#I had to think for a moment but. yeah it's been ten years 🙃

[running-in-the-dark]

had my first real appointment with my new GP today (the time last month when I had to go in because of my middle ear infection doesn't count) - it was fine! not great, not bad, just fine. they had to take my blood too and surprisingly, the kinda rough nurse got a lot nicer once she realised how scared I was (usually they just tend to start talking to me like I'm a child).

then I saw that a package I was waiting for got delivered while I was at the appointment - to one of my neighbours. except it didn't say which one. there's 5 other families in this house, so that was a bit scary. I decided to just ask the people in the other ground floor apartment, and luckily they did have my package! the lady that opened the door was really nice. I'm glad I managed to do that - it was hard, tbh. really scary. but I just had the thought that I should at least ask those people and then basically ran out immediately so I wouldn't have time to think about it (and it worked).

we're getting closer to finishing our kitchen. just a couple things left now, like the hanging cabinets (that's the part that scares me a bit - I already don't trust those anyway, but if I know I'm the one who put them up... well that kinda makes it even scarier 😬). I'm excited for it to be done though - I really need to unpack the rest of our stuff before the chaos makes me go insane.

it seems that this period of having a slightly higher level of energy is over, unfortunately. I knew it wouldn't last, and it was like a month this time! that's impressive. but I'm still pretty upset about being back to having to sit on the couch most of the day. it's not great timing, there's so much to do still :( and I'm just permanently exhausted again, so it'll take forever.

[norgbelulah]

From "What We're Building Could Be Anything" (I am having fuckign Loretta feelings again):

“Anyway,” Boyd continued. “You were little, then. We thought eight or nine. But now I think on it, you must have been at least ten.”

“Eleven,” she said softly. “I was always small.”

Boyd nodded, though she couldn’t see. “Raylan and I, we’d just been through some trouble. It was bad trouble, but we came out of it okay and that night we were celebrating. Felt nice to go out in the town, see people, feel normal, so we went to the Dairy Queen.”

Loretta held her head still as Boyd tugged gently on her hair. The tangles were coming, but they weren’t easy. Loretta hadn’t winced or hissed once.

“And we saw you and your Daddy there that night. I think we waved to each other, wasn’t til later that we spoke at any length,” Boyd said. “But we saw you and we talked about you. I told Raylan that when you was born and after, all your daddy wanted to do was just talk and talk only about you. How pretty you were, how cute you were, whether you was sleeping or eating enough. And at the time that was happening I thought he was crazy, being a very young and stupid person.”

Loretta’s shoulders shook in silent laughter and Boyd grinned, catching a stray strand of her hair between his fingers and pulling playfully. “But that night at the Dairy Queen, my mind changed. I saw your daddy pushing you on the swing, and I thought...Well, hell, I’m not sure exactly what I thought. I do have a lot of those, all at once, quite often. But I think one of those thoughts was that it wouldn’t be so bad, having someone like you to take care of. And by that I mean, these days, I think it would likely be real fine. So don’t you worry about Raylan’s and my privacy any more.”

Loretta turned suddenly to look at him, and her face wasn’t so much hard as it was very still, her eyes much more like a child’s than they typically seemed. “Yeah?” She asked, voice quavering.

“Yeah,” Raylan said from the doorway and Boyd was glad for it, because he wasn’t so sure he could speak in that moment, so he nodded. Loretta whipped her now tangle free hair around. Raylan had his arms crossed as he leaned against the jamb. He was wearing his dark grey jacket, a blue plaid shirt, and the black silk tie with the embroidered diamonds on it that Boyd had got him for his birthday.

I love that you picked this scene. I actually kind of wonder if, when I wrote this, my brain was like, “WELL THEY ADOPTED HER SO THE STORY IS OVER” and that’s why I was never able to fucking finish this fic. 🙃

So yeah, this is Boyd and Raylan deciding independently but communicating at the exact same time that they love Loretta and want to take care of her forever.

I always see Raylan as a character who would never choose fatherhood but when it happens to him, he’s like ready to go immediately. I tried in the arc of their relationship to show Boyd as someone who has to think through things and actively choose them. And this conversation is a culmination of him (for years of his life) wrestling with the question of parenthood and saying, “yes” and “you.”

Loretta in this story, as in canon, has been through a lot and I really wanted, conversely to canon, to let Raylan (and Boyd) be able to actually be real permanent and committed parental figures rather than just a temporary, albeit kindred spirit, stand ins.

Also I love Kaitlin Dever in this role. I think she brought such personality and vulnerability to a role that as written could have very well come across as too adult for a kid so young. I wanted to bring that to my writing and I hope I did.

[isabellehemlock]

Fanfic Ask Game

Thank you to the ethereal @disregardandfelicity for tagging me in this lovely fanfic ask game 🤗

I actually had done a similar one to this about ten weeks ago, but let’s see if any of the answers changed 😎

Now who to tag?? Hmmm

@tobebbanburg @kiaya (now that she's back!!) @mekana47 @fitzcamebacktome (no pressure though of course)

How many works do you have on AO3?

37 (with 6 being fanart)

How many fandoms have you written for (and what are they)?

The majority are for The Old Guard - and a few are for Luca Marinelli Multiverse Character crossover au’s. 

Are there any new fandoms you want to write for?

Well I’m outlining a prequel for The Witcher featuring Calanthe and Eist :)

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Endless Ocean (TOG Modern AU)

Cleanse (TOG Post Canon)

Catch Me If I Fall (TOG Omegaverse AU)

The Bet (TOG Pre Canon)

The Purpose of Art (TOG Modern AU)

Which of your fics do you want more attention for?

They’ve had enough attention, it’s fine lol.  I mean I do love kudos and comments, and I do hope something that brought me joy, brings joy to someone else, but I don’t know if I think any works need “attention.”  I suppose if the question is meant more like, “Which of your fics do you hope people notice?” - I’d say, “Any that helps brings joy to someone’s day, or helps them process something.”

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I love commentary, I love to talk - words of affirmation is my love language <3 - and am always so grateful when someone has gone out of their way to let me know they enjoyed my fic/art (and seriously I’ve had a full range of commentary from like emotes to quotes copied back to me and everything in between and I treasure each one!  I even keep some saved on my phone).  I tend to reply back within twenty four hours, but sometimes it can take me up to a week and a half if I have a pretty full inbox (which hey, that’s a good kind of “problem” to have lol).  Right now I have thirteen I’m hoping to respond to by morning :)  

What sorts of things do you normally write?

I’ve been told I write two extremes - either fluffy or angsty lol.  And it’s enough of a pattern where I seem to trade off between the two between each work.  I’d probably say the tropes or themes that keep reappearing is simply down to discovering how someone feels loved (whether that’s romantic or platonic), and communicating that to strengthen the relationship, and lots and lots of healing and feelings.  So yeah, sometimes that’s adorable and fluffy, sometimes that’s angsty 🙈

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think it depends on your definition of angst?  Because I would say “none,” but then I do have a few that are probably close: The Necklace (TOG pre canon), An Interrupted Oath (TOG pre canon), and Memento Mori (TOG pre canon) - can’t really say too much without it becoming spoilery, but essentially . . . sad, sadder (because the reunion is off screen), and third is a cliffhanger 👀

What’s a fic that pushed you out of your comfort zone?

All of them lol.  In one way or another, because I always have this moment right before I post a new work - or a chapter update, where I have to convince myself it’s a good idea (thanks anxiety 🙃).

Do you write crossovers?  What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yup yup - and oh hands down, Pwimo where Primo Nizzuto turns into a catboi.  But I have something even crazier in the works lol.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope :)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Co-planned EO, butttt - not yet, though fingers crossed for a little something later in the year 😎🐙

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh I’m going to finish them.  I might be six months behind schedule but it’s going to happen.  I have yet to make a google doc of like a whole outline and not do a fic 😏

What are you currently working on?

My Joe x Nicky precanon get together fic, Their souls were knit together (and he loved him as himself).  Last night I uploaded the angstiest, most depressing chapter I have ever written ever (which is really saying something), but I’m just under halfway through and the rest is focused on healing and growing closer and all that lovely jazz.

I'll probably be working on it for the next month and uploading once a week - do some fluffy one shots here and there, and then dive into my Cult AU around Valentine's Day 👀 I mean, I have started it, but figured I'd pause while I worked on some things during December 🎄

What are your writing strengths?

I think when it comes to within the fic itself, maybe character backgrounds and dialogue?  I really like to explore what makes a person them from all angles, and discover that through dialogue and explorations of their past.  So I suppose a chunk of my energy goes into those portions the most?  I do like to think I’m funny sometimes, but sadly the angst tends to outweigh my attempts to balance it with humor, because I have yet to receive a comment of “this was funny” on a heavy chapter lolll

And just in case the question was about writing in general, I’d say my strength actually lies in my neuro divergent brain.  I don’t really need to carve out time to write, because I can sort of tap in, tap out throughout the day/week.  Thirty minutes here, pause - work on an errand, then head right back in for another hour, and so on.  I mean of course it’s great to be able to schedule a block of a day to just really pump out the words, but it’s not a necessity, and since I’m a mom with a full calendar, it’s nice not to need a lot of transition time between activities.  Helps me to actually be able to get more done during the day, so I can do some fun creative stuff in between errands.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?  Most recent?

I have some vague memory of jotting down notes for Sailor Moon fanfiction when I was like fourteen but I’m not 100% if I ever posted it, or just dreamt I did lol (twenty two years ago ahhhh!).  The Old Guard was the first fandom I wrote fics for and posted them on AO3!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

That’s like asking a parent who their favorite kid is, I can’t pick one haha. But feel free to check out the link at the beginning to see which baker's dozens I linked that came to mind first lol

What fic are you most proud of?

I can’t do the proud word lol, hmmmm - I think I feel most humbled by someone saying they felt seen, or something I wrote resonated with a reader. Love hearing it helped them process something. I wrote plenty of fluff, and even pwf, but honestly I do try to reflect "What would I have wanted to read growing up?" (Because one, it nurtures my inner child and two, it might nurture someone else's 🥰)

Thank you for the tag Felicity

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I don't think we'll ever see loud jikook moments again, now they're quite muted around each other, they don't talk much about each other unless they are asked about it, their affection have a certain limit too. I'm not saying that they aren't a couple anymore, but they haven't been showing it for a while, if I could only see them now and not see their previous behavior, I probably wouldn't have believed that there is more than a band between them.

I totally understand what you feel about seeing them in certain period of time/s and thinking that if you got to know them like that, you wouldn't think that they're even friends. Been there done that.

But I wouldn't be so sure about there not being loud moments anymore. I mean, I could be wrong and maybe there won't be anymore, but from experience, I can say that I thought the same last year and it turned out that I had been wrong.

I've said before how I really didn't see anything no spark no nothing between them last year. The only thing that made me think they were just fine even if I didn't ""see"" them, it was them coming from and going home together almost every day and the comments that Jimin did like waking up and seeing Jungkook, JK's birthday, etc. The car rides plus the things Jimin said: those were literally the only situations that made me think that things were still good between them. Because I did not see any affection or attachment in their actions or way they talked to each other, among other stuff.

But then DVDs were released this year lol! And you know how that went. Memories, ON:E concert, season greetings, all of that was released in 2021 but it was filmed in 2020. So, even if we're not seeing the actual moments right now, maybe we will get to see them six or eight months from now. I hate this SO SO SO much you have no idea, but bighit has decided that's how it'll be, that they will post behinds and stuff like ten months later after it actually happened 🙃

I actually think their moments will progressively be less frequent, yeah. And also that other ships might have their moments more frequently than jikook. But I'm sure there will still be some "loud" moments.

[s-lay-ing]

92 truths tag!

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. at the end choose 25 people to be tagged I got scared at first because it says ‘write 92 truths’ and ?????? how ?????? 😂😂😂 Tagged by *at the tune of ioi’s very very* nomi nomi nomi aka @achuu-nice​ - thank you ☆

I’m going to do this rn bc I’m bored so I apologize to the other games awaiting on my drafts :p

☁ LAST drink: water phone call: my mom text message: my sister song you listened to: nega dola - boa time you cried: I had a world record but meh…december

☁ HAVE YOU EVER dated someone twice: I haven’t dated anyone, blessed been cheated on: nope kissed someone and regretted it: kind of lost someone special: 🙃 been depressed: nope been drunk and thrown up: whoever does that on purpose is a fool…so nope

☁ IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU made a new friend: yess! ♡ (I see you wonhankwanhyukkyungsexing/hannie hate squad 😘) fallen out of love: …kind of? 😂 it’s not what you think met someone who changed you: not really? found out who your true friends are: 😣😣😣 found out someone was talking about you: I hope not :|

☁ GENERAL how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: like four? All friends of mine do you have any pets?: my most precious girl Pinta ♡ do you want to change your name?: YESS PLEASE 🙏 what time did you wake up this morning: like 2pm…😃 what were you doing last night: watching questionable movies with emma 😂 something you cannot wait for: OT9 AND AN AFTER SCHOOL/F(X) COMEBACK have you ever talked to a person named tom?: nope what’s getting on your nerves right now: oh boy 🙃 blood type: at this point I don’t even know I mean people around the globe use A or B yet here we have numbers and other letters ??? Weird nickname: only cloud at the moment 😄 relationship status: single zodiac sign: scorpio pronouns: she/her favorite show: I don’t really have one? Unless ofd counts ?) sort of ?) I watch it whenever I’m bored (ofd1 bc ofd2 is super cancelled) college: graduated a year ago! Wow, time flies hair color: black do you have a crush on someone: not really what do you like about yourself: I think p much everything 😂 except being so lazy maybe ???

☁ FIRSTS first surgery: my wrist, got a cyst removed first piercing: if ears don’t count then lip, I think it was on the left side? 😂 first sport you joined: oh man, idk 😂 first vacation: girl, my parents LOVE to travel so they took my siblings and to go around Chile p much entirely so idk ??? one of the first places I remember was either Mejillones or Iquique? The good old days first pair of sneakers: *in whitney houston’s voice* ohh, how would I know? (8)

☁ RIGHT NOW eating: lays chips drinking: I had some coca cola but rn I’m drinking water i’m about to: keep watching boa’s weekly idol episode 😂 listening to: Standing on the edge of tomorrow by The damned (loooooove that song) want kids: nope get married: nah career: musician 😭

☁ WHICH IS BETTER lips or eyes: eyes! hugs or kisses: none…but I guess hugs are more bearable shorter or taller: to be or to be with? 😂 whatever troublemaker or hesitant: a mix of both older or younger: it depends ??? idk ???? romantic or spontaneous: fuck romance sensitive or loud: a mix of both again! hookup or relationship: none

☁ HAVE YOU EVER kissed a stranger: sort of drank hard liquor: yess lost contacts/glasses: nope sex on first date: nope broken someone’s heart: …technically been arrested: nope turned someone down: here’s where the 'technically’ comes from 😂 man I was so rude, ugh* (also same nomi, I’ve turned down countless requests from people to hang out 🙃) fallen for a friend: nope

☁ DO YOU BELIEVE in yourself: for sure! miracles: yeah love at first sight: I’d say 'interest’ rather than love, yess

Tagging the last ten ppl on my activity just because: @heartofacarat @insecure-trash-bag @kflowergirl @jimineez @woozi-doozy @jeonghans-bunny @masomunos @imchaangkyun @wonwoq and @bbysquirrelsblog !

As usual, it’s okay if you don’t feel like doing it! :))