commanded from where her cheek was smashed against the door.

What appeared to be Yasuho's shadow sprouted from underneath her, taking on a 3 Dimensional body as it lifted from the wall. Its form was as curvaceous as hers and adorned with markings patterned after the map of Morioh. Her stand intersected her body, overlapping it within a pink luminescent mist as it recorded what Yasuho was unable to see.

Closing her eyes, she focused on her connection to her stand.

She saw what it saw.

Felt what it felt.

Expecting the worse, Yasuho inwardly prayed to whatever God was out there that she'd be able to make it out alive. Then she opened her mind's eye to solidify the connection.

What she saw was indeed something one would expect to purr.

A large cat-like creature was rubbing its head into her back. Its anthropomorphic form, built like a bodybuilder, was as tall as her chest even when crouched on all fours. Every sinewy muscle, rippled with just a minor movement of its powerful limbs.

"Omg, its a stand!" She squeaked in a voice she hope was quiet enough not to alarm the large beast. She winced as its large, leather-gloved, hands gripped her ankles; its sharp claws pierced in to her soft skin with ease. The cold trickle of blood gliding into her white socks made her woozy.

Yasuho closed her eyes again, in an effort to calm her pounding heart. Gathering her resolve, she stretched a hand back as far as it would go, extending her finger tips to catch a hold of the back of its hairless head.

She scratched.

Lightly, of course.

Yasuho bit her lip, peaking one eye open to check if she had just sealed her fate.

To her relief, the creature let go of her legs, its head leaning more toward her hand which was scratching it with as much affection as she could muster. Turning around slowly, she saw that it was a perfect mix between cat and human. Its large ears, which protruded from the top of its head, twitched playfully along with her fingers.

She suppressed a fearful giggle. Cuteness ended at the point of being able to tear a man in half. Yasuho knew better than to be a cause of alarm.

Caution was key.

The strange stand continued to purr enthusiastically, until her tired hand stopped scratching.

Its angular eyes shot open to regard her every movement with the intensity of a fearsome lion. Thin pupils were fully exposed, calculating in a way that made Yasuho gulp reflexively.

She then decided her fingers were, in fact, not too tired to keep on scratching.

The whole situation was unsettling to her.

If a stand was here, where was its user?

She could not shake the feeling that something was very wrong here.

From its appearance, Yasuho could feel the overwhelming power rolling off its form in waves which meant it was most likely a close range stand. Its owner had to be within a radius of 10 meters.

Slowly, Yasuho kneeled until she was face to face with the creature.

"Are you Kaito's?" She asked softly.

Her body fell back against the door, as it bared its fangs, closing in on her small form. It growled ferociously caging her body into place when it straddled her in a crouched position, never touching her, but not backing away either.

She took it as a 'no.'

Yasuho looked up at her at her own stand, willing it to dive into the computer system on her step father's desk. It may not be Kaito's stand but he had to know something about it.

She could feel her consciousness merge with Paisley Park, yet again as she began to free fall within the virtual world. The hospital's security system was top notch, but Paisley Park was made for infiltration. Energy surged through her body with each security level she breached. Neon blue tracks lined the walls like hieroglyphs scaling down a seemingly endless pit.

Countless doors appeared before her.

There wasn't a need to open any at random, she knew intuitively what they led to. Insurance records, bills, blood tests, Yasuho was aware of them all. It was the closest to being omniscient, that she could imagine; the ability of knowing everything, all at once, and being able to sort through it all. She was limited only by the range of the computer's network.

Before she knew it, she had reached the end of Kaito's files, disappointed when nothing stuck out to her. She flipped her body so that she landed feet first on the hard surface of the virtual floor. A wide circular wall encompassed her space. Yasuho looked up at the countless levels of doors and data she broke through to get to her current location.

"There has to be something in here.." Yasuho took in the last level of files. These doors held Kaito's personal information; his family registry, internal training results..

"No good." There was nothing out of the ordinary from what she could tell. Maybe if she could get a closer look at the lines of circuitry on the walls.

She took a step toward the wall, surprised when she felt a strong draft push her body backwards slightly. Unprepared, Yasuho lost her footing and hit the ground hard.

That's never happened before..

Curious, she squinted her eye to get a closer look at what had assaulted her. Barely visible, in the crease between the wall and the floor, was a vent. Hissing sounds emanated from it, as it pushed red embers into the air. She reached a finger, tentatively, to a glowing light that flew in front of her face, dancing like a fire fly on a summer's night. While other lights died, this one remained.

It held a warmth to it that drew her in.

When it landed on her index finger it, popped. Sparks flew in every direction, causing her to guard her face with her forearms reflexively from the wave of unexpected energy.

When she peaked her eye open, text floated in front of her like a phantom.

Human

That was odd. She hadn't asked for any information. Usually, her data grabbing powers only worked when she actively sought to penetrate an archive..

Yasuho touched another ember, this time prepared for the small explosion that came with it. Again, more abstract information floated in front of her.

Age: 29

"It's a trail.." Determined, Yasuho made her way to the source of the embers. Pushing past the onslaught of exploding embers, information was thrown at her like balls of hail in a thunderstorm.

Marine Surgeon

Male

There was no way to guard herself completely as she felt sharp stings on her legs, arms, and abdomen. It was the best she could do to guard her face. Every step she took was met with resistance. Crouching to lower her center of gravity, Yasuho practically crawled, digging her fingers into cracks in the floor in order to stop herself from being thrown back.

"So close.."

Her limbs were beginning to ache. She'd never been met with so much resistance...which meant the vent was exactly where she needed to be. It was obvious that wherever it led to, was not a place she was wanted.

When she became close enough, she thrust her fingers between the metal dividers within the vent to lock herself in place. Turning her head did nothing to stop the embers from flying into her face. Each pop emitted a light that might as well have been a solar flare. She dug her feet into the ground and spread them as she crouched.

Reaffirming her grip on the vent, she pulled with all her might.

It didn't budge.

A certain knowing washed over Yasuho and she relinquished control of Paisley Park's form. Suddenly, her fingertips sprouted like roots from her hand, delving into the depths beyond the metal shades of the vent. She wasn't sure what her stand was searching for, until a growing light leaked from the the gaps.

The image of a young man began to materialize in her mind. Dark wavy hair, complimented by full lips and a delicate, almost feminine nose that made Yasuho's heart skip a beat. There was something familiar about the person she saw. It was only a glimpse and she couldn't see his eyes, but even Paisley Park seemed drawn in by him as her fingers dug more desperately, prodding for any lock that would break the barrier between Yasuho and this peculiar man.

"O-ouch!"

A burning sensation singed her fingertips.

But Yasuho knew the pain was not in vain when the vent lifted from the floor.

Gauging the hole, she was just small enough to...

A loud siren went off.

Before she could react, she was hit in the chest with a force strong enough to split her consciousness from her stand.

Yasuho opened her eyes in a state of shock.

All the colors of kaito's fluorescent light split apart in a circular wave of rainbow swirls.

Her head hurt.

Her legs hurt.

Her face hurt.

Everything hurt.

Yasuho leaned heavily against the back of the office door as she caught her bearings. Red blotches covered her pale body like a case of measles; some were blisters. That explained why her body felt like she had been doused with gasoline and set ablaze.

Yasuho's eyes shot up as she remembered the dangerous situation she was in.

Where was that cat stand?

To her relief, only Paisley Park's form crouched over her, it's large singular eye blinking, like a child in need of direction.

Yasuho cupped her stand's cheek affectionately.

She felt a tinge of sorrow as she realized its body was just as damaged as her own. To be honest, she was surprised to feel so much pain, through her stands body. Damage taken by long range stands weren't supposed to affect the user's physical body.

She'd have to be more careful in the future..

"Well, we tried.." It felt like she was speaking to a daughter, as its form closely resembled her. It even had her signature ponytails and decorative barrettes.

Nodding, Paisley Park stood up and pointed to the back wall of the office, where the cat-like stand creature was scratching. It looked as if half the wall had slid two inches to the right and opened a portal within the time/space continuum.

A bit dramatic?

Yes.

But the whole situation was disorienting for her. Yasuho felt like she was starring in an episode of her favorite mystery cartoon, Scooby Doo. She'd stumbled upon a trail of clues that seemed to lead toward something important.

Back in the computer's main frame she felt something break. Looking at the faint blinking light beyond the wall, she was beginning to realize what it was.

Yasuho retracted her stand, not paying any mind to it fading out of existence as she walked passed it. Whatever was behind the wall held the key to what Kaito was hiding. There was no other choice, but to investigate.

Fear escaped her as she boldly approached the wall at the back of Kaito's office. Her eyes were fixated on what laid behind the barrier. She ran a hand lightly along the head of the cat-stand, which drew back onto its hind legs to look at her expectantly.

This must have been what it wanted all along..

Whatever was waiting for her had to be related to the man she saw in the virtual plane. The information she downloaded came rushing back like a waterfall, taking over her vision as all the text reappeared before her eyes.

29 years.

Human male.

She gripped the opening of the wall.

Blood Type: O

Yasuho pushed all her strength into the opening, not surprised when it slid open as if lubricated with butter.

Stand user

A small amount of light spilled over from the main room into the opening.

Killer Queen

The cat-like stand scurried past her to a bed stationed near the back end of the hidden room, just out of reach of the light.

She followed.

Her heart pounded in her ears, as she watched the cat creature jump onto the bed and nuzzle into someone who had no reaction.

She could hear a series of machines; swooshing, beeping, grinding in an orchestra of mechanical rhythm. An IV lay to the side of the bed, filled with an unnamable yellow liquid being fed through a venous line straight into his arm.

Fear caressed her heart as the he last word of her data dive appeared before her...

Deceased.

..because the body in front of her was still breathing.

Her breaths became labored with uncontrolled emotions as the gravity of the situation took full effect. Strength drained from her legs and she collapsed at the foot of the bed.

Yasuho barley suppressed a sob.

After a few moments, she wiped the blurriness from her vision.

Swallowing nervously, she reached for the small strip of paper tied to the man's toe by a string of elastic.

In small black text, she read the name.

Yoshikage Kira

To be continued...

[mari-vargas]

Hey everyone! So I guess this isn’t a specific story, but it’s one of my “stories”. *Note from midway through typing this: I’m sorry, there in fact are several specific stories I’ve decided to delve into.

This one is about mine and my sister’s eyesight. **Note from further into typing this: I’m soooo sorry! Hopefully I’ll get to my actual original intent…

Let’s start with the fact that I was the last person in my immediate family to need glasses (okay *big shocker*, I know, I’m the youngest, but that’s not what I meant. I meant I was older than my sister had been when she first needed reading glasses). I had perfect vision until 5th grade (and I do mean perfect). Then my eye doctor said something along the lines of “…well, you don’t really need these but you’re borderline” and asked me if I wanted reading glasses.

Guys. I’m a nerd. I’ve always been a nerd, and I loved being a nerd. I’d always wanted the full nerd aesthetic, with the braces and glasses because how else were people going to look at tiny cute blonde me and think “yes that’s a nerd”. I was already halfway there what with having braces starting in first grade. But…see the thing is I had my teeth straightened in 2 phases: 3 years on starting in 1st grade, then they took them off because before they could do more they needed my mouth to grow a lot and I had no clue how long that would be. It was another 3 years and then I had them back on for 3 years to finish the job (and then I lost my retainer, found it lost it again, and by the time I found it again it no longer fit…I’m fixing it again and have just a few months left).

Wow ok tangent. My point is I kinda jumped at the chance to have glasses. My whole family had glasses and all I had were fake ones from Claire’s my mom had gotten me to bribe me into finishing getting my second ear pierced because my cousin was with us and was planning to get her ears pierced within the next year and I needed to set an example or something. So yes I got reading glasses. For all that I read though honestly I don’t think I wore them too much. I didn’t need them. And it kinda bothered me to see the words so much bigger than I was used to. At my next eye appointment, the optometrist once again said “well…you can decide if you need these because you see fine but you’re borderline” this time about what I called “all-the-time glasses”. Well guys I decided yes because it’s help me see even better than I did right? And they did! I remember the first time I put them on. My sister had come to pick me up from school and must have gotten my glasses on her way because the first time I put my glasses on I was in my school parking lot and suddenly I saw all the tiny beautiful details of the trees blowing in the wind that was threatening to lift me up and take me far far away. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

I had to wear both the regular glasses and the reading glasses for a few years, switching between them. I’d joke that I was both nearsighted and farsighted. I could never remember which definition was for which because I mean well there was really only maybe a 2-5foot area of space in the middle where I could see perfectly fine without assistance. Eventually though I became decidedly nearsighted. I’m not sure if it happened in middle school (where all my classes were on the computer) or high school (which, regardless, turned my eyesight to crap between the sleep deprivation and the screen time). But ya. If I know I’ll be looking at something up close for an extended period of time (as in more than a minute) I’ll take my glasses off. I had contacts for a while back in high school and during college and my prescription didn’t change at all during that time—or at least not enough that my contact prescription would change even if my glasses would slightly. Ps I had swapped eye doctors a little before I stopped needing reading glasses—because the first guy really shouldn’t have pulled that bullshit. Pretty much everyone is in agreement that he probably started the degradation of my eyesight. Granted, it would’ve happened in high school anyways, but it might not have been as bad to start off with. I changed optometrists again I think after graduating from college because the one before was not using my insurance correctly and was convincing me to get things added to my glasses that I didn’t really need and adding to the out of pocket expense which should have been zero. And apparently they’d been ignoring my slowly degrading vision changes and actually a couple times triggered it to get worse.

I got my first new prescription in maybe 3 years the first time I went to the new optometrist. Right around when I started substitute teaching. I opted to not get contacts this time, deciding it was time to give my eyes a break, especially since I was on the computer a lot, job hunting. Then I started working in the QA/QC lab I’m at now and I was wearing safety glasses over top of my regular glasses. This meant I couldn’t take my glasses off to look at screens and my eye sight then got significantly worse. Probably the hugest jump I’ve ever had. Spoke with my eye doctor about my problem and oh my goodness this is genuinely the best experience I’ve ever had. I got two pairs of glasses, one regular and the other prescription safety glasses upon which I got bifocals that essentially revert the lens to what it’d be like if I removed my glasses entirely. I can say with confidence it’s going much better and my only regret now that we fully vaccinated folks no longer have to wear masks at my work is that my safety glasses don’t have adjustable nose pads and thus slide down without a mask on (the embarrassing truth behind why I’ve been content to keep on wearing a mask everyday even when I only see one or two other people (also vaccinated) for the entirety of my 8-16 hour shift(s)—I still wear them literally everywhere anyways, habit y’know? It’s hard for me to break and even harder when I don’t feel like there’s a need to).

Okay!

For those hoping I’d finally get to my original point: I’m terribly sorry I went down a huge rabbit hole of a tangent. The real story is actually about when my sister and I go to the ocean.

You see my sister’s non-reading glasses prescription is technically 0.00, and the optometrists are always confused about why she needs to wear glasses. That is, until they test her depth perception. She has none. Absolutely no depth perception. I really can’t even imagine. She can see perfectly well, but can’t tell where anything is. (As such I think it’s actually recorded that she’s legally required to be wearing corrective lenses while driving—my sister and her driving is enough fodder for several other story times and I doubt this’ll be the last time it’s mentioned).

Me on the other hand… I can’t see a darn thing. All I see are blurry color blobs that occasionally blend into new colors altogether. But I still have depth perception. I couldn’t possibly tell what a thing is but I can certainly tell you how far away it is and where it is in relation to other blobs. I’m honestly legitimately terrified of the idea of things being two dimensional.

So when we go down to the water line to jump in the waves, we leave our glasses with the rest of the stuff so we don’t lose them to the surf. Which presents a problem for us both. So we both need to have someone with us as, essentially, a guide. But!! We’re perfectly capable of going together without any other person. I’m able to tell her how far we are from something or something is from something else and she’s able to tell me what it is. We make an amusing sight apparently.

[gwynne-fics]

Board Meetings -- Rachel & Young-Do

expansion

“Yoo-Ra, please put Michael Park’s fiance on my schedule today. She’ll be coming in for a wedding dress consultation.” Rachel sat down at her desk and felt a little thrill. It had been a long time since she got to design something. Michael asked her last night for this favor and she leaped at the opportunity.

“Yes, President Yoo.”

Rachel put her phone within reach and got to work putting together a quick portfolio from what Michael told her about his fiance. It was nice to see him smitten. Midway through the morning, her phone buzzed, and she picked it up. Rachel smiled at the text.

Did it work? Hyo-Shin was always quick to check up on her whenever she asked for relationship advice. She’d done that more than she cared to admit ever since she started dating Young-Do.

He came home drunk from a night out with Myung-Soo. He was a little confused but I think it worked. We’re going out to a club tonight. That will be easier for me.

Hyo-Shin didn’t reply right away and she could guess his reasoning. How was going out to a dance club easier than reheating rice? Rachel sucked on her lower lip and sighed.

I’m not going to pretend he’s a one night stand. I know that won’t work for what I want. Rachel closed her eyes and wished that would work. He watched her all morning yesterday and his eyebrows were very expressive last night during his little drunken interlude. She didn’t know if this relationship was forever or not but...but it was so frustrating to be in love and not be excited about it.

Everyone said love was exciting and it just made her want to vomit. She confessed as much to Michael and Hyo-Shin last night. She liked her lifestyle before Young-Do. She was good at protecting herself from pregnancy and disease. Nameless sex worked for her and the times it didn’t, Hyo-Shin and Michael were more than willing to step in and fulfill that need. Well, until Michael met his fiance last year.

Young-Do fucked everything up from that first meeting just by...wanting to know her. Rachel always knew she was broken. Her desire to be an exclusive girlfriend to Choi Young-Do would probably...fall apart when he realized how broken she truly was.

It’s okay to be a little vulnerable with him. Talk to him about it. You’ve managed with me and Michael.

Threesomes are not about vulnerability. Her office phone buzzed and Yoo-Ra announced that Michael’s fiance had arrived. Lunch? 

Rachel didn’t wait for his reply. Yoo-Ra showed in a lovely young woman and Rachel was a bit relieved. It would be easy to design for a woman with the right proportions. No wonder Michael was smitten. 

“Thank you for making time today for me, President Yoo. Michael speaks very highly of you. I am Cha Eun-Sang.” Rachel invited her to sit and took note of her clothes.

Michael must’ve given her an allowance and she wisely spent it in the right places. She was wearing the best and most popular designers--all from RS International. Rachel liked that. It meant this woman understood Rachel’s position and wanted Rachel to like her.

He told Rachel that she wasn’t one of the socialites in their circle. At first, Rachel thought he’d picked this girl to piss off his mother but there was a genuine sweetness about her that half of Rachel’s models would gladly kill her for.

There was no way Elaine Park would allow Michael to marry this girl if she didn’t approve. Perhaps larger families cared about other things when looking at arranging a marriage for their third son.

“Do you know what kind of dress you would like to wear?” Rachel asked and Eun-Sang smiled before listing off several major designers outside of the country. Rachel eventually laughed and shook her head. “Elegant but unique?”

“It is cliche but Elaine reminded me that there are strings to a sponsored dress and I can’t embarrass her family. I was glad Michael asked you because last year’s Yours Spring/Summer was one of my favorites. You picked popular lines but when you brought that asymmetry to it, it made it unique. I place myself in your hands, President Yoo.”

“I will work on some sketches the next few days. Yoo-Ra will set up a new appointment for you to come in.”

“Thank you.” She stood and bowed politely but she paused before making it to the door. Cha Eun-Sang clearly steeled herself before saying, “Michael mentioned you were lovers in the past. I know it is impossible to have an untouched fiance and he’s mentioned you’re still friends. I am not going to be embarrassed that way, President Yoo.”

Rachel almost smirked as she tilted her head. There was Michael’s type. He did not need love. He needed aggression. “Are you warning me away from your fiance?”

“Elaine wants you for a daughter-in-law. She has made that clear when she doesn’t think I’m paying attention. Michael--”

“Elaine wants my company. I’m not foolish enough to give it to her. I also don’t wish to get into a competition with you. Michael and I are just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been. I have no intention of embarrassing you. Nor do I have any intention of coming on to you.”

That made her blush and Rachel was relieved. She had no idea what Michael shared with this girl about his tastes, sexual orientation, or sexual history. Maybe, if she wasn’t...in love with Young-Do...But she hadn’t been in the mood for anything like that since Young-Do.

“I am glad we understand each other.” Cha Eun-Sang bowed and then left.  She picked up her phone and saw Hyo-Shin’s reply. Your place or mine?

Mine. I don’t think Young-Do would understand you cooking for me in the middle of the afternoon. RS International is the better option and it wastes less of my time. And she didn’t want the temptation. She wanted to spontaneously make love to her boyfriend without freaking out. Meals at Hyo-Shin’s apartment ended with him between her legs. I just met his fiance.

What’s she like?

It will take him at least a decade to get bored with her. Which is good, I guess. I got the sense she’d do anything to keep him.

Even you?

Rachel considered it and then laughed. Even me.

[dreamlover31]

Love Will Find a Way: Chapter 28

He sat at his desk, case files stacked on one side while he scribbled away on the yellow notepad, another stress induced and albeit high profile case fell into his lap. A trust fund kid was a suspect in the drugging and raping of a young woman at his Manhattan loft, the victim had spotty memory, the physical evidence could be interrupted as both consensual, rough sex or rape and the guy had the best legal defense that money can buy.

There had been difficult cases before this, but Rafael was up against long odds…I’m in way over my head here, there’s no way this guy is going to spend one day in jail. Tension began to build up in his shoulders, the pounding in his head became almost unbearable, a small groan hummed through his lips as he pinched the bridge of his nose; right at that moment, a tapping at his office door gave him a small reprieve.

He tilted his head to see that it was his assistant Carmen at the door.

“Carmen, I said no interruptions”

“I know and I’m sorry Mr. Barba, but Ms. Duvall would like to speak with you”

From the moment, her name was said, his muscles tensed once again and his blood pressure began to rise, it had been almost a week since he caught the woman he loved locking lips with another man, during their time apart; Rafael had been staying at a local motel. His mind wracked with anger and confusion, how could he have fallen into the same trap twice, after what happened with Yelena; Rafael felt that he would never find someone as wonderful and radiant like her until he met Alexa.

Everything seemed perfect, right up until he found out she was pregnant and then out of nowhere, it all came crashing down, a blank expression formed on his face as he spoke bluntly:

“Tell her I have more pressing matters to attend to”

“I’m sorry, but she’s waiting outside and is very insistent”

Rafael sighed, “Fine, send her in”

Carmen nodded as she stepped back from the doorway and motioned for Alexa to enter, Rafael didn’t so much as bat an eye in her direction as she stood in front of his desk; he continued to scribble on the pad and flip through the current case file before him. Alexa was stunned at his act of disrespect, but remained vigilant, after a few minutes of tension filled silence; Rafael asked:

“Is there something I can help you with?”

“I was in the neighborhood, I thought that you could use a little pick me up other than coffee, so I stopped by a local Chinese place and ordered some things…”

Alexa lifted her arm to show Rafael the large takeout bag but his eyes did not leave the file.

“I went to the doctor’s today”

With that, he ceased his actions and for the first time since she came in, he looked directly at her.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?”

“No…I went for an ultrasound and…” her voice trailed off as she placed the take-out bag on the small, wooden circular desk to the right and then reached into her purse, she pulled out a small folded up slip of paper. Her fingers worked quickly to straighten it out, Alexa then extended her arm out with it in hand. Slowly, Rafael bent over his desk and took the flattened-out paper from her hand.

“The doctor said that she’s doing really well…I think she kind of looks like you…she’s a happy, healthy baby”

He glanced at the ultrasound picture, the news that his daughter was in good health granted him with a sense of joy, and yet a cloud of suspicion erupted in his head as to her ulterior motive for being here, was this a ploy to get him to come back or was this a genuine act of co-parenting?

Whatever the reason was, he thought to himself that he would not be suckered into it; he was not about to set himself up for another bout of heartbreak, then in a cold and emotionless tone, Rafael replied:

“Is that it?”

Alexa recoiled at the sound of his words…why is he acting like this? Doesn’t he care about me anymore? Before she could retort, Carmen came back in the room.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but Lieutenant Benson is on her way up to debrief you about the case”

“Tell her I’ll be with her in a minute”

“Yes, sir”

When they were left alone again, Rafael closed the file and jotted down a few more notes, all the while, his eyes didn’t steer towards Alexa’s. It became clear to her that coming to his office was a waste of time, with a defeated look, she walked to the door but stopped midway and faced Rafael.

“I’ll let you know when my next appointment is…that is if you want to come”

“I’ll see what I can do”

“Ok…take care of yourself and enjoy the food”

With her head down, Alexa exited his office, Carmen gave her a small wave but had gone unnoticed. She padded down the hallway until she stood in front of the elevators, her finger pressed the down button, then within a few minutes the doors opened. A soft smile grazed her face as she took in the appearance of Olivia, as soon as she stepped off the elevator; Olivia returned her smile with an added look of surprise.

“Alexa?”

“Olivia”

“What are you doing here?”

“I just stopped by to give Rafael an update on the baby”

“Oh…what did he say?”

Alexa lied, “That he appreciated it and to let him know when the next appointment is”

Olivia knew better than to take her words at face value, her body language spoke louder than that, her shoulders were slumped and her eyes looked as if they were about to tear up at any minute. Her lips parted as if she was about to say something until Alexa interrupted.

“Listen, I have to get going but I’ll call you later ok”

“Ok”

Olivia waited until the elevator doors closed then followed the path down the hall towards Rafael’s office, she bid Carmen a quick hello then quietly asked if she could give them some privacy, Carmen agreed and then grabbed her purse right before she slipped out the door.

As she made her entrance, Rafael’s arms were propped up on top of the desk while his chin rested on his folded-up fingers, his eyes trailed her movements up to the point where they faced each other.

“Look Liv, I know how badly you want to get this guy…but this case is falling apart like a house of cards”

“I just ran into Alexa”

“Oh…”

“Is that all you have to say?”

Rafael sighed heavily, “Liv, with all due respect, this doesn’t concern you”

“The hell it doesn’t. Alexa is one of my closest and dearest friends, she’s like a sister to me…do you know how much it kills me to see her so miserable?”

“Jesus Christ, things didn’t work out between you and Tucker, so now your meddling into other people’s relationships?”

Olivia’s eyes widened as she bit back the anger that threatened to spill out, at the same time, she took a deep breath and mentally counted backwards; once her body and mind returned to a relaxed state, she declared:

“I’m just going to pretend that I didn’t hear any of that…look I understand that you’re hurting, but so is she. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think about you…just last night she kept calling out your name in her sleep, begging you to come back…she still loves you for god’s sake”

Rafael’s face fell, his mind began to replay the interaction between them earlier, even though they never made eye contact; he noted how full of hope her voice sounded when she handed him the sonogram picture and how quickly it turned into disappointment after he dismissed her with his callous behavior, it was then he realized that despite his anger and feelings of betrayal, he missed watching Alexa sleep peacefully during the early morning hours before he left for work; his fingertips caressing her soft, pale cheek and his lips planting small kisses on her growing belly.

They sat in silence for what seemed like five minutes, then Olivia placed her hands on top of his desk where their eyes met.

“Please, for Nadia’s sake…just talk to her”

He just sat there in a trancelike state, finally Olivia let out a frustrated sigh and proceeded towards the door, just as she was about to cross the threshold, she turned around and said:

“Let me know if anything develops on your end”

The second she left, Rafael looked over at his phone lying beside him, his finger clicked on his contacts app then scrolled down until he came upon Alexa’s name. With his phone in hand, he began typing away on the keypad.

We need to talk. There’s a diner around the corner, meet me in about 20 minutes.

Ok.

Alright, I’ll see you soon.

Yeah, me too.