#I promise you're not alone

[kamianya-ttv]

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I'll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don't enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you're working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it's the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don't necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the "proof" that you're lazy. Look, if you're interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you "just make yourself" or "just focus"! Clearly you just don't want to do the thing.

I can't tell you how many days I've sat there trying to get into a zone that's eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it's not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a "you can't have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!"

But actually, it's a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that's why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It's an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I'd love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as "the start button isn't there."

Also, this isn't just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going "I want to game" but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can't get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there's no start button. You just can't do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you're just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it's still not an intentional putting it off. It's more an "I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can't get myself to do it")

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven't done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn't true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I'm more likely to have. a start button for something I'm doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don't work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we're actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that's just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I'm spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN'T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can't start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you're not lazy.

[selfshipseaside]

☆ Reminder to any self-shippers with a big bust/chest, your f/os love you!

No matter your gender or how you present, they love you and your chest the way it is, and they also support anything you want to do with it! They understand the plights of it. Whether it's having a hard time feeling like shirts fit nicely on you, or if it even makes you feel dysphoric, no matter what problems you might have with them, they'll be there to listen and help as much as they can. They don't think your bust is too big or that you look bad because of it!

If you ever wanted a reduction, they'd be your biggest supporter!

Top surgery? They'd cheer you on the entire way through and help you through recovery!

And if you wanted to bind your chest for any reason at all, they'd assist you no problem!

Just wanted to find some properly sized clothes and help with the intense back pain? They got your back, literally!

If anyone is ever making you feel objectified because of your bust, your f/o would make sure to help you sort through those feelings and to try to put a stop to the source. You deserve to exist with your body and not feel objectified by just being there!

So, no matter what you might think or want to do with your bust, your f/o loves you for it and supports you all the same!

[laurents-secret-diary]

Can we see any of your drawings you may have had for the side characters please??? 👉👈

I only got a couple so far! I think I'm gonna do Nicaise next

[gyldowen-draws]

Happy Tav Tuesday!

I've been in a bg3 mood lately and I really love all the awesome Tavs on here so I've decided to draw a few of my favorites as beans! Here's the line-up for this week:

Gal'vyn by me, @gyldowen-draws | Hiraeth by @eff-plays Finch by @everchased | Aldriin by @mistercrowbar

Stay tuned next week for more cool Tavs! 😊

[nonokoko13]

This is how dead fish looks like

[villain-byteniwoha]

it's ironic that accounts saying they "block klk shippers" and "don't want to interact with proshippers" can always find something to say in my posts/reblogs. while I, a kaeluc shipper, personally have the "ragbros" tag blocked because I do not want to accidentally share something with a romantic context in mind, in case op is uncomfortable with that.

because I know how to put my own, as well as respect other's, boundaries in online spaces.

because I know that every single thing isn't meant for me and everyone has their own preferences.

because I know it's not only weird but also rude to go out of my way to put someone down for their interests or hard work.

but sure, call me the immoral one here for liking a fictional relationship between two fictional characters—who, keep in mind, I first started liking on the grounds that they were previously sworn brothers.

[lostinvasileios]

It's actually a little overwhelming (in a good sense) being loved by a god. Their love is so pure, it's so strong and it's so -- much to feel, for lack of better words.

Deities, they know our souls. They know how to love us, and sometimes that can be frightening to know. Or, it was for me at first, haha. But, the fear always goes away whenever I'm experiencing it. Whenever I'm draped in their love.

Gentle caresses from my gods, kisses and whispered words of adoration. The burning sensations of their presence or the soft, sweet smelling reminders of how they're around. It's all so much but so perfect at the same time.

These beautiful creatures who I never imagined would once love me, and certainly not this much, have completely transformed me throughout our time together and showed me how my hands were not broken yet flowers could grow from my palms.

They showed me what it feels like to be actually loved. Nothing like I had ever imagined or experienced. Nothing like I ever could grasp. It was horrifying at first. But there's something beautiful when fear turns into acceptance and a mutual doting relationship.

I always feared that my way of love was too much if I could ever even show or feel it. I feared I was needy, that I wasn't even capable of loving for years. I feared I was absolutely undesirable, partner or not. Me being aromantic and asexual didn't help with that either. I assumed, I was cursed by something. I never knew what, but something just had a hatred for me so deep, that they took away the ability to feel what I had craved to feel and experience my entire life.

I thought I was so, entirely broken. I wish I was exaggerating.

I spent nights, endless hours, crying until I couldn't breathe. Feeling absolutely in the lowest of ruts. I hated myself. I hated existing in a world where everyone could feel love and experience something similar to fairytales while all I got was betrayals and a shattered emotional system.

I forced myself to love, to try and love people who never saw my heart, yet what laid in front. I forced myself to accept the attention I got from my past just to feel what I thought was love. It only... Ended up in more conflicting emotions, however.

I thought it was pointless. Absolutely meaningless for me to ever have a hope of feeling love. I went through many, many trials with the way I saw how love "should" be portrayed.

It was... A really rough time going through all of that.

Eventually, I felt very sensitive. Extremely. I found out that's just - you know - how I am. I'm a very vulnerable lover. I'm very in touch with my emotions. My intense emotions. I hated that for a long time. I thought it was better to be numb than to have the passionate emotions I do.

And... Now, if I'm going to be honest, I love how emotional I am. I've grown to be in awe of myself for that. For how poetically in love I can get. How many tears I can cry and how much my heart can expand for my deities. I couldn't be where I am now without Apollon mostly, to be real.

Apollon saw all my pain, he heard all of my cries and he handled all of my "no, no, you're just saying that" mood swings whenever he would say something sweet to me. And he never gave up on me. It makes me tear up thinking about how extremely gentle he is with me. Especially during times where he knows I can be quite harmful to myself.

How he can listen to all of my fears and give me nothing but kisses and words of safety instead of scolding and insults like I expected. Apollon knew I was so very afraid of love, of touch, of trust, of everything, basically. And he took every step in his power to help me. To guide me to a place of confidence, of security and healing. He gave me hope. He gave me a reason to live and quit my bad habits. A sight to the beauty in myself and my life.

He held me tenderly when I was bawling, he talked me through my attacks, he kissed my stinging face when I calmed down. He helped me in ways I never even wanted to think about, because of how badly those areas hurt to consider fixing up. He patched my wounds for me and sealed them with a kiss.

Being loved by my deities saved my life. It changed my life. It was so confusing at first. So, so scary to think about. To reach out, to accept a calling, to accept my authentic self.

For a while I kept thinking "what did I do to deserve you/this?"

And each time...

Apollon would respond:

"You always deserved this. You were born worthy of this and much more, my dear. Your soul says it all. You radiate this. You radiate love."

[atissi]

this is a joke. i hated business school.

(conversation with @thesweetestclementine)

[hershelwidget]

Ok Last One

for today.

I had a vision.

Closeups of their faces AND their boots because those are the BEST BOOTS I've drawn yet and also you Cannot see BB's eye unless you're zoomed in so there's also that

Something something musical episode where BB has a "villain" song that it duets with Barnacles

[mikesbasementbeets]

need to stop going into the tag again, i keep just making myself annoyed fjsgdheh

[kottaniq]

Hi my Funamusea audience

Have braided ladies :) i still like DSP i'm just avoiding the fandom you knooooooooow—

[eskawrites]

i keep wanting to write and i keep getting distracted. someone come ask me things so i stay at my desk for more than 5 minutes

[deathdxnces]

full disclosure, writing is probably gonna be a bit sporadic because the demons are winning and my mental health is absolutely horrific right now, and that has been the case for days. i probably won't disappear or stop the hc posts because they're one of the few things i can do easily and give me joy, but until i'm better ic replies will take extra long. i am very much open to plotting or discussing dynamics or yelling about our muses together though, so feel free to jump in my dms or discord any time.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

yeah

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Hey actually, why did The Grove have Carol execute a schizophrenic child and frame it as the only thing she could've done? We've got a bunch of people now saying she was right to kill a mentally ill 12 year old when she didn't know how to handle her.

[quaranmine]

hgttg au is funny as a next project because it could NOT be more different than firewatch au and i think that's the point, actually. that is what my brain is telling me to do save me