#I woke up at 5am in crippling pain

[lumiolivier]

That’s it.

I’m slapping down my princess card.

I’m miserable. I’m in pain.

Someone else take care of me because I’m sick of doing it myself.

[noctra]

... So, after a long post detailing the issues in my life, things have gotten even worse. The one thing I had left... my health.

I do want to go into detail on this despite it being rather intimate, only because before this happened to me I had never heard anything like it and had no idea something like that could happen. I want to encourage other women to come forward with their experiences.

Over a week ago I had some slight pain on the left side of my inner thigh, spreading to my, uh, bits. I asked my boyfriend to check it and he said it was just red. A couple of hours later the pain had got worse and there was now a substantial lump on the bottom of my left labia, as well as swelling and redness that was starting to spread.

I saw my GP the next day who told me it was an abscess, and prescribed me some antibiotics and strong painkillers. By then I could still sort of walk, though it was painful. If I limped I could sort of manage. But it just got worse. The painkillers I was prescribed made me super ill, I couldn't even keep liquids down and the pain was getting unbearable. The next day I rang my doctors who told me to give the antibiotics a chance. I took their advice and tried to tolerate it, despite at this point being unable to stand, walk, sit down, or lie down anywhere but my stomach. I was already miserable as I was barely sleeping from the agony, I was crying all the time because it hurt so much and because all I could do was just lie on my front, nothing else. It had swollen to the size of a golf ball and my left labia had actually become so swollen that it had grown over the other and I could not pee. I cannot put into words just how fucking painful this was for me.

The following morning at about 5am I woke up screaming in pain. I vomited and was stuck in the same position for hours, wailing and sobbing. I was so frustrated. It had been almost a week and it had just got worse and worse and I could no longer do anything for myself as even just moving in bed was excruciating. I knew I needed to get to the hospital but had no idea how as I literally could not walk, but my situation wasn't life threatening so an ambulance wasn't deemed necessary.

I was eventually wheeled into the ED where I was diagnosed with a Bartholin's abscess. Basically, one of the glands that lubricates the vagina had become blocked, which had formed a cyst, which had then become infected and developed into an abscess. I was admitted into hospital to be operated on the following morning. Even morphine didn't take the edge away from the pain... because my abscess was so deep and painful, the gynaecologist wanted to perform a procedure called marsupialization that meant I had to go under general anaesthetic, since a local wouldn't have actually been enough to numb the area.

I had the operation and the relief was almost immediate. I have since been discharged but I am on bedrest at the moment, and am still sore and just... not well. The abscess has had to be left as an open wound for it to continue draining; recovery is a little difficult right now because every time I pee it goes into the wound and it stings like a motherfucker.

It just feels like it's been one thing after the other at the moment, and I'm feeling a little sorry for myself since I still need some help bathing and generally being taken care of. I just want to be better. I want this whole thing over with. It has honestly been the worst pain I have EVER experienced - not that I've had much experience with pain but when you're in so much pain that nothing brings relief, no certain position, no painkillers, nothing... it's like the pain makes you helpless. All you can do is just lie there and sob.

That's what's been going on with me. I've been a crippled invalid for over a week. I hope I can encourage others to share their experiences too; I'd never even heard of the Bartholin gland before. Women's anatomy is both a disaster and a mystery.

[deadpeoplewalking]

I Need You

Hello everyone, I hope all is well. This is my very first fanfic writing. It is kinda long and I would really like your feed back on what you think if you read it. I appreciate your support. Love to all.

Summary: Daryl has just escaped from the Sanctuary and the reader (his wife) finally sees him for the first time. Daryl has a hard time readjusting to living after being tortured and the reader doesn't know what to do.

Warnings: fluff, angst

Word count: 2505

Well, shit had hit the fan and things weren’t looking good. Where do I even start… First, Carl thought it would be a great idea to hitch a ride to the Sanctuary to try and kill Negan all while his dad is on a supply run with Aaron. Second, Rick returns from his supply run and is confronted by Negan’s goons to, as Negan puts it “take half of our shit”. Third, Spencer takes the chance to talk to Negan and betray Rick. Fourth, things go haywire and Rosita tries to kill Negan, which I could have told you that plan was going to back fire, in result of her mistake Denise is killed and Negan guts Spencer like a deer. If there was one kill that did not upset me that Negan caused, it was him killing Spencer. Lord forgive me, but he needed to go. Negan continues to flaunt his ass around Alexandria, deciding he would take Eugene as prisoner so he could make bullets for him and his men. In light of all that happened that day, our group decided to head to Hilltop and formulate a plan in order to take Negan down and destroy his empire.

There was one good thing that came out of that day. Daryl escaped from the Sanctuary and fled to Hilltop. I couldn’t believe my eyes when the gates of Hilltop opened. My eyes landed on Maggie at first, but Daryl stepped out from behind her and I stopped dead in my tracks. I hate to admit this, but I had come to accept the thought of not seeing Daryl again. Not being able to touch him or see the smile that only I could put on his face, but there he was in the flesh and all I could do was stare. The rest of the group hugged him and were filled with joy when they saw him. The reunion between Rick and Daryl was enough to make anybody cry. Then it was my turn to reunite with what seemed like a ghost to me. The very first thing I did was reach out and caress his face. I had to feel him to make sure he was really standing right in front of me, to make sure he wasn’t a figment of my imagination. He was actually there, the love of my life, who had been taken away from me, was standing in front of me. As soon as I realized that what was happening wasn’t a dream, I wrapped my arms around him as fast as I could. I squeezed him tightly to make sure he wouldn’t disappear. I felt his arms around me, his head landed in the crook of my neck. I could feel the tears falling from his eyes onto my shoulder and I felt the tears fill and fall from my eyes as I kissed his temple over and over. I didn’t want to leave his embrace, but I needed to see his face. I took my hand and slowly brushed the hair out of his face seeing the pain that he endured while at the Sanctuary. He wrapped me in his arms once more and the only words I could say were “I love you Daryl Dixon”.

It had been a couple of weeks since Daryl and I were back living together in Alexandria. We shared a house opposite of Rick and Michonne’s house. The first week was the hardest for him. He was quiet and distance from me, but I understood why he was acting the way he was. Daryl had endured so much and his time at the Sanctuary had made him skittish. It was so bad that every time I touched him, he would pull away from me and then look at me with an apologetic look. It hurt me when he would avoid my touch or advert his eyes away from me when I would look his way or how he would avoid me every time I walked in the same room as him. I understood that it would take time for him to heal, but it hurt like hell to see him go through this alone because he wouldn’t let me in.

Time had passed and he has started to let me in a little bit each day. He actually started talking to me again and it made me happy to hear his voice again. There were days where he wouldn’t avoid me every time I was near him, but those were his good days. Today was a bad day though, he got up early and left the house. He didn’t know this, but I heard him leave every morning and heard him start his motorcycle. I never knew where he went when he rode off and I wish I did. I wish he would let me come with him just so I could be close to him, but I went along with my day just like I always did. I helped out around Alexandria a lot to get my mind off of what was happening between Daryl and I. Michonne had asked me to look after Judith today. Her and a few others were going out on a supply run and Rick was busy discussing plans to take down Negan with Maggie at Hilltop.

“Hey (Y/N), how are you doing today?” Michonne asked as she opened the door for me to come in the house.

“I’m doing okay, living one day at a time” I said while faking a smile. She looked at me and she could tell that I was lying. She hesitated to ask me what was really happening because she knew how I was when it came to some situations, especially when it came to the recent situation with Daryl.

“(Y/N) are you sure you are okay? I have noticed how different you have been here recently. I do not want to over step my boundary, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything and I will be here for you whenever” she knew me so well and she knew that I needed to get the things going on off my chest.

“I appreciate you always willing to talk to me. Daryl just hasn’t been the same since he came back from the Sanctuary and it is really starting to worry me. I understand he needs his space and I have given him so much time Michonne” tears started to form in my eyes. “He wouldn’t even look at me and every time I walked into the same room as him, he would stop what he was doing and leave. He gets up at 5am every morning, leaves the house, and rides his bike out of Alexandria and he doesn’t come back until the evening. The past week he has gotten better, but he still won’t let me touch him and I don’t understand. I just want to hug my husband, Michonne. That’s all I want right now is to be able to touch him” by this time I have tears flowing down my face.

“I know what you are going through is extremely hard and I know what he is going through is crippling him. He has been through hell and it is never easy for loved ones around them. They sacrifice just as much as the person who went through the ordeal does. It may take a while but try to talk to him more so he feels he can open up. Don’t talk to him about what happened, but just ask him how his day was or where he goes to on his bike. Tell him you want to spend more time with him. He will eventually open up to you and things will slowly go back to normal” she always gives the best advice and I was going to test it out.

Michonne and her group had just gotten back, along with my husband. While the group was gone, I had made spaghetti for Michonne and Carl and I had just got done feeding Judith her bottle. I had made some extra spaghetti for me and Daryl. I knew how much he loved spaghetti, so I thought it would make it easier for me to talk to him tonight.

Michonne took Judith off my hands and thanked me for making them supper. I walked across the street to my house with the extra spaghetti in my hands hoping this would help me talk to Daryl. I opened the door to find Daryl sitting on the couch cleaning his arrows. I looked at him and smiled, but all he did was glance in my direction and then turned his attention back to his arrows. I placed the spaghetti on the kitchen counter and got two plates and forks out. I scooped the spaghetti onto the plates and placed them on the kitchen table for us to eat. Daryl came over and sat in front of his plate and started shoveling the food in his mouth.

“I figured you’d want your favorite meal after a long day. Do you like it?” Geez I hope this works.

“Yeah, it’s good” it’s going to be a long night.

“How was your day? Did you find anything good out there?”

“I just found some crap. It wasn’t worth keeping.” Oh, this is going wonderfully.

“Oh okay, maybe I can come with you some time and maybe hunt. I mean if you want to, I understand if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Well at least I didn’t get a complete no thank you.

After I had cleaned up the dishes I decided to go upstairs to get ready for bed, I desperately needed a shower to wash off the day. When I was done with my shower I put my PJs on and climbed into bed beside Daryl. ‘At least he still sleeps with me in bed’, I thought. I said good night and got a “you, too”. I fell asleep within a couple of minutes because of how exhausted I had been lately.

I woke up all of a sudden thinking something was wrong but looked around the room and then looked at the clock. It read 3am. ‘Geez, can I for once just sleep through the night’. I looked over to Daryl who was sleeping. He looked so peaceful laying there and all I could do was smile. I wanted so badly to kiss his forehead and wrap my arms around him, but I knew better than to do that because that would have startled him and more than likely ended badly for me. After many attempts of trying to go back to sleep I had given up. I got up from the bed and started to walk out of the room when I heard something.

“Please…Stay…” it was Daryl. At first, I thought he was just talking in his sleep, but then I realized he was awake when he sat himself up in bed and reached his arm out towards me. I walked over towards him and stood beside his side of the bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Please don’t leave me here alone. I need you beside me.” He was practically begging me. I kissed the top of his head and climbed into bed with him. This was the first time in a long time he allowed me to touch him. His body was flush against mine, like he was scared he was going to lose me. We laid there facing each other, his arms engulfing me and mine embracing him. Our legs were intertwined with each other’s and our foreheads resting against one another’s. I couldn’t stop smiling. I had not felt his skin on mine in such a long time, I almost forgot what this felt like. He was starting to drift off to sleep when I heard him say, “I’m so sorry (Y/N)”. I kissed his forehead and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. I drifted off to sleep right after him.

The next morning, I woke up with Daryl rubbing my back and placing kisses on my shoulder blades. I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me. I’m pretty sure he had been watching me sleep the whole time he had been awake.

“Have you been watching me sleep?’

“You looked peaceful, figured I’d let you sleep.” A smile spread across his face, that same smile I used to see before everything happened.

“That’s a little creepy don’t you think?” I asked him, smiling.

“Not when you’re just so beautiful.” I almost had to pinch myself to make sure that this wasn’t a dream. There was a second of silence and Daryl’s face changed.

“(Y/N) I am sorry for everything I did the last couple of weeks.” I started to speak, but he cut me off.

“I should have never treated you the way I did because I know that everything you did was to help me. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I was weak and I don’t wanna drag you into my problems. You did so much for me and all I did was hurt you and I don’t deserve to have a wife like you.” You were almost on the edge of crying. You had been so patient with him and now finally hearing him apologize made all your emotions come to the surface.

“Baby don’t ever say that you are weak or that you don’t deserve me, because you do. You are my husband and I am always going to be here for you. I know what you went through was a traumatic experience and I knew the best thing for you was to give you time and give you your space. I wish you would have let me in and let me help you, but I know how you are, and I know that the things you did were not to hurt me. Daryl you are the most important thing in my life, and I will never give up on you.” Not only was I crying at this point, he was too. Everything that he had bottled up for so long came pouring out. I turned to face him and raised my hand to wipe the tears from his eyes and he did the same for me. He leaned towards me and his lips were on mine. This wasn’t the normal kiss I was used to. This one was so tender and sweet like he wanted this kiss to last forever. Our lips separated slightly so we could both catch our breaths. I could feel him smile against my lips when he kissed me again. He made me so happy and I don’t think he has any idea how much happiness he gives me. Our kiss unfortunately came to an end and the first words that came out of his mouth were, “I love you (Y/N) Dixon. Always.”

“I love you Daryl Dixon. Forever.”