#I hate americans especially. Do u know how easy it is to transition there??? U can just do it

[septimus-heap]

Hate hate hate hearing about people who were able to transition successfully. Literally anyone

[mortaems-blog]

*     taps     mic     *     so,     uh,     is     this     thing     on     ?     hello     !     my     name’s     stevie,     i’m     twenty     (     she/they     pns,     please     )     and     i’m     writing     out     of     aest     !     [     bill     hader     vc     ]     i     like     true     crime     and     pretending     like     i     don’t     have     a     million     things     to     do     outside     of     writing     !     anyways     !     under     the     cut     you’ll     find     information     about     francesca     ramorini,     ezra     kennedy     and     percy     frazer     !     u     know     the     drill,     like     this     &     i’ll     pop     into     your     ims     either     here     or     on     disc.ord     to     plot     !

francesca  magdalene  ramorini.  vampire.  old.

full  name:  francesca  magdalene  ramorini. physical  age:  thirty-one. real  age:  six  hundred  and  seventy  seven. birthplace:  milan,  italy. birthdate:  january  sixth,  1342. nationality:  italian. species:  vampire. gender  identity:  cis  female,  she/her  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

when  i  say  she’s  old,  i  mean  old.  francesca  and  her  brother,  domenico,  are  from  13th  century  milan,  where  their  family  were  originally  some  of  the  most  prolific  hunters  in  italy.  the  ramorinis  had  been  vampire  hunters  for  years  previous,  but  it  was  their  parents  who  had  really  cemented  the  reputation  as  some  of  the  best.  the  ramorinis  were  a  big  name  in  milan  anyway,  just  because  of  how  ridiculously  wealthy  they  were.  these  guys  are  fucking  loaded.  they  were  very  much  the  apex  predator  in  the  milani  aristocracy  at  the  time.  naturally,  the  whole  ‘we’re  a  bunch  of  vampire  hunters’  thing  is  very  hidden,  concealed  under  the  family’s  reputation  as  the  owners  of  what  feels  like  an  impossibly  large  international  bank  that  funded  chunks  of  the  holy  roman  empire.  with  all  that  in  mind,  francesca  grows  up  with  absolutely  nothing  but  opulence,  and  their  parents  really  allow  her  to  grow  into  her  own  woman  ---  strong,  determined,  with  a  mind  for  both  family  trades.  there  was  never  any  chance  of  her  just  sitting  round  and  being  complacent  in  the  predetermination  of  her  life  ;  she’s  always  been  headstrong,  brave,  intelligent  and  opinionated,  too  loud  for  her  own  good,  a  face  to  turn  heads.  

they  have  a  younger  brother,  too,  fredo.  (  the  name  is  very  significant.  )  as  dom  and  francesca  started  to  learn  to  hunt  themselves,  they’d  often  end  up  with  fred  tagging  along,  and  for  the  most  part  that  was  fine.  fred’s  a  bit  of  a  weirdo,  but  having  them  around  wasn’t  so  bad   ---   until  one  particular  hunt.  really,  it’s  no  one’s  fault  (  despite  a  centuries-long  running  joke  that  it  was  fred  that  got  them  there  in  the  first  place  )   ;   it’s  a  case  of  wrong  place,  wrong  time.  anyways,  francesca  and  dom  were  turned  on  that  particular  hunt  and  their  entire  world  just  kinda  spun  out,  tbh.  they  were  so  accustomed  to  seeing  vampires  and  whatnot  as  the  absolute  enemy,  nothing  more  than  a  scourge  to  be  wiped  out   ---  but  now  they  were  part  of  that  scourge.  

francesca  especially  had  a  hard  time  dealing  with  the  transition.  everything  she  knew  was  flipped  on  its  head,  a  life  she  once  looked  forward  to  reveling  in  lost  in  the  blink  of  an  eye,  the  sink  of  a  fang.  the  transition  isn’t  easy,  but  she  shoulders  it  regardless  because  it’s  just  part  of  life  now.  she  gives  up  the  life  she  was  meant  to  have  and  forges  a  new  one  ---  and  she  thinks  she’ll  hate  it,  but  it  turns  out  to  be  oddly  freeing.  she  takes  up  art,  learns  to  paint  and  sculpt  from  some  of  the  greatest  ;  she  learns  more  than  she  ever  could  as  an  aristocrat,  becomes  rather  chameleonic  about  it  all.

so,  anyways  !  she  and  dom  are  in  louisiana  now,  in  this  massive  fucking  mansion  that  they  wrangled  ;  francesca  moonlights  as  any  number  of  different  jobs.  she  teaches  a  late - night  art  class,  runs  an  adult  ballet  class  (  she  danced  with  fonteyn  in  the  40s  )  ---  she’s  become  incredibly  comfortable  in  the  life  she’s  built.  falling  into  it  all  was  easier  than  she  ever  imagined  it  could  be.

anyways,  fun  facts:  

she  dresses  so  goddamn  well.  she  looks  good  literally  all  the  time,  and  she  fuckin  KNOWS  it  /  francesca  honey  stop  wearing  expensive  tailored  suits  everywhere  ur  going  to  make  men  insecure  

won’t  ever  shut  up  about  emily  dickinson  or  georgia  o’keeffe........  #ma’am  ur  crush  is  loud  and  painful

the  hot  aunt  aunt  at  the  dinner  party  who  simultaneously  judges  ur  decisions  and  encourages  them

yet  another  ramorini  casanova  ...  are  we  surprised  yet  (  no  )

ezra  riley  kennedy.  hunter.  twenty - one.

full  name:  ezra  riley  kennedy. physical  age:  twenty-one. birthplace:  hoboken,  new  jersey. birthdate:  july  ninth,  1998. nationality:  american. species:  human. gender  identity:  non-binary,  they/them  pronouns. sexuality:  pansexual.

i  need  it  known  right  fockin  now  that  i  would  literally  die  for  ezra  .  they’re  my  FUCKING  baby  and  i  won’t  shut  up  about  it

ezra  was  born  to  two  former  hunters  who  gave  up  the  minute  they  were  pregnant.  it  wasn’t  a  choice  they  were  particularly  willing  to  make,  and  despite  swearing  that  they’d  stop  after  having  kids  they  never  really  did.  almost  immediately  after  ezra  was  born  their  parents  were  back  out  hunting  again,  leaving  the  baby  with  their  grandparents.  as  such,  ezra’s  raised  entirely  by  their  maternal  grandparents.  they  simultaneously  teach  them  their  family  history  (  an  extensive  hunting  background,  the  expectations  that  sit  heavy  on  their  shoulders.  ezra’s  expected  to  carry  on  the  family  legacy  the  minute  they  turn  eighteen,  to  learn  how  to  hunt  and  kill.  admittedly,  it’s  a  shock  to  the  system.

they’re  not  in  much  contact  with  their  parents.  they  come  home  every  so  often,  greet  their  kid  and  go  straight  to  sleep.  there’s  very  little  real  interaction  /  gets  to  the  point  where  ezra  thinks  of  them  more  as  irritating  roommates  that  come  home  late  and  eat  everything  than  actual  parents.  their  loyalty  is  to  their  grandparents,  without  a  doubt.

ezra’s  keenly  aware  that  they’ve  got  no  choice  in  their  career,  but  they  can’t  help  but  want  some  kind  of  say  in  it.  they  excel  at  stem  subjects  in  school,  more  often  found  in  science  labs  testing  hypotheses  in  their  free  time  than  anywhere  else.  they’re  left  alone  more  often  than  not,  slipping  through  school  without  much  of  a  problem  until  they’re  sixteen  and  their  parents  die  in  the  middle  of  a  hunt.  it’s  a  rude  shock  to  the  system,  having  to  bury  both  parents  at  such  a  young  age  but  they  do  it  with  tremendous  grace  and  class.  shortly  after  the  funeral,  they  drop  out  of  school  to  start  hunting.

they’re  jaded  going  into  it,  definitely.  their  only  real  image  of  hunters  is  the  one  they  were  handed  by  their  parents   ---   of  dark  circles  under  eyes,  chain  smoking,  swallowing  bourbon  like  water,  passing  out,  rinse  and  repeat.  they’re  determined  to  break  that  mold,  to  do  something  different  but  they  won’t  lie,  they  considered  it  at  first.  for  their  first  few  hunts  they  tried  to  imitate  their  parents,  and  it  didn’t  turn  out  well   ---   so,  like  everything  else,  ezra  fits  it  to themself,  and  the  rest  is  history.  they  develop  their  own  style,  and  it  works.

hoboken  is  too  small,  not  enough  for  them  so  they  pack  up  and  move  off  to  louisiana.  (  they’d  found  an  old  journal  of  their  parents’,  with  notes  alluding  to  a  wish  to  move  to  new  orleans  and  despite  not  being  close  they  figured  it  might  be  a  good  idea.  )  they’ve  been  in  nola  for  about  a  year  now,  and  they’re  growing  to  love  it.  they’ve  always  been  a  city  kid,  and  there’s  something  about  nola  just  speaks  to  them.

so,  fun  facts:

super  good  with  technology.  they  fix  shit  in  their  free  time,  &  they  build  computers  n  shit   ?????

smells  like  frangipani  and  jasmine  and  ginger.  they  smell  really  fucking  good  for  some  reason

lots  of  denim  and  leather  and  yellow  in  their  outfits.  they’ve  got  one  particular  leather  jacket  for  hunting,  but  they  kinda  started  a  collection

angelic  in  every  single  way  possible

has  a  black  cat,  named  salem.  salem’s  a  good  cat.

percy  floyd  frazer.  witch.  twenty - four.

full  name:  percy  floyd  frazer. physical  age:  twenty-four. birthplace:  amsterdam,  the  netherlands. birthdate:  february  12th,  1995. nationality:  british. species:  witch. gender  identity:  demi  male,  he/they  pronouns. sexuality:  bisexual.

percy  .......  sighs.  i  love  him  so  fuckin  much

so  !  percy  is  born  to  two  english  witches  while  they’re  on  holiday  in  amsterdam,  a  pregnancy  that  both  parties  had  been  hoping  for  ;  their  household  was  starting  to  feel  awfully  lonely,  and  a  baby  sounded  like  the  perfect  way  to  round  it  all  out.  naturally,  though,  nothing  goes  to  plan  ---  his  arrival  puts  ‘unwarranted  stress’  on  his  dad,  who  cuts  his  losses  and  runs  about  a  month  after  percy’s  birth.  bit  of  a  dick  move,  but  let’s  move  on.  his  mother,  annaliese,  doesn’t  harbour  any  real  resentment  towards  his  dad  for  leaving  ;  she’d  fallen  in  love  with  amsterdam  on  their  brief  holiday  and  was  planning  on  breaking  up  and  moving  there  anyway.  

so  !  for  his  entire  childhood,  it’s  just  percy  and  his  mom,  and  it’s  the  best  kind  of  childhood  you  could  ask  for.  he  grows  up  watching  all  the  same  movies  as  his  mom,  reading  her  books  and  just  hanging  around  her  24/7.  ngl  he  kinda  had  the  coolest  childhood   ????   his  mom  loved  to  rent  out  her  favourite  bands’  old  tour  videos  and  there’s  many  an  afternoon  where  the  two  of  them  would  sit  there  and  just  listen  to  music  together.  their  relationship  is  very  similar  to  that  of  theo  and  his  mother  from  the  goldfinch,  if  that  gives  anyone  a  frame  of  reference.

he’s  about  thirteen  when  she  finally  sits  him  down,  tells  him  about  the  magic  that  whispers  a  steady  thrum  in  his  veins.  she  tells  him  about  the  uprising,  about  the  way  magic  has  become  outlawed,  how  he   has  to  learn  to  restrain  himself.  it’s  a  lot  for  someone  so  young  to  understand,  but  he  sits  through  it  patiently,  peppering  questions  here  and  there.  he  doesn’t  seem  particularly  enthused  about  his  heritage  (  really,  who  would  )   ---   his  mother  barely  holds  back  the  tremor  in  her  voice  throughout  the  conversation.

the  more  percy  learns  about  the  restriction  of  magic,  the  more  bitter  and  jaded  he  grows  about  it  all.  he  doesn’t  hate  himself,  nor  his  mother,  hates  the  pureblood  monarchy  with  such  a  passion  it’s  almost  terrifying.  he’s  sixteen  when  he  swears  off  magic,  tries  to  quash  it  down  the  best  he  can.  he  point - blank  refuses  to  accept  that  it’s  part  of  him,  and  tries  to  find  a  passion  that  distracts  him  from  it.  that  ends  up  being  music,  and  he  takes  to  it  like  a  fish  takes  to  water.  the  minute  he  picks  up  a  guitar,  it’s  like  his  world  makes  sense.

they’ve  been  living  in  amsterdam  this  entire  time,  wasting  afternoons  in  art  galleries  and  bakeries.  percy’s  eighteen  when  he  decides  that  it’s  time  to  spread  his  wings  and  move  away  ---  his  decision  is  hardly  precise,  he  throws  a  dart  at  a  map  and  hopes  for  the  best.  it  lands  on  new  orleans,  louisiana,  and  he  just  kinda  goes  with  it.  he  doesn’t  have  much  to  pack  up:  a  single  suitcase  full  of  clothes,  another  filled  with  books  and  dvds,  and  his  guitars,  that’s  it.  both  him  and  his  mom  cry  at  the  airport,  but  it’s  happy  crying.  

so,  anyways   !   he’s  been  in  louisiana  for  six  years  now,  and  he  loves  it.  when  he  first  moved  he  worked  any  number  of  casual  jobs,  but  he’s  settled  into  one  as  a  bookseller  in  an  indie  bookshop.  he  writes  film  +  music  reviews  for  a  number  of  online  sites  as  well,  so  he’s  got  himself  a  steady  lil  income.  

some  fun  facts:

dresses  like  an  utter  e-boy  and  i  won’t  apologise  for  it  

looks  n  acts  like  an  arrogant  prick  sometimes  but  truly....... sweet,  kind,  would  do  anything  for  the  people  he  loves  (  even  if  that  number  is  small  )

totally  pretentious  about  his  tastes.  don’t  start  him,  for  the  love  of  god

perpetually  got  his  glasses  on,  perpetually  holding  an  oversized  cup  of  tea

has  a  collection  of  tiny  little  tattoos  (  they’re  all  references  to  books / movies / music  he  loves  )

i  ............  love  him  a  lot

[sanjuno]

from the tone of ur mcu/got fic it seemed like u really hate or at least disiked steve, how come?

Woo boy, okay. So first things first. Let’s clarify the statement. Steve Rogers, aka Captain America is a character that has been re-imaged several times dependant on the universe he’s in. Classic and Silver Age Steve is okay. I’m kind ‘meh’ about Steve in 616 and Ultimates.

MCU Steve is everything wrong about American superheroes distilled into one storyline. And it’s not just one thing, it’s many things that build up until I want to set him on fire for the good of the world and all the poor, impressionable fanboys in it.

My issues with Steve in the First Avenger are:

MCU Steve refuses to accept any dissenting opinions and his first resort is always violence instead of debate. He’s manipulative in that he verbally antagonizes people so that they “throw the first punch” so he can feel justified in “standing up to bullies”.

MCU Steve glorifies active military service to the point of outright refusing to support the army in a way he’s actually capable of succeeding at and instead commits treason (lying on the enlistment forms) rather that applying for a support role. To say nothing of the danger Steve’s fellow servicemen would be in covering his ass if he did actually manage to lie his way to the warfront. Plus he completely ignores the fact that Bucky was drafted, which means that Bucky did not willingly enlist.

MCU Steve took steroids that had the proven, recorded side effects of increased aggression, sociopathy, and psychosis in every known survival case.

MCU Steve never finished basic training, and thus never even made it to the rank of Private. He’s never been employed by the US Army. “Captain America” is a stage name, not a real rank. If anything, Steve was a consultant employed by the SSR to deal with Hydra and only Hydra.

My issues with Steve in The Avengers are:

MCU Steve is isolating himself and refuses to take care of his own mental health and stability. He expresses obsessive behaviours and rigid thought processes that make it easy for the Hydra agents embedded in SHIELD to gaslight him about people and the operation of modern society. In short, Steve is ignorant and uneducated in a way that he could easily change but refuses to despite have unrestricted access to the resources he needs, and so any failures or bad judgement calls on his part as a result of his ignorance are on his head. Self-education is the responsibility of every thinking person who wants to interact with the wider world.

MCU Steve doesn’t know how to accept specialist opinions, as proven by his distain for Tony and Bruce’s work in the lab so they can track down the cube. Again, distain for cerebral pursuits such as engineering or computer sciences because there’s no visible effort to show for it aside from the results that are produced once the actually work is over.

More attempts to provoke people into violence when MCU Steve is losing an argument because he doesn’t have the facts to back up his statement.

Takes off on a road trip, but when the hell did MCU Steve have the time to get a motorcycle certification or driver’s license? Does he even have a source of income? Second instance of lawbreaking confirmed.

My issues with Steve in The Winter Soldier are:

MCU Steve has no proof that Sam isn’t a Hydra plant when he goes for help, just a gut feeling. Sorry, but background checks are a thing you need to do before sharing classified information for a reason. Operational security is nothing but a dream at this point.

Doesn’t call Tony to get the Helicarriers shut down. Why? Tony has made multiple public statements that Stark tech in the hands of terrorists goes boom!

Yes, there were Hydra agents in SHIELD but dumping the database just meant that all the good, actually SHIELD agents are the ones who got burned. How many active or retired agents and their families got killed because of that info leak? That’s like burning down your house because you saw a spider.

MCU Steve fucks off and doesn’t go to the hearing, and he never actually gets debriefed about what went down. Once again Steve disrespects governing authority and the due process of laws put in place to protect the public. (Because Bucky, and I’m so sick of that mentality.)

My issues with Steve in Age of Ultron are:

MCU Steve hasn’t told Tony that his parents death was a murder but accuses Tony of lying to them. Tony never lies, he doesn’t have enough of a self preservation instinct to bother lying. But Steve is covering up a murder and still somehow thinks he’s a moral authority.

Blames Tony for Ultron when it’s obvious that (a) Bruce was helping and (b) alien magi-tech bullshit was at fault. Plus JARVIS is dead and Steve doesn’t care despite the fact that it’s obvious Tony is grieving.

Identifies with Wanda, known Hydra volunteer who only switched sides because she was going to get killed by Ultron otherwise. Trusts Wanda’s word over Tony’s, when Wanda’s goal has always been to messily murder Tony and she set an enraged Hulk on a city full of civilians with the intent to kill everyone there. 

Throws the shield when he gets to Tony’s lab while Vision is being born, so yet again violence is the chosen option instead of debate.

My issues with Steve in Civil War are:

MCU Steve is still so ignorant of modern politics that he thinks the UN is a government. Also refuses to respect the right of sovereign nations to say “no” to having the Avengers cross their borders. If Steve wants to operate against human organizations instead of just the random alien invasion then he needs to have oversight and a proper command structure. Otherwise he’s just another extremist pushing his personal agenda on the populace. And that’s the definition of terrorism.

MCU Steve fucks up Bucky Barnes’ chances of being acquitted of Hydra’s crimes when they escape custody by blowing through the anti-terrorist task force and collapse a transit tunnel on civilians during the midday commute. Until that point everything Bucky did was could be filed under Bucky being non copus menti as a result of the Winter Soldier programming and the deliberately, maliciously cultivated PTSD triggers implanted by Hydra. But that chance is gone now because Bucky Barnes was the one “in control” when they fucked up the airport and beat up Tony.

MCU Steve lies to Clint and Scott about the reason they’re fighting. Steve says they needs to stop the other Winter Soldiers from being set loose and that the Accords will stop them from acting, but in reality it all boils down to saving Bucky. Meanwhile everyone on Team Cap gets labelled an international criminal in the end and chances are they aren’t going to be able to go home for years even if they’re very, very lucky.

Bad laws are argued in court and amendments get made if a law infringes on the civil rights of the people it impacts. But MCU Steve doesn’t obey the laws, he has never obeyed the laws, and so he has no fucking goddamned clue about how to work inside the system to get what he wants peacefully. Cue more punching his problems.

LYING OR WITHHOLDING INFORMATION ABOUT A MURDER CASE IS OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE AND IT’S A CRIME, STEVE.

Breaking people out of prison when they have, in point of fact, broken the law, IS A CRIME, STEVE.

So in summary, MCU Steve is a violent, delusional bully who likes to be the centre of attention and has never believed that the laws apply to him. It’s especially grating because the script writers keep trying to make him a sympathetic character but all I can see is some jacked up white boy on steroids whining because it’s not fair that he needs to be a decent, law-abiding human being. Due Process, Workplace Health and Safety Regulations, Harassment Policies, things like that. Also, Steve and Wanda are actually close to the same age in life experience according to the MCU storylines but he marginalizes her and denies her agency by saying she’ “just a kid”, which is the most bullshit patronizing expression of a superiority complex I’ve even seen in media. And that’s why I don’t like MCU’s version of Steve Rogers.

[possibilistfanfiction]

hey jude!!! just read ur last anon abt being nb and wondered if u could talk abt ur own gender experience?

well basically i didnt grow up in a very open household, like rly Zero discussion of gender, so i know i Experienced gender entirely but i played almost exclusively with the boys in my class until probably grade 6 or 7, & at puberty, even tho i was a better athlete than most boys in my class still, i started hanging out with girls more, at recess, etc. i was always into androgyny, even if i had no idea (& i didn’t) what that was—i liked some femme things, absolutely, but i wanted nothing to do w skirts or pretty shoes. i wanted to be in adidas running sneakers 24/7 if i could help it, & i wore a uniform to school w the option of a skirt/pants, & im p sure i always wore pants. at the time this, to me, seemed more functional, & it was, but it was also, as i can understand now, something that made me feel Less like a girl, although not at all like a boy.

when i was older, 12, 13, 14, my parents wanted me to dress nicer, & i was v much into like american eagle shit, although by mid hs i was into some vintage stuff. one rly big odd style influence for me was mia wasikowksa in this weird movie called restless bc it was this v soft femme androgyny & i think for me this kind of gender expression became very important to see & understand. it wasn’t that she didn’t look like a girl, or that she wasn’t a girl, but she also sometimes looked like a boy, or wore boys clothes, but she wasn’t butch. idk this movie sent me for a loop honestly lol. 

& obviously my understanding of gender expression didn’t correlate (& doesn’t correlate!) w so many gender identities, & “passing” is extremely harmful as a notion, etc. but when i was younger my understanding of gender & sexuality was very limited & began to expand when i saw very femme but still andro ppl, even tho i couldn’t articulate it at the time. 

when i was a teenager i knew i didnt want to rly have a single thing to do w any boy, which made me sure i was a lesbian bc thats the only narrative i’d rly known abt queerness, or queer women, or even queer ppl who presented as femme. there werent any out lesbians at my school (no fucking way), & the only out queer kid at all was a white gay guy a year older than me, who was popular in the way white gay boys can be popular in high school. but i read voraciously, was fascinated by the crossdressing in shakespeare (paris in the merchant of venice was a particular fixation of mine?) & anyway. i knew i was queer, i knew i liked girls, & i knew i was outrageously uncomfortable w my body, particularly my breasts. for a long time i thought this was because i was ashamed of my sexuality, when i came to sort of understand that, but ofc now i know abt dysmorphia & dysphoria, so yknow. knowledge.

when i went to college i came out big time, & it became very important to me to both be queer & look sort of queer but not queer enough to be Queer—i wanted ppl to be like ‘maybe into girls, but maybe straight.’ as im sure many of us know, this was a lot of internalized shame abt a lot of things, so that sucks. however, i cut my hair which was like the first comfortable thing i had done for my appearance in a v long time, & also smth which my parents hated & i did anyway. i wore a Lot of rly femme stuff bc they hated it tho? so this was all v confusing for me bc my parents are v homophobic, & here i was in college starting to read queer theory & gender theory & falling in love w like. the most beautiful, brilliant girl, & also spiraling into a mixed episode after i got diagnosed w bipolar I, which sort of put everything else on the backburner for a year. 

eventually tho i sorted that out (as much as u can sort smth like that out) & i started to rly pay attention to androgyny. i went to europe & i think theres a whole bunch of nuances to fashion that exist there that certainly arent here, & i spent a winter in warsaw so there were aspects to fashion & expression there that were entirely abt functionality, which i was v attracted to. in college, as well, & especially after college, gender became smth i was v much invested in bc i was (& absolutely am) a feminist, so my place in the canon & zeitgeist was one as a queer female writer. it was so so central to who i was, & what i was writing abt. every single thing i wrote in college was in some way a balm, some sort of piece abt myself, learning abt trauma & the body. sorting through a lot of hurt. i could write a theory piece abt elizabeth bishop & reading it back now i know it was also abt me, that kinda stuff.

when i went to toronto i rly rly started being invested in looking critically at gender & my experience of it bc being read as a woman was smth that was grating on me, even tho i had identified as woman for so long, & had no desire at all to transition. i know 100% i am not a trans man, so that was confusing for a long time because i sort of knew there was a space between but it was very hard to conceptualize. eventually i sort of came to understand gender is a color wheel where cis boys are blue & cis women are pink & then theres literally a ton of other colors out there, so yknow. lots of different experiences of gender. some days i feel much more strongly like i identify w women (in mostly political situations, it matters to me to be read as “female” sometimes bc rights for ppl w vaginas AND trans women are FUCKED UP in so many places). some days i hate the idea of identifying as a woman. i also never want to identify as a man. so when i was in toronto i rly started to know a LOT of queer ppl w so many different expressions of gender. & we were all young & lovely & open & fucked up & we would get fucked up but we would also go read together in the park & wander around alleys in the snow & like. there’s a Muchness to toronto that i experienced that helped me, personally, understand these intersections between my own sexuality & gender & expression as much more than just a gay woman who isn’t butch & isn’t femme. i was rly lucky to become part of a community that identified as Queer, & so i became v much understanding of these different aspects of my own identity that fell outside of binary—my sexuality, my gender. Queerness is a vital & profound thing to me & i was rly able (& so fortunate) to have a close friend group of mostly queer ppl & then a few of the actual literally most incredible allies i’ve ever known & will ever know. 

so then from there i just rly kinda thought abt things & like i got a binder & stuff in TO but rly started to evaluate my dysmorphia & dysphoria (i had struggled really badly w an eating disorder in/post college) & was able to sort out that so much of it had to do w feeling uncomfortable in the way my body was read in the world. & that will always happen bc i LOVE makeup & i have a “feminine” voice & sometimes i love skirts & i shave my legs bc i like how it feels sometimes & i dont ever want to go on T—none of these things make anyone ANY gender, but ofc theyre coded as “female.” but i’m learning to just yknow educate where i can & take a lot of solace in the community of ppl i have fostered who support & understand my Being. i’ve also allowed myself to be invested in aesthetics & fashion & how much a role that plays bc like. yah fuck Yah i look cool shit bc my friends love it & absolutely i wanna wear the same vans maia mitchell has & i want a melodrama hoodie & i LOVE local toronto designers & their angsty patches abt sad songs & whiskey but i love fashion born out of histories that is connected to smth i can understand, like queer punk movements, or smth my friends & i share, like blundstones (which are gender neutral, which is cool). i’m fascinated in how ppl express their Selves, & we are so unfortunately Finite in our bodies in the sense that that’s rly how the world, in our day to day interactions, processes who & what we are. so i invest in the care of mine by trying to listen to it, trying to make it comfortable—& clothing is a huge thing that can do that. also its fun so anyone who thinks loving (ethical, cool) fashion is vain can eat my ass

anyway lmao now i have a p decent sense, atm at least, of what makes my body its most comfortable (even if that is v far from Comfortable at times). i love my tattoos, & i basically never rly want long hair again i’m p sure, & i love makeup, & if i could wear vans or blundstones every day for the entirety of my life at this point that would be incredible. those are easy things, & i try to allow my body, in its cultural place, to have access to them as much as possible, which is so important to me in a sense of having access to a physical space that matches my mental space of gender identity. politically sometimes i feel v v much a “woman” in terms of my lived experience, & i allow that of myself as well. sometimes when i write it’s important to me that my poetry be read as a queer person but also someone who is culturally coded as a woman, bc those are still always central concerns of my work—the trauma, the power there. but day to day i’m mostly happy spending my time obsessing over other things, like what to call this new genre of music halsey & lorde are making, or why my dog stevie is a Fanatic when it comes to ice cubes. ive come to enough terms w my gender, & my sexuality—& the expression thereof—that unless someone is talking abt gender, or someone asks me a question, it’s not smth that is constantly on my mind, which is. Nice. its so nice lol. 

also i would like to point out that i know my experience being non binary is rly rly white & western in so many ways & i get that. my cultural experience of non binary gender is also v much this like. ive felt frustrated before but never in my life have i felt scared to be non-binary while i was like out & abt in the world, bc i still pass as a cis white woman literally everywhere all the time (which has its pros & cons but like, still, a lot of privilege). so i do try to keep all of that in mind as well when i try to center myself & all that jazz

& who tf knows where all of that will take me. i feel like, bc ive learned to listen to my body & my brain so much better than i did when i was younger—even when they might hate themselves—i am so much better at filling up a space in the world that occupies smth healthy. which is not smth i take lightly, & i’m also so open to changes, as long as they feel good & beneficial & true. which is sort of new for me. who knows man ur mid twenties are a wild ride 

[andrewdburton]

GRS Insider #92: Racism is not a political issue. Racism is a MORAL issue.

Yesterday, as I do most Fridays, I sent the GRS Insider to folks who subscribe to the Get Rich Slowly email list.

The email was unusual. It was more like a blog post than a simple summary of recent articles. I've had several people request a version they can share with other people, so — this one time only — I've created a stand-alone web version.

Parts of this have been edited slightly to account for the transition from email to web.

If you've been reading me for any length of time — or if you know me in person — you know that I hate conflict. I hate hate hate it. Some people seem to thrive on it. Not me. I shirk from it.

This is one reason I've steadfastly kept my financial writing politically neutral. I don't want conflict.

It helps that I'm neither liberal nor conservative. I'm some strange mix of the two. But mostly it's because I think financial advice is important for everyone regardless of political persuasion. It's rare that I take a stand on something political.

Because of who I am and what I believe, Get Rich Slowly will never become a political platform. (It'll touch on politics occasionally, but politics will never be a driving force at the site.)

That said, I'm mad as hell about not only the recent bout of racism in the U.S., but also the long history of racism that underpins our society. Something's gotta give. The current protests are 100% justified and they're not acts of terrorism. They're a call for action. What sort of action? I have no idea. I don't have solutions. But the problem is plain as day and it must be addressed. We, as a nation, must — at long last — deal with our history instead of sweeping it under the rug.

On May 15th, I saw video of the Ahmaud Arbery killing. I was mortified. I was livid. How could this happen in our country in 2020? Now, as more details of his execution are coming to light, the crime is even more heinous than I could have imagined. How can you read this and not be sickened?

On May 25th, I saw video of Amy Cooper, a white woman, calling the police about Christian Cooper, a black man who had asked her to put her dog on a leash. Amy blatantly lied, claiming that Christian was threatening her. All he wanted to do was watch birds in peace, and this woman was willing to ruin his life because he made a polite request. W. T. F.?

And the very next morning, I saw video of Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin kneeling on the neck of George Floyd for 8 minutes, 46 seconds. We all know that story by now, and we all know what's come of it.

Look, I'm a 51-year-old white guy who lives in one of the whitest neighborhoods of one of the whitest states in the union. I live in a bubble. No joke: I can go weeks (months?) without ever seeing a black person. I am the definition of white privilege, and I know it.

But it's time for me to stop hiding behind that privilege — and to stop bristling at the term. It's time that I stopped using my conflict-avoidant tendencies as an excuse to never talk about controversial subjects. And, really, why is racism even controversial? Why is it considered a political issue? Racial equality and racial justice aren't political problems — they're moral problems. But they're moral problems that we must address, in part, at a political level.

This week, I wanted to use Get Rich Slowly to address this subject, but I couldn't see a way for me to do it effectively. First, as I said, I'm an old white guy. Second, I don't have the education yet to discuss these topics effectively. (More on how I'm trying to educate myself in a moment.)

So, I asked two of my friends if they'd help.

The ebullient Michelle Jackson shared a candid conversation about race in America. — “What you do when I'm not in the room when people are making jokes and comments says a lot about YOU…Will you say nothing and be complicit because it's hard to stand up for people who aren't in the room? Basically, will you take the easy way out or do the heavy lifting which is hard? Which means you may lose friends and family.”

And the eloquent Lynnette Khalfani-Cox offered a lesson in economic violence. — “Imagine being born in 1866 as a ‘free' Black person. For generations, your ancestors worked for others and received nothing for their labor…And you, born in 1866 as a ‘free' Black person, start with nothing while a White child born at the same time enjoys the fruits of your ancestors' labor. Would that depress you? Anger you? Motivate you?” [This is very similar to what I want to write once I'm better educated.]

As you know, I generally spend a lot of my free time reading about money. (I'm a nerd like that.) This week, though, I read very little about money. I read about race. Here are some of the most interesting pieces I found.

How you can help close racial wealth gaps. [Smart Money Mamas] — “The racial wealth gap we see in our country today is part of the foundation of our nation. It started when we built an economic powerhouse of a country on the back of slave labor. And then, when we finally abolished slavery (mostly for economic reasons), we transferred essentially zero wealth to those who created that economic prosperity.” [Related: How big is the racial wealth gap?]

A sociologist examines the “white fragility” that prevents white Americans from confronting racism. [The New Yorker] — “DiAngelo addresses her book mostly to white people, and she reserves her harshest criticism for white liberals like herself…Not only do these people fail to see their complicity, but they take a self-serving approach to ongoing anti-racism efforts: ‘To the degree that white progressives think we have arrived, we will put our energy into making sure that others see us as having arrived.'”

Unpacking the power of privileged neighborhoods. [CityLab] — “Research has shown that where children grow up affects how they fare academically, economically, and physically; it also predicts how they interact with the criminal justice system. This study confirms that neighborhoods do matter, but gives a new, surprising answer to questions like ‘for whom?’ and ‘how much?'” [Related: “My white privilege.”]

This week, I've also watched far more video than usual.

I watched Dave Ramsey talk about racism.

I watched how black parents teach their children to deal with the police.

And I watched an hour-long Google Talk about the “black tax”, about the high cost of being black in America.

But for me — for who I am — the most important video I watched was this ten-minute presentation from my colleague Julien Saunders. It's all about embracing conflict.

From the talk: “When you run from conflict, you give up an opportunity to change your life before you even start. When you embrace conflict…you come out the other side a better version of yourself.”

God, I hate conflict.

And I'm especially going to hate the conflict that comes from publishing this article. But you know what? The time is long past for me to stop prioritizing my personal comfort over the safety (and equality) of others. If one week of articles about the evils of racism is enough to make you leave Get Rich Slowly, so be it.

But I hope that most GRS readers are just as angry as I am.

Finally, in an effort to educate myself and address my own issues — because let's be clear, I have plenty of implicit racial bias — I've begun reading more about this subject. Here are a few of the books I've picked up (all of which were recommended by readers and colleagues). Note that these are not affiliate links.

White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City

How to Be an Anti-Racist

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America (I'm starting with this)

The Hate U Give

Here's the bottom line: As much as I hate conflict, I hate hate even more. One of the things that drew me to Kim as a partner is that she embodies LOVE. She loves everyone. I can't say that I love everyone. But I try. And I wish that others would try too.

One of my friends recently said something profound in a group conversation, something I agree with 100%:

It's an amazing thing to work from the premise that everyone is basically good, that everyone is unique and has something important to say. Life is more interesting when you give other people the benefit of the doubt, when you assume the best in them instead of the worst. Working from this premise makes the world a glowing, wonderful place, a place packed with superstars. I wish more people could see that.

True story: When I was in college in the 1980s, Maya Angelou came to speak on our campus. I was charged with giving her a tour of the grounds for an hour or two before her presentation. I had no idea who she was. And I didn't go hear her speak. I had a pleasant time showing her the library, the botanical garden, and the theater, but I never asked her about herself and her life. (Same thing with Studs Terkel, who has become one of my personal heroes.) Ah, missed opportunities…

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/racism/ via http://www.rssmix.com/