#I need to pick his brain and express my undying devotion to him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cupsofsuga · 5 years

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HEART TO HEART ━ YANDERE BTS REACTION*:･。.

{⚠️} WARNING - This is a yandere au, meaning the following may be triggering to some viewers. I am not trying to discriminate the boys in any way, this is for entertainment purposes. Viewer discretion is advised!!!

{💐} ANON ASKED - “How would the Yandere boys react to Y/N be accepting to their Yandere self. Like she wouldn’t be mad at them and just be okay with it.”

KIM SEOKJIN

━━━ You imagine yourself as a ballet dancer, twirling for thousands to watch in awe. You imagine yourself at a ball, waiting for your prince/princess to swoop in and turn the night into a starlit memory. On this late September evening, you dance under dead stars, resembling a cherubic swan with a curse running through its veins. Bare feet against cold grass was blissful dancing under the spotlight of the moon, adding on to the purity of this evening. There’s glitter on your eyelids and a locket draped over your neck, cursive poetry that runs along your skin and cherry wine that stains your lips. And just for this night, Jin can feel gardens bloom within his chest. You are in every means an angel.

“This ring is stunning! I couldn’t imagine a better promise”. Laughter tumbles from your lips and if Jin could record the sound and keep the tape nestled in his heart, he would. This epiphany overjoyed him for what feels like the first time in existence. You continue dancing to whatever song played in the stereo inside your head as Jin watches and marvels for. For so, so long, his heart was only fragments of dust buried deep in his chest, but now that the moon can shine on the embers of your love, Jin can feel every ounce of pain dissolve into the dirt underneath him, only to rot 6 feet under, just like it deserves. From now until he dies, he can be purified by your illuminated presence.

“Y/N, please promise me you’ll never take this ring off until we replace them with wedding rings… Promise me, love. Please…”

MIN YOONGI

━━━ Tossed and turned within sheets, you ponder over yesterday’s events as the September sun rises. The faint scatterings of tears are still stained on your shoulder and the scent of apple orchards still sticks to your form. You are alone currently, no Yoongi to awake you wearing that adoring smile, but, then again, the loneliness of the bedroom is tranquil. Why must isolation feel so euphoric? That must stay as a question for another day as you crawl out of bed, beginning your search for your lover.

The echo of the clattering of pots and pans fill your ears as you enter the kitchen through the archway. You find Yoongi, surrounded by multiple batches of sweets wearing oven mitts stitched with flowers. He hears your footsteps, looking up to you with the deep-rooted, intimate smile which you’ve grown quite used to. It was reserved for your eyes only, after all. You’ve turned the boy soft, which he learned to embrace in the early stages of his infatuation. You see, as much as Yoongi hardened his heart so much it reminisces a brick, you enter his tunnel of vision turning all of his progress to sweet strawberry jam. You turn the bitterness of dusk into the luminescence of dawn, all with a simple smile you give him. You have now turned days holy for Yoongi.

“My Y/N! You’re awake! I made you all sorts of treats! Cherry pies to brownies, whatever you’d like, my love! I wanted to say thank you for accepting me for who I am... I love you... B-But, if you’d like, I-I can scrap everything and start new! R-Really, I can start baking whatever you want, Aether/Aphrodite…”

JUNG HOSEOK

━━━ The room seems to curl in on itself to where you can only inhale the bitterness of broken sobs and tears. It’s quiet, so, so quiet your brain can barely even fathom the horrid meaning behind the silence. You let Hoseok cling onto your form, letting him cry and beg, letting him simply embrace the unholy feelings within his chest. Tears echo liquid sunsets as they fall down his face. So melancholically beautiful, you think to yourself. He pours out his insecurities and sorrows like whiskey into a glass as you’re there to sit and listen, watch as the boy crumbles right before you. You give him unconditional support and reassurance which clears the smoky air into rays of sunbeams.

Checking in on Hoseok the next day, you find the inquisitively cheerful boy setting up to what appears to be a fort. Fairy lights and fluffy blankets (which are his favorite) coat the living room, the silent chitter-chatter of Cartoon Network characters echoing from within the fort. You watch him as he lives in his own moment for a minute before declaring your presence, cooing at the way Hoseok squeaks and jumps, right before smiling with the light of a million suns and racing to embrace your form. He keeps you at arm's length after the long lasting hug, taking the sweet moment to admire the human before him in all of their glory. Hoseok looks into your eyes like you had gifted him the stars and he has eternity to go stargazing. Hoseok looks at you like you're a human incarnation of heaven itself, and nothing feels purer than seeing the love of his life right before his very eyes

“I-I wasn’t quite finished, but, d-d-do you like it? I spent all night on it! I went to the store and picked out some snacks and… h-horror films, because I know you like those. Yes, they scare me, but I-I’ll be alright! As long as you’re right beside me… Oh! I also found some whiskey in the basement! Not sure if it’s any good, but, I can always go get some more! Anything for you, my light…”

KIM NAMJOON

━━━ Lying in the window seat, enfolded by blankets and Donna Tartt in your hands, you let your mind walk away from the words of The Goldfinch and to wander over the events from earlier that morning. The words of self-doubt were poisoned and the embrace shared afterward was bittersweet. Namjoon's eyes were tainted with fear and his hands begged for your touch. Skin to skin, heart to heart, you hear words turn to cries in a matter of minutes. You let the vulnerable man shake in your arms and hours later, you’re now alone.

Movement from the archway sparks your attention, finding your lover there with a questionable glimmer of ecstasy within his eyes. Namjoon’s cheeks are still rosy and stained with tears from moments before, but his eyes read otherwise. He’s wearing a smile of sheer infatuation as he steps closer, sitting close enough for your hands to touch. Now, you have a clear vision of his eyes. They’re submerged in sunlight, stained with sunbeams as they stare at you. Two sheets of paper are in his hands, right before he whispers with the delicacy of a fawn, “we’re going to Paris”. Your heart picks up speed, reading the tickets word-for-word to receive some sort of confirmation this wasn’t some sort of sick joke. You cheer with excitement, throwing the man into your arms as you squeal. You thank him over and over again, watching as Namjoon marvels over your happiness. God, does he love you…

“I-I wanted to say thank you… For everything, you’ve done for me. I cannot find words to thank you enough, Y/N, so… Take this… What better place would there be for us to visit other than the city of love? Only for you, my angel..."

PARK JIMIN

━━━ Insecurities tumble from Jimin’s mouth as he sits in dusk. The man was worried if he was the sun chasing the moon, waves chasing the tide only to be pulled back, but you reassured him in that sugary sweet voice that sounds like grass rustling under the sun that those were only ugly thoughts, that they are only false. And the way you speak sounds like lullabies as you shush him and tell him you love him. His eyes have dried and his heart is no longer heavy. Dusk turns to dawn and the rainstorms have cleared. Jimin is finally the calm ocean he prayed to be. Jimin is finally himself with no judgment.

Dawn awakens, you are embraced by expensive sheets. The sunbeams kiss your skin as you’re left to wonder, where is Jimin? Every single morning he is cuddled right by your side, desperate for another inch of your skin on his. Waking up alone was more than peculiar, hence why you’ve walked out of the bedroom when you normally sleep in for much, much longer. You find the petite man in the kitchen, seemingly deep in thought as he crowds a plethora of shopping bags, all with Gucci and Chanel logos plastered on their front. You speak his name, watching him nearly snap his neck once he hears your voice. Before another second passes, you’re engulfed into an embrace, one that doesn’t need words to say “I love you more than you’ll ever know."

“Oh, Y/N… God, I love you so much… You’re so lovely and warm and completely and utterly perfect!!! My heart can’t function with you around! I love you so, so, so, so much!! Please never stop loving me…”

KIM TAEHYUNG

━━━ With perfect harmony, perfection, and precision, Taehyung has nearly covered the once white canvas with an assortment of colors. Your cherubic face is drowned with shades of black, blue and red which all blend in one harmonious manner. The illusions and manipulations of specific colors bring out the luminescence of your eyes and the delicacy of your skin. He steps back to admire his work of art and sighs, hopefully, this will be enough to express his utter infatuation and make you accept his confession. You’ve written a letter back to him, expressing your admiration for his devotion and artwork, so you must accept him now, right?

You wait on the bench next to the Art Gallery, shown in the polaroid inside the envelope you received, waiting for his arrival. Your mind seems to reel back to previous events, fingertips tracing over the tears fallen on the written letter in your hands and the vibrant red ink which emphasizes the emotion taken place in Taehyung’s constant state of pain without you at his side. You don’t know the face of the man, only the emotions. You hear the quiet pace of footsteps and feel your heart quicken. The man who held an undying infatuation with you stands just behind you. Eventually, you turn, letting his features drown in your eyes. And, God, you’ve never seen a man that happy.

“Hello, my love... I-I had a plan for what I was going to say to you, but, it seems as if words have failed me as of now. Because of that matter, I decided to give you something. A-And I know this must be new to you and all well frightening, but I can assure you, my intentions are only pure… I love you with my whole heart, darling… Now, please join me...”

JEON JUNGKOOK

━━━ In the parking lot of the school, the kids' chatter has simmered down and the bells have quit ringing. Class was in session, but you and Jungkook have chosen to spend the hour on the hood of your car. September winds and the last few sunbeams of Summer embrace the boy as tears fall down his cheeks. Jungkook cries and alas you can see the bruises and cracks that stain his soul. He expresses his anger, guilt, confusion, self-blame and lies them on a silver platter for you to digest, which you respond with unconditional support all whilst Jungkook is left to wonder in an infatuating harmony. God, where have you been all this time?

The scent of baked goods and lavender fill your nose, calming you from your high heart rate. Walking into Jungkook’s house in the suburbs after seeing what secrets lie under the floorboards was frightening, but, you quickly shake yourself out of the state of fearful unconsciousness and remind yourself that your friend is vulnerable and needs you at this moment. With shaky hands and hushed sniffles, Jungkook leads you up the staircase and through his bedroom door, which was coated with rusted paint. His bedroom is like no other teenage boys. Piles of laundry scattered here and there, messy bedsheets, and what’s this? In the corner lies a few scented candles surrounded by what appears to be your face. Your picture is accompanied by a plethora of items you can’t find the meaning for. Pencils, rings, gum wrappers. What was the meaning behind this?

“I-I know this might be a lot to take in, but, these are all lost items of yours! There’s a bobby pin here, chewed pencil there and, my personal favorite, a flannel of yours that you left here…! I wish I could’ve shown you this sooner, but, I just love you so much and I-I-I get so nervous and-… I just love you, Y/N… So, so much…”

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chorusfm · 7 years

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Matt Nathanson – Some Mad Hope

Few albums sound more like growing up to me than Matt Nathanson’s Some Mad Hope. Last year, for my 26th birthday, I wrote a blog post where I chose one defining song from every year I’ve spent on the planet. “Car Crash,” the opening track from Some Mad Hope, was my pick for 2007. For me, that song—and this record in general—marked the end of youthful innocence and the beginning of something a little more complex and a little less black and white. It’s tough to imagine a better record for that moment in life than Some Mad Hope, which effortlessly pairs pop hooks and anthemic arrangements with emotionally weighty lyrical work. What is tough to process is the fact that this record—the one that marked the start of my journey from youth to adulthood—is now 10 years in the rearview. Some Mad Hope would prove to be Matt Nathanson’s breakthrough, but it wasn’t his first record. On the contrary, in Nathanson’s catalog, Some Mad Hope holds the status of being the sixth LP. He’d moved the needle slightly in the past. His cover of the James hit “Laid” opened American Wedding, the final film in the initial American Pie trilogy, and his fifth album, 2003’s Beneath the Fireworks (produced by future Springsteen collaborator Ron Aniello) spawned reasonably well-known tracks like “I Saw” and “Curve of the Earth.” But until this record, Nathanson tended to be known as an artist who put on a fantastic live show, but could never quite translate the energy and fun of his concerts into compelling studio records. To be fair, it’s tough to convey what Nathanson does live on an album. Practically a court jester in a live setting, Nathanson cracks jokes during song breaks and develops a quirky, informal banter with every crowd he meets. It’s a rare talent—one captured perfectly on his 2006 live album At the Point—but one that really doesn’t do you much good in the studio. To truly make an album worthy of his potential, Nathanson had to do two things: 1) find the right sound and 2) write songs that would crawl inside people’s brains and live there. Some Mad Hope managed to be the record where both of those things happened, but it didn’t come easy. In the years since, Nathanson has gone on record about being in a dark place when he was writing the songs that would make up his sixth album. When I spoke to him in 2015, in the lead-up to that year’s Show Me Your Fangs, he told me that, while he loves Some Mad Hope, it’s also a snapshot of a heavy time in his life. The centerpiece track, an aching almost-power-ballad called “Wedding Dress,” is a song about “coming dangerously close to divorce and the wreck of a marriage.” Nathanson has called it the song in his catalog where he was being the most honest. The honesty may have almost broken Nathanson, but it did the opposite for his career. What makes Some Mad Hope one of the best pop singer/songwriter records of the 2000s is the tension in the lyrics. Up to this point, Nathanson had always been able to write catchy songs, but these were on another level. There was so much ache and hurt in the lyrics, songs caught between reflecting on better times and dwelling on the possibility of ending a marriage. The cold hard truth in the songs, combined with tight production work from Mark Weinberg and Marshall Altman (known nowadays as an accomplished country music producer) made for a record that could stand on its own, without live performances and comedic banter to prop it up. For good reason, Matt’s decision to be unflinchingly honest gave him the first hit song of his career. “Come on Get Higher” went to 59 on the Billboard Hot 100 and became a top 20 hit on Mainstream Top 40 radio. Breezy and intimate, “Higher” tends to get written off as a “Your Body Is a Wonderland” clone by people who never gave Nathanson a real shot. But the balance of the track—between the lovelorn, carnal bliss of the choruses and the sobering, regretful loneliness of the verses—makes it something more than meets the eye. “I miss the sound of your voice/Loudest thing in my head/And I ache to remember/All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said” goes the second verse. Find me a pop song on the radio today with a better turn of phrase about lost love. It was that chaotic clash—of perfect happiness and bitter heartbreak—that I latched onto when I first heard Some Mad Hope. On the surface, these are love songs. That’s why someone could hear a lyric like “In your wedding dress, to have and to hold/And even at my best, I want to let go” and think the song built around it was expressing undying devotion instead of massive, restless doubt. But most of Some Mad Hope isn’t about love in the now; it’s about love in the past. “I remember hearts that beat/I remember you and me/Tangled in hotel sheets,” go the opening lines of “Still,” a song about remembering the tender moments you spent with someone who is long gone. And in the dirge-like “Bulletproof Weeks,” it’s “What happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms?/What happened to feeling cheap radio songs?/What happened to thinking that the world was flat?/What happened to that?” Some Mad Hope is a spectacularly human record. It’s about only recognizing the beauty of what you have when it’s gone. It’s about getting what you want and then being so unsure of yourself that you tear it down. It’s about running away because you’re scared to stand and fight. It’s about restlessness and stupid mistakes and regrets you’ll carry for the rest of your life. And in the end, it’s about dodging the bullet, recommitting, and doing the work to save something rather than let it become a faded photograph. It’s about doing what you need to do so that you don’t end up like the guy in “Bulletproof Weeks,” asking “What happened?” when you look back at the people and things that used to mean the world to you. All those messages caught me at the perfect time. When I bought this record on a class trip around October of 2007, I was a month from 17, newly licensed to operate an automobile, and in the midst of the most restless patch of growing up. I had a lot of things going for me: I had a great group of friends and a supportive family; I was the lead in the school musical; I was doing well in my classes. But I was yearning for something more, something amorphous that I couldn’t describe or name, and certainly not something I could reach out and grab. I felt like I was on the cusp of something, but I didn’t know what it was. And at the same time, new pressures and worries were looming: feelings I had for a girl who wasn’t available; the impending cloud of college applications; my dwindling bank account, thanks to the fact that I’d started driving just as gas prices began to skyrocket; a borderline emotionally abusive director that made the aforementioned musical more of a nightmare than a dream come true. A year previous, responsibility had seemed little more than a far-off blip on the radar. Suddenly, it was here, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. Looking back now, those worries seem so slight and insignificant—especially compared to what Nathanson was actually singing about on this album. But therein lies the beauty of great songs: they find you and hold up mirrors to your life, completely separate from the artist’s intentions. I wasn’t going through a divorce (obviously) and I wasn’t even in a relationship, but the doubt, anxiety, and deep dissatisfaction running through the songs here resonated with me. So did the yearning sense of escape captured by anthems like “Car Crash,” “Heartbreak World,” and “Gone.” I may have been feeling empty, but I was also feeling the added freedom that growing up affords. I appreciated the humanity in those songs, tales of running away and starting over that sounded so unbridled and exciting—even if the dark side of leaving everything behind was always lurking just or song or two away. “I want to feel the car crash, ‘cause I’m dying on the inside”; “Let’s move out of Los Angeles/And drive until this summer gives/Forget the lives we used to live”; “Gone, let it wash away the best I had/Gone, and when I disappear, don’t expect me back.” These songs seemed to ask, “Can you drive fast enough to outrun your troubles?” As a teenage boy with his first car, I wanted to find out. Of course, the implicit answer the album gives is “No.” The crashing “Detroit Waves” is a song specifically about what repeated departures and goodbyes do to a relationship. “And when you’re warm enough to share your sheets/And cold enough to make it seem like I was only there/Long enough to disappear,” Nathanson sings bitterly at the top of the second verse. The point is clear: you can’t run away without leaving something behind. In “Falling Apart,” the narrator can’t decide whether he’d rather stay and be the man his partner deserves or “break loose and run.” But “Sooner Surrender,” the album’s penultimate track, was always my favorite. The aching regret of that song is so real and so pronounced, to the point where you can almost taste the bile on the back of your tongue as the lyrics describe a late-night bar where everyone is having fun but you. You, alone with a drink and your own self-imposed loneliness. “I miss when you were everything,” the track concludes. What a gut-punch. Eventually, Nathanson and his wife figured out a way to fix things and stay together. Me? I got over my restlessness and learned to be comfortable in my own skin. But I’ll never forget how Some Mad Hope made me feel a little less alone that fall, when I was growing up and felt like I wasn’t ready for any of it yet. There was comfort and commiseration in the sad songs and possibility in the call of the road, but the song that hit the hardest might have been the last one, where the excuses stopped and the lesson came full circle. “I kept falling over/I kept looking backward/I went broke believing/That the simple should be hard,” Nathanson sings in the first verse. Later, it’s “Well it’s hard to change the way you lose/If you think you’ve never won.” Those lines were my reality check after an ocean of self-centered brooding. I was overthinking my own life, and I was missing things in the process: friendships; romance; youth as it’s supposed to be. If I could go back, I would change a lot of things about that year, but I would never trade the soundtrack. --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/review/matt-nathanson-some-mad-hope/

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