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britonell · 4 years

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For @inukag-week 2020!

A short and sweet follow-up to Hermit’s Haven, and this time Inuyasha encounters a different kind of visitor...

Rated T for Inuyasha’s swearing.

Hermit’s Dilemma

Inuyasha stared at the cub, trying to ignore the distinct sense of déjà vu.

The Ezo brown bears were pretty common around these parts, at least enough to be a minor nuisance during deer hunting season, but they were almost always adult males. The only time he had come this close to a cub was when he had followed the village fishermen to the waterfalls and a female and her cubs had joined their group, apparently using the men’s presence to shake off a hostile male bear. This time there was no mama bear, just a lone cub.

Said bear cub sat on his furry little haunches, peering up at the dog-eared man.

Wasn’t this the same place where he first spotted Hachi?

More importantly, what the hell was a bear cub doing all on his own, and so damn close to his house? Shouldn’t this scrawny little guy be in a cozy den with his mother, dozing off until spring?

Inuyasha looked around once more, ears flicking back. Nope, no other bears nearby. Perhaps the mother had gone out to scavenge for acorns one last time and had been struck by a vehicle, or wandered into some other residential area and met the business end of a rifle.

Well fuck-a-doodle-doo.

That was how Inuyasha found himself crossing the icy bridge with a bear cub in his arms, making his way to—

Wait a minute, there’s no way the dogs would stay calm if he showed up with a squirming bear cub. Maybe he could hand him off to Miroku, that guy probably knew more about bears. Crap, was it even legal to bring a bear cub indoors? His residence was technically a shelter, would his non-profit get in trouble? It’s not like he was going to keep the cub. He should head to the agricultural school ASAP, there had to be staff members with experience in handling wild animals.

He froze mid-step and the curious cub glanced up at him.

Shit, shit, shit, he couldn’t go to the school now, Kagome was picking up her mother and grandfather from the airport and she had made him promise, multiple times, that he would be in the village to greet them when they arrived.

He would stay put, he had assured her. He knew how important this was for her, considering she hadn’t gone back to Tokyo for Christmas. He wasn’t gonna disappear like a coward. Not like he cared if city folks visited his village. It’s not like they were the same people that drove him and his mother out of their old apartment. It wasn’t a problem.

Really.

The bear cub let loose a shrill squeal and Inuyasha nearly flung the cub up into the air before stopping himself. Instead, he held the cub in front of him like a ticking bomb.

Did he need milk? Could bears drink cow milk? Maybe he was cold. Did he need to put him in his jacket? Maybe the cub was scared. Should he swaddle him? Kagome did say he had a knack for swaddling the dogs. The chihuahuas usually liked it. And once the bear quieted down he could hide him in a spare room until morning. Right, this would work. Absolutely. Totally.

Mind made up, he went up to Miroku’s house and slid the kitchen window open.

“Yo, keep an eye on the dogs, will ya?” Inuyasha shouted, making sure to keep the bear out of sight. If what he was doing was against the law, he wasn’t going to drag anyone else into legal trouble.

Miroku poked his head into the hallway. “Gotcha! And for goodness’s sake, use the front door.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Inuyasha grumbled. They both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Miroku could just as easily install a lock on the old window, but Inuyasha had a feeling he never would. Miroku had been insistent on not altering the original design of the house.

That was...nice.

“Hi Inuyasha!” Sango called from somewhere down the hall. “We made yakidango earlier. Do you want some?”

“Uh...maybe later. Thanks.” Inuyasha gingerly closed the window and stepped back.

Yeah. That was nice too. The elderly villagers used to offer him food. They were being neighborly, or so they claimed.

Not that Sango was a neighbor. Yet. He knew she was looking at a couple of houses. That fox demon from the agricultural school, Shippo, was probably going to move in soon.

The bear squealed again, prompting Inuyasha to quicken his pace.

Kagome’s front door was unlocked, as usual. He had told her to start locking the door but no one here really worried about security, what with him and all the dogs running around. She had at least promised to lock the door...after making a key for him.

Fuck, he was not blushing at the thought.

He stomped into the living room and rummaged through her dresser until he pulled out a fluffy pink blanket.

Wrap the blanket around like this, tuck the paws in here, rub his head like so, pat his tummy to soothe him, and voila. Inuyasha examined his handiwork with a satisfied grin, which wilted a little at the realization that he was too adept at this.

The bear peeked up over the edge of the blanket and eyed him, as if waiting for something. Inuyasha hoped he wasn’t expecting a lullaby. Then again, Kagome did say music can calm down dogs in stressful situations.

He reached for Kagome’s iPad and scrolled for a while. Hmm, this would do.

Kuma Sanbiki

He sat down cross-legged on the floor and held the bear burrito close to his chest, mumbling the same lyrics that he used to sing with his mother.

Kuma sanbiki issho ni sunde,

Papa kuma, mama kuma, akachan kuma—

“Eep!”

Inuyasha froze and slowly looked up. Kagome was doubled over, shoulders trembling, hands covering her face. He would’ve thought she was in pain if he didn’t catch a delighted giggle. A woman who was clearly her mother stood by the entrance, one hand resting on a suitcase and the other over her heart, watching the bundle in his arms with dewy eyes.

“What’s all this then?” An elderly man walked in, kicking his shoes off in a huff. “Don’t just stand there, we need to—young man, you’re holding the baby wrong.”

Inuyasha could do nothing but sit still and watch the elderly man saunter up to him.

“Now see here, if you want to calm a young one—that’s a bear.”

“What?” the woman, henceforth known as Mama Higurashi in his head, said.

“A bear?” Kagome chortled, her face still red.

Busted.

“Err…” Three sets of eyes were on him. “I found a bear cub,” he finally confessed.

Word got out pretty quickly, mainly because Kagome ran out to get Miroku’s expensive camera equipment “for that money shot,” and both Miroku and Sango came over to greet the guests as well as take a look at the bear cub.

“I can’t believe you swaddled a bear!” Kagome giggled, hours after the fact.

“Bear cub,” Inuyasha corrected, his forehead firmly planted on his kotatsu. It had been decided that Sango would watch the cub for the night and bring the bear to the school in the morning, because apparently the school’s resident bear expert was her uncle.

Stupid, Inuyasha thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he should’ve just brought the cub to Sango in the first place. Stupid.

“I can’t wait to get those pictures on my laptop.”

He lifted his head to glare at her. “So you can laugh at me some more?”

“I wasn’t laughing at you!”

“Uh-huh.”

She scooted over to snuggle up to him, ignoring his sputtering protests and unflattering comparisons to Pen-Pen. “I was losing it because it was too adorable for my little ol’ heart. You’re gonna make a girl faint with your paternal instincts.”

He tried really, really hard not to let her words, or the way she was twirling his forelock, affect him. “Yeah, sure. OK.”

“But you know,” she said with a coy smile. “I do have a confession.”

Inuyasha glanced at her suspiciously.

“I would’ve preferred seeing you holding a baby. My baby.”

He didn’t remember much after that because his brain short-circuited and he went on autopilot.

(Kagome inwardly cursed. Asking Miroku on how to confess like a wrecking ball had not been one of her best ideas.)

The bombshells didn’t end there, though. The next morning, after joining the Higurashi family for breakfast, he was helping Mama Higurashi wash the dishes when she nonchalantly proved just how much her daughter took after her.

“You should’ve joined us for dinner last night. Grandpa and I had a question and Kagome had no idea what the answer was.”

“Oh,” was Inuyasha’s reply.

“I’m sure it’s something my daughter has been wondering about for a while.”

“Ah.” Not freaking out, Inuyasha mentally repeated over and over again.

“And, I must admit, I would like to know as well. This is a good time to ask, don’t you think? No need to be modest when you answer.”

“Umm…” Sirens blared in his head.

“Which do you prefer,” she said airily, “small weddings or big weddings?”

~*~

AN: The Higurashi women sure love to drop bombshells. Inuyasha’s soul temporarily left the mortal plane of existence. He’ll be fine.

For the children’s song I had to decide between what Inuyasha ultimately chose or this one: Mori no Kuma-san. I’m more familiar with the latter but I figured the song about the bear family was more appropriate for the situation.

Also, Inuyasha waiting for Kagome is essentially the Patrick waiting for SpongeBob scene. Oh Inuyasha, you poor, hopeless puppy.

#inukag week day 3 #inuyasha #inukag #kagome #inukag week #fanfic #fanart #my fic #my art #fanfic au

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kikyozoldyck · 4 years

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crappy birthday

PAIRING: hidan x reader SUMMARY: your soulmate is shit at birthdays WARNINGS: swearing, violence, descriptions of murder, shitty poetry courtesy of hidan

You wake up on your birthday and don’t feel any different. You go about your daily routine like you do every other day because, as far as you’re concerned, today is like every other day. You’re hardly expecting chocolates because you have no significant other or even friends who might give you sweets to snack on, and even before the incident, you were hardly one to celebrate yourself, although you vaguely remember your parents throwing some ridiculous party for you every year, in fact, your last real, clear memory of them is the three-tiered, casino-themed birthday cake your mother made for you (and proceeded to bleed out all over later that same evening.)

Oh, well. C’est la vie, and all that, right?

It’s a nice day, you notice once you’ve gotten dressed and wandered out into your kitchen. Not too cold, and certainly not too hot, with a nice breeze, perfect for enjoying a morning that cute little tea shop down the street, with some tea and scones and a book to keep you company.

It’d be nice to share it with someone, if you had anyone.

(You do have one person, your mind supplies unhelpfully, you’ll always have him.)

You ignore that one, disgusting, traitorous thought in favor of grabbing a worn paperback off your shelf, tying your coat around your waist, toeing on your shoes, and opening your front door.

And then you stop in your track and stare. At the body. On your doorstep

“What the fuck, Hidan?” You swear to yourself, though, you can’t say that you’d be too surprised if the creepy fuck just happened to be close enough to hear it.

And then Mrs. Sato from next door comes out, humming merrily under her breath as she locks the door behind her before turning to you.

“Good morning, dear. Such a lovely day, isn’t it?”

You smile back, just a little fixedly. “The loveliest.”

“Oh, well! Best enjoy it while it lasts!” Mrs. Sato bobs her grey head a few times and toddles past, stepping around the corpse, like it isn’t there. “Have a nice day, dear.”

“You too, Mrs. S.” You reply politely, finger tapping impatiently against the doorframe as you wait for her to disappear down the stairwell. Then you’re crouching down in the blink of an eye, every sense zeroing in on the body, and that’s when you realize, the body is still breathing.

And that means there’s definitely some weird, ancient, Jashinist ninjutsu involved because aside from the fact that your next-door neighbor didn’t so much as bat an eyelash as she passed, there’s also 1) a hole carved into the chest of the body, meticulously and precisely heart-shaped, just big enough for you to peer inside and watch the exposed organ beat, and 2) the body isn’t just anybody, it’s your childhood rival — Funai Yuka.

You stare for a moment longer, oddly mesmerized by the physical thump of the blood-red heart that you can both hear and see. It is so gorgeously delicate in this one moment, under your complete mercy.

Then, cautiously, you reach out and tug lightly at one tail of the intricately tied bow around Funai’s arms and torso, just below her breasts but above her bound wrists. It is also linked with a red ribbon.

And there’s a card tucked between Funai and the ribbon, one that you retrieve now. It isn’t anything fancy, note hastily scrawled on what looks to be the back of a soba shop receipt with a doodled version of Hidan, covered in Jashinist symbols and what looks like blood, handing a heart — the conventional symbol, not the organ — out to an equally crudely drawn version of yourself.

You flip it over, and in a slightly messy black scrawl, the card reads,

This dumb bitch thought she was better than you so I Killed her to prove that Nobody is as hot as you P.S. Happy Birthday

It isn’t signed, but you read it a second time, then a third. And then you laugh, bright and bold in the crisp winter morning, genuine and amused because you didn’t even know Hidan knew what a tanka was — let alone that he could write one.

You look down at Funai again, and it really is sobering to see her like that. Your mind travels back to your childhood, all those long days spent practicing your taijutsu in your parent’s yard in hopes of maybe surpassing her.

She’d been your worst enemy sure, but she’d been your best friend too. She was the first person you told when you turned twelve, and Hidan’s name appeared on your arm.

(“Just Hidan?” She’d sneered as you showed her, “hmph. Guess he’s not from any clan. Makes sense, an average soulmate for such an average —”

“—shut up, Bug Queen!” You’d interrupted, tackling her into the dirt, because the name on her hip was Torune Aburame, and everyone knows that the Aburame are total bug-fucking creeps.)

You realize that you’re still smiling when the memory fades. You can almost hear Funai in the back of your mind scolding you about how it’s bad practice for shinobi to show their emotions so freely.

So, first thing’s first then.

You seize Funai by the throat and haul her inside, slamming the door behind you. Not a drop of blood spills from the open wound as you drag your friend onto your kitchen floor. The tile might have to be sacrificed to the cause, but you’ll just have to deal.

You pull the bow loose, and just like that the genjutsu breaks, Funai’s eyes begin to flutter. She goes from unconscious to fully awake in about three seconds. It’s honestly a little impressive, her memories clearly unaffected if the terror and the fury bleeding into her golden irises are anything to go by, but it’s already too late.

You’re already rooting around your drawers for a knife clean and sharp enough to mercy-kill her with. She says something, but it’s muffled by the gag and all the blood in her mouth — though you know her well enough by now to know that it’s probably not happy birthday.

Whatever it is, it’s too late anyway, because you’ve already sunken your entire hand into her chest, palm and fingers wrapped snugly around the rapid-fire recoil of your rival’s heart, by the time she can do anything more than fail at squirming away.

You sigh, because you’re sympathetic, really.

“If it’s any consolation, Bug Queen, you make a great birthday present.”

Then you rip her heart out with one smooth twist of your arm. That weird, old-world soulmate magic floods your system, running along your veins and imprinting into the very essence of your being, with a single glowing soul bond pulsing at the back of your mind and anchoring you to reality so that you aren’t overwhelmed.

(And you weren’t always like this, okay?

You used to be a normal person, with normal friends, and normal hobbies, and normal parents that loved you.

But on your twentieth birthday, you received a letter in the mail — the envelope was big and red, and it had the words ‘to my soulmate’ stamped on the front. You were so ridiculously excited.

When you opened it, it went off and destroyed the entire house and killed everyone inside, everyone except, well — you.

You didn’t show the team of ANBU investigators the card that came a day later.

It was a stick-figure drawing of your home blowing up with your friends and family inside it. Their bodies are scattered to bits over the page in a bloody mess with the words:

‘Sorry I couldn’t be there in person. I hope you liked the gift! :) Love you. — xoxo your soulmate’ scrawled hastily at the bottom.)

(After that, you begin to mark the calendar. It is a simple red X on a single day out of the year. There is no indication of what it is for, but you know.)

— A year later, you get home from a few hours spent at the training grounds, only to find an innocuous-looking briefcase leaning against the door of your apartment.

Your heartbeat quickens, and you groan, stooping to pick it up, plucking up the card as well from where it’s slipped into the handle.

Another Hidan original, you note as you duck into your apartment and place the briefcase on the dinner table.

The drawing is surprisingly minimalist considering Hidan’s usual style, it’s an artlessly drawn picture of you, butt-naked holding miniature globe in your poorly proportioned hands.

Is he gonna blow the whole world up this time? You think with a sigh and flip the card open. In the same sloppy handwriting as before, you read,

Don’t be a pussy. This is not a bomb, okay? You will like this gift.

You thumb the dark lettering before turning to the briefcase and opening it. It actually takes you several long seconds to realize what it is exactly that you’re looking at.

There are files inside, sheaves of papers tucked surprisingly neatly into folders, and—

You reach inside, where two passports are shuffled into one corner.

One has your name, your personal information — all chillingly accurate.

One doesn’t.

Both have your face.

You set those aside, and with a sense of growing urgency, you fumble to open the folders and rifle through the papers.

They’re-

They’re identification papers. Two sets. One is fakes. But the other—

Hidan has restored your identity, you realize, and for a moment, you don’t even remember how to breathe.

(These days, you can get by. You have plenty of cash to use, so you don’t need a job, and so long as you’re not crossing country borders, you have no use for travel papers.)

But it also shackles you, the lack of an identity, walking around like a corpse.

Paying for Hidan's crimes, all these years, even now, as if almost burning alive and watching your entire family die and losing your goddamn mind weren’t enough to atone for the crime of simply having a soulmate.

And now…

You pick up another file with trembling fingers and flick that open. It’s a manuscript. It’s your manuscript, from when you were a writer, a really fucking good one—you might add, and despite having to always battle that hack Jiraiya for the spot on the best seller’s list, which honestly never made sense to you because your works were clearly better — but you suppose there's no accounting for taste, you enjoyed what you did, creating, building your stories.

And now you can do it again. A piece of what you’ve lost, returned.

And it isn’t even just that. The other set of papers – the fake ones – mean something too. It’s a way out, a new start if you ever want to leave. To walk away from this godforsaken country and begin anew. To not only lay your past to rest but also leave it behind so that it will never drag you down again. There’s one last file at the bottom, tissue-thin, and it only contains a single slip of paper.

It’s another note: “Sorry, I fucked up your life and shit. Won’t do it again. Happy birthday.”

— The next year, it’s another card, but only a card, with a classic birthday cake superimposed on a baby pink background. An invitation, with a time scribbled on the inside cover, but dead center on the right, a katauta,

I am running out of ways to show you that I love you lets fuck? (Couldn’t fit this in the katauta but I do oral.)

…The way that it makes your heart skip is ridiculous, and honestly, probably an indication of how fucking lonely you are. It’s not even remotely sophisticated, certainly no Henjo or Kisen. And yet…

Your face. Your face feels hot. God, you’re blushing. And your mouth is doing something funny. It takes a moment to realize you’re trying to pull a truly goofy smile. You’d probably never it live down if anyone else were there to witness it. You take a deep breath. Then you glance at the time one last time before pocketing the letter and heading for the bathroom.

You have a night to prepare for because, apparently, your soulmate is a closet romantic.

— The door swings open, and you’re already smiling as you drink Hidan in. The man has grey hair slicked back with enough grease to start a forest fire and distinctive purple eyes. Still, they suit him, and when he smiles back, it reaches all the way to his eyes – like sunlight reflecting off whiskey, like sunsets when they spark with magic.

Wordlessly, you step back and let Hidan in. He takes a second to toe his shoes off – because he may be a murderous freak, but he’s still your soulmate, and it pays to be polite – but when he rises, he promptly crowds you right up against the nearest wall and kisses you for the very first time, hard and hungry and thorough.

A possessive hand sinks into your hair. Another pulls you close by the waist, and then you’re arching up into him, a twist of his hips sending sparks of pleasure darting across your nerves even as you open your mouth and let Hidan devour you.

The air is heady with the heat of your combined arousal by the time you part for air. Hidan’s lips are swollen red, and you’re both more than a little breathless. You’re not dry humping anymore, but Hidan’s hands remain cradled around your hips, and you’re absently tangling Hidan’s hair around your fingers. Your faces remain close enough that your noses brush.

Hidan’s eyes gleam like firelight as he peers at you, smug and satisfied, warmed by something softer.

“So, like, did all those fucking poems pay off? Do you, like, love me and shit?”

“Yeah. They did.” You smile, and your own words spill over Hidan’s lips, “I love you and shit.”

Hidan smiles and you feel the soul bond glowing bright and solid right down to the atomic level.

A new bond stirs between you, tentative, and fresh but already luminous with potential. Before you can blink, you’re being shoved against the wall again as Hidan flings his arms around you, laughing, laughing, laughing, joyous delight and overwhelming relief.

#i wrote this while dying of mono so like keep that in mind if it's too feral #I FUCKIN HATE THIS #hidan imagines #hidan scenarios #hidan x reader

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dipplie · 4 years

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This is how I cope don’t @ me

1: Top 3 pets you wish to have Bunny, Mouse, pet bee 2: Top 3 Disney Movies Tangled, Zootopia, and a close tie between The Princess and the Frog and Wreck it Ralph 3: Top 3 OTPs Nick and Judy (I’m not a furry), honestly probably the other pairings from my 3 (4) favorite movies like Felix and Calhoun or Tiana and Naveen or whatever 4: Top 3 pick up lines Pick me up- no literally please just carry me around like sweep me off my feet no like ACTUALLY like ju- 5: Top 3 summer activities Lying in the grass, listening to music on the swings, drinking from the neighbors sprinklers because you didn’t bring water on your walk 6: Top 3 school memories -Once in 5th grade we were doing an egg drop, and I put mine off till the day before, so my parents just gave me a jar of peanut butter, and I just put the egg in the jar, and when they dropped it from the school roof it exploded all over the pavement and left a stain for years. -Another time in 9th grade, a couple friends and I wrote a giant “send nuds” in the snow beneath my friends next class’s window, and some other kids took a picture of it and spread it around, and like the whole school was talking about it for a day or two (though we denied it was us so we didn’t get in trouble). -And in 12th grade the last day of the 3rd semester, my AP Psych teacher said “you know you guys might not come back after spring break since the covid-19 virus might come to America.” And half the class was like: “I hope so we don’t have to come back haha.” And then we went into lockdown for a year 7: Top 3 things you find attractive Being looked at, Being talked to, Being touched at all oh my go d 8. Top 3 shops I dunno man can I say Build-a-Bear Workshop I’ve never been there 9: Top 3 romantic dates Theme park, Aquarium, Build-a-Bear Workshop 10: Top 3 drinks Milk, Milkshakes, the color purple

11: Top 3 spices/herbs oh my god im too white for this question I think doritios are spicy, SALT 12: Top 3 apps to use not tumblr 13: Top 3 months of the year not winter 14: Top 3 clothing items Skirt, Bows, Thigh-highs 15: Top 3 kinds of flower Daffodils, Buttercups, Dandelions (yes I’m aware they’re a weed) 16: Top 3 Christmas movies Home Alone 1, Those stop motion rudolph ones, the original grinch 17: Top 3 things you don’t/Won’t miss Angsty middle schoolers, Angsty high schoolers, Angsty people 18: Top 3 games Minecraft, Stardew Valley, All the Zelda games between 2002-2009 19: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows I really don’t watch actually T.V. shows I just watch anime sometimes maybe and youtube series man 20: Top 3 kinds of candy Butterscotch, Chocolate coins, Those little pebble chocolates that looks like fish tank rocks 21: Top 3 ways to exercise/be active Well I have an answer, but I don’t think I can say it~ 22: Top 3 spirit animals (I’ve heard something about this being possibly racist so I’ll approach this wish caution) Bunnies, Lambs, a pet rock 23: Top 3 petnames Honey, Muffin, Sweetheart 24: Top 3 places you’ve been to A yearly carnival my old town had once a year, Disney World even though I almost drowned there, The Arcade in my old town called Bananas 25: Top 3 most used websites Youtube, Tumblr (regrettably), Pintrest 26: Top 3 people you last texted My boyfriend, my friend, my co-worker friend 27: Top 3 hashtags you use imagine using the tags how they’re supposed to be used 28 Top 3 items you can’t leave the house w/o clothes (i’m really funny) 29: Top 3 guilty pleasures I write self-insert sometimes I guess 30: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take Psychology, Sociology, certain art classes 31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle My OC’s, My friends, inappropriate stuff 32: Top 3 aesthetics Cottagecore, Bloomcore, Wonderland 33: Top 3 things you’d buy if you gained three million dollars Pretty things, Cute Clothes and stuffed animals, therapy 34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself Buying pretty things, Wearing cute clothes and holding stuffed animals, therapy 35: Top 3 cartoon crushes Kyoya from OHHC, Mako from Kill La Kill, Marceline/Marshall Lee 36: Top 3 things to do in the snow Draw in it, make snow sculptures, eat it 37: Top 3 accents to hear Russian, Spanish, idk spanish 2 38: Top 3 scents Vanilla, Cream, Strawberries 39: Top 3 things to do in the rain Sit in the car quietly, make out probably, cry 40: Top 3 cupcake flavors Chocolate, Chocolate 2, Chocolate 3 41: Top 3 fruits Cherries, Strawberries, Grapes 42: Top 3 holidays to celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Valentines 43: Top 3 embarrassing moments My friend jokingly revealing my weird self insert fanfic I wrote in middle school (that was gross don’t ask about it) to my friend group, getting a constant D- in AP Stats the whole semester and the whole class secretly knowing about it, wearing an oversized minecraft shirt in my 6th grade school picture 44: Top 3 crayola colors Seafoam, Canary, Cotton Candy 45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college Get back into theater and actually be included and noticed, not cry in the bathroom, feel cared about by my classmates 46: Top 3 fanfictions you’ve read don’t ask me that you can’t ask me that the last fanfics i’ve read were in middle school 47: Top 3 people you miss right now My boyfriend, Two of my friends GJ, my dopamine 48: Top 3 fears Being hated, Being alone, Being abandoned 49: Top 3 favorite literary devices (oh god it’s been a minute hang on) Alliteration, Juxtaposition, Colloquialism 50: Top 3 pet peeves Saying one thing and doing another, trying to act like you’re being the bigger person by not choosing a side, constant self deprecation 51: Top 3 music artists AJR, 3OH!3, Fake Type 52: Top 3 bad habits BFRD OCD, speaking before I think, lately I’ve been lashing out 53: Top 3 ice cream flavors Cookie Dough, Bubblegum, Cheesecake 54: Top 3 meals you love Bread and cheese, cheese with bread, I like dairy and bread 55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime Where are we going, What are we gonna do, what are you doing onii-chan (im so sorry) 56: Top 3 dog breeds Small, fluffy, actually a cat 57: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood The Amazing World of Gumball, Courage the Cowardly Dog, y’all remember Might Bee??? 58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak Better French, More ASL, I guess Spanish would be useful 59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) I like the first couple Saw movies but then it went kind of downhill, I eventually stopped keeping up with SU ad AT but they have lesbians now and we love that, and I guess I read Warrior Cats in middle school. 60: Top 3 pizza toppings Cheese, ???, that’s all I need 61: Top 3 youtubers you’re subscribed to Markiplier, Erolds Story, Wilbur Soot 62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas Little Flower earrings, Little flower tattoos, Little flower stuff 63: Top 3 awards you want to win love trust and affection 64: Top 3 emojis 🍄🐝🍋 65: Top 3 things you’d do differently have different parents 66: Top 3 places to be in the world In love, Back up, Purgatory 67: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid Lack of responsibility and pressure, Mental illness, Lack of shame 68: Top 3 baby names Penelope, Theodore, Sofie 69: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors Grape, Strawberry, Cherry 71: Top 3 turn ons People being patient with me, People treating me equally, Being touched kindly at ALL 72: Top 3 turn offs looking like Tyler1 73: Top 3 recipes you want to try Sugar spice and everything nice 74: Top 3 dream jobs Primary School Teacher, Child Consoler/Therapist, I dunno being a storytime animator sounds nice... 75: Top 3 lucky items Fidget Toys, Stuffed Animals, Random Office Supplies (you know the ones)

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sortofcaffeinateddoodles · 4 years

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WHO WANTS TO SEE A SUPER CRINGE-Y AU I CAME UP WITH WHEN I WAS LIKE 13/14 BUT WAS TOO SHY ABOUT MY NON-EXISTENT ARTIST ABILITIES TO POST ANYTHING ABOUT?? well to bad you're gonna see it anyway : P I was going though some old notebooks, trying to figure out what to keep and toss, because my closest was becoming a maze and I found doodles about this AU. So I decided I should try and redraw it all. But this is more of a "reboot" to the original version.

Perry

Species:

Platypus

Special talent:

No But Seriously Shapeshifting, Multilingual, pretty much immortal i'll talk more about that at a later date

Occupation: Former Bounty Hunter, but does more "legal" odd jobs now

Nickname Perry's too boring for those, but he does let his friends get away with calling him a dumb ass from time to time

Personality:e(s) Stubborn, Reserved, worrywart, softie for his kid

Relationships: He has no romantic relation, but Perry does look after Phineas, with the a little help from his other animal companions. He has an odd relationship with Doof though! Kinda like how they act in the show, but with less fist fighting and more bickering. Will fight Peter the Panda on sight. Don't test him.

Special Facts: Hates when anyone else sings around him, but never complains when Phineas or Doof get into musical numbers. Constantly stealing sweets, and dumb magazines from Doof. But usually replaces it with something of equal or more value. One time he raided the poor mans fridge, and the next day Doof found an gold necklace thrown lazily near one his flowerpots. Doof didn't want it, but Vanessa loved wearing it. When he wants to get out of a conversation, Perry will shapeshift into another animal and just leave. "sorry can't talk doof, i'm a horse now" "perry the platypus are you serious right now? You cant just leave in the midd-" "ah ah ah! i'm a horse."

Phineas

Species: Alary

Special talent: Singing and Dancing. Can fixing almost anything. Toaster always catch on fire for some reason. Loves exploring, and always finds something new. But please for the love of god, watch him. He will climb a tree and get stuck. Heights scare him to much.

Nickname Phinny, Phin, Cheerio and Puggle

Personality:e(s) Optimistic, curious, hyper Relationships: Phineas has had Perry taking care of him since he was baby. He was too young to remember what his parents look like, all he knows is that Perry found him in the Enchanted Woods one day.

Special Facts: This Phineas is a bit more shy around kids his own age. Having grown up around talking animals will mess up a kids social skills. Phineas has never met another Alary in his life, but has always secretly wanted too. Doesn't know how to fly, but he's trying his best!

Ferbs "Ferb" Fletcher

Species: Beast

Special talent: Can fix up anything you put in front of him. Likes to read, and secretly writes his own short stories. Nickname None. But Buford calls him "skinny jeans" when he's trying to get a reaction out of him

Personality:e(s) Quiet, short tempered when annoyed, blunt, can be patient with younger kids

Relationships: Doesn't have many friends, but he hangs out with Buford the most. Also has a crush on Vanessa, but due to the age difference doesn't act on it.

Special: Ferb lives with his father and grandparents. His cousins live in the same neighborhood as him, their family having moved to Danville when he was a baby. Only reason Ferb acts so serious is because when he isn't hanging around Buford he's with Vanessa and her friends. Who all fit into the mean teenager stereotype.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro

Species: Alary

Special talent: Since Isabella doesn't grow up with Phineas and Ferb, her summer days are spent at the Fireside cabin. Isabella has earned every patch there is to offer, and now is skilled in almost anything. It's honestly kinda scary.

Occupation: Does a bit of baby sitting. Helps at her family restaurant Nickname Isa, Pinkie(Buford), heart-string

Personality:e(s) Sweet, Assertive, Romantic Relationships: Isabella spends most of her free time around the other Fireside Girls, but also spends her days hanging out with her next door neighbor. Baljeet. The two are close having grown up together, and she even considers him to be like a little brother.

Special Fact: Isabella may have been able to gain every patch there is to offer, but if there is one thing she struggles with, its magic. Isabella is considered a sweet girl, but every Saturday night she sneaks out to the town square to listen to the people playing music and dancing. Though since she can't risk getting caught, she never joins in on the dancing, even if there are other kids out to.

Baljeet Tjinder

Species: Alary

Special talent: Can finish reading any book in an hour, no matter the size. Has photogenic memory, and will bring up old crap from 6 months ago so don't try and get on his bad side.

Occupation: Helps tutor kids at school for extra credit.

Nickname Nerd, but only Buford call him that.

Personality:e(s) Nervous, shy, prideful

Relationships: Only friend he has is Isabella. Him and Buford don't really interact outside of school.

Special Fact: Specializes in water type magic, but Baleet hopes to master fire type magic. Bajeet just really wants to specialize in all types of magic.

Buford Van Stoorm

Species: Beast

Special talent: Buford likes playing the drums at the Saturday Festivals.

Nickname No nicknames for The Buf'. he'll hurt you.

Personality:e(s) This version is 10x more violent than cannon Buford. He used to just make you cry, but now he'll make your momma cry, yo daddy cry, yo grandma, even your dog. Nothings off limit.

Relationships: Buford hangs around other sketchy kids. The only person who he enjoys spending time with is Ferb. Special Fact: Loves graffiti art, and has been caught a million times spray painting walls.

Canadace Flynn Garcia-Shapiro

Species: Alary

Special talent: Singing, can master almost any instrument in a day.

Occupation: Studying to become a music teacher, but helps at her families restaurant.

Nickname Candy

Personality:e(s) Focused, cynical

Relationships: Candace is still friends with Stacy, and his dating Jeremy. Was adopted into the Garcia-Shapiro household at 9/10 years old. Any special facts about Candace would be too spoiler y

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to the sketch Version Here goes the colored version to my AU. I'm not too happy with Isabella's color palette so I might be changing it later, but for now deal with the pink okay. Originally Candace had a type of mesh robe, and she still does! But for simplicity I'll just be drawing her base outfit, Her robe is too complicated anyway, it is supposed to be covered in red roses. Also tell me if I should keep Phineas' hair curly. My sister looked over at what I was doing and straight up said it looked ugly. So yeah, I need an honest second opinion. The bio's are super basic because I really don't want to give away too much of the story. And most of the story revolves around how the kids think and act. AU (c) Me

#phineas and ferb #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #Isabella Garcia Shapiro #baljeet tjinder #buford van stomm #canadce flynn #perry the platypus #au #fanart #sortofcaffeinateddoodles

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pulse-clockwork · 5 years

Text

somewhere someone is angry over something. so for today’s occassion of me manifesting here i would like to tell you all who are still here for some reason (which i am thankful of, make no mistake) about one positive change reading homestuck brought to my life

head down under the readmore ↓ ↓ ↓ it’s under there because it’s wordy, but i’m putting it in the main tag if someone who still hangs around in there wants to have some feel good time

unlike most homestuck fans you could meet, i didn’t actually read it as a teen nor did i spend years with it. i did my first complete reading of it last may when i was 4 months away from being 21. it’s not like i’ve met a lot of people but among people i’ve met i think that’s a pretty unique homestuck age experience... at that time i’d already dropped out of college and was idling around inbetween therapy sessions

you know that post about how ex honor students are like horses? that’s me. i’m a horse. completely dysfunctional and lacking direction. my teenage years were heavy with depression, with unnoticed mental illnesses and confusion with a mix of both inferior and superior complexes. and when i came of age i inevitably ran out of energy to deal with all of that and still “living competently”. frustrated with a subpar higher education and my own lack of motivation for doing what was expected of me, i came to a screeching halt, abandoned the path i’d been trying so hard to walk on since childhood and sat on the grassy sides of the road to eat sweets and look at clouds. the more i spent time like that the more i realized i was like, groveling in the dark looking for something i’d lost. i didn’t even know what it was, i only knew i needed it desperately

i started on homestuck shortly after its 9th anniversary because i love everything art, and i wanted to know more about the impact it left on internet culture. it was definitely a lot more than i’d anticipated. it was stock full of beautiful colors and intriguing concepts, amazing characters and vocabulary i still don’t remember most of. it was really great. not perfect, but it reflected the growth of the author through out the years and that is something i deeply respect. not just that, but also the contributions of many other people throughout its run. it wasn’t something that belonged to anyone alone, and it’s beautiful

look, if anything i’m not that smart of a person. other people might feel different idk. i’m not the type to type in perfect syntax on the interwebz (though i will when i have to). i don’t understand a lot of things, though i try to learn. i can’t really pull off neatly written meta posts with references to mythology and religion and all that stuff, though i love reading other people’s writing on that. my art isn’t something that can take your breath away, if anything it’s very flawed. i’m not special anything

and that’s the thing. i’m not special. i don’t stand out. i’m just a person. we got 7 billion more on this globe, i’m just one of them. that’s what homestuck helped me realize. and it is deeply comforting

you might be able to infer it from my earlier karkat post but i don’t think of him as a leader. i don’t think of him as someone meant for grandiose things. i definitely am projecting, because out of the entire cast of dozens of characters karkat is the one i resemble the most, down to the situational desire for something bigger than either of us originally are. if taken out of the context of a meta narrative and allowed a completely normal life, i think karkat’s strongest point displays in the most ordinary things. the way he cares about people to the point of troubling himself constantly, how he desperately looks for the good in others but not so much in himself. not president karkat. just your neighbor karkat. i think after so many years fearing for his life and harboring a dream born out of sole desperation for acceptance into a dysfunctional society that would never accept him, a normal life like that would bring him happiness

there’s also calliope. other people have talked about how they’re a loving reflection of the creative fanbase. i focus on something else with them. at the end of the journey there was very little thing special about them. that doesn’t mean to say they’re bad or unworthy or anything, that goes against the point. they’re just there. in a position i can really relate to. they weren’t brought there to participate in the fight, they weren’t expected to contribute anything. they were just an art and story loving skull person bullied and eventually killed by their other half who deemed them not worthy of living

my all time favorite line in homestuck is what alt calliope told calliope prime

“live.”

calliope was just a normal, average person who was given a priceless treasure of life and was pulled with a loving hand to a life they never had and never thought they would have. there was no reason, no ulterior motive for it. nothing was expected of them. roxy just wanted to have them around. that’s all

for many years i wondered if it was necessary for me to be there at all. what was the point of my existence? when it all came raining down on me of my failings and fundamental weaknesses that is what i wondered. i wondered if i was any good to anybody, to the world itself. but then i found an answer in roxy’s gift to calliope. i didn’t have to. it was not my own intention to be born but i am here anyway. no one else will live my life for me. even if i live for the satisfaction for other people they will not care for my life from a to z

i don’t know how it’s like for people living elsewhere but over here, the more i grew up the more ridiculous i found my former education. everything was on a principle of competition. when you did the college entrance exams one win for you is a loss for someone else. the same could be said about job oppoturnities, running a business, buying snacks at the cafeteria, everything. isn’t that absurd? there’s so many people in the world, were we born only to snatch potential and future away from others? why was success so encouraged if the point of it was to make others unhappy?

maybe some will choose to live by that. that doesn’t mean i have to. i’m only one person, but also i’m a whole person. there were so many meetings, so many words, so much music and art, so much kindness that took me here. my bones struggled to grow into what they are now. when i look back at the last 21 years of life it has been a lot. it might not mean that much to anyone else. but it does to me. that’s the only thing that matters. i’m pretty sure i’ll never lead a successful business or work in an export company that pays in us dollar. that’s all the adults told me that really mattered. but that’s only what they said. i truly can go anywhere. any decision is for me to make

i’m just an average person. i’m really nothing significant to the universe. but i am significant to certain people. and most importantly i am significant to myself. i mean is the universe gonna pay for my groceries? i don’t live to stand by a ruler everyday measuring my worth to society or some people i never even met. if the world says i’m not worthy of living i’ll flip it off and keep doodling karkats because goddamn do i love doing it and i love being happy

#homestuck #kas.txt #sorry it doesn't make sense after some point i'm really not that good at writing

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pinkfan-gurl · 7 years

Text

America Runs on Dunkin

chapter five of a 100 high school au

The Delinquents were going to win tonight—Octavia could feel it in her bones.

There was no way she was going to let the stuck up kids over from Mecha Prep beat them in a game that was West Ark's strongest sport. Even the football team didn't have the same respect that the soccer team did, and Octavia Marie Blake was determined to keep it that way.

Every practice that week had been in preparation for their first big home game. Sure, they had already played a few games with some of the neighboring districts, but the Mecha Phoenix's were coming all the way from Atlantic City and Octavia knew it would boost alot of school spirit if the Delinquents were to win. It wouldn't be as good as crushing Mount Weather or Trikru Union, but it would still be satisfying.

"You seem jittery," Monty muttered, nodding slightly towards Octavia's leg bouncing in rhythmic spurts. She released a breath, forcing her leg to stop moving. "Not that it's a bad thing," he amended quickly. "You have a right to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous," she responded. "I'm excited."

"Well, that's probably a better mindset."

Octavia looked up at the board and immediately wished that she hadn't. Numbers and symbols swirled around in her brain as she stared ahead at the examples. Math was never her forte, so how she managed to wiggle her way into accelerated math courses was beyond her. In retrospect, it was a horrible idea to daydream while she was supposed to have been taking notes.

"Monty?" She tapped him on the wrist with the end of her pencil and he glanced up at her. "Yeah, what are we working on right now?"

Octavia saw the ghost of a grin playing out on Monty's face. Setting his pencil down, he said, "You weren't paying attention at all, were you?"

"I know that we're dealing with triangles."

"Do you know that because you were paying attention or because there's six triangles drawn on the board?"

"Touché." Octavia glanced down at her lined piece of paper, devoid of anything save a few lazy doodles. "So are you going to help me out or not?"

Monty rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless as he slide his paper across the desktop to her. "I won't leave you hanging."

Octavia felt a weight taken off of her shoulders. If Bellamy knew she had failed another math unit, he'd be furious. "Monty, you're a lifesaver."

"I try." He picked his pencil back up only to realize he didn't have notes to go off of, so he set it back down. "So," he started casually, "big soccer game tonight, huh?"

A new wave of excitement flowed through her veins, temporarily making her forget about her work again. "I know! I'm really excited. We're gonna crush them into next season."

"Jasper's been telling me the same thing all week," he laughed, propping his head up on his palm.

"You two are still coming to hang out after the game, aren't you?" Monty hesitated, opening his mouth a fraction and then closing it again. Octavia felt her lips fold into a slight frown. "It won't be the same without you guys."

"I know Jasper is going to do anything in his power to be there," he promised. "I plan on being there." Monty shrugged. "Hopefully everything works out."

"That's all you can really do, ya know? Hope for the best." She turned her attention back down to the notes she was copying down and scowled. "Guess we better hope for the best when I fail that test on Monday. Bellamy is gonna kill me."

…

The high amount of anticipation that Octavia had for the upcoming game left her feeling antsy; all she wanted to do was get down on the field and take a few last minute practice shots to calm her adrenaline rush. She was so wound up in fact, she wasn't sure if she would have a random spaz attack and break something.

The pure desire Octavia had to get to the field also influenced her decision to bring her soccer bag and all of her books to her final period so she could skip going to her locker all-together. Even though she didn't sprint down to the locker rooms at top speeds like she had planned too, it did work out that she didn't have to go to her locker because Octavia tagged along with Monty instead.

"So you and Jasper have been friends for a long time then, huh," she commented as they walked, hauling her duffel bag behind her.

Monty's eyebrows raised slightly. "We've known each other since kindergarten but we didn't really start hanging out until second grade." He darted through a wave of kids flowing down the hall, forcing Octavia to keep up after him until he stopped in front of a locker.

His locker, she presumed.

"That's really cool," Octavia murmured. She had been home-schooled by her mother up until the sixth grade when her work schedule was changed, so she hadn't gotten to know her peers as long as everyone else.

She didn't mean too, but Octavia always envied her brother for being able to go to school with kids his age and make friends while she was forced to do so at home, by herself. Not that she didn't like spending time at home with her mom and sleeping in was way nicer than getting up at six in the morning, but having a childhood friend was something she'd never get to experience.

"No, that's fine," a familiar voice—Jasper's voice—said behind her.

Octavia looked toward the origin of his voice as subtly as he could and sure enough, there was Jasper talking with Clarke as she exchanged books in her locker.

At first, Octavia wasn't sure if she should eavesdrop, but then she saw that Monty had paused to listen in too so she figured it was okay.

"Are you sure?" Clarke was saying, her eyebrows knit in concern as she shoved a book in her locker. "I know that this game is a pretty big deal for you."

Jasper waved it off like it wasn't of importance, when in reality, it was. Octavia couldn't imagine why he wouldn't want Clarke to watch him in the game. "I know how important this project is for you."

Clarke raised her eyebrows. "I bet Finn would understand if I had to reschedule to tomorrow."

Octavia recalled Bellamy complaining about a project for school a few days earlier.

Jasper ran a hand through his mop of curls and his words rushed together, almost as if he were nervous about something. "Probably, but I know you've had it planned for a week." He relaxed for what looked like the first time since Octavia started watching them. "Besides, it's not like we're playing the Mountain Men or Grounders. Now that I wouldn't forgive you for if you didn't show up."

He sounded kind of cocky about it, making Octavia grin. Apparently Clarke found it amusing too because she smiled as she rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't miss you guys whooping the Mountain Men's asses," she laughed softly.

The blonde looked up at a clock on the wall in Octavia's general direction and she and Monty redirected their attention for a second before turning back to finish their eavesdropping.

"Well I should probably get going so I can meet up with Finn on time." Suddenly the smile fell from her face and she assumed a weary facade. "Will you need a ride after? Because I can come and get you."

"Monty will take me home later."

"Okay. I'll see you at home then." She ruffled his hair good naturedly, then hurried off toward the main stairwell.

Octavia turned back to Monty. "She's pretty protective, huh?"

Monty shrugged, motioning for her to walk with him and she tagged along at his side. She noted that they were heading toward Jasper, making the smallest of smiles find its way to her face. "She kind of volunteered herself as Jasper's personal babysitter after their parents got married," Monty explained. "The phase hasn't seemed to pass."

"I can relate," she replied and nothing about the statement was a lie. Even though she appreciated Bellamy's concern for her, most of the time she viewed his constant hovering as smothering.

Jasper had just finished packing up his stuff when they reached him. "Oh, hey guys," he greeted, closing his locker. His cheeks took on a pink hue when his eyes met with Octavia's and she couldn't help but find it endearing.

"Everything cool with Clarke?" Monty asked.

Octavia watched as Jasper's eyes flashed dangerously at Monty before he resumed a forced, yet casual expression. "Yeah, she's just bummed that she can't go to the game."

"Why?" She figured it would blow their secret if she hadn't acted at least a little curious.

"She has to work on a project with some guy."

"Ah."

"You guys ready to hit the field?" Jasper knelt down to grab his duffel bag.

"I've literally been waiting all day to hear someone say that," Octavia grinned. "Let's go."

…

The calming atmosphere of the coffee shop was enough to lower Clarke's heart rate.

It wasn't that she was nervous or scared about working with Finn, she just would have prefered working on it separately. She had even proposed the idea to him the day they were partnered together, but he had insisted that they should meet up at least once to work on it together.

Maybe that's why she was so concerned about meeting him tonight; she wasn't used to someone being so adamant about spending time with her, other than maybe Jasper. And Wells when he was still a part of her life.

She found a spot in the corner near the window, giving her a full vantage point over the rest of the restaurant as well as to the outside world. Every once in awhile, she'd look up from her laptop screen to see if Finn had made his way into the restaurant but each time Clarke was met with emptiness.

When she looked around for Finn for what had to be at least the tenth time, a new feeling settled into her stomach; disappointment.

Clarke didn't realize how much she had been looking forward to spending time with him until now.

Maybe she should just get herself a coffee and head to the game instead. She still had time to catch the majority of the game if she were to leave right now.

Just as Clarke resolved to packing up, Finn slid into the chair across from her. She blinked at him as he pushed a steaming paper cup across the table to her. "I'm surprised you showed up," she said, wincing at how bitter the words sounded leaving her mouth.

"Why do you say that?" He dropped his bag on the floor near his chair and pulled out a laptop as well as a few sheets of loose-leaf paper with notes scribbled on them.

"Well I've been waiting for you ever since school ended," she said. "That's almost forty minutes, if that tells you anything."

Finn's mouth creased into a thin line, then quirked into a small smile. "You're right and I'm sorry." Clarke struggled to keep her mouth from hanging ajar in mild surprise. "I forgot my notes at home like the idiot I am and then went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee in an attempt to make up for being late. Guess I should've skipped out on the coffee though because the line was crazy and ended up with me being even later than I would have been."

Now that...that is not the excuse she had been expecting. Something ridiculous about his car breaking down or his mom making him do chores seemed more on hand since Finn looked like a guy who would revel in the classics.

She would have even called him out on it being a decent lie except that she had a Dunkin Donuts cup in her hand and she knew from experience that it did get busy there at this time of day. Especially on game days since it was in walking distance of the school.

She couldn't even try to call him out on his notes because he had even told her that day in class that he was going to have to go home for them.

"I'm surprised you even made it here then," she mumbled, smiling slightly as she grabbed the coffee in front of her. It was warm in her palm but not overly so, giving her the go ahead on taking a sip. "The parking lot is usually crammed after school."

Finn ran his fingers through his hair as he laughed. The crinkles by his eyes made her wonder who could have been able to make him laugh so much for there to be permanent evidence. "I learned that the hard way."

"How much was it?" Clarke rummaged around in her bag, knowing that she at least a five floating somewhere around in there.

"Don't worry about it," Finn said as Clarke pulled out the bill she had been looking for.

"Are you sure?" She knit her eyebrows in concern, searching her brain for a reason as to why he was being overly civil. It wasn't like they had known each other before that Monday.

"Consider it a gift. I hope that it's a good enough peace offering because I don't think I'll be able to do it again because that line was crazy. Unless I'm late again, but I'm not about that life."

Clarke wasn't sure if he was being serious or not because they were literally sitting in a restaurant known for it's coffee. "You know, we could always get coffee here."

"I guess," he responded in a drawl, as if he had already considered the possibility. "But does anyone really beat Dunkin Donuts?"

Clarke raised a brow challengingly, a smirk tugging at the edge of her lips. "I take it you've never had a coffee from here then."

Finn shrugged. "I'm a man who's dedicated to Dunkin. It's a lifestyle really." He leaned forward as if too share a secret, making Clarke acutely aware that he was close enough for her to make out his individual eyelashes. "America runs on Dunkin."

Clarke slid back in her seat, huffing incredulously as her back settled against the chair. Yet, she couldn't help but find it funny. "That's a touch childish, don't you think?" she grinned.

"It got you to laugh, didn't it?"

The response made Clarke stop short, unsure about the situation. So he was trying to win her attention, which wasn't something she found completely out of the ordinary, but what was she doing enjoying the attention?

Now that her relationship was over, she was supposed to be untouchable—like a priceless diamond that everyone coveted but could never touch thanks to the protective glass separating such a treasure from the greedy, outside world. Clarke was priceless and she wasn't about to let some random guy that she barely knew put a crack in that glass.

Grade-A, high quality, bulletproof glass ( because Clarke wouldn't settle for anything less.)

But that damned smile that Finn had was almost too cute for his own good and Clarke had to make sure to keep her feelings in check and her priorities on top. Grades, Jasper, her dad, and herself all came before some guy who happened to smell nice and bring her coffee….

Clarke cleared her throat and turned her attention back to her laptop screen. "I guess I'll have to be the ambassador then," she said, hoping that she sounded bitter as she pretended to read a passage from her screen. "I'll have to introduce you to a new lifestyle."

She heard Finn giggle, but she stubbornly kept her eyes fixated on her screen even if she was fully aware that she was only scrolling through the page and not really reading anything. He didn't have to have the satisfaction of knowing that she didn't find him as repulsive as before.

"Sounds like a plan. I'm buying."

"You're getting ahead of yourself."

"There's not a problem in preparing for the future."

Clarke cocked her head to the side, finally looking up from her screen to find Finn scribbling down notes in the margins of his notebook. "No," she conceded softly, "I guess not."

…

Monty cheered, making sure to keep his distance from Wells who was also standing on the fence.

There was only five minutes left in the game, but every second felt like an eternity. Just standing in the same vicinity as Wells riled Monty up, and he couldn't wait to get out of there.

Pressing his forearms against the bar, he desperately tried to focus on Jasper who had finally managed to get possession of the ball for the first time since the season started, but Wells' longing look was too distracting.

Obviously he was longing for the list that Jasper had said he was going to give him. The look of shock and betrayal that Wells was going to have when he realized Jasper wasn't going to help him was enough to make Monty grin.

Monty wasn't the type of person to wish pain on others or to hold grudges, but he hated Wells. Over the years, Clarke had become like a sister to Monty; even before she became his best friend's sister, Monty had always held Clarke in high esteem.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that she stood up for everyone when Murphy would go on power trips when they were kids or how she used to have the best birthday parties. At any rate, Clarke had already assumed a high rank in Monty's mind, but her and Jasper becoming stepsiblings had only solidified those feelings when he managed to get to know her on a personal basis.

As Clarke's best friend besides Jasper and Harper, Monty was royally pissed when he received a phone call from Jasper saying to get over to their house ASAP. He walked in to find Clarke holed away inside her room with the door locked, audible sobs of misery on the other side, while Jasper, Marcus, and Abby tried convincing her to open the door to let them in.

She didn't come out for three days, living on week old pizza from one of their last hangout sessions and water from the bathroom faucet. It wasn't until Jake Griffin knocked on the door asking if she wanted to build a snowman did she open it a crack to let him in.

Never had Monty seen Clarke in such disrepair.

And it was all Wells's fault.

The game ended 1-0, Delinquents winning in the last two minutes thanks to Octavia and Sterling's quick pass and block strategy. The team picked up Octavia and Sterling, holding them up on their shoulders in triumph as the Phoenixes slumped off of the field. One of them, a girl with long blonde hair, kicked a ball so hard in rage that her shoe flung off into the visitor stands.

Subconsciously, Monty hoped she got her shoe back.

As people filtered away, Monty found himself alone with Wells. Either Wells didn't notice him or he didn't recognize him because the older boy made no attempt in conversation. Instead, they watched the team pack up their bags. It wasn't until Jasper and Octavia started jogging in his direction did Monty's grimace soften.

"Jasper!" Wells waved when they were in shouting distance.

Jasper whispered something to Octavia and she made a face. Something told Monty that he made a jab at Wells, making him crack a slight grin.

"Hi, Wells," Jasper said coolly, gliding up to the fence. Octavia hung back and off to the side.

"Do you have the thing?" Wells asked, his voice small as he glanced around, as if searching for hidden cameras or something in the bushes. Or someone in the bushes. Maybe he was scared Clarke was going to jump from the bushes to give him a piece of her mind.

Jasper stared at him, unblinking. "Sorry, Wells. Turns out I can't help you."

Wells's face slackened. "What?"

"I can't help you." He slapped him on the shoulder as if they were good pals. "Sorry about your luck, buddy."

Jasper nodded his head, a signal for Monty and Octavia to follow him out, but Wells caught him by the shoulder of his jersey. "Hold it. What do you mean you can't help me?"

"I mean," Jasper snorted, ripping out of Wells's grasp, "that I can't give you that list."

"Why? I promise that she won't find out it was you. Last thing I want is for you guys to be on bad terms."

"Oh," Monty stepped forward and Wells's eyes widened in surprise like this was the first time he had noticed Monty was even there. "Then you will be able to respect his choice then, right? We obviously don't want to put a strain on our relation with Clarke so that list is out of the question."

"But Jasper sai—"

"I know what I said," Jasper relented. "But then I remembered how long Clarke holds a grudge. And even though that sucks for you, I'm not willing to risk it. If she decides to forgive you, then I will too. So I'll see you around. Don't ask me for help again."

This time Octavia took the initiative and slung an arm around Jasper and Monty's shoulders and led them off the field and away from Wells. When they were out of earshot, she asked, "Okay, I'm not trying to be nosy buuuut what the hell was that all about? What list? Clarke—"

"Extra curricular activities," Jasper answered, still wearing a frown. "I was almost stupid enough to give him one, too."

"Why would he need that?" Octavia came to a rough stop and eyeballed them.

"Wells got her dad fired so they broke up and—"

"They broke up?" Octavia interrupted Monty, shock in her eyes and her mouth agape. "But they were like, OTP."

"O-T-what?" Monty asked.

Octavia shook her head. "Not important. Wait, so he got her dad fired? That's what that big scandal was last May?"

"Yeah," Jasper shifted his bag on his shoulder as they started walking again, "Jake was going through some files and found out how some people in high positions in the district were pulling strings to like, make their school get the highest SAT and ACT rankings in the country. He told Clarke about it and he said he was going to go public."

“I remember because it was a Friday night. Wells was over and the three of us were playing Ps4 in my room when Clarke said she needed to tell us something. She made us promise not to say anything to anyone, which we did. I guess Wells either forgot he promised or thought he was justified in ratting out Jake, because the next morning we got a phone call saying that Jake had gotten arrested."

Octavia's mouth dropped farther. "They arrested him?"

Monty saw Jasper's jaw lock. "Wells told his dad, the damn superintendent, about the thing, and had him arrested, yes. But since what Jake found was illegal anyway, they had to drop the charges."

"Well, if what he found was illegal, then why did he get fired still?"

"Because he was poking around in files that he wasn't supposed to be," Monty scowled. "Not fair in my opinion because he totally uncovered a knee deep scam that could've gotten Jaha fired if it had gone unnoticed much longer."

Octavia frowned. And then there they were, the three of them standing on the edge of the parking lot with frowns on their faces. If it weren't for their distinct colored jerseys, people passing by might have mistaken them for members of the losing team.

"That's not fair," Octavia grumbled, breaking the silence at last.

"Yeah well, a lot of things aren't fair." Jasper phrased it like he was trying to put a positive spin on it, but Monty picked up on the bitterness in his tone. He was still mad, like the rest of them were.

They stood in silence for a few minutes when Octavia broke it again for the second time, "Did you guys want a ride? To the Dairy Queen, I mean?"

Monty glanced over at Jasper who was already trying to look nonchalant but deep down was probably squealing in delight. "Yeah. That'd be great, Octavia," Monty responded when he realized Jasper wasn't going to.

Octavia beamed. "Great. Bellamy should be here—"

"Bellamy?" Jasper gulped.

Monty's stomach dropped as a dark blue car skidded to a stop beside them. Octavia hopped down off the curb and flung the passenger's side door open and pushed the front seat forward. "Get in," she said to no one in particular.

Monty nodded for Jasper to go first. He was the one with a crush on Octavia and he was the one who would have to deal with Bellamy as a brother-in-law if everything worked out according to Jasper's plans. He could go first.

"Octavia?" Bellamy's voice came from the driver's seat. "What are you—" He stopped, eyes landing on Jasper. "Isn't that Clarke's brother? O, what is going—"

Octavia snorted, shooting another look and Monty didn't have to be told twice and climbed into the backseat. Jasper shuffled in behind him, and then Octavia pushed the seat into place and climbed in herself.

Monty and Jasper were trapped in the backseat of Bellamy Blake's car.

chapter 6

#The 100 #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #bellamy x clarke #clarke x bellamy #clarke griffin #bellamy blake

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em44owls · 7 years

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Joshler Fic

I Think I Lost My Halo- “When the boys end up lab partners at the start of last semester, Tyler finds a new good little Christian boy to lead astray, and Josh finds new reasons to feel guilty. But if it's so wrong, then how can being with Tyler feel so right?” (96041 words) 18/18

Isle of Flightless Birds- “It wasn't a soulbond. It couldn't be. Because they hadn't met. But this boy in Josh's dreams with the hazel eyes almost black with fear felt more real than the chair Josh was sitting on. And the pain in his wrist felt as if there should be healing lines. And the emotions washing over him didn't always fit. (75837 words) 15/15

My Treehouse Is On Fire- “Tyler's apartment complex gets evacuated at 3am because of a fire and he ends up talking to some pink haired guy wearing a hoodie and boxers.” (61372 words) 43/43

Million dollar man- “josh just needs a good story to keep his less than thriving journalist job, and tyler probably has enough dirty laundry to break the news.” (56278 words)

We're Young, We're Dumb, and We Don't Care- “In which Tyler leaves home for his reasons, and meets Josh who left school for his own” (49099 words) 48/48

Tyler and Josh vs. The World.- “An angel and a devil in a suburban Ohio high school. What could go wrong?” (48748 words) 58/58

falling for you, literally, three times- "I don't wanna be responsible for getting you into trouble." "Ah, I have a feeling you'll be doing a lot of that, Tyler Joseph." Tyler moves to London and finds himself falling for Josh, quite literally, and Josh wonders whether the shy new kid is exactly what he's been waiting for.” (43130 words) 17/17

Still high with a little feeling- “Josh offers Tyler to be his pet in the mafia, not knowing it’ll lead to something different.” (40658 words) 12/12

Innocent High- “Josh Dun, a Sex ED teacher at Columbus High, is receiving letters everyday from an unknown source. The letters are rather...sexual.” (39961 words) 51/51

Josh hates his job.- “It's not that he doesn't like helping omega's in need or that he can't manage the tasks, it's just that it's hard to watch them go when they don't need him anymore. He wants an omega that stays.” (33861 words) 14/14

every little thing is gonna be alright- “Josh is kinda stoned, Tyler is kinda broken, and this is the start of something kinda beautiful. (the chapters are all connected drabbles and are out of order. the chapters are numbered in the title in the order they should be read in! sorry for any confusion)” (31890 words) 15/15

Take Care of You- “Business trips hardly feel like trips at all when you hardly leave your hotel room. Tyler hadn't planned on seeking company, but it seemed like making a friend for the week would be the most convenient thing, even if he was a little pricey.” (31180 words) 5/5

I Will Make You Believe You Are Lovely- “It's Josh's 18th birthday and he's finally going to receive his Soul Mark and find out who his Soul Mate is.” (30230 words) 13/13

Entertain Mit’s always sunny in ohio- “Uh, my date—my date is, uh.” Tyler stutters, feeling his cheeks flush. “Spill, Tyler.” Maddy leans forward, her elbows resting on the table.“Josh,” Tyler blurts out. (26781 words)

~long way down- “a knock at the door leads to more than what Tyler was expecting, and it ends up being the one thing that saves him.” (26013 words)

Let Me Take Care of You- “Josh is the Tyler is his boyfriend. Some of his teammates don't like that.It's almost exactly as high school as it sounds” (21140 words)

Into The Wild- “Two boys from two completely different worlds collide and things get interesting. Trust is shared. Feelings develop. And none of them suspects what the future brings.” (21734 words) 5/5

Safe- “Tyler is one step away from losing hope. Josh happens.” (21504 words)

I'm trying to sleep- “Tyler is abused by his dad and bullied at school, until Josh comes along and gives him the love he always needed.” (21381 words) 22/22

I Don't Wanna Fall Away- “Lately, Josh has been having these weird, inappropriate thoughts about his best friend. He doesn't know how long he can fight them, but he doesn't want to risk their friendship either.” (21313 words) 14/14

Blue neighborhood- “brown eyes with colored hair covered in tattoos and piercings makes Tyler forget the differences between wrong and right.” (20903 words)

Wild Geese- “No offense,” Josh replied, unfolding his arms. “But the straightest thing about me is my middle finger.” In which the summer before college becomes the summer of Tyler, and Josh learns how to care.” (20598 words)

Her name is Tyler- “Josh didn’t typically pick up other guys in a bar and take them home but then again he also didn’t see many guys wearing a soft pink skirt.” (20147 words)

you belong to me (you must obey me)- ”hating someone more than Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun hate each other is not possible. but what are those strange feelings they get?” (19435 words) 16/16

Fanfic reading- “One, Josh has a secret: he's obsessed with reading Joshler fanfiction. And not the PG stuff either.” (19247 words) 2 works

Caught in the Act- “Tyler and Josh are best friends. Tyler and Jenna are happily married. But all hell breaks loose when Tyler finds them in bed together.” (18909 words) milk and honey- “Tyler doesn't like to be touched. Josh shows him he can touch him without using skin.” (17938 words) It's as good as I can be (This is all that I can be)- “Tyler struggles with the meaning of being religious as well as his developing sexuality” (16575 words) Bro.- “Tyler moves to Los Angeles, where he discovers his next door neighbor has gone from punk to hunk, and oh nooooo he's falling for him.” (15828 words) When You Really Gotta Go- “Just some really great Joshler omorashi” (15960 words) 10/10 Don't Leave (When Winter Comes)- “Josh and Tyler live in an unfamiliar city, far away and disconnected from the local culture and the homes they once knew. Tyler performs in grimy, alternative bars, and Josh idolizes him. They get involved, but Tyler seems hell-bent on destroying himself and everything in his path. Josh is really earnest and tries to hold on for the ride.” (15788 words) 7/7 Mustard- “The one where Tyler sits on street corners and plays his ukulele for money and Josh hates his life.” (14828 words)

He’s Got The Midas Touch- “So Josh, do you know why I called you in here?” Tyler starts.Josh closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before replying, “because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?”Tyler looks visibly surprised, he stops pouring his glass of wine when he sees the nervous look on Josh's face. “Accidentally?” (8838 words) 2/2

Screen- “Tyler is a camboy and Josh is an awkward young man.” (6432 words)

Cold Mocha- “Josh finally agrees to fuck Tyler.” (5712 words)

got caught under the covers- “Or, 5 Times Tyler and Josh Got Caught, and 1 Time They Didn't.” (5195 words)

get down on your knees and tell me you love me- “Tyler gets a new job as an assistant at a huge publishing company, and he doesn't make a good first impression on the boss' son.” (4570 words)

Fluffer- “Originally, Tyler applied as a camera assistant.” (4193 words)

everytime you come around (i feel like glitter)- "I accidentally grabbed your notebook and i found a crap ton of gay writings/doodles and they're amazing. Wait, are those combinations of our names all over the pages?" (4137 words) 2/2

Liquor- “Tyler likes instructions, Josh needs them.” (3857 words)

a little taste of heaven- "Can I touch you?" came the question. Tyler sighed, the sound turning into a sweet whimper. He nodded affirmatively, letting go of his own cock and placing his hand on the pillow instead, giving Josh better access” (3533 words)

Snowed In- “No power, no heat, no clothes, no problem.” (3490 words)

Entertain Me (under lips)- “After three years, Tyler knew subtlety was dead. So when Josh poked Tyler's thigh and said, “I'm horny.” (2769 words)

Perfect Symmetry- “Josh likes his drums, but he also likes Tyler’s hips.” (2648 words)

Cedar Point- High School AU, Smut (2606 words)

A Milano- “After all the running he's done today, Josh is eager to get back to his tent for some alone time. Good thing Tyler's only a phone call away.” (2397 words)

get naked (i got a plan)- “Meeting fans after shows is great and everything, but sometimes you just need some private time with your boyfriend first.” (2005 words)

lights low, mouth open- “josh is a slob when it comes to the theater and tyler is just trying to do his job.” (1978 words)

Variety- “prompt: "dom tyler with shy josh and dirty talk !!" (1846 words)

scarlet harlot [because you’re mine]- “He doesn't want to admit it, but this whole situation is slightly hot: Him bent over a sink, Tyler tugging his hair.... In which Tyler dyes Josh's hair and also gives him an orgasm.” (1810 words)

It’s not what it looks like- “Tyler underestimates the time Josh is supposed to be home at.” (1776 words)

Use me until ever little piece is gone- “Tyler is willing and adores being used for Josh's pleasure Josh is dominant and adores how Tyler lets him fulfil his darkest fantasies” (1761 words)

yellow- “has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?”- Josh “n-no.”-Tyler “you’re absolutely beautiful.”-Josh (1695 words)

100 kinks.- “100 kink challenges". they start off cute and fluffy and gets more kinky as i go.” (14688 words) 6/?

Indecent- “Tyler loses his virginity on his birthday in the back of a pickup truck.” (1453 words)

somber- “Come here and kiss me some more.” Tyler says then, and it takes Josh by surprise, going over the sentence in his head, trying to figure out if it’s a simple joke between friends or not.” (1433 words)

room with a view- “They really didn't mean to put on a show like this.” (1399 words) (a series)

the best things happen at the worst of times, tyler thinks- “tyler Loved jenna. it took him too long to realize he loved josh more.” (1321 words)

angel- “tyler is a 50 year old ghost who haunts joshua's house, but is an absolute adorable lil' peach that joshua adores, but pouts when the brunet catches him doing something embarrassing.” (1183 words)

sweet- “ty and j turn into soft pants and delicate groans after a show.” (1102 words)

Dare me- “Tyler choked on a sip of his drink. Did he hear that right? Did Josh really say that?” (1181 words)

Fuck Fake Friends- “Fuck fake friends, we don’t need them, the only thing they’re good for is leaving.” (1136 words)

grinding Together with occasional Touch of enamel- “Some pure Tyler and Josh being Tyler and Josh” {sex, masturbation, and smut} (1013 words)

It’s our hearts that make the (dubstep) beat.- “Tyler likes to play games and make challenges. Josh has only one rule when it comes to music during sex. Tyler is a little shit.” (982 words)

Caught in the shower- “Where Josh thinks dirty thoughts about his best friend in the shower and Tyler catches him.” (683 words)

Frozen Still- “Josh's lips tasted like champagne and new (670 words)

Pretty Sounds (Stick Around)- “You know what I want to do today?" (622 words)

Wendy’s- “Josh is popular but doesn’t realise it. Tyler’s always new.” (439 words)

Frottage- fics with frottage in it

Already Read...//

(Part 1) Almost - “Five times Tyler almost told Josh he loved him and the one time Josh told him.” (2702 words)

(Part 2) Angry - “Five times Tyler gets angry with Josh and the one time Josh gets angry with Tyler.” (1510 words)

(Part 5) Care - “Five times Josh falls asleep and the one time Tyler almost does too.” (2111 words)

Nobody looks up anymore - “ Tyler staring up at the sky. Josh comes up to see if there way anything wrong.” (1302 words)

Friction - “Tyler needs something that Jenna can’t offer up and they turn to Josh for some help. Aka Josh is a-o-k with tying Tyler up and fucking him” (3418 words)

And Then There Was Pink- “Josh finds himself in Tyler’s flower shop and Tyler finds himself seeing color.” (6581 words)

1. Kissing - “Tyler has the sweetest and fullest lips Josh has ever seen, and he loves taking complete advantage of that.” (175 words)

Detention- “Josh and Tyler get trapped alone together inside their schools building when a vicious snow storm hits their town.” (5528 words)

i get around- “Josh really hates parties.” (1882 words)

Million Dollar House- “Tyler loved to paint, and Josh's body was the perfect canvas.” (1395 words)

Careful What You Wish For- “What’s more awkward than having front row tickets to your friends having sex?” (2233 words)

The one with no electricity- “The electric goes off in Josh's and Tyler's apartment and Tyler is scared of the dark...” (1054 words)

Truth Hurts (Literally)- “Tyler drinks this weird foreign liquid and now he can't keep his big fat mouth shut.” (3361 words)

Doritos - “Tyler picked up his packet of Taco Doritos before walking out into the living room and sighing when he saw Josh, who was sitting on his phone once again.” (589 words)

14. Sex toys- “Ty...deeper...please..." His rasp is without pain but sweetly desperate.” (403 words)

24. Rimming - “Tyler holds to his chest like he’s forgotten what air is and whispers the sweetest blasphemies as Josh pays worship to his body.” (464 words)

94. Giggly sex- "Babe, we're already boyfriends. You don't have to pick me up. I'm yours!" (344 words)

Cheat - ”one finds the other one cheating.” (608 words)

Mentors- Josh mentored Tyler and they like date and Tyler leaves his house because of his fucked up family. Oh and Josh was like dating Debby in the beginning woo (sarcasm) (43659 words) 36/36

30 Day Smut Challenge (Joshler)- 30 days of smut basically. (36663 words) 29/30

Brat- “Tyler is feeling ignored by Josh, so when they go to a bar Tyler kisses Brendon so Josh’ll see and punish him.” (706 words)

Hopeless | Joshler- “one where josh finds a boy in the school bathroom and knows he as no other option” (759 words)

Baby Boy- “Tyler has a diaper fetish.” (330 words)

Truce- “In the future, anyone can apply for assisted suicide. Josh works helping people end their lives in a peaceful, painless way, and he's okay with it. But it hurts so much when a brown eyed boy comes asking for his assistance.” (3162 words)

The X-Files Fic- “In which Josh delves into the world of X-Files fanfiction, and decides that there needs to be X-Files fanfiction starring him and Tyler. But it’s totally not gay, okay guys? Just a story about him and his bro solving crimes about aliens and maybe they kiss sometimes.” (4782 words)

The Red Bull Fic- “The milk fic only with joshler and Red Bull.” (3465 words)

itty bitty- “Tyler finds Josh on his heat. Josh needs his teeny tiny cock played with and a massive cock to fill his dripping hole.” (2509 words)

Come On and Work it All Out- “Tyler and Josh wake up only remembering their own name, and try to figure out who they are.” (2665 words)

85 Percent- trans Josh gets pregnant on Tyler’s wedding (2991 words)

oh boy, did tyler fuck up.- "it's not like he actually wanted to sit in an almost empty emergency room in his local hospital a saturday evening, sipping on watery coffee that barely counts as lukewarm with a dildo stuck in his ass" (3753 words)

Something Wicked This Way Comes- “Tyler is an urban witch. Josh is a bounty hunter. A lot of shit goes down.” (15440 words)

Frozen Still- “If he left this party knowing that Josh had been sitting alone, available, not having kissed anyone at all… he wouldn’t forgive himself for the entirety of the new year. This, Tyler thought, as Josh rested his chin against his knees, was a boy who should be kissed.” (1021 words)

there’s only one virgin left and that’s you- “tylers the last virgin in a sex crazed high school that even awards you points for the amount of people you get with. tyler thinks it's dumb and plans on keeping his virginity till he graduates, but with everyone after him it seems like a challenge.” (1306 words)

Lead Singer- “Tylers the energetic lead singer Josh didn’t expect to be fucking.” (940 words)

Discovering The Waterfront- “Tyler lives in a sexless village, where the very concept of even having a sex drive has become obsolete. Josh moves in from the city and changes that.” (9947 words) 5/5

He Belongs to the Game- “In which Tyler is kind of a stripper, Josh is kind of an asshole, and they both kind of figure it out.” (3207 words)

Handful- “adorable first date gone wrong.” (fluff) (3012 words)

Never Gunna Give You Up- “Prompt: Tyler goes into rut, and Josh helps him through it.” (2149 words)

gets off on being down- “tyler would do anything for attention.” (1352 words)

Fire In Every Sign of Winter Marasa- “Dude, I'm freaking out.” That’s a complete understatement.” (6262 words) 3/3

Decode- “Josh is punk. Tyler wears floral skirts. They fuck on a bet.” (4337 words)

Fifty shades of pink- “When Jenna's away the boys will play, but what happens when they lose track of time.” (2894 words)

Lights On- “Prom night is coming up, and Tyler knows that his date might have certain… expectations. The only problem? Tyler’s never done anything with a girl before. Fortunately, Josh has.” (4525 words)

Show me what you've got- “Joshua dun is in love with his brother-in-law, Tyler. It's disgusting and wrong but he can't help it. It's worse when Tyler takes advantage of it.” (4118 words) 2/2

Bold & Fearless In The Risks We Take- “The first time they met, Tyler made Josh bleed. But as blood brothers, the friendship endures all life's growing pains.” (42176 words)

Spicy cycle (dirty laundry)- “There were many tweets warning others ‘don't share the pics. You’re an asshole if you do. Be respectful!' but it didn’t take Tyler too long to uncover the first of the photos. Everything changed after that.” (26584 words) 7/7

bold and fearless in the risks we take- “tyler doesn’t remember much of what transpired to have him walking down the side of an empty road well past midnight, gently clutching his broken nose, fingers dripping with his own blood.” (72677) 22/22 (never finished; Read: 3/16/18)

i wanna make you mine (but that's hard to say)- “in which tyler's an idiot who chooses to study for exams at two in the morning and josh wants to be cranky but tyler's lips are kinda distracting” (1290 words)

let me love (let me touch)- “The atmosphere was light, the moon shone through the curtains, and there wasn't a thing that Tyler wanted more than to make his boy feel good.” (1289 words)

this love- “josh is trans and having a bad dysphoria day. tyler tries to help him out.” (1260 words)

Stateless- “Send me a pic. And then I'll help you out.” (1288 words)

Soul Love-”Tyler and Josh have a swap.” (1189 words)

No homo- sex on tour bus while tyler says no homo ironically. (1166 words)

Idk what to title this- “In which Josh likes to take it and Tyler likes to give it.” (1165 words)

you're the holiest thing i know- “Tyler is nervous. Josh is the biggest sweetheart in the world.” (1156 words)

A Little Time Off- “Josh just wants to have a lazy day off watching cartoons, but Tyler misses him a little too much” (1146 words)

In His Arms- “Tyler has a nightmare. Josh gives him a hand *cough cough* to help him sleep.” (1134 words)

He keeps me warm- has exhibition and sex. (1104 words)

Sweet Lovin'- “Tyler wants cookies and Josh's love.” (1025 words)

Famous Last Words- “The one where Josh has Tyler cum trained.” (1015 words)

keep my eyes closed and try to feel all of the effects- “Josh needs Tyler to help him with something.” (1013 words)

grinding Together with occasional Touch of enamel- “Some pure Tyler and Josh being Tyler and Josh” (1013 words)

Fluff blowjob stuff- “Tyler is an intern at the bakery where Josh works and they're so gay for each other and after closing time, things happen” (1010 words)

In Tents- “Tyler's mind doesn't think all the way through at midnight.” (1421 words)

I think I lost my halo- “A one shot where Tyler misses Josh desperately and decides to Skype him.” (1408 words)

Every You, Every Me- “Tyler no longer wanted to nap - he wanted to kiss Josh until both of them came in their pants.” (1357 words)

you're out of the band- “josh 'helps' tyler after he is told he is out of the band, and maybe finds his way back in after he 'helps'.” (1335 words)

Texts for Josh Dun- “Josh gets a text from an unknown number.” (1314 words)

Light Me Up Inside- “It's Tyler's birthday, but an unexpected snow storm and the dropping temperature has him and Josh canceling their plans to have a little fun inside.” (1296 words)

we do believe what's on tv- “tyler drunk calls josh. one thing leads to another, cause that's always how these things happen, right?” (1707 words)

you give me lovin' (that good kind of lovin')- “phone sex b/c tyler and josh are away from each other for some reason.” (1661 words)

Naked Noises- “Crappy motel porn.” (1670 words)

I can do that- “Tyler sees him at church.” (1619 words)

you're the reason i'm alone and masturbate- “He doesn’t have a problem with masturbation; put a bunch of horny guys in their twenties together on a bus and you’re bound to hear someone at least once. It’s just, Josh could at least try to act like he wasn’t jerking off almost every single night.” (1540 words)

Why not, we're buds- “When Tyler wakes up to Josh moaning his name, he gets hard himself. He asks Josh to fix it for him. Because why not? They're buds.” (1595 words)

Øn his knees- "Gonna ride you, but you can't touch me," Tyler smirked before looking Josh right in the eyes, "you can cum whenever you want to." (1500 words)

Secret Ways- “Tyler has a humping kink. Josh is okay with it. They're both a little desperate for each other.” (1440 words) Warm and wet- “Tyler wants to make Josh squirt” (1428 words)

It Feels Better (Biting Down)- “Tyler masturbates for the first time ever in the most awkward, yet strangely hot way possible.” (1490 words)

Get Through This Together- “Tyler and Josh are the type of people who can call each other 'best friend' after knowing each other for about 2 months. They share everything from food to their bed to their wildest dreams. They've even developed a routine together. Sadly, that routine gets shaken by something they weren't expecting…” (2971 words) Variety- "dom tyler with shy josh and dirty talk !!" (1847 words) Halo- “He's got an early class tomorrow and he doesn't know why he came here but now there's a drink in his hand and he can't turn back.” (1828 words) knowing everything is fine- “Tyler is a powerbottom, and Josh is a meek lil nugget.” (1824 words) odi- “Tyler smirked. "Why? Is Joshie gonna cry?" He said in a baby voice, his bottom lip coming out into a pout. Tyler's tongue was sharp. So sharp he once brought Josh to tears, and he never let Josh forget it.” (1793 words) Incomplete- “Tyler brushes his thumb over Josh's mouth. Josh doesn't stir, but Tyler wishes he would, because he needs something to tire him out. They could indulge in something simple like pillowfights or jumping on the bed until it groans.” (1778 words) Surprise, surprise- “Tyler wants to surprise Josh, but he falls asleep.” (2121 words) Perfect Symmetry- “Josh likes his drums, but he also likes Tyler’s hips.” (2648 words) your taste is so inviting (now i'm living in a dream)- “Josh and Tyler take a shower together after a muddy game of soccer and Josh can't fathom why he suddenly wants to put his dick in his best friend's asshole.” (2645 words) Loud and Quiet- “At such a close proximity, Josh suddenly catches a whiff of something vaguely familiar. He chases it to Tyler’s hair and inhales discreetly. Josh blinks. “Are you...are you high?” (1851 words) Fetish: Joshler- “Josh is sick of being alone and can tell by Tyler's posts that Ty is missing him too. After two weeks of separation and anger, Josh goes to Ty's house and works out his pent up frustration.” (1964 words) had me shakin' (just mine all mine)- (1949 words) It's not what it looks like- “Tyler underestimates the time Josh is supposed to be home at.” (1776 words) Use me until every little piece is gone- “Tyler is willing and adores being used for Josh's pleasure Josh is dominant and adores how Tyler lets him fulfil his darkest fantasies” (1761 words) We are so fucked- “This is my first work on archive so go easy on me. Okay so Tyler and Josh are teenagers who are madly in love but are convinced the other is straight so Jensen and Jared the cutest couple in school try to make them come together but will Tyler's worried that his past will get in the way But Josh has a secret of his own that might be just a little bit strange.” (1643 words) 4/4 And You May ask Yourself- “He’s never been with a boy before. But this isn’t just any boy. It’s Josh.” (1717 words) Clumsy- “Josh applauds Tyler's knot work; it's gotten better since last time and he can barely move his wrists at all. It's when he hears the soft patter of socked feet on carpet does he start to fumble.” (1717 words) periwinkle suits you [who i adore]- “Josh likes to secretly dress up in pretty lingerie. Tyler accidentally sees Josh's pretty panties when he's drunk.” (1451 words)

Your Body Is My Wonderland- “Tyler is such a special person…he’s so soft and angelic looking…so fragile and pure. And yet at the same time he’s the pure embodiment of sin.” (1471 words)

Ferris Wheel- “Josh and Tyler take a break from their busy tour lives and head to a carnival. Tyler treats Josh with all the drinks he wants, which backfires. Aka the pee kink fic where josh gets fucked in a Ferris wheel then a bathroom” (1465 words)

i get around- “Josh really hates parties.” (1882 words)

so where do we begin?- “Sometimes Tyler thinks of Josh as something a little more than just his best friend, and when Josh walks in on him with his hands down his pants moaning his name, things get a little awkward.” (1928 words)

House Of The Lord- “Sundays are meant to be spent in the bathroom, panting, and guilty.” (1940 words)

Back to school- “Tyler has some other desires he's been suppressing — desires to also be with men — more specifically, his openly gay college roommate, Josh. Desires he's ready to fulfill.” (2018 words)

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theglowiest-worm · 6 years

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MIRIUM MIDGE: CHARACTER SHEET

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love, and I know that it's all mine. Oh, oh whoa

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me. Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me. No, oh whoa

ORIGINS & FAMILIAL RELATIONS:

Name: Mirium Margaret Midge

Nickname: Miri, Short Stuff

*Reason for Name:

Birthday: 17 March 2001 ( Aries )

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Place of Birth: Swynlake, England

Places lived since: None

Number of siblings: One, her twin brother.

Relationship with family (close? estranged?)

Cecil Midge (father): [FC: TBD]

Meridth __ Midge (mother): [FC: TBD ]

Thewlish Midge (older brother):

Happiest memory:

Childhood trauma:

PHYSICAL:

Height: 4′8″ (146.304 cm)

Weight: 90 lbs (40.82 kg)

Build: Slight with delicate features

Nationality: Lebanese and English

*Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birthmarks): Mirium has a spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheekbones but otherwise she’s free of any blemishes. Her skin is a light tan. She has a single scar on her shin ( surprisingly ) from crashing her bike as a kid into her neighbor’s mailbox.

*Distinguishing facial features:

Hair color: Light brown. In the summertime, Mirium’s hair can turn almost platinum if she’s outside long enough.

Usual hairstyle: When it’s long she leaves it down and it’s natural wavy curl or up in a ponytail and hat. When she has it shorter, it’s usually just wavy or however she wakes up, with very minimal fixes to it since it looks nice when she wakes up.

Eye color: Brown

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): Mirium likes jeans and comfort, big jumpers that you can hide your entire body in or comfy sneakers and a hat. She’s very casual and kind of a tomboy but she always looks adorable.

Typical style of shoes: Sneakers probably

Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?): Mirium can get sick on occasion and, when she does, it sticks around for a bit ( like a week or so, depending on what it is ) but, overall, she’s fairly healthy.

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck his/her eyebrows?): Mirium’s grooming habits are fairly laid back but she is very meticulous about them. She wears makeup but it’s pretty minimal unless it’s for something fancy and then she’s got eyeshadow and lipstick on. She showers at night because it’s easier than worrying about showering before school. She washes her face and does her teeth in the shower and her brows are pretty well-manicured, though they don’t need too much upkeep. Her clothes she picks out the night before, though she will sometimes change depending on weather and how she feels.

Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: Mirium has 5 earrings total: two lobe piercings in both her ears and a bar in her right ear. No tattoos. She wears rings and necklaces occasionally, but not very often.

Accent?: Typical British accent ( I assume anyway )

Unique mannerisms/physical habits: Because she uses her hands to speak A LOT, her physical habits generally revolve her use of sign. Her facial features are very expressive, to convey her meaning for words she doesn’t say, and her gesticulations are usually fairly wide. However, her most unique habit is her choice of personal signs for people. She likes to customize things for herself so she knows she has something quick and easy to differentiate people.

Athletic: Mirium is of average athleticism. She’s not crazy fit but she’s not a couch potato either.

INTELLECT:

Level of education: High school education. Wants to continue into university if she can.

Level of self-esteem: Fairly high

Gifts/talents: She can recite the alphabet backward if you can get her to do it

Shortcomings: STUBBORN, my goodness is she stubborn

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.): When Mirium chooses to speak she is usually pretty hesitant, simply because her comfort level is more in signed language or writing. However, when she speaks her words are clear, if tinged with a bit of a different sound to them because she can’t really hear how she’s pronouncing stuff.

“Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?: More right brained

Artistic?: Yeah! She likes to write and she doodles.

Mathematical?: Sure?

Languages?: BSL, English, Spanish ( from school ). Wants to learn others too!

Neuroses: She picks at her nails when she’s nervous.

Life philosophy: TBD

Religious stance: Not areligious but not, uh, super keen organized religion as a whole. Probably more agnostic than atheist bc she does believe in something, just doesn’t really know what to call it.

Cautious or daring?: UH...both? Depends tbh

Optimist or pessimist?: OPTIMIST

Extrovert or introvert?: EXTROVERT

Level of comfort with technology: She’s tech saavy. My only true muse that is tbqh

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current marital/relationship status: Single

Sexual orientation: Gay. SUPER gay. Like omg. Also demiromantic, possibly poly. Idk she’ll figure it out, maybe.

Past relationships: She had a crush on one of her friends first year of secondary but didn’t tell her because she thought it would make her uspet. Would gladly tell anyone that the Avalorian princesses are goddesses. ( Hasn’t really had any tbh )

A social person? (popular, loner, some close friends, makes friends and then quickly drops them): Mirium is very friendly and outgoing and she makes friends easily. I would say she is comfortable with a number of people groups and can easily have friends in various “cliques” in her school bc she is just genuinely so sweet.

Most comfortable around (person): Probably her brother or her mom? If it isn’t family then Reese, hands down.

SECRETS:

Life goals: TBD

Dreams: To find something she loves to do, something she’s good at, and make a career out of it.

Greatest fears: To fail her family and her brother. To lose the people she cares about for a stupid reason.

Most ashamed of: TBD

Compulsions: TBD

Obsessions: oh gosh...she likes the royals, lotr, star wars/star trek. I wouldn’t say OBSESSED but she’s definitely a fan of things.

Secret hobbies: TBD

Secret skills: TBD

Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): None

What he/she most wants to change about his/her current life: None

What he/she most wants to change about his/her physical appearance: None

DETAILS & QUIRKS:

Night owl or early bird?: Early bird

Light or heavy sleeper?: Heavy sleeper, usually

Favorite food: TBD

Least favorite food: TBD

Favorite book: TBD

Least favorite book: TBD

Favorite movie: TBD

Least favorite movie: TBD

Favorite song: TBD

Least favorite song: TBD

Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: Crunchy

Lefty or righty?: Lefty

Favorite color: Anything bright!

Cusser?: She’s that person that cannot physically cuss because she feels bad but if she does it’s because you’ve seriously pissed her off.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Nope! She wouldn’t touch the stuff.

Biggest regret: TBD

Pets?: As a little girl she had an English Sheepdog named Lucy. Now, she has a Basset Hound names Rascal.

#let it glow ( mirium )#inspo #character sheet #bdrptask #//I'll probably fill in the favorites as I go those I need to think about a bit more bc she has a bit of stuff to get through still

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yerbevan · 6 years

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It doesn’t bother me...

alright...a big, whopping, comprehensive, no-holds-barred, in your face, out of your face, steal your face, to the left and right of your face, review...my very first! it's a thing! pardon my writerly predilections...i'm not into sentencing right now...and put your gavel away...that too

watch out...here we go!

my impressions of the ride, start to finish:

bass a little low in the mix during first four minutes, but corrected soon enough

vocals a little too prominent for my taste, but there is an upside: you can hear all the lyrics very clearly

this is a show that benefits from somewhat aggressive voluming, if it doesn't wake the neighbors

the aural picture shows some tweaking and improvement along about track three, which was not unusual at dead shows, drums and percussion benefitting notably

the sound reveals characteristics of the hall itself, it doesn't bother me

we're sliding into a nice groove here in Big River...clearly the band is in it all the way tonite, going for broke, not holding back, and ready to jam...the overall mix more cohesive

it's The Grateful Dead! let's not forget why we're here, campers...can't we have a little fun tonite? i'm into it...it's all coming together...onward and upward!

Bigfoot County is nigh, Vista Cruiser on...pass that over here, friend...Jerry the Singer is having a good night...singing like he means it, friends!

yer New Minglewood...the crowd is way into it, picking up on the energy...Bob delivering a nuanced vocal as well...remember those nites when the boys challenged each other, upped the ante? believe it, friends

Big Railroad rolling into the station, all aboard...the vocal amplificationism is tightening up, more presence, less reverb...instrumental amplificationism likewise...vocals tweaked down a bit, but still refreshingly clear

Who says this band can't Rock & Roll? not me...one a them not sit in the chair shows

Looks Like Rain is not usually one of my favourites, but this one has that little extra something that makes you sit up and take notice...the tempo a little more brisk than i recall from the shows i seen

Deal is one of my favourites...always ready for a good Deal...Jerry is ready for this one...i see the stars and moon coming out, friends! alright, all the bugs are out...set too here we come...an outrageous, exceptional, and totally fantabulous Deal! and it's only the first set, friends!

gonna have a leisurely, half-hour break, maybe get a beer, go out and chat with the people about the first set...okay with you? thanks...we're good

and umm...everybody here seen a real, live dead show, right? pardon me...just asking...you don't have to show me no I.D...forget i even brought it up

so there was two reasons i had to get this one: had to hear the 'Wang Dang Doodle', and 'Help/Slip/Frank'. i want anything that has help slip on it. and it's a good one. already out in deep jazz space...Jerry is in top form tonite as an instrumentalist

Franklin's Tower, the 14-minute version...i'm in Dead Heaven...done gone and went...Jerry is putting something unique into this one...tonite only...Brent is on it here, too...man, the energy just went up a notch, as if that was even possible! the Garcia instrumentalism tour-de-force continues...very interesting approach to the close of Franklin's Tower...tonite only

Estimated...always a pleasure, as everyone knows, got real funk in it and all over it...and under it and to the side...there's the Bob Dead and the Jerry Dead...providing alternate vistas, and welcome variety...about halfway through and i don't want this show to end...and it doesn't have to end...you start over and take it from the top...or just do the second set...or move on to that other show you haven't checked out yet...whatever you want! i mean it's freedom!

Eyes of the World...another iffy proposition for me...sometimes great, sometimes the vocals are a little too tough for that particular nite...good...i'll take this one...especially for more of Jerry's jazzy instrumental breaks

And there's the brief but necessary fill from an audience tape...alright, no problem...it's an exceptional show, so we're good

Drums into Space...most excellent and interesting...Space is in a minor key, fairly unusual...Bob's picking on this Space is most excellent...in his own way, Bob is as advanced an instrumentalist as Jerry...two different lead guitarists, two different guitarism flavours...blended and complimentary tho: you wouldn't expect anything less from The Grateful Dead, Grateful Dead, or even the Dead...it's all good

And now Space into Throwing Stones...you didn't see that every nite...all of our singers in good shape, tonite...more of Bob's distinctive Dead Funk

into Goin' Down the Road...you didn't see that every nite either...so now Jerry, the maestro, slows it down for Black Peter...all kinds of originalness going on tonite...another inspired Jerry guitar break...does it get any better? tearing it up on the vocals, too...excellent and gorgeous ensemble singing on this Black Peter...another one for the history books

Many of these aural differences are about various source tapes, i think, more so than i initially thought...the high-energy performance is why we're all here right now, tho...glad i got a ticket for this one, you know

and Sunshine Daydream rolls on in...more Rock & Roll for us campers...and i say again, play this one as loud as you can...and i don't often say that about Dead show recordings...and Sugar Magnolia comes to a crashing halt...now Bob Dylan's 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue'

now the Vista Cruiser returns to earth for a soft landing, no encore...it was worth the trip

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nickreposted · 8 years

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nicreations shared this story . (Brinson Banks for The Washington Post) Published on February 16, 2017LOS ANGELES — One day last summer, Lin-Manuel Miranda, on break from “Hamilton,” stopped by neighbor Jimmy Fallon’s house in the Hamptons. They both love music and Fallon has a listening room in the basement, so it wasn’t long before they were downstairs sharing another passion: “Weird Al” Yankovic.“I said, ‘Do you know “Polka Party!”?’ ” Fallon says. “He’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, I know it word for word.’ ”Fallon threw Yankovic’s 1986 record on the turntable, and the Broadway phenomenon and the late-night TV star sang along to an accordion-driven medley that covers 12 songs in three minutes, from Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” to Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach.”“Picture Jimmy Fallon and I sitting in a basement laughing our asses off singing, ‘I’m gonna keep my baby, keep my baby, keep my baby,’ ” Miranda says.“We were crying, laughing and singing,” Fallon says.They’re not alone.Yankovic has sold millions of albums, played 1,616 shows and outlasted so many of the stars he once spoofed. His most recent album, 2014’s “Mandatory Fun,” featured parodies of Iggy Azalea, Lorde and Pharrell Williams, a polka medley and his usual smattering of original songs. The album hit No. 1. At 57, he’s now readying a complete set of his 14 studio recordings, plus an album of bonus tracks. “Squeeze Box,” on sale through a PledgeMusic drive until the end of February, will naturally come in an accordion-shaped box. “Comedy recording and funny songs go back to the earliest days of the record industry,” says Barry Hansen, better known as Dr. Demento, the radio host who introduced Yankovic to the public 40 years ago. “But Al is unique. There’s nothing like him in the history of funny music.”For Chris Hardwick — the comedian who created the Nerdist empire and hosts two game shows, “@midnight” and “The Wall” — Yankovic is more than a musical success story. He’s a triumph for all the oddballs and outsiders.He remembers being a kid in Memphis the first time he heard Yankovic on Dr. Demento. And then the rush of spotting his nerd hero on MTV.“When you’re young,” he says, “you kind of wonder: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I like the same things other kids like? I must be broken or flawed.’ And then you see this guy who is like, ‘Yeah, me neither, and it’s okay but we can f— with these people, but in a friendly way, not in a toxic way.’ ”'Weird Al' breaks down his 'Tacky' video with Kristen Schaal and Jack Black Play Video An accordionist is bornAlfred Matthew Yankovic is unflinchingly polite, doesn’t curse and pays off his monthly credit-card bill on time. He lives in a beautiful but not ostentatious house in the Hollywood hills. Sometimes, on a beautiful night, he and his wife, Suzanne, and daughter, Nina, 14, will bring their sleeping bags out on the deck and camp under the stars.And he is, at heart, still a nerd.During an interview in his living room, Yankovic has a confession. He’s in the process of re-ripping his entire CD collection because he’s read that FLAC files sound better than MP3s.Yankovic on the set of his music video for "Fat" in 1988, and with his wife, Suzanne, on the red carpet of a movie premiere in 2013. (Byron J. Cohen; Todd Williamson/Invision/AP)“My wife sometimes will question the sanity of it,” he says, laughing. “Like, ‘Are you sure this is worth your time?’ Hmm. Maybe.”On a video set or in the studio, he’s just as deliberate. He plots each shot, studies the charts, thinks through each step. When Huey Lewis filmed a Funny or Die riff off of “American Psycho” with Yankovic in 2013, they barely spoke. “It was serious business, and Al was on his game,” says Lewis, whose “I Want a New Drug” had been spoofed by Yankovic in the ’80s. “The best comedians always are.”He can be so quiet, you wonder whether he’s hiding something. How could a guy who throws on a fat suit to perform funny songs in front of thousands of fans be shy? Easy.“He’s an introvert,” says Scott Aukerman, the comedian and “Comedy Bang! Bang!” host. “It’s tough to kind of break through that in interviews with him.”Suzanne Yankovic acknowledges that even she was caught by surprise. When a mutual friend suggested in 1999 that they go on a date, she declined at first.He can be so quiet, you wonder whether he’s hiding something. How could a guy who throws on a fat suit to perform funny songs in front of thousands of fans be shy? Easy. “My immediate thought was that maybe he was going to be a little bit on and a little bit wacky, and I wasn’t sure if that would be a good fit,” she says now. “Then I thought about it and said, ‘How shallow of me.’ ”Yankovic, for his part, doesn’t feel walled off in any way.“But I am, at heart, sort of a shy person,” he says.He traces his personality to his late parents, Nick and Mary Yankovic. Neither went to college, with Nick working at a steel-manufacturing plant and as a security guard at different times. Mary took care of their small house in Lynwood, just south of Los Angeles.“My father was very outgoing and gregarious, and my mother was kind of withdrawn and soft-spoken,” he says. “Both sides of my personality are there.”His parents got him started in music, buying him an accordion just before his seventh birthday. While other Woodstock-era kids were strumming their Fenders to emulate Jimi Hendrix or Jimmy Page, Yankovic was learning “Dipsy Doodle” with Mrs. Fesenmeyer.That’s not to say he didn’t love the British Invasion. He did. But instead of rebelling, he adapted.Yankovic, 10, holds the accordion he learned to play as a youth, and poses with his parents, Mary and Nick, as a toddler. (Family photos)In lessons, he learned classical and polka, and to read music. In his free time, Yankovic figured out how to play the songs he loved by ear, whether it was Mason Williams’s “Classical Gas” or Elton John’s entire “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” album.Yankovic was more than a good boy. He skipped second grade, got straight A’s and was Lynwood High’s valedictorian. As an only child, he was loved and sheltered. Church was every Sunday and sleepovers were forbidden, as was anything even remotely risque. Yankovic remembers an issue of TV Guide arriving at the house that contained a photograph of an actress in a bikini. Mary took out a felt pen to fill out the suit. Did he ever do drugs? No. Because his parents told him not to.Did he ever consider ditching an instrument that only Lawrence Welk’s mother could love? Never.“It’s not like, ‘If I only got rid of the accordion, things would be perfect,’ ” Yankovic says. “I was two years younger than everybody in my school. I didn’t go through puberty at the same time. I didn’t learn to drive at the same time. I was a straight-A student, a high school valedictorian. I was always the nerdy kid.”If he found an escape, it was through the satirical humor of Mad Magazine and novelty songs on the Dr. Demento radio show. Hansen, with a master’s in musicology from UCLA and an expansive record collection, exposed listeners not just to Spike Jones and Allan “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh” Sherman but to more-obscure one-goof wonders such as Nervous Norvus. Hansen also gave Yankovic his first break. On March 14, 1976, he introduced “Alfred Yankovic” to his audience by playing a tape made by the 16-year-old high school senior. “Belvedere Cruising” centered on the family’s Plymouth. Yankovic accompanied himself on accordion. “When he sang the line, ‘There’s something about a Comet that makes me want to vomit,’ that kind of perked up my ears,” Hansen remembers. “He would do far better songs after that and he’s a little embarrassed about ‘Belvedere Cruising’ today, but I thought, as soon as I heard it, ‘That guy has some talent.’ ”Yankovic works as a student DJ for KCPR, California Polytechnic State University’s radio station, in 1980. (Tony Hertz/San Luis Obispo Telegram-Tribune)Becoming ‘Weird Al’He arrived at California Polytechnic State University in the fall of 1976 and immediately made an impression. The mismatched clothes. The flip-flops. The accordion. One kid in the dorm derisively named him “Weird Al.” Another stumbled into his room.“It looked like a homeless encampment,” his friend Joel Miller remembers. “There were just little paths. One was to his desk, one was to his bed, and one was to this accordion in the corner of the room. And I had never seen an accordion before, I mean in real life. So I asked him, ‘Can you play that thing?’ And he goes, ‘Yeah. What do you want to hear?’ ”Elton John. Which song? And within minutes, Yankovic launched into “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding.”“We were just blown away,” Miller says. “People started coming out of their dorm rooms to see what was going on. My friends knew I played percussion. So I ran and got my bongos and we started playing, and we had so much fun.”They began appearing on Thursdays, amateur night, at the student union. Others would bring their acoustic guitars and do Dan Fogelberg songs.“And we’d be playing, like, Tom Lehrer covers, and we’d do a medley of every song written in the world, or we’d segue from ‘Also Sprach Zarathustra’ into the theme from ‘The Odd Couple,’ ” Yankovic says. “Just random and stupid, and people were looking at us like we were from outer space. And that was the first time I felt that kind of wave of acceptance and appreciation from an audience. And it was kind of addicting, I have to say.”Barry Hansen, better known as Dr. Demento, with Yankovic in 1996. Yankovic has been a working musician for nearly 40 years: His first single debuted in 1979, and his first album was released in 1983. (Courtesy of Jon Schwartz; Brinson Banks for The Washington Post) He kept scoring with Dr. Demento. “My Bologna” was inspired by the Knack’s “My Sharona.” The Queen parody “Another One Rides the Bus” was recorded live in the studio. Both songs ended up on Yankovic’s self-titled 1983 debut. By then, Yankovic had also recruited the band that remains intact today — bassist Steve Jay, guitarist Jim “Kimo” West and drummer Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz. He also made an important discovery. Funny songs could get you on Dr. Demento. Funny videos could make you a star. In “Ricky,” Yankovic ditched his glasses and mustache to portray Desi Arnaz from “I Love Lucy.” The song cracked the top 100, and Yankovic felt confident enough to quit his day job working in the mailroom at Westwood One.'Weird Al's' music videos through the years Play Video “He made people stop and look at the TV and say, ‘What the hell was that?’ ” remembers Les Garland, MTV’s head of programming during the 1980s. “Every type of research that we did — familiarity. Do you like it? Are you getting enough of it? Do you want more? — the numbers were huge. And from that, he absolutely was an MTV star.”He was so polite and respectful it almost hid his subversive genius. Yankovic’s parodies poked holes in the bubble of pop pretension. Take his treatment of the Michael Jackson hit “Beat It.”Jackson’s original, released as a single in 1983, revolutionized music by ushering in MTV’s golden age, an era when a video could aspire to become art and take on something as serious as gang violence.Yankovic’s “Eat It” video opened with the flatulent beat of “Musical Mike” Kieffer’s hand percussion before giving way to a sonically authentic backing track. “Weird Al,” slap-sticking through some ofJackson’s iconic dance steps, sang corny lines about food: “Have some more yogurt. Have some more Spam. It doesn’t matter if it’s fresh or canned.” As he pranced, viewers were treated to a steady stream of “Airplane!”-worthy sight gags.Yankovic’s 1992 spoof of Nirvana would be another creative triumph.To get permission, Yankovic called Kurt Cobain on the set of “Saturday Night Live,” where Nirvana was set to perform.“One of the first things he said is, ‘Oh, is it going to be a song about food?’ Because at that point, I was sort of known as the guy that did food parodies,” Yankovic remembers. “I said, ‘Actually, it’s going to be a song about nobody can understand your lyrics.’ There was a brief pause on the line. Then he said, ‘Oh, that’s funny.’ ”In his video for “Smells Like Nirvana,” Yankovic donned a stringy wig and sang unintelligible lyrics as marbles spilled out of his mouth.“‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ was a powerful jam that changed the face of music,” says actor Jack Black, who considers Yankovic an inspiration for his work in his comedy rock duo Tenacious D. “It created this new genre and sort of destroyed hair metal. It was a big cultural moment, and he comes in and marble-mouths it. There’s something really important about laughing at things that take themselves too seriously.” Coolio was not a fan of Yankovic's ''Amish Paradise,'' a parody of the rap artist's biggest hit. They appeared together at the American Music Awards in 1996. (Courtesy of Jon Schwartz; Kevork Djansezian/AP) Desperate for approval“That makes me sad,” Yankovic says.He’s in a car being driven to an event at San Francisco’s Sketchfest, a comedy festival he’s speaking at, when he’s told that Coolio is still annoyed. The issue dates to 1996, when Yankovic donned a giant hat and fake beard and released “Amish Paradise,” his parody of “Gangsta’s Paradise.” Years ago, the rapper complained that the song was recorded without his approval. (Yankovic has always maintained that it was a misunderstanding.) These days, Coolio says he’s more upset with the quality of the sendup.“Okay, damn, if you’re going to make a parody of my song, can’t you do a better job?” he says. “He killed ‘Beat It’ when he did ‘Eat It.’ ”Sometimes, Coolio will go to a bar and they’ll have Yankovic’s parody on the jukebox.“And what do they do? They play ‘Amish Paradise,’ ” he says. “And everybody’s looking at me with this big, stupid-ass smile on their face.” As the car rambles through the city, Yankovic says, “I wish that everybody that I parodied enjoyed what I did.”The reality is, almost everyone has.“It was a vote of confidence,” says Greg Kihn, whose top-10 1983 hit, “Jeopardy,” was turned into “I Lost on Jeopardy” by Yankovic. “If you’re not well-enough known to be parodied, well, you’re just not well-enough known.”Yankovic really does care. As his friend Miranda has reminded him, he doesn’t have to get permission from artists. Parody is protected by the First Amendment. But Yankovic has built his reputation on respecting artists’ wishes.Parody is protected by the First Amendment. But Yankovic has built his reputation on respecting artists’ wishes. “I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings,” Yankovic says. “I don’t want to be embroiled in any nastiness. That’s not how I live my life. I like everybody to be in on the joke and be happy for my success. I take pains not to burn bridges.”Prince never agreed to let him parody one of his songs, so he didn’t. Paul McCartney dissuaded Yankovic from turning “Live and Let Die” into “Chicken Pot Pie.” The former Beatle, a vegetarian and animal rights activist, suggested “Tofu Pot Pie.” Somehow, that didn’t have the same ring to it.Then there’s Iggy Azalea.In 2014, Yankovic decided that “Mandatory Fun” needed one more killer parody, and he focused on the Australian rapper’s hit “Fancy.” But he couldn’t get a response from Azalea’s manager.So Yankovic flew from Los Angeles to Colorado and worked his way backstage for an Azalea concert. The singer’s road manager told him it wasn’t going to work. Azalea was too busy to chat. Perhaps he could try to see her in London when she played there in a few months. A few months? Yankovic could see his release deadline drifting away.“Then I thought: ‘I’ve got to be proactive about this. Do something,’ ” he says. “This is my one chance. And this is not like me, but basically as she was walking offstage I kind of jumped in front of her and said: ‘Iggy, hi. I’m “Weird Al” Yankovic and I’d love to do a parody of your song.’ She looked at me like a deer in headlights, as was befitting the occasion, and she said, ‘Oh, well, I would need to see the lyrics.’ And I said, ‘I happen to have them right here.’ I pulled them out of my pocket. She glanced at them for several seconds and then said, ‘Looks fine with me.’ ”Yankovic on the set of his video for “Eat It” in 1984 and with his Grammy for best comedy album, "Poodle Hat," in 2004. (Courtesy of Jon Schwartz; NARAS)The ‘Weird Al’ rebootAt Sketchfest, Yankovic sits on a panel about the late, great IFC show “Comedy Bang! Bang!” He served one season as Aukerman’s musical sidekick, against his management’s advice. They thought he was too big for a low-rated cable show. Yankovic loved every minute.Next, Yankovic heads to a podcast hosted by comedian Pat Francis.There is a lively crowd and cheers throughout the interview when Francis plays many of Yankovic’s ’80s classics. Afterward, Yankovic is asked whether it bothers him that his original songs and more-daring experiments are overshadowed by “Eat It” and other hits.“That’s fine,” he says. “I have to be self-aware enough to know that those are the songs that most people care about.”Musically, he has come a long way. Yankovic was green when he recorded his debut in 1982. Back then, he relied heavily on producer Rick Derringer, known for his hit “Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo.” But by the following year, Yankovic was bringing horn charts and vocal arrangements to the sessions. Tony Papa, his longtime engineer, says Yankovic began to produce out of necessity. Derringer, in those days, wasn’t always at his best.“He would do a line of coke, then mellow it out with a joint and then drink,” Papa says. “A lot of times Rick would fall asleep. I think that’s when Al realized he didn’t really need Rick.”(Derringer, responding via email, said that he regrets using drugs — he’s clean now — but that “we made great records TOGETHER.”)By 1992, Yankovic got sole production credit on his albums. His songs also became more varied and complex, whether he was doing hip-hop, grunge, candy pop or, on 2003’s “Genius in France,” a nearly nine-minute tribute to Frank Zappa.“People ask me, ‘Hamilton’ has a fairly diverse base in terms of the kind of music I’m writing for it,” Miranda says. “And I say, when you grow up with ‘Weird Al,’ you learn that genre is fluid.”And so is a business plan.Yankovic decided even before finishing “Mandatory Fun” that he was done with traditional albums. In a viral society, it takes too long to go from idea to approval to creation for a 12-song release. He also doesn’t need a label. Consider how he promoted “Mandatory Fun.” Record companies no longer provide video budgets. So Yankovic partnered with other outlets, including Funny or Die, College Humor and Nerdist. He launched his album by releasing eight videos in eight days.He plans to return to the road next year. But it will be a different show, with the “Fat” suit and pinpoint production plans left behind. Yankovic and his band will play smaller venues, do a different set every night, and focus on deep album cuts and originals. The idea is to connect more with his fans.That is something that comes natural to him. Backstage in San Francisco at Sketchfest, a family has been ushered in to say hello and pose for pictures. Jill Gould, a longtime fan, makes her request.“Can I touch your hair?” she asks.Yankovic doesn’t groan or pause, even if he is asked this all the time. Instead, his eyes widen and he tilts his head toward Gould and returns the question with a mischievous, cartoon smile.“Can I touch your hair?”And like that, they stand there smiling, fingers running through locks. The most successful song parodist ever and a die-hard who heard him first 30 years ago on Dr. Demento. The moment is meant to be shared. Just a man, a pool and his accordion. (Brinson Banks for The Washington Post) Editor’s picks &amp;lt;img src="http://b.scorecardresearch.com/p?c1=2&amp;amp;c2=3005617&amp;amp;cv=2.0&amp;amp;cj=1" /&amp;gt; &amp;lt;img src="//me.effectivemeasure.net/em_image" alt="" style="position:absolute; left:-5px;" /&amp;gt; Signed in as nicreationsShare this story on NewsBlurShared stories are on their way...

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