#I was SUCH a disgusting coward in college tho

[loving-n0t-heyting]

Often I look back at my life and in particular my debased, pusillanimous fear of catching myself enjoying cringey neckbeard geek shit and I am overcome with shame and guilt and self-revulsion, but I can at least console myself that I was an unabashed homestuck. That has to shave off a few years of inauthenticity-purgatory

[winterdusktales]

man i really thought the dynamic of the three leads in oasis would be somewhat similar to the three leads in chicago typewriter or my country. well at least that's what the first few eps seemed to be going for

but it became just one of those many annoying kdrama love triangles bcs of the 2nd lead. idek where the plot is going atp

i still like the drama tho. cuz im a sucker for angst no matter how frustrating it gets. and i dont rlly mind where the plot goes. i just wish the three leads maintained their unbreakable bond no matter how complicated their circumstances turn out

like with the 2nd male leads in chicago typewriter and my country, as frustrating as it may be, i still understood why they had to make the choices they made. i wouldnt defend them but i get them. i loooove the 2nd lead in chicago typewriter no matter what and the three leads are still among my top fav kdrama trios. i hated the 2nd lead in my country but i get why he had to turn to the bad side. like theres an actual depth in his characterization

but with cheolwoong its rlly just immaturity, jealousy, and insecurity.

(get ready for a cheolwoong hate essay)

hes still the same highschool boy who would come home crying bcs doohak ranked 1st on top of the whole class. the same boy who was competing "fair and square" to win the heart of their highschool crush. the same boy who would make other ppl do the dirty work for him cuz hes a pretentious coward

the way he is so ready to throw away his lifelong brotherhood with doohak for his highschool crush who he knew for a few yrs and who never even led him on to make him think he has any chance with her

the doohak who he called his hyung his entire life. the doohak who did everything he told him to until highschool. the doohak who would fight his fights. the doohak who /involuntarily/ went to prison for a crime HE COMMITTED just bcs he begged him to tho he knew it would ruin doohaks life. like id be so ashamed to even show up in front of him. if he asks for something, id do it right away without considering it as a payment for my debt cuz nothing could make up for what doohak had to go through bcs of me

not to mention doohak also singlehandedly saved him (again... for the nth time) against that group of college students without any help from anyone

he couldnt even make up his mind if he wishes to save or betray doohak like how he remained neutral with the student activists vs gov thing in his college days. like if ure gonna be the bad guy, just be the bad guy and let me hate u entirely

like u can tell he still cares for doohak (reason why i thought theyd have this unbreakable brotherhood even when they act like enemies in front of eo but theyd come running to save eo when needed to cuz they know deep down they love eo like the male leads in the 2 dramas i mentioned above) but i guess he doesnt care for him enough to let him be happy after all those years of suffering (which he caused)

doohaks friendship with his gang members is even more precious than theirs. like i would trust any of the gang members with doohaks life but not cheolwoong

also the lack of self awareness??? he always brings up doohaks flaws when hes actually way worse

anyway i hope the writers dont give him redemption arc just for the sake of giving everyone a good ending. i want him miserable and i want to hate him until the end. when he finds out the truth abt his birth, i want him IN SEVERE PAIN. i want him to be so ashamed to even go near doohak. on top of that, i want jungshin cutting him off her life for good and giving him the same disgusted face she gave doohak when she found out hes part of a gang. I WANT HIM SUFFERING

and give doohak and jungshin their happy ending ffs! they literally just want a peaceful life together without all these makjang drama. theyve been through soooo much since they were young and until now. enough is enough

[iputthediscoindiscourse]

So because men want to fuck you now and because they “buy you food and other trinkets” you became a tradfem? I guess your mom’s grooming did work after all! I’m sure you guys can bond over that.This whole thing is so embarrassing and not because you’re “bi now” but because you have two very contradicting ideas trying to make them into one, you also clearly enjoy being objectified by men which is why people are calling you pathetic. “I just want to be a stay at home wife” yeah which you’re probably gonna settle down for a moid because “it’s easier to get men” right? Even tho you know how disgusting men are you still choose to be with them how is that not the most heterosexual behaviour? You should have just kept on living your life and kept it quiet 😂

Just like I said before you are a wuss and a coward saying this as an anon and you need a shitton of help to actually be a fully functioning member of society!!

So because men want to fuck you now and because they “buy you food and other trinkets” you became a tradfem?

First off, I never said anything about men wanting to fuck me in that response? You are literally sexualizing me which is making yourself look bad bro. Why do you assume that men do stuff for me and I swing that way? Like if you really want to know what made me go that way was studying Sharia(Islamic Law) and Halakha (Jewish Law) both in academia and with friends, made me realize that the religious culture I grew up in was fucked and that had no protections for women, and that there was a possibility of actually being religious and still having a loving partner and family life. Along with that, when I went off to college it was the first time in my life I actually met men that actually loved their wives and their children, they are actually excellent fathers, husbands and community members and it made me realize how fucked I grew up was. Like growing up, all of the men didn't really love their wives or their children at all and they boggled everyone done instead of helping them!! Like actually seeing people in love and having happy lives with marriage and child rearing is what made me go that way!! Like knowing the I can actually have a happy fulfilling relationship along with creating a family full of love laughter and happiness made me go this way!! Also I only let one man buy me trinkets cause of my trauma the rest of my fwbs and dates just buy me food lmao.

I guess your mom’s grooming did work after all! I’m sure you guys can bond over that.

You know my mother would throw a riot if she knew my dating history and knew I covered my hair right? Like she wanted me to marry a white Christian man, and not just any white Christian man but one that was similar to her religiously. Which I have never dated a Christian guy, I mostly date either non-religious, Jewish or Muslim guys. On top of that, I have dated a lot of Indian dudes along with Black guys and Pakistani dudes. Once in a blue moon do I date a white man anymore tbh. Also haven't talked to my mother in over 18 months and I don't plan to anytime soon tbh.

This whole thing is so embarrassing and not because you’re “bi now” but because you have two very contradicting ideas trying to make them into one, you also clearly enjoy being objectified by men which is why people are calling you pathetic.

Tradfem and Radfem are not that polar opposite that you make it out to be both modern (last twenty years ish) have been trying to answer the same question which is how to improve the conditions for women and people of the female sex. For radfems, they want to destroy the current order of things and build it from the ground up. While tradfems want to keep some of the natural order of things but tweak it here and there to benefit women. Like no offense but your views on tradfems are very bias and seem somewhat corrupted by what men want you to define them as lmao. Where did I say I like being objectified by men? Cause like if a man only sees me as a sex toy I cut him off instantly so like lol. If I am pathetic then I wonder what you are for sending such weird messages to me.

“I just want to be a stay at home wife” yeah which you’re probably gonna settle down for a moid because “it’s easier to get men” right?

love the wording here it make me laugh a little lol. Honestly if I met a woman who was my type and we could be compatible I am not opposed to marrying her tbh. Like I don't settle with it comes to my partners, there is a reason none of my relationships hit the six month mark and that is because I realize I deserve better and leave. Like I am not going to settle, I am not going to make the mistakes of my mother tbh.

Even tho you know how disgusting men are you still choose to be with them how is that not the most heterosexual behaviour?

Men as a class as disgusting, but some individual men are good and honestly I wouldn't mind settling down with one if I find what I want. You know there is more heterosexual men than wlws right? so the probability of me marrying a man is higher than me marrying a women. So like, I am just being brutally honest by the fact I am more likely to marry a man than a woman.

Also nice to know you are british based on how you spell behavior.

You should have just kept on living your life and kept it quiet 😂

I mean what is the fun in being quiet, sometimes starting a riot is fun. Besides as I said numerous times, we need many different people in this world or else she is boring.

[ccc000ch]

I ordered boba tea from uncle Chen's, typing out not to ring the doorbell and they did it anyway. My dad rushes to answer the door in a hurriedly and loud voice, asking who it could be!? And making a scene. I walk over to the door and dad answers. The deliver guy says uncle Chen's. My dad from 1 foot away turns to me and screams "uncle Chen's?! Did you order uncle Chen's?!" I wait until he's finished and then I tell him he's yelling. then he grabs the bag from delivery guy and shoves it me then closes the door and mom asks from he other room whats going on. I haven't gone upstairs yet. My dad goes "she's embarrassed." I dont remember being embarrassed but dad's interpretation is always right I guess. I'm used to ppl putting words in my mouth but it all happened so fast. Mom sideeyes me with annoyance and mumbles something about having food in the kitchen. Dad says something making fun of me I dont remember and then I said it back mockingly and walked up the stairs trying to act unbothered. I just know they'll kick me out the minute I stand up for myself. I am always on thin ice and cannot say a word about anything I dont like how they treat me even tho I am paying my bills as per our agreement. My sister just has to threaten to leave again for them to let her stay and not treat her like shit and constantly criticize and poke at. I just hate them both so much and have no plans to stay in contact once I finally get away from here. My dad pretends to be a saint but really he's a piece of shit. Dad's a coward and he always has been. He likes to hang out with females because he knows no male would put up with his bullshit. I always have to tiptoe around dad's feelings and he wanders around the house passive aggressively looking for attention from me ( being the only one in the house at the time), and he always peeks in to the rooms I'm in and I'm sick of it. I was on the computer most recently looking at my paystubs and realizing I have to ask for time off so I dpnt get in trouble with my insurance and my dad is doing the attention thing, as if I'm his mother or wife or something, which to me is unnerving and obnoxious and a little creepy. He grabs a package from outside brings it in and yells about it being a bad situation, and he didnt seem like he was joking. He said that the box had a "c" as receiver so it could be for me or my sister as if it were a life or death situation while I'm dealing with an actual situation so I turned to him and tried not to yell at him to shut up because I'm dealing with something, and dad puts on his best pouty lip looks down and literally mumbles for me to "not be mean to him" and saunters away. I want to move and I wish I had enough money to. I wish I hadn't gone to college so i could afford my own place. My mom is often upset that my dad treats her poorly and acts like even her voice is grating and hates being around her and has started telling her to shut up when they are hanging out and she's really disappointed that he doesn't like her, which is something I've seen/she's confided in me since I was little kid. My dad used to snarle and look disgusted when he would talk about mom in the car when I was growing up. My mom didn't like my dad much either. I'm annoyed that my dad acts all butthurt when anyone criticizes him and if he knew someone didn't like him he'd get dramatic about it. As if no one else has ever had to put up with being criticized constantly 👀. I don't think dad has been criticized enough in life and never had to develop a thick skin. And he always acted like he's "on our side" when mom was angry with us yet he never did anything about it, he would just whine and tell me to deal with mom because mom was taking it out on him. I'm thinking about getting bus tokens and taking the bus to and from work. It gets dark early but I can make myself look big and intimidating enough I think. I gotta remember my backpack.

[spottedtrains-blog]

henlo heathens  !  it’s ur girl t(r)asha  ,  [ uh did u kno ( r ) = that symbol .. cos i didn’t .. wild ] back with her dumbasses . i was around for the Og™ rp but i made some changes to my charries so yeet  !  everything is under the cut and hmu if you’d like to plot  ,  i’m v excited to rp with everyone  !   i’m currently prepping to get on a train back to my hometown for reading week but if no one sits next to me i might fucc around ‘n rp a bit if not .. then i’ll be sticking to the im’s fhgjkhg <33

my son  !  bobby callaghan is his name - movies , reckless driving , drugs , and befriending murderers is his game  !  i have a bio HERE b/c i’m incapable of making intro posts that aren’t 100k bullet points long so in order to get away from that i’m just gonna put a few fun hc’s below  !

his actual name is robert , but that’s a disgusting boring name , for boring people and he’s not gonna be that ! he thinks he’s the coolest , the bee’s knees , the lead singer . in reality he’s not , more like the drummer and the bee’s ass .

he’s actually rly smart , but u wldn’t be able to tell b/c he acts like a crackhead ( mayhaps because he’s on crack ? hm ) . he had the grades to study any the stem subjects post high school and prolly wld’ve thrived , but he chose to study cinema .. truly , braver than the us marines .

speaking of , he’s the owner of the theatre and he loves with it his whole entire ( probably ) failing heart ! if cinema is dying he’ll go down with this ship mhm . his favorite genre is horror , then pornography .. he wrote his final thesis on the benefits of pushing porn into mainstream media so fite him ! his fave director is david cronenberg /: hit him with that body horror .. also i like to hc that ownership was like passed down from the old owner who retired and bobby probably worked as like an usher or manager or something before that !!

his dicc is struggling , mayhaps he should cool it with the drugs .

he’s well aware of the gangs , fuccs with them , no. 1 murder fanboy .

WANTED CONNECTIONS 

and they were roommates : listen they prolly have a kinda nice apartment which bobby makes disgusting , b/c he’s stinky . most definitely started a fire on the stove top multiple times , place always smells like weed , his room looks like urban outfitters on crack , always a movie playing in the bg ... fun ! 

movie skwad / film club : listen , ur chara like movies ? they in . if there’s a film club bobby can hosts screenings at the theatre .. also he screens a selection of weird finds every sunday after midnight ): it’ll be fun , they can all just chill , and discuss tarantino’s foot fetish .. 

co-workers / manager : i mean ig it’s kinda hard for someone to pick up this connection if they not a new charrie but i love being dumb so .. he’s probably at the theatre 25/8 but like ,, he’s not the most organized , he relies on his trusty staff and manager so , idk !

drug dealer : even tho he’s from colorado springs i’d like to think he got into drugs after a trip down to valdez , and then he kept goin to valdez and the rest is history .. they’d probably have  to be around the same age as hi m .. he’s a v loyal customer . maybe ur muse feels bad that he’s a right junkie .. maybe they don’t give a fucc ! they prolly v friendly tho : ) 

childhood friends :  listen to sticks ’n’ stones by jamie t , and give me a friendship based on that ? basically kids who just got into a bunch of shit together ,  mostly this iconic lyric : and rushed back to your momma’s flat , it’s the only place but home i feel relaxed enough to crap , i know it sounds crude , but there’s something to that . iconic .

wow ! look at my daughter go - even though frances barely ever smiles . sad . click HERE for the tragic backstory , because below’s just gonna be some smexy headcanons .. 

she loves electronic music and bad television .. she wouldn’t be able to tell you the name of the music ‘cos it’s always the stuff that plays at the club and she’s not technologically savvy enough to even know that shazam exist .. and she still uses like dvr , to record .. riverdale ? sweaty we wanna stan but .. 

dancing’s her only reprieve in this cold , dark world ): .. she spends any days off in a rented studio at the local gym , choreographing dance after dance , it’s her favourite thing . she’s entirely self-taught , youtube & free drop in classes .. truly a blessing . 

she’s painfully realistic , kinda blunt but in a rly awkward way ? she so conscientious of the way people receive her so she tries to be as direct as possible and it always comes off just so blank - she cares a lot, just doesn’t kno how to show it sometimes !

although she’s with the savages b/c she’s kinda indebted , she doesn’t rly feel that way ? girlie was rly depressed n it kinda gave her a purpose , though she does have guilt regarding her evading jail time .. b/c she thinks she deserves some kind of repercussion.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

college friends : she was literally in college for like a year .. barely .. but like maybe she found some friends ! who introduced her to the clubs ! gave her a lil bit of verve in life .. even if she spent the rest of the year drinking , clubbing and avoiding all academic responsibility .. 

someone to learn that awfully cringy riverdale dance : don’t ask me why i want this, i just do and it’s VALID ok ! c’mon cowards it’ll be fun . they’ll be laughin while they do the slut drop it’ll be booty-ful

childhood friends : she’s a valdez native so like, she went to school here and grew up here and all that good stuff . up for any dynamic , maybe they grew apart , maybe they’re still just as close ? anything !

grocery store pals : even though she doesn’t work there anymore, she had been working there since she was fourteen and worked there for abt a decade give or take so suffice to say she knows her grocery store peeps ! n shops there regularly so hmu :) 

lawyer : for when the thingy happened ! she probably has a strained relationship with them , grateful but also like .. shoulda just let me rot in jail kinda vibes !

[metronomecharisma]

TL ;DR : I am myself for good, I confess a lot of stuff, I love make-up and tights, I love my friends so fucking much, and I want everyone to be proud about themselves.

I promised a full story about me wearing tights and make-up and stuff some days ago on my Insagram account. So here it is. I didn’t know if I wanted to share it with you when I started writing it, but In fact I think it’s necessary to share all that with you. I want you to know this story and that I wanted to be myself for good.

Let’s start from the very beginning. I always had a great sensitivity, and some attraction for things that modern society calls “girly things”: hugging your friends, crying, writing our deepest feelings on a diary, having long hair, watching romantic films, loving flowers, loving pink, and a lot of other things. Pretty early I was attracted by beautiful clothes and attitudes that wasn’t « male ». I remember that when I was a child, when I was 6 or 8 (mom help me pls), I had a doll named Léa, and I loved taking care of her, to comb her, to tell her my secrets. I admit I also had weird experiences about discovering sexuality with that doll. I don’t have anymore souvenirs with her, but she was with me for some years, with a little blanket I still have now that one of my aunts, that now live far away from earth since 2004, offered me when I was a baby.

I didn’t have any problems by being me in primary school, despite being shy. I started to had troubles to be a “good boy” when I was in college. Almost every boys in the school was mad about me because I wasn’t male enough : I didn’t have pricey shoes, joggings, hats, vulgar language and stuff. Also I wasn’t into rap music. I grew up listening to Mylène Farmer, Nirvana, Daniel Balavoine, and even Guerilla Poubelle tho. So I forced myself to be a “good boy”: listening to (bad) rap music, wearing baggys, being a stupid disrespectful teenager (wish I could be a grunge or skramz teenager tbh), lying to myself, refusing to face my feelings, my wishes, my sensitivity, my feminity. When I was in my last year of college, I started having access to the internet, and I discovered the whole emo thing through some friends that was in that movement and recommend me some websites and elements of style. It wasn’t at all the “punk” side of emo that I discovered years later, it was all about “scene” stuff, and to be honest, I was completely blown away back in the day… I saw girls and guys with make-up, long and colored hair, lots of colored or pretty dark clothes, slim pants, with lots of feelings… I was like “wow, guys can be like them and being happy and popular and shit. It’s real…”. When I was on the internet at this time, it was for like one or two hours in a whole week because my father was super restrictive and wicked. So I managed to find the password of the computer of the father, and I passed lots of sleepless nights writing feelings on stupid blogs with scene aesthetics before he woke up to go to work… I was looking for recognition, I wanted to feel good about myself, and I refused to be alone because yeah, I felt terribly alone in my family, by beginning to love metal music, by affirming my style, my sensitivity… My father laughed a lot at me because of my sensitivity, because of the way I dressed, my way of expressing myself… The more I asserted myself, the more he mocking me and was violent against me. He hated me when I was a teenager, when I was a scene kid, when I decided to put eyeliner on me, to wear slim pants, to have long and “girly” hair… The more I was hurt by him, the more I wanted to go further and being even more myself each day. He never wanted to hear myself when I was sad, when I wanted to talk with him about life and stuff. I never had any good souvenirs with him, he was never there during my scolarity, he never learned me anything. He never wanted to have sons, only daughters. So at least, he wanted me to be a « good boy ». And I wasn’t that straight dude… And I wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry. One night, he wanted to kill myself, because I stayed 10 more minutes than my authorized time limit on the computer, and I was sad and I needed to speak about myself, when no one was here for me. He grabbed my throat and strangled me with all his might, shouting “I’ll kill you!” He passed the night with cops.

Anyway, during those nights, I learned how to be myself, how to express feelings, how to talk to that kind of people, how to be like them. I met some great people, wonderful women, especially this girl with whom I had a strong relationship for a year, during my 17th year, and with whom I lived proudly my androgyny, she loved that, she even did my hair pretty often, and put makeup on me… I was really lucky, and hey, thank you so much for that, Jessica, you are a great part of who I am today. And yeah, I also met bad people. I made bad stuff too at this time, I was a stupid coward guy during a year, when I was 16, I hurted a joyful and adorable girl called Alison by thinking too much about myself, and I played the victim of the break-up. I’ll never be sorry enough for that, I was a stupid dickhead with her, I acted like my father: constantly being ignorant, constantly being on the Internet. Hope she’ll find that post one day. During those nights, I learned how beautiful a guy can be by being “girly”, androgynous… And I also learned that a good amount of them was terribly macho, with violent thoughts against women, and I strictly refused to think that way. I wanted to be myself, but why girly men were violent against the girls they wanted to look like? Do I really wanted to be like them? Why I started to thing and act like them, like my father? Maybe I wanted to be a good guy in the end, for being accepted, because it was the way I was born, because those androgynous boys themselves needed to be « good boys », because they just wanted to exist for girls and having sex and stuff. At this time I hated the idea to have sex… It’s another debate tho. Then by growing up, I searched again and again who I was, who I wanted to be. Not like them, not a male, just… me ? But fuck, who the hell I was? One thing was sure : I was alone, and never wanted to be a « good boy ». I was lost. I got some friends of course, but I wasn’t able to see them often because of my father, and mom who was under his authority. Then I was 18, the scene movement was almost dead, but I still wanted to look like this but not thinking like most of the boys in that movement, I think I reached a point where I really felt good about my look. I met a girl in my new high school that was half kawaii and half metalhead, and she was seduced by the way I dressed, my hair, the fact I was a guy with make-up and someone that was “out of step with the world” in our shitty parisian suburb. We spied each other during 3 months, she was pretty talented for that : she succeeded to have my MSN address (yeah, MSN, feel old now?) through a classmate she had missionned for making me sign a false petition… This was fucking crazy haha ! We spoke during a crazy amount of hours in MSN, then met during a cold and snowy day of December. She was so cute with her childish attitude and her yolo lifestyle… I admit her boy-ish side charmed me too. The first six months was some of the best in my young life. She encouraged me to continue to be myself, to leave my house where I suffocated more and more each passing day. I did it, I moved to her bedroom (she lived with her mother), and finally it was time for me to be free… I was wrong. I will not go into details, but she forced me to be someone I didn’t want to be, wanted to rob me and deprive me of my privacy, my sensitivity, my privacy, my friends, my website, my music tastes, my femininity. I had no right to approach her, to cuddle or kiss her, while I wanted to give her tons of love, sweetness, warmth, to tell her how she was cute and unique, how she was courageous to fight the malady that will paralyze her arms and legs, how I was frustrated, disappointed, terrified of this situation, how I missed the herself of that 22 December of 2012 so fucking much. When we made love together, it was completely cold and distant… Like, there was no love, no complicity, she wanted me to have sex, but didn’t want it at the same time… It was so weird. So I didn’t know how to act. I always was 100 % gentle and caring with her in those moments, but she remained cold, silent… I remember to sob out and wanted to scream loud as fuck one night after making love this way once again, and stifle my tears and my breath as hard as possible on the pillow so she wouldn’t hear me, and then she asked me “Yo, you’re OK?” and was like “yeah, all is fine!”, and we fell asleep, and so it went on for two years. I was afraid every day of having missed something because of my way of being, I was afraid to not being here enough for her, I was afraid, afraid of everything, afraid of me. At the end of this relationship, I lost all trust and self-esteem in myself, I repressed everything I had built and deconstructed, I just wanted to end everything and eventually wanted to start again from zero. Ultimately, to flourish as a good boy would be the way to spare me worries and being in peace with everything? I believed it.

I began to acquire somewhat disgusting ideals about women, alternative lifestyles, I started to have short hair, to be dressed like a fucking businessman, I started to troll everywhere, to be misanthropic and selfish… I was the complete opposite of the real me. I started to make friends this way, but none of them was good people, or safe. I was in a way to fucked up even more my already well fucked up life. And fortunately, even if it was super bad done at this time, I was always thinking, every time, every hour, every fucking second. And I was thinking about my actions, I was convinced that I made all that shit to be someone, to exist. But I cowardly close my eyes because I was someone to some people, I wasn’t alone. Then I finally started to REALLY start from zero the day I realized my actions were bad and wasn’t at all soothing or constructive for me and people around. It was scary as fuck but it was the best decision I ever made about me. I again isolated myself by forgetting these bad relationships, I thought about what I really liked to do, live, feel, see, listen, say, eat, drink… It took me 3 years. 3 years to find myself again, to deconstruct and reconstruct everything. To remember how the fuck I loved putting eyeliner on me, to be cheesy and lovely as fuck with people, to support every fucking kid who was alone, who was oppressed because of the way they felt with themselves, the way they dressed, their identity… Since I took over my life in hand, since I really decided to make something cool with my blog, that I really am myself, I met fantastic people, I lived perfect, wacky, unforgettable moments, I realized that my life is beautiful in spite of everything that happens around us, and it’s more and more beautiful thanks to this group of friends who consolidates since last year. I’m so fucking happy with myself since I’m cheesy and feminine and sensitive and expressive again. I think I look great, I’m happy by seeing myself this way in the mirror. When I tried that floral tights some days ago, with a grey tie-dye short above, it was completely unreal. It was like I waited to see me this way since my birth, I found myself so great… Like never before. I had tears of joy and flourishing in my eyes. No lies.

I can’t being 100% this way at work, unfortunately. Maybe 80% of myself can be showed to customers? I can’t wait to find another job where I can be totally me, it will be hard, but I think I can find it… Well, I hope :’) I’m feeling more myself than ever with that floral tights, with that black shorts, with my fringe and long hair, with eyeliner, with nail polish, with my childish attitude. And 100% of my actual friends and lots of punx people love me this way, and I can’t thank them enough for this. Some people aren’t aware yet of all I say on this post before reading this, so hey mom, hey dad, hey family, hey facebook friends : here’s your non-binary small vegan skramzkid, more happy and proud than ever, struggling with bad looks in the streets but not giving a fuck about it in the end, saying fuck you to every racist, sexist, machist, transphobic, ableist people, living his life fully because we only have one, taking care of each friend, each life around me, being me, being him, being her, being good. A super cool friend asked me what pronouns to use to talk to me… You can use they/them and “iel” for french people. Also “he” or “she” none will disturbs me, I feel good in my boy’s body as in my femininity, the most important for me is to feel good about myself. Maybe one day I’ll feel better with one pronoun rather than the other. Maybe. Who knows, life’s surprising, right ? :)

Hey everyone, please, be proud of who you are. Your body & mind are fucking YOURS. We only fucking living once, it’s OUR time, OUR lives. You are great, you matters, you are beautiful, you are NOT alone, no matter the age, color, origins, « imperfections » you have. Please, don’t let common people tell you how to dress, to think, to live, to love, to have sex, be YOU, ALWAYS. And if you are against all that, FUCK YOU, unfriend me, unfriend every of my friend, forget me, I don’t want you in my life because I live AGAINST you.

*insert all the lyrics of « rather die young, than die young at heart » of Rainmaker* « Mais d'où vient cette étrange impression de sentir mes mots se briser sous ce bloc de discours agencés, sous le poids du pré-pensé… Advienne que pourra, j'ai fait mon choix. Désolé mon gars, encore libre à moi de refuser ce qu'on t'a inculqué, je n'ai pas à m'y plier, à ton mal à penser ! Encore libre à moi de refuser ce qu'on t'a inculqué, ce qu'on veut m'imposer ! » Belle Epoque - Le mal à penser.

Yours truly, Guillaume.