#I love knowing that there are so many who are also not normal about YJH and kdj

[everyyoojoonghyuk]

I posted 271 times in 2022

156 posts created (58%)

115 posts reblogged (42%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@your--isgayrights

@hsyirl

@feralmoonlight

@its-sixxers

@amayavittori

I tagged 268 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#orv - 166 posts

#yoo joonghyuk - 155 posts

#yjh - 143 posts

#yoo jonghyuk - 137 posts

#not every yjh - 128 posts

#kim dokja - 41 posts

#joongdok - 16 posts

#orv spoilers - 16 posts

#shin yoosung - 10 posts

#omniscient reader's viewpoint - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i don't think he really opened his heart up enough to really fall for him until he first realized that yjh was more than a character though

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

530

159 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

#4

Going through the climax of the arc that made me fall in love with ORV is something special, so of course, I had to write a small meta. Keeping everything vague so that there are no novel spoilers <3

When Dokja revives, everyone (who can stand) immediately flocks to him. They surround him with worried looks and outstretched arms. Even Joonghyuk is holding on still. They're all focused on him, he's obviously the center with how the lighting is, but it means more. He cares about something that they don't.

And that's future Shin Yoosung. None of them have a reason to care about the woman that's been trying to kill them. And Yoo Joonghyuk has no knowledge of the 41st turn yet, so he doesn't either. But Dokja does. He knows her suffering, her story.

See the full post

173 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#3

ORV EPILOGUE SPOILERS

Argikysacgyjkj Yoo Joonghyuk trying his best to love Kim Dokja after the scenarios even though some of his habits are different and he doesn't quite remember everything he should. He doesn't look at him the same either, the emotions in his eyes aren't as deep, they don't reflect what they've been through till now

He tries reaching for his hand, once. All he's met with is confusion. Kim Dokja doesn't say anything, but he doesn't need too, Yoo Joonghyuk pulls away with guilty disgust

He's sure of it then, that this isn't the true Kim Dokja

And Kim Dokja, knowing what he does and not understanding the odd looks he gets when he does or says something that is supposedly out of the ordinary. It isn't, not to him. It's all he knows

And when he catches Yoo Joonghyuk staring at him with something akin to longing, he... doesn't feel as much as he thinks he should. There's love there, no doubt about that, but the extent it reaches doesn't mirror the love that shines through Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes

And when, one day, Yoo Joonghyuk grabs his hand with that desperate and hopeful look on his face, Kim Dokja can't bring himself to feel more than he does, and finds himself confused by that fact. There's something in him that is screaming that there should be more

Then Yoo Joonghyuk angrily pulls away and refuses to meet his eyes and Kim Dokja has a scary theory that maybe he's not the real one after all

236 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#2

ORV SPOILERS

Just imagining YJH realizing that the one KDJ loves most is him and he will be the one to deal the final blow

And that's part of the reason YJH is so mad when he finds out that KDJ only saw him as a character the whole time because he knows he loves him, but it just was for an idolized version of him, not who he is as a person

243 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

468

492 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[indigomono]

thinking about orv. how most people (including myself) started because of joongdok and some without knowing they weren’t canon lol.

my experience with orv was actually funny because i knew jd were only a fandom pair, so i didn’t have high expectations. however, while i read it i couldn’t even understand why they were so famous and half of the fandom liked them as a couple? me, a person who takes in bromance as canon romance in their heart, couldn’t see the hype?? that was a first. at that point (half of the novel) i already loved all the characters and didn’t care anymore about shipping, tho the other half sold me enough to like jd casually. THE THING IS orv is a novel made to hit the most when you reach the epilogue. those last 20 chapters redefine completely the reader's perception about what is orv, it changes orv to something even greater and emotional than it already was. when you finish it and you look at the broader picture and realize what just happened it’s like . you feel like you read the greatest love story of the century. take it in a romantic/platonic way of love or not, you actually don’t even care because of how much it transcends everything… you feel like it’s something bigger than love.

so yeah, i’m here enjoying jd and i personally think the cp vibes are too strong to ignore idk there’s far too many romantic tropes and that nirvana arc is an allegory on its own, BUT don’t get it twisted. whatever they have going on (+ hsy) is something so greater that just romantic love won’t ever be able to compete with. it’s soulmatism at its og form.

besides the epilogue shift, it’s also a matter of knowing the characters, after 500+ chapters you can tell when they’re lying (kdj i’m looking at you), what their actions mean and why they behave in a certain way, so when you look back there’s subtle and odd interactions everywhere. yjh smiling at kdj in the first chapters, for example, waiting for him to get out of the river for days and feeling disappointed when thinking he died— those were weird WEIRD things our yjh wouldn’t do normally, for anyone! much less for a random guy he just met!!! but we, as readers who have yet to know what is normal for yjh, don’t find it strange. in conclusion, everything you didn’t give much thought in your first read becomes gayer.

in conclusion, you naively hop in for the black & white gays and end up getting a much more sinister angsty queerer existencial something-something you will only understand when you finish the story. you won’t fully get orv until you reach the very last chapter and read the very last line!!!!

[toftie]

orv spoilers under sorry

been reading some theories and like i love the idea so much about kim dokja being a co-author to orv, because that means i think everybody in the main trio was a co-author at some point now, possible even everyone in KimCo as well as others who have helped them

1863!revised HSY started writing TWSA in order to save KDJ → but the epilogue was never finished before her ego got integrated into her subconscious → then events of ORV starts (which everything we have been reading was actually recorded this whole time by 1864 HSY) but this was not fully completed by herself this time unlike the first time she wrote TWSA. in the epilogue she notes she actually had to get help from everyone they've met, extracting their fables and asking them to recount their experiences of everything up till now. then at some point she wasn't able to continue writing and YJH had to continue writing his own parts in when he was in space, maybe he even edited some parts where his point of view was needed, and then finally after KDJ wakes up, as the last piece of the final puzzle, he finishes writing the story together with them probably after he recovered, filling in his own point of view on parts that only he would know (which is a lot as he is the main character)

i just love how this was a story started by one person that was only able to be completed with the help of many people, something that would not be possible if KDJ wasn't able to help all of them as he did. it was written with love to bring back/save one person (KDJ) and when he did eventually come back as implied by the ending, he wrote the epilogue in a way that made it so that it was to save the reader (us). rephrasing the beginning texts of TWSA in order to tell the reader that they will be able to survive, just as he was able to survive

also. like i still cant stop thinking about the 0 turn, like i keep thinking is that right? did i read this right? did YJH really choose to regress of own his volition just so he could meet KDJ? like that was the beginning of his regressions right? i kept thinking why? why would he choose to leave his perfect happy ending and go through the hellish scenarios again over and over, granted that the scenarios will be hellish because he loses all memories and KDJ isnt there to help him, just to meet him?

i dont think i'll ever fully understand and i think maybe YJH doesn't understand either, and maybe thats fine and thats just how it is. maybe deep down he feels like KDJ should be a part of his happy ending, like physically a part of it, rather than just an observer or a constellation watching them live it (paralleling the 1864th ending with him watching his avatar live happy with KimCo) since if it wasn't for KDJ, they would not have lived happily ever after. maybe its just how YJH loves, i dont know. i mean even after they finish the 1865th turn and go back to normal lives, YJH literally becomes so restless and unable to do anything with himself that he becomes a terrorist to take the Ark and implying to go to another worldline to find KDJ again. AGAIN. like he was literally haggard and disheveled looking and couldnt even keep up his gamer job because maybe he felt like his happy ending wasnt complete without that idiot(?) he was willing to, and actually did, lose more years of his life going to space, for like an indefinite amount of time, and he knew this, he fucking knew this, and just like the first time he accepted the regression stigma, he went in the great beyond anyway just to find KDJ again. that is insanely absurd to me like explosions are going off rn

oh and actuallt wait no he wasnt alone, the group regression thing by itself was literally insane and also YJH reading ORV written by HSY with others really helped him cope with the burden he placed on himself, as hes the only one capable of doing the impossible (like KDJ with ressurecting)

it also kinda parallels with HSY again as she was initially alone when writing TWSA for KDJ (um i guess the dokkaebi king was with her too but like... that doesnt count cuz there isnt really a solid bond, more like employer and employee thing) which took up many years, and then she writes ORV with everyone's help later on which i think absolutely helped her and everyone cope with KDJ's absence. HSY lost many years of her life writing for one man, including the Kaixenix arc, just like how YJH lost years of his life fighting for one man while KDJ lost many years of his life sacrificing himself for everyone, by doing what he knows best, reading, to keep their stories alive while they lived out their happy ending. i think i am literally just talking in a loop now but when it comes to these 3 the parallels and symbolism are so insane with how interconnected and almost symbiotic everything is

also i was literally just doublechecking the definition of symbiosis and

[istherewifiinhell]

reading progress: chapter 222 (i had to get some shit sorted but we're back in action here folks)

reading highlights: get the scrolling fingers ready

196 oh theres a character w gender

kdj kind of commenter that just wants a girl character. okay

kdj ID theft yjh: oh there you are

197 "in moments of low self esteem Kim Dokja would say "I'm Yoo Joonghyuk"

UNIONIZE HELL!!

198 going to a bar to eat the appies yes (non drinker solidarity)

guy who survived a decade on one story -> maybe [non constellation] people need stories also

kdj: WWYJHD? wait im better than him

199 kdj special fake it til u make it

listening to funky synth music during the reaper fights (cat out of hell on bandcamp)

"my lovely kids LGY & SYS" t-t

200 [processing gamified revolution] HMM

201 hell yeah publican dude (british sense) i want him to make me a butty

Han Myungoh (HMO?) union buster OFC

YJH bar of handsome ness entry #1652

203 kdj unabashed long media enjoyer

LITERALLY comparing this to union efforts at the old job. okay

204 why are all office manager/company men roman philosophy losers

bring out the skill/item from 100 chapters ago

kinda hot to kill people just cause there fucking with the revolution

ORV MPREG?

205 orv a story for people who like wall

JHY videogame siren girl technique :/

206 HMO demon king consort? good for u?

ppl can grow off screen?? kdj lack of human object permanence

YJH widower era babey. uriel not causing problems persay. but on purpose

207 [BAD SOCIETAL THING] isnt the natural state of the world and can be changed. kissing this arc

brooo do get yjh a therapy watch to get him to dissociating/alienating himself less -> kdj is the guy planing this o__o

KNW and abyssal black dragon are u evil or just 14

208 [hsy feels like] an abandoned food processor?

The entire hsy & ysa scene its got everything: sexual tension, fraught emotions, abt secrets and grief, Big Dragon

JHY in a world of minmaxers is a balanced PC

209kdj you have a new kid a they are a foolish teen

4th wall dog training continues. NO eating other smaller wall

Big Guy (derogatory) my fav passive aggressive insult

210 "I forgot to I was Yoo Joonghyuk" yeah rookie mistake man cant forget that

"Tell the Duke to learn to fear the Day" HOOTIN AND HOLLERING

211 why is this egg so cute wtf. it needs story and hugs okay

dokkaebi sys birth im crying. kids man, you gotta love them! they love the whole world!

212 [heh] kdj dad moments! thats his kid!!

SYS LGY LJH kid hang out T_T -> maritime admiral yi sunsin T_T

uriel is so normal about dokhyuk. you abandoned ur incarnation!!

213 yjh uriel Road trip buddy comedy

STEAL FROM WORK!!

214 "if you have to sell your story sell it for the right price" THATS PRAXIS BAYBE

kdj doing the blackbeard thing about demon king of salvation

215 kdj cant talk to people. mood. -> praising jhy cute

216 kdj no good billionairs-ing the constellations

the readership to commenter to author pipeline. themes

Kdj existential crisis about the existence of truth and the true self and if its possible to know the other

Yelling

"I think there is a huge wall" [Fourth Wall is looking at you] -> THATS WRITING

'theres no such think as communication' DOKJA

everyone has a wall, communication is impossible thats obvious -> TEENS ROCK

you should leave your mark

music: loves first explosion

kdj 🤝 me : getting the names slightly wrong

SWK!!!

↳ 217 he had sweet lips?

↳ one of swk hairs? -> secret tool that will help us later?

↳ its the gaze of one person...

218 the snake says hes okay cause he has no hands and feet (GOOD JOKE) i missed the twitch chat

THE REVOLUTION MUST LIVE IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR MINDS

many stripes one team! (blaseball ref)

219 dokhyuk's constant one up man ship ID fuckery

219 theres the swk hair. im gonna get a good grade in orv!

220 KNW is a mech. okay

Bye KNW see you in another 50 chapters

UGH YJH [SCREAMING] thx for saving him bbygirl

"He came..." I was so happy I wanted to call out his name... yeah bro?

221 kdj self rationalization speed run. did my friend do smth just to save me? no he must have some convoluted motive

Author is that file A THREAT? sad yjh tho bby.

rotating: i mean shit. i already made a post cause part of of this section was so fucking good. kim dokja! you got problems man. fucking fascinating ones. I love it when teens school him about the philosophy of communication. yeah bro its all signifiers all the way down the platonic realm of perfect objects is inaccessible to us. but meaning can still be created even if its infinite meanings of infinite texts. hang on.... can we get fictional character Kim Dokja to read Borges i think i would fuck him up so bad. delightful revolutionary stuff going on here too, big fan. to think we can kill the trope of the evil revolutionary that takes power for themself if we all just had the most weird intrinsic gay identity thing going on with some guy thats assassinates politicians in ur name.

i think ill leave the actual nibbles of kdj yjh legacy/story swap for next time tho. just based in vibes. also just noteing the veritable gaggle of kids being collected. love em. kdj like many people with parent problems and who is easy to own, collecting them like flies

remember all epiphanies of the self are 80 percent wrong

[leefi]

Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah

omg. women ❤️

Sexuality Headcanon:

HSY: biphobic bisexual etc. Etc. She doesn't think she's straight and she doesn't think she's gay. She straight up just doesn't think about it but she does have this inexplicable hatred towards bi people also poly people because somebody's definitely gotta be jealous of somebody else in this situation and ppl are definitely being left out and she just thinks they should stop lying to themselves and just be in couples like normal peopeb

YSA: I don't have a strong hc for her - I've gone from seeing her as bi to lesbian to aro and none of them really stuck in my head as "yes, this is her". I have to write her more to figure it out!

Gender Headcanon:

I think it's very funny when HSY is just a fucking cis girl and has absolutely no gender going on. I ALSO think having her present more masc or express some degree of gender fluidity is very good too. WRT the "cis girl" thing I think this could be a case of like with her sexuality where she just straight up never Thought about it because she grew up so isolated from other people. If she's gf (gluten free) she definitely transes her gender later. same applies to kdj tbh.

A ship I have with said character:

HSY - sangsoo had me in a chokehold for like the first 200 chapters of orv i was vacuuming up those crumbs like a cordless dyson and i think even wit yhk they do kiss occasionally to maintain their sisterly bonds you understand. and jhw is there too ofc ofc. And of course yoohankim ❤️ three bottoms in a trenchcoat. destined soulmates because they ❤️ chose kdj every time and ❤️ are responsible for the deaths of millions for each other and are two sexy people cursed by some guy's dick and yeah. it's good. I'm a very firm believer in not separating them but doksoo is of course phenomenal and 1863rd + 1865th yoohan has me in a fucking chokehold. 1863rd HSY throws her life away for all of eternity and damns millions for the sake of just one man's life and is doomed to never meet him and reconcile that. Screams. HSY was also the first person SP made a covenant with (which says all you need to know about SP's personality LMDJSJSJ) and the way she is the arbiter of YJH's destruction in 1863 and the way they tiptoe around each other in 1865-onward??? god God god god there's so much they need to acknowledge about each other.

Ok now that I talked about how enamored I am with toxic horrible 1863rd yoohan it's time to talk about my other favorite 1863rd ship HSY x Lee Seolhw (a train blares past me at this mom

wrt sangsoo - I love it and I think it's more than just dog girl/cat girl gf syndrome. I think there's a lot to be explored wrt how YSA grew up around fake rich people and she meets this woman who gives absolutely zero shits about any decorum whatsoever. HSY grew up around no one and YSA grew up around So Many but never felt Loved. And then this very short hissing cat hisses into her life and wow this is the exact opposite of what she expected love to look like. But it's Genuine.

YSA - me <3, sangsoo, yooyoohankim but not really. Like. My feelings about this are very conflicted but I think she's the most adjacent to them if that makes sense. Like if anyone was gonna be their fourth it would obviously be her but I just can't see her being romantic with any of them WHEN they're a unit (including hsy). Like. I think the three of them fight over who gets to be her date to public functions. Like she's the main character of their breakfast table gossip. This tweet describes best what I'm going for here I shan't elaborate further

Bonus OT3 - one of my Twitter mutuals brought up the possibility of YSA/JHW/LHS where the two of them basically amicably share JHW and I think that's super cute . Give her a boyfriend and a girlfriend .

A BROTP I have with said character:

YSA- YOOYOO YOOYOOOOOOO YJH YJH YIH YJH YJH YJG THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR HILARITY AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE LEVELS OF COMEDIC DUO AND #GIRL SOLIDARITY THESE TWO COULD GLHAVE TOGETHER AFTER HE TRIES TO KILL HER 84 TIMES ONE DAY ILL WRITE A DISSERTATION ABOUT THIS. Yooyoo is that character dynamic where one person takes a rivalry SUPER seriously and the other is extremely oblivious about it but of course YSA isn't oblivious about anything. She's extremely pleasant to him for the express purpose of pissing him off more. I think after joongdok are solidly a thing he stops being a freak towards her and then we get the powerful #girl friendship, because I believe that a lot of his initial dislike towards her stems from the fact that she seems to intuitively understand kdj so much better than he does. and of course because I have to make even brotps poly add LHS for <3 yeeyee <3

also YSA/SWK. I want them to work out whatever the fuck is going on there. Like...Did YSA adopt any of her memories? Did she keep any tics,mannerisms from her body's previous owner? Does her laugh sound different now in a weirdly familiar way? There's so much to unpack there...I want them to sit down and talk things out.

HSY - on the topic of brot3s HSY/JHW/KDJ. please don't ask me to elaborate. but do take this

also doksoo. of course. yes they're together. yes they're also bros . i also think it's very funny when yjh third wheels This dynamic

A NOTP I have with said character:

Honestly HSY/JHW?? though disclaimer when I say NOTP 90% of the time I'm not using it in the way most others do - very rarely does a ship genuinely BOTHER me. Like I'll read HSY/JHW fic and enjoy it, if you wrote me a good pitch you'd probably get me fully on board with it, I just think that TO ME their relationship is better as (this is gonna sound so "they're not gay they just have a brotherly bond!" im so sorry) two very different people who did NOT get along in any sense and still pushed that all aside and cooperated for the sake of something bigger than them both. And then grew to love each other like family out of it. I think adding a layer of sexual tension to that detracts from the genuine distaste they had towards each other - and not in the "but she's still so sexy way". they just straight up did not like each other, but they did love each other. does that make sense? probably not. but maybe one day they looked at each other after sharing a laugh, and each privately thought to themselves "hey? maybe she isn't so bad after all." and that was the start to a very slow-budding, but eventually unbreakable friendship. but of course first hsy said something stupid to break the mood and jhw nearly killed her

for YSA? none really I am open to anything.

A random headcanon:

HSY - hsy doesn't understand why she does things. she is incapable of self-reflection. she just acts. this was what kdj meant when he compared her to yjh. sorry to insert men into women's spaces but I'm gonna make this about KDJ for a second - he's really good at self-analysis but has zero emotional intelligence. Like he can objectively recognize trauma but has no idea how to guide himself through it and thinks that recognition is sufficient. hsy and yjh are the inverse of him where they are more emotionally intelligent (granted, not by much...) But aren't as good at self reflection

YSA - I kind of mixed this with opinion see below. Oh another one! I think that she and JHW taught the kids how to drive together :)

and sometimes I wonder if she misses her friends from the library :( we never heard from them again...were they still stuck inside kdj's head after thousands of years or like

General Opinion over said character:

YSA - meow meow meow meow :) meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow. Meow meow meow meow. Meow <3 😙👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏻

I love nice characters who are more than just their niceness! When they're optimistic and it's compelling! I firmly believe that YSA was KDJ's closest confidant - and therefore technically the most "complicit" in his constant self-endangerment - because she believed with him in possibility of a happy ending. And if he needed to do what he needed to do to get there, she'd support him unequivocally along the way.

HSY - I would straight up hate her if she was a real person that I knew. Like I would fucking despise her. Adore her as a character though she's my war criminal wifey <3 I've said this before but I have like. A very strong conviction that 1863!HSY is the most tragic character of ORV and whenever I think about her too long I go absolutely insane. A mutual on twitter mentioned how the original sin in orv is actually love...

[chocosvt]

(below is a mix of rambling/more discussion/some updates on where my blog is heading, read if u wish)

to be frank, at this point, i don’t think an apology statement is in sight. pledis has proved time and time again how manipulative and apathetic they are as a company. even the bare minimum - making a small edit in the clip which would have removed the offensive segment - is ignored. no matter how vocal this fandom was, pledis chose to do absolutely nothing. they would rather preserve clips of their artists normalizing an abhorrent, discriminatory song than issue a simple statement, leaving south asian carats to ruminate in this nauseating uncertainty and exhaustion. and it seems to unearth the question: “is this a space i want to be in?”

it’s not anyone’s place to dictate one’s opinion on whether or not they feel comfortable in this fandom. this name doesn’t just encompass kcarats. it’s global. it’s everyone whose decided to support the group so dedicatedly. the way svt have adapted the term “global idol” is questionable when taking into account the ignorance that has been demonstrated. this is nothing new or nothing that hasn’t already been voiced, but seriously, idols shouldn’t expand to a global platform if they’re going to be selective with their respect. 

around 2018-ish, i couldn’t keep up with any group apart from svt, nor did i truly want to get involved with other groups. since their debut, svt has been such a lovely source of happiness and comfort. even when i had to endure some of my toughest moments, i could always turn to them in order to regain strength. so admittedly, observing the complete silence from their end was disheartening. i’m not part of the affected culture, so i cannot begin to imagine such sentiments of disappointment. i do feel a strain on the relationship i once had with svt. 

watching ww’s live, it was unsettling and there were many moments of stiffness. i want to believe that ww would have apologized (dk + vn too) if pledis were not the complete control freaks they establish being, but truthfully i don’t know what’s up in his head nor his heart. nonetheless, this idol coddling is so toxic (i could really write a whole essay on this). they’re not some fifth graders, they’re matured men in their twenties who are more than capable of understanding any cultural insensitivies and how their actions entailed hurt. i was relieved to see so many fans actually holding them accountable, to a point where the original artist himself released a statement and even the damn news got involved.

i wish that we could have got even an inkling of closure. just that tiny, tiny moment where ww briefly mentions the song being cut out. many people have suggested to remain persistent with emailing (not just the pledis accounts, but the bighit accounts as well) and i’ve seen others suggesting to opt from buying tickets to the online caratland event. i can’t see this ending in a manner where any action will be taken. unless someone manages to sneak this topic into another online fs or something along those lines where there’s direct contact, i have no idea what’s gonna happen.

this was a mentally and physically draining week. i hope all south asian carats who had to yet again watch their culture get shaved down to these harmful stereotypes take the time to look after themselves, nurture themselves, step away from this train wreck and prioritize things that are fun and healing!! it’s not your responsibility to educate ignorant people when so many resources are easily accessible. getting into kpop comes with an unhealthy cost. the industry is blanketed with casual racism and it moves slower than molasses when it comes to addressing the layers of disrespect and indifference. 

i also need to question if this is something worth my energy. i’ve been writing on this platform for five years now. i need to decide if this is something i want to keep putting effort into. i’m beyond tired of witnessing pledis brush any serious concern under the rug while scrambling to make amends for insignificant matters that no one legit cared about apart from a few disgruntled kcarats. right now, i’m not in a mood where i want to post svt content or write svt related stories. until there is an apology that suggests actual remorse, growth, and willingness to be evolve in the event there are other blemishes (which seems highly unlikely) i won’t be as present as i used to. 

overall, i’m not sure the direction of my blog. i think i need to step away from chocosvt for a few days so that i can really process. my plans are definitely not to abandon my main. and as time passes maybe i’ll feel less hesitant. 

of course, i’m going to continue my admin position on caratwritersclub because i truly do love writing! i love reading the different works and seeing how galaxy brained you all are! in terms of my own writing, it’s most likely going to come to a standstill. i might finish my massive kmg fic and post it (as well as the yjh and ljh fics in my drafts) but like i previously mentioned, i need to question if keeping up with svt as adamantly as before is worth my energy. i’m not saying i’ll NEVER write or post about them again. writing is one of my only mental escapes that legitimately works. rather, i might ease off and ponder what’s the best road to take, and how involved i should remain as their fan. 

whew.

to end off this gigantic scripture, i’m going to mention that i made a new personal blog. my old one is too cluttered. it’s not completely ready yet but i’m  thinking that i’ll make a smaller post which summarizes some of my ending points. i’ll link it there. i think some kartists will still make an appearance (and there will absolutely be mr. moon wen junhui), but mostly other things i’m interested in!! feel free to drop a follow and mutuals i’ll fb as soon as i can!!! if you read this entire thing then i hope it wasn’t too disorganized. if any part of this comes across as over speaking or invalidating pls let me know! i can really freakin ramble when i’m just sitting here w my thoughts. 

anyways, I’M DONE NOW.