#I have an hate/love relationship With this site istg

[mindibindi]

hey! sorry for bothering you, but i as a fellow x-phile i would like to ask how credible it is that gillian anderson and david duchovny hated each other back in the day? there are probably quotes or something but i can't really judge anything this late after the fact. i did watch the show when it aired but i was too young to get into internet culture. anyway, i'm hoping for some wisdom from fans who remember this. :) thank you!

Hey Anon,

It’s no bother and thanks for the ask. And actually, after the fact is a good position from which to view this matter since, as we all now know, Gillovny’s story has a happy ending. I was around for the original run too but internet culture was very different then. Not everyone was constantly online, I certainly wasn’t. The internet was expensive and hard to access so I got a couple of hours per week tops, which I mostly used to read fanfic. (Fanfic for this show/ship was basically my fanfic writer origin story: I was like WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS TOO???!!! And btw: readers complain these days about the pressure to respond to fanfic. Back in the day, you had to compose a whole fricking email if you wanted to badger your fave author for more. And there was certainly no easy kudos button option to make you feel like you’d done your bit to encourage community. Anyway.)

There were fan sites, message boards and lots of different fanfic archives. And sure, there was some gossip but it still mostly came via old print media. Pre-social-media, there wasn’t a direct line to celebrities or any great expectation placed on them interact with fans in regular, intimate ways. The advent of social media has created these parasocial relationships in which (some) fans think they know or have a right to far more than they do. Back in the day, and istg this is true, I posted a picture of DD with Blue in the surf on some now defunct message board. The moderators removed it and v kindly said: nope, against our guidelines, no images of private moments taken without the person’s consent. I mean…. talk about boundaries! My baby fangirl ass was properly chastised and learnt a valuable lesson. I think we can learn a thing or two from early internet culture and original fans, some of which are still knocking about this site.

Anyway, all of this is to say, I don’t have any special insight here. The only people who know in any great detail what truly went on in DD and GA’s relationship is them, and maybe a few people in their immediate vicinity. But XF fans are lucky enough to stan two very honest, emotionally thoughtful people who have shared with us some of the challenges they faced during the show’s original run. And, for better or worse, when people tell you who they are, I tend to believe them. Yes, there are other fans that can probably provide you with quotes and timelines and (wild) speculation, but I think I know enough to give a fairly objective opinion on what I think actually occurred. For me, the most pertinent quote here is Gillian’s characterisation of their relationship as being like “a forced marriage”. I take this to mean that, like any marriage, there was great intimacy, respect, cooperation and commitment. Maybe even love. But there was also a lack of choice that caused tension, despite multiple positive relational elements.

“Tension” is a word that has also been applied to their late-90s relationship and I think it’s probably more accurate. I don’t think they HATE hated each other. But I think they probably had fleeting moments of feeling: OMG this person is getting on my last sane nerve, I cannot stand to be around them another fricking second. I think the protracted and concentrated intimacy of their circumstances gave rise to SOME super understandable negative feelings that ultimately, did not define the true nature of their relationship, either then or now. I don’t think those feelings were all there was, even back then. I don’t think these two were epic lovers any more than they were bitter enemies. I think they were just two human beings attempting to function under super intense scrutiny and an extremely gruelling work schedule. And that at times resulted in tension or irritation which they found ways around. Talking to each other only as Mulder and Scully may sound terrible to some but I think it’s a rather ingenious way to conserve their energy for their jobs. It shows an incredible commitment to their characters, to the show and to the contribution the other was bringing to that celebrated dynamic. They knew it was important so that's where they focused.

We have all had times in relationships where we’ve needed some space, even from someone we like, love, respect and value. If anyone was struggling to understand this dynamic between DD and GA then recent experiences of lockdown should have provided some insight into this kind of intense forced intimacy. Now, I have never been married but I’ve lived with people and that experience will make you loathe how a person walks, breathes, sleeps, eats, does the smallest, most insignificant things. It’s not the permanent state of your relationship. It’s just a passing reaction. It does not matter how much you might like or appreciate this person. In one bright flash, they become the most infuriating person to ever walk the planet. Then you go into another room or go to work and the feeling fades. But what happens when you can’t get away, you actually can’t get the sort of space a healthy relationship needs? We all saw how lockdown increased the pressure on all relationships, especially partnerships and marriages. There was pressure within and without and people reacted naturally to profoundly unnatural circumstances. That’s all that happened here.

Now, it must be pointed out that even during periods of the original run when their relationship was supposedly suffering, there is footage of them having fun on-set and ruining takes by making out. This supports the idea that any “hate” was an understandable but impermanent reaction for both. Actually, I think it is highly admirable that they were able to collaborate together and remain individually sane while experiencing such relational tension. It shows incredible personal fortitude and professional commitment. They stayed focused and pragmatic and, to me, there is never any indication that their personal struggles impacted the final product. In fact, I believe they actually enhanced Mulder and Scully’s relationship in those middle years of the original run when they too were experiencing some growing pains in their relationship. I’m thinking of the raw emotion in that end scene of “Elegy” and the palpable impatience and antagonism in “Gethsemane”. I’m thinking of the division and sadness in the hospital scene in “The Red and the Black” and throughout “The End”. Like Mulder and Scully, David and Gillian have some fundamental similarities and some very distinct differences. For the first few years of the series they were living very different lives. It took them time to attune to each other, just as it took Mulder and Scully time to fully absorb the many intricate dimensions of their relationship. As DD and GA grew older, their lives became more similar and their understanding of each other likewise grew. And honestly, I think it’s somewhat hypocritical and inhuman to appreciate the many complex beats of the M/S relationship as it plays out on-screen, but then judge their real-life counterparts as they tread an equally complex path towards true understanding, appreciation and love.

I haven’t watched TXF in years and in my recent rewatch, I was surprised actually at just how combative this relationship could be. I had only remembered all the sweet, shippy bits! But (and I should not really have to point this out) that's also what is so compelling to watch. The conflict. The contrast. The difference (not just in height, although their physical difference does act as a powerful symbol of their mismatched but ultimately complementary dynamic). The difference and yes, even at times tension, between David and Gillian only adds to a dynamic that so many have tried and failed to emulate (RIP to any reboot of this show. This show IS DD and GA’s chemistry. End of.). I can’t be mad or disappointed about Gillovny’s 90s tension, so carefully navigated by both actors, because fuck me does it work for the MSR angst! D’you think we’d have so many delicious angsty fanfics if these two had been sunshine-y, tension-less best buds every step of the way?? Not only is some tension an understandable human reaction that I believe they have every right to, it adds dimension to an epically URSTy relationship that could have gotten boring (and kinda did towards the end, let's be real). There is an added, honest, brave truth to the moments of impatience, frustration, disagreement and division in the M/S relationship because DD and GA experienced these things themselves in the context of their equally intense working relationship. I think the actors continued to mine their own tension and express it through Mulder and Scully, which again is a super creative and healthy way to protect their working relationship and serve the M/S relationship. A relationship in which they were invested, but also a relationship that was central to the show and important to so many fans.

In time, the more intense M/S moments lost their bite. The relationship became softer, less combative, more appreciative. The LA move decreased the actor’s isolation and gave the show a new tone. Gillian is on record saying how strange it was for her when David disappeared in later seasons. And we all know the story of the 10 min post-"Existence" embrace (if you don’t let me know). So this story has a neat and satisfying ending even if Mulder and Scully never really got theirs. As evidenced by the second movie and reboot, nothing was destroyed. The chemistry remains (even if it’s not served by quality plot, development, context and characterisation). These human beings and artists did their best under difficult circumstances. They protected the work, the characters and their relationship. In fact, I would venture to suggest that the wild appreciation they show for each other now, the enduring chemistry we see on-screen and the palpable enjoyment they feel at the other’s presence any time they get the opportunity to reunite is in part due to how they navigated their early years as mismatched colleagues thrown together and expected to work closely under immense pressure. Thanks to David and Gillian, hate never took root. And now, in DD’s words, all that’s left is the heart.

[littlebugs]

my personal outer banks rant (character based) A/N: i have absolutely nothing against the actors of the show, this is just my full on review of outer banks and it's characters (i loveee the show so much tho, can't wait for obx 3!!!!)

see my site! https://littlebugs.tumblr.com/

jj maybanks obviously i had to start with jj.... this man has some serious trauma but somehow the series almost manages to play it off? i feel like there are a few key moments in the series but you don't really see his character getting a lot of sympathy from the other characters except for whenever it just manages to come up (sic the hot tub scene). also this man is straight up gorgeous MWAH! cut like a diamond, and he has that beach boy vibe. favorite vanilla boy in this series.

john b john b has an interesting personality and tbh it confuses me sometimes. maybe it's because his actor is like way old to play a 16-17 year old, he has this air of an adult while like doing stupid stuff, and he looks like an adult as well. he also got... married. not legally, but he got married. and honestly hes been through so much i don't even blame him- man just wants something stable in his life.

sarah cameron to be honest about her... i dont hate her! i though sarah might be stuck up in her old ways but she actually is quite a "go w/ the flow" girl. but home girl looses her dad (for a short time anyways) literally watched him die with leads to like a huge amount of trauma, has her brother attempt to murder her (yikes) and is on the run from police after being framed an accomplice in murder? not to mention getting kidnpped by her dad who turns out to be alive... i kinda forgive her for any rash actions because she arguably has one of the hardest times in the series.

kiarra carrera im sorry. I HATE IT. kiarra is a privileged girl who decides to run with underprivileged guys. i have not problem with that whatsoever! the problem is that now from hanging out with them, she calls herself one of them. you can't just think that (almost) poverty is easy peasy. yeah it's fun to hang out with the pouges, but at the end of the day she goes home to a warm house with food and a bed. people like jj and possibly john b might not have food in the house. she calls herself one of "them" but shes truly just glorifying the lifestyle and taking the advantages. not to mention her unstable relationship with pope who actually likes her. shes incredibly self centered and unaware and I HATE IT.

pope heyward POPE! i love popes rational thinking skills, hes one of my favorite characters. he rlly cares for his friends, but he also wants to have a future, unlike some of the other pouges who seems to be just lounging around. he works hard, and then works harder. he is probably one of the most underrated characters in obx. there is also something just so aesthetically pleasing about his voice it's crazy. pope arguabbly has a better home than most of the charecters with a mother and father who care bout him, but what hurts is when he runs away from them with his friends (i know he comes back, but the looks in his dads face almost made me cry istg).

rafe cameron ok... controversial character alarm!!! a lot of people like rafe but i can't understand it! yes rafe is... very handsome. yes rafe is.... also probably a psychopath. rafe definitely has something physiologically going on, and it seems like his family isn't intent on getting him help. rose cameron even says rafe has been like this since eleven. eleven!!! and they still haven;t helped him... sounds like it's getting worse to me. that may also be the reason rafe seems to fall into drugs more than any other character- it might - per say - let him escape his mind. all in all mr. rafe cameron needs some serious help and i would love to see if he has a healing process in season 3

ward cameron i do not like this man. not at all. he seems to completely ignore wheezie, honestly poor wheezie (we'll dig deeper later), he lets one of his children kill someone for him, and the other framed for the murder, murders people, marries rose (a mistake on his part because shes def toxic), and puts his children through immense trauma by killing himself and coming back to life. he also kidnaps people and blames the people HE murdered on some poor 17 year old. i can't.

topper to be honest i kinda like topper. topper is yes, a white, cis, straight male, but aren't rafe and jj? he is rlly respectful to be honest. he friends and some of the other kooks on figure eight are kind of jerks, but topper seems to be nicer. despite pushing john b of a tree or something he hasn't done anything wrong. he literately gets broken up with by sarah and WILL STILL risk himself for her. he also tells her he will never stop loving her, but gives up on the chase because hse doesn't want him. this man has a very very decent amount of respect and i adore him.

wheezie oh my god this poor kid. she's what 12 or 13? so uhm... i dont even know where to start. ok so her dad is a crazy murderer who scars her for life. her brother is also a murderer. her sister has been framed for murder. her mother is an accomplice in wards murder..... ugh. just let me whisk poor wheezie away and adopt her. also like ward does not seem to care about wheezie he speaks to her like 10 times -_- its crazzzy. i hope she turns out okay and honestly i would like to see some more wheezie character development.

carla limbrey poor carla. shes a jerk, but i feel bad. kinda. girl was dying and just wanted a cure, something to hold onto. she didn't have any sinister intentions, but it kinda turned evil because of her overwhelming urge for this cross and garment.. and omg renfield you jerk i hate him.

anyways this took an hour give or take so i hope you liked it!

[izacore]

Can't some of you calm down for a sec lmao like i also want alur endgame but idk you guys treat Arthur as a cheater when he did nothing wrong so far. Noée thinks he's cute? So what, she has taste but it doesnt mean she's a homewrecker, at this point some people will always whinning everytime we see them together even though it's important for his journey. Istg everyone hates romantic relationship dramas but they're the one who turn everthing into it smh

sighs, hiii! let me maybe explain where we all are coming from can i? let’s start with the fact, that before we even knew noée had a crush on arthur there were people screaming at us, people dreading it, that it’s so not going to happen, we’re seeing things and they’ll take different direction. and then it happened and now people are still saying we’re having delusions. every scene arthur had with noée had romantic implications:

the first time arthur sees noée he couldn’t have known she’s deaf, it was just a male gaze underwater, he couldn’t have connected with her as a person going through the same thing as him cause he had no idea about it. and they added that piano music and made the scene in general look like they were introducing a new love interest

the second time it’s that damn piano music again

he goes after her and looks like he dances with her, the way camera focuses on noée makes it look like they wanted to present her as this fascinating person (which she is), that arthur is drawn to

then they meet and it’s a literal meet cute, i didn’t get any romantic vibes from that scene tho and lost my alertness because then...

we get that scene with her and camille where they basically confirm she’s got a crush on him, it can’t be interpreted any other way and if you don’t see it you’re lying to yourself

later that day she uploads this photo on insta

and if it only was all of the above that made me nervous there’s also the thing with parallels to elu:

noée appearing only on wednesdays and then one time on thursday with arthur following her just like eliott used to appear only fridays and then one time in the middle of the week when lucas followed him

that damn 20:27, there were literally countless of different times to choose from

lucas leaving cafeteria in ep6/arthur leaving the swimming pool

the damn pool/water itself being symbolic for evaks

piano music

arthur checking ajsf’s site just like lucas was checking the site with eliott’s polaris, and don’t even get me started on that playful/flirty undertones in their messages

look, i just don’t want this okay? but we’ve had enough signs that are just making us nervous. after the clip we got today i admit i feel like something really bad would have to happen between arthur and alexia for them to break up or one of them would have to fuck up big time cause there’s no way arthur could go after noée seeing how he only got eyes for alexia :’) that would just be not believable. and yet i’m wary. cause they spent so much time building up those romantic implications, confirming that, for now, one sided crush that it all is just making me nervous. cause let’s say arthur is not going to feel anything romantic towards noée then why did they even focus on all that? the only explanation now that i can find is that they will give noée that homewrecker role, which could be backed up even by that promo pic with alexia on arthur knees and noée looking not amused... and i don’t want this cause still - it’ll be just adding unnecessary mess, making noée a kind of black character when i want to only give her love 😭 even if nothing will come out of it and arthur and alexia are end game - still unnecessary.

 i really hope we are all just being played by david and niels and they have so much fun watching us lose our shit over this cause i know they would and i’d love being trolled but we’ll see. for now it’s making me nervous and even though i’m loving this season so much and it may really become my fave this one possible storyline just stops me from enjoying it fully. oh and on a side note - isn’t it the very purpose of the skam format? to watch everything live, discuss and freak out cause we don’t know how the story will unfold? i think so :) imagine how satisfying it’ll be to look at the season as a whole after it has ended and find how it all comes together then that now we’re seeing differently.

[hycksthoughts]

𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓷,

It’s about time I finally expose myself in 30 points. I’ve wait soo long for that moment ,, hooray

1. I don’t have second nor even third names, just one, sadly

2. I have a submechanophobia.

3. I’ve recently got a new bed.

4. My PC doesn’t have an integrated CD player

5. I tried smoking but it didn’t appeal to me so I didn’t continue.

6. I’m actually a shipper although my main interest lays in opposite gender. I don’t know how that’s even possible yet it is.

7. I get startled and annoyed when people show interest in my culture/ country I’m from. Which I can’t account for myself. In my understanding it is sick showing interest in a country that did literally every even little thing wrong. I’m sorry it failed me, so when people unaware of what’s actually going on in there admit to their fascination by it I feel agitated.

8. I think german is a cute language, so everyone who thinks otherwise can piss of. Just type those words in the google translator and let it pronounce them: Milch, Brötchen, Schönheit, Flügel, Frucht, Kirsche.

9. I develop crushes so easily, you can bring some of your folks to a hangout and I be like damn, i feel the connection, where in fact they just were being nice.

10. I’m a professional overthinker. Hand me the grant already.

11. My English pronunciation is so bad my 7.y.o. brother corrects me all the time and he isn’t even a native speaker.

12. I often forget how old I am but sadly i don’t have any wekepedia site yet to check it there HAHA.

13. Both me, my grandmother and her bestie have the same name.

14. My mother is officially a crackhead. She pulls off things that make me reconsider every life choice made so far.

15. I find it weird how people pronounce Zeus. Resembles German süß very much.

16. I hade other expectations of high school but whatever. At least someone has fun there.

17. I genuinely don’t believe some pussies in my school have the nerve to do coke in school restrooms. Nah, all talk.

18. My school is promoted as lgbt-friendly, which I assume is only due to the manager’s orientation but who knows. We’re pretty cool here indeed.

19. I’m bad at handling arguments and get all emotional and whiny.

20. Although I have never developed crushes on people who would be physically unable to like me back, I was never liked back yet. That’s so weird, like, even If the person’s also queer it ain’t different. Life’s a bitch.

21. I roast people but then get nervous and check on them just to be sure they don’t feel too bad. That’s so pathetic istg.

22. I have broken both of my arms back in the days.

23. I live by the quote “if you know the question you can figure out the answer”. Meaning that mostly we can’t solve a problem because we don’t know where to start and the second we define it, we can find a solution.

24. I hate the color red.

25. Most of my furniture is red.

26. I never learned to cook and always experiment. It turns out mostly tasty, some times not so tasty.

27. I’m not socially competent and stick to the INFP stigma.

28. I believe some ships could be real. Now don’t overreact. Of course the most of idols and stars are straight and etc. in kpop for example there have been cases with relationships within the groups. this one for example is very much like a fanfic, with betrayal and all that. So it makes it possible for other group-members be dating each other. Which most of them wouldn’t do either way bc of their bond and all that crap. But still!

29. I can play flute

30. I love mangoes.

Now, your turn to fess up

@violentvaleska

[isitthescreaming20syet]

Do all the numbers you coward

– disclaimer: i did this at like late at night o’clock, while trying to avoid my fourth breakdown that hour. and i didn’t have my glasses on. so . if there’s any spelling errors that i didn’t catch, let me know.–

ok cool. imma just pick a post and go at it then.

1. what colour are you’re eyes?

Usually they’re like a green/brown ig?

2. do you like your name? why?

Yes, I love my name. I picked it myself with the help of some of my friends. It comes from a couple different book characters who are both super strong physically and emotionally and they’re honestly an inspiration to me.

3. what is your relationship status?

…. single as fuck man. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is sweet and not pushy and bigger than me so I can steal his hoodies and be swamped in them??

4. describe your personality in 3 words or less

“another fucking breakdown??”

5. what colour hair do you have?

currently a really gross red, (well I think it’s gross but i just don’t like reds) but on Thursday I finally re-dye it and im gonna go green!!

6. how would you describe your style?

either I pull smth out of the drawer in the morning and hope it goes together, or I spend three weeks planning it.

7. what size bed do you have?

P sure it’s a queen? my dog manages to take up half of it and he’s the size of a bread loaf.

8. any siblings?

Ye, two half sisters!! 

9. favourite t.v. show?

The Umbrella Academy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. describe your dream date

uhhhhh, smth outside? like a picnic. at night, but with plenty of lights. and star gazing!!!! bc spACE!!!

11. what colour socks are you wearing?

uh… one crew that’s white and purple and one ankle that blue and white…. 

12. how many pillows do you sleep with?

trick question!! I don’t sleep with pillows. I use throw/travel blankets and stuffed animals. I do have two pillows on my bed, but they’re for my dog to sleep on.

13. do you have a job? what do you do?

I do! I just started a week or so ago and I make drinks! ISTG IF SOMEONE ORDERS ONE MORE GODDAMN MINI SLUSHI IM GONNA KILL A MAN.

14. how many friends do you have?

hhhhh, i think i have abt 0. but in reality i probably have 10ish actual friends?

15. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done plenty of shitty things but im not in a good place to answer this one rn.

16. what’s your favourite candle scent?

Another trick question! i despise candles and nearly anything that has a smell. good or bad.

17. three favourite boy names?

Klaus bc my boiiiiiiiiii

Ethan istg anyone i know irl brings this up you will regret it

Ashton

18. three favourite girl names?

ooooo boyyy,

Claire

Isabella (spanish pronounciation obv)

Vanya bc yk i had to make another reference but also it’s rlly pretty and just look at it!!

19. who is your celebrity crush?

ik it’s basic but cole sprouse is the first one that comes to mind.

20. do you read a lot? what’s you favourite book?

yes I read all the time bc reADING IS GOOD @dodo-likes-to-tumbl

my favourite book is probably Six of Crows.

21. top 10 favourite songs?

hhhooooohhhhhhhhkkkayyyyy not really any particular order:

1) Istanbul by They Might be Giants

2) Roaring 20s by P!atD

3) I Wait by Day6

4) Monster by EXO

5) Choke by IDKHBTFM

6)Tempo by EXO

7) Awkward Silence by Stray Kids

8) Chained Up by VIXX

9) Singularity by BTS

10) Get Cool by Stray Kids

22.  What is your biggest fear?

another one that im not able to answer at this time.

23. What’s your go to hairstyle/

Literally don’t have one. I get out of bed, get dressed, and go to school. I don’t do anything.

24. who is your role model?

Idk. I don’t really have one. I really look up to my sister, Ella, a lot. 

25. what was the last compliment you received?

idk, the most recent one I remember was my moms friends mom was going on about my hair colour even though I hate it and we were literally standing by the hair dye in walmart looking at new colours when she walked up and interrupted.

26. What was the last text you sent?

Confirming smth for a talent show group im gonna be a part of.

27. How old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? (if this is a shock or a spoiler for you, you’re either wayyy too young for this site or wayy too stupid) 

I was probably about 5 or 6? I had a lot of cousins who were older than me who liked to spoil things. I was able to convince my parents I still believed until I was about 11 tho.

28. what is your dream job?

Dream job? I thought I’d be dead in the trunk of a car by now!!

not really, but uhh idk

29. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Idfk? five years worth ig?

30. have you ever peed in the woods?

Wtf kinda question is this? but yeah when I was younger. like 4-7 ish maybe?

31. Do you still watch cartoons?

Tbh not nearly as often as I’d like. I love Gravity Falls and I wanna get into Steven Universe, though from what I’ve seen it’s not a cartoon it’s art. 

32. Favourite dipping sauce?

no

33. What do you wear to bed?

Sweat pants and a hoodie

34. Have you ever won a spelling bee?

Nah mate. I can’t spell for shit.

35. what are your hobbies?

crying in the dark instead of doing my hw.

36. tea or coffee?

yes

37. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

hah “when”! idk if I do get married I’ll probably hyphenate or steal my sisters idea and do some sort of mash up of the last names, kinda like a ship name.

38.  do you believe in ghosts?

meh

39. what’s your biggest pet peeve?

People

40. the last person you called?

I facetimed @panickingposters

41. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

hah GAY

42.  what shirt are you wearing?

damn another trick question! I’m wearing my PFTW Tour hoodie.

43. what is your phone background?

lock screen is FoB lyrics - “ I love the world, i just don’t love the way it makes me feel”

and home screen is a space edit of the trans flag.

44. do you like it when ppl play with your hair?

As long as they do it right @goodmorningchicago

45. have you ever been drunk?

no but i wish i was

46. favourite lyrics rn?

“Like awkward silence..

caw

caw

caw”

47. summer or winter?

autumn

48. day or night?

sleep during the day, everything else at night

49. dark, milk or white chocolate?

k first of all? white chocolate isn’t even fucking chocolate. so that ones out.

second, milk chocolate is just sugar and milk. also out

Dark it is!!

50. who was the last person you cried in front of?

My therapist earlier today