#I had a few positive interactions with her and I'm real sad to learn this honestly

[duncanor]

Hey, I’m sorry to bother you but the moderator of trigunfanart, takineko, has some concerning posts on their blog I’m not sure people are aware of. You can just check their blog and you’ll see it, but the post pinned on @asterisktics has some examples and also proof that the accounts are run by the same person.

I don't really know what to make of this honestly. That's as surprising as it is disappointing, that's for sure. :/

Thank you for the warning buddy.

[give-soup-please]

Again, very soon, because of a few reasons, but tis I, May! 1. Thank you for the fun honey fact - I can't believe that it's copyrighted, although, maybe I can, it's not the weirdest thing I've heard of copyrighted. Fun fact: did you know that the word "Home" is technically copywritten for Facebook? 2. I have consumed water as per the agreement of mutually taking care of ourselves! (This is now a legally binding agreement, you cannot escape) 3. I don't believe in God but GOD BLESS for those chapters/fics you posted, for the love of all that is both holy and unholy I read those faster than I've read anything in my entire life - seriously, I finished all of them in 30 minutes. I do think it is important to say that I agree with you: Enjoying reading toxic relationships and things of that nature in fics, is not equivalent to wanting to experiencing it in real life, or condoning/supporting it in general. I also am an avid enjoyer of such things (and have written a few in private myself.) That does not, in the slightest, mean I support stuff like that. I don't. But wHOO if I don't enjoy reading it... (it totally does not consume 90% of the fanfictions I read... no, it would never...) 4. I don't believe I have ever interacted with you on Discord, I'm not even sure I know what your Discord is, actually ☹️ I have interacted with Munchies though (Not sure if I can say her actual name or not... I haven't spoken with her enough to know) I do want to say, in regards to her, that it is so wonderful that you continue to help and inspire her to write - her writing is amazing and I would be much sadder if that didn't exist (just like I would be sad if you didn't write - I will consume whatever writing the two of you make) 5. One of the most important things I've learned though therapy and experience is that being upset is okay, feeling your emotions is okay. You just have to act on them in a positive way, and deal with them in a positive way. I.e. it's okay to be irritated that someone just walked in front of you and took your place in the grocery line, but that doesn't mean you flip out on them. You probably didn't ask about that, but I did see the reblogged post and wanted to mention it since it was at the forefront of my mind. 6. I don't know why I'm surprised about that A.I. thing, but I am. I can't believe people would take someone's work and do that to it. It could never, and would never amount to what they can actually create, and is never worth it. Not only that, but I am also someone who's fics are all (mostly) unfinished for a variety of reasons. I do plan on finishing them, and finding out that someone did that to it would devastate me and also make me feel underappreciated/like I have no reason to write at all. That's all for now, surprisingly a lot but I do end up getting a lot of thoughts I forget to write down (these ones were just fresh in my mind and I HAD to say something about those most recent writings... damn...) You know the drill by now, you better be taking care of yourself because you're important, and you matter. Drink water, try to do something that might be a little difficult, and also be self indulgent - you deserve it. Your friend,

~May

hello again, may. good to hear from you. and feel free to pop in the inbox whenever, i like your messages.

i really hope that the facebook thing isn't real because i'll be so salty about it sdlfkjsdlkfsdjklf... pomegranate honey is rare and hard to find in supermarkets. you usually gotta go to a specialty jam shop or somewhere similar to locate it, at least where i am in the area.

2. i'll raise a glass of water in your honor, then/gen - i know i need accountability partners sometimes when it comes to self care and taking care of basic needs.

3. i'm really glad you liked it! it always makes me very happy when folks have positive responses to my work. as for the thing about telling people i don't condone certain things, it's just to cover my bases, really. early on in the headcanon project, i did a few yandere requests and someone came in my inbox and told me off about it. i didn't know tumblr back then as well as i do now, and i didn't want to step on anyone's toes. this blog is an attempt at drama free posting, for the most part, and arguments about what writers should and shouldn't be able to write are... hotly contested on this site. (understatement of the century, good lord.)

4. if you haven't interacted with me on discord, then i truly have no idea who you are, and i'm chill with that. you'll reveal what you want to reveal whenever. i don't generally hand out my discord to folks, because i cultivate my circles very carefully and don't want my username public. so for now, that stays secret. i'm honored that she takes inspiration from what i do, it means a lot. i have no idea how i do it, but i'm not gonna knock a good thing. i'm happy for her.

5. good advice. i don't have much else to say about that.

6. yeah the development of AI stuff recently has been... distressing, from an artist standpoint. i've heard people are already trying to use AI to replace certain jobs, and the idea of my 'voice' (for lack of a better word) being stolen to produce cheap/free content is incredibly distressing. i'm a firm believer in AI/robotics being used to handle manual labor so humans have more time and energy to make art, not having the AI/robots make art so... we have... more time to work. there's something backwards about that.

take care of yourself too, ok?

[omarsfeverdreams]

" what are your intentions with me?"

She never did ask me this but I can imagine myself being asked by her. This question puts me on the spot and truly brings out everything.

No, I never had any negative intentions but yes, I didn't carry out my positive intentions the best way possible AND I let myself be carried away by my emotions which were riddled with the ancient fire that is or was my love for her and weirdly enough, it all felt right. Like , loving her felt right, kissing her , hugging her, talking to hee, listening to her , etc , it all felt right.

So I used to think that in life, there was no real way of you finding our if you're on the right path , no way to confirm that you are where you're supposed to be and doing what you're supposed to be doing.

BUT j learned that if you're winning , you're " profiting " from your efforts instead of , yk , not winning , then that works as a hint that you are doing the right things.

Well with that said , in the grand scheme of things, like on a spiritual and universal level , interacting with you felt...like that was it. I achieved the purpose of my existence. I found my place in the universe and that was next to you. I've never felt so spiritually connected with someone else in my life.

No need to keep fighting for a better tomorrow , even though I of course still needed to. But it took some of the urgency from it.

If anything I mean that I didn't need to worry anymore. I didn't need to..worry anymore...like I understood the reason why waves from the ocean move. It wasn't a scientific conclusion exactly.

It goes back to the idea of ," God doesn't let a leaf fall from a tree without his permission."

How is it that something so insignificant in the grand scale of things matters so much to the grand architect of the universe ? I don't know lmao.

But in those instances in which I was with you, it all made sense in a way I cannot put it in words. It all just clicked, maybe our souls were finally in harmony or our bodies secreted loads of serotonin into our system.

Coincidentally, whatever it was, i felt like I found my place in the universe.

I wonder what you think. Did you feel like you found your place next to me?

Alguna ves pensaste que yo era tu otra mitad de la naranja ?

All of these words and thoughts are subject to review and change for the most part. They aren't the best said things but I need to say them in order to help me create the most comprehensive thesis on you....and what I felt , feel, think , perceive, and understand you.

Anyways, it's marcos's birthday today. He would be 46 today. I miss him every day. Recently , I talked to someone about how I went to a tool concert. They asked about how expensive the tickets were and I said that they were expensive but my step dad paid for them. Ofc that's a lie but I can't say the real story although in a way he did pay for them.

I feel bad...well not bad but rather sad that I keep talking to others about my step dad like if he was still around. Well I obviously can't tell the truth but part of me likes thinking....that everything is okay. That he's back home...with my brothers and mom. That he's there , waiting for me. Proud of me...and of who I have become and how much better I'll be.

Thank you for letting me cry about him to you that night when we thought we saw a deer nearby your house. I'm telling you right now , only a select few have seen me cry and breakdown the way I have in front of you. And it's not who you think either.

You were real special to me. You are real special to me. Like him.

I miss both of you everyday.

Thanks Marcos for all of your hard work and efforts. I'll keep fighting for you and for our family. Im sorry for not being the best son when you were around...I hope I can make you proud from wherever you're at now. I'm going to keep getting after it. I'm going to keep getting better no matter what.

Thank you for everything you did for us.

[djarrex]

Hello beloved! I was thinking about Rex interacting with Priya (as I often do) and I was wondering if he reads her bedtime stories, or what his bedtime routine with her is? 🥺 I am very soft for one (1) man and his little girl.

RO. You deserve this my dear I hope this helps make your stay a little more bearable (bareable? jk bearable. pulling humor from our chats bc I'm a dumbass)

Find the rest of the series in the Post-Order 66 Rex ML

Ok so I may have gotten Carried Away. There’s just a little hint of sad, but other than that, FLUFF. about 860 words. Papa!Rex reading to his baby girl. Even at less than a year old, children are considered emergent readers, and benefit from seeing the text as it's being read to them. The more Papa Rex reads to little Priya, the more she'll take an interest in wanting to read. She'll soon become familiar with how print has meaning, and eventually will start pretending to read as her finger moves along each word (it'll come out as cute babbles and very premature word recognition because she has not yet learned how to decode, but hey, at least there's that understanding in place of how written words correlate with the words we speak!) <3

<<<>>>

"Rex... where did you find this?"

It feels so unreal in your hands, your watering eyes not believing what they're seeing. The colors on the hardcover are just how you remember them; the same colors you see behind shut eyelids when accidentally conjuring flashes of your childhood, your family. The flimsi pages held by the binding - now worn and losing its integrity - give off that smell as your turn each one: the smell of a book. A real book with pages one can turn with their fingers, grasping each one and letting the sound fill your ears as they flip. It's so much more than mindlessly dragging a digit across the screen of a holo device.

"There was a stall in that other town that sold these. I, uh, I've never seen a real book before, but when I saw this one right up front," he lay a finger on the page you're currently flipped to, pointing at a little pastel tooka wearing a silly hat in particular, "I thought Pri would like the many colors and the cute characters."

Closing the wide and thin, rectangular children's book, you press it against your chest, arms wrapping around yourself and holding it tightly. Your vision becomes slightly blurred for a moment until the tears become heavy enough to descend. Rex furrows his brow - a flash of concern sinking in his honey eyes.

"What's wrong? Is- is this not okay?"

"Rex," you manage through a soft sob. "It's perfect. I just... I can't wrap my head around how the universe led you to pick this book in particular." Releasing your hold on it, you pass the book to Rex, who looks it over intently. It’s silent as he sets it on the table, then he’s scooting his chair closer to you.

"Is this something you had as a child?"

"My father..." You take a deep breath - exhaling slowly through your nostrils. It’ll never get easier to dig into those memories you keep so deeply buried in your mind. Rex takes your hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips and holding steady. He knows. "He would read it to me. Almost every night, right before I'd go to sleep. I never thought I’d see something so vivid from my childhood again, let alone hold it in my hands.” 

It’s silent for another few moments while your eyes lock onto the cover, Rex’s eyes fixed on you.

The baby starts to fuss from her crib, and you’re quick to stand up to retrieve her. The dampness around her large, familiar eyes nearly mirrors the tears drying underneath yours, but you can’t help but smile when her little fists raise in the air in a call for you. You hold her close and bury your nose in her thick hair as you head back into the kitchen. She’s quick to shift her weight to the right within your grasp, extending her arms and tilting towards her Papa as soon as she catches sight of him sitting at the table. You’ll never get tired of the way Rex’s face positively glows as his baby girl reaches for him.

“There’s my little love,” he says down to her while brushing loose, messy, sleep hair from her forehead with his fingers. She coos in content, and you shake your head with a sigh - a grin stretching on your lips to match Rex’s.

“She doesn’t even try to hide it,” you chuckle. “A daddy’s girl if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Ah.” Rex pokes her tummy and bounces her on his knee, the two of them giggling in unison. “The next one’ll be a mama’s... one.” You raise a brow at him.

The next one.

“I can read it to Pri, every night,” he softly suggests - gesturing to the book with a jolt of his chin. From her place on his lap, Priya reaches for the book, but her fine motor skills are not yet developed. He picks it up for her, and opens it up to the first page - her eyes widening at the unfamiliar colors and characters greeting her for the very first time. Testing the waters, Rex places his finger on the extra large Aurebesh font, and moves it slowly to the right with each word he speaks down to her. Priya’s hand wraps around his pointer as it glides across the flimsi, hanging on to him and following along with her gorgeous eyes moving in the same direction. Her Papa keeps going, page after page, stopping before flipping to the next to point out a new character included within the vibrant illustrations. You giggle through a soft sob as her little palm smacks against the page in excitement upon flipping to the last one - fresh tears streaming down your cheeks at the scene playing out in front of you. 

Rex closes the book, and brings a hand to wipe away a stray tear from his own cheek. Priya maps out the hardcover with curious fingers - tracing along the pictures and moving with font of the title. You share a glance with your husband, and he smiles.

“Every night.”

<<<>>>

@thefact0rygirl @bambiswriting @gotomarvelgal @fett-djarin @rowansparrow

****Honestly sometimes I just don’t feel like adding the 70+ tags but if you wanna be tagged in anything Post-Order 66 Rex, let me know! <3 (tagging those who I think would appreciate this)

[sunshinensarcasm]

Too Much

*Deep breath*

Here goes.

One of my greatest fears and deepest desires is total emotional vulnerability. Fearful-avoident attachment style, I think is what it's called.

Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with people relying on me. Empathy is one of my greatest strengths, my superpower even, and I'm proud of that. It's an incredible honor and deeply humbling to have people trust me enough to share their happiest memories and deepest scars with me. I never want anyone to feel that I would think less of or judge them for any of it. We're all human. We all deserve the chance to share who we are without fear.

I understand this logically, I swear I do. I also understand that, in order to deepen connections with people, I must also share the burden of my own feelings. I just... For lack of a better word, let's just say I "struggle" with that.

Unfortunately, I've been made to feel that my emotions are too much. I feel *too deeply* and it's a burden to the people around me. As a child I was told to go to my room until I had a better attitude. As a teenager, I only allowed superficial pleasantness surface when interacting with people. I felt like a fraud, a mannequin with a smile plastered on my face. The facade imploded with what, in retrospect, I can only imagine was a nervous breakdown. A perfect storm of recovered traumatic childhood memories coupled with a few mental health disorders. The negative emotions spilled out so rapidly, it felt like I would drown and I would bring everyone around me down, too. Most of them couldn't handle it. Couldn't handle me. I'm afraid that I burnt them out. I regret allowing the people closest to me witness my Marianas Trench. I know I shouldn't regret that, but I do.

After a while I socially isolated myself. I turned introspective and worked to fix myself, by myself, for years. I was afraid of letting people close and seeing what a black hole I really was during that time.

And now? The smile and positivity I show are very much real. I occupy a much better headspace than I've ever had. Learning about my Little self and allowing her the space to just be and discovering my submissive soul has done wonders for my overall wellbeing. It's been about 5 years and, while I have mellowed and managed to deal with my negative emotions in a much healthier way, I still have this deep-seated fear of acknowledging that part of me out loud and to others. That I'll be too much. That I won't be loved if I allow my sadness or anger show... But I know that if I truly want honest connection with others, I need to be able to be more open about *all* of my feelings. I need depth and closeness like I need air... So, Friend, if you're still reading this, please be patient with me. I'm still trying.

[chattegeorgiana]

I love your love for Narusaku. I think you're one of the few NS fans left. Narusaku is beautifully sad. They deserved better. I'm Anna M. ;)

Hi Anna!

Thank you so much for your sweet message. ❤️

I must confess that your name rings a bell, but I can't say from where exactly? Have we interacted before?

Please apologize if I have forgotten it, you're talking to an growing old lady here, lol.

As for NaruSaku, well, what's not to love about them? They are closest to real love you can get, and I love real love.

Real. Raw. Messy. Complex. But love. Through thick and thin.

And the best part of it? It's companionship/friendship love.

You can't find any love better than that, trust me.

And I'm not talking out of my imagination but from the same real, raw, messy and wonderful experience you call life.

In a (media) world that keeps promoting toxic traits as being this ultimate proof of real love, these two would've been like I said it million times and I'll say it over and over again, a breath of fresh air.

Naruto was that prince on a white horse every girl dreams of, that support of badasses women the new cultural airs so much push forward via feminism, that gentle yet strong man every woman secretly dreams of, your cool couple like these youngsters dream of, yet level headed, because life is not about extremes.

But this entitled generation mixed with an industry that nowadays only cares about profit brought us where we are today.

Maybe I'm old school, but I am at peace with the way I am.

I've been old school, new school, I've been through every phase of the life you can, but at the ensd of the day, life showed me the real and healthy way.

And the real way is one that very much mimics what NaruSaku had.

Was NaruSaku perfect? Hell no. Life isn't either. But that was the beauty of it and that is what made it so real.

That's what it made it such a positive example for the younger audiences, because it had the balanced mix of everything.

And that's life's purpose as well: everything in balance.

That's how nature itself functions! If you have too much of one thing, nature will find its way to balance it, even if it has to give birth to a new extreme to counterbalance the initial one.

But nature will find its way or will shake the world until it'll find its balance.

And that is what NaruSaku was all about: balance. A healthy dose of everything: sadness, grief, joy, companionship, independence, support, care, you name it.

It has good, healthy morals.

But sadly industry doesn't care about morals. They care about making profit. At the cost of healthy morals. They don't care about teaching healthy morals to the younger audience, they care about how to make profits from these youngsters.

A lot of psychological studies goes into the sales process. And for them to sale as best, they need to get them addicted.

See for example SS's case. Sasuke thanked Sakura back in pt 1 after which he downright rejected her over and over again.

This reminds me of a Tony Robbins quote: rejection breeds obsession. Well, think about it in the context of the narrative for Sakura's charactera in terms of her love for Sasuke and the audience that favored these two.

This is on one side, because on the other side we have the NH case, with entitlement.

I don't know if this has been said by anyone else but, as rejection breeds obsession, entitlement breeds bullying/harrassment.

So much that Hinata fans felt entitled to write to the author over and over again about how much they hate Sakura and how much Hinata should be the one with Naruto instead of Sakura, the girl whom he dearly loved.

Entitlement is a dark part of the newest generation.

Yes, the newest generation has its good parts, too. I am not one of those old ladies that is all about this new generation is crap.

I am not here to play the blame game between generations.

I am here to point out that for all the good they display, they also display bad.

For all the activism they display, they also tend to fall from the edge of balance to the side of entitlement which leads to bullying and harassment.

And I am not talking out of imagination again.

But experience.

One very recent is on Christmas day with Hinata/NaruHina fans.

They found a 2 months old post about Shinachiku on my FB page and started harassing me with NaruHina pictures and foul language.

Here's a glimpse of it.

That is how the youngsters nowadays operate.

What I am trying to say is that they should also be aware of their dark side, not just the light one.

Because like we discussed earlier, it's all about balance.

And they need to become aware of their less good traits, while they pride with their better ones.

However, I think that at the end of the day, it's all about accountability.

And we need to revolutionize the media industry somehow.

I don't know yet how, all I know is that we need to find a way.

For the moment all I can think is kinda getting back to the old ways.

Hayao Miyazaki ways.

I know the newest generation would see it as "boomers" time or idk what "fancy" & "cool" terms it's used nowadays, but everything that is old doesn't mean bad.

We need to take the good lessons with us while learning from their mistakes to understand how we, the newer generation can do better.

Because cutting ourselves fully isn't the answer either.

We're all connected by the thread of life anyway.

It's our choices that set us apart.

But aah, anyway, I've derailed and rambled enough once again.

This was meant to be yet again a post about NaruSaku and I turned it philosophical again.

Sorry about that.

It's a bad habit of mine.

But thank you once again for your sweet message.

I'll always be here to light the candle of NaruSaku light.

[izzyovercoffee]

Hm... hi? Sorry for any inconvenience, but I started reading RepComm (I'm at the beginning of Order 66, so I don't know if that happens later) and I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like? And it made me realize that characters who don't like Kal are either just quoted or never appear or are dead or are framed as wrong and reading this is such an exercise in patience

ps: btw, love your meta! that's what made me want to read RepComm, to be honest, and sorry for the english, it's not my first language 

I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK. And also, just thank you. Truly, thank you. I wasn’t sure if people still read the meta out there or not, but I’m glad that you enjoyed them!! also your english was beautiful, I understood what you said perfectly

but also LMAO at: 

reading this is such an exercise in patience 

I TRULY FEEL THIS IN MY HEART OF HEARTS

Even after all this time, I still LOVE the Republic Commando books. I do---but rereading them is definitely an exercise in patience, now that I see all the problems and the glaring inconsistencies. But I still see the good parts, even great parts, and I keep coming back to them lmao 

BUT TO CIRCLE BACK--- 

I can't help thinking about Tor and Ijaat meeting the Nulls, before and after they left Kal? Or if Ilippi survived, what would a meeting between the Nulls and her be like?

I also think about these things a lot lmao

I’m often torn on the idea of the Nulls meeting Tor and Ijaat, or the Nulls meeting Ilippi if she had survived her illness. The way Prudii talks about her, in Order 66, makes me feel that they’ve internalized the bitterness and the resentment that Kal very likely felt early, early on in their development when he was young, and broke, and alone on Kamino surrounded by people who hated him. 

Kal has long since softened (on her, on his marriage failing, on his biological children disowning him), since he defends her against Prudii’s statements, but the sad truth is that the Nulls learned that bitterness and that resentment from him, originally---as they were raised and trained by him. It’s truly hard to say how they would have reacted in meeting her, and I feel like all of the Nulls would have held very radically different opinions on the matter. 

But, depending on who was or wasn’t present at that meeting, and any subsequent meetings ... would likely change how they react or respond to her. With Kal present, there’s always an underlying need for them to perform in a way that would further secure his love in them (regardless of whether or not it’s “necessary,” though to a degree it is---because of the way he withholds affection when someone doesn’t do something he agrees with) versus showing their true selves, or expressing their true opinions beyond his hearing.

We saw Prudii’s, and his bitterness and resentment likely reflecting Kal’s when he was a decade younger, but I think Ordo would have been much more polite. A’den would have been curious, no doubt, but nosy. Jaing can’t help but be intimidating, even if maybe he doesn’t want to be, and Mereel can’t help but be excessively charming and warm. Kom’rk is a toss up---his choice to keep his distance from the core is one that can be read as a choice to stay as far away from Kal as possible, and it’s one that might lend Kom’rk to being kinder and far more understanding than the rest of Ilippi. 

I wonder, actually, if there would have been jokes about the one woman who tried (and failed) to “tame” Kal (as those kinds of jokes tend to go, I guess?) but if there would have been some respect there, too, for the attempt. Had Ilippi lived, had KT been less biased against her female characters, there’s an entire world of potential, just in highlighting Kal’s faults and how everyone can work around them (or how he could / should work on them). 

I mean, okay. I have obviously softened somewhat on my frustrations towards Kal as a character, and I find myself thinking a lot these days about the Kal we should have gotten, the Kal a large chunk of the fandom think we have (but don’t), and the Kal the books believe they gave us. I think about the way the books should have gone if they were faithful to the narrative arcs they started before they were derailed by excessive soap-boxing and a doubling-down to bend to biases that broke the momentum because they just didn’t make sense.

One of the major arcs being character growth---owning up to one’s faults and mistakes, and making a conscious effort to become a better version of yourself through blood, sweat, and (literal) tears.  

And maybe part of that would always be hindered, or outright cut short, because Ilippi never survived to tell her side of her mistreatment and failed marriage---and also because we were never, really, given the opportunity to hear Tor nor Ijaat’s own memories. 

I struggle to think about how Tor and Ijaat would have dealt with the Nulls. I get the feeling there would be a lot of insecurity in all of them---and a feeling of being replaced, and some lingering resentment and anger towards each other (that should be directed at Kal, but for a lot of reasons, just like in real life, would be misdirected instead to other people). 

Miscommunication is a major sore point for Kal in general---he has a huge inability to actually express his love in his actions, or clarify his intentions, which may be good, in order to separate them from his missteps, which are often terrible. Tor and Ijaat, if they’re well-adjusted men now, would find it hard to not see what being raised in that kind of environment had on the Nulls. They have a lot of issues as a result of their genetics, yes, but a lot of their lingering and prolonged mental illnesses can, in some part, also be attributed to the “affectionate abuse” Kal gave them, and I wonder if Kal’s biological sons still carried lingering emotional and mental scars from their childhood---or if they had so little direct interaction with Kal that what few moments they had were uniformly positive---and if their resentment towards him genuinely was, as they said, because he wasn’t there when Ilippi was dying from her illness.

In this scenario, actually, if Ilippi survived... would they still have divorced Kal from their lives and rejected his fatherhood entirely? All of that hinged on him not being present, him being away at Kamino, during her very last days. 

So much of this also undermines the idea of Kal’s control over the Nulls, and the rest of the clan. If Ilippi not only survived, but thrived, away from him? If Tor and Ijaat are living full and fulfilling lives without him in it? If Ruusaan never “needed” to be rescued in the way that she was? They all would have stood as examples of a life beyond making personal choices and decisions that were dictated by him, and would have, at the very least, been a life that could stand in direct comparison and be just as messy and complicated as real life tends to be. 

also WOW i really .... uhhh I really got away from the point here. I am so sorry LMAO I GOT CARRIED AWAY. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME since I got to ramble about repcomm, and I really fixate on a lot of the missed opportunities these days, because there are SO MANY. But I guess that’s what fic is for, right?

RIGHT???

Absolutely no pressure, BUT if you do decide to write fic about this, or do your own meta or exploration, I am ALWAYS excited to see what people come up with. I haven’t really been on tumblr that much lately, but I see now that The Mandalorian is out there and people are discovering (or rediscovering) Republic Commando, there’s a wealth of new stuff out there I desperately need to catch up on.

ANYWAY LMAO I’M SORRY I RAMBLE SO MUCH I JUST! THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO GOOD. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK. 

And I hope this find you well, ner vod.

[jedwaldie]

It's almost 2am and I can't sleep so I started to think about all my previous relationships and stuff that made me who I am today. The others aren't even worth talking about so instead I'll tell you about the wonderful girl I'm with now, how we met, what we've been through and where we are now. It was an amazing coincidence- around Christmas and I just broke up with my bf, download Tinder for fun and then a really cute girl I matched with texted me. Long story short we had some things in common but the thing that probably did the trick was that we share a last name. But we live in different cities so we let it go like "what's the point". Few days later she texted me saying she can't stop thinking about me (i couldn't either tbh) and how it can't be just a coincidence and we have to meet, so I invited her to a New year's eve party at my friends house. We both don't really like strangers and I was kinda nervous about it (I can't imagine how anxious she must have been) but it worked out pretty good. Funny things happened as another girl was hitting on me and they had a little fight I learned about too late (as always) and she's still salty about it sometimes and it's hilarious and adorable but I can't tease her too much about it lmao. After that we texted a lot and met again a few times but our irl interactions were always a bit awkward, probably due to our shy natures or maybe my "specter position", who knows, but it always made me so happy. Then she broke up with me because of mental health struggles and ghosted me for almost a month but it eventually made our bond even stronger, for I realized how much I miss her and want her to know how awesome and worh it she is, that we need each other, I need her. But the real turning point (at least for me) came when we first woke up next to each other- I just felt a need to look at her, admire her beauty and realized how lucky I am... I felt so blessed. Thats probably why that "stop looking at me" hit me so hard, I just turned my back and started crying, because what we had was so rare and I wasn't allowed to enjoy it, I knew it was just as new for her and made her uncomfortable somehow, but it still made me sad. And there it was- a soft reassuring hug followed by "bitch are you crying", a classic, bless. Days gone by too fast but I enjoyed every hug, every shared moment, especially the private ones, just me and my girl in tight embrace. We even had a petty fight that almost ruined our goodbye day, but just almost as we talked that shit through and made another small step in knowing each other, so it's not even worth talking about anymore. Big challenge is ahed of us now- four days, just the two of us. I really hope I won't annoy her after day one and we'll have a wonderful trip. At this point I'm just making notes to my self... ale jestli to čteš Dajo, vem si z toho to dobrý, nepřemýšlej o tom přes míru a pamatuj si, že jsi skvělá🌺 I'm hungry, tired and it probably makes no sense at all but I just needed to sort out my thoughts. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[terselylove]

Depression...

My experience of dealing with social anxiety is a feeling of overwhelming fear when interacting with individuals I wasn’t comfortable with. I was unable to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and struggled to keep a conversation going. I came off as both extremely quiet and shy, as well as rude, which anyone who knows me well knows I am the opposite of.

During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I stayed away from people as much as I could, and felt I made an embarrassment of myself whenever I went out in public. I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”...

I love summer. Lighter evenings, longer days, warmer weather, summer dresses, perhaps even some sun if we’re lucky. Generally speaking, as seems to be common with most people I speak to –  when the sun is out, I’m in a better mood. However, as someone who also experiences periods of depression, I’ve found that this isn’t generally the case when it comes to my mental health.I’m fortunate that I’m currently in a much better place at the moment but, when I think back to a few years ago, I found the summer months to be an immense struggle.When the clocks sprung forward, it all felt a little bit daunting. The things I’d usually look forward to about the change in seasons now served as reminders that I really wasn’t ok.The lighter evenings and longer days meant more time counting down the hours until it was dark enough to go to sleep. The warmer weather meant more plans to cancel and, as a result, more excuses to make up. I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to decide what to wear each day – something which would ordinarily bring me a lot of enjoyment – and so the summer dresses stayed at the back of my wardrobe.Perhaps depression is a little easier to understand in the winter. It’s dark, it’s cold, most people are spending evenings at home not really doing much. If I was having a particularly bad day / week / month, it didn't feel so wrong to get home from work, change into my pyjamas and just go to bed.Yet when summer rolled around, it seemed as though everyone was out and about having the ‘best time ever’. 

And then there I was, struggling to get out of bed.For someone experiencing depression, it can be difficult to watch those around you enjoying themselves. I'd mute group chats so as not to be met with the constant barrage of plans, I'd excuse myself from after-work drinks, and I'd invent reasons not to attend BBQs and family gatherings.“But it’s such a nice day…” people would say, “you should get out the house, it might cheer you up."Yes it was a nice day but, whilst their words were well-meaning, they simply weren't helpful. I already felt as though I was wasting my summer and I knew I should get out the house, but it just didn't seem possible. A nice walk on a sunny afternoon might do wonders if I'm just having an 'off day', but depression is so much more than that, and a sunny afternoon isn't a cure.Depression doesn't care about the weather, your weekend plans, or the birthday coming up that you'd do anything to be able to enjoy. It doesn't think to itself "summer is here, time for me to disappear for the next few months."

That isn't how it works.I'm in the fortunate position of having friends I could be honest with. Friends who would still keep inviting me to things 'in case I felt up to it' and didn't judge me when I stopped replying to messages for days or weeks on end. They'd suggest shorter periods of socialising that felt a lot less daunting, and remind me that they were still around if and when I felt up to going out.In more recent years, I've managed to enjoy my summers without the weight of depression casting a shadow over them to quite the same extent, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I think my own experience has also made me more aware of how others might be feeling, and I'd encourage anyone who thinks a friend might be struggling to try to understand and have a little patience. 

Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.Ever since high school I have suffered with extreme depression and anxiety. I can defend the issue for hours and hours, however I get embarrassed when I feel sad. I get so embarrassed when I am sad and those around me do not understand and treat me as if I’m crazy.Typically most of my life I’ve always just been called dramatic when I’m upset. It has become one of my biggest triggers, because most of my life I haven't had that fight to defend it. I just, quite simply, let it eat at me.Depression can be the hardest when others just don’t understand you. I get sad for no reason so often that I’ve created safe spaces. In our current home, my safe place is my bathroom floor. Probably about at least three times a month you can find me locked in my bathroom on the floor, crying. The lock on that door is the only form of power I feel I have at that moment.

I see you.

I share this because it’s real, I share this because everyone has that pile of laundry.

I know everyone may not have depression, but everyone has something hard they’ve experienced, everyone has something to share and everyone has something to relate to.

Many times I have found myself on that bathroom floor contemplating life and how to make it past that very moment, will I? I have to say how thankful I am that I haven’t followed through. Life is so hard. Sprinkle on some depression, heck, dump it on - and life is now even more hard.Please don’t ask me how I can be so sad I could contemplate suicide. Because honestly I do not know, nor do most people in that situation. How did we make it to this moment? What did I do to deserve this sorrow?You never know who is hurting. Those who are, we often are the most resistant, waiting for a hand to be held out for us to grab onto as the pressure of our mental being closes in on us.Check up on those who are quiet, those who check up on you; maybe conversation is being sparked due to their need to communicate. Let’s talk about our hard times, it’s healing, not embarrassing.So, here’s my laundry pile. You’re not alone.

 Depression is not an emotion - it's an illness

Ah, mental health stigma surrounding depression. The worst that's been said to me in all these years having depression is:"Don't go and have a moment on me!""Don't quit your job. I know your job has been making you feel depressed but you're being stupid. You haven't tried hard enough.""Is that all your depressed about?""Stop being ungrateful and take your Great Aunt's advice!"

Please, stop.

This is not me being lazy, ungrateful or selfish. This is me dealing, sometimes suffering, with depression. This is my demon running its black toxins through my head, poisoning my thoughts and feelings.

Depression is not an emotion, it's an illness. A completely and utterly illogical illness. Just like with colds, for example, some colds can just be a little sniffle, sneeze, etc, while some colds can completely wipe you out and keep you bed-bound for x amount of time. Whether you have a mild cold or one from hell, you still have a valid cold. People with the strongest immune systems can still be affected by them.

From an outsider’s point of view, sure, they would be able to see the positive things going on in your life. However, when depression strikes, for me at least, it feels like a part of my brain has turned off the switch to be able to enjoy things. If it's really bad, I'm unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever I'm dealing with. I can also feel like a shell of a person sometimes. It's as if my brain has temporarily sucked up my personality and misplaced it somewhere else. I'm there but not there at the same time.

I don't choose to do this, depression is basically trying to tie me down in a chair at the cinema, forcing me to watch its fake "reality" tale about how my life will always be rubbish, dark, etc and how I'm worthless. Sometimes I can fight it off, but other times it can catch me off guard and I believe it for a while. Depression, by the way, is one hell of a liar.

The best way I can describe the switch being turned off is while you can see the beautiful colours of the world, I only see black, grey and white. My favourite meal in front of me is suddenly tasteless mush. My favourite TV show/YouTube channel is changed to, what feels like, a very boring presentation about something I've never been remotely interested in. Going out with loved ones can feel like everyone is spinning around me in fast motion while I'm sitting there in slow.

Depression is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thankfully over the last 9 years I've learned to differentiate my depression thoughts from my healthy thoughts. I know my depression is just trying to make me watch a fake tale about me and my life, like how I described earlier, but I know I can beat it each and every time it knocks me. Depression might be strong but I'm much, much stronger.

Please do not judge other people's struggles and do listen to what they have to say. Their mountain may be a molehill to you, but everyone is different and everyone’s feelings are valid. Please, please always remember that.

For a long while, I've been having issues with mental health. I remember asking my mum one day years ago if hearing and seeing things was normal and her response still sticks with me. "You're too young and don't know what REAL mental health problems are."

At the time I was incredibly depressed, anxious and scared of myself and what I might do. Whenever I tried to reach out and ask to see someone for help because I was seeing things, she always gave an excuse to dismiss what was going on, like I needed more sleep or I needed to "stay off that phone!". I just wish she might have listened a bit more, instead of brushing me off as lying, or getting angry and impatient with me. If she had been more supportive, I would have felt more capable of handling myself during my bad episodes. 

Considering that not even my own mother would believe me, I truly felt alone and thought that no one would listen to me and brush me off as liar or even a fake. It made it hard for me to reach out for help or take care of myself in the ways I needed.

Now that I'm in my later years of university and I'm in a relationship, I've had to be truthful to myself and acknowledge that I do have issues that need help with. It's taken me even longer to learn how to trust people, that people will reach out to help me if I ask for the help I dearly need. That I won't be told I'm too young or it's because I'm tired or because I'm on my phone too much before going to sleep.

It's taken me years to realize that I need help and that no one but me can choose whether or not what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need someone to compare their own experiences to mine and deem my cry for help as valid or not. But if I had a parent that believed me and took me to someplace where I could've gotten the help I needed, I think I would've been able to cope better with my conditions now.

Some people fail to realize that mental health doesn't discriminate against age and sadly for me it was the person I looked up to most that failed me.

I never know how to explain depression to someone. It’s so different for everyone and comes in so many different forms. Some people describe their depression as a weight that holds them down, ever-present and demanding of their time. Others describe it as a shadow that looms in the back of your mind, always taunting and jabbing and trying to tear you down. Some days, you just have thicker skin. And then sometimes, depression is described like drowning. It’s wading in an ocean of poison and barely catching your breath before you’re dragged back under. 

I don’t think people understand that depression is constant. Some days it doesn’t feel as heavy, it doesn't tug and pull as hard. And other days, it knocks you down before you can even get out of bed. 

I am always fighting this constant battle with myself. I may smile and laugh and seem happy, but know that, somewhere, in the back of my mind I'm struggling. The happy interludes, the in-between where the weight doesn’t feel as heavy, are simply vacations from the reality that is my depression.

It makes me feel like a failure, no matter my successes. I feel worthless and like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

My depression is a beast that lives inside me. It whispers horrible things in my ear, tells me that I am waste of space. And all the while, I have to smile and pretend I’m okay.

That life isn’t beating me, no way. I’m too stubborn for that. I have to pretend that there isn’t some rabid animal inside of me, clawing to get its grip around my throat and snuff out my life. 

People who don’t have depression don’t understand. But they can still be there for people like me. When they say something that scares you, don’t yell. Don’t get angry because you don’t comprehend how their mind works.

My mind is a scary place. I shouldn’t need to open up and spill my darkness for your compassion.  

Support people with depression, even if you don’t understand. Just be there. 

[agent-85]

Hi sorry, I don't remember everything.^^' It was just after the ep and I was wondering what's left for me in this show? I mean I'm not very interested about Daisy, and I don't care about ward and hydra, these chapters were dead and should have stayed that way. Then they broke the only logical reason why Jemma and Daisy would be fine irl with the backdoor. They have no I.V. and no medical support so they will die of dehydration and before that they will "wet" themselves and worse... (sorry)

(2) They’ve gone way too far with Fitz, a freaking nazi sociopath :/ They tainted his character. Worse! another useless “love” triangle and this one is even more disgusting because merged with theme of non-con/violation/rape theme and if you add the fact that Fitz helped building her which has a father-imagery to it, it’s just urgh!! They don’t learn anything. So my main thing is FS and with Elizabeth quote, we’re going with the same kind of nonsense path than with GR arc…

(3) What’s the point to make Jemma save him if they don’t interact? I only watch to see that interaction. And with Jed quote, they don’t even have the decency to plan an ending… If it’s the last season, such a disappointment and whatever 1min “happy” scene they put at the end it won’t balanced all that nonsense. I’m sorry to tell you all that really, but I feel sad and lonely in my case and I love your blog so… sorry.(end)

Hey there, anon! Thanks for resending the first ask. I want to make sure I understand where you are coming from.

Okay, first of all, I think it’s a little premature to judge 4C after watching one episode. This was all setup, and we haven’t gotten to the real story yet. My guess is that we won’t really get to it until 4x18, since 4x17 seems to be Setup Part Two, in which we see where the other characters are (including, possibly, Elena and the real world crew). 

I get really annoyed at people who gave up on the show after 1x5 because they were disappointed that no superheroes showed up. That’s not what this show is about, and if they’d taken the time to look at the show for what it is, maybe they would have liked it. 

I am 1000% here for FitzSimmons, and I get by on amazing team dynamics when the FitzSimmons is stupid. So, if you’re not into Hydra or Daisy, may I suggest that we have a great story going on outside of that. Daisy is one player in this, and Hydra is just a weapon. The REAL villain is Aida, and since Aida has stolen Fitz, Jemma will have to fight Aida to get him back. That is something I am DYING to see.

Jemma spent all of season three as a damsel in distress, so to me, it is vital that she has this chance to save the day. It’s not that Jemma doesn’t fight; it’s that she fights in quiet, subtle ways, like she did when she tried to win Fitz’s heart in 3B. Meanwhile, Fitz gets to jump through holes in universes for her. My favorite thing about FitzSimmons is that they are equals—in intelligence, in courage, and in morality. So they should get equal chance to get the meaty, action hero roles, don’t you think? I do! Also, I just love Jemma and I’m so excited for her to get some screen time.

As for being trapped in the Framework: the purpose is to raise the stakes. If Jemma and Daisy can get in and out whenever they want, the story is over in five minutes. They want a bigger story than that, so we’re getting higher stakes. Before, they were trying to find the physical location of their teammates. Now, they have to actually navigate this new world in order to save themselves as well. To me, that’s a more interesting story. How are they going to get themselves out of an impossible situation? What happens AFTER? I’m so excited to find that out. 

Cut for length!!

As for Jemma and Daisy’s physical bodies: they’ll probably be fine. If we can suspend our belief about an evil robot stealing minds, I think we can assume that Elena and Piper are doing a good job looking after them.

As for Fitz: yes, he is technically a Nazi, but he’s not a sociopath. Radcliffe is a sociopath, because he lacks any morality whatsoever. Framework Fitz, on the other hand, is doing what he thinks is right. Part of that is that he is trying to protect Madame Hydra, and I think there’s a bigger part we haven’t seen yet. Radcliffe would never get that angry about protecting someone else.

And here’s an important thing about Fitz: he has been deceived. His memories have been wiped and replaced with new ones, and our responses are often shaped by our experiences. I think of this as abuse rather than rape. He is making his own choices, but he is making them based on the information available to him. He doesn’t know that this information isn’t the truth. The writers like to play with this all the time, making a character make the “wrong” choice because they have bad information. 

Jemma is the best example of this, because she’s usually the writer’s favorite victim. In season two when there was a possibility that then-Skye could be an Inhuman, Jemma talked about it like it was a plague. This scared Skye, and rightly so! But Jemma had a good reason to see it that way, because of the facts that were presented to her. Think about what Jemma saw happen in that temple! Mack was possessed, Trip was turned to rubble, and Raina became a homicidal porcupine. If you see those three things happen to people who go inside the temple, and your friend also went inside that temple, are you going to be worried about your friend? HECK YEAH! Of course, Jemma had no idea about Inhuman DNA or terrigenesis, and that was important information! As soon as she understood what was actually happening, she did a complete 180, because Jemma is a good person who was only trying to help her friends in the first place.

Something similar is happening to Fitz here. He is being lied to. He is being used. Madame Hydra needs his creativity to create this world and do whatever nefarious things she has planned, so she’s keeping him close and playing off his desires. He wants Jemma, so she stands in as Jemma. He wants to protect people, so she puts him in a position where he has to protect her. This is brainwashing, just like Jemma said!

The thing I was most worried about when it came to this arc was that there would be an implication that this is how the characters really are inside. I’m excited about this arc because that’s clearly not the case. Does Coulson, in his heart of hearts, believe that Inhumans are evil and that Hydra should stop them? NO! He has literally fought against those ideas. But he does have a tendency to be a company man, and now he’s been made to believe that Hydra is the company. His weakness has been exploited, just like May and Fitz’s weaknesses have. And they are being exploited in a way that serves Madame Hydra’s goals. The real question is this: when they see what’s true, will they change? Will they do what’s right? I think they will. They didn’t choose this life, and they’re already subconsciously fighting against it. Give them a chance to fight consciously, and we’ll see them tear this place down. That’s the whole point of Jemma’s “You are not your programming” speech. They HAVE been programmed, but they are more than that and they WILL overcome their programming. 

Gonna go out of order here and talk about Fitz and Jemma not interacting: again, this raises the stakes. What we saw with the Ghost Rider arc was FS getting pulled apart (this was one of those times I subsisted on team dynamics), and this is about FS fighting their way back to each other. Fitz will probably fight in a small, quiet way and Jemma will be dramatic and loud for a change. So yes, they won’t be in the same room, but the story will be about their relationship. That was all set up by Daisy’s “you belong together” speech. I want to see them fight for each other! AND, eventually they WILL be together—this is all buildup to that payoff. I want that payoff! We got buildup of Fitz’s feelings in season one with the payoff of, “You’re more than that, Jemma.” We got the buildup of Jemma’s feelings in season two with “Maybe there is.” I know it’s going to be painful for them to be apart, but they will be in each other’s thoughts, and the payoff will hopefully be worth waiting for.

So, I’m not sure which Elizabeth quote you’re talking about, because there are a few. She said Jemma would be worried that she’d never get Fitz back, and we’d have to see if she forgives Fitz. But the thing about Elizabeth and anyone else is that their job is to promote the show. As my friend @aretsuna would say: the enemy is shooting at us. They are trying to stir things up to get you to tune in. If Elizabeth said, “Well, you know, Jemma is worried, but she really shouldn’t be because they find Fitz and everything’s okay,” she’d be doing a bad job. So, you have to take what she says with about a mountain of salt. All you can really get from that is that in 16, Jemma is worried about getting Fitz back. Doesn’t mean she’s not going to get Fitz back. Just means that she hasn’t figured out how to do it yet. 

Honestly, I pay zero attention to anything they say about the future. That’s all a mind game they’re playing. What’s interesting is listening them talk about the past and their reactions to things that have already happened.

I agree that we absolutely need a fifth season. This is why I’ve been trying to encourage people to do things that will help the show get renewed. They said at the beginning that they had a five-season plan, and I don’t want to see 4/5 of that plan. I’d be okay with 6/5 or 7/5 of that plan, if they did it right. 

BUT, there are a lot of factors going on here, and it boils down to basically a gamble. They are betting that the show will be renewed. In a way, that’s smart, because it’s easier to cancel a show when the writers/creators have stopped fighting. They also know that if they leave the story unfinished, WE will demand more. This is how Nashville got picked up by CMT after it was cancelled: they wrapped up every storyline but one, leaving a HUGE cliffhanger. The fans didn’t stand for that, and they ended up getting the rest of that story. That strategy can work for us. The other things that work for us is the fact that Marvel is backing them up, there’s a new Inhumans show to play off of (Arrowverse style), and a lot of the other ABC shows are not doing so great. We have a chance, and the more noise we make, the better the chances are.

That said, my guess is that they’re smart enough to do something that can work as both a series or season finale. The finale of Agent Carter is a good example of this. At the very least, we have the hope that anything that isn’t resolved here is resolved in other MCU series or movies.

Well, anon, I hope that addresses your concerns! That’s the best case I can make! Obviously, these are all my opinions and you have a right to your own, but I hope you don’t feel alone. I hope you can find a little optimism for how 4C will unfold. If it’s terrible, I promise I’ll call them out on it like I have in the past. For now though, I’m looking forward to seeing what they have in store for us. I hope I’ve helped you look forward to that as well.

[lovethediseasedkillerpuppy]

For the ask you stuff hour- which characters do you enjoy watching interact with Dean the most (for me it's Castiel at the top, but I also really enjoy him with- Benny, Charlie, Kevin, Claire, Jody, Donna, and sometimes Sam). Also, who are your top 10 favorite characters from the show and what are your favorite things about them? Also, even though I'm a Dean fan, I also like Castiel and I was wondering what your take of Cas was (since you've said you do like him).

Dean, aside from this season, actually has the best one-off interactions with characters. I won’t name them bc this’ll get novel length lol, but I had to point out how I enjoy them. It goes to show what a caring person he is that he forms bonds with these strangers so quickly & shows them empathy.

Charlie & Dean is adorable. I loved how sweet & protective he was with her. I’m also serious trash for sister Winchester. Dean’s an amazing big brother to Sam & we see his compassion with girls so I’ve always had a million head canons about how great he’d be with a little sister & I think Charlie was great for that.

Cas & Dean I loved bc when S4 rolled around & they started interacting Cas was just Dean’s. (S4 parallel being Ruby was just Sam’s) Up till S4 they’d done everything together & met the same people & even tho like I said above I like the one-off interactions Dean has & I even think he tends to form closer bonds w reoccurring characters than Sam does, Sam was still involved. Cas didn’t even like Sam at first. All the stuff he decided/changed was based on Dean’s impact on him. Dean changed an who knows how old programmed angel of Heaven just by being himself & passionate about what he believed. It was really interesting to watch them interact in S4/5 when they were figuring each other out. As for later seasons, I like watching them together bc Cas is the one Dean can be himself around. Sam, as strong as their bond may be, Dean still holds that parental responsibility card when it comes to Sam. He often holds things back bc he doesn’t feel like burdening Sam with that. With Cas he’s only a friend & as protective as Dean is for friends/loved ones, that parent/child dynamic isn’t there so Dean has more freedom. We’ve seen quite a few times where Dean will admit to Cas he’s worried abt smth more than he’s letting on to Sam. So I like that Cas is someone that Dean can unload to like that bc that boy always has the weight of the world on his shoulders & eventually it gets too damn heavy no matter who you are.

Dean & Crowley is def a great one. The last few seasons Crowley has done a lot of what I just talked abt with Cas & Dean. Again we have this old creature who isn’t supposed to have “human” emotions & Dean comes along & breaks down that barrier. And the banter between these two is always precious haha.

Dean & Benny: I liked Benny on his own too but my favorite thing abt him was his loyalty to Dean. Benny may have teamed up w Dean to get out of Purgatory but also he was lonely & all he wanted was a friend. When Dean became his friend he was loyal to the bitter end. Benny is the only character who’s ever done that for Dean. He never lied or kept secrets & he always told it like it is.(Granted he was only around for 1 season & I’m sure the writers would have made him lie to Dean eventually if he stuck around, drama & man-pain needed)

And as much as I don’t care for Sam bc of *insert all my blog rants abt him here* I do enjoy a lot of the brother moments. Dean’s love for Sam is a prime ex of what a loving person he is. He does everything for his little brother. He’s always there for him no matter what.

Hmm top 10 characters…

1. Dean (yes, the cheap obvious answer but 10 is a lot & ya didn’t say “besides Dean” so I’ma cheat a bit lol) *see entire blog for what I like about him haha.

Then 2-10 in no real order...

Cas: Ik I’m in the minority but I preferred BAMF S4/5 zero human skills Cas over him being human’d up in later years. Ik logically the character had to move on & the whole point was for him to move away from Heaven so it’s only natural he’d learn their ways but I still miss it. I thought the “take everything literally” angel was pretty damn hilarious. And despite it usually ending badly, I admire the fact that no matter how much he thinks he’s messed up Cas still tries to do what he feels is right. Whether it is or isn’t really doesn’t matter for this point, it’s just a decent quality to try to do right in this day & age. I still like Cas generally but like everything else lately, the writers are messing him up.

Crowley: He’s sassy & always in a nice suit. He always makes me laugh. I really enjoyed him when he was the bad guy & I still like him in this whole frenemy role. I have the same writer complaint for him but I can’t blame that on the character.

Chuck: I adored him in 4x18 & every ep after. I thought the nervous self-deprecating little writer was adorable haha. I was pissed he actually was God bc God sux on this show but while I didn’t agree with some of his crap in S11 (mostly what he laid on Dean) I still liked the character. God was a dick but he pretty much owned it lol. I quite enjoyed 11x20. 

Benny: He was loyal, snarky, bad ass, had a lovely accent & gave me feels. I felt bad for him. He didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere & that hurts. Dean was his only friend in the world & he couldn’t even see him. Benny deserved better.

Charlie: She was a spirited, positive, spit fire. They did the whole “dark Charlie” thing & had her sad past revealed but in general she was a peppy ray of sunshine & I liked that contrast on the show.

Meg 2.0: Bad ass & sarcastic. Nuff said.

Lucifer: I kinda cringe now saying it bc the show beat that dead horse into an annoying head ache, but S4/5 I loved the Apocalypse storyline & I liked Lucifer. He was a snarky mean asshole.

The trickster/Gabriel: Mostly bc his eps were always funny as shit. He’d come in & fuck everything up while eating candy haha. I thought he was a lot of fun.

Jo: I could relate to Jo. Big ‘ol crush on Dean, doesn’t feel like she fits in with all the ‘normal’ people at school, daddy’s girl. I’da loved more of Jo.

My take on Cas...what I said already & I’d like to add that even tho I’m not thrilled with the writers under utilizing him & making him imo ooc at times recently, I’ll always like Cas. I can’t see disliking him. Be it more nostalgia of what once was or the fact that Dean loves him so much...I won’t bail on Cas. I’m so bored w S12 that it even takes an effort to stay invested w Dean at times so I won’t write off anyone bc of S12′s crap. I’ll sit here & cross my fingers for a better last part of the season & improved S13. Hopefully, things get back on track

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