#I make them for myself primarily but if what I do brightens another person's day then that makes me even more happy 🥹

[wildstar25]

Hello and happy one day until Halloween [:

I’ve been scrolling through your wol posting tag and I absolutely adore Arsay and her throuple with g’raha and y’shtola <3 I was curious, in your canon, what is Raha’s and Shtola’s relationship like without Arsay there and how has it changed over time? Would they count themselves as partners or just partners of Arsay?

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing gposes and artwork for your wol!! It has been a delight to look through. Have a great day [:

omg Thank you!!🥹 I love my catte throuple so much and it's so nice to hear other people like them and the posts I make about them too! That's a really good question. I can't seem to recall making a post about it since being caught up with the msq, so thank you for asking!

This ended up being quite long so I've place it under a read more haha apologies for rambling so much! As well, Happy halloween o/

Initially Shtola and Raha both considered themselves partners to Arsay first and foremost. They both cared for Arsay deeply and agreed to this poly situation because, after everything she's done for them, they wanted to do something for her that would make her happy. I also like to believe because they started off on the wrong foot, it took time for the two to build up trust in each other.

I have many side thoughts about how Raha held himself back while he lived out the persona of the Crystal Exarch, how his hesitance to the relationship caused Arsay to get upset, and how Y'shtola essentially saved the whole polycule very early on by telling the Exarch to get his head out of his ass stop living dishonestly and start thinking about what he really wants to do with his life. How that gave him the spark to think about the possibility of transferring his memories over to the version of himself on the source, since this version of him will never be free from the tower's grasp.

By the time everyone returns to the first, Raha and Shtola consider themselves trusted friends and deeply respect the importance they both have to Arsay. No words about it are exchanged, but there's a mutual understanding that for as long as this can go on for the three of them, it will. Shtola and Raha actually end up spending casual time together in the Rising Stones while Arsay is off doing warrior of light stuff. Turns out they actually have a lot to talk about together. Mostly about magical studies, but Y'shtola strikes me as someone who would be mildly curious to know of the event that took place in the timeline they erased, and Raha for sure would have loved to learn about Y'shtola's involvement in the warring triad stuff and the alexander raids. Plus they can theorize about history and mysteries of both the first and the source! By the time Endwalker starts, Arsay has noticed everyone seems a lot more comfortable with each other. She started asking to spend time all together more often then not. There was no real objections to this surprisingly. They all settle into a consistent dynamic around each other pretty naturally. If you were to ask Raha or Shtola how they defined their relationship at that point they would probably say they were just Arsay's partners and leave it at that. Ask Arsay and she might let slip how she caught the two snuggled up to each other while they were reading on the couch at her apartment.

[end of endwalker 6.0 spoilers from this point]

The next shift between the two is while on the Ragnarok waiting for Arsay to regain consciousness. I have a particular scene in my head which i cant gpose out since I don't have access to the environment so here it is described: --

Y'shtola has placed herself against the wall of the ship, shifting from pose to pose doing her best to contain her nervous energy. They did all that they could to seal up as many of Arsay's wounds as possible. Still it was impossible to tell just how much blood Arsay had split prior to her arrival. What Y'shtola could see is that Arsay's aether was unbelievably weak, having been all but spent in a final clash with (presumably) Zenos. For all Y'shtola knew, Arsay's body arrived to them too late. Her head began to spiral at the thought. So much so that she had failed to notice G'raha had torn himself from Arsay's side to stand next to her. He looked at Y'shtola with a pitiful face, eyes puffy and red, lips pressed into a trembling frown. Neither of them had the wherewithal to speak at this point, and Y'shtola most certainly did not want to. Twelve forbid if a single being on that ship heard her voice shake or crack even the slightest. Instead, G'raha timidly put his hand around Y'shtola's and held it. It was a small gesture, something he'd often do whenever Arsay looked in need of support. It was a comfort to her, to hold hands with a loved one. The two stood together in silence. Their gazes fixed on to Arsay's motionless figure laying in the centre of the room. Y'shtola squeezed G'raha's hand ever so slightly. Holding on to someone you love was a great comfort indeed.

-- Perhaps its not an as romantically charged love, but its love! Shtola and Raha are part of Arsay's tribe and they've come to care deeply for each other. Again, I do not believe either would readily admit to those feelings publicly, but in private conversation with Arsay it's obvious how fond of each other they have become. (this is also when shtola and raha begin feeling more comfortable being intimate together with Arsay >w> she is notorious for doing everything for her partner and not really letting herself be focused on. The two of them work as a team to make sure arsay gets some attention *nods* )

And, imo?, their closeness is kinda backed up by the endwalker patch content where G'raha already knew where to find Y'shtola and did not hesitate to get her for the treasure hunt. And then many of the proceeding patches has Y'shtola saying in passing that she's been in constant communication with G'raha. okay yes im not delusional, I know they are brought up because of them having relevance to the things happening or being done in the plot but still! The way the dialogue is phrased I can't help but put my wolship glasses on lol. I figure Raha and Shtola keep pretty consistent contact even when they are busy doing their own thing, same as Arsay does with them. The most recent development for my wolship is that by 6.5, they are all pretty much married to each other. Unofficially, that is. No ceremony is held or anything of that vein. It was more that they all finally managed to say out loud how much they want to be in each other's lives no matter where the future takes them.

Eventually I picture the three of them getting a proper house together. Arsay surprises G'raha by importing a bunch of furnishings from the crystarium, and dedicates an entire room just for Y'shtola's book collection. She also brings back some flowers native to the Greatwoods for decoration. Until then though home is wherever they are together!

So yeah! thats the break down of grah and shtola part of graharshtola!

thank you for reading, asking the question, and sending such a sweet message about my blorbos. Hope you have a fantastic day <3

[imagine-that-100]

Holiday | Part 16 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’ve been friends with Alex Turner and the other boys from Arctic Monkeys since you were 13. You never for a second thought that Alex would release a song about you though. From late night phone calls and almost constant texting and teasing, you’ve managed to stay close with him over the years. When a pact is established and a holiday is arranged, life seems to be treating you very well. But a month in LA will either make or break you.

Word Count: 12.2K

Warnings: little bit of self-consciousness but a fuck load of FLUFF

A/N:. I can’t even with this part. It’s just too fucking cute. I really hope you all enjoy it and I would love your reactions please. It’s just too cute I can’t handle it. Taglists are always open. Thank you for reading x

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| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

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You were lay in bed with Alex with your head lay on his chest whilst you slept. The warmth from both the duvet pulled over you and Alex’s body heat, meant that you were so warm and cosy, you didn’t want the day to come and ruin it.

But as it happened, sleep wasn’t something that you would be getting for much longer because you felt Alex rub your back in the gentle way that you knew was an attempt to wake you up.

“Y/N/N” Alex stirred you.

Alex wouldn’t usually attempt to wake you up in the morning, but he knew you would love to see the sky full of all those different colours.

When you’d woken up a week ago to find the Instagram post that Alex had shared with everyone, you first and foremost kissed your boyfriend until he begged you to leave him alone. And then you made him promise you that if he saw a sky like that again, he had to wake you up.

When you’d seen the photo, you thought Alex was the cutest being in the entire world. You weren’t yet used to all the cute things he did for you.

All of your previous boyfriends weren’t really the old romantic types, so it was so refreshing and surprising when Alex was being his cute self. The only thing that you were gutted about, with the Instagram post, was that you missed the stunning view outside.

So, you had made him promise you, if he saw a sky as pretty as that again he would wake you up.

And that’s why he gently woke you from your slumber. You hummed in response to him saying your name and you tilted your head up to look at him before you opened your eyes.

You slowly opened your eyes to peak at him and you see he’s already smiling down at you.

Alex quietly says, “Sorry, I just thought you’d want to see the view” and then nods towards the large windows in your room.

You follow his gaze and you’re taken completely by surprise. The sky was littered with beautiful shades of orange and red and the light that was coming into your bedroom made it look like the room was glowing.

It was stunning.

“Oh my god” You say completely astounded.

You reach over him to get a picture of it quickly and Alex watched you with a smile.

He found you so funny.  

If he tried to wake you up for anything else or if your alarm was going off for work, he would have been told to fuck off and your alarm would be snoozed until the last second until you had to be out of bed.

So, you now being wide awake and excited about the view was something that amused him a lot. He loved you but you were an annoying when you had to be awake in the morning.

Not that he was any better when he had to get up.

The way the golden light was shining on your skin as you sat up a little to take your picture was something Alex wanted to remember forever. You looked so effortlessly pretty despite just waking up and the fact that you were excited made you even prettier.

You put your phone back down after taking a picture or two and you rested your head in the palm of your hand as you looked at the view. You loved watching every little detail change and it was just mind-blowing that you got to see the scenery in front of you every day.

“That’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen” You say more to yourself than to Alex.

You knew he was still awake as you’re still half lay on his chest, but you don’t expect him to answer you.

He, however, does by saying “I’d say the same, but I’d be lying”

You look to your messy haired boyfriend and smile as you’d noticed he was looking at you, before you looked back to the view. But then it clicked what he meant, and you double took him.

“Wait did you just...” You trailed off with a raised eyebrow.

Alex nodded and you let out a little giggle, “That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard”

“But you loved it” Alex said with a knowing smile and a toothy smile.

“I did. Even though it was a lie” You grin appreciating his compliment but not for a second accepting it.

There was no way you looked good at this moment in time. You’d gone to sleep with your hair in a ponytail that had come loose during the night and after your crying episode last night, you probably had bags under your eyes.

“Wasn’t a lie” Alex tells you seriously.

“Sure Turner. But thank you” You smile at him before dipping your head to plant a soft kiss to his chest as another thank you.

You share a smile before looking back to the view and watching as the sky slowly morphed into a complete daytime scene. There was still beauty to capture but the events of the previous night had left you tired and your eyes craved the rest.

So, you ended up closing again after about 10 minutes of watching the sky. Alex didn’t mind at all though, he ended up falling asleep about 5 minutes after you with his hand in your hair after he’d helped sooth you to sleep.

Alex had walked into your home yesterday after a long day of interviews to find you having a particularly rough evening.

He walked in around 6:30pm and heard The Smiths quietly playing and he immediately knew something was up. Alex more than anyone knew that when you were sad you played your sad playlist and that primarily consisted of The Smiths songs.

Alex took off his jacket at the front door and hurriedly made his way through the house to find you. He found you sat on the settee in your spot hugging your knees with your face hidden from sight as you cried.

He worriedly made his way to you and pried you out from hiding to yourself so you could look to him. You didn’t stop crying when you did show him your face, you just threw your arms around him and started crying into his shoulder.

Alex hugs you back just as tight as you were holding him. He tried his best to sooth you by rubbing your back and holding you tight as your sobs racked through your body.

Hearing you cry like this though really hurt Alex’s heart.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Alex asks you still hugging you close.

You attempt to speak but he only catches a few words of what you were saying. You were pretty incoherent because you were both trying not to cry and also mumbling your words into his neck.

“Love, I really need you to take a few deep breaths and calm down for me” Alex tells you softly, stroking the back of your head.

As you try and take a deep breath though another few seconds of crying starts, and Alex tries his best to quieten them. He carries on soothing you as he can feel your body shaking

“Come on sweet, can you do that for me?” Alex asks once more when you stop audibly crying. “Deep breaths for me”

He feels you nod into his neck and he hears you slowing taking some deep breaths and you slowly start to calm down. You’re still shaky but at least you are breathing through it and Alex knows he’ll have you calmed down soon.

“That’s it honey, deep breaths” He softly repeats until you quieten down.

When you stop shakily breathing in his arms, he pulls back a bit from you so he could see you. He gives you a smile which makes you smile but the tears were still running down your face.

“I’m sorry” You mumble as you wipe your face.

It was at that point that Alex saw that you were quite flushed which was something that happened every time you drank wine. Upon noticing that, he glances to the table beside the settee and saw an empty glass and bottle of Rose.

“Don’t apologise. It’s okay” Alex said wiping the fresh tears from your face.

He placed a kiss to your forehead before asking you in a soothing voice, “What’s wrong?”

“Got myself worked up” You say rubbing your eyes.

“Why? What’s up? What about?” Alex says with worry clear on his features.

“Why do you like me?” You ask him once you regain your ability to speak. Your speech is a bit broken though because you were whispering to try and stop yourself from crying more.

The question takes Alex back completely though. That wasn’t that he was expecting at all.

So even though he heard you he without thinking asked, “What?”

“Why do you like me?” You repeated a little louder, but the sadness still filled your voice.

“Y/N I love you… I love you so so much” Alex tells you tucking your hair behind your ear, before he cups your jaw.

“Yeah but why?” You say, getting yourself worked up a little bit again.

Alex’s eyebrows furrow at that confused, “What do you mean why?”

“Like why me? I’m nothing special at all and you could do so much better” You said between juddery breaths.

Tears were running freely down your face again and you made no attempt to catch them with the sleeves of your hoodie like you had been doing.

“Hey, don’t you ever say that because that’s a massive lie” Alex tells you in a nice way, but he had a certain seriousness to his voice.

He continues to say, “You are literally the most amazing person I’ve ever met Y/N. Everything about you is special”

Your eyes well up again at his kind words but you shake your head. You felt like there was literally nothing special about you at all.

“Yes” Alex nods at you, seeing how you didn’t believe him at all.

“Y/N, you are the happiest person I know, and you brighten up my room as soon as you walk into it. You are so creative with everything that you do, I wish I was half as creative as you and could come up with the stuff that you do” Alex starts on his list of reasons why you meant so much to him.

“Not to mention you are so so beautiful…” He tells you whilst he uses his thumb to wipe your tears away “You are actually the most stunning person I’ve ever met. On both the inside and out”


Alex continues with the closing statement of, “You are the most important thing in my life, and I love you so much and I’ll never stop telling you that”

“I love you” You say before you fling your arms around his neck again and cling to him for dear life.

He feels you getting yourself worked up again as he can feel you shakily breathing again in his arms, “Darling, where has this come from?”

“It doesn’t matter” You tell him whilst wiping the tears from your eyes, whilst your arms are still around his neck.

“Y/N/N, you don’t get yourselves in these states for no reason” Alex states a true fact as he pulls you away from his body so he can see your gorgeous face once more.

“It’s stupid” You say as Alex hastily wipes away more of your tears.

“Yeah well I’m stupid too. I threw us into the pool with my phone in my pocket, so you can tell me, and it will stay between us two stupid people” Alex grins at you and it makes you laugh a little.

After taking one more deep breath to try and alleviate the tightness in your chest you explain.

“I was just having a few drinks on FaceTime to Y/B/F…” You say, explaining your typical Friday evening when you got home from work early. “And after she went off, I saw something online and it made me upset”

“What was it?”

“Just about Alexa and Arielle… And pointing out that I didn’t have as much going for me as they do… And that you could do so much better. Which is true” You say whilst hiding into his chest again and you take comfort in him hugging you into his body.

“It’s not true at all” Alex tells you bluntly before he kisses the top of your head.

“Do you actually believe that?” Alex asked as you looked back up at him.

“It’s in the back of my head sometimes, before I even read it” You nod as more tears, that were unauthorised, fall from your eyes, which makes Alex’s heart hurt.

“Y/N” Alex cooed before he pulled you into him.

“Please never think that, ever, because it’s never crossed my mind once. I love you for you, and if I was actually brave enough back in the day, I would have never even had Alexa or Arielle because I wanted you” Alex tells you and you can tell he’s being completely serious.

“I’ve always wanted you” He says with no hesitation at all.

You smile at him and he returns it before saying, “You’re my lobster”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his Friends reference. You’d both been casually rewatching it and you’d only watched the Lobster episode together yesterday.

“I love you” You say through your tears.

“I love you too… More than you’ll ever know” Alex offers you a big smile that makes your heart swell.

Alex eventually gets you to a point where you aren’t crying anymore, which you didn’t think was possible but as it turns out, it relied on you speaking about it more. And also, turning The Smiths off helped.

Morrissey was good but depressing.  

You’d just unlocked your phone for the first time since you’d abandoned it to cry and you laughed a little seeing what was on your screen. You were an idiot, half the time you got yourself extra worked up for no reason.

You’d pulled up Arielle’s Instagram just to be nosy and you had another flick through it as you started explaining to Alex why you laughed a little just then.

He was sat next to you on the settee and you were tucked under his arm, leaning into him. You looked up to him and told him, “You know it’s embarrassing to admit, but mid-breakdown I was going through Arielle’s Instagram and literally burst out crying talking to myself saying the most stupid things”

You glanced back down on your phone which showed her profile.

You giggled as you admitted, “I think at one point I was looking through it saying, ‘It’s no surprise that Alex got with her because she’s stunning and I’d shag her too’”

You have a little laugh at yourself as Alex says with a little chuckle, “Oh my god, stop”

“I make myself laugh” You laugh before you rest your head on his shoulder as you scroll down her profile.

“Give me your phone a sec” Alex extends his hand to take it from you and you give it him.

“Right look at these instead…” He says, and you see that he’s brought up your own profile.

He taps on each recent photo of you to make it bigger when he says, “You should be looking at this, which is of right now… and there’s no reason for you to be looking at them and crying”

“Look at that” Alex instructs as he brings up a picture of you in your white jeans and a stolen while transparent top of his that you’d unbuttoned a little and tied it around your waist to make it look cute on you. “You look fucking beautiful there… Way more attractive than anything else you’ve just scrolled past on Arielle’s account”

You smile as he says that, but your eyes are fixed on your phone when he brings up the photo from the first weekend that you’d come over on your holiday. It was the one that Miles took of the both of you in your leather jackets and he’d told you both that you looked like a biker couple.  

“And look at all that. That us. Me and you. And there’s more Y/N/N…” Alex tells you appreciating the picture for a good few seconds before he carries on.  

“Because we are there…” He says tapping off the app. “On your home screen and your lock screen” He says as he locks it and presses the button again to show a cute selfie that you’d taken of the both of you over Christmas.

Alex then gets his phone out of his pocket and shows reminds him that you are on his lock screen and on his home screen too.

“And if you want more proof of my undying love for you Y/N/N, you only have to look at this” Alex tells you hugging you the tiniest bit tighter with his arm that was around you.

As he does that, he pulls up his very secretive Instagram account and that action takes up your full attention. You see that it is a completely private account and that there are no followers, and he only follows 3 accounts.

Your bets would be on your account, Matt’s and Miles’.

But the thing that grabbed your attention most was that the account was full to the brim of pictures of you both together. And there’s hundreds of posts.

Pictures of you holding hands. Stood together. Kissing his cheek, him kissing yours. Kissing in general.

There were a bunch of videos too of you both messing about. As he scrolled through, you saw the video of the two of you jokingly getting off with him on the settee and you knew it was the video that Miles took when you were both trying to embarrass Matt and Miles.

And you also spotted pictures going all the way back to when you were younger. No doubt ones that your parents had dug out over the past few months, but you noted that there were pictures on there of the two of you that were up in his childhood bedroom.

Pictures that had been taken at parties, at their first gig. Loads of different ones of behind the scenes at many gigs over the years and on the bus.

It was just full of the two of you.

And that was the cutest thing you had ever seen in your entire life.

“You see… I completely adore you Y/N/N” Alex tells you as you scroll through the profile.

A lone tear falls down your face as you turn towards him and you have to say, “I love you so much. I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this right now, but I swear I love you the most I’ve ever loved anyone Alex”

“I love you loads” Alex tells you before he kisses you.

You kiss him back but also feel the need to carry on your declaration of love. “You literally make me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I don’t know what I would do without you”

“You’re my everything” You whisper loud enough for him to hear you before you give him the biggest hug.

“Same here baby” Alex says before kissing the top of your head.

But then after a minute he ruins the moment in his charming way.

“I’m not letting you drink wine again though” Alex states which makes you start giggling.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next few months were amazing for the both of you. Everything You’ve Come To Expect had obviously dropped and it was amazing.

You loved every single song on there and you were so excited to go to the few American gigs you could get too and you found that you loved the gigs just as much watching from the side of the stage as you did being in the pit.

You both agreed that it probably wouldn’t be very safe for you down in the pit anymore because you didn’t exactly hide that you knew or were with Alex anymore. So, in case the crowd held any psycho fans you thought the side of the stage would be best.

With the album dropping though that obviously meant that Alex had to go off and tour with Miles. Something which was hard after spending so much time together but thankfully you weren’t finding it too difficult.

You kept in contact all the time, with FaceTime calls taking place every other day and texts daily just to check in on the other. You were just glad that Alex was having a fab time with his best mate again on tour.

You also were having a fun time having the house to yourself. You could have your music on as loud as you wanted, and you loved every second of it.

You made use of the pool, the music room, the cinema room (which you practically lived in after work), and you had even made use of the gym.

Alex had been away since the end of March and it was now currently the beginning of July you were flying out to meet Alex back home for his UK tour and to see your family.

Y/B/F was picking you up from the airport and you had missed her so much despite only seeing her when she came over for Easter. She had obviously been completely blown away by the house and it was quiet refreshing how you had the time to yourself with her again.

It was like a massive upgrade for you both living together again. Even if it was only briefly.

Unfortunately, she still hadn’t met Miles yet due to him being on tour with Alex across the other side of the world when she was over, so you had arranged a little surprise for her for when you were getting back to the flat.

You’d instructed Alex to call at your Mum’s to get her spare key to your flat so he and Miles could be there waiting to surprise her when you both came back.

Your flight was due in at 11am which meant that you got the rest you needed on the plane and you were ready for the day ahead when you got off the plane. Y/B/F collected you from the airport with no issues at all and as you were in the car on your way back, you discretely texted Alex and told him to wait in her room.

“Okay so I have a surprise for you” You say as she unlocks the door to your flat.

“Oh my god, are you pregnant?” She practically yells and you just knew that the boys would have heard it.

So, you scoff just as loudly with a hint of a smile on your lips when you say, “No, you cheeky cow”

“Sorry I just wanted to guess” Y/B/F shrugged her shoulders defeatedly.

“Well stop before you dig your own grave” You shake your head before you abandon your suitcase just outside your bedroom door.

“No, so I asked my mum to deliver it whilst you were picking me up so I could surprise you with it” You tell her as you turn towards her again and you could see that she was very curious.

“It’s in your room” You tell her because tilting your head towards the room.

You watch her as she walks to her bedroom door and you follow behind her. She says that you didn’t have to get her anything and you just shush her and apologise that the present is long overdue.


You then watch as she opens her bedroom door and you can see from over her shoulder that Alex and Miles are sat on her bed with their backs against the headboard with their legs stretched out across her duvet.

You heard Y/B/F gasp from in front of you and you saw her hand fly to her mouth. The three of you just started laughing at her reaction and you laugh a bit more when she turns around away from them and says to you, “I was not expecting that”

You laugh and throw your arms around her shoulders to give her the hug that you can see she so desperately needs right now. As she clings to you for a second you smile towards your boys and blow them a quick kiss.

They both blow you one back and you can see that they can’t get their smiles off their faces. They both looked so good. The only thing different about either of them was that your boyfriend’s hair was a longer than when you’d last seen him in person.

“So, you like your present?” You ask your best friend when you release her from her hug.

She laughs a little and says, “Oh I love it. I wanna get right in the middle of that sandwich”

“Get in it then” You tell her as she turns back around to look at both men on her bed again.

She makes her way into the room and you can tell that she will be absolutely ecstatic with her choice of clothes today. She was wearing white jeans with a cropped checked tube top that showed a good bit of cleavage, and she still had her checked Vans on along with her blue denim jacket.

She may not have known Miles was going to be here, but she was definitely dressed to impress. And you loved that for her.

Y/B/F makes her way towards Miles first, going him an excited, “Hey” before she leans in and hugs him.

“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you officially” Miles grins and reciprocates her hug.

“Likewise,” Y/B/F can’t stop herself from grinning before she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Then Alex seems to take up her attention. “Turner, looking good as always” She grins towards him and he chuckles.

“Come here you” He tells her offering her an arm for a hug.

You could see that she wasn’t going to turn down a hug from him, so she quickly got onto her bed. Climbed over Miles, pretty much by straddling his legs to get to Alex to give him a hug.

Their hug lasted a good few seconds before she twisted herself around, so she was sat in between them leaning back against the both of their shoulders. She let out a relaxed sigh before she grinned up at you.

“Well goodbye Y/N, dreams are about to come true. Show yourself out” She half giggled at you with a wave.

You couldn’t help but laugh too, along with the boys beside her.

You grab her polaroid camera from just beside you on her desk before you take a quick picture of her sat in the middle of them. You then abandoned the camera as the picture began to develop before you made your way to your man.

You quickly got onto the bed throwing one leg over him, so you were straddling him before you attached his lips to yours. Alex chuckled into the kiss as his arms tightened around your waist pulling your closer to him.

God you had missed him so much.

After a few seconds you pulls away and let your hands go up into his fluffy Prince Charming hair and you adored how long it was now. “I love your head” You muttered as you pulled the strands through your fingers over his face and he chuckles at you being fascinated with his hair.

You absolutely adored it.

“Is your present that foursome we arranged?” Y/B/F says hopefully distracting you from your boyfriend.

You scoff with a bit of a laugh, “You wish Hun”

She and Miles laugh at you then before they fall into quick conversation which leaves Alex to start one between the two of you.

“Pregnant, are we?” He chuckles bringing back up what your rude best friend had suggested.

You laugh and shake your head, “No, the cheeky fucker. I’ve lost weight”

“I was just about to say you look fantastic” Alex tells you and you can’t keep a smile off your face when he says that.

“Thank you” You grin, “I’ve been doing the training that you told me, and I can actually do a proper push up now my arms are stronger”

Before he’d gone away you had joined him in the gym one afternoon where you embarrassedly admitted that you couldn’t do a proper push up, so he’d gone through some of his training with you. He had a punch bag in the room too as he’d gotten quite into it and he showed you things to help build your muscle on that.

You were actually proud of yourself that you’d stuck it out and you actually got somewhere with it.

“My girl” Alex smiles before he leans in and pecks your lips once more.

Once you all get settled into the flat, after you’d all had a good chat and a brew Miles gets up from the settee and announces to the room, “Right come on were off out”

You and Y/B/F look up confused as you weren’t made aware of any plans.

You look to Alex and he confirms, “Big day planned”

“What have you got in mind Miles?” You smile up at him.

“Okay, so first were going to get some lunch from that Cafe you like Al” Miles begins to explain.

“Then we are going bowling, and then later on were having a meal and after a few drinks at the bar, we are coming back here for a piss up. Sound good?” He looks to you and your best friend for confirmation and you both nod eagerly.

“Sounds like were having a double date day” You jokingly say and smile at Y/B/F.

“That’s the idea” Miles then says which makes your grin get bigger and Y/B/F can’t control her smile.

You both have a silent scream on the settee as the boys grab their jackets.

“Come on then” They hurry you and before you know it, you’re off out.

You all ended up having a great day and coming back home for drinks was probably one of the best parts. You may have been a bit bias though because about an hour into the drink you and Alex excused yourselves to your bedroom where you proceeded to fool around for a while.

You were both conscious to keep the noise level down completely which proved difficult because you hadn’t seen each other in so long. But you would say that you’d done pretty well as you’d both quietened each other’s moans

As you lay together cuddling afterwards, just enjoying the others physical presence, the same respect that the two of you had shown for the noise level had apparently been a one-sided thing.

You knew your place had thin walls but god, you were fairly certain that the couple that had obviously moved themselves into the room next to yours were doing bits against the wall. They were loud.

“That was fast” You state with a smirk on your lips as you

“To be fair to them they have been messaging each other for the best part of a year”

You smile at that knowing full well just what they got up to over the phone. “Oh, I know they are filthy. I’m surprised he didn’t cut the day short and bring her back”

Alex laughed at that before a particularly loud noise of what seemed like mutual pleasure emitted from the bedroom beside you.

And it was loud enough that you and Alex had to put the TV on to fall asleep too.

~*~*~*~

Of course, with the boys touring back home, that meant that Alex had to deliver on his promise to Zoe that she could come to a gig. Something which she was very pleased about and very excited for.

You, Alex and your brother had decided that the best venue to take Zoe to would be their gig at Tramlines because Alex’s set was on during the day and it was close to home for you all.

And you were really excited. Firstly, because you were finally going to get take your niece to see a concert and spend the day with her in that environment. And secondly because Catfish and the Bottlemen were headlining the festival and you were so fucking excited.

The people that ended up joining, what was meant to be you and Zoe, was your best friend because she would never turn down a gig, and your brother was tagging along for parental supervision. You knew that he didn’t trust either of you.

Nevertheless, you were all having a great day. Miles and Y/B/F were getting on like a house on fire and didn’t leave each other alone.

You’d caught many a stolen kiss and lingering touches which made you smile. You hadn’t seen Miles like this with anyone before, so it was quiet refreshing to see. And the fact that it was with your best friend made it loads better.

About 10 minutes before your boys were due to go on and you had managed to get Zoe to detach herself from Alex, you pull him to the side and say whilst your arms are loosely hung around his neck, “You’re going to have to tone it down today because I can’t make crude comments under my breath about you on stage with my brother and niece next to me”

Alex grins and raises his eyebrows at you, “You make crude comments about me?”

You smile and begin to explain, “You know in Everything You’ve Come To Expect when you sing about Shadowplay appealing to an ancient impulse”

Alex nods and you continue, “Yeah, well that’s what you on stage does to me. It very much appeals to a certain impulse”

Especially now he’d changed into a stunning teal suit with a black shirt under it. His hair was also really lovely and soft looking today, he had proper long cute Prince Charming hair now.

“Does this mean I’m getting lucky tonight?” Alex asks you cheekily.

“Well, I’m seeing you perform and then later we get Catfish, so I’ll leave you to your own deductions” You say innocently.

You were literally dressed in black jeans and your brand-new Catfish merch, which was like you white one, but this was the new version for the new album. So, it had The Ride’s crocodile artwork on one side and the bands logo on the other, along with the number 7 on your back.

“I love you” Alex grins down at you.

You too grin before you give him a kiss.

“I love you too”

~*~*~*~

The set had been amazing. They had got a 40-minute set which was quite good for the main stage at a festival around 6pm.

They were about halfway done with their set when they had just finished playing Standing Next To Me and Alex had made Zoe laugh from all the weird poses he was doing on stage during the song.

He was an odd guy when he went on stage with Miles. They brought out that weird and wonderful side of the other which was something you weren’t yet used to seeing.

They both put on slightly different personas when they went on stage and you don’t know why Alex was so different when he was on stage with Miles compared to how he was with the Monkeys. However, it was really refreshing to see, and you could tell that he enjoyed every single second he was out there.

You, Y/B/F, your brother and Zoe were watching from the side of the stage. Thankfully you were allowed to stand literally at the side of the stage and not up on the guest list balcony which was just over your heads.

It meant that Alex could send Zoe a little grin or a wave whenever he felt like it. And it also meant that you all had an amazing view.

The crowd was massive, and they seemed to really love both Alex and Miles. You could hear people singing back throughout the whole set which was lovely to witness.

Alex had just taken off his guitar and gave it a stage handler before heading back to the microphone.

“My friends down there in the audience, I don’t suppose you could just do me a little favour“ Alex asks them in his low voice as a runner quickly sets up a keyboard just beside him.

You hadn’t seen this at one of his gigs yet, so you were keen to see what he was pulling out of the bag for the crowd. Some audience participation always made things better.

“When I start singing something could you all help me out with finishing it off?”

“Yeah?” He reiterates to get them to be louder and a roar comes back from them which you can see makes him smile.

“Amazing” Alex grins at them before he moves his microphone stand so it is in front of the keyboard.

He starts playing something fancy first that you can’t place but you know it’s just one of them tunes he does to get himself warmed up. He was a bit of a showoff.

A far too familiar tune then starts playing and you are completely shocked to hear it.

“Is he…?” Your best friend trails off as it's confirmed for you that Alex is indeed playing Let It Go on the piano.

“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight” Alex begins, and he changes the song to fit his own voice perfectly.

You didn’t know he was doing this at all, but you were already loving it and he’d only just started.

Especially when Zoe excitedly turned towards you in her Dad’s arms and excitedly says, “Auntie Y/N/N, he’s playing Let It Go”

“I know” You giggle seeing how excited and shocked she was.

You tune back into Alex to hear him sing, “And it looks like Miles is the queen”

That causes the band, all of you, and the crowd to share a laugh especially when Miles does a curtsy with his drink in hand.

Alex carried on until he gets to the chorus and then the crowd takes over for him. Singing every line back to him until Alex shortens the song a bit by drawing out ’storm rage on’ part. And the audience finished it off with the iconic, “The cold never bothered me anyway”

“Thank you everybody” Alex starts clapping to the loud despite his applause being huge. He then explains to them, “That was for my little niece watching from the sides”

“Hi Zoe” He waves at her and she eagerly waves back to him.

“Does she wanna come out?” Alex asks looking towards you for confirmation.

“Do you wanna go and wave to all the people that have come to see Uncle Alex?” You ask her as she’s in your brothers arms currently.

She nods a little sheepishly, but you make sure to reassure her and that she’s alright.

“They might be a bit loud, but they are really nice I promise” You give her a big grin and her face brightens a little bit.

“Okay” She nods and smiles at you.

“Come on then” You say taking her from your brother because you knew there was no way in hell he would take her out there.

“She’s coming out to say hello” You hear Alex say as you start walking out on the stage with her in your arms.

Never in your life had you regretted wearing boots with a heal more. You were focussing on every step to ensure that you didn’t deck it in front of 30,000 people.

There’s an immediate uproar from the crowd as you walk onto the stage. More than likely because Zoe was the cutest little girl anyone had ever seen and the fact that she was wearing her Anna dress. 

“Give them a wave” You tell her as you walk towards Alex.

You wave towards them first and when she follows your actions the crowd gets louder and louder. You look to her and see the smile on her face which is just magical to see.

You can’t help but grin at Alex as you make your way over to him.

‘You’re so cute’ You mouth to him and he grins at you.  

He says into the microphone, “Everybody please welcome Zoe to the stage”

There’s another surge of noise from the crowd when he says that, and it gives you goosebumps. How Alex and Miles dealt with this was completely beyond you.

It was magical.

By the time you reached Alex, the runner had taken the keyboard away from him and his mic stand was back in its normal place. He’d also taken off his blazer and put it on the ground beside him just as you reached him.

He gave you a smile and offered to take Zoe from you. Something which she happily jumped at and she leant forward into his arms.

Once you weren’t needed anymore you moved towards Miles who was just at the section of the stage in front of the gap between the strings and the drums. You gave him a hug and a well done before you smiled at the ladies and the lads who performed alongside the boys.

You turned to look back at Alex and Zoe. She hadn’t even noticed you’d moved away from her. She was just infatuated by the sea of people in front of her and by Alex.

She was completely besotted with him. It was adorable.

Once you’d told Miles that both he and Alex were cute for doing this for her you both stood and watched the pair in front of you.

“Do you want to say hello?” You saw Alex grin to her and ask down the mic he’d picked up with his free hand.

He brings the mic to her and she says a “Hello” and then all you could hear was everyone cooing back at her and some shouted hello back.  

You faintly could hear her giggle at that through the microphone and she turned to Alex to laugh. He amused her and giggled along to before interacting with the crowd again.

“This is Zoe’s first gig everyone” Alex tells them, and you see that his performing persona has dropped completely.

“Have you enjoyed it?” He asks her with a big smile.

She nods at him and then because she looks like she’s going to say something Alex moves the mic to her again.

He wasn’t expecting her to say, “But you’ve not sang Mardy Bum”

Alex chuckles at that as does the rest of the crowd. You and Miles both laugh too.

You had pre-warned her that she wouldn’t be getting all of her favourites today. But she’d seemed to forget.

“I’ll sing you that one later on I promise” Alex tells her, and you have no doubt he’ll make up for it.  

The crowd, however, start to sing it at Alex and laughs before telling her, “Oh there singing it for you now”

Alex lets them get a bit of the way through the first verse before he cuts them off. He interrupts them after ‘When they get to very pleasant side to you’.

“Right enough of that now you lot. Pipe down, pipe down” He grins, taking control back at his own did.

He jokes with them, “I don’t see any AM lined up there, do you? Enough of it”

he shakes his head disapprovingly at them which makes Zoe giggle. The giggle causes Alex’s attention reverts fully back to Zoe again.

“Which song was your favourite from today Zoe?” He asks, fairly certain from what she was wearing that she knows what the answer will be.  

“Let it go” She grins at him and your heart melts. She was so bloody cute.  

“Shall we do it again?” Alex asks her and the crowd cheers when she nods.

“Will you help me?” He asks her and when she again nods, he then says nodding to the crowd, “We will get them lot out there to help us too yeah”

Zoe grins at him when Alex says, “Okay, are you ready?”

She says an excited, “Yes” and you quickly fish your phone out of your pocket to video this moment.

You never wanted to forget it.

“Let it go, let it go, can’t…” Alex starts singing it before he moves the microphone to her.

Her voice rings out, “Hold it back anymore”

Alex’s grin gets 10 times bigger then when he puts the microphone between them this time as they continue, “Let it go, let it gooo”

“Turn away and slam the door” They sang your heart was so warm in this moment. It was amazing.  

“I don’t care, what they’re going to say…”

“Let the storm rage onnnnnnnn” They both sing loudly before Alex moves the microphone to Zoe so she can finish the song off.

“The cold never bothered me anyway” Zoe said with a huge grin on her face.

“Everyone massive round of applause for Zoe please” Alex tells everyone before he kisses her forehead as he puts the microphone back on the stand.

You end your video and quickly put your phone in your pocket before you walk forward to go and get Zoe from him. Alex grins as he turns back towards you and you happily take her from him again and once she’s secure in your arms you go to walk off stage with her.

Alex has other ideas though.

You’d only made it a few steps when he grabs your hand to make you turn back around. You smile at him again as you hear the crowd cheering for him still.

Alex steps forward and cups your face before he leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back but quickly become all too aware of the people around you screaming. And you meant screaming.

It was deafening.

You pull away after a second and smile up at him before slapping his arse teasingly like you normally do, which gets a laugh from Miles and Zach, along with the other band members. You then start to walk off properly this time with hot cheeks.

The crowd was still going mental as you walked off stage which makes you even more embarrassed. However, you make the most of it and get Zoe to wave at them again which makes her giggle when they scream back.

“My girlfriend too ladies and gentlemen” You hear come through the speakers which makes you turn to look at him and you shake your head at him when you again get another cheer.

You thankfully make it back without falling over your own feet and hand Zoe back over to your brother. You all have your full attention on an excited Zoe, which meant that you almost missed when Alex said, “Lads, lads. Pipe down, she’s mine”

He takes up your attention again as his performing persona comes back just as quickly as it left. He’s looking intently at a spot in the crowd that you can’t see because the side of the sage is blocking your view.

But then he laughs over the microphone saying, “Woah mate. I just watched you say to him that she’s fit as fuck”

“She is!” You can hear whoever it is shout back to Alex which makes you and Y/B/F laugh.

Alex laughs again as he replies, “I know she is, but you can’t have her too. I’ve only just got her. I don’t need that sort of competition”

You roll your eyes at him being dramatic. You’d been together almost a year now. He still acts like it was yesterday.

“Did you just shrug and say, ‘she’s well fit’?” You see and hear Alex ask over the speakers, but you didn’t hear the boys say that this time.

Miles cackles through his microphone. And you want to die there and then.

“Mate. That’s nasty that” Alex shakes their heads at them before looking towards you.

“Y/N I love you right. Don’t be looking at anyone else please” Alex pleads, and he dramatically reaches out with his arm as if he has the force or something.

Miles thankfully takes his attention again by saying, “He’s got a leather jacket on too Al. Best watch your back”  

You roll your eyes at that statement. You were never going to live the leather joke down. Even Y/B/F was laughing.

“No no no” Alex says with a pained expression as he gives his cue to Zach and James that he’s about to start the next song.

He cues Miles last with a nod and a smile before Alex turns back towards you. He walks a little closer to your side of the stage with the microphone wire dragging behind him.

He stops about 5 meters away from you and looks you dead in the eye and says, “He can’t have you right Y/N/N, because I just sorta always feel sick without you baby”

Alex starts singing yet another one of his songs about you and you can only listen along. “Ain’t got anything to lick without you baby”

When you originally heard this song. You were completely shook.

He’d actually shocked into silence even though he’d pre-warned you it was about you. It was an amazing song though, and despite it being about you it was your favourite, you adored his voice in it.

And the ending was soooo fucking dirty, but he hid it well in his poetic lyrics. But you didn’t miss it. You adored the song in general you just couldn’t believe it was about you again.

That was the best but worst part about having a genius musician as a boyfriend.

Now every time you heard this song you were taken back to many happy memories with him. Primarily being that night where he’d pressed you up against the mirror that was on your wall in your shared walk-in wardrobe and fucked you against it.

You were sure that the mirror was going to break but he didn’t seem to care and neither did you really. You both felt too good to care.

The song held cute memories too, like you both being weirdos and he’d jokingly licked your nose. And another time when you were back home over Christmas and you tried to put your septum piercing back in seeing if you could still get it in or if it healed over.

You were reminded of his fucking tongue and the countless times he’d given you head, which is what the ‘ache in the jaw’ lyric meant. And the time you bought cowboy esk boots and you’d joked that they made you feel like you were from Tennessee.

Yes, you were all for the American stereotypes. But later that day when you’d been breaking them in around the house, he instructed you to keep them on whilst he fucked you.

You loved the song with the whole of your heart and you fucking loved watching him sing it live. Made you hot under the collar every time.

But what made you ten times hotter was him walking to the side of the stage to collect you, just before he sang the line, “Baby we oughta… Fuck”

Alex grabbed your hand and pulled you back out onto the stage earning another cheer from the crowd.

He dragged you both to the middle of the stage before he let go of your hand and wrapped an arm around your waist, so he was hugging you from behind. He made you press your back against his chest, and you could watch as he belted out the last verse, which was the part that held all those memories.

You truly were in heaven now. His voice was so powerful beside you, it was crazy that you got to witness him like that.

You couldn’t take your eyes off him. You just looked up at him beside you as best you could and softly sang along, but not loud enough to distract him.

It was almost like you were starstruck by him. However, only a matter of minutes later you would truly find out what being starstruck felt like.

As soon as Alex finishes singing the last long lyric, he puts the microphone back onto the stand. He then proceeds to dance the both of you back across the stage, as the rest of the song plays out.

Your giggling, feeling a whirlwind of emotions as this happens. You’re having the time of your life, but you did get worried that you were going to fall again.

“The wires Alex” You say as he twirls you around.

He chuckles before pulling you back into his body, “I’ve got you”

You’re both laughing as he carries on your dancing for a few more seconds before he pauses you both near the edge of the stage so you’re looking out to the crowd.

Alex then sarcastically waves to the boys down at the front at the barrier before trying to shout over the music, “She’s mine”

You laugh at him before you ask him, “Which ones were they”

“Leather jacket brown hair” Alex points you in the right direction.

You spot them when they both wave at you and you laugh seeing that they really were your type, so it was no wonder Miles commented on it.

You wave back at that and because you’re a generous person, who also likes to tease her boyfriend, you blow them a kiss too.

Alex scoffs and shakes his head at that though, which makes you start laughing, so he spins you back around to him before attaching his lips to yours. And your taken that much by surprise that you don’t even stop it.

You end up fully getting off with him on stage as they finish playing the song which earns the loudest scream from the crowd you’d heard today. You pulled away all flustered by him and you’re unable to get the grin off your face.

“I love you” You say before you head off back to your hiding spot.

“I love you too beautiful” He says giving you a grin before he heads back towards Miles.

When he reaches his microphone again you hear him say over the speakers, “Sorry about that everyone, feeling a bit loved up today”

He can’t even get the grin off his face when he says, “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to get bollocked for dragging her on stage with me though, ladies and gentlemen”

You laugh but you think he deserves a slight scorning, so you stick your middle finger up at him.

And when he sees you do it, he says, “Don’t stick your finger up at me, our niece is right there”

Zoe was too focused on Alex on the stage to be looking your way, so his argument didn’t stand.

“Do your job” You shout back at him.

“Do my job?” Alex asks pointing to himself and you nod in confirmation.

“Can’t it’s Miles’ song now” He smiles before the crowd start chanting for Miles again.

Alex of course encourages that behaviour and says, “That’s right ladies and gentlemen. Miles. Miles. Miles fucking Kane”

Least he’d got back to his boyfriend now.

The rest of the gig was great, and thankfully, you didn’t make another appearance. It was cute that Zoe couldn’t help but giggle away when she watched Alex dance his way across the stage whilst singing Les Cactus.

It makes all 3 of you adults laugh but it’s Zoe who finds it most comical.

Something that you really didn’t expect to happen though was be completely starstruck a couple of songs before the end of their set.

“Hey Zoe” You all hear someone say.

The four of you look around for who’d said that as it was close by, yet you couldn’t see anyone trying to get her attention around you.

However, it seemed that Zoe had the right idea of looking up, where she found the mysterious voice.

You follow her gaze up to the guest list balcony, where all the important people watched and listened from, and you almost died when you looked up into the eyes of Van McCann.

Zoe waved up at him whilst you and Y/B/F shared a look of disbelief that one of your favourite musicians was waving to your niece.

“Can I come and say hey?” He shouted back down when you looked back up at him.

“Yeah” You nod and offer him a smile and suddenly your heart was in your chest.

~*~*~*~*~*~

In the weeks after you were loving being back home for a while. Alex and Miles had obvious got to go and finish their shows so after a few days with them they were on the move again. But thankfully you’d arranged a 30th birthday party event for yourself which they could come to.

The party had been scheduled for the weekend before your birthday, as you were in LA again for your birthday. The party was a massive success and most of your family and friends that you’d known for years had shown up.

All your old work friends had come and joined you which was amazing but unfortunately your new friends obviously couldn’t make it as it was a long way to travel just for a party.

However, Matthew J Helders III came to your rescue and flew over just for the event which you weren’t expecting at all because you understood that he had little Amelia to take care of. It turns out that Breana had instructed him that he had to come and bring the life of the party for her whilst she stayed with Amelia back home.

The promise was though that to make up for it, when you returned to LA you would be going to hers for drinks before you’d even made it back home. Which you were excited for because Y/B/F was coming back with you for her summer visit.

So, girls’ night was already planned.

Two days after your party though all of the guys, meaning Alex, Miles, Matt, Jamie, and Nick, were flying back to LA for meetings. Which you pried out of Alex what it was about, and you were thrilled to find out that it was to discuss the new Monkeys album.

So, when the time came to go back home you were really excited. For both girl’s night and for the album gossip.

You and Y/B/F had dressed for girl’s night before you even left the UK. You were dressed in a blue and white flowy V-neck dress that reached your mid thighs. The material also came down your arms too, and you loved a long sleeve number.

Y/B/F wore a very nice mini dress which was red with lots of little flowers adorning it. She looked hot. And when Breana picked you both up from the airport you saw that she was wearing a cute flowy yellow sundress.

You could tell when you landed that it had been a hot day and the air was still really humid now, despite it being later on in the day. But you were so excited for what was left of the evening ahead.

When you got back to Breana and Matt’s house, you all said hello to Breana’s Mum who was watching Amelia whilst Breana came and picked the both of you up and Matt was off with Alex somewhere. Probably at your house.

You knew that Jamie and Nick were staying at your house too whilst they were over, so you were excited to have a house full of people, considering it had just been you for the previous four months.

When you all get settled you end up having more of a pampering night than a full-blown drinking party. Breana said that she didn’t really feel like drinking which was fair enough and it also meant that she could give you and Y/B/F a lift back with your cases when you decided to go back home.

The pampering night ended up being more for you than anyone else, you guessed that it was because it was nearly your actual birthday and they wanted to spoil you. Something which you were buzzing about.

You felt like some sort of actress getting her make-up done before they were about to go on set.  

Breana did your make up like she did back when you’d last done this and her waters went. She did a softer shade of blue under your eye this time though to match your dress.

Y/B/F ended up giving your hair some beach girls and after you’d given her and Breana the same look with their hair you all felt pretty glammed up. You’d gotten your nails done a few days ago with Y/B/F back home so there was no need to do them this time around.

Before you knew it, midnight had passed and that signified that it was your birthday. You and Y/B/F had a celebratory glass of Prosecco which Breana cracked open for you.

And because she didn’t want it wasted, she let you bring it home with you when she dropped the both of you off about half an hour later. 

You were surprised to see that all of the lights in your house were off when you got there. They must have all congregated in Miles’ house for the night.

When Breana pulled up outside your house, she told you to go ahead and unlock the front door whilst her and Y/B/F got your cases out of the boot. Something which you planned on doing and then immediately going back out to help them.

However, when you reached your door you noticed a light though the frosted glass which caused you to furrow your eyebrows in confusion. You pushed the door open after unlocking it and walked inside to see a lone tea light candle in the middle of the foyer.

You walk to it confused as to why it was there until you spot another one just through into the kitchen. Your curiosity led you to follow them through the kitchen into the lounge where they became more frequent.

But once you got into the lounge, you looked up and stopped dead. As you looked through the bi-folding windows and saw that the pool was littered with floating candles and there were loads dotted all around the edge of the pool too.

And you could see your man just being illuminated by the candlelight near the bottom end of the pool.

Daylight had long faded but the candles lit the place back up. And as you walked outside you found Matt and Zack, the Monkeys photographer who had come over for the meetings too, who you looked at with confusion written all over your face.

“We were roped into making an extravagant date for you” Matt informed you with a smile.

“I love you guys” You say with a grin before heading over to Alex who was dressed all dapper in black trousers and a white shirt which had a few buttons undone.

His hair was jelled perfectly back this time and he had left some of it hanging over his forehead in a little curl, which by now he knew you adored. He looked so handsome, cute, and sexy all at once.

You walk over to him and smile taking his extended hand when he offers it to you. He told your hand in his when he greets you.

“Welcome home baby” Alex smiles.

“You’re adorable” You can’t help but tell him as you glance towards the pool which looked amazing with all the candles on it.

Alex chuckled at you before he quickly stole a kiss from you, bringing your attention back to him. “Give me a minute and I might get more adorable” He tells you and you chuckle at him but let him speak.

He takes a breath before he starts, “I love you with the whole of my heart Y/N/N. And I’m so beyond glad we made that stupid pact and we joked about getting over here for so long”

You both share a little giggle at that before he continues, “I’m just so happy that it meant that we’ve been together more than a year now and we’re not just starting out like we were meant to be doing on your thirtieth”

Another little laugh was then shared and as he carried on speaking you couldn’t help but admire the way the candlelight illuminated him. He looked so good tonight.

“It took us so long to get here and whilst the years we spent chatting late at night were fun, I’ve loved having your next to me every night for the past year a lot more... I don’t know about you, but I think it took us so long to get together, that I now don’t ever want to be apart from you again” Alex smiles.

And that’s when it hit you what was happening.

Alex must have seen the look of recognition in your eyes, as he chuckled a little when he started, “So, you bring the girl who I fancied in high school and the girl I write too many songs about, and the woman that I fell so hard in love with”

“I would really really like it…” Alex then got down on one knee in front of you and opened a box with a ring in it as he finished off with, “If you’d marry me?”

Your heart swells at the man in front of you and you nod before you lean down to kiss him, “I love you so much”

You kissed for a good few seconds before Alex pulled away revealing a big smile on his face and you couldn’t help but giggle nervously and smile at him.  You then tuned back into your surroundings and heard your friends cheering from over near the house.

When you look, you see that everyone’s there. Matt, Miles, Nick, Jamie, Zack (who now had his camera in hand), Breana, and Y/B/F. You look to them and let out a little giggle before Alex takes up your attention again.

He lifted your left hand and with his right hand he slipped the ring onto your finger. You couldn’t even look at anything but him when he asked you the question, but now looking at it, you saw it was the most gorgeous ring.

It wasn’t over the top, it was just perfect in every way. It had little diamonds around the top of half it and it tied together in the centre with a bigger diamond.

You couldn’t believe you’d just been proposed to. It felt so odd to have a ring on that finger but at the same time, you were so excited it was there.

You don’t inspect the ring much, you just watch as he adjusts it on your finger and then your eyes find each other’s again.

“I love you so much” You say before kissing him again.

Alex says against your lips, “I love you more than you’ll ever know” before he kisses you properly. This time you hear your friends cheering and can see the flashes of Zack’s through your closed eyes this time.

You should have guessed it, but you’d been to shocked and confused. And today’s date made sense to you now you had a clear head. But this was the most adorable thing in the entire world.

You kissed Alex this time with as much feeling as you could put into it because you were lost for words. Your hands came up around his neck and one obviously found its way into his hair.

It was a kiss filled with so much passion and love for one another that you felt like you couldn’t be any happier or more content than you were in that moment. You were in love and you were going to marry the man you’d loved for more than half your life.

You both pulled away from the kiss with massive smiles on your faces before your friends came and gave you both hugs. You separate from each other as you watch your friend come over to the both of you.

Y/B/F gets to you first and almost tackles you back into Alex which makes the both of you laugh.

As it turns out everyone was in on it, and it became obvious to your when you gave Breana her hug. She’d got you all dressed up for the occasion and made you look half decent which you were so thankful for.

You hugged her for a solid minute both just saying things into the others ear about how happy she was for you and also her apologising for her deception. You just told her that you loved her and thanked her for making you look presentable.

When it came to you hugging your boys you wanted to fully burst out crying. You were okay when Alex was speaking to you, probably because of the shock, but when Matt came over to you with tears in his eyes, you were gone.

They really were your little family and you were so thankful they were all over here to witness this.

After you’d done the rounds and kissed and hugged all of your friends, you went back over to Alex and you hugged yourself into his chest. His arms wrapped around you and you relaxed into his touch.

“Have you recovered?” Alex asks you.

You pick your head up and look at him before laughing, “No I’m still so shocked”

“I can tell. You never have nothing to say” He grinned at you.  

You look up at him playfully scoff at him before you poke his side which you knew he hated. After he jumped, he shook his head at you and you pout, he chuckles down at you.

“I’m so glad you said yes” Alex grins at you before his arms tighten around your waist.

You smile up at him and admit, “I’m so glad you asked”

“Well you were always coming over here to marry me on your thirtieth anyway, so I thought I’d just make it official” Alex says which makes you laugh and nod.

You then mumble an ‘I love you’ against his lips and then can’t get the smile off your face the whole night.

Everyone ends up staying to celebrate till the early hours of the morning which everyone was more than happy about. You all had a lovely night celebrating, and you loved the fact that you could now say you had a fiancé. 

“See you tomorrow guys” You say as the herd of your friends start heading out of the kitchen, where you were all currently congregated, towards the front door.

“No, we’ll see you in two days. And I want my keys please. You can have them back next time I see you” Alex instructed them as you followed them into the foyer. 

You furrowed your eyebrows confused but didn’t question it as Miles and Matt handed their keys over to him.

“Where are you going?” You ask Y/B/F as she also heads to the door.

“Oh hunny, I’m staying at Miles’ tonight” She grins at you.  

You mirror her grin, “Oh… Have fun”

“I think you’re going to be having the same kind of fun” She says before she sticks her tongue out at you teasingly.

They all each gave you another hug before leaving and it turned out Nick and Jamie were staying at Matt’s for the night, so it was just you and Alex left when you were waving them off.

After they were gone, Alex closed the door and locked it. He even checked the handle to make sure it was locked which you’d never seen him do before.

“Why’d you take their keys off them?” You asked as Alex walked you through into the kitchen.

Alex ushered you to jump up on the counter where you usually did, and he stood between your legs as he told you. “Do you remember what I said we’d be doing all day when you arrived here for your thirtieth?”

“Didn’t we agree last week that we were going out with everyone because they’d still be over?” You ask him, remembering the conversation very well.

Alex smiles before saying, “Yeah, but that’s now the day after instead… Do you remember what we originally agreed to last year?”

“I think it’s coming back to me” You say with the beginnings of a knowing smile greeting your lips and you brought your arms up around Alex’s neck.

“Yeah?” Alex questioned with a smirk gracing his lips.  

“Mmhmm” You hummed with a smile. “Think you might have to remind me though”

Alex then grabbed under your knees and pulled you forward so you were pressed up against him, now only just sat on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him and locked them behind his back as Alex caught your lips with his.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @the-girl-before @murderousginger @minigranger @turnertable @bastillewolf @slothgiirl @billskarsgard-is-gorgeous @watashi-no-namae-wo-yonde @fookingsummertime @marvel-avengers01​ @shibuikelsi​ @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo​ @gretavanbobatea​ @chocolatecig​ @iamnotjesha @rachaeljayne15​ @edgythought​ @marveious​ @liviasaugusta @boysinskirts​ @musicmania100​ @he4rtbre4khotel​ @innocte​ @beckauhhh​ @whoknowswhatimeant​ @tony-starks-ego​ @tobarmaidswhodontcount​ @elektranxtchiios​ @bettyschwallocksyee​ @alexsvacuumcleaner​ @cornerstqne​ @halfofwhatisayismeaningless​ @juicebox-baby​ @yousuck-marina​ @nrldswita​ @dot-writes​ @skullag​ @b-monkeys​ @babyhoneystvles​ @timchalamxt​ @writingismybiggestlove​

Other parts in Masterlist in bio x

[benevolent-dictator]

Late Night Thoughts on Dan and Phil: Fond Memories and Little More

     Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to include what I believe to be a critical preamble if one is to understand the bulk of this essay (and please understand, I use the term “essay” very loosely here. As you’ll quickly come to realize, it is more a haphazard collection of thoughts strung together in a more of less cohesive format). It’s important I lay out explicitly what this post is as opposed to what it is not: namely, the intent of this post is to act as a sort of analytical essay delineating my thoughts and opinions on the famous Youtubers Dan Howell’s and Amazingphil’s entertainment value rather than the merit of their characters themselves (and how I believe - for me personally - their entertainment value to have stagnated). 

     I feel this important to clarify because typically, when reading online analyses of internet personalities, critiques tend to fall into one of two camps: 1) value judgments placed upon a creator’s work/entertainment, or 2) value judgments placed upon a creator’s moral character. The perfect example of these two camps in action can be found in Lilly Singh and Jake Paul. Regardless of your own personal feelings surrounding the two online creators, I believe it fair to say the vast majority of criticism allotted to them illustrate the two camps rather nicely. For example, a not insignificant amount of people tend to dislike Lilly Singh for her lackluster entertainment value, i.e. the content she uploads to YouTube/broadcasts on her late night show. Although there does exist some backlash towards her standing as a moral actor (or lack thereof), when you enter her name into Youtube’s search feature, six out of the first ten recommended videos are all criticisms directed at how “unfunny” she is. Jake Paul, on the other hand, demonstrates the other school of thought: criticizing moral standing over entertainment value. Again, regardless of your personal views on Jake Paul’s character, it is undeniable that the vast majority of the backlash he receives centers around the immorality of his actions rather than how, “mundane” or “lackluster” his content. Therefore, I want to clarify that I am in no way attempting to use this post to discredit either Dan or Phil’s character. Instead, I wish to share my thoughts on their entertainment value as creators, and how - for me - I no longer find myself enchanted with their content. 

     Additionally, throughout the course of this post you’ll find that I often refer to Dan and Phil as a collective. I understand how this remains a point of contention throughout the fandom, for it remains a sad truth that oftentimes Phil (despite being his own autonomous individual/entertainer) gets lumped in with Dan who - in terms of subscriber count and sheer volume of fans - remains the more successful of the two. It is not my intent to relegate Phil to Dan’s shadow - rather, I find that many of the critiques I have for one cross-apply to the other, hence my frequent use of “Dan and Phil” instead of just Dan or just Phil.   

      Lastly, I would like to get ahead of the curve (should it ever arise) and placate the masses now while I have the opportunity. It is not my intent - and nor has it ever been my intent with any online criticisms - to disparage not only the creator, but their fans. I understand that there is still a thriving community of fans centered around the entertainment Dan and Phil put forth, and it is not my goal to shame anyone for their likes and preferences, or even to try to change your minds. This is not meant to be a persuasive essay: simply an analytical one (granted, one primarily propped up by my own biased opinions over statistical data, but I hope you are able to take the sum total of my assessments with a grain of salt and understand that just as you are welcome and encouraged to share your thoughts on the matter, I wish to be afforded that same generosity).  

     Now with that very important preamble out of the way (which, if you decided to skim, I would highly encourage you to go back and read it in full, for I believe it to have some rather crucial groundwork laid out) we can delve into the heart of the matter. In order to do so, I think it important to establish my background on this subject matter. Dan Howell was the first Youtuber I ever watched. I was still extremely new to YouTube as a platform at the time, and I remember scrolling through my homepage until I stumbled across a video titled, “Human Interaction.” From there, I was hooked. There really isn’t much to say from there; I immediately fell over myself watching video after video of his and, in the process, quickly discovered his flatmate Phil’s channel (or as we know him, Amazingphil). From the years 2013 to about late 2017 they were my all-time favorite Youtubers. As the years wore on I only subscribed to about ten other Youtubers because I felt so strongly that no other creator could capture the magic of what Dan and Phil uploaded. I watched all their videos, bought their merch, and, when the opportunity arose, even went to the Amazing Tour is Not on Fire. I still remember that night (seeing Dan and Phil burst on stage out of a giant prop microwave) as one of the happiest live-performance experiences of my life. My apathy towards both did not spring forth born out out of some heinous act either committed. Rather, it was a steady, almost innocuous decline. I feel as though I simply grew out of them. And here is where my first, and pretty much only real critique comes to light; both Dan and Phil’s content have remained stagnate. 

     Please do not misunderstand: I realize that Youtubers are real people, and to demand growth and change out of people who have arguably settled into who they want to be as adults would be rather unfair. Dan and Phil are not characters on a tv show - I don’t get to shake my fist at my laptop screen and gripe about “poor character arcs” or “slow seasons.” Dan and Phil are flesh and blood - they are not playing characters in a fictional universe. Sure, arguably all Youtubers (and any online persona) “put on a face” for the camera, but there’s a world of difference between, “forcing myself to be extra chipper for the next hour,” and acting out a character in a Hollywood writer’s script. On the one hand, there is a part of me that is happy Dan and Phil (after so many years of struggling with their identities) finally found happiness in themselves. However, if you’ll remember back to what I said in the preamble, that is not the point of this essay. 

     My apathy towards Dan and Phil lies not with their moral characters, but with their entertainment value, and for me personally, I find it hard to be entertained by what I find to be the same old content I was laughing at in 2013 repackaged into new scenarios and re-uploaded in 2020. Dan and Phil’s prize content was their ability to be so relatable. For Dan especially, I loved hearing him talk about how awkward he was around other people because that’s how I felt around the people in my own life. However, that did not last. I eventually grew out of my awkwardness and found a multitude of friends that I was able to be myself around, and in turn take that confidence I felt around them and project it onto others that came into my life, regardless of how well I knew them. Dan, as well as Phil, had lost the one thing that drew me to them in the first place: their ability to be relatable. Even so, during the latter half of the years during which I continued to watch their videos, there was something else that kept me around: their humor. I thought they were wonderfully funny, and even during my darkest hours I knew I could count on them to brighten my day. Yet, as the years I went by, I noticed that the subject matter of their humor remained pretty much the same as well. Most of their punchlines centered around the same handful of premises (for example, Dan joking about how black his soul is), and like I stated earlier, I had begun to grow tired of the stagnation. 

     One last time, I would like to recognize that what one person might call “stagnation” another would call “finding a niche,” and I respect that. Many people would argue that Dan and Phil simply stumbled across a specific niche years ago and have been fulfilling that hole glamorously nearly a decade later, and to that I say that’s wonderful! I think that’s a perfectly valid viewpoint to take! It just so happens that I do not share that same perspective.

     One of the many indicators in which I feel you can physically see how unchanged their videos have become is in Phil’s (it’s hard to judge Dan’s progression since his last video was uploaded about a year ago as of this post’s uploading). As of mid-2020, Phil’s editing has remained largely unchanged. He still uses the same sound effects, the same visual cues, the same editing tools, and after nearly a decade of watching, I’ve just begun to find it all stale. Even his video concepts remain largely unchanged. I understand that if he’s uploading much of the same content over years that must mean he’s making the content he wants to make, and I am happy he’s reached that point, but it is not the content for me. 

     All in all, this was a terribly long post that I had considered writing for a while now, and regardless if anyone even reads it, I figure, “Hey - I’ve written it, it’s off my chest, and now I can finally rest in peace.” I no longer find Dan and Phil relatable for the person I have grown into. I in no way regret all the years I spent loving their content and laughing at their antics. But when you look at Dan’s Tweets from around 2014 to now and see that his jokes have remained fairly unvaried, as have Phil’s, I no longer feel a connection to the two as I once had. Lastly, I do want to say that these opinions of mine are not solidified. Yes, this is how I feel now, and it is how I’ve felt for quite some time, but please do not mistake my current stance for me digging my heels in the sand to declare, “No! I have sworn off Dan and Phil and I shall never partake in their content again!” No, of course not! I’m always open to change, and if Dan and Phil suddenly take an enjoyable creative turn, I’d be happy to take a look. And what’s more, I’m a sucker for nostalgia, so I can definitely see myself popping on YouTube to watch an old Dan video or two, or an old Phil video or two, or a gaming channel video or two, or whatever! They will always leave me with fond memories - memories I will take with me for years to come.

[jxckspxcer]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

TAGGED BY: @skulldxddy​​ AYYYEEEE TAGGING: @pcrticlvcid​, @flos-timore​, @ofspoons​, @chainsxwsmile​, @builtperil​, uhhH YALL

1. FIRST NAME: Adrian

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I collect hats. I own 54 hats. I wear like 4 of those.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: This HARD. On one hand bein ace doesn’t mean I can’t think people are attractive, on the other I experience all things in extremes so most people are really boring to look at to the point I never remember any details about their appearance (”like my hair cut?” “you.... you got a hair cut?”), or they’re very very noteworthy and I can no longer function in their presence (cause i wanna stare at them but thattts weird). 

But lemme tell ya, I compliment people regularly, so here’s 3 things I notice and point out about people: Cool Hair, Unique Aesthetic (fashion, be it a singular accessory or every goth/gnc i ever meet--), Height (tols impress). 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: Sushi probably.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Mushrooms. Neurhg,,,

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: the devils lettuce................ And idk K-D.rama? 

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Depends on the temperature. COLD: Leggings, pajama pants, sweater, beanie. HOT: shorts tanktop.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: uHGHUHGH,,, every relationship I’ve ever had was short and terrible. let’s go with fliiings! thats what I need in my life. a commitment free cuddle buddy. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: You know there’s a lot of shit in my past that can’t be stopped, but RECENT PAST? WHY DID I SPEND ALL MY SCHOLARSHIP MONEY LIKE I DID. I COULDA MADE HELLA SAVINGS!! I WAS GETTING 5K A SEMESTER!! AND I SPENT IT! ON! FOOD AND SHIT! i had a job at the same time, my parents were still working, I do not see why I was spending any of that semester money man I smh I oughta kick my past selves a ss.... 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I yearn to be. I’m incredibly repressed and insecure currently, and I’m not sure if that’s going to change when I’m less depressed or if I’m gonna have to rebuild that skill. But I used to be the kind of person to hold hands with my best friend, snuggle during sleepovers, give hugs and kisses, sit close and link arms, generally just be super cuddly-- It’s how I like to be, but I think at some point I just started to assume people didn’t like it so I stopped. SUCKs Butt. 

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: I watched mimzy over and over again as a kid, but nowadays, none, no, I can’t, I don’t have that aTTENTION SPAN--- 

12. FAVORITE BOOK: UHhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,, i have not read a book in a while, my old favorite book might not be as good as I remember. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Raccoon. 

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: Lets go nonxs based on my recent media consumption--- Chel.lDOS (redemption tailoring), Zifeng/Yanuo, Kirk/Spock, HarleyQ/KickinAss, UhHhh, okay and ClayJack my ultimate Jack ship I will crave for infinity...

15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake. Cheesecake specifically, but CAKE. Pie only has so many flavors I’ll actually eat. 

16. FAVORITE SCENT: OOHhh GoDdd... I’m doing aromatherapy right now (another strange fact), so there’s a lot of good scents in my life... I really like sweets? Like I have a cotton candy body mist, and I like my smores candles.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: UHhhh....... UHHHHHH????? That feeling when you are so far out of the cult of celebrity.... Like I know some, mostly ones from Marvel, but I wouldn’t call em crushes. Can I say Whoopi Goldberg in the Sister Act? She was really pretty in that movie (so was the red haired nun). And I really liked those movies as a kid. 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: The easy one to say would be Japan.... but to visit some of my online friends would be even better! Honestly, I find just going grocery shopping with my friend to be an adventure, I am sure visiting any of my friends in their hometowns, be they cities or small towns, I would find every day exciting. I have deep puppy energies. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Introvert. I get so tired, my friend has told me to take a nap mid-party before. But like, as you hear, I love parties. I super love socializing, but oof I do get drained. If I could sit with people, no-energy, no-obligation, free to chat or chill, that’d be the dream. And I have a lot of those with my best friend, except with the minor energy obligation of transportation and sometimes other people....

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Incredibly. I’m a huge baby, incredibly squeamish, easily startled, easily paranoid. I’m scared of the dark still, I don’t watch horror movies unless the monster is sexy. 

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: fuck em both, i still have iphone

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: I’m primarily a simulator/rpg/sandbox kind of gamer. Animal Crossing, Minecraft, WoW, Starbound, Sims 4... Yeah. I can’t even play Mario or Left 4 Dead very well but like I like them?? Game with meee, I don’t do that much, it would be fun tho,,,

23. DREAM JOB: If I’m god damn honest I hate the idea of a job deep down in my soul. Call it bein’ lazy but man I want my life to involve somethin more than making money to survive, that’s all I’ve ever done and I’d like to stop. But being able to help others, being a resource, brightening peoples day, being involved in something that enriches the world somehow. These kind of things make a good fit for work, and if it pays good, and I can build a routine around a solid schedule, then I guess I could live with whatever. 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Do the math for how much I need to survive for the rest of my life, bare minimum style, then cushion that a little. Buy myself and my friends some nice things. Start giving money to strangers. Funnel it into important things that need to get paid for. Quit my job, travel, get extensive therapy, join fucking causes I wish I had the physical & mental resources for now, finally be able to put my passion into things again. Lmao money can’t buy happiness my a s s.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: hmmmmmmm........ hate it such a strong word. I just keep thinking of characters I LOVE to hate or like characters who are obviously hateable (intolerable villains). But I wanna pick one I genuinely dislike, deep down, for reasons. 

Lum.py from HTF,,, I just don’t like his design next to the rest. I mean I haven’t watched HTF in literal years but he came to mind.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: The Walking Dead / Game. Zombies just don’t really ??? click with me unless they have a gimmick now.

[mysticsparklewings]

Fairy Enchanting‪

A bit later than I expected, but here we have the art that I used for the examples on my Commission Sheet! (Unoriginal title is unoriginal and also a pun based on "very enchanting") When I started thinking about putting together a commission sheet in the first place (which was something I wanted to do for the new year, as before I was just using a lengthy pricelist), I knew that I wanted to make a piece of art specifically for it and track my progress as I went, so that I would have an example for each stage in the process I take commissions for. And for the art, I more or less wanted to "go all out" since it's supposed to be an example, and I figure the example needs to be as close to top-notch as possible. Admittedly, I probably could've done even more than this, but me being me I procrastinated and ended up having less time to work on this that I initially expected, so... In deciding what the drawing would be, I also decided to return to my roots a little, and a do fairy as an homage to back when I used to do Winx art all the time. Likewise, as Enchantix to this day is my favorite transformation from the show, I drew heavy inspiration from it, and I'm sure that's so obvious that if you know the show I probably didn't have to point it out to you. Anyway. I actually didn't start completely from scratch with the sketch; I re-used this pose from a previous sketch I did that never saw a full-finished piece. I liked that other sketch okay, but it didn't feel like a "finish me" project. I did have to alter the feet because the original sketch was made with feet for ballet slippers (bigger heels, more rounded/curved toes, etc.) and much later on in the process I ended up angling the leg on the left more outward, as that felt more natural for the direction I was taking this new sketch in. In sketching all the bits that make this sketch otherwise unique from the old one, as I mentioned, I was taking heavy inspiration from Enchantix. One of my favorite parts of the transformation has always been the leg-wrap/barefoot sandals, for reasons I can't explain. So those were a must. I also really like how the Enchantix outfits tend to be short dresses that are more form-fitting at the top and more flowy and soft at the bottom. Here, I decided to bring the ribbony look on the leg wraps up into the bodice, and to frame the collar/shoulder area I used a sleeve & choker style similar to what I did for the dress for Ink Dance, which itself was based on a dress I actually own and love to pieces despite never getting a chance to wear it because of how fancy it is. The main difference for both of the drawing versions is that I skipped the lace overlay that connects the sleeves and choker, mostly because both pieces are traditional and drawing lace/mesh traditionally, especially when it's so teeny, is a nightmare I do not want to engage with. And the choker part fits nicely, as in Enchantix each fairy has a necklace (usually a choker) that holds their fairy dust bottle. I'm not sure if this fairy has one or not, but she very well could! Enchantix usually has long gloves, but I altered these to be shorter and fingerless (more like Magic Winx or Believix gloves) since this fairy is also based partially on myself, and I'd be more likely to wear that kind than the full-length formal gloves. And for the hair, as is maybe obvious, I was primarily inspired by Stella's for her Enchantix, since I've always loved that part of the transformation sequence for her's. Also, even though it doesn't look that way on my commission sheet, IRL I drew only one wing and left it separate, off to the side, to make positioning and flipping it easier. Once the sketch was done, I did try inking it traditionally/by hand once, and I just really wasn't happy with how it turned out. And I also realized I had drawn the skirt billowing/ruffling in completely the wrong direction anyway; It was moving to the left when it should've been moving to the right like the hair. So I had to take time out to fix that. As opposed to wasting more paper trying to ink traditionally after that fiasco, I instead went with what had been my gut instinct anyway; I scanned the sketch in and did the lines in Photoshop. Well, most of the lines. I was a dumb-dumb and when I did the lines for the wings, 1. it took forever because they're large curves everywhere and 2. I used a slightly bigger brush than for all the other lines, as I had mistakenly thought I was going to be re-sizing them significantly and the lines would be altered to for me when I did that. When I realized that wasn't the case, I did not want to have to redraw most of those curves again and risk not being able to get the right a second time. So I ended up booting a copy of the wings I'd already done into Paint Tool Sai and made use of the linework layers to redo the wings without having to draw the same line fifty times. Then I booted that back into Photoshop and adjusted the wings to be angled/aligned with the rest of the lines as I saw necessary. It was also at this point that I played around with positioning the leg on the left more outward than what it was on the sketch and ended up going with the position you see here. I could have then gone back and added weight to the lines in some places, but at this stage, I was already thinking that I wanted to print the lines out and use my digital lines to hopefully get cleaner traditional ones, as opposed to just printing the lines off outright. (Mostly because I wanted to use some super thick mixed media paper that I would bet serious money will not go through my printer.) That's what I ended up doing, and I have to say that attempt went a lot more smoothly than me trying to ink from the original sketch. And once I had the initial lines done, then I went back and thickened them in certain places. And I should probably mention here that the wings were a little tricky to figure out how to handle traditionally, as that's not something I've had to do very often. I ended up using my clear stardust gelly roll when I did the normal inking, and then, later on, I used colored pencils to go back over the outlines before coloring them in. After doing some tests, I started coloring with markers for the hair and skin, and a little colored pencil for some blush. I tried to get a little more bold with the shading than I usually do, which I'm sure still looks pretty tame compared to most. But I'd rather the shading be too light than too dark. Originally, I thought I was going to do all or mostly all of the coloring with alcohol markers. (Sidenote: is it just me or does it seem like there’s a lot of alcohol marker related stuff going on in the art world lately??) But then I did some testing with the lines I originally inked and didn’t like, and was reminded why I normally don’t use alcohol markers for gradients like the one on the skirt...frankly, I’m not very good at them...yet. Even though the test went better than expected, I still wasn’t happy with it. Then I tried a few more tests with watercolor, and that didn’t fare much better. Watercolor would’ve worked if the gradient wasn’t also supposed to be shaded, I think, but trying to shade it without using another supply wasn’t working. That left me with good ol' tried and true colored pencils. But colored pencils are relatively slow and textured, and I didn't really want that for the skin. The texture would've worked for the hair, but I didn't want to make the time investment for it either. And so I ended up sticking to my mixed media instincts and I used the colored pencil exclusively where I had to (on the dress so I could get the gradient for the skirt right) and then I used alcohol markers everywhere else, shading and all. With the alcohol marker doing most of the work, then I came back and added additional shading/highlights with the colored pencils as needed to everything except the skin. I added blush, but otherwise, I was quite pleased with how the skin turned out and didn't want to touch it for the risk of ruining it. The dress is supposed to be black/really dark gray, but I did brighten it up a bit with some of the blues from the skirt gradient as opposed to pulling out specific grays, so it definitely looks/feels more navy in the final product. Although my relatively dark/saturated color choices for her outfit made figuring out what to then do with the wings more challenging. I didn't want the wings to be the exact same colors as the rest of the drawing, because then they'd blend in too easily and be too distracting from the rest of the piece. But at the same time, I wanted them to match/look like they belong. (Again, similar to how the wings are in Enchantix) After some back-and-forth testing and a LOT of color sampling, I decided to color the wings in with alcohol markers in colors that were similar to her clothes but overall lighter/more pastel and outline them and the sections inside the wings again in colored pencil. Most of the colored pencil is slightly darker than the marker colors I picked, but I went with purple for the black/gray rims of the wings because I thought a dark gray or black would be too harsh. I'd already decided I wanted to do a slightly more complex background digitally, but even with that in mind, the traditional drawing still felt like it was missing one more thing after that. Namely, the wings didn't seem special enough. I realize that sounds a little weird; I was just talking about how I didn't want the wings to be too distracting, but I think there is a delicate balance to having them be special in the way fairy wings should be while still not overpowering everything else. And I'm not sure I achieved that, but I at least tried to. Though not a perfect solution, I ended up adding some metallic watercolor on top of the "true" (less purple-y) blue and pink sections on the wings.  You can't really tell here on the scan, and what little you can appears to be the wrong color, but in person, both colors now how a lovely pink or blue sheen to them when you move the picture in the light. (The metallic paints, in this case, are very opalescent, so they're almost completely transparent when you see the flat color despite still have a really pretty metallic sheen in the light.) After that, I felt there wasn't much more I could do traditionally, so I scanned it and moved on to that background. At this point, I was kinda pressed for time because me being me, I had unintentionally put making my commission sheet off to the last minute. I really wanted to have it finished before the ball dropped on New Years' Eve ("new year, new me" and all that jazz), and I still hadn't finished my example art by sunset time the day of. So I had to keep things moving. Early on, I'd had the idea to either digitally make a slightly more complex (but not too complex; I wanted to keep at least a little of the sanity I have left) background or perhaps make a special watercolor piece to use as the background. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time for that anymore if I wanted to have the commission sheet finished by my self-imposed deadline. (And if we're splitting hairs, in theory, I could still go back and change the background if I wanted to, for reasons I'm about to go over, so of all the things to get rush-cut that's really not so bad.) What I ended up doing instead was taking some of the left side of my Starfall Mountains painting (I was looking for a background-type thing I'd already done/made that would suit this drawing or that I could quickly tailor to make it work, and I'm just as surprised as anyone else that this frustrating tiny painting ended up being the one I liked best of my options) and I blew it up to comfortable cover the background here, flipped it around so the colors would flow a bit better, and used the hue/saturation slider to make it more of teal color for a little more contrast. But of course, there was still just one more thing missing, even after all that. After a little tinkering, I decided I didn't like trying to making the wings transparent (I could do it, I just didn't like the way it looked in this case), so I went in and added a touch of sparkles digitally to both tie them more into the piece as a whole and to give them a little more pizzazz. And finally, blessedly after all of that, the artwork was finished, I was very happy with it, and I could move on to making the actual commission sheet.   I have to say, for as rushed as it was towards the end, I do really like how it turned out. More particularly I like just how blended both digital and traditional art ended up being here. To me, this is the next step beyond what I was able to do for mixing digital and traditional art with my Doodle Moon piece, and if I weren't currently in the middle of a tablet crisis, I'd really want to do more with this concept of going back and forth between the two on one artwork. However because of the tablet situation, the thought of really trying to do that right now kinda fills me with dread, so we're gonna have to wait a little while on that. I do also really like the anatomy/proportions in this. Which is not something I normally feel comfortable saying.   It's not the best art I've ever made or anything, but looking at it makes me happy. It's good to see it finished and it's good to think of where a lot of the ideas for it came from. (Re: Nostalgia for my life a few years ago) I'm not sure if I will since it kinda counts but also kinda doesn't(?), but I'm tempted to put this and some of my old Enchantix drawings up on the "Draw This Again" template, just to show how far I've come. I'm still thinking about it, we'll see. Speaking of "we'll see," I got word that the sketchbooks from the contest I made Designiest Design for back in October are finally in, which means the prize packs should be sent out anytime now! I'm excited to see how the sketchbooks turned out and get my hands on the Powder Pack and see how said powders work! I was admittedly starting to wonder how that was coming along, so that was some good news and a nice surprise I'd really been needing here lately. Rest assured, there will almost definitely be an art piece talking about that stuff once I have it in my hands! 

____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[bytheangell]

Desperate Hours

(Read on AO3) (Coda for 3x13 and compliant with the 3x14 sneak peek of Magnus&Lorenzo, so spoilers for both ahead)

“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” Magnus says, stepping inside Catarina’s apartment.

“Of course, Magnus. You’re acting like it’s some huge struggle to pencil you in, and not like I wouldn’t gladly welcome a visit from one of my closest friends any time.” She smiles at him but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes - she knows that this isn’t just a social call. Magnus wonders if she could hear the desperation in his voice over the phone… or maybe she put two and two together when Lorenzo undoubtedly contacted her to forbid her from assisting him after he started asking around.

That wouldn’t surprise him. He’s tired, physically and emotionally, and there’s only so much faking he can do before he has to let his guard down at some point. Catarina, bless her, is the unfortunate recipient of his unfiltered woes.

“Drink?” She offers. “I don’t have much, but there’s some beer or a cheap bottle of wine with your name on it.” She grabs a bottle of beer for herself in the meantime.

“No, thank you.” Now this, if nothing else, sets off a red flag. He’s trying to appear nonchalant but the way he fidgets gives him away. Plus, the last time he came over focused enough to not  share a casual beer with her was when he showed up to tell her about Ragnor. Concern flashes across her features.

“Magnus, what’s wrong?”

Where to begin?, he wonders.

“Everything?” He jokes, attempting for sarcasm but there's a bit too much truth in it to be comfortable. “Isabelle came to me for help earlier. It was important, a matter of her heath, and all I could do was stand there and watch her hurt. She lied and said she was fine to spare me the regret of being useless.”

The irony isn’t lost on him that for all the years he complained about everyone coming to him to help solve their problems, now that he couldn’t he actually missed it. How long until no one bothers to ask in the first place? A week? A month? How much time does he have left before word gets around that Magnus Bane isn’t capable of anything that goes beyond a trip to the market in town or something he can look up in a book already in his possession, unless you’re willing to wait for him to taxi to the nearest reference?

How long until Magnus Bane, as the world knows him, is entirely obsolete?

Cat sighs. She always could read him best and it’s easy to hear the strife behind his words.  “I’m sorry.” Magnus doesn’t look her in the eyes just yet, knowing the pity he’ll find there and not wanting it. He’s done with pity. He’s done with trying to get used to an existence he doesn’t want. “What do you need? You know I’ll help however I can.”

“For Isabelle? Burdock root, native to L’Isle-Adam, which I do need, yes. But that isn’t the whole reason I came…”

Magnus keeps his expression stoic, unwilling to betray the trepidation he feels at the path his current thoughts take.

“I need to get my magic back... I was reading up on a reversal of the spell Asmodeus used on me. Instead of taking magic, the caster would give part of their own to another. There isn’t a lot written on it, but… I think it can work.”

“...I’ve heard about that.” Catarina says, and Magnus’ face falls. He was counting on the fact that, by some small miracle, she hadn’t. Because if she knows what he’s talking about then Magnus already knows what’s coming next before she even opens her mouth.

“You can’t seriously be considering that so soon, can you?”

“I know it’s primarily been used on Non-Warlocks-”

“-all of whom died from the rejection of the magic in bodies not meant to hold it.” Cat supplies quickly, making sure he couldn’t skip around that fact.

“But it does have documented attempts on Warlocks, too.” He continues.

“Yes. Attempts to transfer magic which have resulted in uncontrollable powers at best, and, again, death at the very worst.” Cat looks at him with a mixture of surprise and concern. “You can’t possibly think this is a good idea.”

“I don’t have any ideas, good or bad. It’s the only thing I’ve been able to find that seems even remotely helpful. And it’s never been used on a Warlock with no magic before. All of the previous complications with warlocks were from having two different sources of power fighting within the host. If I only have one…” he trails off. He doesn’t know what will happen with just one, of course, but he’s desperate enough to find out.

“Your magic - your specific signature - is a part of you. To put some foreign essence inside of you like that, the chances of your body rejecting it like a bad transplant, the chances of it going wrong-”

“-are all chances I’m willing to take. I can’t keep living like this, Cat. You don’t know… you can’t imagine how empty I am. How wrong it feels to just exist like this. I haven’t stopped since I got back because every time I’m too still--.” He pauses, looking up at her with pleading eyes just shy of tears. He can’t bring himself to talk about it anymore, it’s too overwhelming. “I need your help.”

“Magnus...”

“I can’t perform the spell on myself and no one else will so much as speak to me about it, by direct order of the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” Magnus spits the title out with bitterness.  

“Magnus, I can’t. Not because of Lorenzo - you know I want nothing more than to help you get your magic back, and if I thought giving you part of mine was the solution I would, I really would, consequences be damned. But I’m not powerful enough for something of this scope. Not with how much magic I use every day with work. And even if I was…” She hesitates. Magnus wants her to stop there. He almost cuts her off because the idea that it was simply a matter of her not being able to, that he could compartmentalize and store away. But it isn’t, and they both know it. He remains silent as she continues. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t. You’re upset, and you’re frustrated, and you haven’t given this enough thought.” She’s only looking out for him. If he were actually thinking clearly he’d see that. But instead all he hears is that she thinks he’s being foolish. That he’s making a mistake, just like the mistake he made in giving Lilith that potion, and in thinking he was strong enough (or clever enough) to deal with Asmodeus. Just another mistake to add to the list that would be the end of his legacy: a great man buried by an avalanche of missteps.

“I’ve given it nothing but thought. Thinking is all I can do since I’m useless everywhere else now.” Magnus shakes his head, defending himself but no longer working to convince her. They’ve been friends long enough for him to know when her mind is made up.

“You’re not useless and you know it. There’s more to you-” “-oh just shut up already.” Magnus snaps. “If one more person tells me I’m more than just my magic, I’m going to scream.”

There’s a heavy pause immediately following his words in which Magnus knows with no uncertainty he fucked up.

“I think you should go home.” Catarina’s tone isn’t angry, but it is colder than the comfort she offered before. “Take a step back and give me a call later. I’ll have the burdock root for you then.”

Magnus winces, her controlled politeness worse than any anger she could respond with.  “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She pauses. “You know what else I know? That you came here to ask me to help you perform a spell that might kill you, or have any number of consequences we don’t know about - and that would all fall on me. The Magnus I know would never put his friends in a position like that.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes again, because it’s all he can seem to do. She’s right, of course. And it’s why he didn’t want to go to her in the first place - he wanted to find someone neutral, someone he could pay off to go through with it no questions asked. It was a solid plan until Lorenzo went and complicated everything.

So Magnus was forced to go to Catarina because if anyone is willing to go to extremes to help him, it’s her. Perhaps that’s the very reason he shouldn’t have - he’s abusing her good nature for something selfish. What if she agreed and something happened to her? How could he live with himself?

Not to mention if something happens to him. Magnus knows the risks and accepts full responsibility for them, which would do nothing to stop Cat from blaming herself if he dies with her magic coursing through him. Maybe he isn’t thinking clearly, but the longer he goes on without magic the worse he imagines that problem will become. He certainly isn’t going to grow more rational the more disconnected he feels from himself.

Magnus is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of Catarina’s voice. “What does Alec have to say about all this?”

Magnus winces again and remains silent.

“You haven’t told him, have you?” Her tone turns accusatory again.

“No need to if it isn’t going to happen, is there? I’ll worry him when there’s cause to. He has enough on his plate right now without my wild goose chases.” He shrugs, mentally cursing the dead-end Lorenzo caused him, when a thought occurs to him. He hates it, but it gives him a flicker of hope just the same.

“We’ll figure this out,” Cat continues, unaware of his epiphany. “We can do more research on the reversal spell first - we don’t have to write it off entirely - and keep looking for other alternatives. Safer alternatives. There’s a solution out there and none of us are going to stop until we find it, alright?”

“Alright,” he says, distracted, and hears the word fall flat. Magnus is careful to throw a smile her way and brighten his tone, which is an almost impossible task given the stomach-turning idea that crosses his mind just then. If he’s really going to go through with this he needs to make sure Catarina isn’t keeping tabs on him. He needs her to believe he’s dropping it, at least for now… at least long enough to make one more visit.

“Of course. You’re right. I’m rushing into this… I’m not thinking clearly.” Magnus nods. “I’m mortal now, but it isn’t like I’m on my deathbed. There’s time to figure this out.”

He says the words in response to Cat but his mind is elsewhere, thoughts racing at a possibility of one last place he can turn. Catarina eyes him suspiciously but decides to embrace the change of heart as a good thing. And why shouldn’t she assume he’s fine for now: with no Warlock in the city willing to help him it isn’t as if he can run out and do something immediately, right?  

“Just promise me you aren’t going to do anything stupid. I’ve nearly lost you twice now, I can’t do it a third time.”

“You have my word.”

It isn’t a total lie because he’s convinced this isn’t stupid. Risky, yes. Humiliating, certainly. His absolute last resort is enough to make his skin crawl to even consider, but it’s the only option he has and he needs to try.

There’s only one warlock with access the level of power he needs. One who won’t bat an eye at the potential side-effects to him. The only warlock who isn’t forbidden from helping him, because he’s the one who gave the order in the first place.

It’s time to pay a visit to Lorenzo Rey.

[jacktherph]

jack, my friend!! i hope all is okay. i'm wondering about your experience as a barista?? are there things about its portrayal in the rpc that are inaccurate or annoying to you?? being a barista is probably the most popular job characters have on here!! what impact does being trans, ace, queer have on your workplace environment if you don't mind talking about it?

oh man olivia, oh man. you’re gonna have me GO aren’t you?? i’m doing better ilusm bb

okay so disclaimer that i’ve only been a barista at sun-dollars (think of synonyms) for a year now. i’ve never done it at some fancy, privately owned shop, and my experience isn’t that of everyone else!! i’m also pretty damn low on my totem poll, too, so keep that in mind

so when i was hired, i worked at a small cafe store for a few months; small outside patio, small parking spaces, located in a tiny strip mall off a main road, maybe a max crew of 20 or less?? but now we all relocated to one of the busiest drive thru stores in our district; large outside patio, giant inside seating, one of the only stores with a conference room in the CITY, a drive thru that pretty much… never stops, and a stand-alone building on the same main road. and wow what a difference there is

this thing ended up being super long so it’s under a cut

note:: this is really for people looking to portray accurate, non-dramatized versions of barista life, and the whole thing is largely fueled by personal experience. hope it helps??

on THE JOB ITSELF :

if you think its an easy job, please get out of my face. if you think it’s super complicated and hard, there’s a bit for you to learn here. and most importantly–if you think fucking with a barista is fun, go to hell

firstly–there is a lot to remember. there’s the drink standard; how the drink is supposed to be made without any customization. then there’s whatever people add and change about it. then there’s “i asked for five mocha pumps but this tastes like you didn’t put five in, remake it.” and then there’s “i think i know how a drink is made, but i don’t, but i’ll still tell you how to do your job.”

there is a specific routine for making drinks called SEQUENCING that we’re supposed to learn as soon as possible. it ensures that, if you’re on bar, you are always making part of a drink and finishing another. steam milk, queue shots, turn and start blending a frappuccino, while that’s in the blender turn back and finish the hot drink, hand it out, steam another milk, queue more shots, turn and pour frappuccino, hand it out, etc etc etc

personally, i’m not the best on bar. i know people who are stunningly gorgeous at it – who can sequence without fail. but it requires a LOT of mental work. not a lot of room for talking unless there’s only one drink or two to make. any character who is “skilled” at being a barista probably doesn’t spend their shift talking, but working in hasty silence when it is busy

being on register is my personal skill. i always work drive thru orders. yes, we have specific buttons for everything, but with as many combinations as sun-dollars has, there’s still an infinite number of ways to mess it up if you don’t know what you’re doing. and if the order comes out wrong, it gets made wrong, and then the barista on bar gets the brunt of the abuse from the customer and has to mess up their sequence by remaking it

on TIPPING YOUR BARISTA :

at sun-dollars, we’re paid just slightly above minimum wage and a huge chunk of our money is tips, which at a store of our size are still under a dollar earned an hour, then divided by how many hours you worked, and how many people worked that week and their hours too. tips don’t always add up to much, because people never think about tipping us

but here’s the thing. we make everything by hand just like someone would at a restaurant. sometimes more than once if one little thing is wrong. we burn our hands on hot coffee and water, we slip and fall, we haul heavy things around. even if you don’t see it, we do it. so please… tip your barista because we make everything and serve it to you just like at any other food business

on MONEY EARNED :

a part-time barista position, maybe working 25-30 hours a week with included tips, is NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE AN APARTMENT ON. not anywhere outside of fantasy land anyway

take that example. if i get 10.55/hour, and work 25 hours one week and 16 the next (which is a GOOD week for me, holy shit), and my tips are… $15 for both weeks, then I’ve made around… $475~ after taxes are taken out. no. so many of my fellow partners have second, third jobs. or their spouse earns the majority of the money. or they still live at home–like myself. it simply isn’t a job you can live on independently

i.e. this is a callout to the “barista who somehow lives without a roommate and doesn’t constantly complain about how hungry they are” trope

on WRITING ON CUPS :

yes, sun-dollars used to write on cups. but now we have a sticker system that is ten times more efficient. yes, we still write on the cups if our machine goes down, or if we have a messed up drink, any number of things. but it isn’t common for a busy store to write on cups daily anymore

that being said, let’s talk about our big fave trope: muse a writes their number on the cup for muse b because they flirted at the handoff plane. YOU CAN GET FIRED FOR THIS. it is immediately a fireable offense, no questions asked. i know it ruins the CUTESY moment but it’s a thing. best to keep your ship intact and employed by having them ask when the barista is on a break. 

yes, we misspell names. it happens. whether your fingers slip up on the touch screen or you just didn’t hear it right. but no barista i know would risk their job and security by purposefully writing a malicious name on a cup. end of

on CUSTOMER CONNECTION :

the cafe store had been around for years in a community where snowbirds (old people who come to the warmth of arizona for the winter) are the largest customer base. that, plus the small crew, meant that the partners (baristas) had a long-established rapport with many of the customers. i remember on my first official day working, so many people kept telling me “my usual” and my partners had to keep reminding the customers to order properly, since i was new and didn’t know them yet

but once i got to know the regulars–and it definitely took a lot of time–it showed me the incredible connection people have with their baristas. we joke that as baristas, we’re unpaid therapists with a coffee in hand. people tell their barista SO MUCH. but it’s fascinating, really; sometimes it’s just plain oversharing, but sometimes you just get to be connected to a person you see every day, even if it’s only for a minute or two

now, at my drive thru store, i have my personally labelled “night regs” who i see pretty much every time i work. i know their names, their orders by heart, and sometimes stuff about their family or lives. and for those who are grateful, you’d be surprised the brightening affect on someone’s day it can be when you remember their order and ask them about something they mentioned last week

recently, a family who comes through my drive almost every day suffered a loss in their family. i could tell something was different because they weren’t joking around with me. they ended up sharing and it brought us really close. they even came to visit me when i worked on christmas day. recently, they had a family bbq and actually drove all the way to the store to bring me a plate of leftovers because of an inside joke we all have. i don’t give them discounts–big no no–or free drinks. they pay like everyone else. but we’ve grown really close and they make my work day nicer because i know i’m making people happy

so often when i see people writing baristas, the character is a certain archetype: the aloof one, the bubbly one, the romantic one, for examples. but i think the connection between a barista (even an introverted one like myself) and a regular is really undervalued!! the fact that we have worked so hard to maintain that customer personal connection with our regulars even though we have thousands more people a week has really shown me a lot about how people interact with one another

on RUDE CUSTOMERS :

it takes a LOT to kick someone out of a store. like a LOT. we’ve only ended up kicking out one person because they were repeatedly stealing from our food display, and then we could only do it once we got proof. so no, being rude to the barista once isn’t an offense that can get them removed. somehow

people are rude. collectively. some are nice, but people are rude. whether it’s the cranky person who insists they ordered their drink iced but the sticker says hot, the person who repeatedly asks “is my drink ready?” even though the sticker line is as long as i am tall, the person who demands their drink be remade for any reason valid or otherwise with a big attitude, or the drive thru car who has an attitude because they expected to be in and out but their wait time is 15 minutes because the car ahead of them ordered for their entire church. people will find a way to be rude, even if they don’t know it

what do we do? we smile, apologize and take blame, and do it over. especially at sun-dollars; the customer IS ALWAYS RIGHT. welcome to the service industry

on ACCEPTANCE :

i’m very lucky when i can say sun-dollars is a very accepting environment. being a trans and queer partner, i had my identity accepted right away by my coworkers. i also make it a point to let them know that if they have any questions about my identity, they can ask it to my face within reason. this has led to some really heartfelt interactions with my fellow partners, because it was how they learned some things about identities other than theirs

customers… well it’s touch-and-go. i live in a primarily… single-minded area. but i know i’m not the only one who knows this – being trans in a workplace is a touch-and-go thing. i’ve had people who only hear my voice call me “miss” at the speaker and correct themselves to “sir” at the window when they see my beard. i’ve had stubborn old people refuse to say my name. you still have to serve them, and personally, i avoid correcting people to avoid any sort of confrontation

my specific workplace is very personal; we know a lot about one another’s personal lives. what else is there to talk about when cleaning? some partners have been insensitive, but we talk it out and it’s done and fixed. sometimes we snark at one another using personal jabs, but that’s something we all participate in. and we know where the line is and not to cross it. but i’m sure many workplaces are like that

on ETC :

you will get messy. i end a time on bar with my fingers sticking together, my arms covered in fake-tan from chai or frappuccino roast pumps, and one partner told me once she went home to find mocha in her belly button of all places

you clean the bathrooms too. in all their shitty mess. and people treat public bathrooms terribly. but doing bathrooms is also a good release from the business of the bar

that drive thru headset? paid-for walkie talkies. yes, we gossip, we laugh, we trade jokes. we rag on customers out of earshot. let us have fun

WE DID NOT INVENT OR TAKE PART IN THE SECRET MENU. we cannot make your drink unless you tell us how it’s made. we’re not gonna google your weird invention when we have other things to do. you either come prepared, or you get something else

if you’re going to pay separately for a large order, TELL US FIRST

there will always be that one partner you hate working with. it happens in every job. there will always be that crew you love working with. you don’t always get to choose when that happens. c’est la vie

if it’s closing time, customers need to LEAVE. this is an issue of safety for when we work with money. even your best friend, your spouse, or your elderly mother cannot be inside the store during closing

at sun-dollars we have a weekly thing called the “clean play,” where people come in after the closers and do a deep-clean of the store. we rock out to music, enjoy there being no customers, and have fun. good setting for fellow workers!!

don’t give us pity on holidays. you’re the reason we’re there

i once had a woman come in half an hour before closing, and she was so mad we didn’t have the food box she wanted that she called corporate to complain. we now have more waste at the end of the night because we have to order so many boxes so we never run out

sometimes you’ll have to run out before or during a shift to pick up product from other stores

people take it personally when you finish a seasonal beverage. really personally when you’re out of anything, really

seeing regulars outside of the workplace will always be awkward. some even ask if you remember their drink. you might

people will complain about things out of your control. smile and nod and say you’ll let your manager know

when in doubt, give it to your shift supervisor

ADDITION :: my wonderful friend @morbidrpa​ wrote about her experience as a barista/manager in a smaller, single-location coffee shop. go check it out for varied experiences!!

[incomingalbatross]

Illumination, Part 2/2

Part 1

Fandom: Psmith/Star Wars Length: 2819 words (almost quadruple the length of Part 1, because what is consistency)

Part 2 under the cut! (And thank you so much for the feedback!)

The headmaster was having a very bad day.

"Headmaster!" Ensign Psmith--former Ensign Psmith--said brightly when he saw him, lightsaber not missing a beat. "Has our little field trip really caused such a fuss as to bring you down to these humble halls in person? I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience--I fear your loyal myrmidons grossly misrepresented matters. Out of laudable zeal for the security of the Empire, of course, but still. . ."

"Enough, Smith," the headmaster said abruptly. His hand was on his blaster grip, even though there was a good half-squadron still between him and the boy.

Force-users were dangerous, after all.

He shook his head, bewildered. "What does this--this madness mean? And are you honestly standing there--with a Jedi lightsaber in your hand!--expecting me to believe you when you talk about 'laudable zeal for the Empire?'"

Psmith blinked at him innocently, even as he sent blaster-fire from one man ricocheting straight into another's legs, bringing him down with a scream. "Sir, I'm merely defending myself," he protested, dancing back again as new troops filled the gap he had made. "As a student of this unparalleled establishment, am I not expected to use whatever resources are at hand to ensure my survival--no matter how distasteful?" Another spray of deflected blaster-fire sent more than one man jumping back, and Psmith took advantage of the momentary lull to dart forward, slice, and fall back again.

His technique seemed . . . uneven, though, the headmaster realized. Sloppy, even, in his more difficult maneuvers. And he was fighting primarily to hold his position, closing with his opponents only when necessary. Given his age, it would make sense for him to be more self-taught than a genuine master of his craft--perhaps they could overwhelm him, after all.

(And if he felt a moment's pity at the thought of a half-trained boy being overwhelmed and cut down by a full squadron of trained soldiers, well, that was no one's business but his own.)

"You can't talk your way out of this one, Smith," he said, sternly. "You ought to know that."

The young Jedi's eyes went distant for a moment, then flicked back to his gaze. "Well, perhaps you're right," he said with a light shrug. "I suppose there are some things rather too difficult to explain away, rare though they have been in my experience. Just to be sure, though--there's no chance of me persuading you this was just a student prank, sir? Youthful high spirits gone astray?" He cocked his head hopefully for a moment, then sighed when the headmaster only stared at him. "No, I thought not."

"Why, Smith?" the headmaster asked, keeping his eye on the Jedi as he forced the nearest troopers back, closer to their fellows again. Was he--yes, he was tiring. Not much, perhaps, but it was beginning to show in his movements. "Why did you ever come here in the first place, if you were--were--"

"A Jedi?" he supplied helpfully, dodging between two blaster bolts and deflecting three more. "Precisely because of reactions like yours, headmaster. Do you know how few people will think to suspect a Jedi of entering an Imperial Academy? Very few. Most people, you see, have a regrettable tendency to confuse the unusual and the impossible--and while it is admittedly unusual for a Jedi to seek to enroll in an Imperial Academy, there is nothing in the inherent structure of the universe or of the Empire's acceptance protocols which would make it impossible. Therefore--excepting the regrettable presence here of such outstanding petty sadists as the hopefully-late Captain Downing--this was, in its own special way, the safest place for me."

The headmaster stared at him, aghast at this casual disregard of everything the Academy stood for. "Do you mean to say you used my school to hide from the forces of the Empire?"

"With no disrespect meant to your establishment, headmaster, I think I can safely say that if you had led my life, you would use almost anything to hide from the forces of the Empire." Smith was definitely tiring now--despite his continued verbosity, there was a growing raggedness to his movements. A half-trained Jedi youth could only fight so long against a contingent of professional Imperial troops, it seemed.

Especially when they had reinforcements readily to hand, and he had none at all.

"You can't win, you know," the headmaster said, tone softening despite himself as he watched. "Why not surrender, Smith? You will be treated more leniently if you do, I guarantee."

Psmith laughed briefly, eyes glancing to meet his before darting back to his opponents. "Not just yet, I think, headmaster."

"Are you really hoping to leave with your friends, at this point? If you don't catch up within a few minutes' time, they'll almost certainly leave without you."

"Such is my hope, I confess. . ." for the first time, Psmith let his speech be interrupted by the demands of combat, but soon picked up the thread again, "A forlorn one, perhaps, but I hold fast to it."

The headmaster frowned. Better just to try distracting him, perhaps. "Did you destroy the security droid?" he fired off, hoping to catch him off-guard.

Psmith's head reared back an instant in apparent offence. "Just because I am a Jedi does not mean I am responsible for everything which has gone wrong in this academy during my enforced stay, headmaster." "That wasn't an answer, Smith. And you seem very defensive about the subject."

"The indignation of the unjustly accused, sir, I assure you. Whatever my feelings toward the Empire--and, indeed, I may as well admit now that I oppose it with every fiber of my being--I certainly do not believe in cruelty to droids. . ."

Then it happened.

The Jedi slipped slightly. Just for a moment, his footwork failed him, but a moment was all it took. He landed on one knee, lightsaber instinctively held up before him but--for a few, crucial seconds--not moving in either attack or defense.

"Surround him!" the headmaster shouted. "Don't take any chances."

Psmith looked up to see a ring of weapons pointed at him, all the remaining troops spreading around and behind him before he could get his guard back up.

"Shall we kill him now, sir?" the troop commander asked.

"Restrain yourself, please," the headmaster said. He turned back to Psmith. "Drop your weapon, unless you think you can avoid a dozen blasters at once."

Psmith looked at him, expression cooperative but politely confused. "Oh, but surely that's excessive, headmaster? What could I possibly do with this, against all these delightfully lethal specimens of Imperial diplomacy arrayed before me?"

The headmaster found himself considering this. He had a point, after all. It wouldn't make any real difference whether he held onto his weapon or not . . .

There was the distinctive sound of a blaster discharge. Psmith cried out in pain, lightsaber falling to the ground with a clatter and hiss as he cradled his wounded arm.

The headmaster scanned the men guarding Psmith, astonished and outraged by the defiance of his orders. "What," he demanded, "was that?"

One of the men looked back at him, eyes wild but determined. "I did it, sir. He was using the Force on you! I've heard stories, sir, how they can control your mind--with just their voices, even, if you let them . . ."

The headmaster opened his mouth. Then closed it again. He looked back at the prisoner, who was still hunched over his injury.

Everyone knew how dangerous Jedi were. And yet he'd been thinking about letting him keep his weapon.

"Well, done, trooper," he said at last. "Keep an eye on him." He looked around. "All of you keep an eye on him. No distractions."

"Oh, come now, headmaster--" that ingratiating voice began again.

He whirled on the youth. "And you will be silent, Smith," he said. "Or else you will be shot, again. Speak only when I ask you a question, and then only one-word replies. Understood?"

Psmith looked him for a few moments, gaze more intent than it had been at any point so far.

The headmaster looked back resolutely.

At last, with a sigh, the young Jedi dropped his head. "Understood," he said.

The headmaster felt a surge of triumph. "Excellent," he said, taking a step forward--though he was careful to still keep a good six feet from the perimeter of the guarding circle. "Now, what were we talking about last? Ah, yes. It was the droid. You still haven't given me a straight answer on that, have you?"

Psmith just looked at him, somehow managing to convey a sense of weary persecution even in silence. The headmaster sighed. "Did you destroy the droid?" he asked.

Psmith's face brightened. "No," he said immediately.

"Then who did?"

Psmith opened his mouth, then paused. His eyes drifted over the headmaster's shoulder for a few moments, abruptly widening, before snapping back to his face with a look of unholy, disbelieving glee.

Pointing past the headmaster with one finger, he said simply, "Him."

The headmaster rolled his eyes. "Really, Smith, if you think I'm going to fall for that . . ."

Something cold, round, and metallic pressed against the back of his head, and an arm went around his throat. "No, he's telling the truth," a cheerful voice said. "For once. How are you, Smith?"

Everything froze.

Then a number of things happened at once:

A number of the troops swung their guns around, unsure who they should be aiming at;

The headmaster shouted, "Nobody move!" even as part of his mind was trying to identify the voice;

And Psmith burst out laughing, all but collapsing onto the floor as his heretofore-untouchable composure suddenly shattered into a thousand shards.

"Well that's just rude, Smith," the mystery voice complained. "Headmaster's right, though--none of you move, or you won't have a superior officer anymore. Good luck explaining that to whoever the Emperor sends to clean up."

Suddenly tone matched itself to memory, but things hardly made more sense once they had.

"Dunster?" the headmaster blurted out.

"Indeed," Psmith said, as he slowly regained his serenity. He straightened up, flicking dust off his trousers knee as he did so with a rueful grimace.

Then, as if suddenly remembering something, he glanced up. "By the way," he said pleasantly, making another flicking motion with his fingers, "considering the change in circumstances, I hope you will not consider it ill-mannered of me to suggest that the rest of you might find it prudent to drop your weapons."

The headmaster cringed, as over two dozen blasters clattered to the floor.

"But . . . How?" he spluttered. "Dunster was just a visiting student--from a Core school. I saw the paperwork myself!"

The young man behind him laughed. "Right. Because no one's ever faked paperwork before, have they, Smith?" A horrible chill overcame the headmaster. He had remembered something that suddenly seemed horribly important.

Namely, that Dunster and Psmith had recognized each other during Dunster's previous stay. In fact . . .

"You said . . . you went to the same school?" he croaked feebly.

But Psmith shook his head. "A slight mistruth, I confess," he said, stretching a casual hand toward his lightsaber as he did. It rose into the air, flying smoothly to his grasp. "I have not truly been enrolled in an institute of learning since I was, oh, nine years of age. Friend Dunster and I, rather, met in the School of Hard Knocks--also known, somewhat less formally, as the Street. That, however, did not sound quite so prestigious."

"And the Rebellion?" the headmaster asked.

Psmith clicked his tongue. "A surprise to myself as much as to you, I must confess." His eyes moved over the headmaster's shoulder. "I had assumed you were still a common criminal."

"I assumed you were a common criminal," Dunster rejoined. "Certainly wasn't expecting the lightsaber."

"Touche. However, now that we know one another's deepest secrets, allow me to ask--why return, at the coincidental eleventh hour, to the scene of your crime? Were the dramatic conventions too strong for your spirit to resist?"

"I'm not you, idiot," Dunster rejoined. Then he paused. "As a matter of fact . . . Well, to be perfectly honest, I, er. I destroyed the wrong droid."

Psmith raised an eyebrow. "Ah."

"It's a long story. And classified, as a matter of fact."

"Of course it is, friend Dunster," Psmith said soothingly, tucking his lightsaber hilt under one elbow like a baton. “Of course.”

"Shut up."

"A perfectly understandable mistake, I am certain."

"Look, hadn't you better get going? If you don’t hurry, the rest of your baby Rebels will leave without you."

Psmith blinked. "You would seem to be in a more precarious position than I, at the moment," he pointed out delicately.

"Maybe you're right." The headmaster could hear a grin in the Rebel's voice. "I suppose the headmaster and I had better come part of the way with you, then."

Psmith tilted his head in assent. "If you must."

Dunster prodded the headmaster with the gun barrel, and he tumbled forward. "And the rest of you," he said to the troops, "lie down on the ground and stay there for the next . . . oh, twenty minutes, if you don't want us to get any more hostile toward you or your commander."

"Yes," Psmith agreed. "I strongly suggest you do as he says."

The men dropped to the ground in near-perfect unison, lying on their stomachs with hands clasped behind their heads.

"Excellent," Psmith said, surveying them with satisfaction. "Dunster? Headmaster? Let us away."

It was a quick and silent march. The headmaster, however, found that between the humiliation of his present, and the even stronger fears for his future, he had plenty to occupy his thoughts,.

"If I were you," Psmith murmured, as if reading his thoughts (perhaps he was?), "I would take this opportunity to make a speedy withdrawal from the whole situation. It shouldn't be hard for an Imperial officer such as yourself to acquire passage offworld and a change of clothes--and after that, why, the galaxy is your oyster. Certainly a more appealing prospect than whatever the Emperor's flunkies will do with you, after learning you lost him not only a survivor of the Jedi Purge, but also the best pilot ever to pass through your unhallowed halls."

The headmaster shuddered at the very thought. He didn't know if the Jedi was using his powers of persuasion or not at the moment, but it was hard to care. Either way he was right about the Emperor's displeasure, and the headmaster knew it.

What if they send Vader?

"Why are you giving him advice?" Dunster asked with distaste. "He signed up for this job. Let him choke on it."

"An understandable sentiment," Psmith allowed, "but I find myself in a merciful mood today. And, besides, he discharged his duties here somewhat more humanely than most Imperial officers I have known would have."

Dunster snorted. "A low bar, if you ask me, but maybe I'll let him run when we reach the hangars--I'll be free and clear when the doors open, either way."

"I rejoice to hear it," Psmith said. "Especially since we have nearly arrived."

Sure enough, a few moments more brought them into the hangars--a bustle of activity, with the outside doors already open, TIEs hovering in place, and the defecting students running and shouting back and forth as they prepared to leave.

"And here, I fear, we part ways," Psmith said.

He regarded Dunster for a moment, silently.

"I owe you a debt of some significance, at least to myself," he said at last. "I will not forget."

"Neither will I," said the Rebel, laughing again. Then his voice sobered. "Hey, Smith?"

The young Jedi raised one eyebrow. "Yes?"

"The Force be with you."

Psmith blinked several times.

"And you, Padawan," he said.

Turning away, he scanned the hangar a moment before zeroing in on one TIE fighter.

"Wait!" the headmaster said, just before he took off.

He turned back, a tinge of impatience in his face. "Something you need, sir?"

"Why?" the headmaster asked helplessly. "I mean, I know why you came here, but why stay so long? Why reveal yourself helping this escape, if you really aren't part of the Rebellion? Why . . . Why any of this?"

Psmith opened his mouth.

"In as few words as you could, Smith . . . please?"

He closed it again, an unfamiliar expression passing over his face.

He looked at the headmaster consideringly, and the headmaster looked back. Please. I just want to understand--you don't fit what I've heard of the Jedi. But I don't know what you are.

He still didn't know how much of that the Jedi could read from him, but apparently whatever he did pick up satisfied him. Psmith's face fell into something less poised, less immaculately composed, for just a moment.

And in that moment, he answered--in one word only, as he had before.

"Jackson," he said matter-of-factly.

And then he turned, and sprinted toward the TIE he'd picked out earlier.

[jkl-fff]

OOOHHH!!! GET READY!! 40 questions: 1 2 3 5 9 10 20 24 26 27 30 31 32 33 34 38 and 39!! 💚

Yama, as always, you are a never-endingsource of delight for me. Thanks for the asks!

1. Describe your comfort zone—atypical you-fic.

Well, based off of what I’vewritten up this point, my comfort zone appears to include: A) one-sided pining from a character who isn’t exactly closeted but isn’texactly out, either … and/or a character who isn’t comfortable with their queersexuality; either way, some existential and romantic angst ensues as a resultB) supernatural shenanigans are a major plot point (magic or curses, ghosts orspirits, monsters, etc.)C) occasional philosophical ramblings and messages about friendship and helpingothersD) attempts to think outside the box in terms of plot pointsE) Lots of bantering repartee

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet totry your hand at, but really want to?

Not that I can think of … Maybe something like “enemies to friends” or “friendsto enemies”, and possibly also “enemies to lovers”.I could also enjoy doing some more “friends to lovers” for Dipper and Norman …

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’ttouch with a ten foot pole?

Given the sheer volume of tropes which exist, probably. Though I can’t say Ireally know what any of them are called. But, basically, anything that hingesupon homophobia, sexism, racism, etc. I absolutely loathe, and therefore try toavoid. Heck, I do my best to subvert and supplant such ideas where I can.

Apropos, if anyone feels I’ve failed in that—feels I’ve written or said somethingthat marginalizes a group of people as a whole—*please* let me now when, where,and how; I try not to be complacent about such things, and want to correct themwhen they happen.

5. Share one of your strengths.I believe myself to be quite adept at consistent characterization. Certainlynearly all of my reviewers have mentioned this specifically in my fanfics.

9. Which fic has been the hardestto write?

Hands down, it’s “Through a Slender Opening”. In part because of its length andcomplexity; in part because of various personal and professional issues that I’vehad to combat while writing it.

But I’m almost done! I’ve written the climaxes, and am now working through thedenouements to tie up the loose ends and give conclusions and closures to allof plots and subplots! With any luck, I’ll be able to resume uninterruptedposting in April until all the story is online for any and all to read and enjoy.

10. Which fic has been the easiestto write?Already answered this one here: http://jkl-fff.tumblr.com/post/172058768464/for-the-fic-meme-10-13-14-15-and-19

20. Describe your perfect writingconditions.

For creative writing, I *must* havenear absolute silence. Like, any background noise at all (TV, conversations,etc.) is incredibly distracting for me. It’s less of an issue for writingthings that I’m not obsessively trying to make artistic (answering asks or emails,for example, or proofreading someone else’s work), but for my own stories, itis a prerequisite that I have quiet. Also, a comfy chair with straight and firmback support definitely helps, as does having a cold drink (diet coke on ice) for sipping on hand.

24. Have you ever deleted one ofyour published fics?

Nope, and I doubt I ever shall. The fics ought to remain out there, faults andall, for any and all to see.

26. Do you beta yourself? If so,what kind of beta are you?

Assuming that “beta” is synonymous with “proofread”, then yes, I do betamyself. Obsessively and perhaps even excessively. Like, I reread sentences as Iwrite them, paragraphs when I finish them, then whole scenes after I’vefinished them to make sure *everything* feels/sounds right from start to finish. To make sure everything is cohesive, etc.

When I beta for others, it depends on what kind of input they desire of me, howmuch and how deeply. But generally, I try to be an encouraging and supportivebeta—someone who comes up with constructive and concrete comments which helppeople tell their stories more engagingly,and feel good about themselves while doing it.

27. How do you feel aboutcollaborations?

Depends on the collaborator in question. If they have an entertaining or movingidea, and I feel they can be counted on to actually partner with someone (listento ideas which aren’t their own, contribute ideas to someone else,establishand respect creative boundaries when necessary, and do their share of thecollaboration), then I’m usually gung-ho for it!

I’ve actually been doing that with @tysonoffire and @reynaruina for some timenow, and both are a ton of fun to work with!

30. Do you accept prompts?

On occasion, yeah, but not very frequently. Since I’ve got plenty of my ownideas to keep me busy as is, I seldom need to solicit additional ones.

But they’re always welcome. Never know when something will tickle my fancy, oreven spark my fervor.

31. Do you take liberties withcanon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

Generally, I try to remain true to the canon’s broad strokes (settings, forexample, and *especially* characterizations), and even true to canon’s lightertouches. Mostly because I feel that enhances the richness of the fic itself. However, I will diverge from it when necessary (kinda can’t avoid diverging itwhen you primarily write a crossover), but ONLY after having provided a reasonablebuild up to the changes. Y’know, something that accounts for the characters orplotlines acting otherwise than they would in canon.

32. How do you feel about smut?

If well written and gay as balls touching, I’m all for reading it! And even notopposed to writing it. Though, personally, I prefer it serve a purpose in theplot, and *not* just be something that’s gratuitously added for tits and goggles—somethingthat shows how much the characters’ relationship has developed, for example.

Though I will admit I am also startingto get a little bored with writing smut.Mostly because there are only so manyways you can describe sex before it starts to feel repetitive, and even kinda tedious. (I wonder if this is, in part, because writing something sexualalways takesso long that the sexual rush of smut ebbs long before the scene is complete?)

33. How do you feel about crack?

Don’t smoke it, kids.

Seriously, though, I don’t see any problems with crack ships. If they maketheir shippers happy, then what could be more important or wonderful than that? That being said, they’re unlikely to appeal to me simply because I won’t beable to see a “realistic” possibility for their relationship dynamics. Theiruniverses would have to be fairly similar for me to get into one (likeParaPines and PinesCone are, I reckon).

34. What are your thoughts onnon-con and dub-con?

They are not at all my thing. I see them as inherently being acts of violence—ofone person taking from another by force.So the idea of that combining with sex, whichI see as inherently being an act of mutual affection and mutual gratification—of two people giving to each other by choice … Well, it rather offputs me, to say theleast.

Now, I confess that I do have kinks that involve power play (bondage, dom andsub, pet play, and especially hypnosis/mind control), but for me, they *always*involve either roles willing played, or (in the case of hypno/m.c.) acts ofseduction which convince a person they want it so that they do consent andenjoy it.For me, those are extremely crucial differences.

38. Talk about a review that madeyour day?

Heh. So that they can always brighten my mood whenever I’m feeling down, I’vekept 13 of them in my tumblr inbox and 8 more in my deviantart inbox.They’reso kind, so motivating, and I’m eternally grateful to the people who sent themto me!

39. Do you ever get rude reviewsand how do you deal with them?

Luck is with me, for I’ve only evergotten, like, two or three rude reviews. They were swiftly deleted, as therewas nothing to be gained from wasting time on them.

Thanks again, Yama! This was fun!

[mindfullofclutter]

Esperanza

Her name in English means ‘hope’—ironic and perhaps understandable, then, that her eyes betray her as lacking in her namesake.

Nestled between high-rise apartments and post-apocalyptic rock formations sits a settlement inhabited solely by women. This is La Cárcel de Mujeres, a low-security prison for Bolivia’s female offenders, located in Obrajes, the affluent pocket of La Paz.

It feels more like a village than a jail, save for a watchtower and burnt-orange walls that surround the courtyard. But La Cárcel houses 360 women serving up to 30 years for crimes including murder. Petty thieves and drug addicts mingle with violent criminals. Among them, 62 children roam.

The prison is a functioning community, albeit an atypical one. Most of the women secure jobs inside, from cleaning toilets to packing snack boxes with sandwiches for Bolivia’s state-owned airline. There’s a lavandería where garments drip over women kneading soapy piles with bare hands, a chapel, a kindergarten and several fiercely guarded stalls selling chocolate biscuits and papaya juice with little straws for little mouths.

A view from the bleak interview room reveals a ramshackle mélange of metal roofs brightened by a rainbow of sodden clothing drying in the late-morning sun. One woman dyes the tresses of another a disconcerting lilac hue, wringing slosh into a washing-up bowl. Sandals and lopsided toys lie discarded on the walkways separating the gridded slums of toldos, which are metre-square boxes where the women sleep and think when they aren’t working or studying. There are no padlocks and no iron bars.

“We have four roll calls per day,” says grandmother-of-ten, Patricia Arduz, who has been locked up for 13 years for a crime she won’t reveal. The 59-year-old has a slight frame and a warm personality, with smile-crinkled eyes and crucifix jewellery in abundance.

“I arrived at Obrajes last year, and it’s far better than where I’ve been before,” she explains. “Besides the roll call, we choose what to do. You can watch TV, play sports, work or take classes.”

The women in La Cárcel have the opportunity to study courses, from English and social etiquette to therapeutic dance and reusing aluminium.

Rehabilitation through education is the intention and many are better-equipped for real-world employment after serving time.

“I don’t work here but I make clothes which sell well on the outside,” Patricia says. “One item goes for up to 250 bolivianos.” She smiles proudly as she holds a pair of baby pink mittens up for me to admire.

Another prisoner, 24-year-old Esperanza Chambi, will spend her afternoon in a hairdressing class. “I’ve learnt a lot here,” she says, listing knitting and making clothes as skills acquired. “I’m also vice-president of the [inmate] population. I look after the other women and they respect me,” she says, with little tangible enthusiasm.

“It was accidental murder,” she says, hesitating before describing her crime. “I worked in a Chinese restaurant and started fighting with another employee. I pushed her, shouting at her to go away. She fell and hit her head. I ran, but the police found me.”

Esperanza is six years into a 30-year sentence—the maximum sentence allowed for murder under Bolivian law. Her name in English means ‘hope’—ironic and perhaps understandable, then, that her eyes betray her as lacking in her namesake.

For the first two years of Esperanza’s time in Obrajes her daughter, now six, lived with her. Now, she and her eight-year-old brother live with their father in the countryside 12 hours away.

“They don’t visit often any more—just once a year in December. I’m here for 30 years but the worst punishment is that I can’t see my children growing up,” she says, letting her steely-eyed defence down as she sobs, speaking at an increasingly inaudible volume. The edges between “criminal” and “human” blur, but she catches herself quickly.

“I’ve changed since being here,” she asserts, drying her eyes. “I’ve changed the way I think. Maybe outside will be worse. Maybe there is a good reason I’m here now.” Her tone is hollow; her eyes expressionless.

Some argue that the children are better off living with their mothers, no matter how unnatural the environment, given the alternative of being cared for by potentially untrustworthy or distant family members.

Ex-prisoner Helen Pereyra disagrees. The 26-year-old, who has two Bolivian parents but a misleadingly fair complexion, served one and a half years in La Cárcel.

“Settling in to Obrajes was difficult. The women were unkind, calling me ‘La Leche’ (the milk),” she remembers. “I tried to keep a low profile. They threatened to cut my face like they did another fair-skinned woman. “In the first week I cried because I was scared and missed my daughter. Then I took sleeping pills that I got from a guard to try and forget.”

Since leaving la cárcel, Helen has returned to living with her daughter who was just four when her mother was imprisoned for falsifying government documents. “I didn’t want her to live with me inside,” she says. “I decided to be strong for myself, but in prison children learn bad things.”

Bolivian law allows infants to live with a parent inside until they turn six. La Cárcel is home to 51 children under that age limit but 11 others, the oldest aged 12, live here too. As many as three share a single bed with their mother in a dormitory sleeping 40 inmates.

There is a kindergarten inside Obrajes and educational posters decorate peeling paint walls. But this inefficient and opaque justice system caters primarily for adults—not the estimated 1,500 children across the country who live behind bars with them.

“We have a team whose obligation it is to provide health care, social work and work in conjunction with other institutions,” prison director Luz Alaja Arequipa explains. “But children shouldn’t be here. They have nowhere to play, and when they’re old enough to attend school they face bullying and discrimination.”

Sergeant Nancy Villegas agrees that prison and children should not mix. We sit in a high-ceilinged office with an ornate light fixture and a wooden desk. She and the prison director face me, both attired in khaki uniforms and polished boots.

“My good experiences here are mostly with the children,” Nancy, a guard of seven years, says. “I’m always there to protect them. But children suffer. They don’t belong here.” She is straight faced as she elaborates. “Mothers are under pressure, and they take it out on their children. It’s not normally physical violence but psychological; they lose their patience.”

Walking around La Cárcel, however, the children seem happy. Rosy-cheeked toddlers sip juice and run around the courtyard. One young girl sits cross-legged on the concrete, feeding spoonfuls of pasta shells to a baby in a cardboard box cot. She giggles and says “buenas tardes” (good afternoon). Another plays hide and seek, weaving between toldos draped in flowery sheets and women shielding their faces from the sun with Tupperware lids.

Their innocent obliviousness and adaptability inject energy and optimism into this place. And their faces are a reminder that, no matter how cold or concrete or crowded it is, Obrajes, to many, is home.

“I’m leaving the jail in a couple of weeks,” says grandmother-of-ten, Patricia Arduz, squeezing the crucifix dangling around her neck in her palm. “It’s not going to be easy after 13 years—there’s everything you need here.

“I’m afraid because I don’t know what people’s reaction will be. They might hate me. I’ve been here for along time.” Her face creases with worry.

And then we reach her toldo—her personal space. I bend my neck to fit inside and our bodies fill the space. Patricia gestures at a modest television set and a bed blanketed in soft pinks.

It’s small, cosy and made sunny by slightly wilting yellow flowers in a coffee jar vase. A collage of faces of beautiful women cut from glossy magazines covers one wall.

“I chose these photos because I like to see the happy, open smiles of women,” Patricia says, beaming and becoming one of them.

Her grin childlike and her skin soft and wrinkled, she looks harmless. Her eyes sparkle. She looks happy.

I wonder what her crime was.

This report was originally published by Bolivian Express.