[Start ID. A dark, warm-toned drawing of Tundra, a robot with bladed legs and mechanical hands both lightened by frost, and a face like that of a fencing mask. She wears a blue jacket with a fluffy white ruff and pockets on the shoulders and chest, a long green skirt with tassels and pale wavy lines at the border, and a brown belt with a pouch at the side. She's shown from the right, leaning back on a stack of pillows and a wooden wall as she looks out to the left, disregarding the open book in her hand, her legs bent in front of her. Under her is a yellow and red rug which pads gritty flooring, over her are series of low, round string lights, providing soft lighting in a room that's partially open to the night sky.]
it's a friend's birthday today yet again... in honor of the occasion here's a Tundra for @automatonknight :]
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Was feeling emo and kind of miserable and had zero appetite but I made myself eat something anyway (cheese and crackers and grapes) and?? I feel better now?
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i imagine néphos' curse kind of electrifies their blood, which means that whenever astarion tries drinking from them he ends up getting shocked. to roleplay this every time astarion bites them i hit him with shocking grasp. This is awful for resource management specially given how i'm currently playing honour mode and should be saving the potions and spell slots but it's the bit i chose so it is the bit i'm sticking to
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
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love in the time of [static]
HiMERU…HiMERU was…no, HiMERU is loved, he has fans who adore him, send him letters filled with their affections for him. I know that it’s meant for me, the HiMERU who sings and dances on stage, and a part of me relishes in that. I want it to stop. This love shouldn’t be for me. It aches when the rush of adrenaline from a live runs out and I feel like I need to break into old habits. My pack of cigarettes sits in a drawer by my bed, untouched. That’s the only thing that really feels like it’s mine.
He should be on stage. It’s what he was born to do, even if the universe said otherwise. What had he done to deserve such a cruel fate? I was jealous of his love for idols, having buried any passions in the company of that man, but now…is it worth it? Was it worth it, Kaname? When you wake up (I cannot make myself believe there will ever be any other option for you), will you still love idols? Despite what they’ve done to you, your mother, I feel like you would. You would love Crazy:B and their wild ways. Or maybe that’s why I love them. They’re what I wished I could have had when I was your age, struggling to find myself. It’s a strange feeling, knowing that I’ve made a home for myself with them, against all odds.
Amagi, our “leader”, at least on paper is a loud and obnoxious man, but I have no doubt that he cares about you. I haven’t told him, but I suspect that Vice President has, and he seems to know when I’ve got you on my mind. He’s very subtle at everything he does, which just makes him more difficult to read and frustrating to be around, but he cares deeply for his juniors, that much is obvious.
Shiina had no desire to be an idol, in the same way I had no interest in it before you. He’s very content with his lot in life, not wanting to push things too far and I almost wish that you could be more like him but…that would make you not yourself, the brother I’ve cared for so much this past year. If you were more cautious, less impulsive, more like me, then maybe you’d be awake. I wish you were awake. I wish the world could have embraced you like it does for Shiina now.
Oukawa is the youngest and I would say he reminds me of you, but I know you two are nothing alike. He fills something of a void in my life, caring for someone younger, watching them grow. I want you to meet him someday. I want all of Crazy:B to meet you, to love you the way that I do, but I can’t help but hide you away. The more people who know, the more chances for my secret getting out.
I’m sorry, Kaname. I never could tell you how much you meant to me. I hope I can soon. I will see it through that the world remembers your name.
Your onii-chan,
[The name is scratched out and illegible].
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