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Kochanski could not accept a different version of Lister to the one she had known in her universe.
Lister, however, easily accepts the different versions of Rimmer he meets.
#red dwarf#imo it says more about lister as a person rather than a comment on the qualities of the relationships or anything like that#because for kris it was a big complicated and traumatic deal losing her lister and being stuck with a different one#and the rimmer that lister knows the best isn't the original one anyway he's a hologram. an approximation.#and then the hologram goes away and he's with the nanobot resurrected version.#and at first he's like oh you're the old one. the one you used to be. so he SEES a difference. these are clearly different people.#but then it's like nothing's changed. he treats him the same#and then the hologram comes back again and he's got to be different somehow too but they just go back to being bunkmates like it's nothing#and when you look at all the listers in skipper that rimmer meets when they learn he's a rimmer from a different universe#they're all like oh alright hi rimmer!#like???? it's so easy for him#not to mention how well he gets on with ace#I think no matter what. no matter what version of rimmer he's with. he's just glad it's rimmer#also I'm something of a lister/kochanski shipper. I love a tragic romance. so do not take this as a dig against kris bc I won't like that
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okay so in better than life i think Rimmer says "How on Titan are you gonna pay for that" and i find it pretty interesting, Titan is one of Saturn's moons, now maybe Titan was the last place they stopped at before everyone died so that's why he uses that version of the expression, the place is fresh on his mind and all that, or maybe he ended up on Titan sometime after his divorse and that's why he thinks of it like Earth (in saying the expression like that)
before this continues i'm just gonna say that i will be rambling and nothing else
this is quite early in the show so it hasn't had much time to contredict itsef yet so i'm thinking i can think anything i want about the timeline at the moment. so i'm thinking, remember this is all just bonkers speculation that i find fun that makes about as much sence as the show itself, that Rimmer lived on Titan for a while, not a long while because he doesn't have much time between the devorce and joining JMC, and i know he got previleges to the family dog which means he should've been able to visit Jupiter on regular basis but let's just say he got bored or his family drove him off even further or whatever. point is he made a little life for himself on Titan, maybe a few months, maybe three years, it doesn't matter, but i think it would be interesting what could happen when Rimmer with his peculiarities runs off to another planet's moon and has to adjust to a new society. i have seen a lit of fics where Io is just this 300 years late to modern norms homophobic untrusting society with girls' home strictness levels, and it's pretty funny that so many people have come to that same conclusion even though i've hardly seen any discussion about it (Rimsy's piece of shit family's out there inventing stereotypes for all Ioians lol) back to the point. knowing Rimmer he'd likely feel superior for the upbringing he had and be pompous using his family's achievements as his own, so even if Titan had a chill athmosphere he would likely not get on there either because he just has to be him, and any culture differences might feel like super big deals to him which doesn't help him get comfortable much, probably just fuels his 'out of place' 'never belonging' thing he has made for himself. i'm kindof in a battle with myself now about if he would even get a job, if he would apply for one, like would he go to a coffe parlour and ask for a job where he has to clean the dishes and whatnot when there's no chanse of becoming an officer? maybe if he needed money, i wish i knew how much he had to spare for monthly spending. if he had no need for money then what could he be doing all day, he had to stumble into JMC's workforce sometime. i still believe it most likely that he went straight to them from Io and has been in space sence (except for what little leave they're allowed) but this is a though and i'm skipping with is, okay. another interesting thing about Titan is that it's orbiting the same planet as Mimas, and we all know how gruffy Mimas is. anyway that knowlege just makes my brain bloom with hideous ideas. more likely i think is that he just went there on shore leave and it was a memorable place, it seems pretty from the pictures i've seen so maybe it's just one of the only calming places for him that he yearns to know the tranquility of again, but i've got no bases for that except that it's got a pretty atmosphere.
right-o this end my pointless rant brought on by one singular line, for now at least
#i'm going nowhere with this it's just me rambling about possibilities sorry#red dwarf#tbh i'm still thinking so many thoughts i'm on overdrive but maybe i'll wait until they silidify into something i can actually look at#rather than whatever that block of text was and i also need more info on all the moons' geological features#this stupid show has got me reading about athmospheric composition
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Red Dwarf: Polymorph
It's Red Dwarf Day! Nice! Maybe I should finally get around to writing the post about the script I've read like a month ago...
Oh, Red Dwarf Day was yesterday? Oh well. Anyway - Polymorph.
About two years ago, during my third year of uni, I went to a charity shop and found some Red Dwarf treasures - namely, Red Dwarf Omnibus (which features the first two books, Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers and Better Than Life, as well as the pilot script) for 1.99 and this, Primordial Soup, for 1.49... An absolute bargain!
Primordial Soup collects six Red Dwarf scripts, picked as favourite episodes of the two writers (Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, together forming the gestalt entity "Grant Naylor") at the time:
Season 3: Polymorph + Marooned
Season 4: Dimension Jump + Justice
Season 5: Back to Reality
Season 6: Psirens
I still haven't seen all of Red Dwarf, but Polymorph has to be one of my favourite episodes, if not the favourite episode. In these posts, I try to think of something I've maybe learned from reading the script and such. But here? I think the lesson is - if you already have a TV show (or a storytelling platform of any kind for that matter), just have fun with it! Don't get bogged down by what the series is or should be and do something stupid instead! Are you doing a silly character-based comedy? JUST ADD THE FUCKING THING FROM JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING. Yeah, of course, that tracks.
You've got to admit - sitcoms don't tend to have an actual sense of danger. And yes, by the time we get to the scene with Rimmer's mother, that danger isn't really there any more, but I really think there was some. And there certainly is some again in the ending. (Although, admittedly, I prefer the other ending, as it was the first version of Polymorph I've seen. But yeah, the script ends with a "Lister" - his head spins around while his body is static, then he grins into the camera and walks off... Properly sinister stuff. This episode really is John Carpenter's The Thing as a sitcom.)
Alright, there's one more thing to learn here. It all comes back to something my teacher at uni said about writing sitcom characters - base them around their flaws. And what might those flaws be? Start with seven deadly sins.
While not all of the negative emotions eaten by Polymorph are on this list - some of them definitely are. And you can see how Polymorph was created as a specifically sitcom threat, as by removing "negative emotions", we remove who those characters really are. Polymorph, with a surgical percision, is a mutant designed to eat sitcoms.
It's not just a sci-fi parody, it's genuinely clever. Also, it's a good way to approach an ensemble episode, ie one where the focus isn't on a single member of the cast, the focus is on the whole crew.
So yeah, Polymorph is great. What a surprise.
As I've already mentioned, I read this script from a published collection. Which means it wasn't formatted properly... But that's probably a good thing, as Red Dwarf was very likely written in the older format of a studio script, which is just a pain to read. So, on this occasion, I prefer it that way. We're probably gonna get around to me ranting against some of the formatting in published scripts in the future.
Anyway, I'm gonna end this post with the scene that made me burst out laughing. It's the afforementioned scene with Rimmer's mother. I did remember a lot of the jokes in Polymorph, but not this one and it really caught me off guard in the best possible way. Enjoy!
#red dwarf#polymorph#SRC2024#reading challenge#writeblr#screenwriting#scriptwriting#script#screenplay#red dwarf day#red dwarf status day#i think it's just really funny to say “alphabetti spaghetti”#try it at home
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3 million years into deep space, the ship to surface transport vehicle Starbug 1 is drifting aimlessly toward a long abandoned expedition ship. The beeping of a proximity alert rouses Cat from a dream of raining fish and he stares out the window at the hulking lump of titanium and steel.
“This one better have some damn fish!” He mutters to himself before pressing the ‘all hands’ button on the dash to summon the rest of the crew.
Acting First Officer Rimmer struts authoritatively into the cockpit. “What is it this time? Another ‘wibbly thing’ on the radar screen that actually happens to be chocolate pudding? Or did you just dream about fish again?”
Cat points. “Look for yourself goalpost head.”
Rimmer squints at the ship. “HMS Camden Lock. It’s British. We might be able to get some baked beans and HP sauce, lovely.”
Kryten stumbles in wearing his apron and presenting a tray of appetisers. “Sirs, I’m sorry to report that Mr Lister won’t be joining us unless this is a matter of utmost urgency.”
“Why?” Demands Rimmer.
“He said if this turned out to be Mr Cat crying about the lack of fish again then he was going to insert a live space weevil into him and take bets on how long it took to crawl back out again. He refuses to get out of bed.”
“Out of bed?” Rimmer asks. “It’s 3.30 on a Wednesday, even he’s usually up by now.”
“No, sir, Mr Lister had a lot of urine recyce wine at the weekend and asked me to set the clocks back so he’d recover in time for Monday. It’s actually 9.45 on Sunday morning.”
Rimmer sighs and shakes his head. “Cat’s spotted a ship, it’s the HMS Camden Lock.”
“Ah yes, the HMS Camden Lock, an expeditionary ship launched in 2151 by Great Britain, one of the few remaining sole nation states on Earth at the time. They went out searching the galaxy for trading partners. They thought that if they found new territory where nobody knew who the British were that they might actually find someone who wanted to rent an office block in Milton Keynes or invest in Melton Mowbray pork pies. Mr Lister’s home city was in Great Britain.”
“How did they get on?” Rimmer asks.
“Well, you see those holes in the side of the ship, sir?” Kryten asks, pointing out of the viewport at the scorched, gaping holes in the hull, presumably caused by large explosions. “I think that gives us some idea how far the reputation of the British has reached.”
“I can smell something, and it ain’t no pork pies.” Cat interjects.
Rimmer runs a scan. “There’s a residual energy reading, there’s some sort of AI still running on board.” He turns to Kryten. “Raise comms, attempt to hail them.”
“Right you are, Sir.” Says Kryten as he taps at a keyboard and bangs the side of a monitor until the picture comes up.
The hailing frequency takes a few moments to get a response before the screen displays a dimly lit woman in a strange metallic helmet, covered in dirt and cobwebs. A spider crawls across her face. Her smile is wide and creepy.
“Greetings, I am Sandstrom.”
Kryten is about to speak, when Rimmer leans in and interjects. “Greetings Sandstrom, this is Acting First Officer Arnold J. Rimmer, but you can call me Arn.”
“What can I do for you Mr Rimmer?” Sandstrom asks.
“Please, call me Arn. Or Arnie, Iron Balls, whatever. We see you’ve taken a few hits. Are any of the crew still alive?”
“They’re all dead, Arn.” Sandstrom says, her smile staying as wide as ever. “Everybody’s dead, Arn.”
“Guys, let’s cut to the chase here.” Cat says, combing his hair. “Lady! You got any fish?”
Sandstrom’s smile fades and she begins to look peeved. “The HMS Camden Lock does not stock fish. Great Britain is still seeking fishing territories at this time.”
Kryten taps Rimmer on the shoulder and whispers in his ear. “I think we might have a problem, sir. My readings indicate that this AI is carrying a version of the holo virus that you contracted some years ago.”
Sandstrom raises her left hand next to her head, on it there sits a tattered looking Ed the Duck puppet. “What’s that Ed? No, we couldn’t possibly do that. Who’d clean up the mess?”
“Screw this.” His feet up on the dash, Cat uses the heel of his boot to tap a red button and sends a trash compactor shot towards the Camden Lock.
“Sir, what are you doing?!” Kryten asks, shocked. “Their stock manifest shows over 18,000 tons of curry on board.”
Sandstrom’s eyes glow red and a bolt of red plasma arcs from the comms panel into Mr Rimmer, knocking him unconscious, he lands slumped in his seat.
“What the hell is going on?!” Lister asks as he makes his way into the cockpit just in time to see the Camden Lock blown into millions of pieces.
“Um... hi buddy.” Says Cat, his teeth poking sheepishly over his bottom lip.
“What have I missed?!” Lister asks, poking the unconscious Rimmer.
“Well,” Kryten says, “we’re going to need Mr Flibble and a live space weevil, sir.”
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But Who Could Love Me? (Rimmer x Reader) - Chapter 5
A/N: Chapter 6 should be up soon! :)
Warnings: none really just the usual fluff!
Summary: Basically giving Rimmer the love he deserves :P
“I know you’re not particularly fond of him but we should say hello?” You spoke softly as Rimmer slowly looked up at you.
“That’s one way of putting it” Rimmer groaned, refusing to move.
“Come on, the quicker we go, the quicker it’s over with” You smiled sweetly as you held out your hands for him, gently pulling him up as he held them in his.
“Why are you making me do this?” Rimmer asked as you reached the lift.
“Because it’s the polite thing to do!” You smiled as you hit the buttons on the inside before saying where you were going “Landing bay please!”
“You know who you’re talking to right?” A small smirk appeared on Rimmers face as he spoke.
“Oh I know, the smegger that is Arnold Judas Rimmer! ...but lucky for him I love him!” You replied as you turned to face him.
“You love me?” Rimmer looked at you stunned, despite the sneaking around and kissing each other at every given opportunity he’d never actually heard you say those words, he’d never heard anyone say those words to him ...not even his parents.
“Well I thought it was obvious” You laughed softly, gently cupping his face in your hands.
“No one has ever told me they love me” Rimmer’s eyes dropped to the floor.
“I love you Arnie” You smiled sweetly, standing on your tiptoes to place a gentle kiss to his lips feeling him smile beneath.
You didn’t expect him to respond, you definitely didn’t expect him to say the words back, not yet anyway but you knew eventually when he was ready he would. As he stood in front you fidgeting and unable to stay still you knew he was worrying about it.
“Hey, you don’t have to say it back if you’re not ready too” You spoke softly, placing one last kiss to his lips as the lift doors opened “Lets get this over with”
As you walked down the corridor towards the landing bay you couldn’t help but notice Rimmer’s hand brushing against yours, his fingers subtly trying to entwine with yours, making your heart flutter as you surrendered hopelessly to the smile forming on your face. Rimmer knew that even if he couldn’t say the words, there were other ways he could show you until then, just like when he protected you earlier when the dwarf was under attack.
Just as you reached the last turn for the landing bay you felt Rimmer’s hand slowly yet reluctantly fall from yours, running his thumb across the back of your hand before letting go. Upon entering the landing bay you were almost blinded by the glare bouncing off the shiny spacesuit that was being worn by the one and only Ace Rimmer.
“There he is, how you doing Arn?” Ace grinned as Rimmer practically shut down next you.
“I’ve been better” Rimmer groaned as you nudged him gently.
“Cheer up” You whispered as Rimmer’s lips started to curl slightly.
“And who’s the lovely lady?” Ace picked up your hand as he spoke, leaning down to place a kiss but changing his mind as Rimmer scowled at him “What’s your name?”
“Y/N! I’ve heard a lot about you” You smiled, trying to be polite to Ace and keep Rimmer calm at the same time was going to be a struggle.
“Well depending on who you heard it from, all good I hope” Ace chuckled as you heard a low grumble from Rimmer who was purposely trying to keep Ace away from you.
“Rimmer, you ok man?” Lister asked.
“I’m fine” Rimmer mumbled, he was far from fine and his mind was in overdrive.
“So Arnie, been up to anything?” Ace asked, trying to fill the awkward silence that was starting to brew.
“Of course not” Rimmer refused to look at Ace:
“Hey you saved Cat and Lister from that Gelf ship?” You smiled giving him another nudge.
“No he didn’t” Lister sniggered.
“Lister shut up!” You spoke sternly.
“Alright I’m sorry” Lister threw his hands up.
“You’ve kept this rust bucket going somehow” You smiled at Rimmer who’s eyes were glued to floor and who’s mind was on another planet.
“Yeah after he fried the crew” Lister mumbled.
“LISTER!” You shouted as Rimmer walked out.
“I think that’s enough skipper” Ace looked at Lister as he spoke before turning to you “Shall we go for a walk?”
“Erm sure” You replied confused as you made your way back down the corridor you had just walked down hand in hand with Rimmer.
Once you had got far enough away from the others Ace looked back behind him before talking to you.
“I see Arnie finally got a break” Ace smirked as you raised an eyebrow at him.
“What do you mean?” You didn’t not like Ace but you could understand why Rimmer wasn’t fond of him.
“You and Arn have something going on” Ace spoke quietly incase of any eavesdroppers.
“How did you know?” You stared at him in panic.
“I could tell as soon as you walked in and what with the way Arnie was almost standing between us” Ace explained “I’m surprised the others haven’t figured it out”
“Well Kryten’s a mech and I don’t think his Mech Dev has covered that yet and as for Lister and Cat, they share a brain cell between them” You laughed a little “Well a brain cell they probably borrowed from Krytes”
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that” Ace chuckled.
“I better go find Rimmer and make sure he’s ok” You sighed.
“You really do care about him” Ace grinned as your cheeks blushed and your eyes fell to the floor “He’s lucky!”
“I think I’m the lucky one Ace” You smiled as Ace gave you a ‘don’t be daft’ look.
Assuming Rimmer would be at his normal spot on the observation dome, you were completely startled as you walked past your quarters hearing rustling from inside.
“Holly can you open the door please?” You asked as the door opened swiftly “Hey what are you doing in here?”
There he was, sitting in your bunk reading one of your books and you couldn’t help but smile.
“Sorry I just wanted to go somewhere quiet where I wouldn’t be bothered” Rimmer panicked slightly.
“Arnie it’s fine, don’t worry” You smiled as you walked in with Ace following behind you.
“What do you want?” And with that Rimmer’s sour mood had returned.
“He just wanted to make sure you’re ok” You explained as you sat down next to Rimmer “Ace knows by the way”
“Knows about what?” Rimmer’s nostrils flared as he spoke.
“About us” You tried to remain calm but you could feel the tension radiating from him sitting next to you.
“You told Ace?” Rimmer almost looked heartbroken as if you had broken a promise.
“Hey don’t take your anger out on Y/N? It’s me you’ve got a problem with” Ace replied firmly and calmly, not that it was in Rimmer’s nature to fist fight.
“He figured it out” You sighed “and he’s not going to tell anyone ...right Ace?”
“If that’s what you want?” Ace kept his distance “Y/N do you mind if I have word alone with Arnie?”
“Sure” You smiled as you got up to leave, a look of worry in Rimmer’s eyes as he thought about the prospect of being left alone with Ace.
“So how did you figure it out?” Rimmer groaned as he put the book his was reading down.
“Arnie?” Ace could tell Rimmer was trying to start an argument.
“You’re probably going to sweep her away anyway” Rimmer spat as Ace shook his head, technically they were the same person just from different universes but they couldn’t have been anymore different from each other, almost two completely different beings.
“Why would I do that?” Ace leaned against the wall beside the bunks.
“You always do, you have a way with people” Rimmer screwed up his nose, sitting on the edge of your bunk with his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms.
“Well Arn, I don’t think you have much to worry about” Ace smiled as he looked down at Rimmer.
“It’ll happen it always does” Rimmer grumbled, adamant that you were going to be stolen away from him by Ace, the ‘superior��� version of himself.
“The only person Y/N is interested in is you” Ace spoke softly.
“Why do you even care?” Rimmer looked up at Ace with a scowl.
“Because you’ve got something good, something that I’ve never had” Ace kept his focus across the room as he spoke.
“What?” Rimmer asked almost speechless.
“I know in your eyes I’m the one that got all the breaks, all the good things but you’ve got love” Ace explained “But I guess thats what happens when you devote all your time to your career”
“You’re telling me?” Rimmer muttered.
“You’ve got something great there Arnie, don’t mess it up!” Ace’s voice dropped lower.
“She told me she loved me earlier and I froze up” Rimmer confessed, in disbelief that he was actually about to ask his alter ego for relationship advice “I couldn’t even say it back”
“You don’t have to Arnie, she already knows” Ace smiled “I saw the way she looked at you earlier and the way you watched her as she left”
“Really?” Rimmer was struggling to believe anything Ace was saying.
“As they say actions speak louder than words” Ace grinned before looking at his watch “At 1900 I’ll take the boys out for a trip ...give you two some time alone”
“Why are you being nice to me?” Rimmer scoffed.
“Take her on a date, show Y/N how much she means to you?” Ace completely ignored Rimmer’s reaction.
“And how do you suppose I do that?” Rimmer rolled his eyes “This rust bucket isn’t exactly the ideal date scene”
“You’ll think of something, she’ll love it regardless” Ace replied, clearly only you could really get through to Rimmer.
“Why am I taking relationship advice from you?” Rimmer sighed.
“What have you got to lose Arn?” Aces voice was low as he spoke.
Ace’s last sentence rang riot in Rimmer’s ears. What did he really have to lose? Ace was right, that no matter what Rimmer did you’d love him and therefore was nothing, he had nothing to lose.
#arnold rimmer#red dwarf#arnold j rimmer#arnold judas rimmer#rimmer#dave lister#hologram#kryten#the cat#ace rimmer#red dwarf fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic#fluff fic#rimmer x reader#arnold rimmer x reader
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26 26 26 26 26 26!!!!!
26. “The diamond in this engagement ring is fake.”
OKAY OKAY OKAY SO This is like a drabble version of a fic I’ve already had in mind, which is a AU version of Emohawk. Enjoy!
~*~Kryten was shuffling on his feet, so it was likely that the translation about to come forth was anything but encouraging. “Sirs, Ech-ech-ech-ech-ech-ech-ech-ech says that the diamond in the engagement ring in fake, and she’s almost certain that this engagement is too.”
Smeg. Smegging smeg. Smeg it all to smeg! Whoever had said that you should go with your gut was an idiot and a bastard and a fool. Luckily for all of them, Lister was better at improvising than Rimmer had ever managed, and was apparently at just the right level of inebriation where his acting skills peaked. He did this..thing where he hugged Rimmer’s left arm and snuggled his cheek against Rimmer’s shoulder, which was fine and absolutely did not make Rimmer feel like he’d just gut punched. In an utterly besotted voice, Lister said, “Kryten, tell her…tell her that while we didn’t know that the diamond was fake, that we don’t actually care either. I mean, that sort of smeg doesn’t really matter, yeah? We just wanted something something to show that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and just because that ring isn’t technically the real deal doesn’t mean we aren’t. ‘Sides,” Lister interrupts himself to place a kiss to Rimmer’s shoulder and give a goofy grin that Rimmer had only seen during the four weeks he had dated Kochanski, “we can always save real diamonds for the vow renewal. I’m sure we’ll have something figured out in ten years.”
Christ. Rimmer was half-convinced that they were in love. Which was. Well. One of the three things stressing him out at this moment. (Actually, at any moment there were about 17 lingering stresses happening, because Rimmer’s mind was a nightmare, but there were three particular to this con.) 1. If this lie didn’t work, they were likely to be brutally murdered. 2. If this lie did work, they still might not get the OG unit, leaving them to die on this god awful planet anyway. 3. No matter the outcome, he and Lister had to pretend that they were lovers, which was both awakening and utterly devastating to the part of him that miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight be a smidgen genuinely, achingly in love with the man. This part of himself was probably what compelled him to moronically cry out, “She can’t marry Lister! I’m marrying Lister,” to the GELFs in the first place.
Through a gritted smile, he murmured to the top of Lister’s head, “Laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think?” and resolutely ignored that he probably wouldn’t entirely mind if Lister laid it on a bit thicker.
Lister’s eyes somehow didn’t lose the joyful twinkle even as he whispered back, “Because GELFs are known for their incredibly intricate understanding of subtlety and nuance?”
“I’m just saying-”
Rimmer was grateful that Kryten interrupts him, because he doesn’t actually know what he’s “just saying”.
“Oh, um, oh dear sirs. She says, well, she says that she’s still skeptical, however.”
Kryten’s face shrivels up and some part of him starts to emit a high pitched squeal, so there’s a solid 30% they’re immediately going to die.
Lister’s not panicking yet, which Rimmer doesn’t understand at all, and he casually says, “Krytes, man, spit it out.”
“She says that she can tell when a kiss is truly passionate! We’re doomed!”
Kryten’s right. They are doomed. There’s no way Lister can convincingly kiss him, and also Rimmer’s pretty sure his brain is on fire. Something has definitely short circuited, because he’s frozen in place. Lister, however, apparently has no such afflictions. “A kiss? That’s all? A bit voyeuristic, maybe, but shouldn’t be an issue.”
Then, he changes his position to wrap his arms around the back of Rimmer’s neck, and Rimmer’s both grateful and resentful for his hard light drive. Soft and low and a little bit cheeky and infuriating and charming, Lister asks, “Right, love?”
#aziraphale-lesbian#red dwarf#rimster#WHO DOESN'T LOVE A FAKE MARRIAGE PLOT AMIRITE#anyway lister's gonna wake up the next morning and be like okay where the fu** did that come from#this will probably eventually be a long form fic#ANYWAY thank u io for the prompt!!!!
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Salty Ask List? Okay, Number 13 for Rimmer. And Number 4.
#13 Unpopular opinion about Rimmer?
@janamelie already answered this question and my answer is going to be in a similar vein. While I love Rimmer as a character, I am occasionally baffled by the tendency some people have to see him only as the sad abused child he was, and ignore the self-professed “complete and total bastard” he can be now. I know from personal experience that childhood abuse messes you up, but I also know from experience that adults are capable of growing and recovering from that abuse. Abuse is an explanation for bad behavior, but it should never be used as an excuse. It just bothers me when people seem to put up blinders to the bad parts of Rimmer and only focus on the good. I think a part of what makes him interesting are his many flaws.
#4 Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?
I think the only real NoTP I have would have to be Lister/Kochanski2 (Chloe Annett’s version). Because no matter how well they might be written in a fic, my brain just will scream at me, SHE’S HIS MUM, and I just cannot deal with that.
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Stay strong, Arnold Rimmer: a red dwarf fanfiction.
Arnold Rimmer heard the cat calls and jearing from half way across the quiet play ground.
The voices of his older brothers were still dying away, their shrieks of barely controlled laughter still ringing in both the distance and in Arnold Rimmer’s ears as he sat on the broken swing, looking straight down at the dirty ground. His face was still red with shame, and was blotted with blood and the numerous purple-blue bruzes that covered it. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, tears that he certainly could not and would not display before his brothers or even his mother. As the miserable ten year old sat motionless on the damaged swing set, he continued to listen to the unkind words and verbal abuse that was still being poured over his head by his brothers. At this moment in time, young Arnold Rimmer felt decidedly unloved.
The day had started out unexpectedly well, even for him. Arnold had woken up unusually early, after Frank and Howard had thrown cold water over his head to startle him back into consciousness. Half an hour later, Arnold was out in the streets, being led to the nearest playground by John, Frank and Howard.
Surprised by what Arnold had thought was a sudden and unusual display of brotherly affection, he had willingly tagged along, thinking that for the first time in ages, the older boys actually wanted him around. ‘This is a nice change,’ Arnold had thought to himself, smiling slightly as he fought to catch up with the others.
The four boys had ridden their bikes down the quiet country lanes of their small hometown. They had been full of laughter that day, something else that had not happened for ages. Even young Arnold Rimmer had laughed, joining in with the others’ jokes and even making the others laugh a few times. It had been a lovely morning. Rimmer had been happy.
But then again, when things seem too good to be true, they probably are. As things always did in the life of Arnold Rimmer, the morning quickly turned sour. After tighing up their bikes, the three elder Rimmer brothers turned on Arnold, using his body as a metaphorical goal post in a game of football. The rules of the game were fairly simple and straight forward. If any of the boys managed to hit Arnold in the face with the ball, that boy would have scored a goal. Needless to say, every one of the three older boys was incredibly good at this. They hit him with the bloody ball every single time, and before long, young Rimmer was begging them to stop hitting him and for God sake just leave him alone.
This, they refused to do. To the three older boys, Arnold was nothing more than a paun in their cruel games. They kept up the cruel version of football for some time before giving up and slinking off elsewhere, leaving Arnold alone, bruzed and miserable.
He wandered blindly across the park and took a seat on one of the few swings that still functioned, all be it barely as a swing. He slumped down onto it, staring fixedly at the ground, unwilling to look up for a moment should his siblings come back and find him close to tears.
Arnold Rimmer was rapidly growing fed up of the life that he had been forced to lead for the past ten odd unhappy years. He was sick of his brothers’ constant torment of him. He was fed up to the back teeth of being bullied at home, bullied at school, but worst of all, being bullied by his own family. His mother had grown tired of him. His father cared not much for him, and his brothers had always been sure to let Arnold know that as often as they could. ‘You’r useless,’ they told him scathingly at every opportunity. ‘You’re a complete bastard and we all hate you.’
There was no doubt about it, Arnold Rimmer wanted to get the smeg out of the shithole that he lived in, and the people who he was forced to spend his unwilling time with.
“Hay, you alright?”
Arnold Rimmer’s head snapped up, and he quickly blinked the furious tears out of his eyes.
A young boy of about nine or ten stood before him, his hair untidy and his eyes staring at Arnold in obvious concern. Looking over the boy’s shoulder, Arnold checked to see whether the boy had anybody with him. He could see no one and so returned to looking incredulously at this young and rather scruffy individual. His clothes were certainly not the tidiest, and that is putting it mildly. His face was stained with mud and his hair was in an untidy mess. If the appearance driven Mrs Rimmer had clapped eyes on the young lad, she would have surely fainted with shock. The boy was just standing there in front of Arnold, staring at him, quite unafraid and unabashed.
“Who are you?” Arnold asked, trying hard to sound polite and confident, though he was in no mood to do either.
The stranger only smiled at him, quite unperturbed by his tone. “I’m Dave,” the kid told him, a smile of a rather stupid kind spreading across his face. “Who are you, mate?”
“Arnold Rimmer,” replied Arnold, sitting up a little straighter as he did so and eyeing Dave calmly. “What do you want?”
The boy who had called himself Dave mearly smiled again and walked over to a swing nearby and sat down upon it, swinging gently back and forth and looking curiously around at the broken playground equipment. It was evident that the sight of the broken swings, the smashed climbing frame and the damaged slides did not please him in any way, shape or form. “What are you doing here?” he asked after a short spell of silence, “I didn’t think anybody would want to come and play in this dump.”
Arnold paused for a moment. “I was taken here by my brothers,” he said finally, after wondering what would be the best thing to say.
“What? You mean those loud mouthed tossers in the street?” Dave asked with no degree of tact what so ever.
Arnold Rimmer nodded, caring not at all that the kid had just insulted his brothers. He certainly did not have any siblingly affection for them, and would not stand up for them. “Yeah,” he said quietly, face growing unhelpfully red as he did so.
“Were they having a go at you or something?”
“What makes you think they were having a go at me?” snapped Arnold, much too quickly to be called natural.
Dave shot him a reassuring sort of smile. “I don’t think you could have bruzed your face that badly on your own,” he said, voice gentle and compassionate as he looked at the livid bruzes upon Arnold’s face. He then smiled again, jumped off the swing and added, “would you like me to go and beat them up for you?”
A smile touched Rimmer’s face as a warm glow of something unfamiliar blossomed inside his heart. This boy, a kid whom he knew nothing what so ever about was more than willing to stand up for him. That was something that Arnold had never known. The surprise was almost too great to comprehend in one sitting.
“No, it’s fine,” he said finally after considering the matter. He did not want this small ten yearold to get hurt because of him. He had no need to anyway. Dave’s solid display of reassurance was more than enough to cheer him up.
Dave smiled back and went across to Arnold, giving him a playful shove once he reached him. “Ok mate,” he said consolingly, “if that’s what you want. But keep your head up? Ok? Stay strong. You won’t be a kid for much longer. A few more years and you’ll be able to get rid of them for ever.”
That made Arnold smile even more as he to stood up, preparing to leave the park. “Thanks,” he muttered awkwardly, not at all sure what to say. He could only smile.
“Perhaps I’ll see you another time then?” Dave called over his shoulder as he raced out of the park, giving the other boy a swift glance as he went on his merry way.
“See you,” Arnold called back, watching as Dave tore round the nearest corner and out of sight.
Rimmer stood there for a moment, mind reeling in confusion over this very strange meeting with Dave. Little did Arnold Rimmer know, he would indeed meet Dave again, on a large mining ship in fifteen years time. Little did he know that he would spend the rest of his natural life with Dave, and would spend even more time with the guy after his own death. How would he feel fifteen or more years later when he again made contact with David Lister? Not a soul could have possibly predicted the future outcome, that a childhood meeting would result in the two resenting and loving each other at the same time.
It is an odd thing, the future. Impossible to predict, and even harder to avoid. Only time would tell.
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