Seven Warlords of the Sea
*edit: because I like an idiot forgot Akainu didn't actually want the warlord program destroyed 😭
the real reason that Akainu *should have* voted for the destruction of the Warlord program is, besides them being filthy pirates, they were also just fucking embarrassing.
Like pathetically, how did we let this happen, embarrassing
In the amount of time we have known them, between the 12 total Shichibukai;
4 of them got their asses beat by the same dude (1 of them before he even became a warlord)
2 of them went on to openly work for/ with said dude
1 of them literally fell in love with and actively sabotages efforts to apprehend this same dude
At two separate points they have actively tried to recruit (and succeeded once) the sons of two of their biggest ops.
Not to mention how 1 of them also got their ass beat by said dude's brother and then they would lose 3 more on the same day over the war for the life of said brother who was the same son they tried to recruit
2 of the Warlords would then go on to harbor/ mentor a member of this dude's crew and the dude himself! Arguably when he was the most wanted criminal alive. While the member that should have been the most robotically compliant protected the dude's pirate ship with his life.
They got played four different times on a world stage by 4 different members and 3 of said times all involved THIS SAME DUDE!
2 of the times involving the take over of a country that was then foiled by said dude while the marines did nothing.
They've had to imprison 2 of them and brainwash a 3rd
They've had to shop for replacements 7 whole times just in the span of 3 years
At no point have all seven members attended a meeting. Hell Hancock has attended not a one.
During the months before their disbandment there weren't even 7 of them! there were only 5
They are pretty sure 1 of them is fucking an emperor, 1 of them was working for an emperor, 1 of them might be (it is unconfirmed) the illegitimate son of a now dead emperor and another is protected by The actual fucking Dark King.
They literally had to fire Moria for being a fucking embarrassment
And one of them is a fucking clown
that would go on to recruit 2 other former warlords to create a guild that encourages the hunting of marines for sport and rise to the ranks of emperor.
Of course Akainu hates their fucking guts. They are quite literally the stupidest group of people he has ever had to work with in his life and they seem to bring out new levels of previously unreached stupidity in the marines! Just a cesspool of failure and incompetency trying to call itself a program.
95% of the reason Sengoku retired was to get away from these fucking idiots. He was drowing in the sea of paperwork Mihawk alone was causing not to mention the rest of their dumbasses and Akainu isn't about that life.
And that brings me to reason number 184 of why Akainu *should have* voted yes on disbanding the warlords
dealing with the fucking paper work storm and international incident that hit Sengoku's desk everytime Mihawk decided that needing to be fucked outweighed being subjected to an idiot. Nah Akainu needed them gone like yesterday.
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So, how are you feeling bout 1126?
Oh, I am UNWELL!
!! OP SPOILERS !!
Everything went down basically like how I figured it would, I knew Shanks was gonna wipe the floor with him. But that test of honor?? *Chef's kiss* I admire him even more now!!!
(I stg tho, Barto has to make a final appearance in whatever end-game war they have, but I'm a bit nervous now!!)
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for some reason i enjoy so much the idea of kyle actually genuinely liking cartman’s appearance. like, he would never admit it – especially to cartman – but somehow eric really is a perfect match for kyle’s preferences.
therefore he can’t possibly stand the idea of cartman changing his appearance to become more “beautiful” in other people’s opinions, because kyle likes him the way he already is — and kyle already is sure cartman is beautiful.
so eeeevery time cartman has even a tiniest thought of losing weight, kyle makes sure he will change his mind.
cartman: I don’t know, man, maybe I really should lose weight… I mean, I’m hot as hell right now, but imagine all those girls who will go completely insane when they see me all skinny and sexy?
kyle: Gross. I don’t want to even think about it.
cartman: Are you jealous, Kyle? Or are you just envious ‘cuz I get more females’ attention being big-boned than you do with your thin ass?
kyle: Don’t you flatter yourself, Fatass. When was the last time a girl looked at you without a terror on her face?
cartman: Oh, shut up, Jew! You’re just afraid you’ll look even uglier next to me.
kyle: So you’re going on a diet, right?
cartman: Right!
kyle: Okay, good luck with this. …Oh, wait, isn’t this a KFC restaurant right there? And, wow, look: I have fifteen bucks right here! Damn, that’s just perfect for a double portion of chicken...
cartman: No… you sneaky little…
kyle: Huh? What’re you saying? I didn’t quite catch it. Do you wanna join me, Cartman?
cartman: …I hate you so much, Kyle. You’re going to burn in hell for forever. More than that: I will turn your life to hell myself–
kyle: So you’re going or not?
cartman: …Yes.
ALSO yes he’d support cartman’s decision to lose weight for himself but he just hates the idea of cartman changing his body just for social standards. and i just want at least one person to completely adore cartman’s looks and compliment him and i think kyle’d be the one to do so. once he get over his embarrassment, he’ll start telling nice things to cartman once in a while and cartman who is absolutely not used to genuine praise will be so. fucking. happy. every time.
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my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'
and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs
— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...
...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.
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