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victorluvsalice · 4 years

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Hey, you know how I tried to restart Fallout 4 properly around my birthday with a new Victor save? Yeah, uh, ran into a few issues with crashes and whatnot and had to start again! Fortunately, after much fiddling and poking and whatnot, I seem to have finally gotten myself a save that’s at least somewhat stable, so this here should be my final Victor Sole Survivor to go through the game with. Allow me to go through some of the pertinent points of my playthrough with you:

Appearance: Yeah, I had to redo him again -- at least this time I’m a bit happier with the eye spacing. He’s always going to look rather weird simply because I’m trying to translate a Tim Burton character into flesh, but I think I did a pretty good job under the circumstances!

...As for his fashion sense, he found the chestpiece and whatnot in a suitcase by Sanctuary, and the hat gives him +1 Intelligence and thus is giving me a bit more experience for his early quests. He’s not here to look good, he’s here to level up.

Stats: I ended up having to tweak his SPECIAL, mostly because I forgot just how many points you get at the beginning, and because I wanted to pivot slightly with how I designed his build. Here’s what he started out with:

Strength: 3

Perception: 3

Endurance: 7

Charisma: 2

Intelligence: 7

Agility: 4

Luck: 2

He’s still a high Endurance/Intelligence build, but I’ve decided that Agility is probably going to be his third “main” stat, because perks like “Moving Target” (harder to hit when you’re sprinting) make sense for him. (I mean, dodging like crazy was how he survived so long against Barkis!) I’ve already boosted it twice -- once with the You’re SPECIAL! book that you can find in Shaun’s room, and once through a level-up. I’ve also boosted his Perception thanks to the bobblehead in the Museum of Freedom. As for perks, he’s currently level 5, so I have the following:

Scrapper Level 1 (scavenge more uncommon components from scrapping things)

Gun Nut Level 1 (basic gun mods)

Armorer Level 1 (basic armor mods)

Given Victor’s whole “thing” in this universe is that he’s something of a tinkerer and good at modding things, this felt appropriate. :p

Mods: Because it’s not recommended to play without them! Certainly not without the fixes. . . Anyway, my complete mod list as of now is below, if you’re curious. I did try to vaguely group them into “these mods are part of the same category and/or go together,” but it’s not perfect. Still, if you see anything you find interesting, feel free to go to the link and check it out!

Fallout 4 Script Extender (https://f4se.silverlock.org/): Allows for script changes, enables certain other mods and serves as my game launcher through Vortex

Achievements Mod Enabler (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/15639): Enables achievements in a modded game; requires manual install (extract files into Fallout 4 folder)

Mod Configuration Menu (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/21497/): Adds a menu for configuring compatible mods; uses F4SE

Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/4598): General bugfixes and small improvements

Crafting Highlight Fix (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/27479): Removes the crafting “highlights” overlay so you can actually see your items while crafting; uses F4SE and requires MCM (to adjust things like how power armor pieces are highlighted)

Elevator Buttons Fix (Contraptions) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/20664): Fixes floating elevator buttons from Contraptions (buttons can appear miles from the actual control panel)

Rusty Face Fix (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/31028): Fixes the rusty face glitch that may occur with the PC and NPCs (turning faces brown)

Nuka-World Bottle Scenery Fix (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/17853): Fixes the giant bottles that can sometimes spawn in Nuka World instead of the regular-sized models, completely obscuring the game world

No Aggro Impact Landing (Power Armor) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/9019): Stops friendly characters getting aggroed if you jump from a great height and land near them in Power Armor

Vault 81 Molerat Disease Immunity with Power Armor and Hazmat (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/5646): Stops you getting infected with the Molerat Disease if you're wearing full power armor (chance of infection goes up with each missing piece of armor), or if your companion gets bit; lesser chance of infection if you're wearing a hazmat suit

CryoFreez Fix (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/10000): Fixes the bug where, if an enemy dies as a result of the Cryolater or other cryo-based weapons, they will respawn in a weird “dead” state with no AI

Cattle Feeders Immersively Filled (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/11998): Two files; first adds a filled water trough for brahmin to use, second fills the vanilla feed trough with plants

Worthwhile Caps Stashes (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/23464): Increases the amount of caps in stash and have them contain other junk items; also makes the stash tin itself a junk item

Piper Interview Restored (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/21829): Restores some cut questions post Piper’s interview about your pre-war life

Dumpster Diving (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/33474): Adds new containers to open dumpsters with new and amusing junk to collect

More Grind-Free Game Settings (from Thuggyfied – A Fallout 4 Mod List) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/41435): Removes the need to get “Local Leader” Rank 2 to make crafting benches; quest markers display from five times further away; followers no longer auto-attack non-hostile Radstags; settlers run to the summoning bell; Jet doesn’t show up in pre-War coolers and containers (just Vault 95); pipe weapons no longer show up in Pre-War safes or trunks; ability to craft a “Jetpack Ring” at the chem station (I mainly got this for the first two items)

Useful Pulse and Cryo Explosives 1.1b (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/24848): Tweaks the cryo grenade’s damage output and fixes the “dead enemy AI respawn bug” for cryo grenades; tweaks how the pulse grenade works, making it affect robots and turrets more strongly and removing damage to organic enemies (though the explosion can still stagger them); also changes the crafting recipes

Wasteland Survival Guide 5 - More Map Markers (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/26367): Changes Wasteland Survival Guide #5 (available in Gorski Cabin) to mark not only Diamond City, but also Goodneighbor, the Glowing Sea, Boston Airport, and Quincy

Strong Back Improved – Weightless Equipped Apparel (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/17361): Improves the “Strong Back” perk to first halve the weight of worn apparel, then make it entirely weightless, and give more carry capacity out of Power Armor

Diamond City Plus (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/19293): Updates Diamond City with new shacks and interiors to the lower stands (including an arcade and a laundry!), along with new NPCs to populate them; also adds a proper farm with brahmin and chickens by the mutfuit plants

Commonwealth Wilderness Overhaul (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/41008): Adds lots of little scenes, objects, and creatures (including rad rabbits, rad chickens, and wolves) to the Commonwealth Wilderness to fill it out and make it more interesting

Nuka World Open Season Extend II -- Assignable Factions - Recruitable NPCs (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/47209): Allows you, post- the “Open Season” quest, to attract settlers to Nuka-World who can then be sent to regular settlements, and populate the parks and main market area with more traders, or various faction NPCs! (So if you really want the Minutemen to hold Nuka World after you gun everybody down, you can use this – though if you want them to come and HELP you gun everybody down, you need a different mod)

Flashy(JoeR) - Advanced Needs 2 - Customizable Survival Mode (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/40440): A customizable “survival mode” that allows you to play with a character who needs to eat, drink, and sleep periodically without necessarily dealing with some of Survival Mode’s other stuff (namely, the lack of fast travel in my case). Comes with expansions for being a playable ghoul, food spoilage, and other activities if you’re into that, and a patch for “Campsite – Simple Wasteland Camping” so you can use the two together.

Sunshine Tidings – No Ghoul and No Corpse (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/47044): Will eventually remove ghoul and human corpses from Sunshine; assigns Professor Goodfeels protected status if he hasn't already been disabled

Croup Manor Waterfront Extended (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/47144): Adds another chunk to Croup Manor's building area so you can actually access the water on the nearby beach for purifiers and whatnot

CWSS Redux V4 – Craftable Working Showers Sinks Baths Toilets Urinals Kitchens Etc (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/14326): Adds craftable, usable bathroom equipment and some kitchen equipment in a separate workshop menu so the Sole Survivor, companions, and settlers can go to the toilet, shower, and have pretty kitchens

Vault-Tec Workshop Overhaul Redux (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/43643): Fixes some errors with the Vault-Tec DLC items for Vault 88 and adds newer, better versions for some other items (e.g., better lights, in three variations depending on computer specs)

Wearable Backpacks and Pouches (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/3258): Adds a backpack workbench and a variety of upgradable backpacks to the game (three files – standard, ballistic weave addon, power armor capacity addon)

Campsite – Simple Wasteland Camping (and HD Sleeping Bags) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/11734): Adds a book to Sanctuary (the root cellar) that allows you to make camping gear at the chem station and set up camp in the Commonwealth whenever you want

The Mobile Mechanic – Portable Workbenches and Junk Scrapping (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/18262/): Allows you to make a portable, customizable workbench for scrapping junk and in-game crafting anywhere

Atelier – Paint and sculpt (Unsupported) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/36485): Allows you to make and mix paint, paint pictures (for the "Well Rested" XP bonus), and work on a sculpture; also has settler-ready versions to increase happiness in settlements. Unsupported and glitchy ("Well Rested" perk sound will play incessantly if you try to paint, with the animation popping up when you disengage from the easel – keeping this mainly for the look of the thing for Victor’s house)

Fallout Instrument Pack (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/46604): Adds four playable instruments to the game, along with a small (and unfortunately bit glitchy) quest to unlock the ability to craft them; also has two new instrument-themed weapons

New Recipes (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/12276): 60-ish new recipes added into the standard categories, with unique effects and healing (like new teas under Beverages)

Fine Dining (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/33128): Adds a “Fine Dining” section to the cooking menu with six new recipes, with strong effects that require a (reusable) steel plate as well as the food; also adds milk and cheese as items to be found in the world

Culinary Masterpieces – Useful Food (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/16055): Adds a “Culinary Masterpieces” section to the cooking menu with new recipes, and the ability to plant tarberries, hubflower, bloodleaf, and rice (after buying it from the Abernathys)

Apple Trees 3.2 (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/40388): Adds an apple and pear orchard to the game near Vault 111, and a “Fruit Recipes” section to the cooking menu for apple and pear-based food; also you can grow apples and pears for food in settlements

Tales From The Commonwealth (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/8704): Extended quests and companions mod – features new characters, new locations, and new quests across the Commonwealth, along with three new companions (contains additional file for DLC commentary from the new companions)

Tales From The Commonwealth Visual Fixes (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/43974): Patch to fix some of the broken precombines and visual bugs from TFTC

Tales From The Commonwealth – FaceGen Data (For PhysOp or Vanilla) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/45148): Patch to help provide face generation data for TFTC; vanilla file used

We Are The Minutemen (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/6443): Overhauls the Minutemen, giving Preston a new outfit, making patrols more common and more powerful as you level up, giving you a command table to make Minutemen, and cools down the frequency of radiant quests

Better Companions – No Conflicts (Accuracy Version) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/24233): Improves companions – in particular, making them more accurate and better at sneaking

Settler and Companion Dialogue Overhaul (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/41785): Increases the variety of companion lines while adventuring; gives certain companions their own radiant quests; gives settlers more variety in what they say to you while visiting settlements (acknowledging you as Minutemen General, complaining less)

Realistic Conversations Fallout 4 (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/32514): Makes conversations between NPCs more realistic, adds variety

Settlers Of The Commonwealth (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/8704): Adds unique new settlers to the Commonwealth that you can recruit

Level 4 Merchants Improved (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/40747): Puts all the level 4 merchants you can find and recruit in the Dugout Inn for easier location; also assigns protected status to certain ones that might otherwise easily die (like the Vault-Tec Rep)

Squirrels of the Commonwealth (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/20027): Adds a variety of (surprisingly tough) squirrels; using the “docile” version that adds Garbage Squirrels but makes most squirrels run away if you shoot them

True Storms – Wasteland Edition (Thunder-Rain-Weather Redone) (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/4472): Improved weather, with more intense thunderstorms and whatnot; also has files for earlier sunsets, compatibility with Far Harbor and Nuka World, and (if you want, I didn’t) more dangerous Far Harbor fogs and Glowing Sea

Atomic Radio (https://www.nexusmods.com/fallout4/mods/8704): New radio station with original radio shows and commercials

Where I Am In The Game: Given Victor’s only level five, you’ve probably guessed I’ve only just started -- and you’d be right! Victor’s about five days into his adventures in the Commonwealth, and has spent that time mainly cleaning up Sanctuary and the Red Rocket, meeting Dogmeat and Preston, killing raiders, and molotoving and machine-gunning a Deathclaw to death. I’ve completed Out of Time and When Freedom Calls for quests, and I’m currently working on Sanctuary before moving onto The First Step. Next playsession, Victor and Codsworth are going to go visit the apple orchard on the other side of Vault 111 and get some apples for everyone! And probably fight a bear! :D What, the gang needs food, and I want to give them more variety than gourds and melons.

What Comes Next: While I hope to actually start the main plot a lot sooner than I did in my original attempt at playing, we’re definitely doing some Minutemen stuff first, plus exploring the general area around Sanctuary so I can pick up that “double meat” magazine. Think of it as Victor getting his hand in as he tries to figure out how to survive in this brave new world.

#fallout 4 #sole survivor Victor #fallout of darkness #since what I do in this game is going to inform any writing I do for that #at the very least once I get Piper #I need to find a good place for Alice to 'spawn'#but yeah ran into issues restarted once again #then had to figure out my way around a crash at Concord #fortunately things seem to be working now #I will beat this game into submission with a baseball bat if I have to #because when I DO get to play it I enjoy it #it's just the glitchiness that gets to me sometimes #I don't get how people have hundreds of mods in this game #I'm genuinely worried about adding more to mine #though Advanced Needs 2 was a temptation I couldn't resist in the end #look I have all these cooking mods and camping stuff #I HAD to get a mod that gave me a reason to use them!#queued

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tanakavox · 4 years

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"Rose luck, help me out for once...”

Zwei quietly muttered the words to himself as he played around with the raffle ticket he currently held in his hand. The number read 925, same as his birthday he couldn’t help but note before he let out an exasperated sigh. He had arrived a couple hours before the raffle actually began, hoping that by getting there early he’d increase his chances of winning by being one of the first people to grab a ticket. Unfortunately, that also meant he had to wait till the raffle draw actually began, and thus left the Corgi Faunus waiting on a nearby bench and utterly bored out of his mind.

‘I should have brought Rosie with me,’ he thought with a sigh. Having her around would not only make for better company than empty air, but also because she had far better luck at these kinds of things than he ever seemed to. From rigged carnie games, to crane games, to even contests and giveaways, Rosemary seemed to have been blessed by Lady Luck herself and was always winning something or other all the time. It was one of the very few things of his best friend and now lover that he had always been envious of, though that had mostly stemmed from his own lack of luck and how he always seemed to get the short end of the stick in regards to chance. Zwei’s inner musings were cut off as the raffle hostess, a dark skinned rabbit Faunus, came out to address the crowd, her voice being amplified by the microphone.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and those in between, we will now begin the raffle call! Three of you will be lucky enough to win a brand new Playstation five, so if your name is called please head to the office to collect your prize,” the hostess announced with a smile on her face, before she walked over to a box and pulled out a slip of paper.

"First number is… 189!"

Zwei mentally swore, doing his best to ignore the excited whoop that came from the crowd. He kept his calm, knowing that he still had a chance to win. The rabbit faunus smiled at the enthusiasm of the winer, before she pulled out another slip.

"Second number is...616!"

Another whoop emerged from the crowd, and the silver eyed Huntsman's heart began to beat loudly in his chest. His fists were clenched so tight that his knuckles had turned white, and a cold sweat had broken out over his neck.

“Please,” Zwei said to himself in a near whisper, his eyes closing as he sent a prayer to literally anyone who would listen, “Just let my luck hold out for once…”

The hostess let out another pleased smile, before she pulled out the final slip of paper, and thus the final winner.

"And the third and final number is…925!”

Zwei’s eyes snapped open in disbelief, his jaw dropping at his incredible turn of luck. His shock quickly turned to glee, before he fistpumped and let out a loud, “HELL YEAH!” He quickly made a beeline to the office, eagerly awaiting to get his prize. After a short wait, the hostess came into the office to present the prizes to Zwei and the other two winners(Whom Zwei would later learn where both Huntsmen, but that was a story for another time).

Zwei had the biggest grin on his face as he walked out with a brand new Playstation Five, the elusive console that he had been on the hunt for nearly three days straight. It even came bundled with a copy of the new Spider Man and the Demon Souls Remake, which was an absolute steal!

"Rosie is never gonna believe I won this through a raffle,” Zwei chuckled to himself, imagining the look of disbelief on his lady's face, before he found his musing interrupted when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked down in confusion to see who it was, only to look on in annoyance at the women before him. She appeared to be a middle aged woman with an inverted bob cut, expensive winter clothing, and body language that basically screamed “ego.” Zwei knew without doubt that the woman in front of him was a, “Karen,” and that he had a strong inkling as to what she had approached him for.

"Excuse me,” the “Karen,” began, her shrill tone laced with condensation as she addressed the Huntsmen, “Do you think you would be willing to-”

“Nope.”

Zwei’s sudden interruption caught the Karen off guard. She looked shocked at having been so suddenly denied, while Zwei looked down upon her with a bored, almost uninterested look on his face.

“You don’t understand,” She tried again, this time with a more pleading tone, “But my baby-”

"Let me take a wild guess,” Zwei interrupted her in a bored tone, “your baby has some kind of incurable disease? Or maybe they lost a limb in a “tragic,” accident? Or some kind of other inane sob story that you’re trying to use to guilt trip me into giving up my recently acquired Playstation Five in my hands?”

Zwei had appeared to be right on the mark as the Karen’s jaw had practically merged with the floor from her ploy being easily discovered(and just as easily sunk), within a matter of seconds. Zwei couldn't help but scoff at her blatant attempt to try and swindle him out of the console in his hands.

“Yeah, I used to work retail lady, so I’ve heard every single sob story under the sun. So sorry to disappoint your “Baby,” but this thing is going straight under the tree and directly into the hands of my nephew come christmas morning. But uh, nice try though.”

Zwei then brushed past the women, not even bothering to acknowledge her any longer than he needed too as he made his way to the nearest exit. The Karen did not take the dismissive that well, her face flushed and angry red and her mouth contorted into an ugly grimace. She turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs, “IT'S BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT MY SON WON'T BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF OPENING A PS5 ON CHRISTMAS DAY!"

"Why don’t you bitch to your whipped husband about it,” Zwei shouted over his shoulder, not even bothering to stop to address screaming women, “he's probably the only one who’s gonna give a shit lady."

His response had served to antagonize the Karen even more, who began screaming and raving louder till the whole mall was practically echoing with her shrill voice. Zwei simply kept on walking, a smug smile on his face and a feeling of content at having managed to luck out on getting the gift he wanted for his Nephew. He had just exited the mall when he suddenly felt a force impact his head, causing him to stumble forward a little before he managed to keep his balance. He quickly did an about face to see what had caused the impact, before his eyes narrowed upon a relatively large man with an even larger sword on his back who had his hand balled into his fist.

It was obvious that the man sucker punched him, though it did very little to hurt Zwei and was really more of an annoyance. Despite this, Zwei’s training kicked in and he instantly began assessing the threat level of the huntsmen before him. Standing next to the man was the Karen who was screaming at him, who now had a smug smile on her face as if she had pulled out a trump card.

“Still think my baby isn’t worth handing over the console kid?”

“Couldn’t swindle it from me, and now you’re trying to take it by force,” Zwei asked, before giving her a look of mock shame, “tsk, tsk, someone is going on Santa’s naughty list.”

“Hand over the console kid, and I promise not to break too many bones in your body,” his attacker threatened in a booming voice, only causing Zwei to roll his eyes at the overused threat.

“I have a better idea: how about instead of getting into a fight you don’t want to start, you use the remaining two brain cells you have left in your tiny little head of yours to grab your snotty wife and get the hell out of my sight, before I end up shoving a lump of coal straight down your “stocking?”

The man did not take kindly to Zwei’s counter proposal, choosing instead to pull out the sword of his back and readying to attack Zwei. Zwei quickly, but gently, tossed the Playstation Five in his hands to the side, before bringing up one half of Red Daylight to block the oncoming blow. Zwei could feel the aura behind the man’s sword as it impacted upon the flat of his hookblade, but he easily deflected the attack to his side in an almost comical manner.

Zwei blinked, before he looked over the man again as he lunged at Zwei, who merely side stepped his easily telegraphed attack. Upon further investigation, Zwei noticed that the man’s stance was sloppy and his defense was full of so many holes that even the most novice fighter could have taken him down. His sword strikes lacked fluidity to them, coming off more like the man was swinging a baseball bat around than a heavy sword. And while he clearly had his aura unlocked, he wasn’t properly distributing it throughout his body to make efficient use of it. Zwei deduced this in a manner of seconds, before he came to a sudden conclusion.

“...You’re not a huntsmen,” Zwei stated aloud, “you’re just some scrub that had his Aura unlocked and thought you could use it to bully people into submission!”

The “Scrub,” did not take kindly to Zwei’s revelation, his face contorted into an angry sneer before he made to swipe at Zwei again.

“You shut your damn mouth you filthy animal,” the Srub screamed in rage, “and give me that stupid console!”

Zwei once again merely stepped to the side, watching as his attacker overstepped his swing and ended up falling to the ground.

"Are you serious right now man,” Zwei asked in an incredulous tone, “do you even know how many laws you’re breaking right now from having your Aura unlocked? Let alone that you attacked me and started a fight in a public area full of civilians? Hell, what if I was a civilian?!”

The Scrub had managed to pick himself back up, before he sneered at Zwei’s questions.

"Then you would have died to make my son happy, animal,” the Scrub spat out hatefully, before readied himself for another attack. The Scrub barely had time to blink before he saw Zwei disappear and reappear instantly in front of him, not even having the time to react before the Corgi Faunus violently sunk his fist into the man's stomach. The results were instant: the Scrub dropped his sword as he violently began to retch and wheeze, falling to his knees as he desperately tried to keep himself from vomiting on the spot.

“You know,” Zwei began, “I was wrong about you and your wife. You two don’t don’t belong on Santa’s naughty list…”

Zwei then proceeded to grab the Scrub by his hair, before activating his semblance as he delivered a devastating knee strike to the man's face. His nose broke with a sickening crunch, and his face was practically covered with blood that leaked from his nostrils.

“...YOU TWO BELONG ON HIS SHIT LIST!!!”

Zwei hooked Red Daylight into the Scrubs collar, before he activated his semblance and began spinning around as fast as he could, before unceremoniously pulling hard enough to tear through the Scrubs collar and sending him flying out into unknown parts of Vale, his landing destination unknown.

-At a familiar dumpster-

“Oh man,” groaned a miserable voice, “how… how long was I out for?”

The voice belonged to the would-be thief that Zwei had taken care of the day before, now finally waking up from his coma induced nap on top of his bed of trash. He groggily managed to push himself up, whimpering the whole time from how much pain his body was in from the beating he received before managing to push the dumpster lid open. He hung the top of his body over the side of the dumpster, doing his best to ignore not only the smell of the garbage around him but from the fact that he had garbage in places that were best not mentioned.

“Worked up the courage to steal that stupid thing, and what do I get for my troubles,” the theif whimpered to himself, “my shit kicked in by a Huntsmen, being bathed in garbage, and I didn’t even steal the right thing!”

The thief let out another groan, before he looked up at the sky as if to mentally ask the Brother’s what he had done wrong.

“Can this get any worse?”

The man’s question was immediately answered by the sound of screaming getting closer and closer to him, before he felt the impact of an incredibly large man with an even larger sword knocking him back into the dumpster. The thief groaned in agony and tried to move, only to realize that he was now pinned under the large man, who was completely out cold and unmoving. The thief couldn’t do anything now, except blankly stare at the overcast sky.

“...Well, at least I have fresh air.”

The dumpster lid crashed down with a loud “THUMP,” once again trapping the Thief inside his rotten prison, muffling his sobs as he cried about what a rotten Christmas this was turning out to be.

-Back with Zwei-

“Brother’s what an asshole,” Zwei muttered to himself as he sheathed his weapon back with its sister blade. Zwei would have to make sure he made mention of the man to the local authorities, who would no doubt be sending a huntsman to apprehend the Scrub due to his illegally unlocked Aura. The thought of illegally unlocked Aura made Zwei briefly think of his brother in law for a moment, before he let it slip out of his mind.

“I wonder what Jaune got me for christmas this year,” he mused aloud, “Oh damn, maybe he got me Cyberpunk!”

Zwei smiled at the thought, Jaune typically gifted him games for christmas so there was a good chance that he may very well be shooting gangbangers in Night City soon enough. His smile quickly turned into a smirk, before raising his voice and saying:

“And just where do you think you’re going, Karen?”

The Karen in question was currently in the middle of trying to sneak away with his Playstation Five, before she stopped dead in her tracks from being called out. She visibly flinched when Zwei had suddenly materialized in front of her, his smirk plastered on his face as his confident eyes met her terrified ones.

“How kind of you to hang onto my nephew's gift while I beat the hell out of your husband,” he thanked her in a mock cheerful tone, “and here I was thinking that you were just a rotten woman with no sense of manners whatsoever! Guess you have some christmas spirit in you, huh?”

The Karens face got redder and redder as Zwei kept speaking, before she opened her mouth to scream at him…

“Ahem.”

… before her mouth clicked shut, and she looked around to see that she and Zwei were surrounded by a large crowd of people, including the Raffle Hostess who had presented Zwei his prize. The fight must have caused them to all come to investigate, and judging by their angry looks, they must have seen everything that had occurred. The Karen’s face drained of all color, and she began sweating bullets as the Hostess began to address her

“Ma’am,” she calmly began, “I do believe that device in your hand belongs to this young man, whom I should add, rightfully won the device in the raffle and has the legal paperwork to back up the ownership of it as well.”

The Karen went to say something, only to be interrupted by the Hostess, who now had an ominous look on her face.

“I would highly advise handing said device over to its rightful owner, Ma’am,” the Hostess said curtly, “As I’d hate for the police to have to add stolen goods on top of all the other charges you’re more than likely going to face tonight.”

It was at this point That Karen had finally noticed that there were several police officers waiting nearby, more than likely called in due to the fight, all of them giving The Karen an unimpressed look. Knowing that there was no way out of this, The Karen’s shoulder slumped in defeat, before she turned back Zwei, who was watching The Karen getting a dose of Karma with uncontained glee. Gritting her teeth, she slowly, albeit reluctantly, handed the Playstation Five back to Zwei, who happily took his console, before bowing to her in a mock fashion.

“Thank you so much Karen,” Zwei cheerfully stated, “I’m glad to see that we were able to clear up this little misunderstanding. But now, I think it’s time we both go our separate ways, don’t you think?”

Zwei didn’t even bother to let The Karen speak, before he started walking away, stopping only momentarily to give the Hostess a quick appreciative nod, before he kept on walking. Just as he got near the _edge of the crowd, he paused, before he briefly turned around to see The Karenin the middle of being cuffed by the police.

“Oh, and Karen?”

The Karen looked over to Zwei, face flushed red in embarrassment and her eyes burning with rage as she locked eyes with the smug looking Corgi Faunus.

“Hope you and your baby have a Merry Christmas,” he said smugly, “because it looks like it’s going to be a long one for the both of you!”

That was all it took to send The Karen over the edge, before she once again started screaming and raving and wishing all kinds of unpleasant things upon Zwei, who merely hollered with laughter as he activated his semblance and began making his way back to the Bullhead Docks. Despite running into some bumps along the way, he had achieved his goal of getting his nephew the perfect gift, and now all that was left was to go home.

“Just you wait Xing, you’re about to get one HELL of a gift…”

@thatorigamiguy did the edita for this again. Thanks dude!

#rwby #zwei xiao long #zwei rose #zwei #rwby zwei #fanaus #fanaus zwei #fanaus zwei au #rwby xing xiao long #xing #karen #entitled people

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babbushka · 5 years

Text

Tease

Flip Zimmerman x Reader

Word count: ~4.6k

Warnings: Mentions of drugs and alcohol, NSFW content, language

Based off these submissions:

Flip seeing you in your brand new outfit and trying his best not to go wild in public and he immediately starts trying to get your clothes off as soon as you both come home

My thot is getting tipsy and giggly with Flip one night which turns in to having sex but you're both still laughing as you stumble around trying to get out of your clothes.

--------------------------------

You had barely stepped through the door one evening when the home phone rang.

Quickly putting down your shopping bags – of which there were probably too many – you hurried over to the wall where the phone was hung up, and answered it.

“(Y/N) speaking, how can I help you?” You said politely, wondering who could be calling at such an hour.

You had just been dropped off by Patrice in her new Volkswagen after the two of you met some mutual friends downtown. You knew none of your friends had made it home yet, so you were only slightly suspicious.

“Baby it’s me! Come to the station,” Your husband said with a smile in his voice, “The gang wants to go out when we’re all off duty. I’m taking you dancing.”

Dancing! You loved to go dancing, it made you feel ten times more energetic. Plus it was the perfect occasion to wear the new outfit you had just picked up.

Well, one of the new outfits, anyway.

“When?” You asked, already getting excited.

“How soon can you get here?” Flip asked in return, and you glanced at the clock.

“Give me thirty minutes!” You smiled even though he couldn’t see it.

“I love you.” You could hear the smile in his own voice, and it only made you smile bigger.

“Love you more.” You blew kisses into the phone before hanging up, grabbing your shopping bags and racing upstairs.

--------------------------------

You and Flip didn’t go out dancing often. First of all, it was hard to find a club where your whole group could go and have fun without anyone recognizing the men. That had been a whole discussion in and of itself one day.

“But where would we even go?” You had asked one day, sitting on Flip’s lap in the breakroom and kissing his cheek, kissing those dimples of his as he laughed at Ron’s suggestion of visiting a discotheque.

“What do you mean?” Ron had asked, offended that the group didn’t immediately agree.

You, Flip, Ron, Patrice, Jimmy, Harry and Bridges had all grown very close since the big case. Close enough that you all enjoyed spending time together outside of the office, which was a rarity among work friends, you were coming to find.

Some weekends you all drove to the lake, other weekends you went bowling. Whenever there was a baseball game you’d all get good tickets because Jimmy knew a guy who knew a guy that worked there.

But the disco was never something you all did as a group, because:

“Well, we’re cops, for one thing.” Flip offered with a deadpan stare, as if that were the most obvious reason to not go – since it was.

“Yeah, well you’re not the kind of cops who are going to fuck up a good time.” Ron tried, only to have Flip shake his head.

“That doesn’t matter and you know it.” He replied, “And frankly I don’t blame anyone for not wanting us around, with all the bullshit going on lately.”

“It’s not like we can go to the Red Lantern, I don’t want to intrude on their space.” Harry chimed in, fully aware of what sort of ‘bullshit’ Flip was referring to.

“Well we can’t go to a club full of white people, you know how that would go down.” Patrice sighed, and for a minute, everyone seemed stumped.

Until…

“Hey Harry? What about that club you and Bridges go to?” You asked, figuring if anyplace would be the least unsafe, that would be the one.

“Club Indigo? Sure, why the hell not?” Harry shrugged with a smile.

“Are you sure?” Bridges asked, his voice just as deep and gravely as ever.

“Why the hell not? We’re gay, they’re black, and the Zimmermans are Jewish. The way I see it, we’re all hated in the eyes of the wasps.” Harry replied, smiling up at his partner who finally softened enough to sigh and nod.

“Well, we do have the best music.” Bridges conceded, making everyone laugh.

--------------------------------

Even after the where was settled, it became a question of when. Everyone worked such late shifts that often by the time people got off work, they’d be too exhausted to move a muscle, let alone to the beat of loud music and with drinks in their system.

So it seemed as though the stars aligned tonight, you thought, as you parked your car in the station lot and made your way to the front lobby.

You preened under the immediate attention you were given as your platform heels clicked on the polished tile floors.

“Ohh shit! Hey Zimmerman! Your bird of paradise is here.” Jimmy whistled at you, making you laugh and blush, spinning around to give him a show of your outfit. “You look amazing, (Y/N).”

He leaned in to give you a friendly kiss on the cheek, and you playfully waved him off.

“Thanks Jimmy.” You grinned, still giggling.

It was only moments later before your lumberjack of a husband rounded the corner with a frown on his face, probably lured by the sound of your voice.

“What the hell are you talking ab – ” Flip said, before he took a look at you and cut himself off.

You were sporting your brand new two-piece set, a skin tight halter top with a plunging neckline, and a matching skirt that was so tight and so short that if you spread your legs too wide, you’d probably tear the fabric. Every square inch of both pieces were covered in sequins that shone white or gold depending on the light, and your legs were on display, accentuated with the matching white platforms that Patrice had convinced you to buy not an hour earlier.

You had done up your hair perfectly, slapped on some glitter and too much rouge, and put on your biggest hoop earrings to complete the look – and you felt so good.

“Hi honey.” You grinned, biting your lip to keep from smiling too wide.

Flip was very rarely speechless, so you considered it an absolute win every time you got him to just shut up and blush at you for a few moments.

He reached a hand out and almost went for one of your tits, but instead diverted his touch to run through the sequins on your stomach, before slipping down to your bare midriff; because of course the halter top was cropped.

“Is this new?” Flip asked finally, swallowing hard.

You knew right then and there that you were going to get fucked hard tonight, if he didn’t grab you and have his way with you in the supply closet right now.

“Do you like it?” You asked back with a nod, batting your eyelashes and wetting your lips.

“Oh I think he likes it.” Jimmy snorted, making Flip roll his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” He snapped, before sliding his hands around your waist and pulling your hips flush to his, right there in the lobby. “Yeah ketsl, I like it a lot. I love this color on you.”

“You say that about every color I wear.” You laughed, shimmying out of his hold.

“That’s because it’s true.” He said simply.

“You said we were going out dancing, I thought I’d wear something bright so you’d see me if I get lost in the crowd.” You tried explaining, but Flip only chuckled and shook his head.

“Funny that you think I’m going to let you out of my sight.” He leaned in to kiss your cheek, right where you had put your blush.

“Are you two lovebirds done?” Harry asked, passing the lobby on his way to Bridge’s office to drop off some paperwork before all their shifts were over.

“They’re never done, Sergeant.” Jimmy shook his head with a dramatic sigh, making you laugh again.

“We’ll behave, won’t we Flip?” You asked teasingly, bumping your hip against your husband’s.

“Uh, yeah.” Flip replied, not sounding the least bit convinced.

Perfect, you thought.

--------------------------------

Once the clock hit ten p.m., it was like magic, the way everyone changed out of their uniforms and work clothes, into something a little more fun. You of course only had eyes for Flip, who only went so far as to swap out his flannel for a button down. He left the top few buttons open to give himself a more stylish v-neck, but your man was certainly not as flashy as Ron or Jimmy were when they got on the dance floor. Case in point, the jeans and his brown cowboy boots remained, much to your amusement.

Everyone decided to carpool in two groups so that it would make it easier to find parking, as Club Indigo was known for being one of the biggest and most popular gay clubs in town.

In fact, by the time you all got there, there was a line wrapped all the way around the building, with bouncers guarding the doors.

Luckily, Harry and Bridges knew the owner of the club, so you all got to skip the line and go straight inside.

It was loud, everyone talking over one another, shouting at each other to be heard over the blaring music. They were playing the new Donna Summer’s song, and you already felt the music start to shake your bones, make your feet tap, your hips bounce, shoulders shimmy along to the beat.

The whole group made their way to the bar first, and began throwing back shots and shots to get into the groove of it all.

“Dance with me?” You shouted to Flip, lights pulsing and thumping along to the music, making your husband look red then green then purple then blue, on and on and on.

“You know I’m no good.” Flip shook his head, already chugging the last of his drink and placing the empty bottle on the bar-top.

“Bullshit, you’re great, come on.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor.

“Fine but if I step on your toes you can’t get mad at me.” He laughed, following you into the fray.

You loved to dance, loved disco. The beat was just so good! And the way Donna sang had you feeling like you were on top of the world. You and Flip stayed close to each other, practically grinding and rubbing your bodies on one another.

He had your back pressed to his chest, his hands wandering all over your front as you bounced and danced and moved and grooved against him.

Flip was a great dancer, you never knew why he always said he wasn’t. He was big and tall and knew how to make a space for himself, knew how to move those strong limbs of his. He never once stepped on your foot, but he did spin you around and around, pick you up and twirl you over his shoulder.

Someone passed by with a little plastic container of coke and they offered it to you, but you both declined. You had enough of a buzz from the adrenaline as it was, and you knew Flip would have to drive you back to the house – and hopefully show you a good time once you were home, neither of you wanted to be out of commission for a good fucking in a couple hours once the crash hit.

And then the club started playing the new Trammps song!

You squealed and made Flip laugh from the excitement, everyone getting out of the way as the dance floor cleared a big spot for select couples who were brave enough to show off their moves.

“God you look so good, where the hell did you get this?” Flip asked, taking the opportunity to grope you as you both watched two women dance in the middle of the floor.

“I went out shopping with Patrice and some of our friends earlier this afternoon. I hoped you’d like it.” You said back, shouting in his hear.

“You’re terrible to me, showing up looking so fuckin’ pretty. How’s a man supposed to concentrate, ketsl?” He spun you around, kissed you hard right on the mouth, the both of you still laughing and dancing, bumping your noses together, biting at each other’s lips.

“I’m nothing but sweet to you.” You laughed and he shook his head.

Flip looked around, saw that everyone else was distracted by the women dancing in the center of the floor, and pulled you to a dark corner of the club.

You weren’t alone there, all sorts of other couples, gay and straight, were taking advantage of the dark and relative obscurity.

Flip slid his hand under your halter top, squeezed your tits and flicked his thumbs over your nipples as he licked into your mouth, pinching them as he sucked on your tongue. You moaned into his mouth, dizzy and feeling like fireworks were exploding through you just from all the noise and lights and feelings.

He abandoned one of your nipples to wind the hand under your skirt – to find you weren’t wearing any underwear.

“Fuck baby all I want to do is get you on your back.” He groaned, pressing you flat against the wall and sliding a few fingers into your pussy.

You moaned loud, the sound swallowed by his mouth and the booming bass that shook the whole club. He fingered you until you were good and wet, until you could feel the slip and slide of it on your inner thighs.

“I said we’d behave.” You panted, still so out of breath from dancing and kissing and everything else. “You can have me as soon as we get home.”

“Promise?” He asked, eyes dark with lust.

“Promise.” You nodded, wanting to stop him before he made you come, in which case you’d be begging to get fucked right then and there. “We should go rejoin the party.”

“No, they can wait I just want to kiss you a while.” Flip shook his head, wiping his hand off on his jeans, and kissed you over and over again.

You felt so in love in that moment, so completely in love. It felt like your first few dates all those years ago, that giddiness in your stomach that had you bubbling with laughter and smiles, starry-eyed. Flip was even more handsome now, so handsome with his big nose and beauty spots and crooked teeth. His big hands caressed you, tapped your ass to the beat of the song, made out with you like you were both back at the drive-in, not paying one bit of attention to the movie.

He kissed you until the song ended, and then kissed you some more when the new one, the new Tavares song started playing.

Patrice popped out of no where seemingly, and tapped Flip on the shoulder.

“Can I steal (Y/N) for a minute? This is our jam!” She asked with a big grin, and she was right, you were both obsessed with this song!

“Go have fun.” Flip said with a smile, letting you go, only to grab you for one last kiss, before letting you go for real.

You and Patrice disappeared into the crowd, and Flip righted his clothes and his hair, made his way back to the bar.

From his spot, he could see you and Patrice laughing and dancing, spinning around and jumping up and down, shaking your bodies to the beat.

Ron sidled up next to Flip, and the two bumped fists in greeting, big smiles on their faces.

“I love that they’re best friends.” Ron sighed happily, clearly thrilled that not only was the disco a fun evening, but also that both of their women got along so well, genuinely loved one another.

“They could tear down the whole city if they wanted to.” Flip nodded, knowing that when firepower like that got together, there wasn’t anything they couldn’t do.

“Damn right they could!” Ron agreed, before turning back to the bartender, “Another round for me and my friend please?”

--------------------------------

Flip watched you dance like you were in slow motion, your hair moving and the lights reflecting off your sequined outfit. Heaven really was missing an angel, Flip thought with a smile. God it was like you were the perfect woman, and you were, weren’t you? Smart and funny and practical and sensible, but wild and fun and so full of light and laughter.

He swore you were the only person in the whole club, the whole person in the whole planet for him.

“Hey, we’re about getting ready to close up, mind paying your tab?” The young bartender asked him, not unkindly.

“Sure thing,” Flip said, fishing out his wallet and handing the bartender cash to cover his and your drinks as well as a generous tip.

The bartender gave him a smile and a friendly goodnight wave, and Flip danced his way across the floor to join you and Patrice, who had also been joined by Jimmy, Ron, Harry and Bridges.

“We have to go soon.” Flip shouted to his friends, who all nodded, but paid him no real attention.

“How come?” You asked, completely covered in sweat and glitter and looking like a million bucks.

“The place is closing soon,” Flip said loud enough so that his friends could hear, before lowering his voice and murmuring in your ear, “and I have to fuck you or else I think I might explode.”

“Okay.” You nodded, “Let’s finish this song and then we’ll leave?” You proposed, to which the group all nodded.

The ride back was filled with excited chatter about the evening’s events, everyone talking over one another, still slightly drunk or buzzed or both. Thankfully, Harry was driving and he was sober, and he decided to play taxi and drop everyone off at their houses to avoid any sort of danger on the road.

“Good night!” You and Flip waved to the car once you were both safely dropped on your front door step.

“’Night guys! Thanks for a good time.” They all said back, before Harry pulled the car out of your driveway.

--------------------------------

It was so quiet in your house, strangely quiet after such a long time being in such a loud environment.

But it wouldn’t stay quiet for long, you knew that, as Flip had already picked you up and had thrown you over his shoulder like you were a big sack of potatoes.

“Flip!” You giggled, lightly punched your fists on his back as he tried stepping out of his boots at the foot of the stairs.

Being that he was still drunk, this proved to be very difficult for him, and he began to trip on the heel of his own boot, sending you both nearly crashing down to the ground.

“Oh, fuck, (Y/N) – fuck!” Flip stumbled, making sure to at the very least, get you off his shoulder and onto your own feet.

Once you were on the floor, you had to fight the dizziness from being flipped upside so suddenly. Realizing that Flip had decided to walk towards the couch with one of his boots half-on, you rushed after him.

“Come here, oh my god stop no – you’re going to hit your knee on the table again.” You laughed and laughed, leading him down to the couch and pushing him onto the cushions, where he could not topple over and crash into something else.

You straddled him, and in the effort of getting your thighs around his strong hips, your skirt rode up completely, exposing your ass to the cool night air.

“Oh baby I love you so much,” Flip said in a bad sing-song voice, “I just gotta get my hands on you.”

He ran his hands over your tits and started tugging on the halter top, but you quickly stopped him.

“Hold on hold on, I don’t want it to rip.” You giggled, your hands so small compared to his own.

“What’s so funny?” He grinned up at you, pinching at your sides and tickling you, making you laugh even more.

“You’re just so strong! You could break me in half.” You sighed dreamily, before breaking out into giggles again as you tried kissing him.

“Who says I’m not going to?” He asked, suddenly sobering up.

You thought that was funny in and of itself, that the thought of finally getting to have sex cleared his head. He stood up, and on instinct you wrapped your legs around him as he carried you up the stairs.

“Flip!” You warned, thinking about how he had barely made it ten feet without tripping before.

He made it up easily though, even managed to get you all the way to your bed before dropping you onto the mattress, making it bounce a little, making your tits bounce more.

“I’ve been wanting this all night, ketsl.” He said, hands shaking from excitement as he tried unbuttoning his jeans.

You chuckled and sat up to help him, pulling down his pants and underwear in one big swoop, and working on his shirt buttons. He undid the halter tie around your neck, and practically threw it across the room, your skirt and shoes getting the same treatment.

Flip’s hard cock was already wet, a beautiful flushed red color with pearly drops of pre-cum already at the head.

“Come on, fuck me, I dare you.” You beckoned, shuffling up the bed.

He grabbed your ankle and pulled you down flat against the soft comforters of the bed, and fingered you for a bit just to make sure you were wet and relaxed enough for him.

He wanted to take his time with you, didn’t want to just blow his load and call it a night – no, no he wanted to have you crying for him by the end of it, wanted all your pretty eye makeup to run down your cheeks.

“Your dick really does feel so – oh!” You gasped when he did push in, big thrusts that felt like they were up in your throat.

“Good?” Flip asked, checking to make sure he didn’t hurt you. Always making sure, your husband.

“Yeah, good.” You reassured him, nodding and moaning as he fucked you slowly, “Holy shit.” You moaned, making him laugh.

“Harder?” He asked, knowing how you liked it, knowing that you wanted it rough.

“Fuck – ” You gasped, “Yes, harder, please Flip.”

He grunted in your ear and pulled you down the bed further so he could plant a foot on the floor and fuck into you with better leverage.

His eyes shut tight as he savored the feeling of your hot cunt, pistonned his hips into your pussy, his cock making the most obscene squelching sounds from just how wet you were.

He had one hand gripping your hip, and he let the other climb into your mouth, tried shoving as many fingers as he could down your throat.

You sucked on them as best you could, being punched up the bed and all, sucked on those fingers and laved your tongue over them, getting them so wet, so good and sticky with your spit.

“I wanted to fuck you in the fucking club.” He said through clenched teeth, letting out grunts and moans of his own as you arched your back and wrapped your legs around his hips.

“You were so good,” You replied, shaking your head to get his fingers out of your mouth, “So patient for me.”

His hips hit a little deeper from the praise, and you shifted your pelvis under him to let him get deeper, making you both moan, Flip’s forehead coming down to rest onto yours.

“Ah – oh, Flip!” You cried, starting to feel your orgasm creeping up on you.

“Go on, come, I want to get a couple out of you.” He nodded, taking his sticky wet fingers and rubbing tight circles on your clit.

“Fuck!” You gasped in pleasure, as your pussy clenched around him, throwing your head back.

Flip pulled out of you just long enough to roll you over onto your stomach, pull your knees apart and hips up so that he could slide back in easy from the behind.

He draped himself over your back, moaning and groaning in your ear, making you come and come and come on his cock, making your vision go spotty.

He was still chasing his own pleasure, and got his hands under you, laid them flat against your stomach so he could hold you flush to him, as he slammed his dick into you.

“I’m gonna come in you so much you’re gonna feel it.” He panted in your ear, taking one of your hands and putting it to your lower stomach. “You’re gonna feel how fucking full you get.”

“Flip, please, please come in me.” You cried, tears sliding down your nose just from how good everything was, how overwhelmingly good.

“No, not yet, I’m gonna make you come again, right on my cock.” He shook his head.

“Flip please.” You whined, even though you were spreading your knees wider on the mattress.

Flip’s hand moved from your stomach to just hold your pussy. It was dripping, all of your come and slick drooling onto his hand. He could feel where his cock pushed your insides around, could feel it as he fucked you.

He had been having sex with you long enough to know where that special spot was inside you that made you shout real loud, and he went on the hunt for it, grinning with all his teeth like some madman when he finally found it.

“Oh!!” You gasped sharply, moving up onto your elbows just from the jolt of pleasure.

“No no no,” Flip said, pushing you back down between your shoulder blades, “Stay down there, don’t fucking move.”

“Flip, do that again, please! Please?” You looked over your shoulder, completely and thoroughly debauched for him, covered in sweat and glitter and come and Flip had to just stay in you and not move for a minute otherwise he’d come right there.

“Greedy, you’re my greedy whore, aren’t you?” He asked, delicately pulling your hair away you’re your face and neck, leaning over to suck bright marks onto your shoulders and the spot behind your ear, “Parading around in that outfit knowing it’d make me rock hard, aren’t you?”

“It worked, didn’t it?” You took the opportunity to catch your breath, smiling and giggling, the laughter coming back, just from how much you loved him.

“Fuck you’re such a tease.” He smiled back.

Break time was over, and he slowly, ever so slowly, began thrusting his hips again, keeping the rhythm slow and sweet, keeping it steady, hitting that same spot over and over again.

He loved how easy you were for him, how easy you fell apart.

You arched your back for him, managed to hit just the right angle and your knees buckled under you from your second orgasm. Flip quickly grabbed a pillow to shove under your stomach just to support you from collapsing down onto the bed, and fucked you just for a little longer before shoving his cock in as far as it could go, and he came.

It was quiet again, for a little while, just the sound of the insects outside and your heavy breathing.

“Ain’t a t-tease if you’re coming in me.” You said, with the most satisfied smile on your face.

It was all he could do to not make you come a third time, just for that.

Oh well, he thought, there was always the morning.

Taglist: @adamsnackdriver @dreamboatdriver@plomblooms @kylo-renne @callmehopeless@imaginedreamwrite @formerly-anonhamster @kyloxfem@tinyplanet-explorers @venusianmaiden

#reader insert #flip zimmerman x reader #flip x reader #blackkklansman #my writing #sinday #i fixed the broken gif lol #sorry about that #!

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dragons-bones · 5 years

Text

Thinking as I drink my coffee and begin the daily work routine of beating my computer into submission, that there are a couple areas of my writing I feel I really should improve, and most of them are description.

Fanfiction, I think, lets writers cheat a little: you rarely need to establish what the characters or certain settings look like because the audience already knows them. This gets more tricky for video game fandoms where you can customize the player character, because obviously everyone's Shepard/Hawke/Inquisitor/Warrior of Light is going to look different.

I know one reason I skimp on character description is likely a result of the late 90's/early naughts perception that all OCs (especially female OCs) are Mary Sues, and if you're describing your character you're using purple prose, and That's Bad. Those of us who were consuming content back then, I think, still struggle with that, even though OCs flesh out the world, and purple prose has its place (and hell, some people just naturally write like that and that's fucking awesome). Fandoms like FFXIV have made it easier to feel comfortable actually letting your OC be the superpowered hero...because that's exactly how canon paints us anyway.

Anyway, I got sidetracked. Descriptions: I need to work on them. I'm trying to start writing with my AO3 audience in mind, as I know from talking with folks in comments that not everyone is on tumblr (honestly they're wiser than us). I can get away with not describing Synnove for things posted here because I post screenshots of her all the time, she has her own tag, it's really easy to find a reference picture of her.

This is a bit of a problem for the rest of my WoL Squad, since as Synnove is my main and gets the lion's share of my attention, I have only a couple screenshots of Rereha, and only like, one each of Heron and Alakhai and those are both old as shit and before I took my free fantasias to them. So I need to make more of an effort to describe the whole Squad going forward, because if I'm posting outside tumblr it's not fair to assume all my readers already know what they look like.

And then there's settings, ugh.

My brain does not have a narrator. My brain plays movies. So I have very vivid scenes playing in my head when I brainstorm, and trying to convey what I 'see' tends to...diminish the scene. I made an effort to describe a bit of Synnove's office at the Arcanists' Guild (which looks absolutely nothing like her FC room, btw, I went into decorating it not even attempting it, that is strictly her free company office) in my last fic, which I'm glad about, as I finally established it's at the top of one of the Guild towers/parapets, but... I can do better.

Also getting into the habit with fanfic will work better for my original verses. I barely describe anyone or anything in Mistwrought, except Hollow when he's turning up the Eldritch Abomination, which is Not Good. How can a reader properly appreciate how creepy he is being Eldritch (or not being Eldritch) when a reader doesn't know what his human disguise looks like?

So. Things to work on. After I beat Outlook with a baseball bat.

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grailbot143 · 5 years

Photo

Welcome Back Everyone!

Thank @daiskken for this week's artwork! I really love the style of this picture.

As I was not the biggest fan of last week’s episode and had every intention of wiping it entirely from my memory, this week, we are going to do something a little different. Instead of a recap of last week, we are going to focus on:

Briefcap Beach Party

Consolidated lingering Questions The Steven Universe World Characters Places Things Likes and Dislikes So Far Briefcap from Steven Universe: Beach Party (S1:Ep18)

Beach Party opens with the Gems fighting a Blowfish. Steven throws his boogie board to try to distract it for Garnet. Garnet gets blown into town where she destroys the front of the pizzeria. Amethyst turns into a baseball bat and hits the blowfish out to the ocean. The Gems argue with each other. Mr. Pizza gets upset about the pizzeria. The Gems go home. Kofi tells Steven the Gems are banned. He goes home to tell them because he's so sad.

Steven sets up a really boring beach party to bring the Pizzas and Gems together. The Gems dress appropriately at Steven's behest. He pairs up the Gems with Pizzas for a volleyball game that dwindles into a cheating match. . . . I told some jokes.

The blowfish returns and Nanafua directs everybody through a really ridiculous fight and the blowfish is defeated. Kofi wraps up the episode faster than Dumbledore wrapped up the Sorcerer's Stone and about as haphazardly.

AND . . . Episode Over (thank goodness)

Episode Random Noticings

Fish Stew Pizza never got fixed.

Fish Stew Pizza still sounds disgusting.

Nanafua is commanding and the Gems are oddly compliant.

Consolidated lingering Questions

The Gems:

Where do they come from? How is power derived from them? Are all the gems the same, but act differently according to… something? How is magic embued into the gems? Who is chosen to wear them and why? Why is a pearl considered a gem? What about the gemmed enemies? How do they get gems? Or are they created out of gems? Assumption: each has unique powers, i.e., Amethyst can’t project a plan from her gem_ If the above assumption is correct, what exactly is Garnet’s superpower? What are Steven's powers? s Amethyst's strange relationship with gravity a po Who all can fu?se?w old are each of them? It’s suggested that they're centuries old. Amethyst acts a bit like a teenager. Is she that much younger than Pearl? Where does Garnet fall? Why is Steven the only boy? How many boy gems are there everywhere? Why is Garnet the boss? Is it because she's older and wiser?

The World:

The Lunar Sea Spire was known as the Oasis for Gems on Earth, so I know it’s Earth, but… Is it in the same Earth that we are in, but hidden from us, or some sort of alternate universe Are the gems ONLY on Earth? This would make the nomenclature Oasis for Gems on Earth redundant, so probably notar, everything seems to be happening in this town… are there other Gems in other towns? Like every town has a team of Crystal Gems protecting it? Or is this town some center for universal negativity, so the Gems are focused here? Why do people in anime scream out the names of their attacks? Where did Lion take Steven and Connie for training? Is that place, or a similar one, available to all gems? Do you need a familiar to take you there?

The House on the Beach:

This is more a curiosity, but I wouldn’t mind seeing the fight that took off that statues hands What is up with the living temple inside the house? Beating hearts, waterfalls, a pool for getting rid of evil spirits. Need much more history and understanding here. BTW, it's been more than 10 episodes and none of these have been answered. Why not? The Steven Universe World This is just a quick list of things that make this place unique… no explanations.

Townies:

What's up with Onion and his dad? Are they from some other place? Why would you make a place called Fish Stew Pizza? What is the name of the fry place?

Rose Quartz:

Why does Rose have to die to give Steven his superpowers? Is Rose even dead?? I don’t remember that explicitly being stated What would make her choose that? a prophesy? desire to give Greg a kid? gonna die anyway? Did she give up her gem to HAVE a kid or to EMBUE a kid with the gem? Did she get to KNOW Steven?

Lion:

What all does Lion know? How did he get his powers?

Characters

The Crystal Gems

Pearl Garnet Amethyst (dead?) Rose Quartz Steven

The Townsfolk

Sadie Lars FryMan PeeDee Fryman Rinaldo Fryman Greg Mailman Barb (not seen) Nanafua Pizza Kofi Pizza Jenny Pizza Kiki Pizza Sour Cream Buck Dewey Onion Onion's Dad Guy that runs the Arcade Suitcase Sam? Mayor Dewey

Monsters/Creatures

Centipeedles and their mother Red Eye (offscreen) A giant bird with a giant polka-dot egg The Spirit from the painting that possessed Together Breakfast The Crystal Shrimp (deceased) Frybo Steven with Cats The Eel that liked shiny stuff Lion Starfish Drills and their MOM? Giant Bird from Giant Woman The Geode Beetles from Heaven and Earth The carnivorous moss that turns into beautiful flowers Holo-Pearl Training Robot from the cavern Blow/Pufferfish Blood Polyp (offscreen)

Places

Around Town

Big Donut the fry shop the arcade the boardwalk Fish Stew Pizza Greg’s van the car wash the storage facility the Crystal Gem’s house on the beach Suitcase Sam's T-Shirt store Amusement Park Dock Wrestling Arena Movie Theatre (in town?) Pearl's favorite tree (deceased) Under the Ocean

Mystical

The Temple with a beating heart the storage unit? Greg said it was magical (destroyed) The Lunar Sea Spire the teleporter thing in Steven’s living room The Training Cavern Upside Pyramid in the Strawberry Fields Sand Castles that the Dessert Glass built The cave in Arcade Mania The Sky Spire The Lava place where Garnet retrieved the Geode Beetle of Earth Deadman's Mouth The cloud/Pillar place in Steven The Sword Fighter

Things

Gems

Rose Quartz 2 Garnets Amethyst (not a gem) Pearl Centipeedles’ Mothers gem (pants animating) Gem Shards (maybe? pretty sure) The Lunar Goddess Statue Eel's Gem Gem from Upside Down Pyramid Dessert Glass Starfish Mother Gem The ROC in Giant Woman Blowfish Gem

Mystical Items

Summoned Weapons Laser Light Cannon Red Eye? Lunar Goddess Statue Cursed Painting Replicator Wand (destroyed) Button in the Cavern (and all that stuff)

Food (as it’s seemingly important to our little hero)

(discontinued) Cookie Cats Fry Bits (Cat Fingers enjoy this too) Together Breakfast (offscreen) Pizza (unmentioned) Cupcakes in jars (not food) Cheeseburger backpack Donuts Fish Stew Pizza Giant Strawberries Margarine to slick hair back Sodas that he threw all over the place in Tiger Millionaire Coconuts Sandwich Cereal (Arcade Mania) Steven (for the bird in Giant Woman) Cake Aqua Mexico Burrito Cream Pies (more a prop than food) Bag of Chips Burger for Onion's Dad Seagull's banana peel and pizza Cheeseburger Backpack full of snacks for the movie Popcorn Hot Dogs Burgers (with a ridiculous amount of buns, lettuce, and silverware)

Likes and Dislikes Far

Dislikes

Not a fan of the important role junk food plays in the show I don’t relate to Steven much. He mostly annoys me. Why is there not a main antagonist? Are we going to be playing monster of the week forever? Surely we’ll get one antagonist we can loath… (this is still an issue 18 episodes in. . . ) Season 1: Episode 5 Frybo Season 1: Episode 18 Beach Party

Likes

I like that all the answers to everything are not conveniently packaged in an episode I like Garnet… and sometimes Amethyst… and I often relate to Pearl I like Greg and his super awesome van I like that it seemed like we landed in the middle of a life, rather than the beginning of a story. . . this continues to be true through every episode. I like the most of the townspeople and their relationships with Steven I appreciate that though there are some references a kid wouldn’t understand completely, there is so far no blatantly adult humor or sexuality even in undertones - still true after 18 episodes. . . I like the whole living temple thing - but it is frustrating that we have only explored it once and so many questions remain. I like Connie alot. She is funny and smart and a perfect non-super for the story. I like the random swords sticking up in multiple places. I like arcade games. . . I like that there are so many details in the background like everywhere . . . and it's obvious the creators are nerds I like Sour Cream

I just want to remind everyone, I write these recaps after having only seen the episode once, a week ago, and often interrupted by my whole blogging thing. I mainly do it for myself to refresh my memory for the next episode, but since I post it, I thought I should ask your forgiveness if it isn’t exactly perfect (or even close). Don't forget if you have a submission for artwork for today's episode, submit before Friday using the link above, and I'll pick one to use as the cover art.

#Steven Universe #liveblog #suliveblogchrono #Universe018 #ListOfLists #Recap

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yourunabashedlyangrybouque-blog1 · 6 years

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Winner Of Entertainment Site BK8 Gives Back To Society

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exquisitelyeco · 7 years

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Memory

I don’t know ‘bout you, but my memory can really suck. Things I think are totally right, I realise are only partially right. I’ve got them jumbled. Forgotten bits.

It’s nearly got me into trouble. It was only Gods grace that saved me, by showing me, just as I said it, that I had gotten confused. I was then, thankfully able to correct it.

I try really hard to be truthful. Sometimes so rigidly, it’s painful and can blind me to other truth! The truth mercy gives. Not legalism.

Legalistic truth carries its own lies…..more on that later, on another bit of my blog……

My truth has been done in legalism, out of fear. Due too, you’ve guessed it, my illustrious father. And sadly, due to my mums theology, that had been taught to her. And because of her pain and damage.

One of the things he often did was to promise, if you told the truth you would not get a beating. So we would believe him and tell the truth. Then he would change his mind and beat us anyway.

And we always fell for it.

Mum, she would say you MUST do something. Like ‘You must forgive your dad (his treatment of you.) it’s not his fault. He was adopted. Really???? (What theology my mum had been taught was not helpful. To her or us. But she truly believed it. You must forgive. No choice. No feelings about it. That was all there was to it. But it denied what the forgiveness was needed for! It bundled away the pain and anger, but did not let it out. Just a fake smile in front to declare you had forgiven. Yes, we must forgive. But only once we have been truthful about how we felt, why we felt it, and have done something with it. Mum was not taught that. So she could not show us it.)

But I took it on board. Church preached you had to forgive. Trouble is, you were not even allowed to get angry. It was wrong. And if you did not forgive, God could not bless you or protect you.

So I was left with anger inside, and just didn’t know what to do. Confused to say the least.

I had a lightbulb moment today. I was saying how lately, when I have been angry with someone, I have really FELT it. Like wanting to beat the ex with a baseball bat. And I said to my friend it was because I had never been allowed to be angry. It was coming out now!

Then I saw the light bulb bit. That was Exactly it!!! Not only that, the anger I felt as a child and adolescent was not what I thought it was! I had been directing it towards the wrong person!

Oops. But horridly, that person was me. I hated me. Every mistake, everything about. I hated it. I turned my anger inwards, directing it at myself. Cutting myself. Head butting walls and giving myself concussion. Trying to kill myself.

And I suddenly realised today, that this was not, and never has been about me (most of it!) it’s been about my dad. But I never saw it. Of course I didn’t! I was programmed not too. I had to ‘forgive’ dad. I was not allowed to be angry with him.

So all that anger had to go somewhere. So I did what I had been taught to do. I turned it on myself. I hated conflict, so rather than face it, I’d hurt myself. And you know what?

I honestly believed it WAS me I was angry with! I truly 100% believed that I was angry with me. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done many, many things that I AM angry with me for. But the underlying truth in this, was I learnt to focus anger that was totally righteous towards my dad, to believing it was really me I was angry with. Because one, I was not allowed to show anger, two, I had to forgive him and three, anger just was not allowed. Either by church, or my parents.

I remember getting angry a few times, as a child with my dad. He would punish me. One day, when I was three or four, he played a pocket money game. I got 20p a week pocket money. In one hand he had lots of 2ps and in another two 10ps. It had come out that I wanted the pennies, because I believed, being small, that that meant I got more.

So dad put the money in his hand and told me to guess which hand had the pennies in. I got it wrong. So he told me it served me right, as I had been greedy and I couldn’t have any. So I went behind the chair because I was upset.

I was told to come out or be sorted out.

As I wrote this just now, I was going to say, I sulked behind the chair. My truth. But then, actually I realised it was not the truth! (Remember the legalistic truth tells its own lies? This is one) Sulking was my dads version of the truth!! I was upset. I’d been tricked out of my pocket money, unfairly. Told off for something any child would do, and adults too for that matter! So I hid. And I got told off for not liking that I’d lost a horrid game dad played, and that I was unhappy. And had been unfairly treated.

So you see how subtle the truth is? From one side it looks harsh, from the other merciful. But I was was not shown the merciful side ever. I was shown the harsh side. I learned to tell every tiny detail. To Judge harshly. To hold nothing back. But doing that meant I tied myself in knots, only saw it from a harsh perspective and took it out on myself.

When if I had been taught to love myself, that it was ok to make mistakes, I would have been so different. Not driven by fear of punishment. So terrified into telling truth, but loved, so being able to tell the truth from a merciful and more, actually, truthful perspective. Because the perspective would not have been blinkered by fear of punishment. Where you blurt it all out, in fear, without thought, just terror of punishment. So you forget other bits of truth, in the terror of trying to tell it all.

When I first came to CCD church, I was being mentored by a lady called Yvonne. She spiritually helped me look at my issues and sort them out. Helped me clean up myself emotionally and mentally so to speak.

This one time, I was telling her I had been told by mum not to put a butterfly in a box. You see, I’d seen a pretty white butterfly and I wanted to keep it. Anyway, I put it in the box. I think it died. I do not remember what happened, to me, but if it did as it usually did, I got into big trouble.

So here I was telling a Yvonne and she said ‘What would God have done?’ I said, ‘He would have smacked me.’ Again she said, 'What would God have done?’ I said 'I was naughty, he would have smacked me.’ This went on for a few minutes. Her asking, me replying the same thing. Finally I got angry. And said ’ OKAY, God, what would you have done???’

What I got made me cry. He said ’ I would have taken you on my lap, explained why it had happened, and you would never have done it again.’

Loved into obedience.

Again, we talked about me stealing something. The same questions were asked. The same replies, vehemently given. 'I was naughty, I deserved it…’ 'Ask Him…’ Again, when God answered I cried.

'I would have told you what you had done. You would not have done it again.’

Loved. Into obedience. All I needed was telling. That’s how sensitive to obedience I was. I wanted to do right. I wanted to be sorry. I would have wept to my Papa that I was sorry, and never done it again. Not because of a beating, but just because he loved me.

Loved me into obedience.

My dad beat me. And beat me. Into submission, terror, fear, humiliation and confession, even if that confession was not quite right. He was never merciful.

I remember one game he played, he was kneeling on my elbows, so I couldn’t escape, and letting spittle drip from his mouth. A bit dropped off and got me. I got angry. I was told in no uncertain terms what would happen if I carried on….

One day when I was nine or ten, it was my turn to wash up. My father had recently brought a lethally sharp butchers knife. Huge and sharp. My sister and I had been told never to touch it, or we would have been, you’ve guessed it, beaten. So we didn’t.

Anyway. It was my turn to dry up. The knife had been washed up, and lay wet, with the other cutlery. My father turned around and he said to me, 'If that goes rusty, you are going to get a good hiding.’ Yup, you read rightly. He said 'If that goes rusty, you’ll get a good hiding.’ Make sense? Not to me either. In fact it put me into confusion and panic.

What could I do? If I touched it I’d be beaten, if I didn’t and it went rusty, I’d be beaten. So I dried it. And as I did, a huge blood stain seeped into the drying up towel. Huge. I had sliced two fingers wide open. I didn’t know what to do. If I told the truth and confessed I’d touched the knife I’d be beaten. So I went to my parents, and I lied. Terrified of the blood, terrified of my dad. I said I’d cut it on a normal dinner knife.

Mum took me to hospital, and they bound up my fingers, I still have a nasty scar to this day, right across the finger print of one of them. I went home with massive bandages on both fingers. My dad saw. He turned around and he said ’ That will teach you for telling lies’

The total bastard. And not allowed to be angry? Are you fucking kidding me? What a double binded twist. Two knives going into my heart at once. I did not even see it then. How unfair. You know what makes it worse? Better being cut with a huge, lethally sharp blade, than being beaten by my dad.

He had a few implements he liked to use. Going in seasons. For a long time, his real favourite was a switch, about two feet long. And as thin as a pencil, nearly. And my God, did I get beatings from that. He loved rubber soled slippers too. My sister and I had bruises to prove it. Finally the slippers wore out. We were so damn relieved. And what did he get for Christmas? Another pair.

So I learnt telling the truth means pain. If you do. If you don’t. What ever you do, you will never win. You are totally at the mercy of your judge. So truth to me, is a dirt word. Gods retribution if you lie. No forgiveness. Horrid consequences. Pain, pain, pain.

And yet, God would not have done any of that. HE would have just talked to me. Showed me His heart. No manipulation, no threats. And I would never had to be told again.

Do you know what that has shown me? I’m a daddies girl. If my father had allowed me to love him, rather than forcing me into fearing and hating him, I would have adored him. Had my arms around his neck most of the time. Idolised the ground he walked on. So would my sister. But because of his own pain, revenge and anger he refused to allow that. No one would have seen HIM vulnerable Thankyou very much. So he shut us out. And kept himself locked up. And ultimately it killed him. He lost his children. He lost his grandchildren. And at his funeral, his sisters epitaph at the church to the congregation was ’ When he said Jump, you said how high?’

And my own response? How bad is it, when you tell people, genuinely, that the best thing your dad ever did for you was to die? Cos that’s the truth. Plain, painful truth.

No religious smile. No forced forgiveness. No hiding behind Christian belief that God is angry because I’ve not forgiven. That’s the truth. I hated and feared my dad. It has scarred me to this day. It has affected every male relationship I have ever had, including my five sons. I hate and fear authority. Because of my dad.

And now I am having to realise it was not me. It was him. I don’t have to be angry at just me any more. I can put that anger where it belongs. On my dad. And maybe, by being truthful like that, I might then start on the road to actually wanting to forgive him. But in truth. Not in religion.

So bringing back to the start. Memories. They are shaped by how we felt, feel and believe. And going on this journey to clean up the hurt and damage is showing me memories are not always 100% correct. As the mask said again, 'Metaphorically speaking………..’

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flauntpage · 6 years

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Does Any Team Want to Win the NL East?

Imagine this scenario for a moment, if you would:

The Phillies show up to Williamsport last night to play an irrelevant Mets team that entered the game as a 53-69 fourth-place afterthought. They also enter, of course, with the ability to take over sole possession of their division after the Rockies completed a four-game road sweep of the Braves earlier in the day. They send to the mound Nick Pivetta, a red-hot pitcher who has allowed only three earned runs over 18 innings in three August starts, to oppose a 35-year-old journeyman with a 2-8 record and 8.10 ERA…and they take actually take care of business. They just pound Jason Vargas into submission while Nick Pivetta shoves against one of the game’s least productive offenses. They reclaim first-place on a national stage with 38 games remaining and everybody is feeling good this morning. No sweat.

That, of course, was what was supposed to happen, but instead the Phillies scored two runs or less for the 37th time this season, and were once again quieted by a below-average pitcher and beaten down by one of baseball’s bottom-feeders. Rhys Hoskins taking some popcorn to the face was the best thing that happened all night:

You’re never too old for baseball snacks. pic.twitter.com/hEEtEYeaC3

— MLB (@MLB) August 20, 2018

The Mets embarrassed the Phillies for the second time in four days with a thorough 8-2 beatdown. In total, the Mets took three of five games in the series, outscoring the Phillies by a 43-20 margin. It was just the latest example of a troubling trend in which the Phillies have been routinely exposed by a supposedly lesser opponent. Over the last three weeks, the Phillies have gone a combined 4-8 against the Reds, Padres, and Mets. If they ultimately miss the postseason, their inability to take capitalize on advantageous stretches of their schedule will be a big reason why.

Vargas easily mowed through a Phillies lineup for five innings before allowing a two-run homer to Carlos Santana in the sixth. The Phillies’ only other offensive highlight of the night was a would-be three-run homer off the bat of Rhys Hoskins that landed inches foul. That was it. Meanwhile, Nick Pivetta struggled over three-plus innings of work. Despite entering the night with the National League’s fourth-best K% this season, he generated only four whiffs on 36 swings as he allowed eight hits and six earned runs to what had been prior to this weekend a feeble Mets lineup. Predictably, Phils fans took the loss in stride:

Only Canadians are nice enough to applaud that shit effort

— Beast Hoskins (@BeastHoskins) August 20, 2018

No. That’s not my burner account.

So why does this team play down to inferior competition? That’s the burning question, right? Here’s a thought: Maybe the Mets aren’t actually an inferior team. It’s not like the Phillies are some powerhouse that only stumbles against the weak. A team with a disjointed offense and poor defense that relies on its starting pitching is going to be up and down, regardless of its opponent. Look at how the two teams stack up in several major offensive categories:

PHILLIES: .236 BA, .316 OBP%, .394 SLG%, .309 wOBA, .710 OPS, 4.31 runs per game

METS: .236 BA, .314 OBP%, .389 SLG%, .306 wOBA, .704 OPS, 4.24 runs per game

There’s little wonder why it’s hard for fans to get excited over this team’s playoff prospects at the moment, but keep in mind that when the Phillies generate even a competent offensive effort, they remain difficult to beat. They are 63-24 this season when scoring at least three runs.

Also, FanGraps’ updated playoff odds are worth considering:

Hard to believe, I know, but while the Phillies absolutely do not have the look of a team deserving of a division title, their competition was worse over weekend. The Nationals struggled with the Marlins and were pantsed yesterday in a 12-1 blowout. Meanwhile, the Braves have lost 1.5 games in the standings to the Phillies since Thursday after blowing two ninth inning leads to the surging Rockies in Colorado’s sweep. The reality remains that the NL East is going to be won by a tremendously flawed team. Which one it will be, I mean, who knows at this point? Flip a coin.

The post Does Any Team Want to Win the NL East? appeared first on Crossing Broad.

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junker-town · 6 years

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What the hell is Ray Lewis talking about?

The Hall of Famer linebacker is America’s most confusing motivational speaker.

Ray Lewis deserves all the credit we can give him for his football career. Middle linebacker isn’t a position that lends itself well to sexy stats, but if you need a number to explain to the people at your fantasy draft about Lewis’ bona fides, use this one — the only player in NFL history with at least 30 interceptions and 40 sacks.

The doughy, old gatekeepers who decide which players get into the Pro Football Hall of Fame actually did something right when they decided Lewis was worthy of enshrinement on the first ballot.

The only downside to their decision is that it subjects us to another awkward public display of another thing Lewis is famous for — inspirational speaking.

Rousing locker room speech is really the practice of finding the right cadence and tone. The words don’t have to matter as long as there’s some mix of important terms like “our house, brotherhood, God, momentum,” etc. Lewis’ sideline speeches were apparently very powerful and complete nonsense, as pointed out by Joe Flacco. And yet, somehow Lewis has managed to make a career of speaking his mind.

Here, without further commentary, are my own picks for the most confusing, problematic and uncomfortable things Ray Lewis has ever said.

His Hall of Fame speech

It hasn’t even happened yet, but we got a sneak peek during Thursday’s Hall of Fame game.

Also, it’s going to last at least 45 minutes, AT LEAST.

Here’s what he said when NBC let him filibuster instead of showing Lamar Jackson play:

“This is why I never change, that moment always — and you’ll hear it a little bit tomorrow — but that moment always ends with the honor of God. It always does. So when I throw out my chances, it’s like ‘gah we did that ... we did that.’”

Huh?

Can’t wait ‘til Saturday!

On the subject of momentum

“People don’t really know how huge momentum is. Momentum is huge.”

It really is.

youtube

Ray Lewis prevents crime

Lewis has some zany sociological theories:

Ray Lewis said the contagious positive energy surrounding his induction reminds him of his playing days. "When I played, crime went lower in Baltimore," Lewis said. "It’s like, nobody needs to be mad now. It’s like everybody wants to be happy and celebrate."

— Jamison Hensley (@jamisonhensley) August 3, 2018

The NFL also prevents crime

With a player lockout putting the 2011 season in jeopardy, Lewis laid bare the dire consequences, as he foresaw them.

“Do this research if we don’t have a season — watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game,” he told ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio.

“There’s nothing else to do Sal.”

Well, there’s baseball ... okay, nevermind.

So much for solidarity

I can’t imagine Lewis’ fellow union members loved the sound of Lewis stumping for owners with that whole crime warning. I’m sure they were absolutely thrilled with what else he had to say about players fighting for a new collective bargaining agreement.

“It’s simple, we really got to remove pride. Seriously. There’s no other reason the issue is going on. That’s why I don’t get into words and all that other stuff, because it takes away from life ... itself.

I know the main reason players didn’t hold out longer was not because of Lewis’ admonishment, but it certainly doesn’t help the cause of his fellow players, especially since most players who pass through the league never get the kind of contracts Lewis signed during his career.

Ray Lewis mashing words together is funny. Being shitty is not funny.

Lewis is confused about Kaepernick

Speaking of shitty, let’s not forget the low point of Lewis’ career as a television talking head (seriously, what a terrible idea that was), which came just last year when he once again went to bat for owners, specifically Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, criticizing Colin Kaepernick for speaking out against police brutality and racial inequality.

He actually started criticizing Kaepernick in 2016, with Lewis-isms like this:

“I understand what you’re trying to do, but take the flag out of it. [...] I think if Colin really just steps back, because to affect change, if you don’t have a real solution, if you ain’t seen as a true activist to go into these hoods and do these things on a daily basis and not just jump up and protest because you’re sick of this one thing …”

He failed to mention the “real solution” of Kaepernick pledging one million dollars of his own money, not to mention the effort to start a national dialogue over the issue.

He teed off on Kaepernick again last fall, following a nonsensical debate on Fox Sports’ Undisputed. He made Skip Bayless look reasonable! Then, posted an even weirder video on Twitter.

“If you do nothing else, young man, get back on the football field and let your play speak for itself. And what you do off the field, don’t let too many people know, because they gonna judge you anyway, no matter what you do, no matter if it’s good or bad.”

Lewis missed the part where Kaepernick WAS trying to play football again, but teams, including the Ravens, were blackballing him.

And that wasn’t even the end of it. Lewis made himself look like a fool over the whole affair, a grandstanding egotist.

Do not mention deer antlers, even with your hat!

That wasn’t the first time Lewis had beef with Kaepernick. He ago was apparently damaged because of a hat — yes, A Hat! — that Kaepernick wore after Super Bowl XLVII, when Lewis’ Ravens beat the 49ers.

Kaepernick wore a Milwaukee Bucks cap. Lewis reportedly took that to be a slap at him because of the whole flap over the whole deer antler spray Lewis allegedly used to help himself get over a torn triceps.

That incident has always been a touchy subject for Lewis. It’s also a good way to get him to stop talking.

Ray Lewis is here for Odell

Kaepernick wasn’t the only player Lewis counseled via the media. He had some words for Odell Beckham Jr. too.

“Where there’s no God, there’s chaos,” Lewis said on The Herd. “Odell has removed God from his life. This is a kid who grew up under the covenant of who God really is. And everything that he’s doing, he’s crying out for help.”

Uh huh. When asked about reaching out to Beckham, it got even weirder.

“It’s not what he said, it’s the commitment he started to make. So we started to make those phone calls, we started to have conversation. And then I started to see [that] he started to distance himself a little more, a little more, and a little more. And the moment — just listen to me, Colin, I don’t care about religion, I’m talking about a foundation. When your foundation is disturbed, when everything you’re doing is the opposite of what’s got you to this place, then you’re making your own bed hard.”

Okay then!

Conspiracy theories!

“I’m not gonna accuse nobody of nothing -- because I don’t know facts,” Lewis said, according to USA Today’s Nate Davis. “But you’re a zillion-dollar company, and your lights go out? No. No way.”

As with everything, Ray Lewis managed to bring it back to Ray Lewis.

“Now listen, if you grew up like I grew up -- and you grew up in a household like I grew up -- then sometimes your lights might go out, because times get hard. I understand that. But you cannot tell me somebody wasn’t sitting there and when they say, ‘The Ravens (are) about to blow them out. Man, we better do something.’ ... That’s a huge shift in any game, in all seriousness. And as you see how huge it was because it let them right back in the game.”

A Tom Brady hot take for the ages

Brady and the Tuck Rule

“The only reason we know — I’m just being honest — the only reason we know who Tom Brady is, is because of the tuck rule. There’s no such thing as a tuck rule,” said Lewis.

Water polo is apparently for weak fools who need hope.

“But we don’t need no hope. Y’all can keep your hope because we’ve got enough hope over here. We’re packing our bags, and we’re not packing our bags to come play water polo,” Lewis said when asked about playing the Jets in 2010.

Water polo is actually a very difficult sport to play.

“Pissed off for greatness”

“‘Cause if you ain’t pissed off for greatness then that means you’re OK with being mediocre.”

That’s what he told the Stanford men’s basketball team before an NIT tournament game.

That was just the main highlight. He opened up with what I can only assume to be one of his rejected Successories submissions.

“If tomorrow wasn’t promised, what would you give for today?”

Credit for quotes he didn’t even come up with

It says something about your reputation as a motivational speaker when long-standing clinches are wrongly attributed to you.

Lewis did not make up “stand for something, or else you’ll fall for anything” but the Ravens gave him credit for it anyway.

Ray Lewis was against Joe Flacco before he was for him

Lewis is either bad TV or unintentionally really good TV. Either way, questioning Joe Flacco’s passion for the game probably got him a quick phone call from Bisciotti. Lewis backtracked on it pretty fast.

Yes, he brought that back to himself too.

“It was just me being frustrated of watching something that I had control over for so many years, which was men and inspiring them to go on and do things.”

He also said this in a confusing direct appeal to Flacco:

“You’re a man, and you put your pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else. Listen, from a man, you’ll never hear it again. Sorry for ever even calling out your name in the context of making you try to be anything that I am or anything that you’re not.”

Weapons, God, you know, that kind of stuff

After beating the Broncos on their way to the Super Bowl in 2013, cameras got an excited Lewis riffing after the game.

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper, no weapon.” He hugged Peyton Manning, and then launched right back into it.

“No weapon, no weapon, God is amazing.”

I’m sure I’m missing more than a few, so if you have a favorite non-sensical Ray Lewis speechifying moment, drop it in the comments.

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double-birds-blog · 7 years

Text

On Continuing to Root for the Cardinals

By Adam Felder

Earlier this season, SBNation ran a contest asking baseball fans to write why they rooted for their team. I don’t know who actually won. I read some really good submissions from Cardinals fans on Viva El Birdos, though, so I’m hoping one of them got something neat out of the contest.

I didn’t submit anything. I couldn’t really come up with a compelling hook that made my Cardinals fandom special. Despite most evidence to the contrary, I really try to keep my mouth shut and my fingers off the keyboard if I think I don’t have something interesting to say, so I sat this one out.

That’s not to say I didn’t at least start writing something to see if it’d go somewhere. The closest I came to a compelling narrative was my love of the Cardinals community, meaning all the various people I’ve interacted with and in some cases befriended due to nothing more than a shared love of the birds on bat. It’s some six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon level of detail not worth getting into here, but I’m relatively certain I’m not where I am today career-wise if not for my engagement with a bunch of really awesome people in the St. Louis Cardinals baseball community.

My love of this baseball community is having to do an awful lot of heavy lifting of late, because I’m genuinely not sure if the organization itself—that is, St. Louis Cardinals, LLC—is worth rooting for. Frankly, I’m disgusted with the organization and that has far less to do with the quality of the on-field talent than it does the off-the-field shame this organization provides.

Which leaves me with a question I never thought I’d have to ask: do I believe it’s defensible for me to be a Cardinals fan in 2017?

Let me pause here real quick to make clear that the emphasis in the above question is the “for me.” Fandom is a personal choice, and so long as you’re not beating the hell out of some poor bastard for daring to wear the jersey of another team, I’m not gonna begrudge your rooting for your team of choice.

That said: for my own part, I don’t agree with the “keep politics out of sports” sentiment that so many fans hold. I don’t know how one can look at all the various municipal budget-destroying stadium deals, the NFL/US Military symbiotic sponsor relationship, the appointment of team owners to ambassadorships, President George W. Bush’s explicit mention of and intervention on performance-enhancing drugs in MLB, MLB’s antitrust exemption, etc., and conclude that sports are apolitical. Sports are big business, and big business is political. It just is, and you’d have to be willfully blind to not see it.

That said, I suspect the “keep politics out of sports” sentiment is less a function of not seeing the relationship and more one of recognizing it, but just wanting to enjoy a ballgame and not be inundated with all the awful shit that permeates the news in 2017. I get that. It is exhausting to look at all of this and try and stay engaged and informed. Thus, I’m not going to think less of anyone who just wants to watch a Cardinals game and not deal with the news cycle—though given the performance of the 2017 squad, I’m not sure how relaxing that approach would be anyway.

Point being, the question I’m asking is a personal one, and not one I expect anyone else to apply to him or herself. The awesome people I talk to in the Cardinals community will continue to be awesome should they continue to support the team in light of its indefensible actions. Viva El Birdos itself, which has a fairly strict “no politics” rule, is managed and edited by some of the smartest and most insightful writers baseball has to offer.

All that said, am I okay with rooting for this organization?

I don’t see how I can get myself to “yes” here. The Cardinals’ shameful and tone-deaf failure to credential an Outsports editor to cover Christian Day at Busch Stadium is only the latest in a series of failures that demonstrate the organization is uncaring at best and malevolent at worst.

On the off chance someone’s reading this who doesn’t know the backstory: the Cardinals invited 2011 postseason hero Lance Berkman to speak at the event. Berkman has some pretty reprehensible views on LGBTQ rights, and has used his celebrity to push specific anti-LGBTQ legislation.

If the Cardinals wanted the day (which has existed in some form for decades; I distinctly remember it growing up in St. Louis) to be a celebration of faith, they could have turned to any number of Christian players on the active and former roster. Adam Wainwright, for example, has been a featured speaker at this event in the past, and if he harbors beliefs that stray into the controversial/political realm, he’s smart enough to keep them to himself. There are any number of Cardinal players past and present who are generally awesome people of faith. And then there’s Berkman.

For the “but free speech” crowd: Carlos Martínez’s salacious social media likes were also him expressing himself, and the club came down on that. That the Cardinals invited Berkman was a failure of research. That the Cardinals didn’t rescind the invite after his views were obvious to all was a far worse mistake.

Still, that mistake could have been interpreted charitably as the Cardinals recognizing they’d stepped on a landmine but thinking they’d make the situation worse by intervening. Indifference and cowardice aren’t exactly virtues, but they’re a lot better than endorsing discrimination.

By failing to credential Outsports, the Cardinals made clear this wasn’t indifference. It was actively endorsing discrimination. It also proved the organization to be staffed by tone deaf morons. Had the Cardinals credentialed the editor, here’s what happens: he goes to the game. He writes his story. Life goes on. It’s a lot like what actually happened minus the tagline of “Cardinals explicitly refuse to credential Outsports.com” that got all the attention. It’s discriminatory, but also just really damned tactically stupid.

The club’s excuse that “blogs and websites” don’t get credentials is utterly laughable. It’s 2017, and if you hadn’t noticed, print journalism has been in its death throes for years. (Truth be told, so is a lot of digital journalism; all these organizations laying off writers in favor of a video-only strategy that will blow up in their faces isn’t a good sign at all.)

Further, it’s not as if Outsports is some tiny little operation nobody has heard of. From the metrics publicly available, the site gets somewhere in the neighborhood of half a million people to it each month. For context, stltoday.com, the website for St. Louis’ local paper, is somewhere in the two million range. I don’t know what subset of that two million is purely for the paper’s sports coverage, or more to the point, the paper’s baseball coverage.

Point being, Outsports.com has a large enough digital presence that “we don’t credential blogs and websites” is a moronic policy. Arguably, it’s not a policy at all and just an attempt to create a media-friendly excuse for “we don’t want your kind here.” After all, it’s 2017–the lines between print and digital don’t really exist anymore, and the Cardinals have no problem credentialing folks like Craig Calcaterra and Jeff Passan, whose NBCSports and Yahoo Sports platforms are purely digital.

I don’t know Chris Tunno, the person who rejected the credentials request. But from what I can see of him on Twitter, he’s, uh…not the person that a club that wasn’t negligent would want as their mouthpiece.

I don’t want to make this about Tunno, though. I don’t know the dude and one person shouldn’t have the ability to ruin my fandom. And, indeed, there are any number of other aspects about this organization that are awful.

As near as I can tell, the organization did essentially nothing in response to Tyler Dunnington’s minor league teammates openly discussing the best way to kill gay ballplayers. Sure, there was a lot of talk about this being “taken very seriously,” but unless the club managed to run a stealth investigation and not talk to a local media that seemed entirely disinterested, it was performative outrage. Nothing happened. I don’t expect billion-dollar organizations to champion civil rights, but I expect them to at least give a damn and take action when employees and members or a discriminated-against group are actively facing death threats.

And then there’s the failure of the club to leverage its power to aid flood victims this past spring. Chase did a much longer discussion of the issue here, but the short version: the St. Louis Blues and even the River City Rascals used their ability to reach fan communities to help with flood relief. The Cardinals, with a much larger ability to help, did not. The Cardinals are a St. Louis institution; it’s shameful that the club didn’t intervene to be worthy of that title, instead choosing to be another aloof business.

I’m treading on already-covered ground when I bring up the club’s failure to disavow (or say anything) about the moronic “Darren Wilson/David Freese” racists outside Busch in 2014, and that there’s clearly a way to not be an asshole when it comes to this sort of thing.

Point being, for a “civic institution,” the Cardinals’ indifference-at-best, endorsement-at-worst approach to business is a shameful one. It’s hard to root for an organization that clearly cares so little about its fans. It’s a lesson we have to keep learning over and over again: the #brands are not our #friends. If “corporations are people,” they’re the most indifferent and aloof of all people, concerned only with making money rather than the well-being of the community in which they make that money.

Even on the field, the club seems content to cash in on mediocrity, with no clear plan in place for improving. Mike Matheny, the man who was hired with no managerial experience and who manages as such despite being in the job for six years, has a three-year contract extension. John Mozeliak and the newly-promoted Mike Girsch preside over a thoroughly mediocre team that…did literally nothing at the trade deadline, the paralysis all-but-ensuring another year like the current. Seriously: how the hell could the club do nothing?

There’s not much to root for here. I don’t like the management and operation, and the on-field product is pretty terrible too. To reward it with my time and attention doesn’t seem defensible.

And yet I’d give up quite a bit were I to quit the Cardinals. This is, present grotesqueness aside, the same organization that had team President Mark Lamping send teenage Adam a bunch of parking passes in downtown St. Louis so I could afford to attend the season tickets I’d saved all summer for (but was too stupid to realize that parking cost money too).

By wins and losses, it’s a better team than the late-90s McGwire-and-Lankford-and-scrubs team that I watched with my brother when we weren’t even on speaking terms and really only had Cardinals baseball left to mediate.

Hell, there are even a couple still-in-decline-but-I’ll-always-be-a-fan holdovers from the miracle 2011 squad. I can only hope that I have the same fond memories of Tommy Pham and Carlos Martínez in ten years as I do of Yadi and Waino.

But the biggest thing I’d miss, and the thing that will still keep me coming back? It’s the same community. I’m not sure how to interact with Cardinals Twitter and the writers and bloggers I’ve befriended if I’m not at least following the Cardinals. We don’t always talk about baseball, but that’s the common thread through which all other conversations start.

These are invaluable relationships. Several of those bloggers helped apply enough pressure on the Cardinals that the team hosted its first ever LGBT day this season, prying action out of the indifferent monolith. Perhaps if I’m lucky and skillful enough, my continued presence in this community will help steer the organization in a less-crappy direction, both on-field and off.

I can’t just walk away despite all the reasons the club’s given me. But, if there’s anyone out there reading this in the organization…my god, do better.

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