#I want to see more AMAB gender fuckery

[theeretblr]

This is probably a frequently asked question, but here we go! I’m a guy who wants to try dressing more androgynously (and who also probably isn’t gender cis lol), what’s your advice on breaking that gender barrier for the first time?

This is one of the best questions I have ever received!

I'm so passionate about this! There are so many different ways someone could experiment with AMAB gender for the first time.

Simple ways to "break the gender barrier" could be: - Asking a friend(s) to use a different name or pronouns - Growing your hair out or getting it styled more "femme" - Experimenting with make up > Most days I just clean shave and use concealer and powder to cover up any blemishes or facial hair darkness. I'm only recently learning more about makeup stuff myself, but it works! - Trying on more "feminine" clothes (e.g. bras, v-neck shirts, skirts) - Wearing shape wear (e.g. hip pads, breast forms) > I wear breast forms slotted into a regular bra most days. I can share what I use most of the time if anyone is interested. > Breast forms have the benefit of being removable and come in different sizes. > I've seen breast forms as cheap as $22, but the ones I like most are usually around $60-$70. > From an outside perspective, breast forms are almost always perceived as real in my experience > If you are wanting to try out breast forms, I would recommend starting relatively small (around A-C cup size) and then go bigger if you want. I have found it is much easier to style around having smaller breast forms, especially more casually. > Larger breast forms will need a more supportive bra, especially as they aren't glued to your chest (though those do exist) > When presenting Fem, I am generally wearing some hip and butt pads, these help balance out my silhouette with my breast forms to be more feminine overall. (Again, I can link if interested)

I hope this helps! Those are just some ideas and advice from someone who has been working a lot of this out themselves. I'm sure many people have had different experiences, but these are things that I know have worked for myself and friends. Please let me know if you guys can think of any more! Thank you!

[spacelazarwolf]

Do you think that AMAB enbies can also identify as lesbians? Especially those who have no connection to masculinity and for whom "straight" wouldn't make sense?

(I absolutely support trans men also identifying as lesbians, I'm just asking about your opinion on other groups using the term, which I also support although I found some people see it as quite controversial too)

i think anyone that wants a place in the lesbian community can find one. there are tons of irl lesbian spaces where gender fuckery is celebrated, and i think that should extend to anyone regardless of agab or connection to masculinity.

and like, usually ppl’s response to this is “well what about cis men?????” but i have yet to meet a cis man who sincerely wants to have a place in the lesbian community. most of the cis men who “identify as lesbians” are either trolling, in which case who cares, or they’re closeted or have a more complex relationship with their gender than we usually allow for cis men.

i feel like so much online identity discourse just doesn’t reflect what real world queer experiences are actually like. being a lesbian isn’t just identifying as a lesbian, it’s seeking out other lesbians and sapphics, it’s participating in the culture, taking part in lesbian activism, seeking out sapphic relationships. and when we boil down “lesbian” to just “person who’s allowed to identify as a lesbian bc of xyz identities” it really erases the actual realities of lesbians in the real world. and tbh i feel like the emphasis on “NOT a man!!!!!! does NOT like men!!!!!!!!!” rather than fostering community can make people feel very entitled, like they’re Doing Lesbianism The Best bc they’re a gold star lesbian or have never been connected to manhood, and overshadows the actual community building that lesbians offline have been working hard at for decades.

so yeah. if you find community with other lesbians and participate in lesbian communal life, congrats! u r a lesbian. download the uhaul app.

[10holmes]

imagine comparing marginalized humans to fucking livestock

I don't know where I did any comparing, when you read the reblog carefully and truly you can see how I merely stated that speciecism or a speciecist mindset is the basis for mistreating other humans.

Because speciecism is the belief that you consider one species intrinsically more valuable and overall better and more deserving of life than another. That you think certain species are less valuable and beneath you so you're allowed to exploit and kill them and use them for your own means. When you demean them you also objectify them and then consider them as one homogenous group and don't see the individual beings any longer. We as humans (well some more than others) consider ourselves above and supreme to animals and think that gives us the right to use, exploit and kill them because when they're beneath us why care about them and their individual lives and feelings?

Mindset sound familiar? Yes? Because it is the basis of all discrimination and justification for why some life is promoted as supreme to other lives because of arbitrary characteristics...

And there are countless examples of how speciecism is featured within or influences racist and especially also antisemitic as well as misogynistic contexts... Given you have the eyes and the will to see it and pick up on it...

But well alright for the sake of making a comparison...

Imagine being so speciecist you don't acknowledge animals with the ability to feel emotions and have cognitive thought processes and form social bonds the same way you do, as beings whose life has inherent meaning and value beyond your ability to exploit and kill them because you think you can or because you consider them beneath you and worthless and see them more as mere objects to use and abuse for your own selfish desires and personal means or because you even just hate them because they're different, rather than seeing them as living individual beings...

(Mmmm... Sounds familiar? Alright replace speciecism with racism/antisemitism/misogyny and animals with the marginal group you want to refer to and maybe you are good enough to see the similarities...)

Also, on a side note, the mere fact that someone decided to call living beings lifestock? Stock is something inanimate for fcks sake... It's disgusting the language we use to devalue and objectify living, breathing and feeling animals... And not even all of them just certain ones... distinguishing them further into whose life is more precious and worthy to keep around and love than other animals, exploiting and killing those considered less worthy of life based on arbitrary, culturally influenced rules...

(also here you can potentially see similarities to distinguishing between 'good' and 'bad' people even within a discriminated group according to what traits best suit the oppressor and makes someone more agreeable to them... I'm thinking of immigration discourses e.g. hating against immigrants but when one of them has a job or qualification or something that's seen as prestigious that tends to be taken as a justification to say ok they're (slightly) better than those other immigrants (but they're still immigrants though and are still seen as lesser, just with a more elevated status among their group now)

Or misogyny employs the same thinking as well distinguishing women / afab people and men /amab people into good and bad examples of womanhood and masculinity aka "proper women" and "real men" versus whoever deviates from that...)

It's just utter manipulative mind-fuckery...

Best just to raise future generations and be raised to believe that all life has inherent meaning and that all life is valuable no matter the differences in appearance and gender and the ability to be productive or contribute to a community somehow and that it's immoral and you don't get to exploit or subjugate someone else because you consider them weaker or inferior or different...

[christinamirabilis]

hey this is not me coming for u or anything, but the issue with the "won't date anyone with a penis" is that... you don't necessarily have to have sex that involves the penis? if a woman you meet and like turns out to have a penis, you don't have to have anything to do with the penis. there are plenty of other ways you can have sex that never involves the penis. & if you assume straight away that the person with the penis wants to keep it or has no plans for surgery, then that's an issue, too.

I know this, and it is certainly something I have considered, and discussed before. The fact is, this is just not something that would work for me, for a variety of reasons - trauma, repulsion of penises, and also the fact that I don't want to have sex with someone without fully being comfortable and without THEM fully being comfortable. In my mind, having sex with someone who refuses to go anywhere near your genitals because they are repulsed by them would be pretty fucking dysphoric?Dysphoria is not something I can understand, since I'm cis, so maybe I'm wrong, but I know that's how I'd feel if it were me - I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who didn't love ALL of my body. The other thing is that I want to be able to pleasure my partner, it's just as important as getting off, if not more, to me. This is going to be pretty hard if I refuse to interact with their genitals in anyway.Lastly, I cannot and do not enjoy sex if I'm not entirely comfortable in the situation. I imagine this is true of everyone, but it is especially true given my trauma history - I know that I'm having sex with a woman with a penis, but all my body knows is that it is back in a traumatic situation it hasn't been in for 12 years. Our bodies have memories that our minds don't, and aren't able to think rationally, that's one of the cornerstones of PTSD - overreacting to irrelevant stimuli in the environment with terror that it is back in that situation. That panic has happened to me for much smaller reasons in the past, so I know I wouldn't cope. And I shouldn't have to, and neither should my partner. I know it is much less likely to happen with someone with whom I am comfortable, who I love and trust, but I don't know how I would get to that point. It is not something I would expect someone else to have to overcome for me, and I'm not going to do it for someone else either. Just going to reiterate that I would feel nearly as uncomfortable if I had no history of trauma and was simply repulsed by penises. That's not a choice, and there should be nothing wrong with that.I also understand that not all women with penises are planning to keep them! And that's cool! Like I said, I would be more than happy to date a trans woman or a femme amab non-binary person, if they had a vagina. But in NZ, gender affirmation surgery is ridiculously underfunded, to the point that funding is only granted for one surgery every two years, and there is no longer a surgeon in NZ who is able to perform those surgeries. Being in a relationship with a woman who is on the waiting list for 10+ years because they may not be able to afford to go and get private surgery in Thailand, which is what a lot of trans people in NZ do in the end, comes with all the same problems as the previous paragraph.I know these all probably sound like excuses for transmisogyny but I assure you that I don't like this situation at all and I wish I could be different. And honestly, if I met and fell for a woman who had a penis but was my dream girl in every other way, then I would figure it out, because sex is only one part of a relationship. But I have to admit that that is extremely unlikely, because - at least for me - love and trust are a process, and come AFTER sexual intimacy and being completely comfortable in my vulnerability with that person while we are having sex. That would not be possible for me if it is someone with a penis, for the reasons I've listed above, unless I already loved and trusted them, which again would only be possible for me after being comfortable in my vulnerability, etc etc. The only way I can see that happening is if it is someone with whom I am already very good friends.So, like I said, I'm not ruling it out - but it's not likely to ever happen. And that should be okay, people should be okay with that! It's not about seeing a trans woman as less of a woman than a cis woman - it's about knowing what I need and want in an intimate relationship, and which of those needs are flexible, and which aren't, and not trying to force those things in order to check a box on a checklist of requirements to not be a bigot, because that's not what it's about. For me, it's the same as being unable to date an ace person or a polyamorous person - our basic needs and wants are not compatible. And therefore, it won't work out. And I know from experience of trying to force myself into polyamory for a girl I loved that it does NOT work and turns me into a fucking miserable crying mess. I don't want that, and I don't want any girl to ever have to think they're the cause of that because of something that is out of their control.I hope this makes sense, and I hope I haven't said anything that is ignorant or offensive or even the least bit transmisogynistic, because that's the last thing I want. I agree with everything you're saying, and this is not a list of reasons why lesbian terfs are okay, because honestly fuck that gross fuckery, I will never defend terfs. It is simply describing my own individual needs for an intimate relationship, and why dating a woman with a penis wouldn't work for me specifically. I want to reiterate that I have spent a LOT of time agonising over this and that I wish I felt differently, because I'm aware that it's not the best way to feel for a person who does not want to associate with transmisogyny and with terf ideology in the slightest. The only thing I can do is continue to do what I'm doing and hope for the best. I normally just keep my mouth shut on these issues, but sometimes I just feel the need to speak up in defence of myself and everyone else who feels this way but feels guilty about it.