#I literally lose my earplugs WHILE I'M SLEEPING

[blueberryspyder]

Nothing puts the fear of god into you like forgetting where you set your phone down after starting the washing machine.

[livsspecialinterests]

hi lads quick question are there any coping strategies for when it's too warm at night and the sound of the fan you use sometimes dowsnt bother you but sometimes cant be drowned out, and your partner snores (sometimes right fucking next to your head!!) and every single strategy people try to suggest is already something you do?? if one more person tries to "just use earplugs, they really work!" me I'm going to lose it.

basically it's 4:50 AM I've been awake since 3 and have to be up anyway in less than an hour so I've just got up to do my skincare stuff and might try to write for half an hour.

I've been on the whole sleeping better since starting ADHD meds, maybe that's why I react so strongly to having a shit nights sleep now. Like I work weird hours and have a decent number of days off between shifts for the next few weeks but just because I can sleep in some days doesn't mean its okay that I spend half of the night awake??

and my husband doesn't mean to snore, obviously, and he sleeps downstairs on the sofa if it's been a few nights where he's been snoring badly so I'm not even directly complaining about him but I know the shit effect that long term sleep deprivation has on people's health, let alone how fucking annoying it is in general to lie there listening to someone REALLY LOUDLY sleeping for hours on end and then needing to get up at 5:45 AM for work

I know it's partially an issue of my mood regulation but jesus fucking christ if lying awake for hours/drifting in and out of sleep/dragging myself downstairs to sleep on the sofa doesnt make me want to kill myself literally nothing does (and don't get me fucking STARTED on the process I have to follow in getting changed, moving my pillows downstairs etc because the sofa is "dirty" and my pillows are supposed to be "clean", yes I probably have OCD but I've never managed to get anyone to take it seriously so I just deal with it)

like my poor husband if he wakes up while I'm on my way downstairs says I'm really mean and like... yeah? my tone is a mixture of being pissed off that I've not slept AGAIN, trying to not cry because insomnia is something I've been dealing with since I've been a literal child, and also trying to not just flat out tell him that I want to die because I know he knows its hyperbole/something that I say in the moment to try to express my distress but I know it worries him when I talk like that so I don't want to do that

(though he will now check with me before saying he's had a bad night's sleep, since for him a bad night means he maybe woke up a few times before going right back to sleep ie he slept for like 7 hours but it wasn't great quality sleep, whereas for me a bad night is getting maybe an hour or two, interspersed with rage/sadness/loneliness/anxiety)

[head-empty404]

random madcom headcanons

note that some of these may not be original and that i just like these headcanons !!

hank j(motherfucker). wimbleton

he is semi-verbal but mostly stays mute. he occasionally makes some sort of noise as a response but he'll mostly nod or shake his head. (he usually doesn't speak verbally due to his metal jaw making him uncomfortable at times.)

i will stand by for hank being autistic !! :] (fucker literally stims in incident:001a and in the mpn trailers)

he hates loud noises. he uses earplugs when using guns and stuff so they don't bother him. (sorta why all of the madness happened, ironically enough. the boombox guy wouldn't turn down their music and the rest is history.)

hank loves cats because they're less noisy and are more calming to him. (not me projecting)

this man is an insomniac, hasn't gotten an ounce of sleep.

funny enough, hank likes rock music. specifically any kind of metal rock. (he mostly likes slipknot and hollywood undead)

i will remain standing for him being the tallest at 6'2" [~ 188 cm] (the mpn trailer has him being shorter than deimos but that might be an oversight, to me anyways.)

fucker doesn't get cold, like at all. fucker can just be outside without a jacket and not get cold.

deimos

this motherfucker dumb as hell !! /hj (he's only smart when it comes to hacking stuff lmao)

you cannot tell me this man doesn't pull pranks on the others sometimes.

he snores... LOUDLY... hank wishes he would shut up.

deimos is the type to play shit like calfornia gurls and never gonna give you up. (imagine him listening to california gurls while he's killing agents and atp units lmao)

fucker is like 5'5" - 5'6" [~ 165.1 - 167.6 cm]

he's built like scout from tf2 but with a bit more muscle.

sanford

this man is a heavy sleeper lol

he's a walking heating unit so that's why he's mostly shirtless.

i'm not entirely sure on his music taste but i think he'd like ghost. :]

he's like around 5'10" - 5'11" at most. [~ 177.8 - 180.3 cm]

2bdamned / doc

not much i can think of for this man, headcanon wise...

definitely a classic rock fan. (he'll occasionally play linkin park as background noise even though it's not classic rock.)

he's around 5'8" - 5'9" [~ 172.7 - 175.3 cm]

misc.

2b and dr. gonne are twin brothers and their personalities are similar to dante and vergil from devil may cry !! (2b being similar to vergil and gonne similar to dante)

you cannot change my mind that deimos and sanford share a room. they're boyfriends.

hank and deimos would definitely love playing mortal kombat. though hank would comedically punch deimos whenever he loses to the short ass sharkboy.

the both of them would also love doom. (mostly hank though.)

sanford mostly watches deimos play whatever video game at that moment, honestly. he just wants to there for his boyfriend.

2b is mostly too busy for gaming. he'll occasionally play minesweeper or solitaire, but that's only when he's bored with work.

[forever-queerly-me]

Pinky Promise -Tyrus-

In another world, TJ would have been upfront to Cyrus about his feelings from the start. They would be smiling, laughing, kissing and enjoying their times as boyfriends. However, TJ does not live in such world. In fact, he's not even in the right world to make Cyrus want to be around him; apparently, avoiding him is more desirable for the dark haired boy. TJ knew though, that even if Cyrus wasn't upset with him and he was braver, he may still have zero chance. He doesn't even know if Cyrus likes guys to begin with- what if he liked Andi? Or Buffy? Or literally any other girl?

TJ knew his musings were not helping matters though. So all he could do is move forward, and hope that he could at the very least fix things with Cyrus. It would help if TJ *knew* why Cyrus was upset mind you, but he couldn't think of one plausible reason. He doubted that the costume thing still upset Cyrus- but he didn't know what could be upsetting him. So until Cyrus was willing to talk, TJ would have to wait.

Speaking of waiting though, TJ had got a text back from Kira that he needed which stopped further Muffin-Musing for the time being.

Kira: Of course I'll give you a distraction! Meet me at the park and you can help me feed the ducks!

TJ: great! C U there.

TJ wanted to get out of the house and Cyrus was ignoring him, so he texting Kira in hopes she would have an idea and cheer him up. Ducks should do the trick! Kira just better stay clear of the swings though, because those are his and Cyrus' thing.

Once there, and early, TJ had finally received a message from Cyrus. Apparently Cyrus had found a shirt that he thought TJ would like. While he definitely did, he also knew that he couldn't say no even if he wanted to. So he texted Cyrus to meet him there. Maybe things were looking up and Cyrus would take up his offer and join him.

When Kira had arrived, it seemed she had changed her mind. Instead of ducks, Kira wanted to play on the swing set. TJ had tried to stop her- but she was insisting. So though he didn't want to, he ended up swinging. Though the swings were his and Cyrus' thing, he could not deny that swinging always made him feel better which was what he needed. So swing he did. In the end, he had fun. He knew he would though, for he enjoyed Kira's company. He still didn't want Kira sharing the swings with them though.

After some laughter and light bantering with Kira, TJ become aware of the time. Cyrus had yet to show. At first TJ had thought that Cyrus could prehaps be waiting somewhere nearby, but he couldn't find him. So TJ rationalized that Cyrus was probably just arriving, or would be soon because of a delay. Unfortunately for TJ though, upon further searching, he found that the situation was reversed. TJ had missed Cyrus- because he was already leaving. Cyrus apparently didn't even want to speak to him.

With that sight, all TJ wanted to do was go home. So he made up an excuse and walked in the opposite direction. Away from Kira. Away from the Swings. Away from the park itself. Away from anything that could have hurt Cyrus, all except himself. He could not walk away from himself. Suddenly, TJ was struck with a realization. Cyrus must be upset with TJ because he feels replaced. First with costume day, and now with the swings? TJ felt like a terrible friend in that instant. All he wants is to see Cyrus smile and to be the cause of it- not upset him further.

So home TJ went. A home that didn't exactly make TJ feel any better but rather worse. Especially because Amber wasn't home so he would have to deal with their parents fighting himself. In fact, as soon as he opened the door, he heard the tell tale signs of another fight. Though married, it seemed that all his parents ever did anymore was curse and scream at one another. Still- they tried to hide it from the kids, but it never worked.

"TJ! Hun! Tristan and I were just going over dinner options for tonight. Any suggestions?" Jennifer, TJ's mom, asked as if she wasn't just calling her husband every name under the sun.

"Maybe Spaghetti? I'm not very hungry though. I may grab a burrito or something later." TJ answered, playing along with her 'everything is fine' ruse.

Jennifer raised an eyebrow. It wasn't like TJ to decline food. She was about to mention this when Tristan spoke up. She had to fight to keep her from rolling her eyes. 'He loves to have the last word', she thought as he did so.

"We'll call you when supper is ready just in case you change your mind." Tristan stated, which effectively kept Jennifer from pushing the issue as she wanted to. Both knew that they would 'discuss' this later.

TJ took this his chance to escape upstairs so he could be alone. TJ's bedroom door wasn't even closed yet when the fighting resumed. TJ desperately wished things could go back to where they used to be, but the family was too broken now. Originally, if his father had found a better job, his parents could prehaps fix things, but after he lost his job, World War Kippen broke out. The arguments were no longer just about money; they fought about everything. Their bad relationship not only impacted TJ and Amber because they had to live in a toxic environment, but Amber became convinced that in order to be happy, she had to be in a happy relationship. TJ knew that things weren't great with Jonah and thus Amber was increasingly unhappy. Her being in pain, caused him pain. In conclusion, TJ was miserable.

TJ was tired of all of this. Tired of his sister hurting. Tired of him hurting. Tired of him hurting other people. Tired of his parents hurting eachother. Most of all though- TJ was tired of nothing going right. With that thought in mind, TJ ran outside, ignoring his parents, he had to be alone. He ran until he stopped at a familiar door and he was in tears. After knocking, he was rushed in by Cyrus' mom. She knew he wanted Cyrus, but all she could say was that he wasn't home.

TJ nodded tearfully, avoiding her questions and left. He sat out near the pond in the park until Amber had found him. Hugging him, she asked what was wrong. At her words, he sobbed harder, unable to talk. She just hugged him and let him do his thing. Afterwards, they walked back to the house, both with earplugs in to avoid their parents and went into TJ's room. Amber didn't want him to be alone so she laid down with him and cuddled in. Usually he would protest, but he was happy for her right than. It was what he needed. Soon, sleep over took both of them.

00000000000

Over the next few days, TJ stayed out of the house as much as possible. He still felt horrible though. He didn't want to ruin his friendship with Kira, so even though he knew he was risking losing Cyrus for good, he continued to spend time with her. Eventually though, Cyrus was forced to talk to him. Both at school, neither had an excuse to leave. It was the perfect timing for TJ to talk to Cyrus finally.

"Cyrus? Can we please talk?" TJ pleaded once he spotted Cyrus.

Buffy and Andi, both nearby, had pushed Cyrus forward and walked away to leave the two in peace.

"Of course. How've you been Teej?"

TJ knew that he would have to be honest. No tough boy act would fix things.

"Horrible admittedly, which is why I wanted to talk to you."

Cyrus looked concerned at this, but before he could ask, TJ spoke again.

"I can't fix things with my parents. Nor can I do much to help my sister- but maybe I can fix things between us."

"Teej-"

"I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world Cyrus. You are my best friend," Needing to take a deep breath, TJ continued after doing so, "I don't like

Kira more than you. I promise you."

At the mention of Kira, something had flashed in Cyrus' eyes. Jealousy. Though maybe wishful thinking, TJ had hoped it wasn't a platonic kind of jealously. He didn't push it though. Not yet. He wasn't ready to come out himself yet after all.

"Oh-"Cyrus could speak no more though because the bell rang. The two would have to speak in drama class that they shared.

00000000

Most of the day was uneventful, besides giving Buffy a ride on a golf cart, TJ really didn't do much else but do classwork. Thankfully for him, drama class had arrived. The class was doing a trials, with TJ being the suspect and Cyrus being his lawyer. At one point he changed outfits to show that it was a new day in the play as the teacher likes, and TJ had to state his full name but again, not much happened until afterwards.

TJ had finally gotten a line right he had been having trouble with, and as a result, everyone was ecstatic. TJ even got a hug from Cyrus. After the hug, Cyrus had to ask something

"Tristan Jr. Kippen, huh?"

"Can you see why I go by TJ?"

Both boys laughed and things were good between them for the time being.

00000000

The two went to the girls basketball game right after that and sat side by side. TJ relaying every play and Cyrus pretending to understand what was going on in. He didn't understand the end however. They had won! The two boys ran down to the court, and hugged excitedly quickly. Soon though, Cyrus had backed away and ran off, ignoring his calls.

0000000

The two didn't speak again till a few days later at Andi's celebration party for getting accepted to SAVA. TJ had found Cyrus on a bench and he sat down. Seeing Cyrus there, upset , and knowing that Cyrus was somehow hurt again and figuring Kira's presence must have caused it. TJ figured that he would need to try his hardest to fix things. Things became clear though as he stared in Cyrus' eyes. He was going to come out to Cyrus. Before he could say anything, Cyrus had started them off.

"Where's your girlfriend? Didn't you invite her?"

"I'm not dating Kira. I never was. I'm- I'm gay Cy."

At those words, TJ saw a hint of prehaps 'hope' fleet by his face and was reminded of the earlier jealousy. TJ took this an opportunity to prompt, "is there something you need to tell me?"

"I like you TJ. A lot"

Hearing that, TJ chose to cement his approval with a soft "me too", and latched his pinkie with Cyrus'. It was like a pinkie promise that everything was going to be okay with them. Things still weren't perfect in TJ's life, but he knew that with Cyrus by his side, he would feel much better. Cyrus has that effect on him after all.

A/N: it's 3:15 am but I promised to finish this before I went to bed

I don't know what the ending is- I'm sorry. I suck at ending.

This is not beta'd and I'm tired so I apologize for any and all mistakes and the dialogue in general because I tend to forget how humans speak which is why I avoid it as much as possible

Tagging as promised: @imhereforthetryus

[ishikawayukis]

Either way, im excited that you were right!! I'm trusting everything you say from now on since you told me about the repackage and the cheers mv before either were announced. I can't WAIT to see you lose your mind omg I'll be reading your tags and text posts that day like it's the hottest gossip of the year

FHSKFJAJDJAKA THE POWER OF LOVE SLANDER not that I can talk because I don't think I've listened to it since it came out so I can't even tell you how that song sounds. And they set the bar so high with 24h and callx3, nothing is topping those for me

Oh that's rough that earplugs are uncomfortable for you 😭 also that's wild about your dreams, I hadn't heard of that kind of thing before! I'm trying to summon all the knowledge I had at one point about sleep cycles but idk anything about this 😭

LMAOOO the only reason i knew it's because of another friend and twitter tbh, i know Nothing most of the time, but this time i was grabbing these two things because i wanted them more than anything LMAO

i literally listened to it maybe twice and was like ok! never listening to it again. and sameeee and i would add ff too, those are top tier japanese releases and so hard to top

someone told me it might be anxiety LMAO like i have very vivid dreams all the time and sometimes they relate to things i'm gonna do and think i'm chill about, but my brain is like no no we're gonna be a mess about it. also whenever i get really into something i immediately dream about it and while it's funny i'm also exhausted LMAO