#I thought I had to sell my souls and I was 100% ready to do that

[ashetheshade]

Noooooo, I didn’t know they’d melt so fast!!!

(And I thought you got the coral thing sooner!!)

[theacedragon0w0]

Mending bridges

This is when Sage returns to the hotel to grab their things and Charlie wanting to give them a parting gift

"You're sure you don't want to come back?" Charlie asked Sage, to be honest she thought of them being one if the few souls here in hell that could be redeemed.

Sage was grabbing the last of their items, since now the extermination was over they had the opportunity to comb through their items in their old room. They convinced their partner's that it would be a quick trip, but they compromised that Hazel would accompany Sage for the retrieval.

"Trust me I am sure, and look you will find another Cook to help you with meal prep, since now you have a functional kitchen."

Vaggie, who's hand was resting on Charlie's shoulder added, "And you are content with selling your soul to the Vees?"

Sage grunted, "It's Velvette that I gave my soul to, and yeah I can say I'm content with spending my days with her, Hazel, Rosalina, and the others that don't just see me and the sweaty food servant."

Charlie couldn't rebuttal as she knew how often Sage would butt heads with the other patrons, with her, Vaggie and Lucifer being the exceptions.

"And do they make you happy?"

Sage, gripping their denim jacket that they were wearing, smiled, "yeah, they really do, I can't imagine how I managed to got through day to day before they came."

Sage turned to face the couple, "Vaggie you get it don't you? If given the chance you'd clip your wings for Charlie's happiness? And Charlie, you would take on 100 angels if it means to keep Vaggie safe?"

The couple looked at each other, grasping the weight of Sage's analogy, they understood the devotion that Sage went to working for them and for Velvette, but with Angel free from his contract, Charlie couldn't help feel like Sage was ensnared the same fate. "Listen, I won't ever force you to break your binds, but understand that the doors are always open if you ever want to come back."

Sage chuckled, "Yeah, I appreciate the gesture" getting ready to leave with two duffle bags worth of stuff before being stopped, Charlie handling them a flat box.

"Consider this as a Thank-you-for-working-here-parting-but-not-a-forever-goodbye gift."

Sage, reading Charlie's ansty body language, figure to open the present to see what they were given by the princess of hell herself

It was Sage's red vest, the fabric iron pressed as if it was preserved against time itself.

Sage didn't know how to react, they actually enjoyed wearing the uniform but it was one of the few things that made working at the hotel somewhat bearable to work in.

Charlie's face sunk seeing Sage's melancholy face, "you hate it don't you?"

Sage, trying to save face "No-no I love it honest! It's just, it has a lot of weight on this you know."

"Told you it was a bad idea honey," Vaggie consoled Charlie, attempting to reach the vest but Sage yanked away from Vaggies reach.

"I didn't say I didn't want it, besides, you two were the only two that made this dump worth staying, if only temporarily."

Charlie, still upset but didn't want to make Sage stay anymore than they wanted, offered their hand for a shake, to which Sage dropped their stuff and pulled Charlie in for a hug, grabbing Vaggie in to join to.

"Thank you for what you guys did for me, honest."

--

Sage exited the hotel, with Hazel waiting by the luxury car that Velvette had sent them over with, her body stiff and her ears pinned backwards.

"Took ya long enough, I was bout to bust in there thinkin you were held hostage in there."

Sage, looking at Hazel with love reassured her "I don't doubt that, it was just Charlie and them giving me their best wishes and such."

Hazel huffed, helping Sage with their bags and inspecting Sage's gift.

"Boss ain't going to like it that you are bring this back, she'll most likely burn it."

"Maybe, I'll try to convince her to change it at least, she said that purple is more my color anyway."

Hazel pecked Sage's nose bridge "That I agree with."

Sage looked at Hazel and thought of her, Velvette, Rosalina, the other guards Sydney and Iris, hell even Xana crossed their minds

Why would anyone wanna go to heaven when they have a slice of it here?

[i-mean-technically]

#some of these words are just so???#''still believes in the system even after getting fucked with no lube by it'' is 100% a metal as hell line#tfa#maccadam#also your tags???#tfa megop is so hilarious when done right#And Optimus manages to beat his aft Several times even if he's just ''maintenance prime''#that's more times than fucking Sentinel has won against a Decepticon#Tfp au Optimus is honestly based a bit on tfa Optimus because i say so#and another fucked up bit is how fast things went downhill after Sentinel became magnus#that boy went full 100 with his paranoia

@transingthoseformers making another post bc i'm about to rant

first of all i'm gald you find my phrasing humorous XDDD life's too short not to enjoy it and since i wouldn't make it in prison unique phrasing will have to do lmao

and TFA megop!!!!! i think it has some of the most written for it but most of it is Not for me ya know? no shade, but Optimus is almost always made into some uwu baby when he's a GREMLIN and would sell Megatron's soul for one corn chip. (also Primus and Unicron apparently don't exist in TFA which has me 👀👀👀 bc that has some interesting connotations)

Optimus manages to make peace with an alien race, keep the Allspark out of Decepticon hands, regularly kicks their asses, while also basically raising an alien child that he got surprise custody of. and that's just season 1. Sentinel had his paranoia fanned and abused by Ultra Magnus, given power he wasn't ready for, and possibly also mind fucked to make him more compliant, bc it was Sentinel's idea to go down on Arachna 9.

both Optimus and Sentinel questioned things, and once Optimus was cut at the knees and thought to be neutered they turned their sights on Sentinel and made him into exactly what they wanted.

then he got a position that he never should have in the first place. bc his paranoia is so severe, imo, he shouldn't be in a position of power like that. he would be GREAT in an advisory setting tho.

and things shouldn't have gone to shit so fast when Sentinel became Magnus unless it was already that bad and his incompetence just brought the curtain down.

[biblicallyaccuratepigeons]

i decided that today deserved a post of its own, so here, i'll start with a narrative and progress to reflection:

yesterday, after dance class, we gathered at the instructor("Z")'s place to make tamales, so that we could sell them this morning and make some money to buy a new set or two of dancing flags. most of us had never made tamales before, so Z and her husband taught us. as we got the hang of it, falling into an assembly line of sorts, we sang along to christmas music and talked about our lives. we finished ~300 tamales in just over 3 hours, and i fell asleep on the couch as soon as i got home due to a lack of sleep the night before.

come ~11 pm, i woke up on my own and waited for my housemates to go to sleep so that i could put some final touches on the theory test project due today, as well as decide which of the dance sequences i would choose to do for the practical test. each of them was accompanied by a quote which inspired it, and which we were expected to memorize and recite during the practical test. ~1 am, i made a teapot of coffee-rice-and-orangepeel tea for myself so that i could finish my work with confidence. once i was adequately satisfied with it, i played stardew valley with a friend, and truly relaxed and enjoyed myself for the first time in a long while.

at about 6, one of my housemates, J, had awoken and begun to make her own pot of coffee, so we had some good conversation. i took out the trash, and saw the crescent moon facing the morning star(?), with the green beginnings of the sunrise beneath it. it was beautiful. when i got back inside, J had started making gingerbread cookies in the shapes of various ninja poses. she was worried that they might not turn out well, since she was using her sourdough starter for the first time making them, so i tasted some; i tasted again, bigger this time, and left to do a fresh listen to my theory project and then get ready to go to church.

after i arrived and settled in, i found that Z was already setting up the tamale stand, so i helped her finish and wrap preorders. other members of the class showed up over time, so when i was no longer needed, i left the stand and stepped outside to people-watch. when the time came, i went to the kids' sanctuary to help anywhere i was needed. i did some lighting stuff, danced with the kids, subbed for an absent teacher's aide, and overall felt pretty decent about the day ahead of me.

when church was over, the dance class ate some tamales and drank warm punch together while the test judges got ready in the other room. we found out that one of our number has type-1 diabetes, and that two of us prefer green tamales over red.

i was first up for testing. they played my theory project on the speakers, and had me explain my thought process (in my studying of the assigned texts, i felt the huge burden of what it really means to be holy, how beautiful and unattainable that is, and how great it is that my god wants to be with us no matter what state we happen to be in, so i did my best to express that feeling). then was the practical exam, wherein i danced the sequence i'd chosen and recanted the quote it was meant to convey. i froze up a bit, despite having been 100% confident before entering the room, but i got everything right. then Z gave me a different sequence to perform, and i did so without hesitation or error.

as one-by-one my classmates presented their projects and took their practical exams, exhibiting their souls and hard-earned skill with care and purpose, i soon forgot all my anxieties for myself, offering instead the joy and support they had first given me.

and when, with glistening tears in their eyes, Z and the theory instructor, C, congratulated us, their first class, and expressed their pride in our efforts and progress in just a few weeks, i think all of us had seldom felt more loved. when they called our names in order, and one by one we all lined up holding our graduation certificates, there was not a dry eye or straight face amongst us. even my own smile stuck around like the stubbornest cat, though i tried my very best to send it away.

I don't know how best to describe my experience this semester. i wasn't even able to make it to most class sessions, but i still feel like my time learning this skill, with these people, has been invaluable to me. all the time we've spent looking to each other when we'd forgotten the next movement, learning and re-learning new languages in order to better understand each other, making tamales, and sharing what was on our hearts after praying and meditating together has all been such a unique experience. as we learned together how to express ourselves through dance, we just organically shared ourselves with each other in the purest way. i doubt any other discipline could surpass this kind of community, and i'm so happy to have been part of it, to have reached and been reached through words and music, and to have now a physical reminder that my efforts mean something more permanent than time.

 🥔

[thekatebridgerton]

What do you like about Phillip and Eloise?

I guess because despite their very short relationship timeline there is something so real to me about them as a couple. And I guess, I like them so much because they are so flawed and yet so perfect together.

Phillip made a mistake with Marina when he was recently married and he spent the rest of his marriage regretting it. Sort of hoping that one day he could get a chance to be better

And I personally relate to Eloise crisis at the beginning of the book. It may not make sense for a lot of people, but seeing your best friend get married and realizing that everyone is moving on with their love lives while you remain stuck with the same plan you had when you were 18 is very relatable

When Eloise decides in a true Bridgerton fashion to make this very reckless decision because the man she’s been corresponding with sounds like a good person. She’s so unapologetically honest about it.  Eloise didn’t have a plan beyond showing up, seeing the man in person, and making up her mind.

Meanwhile Phillip meets her and it’s so iconic really. Sure he needs a wife and a mother for his kids, but his first thought when he meets Eloise is basically 

He could drown in those eyes.

And Phillip did not, as one might imagine, even think the word drown lightly.

They don’t know anything about each other in real life, But when Eloise comes into his life this guy becomes a simp. And Eloise takes it all for granted like it’s her due because of course it is. She just traveled a long way, he should be in awe of her. 

Eloise just barges in to his world looks around, makes herself comfortable, starts acting like she owns the place and Phillip? Phillip is in awe! he offers no protest, no token What the hell, nope, she’s here she owns him okay, he’s good, how can he convince her to make this permanent. 

Phillip doesn’t even think about saying no, he was ready to be her boy toy the minute she walked in to his house. Despite the very clear indication that Eloise was trouble in a handbasket. He’s 100% in the plan with whatever she wants to do

And then there’s the plot with Oliver and Amanda. Who just need their father to love him and Phillip doesn’t know how, but Eloise does because she actually grew up with people who showed affection in a healthy way. And she teaches him that. 

I love how Eloise starts out as the cool adult, who plays pranks on the children and doesn’t let them get the better of her, because she’s fun and creative,  and then she gradually changes into a responsible parent as she starts teaching Phillip how to be an involved parent himself. Because the minute those kids first tried to play a prank on her, Eloise was ride or die. 

I love that she falls inlove with Oliver and Amanda (naugtiest kids ever) even before falling inlove with Phillip. Who is already halfway into selling her his soul.

And I love how Eloise just has so much agency in all the book, things have to be done her way or not at all, and they do get done her way. It’s so refreshing to see that her love interest isn’t telling her she can’t do things because he thinks he knows better. But rather Phillip assumes she’s in charge

And then, it’s just so poignant, when Eloise to realizes that him letting her be is not enough!. that part is so beautiful. It’s not enough for him to do everything she wants. He needs to tell her about his needs too, be involved as husband, be a partner instead of a subordinate, he needs to set boundaries with the kids, he needs to tell her about his desires and his fears!

And they grow together, and it’s not just about Eloise, it’s about Phillip becoming the man he didn’t think he could be. 

I love Phillip and Eloise so much because out of all the Bridgerton couples, it’s the relationship that’s the most like something that usually happens in real life. Two people who don’t know if they will work out as a couple, deciding to give it a try. 

I love my Bridgerton men, Anthony, Colin, Benedict, are arguably attractive because they’re fictional. But Phillip is the sort of man I want to marry in real life. Because he’s written like a man I could meet any day. In fact I do know a lot of men like Phillip. They are happily married and have partners who appreciate them. Their relationships are very healthy. 

He’s such a normal man, in awe of his wife because he thinks she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, he’s still a man with baggage, who really wants to do things better in a relationship after making mistakes in that past that he’s not proud of and what makes him an amazing hero is that he doesn’t treat Eloise the way everyone else treats her. He just lets her be herself because he loves everything about who she is. Why should she have to change?. With Phillip Eloise can be whatever she wants and he supports her. When she does change, it’s an evolution of who she already was when they met

And Book Eloise. My hero. Really her absolute honesty always does it for me. Not because she’s got the guts to put her convoluted plans into action. Anybody can do that. But rather, Eloise is always honest to the people she loves. With Phillip, with her brothers, with the kids. She never swallows her words or let things work out on their own, she talks to people, she’s honest about what she feels and about asking others especially the men in her life, to man up and talk to her. She knows she can be a bit domineering, but she’s also very good at communicating  she’s so honest that when people don’t use their words, she gets upset

you know I really like To Sir Phillip with love. 

And no, it’s not because Phillip is the hottest DILF in the Bridgerton series or the fact that Eloise knows her husband canonically has the biggest *cough* plowing equipment out of all the male heroes Julia wrote  .... although I’d be lying if I said that’s got nothing to do with my absolute love for this book. 

It’s the fact that as a couple, the progression of the Eloise Phillip relationship is so cute, (despite getting married in less than a week after meeting) that it always amazes me how underrated the book is. 

And that’s the tea

[squeiky]

!!!List of papyrus things!!!

(Update 3! mini update.)

For anyone who needs more info on the guy! Since you usually dont see alot of info about him!

A list of stuff thats just papyrus's tid bits i've collected overtime!

(Disclaimer: some things can be taken off of memory, though I did search most of the stuff up, so you dont have to worry too much. But if your feeling unsure, search it up! And correct me while your at it.)

his room doesn't play/have music.

(If you have reunited playing at enter his room, it'll disappear forever. Untill you go back and let it play again. Even without reunited, a song that plays no matter what room your in, doesn't play any music.)

Never takes off his battle body.

(According to sans, he only takes it off if he has no other choice too. Otherwise he'll just put clothes ontop of it, or just repaints it if needed. He does how ever, change his pants but never takes off the top.)

the minute "royal gaurd " is out of the picture, he's got nothing.

(It was the one thing he worked up for. When the royal gaurd disbands He says he "working hard on doing absolutely nothing". Then again this can be interpreted as papyrus does say he is working on something, despite not being a royal gaurd yet.)

He lies. (And can manipulate)

(Though he is really bad at lying, he seems to manipulate just fine, though its usually not out of malice. He gets undyne to befreind you by mentioning "challenge", which is a weakness of hers, since she never can turn down a challenge. And has lied about floweys name to her to. Has lied to sans or atleast mislead him about the things he knows about. Pretended he didn't know what a lab was during a call in hotland, but if you call him when sans isn't there, papyrus mentions the lab as if it was common knowledge instead of saying "Labrador-y?" As if he had no idea.)

Changes up his attacks

( if you get captured a few times, you see variation in his attacks. If you do it right, you can get him too skip half of his entire attack.)

Calls his own puzzles "Awful"

(This happens after battling papyrus, he says "WHO KNEW THAT ALL I NEEDED TO MAKE PALS... WAS TO GIVE PEOPLE AWFUL PUZZLES AND THEN FIGHT THEM??" This could be interpreted in many ways.)

Spikes, fire, traps, fencless bridges: are all safe for children, according to papyrus.

("EACH AREA HAS TO HAVE A PRECARIOUS BRIDGE" -bridge likely to collapse, dangerous. "ITS MANDATED BY THE GOVERNMENT. OF COURSE KING FLUFFYBOY WANTS TO UNMANDATE IT SAFER." "WHY?! WONT HE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!)

Has "talked" with asgore before.

(Sadly, asgore and papyrus has crossed paths. Asgore advises him not to but dangerous puzzles around town, for the children. Papyrus wants to put dangerous puzzles around town, for the children. This results in them bickering over saftey laws, with papyrus usually winning.)

Tried to start a flowey fan club

(On multiple occasions calls flowey "his best freind" and shows genuine love for the little guy. He even gave flowey a little red scarf to match his, during the 5th anniversary winter alarm clock.)

Has photo-graphic memory for phone calls.

-call in the room where undyne chased you. He seems nervous, or atleast stressed out during this call. I'll leave any and all interpretation to you.)

(Ps: papyrus has bad memory, but good photographic memory?)

His disliking for grease

(Says this during a call with undyne in grillby's place. Undyne says she loves grease, and he quickly dismisses his opinion in favor of hers. Of course, papyrus HAS visited grillbys before, as the dogamy and doggeressa mention him with sans. )

Calls alphys "great"

(During the first tile puzzle, he praises alphys by calling her "THE GREAT DR. ALPHYS" )

Knows about undynes crush on alphus

(He teases undyne a few times on this, leading to the "hot voice" and "audible wink" papyrus lines. He's not oblivious to the things around him, unless he chooses to be.)

Put limes in his eyes!

(Conversation in hotland! The guy thought limes where cucumbers and stuck them in his eyes. When. He thought it wasn't working he put more limes. It burned like hell but he says it was all to have "mettaton's bishoning eyes")

Knows about mtt's eyes

(Nobody seems to know that mettaton has eyes?! Undyne confirms this fact. Papyrus is the only one who outright mentions it.)

He got mettaton to do the tile puzzle thing

(FOR SOME UNEXPLAINED REASON- mettaton was the tile puzzle robot alphys built. The puzzle robot papyrus had during his own tile puzzle. Infact, during mettaton's tile puzzle in hotland, he says that you'd is this a few hundred rooms ago. If you call papyrus, he starts rambling on all the instructions again. Hehe.)

he likes dinosaur oatmeal

(According to the undertale tumblr, flowey response to "whats papyrus's favorite food?" Is DINOSAUR OATMEAL!! YAY!)

really enjoys mtt's show and mtt in general.

(and mtt even helped him with a tile puzzle)

enjoys cars

Owns a car bed

(Want to drive one)

really freaking artistic!

(Paints a whole bridge, makes a snowpapyrus, made his own costume/battle body, built a okay replica of a sentry station)

The red book on the table in the skelebro's house is infact his!

(For specifics, the quantum mechanics book with infinite books inside of it. It isn't specified who reads it, but both brothers should be capable as jokes and puns are not out of papyrus wardrobe.)

has his own shed and tools.

(Also known as "the punishment shed, doghouse, cpature zone, guest room, a garage" or undyne's pun which was "the coolshed". Ah, to be enriched by shed puns... Wonderful.)

tried to learn the "horoscope"

(Got "stumped" according to sans)

thinks junior jumble is harder than crossword

wants a 6 pairs of hot pants and 6 pairs of legs to wear those pants

has a dream of owning a shop where he just sells flames

(Call near in waterfall, near the turtle man shop.)

He's very influential

(If he's the only one killed in a neutral run, even without undyne, a revolution will still occur. Look into it yourself if need be.)

Called himself a genius

(During the instance, where he talks to you after turning the light on in sans's room.)

Can't really tell when someones mad

(He couldn't tell when undyne was mad at him during a call. He asks us too.)

Doesn't watch anime.

(He thinks its like cartoons for babies. Jokes around with undyne for awhile before taking it all back once he knew she watched anime.-during one of the calls.)

Brutal kind of guy

(He says this himself, i don't exactly know WHY he thinks this of himself, but he does.)

Bookworm

Owns a bookshelf

(He has a book Its where his vast dictionary comes from.

Knows about the time and space manipulation tactics sans uses.

(HE KNOWS- HE MENTIONS IT WHEN HE TURNS ON THE LIGHT IN SANS'S ROOM!!)

believes you can be a better person, if you just try.

(And he's right. Even if you kill him he still believes this, beacuse well.. Its true. Undyne wont forgive you and try to kill you, sans won't fight you, bht he's still right either way)

Knows about river person

(He asks about how river person is doing. No body seems to know about river person, and its unsure if undyne knows about their prescence.)

The days in his date scene (Monday, Tuesday, weekday, Thursday,e.c.t ) changes depending on your computer. Even though the date in undertale is always Monday.

(River person has a scheduled thing that matches up to your computer date as well, but this is about papyrus, not river person.)

Weird abilities

(Flying and super speedy twirling, flying backwards. He doesn't even hide it.)

He's pretty freaking tough!

(According to undyne, the person who defeated asgore.)

His "absolutely normal attack" is a giant cluster of bones.

(In theory, his attack could be the size of the entire area, including the giant bone at the end.)

Papyrus can lower the giant bone at the end of his "absolutely normal attack"

Has Collection of bones (or was planning to make one.)

(The room behind the sink was made for.. His attacks/bones. Before toby(dog)came in and made a shrine instead.)

Is annoying dog's favorite target.

Has a cannon, spears, fire thingy, and a dog at his disposal.

(Displayed during the bridge scene)

One persistent dude.

Likes to say "NYEHEHE!"

Has alot of MTT items.

Owns makeup!

(Mtt brand of course!)

Never dated anyone before.

(He says it himself.)

owns a dating manual

Not much of a sleeper.

(To the point where he just calls sleeping "naps" which aren't that long. He outright says he's always working, so he doesn't sleep.)

Dislikes hotland

dislikes hotland x2

Dislikes hotlands puzzles

Dislikes hotlands ethics.

Doesnt know much about hotland

(Says he knows it like the back of his hand!)

Says he never taken off his gloves, so he has no idea how his hands look like.

(He wears gloves or mittens on top of his gloves. And refuses to take it off, like his "battle body")

Calls hotland's steam puzzles garbage.

Dislikes hotlands conveyors

Thinks L1 and R2 stand for left and right

( Of course, it takes him awhile. He starts making puns, and tries to compare the words to pasta, and THEN comes to the conclusion that its left and right. Its Trail and error.-)

Knows about death.

(Said he wanted to meet death one time during a waterfall call.)

He pauses when speaking as a lost soul.

("I MUST CAPTURE A HUMAN! THEN EVERYONE WILL. ...." This is unusual as he is the only one that pauses. This can be interpreted, but it is rather interesting nonetheless)

Alright this is a bit more interpretive. Things may not be 100% facts down here.

Disclaimer: i will be putting "Interpretive" in red coloring for things that have may my interpretation or opinions in! Please do be mindful in your search, and take it with a grain of salt. It doesn't make it comepelty wrong, it has facts! Just muddled with oppinions.

Ready?

self-worth problems.

( can be called interpretive: He always feels very unimportant, as if he doesn't actually matter. During a call in waterfall, with the puddle hallway, papyrus talks about not letting it "get to you" or something along the lines of that. Since undyne speaks from her experience with the puddles, then i'd assume papyrus would too.)

(I think its just a sign of self doubt or insecurity. Someone once said its dysphoria, which is a cool headcannon for paps or something. What ever it is, he has some demons that he doesn't want to let out.)

Forgetable.

( according to the genocide description)

( Interpretive: Other than that, he's not even noticable. Though, there are a few people that appreciate him, most dont really acknowledge him. Unless you kill him of course!)

Sad/depressed?

( interpreitive as well:Before the human showed up, sans explains how his brother was feeling quite down lately. We see a.. Happier side of papyrus through out our journey.. He vents out to us, the player/human, about things he dislikes, or troubles he faces. Hes like a froggit. Life is hard for a froggit.)

Smiles through things.

("This is where I tried to capture you! What a bad memory." -quote he says as he smiles through it all. He does have a sad emote, but so far i have only seen it during a call in hotland, where the CORE was shown. As your adventure is coming close.. To an end.)

Uses his playful "OUCH!" emote when you straight up kill him. Instead of his hurting/in pain emote when flowey catches him off guard before absorbing everyonesones souls.

(The reason is unkown, but that emote is normally associated with more of "light taps." Examples are, toriel's fireballs at asgore and flowey. Unless... Cutting off his head was considered a "light tap" then, but flowey wrapping him in painful vines is considered more painful than getting his head chopped off and still having enough consciousness to joke about it.)

He knows his cooking sucks and that nobody likes it.

(He's not naive. He knows. He even says it. "Nobody has like my cooking before!" - QUOTE. This isn't some hidden fact. He's trying his best, "mabye next year, he might even make something edible." -sans quote.)

That was all the stuff i gathered for now.

Feel free to tell me anything i haven't added! :)

yeah, hes a pretty cool dude, ain't he?

(Edit: i've added some new things to the bunch, and fixed/deleted ome opinions or unrelated junk. Please, continue helping me add!)

[kittyprincessofcats]

She-Ra S5 E09 - An Ill Wind

In which the Best Friend Squad’s back on Etheria and I’m back to writing up my thoughts about it. (The real question is whether I’ll manage to finish these posts before season 5’s one-year-anniversary.) I probably really don’t need to say this anymore, but there might be spoilers for the rest of the season in this post.

- I think it’s funny how Catra can’t stand teleporting, but what’s even more important is how visibly concerned for her Adora is each time. Have you seen how she touches Catra’s shoulders and looks at her with such a worried expression? D’awww.

- “Wow, you don’t trust the princesses? I am shocked.” No Glimmer, Catra’s 100% right. This has nothing to do with trusting the princesses; you really don’t know who’s chipped and which places are occupied by clones. Perfuma literally told you the rebellion was compromised.

- “Catra’s right.” THANK YOU, ADORA! (Also, I love Catra’s satisfied little smirk in the background when Adora says this.)

- I just paused the episode when they arrive in Erelandia and counted the Horde flags you can see hanging all over the town: 14, plus one giant Horde sign in the sky and a spire not too far away. Prime, are you compensating for something? (Also, Adora has an arm on Catra’s back again. Cute.)

- Is it a little disappointing that all the rebellions against Horde Prime on other planets got reduced to one brief exposition scene where a clone mentions they’re happening and a few quick images? Yeah. But I also get why the show just didn’t have the time for more and wanted to focus on Etheria.

- Speaking of, are those the magicats we see in the second image? Interesting… I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of Catra potentially being an alien as well. But then again, the show never clearly answers it one way or another, and there’s no reason magicats couldn’t have existed on multiple planets.

- Also, am I understanding this right: The Star Siblings started the intergalactic rebellion after meeting the Best Friend Squad? And now there are already rebels on several planets? Nice job, Star Siblings!

- “My heart aches for these misguided children.” I’m not sure if I’ve ever properly addressed the heavily religious symbolism around Horde Prime and his cult, but… that right there is *such* a Christian-extremist-coded line, holy hell…

- So Prime says he wants to use the Heart of Etheria “to bring peace to all the universe” and at this point I’m not entirely sure what his exact goal is. Does he just want to destroy all the planets with the Heart? Because I’ll be honest, I tend to find “I just want to destroy everything” a bit boring as a motivation in villains. What’s the point of him ruling the universe if there’s no one left to rule over? I mean, I know Prime had his whole “If there’s no one left, there are no wars, etc.” speech in an earlier episode, but that’s also just so dumb.

- Where did the Best Friend Squad even get those cloaks? Either way, Catra looks adorable with the outline of her ears showing under the hood. 🥺

- “I hope you, too, are full only of love for Horde Prime… and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul.” / “Brothers, there is nothing to see here!” Like I said in an earlier post, all of Wrong Hordak’s lines are absolute winners. Also, I love how the other clones just keep falling for his very obvious bluffs.

- Wrong Hordak learning to wink so quickly makes me jealous because I can’t wink. (No, I really can’t; I’ve tried. Whenever I try to only close one eye, I always end up closing both. If anyone has good advice on learning to wink, let me know.)

- I love the character designs of the mushroom people.

- Catra wasn’t wrong about the locals selling them out and not telling them anything useful. The others should listen to her more.

- Bow posing as the “average traveler passing though” is especially funny because I’m pretty sure there are no “travelers passing through” in times of Horde Prime.

Catra: “A town that hates princesses? Should I buy property here?”

Everyone else: *glares*

Catra: “Is what I would have said before I joined you. Go, team.”

😂😂😂 Catra’s quiet little “Go, team” in the end is what gets me most about this moment 😂. She’s adorable and trying her best, okay?

- I love how Wrong Hordak just calls everyone “brother” regardless of gender. Also, Adora’s little “Did you just wink at me?” / “That’s not how winking works!” moments are hilarious and adorable.

- “You’re wearing hooded cloaks, it’s highly suspicious.” Okay, mushroom lady’s not wrong, though. And I love how someone finally points this out, since hooded cloaks are so often used as “undercover” disguises in shows like this.

- That said, both she and mushroom guy earlier did try to sell the Best Friend Squad out super quickly. Like, I get that the locals are scared, but still… They could have tried to stay safe without running towards the clones to tell them everything right away.

- I’m just noticing that Erelandia has mushrooms everywhere. Obviously the people are mushrooms, but there are also mushrooms growing outside in the streets everywhere, and the shop they’re in is selling mushrooms and clothes with mushrooms on them as well.

- Both Bow and Glimmer blowing their covers almost immediately and Adora just quietly shaking her head at both of them in the background is amazing.

- Love Catra (and Melog) just casually stealing a mushroom from a mushroom lady.

- So Catra’s just chilling in a tree and eating stolen mushrooms and Entrapta wants to analyze samples that’ll be ready in 4-6 weeks – neither of them’s really helping right now. But then again, Catra wanted to leave in the first place because she thought the locals would sell them out (and she was right about that), so she probably thinks it’s not worth the effort.

- Also, you know who this scene with Entrapta and Catra is missing? Scorpia. If there is one problem I have with season 5, it’s that we didn’t get any Super Pal Trio reunion / moments with all of them on the same side now. (Or just in general, that we didn’t get to see Scorpia and Catra properly talking things out.)

- “That’s the windy one, right?” Okay, am I the only one who finds this line weird? Spinnerella literally has Adora, Bow and Glimmer trapped in a tornado as Entrapta says this. Obviously she’s “the windy one”? Entrapta can literally see that??

- “Lord Prime has given me peace.” Oh, I’m just realizing that’s just what Catra said when she was chipped. That’s got to be awful for Adora to hear again.

- Glimmer grabbing Bow and Adora’s hands and teleporting them out of the tornado was badass.

Adora: “How are we supposed to fight our own friends?”

Catra: “It never stopped you before.”

OMG. I love that Catra still considers their time as enemies as “being friends”.

- I really love Netossa’s entrance. What makes it really cool to me is that at that point the Best Friend Squad didn’t even know if there were any unchipped princesses left, so Netossa jumping in there with a casual “Welcome back, guys” was just an amazing moment.

- Also, I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I really like that this season finally made Spinnerella and Netossa more important characters. (And I wonder how much network censorship of LGBT+ storylines had to do with them not being that important earlier on.)

- Hordak getting flashbacks of Entrapta again (while Prime looks at his older body’s memories) is just 🥺. I like how Prime talks about Etheria while Hordak slowly remembers more and more about his own life on Etheria.

- “So, the only person I’m fighting here is… my own wife.” I love the on-screen confirmation that they’re married! But also, Netossa wanting to attack Catra and Wrong Hordak at first was pretty funny.

- Catra and Glimmer’s respective expressions when they hear about Scorpia and Micah being chipped are a gut punch. Also, Netossa talking about how she has to get Spinnerella back is making me tear up.

- “Where are the rebels?” “Right beside you!” 😂😂😂 Amazing, just amazing.

- Love to see Catra taking out those bots. She’s so badass ❤️.

- “Be careful.” “Always am.” I wonder at what point Netossa started to realize what’s going on between Catra and Adora.

- Love Netossa whistling at She-Ra’s new look. Your wife’s right there, darling. But then again, who wouldn’t whistle at She-Ra’s new look?

- Honestly, why did anyone ever say Spinnerella and/or Netossa were weak? Their fight here really shows how powerful both of them are when they don’t hold back.

- “Stop holding back. She won’t.” Looking past how hard this must be for Netossa, this line really sums up why so many characters in shows like this seemingly become more powerful when they turn evil (or less powerful when they turn good): Because the bad guys have no reason to hold back.

- Adora firing a rainbow beam from her sword was amazing. I wish we’d gotten to see a bit more of She-Ra’s new powers this season.

- “Please. I love you. Come back to me.” I’m crying 😢. That’s a nice first taste of all the “I love you”s to come in the finale. And I love that it works (even if just for a bit). The whole “power of love helps you break free from mind control” thing might be a cliché, but it’s a cliché I love, so…yay, awesome!

- But also, and I’ll probably talk about this more when I get to the next episode (that I had a few problems with), I like how Netossa doesn’t only rely on the power of love, but still realizes she has to first fight Spinnerella without holding back to get her into a position where they can even have this talk.

- Yay, mushroom town is saved!

- Catra reassuring Netossa that Spinnerella will be okay was so sweet. She’s really trying to be nice and I think she’s doing great 🥺. (Also, Adora looks at her so proudly.)

- I just noticed that when She-Ra replaces the Horde symbol in the sky with her sword symbol, all the Horde flags around town are already gone, too. Did Catra, Glimmer and the others just like… take all of those flags down in between fighting the bots? Or did Wrong Hordak maybe walk around taking off the flags while the others were fighting?

- That said, the rainbow sword in the sky looks amazing.

- “I think Horde Prime is going to know She-Ra’s back.” “Good.” Love Adora’s determined expression here.

- Geez Horde Prime, no need to punch the screen. The screen didn’t do anything to you.

- Okay, so Horde Prime finally decides to go to Etheria himself, and when he announces that, Hordak looks at the crystal in his hand – it’s all coming together.

- “This is where the rebellion is hiding out?” “Yup. Why, have you been here?” The looks on Glimmer and Catra’s faces here are amazing. People have of course already written all kinds of amazing metas analyzing their expressions, but the short version is that Glimmer seems to remember their fight fondly, while Catra seems embarrassed.

- Perfuma trapping them all in vines and demanding to see their necks is not only hilarious, but also shows that the rebellion has learned from their past mistakes. 👍

- All of their reunions (Bow and Perfuma, Glimmer and Frosta, Adora and Swift Wind, Entrapta and Emily) were super sweet – I like big reunion scenes 🥺. Wrong Hordak meeting Emily was adorable. Perfuma clinging to Bow and crying about how she doesn’t want to be in charge anymore had me laughing so hard 😂.

- Okay so, I know Frosta’s punch breaks the mood a moment later, but I really think Adora wanting to officially introduce Catra to everyone after seeing her standing there alone while everyone else was having big reunions was super sweet. The way her face falls when she sees Catra standing there sadly, the way she asks her to come here so gently… it’s just so sweet. 🥺

- Also, unpopular opinion, but am I the only one who didn’t really find Frosta punching Catra funny? (And the same goes for Scorpia electrocuting her in the next episode, by the way.) I know these moments are meant to be cathartic “drag the former villain because some people are still mad at them” moments, but Catra’s whole story is largely about being a victim of physical abuse. Wasn’t there some way for the story to make fun of her without having other characters physically assault her? I like how Catra’s redemption was handled overall, but moments like those kind of rub me the wrong way. (Netossa trapping her in a net was fine though, because that didn’t actually harm her.)

- That said, Adora’s “Catra’s with us now. Okay? Hmm.” was hilarious. I love how she just gives the briefest explanation and then turns away from Frosta with a smile and little “hmm”, just completely expecting Frosta to be fine with this now.

- That ending shot of all of them together is epic.

So, what changed this episode is that Erelandia was freed, the space group has reunited with the remaining princesses, and Horde Prime is heading for Etheria. Good episode!

[Previous episode]   [Next episode]

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

I Hate To See Your Heartbreak

Summary: The guy you were dating broke your heart, your best friend came to your rescue 

Pairing: Crowley x Reader

Prompt: Square — Heartbreak for @spnvillainsbingo // Square — Crowley for Tell Me A Story Bingo for @supernatural-jackles

Warnings: Rated PG — Loneliness, sadness, heartbreak, torture (mention)

Word Count: 1932

A/N: I mean no disrespect or offense to any religion nor people who profess religion. This was based purely on my life experience.

^

When you started this new job you promised yourself that you didn’t want to find love, you just wanted to find good friends among coworkers. It wasn’t in your plans to know someone at “love level”.

In the beginning, you weren’t ready to “open up” with anyone, the only one who knew you, was your coworker Romi because she was the one who helped you get the job position. But after some time, you started to be comfortable around everyone. The team members for the project you were working on were the closest.

One day, when your coworker Tom arrived and came to greet you, you felt something that never felt before around him. It was difficult to explain but it was like a connection. You were confused, what exactly was that? you thought. You opened your last conversation with Crowley, your best friend, and you mentioned it. “Don’t get your hopes too high, love” Crowley texted you knowing you were already picturing a long-time relationship. He knew you too well, and you loved him for that.

Crowley and you met under weird circumstances. You were in college about to take a test and you were 100% sure you were going to fail it because you didn’t have the time to study everything. You started to panic about it when the power went off in the entire building. You thanked the one who listened to your prayers but the power came back after a second and your panic state got worse, you needed to leave the room.

-That’s it — you said to your Romi

-What? — she said — are you leaving?

-No, I’m selling my soul for not failing this. It’s the only way — you admitted

-Don’t overreact! You’ll be fine

The power went off and on again and there was a little note in front of you “We’ll talk about that offer later. Good luck with your exam. The King Of Hell” You didn’t understand what was going on. A minute later, your professor entered the room and told everyone that the exam was still happening. You sat for that exam knowing you’ve failed it before even starting it. That same night, you met Crowley personally, he was quite a character you found yourself attracted to him. After that, you became really good friends. He was such a gentleman for being a demon. He never mistreated you, he was always checking on you, taking care of you, so when you told him about this man you met he went on protective mode.

When you got back home after your little encounter with Tom, you found Crowley in your kitchen cooking for you.

-Hello darling — Crowley greeted you

-If I knew you were going to come, I would've cleaned up the mess— you said leaving your things

-Don't worry about it, you are too busy — he said and you kissed him on the cheek

You went to shower, you changed into more comfy clothes, and cleaned up your mess a little while Crowley was in the kitchen.

-You are too sweet with me, you know? — you said when he gave you your dinner

You knew why he was doing all of this and you didn't blame him. He did it because he was worried about you, he wanted to protect you. He knew you were going to end up hurt and he wanted to prevent it.

-This is delicious — you mumbled with your mouth full avoiding the topic he wanted to know

-So, who is this guy you're head over heels for?

-First, I’m not head over heels for him, and second, his name is Tom

-Tell me about him — he encouraged you

-What do you want to know? I don’t know much about him, I haven’t talked much with him yet

-Do you feel attracted by him? — he questioned

-I don’t know. Everything is weird — you sounded frustrated

-Weird how?

-I don’t know how to picture it. It’s like, we like each other but we are afraid to face it — you tried to explain and Crowley nodded

-My advice for you is to let time do its work. Don’t rush anything, okay? — you nodded

-I understand your worry, but I’m not planning on getting married to him. But what happened was weird, just that. I’ve never felt that with anyone — you admitted.

The rest of the night went well, having a nice conversation with Crowley. You really missed having those quiet nights with him.

As the days went by, your relationship with Tom grew a lot and you became closer, almost to the point of dating. Crowley disapproved of your relationship with Tom, he was always saying that he didn’t deserve you. For a moment you thought he was doing it because he was interested in you, that he was jealous, but you could’ve been mistaken.

Your relationship with Tom progressed and you started to get confused with your feelings. It was the first time you were getting “serious” with someone, yes you’ve dated guys before but no one was like him, caring, supportive, understanding, and such a sweetheart. You were falling for him and it scared the hell out of you. 

Crowley kept giving you pieces of advice regarding what was best to do and not to do, he recommended places to go on dates, but there was one problem. You didn’t have conversational topics to talk about. You were seeing the man Mondays through Fridays and when you were on dates over the weekend, there was no topic to talk about. So, here you were getting confused with your feelings with someone whose relationship was getting cold because there was almost no conversation between each other.

One day you got home from work wasted and stressed out.

-Crowley, I need… — you weren’t able to finish the sentence that Crowley was already there

-What’s the matter darling? Why are you wasted? You did not have fun with your colleagues?

-No, it’s not that. I had fun, hence me being wasted. The problem is Tom

-What do..?

-That’s the problem — You interrupted him and he looked at you confused — He doesn’t do anything

-What do you mean? — He asked you handing you some water

-He says he likes me, that he wants to be with me, that he enjoys spending time with me, but he doesn’t want to have a relationship, and I don’t know how to feel — you said on the verge of tears

-Oh darling — Crowley said and hugged you — It’s okay. Don’t worry, give it some time, this is too recent to see if you’re ready to be together or not — you sighed and laid on his lap falling asleep instantly

You knew that Crowley was right, but still, it hurt you knowing that he wasn’t interested in you. Because it was that, you weren’t that interesting to be someone’s girlfriend. 

The following days, you tried to avoid Tom and kept your distance from him, you were hurt. Crowley noticed your behavior so he moved in with you, to make sure weren’t neglecting yourself. He knew you weren’t going to tell him how you felt so he needed to see it. You tried to be strong when he was around you, only crying in the shower, writing your feelings, keeping yourself distracted, but he was Crowley, the King of Hell, he was able to know how you were feeling even if you weren’t in the same room. 

-What is it? — He asked you?

-Nothing — you said sitting on the couch

-What’s getting you so frustrated?

-I don’t want to talk about it

-Is it Tom, right? — you huffed

Crowley sat next to you and pulled an arm around your shoulders

-Did he do something? Did he say something?

You remained silent

-Tell me, darling, I can’t see you like this

You look at Crowley with teary eyes. You’re about to talk but a sob scapes

-Oh honey — he said hugging you tightly

Once you were more calmed, you changed your position and looked at Crowley in the eyes

-He said that he wasn’t ready to start a relationship, that he felt that I was falling hard for him too fast and that he needed to get back to his religion because he needed to “change”

Crowley looked at you thinking what he should say to not make you feel worse

-Do you think he is right? — you looked at him surprised and ready to shout at him — That this was going too fast? — you laid back on the couch thinking

-Maybe, I don’t know, I’m not sure — you explained — The thing is that when I asked him about it, he didn’t say anything, he told me he was ok with this.

-He is religious?

-Yes, I don’t know which religion he professes, but yeah, he believes in God

-And he knows you are not into religion?

-Yes, I even told him why

-And he still wanted to be with you? — you nodded

-He explained to me that he was very religious when he was younger and then he decided to stop practicing because he wanted to “experience” life, but now he feels the need to come back

-And how do you feel about it?

-I mean, is his decision, and I’m not going to become a part of his religion to be with him. Besides, he said that I was a witch for believing in astrology and all that stuff

-I see. Why the tears then? — Crowley asked you

-Because I ca…

-He called you a witch? That’s it, I’m going to send one of my people to get him

-No love, please. Why the bother? It’s okay, I’m not going to text him anymore, I’m just going to say hi and goodbye when I’m at the office. I promise

A few weeks later, you received a text message from Tom asking you to meet him after work because he needed to talk to you.

After work, you met him in the little park that was near the office. He seemed to be scared, almost paranoid like if someone was spying on him. He explained to you he was sorry for the way the things between you two ended and that he shouldn’t have judged you because you didn’t say anything when he told you he was religious. He gave you one last kiss and left almost running, he seemed to be in a hurry. You were very confused, he never behaved in that way with you, like being scared to get caught, stuttering the words, afraid of saying the wrong thing. He looked like he was scared of you. That’s when it hit you, Crowley did something to him, and by the way he was looking behind his back, you knew there were some of his demons around. You left the park and went back home with Crowley, he ended up moving with you permanently.

When you arrived home, Crowley had the bath ready for you, dinner already cooking and a chocolate cake ready for when you finished your bath.

-I know what you did, love. I really appreciate it, but it wasn’t necessary the torture — you said hugging him

-I didn’t torture him, I just scare him a little

-A little? — you giggled — he looked like paranoid

-Well, that’s what he gets for hurting my girl — he kissed your forehead

Tag List (Is open, let me know if you want to be added)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho | @thevelvetseries | @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem | @mrspeacem1nusone | @caplanbuckybarnes | 

[savior-negan]

🎁

Devil, devil

Clever Devil, Devil

How quickly they do sell their souls

For the feast and the promise of gold

But devil that won't be me

Devil, Devil

Bones of metal, metal

You torture saints with a single glance

Make them think, they ever stood a chance

Do not try me Devil, Devil

Cannot buy me Devil, Devil

You won't make a fool of me, oh no

What makes you so special, special

To think I would ever settle

For that devious dance between you and me, Devil, Devil

Rebel, rebel call me rebel, rebel

I walk the plank, not a tear in my eye

I won't go down your blushing bride

Under the water I'll be sharpening my knife

You take the shape of

Everything that I'm drawn to

But your eyes

Are dead and red

Red as rust

spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a 🎁 for me to shuffle {accepting} @manhattanopus

“Are you fucking kidding me? Stop it.” Negan was yelling at this point, fighting with her thrown hands that desperately tried to push him away and drag him closer at the same time. It was obvious that May must have had enough of whatever it was she took. Sure, she didn’t pass out yet or at least woke up as he finally found on the floor of the hotel she locked herself in, but something inside of her must have told her that he wasn’t the right one to save her. Not now and not ever.

“Go away.” she slurred in one moment, looking up at him like a beaten puppy that just wanted him to vanish from her world while a part of her probably always wished for him to be there. “How dare you testing me again? After all this time? You’re the devil, Negan. The devil.”

It hurt to hear her talk like that but he knew that she was saying the truth. Maybe it was even the first time she was as blunt as she could be in this state where she didn’t hold back anything cause she was too afraid to scare him off. Fact was he wasn’t like back then anymore. It was him being the clean one here and he planned on being the one to stay this time. For her. He just needed her to believe him. But she was right, he was the devil. He used to be the devil to her and everyone else he used to his own advantage and he couldn’t deny it. But what he also couldn’t deny was that endless love for her that never left him for just a day since he had been gone and met her again. It hurt to hear her talk like that, fearing he would never get a chance to have her back.

“You’re right. You’re right, I’m the devil. I fucked up. I fucked up my career, my friends, my family and most of all you. You who is the only person in this fucking world that ever mattered to me. I let you down and I swear knowing that will never leave my stupid brain. I know this is my fault. No matter how high I got, no matter where I went, no matter who I fucked. It was always you I thought of. And you know what the saddest part is? Now that I finally can tell you, you shoot yourself to a place where I can’t follow and where you won’t remember what I just said. It breaks me, it fucking breaks me May.”

Yeah maybe she would forget his words, but for a moment her endless fiddling with her hands stopped and instead her fingers clung to his shirt as her eyes filled with tears. She heard it and a part of her probably waited to hear it for so long that it still reached her somehow. No matter the state she was in. “I wanna remember. Please I wanna remember this.” she whimpered before her body threatened to pass out again, but Negan didn’t let her and caught her in his arms to lift her up and bring her to bed.

“It’s alright. I’m right here. I won’t leave. I don’t care if you remember, I don’t care if you send me away after this. For now… I’ll stay. It doesn’t matter if you love me back May, I know now. I know that love doesn’t exist only when we’re loved back. It exists either way. When we least want it. Least expect it. And I’m ready to face it. Let’s see if you are too. Tomorrow.” But May already fell asleep again as soon as her weak limbs met the sheets and Negan couldn’t do anything else than hold her, comfort her with a blanket and stay. Stay through the night and listen to her breathing like she probably did it in the past for him. He never understood the true meaning behind it, never could value it enough. But now… being in her place made it obvious. Made him realize. And no, he didn’t want to be her devil, but in the end it didn’t matter what he was as long as he was hers in any way, however she wanted to call it. He would be hers.

[wintaejk]

What Do You Dream About? | jjk

When ___’s brother comes to her asking for help, she has no other choice than to take his place as a member of the biggest gang in the city, B.A.F. However, this is when BTS, another cartel, arrives in town that ___ has for mission to keep company to Jeon Jungkook, the leader of the gang. But BTS is only there for a few days, and ___ realizes soon enough that she only has a night to enjoy Jungkook’s company. Or that she thinks, at least.

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: Mafia au | Strangers to Lovers | Fluff | Smut

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 9.8k

Warnings: Smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, language, English is not my first language so if some sentences are weird it’s probably the reason (sorry about that lol)

A/N: I’ve already posted that OS but with another fanbase. However, I took it off from tumblr because I am not longer reading about the group (I still love you my babies tho), and I wanted to modify it a bit before posting it here. So this is my first ever English work, I hope you will enjoy it! 

“You must be kidding me!”

It was the first and only thing you could say at the very moment. But as you looked at Yohan, your younger brother, you could tell he wasn’t kidding. Not at all, actually. “How did that happen?” You weren’t sure you wanted to know, to be honest, but you still had to ask.

“I was just… bored, I guess.” You’ve never been a violent kind of person, but at that very moment, all you wanted to do was to slap him. Hard. ���You were bored? Jesus, Yohan! When people are bored, they read a book or watch television. They do not get enrolled in a gang.”

And now he was in deep shit. Asking for your help. But how could you ever say no to him, your little brother, the apple of your eyes.

“What gang?” You finally asked. Just thinking about the possibility of dealing with all those criminals was making you shiver. But you had no other choice. “B.A.F.” Yohan muttered.

B.A.F. was an acronym for Brave and Free. It wasn’t the biggest gang in the country, but it was the most important one in your city, the one controlling it. You could understand Yohan didn’t know how to deal with the situation, because you had no clue yourself. “I’ll deal with it.” You yet told him. You didn’t know how, but you knew you would find a way out.

It appeared that it wasn’t hard to find the B.A.F’s headquarters. What was hard though, was to manage to talk to someone who could – who would accept to be more precise – to listen to your offer. It took you almost thirty minutes and a lot of flirting to convince the guard to let you in. Not to mention the good amount of money you had to provide. What he didn’t need to know was that it didn’t matter for you: you could have offered him way more since your father always made sure your bank account was full enough.

“The girl ‘ere wan’ed to talk to ya, boss.” The huge amount of muscles said to a middle-aged man who looked at you curiously. “And what’s the girl’s name?” If you didn’t know already that he was the leader of the gang, you would have immediately guessed. He wasn’t only dressed in fancy clothes. All in him yelled power and respect, from his demeanor to his perfectly styled hair.

“____.” Your voice wasn’t as confident as you would have wanted it to be, but you still managed to control it enough not to be shaky. You also took advantage of the silence to add quickly your last name after a few seconds.

That’s when you decided to take a look at what was around you. The room was simple, and you noticed the guard from the entrance had already left. But you immediately realized that you weren’t alone. Other gang members were attending this meeting, and you almost let a gasp of surprise when you recognized Kim Taehyung in the lot.

Taehyung was studying at the same university as you. He was a tall, beautiful, young man. He belonged to the kind of men that were almost impossible to ignore when passing them in the corridors. However, as much as you knew who he was, you were almost 100% sure he didn’t know you in return. And it was maybe better that way.

“Well, ___… Why such a pleasant surprise?” The leader got your attention back, a malicious smirk on the corner of his lips. You sighed lightly, mostly to gather your courage. “I’m Yohan’s sister. I- I would like to make a deal.” He didn’t ask anything. Or at least not verbally. Because the eyebrow he raised clearly showed you he wanted you to keep going.

“I would like you to let him go. To free him.” Bursts of laughter weren’t the reaction you were expecting. And it didn’t make you feel confident. Not a bit. “You must be very brave to come ask us such a thing, doll. Or very stupid.” At that moment, you started to think that you made a mistake by coming here. You started to think you were digging your own grave by trying to deal with these men.

“Fine. I’m all ears. What do you have to offer me?” You gulped. You knew with the look on his face, with the glint in his eyes that you’ll have to offer him more than what you had expected in the first place to manage to have what you wanted. “I can give you a lot of money. My father-” But he cut you before you could even finish your sentence.

“I don’t care about your money, doll. I am nothing like the pathetic guard you just bought with you daddy’s money. I have myself all the money I want. All the money I need. So I repeat my question: what do you have to offer me?” His tone was harsh and clear. If you wanted to stay alive, you would have to propose him more. Something that he would never be able to buy by himself.

I looked at Taehyung, the only person you knew here, as if he was going to help you. To save you. But it was obviously vain. So you said the first thing that came to your mind. The stupidest thing that crossed your mind, to be precise.

“I want to make an exchange.” You saw immediately his facial expression changing. He was interested. “My brother in exchange of me.”

You heard some more laughs in the room, but none of them came from the mouth of the man in front of you. “And what made you think we would want you instead of your brother, doll?” It wasn’t the leader who talked, but a man you had never seen before on your left.

Even though the question didn’t come from the most important man of the room, you still understood that an answer was required. Because yes, why you and not Yohan after all? “You have plenty of men under your orders. More than you probably even need. But women ready to sell their lives forever? Something tells me that you won’t receive that kind of proposition every other day.”

And just like that, with a few words, you sold your soul to the devil himself.

“I think we have a deal, ___.”

Fortunately, your role in the gang wasn’t important. It was always about distracting men while other members stole things from them or delivering some shit you didn’t know about. In other words, nobody ever asked you to complete important missions. Or at least, it had not happened yet.

“BTS are in town.” Taehyung told you one day. It was him who inherited the task of supervising you. And let’s say immediately that he wasn’t very keen about it when he learnt it.

“And I should be excited because…” You were walking next to each other through the dense crowd of the university. However, no matter how full the corridors were, Taehyung was doing a good job at cleaning the way, he always had. “Not excited, ___. But it’s a big deal for the gang. The boss has been wanting to collaborate with them for so long. It’s a huge opportunity.”

A huge opportunity that led you to get asked to accomplish a mission way more important than the one that had been attributed to you in the past. And little did you know that mission was going to change the rest of your life forever.

“So all you have to do is serve him and his closest members all night long.” Taehyung explained you for maybe the tenth time that day. “And what does ‘serve him’ mean, exactly?”

“You know, the usual shit. Taking his orders, bringing him drinks. Bending over so he has a full sight of your ass.”

The member that has slowly started to become your friend these past weeks left you alone after that explanation and walked through the people that were dancing and drinking in the party the leader of your gang organized. Taehyung turned around after realizing you were not following him, and that’s when you saw it in his eyes. Was it pity or sadness? No matter what it was, he was still waiting for you to lead you to your mission: play the waitress – a generic word that had a different meaning for your boss than it had for you – with the leader of BTS. You already knew it was going to be a long night.

“Mr. Jeon, let me introduce you to ___. She will be at your service for the rest of the night. You can ask her anything and everything you want, and she will make it her personal pleasure to satisfy your needs.” Taehyung said to a group of men sitting in a comfortable couch. Once again, it wasn’t difficult to determine who was the leader among all the members. What surprised you though was his age: he couldn’t be much older than you were.

But then you realized what Taehyung just stated. And especially what he was implying. “Not anything and everything, actually. I’m a waitress, not a prostitute.” You clarified loudly, earning a gaze from Taehyung next to you.

“___…” The tall man warned. But you didn’t care. If he thought you were going to have anything close to sex with the leader of BTS, he was wrong. Terribly wrong. You were not a slut.

You were going to protest once more, but the man in front of you interrupted your confrontation before you could even open your mouth. “You can leave now, Taehyung.” And so did he, without even looking twice at you.

You looked at the man with raven hair still sitting in the couch and gulped. Saying you were not intimidated would have been a lie, but you still managed to warn him. “I won’t have sex with you.” Which made him laugh. A warm and honest laugh. “I know, doll.”

What was with gang leaders and calling girls doll?

“If I can be honest, you’re a very pretty girl. Almost like a doll. Maybe that’s why you earned that name.” You almost slapped yourself in the face when you realized you spoke your thoughts out loud and he heard it. God was probably punishing you for something you couldn’t even remember.

He laughed when he noticed how your cheeks became a deep shade of red, even though there wasn’t much light for him to notice. And again this warm laugh that surprisingly made you want to trust him when you probably shouldn’t feel that way.

The night wasn’t as long as you had expected it to be. Jungkook – that’s how he asked you to call him – wasn’t very demanding. Only a drink now and then. And smiles, a lot of beautiful smiles that would have fooled you on the innocence of the owner if you didn’t know what was hidden behind this endearing behavior. Yet, the man knew he was handsome, and he was taking advantage of it.

But more than anything else, Jungkook surprised you when, halfway through the party, he got up and walked towards you. “This party is boring.” He stated, and you bit your lower lip to hide the smile that was menacing to spread on your face. He was right, but you couldn’t agree with him, in case indiscreet ears had been listening all along.

“Would you do me a favor?” He hiccupped right after saying this, and you had to prevent another smile. “Would you take me home? I drank way too much to drive by myself, and the other members are kinda busy.” They were indeed occupied with girls who were offering them lap dances. A usual for those parties. You glanced back at Jungkook who was now presenting his keys to you.

You bit your lips, trying to think about the best decision to take. You weren’t exactly naive. You knew it could be a way to attract you into his house. But on the other hand, he drank too much to be able to drive his car.

“How can I be sure it’s not a trap? Why would I trust you?” His eyes glinted for a second while looking at you. But he shook his head and answered you, the glint disappearing as quickly as it appeared. “Why wouldn’t you? Did I do anything that would make you doubt me?” He was bold and you were speechless. “I promise I won’t force you to do anything with me, ___.”

You knew that a promise from a leader of a gang didn’t mean shit. But you still grabbed his keys to take him home. At that moment, you didn’t think about how you were going to get home. You didn’t think about the fact you didn’t tell Taehyung you were leaving. You didn’t think about the fact he was a gang leader. You were only thinking about how he already got you under his spell. How dangerously appealing a man like him was. And it was terrifying you.

His house was fucking huge. And that was probably the first thing you said when you both entered his living room. “It’s not really my house. I’m just renting it.”

But it didn’t matter. It was still huge, and you were used to enormous spaces.

“Want something to drink?” Jungkook questioned while moving towards a cabinet where alcohol was probably waiting to be drunk. “Just water, please.” You didn’t want to lose any bit of your ability to make reflected decisions. Not with him around you. Not when you already felt inebriated just by being around him.

“Here, your just water.” He gave you a fancy glass that was probably made in some fancy material like crystal. One more thing that proved Jungkook was probably richer than the Queen of England herself.

“I’m very curious about how you ended up in that gang.” The leader told me after looking at you intently for a moment. “What make you think that I haven’t been a part of this world my whole life?”

Jungkook did not become the leader of the biggest gang by simple luck. It was position that required self-discipline, composure, responsibilities and also a big sense of observation. And analyzing the environment in which he was growing was a talent particularly developed by the leader. “Your manners. And the respect you have towards the others. Towards yourself.” It sounded like a compliment. At least, you decided it was one, especially when you considered how it sounded in his mouth. Like something honorable.

“Just had to make a deal to get my younger brother out of this.” He didn’t answer right away and just looked at you a little bit longer.” So you sacrificed yourself?” You just nodded because, honestly, you never thought about it that way until now. You just wanted Yohan to be happy and live the life he always dreamt about, no matter if you had to abandon your owns dreams in the meantime. “Loyalty is highly appreciated by people like me. What kind of leader would refuse such a deal? Especially when the deal look like that.”

“What do you mean?” You searched the man’s eyes in the mid-light, mid-darkness of the living room and you weren’t disappointed by what you found in them. A pure glint of mischief and amusement. “I meant, who would say no to have a literal walking goddess among their gang members?”

You would lie if you said you didn’t blush because of his comment. Jungkook was a handsome man after all. But you decided to play along, hoping he didn’t notice your actual, flustered state. “So this is it. Your best cheesy pick-up line?”

His next move took you by surprise. He walked towards you, like a predator. And you were clearly his prey. Once he stopped two inches away from you, he captured a strand of your hair between his forefinger and his thumb. You were completely at his mercy, caught in between the want of pressing your body to feel more, to have more of him and the need of taking a step back in fear of ending in a dangerous situation you wouldn’t have the strength to stop. But no matter the risks, he could have done anything to you and you wouldn’t have emitted a single protest. “I totally can do way better, but I’m not sure your heart could handle it.”

You were now as red as a tomato. Everything about him and the way he acted was flustering you. His proximity. His breath brushing against your skin. The way he pronounced every single word delicately. His scent – holy shit, if he didn’t smell like heaven... He was slightly driving you crazy.

But he suddenly took a step backwards and you breathed deeply, feeling free of your movements, of your thoughts once again. “I thought you said you wouldn’t try to seduce me, Jungkook.”

Your pitiful attempt to save what was left of your self-control faded away the moment your host answered you. “I never promised I wouldn’t try to seduce you, doll. I said that I wouldn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to.”

And maybe you were naïve, maybe it was stupid to feel that way, but you trusted him. Because at this moment, you really wanted to be there with him. And you were prepared to continue this dance you had with him that was slowly inflaming all your organs, but Jungkook chose this moment to change his strategy.

“Tell me more about you, ___.” This man knew how to keep you on your toes. In all ways possible. “What do you wanna know?”

Jungkook now had made himself something that was probably a strong whisky and was sipping from his glass, not even bothered by the strong taste of it. He was looking like if he was thinking about what he really wanted to know about you. And finally, he seemed to be decided. He pushed his glass away from his mouth and smiled to you. He had a terribly nice smile.

“What do you dream about, pretty girl? I want to know everything about your craziest dreams.”

You weren’t even startled, this time. You were blown away. He was unpredictable. And you were speechless because you never really thought about what you really wanted in life. “I don’t know. I guess I just want to be happy.” You shrugged. It was probably the lamest answer you could have given him. But that was the only one you had in mind at that very moment. Yet you didn’t want to look at his face to discover how bored and disappointed he was by you. So you changed quickly the perspective of the conversation. “What about you, Jungkook?”

Plus, in all honesty, he was unreadable, and you wanted to know more than anything about him as well.

“I don’t know if I can trust you enough for that, love.” Again, one of his pet names. But it was his statement that got your attention the most and made you quirk an eyebrow. “For what I know, you could be gathering information about me for your gang leader. It wouldn’t be the first time a lovely, good-looking girl would try to seduce me in order to ruin me better later.”

Multiple emotions immediately overwhelmed you after his explanation. The first one was astonishment. You weren’t expecting that at all. But it didn’t last for a long time, because right after you felt genuinely upset. How could he even imagine you would play him like that?! But as he told you, he was the leader of BTS – one of the biggest cartels of the country – and he was used to and expected that kind of behavior. From everywhere and everyone. So you couldn’t blame him for being careful. You could even feel your anger slowly fading away to be replaced by something that looked terribly like a mix of empathy and pity. You wouldn’t want to live like that, analyzing every act of every person you hung out with.

You didn’t want Jungkook to know every thought that crossed your mind during this long minute, even though you were almost sure he could read you like an open book. So you just replied with the first thing that went through your head at that moment. “Am I doing a good job though? At seducing you?”

And then you realized. If you wanted him to trust you – and you didn’t even know why you had that want in the first place –, it was the last thing you should have said after his revelation.

You were afraid you already messed up every chance you had of him to open up to you. But you still tried a last thing and got closer to him. Almost as close as he was minutes ago.

“I promise the last thing I want is to ruin you, Jungkook.” It was just a whisper, but you knew the beautiful man had heard it. You were eye to eye, now. You couldn’t be more sincere. And once again, he lifted his hand towards your face, but to stroke your cheek this time. “You’re doing such a good job, love.”

You bit your lower lip, understanding he was referring to your previous question. His hand was still on your cheek, warming your skin. The sensation was beyond pleasant, but you were too close. You definitely were going to get burnt if you stayed there longer. So you pulled away, making sure to keep a safe distance between your bodies.

“Are you trusting me enough to answer my question, now?” You knew it was a bold move, considering your position. You knew he was a gang leader. And you knew you could get in trouble for being insolent like you were. But he made you feel so comfortable you couldn’t help yourself.

“I have everything I’ve ever desired, love. All my dreams became true a long time ago.” He broke the silence after some time of thinking. However, something in the way he said it weren’t right, making you frown. “I don’t believe you. Everybody has a dream.”

“I’m not everybody.” It was his turn to shrug, and you understood you just shouldn’t push it. So you let it go… for now.

You preferred asking him another questions. A lot of questions, in fact. And he asked you many questions in return. The more you talked, the more you felt comfortable around him. And you talked for a very long time. Until an advanced hour of the night – or the morning, you should say. And you secretly hoped he was as charmed by you as you were by him.

“I never thought it would be that pleasant to have a deep conversation with someone.” Jungkook suddenly affirmed. And you were going to comment his insignificant statement by saying something about all the girls he was used to hook up with, but something hit you hard at that moment. Because the thing was, it wasn’t an insignificant statement even if it looked like it in the first place.

“I almost believed you when you told me you didn’t have any dream.” You saw one of his eyebrows raising on his forehead, quietly asking you to go on with that thought.

“That’s actually very funny. Because it seemed like you have everything you’ve ever wanted. You actually do have everything poor people dream about. A huge house. An expensive car. More money than time to spend it. You even have dishes in crystal…” You lifted the glass now full of some random liquor, but the black-haired man interrupted you. “They are in diamonds, in fact.” You scoffed. He was so rich it was almost ridiculous.

Jungkook had to make a movement with his hand to invite you to continue, but not before you rolled your eyes extravagantly.

“You make it seem like you have everything.” You looked once more at the vastness of his living room before turning your head back towards him. “But in your enormous palace, you feel so lonely. And all you really wish is for some genuine soul to keep you company. Am I wrong?” You murmured the last part, but he had no problem to hear it. You weren’t that far away from each other, anyway. And that’s why it took him only half a second to close the distance between you. You were once again too close for your liking. Too close to allow your mind to think clearly.

“You’re a smart girl, ___.” Jungkook stated. Your heart was pounding in your chest. “Always feeling terribly lonely. And I never stay long enough in a place to find someone who could become my own home.” You immediately knew he hadn’t been that honest with someone in years. And it warmed your heart that he decided to choose you as a safe place to share his deepest secrets with.

“When do you leave?” You hesitated to ask. But you also needed to know. Your heart was still hammering, harder and stronger every minute passing. “Tomorrow.”

And after all the pounding it has been doing since the leader came closer, it suddenly stopped in your chest.

You couldn’t even hide your disappointment. And Jungkook didn’t miss the way your face fell. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He sighed. It was his way to try to ease the feeling that was overwhelming you at that moment. And in a way, it worked. “I’m still not going to have sex with you, Kook.” You let out a small chuckle, but his laugh never came, in opposition of what you had expected. In reality, he was just stunned by the nickname you just used. It was stupid, but he hadn’t been called that way in years.

“What about a kiss?”

You didn’t even have to answer. Your lips were only inches apart. They were brushing against each other. And when you closed your eyes, he decided it was the only sign he had been waiting for before definitely closing the gap between you.

What was a simple kiss at the beginning became soon enough a stronger and deeper one. With your tongues dancing with each other. With your hands discovering each other’s face. With your bodies pressing and melting into the other one.

While you were moving your lips in synchronization with his, you wondered if he was used to kiss every other girl like he was kissing you. Slowly. Passionately. Deeply. You wondered if he was used to pass his hands in other girls’ hair the same way he was stroking yours. Gently. Tenderly. Lovingly. And you wondered if he was used to lay those girls down like he laid you on his couch. Kindly. Delicately. Cautiously.

And more than anything else, you were wondering how you were ever going to forget about the way Jeon Jungkook was kissing your lips. Like if he owned them. Like if they were made for him.

Getting back to your boring life was hard after that night. You couldn’t stop replaying the kisses you shared with Jungkook. You had to occupy your brain with complex tasks to prevent it from daydreaming about the sensations that overwhelmed you during your make-out session with the black-haired leader. And you would have bet it was a complete dream if there wasn’t the remnant of a small hickey adorning the place where your neck and your shoulder met, reminding you this moment of pure bliss when he sucked and bit on the sensitive skin.

That was exactly why you were at the very moment trying to study in a small café of the town. To avoid thinking about Jungkook. And to physically avoid Taehyung.

Unfortunately for you, the fellow member had noticed you leaving the party with your mission of the night. So it wasn’t a surprise he strongly believed something happened between the two of you. Even though you assured him at least twenty times nothing happened at all. Which was a lie, because you still ended up making out on his couch, but he didn’t need to know about that.

But no matter how hard you tried to push your unwanted thoughts away, every single thing around you reminded you of him. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply before sighing. You missed him so much that you even started smelling his cologne instead of the strong scent of coffee when you perfectly knew he was already far away from this town.

However, when you opened your eyes, you almost jumped from surprise. He was there. Jungkook was right in front of you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You heard yourself saying. You didn’t even process the words that left your mouth. “I don’t remember you being the swearing type. At least, as long as my mouth stay far away from your neck.”

You were speechless. It was all he had to say? You waited a little bit longer for a different answer than the one he just gave you, but he apparently decided to ignore your question. Which pissed you off even more.

So you ignored him back. It was even more impossible to be concentrated on your work now that Jungkook were looking at you from the other side of the table, but you still could fake it. And that’s what you did by typing on your laptop as if he wasn’t even there.

“What are you working on?” The leader asked you. Silence. You saw his fingers starting fidgeting with one of your pens that were lying on the table. You didn’t know if it was to get your attention or a habit of him, but you just ignored it as well, still typing incoherent words on your laptop. “You’re really pretty today.” He added after a few more minutes. You managed to hold back the scoff that was menacing to get out of your mouth, but no matter how hard you tried, your eyebrow still raised high on your forehead. Was he serious? You weren’t even wearing makeup.

Your technique seemed to work because after another long silence, Jungkook sighed loudly and caught one of your hands. “Fine! I just decided we could stay a little bit longer here.”

You looked up to dive your eyes in his and squeezed his hand back. You could pretend you were annoyed with him, but there was gesture even the sanest person couldn’t deny. Holding his hand and intertwining your fingers with his was one of them. “And what made you change your plan?” You questioned, hoping he would admit the reason was you. And because like you, he couldn’t forget about the night you spent together. “Some unexpected meeting, I would say.”

You didn’t have to ask for further explanations, his eyes were saying it all for him, making your heart miss a beat. You would lie if you said he didn’t get you all flustered. But he was used to it now. And so were you.

“I’m gonna let you pretend you’re working now. Yoongi’s waiting for me outside. We have a meeting with your gang.” You looked outside the café and identified the gang member the leader just mentioned. You had a vague memory of Yoongi being at the party your gang had organized the night before.

Jungkook finally got up but didn’t head towards the door of the café as you expected him to. On the contrary, he walked to you, caught your chin between his fingers and bended your head backwards so you were face to face. “You should be careful. That kind of behavior you had earlier could get you into trouble. You’re lucky I’m all wrapped around your finger.”

You didn’t even have the time to process what he just told you before he placed a feather-like kiss on your lips. And with that, he was gone. Leaving you a complete mess on your chair and no way to concentrate on your work.

You decided, at the end of the day (and only at that moment because you didn’t want to seem too eager either), to pass by the general headquarters, which you usually tried to avoid at all cost. But maybe Jungkook was still there, and you really wanted to see him again.

You’re so whipped, ___. You groaned, the reality hitting you. But you couldn’t fight the urge to see him again anymore. There was something about him, you didn’t know what and you didn’t know why but you didn’t want to fight this desire of knowing more and more and more about him anymore. Not after believing you would never see him again.

But the depot where the B.A.F.’s members were always meeting was almost empty. Except for some girls you usually preferred staying away from. You were going to simply ignore them and leave, but you heard your name being called behind you before you could even reach the exit. What the hell did she want?

“I heard about you and Jungkook.” She simply stated. For what you remembered, her name was Yoojin. However, you couldn’t care less at that moment who she was, all you could think about was her statement and the knot it created in your stomach. You didn’t want to get in trouble with her, because you knew that if she decided to start a fight, she would literally ruin you. But even if you were perfectly aware of it, you weren’t going to let her intimidate you. “What about Jungkook and I?”

“Well, it’s a tradition here to tell other girls what exactly happened with a member of another gang. In details.” Her smile was pure evil. It was no doubt she was dying from jealousy. But you honestly couldn’t care less. “Then it’s a shame that nothing happened. At all.”

Yoojin didn’t like you either. You could see it. And you also could see that she didn’t believe you. Once again, you didn’t give two fucks about what she was thinking. You just wanted to know where the rest of the gang were. However, it wasn’t going to be that easy to get answers from her. “What did you do then? Had a cup of tea?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Yoojin. People like you usually can’t.” Her eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened immediately. Let’s say you already were thinking about the shortest and fastest way to run away from this place. “And what exactly does people like me mean?”

You looked at her for a moment, trying to choose the right words. But it seemed like there wasn’t a right way to get out of this mess. Jungkook was right after all. Your behavior was really going to get you in trouble. “I’m just saying that you can keep acting like a prostitute all you want. But at the end of the day, you will still be remembered at the girl who just opens her legs easily and nothing more.”

You then walked slowly backwards. If there was something you’ve learned during your short life as a gang member, it was to never turn your back to your enemy. You only authorized yourself to do so when you reached the door and grabbed the handle to finally get out. But, once again, she spoke before you could exit the room.

“I hope you enjoyed your time with him, ___. Maybe the current mission is going to be the last one.” It was your turn to be lost. Did she want to scare you just for her own pleasure or was she saying the truth? “What do you mean?”

“They all left hours ago. Had some problems with another gang to solve. And you know how vendettas are… You never know who will return.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” It was a little bit after three in the morning, and you got woken up by loud thumps against the front door of your apartment. But you found yourself wide awake the moment you discovered Jungkook standing behind the door. And when you noticed he was incredibly pale you immediately forgot it was the middle of the night.

“I was worried sick.” You told him while opening your door largely to let him come inside. “You shouldn’t. You know I’m a rock, love.” His voice was weak and when he took a step forward, he stumbled and caught hold of you to prevent him from crashing completely on the ground. That’s when you knew you had all the reasons to be worried.

“What happened?” You helped him walk towards your bedroom that was the closest room from the door. You made him sit on your bed, but even there you could see it was hard for him to keep sitting straight. “Got stabbed by this fucker. Would have died if Taehyung wasn’t a fantastic shooter.”

He showed you the cut on his stomach. It was deep, and you could see that someone did a poor job at stitching it. “It’s infected.” You stated. It became very clear to you that you had to repair it yourself, and quickly.

You got out of the room to go get your stitches set, which was in your living room with your university stuff. You grabbed it and got back to your bedroom where Jungkook hasn’t moved an inch. “I’m going to take them off and do it myself.” You informed the black-haired leader who was watching your every move.

“How come you have that thing?” He was referring to your set. “Perks of being a medicine student.” Your simply answered, focused on your work. Jungkook was now lying on the bed and you could see him wincing from the corner of your eyes, but there wasn’t any other way of fixing the mess of the wound. And unfortunately, anesthetic wasn’t not supplied with the basic kit.

“I didn’t know that. You never told me.” It wasn’t a reproach, just a statement. “You didn’t ask me the other night.” You were now cleaning correctly the wound, hoping that there wasn’t anything inside of it.

You stayed silent for a moment, you working cautiously and him watching you. You would probably have blushed if you weren’t so concentrated on your task. After a few more minutes, the head of the cartel sitting on your bed spoke again, certainly to forget about the pain your needle was causing. “How come you live alone? I mean, your parents’ house wasn’t that far away from the university…”

“Too loud to study. My father has to invite a lot of businessmen because of his job and my brother always plays music loudly and his friends are always over.” What you didn’t tell him, though, was that you hated that house and all the memories that were linked to it.

“And your mother?” Your hand stopped in the air, the needle still between your thumb and your index, your eyes fixed on his stomach. You didn’t want to look at him at the moment. You didn’t want to show him how vulnerable his question made you. “Wasn’t it written in my file? Because I guess that’s where you found my address?”

Talking about your mother always made you bitter. Always reminded you the wound that was still here. Not a physical one, like the one you were stitching, but a mental lesion. An emotional grief that will always be there.

Jungkook didn’t deny he read your file. It was useless, you already knew it. And you weren’t stupid enough to believe one of his lies, anyway. “It wasn’t. And I want to hear from you anyways.” Was all he said. You couldn’t help it anymore, you had to look at his face. To know if it was just to torture you or if he was sincere. And what you saw on his face persuaded you to trust him. Made you fall for him even harder.

“She died. When I was twelve.” At that moment you had completely forgot that you had to finish stitching him. All you could think about was the moment you entered your house to find her lifeless body. “She was depressed. She just… hanged herself in the living room.”

Your father always had been a work freak, but after that you barely saw him at home.

The tension was thick between the two of you. Jungkook didn’t say a thing, which you were grateful for, and just caressed your face with his thumb. You’ve always hated people trying to comfort you with empty words when there was nothing more to say. And as you weren’t talking anymore, you just started to stitch the wound again.

When you finally finished your task, you cut the thread off and got up on your feet. That’s when Jungkook spoke again. “What the hell are you wearing?” You looked down at your outfit and realized you were only wearing a large t-shirt that once belonged to your brother and that arrived mid thighs and hid your panties. “Have I some competition I didn’t know about?” Your unexpected guest added, still on the bed.

He was literally staring at your legs with not a single ounce of shame. And you would have lied if you said you didn’t like it. “You don’t. At all. I just love sleeping with baggy clothes.” He was still lying on the bed, but sit up the moment you said it, the hair previously resting on his forehead coming in front of his eyes. You were craving to pass your hand in it.

“Great. Makes it easier for me.” You saw a cocky smile appearing on his face. The one that you hated as much as you loved. “Even if I know I wouldn’t have to worry too much.” What a presumptuous bastard. He was still smiling at you, as if he already won the battle. “And what make you so sure about it?”

You weren’t prepared for his next move. Even though the moment he grabbed your hand to pull you toward him you knew he was only waiting for you to provoke him. You were now straddling his legs and your face was only inches away from his. At least for now. “This.”

Jeon Jungkook was definitely the best kisser you’ve ever met in your life. Nobody had ever kissed you the way he did. Like if he was hungry. Like if he was thirsty. Like if you were the best meal and drink at the same time of the whole world.

His lips were surprisingly soft and tasted like cinnamon. He bit your lip and you opened immediately your mouth to allow his tongue to meet yours. You had been craving this sensation for almost one week now so you almost moan when you felt it entering your mouth and grazing your own tongue.

You made out for quite a long time. Exchanging your saliva. Stroking each other’s hair, as you wanted so much a few minutes ago. Sucking on the thin skin of your necks and leaving hickeys.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do that. Not with you being hur-” You remembered trying to say at a moment. But you forgot what crossed your mind the moment the man now hovering over you placed his lips on yours once again. And you couldn’t even care less when you felt his hands moving up and down on your thighs. But not once did he get higher than your thighs during your make-out session. Actually, not once did he slide his hands higher during the entire night.

You woke up with Jungkook the next morning. And the morning after that. And again the next morning. In fact, you woke up next to the leader the whole following week. You wanted to blame it on the fact that you had to take care of him, to watch his wound to be sure it was healing correctly. And it was true, in a way. But the very truth was that you couldn’t get enough of him. Especially after the first morning you spent together.

The problem was, Jungkook was very cuddly in the morning. Which would have never been a problem if he didn’t fuel your hormones. With his kisses. And his hands roaming your entire body. His morning boner against your lower back. But that was it. He was only a flirt. Only light touches. Only a tease. And you were sexually frustrated like you’ve never been before.

“Morning.” You heard his voice behind you, spooning being Kook’s favorite way to sleep.

At that point, everything was aggravating the state you were currently in. From his husky morning voice to his fingers grazing the soft skin of your stomach. One inch away from your panties.

The kisses he started to place on your shoulder didn’t help soothing your actual mood. Actually it even made him stop all his moves when he felt how tensed your body was. “What’s going on?”

A whole week of frustration, that’s what’s going on. But you weren’t going to tell him. Because as stupid as it was, you didn’t want to admit out loud he was driving you crazy. Or at least, you didn’t want to admit it before he did. And you also didn’t want to lie. So you stayed silent.

You felt his nose running along your skin, from the end of your shoulder to your earlobe, making your body immediately press harder against his. “You smell so damn good.” At that moment you wondered if he knew what he was doing to you. Was this all on purpose? Or was he just oblivious to the sexual tension between you?

“Tell me what’s going on, baby. I can feel how tensed your body is.” Baby. That was a new one. It was always doll or love. Never baby.

Jungkook groaned when he realized you weren’t going to answer his question. And then turned you around so you were facing each other. The only thing you could think about now was how tempting his lips were.

However, when you tried to capture his mouth with yours, he moved backwards, almost making you moan. As if you weren’t already frustrated enough. You finally thought he was going to kiss you when his face went forward, but it was to once more pull back the moment your lips were going to touch.

Jungkook played that game two or three more times until you finally groaned before speaking again. “Are you going to tell me now?” His lips brushed yours again. Your bodies were now so close you could feel every single mechanism of his anatomy. Every breath. Every muscle tensing. Every heartbeat. And if you could feel it, he could probably tell how uneven your heart was thumping in your chest.

His hand on your thigh was a pure torture and made you tighten your legs against each other, afraid that Jungkook would find out what was going on between them in your panties. And at the same time excited and impatient.

Yet Jungkook was still waiting for an answer and you were waiting for his lips to kiss yours. So you just said it. "You just... frustrate me." His eyebrows, that were previously raised in question, furrowed in an instant. "Frustrate?" He was genuinely lost. But after looking at you intently, from head to toe, it seemed that he had finally gather all the signs of your frustration and that realization hit him hard.

A smirk – it was a little one but you still could see it – appeared on his face. He was proud of the effect he had on you, you could sense it with every fiber of your body. “And to think that I was controlling myself because I know you’re still a virgin…”

You were a what? You were taken aback. Utterly speechless. But it lasted only a few seconds, because your first reaction was to genuinely laugh. “I’m not-” You started to say, trying to speak while still laughing. “I’m not a virgin.”

Jungkook was frowning so much his eyebrows were almost touching each other. When your laughter finally died, the black-haired man opened his mouth as if he was going to says something, but he closed it almost immediately. “What made you think I was still a virgin?” You broke the silence. He simply shrugged, or more accurately tried to shrug, because you were still laid on the bed and it wasn’t the easiest position to move shoulders. “I don’t know… You were so against having sex with me I just thought it was because of that.”

“Well… I didn’t know you enough to let you have your way with me, love.” You didn’t even know why, but this whole situation was making you feel confident. You wanted to tease him, to tempt him, to make him beg. But as always, Jungkook found a way to reverse the situation. “And now you would?”

The beautiful man lying in front of you were once again too close. You couldn’t even breathe, so even less think properly. To be accurate, the only thing that was in your mind was him. His lips, his touch, his morning hard-on. And you were almost sure you were finally going to have what you had been craving for days.

“Too bad I have business to deal with.” Jungkook whispered, his breath crashing on your skin. He finally kissed your lips, but it wasn’t enough. It was only a peck, only two seconds of your lips meeting for the first time this morning. And then he was gone, walking proudly towards the bathroom. Because he fucking knew he was driving you insane.

Jungkook got out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later. Fresh and ready for the day. You were still lying on the bed. Frustrated and upset.

He looked at you from his spot right in front of the door of the bathroom. He didn’t say a thing, and you didn’t want to break the silence. Your ego was already hurt enough. You also didn’t want to show him how bothered you were by his rejection, so you turned your head, avoiding his eyes. And that was what made him react. “Fuck it!”

Jungkook surprised you when he headed toward you instead of the door. He discarded the covers and grabbed your ankles to pull you closer to him. Your lower legs were now falling from the bed, and Jungkook was kneeling between them.

“I can’t fully satisfy your needs, but I can at least make you orgasm once before leaving.” You gulped at his words while he wasted no time to kiss your exposed thighs. You knew what he was up to and you had to prevent a moan to leave your mouth. He hadn’t even properly started, and you were already a mess underneath him.

Jungkook took off your shorts and panties at the same time and tossed them somewhere else in the room. He was going right for it, causing your arousal still there from all the teasing of the leader on you half an hour ago to increase even more every second passing. But that’s when his mouth met your core that you knew you weren’t going to last long.

He was licking you clean, sucking your bundle of nerves, fucking you with his fingers. You were a dessert and he was fucking starving. You were a glass of water and he was thirsty as hell.

You were gripping his hair, scratching his neck. And in response he would groan against your clit, which drove you crazy. It was so good you couldn’t remember your name. Only his. And you were moaning it. Screaming it.

His mouth was perfect. His tongue was heaven; and his fingers were the key of it. The combination of them made you come hard, harder than you’ve ever orgasmed. Your high lasted a long time, and you had to blink a few times to stop seeing stars.

Jungkook was watching you, his frame towering you. He closed the gap between you to kiss your lips, and this time it was a real kiss. A kiss that made your breath even more erratic. A kiss in which you felt your own slit on his tongue.

“See you later, babe.”

Later that day, you received a text from Taehyung saying that you had to go to the headquarters right now. And you knew that you’d better be there very soon if you didn’t want to be in trouble, even though it meant you had to miss some classes at university. The gang was more important. That was the very first rule the fellow member had taught you when you entered the gang.

You were still wondering if you were going to get a new mission when you passed the door of the main room of the building. You weren’t the last person to arrive, but the room was almost full, since Jungkook’s gang was here as well.

You tried to catch the black-haired leader’s eyes, but he seemed to be deep in his thoughts. “Perfect! I think everyone’s here now.” You turned your head towards your own leader, still not sure what was about to happen. “They’re about to make a deal. The big boss always asks the whole gang to be there when it happens.”

You turned around to look at Taehyung who just whispered those words in your ear. He still had a few cuts on his face from the last mission they did. But it wasn’t as bad as the one Jungkook had had.

You were all silent, waiting for someone to start speaking and break the silence. And it finally happened after a few more minutes. “I’m gonna get straight to the point, Daehyun.” Jungkook said, talking directly to the leader of your gang. He was imperious and only someone mad would want to disrespect Jungkook at the very moment. “I know you want to make a deal with our gang. And I’m willing to consent. But I have some conditions.”

The B.A.F.’s leader seemed rather pleased and didn’t even try to hide it. By the face Jungkook’s was doing, you knew immediately he was contemptuous of this kind of reaction. The man you were now seeing for a whole week would have never showed his emotions like that.

You also knew Jungkook didn’t exactly liked your leader, making you wonder why he was accepting such a deal. “Our gangs will be linked. Meaning helping each other in case of problems. Collaborating. Exchanging pieces of information.” Daehyun nodded, his smile still visible on his face. “But I want Taehyung. And ___.”

Not even a fly could have been heard in the room at that moment. The B.A.F.’s leader was apparently thinking about it, trying to take the right decision. “You surely can have ___. Don’t even know why you want her so badly. But Taehyung… You have to understand he’s one of my best members.”

You almost wanted to roll your eyes. What a stupid bastard. “The role of a leader – of a good leader – is to know the qualities and the flaws of each member of their gang. If you would have taken an interest in ___, you would have discovered she’s studying medicine at university. And we all know a good doctor is an advantage you can’t deny in a cartel.”

Your whole body reacted as if it was on fire because of Jungkook’s words. He literally stood up for you, in front of both gangs. In a way, it almost meant more than him declaring his love for you. And the look of humiliation that was painted on Daehyun’s face made you even more ecstatic.

“I want Taehyung, too. And we both know I will have him.” It wasn’t a threat. But everyone could understand and sense the danger in Jungkook’s voice, and maybe Daehyun wasn’t the smartest person you’ve ever met, but he wasn’t stupid either.

So he finally accepted the deal. And that’s how you and Taehyung became a part of BTS.

Naked was the look that suited the most Jeon Jungkook. He was confident and stunning. And he was lying in your bed, his fingers running along your arm after many rounds of rather rough sex.

You were sleepy but you couldn’t resolve yourself to close your eyes and stop staring at your new leader’s face. “You’re so beautiful.” You didn’t even mean to speak, but you couldn’t care less. You thought it with every fiber of your body. “You’re gorgeous. And mine. In any way possible.” Was his reply to your previous outburst.

You quirked an eyebrow, and a playful smile appeared on your lips. “Mmmh, I don’t remember you asking me to be your girlfriend.” He was quick to mimic your smile and get even closer to your body. His head was now in your neck, his lips brushing the many love bites he left earlier. “You know I made you mine the moment I marked you, love. And we both know you love that.”

Light kisses were spread on your light skin, and he sucked one more time. You were tired, but you weren’t going to stop him. “Be my girlfriend, ___.” He wasn’t asking, but he wasn’t demanding either.

“We both know I want it more than anything else.” You answered. He stopped to kiss your neck to smile at you, eyes in the eyes. His smile was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. But a good kind of intoxicating.

“You know you don’t have to stay in the gang if you don’t want to.” Jungkook was serious and sincere. You could see it in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave the gang if it means being a stranger to you.” That was actually your biggest fear at that moment. Jungkook giving up on you.

“You will never be a stranger to me, ___.” He only called you by your name when he was talking with his heart. You learnt it during the short amount of time you spent with him. “Remember the night we met?” You simply nodded, captivated by the way his lips were moving. “You asked me what my dream was. And you proved me for the first time that day how smart you were. How smart you are. I spent my whole trying to find the missing piece. The person who will make me feel like home. And you make me feel like home, ___.”

You couldn’t even describe how your heart was pounding in your chest. Or how you wanted to be one with his whole heart and soul.

“You realized my biggest dream, love. And I want to spend the rest of my life realizing yours.” It was only him and you. Right here and right now. The rest didn’t matter anymore. You were each other’s home. And you were beautiful and strong together.

“So tell me, love. What do you dream about?”

[shiftysdogtags]

I Knew You

I based this off Taylor Swifts song ‘cardigan’. When i heard the song i immediately thought Joe Liebgott and i seen this story play out and i knew i had to write it. I’m not 100% happy with it and i know no one asked for it but here it is anyway.

Warnings: passing mentions of drinking and being drunk. Slight swearing. Also my terrible writting✌🏻

If you listen closely you can hear my heart breaking in the distance. And a big thank you to @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant for the teddy bear idea and the title.

Taglist: @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @floydtab

Headcanons and ships for the pacific and band of brothers are open

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew you

Dancin’ in your Levi’s

Drunk under a streetlight

Joe didn’t let many people get too close to him. Very few people knew the real him, they just seen the person he wanted them to see. He was soft and delicate. Not delicate like a flower, delicate like a grenade with the pin removed. One wrong move and he could blow up. It was because of this people avoided him. He was blunt and rough around the edges. Maybe he was standoffish too, but he was my Joe and nobody knew him better than i did.

“Joe, get off the street” i tried pulling him onto the path.

I would love for Joe to show people this side of him, slightly drunk and giddy. He was swinging from a street lamp and dodging cars that tried to beep him out of the way. Although i tried to be serious, the more he swung around the dizzier he became, making me laugh. All i had to do was pull him twenty feet to the right and he would be inside my house and safe.

Joe stumbled in my direction and pulled on my hand “Dance with me, Doll”

No matter how much i objected and stated that i had two left feet he persisted. It wasn’t dancing exactly but the way he held my hand gave me butterflies. The sound of his laugh when he threw his head back was enough to put me in a trance and i swore if that was the last sound i ever heard it wouldn’t ask for anything more.

Joe made me feel careless and brave. With him my by side i was afraid of nothing, as if i could do anything i dreamed of. I found fearlessness somewhere in side of me and it was all thanks to him.

It wasn’t until he spun me i realised i was also tipsy. Slightly light headed, he pulled me to his chest with a kiss to my temple. A car stopped, catching us in the headlights and i decided it was time to go inside. Trying to pull Joe towards the house again he stumbled over his feet but, i somehow managed to get him to the spare room and into bed.

He was almost half asleep and i pressed my lips to his forehead. “Night, Joey”

I knew you

Playing hide-and-seek and

Giving me your weekends

Joe and i kept each other a secret. Although people knew we were friends, they didn’t know the true or full extend of our relationship. Relationship, if it could even be classified as that. On a normal day we would be polite and only acknowledge each other if really needed. Our days off were spent together doing anything and everything. I learned about Joe and who he really was by just sitting around and listening.

“Do you think stuffed bears have feelings?“ he asked me, lying on the sitting room floor counting the cracks in the ceiling. He had one arm under his head and the other was holding a bear i found in my mothers attic amongst my old childhood toys.

Of course i laughed and i though how out of character it was for Joe to ask something like that. We were hidden from view, the curtains were closed and no one could ruin the time we got to be alone together. The Joe i knew was softer and more vulnerable than he would like to admit. Opening the curtains would be like him confessing the fragility of his emotions and letting people into his life. They would be kept closed and the world would be none the wiser of his feelings or his closeness to me in that moment.

Watching him investigating the bear i realised how few people saw this side of Joe. I loved being one of the only few, if not the only person, he acted like this with. He pulled on a loose thread and a hole formed. He looked wide eyed at me with an apologetic face. It wasn’t until he heard my laugh did he join in too. With anyone else he would have brushed it off but he was afraid to hurt me.

“I think you hurt his feelings” i said nodding to the bear. He laughed louder and threw the bear at me.

To kiss in cars and downtown bars

Was all we needed

Joe used to drive around for hours with me in the passenger seat changing the radio. He would pick me up after work in the diner downtown. After a long day he would tell me i needed to loosen up and go on an adventure with him.

“Come on Y/N, have a little fun once in a while” he said with a little smirk and that was all that was needed to convince me. That smirk on his face made me feel like i was selling my soul to the Devil.

With no destination in mind we normally ended up parking the car beside the bay. When we were together we didn’t need material things or to be doing anything specifically, all we needed was each other. All of our major firsts happened here. The first time we kissed was eating ice cream a few months after Joe got back from Europe. The first time he mentioned the war and what he experienced happened at the bay.

It was here on a chilly Autumn night i realised i was in love with Joe. We sat on the car bonnet sharing a blanket as we watched the car headlights dance across the bridge. He was warmer than me, always had been. With my head on his shoulder and his lips in my hair i hoped he felt the same way.

There was never supposed to be anything romantic about our rendezvous, but i couldn’t help but hope. The bay had seen the same amount of kisses shared between us as cars that crossed the bridge.

I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy

I knew nothing good would come of this. The ending was clear before anything had even begun. The second i met him everything played out like a dream in front of me. Heartbreak was the only possible outcome and vivid hallucinations danced in front of me, almost real enough to touch. But when i reached out my hand they were gone just as fast as they came, disappeared in a cloud of smoke

“We’re just friends and you know it” Joe stated, cigarette hanging from his lips

“Thats bullshit, Joe.”

My emotions got the better of me and ignoring the warning signs, i let them. Despite all this i had hoped, really hoped that i could somehow change it. Joe was Joe and he did what he wanted when he wanted. I knew i was delusional to believe i had the power to change anything, let alone a strong willed person like Joe. He refused to grow up, constantly acting childish and never committing to anything for a significant amount of time. People around him were play things that he singled out to suit his specific needs. He dropped them like toys and picked them back up again when he was bored.

“Can you honestly sit there and tell me there are no feelings between us?” I begged him for an answer. “Do you feel anything for me? Anything at all?”

No answer was given, just a simple shrug of his shoulders. If my heart wasn’t broken before it certainly was then. He couldn’t look at me, focusing his eyes over the steering wheel and watching the rain fall against the windscreen.

“I can’t do this anymore” Getting out of his car i slammed the door closed and ran across the street into my house. Even though the distance was short i was soaked and my clothes felt heavy on my skin as did Joe’s words, or lack of words, did on my heart.

That boy had me wrapped around his little finger. Like a puppet on a string, Joe pulled me left and right. He had me where he wanted me. Believing that having something more than a fling with Joe was a fantasy. Being with him was like playing make believe. He makes my head spin and his voice fogs my judgement. It was time to come back to reality. It was time for me to grow up, with or without him. I wanted to forget him.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

It was while making coffee the next morning i realised tying to forget someone like Joe is near damn impossible. Every detail about about him lingers in my mind, his name constantly on the tip of my tongue. The shape of his lips are imprinted onto mine and i will never forget how they felt. The spark when his deep brown eyes met mine is always embedded deep in my heart where no one else can reach. His touch is eternally burned onto my skin, forever part of me. I knew i would never really be able to untangle Joe from my life. It was hard to know where he ended and i began.

The coffee machine was done and i took my favourite mug from it’s place in the press. Of course it was positioned next to the mug Joe usually used. I noticed the coffee stains on the edges. I’m sure if i looked closely enough i would see transcripts of all the late night conversations shared between us. They were never really serious, only ridiculous ‘what if’ scenarios, but it made me wonder. What if i never met Joe? What if he never smiled at me the way he did? What if we never had that fight? How many washes would it take to get the smell of him and his smokes out of my clothes?

Everything blended into one and i couldn’t remember a time in my life when Joe wasn’t part of it. It was impossible to know what parts of my life actually belonged to me and not him. Pictures float in front of me, reminding me of our time together. No matter how hard i tried to forget, each memory will be forever burned into my heart.

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line

No matter where i went a memory of Joe played like a movie in front of me. It was like an outer body experience, as if i was watching from afar. Shadows danced in the store aisle, distracting me. I only noticed the cashier was ready for me when the man behind me cleared his throat. Apologising, i quickly placed my few items and thanked the girl quickly leaving the store.

When i reached my car i realised all my thoughts were consumed with Joe. He haunted my memories and my past. Flashbacks came daily in the most random of places. Every inch of our home town crawled with the sound of his voice and each street screamed him name tauntingly at me.

Starting the car, i made my way home while desperately trying to avoid any streets where i shared moments with Joe. It was impossible. Every street contained a different story and a different memory. The streetlight outside my house is the one i danced with Joe under. He was everywhere and unavoidable.

He ruined me in all the best ways. Joe stripped me back to the basics and built me up again in ways i can’t describe. Before Joe life was boring and grey. Now, it is full of colour and new sounds i wouldn’t have experienced without him. He turned everything i knew upside down. The vitality in everything we did together will always be etched into me. It has made me a different person and for that i can’t be anything but thankful towards him.

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired

And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light

I missed him, more than anything. Two months later i still missed him and I have never felt so alone. Even when Joe left to join the paratroopers i never felt this lonely. Somehow the thought of having him in the same town but not as my friend was worse than him never coming home. That was such a terrible thought but it’s how i felt.

The thunderstorm outside reminded me of the night i fought with Joe. The rain beating against the window made it feel less lonely. It created a sound displacing the constant silence that surrounded the house now Joe wasn’t around. Picking up the stuffed bear he once made fun of i smiled before i threw it across the room. He was everywhere.

I almost missed the banging noise against the front door. Cautiously walking to the window to see who it was because who in their right mind would be out in weather like that. The last thing i expected to see was Joe standing on my front porch knocking at my door. I deliberated for a moment whether to let him in. Could i leave him outside and hope he would leave, or should i let him in and wreck the little progress i have made in forgetting him?

I chose the latter, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. After opening the door he stood there not saying a word. He didn’t come in straight away and i watched the raindrops fall from his face in the light. He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept in days. I handed him the blanket and he followed me in placing it around his shoulders.

He said nothing, he just smirked. “Hey Doll”

And I knew you’d come back to me

[sinnerburrito]

Jeremy's Companion Dialogue

It could have more stuff but i think it's big enough already.

- Can you tell me about yourself?

If you are up to listen the three hour long narrative of how I bravely explore the wasteland, sure why not?

I'm a courier, just like you, minus the whole "shot in the head" ordeal, used to be a prostitute too, a very good one, now I just deliver packages, read fortunes, steal, ya know, the usual.

- Fortunes?

Call it what you want, magic, lucky, madness. I know and see things... sometimes.

- And what do you see? (Answer differs based on karma/ affiliation)

You're a odd one, the cards you have is always shifting, but right now I see ...

Independent: a bright light smiles to you, thousands of wheels will guide you to freedom out a hill. The Bull don't know what's under its roves.

Legion: Blood paint the crosses, be careful with the fox, 83 is a large number and the man in gold will be not be followed.

NCR: Old laws of the old world has no place here, Shady, Sands, everything is corrupted. To others live some has to die.

MR. House: An delayed delivery, seven went and six came back, are you ready to bet all your caps in a platinum dream?

- Uh... Prostitute?

Look we all did things we are not proud of. It kept me alive and I'm thankful for that, but I'm out of this business.

-(Confirmed Bachelor) Maybe I can change your mind?

Maybe. But i think it would cost you 100 caps to try.

- Nice Tattoo.

Hey thanks. Is a family thing. And it actually goes around my body so if you're nice, I might show you one day.

-What's your thoughts on the Legion?

You're really asking me that? For real?

Okay I'll let that pass cause you got shot in the head but I'm a tribal and then a Legion slave some years ago. What the fuck you think it's my opinion.

-You don't look like a tribal.

Can't blame you. I only dance wearing my feathered headdress with paint in my body in very special occasions.

-Whats your thoughts on the BoS?

Same as the Legion, but not that bad.

I say i wouldn't beat the living shit of a Brotherhood member if they stood in a 1km radius near me.

- What's your thoughts on the White Glove Society?

They have quiet a....refined taste. Just stay away from them, trust me, better not try our luck to see if the rumors are true.

I know them seem polite but don't get fooled, I'm a fool myself and even I can can see what's up.

-What's your thoughts on the Omertas?

Oh, I'm going to be honest with you, they have a special place on my heart, there's not a single day I don't think about them what they did and keep doing.

I don't think they're a suitable sacrifice but this won't stop me to throwing every and single one of them into The Pit.

- Looks like you have something personal against them.

Is that obvious? Well, I do, and no, I won't elaborate.

- What's your thoughts on Mr. House?

Dude's a mineral and somehow still kicking everyone in the guts.

He's not so different from the Brotherhood. He only has more power.

- What's your thoughts on The Followers of the Apocalypse?

I'm on the fence about them. They're good but also not, kinda hypocritical if you want me to be honest, I think they sometimes act like everyone else is just poor lost stupid souls.

And for an anarchist group they depends an awfully lot on the NCR.

But you see, I have a talent to break bones, mine specifically, I don't know where I would be without their help. Probably alone in a shallow grave.

Oh fuck, sorry.

- What do you know about Benny?

The guys at The Tops? Head of the Chairman ? Checked train wreck?

A whole fucking lot.

If I could write it would be a hell of a book. He's an asshole as much he's ambitious.A compulsive backstabber too beautiful for his own good.

Don't underestimate him, if he have a plan for that chip of yours: Listen.

After his personal quest is completed

- So the Vipers are your family?

No No, I came out of a egg.

Yeah I guess so, I guess Ma still alive, somehow. I heard I had a sister once, ironically she didn't woke up after the Great Awakening but this was before I born.

My father....I have no idea, he was a missionary, whatever that means, i think he was sacrificed. That's all I know.

And you? Do you remember anything before the shooting?

- Yes/ No/ Just few things.

Well, maybe it's for the best, a opportunity to a fresh start.

- Let's talk about your tatics.

Constructive criticism only.

- Use a ranged weapon.

I was afraid you would say that./ Keep your distance just to be safe.

- Use a melee weapon.

No need to ask twice. / I'm already using? /Stab stab stab.

- Be agressive

Like that ever worked/ Have you noticed I'm not really an intimidating person?/ Like...angry?

- Be passive

For you? Always./ Anything for you, dear. /Oh,l I like your style.

- Wait here.

I'm not responsible for my actions from now on. / Okay I'll wait here...by myself...in this dangerous place. / Don't be long.

- let's trade equipment

These pockets are not just for Aesthetic. / If I find anything interesting I'll keep. / Be my guest.

- Overburdened

Okay, maybe it's better if my pockets just compliments my fashion sense. / Do i look like a damn Brahmin? / I knew you would break me in half but this is ridiculous.

- I would like you to go the Lucky 38.

(If his quest is not completed) The casino? At The Strip? Sorry, but I will wait for you at Freeside wandering aimlessly like a vagabond. / All those lights make me dizzy but okay / will try not steal anything there.

- Why don't go the The Strip?

Why don't you mind your own business? Sorry, it's not your fault. I just want to avoid conflict, that's all.

* In Courier's iron sight*

Do you have a death wish?/There's easier ways to get rid of me, ya know? / Of all the thing you could shove in my face, why the gun?

*Courier lays mine*

Uh...I feel like I should keep my distance./ It's a honor seeing such tatical magnificent working. / Full recovery my ass.

- It's time for us to part ways.

Awn fuck, I'm terrible with goodbyes./ I thought we had a great thing going on./ Okay, I'll go then. All by myself. In the big bad Wasteland.

*Player steals items or pickpocket*

Go, steal from the rich. / I could show you a tricky or two. / Just keep your hands off my stuff.

*Injured*

Have you seen my kidney by any chance? /Is this blood mine or yours? Nevermind. / I don't get paid enough for this.

*Crippled limb*

Quick question, bones are supposed to be inside the body, right? / It's ok, it's ok, I'm not going to cry. Not in front the mailman. / I don't think this sound is a good sign.

*Dying*

*Incomprehensible mumble* / See you in the other side. / Run...

Location

-Goodsprings

So peaceful, you can even hear the cazadores buzzing around./ Do you hear...never mind" (close to the cemitery) / Is it too much to ask to see your shallow grave?

Would you freak out if i told you never really left this grave? (By the Courier's shallow grave)

-The Strip

Can you believe a guy like *him* runs a place called The Tops?/ This place reeks of cheap cologne and bad sex. / Ugh, this lights will give me a migraine.

- Gomorrah ( unlocks completing his quest and let him in charge)

Welcome back! Thirsty? Hungry? Horny? We got you covered. / Hey if it isn't our Or Royal Highness of Vegas / Don't look in the backroom.

(If the player enter former's Clanden's secret filming room, after picking a Very Hard Lock, Claden himself will be tied up to a chair with a camera set up right before him. It's impossible to either free or kill him).

- Gomorrah / The Fort ( unlocks selling him back to The Omertas or to the Legion)

* Yawns* / Next time give me something to work with. / Already? (After the Player has sex with him in the Fort or Gomorrah)

How the hell do you still alive? / Enjoying the view, asshole? / Told you, you never left that grave.

-The Tops

Do i look presentable? / I know why we here, don't kill him, please. / I regret giving Benny that fucking gun.

- Companions

Craig Boone, why I feel a bitter taste whenever he's around?( When Boone is nearby)

Bad knees my ass, I saw him running from a cazador (when Raul is nearby)

How Grandma Lily can stand Leo? Guy's an asshole. (When Lily is nearby)

Think I have any chance? (When Arcade is nearby)

*Hums Heartaches by the Number* ( When Cass is nearby)

Don't you have to steal a child's Pib-Boy or something? (When Veronica is nearby)

[babyspiderling]

Jack Kelly X Reader-Marry You

Alright, this was requested by Anon, ”Jack Kelly x Reader where he proposes on the spot without any of them being prepared on it happening? Probably after some event where Jack realized that “damn I really want to spend my life with her”... Like an emotional fight or dreams come true! Ya know? Real fluffy!!”. I did take inspiration from this scene, but switched it up for our bb  Jack “Cowboy” Kelly. 

I wake up before the sun and dress quickly, racing to the butcher as he receives his shipment for the morning. “Good Morning, Mr. Johnson. How’s today's shipment coming along?” He smiles at me and finishes bringing it all inside. “Alright Rose, come on in and get your meat. I’ve got a box of chicken for you, plus the extra wings.” Nodding, I follow him inside, careful to keep the blood off the one nice skirt I own. He ducks behind the counter and pesents the white box tied together with twine. “Thank you so much Mr. Johnson. Take care of yourself, and tell Mary I said hello!” With a wave I make my way back to the house, avoiding the cops and hurrying to make breakfast in time. As I near the house, I hear Jack and Crutchie up in their “Penthouse” I gently open and shut the door and enter the kitchen. I start up the furnace and change into my newsies outfit while it heats up. Rolling my sleeves I pull out the wings that Mr. Johnsons had thrown in. Sprinkling salt and pepper on the skin, I place them all in a buttered pan and place it in the oven. I tidy up and put the rest of the kitchen in the small ice box the house had. As the wings finish cooking, I wake up the boys, waking up Romeo and Racetrack, asking them to wake up the other boys while I grab Jack and Crutchie. Climbing up the fire escape, I hear their muffled conversation. Knocking on the ladder, I peek over the top of the roof. “Boys, breakfast is ready. You’d best get down here quick if you want something in your belly before the bell rings.” Nodding, I help Jack lower Crutchie down to the window. The boys are all awake by the time I get down, as well as dressed. “Alright boys, wash-up so you can get breakfast before heading out.” I pull the pan out of the oven to cool as the boys line up for their breakfast. One by one I pass out the wings as they race out the door. Noticing two left once it is Crutchie and Jack’s turn, I quickly give Jack a peck on the cheek and wink at Crutchie to distract them. The boys leave, breakfast in hand, I drop the pan in the sink and race after them, wanting to get to the newsstand in time for the bell. I get into line for my papes, and the boys compliment me on my cooking. Winking at Jack, I flirt up Morris to get a couple extra papes for my trouble, and two new boys show up for papes. We sell papes until 5, when I head home to prepare dinner for my boys. We make a fine dinner out of a chicken and potatoes. We joke and play around with each other until it’s time to head to bed to do the same thing tomorrow morning. 

I wake up and shred the leftover chicken for sandwiches, and follow the boys to the gate to get the headline. Les and Davey apologize for being late, mentioning their mother. Race snaps back, but one of the younger ones step in. “Y/N is like our mother. She cooks for us, she tucks us in and wakes us up, she loves us. She’s the closest thing to a Mother I’ve ever had.” Grinning, Romeo throws his arm around my defender. “Yeah? And who’s the Father then, huh? Can’t have no mother if you don’t have no father.” Pipsqueak simply says “Jack!” and walks up the gate. I’m standing in shock, warm and cold at the same time. I’m flattered that Pipsqueak sees me as a mother figure, I do my best for these boys left without a nickel to their name. But Jack as the father… I love Jack, he looks out for the boys like I do, but what would he say about this? As the Headline is unveiled, a murmur of shock ripples through our group. “60 cents per 100?” “This can’t be right!” As the murmurs turn to talk and talk to shouts, it all fades away. How am I going to feed my boys? I already am blessed that Mr. Johnson gives me extra bits and pieces when I buy the chickens, I can’t ask him to go any lower. And the boys, they won’t be able to spend their money on clothes or put anything in the pot for heat and rent. Lost in my panic and racing thoughts, I don’t notice Jack put up a fight, rallying us around him. “They can’t do this to us, we’re a union now boys! And Y/N!” I head home to think things through and plan for what just happened. As I retreat back to the house, I hear Jack and the other boys convince the scabbers to drop their papes and join the fight. I cook and clean the rooms, thinking all the while. I mend pants and shirts while pondering if we’ll even survive a month.

I finish pulling dinner out of the oven, and the boys file in one by one. We sit around the table, the energy a weird limbo of elation and sobriety. The boys were excited for the strike, but knew the cost if the strike didn’t go our way. Clearing my throat, I ask if we could say the Lord's Prayer. A couple boys nod, but most look at me in curiosity. I swallow and start, “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.” We all prepare for bed, bidding each other a good night, and I sit in my bunk and pray. “Our Lord in heaven, please look after my boys. Protect us from the threat of poverty and destitution.” Pipsqueak climbs into bed with me, asking to pray again. Another one of the younger boys climbs in as well. “Please Y/N? You pray so well.” More and more boys climb in, and when there is no more room, they sit around my bed. “Ok, how about we do a nightly prayer. Repeat after me. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep; If I should die before I wake, I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take.” As we say amen, I give each of the boys a goodnight kiss. As the lines dwindle, Jack and Crutchie are the last to receive a goodnight kiss. I kiss Crutchies head and nudge him towards his bed. When I turn to Jack to give him a kiss, he grabs my face instead, kissing my forehead and telling me goodnight. I bury myself in the blankets and try to rest for the new day. 

New day, same headline. Newsies still need to pay 60 cents per hundred. Finally, we have enough of the treatment and chaos is everywhere. I watch in slow motion as Romeo gets backhanded by a cop. People are fighting everywhere. Oscar corners me and goes to throw a punch, and is ripped away by Jack. “Thanks hon!” We fight in tandem, working and throwing punches at everyone in sight. He shouts for me to duck, knocking out someone behind me. He helps me up and smirks. “Hey, what do you think about marrying me?” I turn with a punch to face him, “Seriously? Right now?” Rolling his eyes he responds, “No, just someday soon though. I mean the boys see me as their dad, and you as their Mother.” “We will talk about this later Jack Kelly.” I hear Crutchie screaming for help, being dragged off by his bum leg. I run and pry the bull off Crutch, and shove the boy at Jack. “Take him and go, I’ll get the rest of the boys.” I turn and shout to the rest. “Boys, back home! Meet Jack back at the house, I’m right behind you.” As they run off, I make sure everyone made it out. As I turn to take the alleyways back to Jack and back to my family, two bulls block my path. They grab me and haul me to the refuge kicking and screaming. 

During my time there, I became a mother to those kids as well. We said our prayers and I tucked them in at night. Every night I pray for Jack and my boys, that they’re safe and they’re fed. I’m not there for even a few days when I’m taken out of the overcrowded room I was shoved into. We walk to the courtyard from the day of the strike, and I see my boys, I see Crutchie alive and well, and most importantly, I see Jack. 

Once I am officially released, I run towards him, jumping into his arms. After setting me back down on solid ground he kneels down and pulls out a simple band. “Y/N, I love you, and I meant what I said earlier. You have been so good to these kids, to me. What I’m trying to say is… Y/N, will you marry me?” Crying I nod. “Yes. Yes!” He slips the ring on my finger, and our lips meet as the boys, and even governor cheer for us. We did end up getting married a couple years later, but that is a different story.

[blodreina-noumou]

What are the best acting moments each season?

Thanks, anon! This one is tough! 

It should go without saying, but this is just my personal opinion, and there are definitely other really good moments in each of these seasons that could as easily be argued as “the best.” That being said, here are my favorites!

Season One - A Father’s Final Farewell

This might seem out of left field, but I have to give it to Tor Lemkin, played by Mac Brandt. He’s incredible throughout the episode, as he manages to bring a lot of heart and sympathy to a one-off character. I couldn’t actually find my favorite moment in the gif search - it’s the moment he’s laying on the floor with the other volunteers, holding his daughter’s barrette. He stares down at it with a small, ironic sort of smile, holding it between his fingers. His goodbye with his daughter was bittersweet, as she doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation. Mac Brandt manages to convey so much at once in this small but incredibly memorable performance - one of hundreds, dying for their loved ones because they feel it’s the only right thing they can do. He could’ve just been another nameless face, but because of his story and his performance, we are pulled in to his personal journey, and his mixture of regret, sadness, and acceptance. Hope for a better future, where his sassy, bright kid can live peacefully. All from a little smile, a tilt of the head, and holding a hairclip. This scene leaves me wrecked, every single time, even when I rewatch it now.

Season Two - Clarke Can’t Get Her Hands Clean

Eliza Morley (nee Taylor) has had to do some really raw moments as Clarke Griffin. I think this breakdown, at the beginning of episode 2x09, is one of her best moments to date. Within the story, this scene takes place just minutes after Clarke kills Finn. It’s the opening of the episode. Clarke is alone in the tent, shell-shocked and beyond bereaved, and she’s trying desperately to wipe her hands clean of Finn’s blood. The way she implores Abby (“I had to, I had to,”) is so heartbreakingly childlike and wrought with regret. She just wants her mom to make it okay, to understand, to tell Clarke she did the right thing, even though every single fiber of Clarke’s soul is screaming at her that she did something horrific. And she did - both things are true. She had to kill Finn, and it was horrible. Eliza’s trembling, halting speech, her manic rocking, her bloodshot, teary eyes - it’s just an incredibly believable and appropriately gutting performance.

Season Three - ALIE!Raven Rises

Lindsey Morgan had only a few lines and gestures in which to sell us on the idea that ALIE has completely taken control of Raven’s body - and she absolutely nails every single moment. After watching Raven’s struggle and near manic energy in her attempts to keep ALIE out, there is something so chilling about her calm, robotic demeanor when she sits up after submitting. It only works because Lindsey does so well of mimicking the unsettling mannerisms and voice of the villainous A.I. It’s a subtle bit of work that shows Lindsey has a lot of talent when it comes to acting.

Season Four - Monty and Jasper Say Goodbye

Devon Bostick wins for this season, and this scene. In one of the most heartbreaking deaths on The 100 (no small feat) Monty discovers Jasper, moments before Jasper’s death, but too late to really save him. The two best friends share a heart-wrenchingly beautiful, sad final conversation. Devon Bostick in particular really sells Jasper’s state of mind in his final moments - he’s accepted death, he’s ready for it, but he hates the pain he’s causing Monty, and he cannot stand dying knowing that Monty was angry with him, that Monty might live with resentments. Everything from his casual, “Thought I was trippin’ already,” to the desperation in his eyes and voice as he begs Monty to say he loves him - ugh. It’s beyond words, and truly a fitting final performance for one of the best actors and characters on the show.

Season Five - Octavia Becomes Blodreina

I couldn’t find my actual favorite moment in the gif search, unfortunately, but this is the scene in which it takes place. All throughout s5, Marie Avgeropoulos does some incredible work, basically playing two different characters as both Octavia, a scared young woman acting as the tenuous link between survival and order for her people, and Blodreina, the violent and bloodthirsty persona she had to create in order to achieve those goals. Right before the moment in the gif above, we see Octavia lying with her head on a book that reminds her of her brother. A single tear slips out of her eyes. It’s a stark and fascinating contrast to the blood she’s soaked in, and the dozen deaths she caused to make that happen. It’s chilling and engaging. The entire premise of s5 rides on Marie’s performance, on selling the idea that some fragment of Octavia still exists inside Blodreina - and she absolutely nails it.

Season Six - Josephine!Clarke Wakes Up

Clarke’s “death” was pretty shocking, although I knew the moment it happened that it wouldn’t last. That being said, Eliza Morley (nee Taylor) has only a few moments to convince us that Clarke is “truly” gone at the end of 6x04, and that someone very different has taken her place. A lot can be said about Clarke Griffin, but she’s never been particularly vain or worried about her looks. The way Josephine!Clarke looks at herself, enthralled and even a little turned on, says so much about who Josephine is. The higher pitch of her voice (all the more impressive when you remember Eliza is Australian), the more delicate posture and bearing, the lighter and more open facial expressions - it’s a great moment that tells us that this season will be unlike any other, for better or for worse. It was a lot of fun to watch Eliza play around with the many “faces behind the glass” that inhabited Clarke’s body in s6, and this moment right here is where it all begins.

Thanks again for the ask anon, and so sorry to make you wait!

[lady-divine-writes]

Insecure

When gaggles of women start flooding his shop on their lunch hours just to gawk at his sexy husband, Aziraphale begins to succumb to the new doubts and fears that come as a result of going native.

Luckily, Crowley has a cure for that. (2260 words)

(AO3)

Aziraphale has noticed a disturbing trend in the customers who come into his shop lately. No longer do they seem to be interested in purchasing one of his many immaculate and prized first editions (thank God), but, instead, they come to gawk at his husband, who spends a great deal of his time draped over a chair in the corner reading. Or pretending to read. He’s mostly there to annoy Aziraphale – make suggestive remarks when the angel bends over, persuade him take long lunches and close up early, rearrange the books by random indicators like whether there’s an animal featured on the cover or not, the author’s hair color, or their perceived sexual orientation. Since Aziraphale can’t afford to waste miracles, that means he has to spend all day reorganizing his shelves.

Or leave them as is, which is Crowley’s aim really.

But the gaggle of teenaged girls who come in before and after school, and the business women who stop by on their lunch hour, annoy him more.

He’s tried to juggle his times of operation to avoid them – open later, close earlier, take off Mondays. But they don’t seem to mind being late to where they’re going just to catch a glimpse of his demon.

And it’s beginning to wear on him.

Crowley doesn’t seem to notice the attention. Aziraphale brought it up to him once over lunch, asking how it felt to be objectified by the female clientele that his presence has been attracting day after day after day (in part because he was irritated and in part because he was genuinely curious), to which Crowley said, “You’ve been getting customers? When was that? Last week?”

Since Aziraphale can usually tell when Crowley is lying, and he wasn’t this time around, that was the end of that discussion.  

But this influx of admirers has begun to spotlight certain doubts in Aziraphale’s mind that have been hiding there for some time.

Do they belong together? Are they really a match?

He’s not even talking about the angel/demon dynamic. A lot of people would say that opposites attract and well, you can’t get much more opposite than good and evil.

Then again, they’ve come to discover that Crowley isn’t completely evil, and Aziraphale isn’t necessarily 100% good.

And that’s part of the point.

So many things have changed for Aziraphale lately, ever since he and his demon became husbands. Changes in life, changes in his shop … changes in him. Inadequacies, doubts, fears, no longer simply about himself or his job efficiency as an angel, but about this relationship – a relationship that had been a constant in his existence, one he didn’t have to think too hard on or worry too much about. Perhaps it’s a side-effect of going native, but being married to a sexy demon on a planet that values youth and beauty over wit and intelligence makes him question a lot of things, things he hadn’t thought to question for all the years they’d been friends.

If Aziraphale has begun to notice these things, will Crowley begin to notice them, too?

Will they become important to him?

Crowley is a demon, bound (for the most part) by demonic rules. When one takes into account the seven deadly sins - a page straight out of the demon playbook - technically, they already should be.

The door to the shop opens and a new wave of women walks through. Aziraphale rolls his eyes mentally but confronts them with a smile. He walks straight up to them, effectively blocking their way further than the counter unless they admit to wanting a book, which, at this point, he may just be willing to sell them if it means they leave without the requisite drooling over his husband.

“Good morning! May I help you young ladies?”

The three of them do their best to get around him, but with the only entrance into the belly of the shop being the narrow aisle behind him, it would be impossible to do without shoving him to the side.

Which one lady in a houndstooth jacket and blonde bob looks fully prepared to do.

They try to peek over him but to no avail as the chair his husband lounges on has been moved out of sight of the door. All three women deflate when they realize their trip to this otherwise dull and dusty little shop has all been for naught, and they sigh in unison.

“Uh … no. No, we’re … okay,” one of them says, and they turn and leave the shop, grumbling about the pudgy old troll popping out from under his bridge to ruin their fun.

The door slams shut and Aziraphale sighs, returning to his task of restocking the shelves.

“Now what was all that about?” Crowley asks, coming up behind his angel, having caught the final few seconds of that unfortunate interaction.

“Nothing,” Aziraphale replies, doing his best to try and smile as he tosses books onto shelves, barely paying mind to where they belong.

“Is that so?” Crowley rescues the next book, which had missed the shelf, before it lands on the floor. “The way you’re abusing these poor books, it doesn’t seem like nothing. What has …” He glances at the cover of the one he’s holding before sliding it into its place on the shelf “… Allen Ginsberg ever done to you?”

Aziraphale stops. Full stops. Stops stocking the shelves, stops smiling, stops trying to pretend. In the grand scheme of the universe and God’s ineffable plan, Aziraphale’s problems seem shallow and petty. But they are his problems, and right now, they’re bowing his back, weighing his shoulders down.

“Why did you ask me to marry you, Crowley?” he asks, staring down at his husband’s snakeskin shoes and hugging the remaining three books to his chest.

Crowley smirks since he knows full well his husband can’t see. “Well, it was about flippin’ time, wasn’t it?”

Aziraphale’s head snaps up, his eyes, full of angelic fire, meeting Crowley’s behind his dark glasses. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

But Crowley doesn’t fear that fire. He welcomes it.

“It means I’ve loved you forever, Aziraphale. And the second I got my head out of my arse and figured it out, I wanted to make it official.”

Aziraphale nods and goes back to the task of examining his husband’s shoes. Crowley takes the books out of Aziraphale’s hands and places them on the shelf so he can wrap his husband up in his arms.

“Tell me. What’s this really all about, hmm? Does it have anything to do with that wench that called you a troll?”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice young woman, all things considered,” Aziraphale murmurs, not sounding all that convincing.

“Well, she’s a perfectly nice young woman who just dropped her lunch, missed her bus connection, and now has a huge runner in her stockings, so hopefully that makes your day a little bit better.”

Aziraphale smiles softly into the fabric of his husband’s shirt. “No. But I thank you for the effort.”

“What do you care what these mortals think of you?” Crowley squeezes his husband tight, hoping for a giggle. “You’re an angel! You’re Mr. Holier-than-thou! You perform miracles! You fight for the greater good! You’re not concerned with those things, right?”

“No.” Aziraphale clears his throat and straightens his back in an attempt to pull himself up from his bog of self-pity. “Not at all. At least … I wasn’t. I don’t know. This new life of ours … it’s doing things to me.”

“Well, I should hope so,” Crowley growls.

This time, Aziraphale does giggle. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Look …” Crowley leans back a few inches to look into his angel’s eyes “… you chose your human form, right?”

Aziraphale’s head bobs left to right, giving that some thought. “More or less. There were parameters.”

“And if there was something you didn’t like about it, you could change it?”

“I guess.”

“So, why haven’t you? I’ll tell you why. Because deep down inside, you like yourself just the way you are. You like your face because it’s kind. And you don’t mind the shape of your body because you feel your favorite clothes suit you. You’ve never had a single negative thought about yourself that wasn’t put into your head by someone else. You love yourself. And so do I. Because you’re not your body, Aziraphale. You’re your heart and your soul and your mind. You also happen to be one hell of a, as they say, bad ass.”

“Really?” Aziraphale says with a bitter little hiccup. “And how do you figure that?”

“Aziraphale! You wield a flaming sword! You stood in front of Satan himself, ready to defend the world! Humans who walk into this shop every day should genuflect and worship you.”

“That would fall under the category of false idols, so that’s a no-no.”

“Plus - and this is a huge plus - you’re the only being I know who’s looked Beelzebub in the face and asked for a rubber duck! Do you think there’s anyone else on this measly little planet that even compares to you? Because, to be honest, if there were, that would be terrifying!”

Aziraphale rests his head against his husband’s chest, melting into his words of praise. He’d never considered any of that, which proves how native he’s actually become. Humans, he’s noticed, do the same thing. What do degrees and accolades and charitable works matter so long as you’re aesthetically pleasing to any and all sexes? But he can’t allow his husband to lead him into the sin of pride. He knows Crowley isn’t trying to tempt him. He’s being supportive.

But as a demon, leading Aziraphale astray would fall under the umbrella of an occupational hazard.

“Would it make you feel better if I made a few alterations to my form?” Crowley asks. “Give myself a bit of a pooch? Perhaps a double chin?”

“No! I know how much you like the form you’re in. I know that you’re afraid to lose it. I don’t want you to go changing yourself for me.”

“Now that’s funny, because I feel exactly the same way about you.”

The clock on the wall strikes the hour and Crowley looks up. Through the window, he sees another wave of women heading for the shop, huddled together as if they’re embarking on a secret quest. “Do you really want to stop those women from coming in here all the time?”

“Not that I’m purposefully trying to drive away business …”

“Of course not.”

“… but it would be nice.”

Crowley pinches his angel’s chin and gives him a wink. “I’ll handle it.”

The bell over the door tinkles as it swings open. This time, instead of the shop’s portly proprietor greeting its customers, the tall, slender man they’ve been coming to see – the one who fills out a tight fitting shirt and black jeans like no one else in the world - does, and they’re instantly delighted. Their collective eyes brighten when they see that the object of their lustful gazes has finally risen out of his chair, and is now standing in front of them to see.

“Hello, ladies,” Crowley says to the obnoxious tittering of all, and Aziraphale shakes his head. How this is supposed to keep the birds out of the roost, he had no idea. This will probably make them stop by more.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

“We didn’t realize you worked here,” one woman says, her eyes glowing with the possibilities.

“Ah, yes, yes. Alas, I do. Is there anything you ladies need? Something to tickle your literary taste buds?” Crowley meets them glasses to eyes, flashing the most charming smile he can conjure. “Some Shakespeare, a little Whitman … some Wilde, perhaps?”

“Why, yes,” one brave woman dares, taking Crowley in from head to toe, not even being subtle about it when her whole head moves, which makes the smiling brood beside her titter even more. “As a matter of fact, there is.”

“Well, well, well. One second and my husband will help you.”

It takes a moment for those words to hit, but the fallout is precious.

First comes the silence, then the confusion, followed by the disbelief.

“Husband?” Aziraphale hears one of the women say before Crowley grabs him around the waist, pulls him against him, and kisses him hard.

The gasp from their lips is positively delicious. Aziraphale would guffaw if not for his husband’s mouth on his, his serpent tongue slipping between his lips and giving him the most inappropriate things to think about in public. By the time Crowley lets his husband come up for air, the women are gone – vanished as if in a puff of smoke since Aziraphale never heard the bells over the door ring to announce their departure.

Of course, that could be because of the thoughts his husband had been projecting into his mind using a soupçon of his demonic power.

His sexy serpent has one vivid imagination.

“So, that’s the solution you came up with?” Aziraphale fixes his vest, tugging at the hem, pretending to act scandalized by the whole process even though the smile he can’t suppress begs to differ.

“Yup. I’d say it worked a treat, too. Besides, the best part about it is …” He slaps his husband playfully on the ass before he finishes “… we get to do that again for every lot that comes in.”

[maren-as-an-adult]

The 2020 Experience, Part 4

December was...rough. Every free moment I had was spent looking for better paying jobs and more apartments. Christmas gifts were planned and purchased under extreme budget. I had an upcoming OB-GYN appointment. And the accumulated stress finally broke me physically and mentally.

I started noticing it when I had my OB-GYN appointment. My appointment wasn’t until 4:30pm, but I wanted to get some Christmas shopping done, so I took an early train into Atlantic Terminal to do some shopping in and around Barclay’s Center. I didn’t have breakfast before I left, so I grabbed a latte and a slice of iced lemon cake from Starbucks. There were some benches outside where I sat down and ate. Afterwards, I hit up Target and Marshall’s. Once I was in line for Marshall’s, I started feeling... off. I could feel my pulse rushing in my face, and my stomach felt simultaneously empty and twisted upside down. I couldn’t tell if I felt like I was going to vomit or poop, or if I was just really gassy and needed to fart. I made it through purchasing and left to sit down somewhere, anywhere. I think I settled down in front of either TJ Maxx or Burlington on the ground. I pulled my knees into my chest, waiting and hoping for this feeling to pass. After about 15 minutes and no change, I knew I needed to find a bathroom. And in COVID times, I had a better chance of finding a four-leaf clover growing out of the concrete than a public toilet I could access.

Target, however, was my savior. Having purchased from them earlier, I happily took advantage of their open and clean bathroom facilities. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say I spent a long time on that toilet trying to feel better. Eventually I had to move on, and I decided I would go outside and get as much fresh air as I could, hoping that would somehow cure me of this... whatever feeling it was. It helped, or at least that’s what I told myself as I slowly sipped water from my water bottle. I tried to make one last stop at one last shop before heading down to Bay Ridge for my OB-GYN appointment, but after two instances where I was forced to sit down again and wait for the feeling to pass to something barely more manageable, I decided the best course of action would be to arrive exceptionally early to my appointment and hope they had an unoccupied bathroom I could access.

Thankfully, they did. I somehow managed a thirty minute train ride, a ten minute wait for the bus, a ten minute bus ride, and a ten minute walk to the doctor’s office, where after filling out a few forms I retreated to their very clean single occupancy bathroom. I felt awful and wanted something done about it, so I open mouth breathed while kneeling in front of the toilet bowl for a while. It’s a technique I use when I feel like I may throw up and want to encourage my stomach to expel whatever’s clearly upsetting it. [I also wish to take this moment to make this very clear: I am not, nor have I ever been, bulimic. I don’t endorse or condone bulimia. I’m sure it’s very easy to read what I just wrote as inducing vomiting to purposefully purge, but it is not. I was not trying to make myself vomit, but I was prepared for that to happen should my body have decided that’s what it needed to do.] What ended up happening was about five minutes of dry heaving before my body apparently decided that because there was nothing there, that nothing was wrong anymore.

What was wrong with me? I hadn’t interacted with anyone who was sick, had I? I had recently started babysitting, could I have gotten something from one of the kids? Was I not as diligent as I thought I’d been with maintaining social distance and wearing a mask and sanitizing and washing my hands? Or was it something else? All I’d had to eat that day was some processed cake and a sugary latte, could I possibly have developed celiac disease overnight? Was my body finally shutting down it’s lactose-digesting functions? Was I just really overcaffeinated because I forgot to specify “half-caf” in my Starbucks order?

I posited these queries to my doctor while she poked around my vagina. She said it was possible I could be lactose intolerant or I could be crashing from the caffeine. When the staff had taken my temperature I wasn’t running a fever, so it wasn’t likely I’d caught anything off of someone. With a final fingering to gauge the position of my uterus (I learned it has a slight anterior tilt), my appointment was done and I was free to go home. Though I felt better, I decided against calling on my old roommates and to instead just head back to Graham’s. I made one last gift purchase before hopping on the LIRR, and my Christmas shopping was essentially done.

The feeling didn’t disappear though, and on some days it became unmanageable. My GI system was clearly in distress, and not a lot was helping. I found a few packs of ginger turmeric tea at Graham’s house and made myself a cup, firmly placing my faith in the healing properties of what some (uncultured) people call “hot leaf juice”. I think it helped, but I can’t be sure. I’d told Graham about what was going on and what I thought it could be, and he could sympathize and to a degree empathize. It wasn’t until one night when I was again dry heaving into a toilet bowl that Graham fully saw what an awful state I was in. I told him at this point I thought it was a manifestation of the stress we’d been under for the past eight weeks. For eight weeks we’d been searching for apartments, passing on nice ones just out of our budget, trying to come to terms with the infinite number of mediocre same-floor plan, same-color, same-appliances, same-building looking ones, and getting discouraged with the shitty, falling apart ones. I had spent my first Thanksgiving away from my family and had resigned myself to spending Christmas apart from my family for the first time as well. I’d had three separate COVID tests in the past two months. I hadn’t spoken to my therapist since before Thanksgiving. And I had spent the entire month at Graham’s family’s house, which was not something I had wanted.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Truly, I’m indebted to Graham’s mom for letting me not only stay with them rent-free (but agreeing to walk their dogs) but also keep my stuff there while she is also getting ready to move out. But I have never felt comfortable calling someone else’s place my home. I cannot help but feel like an outsider, and no matter how many times people tell me to “make [myself] comfortable” and “help [myself] to whatever food there is” I will feel like an imposition and a burden. It’s only my anxiety coming through, but it comes through LOUD.

I finally scheduled an appointment with my therapist again, and poured all this out to him. I told him exactly how bad things had gotten, and not for the first time I considered asking to be prescribed anti-anxiety medication and possibly antidepressants. I decided to keep going without them...for now.

Christmas Eve came and Graham, his family, and I all celebrated together. We were gifted some lovely items to start our life living together, like a knife set, a set of glasses, new bedding, and a casserole dish. It was a lovely respite from the stress.

On Christmas Day, Graham and I went to see another apartment. This apartment was in the same building as the apartment we almost signed for, and the only differences were that this apartment was on a lower floor and didn’t have a balcony. It was also almost $100/month less than what we had almost agreed to. The owner said he would send over the application and answers to our questions on Monday. We both felt good about this apartment.

When Monday came with no e-mail from the guy, I reached out to him to ask when we could expect it. His response was that he had just been diagnosed with COVID-19 and now wanted to sell instead of rent. This became all too much for me, and when I got back into Graham’s car as we were out running errands, I started screaming. I hadn’t screamed like this since a particularly bad day of work I had back when I worked at Target. It was cathartic, but I felt cold and disconnected from Graham for the rest of the day. Something had broken inside me, and I wasn’t sure if it was my heart, my soul, my mind, or all three. It took a while for me to recover, and honestly I’m still hurt and feel betrayed by this guy. I understand I cannot speak for what’s best for him or what he felt he should have done, but Graham and I felt that we were given the runaround by this guy. We scheduled another COVID test for ourselves, and tried to move forward.

We made it to New Year’s Eve, and stayed up to watch 2020 end. New Year’s felt somber this year, and it felt hard to celebrate the start of a new year when the one we just went through was so damaging.

But we made it. We’re here, and it’s the first week of January in 2021. Currently there are radical conservatives storming the Capitol protesting the electoral college results, but in less than 20 days, Trump will be out of office. I’ve given myself goals that are manageable for the new year, and Graham and I have three applications out for three different apartments, and there’s a chance we may be able to get the apartment we saw on Christmas Day. We keep moving forward, because the alternative is to not move at all.

And I refuse to allow that for myself.