#I was picturing like a meeting or something but. idk. a break or recess or whatever for them to grab lunch LMAO

[islandiis]

"it’s lemonade. it won’t hurt you."

love this one | always accepting

The heat that creeps up Fannar's neck and spreads across the bridge of his nose is plain to see, and he turns his head away so that he can cough into one hand. The path of least resistance would just be to shut up and drink it, and he worries that if he doesn't do just that that he might come off as rude — but even water sounds painfully unappealing right now. It's been three days since he's eaten or drank anything, he's pretty sure, but he always gets quite averse to everything when his geology plays up. This isn't anything new, and no need to draw attention to it.

"Y-Yes, um — I'm sorry," He answers for lack of anything better to say. Fannar coughs into one hand again, and then smiles sheepishly. "I don't think I'm going to drink it. Would you like it, instead?"

[coldmilkcreamery]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟

~ 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 ~

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: xiao dejun x male reader 💋

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2965

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: following a heart-wrenching break up with xiaojun, you leave the country—and reunite with him 8 years later at the grand opening of a friend's restaurant.

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴/𝘀: smut hahah lmao

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 ⭐️

𝗮/𝗻: this might be my favorite (and longest 😅😅) story out of all the ones i’ve written, like idk if it’s because xiaojun’s my bias in wayv but i really enjoyed writing it and am really proud of how it turned out hahaha, i put my blood sweat and tears into this story so i hope you guys enjoy 🥺🥺and happy valentines to you all and hbd to who is also my first bias, jaehyun haha have a great day and a great valentines <3

> 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 <

-

Outside, the sun has dipped below the horizon and behind wisps of clouds and falling snow, the sky has turned dark. Compounds of snow and bits of ice lie on the streets and dress stoplights as you wait at the entrance of a newly opened restaurant in town.

A miniature landscape greets you at the entrance. Artificial river water ricochets off of artificial rocks, onto the chiseled marble paths that you step over on your way to the dining area.

You make glances around the restaurant. Crowds of people are cobbled together, flowing like river water around tables and floral displays. Looking around, a familiar face emerges from the congested crowd.

“You seem to have gotten quite popular.” You tap on the hem of Doyoung’s blazer, looking around the crowded facade of the restaurant.

“You made it!” Doyoung says. Like a jack-in-the-box, he springs out of the crowd, jumping onto you and engulfing you in a tight embrace.

“I am very much here.” You reply, muffled by the confines of his arms.

“My god, I haven’t seen you in years!” He squeals, tightening his grip around your torso. “You’ve aged. A lot.” He snickers, crimping his face into a faux scowl.

“You're not looking any younger yourself.” You spit back with squinted eyes.

“Still bitchy as ever.” Doyoung pats your head, lips forming a snarky grin. “Come in.”

“How did you get here so early? Weren’t you set to fly in about a week later from now?” He eagerly questions, excitement very much visible through his puffing chest and eye-squinting smile.

“Simple, I booked an earlier flight.”

“And lost my first class seat.” You seethe, holding up your economy class boarding pass.

“You’re the best.” Doyoung giggles.

“I really am.” You gripe, narrowing your eyes. “New York is one far place.”

“You’re one to hold grudges aren’t you.” He pats your back with one hand, prying the boarding pass from your finger’s grasp with the other before tossing it into a nearby trash bin.

“Follow me.” Doyoung grabs your wrist and he escorts you into one of the private rooms, briefly passing by the reception desk. “This is Karina, one of my staff.”

“Hi!” She waves.

“Where are we going?” You question as he pulls you towards the first sliding door from the right of the reception desk.

“Those rooms over there are the rooms for the VIP reservations.” Karina says.

“VIP?” You ask, shooting them an amused expression.

“I have a heart my guy, I didn’t cost you your business class upgrade for nothing.” He ruffles your hair.

“First class.” You scornfully correct Doyoung, squinting your eyes at him, pushing his hands off of your head.

“Have a seat.” He reaches his palm out to point to the cushions resting on the floor and the recessed floor in front of it.

You slip your legs into the recession, eyeing a few floral vases and intricately patterned stems of miniature cherry blossom trees.

“Seems like you really went all out on decors.” You slip your phone out of the pocket at the sides of your chinos that are in the light’s path, which shine olive green against the moonlight. “Selfie?”

“My dining area should look just as good as my food tastes.” Doyoung obnoxiously chuckles before smiling into your camera.

“1, 2, 3.” You say in unison.

“Aren’t those at least a hundred dollars each?” You raise a brow at him, resting your phone beside your plate after a click sounds from it. “Is that not expensive for you?”

“Not if they look this good.” Doyoung winks.

“Good lord.”

“Oh, uhh, by the way.” He whispers, sounding much more subdued than he had been the minutes before, his voice now softer than swinging doors and the sprinting servers.

“What is it?”

“I’ve told you the restaurant is offering discounts if—” He pauses intermittently in between words.

“For the last time, I did not and will not be bringing a date.” You groan, cutting him off, well aware of what you were going to hear next.

Doyoung breathes out a shaky sigh. He parades a look of pity, brows furrowed and head tilted at an angle with a frown.

“Hyung.” You slur your words. “I’m fine.”

“And hey it’s 2021, being single is the trend.” You object.

“I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know you are.” You try to reassure him with a smile. “But if you don’t mind, I want to continue eating the dinner that my friend prepared for me because he cost me a 12 hour business class flight.”

“Didn’t you say first class?”

“Either way, I had to sleep sitting down because of you.” You scoff.

“Alright, I’m going to check up on the other tables.” Doyoung nods, pressing his lips into a toothless smile. “Let’s catch up more over coffee after we close?”

“Sure.” You hum as he turns his back to tend to more customers. Going seat to seat, he greets them with a smile, shaking hands with the occasional occupant.

You rub your temples and look down slightly, resting your chin on the collar of the honey brown crew neck wrapped around your torso. The loosely tucked out hems of your denim shirt hang under it, fluttering in the air.

Behind the strands of hair being blown into your eyes from the air conditioning, your eyelids drop. You’re tired, exhausted, fatigued and everything else you can think of. Conversations around you seem to morph into buzzes of static.

Eyelids your field of vision as your upper body rests on the table top. Footsteps tap against the floor adding to the sound of clinking cutlery, sizzling meats and conversations muffled by the sleeves of your sweater.

A man waves in front of the reception desk as he struts into the restaurant. “Excuse me.”

“Good evening sir.” Karina greets, with a smile. “How may I help you?”

“I have a reservation.”

“May I have your name please.” Karina looks down on a monitor, tapping on a keyboard with one hand, brushing hair behind the shoulders of her blazer with the other.

“Xiao Dejun.”

“Ahh Mr. Xiao, you have a VIP reservation am I right?” She beams, looking back up at the man who briskly nods back.

“Your seat is in the first room to my right.” Karina reaches her palm out and points to the door.

Xiaojun utters a soft ‘thank you’ and looks over his shoulder to give Karina a small wave as he walks towards the room.

A restaurant attendant opens the door for him. Inside, it slides open, rustling like paper as its bottom grinds against the glistening wooden floor. Producing an exhale, you let your breath get sucked out through the openings of your nostrils and lips.

Behind your forearms, the big tsunami-like waves and tangerine colored koi painted on the door disappear into the wall. You squint your eyes close one last time, sprawling your limbs to stretch, terminating the sleep left in your system.

Your eyes flutter open, catching a man in its path, the figure becomes clearer the wider they open.

“X-Xiaojun.” You quiver in place, saying his name for the first time in eight years.  

“Y-Y/n.” Behind the auburn strands of hair in his face, his gaze meets yours. He timidly waves at you through a nervous smile. “H-hi.”

Was he good looking? Definitely.

Was he a good person? Oh god yes, and your breakup didn’t change your opinion on that.

Though not your first relationship, Xiaojun was definitely your first true love. But as some people say, life just happens. Months after your break up, you left for New York for a job opportunity.

It had been a considerable while since you had last seen or heard from him. Nothing aside from the occasional mention in phone calls with Doyoung and appearance in pictures with your other friends.

But here you were, back in Korea, the commandeer of your late night thoughts, seated beside you at the grand opening of Doyoung’s restaurant almost a decade later.

“It’s been a while.” You sheepishly smile.

“It really has.” Xiaojun agrees, reciprocating the smile. “You look great.”

“Thanks.” You sit up straight. “You do too.”

Outside, Doyoung continues to hop from table to table, tending to customers.

“Here is your order for extra noodles and a pot of tea.” Doyoung smiles at a woman. “Enjoy your meal ma’am.”

“Boss, you told me to inform you of the arrival of someone named Xiao Dejun was it?” Karina calls out for Doyoung, as he carries an emptied tray onto a free tray stand.

“Yes.” Doyoung breathily replies. “What about it?”

“He came just a few minutes ago, I’ve been looking for you to tell you.” She says with heavy and speedy breaths, resting her palms on her knees.

Doyoung’s eyes widen. “Which private room did you tell him to go to?”

“The first one to my right.”

“No-n-no oh no.” Doyoung strings his fingers into his hair.

“What’s the matter?”

“I needed you to tell me because I wanted to ask you to make sure they wouldn’t end up in the same room.” He rambles, vigorously rubbing his temples.

“Why?” Karina blankly questions. “Is there anything between them?”

“Xiaojun is his ex from 8 years ago.”

“Oh no.” She bows her head, covering her face with both of her palms. “Did it end badly or something?”

“You really ask a lot of questions don’t you.” Doyoung snickers. “Well, not exactly.”

“They broke up on good terms actually, the only problem was that it was so obvious that they still loved each other.” He says, sighs ballooning out of his lips.

“Wait,” Karina interrupts. “And yet, they hadn’t gotten back together since then?”

“Y/n left for New York before they could say anything to each other.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like you knew.” Doyoung sees Karina frown and pats her head. “I just hope they can at least talk.”

And that you did.

Alcohol clouds your minds as you sit beside each other splitting sides at exchanged stories. The sting of the drinks fry the back of your throats and hiccups intermittently shoot up from you, cutting your sentences.

"It’s 12:30 A.M.'' You wheeze, making glances around the pretty much empty room.

"No way." Xiaojun spits out raspily, taking another sip of his cocktail, peering forward to get a glimpse of the watch on your wrist.

“Speaking of which, remember that time, about 11 years ago.” You playfully nudge his shoulder. “It was around this time when we went to get groceries and you attacked someone over a cut of steak.”

“I did not!” Xiaojun manages to speak up amidst the laughter drowning out proper communication from you two.

“Xiaojun, you pushed her so hard that she fell.” Your hand flops onto Xiaojun’s shoulder to prevent yourself from rolling over, letting out a prominent wheeze.

“She pushed me first!” He sternly objects. “Plus, if I didn’t, we wouldn’t have had those amazing fajitas.”

“That was a good early morning snack.” You agree.

“A good date too.” Xiaojun smiles back at you.

“Our first actually.” You add, looking down as a smile creeps into your lips. “That was such a long time ago.”

Which it was.

“Time just flies so fast doesn’t it?” Xiaojun replies as his palm slides up your fingers before settling on the knuckles at the back of your hand.

A rosy flush burns on your cheeks and your eyes go from your linked fingers and eventually trail up to him. You two momentarily lock eyes. He promptly jerks his away, withdrawing his hand from yours.

“S-so, wait, a-are you back here for good?” Xiaojun says.

“I guess so, things are getting pretty crazy over there.” You shrug, shooting him a crooked smile. “And the food’s too greasy, can’t eat any of it.”

“That’s good.” Xiaojun chuckles weakly. “You always hated greasy foods.”

“I’ve missed you.” You look into his eyes again and gently stroke his shoulder before going down to his arm and producing a sharp exhale. “A lot.”

“I-I have too.” He stutters, shivering slightly, his posture stiff under your touch.

“You know, every time I think about it,” You look down, and fiddle with your fingers. “I wondered why you never tried chasing me down the airport the day I left.”

“Y-Y/n.”

Deep down, part of me was actually hoping that you’d come after me and convince me to stay.

“So many times, I’ve wanted to fly out there to just try and pick up where we left off and—” He rambles, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists on his sides.

“What stopped you then?” You mumble. A frown stemming from your lips.

“I-I don’t know.” He voices out softly, with a furrowed expression.

“I do like someone Xiaojun.” You sigh.

“I figured.” Xiaojun stands up from the seat, slipping his shoes on and making his way out of the room.

“They’d be lucky to have you.” Xiaojun chokes on his words, his sentence growing weak.

“It was nice meeting you again.” His voice echoes into the empty room, his words ricocheting off of the walls and the soy sauce stained bowls before coming back to you.

You frantically jump up from the recessed floor. As his fingers cling onto the door’s handle, you grip him by his shoulders as he slides it open. “I never said it wasn’t you.” You call out to him, stopping him in his tracks.

Xiaojun turns his head, looking over his shoulder, slivers of tears in his eyes twinkling against the lights.

“So tell me then,” You whisper huskily, staring back into Xiaojun’s eyes. “Where were we?”

Tonight felt familiar.

The laughs, the fond glances, the touching. Being able to talk to each other and having good laughs while doing so. Being able to hit it off just like you had 11 years ago when Doyoung introduced you two to each other.

Being with Xiaojun just felt right even after a decade.

Enough was enough, you thought.

You dash towards Xiaojun, gripping the sides of his neck with both hands, pulling him closer to you. The tip of your thumbs slide over the tears sitting at the sides of his irises. Your eyes mirror his lidded gaze before wandering to the lips that you’ve longed for the past eight years.

Before your mind could even begin to process, your lips were on Xiaojun’s. Your eyes shut close as his palms land on your chest and slide up to tug at your shoulders.

You push him back against a wall, bruising the tips of some fingers between it and the back of his head. It dips to the side, as you press your face even deeper into his.

Slowly opening your eyes, your puckered lips hover over Xiaojun’s as you gasp for air. You tenderly stare into each other’s eyes for a second, bringing a hand away from the side of his neck to brush strands of hair away from his glittering eyes.

Soft moans escape from between your adhered lips as you reconnect them, further muffled by the contact of your tongues. Xiaojun’s forearms cross over your nape as you burrow your lips down to his neck. He lets out a breathy gasp that tickles your ears as his chin falls onto your shoulder as his mouth goes agape.

You bring your arms up as Xiaojun hastily pulls your sweater over your head and catapults it over the table of food. Your fingers scramble for the collar of his shirt as he undoes the top buttons of yours.

“Good work today, I’ll just make one last check around the place and I’ll get going.” Doyoung says, wiping sweat off of his forehead as he sprawls onto a couch in the waiting area. “See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks boss! Bye!” Karina waves as she exits the restaurant.

Doyoung walks over to the reception desk to see a patch of light coming from the opened door to the private room you were in.

“Is he not done eating?” Doyoung raises a brow, looking at his watch. “Was my food that good?”

“Hey Y/n, we’re closed for tonight, let’s go get some—” Doyoung’s eyes widen upon peeping through the opened door. “—coffee.” He continues his sentence weakly.

In a pushup position over Xiaojun, your hands are on either side of his neck, head buried under his chin, disheveled hair laying over his chest like a puddle. His fingers digging into the wrinkled back of your shirt as his knees wrap around your hips.

“You little—” Doyoung croaks amidst the pants, moans and heavy breathing. His eyebrows dipped as the lids of his twitching eyes vigorously vibrate. 

“Th-that wasn’t on the menu!” He softly yells. But ease seems to wash over him however, his agitated expression quickly morphs into one of relief. His mind wanders to the memory of the last time walked in on you two in the compromising position you were in.

Though not a pleasant sight to see, a second time at that, it does offer him the same kind of closure that it did for you. He didn't exactly like the thought of you two doing what you were doing, more so in his restaurant’s VIP room, but he’s happy for you. All those years of pent up regret and brooding, finally over.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he walks the other direction, pulling out a chair and taking a seat at one of the tables in the dining area.

“You’re still not getting that discount.” Doyoung closes his eyes and breathily mumbles.

“And you’re paying for coffee.” He grunts, glaring at the door. One thing he knew for sure was that you two were going to one really expensive café.

-

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙: 02.04.21

𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: 02.14.21

[knickynoo]

I loved your recent post about Marty and his ADHD! It was soo spot on. And, I saw in the tags that you mentioned Alex Keaton and how you believe he’s not neurotypical either. Care to elaborate? Do you have any headcanons about neurodivergent™ Alex? I’d love to hear your thoughts! :)

Oh, hey, thank you! Marty having ADHD seems to be one of the most common headcanons in the fandom, so that post was a lot of fun to work on.

As far as Alex goes...yes, I will elaborate, BUT I'm putting it under a cut because ya girl is really going to E L A B O R A T E.

I've mentioned before that I think Alex's overall personality/demeanor comes from a variety of different places. Some parts of who he is are likely caused by all the pressure put on him to be a high achiever, due to being so academically gifted from a young age. Other parts are due to being overly coddled and spoiled by Elyse and Steven. Still, there's probably a part of Alex that genuinely enjoys being difficult and getting a rise out of people. Then, there's the obvious anxiety he struggles with, which even MJF has talked about in some interviews when discussing how he approached playing a guy like Alex.

"Giftedness" & anxiety are already included under the umbrella of neurodiversity but in Alex's case, I actually think there's even more to it than that. Yeah, Alex is a funny character whose actions/words are so often played for laughs. He can also be a really irksome character when he's dishing out the sarcasm and being selfish. But I also can't help but look at Alex and think, This guy is just so not NT and he is struggling, somebody Help Him. And since Alex P. Keaton is one of my favorite characters AND I love to analyze/ do deep dives AND the topic of neurodiversity is a particularly strong interest of mine... well, here you go....

Mans is autistic.

• Difficulty with social cues and "reading the room". Seriously, there are so many instances of everyone around him all being on the same page about something or dealing with something serious, and Alex walks in and just proceeds to miss every single cue people throw his way. Two scenes that pop into my head, in particular, are the Reflective Pajamas one and the Clam Puff one, lol.

• He frequently struggles with putting himself in other people's shoes: Alex is certainly shown to be a compassionate person. He can recognize when people are hurting and will do the right thing, but sometimes he needs some help to get there. It seems that a lot of the time, all he knows is how he feels or thinks about something, and it doesn't occur to him that another person could be experiencing it differently. Then, once Steven, Elyse, Ellen, etc, break the situation down for him and explicitly say things like, Hey, that person's feelings are hurt because... or Here is the exact reason this person is angry... Alex is finally able to connect the dots, which usually leads to him being like, I hadn't ever thought about that/ I didn't mean it. (Of course, there are also times where Alex is just purposely being a jerk, but I'm not focusing on those)

• Specific, intense interests: Politics & economics, obviously. It's made well-known that Alex has been completely fixated on these two areas since he was a toddler. He's prone to enthusiastic, overly detailed discourse on the topics and either doesn't care or can't pick up on when people are growing bored at listening to him.

• Also, can we talk about how it's established that Alex's favorite toy as a little kid was a box? Like, he carried it everywhere, played with it, slept with it, and was devastated when it fell apart. Idk, I know kids can be attached to random objects, but it's just interesting that Alex is noted as having been enamored with a box. I'm just picturing little Alex, ignoring all the toys he has in favor of just sitting and staring at a box, and his parents are like, Yeah, this is normal.

• Highly intelligent, bordering on genius/prodigy (He was doing long-division at like, 3 years old) but has difficulty connecting with peers & making friends: This is most prominently shown in "A, My Name is Alex," where we see glimpses of various events in his childhood. In the scene where Alex meets Greg, we learn that Alex spends recess inside, helping the teacher plan her lessons rather than going out to socialize with his classmates. He's bewildered at Greg's invitation to come play, meaning he likely spent the majority of his childhood on his own due to being considered an outcast by his peers and just generally relating more easily to adults. (He also mentions taking night classes at a local college at age SEVEN. So like. If the long-division story and night class thing are taken to be actual facts of Alex's childhood...we're looking at something similar to hyperlexia/hypernumeracy here. This kid must have been bored out his mind having to sit through elementary school if he was that advanced)

• Very literal at times/ misses sarcasm: Interestingly enough, APK is very fond of being sarcastic but doesn't do so well when he's on the receiving end of it. Someone will make a joke or spin the sarcasm towards him for once, and he'll either just stare blankly like ???? or smile/thank them and they're like, Yeah, that wasn't a compliment, or, I was kidding.

• Black and white/ inflexible thinking: This might be the biggest one. Alex is super concerned with rules and ensuring that everyone is following them correctly. There's right and there's wrong, with no gray areas or middle ground as far as he's concerned. My favorite instance of this is in the episode where the family goes to visit Steven's mother and Rob, Alex's uncle, is telling a story of how Steven got in trouble as a kid for refusing to put his name in the upper right corner of his test papers. Everyone around the table laughs...except for Alex, who is deeply troubled by the information.

Just...Steven's delivery. The way he pauses and stares at Alex before replying with a ridiculous punishment that obviously didn't happen, but Alex shows no signs of being aware of or amused at the joke and is just glad his father faced the consequences of his actions. It's great, and a prime example of Alex's preoccupation with "the rules."

Another good example (& one that crosses into the empathy category as well) is "Big Brother is Watching", where Alex exposes a cheating scandal at school (that involves Mallory) and then can't wrap his mind around why everyone is angry at him when he gets the students who were involved suspended. He spends half the episode saying things like, But cheating is wrong. It's wrong and I told the truth about it. I did what's right. You (Steven) told me to always tell the truth, which I did. WHY PEOPLE ANGRY???

And so Steven has to basically spell it out and be like, You got those students suspended, Alex. They are upset with you because of this. They were exposed publically, which embarrassed them, and people tend to not like being embarrassed.

And Alex is like, Oh.

• Repetitive behavior/movements: Most often seen when Alex is distressed or scared, his mannerisms definitely stand out in many scenes. He paces, taps his foot/bounces his leg, rubs his hands together or over his lap, rocks back and forth, and avoids eye contact. I made a post about this a short while back because it really is interesting (and a testament to how well the character was played). There are moments where Alex is completely confident and "calm", and you can see that reflected in the way he carries himself. But whenever he's upset or anxious, you'll start to notice a variety of the things listed above.

So. Yeah. All these things considered...I headcanon Alex as possibly being autistic?? Which is not a take I've ever seen anyone else mention (and I seriously doubt anyone working on the show had this angle in mind at all) but watching through the series, my radar just goes off when it comes to APK.

I have no idea how this will be received. (If anyone even reads it because wow, this got away from me).

Thanks for the ask. As you may be able to tell, I enjoyed being able to spew out my thoughts.

[uhhhhyandere]

i would do anything for just a short one shot of orphic light x reader cuddling . its valentines day and im down bad

me too lol i hate V-day.... but chocolate is on sale tomorrow.......

this one’s for you bby and everyone else who is feeling it today. im right here with y’all <3 

idk what it is tho hahahahaahh 

You didn’t think about it.

Okay, okay, that was a lie. You did. Fuck, you did, but what were you supposed to do? Pretend you didn’t? Pass by other regular, healthy couples and pretend to not wish with every fiber of your being that you were them? It was tiring, so tiring to put on a face and act, to shove your emotions down down until they're squashed out of existence.

Or, at the very least, pretending they're out of existence. 

But god, you had to give yourself this one. You didn’t have the power to pretend or act or ignore or do anything right now. Even if you wanted to, Light had everything down to a science from the twitch of your fingers to the drag of each syllable out of your mouth whether it was a microsecond too long or one pitch too high to be normal. Up until now, you’ve every valentine’s day deep in daydreams and fantasies full of flowers, dates, and just... happiness, however that looked like to you with whoever was home to you. 

Light was definitely not what you were expecting to be your first - and most likely last one way or another - relationship, but you just wanted something normal. Something that can just give you a taste of real, tangible escapism. To feel warm and happy and cozy and appreciated and loved. For fuck’s sake, you just wanted to feel as loved as every other goddamned couple you see holding hands or - fuck - even laughing and smiling like normal people in a normal world. 

That’s all. 

But, no, no you couldn’t even have that. You spent ten whole minutes pacing outside Light’s office to gain the confidence to walk in and ask if you can do something, anything. All that amounted to was him grimacing and telling you to leave him “the hell alone right now,” and it hurt. Of course, it did. You finally take a risk and ask for something you want and not live every second of your life wondering what’s going to make him happy, and it gets shut down so easily. You’re not sure what would happen if you ever did that. 

So, in your prepubescent turmoil, you left. You escaped the stiff air of the house and his presence, and deeply inhaled the brisk February air. It was cold, sure, but not nearly as ruthless as the winter air could be. It was actually relatively nice out. Thank fuck. You only grabbed your lighter coat in your absconding and settled for the first place of peace you can find in the city: a small park with a cobblestone path cutting through it. 

The cruel, black metal of the bunch bit your ass and chilled your skin, but now you could hardly feel it. You could hardly care. What were you going to do? Get up. Sure, and go where? Wander aimlessly and just pass more restaurants brimming with everything you ever wanted? No thanks. The volume of people walking past you here was far fewer. Plus, if you leaned back to let the cold touch your thighs and stare at the cloudy sky, you didn’t have to see any of them. 

You’re not sure the wetness on your cheeks began as soft drifts of white landed there or as tears crept from the corner of your eyes. You’re also not sure how long you sat there. Your legs have long since fallen asleep, succumbing to countless pins and needless. Snow was accumulating all around you, on you, even as a terrible, freezing, wet blanket you slightly shifted to knock off every so often. 

It really must have been a pathetic sight to see. You shut your eyes and felt each flake land on you, hoping, eventually, they would bury you. 

But they stopped. 

You opened one eye to see the disturbance. Black completely overtook the sky. Ah, no, not the sky. An umbrella was tipped to cover your body entirely. Your eyes trailed down the thin metal supports to his face. Not unimpressive, not frustrated, not angry, just... there. Light looked down at you like he would look down at the sidewalk while walking any other day. A pale face sticking out of a black turtleneck under a brown coat he bought to replace the white one that was just getting too old and worn out for him. 

You look away. Using the back of your finger you wipe away a tear - definitely a tear and not snow - before settling both frozen hands in your pockets. Your eyes meet for a few more seconds before he steps to the side and takes a set next to you, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his thigh next to yours. Light held the umbrella in the small gap between you. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask finally, breaking the minutes-long silence. “Thought you were busy.” 

“Finished,” he replied. “Then I had to come play hide-and-seek with you when you ran out like a petulant child who didn’t get the toy they wanted at recess.” You want to shoot up straight and bitch at him, to say that it’s his fault, that everything is his fault, and to tell him that this is the least of the reactions you could offer in response to it all. 

“Then leave,” you said. “I’ll come back. You know that. Just... just for today let me be... happy. Please.” Your voice cracks and you have to look away once more to wipe away more stray tears. “I just wanted something... normal.” 

“Normal was out of the question from the start. In fact, don’t pretend that it was ever in the question. We’re meant for more than... normal.” 

You shake your head. “Not today, Light, fuck. You’re such a fucking genius, but god, you could never read a room, could you?” Light clenched his teeth but ultimately stayed silent. At least, for the minute he spent contemplating whether to tell you to ‘come off it,’ or to play into it for the longer-term benefit of your temporary satisfaction. You beat him to the punch. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Funny enough, I knew that.” 

“Well, I couldn't tell.” 

“You don’t seem the type for flowers and poems, Y/N.” 

“Well, you don’t seem the type to-to... you know, and that’s-god-that’s not it, and I feel so stupid, in the scheme of things, to have this bother me, but fuck, Light. I’m a human. I’m complex and shit, and I can’t do what you do. At least, not consciously.

“This is... this fucked up, sure, but it’s the first real... something I ever had with someone else. Middle school, high school, even most of college was just me existing alone. It seemed like... it seemed like every single other person just got a handbook on how to socialize, how to develop relationships, how to love and be loved that I never got. That everyone else was able to be loved, but never me. Never me. I was never picked or chosen, or, even if I was, something better would come along and I’m left in the fucking dust. It’s me, you know? Never... never enough. For once - just for once - I can feel like I’m enough. That I’m not deciding every second if I’m breathing too loud or not being useful or whatever.” 

By the time you’re done, you feel far too comfortable in the silence that follows. You’re not horrified of what he’s going to do in response. You settled back down and shut your eyes. “That’s all,” you add pointlessly, “and, I’m not sure if you can tell, I really, really hate this holiday.” 

Light stood up. You watch him, like before, with one eye. The umbrella rests on his shoulder at an angle, and with his free hand, he extended his palm out to you. You furrowed your brows and quadruple your number of chins to look down at it. Light rolled his eyes. 

“You could stay here if you want.” You kind of wanted to. Spending a few more hours alone was tempting, but... but that’s what you always were, have been. You had one chance - one person - left to change that. 

His hand was warm over your own. It kept you centered and balanced as he led you down the snow-covered streets. Though it’s nothing like the pure joy emanating from others, it was something. It could probably be compared to two business partners walking stiffly while holding hands if you’re being honest.  

But for this, you can act for. 

You played pretend the rest of the way home until you convinced yourself you were in a good mood. You refused his offer of food when you return home. Instead, you nestled under a large white blanket and clicked on whatever was on: some cliche romance fic Light would never, on any other day, stand for. You could heat Light shifting around in the kitchen behind you. He emerged with two mugs with steam rising in small swirls above them. Light placed them on the table and you watched him motion for you to raise the blanket. 

Light slipped in beside you, and you wondered how painful it was for him to wrap his arm around your shoulder. It’s stiff, uncomfortable, and a bit cold, but not surprising. You shut your eyes and imagine... you try to imagine someone else, but there’s no one else you could picture besides Light. Anyone else felt... wrong, so you opted to watch the snowfall through the windows. Turning your body towards him more, you snuggle into him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

His hand rose between you. You figured it’s him adjusting himself or the blanket, but you’re surprised when his fingers lightly grab your chin and lift your head. There’s no time to react before his lips land on yours. 

Oh yes, you can act today. For today, you can pretend. You could let your heart be filled and convinced you are loved, because tomorrow, tomorrow was never guaranteed. 

[theprodigypenguin]

4 and or 7 with Jeddy

I don’t think this turned out very well, my writing is less than ideal when I’m as stressed out and anxious as I’ve been, but I really got excited when I read the fourth prompt. I actually want to write this into a full fic, but idk. Writing quick drabbles like this helps, and it was fun to explore single dad Teddy with his babies. And I really, really love his babies QwQ so writing about them always makes me really happy. I hope you enjoy this, even if it’s not super perfect.

4. teacher/single parent au

He was shy, sat in the back of the class, and seemed to do everything he could to avoid attention. At recess he sat on a bench and watched the other children play, kicking his feet and hugging a book to his chest that seemed years above his reading level.

After years of studying child psychology while working towards becoming a teacher, James had prepared himself to deal with the shy kids. The five year old wasn’t as shy when James talked to him alone. In fact he had an advanced vocabulary and incredible comprehension for what was happening around him. He excelled at schoolwork and could hold long conversations with James. Around other children, however, he became incredibly shy and withdrawn, and shyness around children his own age was a concern.

“Do you know anything about the Lupin family?” James was pouring sugar into a cup of coffee in the teacher’s lounge.

The school nurse, Scorpius Malfoy, was standing beside him with his own cup of coffee. “Not much,” he answered. “The youngest is in your class, right?”

“Dorian,” James gave a slow nod. “He’s shy.”

“His older brother isn’t,” Scorpius chuckled. “Remus. He’s two years older, always getting dragged to my office after falling off a swing or jumping off the monkey bars. He’s very vocal, very cheerful. Their father is a single parent.”

“Single parent household, that explains a bit,” James leaned against the counter. “Did their mother die?”

“I forgot you only started working here last year,” Scorpius hummed. “No, they divorced a few years ago. Remy didn’t seem very affected by it. I got the sense the mother wasn’t very present in their lives, but you’d have to ask their father.”

“Maybe I should,” James murmured. “I’ll try and stop him when he comes to pick the boys up. What does he do for a living again?”

“He’s a cop, actually,” Scorpius revealed, “but I don’t know much about him.”

“Guess I’ll figure that out, too. I’ve never met him before, so this should be interesting.”

Scorpius took a quiet sip of his coffee, reaching out to pat James on the shoulder as he headed for the door. “He’s a nice guy, I think you’re gonna like him. Knowing you.”

“What’s that mean?” James inquired, but Scorpius just smiled as he left the room.

James kept an eye on Dorian throughout the day. He was as quiet as usual, and unlike the rest of his class, he didn’t appear troubled by the fact the pouring rain was keeping them from going outside for recess. He stayed sitting in his seat coloring something as the rest of the class played with blocks and tucked themselves into their individual groups.

After ensuring the children weren’t getting into anything, James walked over to Dorian and looked down at what he was coloring. It was quite good for a five year old, and had a lot of color. James crouched down, keeping one hand on the back of Dorian’s seat and smiling at him.

“What are you coloring?”

“My daddy,” Dorian answered, and James tilted his head curiously as the five year old colored in the man’s hair with a blue crayon.

“Does your daddy have blue hair?”

“Sometimes. Other times it’s brown.”

“Brown like yours?” James asked. He took a moment to look at Dorian’s hair. It was light, pale and ashy brown. The highlight in his hair was almost golden blonde.

Dorian gave a jerky nod. “But more brown like Remy’s.”

“Remy is your brother?” James smiled. Dorian nodded again.

“He’s old.”

James laughed, looking at Dorian’s drawing. There were a few sheets of paper with drawings. Some of his father, some of his brother, drawings of houses, cars, even dragons. James couldn’t help but notice there were no women in his drawings. There were no pictures of his mother.

“Can I ask you something, Dorian?” James asked, and Dorian gave a nod without looking up. “Do you remember your mum?”

Dorian nodded again. “She was pretty,” he said, and James furrowed his brow.

“Do you see your mum often?”

Dorian picked up an orange crayon and started coloring a flower. “Mum works.”

“Your daddy works too, doesn’t he?” James asked, and Dorian shrugged.

“The man in the black cloak said she can only see us sometimes.”

James frowned. So during the divorce a judge ruled that Dorian’s father had full custody and his mother only had visiting rights. Something must have happened to warrant that.

“Dorian, would it be alright if I talked to your daddy?”

Dorian nodded. “Daddy is nice. He picks Remy and me up after school every day.”

“That’s very attentive of him. He must be a great father.”

“Mhm.”

“Will I be able to meet him today?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you very much,” James said, getting to his feet. “I’ll let you finish your picture.”

“Thank you.”

James smiled down at the polite boy before walking back to his desk. It was still pouring outside when the final bell rang, so the children waited in the classroom for their parents. An older boy with dark brown hair barreled into the room, and somehow James knew this was Dorian’s brother, Remus.

He ran right over to where Dorian was sitting, dragging a chair over to sit with him and taking one of the crayons and a blank piece of paper. James smiled. It was always heartwarming to see siblings so close. It wasn’t surprising if the brothers came from a single parent household. Remus must have come in to wait with Dorian until their father came to pick him up.

If he was a cop, it wasn’t a surprise that he was the last parent to pick his kids up, forty minutes after the bell. James had never met him before, but Edward Lupin was not what he’d expected. Tall, over six feet, with brown hair similar to Dorian’s nix the blonde highlights. His eyes were a unique coloring, blue-green and violet. He wore stylish street clothing, black jeans with boots, and a white button down dress shirt with a black trench coat that fell down to his knees. There were piercings in his ears and a tattoo on his neck. He was stupidly attractive, and James forgot how to speak for a moment.

He continued to stare at him as a smile broke over his face, looking at the back of the classroom towards his sons.

Remus was the first to notice him, jumping up and running to the front. “Daddy!”

“Hey Rem,” he crouched down to meet the boy, scooping him into his arms before raising back up. “Have a good day?”

“Uh-huh! We got a new book, and we’re supposed to write about it after reading it! Also we got to stay inside, and I almost broke a window!”

James turned his head to stifle his laughter as Mr. Lupin hummed. “Well, that sure is something. Did you break it?”

“No, the ball was made of foam.”

“Ah. You weren’t trying to break the window on purpose by any chance, were you?”

Remus whispered his response. “We wanted to play in the puddles but Miss Abbott wouldn’t let us so the boys in my class elected me president and we tried to escape.”

“Well, that’s interesting.”

James cleared his throat as he stood up, smiling when the other man looked over at him. “Sorry, we haven’t met yet. I’m James Potter, I’m Dorian’s teacher.”

“Right.” The man set Remus back down and walked over to the desk, reaching out to shake James’ hand. “Edward Lupin, call me Teddy.”

“Teddy,” James smiled, nodding. “Um, would it be alright if we talked?”

Teddy looked startled for a moment. “Yeah, of course.” He sat down in the chair in front of James’ desk. “This is about Dorian?”

“Yes,” James said with a sigh, looking towards the back of the room where the brothers were sitting. “Dorian is an incredibly bright child. He’s smart, but he isn’t very social around the other kids.”

Teddy folded his arms with a nod. “He’s shy around people he doesn’t know.”

“Which is normal for children,” James quickly agreed. “I’m sorry if this is out of line, I’m just concerned for my students.”

“It’s fine, I understand,” Teddy rubbed his shoulder.

“Has Dorian always been shy?”

“Yeah,” Teddy answered. “I encourage him to talk to kids his own age, and his brother helps, but Dorian is an anxious kid.”

“One of my coworkers mentioned you divorced a few years ago?” Teddy nodded, staring down. “How old was Dorian?”

“Two.” Teddy lifted his head. “I don’t think he remembers it. I don’t know, maybe that’s why he’s so shy; because he didn’t get the maternal love he needed.”

“A child can grow perfectly fine without a mother if they get the right attention from family and friends,” James argued. “Remus seems to be your average energetic eight year old. Some people are introverts, some are extroverts. Dorian is just an introvert.”

“I know, but I can’t imagine her not being there helps.”

James couldn’t help feeling empathetic. “Why did you divorce? If I can ask?”

Teddy cleared his throat, looking at the window. “My ex wife didn’t seem to care much about our sons,” he explained, tapping his fingers against his arm. “Or our marriage. Don’t get the wrong idea, I think at one time she did want to marry me. She said yes when I asked after all. She never said she didn’t want kids, never said she was unhappy.”

“But?”

“After Dorian was born she started spending a lot of time out of the house,” Teddy said. “Came home late every night, claimed it was for work. I’m a detective, I know when someone’s being unfaithful. The fact she thought she could lie to me,” he laughed, shaking his head.

James pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry.”

“Tried to keep us together, but a man can only take so much. I was a single father long before we got divorced.”

“So she wasn’t around at all for Dorian, from the day he was born onward.”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m sorry,” James said softly. “If it means anything, you’ve done an incredible job without her. Your children seem very well rounded, and like I said before Dorian is incredibly bright.”

Teddy nodded. “I’ve tried to be as present and involved in their lives as possible. Being a father and a mother.”

“Does your ex wife have visiting rights?”

Teddy scoffed. “Yes, but she rarely uses them. The kids see her once every few months, maybe. She lives in town, but god knows she’s too busy to spend time with her children.”

James could see the strain Teddy was under, how frustrated and angry he was. “Well, she’s not the one who raised them, is she? They’re your children first. She can’t pick and choose when to be a mother. She forfeited those rights when she didn’t fight you for custody.”

Teddy looked surprised. “How did you know she didn’t fight for them?”

“She has visiting rights but never shows up. Doesn’t take a detective to figure it out.”

“That’s fair.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was concerned about Dorian. I wondered if his homelife was affecting his lack of social interaction, but you seem like a good dad. He’s just introverted and shy, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“He’s not that introverted around people he knows well,” Teddy said. “He’s quiet, but that just means he’s thoughtful.”

“He’s a good kid.”

Teddy was smiling at James. “He talks about you,” he said. “His new teacher. He says you spend a lot of time with him.”

James blushed. “Well every child is different,” he argued. “Since he’s so quiet I just got the feeling he would do well with some extra attention. The other kids do well on their own, but Dorian never speaks up if he has questions, so I ask him one on one just so I know he understands the lesson.”

“Not a lot of teachers take the time to do that,” Teddy said, watching James thoughtfully, and James shrugged.

“I’m just trying to make a difference.”

Teddy smiled. “You’re certainly making a difference in my son’s life.” James was too flustered to reply until Teddy spoke again. “How long have you been teaching?”

“This is my second year,” James answered. “I spent a few extra years in Uni studying psychology, took this job right when I graduated.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-five,” James answered, arching an eyebrow. “You?”

“Thirty-one.”

“You had Remus early then.”

“I married their mother when I was twenty. She was my childhood sweetheart, we dated through school. Relationships like that statistically don’t last long.”

“What did she do?”

“Beautician,” Teddy answered. James furrowed his brow, wrinkling his nose.

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

“No kidding.”

“And you’re a detective?”

“Yeah,” Teddy smiled wistfully. “I’m more of a nine to five desk worker now, though. The hours are better for the kids. I get to work after school starts and get off when the day here ends. It gives me more time to be a father.”

“You prioritized your children above your career,” James smiled, and Teddy gave a tight smile, nodding.

“They needed me.”

“You’re a good dad,” James said, and Teddy smiled at him.

“You’ve said that about four times,” he revealed, and James’ face started to burn.

“Did I?”

Teddy laughed, “It’s fine. I worry sometimes, so it’s nice to hear I’m doing okay. Especially since I’m on my own.”

“You’d never know it,” James said. He smiled when Remus came up to the desk, clinging to Teddy’s coat.

“Daddy I’m hungry.”

“It is snack time, isn’t it?” Teddy asked, smiling at James. “Unless there’s anything else you needed to talk to me about?”

“No, I’m done.” James waved his hands. “The children are hungry.”

“Thank you.” Teddy stood up, stroking a hand through Remy’s hair and looking towards the back of the classroom. “Dori, ready to go?”

Dorian opened his bag and stuffed all his paper and crayons into it before closing it and scurrying over to the front of the room, barreling into Remy. Remus took his bag, but Dorian kept a firm grip on a piece of paper. It was partly crumpled in his fist, and he kept it close as Teddy picked him up to prop against his hip.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dorian,” James said with a smile. Dorian held out the paper, and James curiously took it from him. “Is this for me?”

Dorian nodded, lying his head on Teddy’s shoulder, snuggling against him. Teddy rubbed a hand up and down Dorian’s back, looking down at Teddy.

“It’s raining, put your coat on.”

Remus pulled his coat out of his backpack with a dramatic flair before yanking it on. He then pulled out Dorian’s coat, handing it up to Teddy so he could coax the five year old into it. James smiled as Teddy pulled the hood onto Dorian’s head so all James could see was one of his dark blue eyes.

“It was nice to speak with you; nice to meet you.” Teddy reached out with his left hand, and James shook it.

He smiled more when Dorian held his hand out next, reaching up to shake his hand too. “Yeah, anytime. You’ve got a brilliant boy here.”

“Yes I do,” Teddy grinned. He started for the door but paused, looking back at James. “Hey, uh… maybe we can talk again later.”

James was startled, but nodded. “Yeah, absolutely.” He looked down at his desk and sifted through his papers. “If you want to schedule a parent-teacher conference, I can find my schedule-”

“Actually,” James looked back at Teddy, who had a smile on his face. “I was thinking something… less official. Do you drink coffee?”

James felt like he might pass out, blushing and flustered. “Coffee, yeah, I drink coffee. Do you drink coffee?”

“I prefer tea, but I’ll drink coffee if it’s made right,” Teddy answered. “I know a good place, a few blocks from my place. We could meet there.”

“Absolutely.” James waved at Teddy. “My cell number should be on the syllabus I sent home with Dorian on the first day of school. You can text me the name of the cafe and a time to meet.”

“Great. It’s a date then.” Teddy grinned, and James nodded jerkily as Teddy reached out to take Remy’s hand and they left the room.

It took James a drawn moment to fully comprehend the man had asked him out on a date, and his face burned hotter as he sat down. He felt a little taken aback, very embarrassed, and a little suspicious. He certainly hoped there was a chance Teddy was bisexual when he walked in, because he was insanely hot; and a cop, which was even hotter. Plus he was single, and the kids were just a bonus. James loved kids.

Teddy asked him out first, which meant he was interested in James like James was interested in him. How lucky could he get?

He uncrumpled the picture Dorian had given him, and his heart seized in his chest. It was a colored picture of four people. Scribbled above each of them was a name. Daddy, Remy, Me, Mr. Potter.

James figured that was a silent sign that Dorian already accepted James. That would make things a lot easier if James ended up dating Teddy. Which was a silly thought considering they’d just met. Still, James wouldn’t be against dating Teddy.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and set it on the desk in front of him, eagerly anticipating Teddy’s text. His head lifted when he heard a knock on the door. Scorpius was standing there, holding a file under his arm and smiling at James.

“So you met Teddy?”

“Yes,” James answered, staring at Scorpius, who offered him a knowing smile.

“Did you ask him out?”

James blushed furiously, bristling. “No, I did not!”

“Well, did he ask you out?”

“What makes you think either of us asked the other out?!”

“Well at the very least he asked you out. He’s had his eyes on you since Dorian started school here.”

“He what?” James felt more flustered than before.

Scorpius snorted. “He saw you on the first day of class when he came to pick the boys up. Wouldn’t stop asking me about you. For the past few months he’s been asking me about you.”

“Wait, do you know him?” James asked, and Scorpius gave him a crooked smile.

“Ted’s my cousin.”

James gaped at him. “You left that out intentionally?”

“Well, I thought it’d be more entertaining this way.” He backed out of the room. “Have a good night, James. I’ll be looking forward to my cousin calling me tonight all flustered asking me how to text you.”

James waited for him to shut the door before dropping his face onto the desk with a groan. He’d been single for way too long. The schoolboy excitement was absurd, but could he be blamed? Teddy was hot and his kids were precious. One meeting and James was lost already.

send me a ship and a number and i’ll write a short fic

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #321

i’m exploring the deepest recesses of tumblr to unearth super old surveys, so you can expect an onslaught of ‘em.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower? I drive the same speed, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No; only my parents and immediate sisters live here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like? Especially where I live, fried chicken. It's disgusting. Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Numerous, actually. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have a driver's license, never mind anything else. What job does you significant other have? I’m single. When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school? I did my homework right away; well, after having a snack. After that, I was most likely on the computer playing Neopets or Webkinz, or something on the PlayStation. Is your favorite movie part of a series? Yes. Have you ever played in a water puddle? Sure, as a kid. I loved that. Have you ever played in a mud puddle? I don't think so. Have you ever kissed someone (outside) in the rain? Yes. He did it purely to be romantic, lol. Have you ever lost control of your car in the rain? No, thank fuck. Have you ever had to attend summer school? No. Have you ever experienced a summer where the temperature exceeded 120'F/49'C? Yikes, no, not that high. The highest we usually get is below 110. Do you live in a hot or cold (normally) climate? Hot. It sucks. Has your community ever had a “smog alert”? No. Have you ever raked leaves, and then played in them? Oh, absolutely as a kid. Dad would rake a pile just for us kids. Have they ever cancelled school because it was too hot? At least once, yes. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. Have you ever experienced “cat’s breath”, where the wind was so powerful it took your breath away, literally? Yep, especially when I visited Sara and we went on a walk. It was fucking outrageous. Safe to say I didn't last long on that walk. Has your/or have you been in a car that was stuck in a snowstorm? No. What does your MySpace profile look like? I haven't seen it since that site was still "a thing." I do remember, however, that it was COVERED in meerkats, haha. Pictures, facts, etc. And my page song was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmao. Do you like living in the country or city better? Country, 100%. I'm not a city gal by any means. Do you have a big backyard? No, it's very small. Not used to that at all. What is your favorite Adam Sandler movie? I don't know, he's in too many to choose lmao. What was the last thing that surprised you? Apparently a rocket crashed today after launch. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. I... didn't even know those existed lmao I feel dumb. Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain my niece or nephew would be involved there, haha. What is your favorite park? I don't have one. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you believe anyone is asexual? ???????????? Yes???????????? Were you abused? No. Have you ever missed a deadline? Yeah. Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? I haven't seen them in an eternity, idk. Describe your fondest memory: I don't really want to... but I'll entertain the question. It's hard to choose, and they just about all include Jason. I think what I hold closest though was our dance to "Stairway to Heaven" after prom in the headlights of his car in my front yard. It's something that physically hurts to remember. What song makes you cry every time you hear it? Let's set aside my "trigger songs" for this. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade does it very easily. How often do you break your promises? I almost never do. I don't bullshit around with promises. I've only ever broken ones I'd forgotten I'd made, if my memory serves me right. How long do you take in the shower, on average? Not even 10 minutes. Do you have your MySpace/Facebook profile set to a "friends only" setting? Yes. Did your last kiss mean anything? Why or why not? Of course it did. I care very, very deeply for her. Are your summers usually boring and relaxing, or busy and interesting? "Summers are hot and miserable." <<<< mood Tell me a crazy thing you did as a child. I don't really think I did anything "crazy" as a child, just weird. Like pretending to be a father penguin arranging rocks to mock a nest. I was fuckin weird. How many best friends do you have? One. When you’re upset, who do you wanna talk to the most? Either Sara, Mom, or nobody. Opinion on Daughtry? They're nice. "No Surprise" is positively beautiful. Do you like country music? Noooooo. What’s been the most awkward situation you've been in? Okay, possible TMI. Basically, Jason's parents arrived home way, way earlier than they were supposed to and my panicky ass couldn't find my clothes quickly, and when I finally did, I had to dress as quickly as possible in his tiny-ass closet while he distracted his mom and dad lmfao. I'ma just say it was a very close call to me melting into a mortified puddle. I look back on it and laugh now, but the absolute, throbbing fear I felt was NOT funny back then lmfao. Don’t you love that feeling when you look at someone and you just melt? <3 That is genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. Do you prefer male or female singers? I have no preference. So what are you planning for this summer? Nothing, really... Who knows where the Covid situation will be then. What’s a good book? In general for absolutely anyone, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It is a book about pacifism that is so very deep and emotional. For women, I highly recommend The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. As a woman myself, the concept of the book is terrifying, to be reduced to reproduction machines without rights, so it's something you can really feel as a female. It's a book that definitely makes you want to fight for women's rights. Is it awkward for you when your parents talk to you about boys etc… No. I'm a grown woman. Now if she asked about my sex life (if I had one), I'd feel a bit weird, but not very. Do you like it when guys play with your hair? Yeah. Ever cried when you had to say goodbye to someone? Well of course. Over multiple people. Have your parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Indeed. Do you have a blood donor’s card? Yep. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I had to before surgery. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No. What kind of doctor did you go to the last time you went? It was via phone, but I talked with my psychiatrist a few days ago. Does your ex still think about you? I'm sure Sara and Girt do, as they're my good friends, but idk if either think of me romantically. I would hope Jason at least remembers me with some degree of care in his heart... As for Juan, Aaron, and Tyler, idk if they do and I don't really care. What has been bothering you a lot lately? My weight. Are you trustworthy? I think so, yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Yeah, but it definitely depends on the situation. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? Speaking of The Handmaid's Tale, for Halloween one year, I really, really want to take some cool photos of me dressed as a handmaid with a (obviously fake) blood splatter over my stomach. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Being born with the mom I have, probably. I have no idea. None. Of where I'd be without her. Do you miss college? Sigh, sometimes... but I'm not going back. No chance. Dropping out three times due to my mental state hints at a clear pattern. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yeah, accidentally. Except with my physical science teacher in HS that eventually became my "other mom" and most recently our landlord, even. I call her "Mama" sometimes. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? It was a wolf whose name I don't remember. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? No clue. What is your favorite arcade game? I desperately wanna go to a location that has Silent Hill: The Arcade. :/ That's on my bucket list. It's very rare. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don’t have any plants to water. What is your favorite fall drink? I don't drink any "fall" drinks. Favorite winter drink? Hot chocolate! Favorite spring drink? There are "spring" drinks? Favorite summer drink? Gimme a nice, cold margarita. Name three creative people you know. Sara, Tez, and Mini are some of the most creative people I've ever written with. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Mark in like a million different ways, I look up greatly to Jeffree Star's work ethic (say what you will about him personally, but holy shit does mama WORK), and Emzotic for her incredible growth after trauma that's left her more confident than ever, and she's amazing with animals and just a darling overall. Does anyone know who your current crush is? Yeah, I'm pretty open about it. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully, no. Which song describes your life? I relate to "Get Up" by Mother Mother a lot at this point in my life. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? Probably because I open up so slowly/am very secretive of myself when someone might be trying to get close. People have also criticized my laziness. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? YouTube. At least I think Tez was the last person I gave my number to. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Hunter, my neighbor growing up. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My therapist. I had to leave group due to severe abdominal cramping. It was just my period, but he just wanted to check. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a soda back when I was still in school. Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Actually yeah; I had a memory of Sara that caused 'em to revisit me. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I'm going to exclude my puppy-dog crush (Dylan) and talk about my first "real" crush, Sebastian. I liked him because we had very similar interests, he was really friendly, nice, and funny, and he clearly trusted me a lot because he actually confided in me regarding the relationship he was in that was struggling and causing him a lot of pain. I thought he was attractive, too. Ngl, I wonder sometimes where we could have gone if he hadn't been dating the girl, because I'm 90% sure he was into me, too. In current times, he very recently got engaged! Super happy for him. Which parent do you identify with the most? My ma. What do you think you cook or bake the best? Scrambled eggs, I guess. That's just about all I CAN make, haha. My family likes 'em. I always use American cheese, salt, pepper, and a bit of hot sauce. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Admitting I RP. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Of actually important things, gay rights. If we're talkin' passionate about anything, then the answer's meerkats, duh. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? A rival photographer that lives here. I absolutely hate admitting that, but yeah, I'm extremely envious of her. She gets way more traffic than I do by a long shot, even though I, from a completely modest and honest standpoint, genuinely think I do better work than her. It's just frustrating. All about who you know in this business. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? Supposedly our milk expired on the 1st, but it smells just fine? And mind you, I am very cautious with expiration dates, and I've found milk typically starts to smell bad a few days earlier than the date to me. This jug is an outlier. What are your favorite style of underwear? I'm a fat old lady that likes high-waisted underwear. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Maybe "The Ballad of Dwight Fry" by Alice Cooper. I could name tons, though. How about the sweetest song? Maybe "Easy to Love You" by Theory of a Deadman. Another song I struggle to listen to because it was one of mine and Jason's "songs." Do you know how to play dominoes? No. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? Not in the least. Why or why not? I'm just wasting time. Doing nothing with true meaning, and I seem unable to get over this low point I'm in. How many bones have you broken? One. Well, I was told "fractured," but apparently that's the same thing as broken? Have you ever won anything? Big or small? Yeah, multiple things. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Animals like cats or dogs. Pets, basically. I would feel WAY too weird. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Yes. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? If I'm embarrassed by it, why would I share it with whoever reads these? What is the most important memory you have and why? When I decided it was truly time to move on from Jason. Why that's my most important is obvious: it changed my mindset and life in general. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? God, I hope Jason read my apology email I last sent him. I finally accepted I did wrong, too, and I want to know that he knows that. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My youngest niece's first birthday was mid-February. What’s a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? The violin. Do you play that instrument? I wish I could. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) Just spaghetti noodles, ig. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Who sent the last e-mail you got? My PHP therapist sent me the Zoom link to our group session. Do you have a favorite shape? Out of basic ones, circles. What’s the last song you bought/downloaded? I don't recall. Probably something by 3TEETH. Have you ever been on a trapeze? Hell nah. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine’s Day when it goes on sale? No. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I met a poet at the psych hospital once. I also have an old friend who had something published in a magazine, I think. Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but I'd love to to take more ~aesthetic~ photographs sometimes. What is something you think is underrated? Snakes! :( They're not scary or gross, nor do they in any way deserve to be killed. I wish the worth of snakes was seen much more clearly. They are spectacular, intriguing animals. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Once it hits like 65*F, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hope beyond hope that I have a job I enjoy. And that I'm driving again. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? I used to loooove video editing, but I've lost all motivation for it. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Somewhere we have this one stretchy thing that I have no idea what it's called, then there are two sets of small weights somewhere. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? New York. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, ya can't go more east in NC unless you want to drive into the ocean... lol. West? Illinois. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? If I had kids, I would in some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Nothing strange, no. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't know. Not very high. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? 2017, ig. What is the last random act of kindness you did? I guess you could consider a loving text to Sara a random act of kindness?

[buckywintersoldierbarnes2017]

Teddy Bear

Request from @deanwinnchesterisbae​: Hey! Couple fic requests for you :D Was listening to Elvis the other day and thought that 2 of his songs would be perfect for some Bucky fics, idk if you’ve heard them. They’re called Teddy Bear and Soldier Boy? Teddy Bear makes me think of Bucky being a huge cuddly mess with the reader and just total fluff, maybe a little steaminess? Soldier Boy kinda relates to Bucky being insecure and having to prove his love to reader, slightly angsty, mostly cute and fluffy, naughty toward the end?

Note: This is the second part to ‘Soldier Boy’ and incorporates the ideas from the requester above; I felt that the storyline used was the best to show off cuddly, fluffy, angsty AND steamy (damn that’s a lot of emotions! lol!) Bucky sooooo I hope y’all enjoy!

1940′s!Bucky x Reader (and a little bit of post-serum Steve)

Words: 2,127

Warnings: Heartbreak, angst, and smut.....not loads but enough to have to mention it so if you’re not 18 PLEASE DO NOT READ!

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine so all credit goes to their wonderful creators <3

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

Missing, presumed dead.

You didn’t know why you were still holding the telegram in your hand three hours after the messenger boy had delivered it to you, or why your eyes scanned over the words repeatedly, it was like your mind was convincing you the longer you stared at it the sooner you would realise this was all wrong and you would wake up from this nightmare.

But it wasn’t happening and now the grief was really beginning to hit you now as the small piece of square paper finally slipped from the grip your fingers had once held on it and your back hit the wall of your apartment as you stumbled backwards.

He was dead. The man you had fallen head over heels for, could picture a future with, had now been ripped away from you because of a war that had been instigated by a very selfish and sickening man. There was going to be no marriage, no kids, and worst of all….there would be no more nights with his arms wrapped around you protectively as you slept. All of it, everything, it had been erased from the future you’d wanted from him.

You didn’t even have the comfort of Steve – Bucky’s best friend who had quickly become your friend too – because the last time you’d spoken to him he had finally managed to lie enough to get himself enlisted. You had been happy for him back then but now you were beginning to wonder how long it would be before you received a second telegram only this time with his name written on it. Your back slid down the wall you had stumbled into until your felt your body meeting with the cold, hard, floor and then you brought your knees up to your chest as the sobs started to consume you.

                                             * * * * * * * * * *

One month…that’s how long it had been. Four heart wrenching weeks of knowing the love of your life was never going to be coming back home to you and that your friend could so very easily meet the same kind of fate. You had continued on with your daily life as best you could, knowing that you couldn’t risk losing your home, but you were on auto pilot; no longer did you laugh at any joke that spread through the office, no longer did you join the girls for some afternoon tea, and your appetite had gone on a downward spiral since your eyes had first gazed upon those typed words.

The radio at the side of your bed burst into life as the clock on it hit 07:00. It was the song that had been playing from inside the City Hall the night before he left to go fight. The night before he left to meet his own death…..

As the first sad thought of the day invaded your mind a tired groan escaped your lips. You had every temptation to just turn the radio off and go back to sleep, forget about work, because at least when you were asleep you could be with him.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Any thought of staying in your bed and shutting yourself off to the rest of the world was soon taken from you rather rudely as someone pounded on the door to your apartment. Why couldn’t people just leave you alone?

“[y/n] open up! It’s me…..Steve!”

The distance between the door and where your bed lay is covered so fast it’s like you have suddenly adopted the traits of a wild cheetah or something; you hadn’t moved this fast for weeks. After unlocking the various locks on your door you threw it open and prepared yourself to hug the small boy you had grown so close to…..only you were met with shadow as an incredibly tall, and rather muscly, man stood before you. Your eyes travelled up until they landed on a face that was far too familiar to mistake.

“S-Steve? What….did I suddenly shrink?”

His lips curled up into the boyish grin you knew him for as he shook his head and pulled you into the embrace you had been about to give him before you saw his new and improved look.

“I’ll explain it all later doll. Right now I have a surprise for you.”

“Steve I’m not really in the mo-“

His arms loosened themselves from around you as he moved to the side to reveal that someone was stood behind him. Someone you had never been expecting to see at all. He was dead, you were still in the process of grieving for him, and yet there he was stood right in front of you with a handsome smile lighting up his tired and bruised face.

“Bucky?”

You couldn’t move, finding yourself frozen to the spot as Steve bowed his head slightly and left the two of you to your emotional reunion. Knowing you would be in a level of shock he was the one to approach you and pull you into an embrace that you’d only been experiencing in your heartbroken dreams. As soon as you felt his very real arms wrapping themselves around you it all hit you like a punch to the gut.

“Oh my god…yo-you’re alive!” It had become a usual thing for tears to roll down your cheeks but these ones were of pure happiness as you pulled yourself apart from the embrace enough to place your hands onto both of his cheeks and pull his lips towards yours for a long overdue kiss. It was incredible…euphoric even to feel his soft lips caressing yours once more. You could have kissed him forever but unfortunately the fact that you were human and vitally needed air came into play and you found yourself having to break away from the kiss.

“I have missed you so much doll. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Although your lips had parted his strong arms were still wrapped around you and were simply refusing to let you go. By the redness of his eyes it was clear that he had been through a turbulent ride of his own emotions just as much as you had done. You didn’t want to know the details, fearing what had actually happened to him, so you stayed silent on the matter and tilted your head towards the bed instead.

“Lay with me?”

He nodded, teeth sucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he fought back the tears in his eyes and followed you over to the bed you had shared before he had been deployed. Laying down onto your normal side you pulled him down with you and wrapped an arm around his waist and moved him so that his chest was flush up against yours. His own hand snaked itself up to the back of your neck so that he could move your head towards his and brush the tip of his nose across yours, a sad smile appearing on his lips as he did.

“You were all I could think about [y/n]. You are the reason I didn’t just give up….there were times I thought I had no other choice but then I remembered my promise to you.” His hand had moved itself from your neck and was now travel up into your hair as he combed his fingers through it gently. “The thought of being able to touch this beautiful hair of yours again….smell your sweet scent…..”

His eyes were closing as he spoke, his lips brushing softly across yours, and when he reached the end of his sentence they finally made their way onto yours as they capture them in a deep kiss. All the love and passion he felt for you went into this one kiss and when you allowed a groan to escape into it he seized the opportunity your opened lips offered and drove his tongue inside to wrap it around yours.

There were so many things that needed to be said and at some point a conversation would be had but right now all the two of you wanted to do was make up not only for the time lost but the time that had almost been taken away from you too.

From the kiss alone you could feel his arousal growing as he grinded the bulge in his trousers against your clothed centre. Your groans of pleasure escaped into the kiss frequently now as you felt the fabric of your underwear becoming soaked from his actions. You had been so lost in the kiss and the pleasure that was coursing through you from feeling his arousal being pushed into you that you never noticed his hand removing itself from the locks of your hair and down towards your underwear. Having been woken from your sleep he had easy enough access given that you slept in a simple nightdress and knickers.

“Wow. You really have missed me…” His lips barely moved from yours so his low voice vibrated against them as he spoke but all you could do was nod silently as you waited for him to touch you, a whimper eventually escaping you when he was taking far too long to do so. “…I promise I will never make you go through that again. From now on I will always return to you. I love you [y/n].”

“I love you too Sergeant Barnes.” You smiled against his lips. “…and you’re damn right you are going to come back to me. That is an order.”

“Yes ma’am.”

At those words two of Bucky’s fingers rubbed along the fabric of your underwear, feeling your wet folds that ached for him, and your body shuddered from the wave of pleasure it sent careering through you. It was incredible and yet there was that horrible niggle, deep in the recesses of your mind, that fed your fear that this was going to end up being another dream….that you would wake up and find his side of the bed empty once again.

“Doll….” He sensed your worry and although his movements stopped momentarily his fingers remained where they were. “….please don’t worry. “

There was a sadness to his voice as he looked into your eyes; he felt honoured to be fighting for his country, fighting for you, but he didn’t want being a soldier to take over his whole life. Sometimes instead of taking lives he simply wanted to curl up with the woman he loved, arms wrapped around her protectively, as he did nothing more than simply gazing into her beautiful eyes.

“I’m sorry. I just….”

“For as long as I am here before I get sent away again I am not leaving your side. I want to memorise every….” His fingers started to creep over to the seam of your knickers. “….single….” They slipped underneath the confines of the material. “….detail….” Slowly they entered into you, your back arching slightly as they did, and as he delivered the first two pumps he finished his sentence. “…of my beautiful girl.”

Feeling the effect he had on you coating his fingers had he almost coming undone completely; this is what made all the fighting worth it. You. Everything about you.

Your angelic voice.

Those beautiful [e/c] hues of yours that he found himself drowning in every time he looked at them…

….and your incredible body that accepted him so willingly.

The movement of his fingers wasn’t particularly hard, or fast, but after only a few minutes you could feel the tightening of your stomach as a hot sensation began to pool inside of you. Your fingers dug themselves into your shoulder as your breaths quickened and as you finally released yourself onto him a pornographic cry escaped your lips. A sound so magic to his ears that his eyes darkened as he reached his own climax inside his trousers.

“Doll that felt amazing….” His lips met with yours just before his fingers came up and coated them with your arousal that shrouded them. As your tongue lapped it up Bucky smirked to himself before pulling you close. “….but I am seriously hoping you didn’t throw any of my clothes away because I’ve made a bit of a mess….”

A soft giggle erupts from you as your eyes glance down to the mess you had made of yourself too. There was no more grief consuming you as you rested your head onto his chest and listened to the rapid beating of his heart that was slowly but surely beginning to calm itself down. He was here, with you, and you couldn’t have been any happier.

It would appear that not even war could keep you apart from one another for long.

Permanent tag list (still open):@fallenfairy16@brieflybigwonderland @frolicsomefawkes@psychicwitchphilosopher @elwenia @imsecretlyromanburki@elaacreditava @marvel-fanfiction @wantingtobekorra@fandom-rpblog @just-call-me-your-darling@deanwinnchesterisbae @gayvvarden @marshmellowgems11@justreadingfics @cinema212 @cassandras-musings@adellyhatter-blog@engineeringgirlcve @thewinterswimmer@buckyappreciationsociety @mizzzpink @hopelessgarbage@mary-is-coolbeans @fourtyninekirbygamzeegirl @noir-agneau@holywinchesterness @katie27hp @purplekitten30@abbybills22@misticalnellie @alwayshave-faith @sammnipple@upon-a-girl@yknott81 @melconnor2007​ @fadedsmile911​ @avc212​ @milychetto​ @elsatheizequeen​ @dirtytomatoed​ @retroasgardian​ @iamwarrenspeace​