#I would do it myself but I am stuck on another bazillion wips that want to be written

[rauchendesgnu]

Ok but consider this modern AU:

Jaskier wakes up one morning at a place he doesn‘t recognize without any recollection of how he came to be there. He‘s a little freaked out but maybe everything‘s fine, his cousin Ferrant is known to sleepwalk, so if he locks the front door and hides the key he should be fine. He goes about his day and then evening, and the next morning he‘s in his bed and his door is locked and everything is fine. It goes fine for a week.

Jaskier comes to his senses in the restrooms of a gas station with a fucking hole in his stomach and his body black and blue. He‘s kind of freaking out and blacks out again. The next time he wakes up, he‘s back in his room and his wounds are bandaged. There‘s seven missed calls on an unfamiliar phone on his night table which is ringing, waking him.

„You should take that call,“ a person sitting in a chair in the corner of a room.

The person on the other end calls him a Geralt, whatever the hell that is. Jaskier stammers something about the wrong number and hangs up. The person in the corner is gone.

He‘s got an awful couple of days, keeps falling asleep at work because he‘s afraid of going to bed at night. Essi and Valdo are worried (it‘s really bad when you know that Valdo is worried) but Jaskier doesn‘t know how to explain what‘s been happening to him without sounding like he‘s nuts..

And then he wakes up standing in a dark alley, covered in blood, dead bodies around him. And there‘s a voice in his head going Move. Now.

So Jaskier discovers that there‘s a ghost living in his head, taking over his body sometimes. He doesn‘t want to give up his body even though Geralt (that‘s the ghost‘s name) insists because what the fuck is this Geralt even doing when Jaskier is forced into a tiny little corner of his own mind?

So they bicker and they fight and Jaskier explains the underground and cars and electricity to Geralt and Geralt comments and complains about everything Jaskier does. Sometimes Geralt will try to get Jaskier to submit his body to him and then Jaskier will not speak with him for a day and Geralt will apologize and they move on. Jaskier tries not to sound like a lunatic when he‘s talking to the voice only he can hear (he almost loses it when Geralt looks at Valdo and calls him a witless, croaking, peacocking bastard).

And then Geralt gets the hang of television and starts watching the news. He calls it checking the notice board whatever that means and then he‘s trying to possess Jaskier‘s body again. And Jaskier fucking lets him when he explains what he‘s been doing (turns out Geralt is not the ghost of a serial killer, he‘s hunting monsters. Actual fucking monsters) under one condition.

„You‘re not going to put me where I‘ve been the other times. I‘m going to observe.“

No way.

„My body, my rules.“

Jaskier, I‘m trying to protect you.

„Take it or leave it, I don‘t care. If you want to hunt that… that bruxa or whatever, then you have to let me watch.“

And they go and Jaskier‘s body gets hurt and Geralt doesn‘t acknowledge Jaskier at all, despite how he patches the wounds up and drives them to the hospital. Jaskier apologizes but Geralt stays quiet.

After a week Jaskier fears that Geralt has left him. He tries not to think too much about how sad that thought makes him. He starts to feel lonely in his own mind.

He‘s watching a rerun of Frozen on TV when Geralt talks to him again.

There‘s someone you need to visit for me.

And that‘s how Jaskier meets Yennefer of Vengerberg who looks not older than 25, is apparently over 500 years old. Huh.

Jaskier keeps mediating between Yen and Geralt who very definitely had something going on that was interrupted by Geralt‘s untimely demise until they reach an understanding.

(Basically, Jaskier softening Geralt‘s barbs when Yen riles him up which results in Geralt becoming even angrier. But Jaskier knows the voice in his head well, so he translates and can come to the reason they‘re actually at Yennefer‘s.)

So, Yennefer is a sorceress and she can work on a way to extract Geralt‘s conscience from Jaskier‘s body. Jaskier pretends he isn‘t hurt by the fact that Geralt doesn‘t enjoy his company but Geralt‘s a grown man-ghost whatever, so he can make decisions on his own. So Jaskier lets Yennefer work on him and when he wakes up he feels strangely empty.

He thanks Yennefer and leaves, suddenly aware of how quiet everything is. He realizes that Geralt kept dark thoughts at bay, that he was a reassurance. Even if Jaskier was shit at throwing a punch, Geralt wasn‘t.

It takes another week before he realizes Yen didn‘t tell him what happens to Geralt when he doesn‘t have a host to possess. I‘m not sad, he tells his friends. He drinks a lot to get over a man he never even knew.

There‘s a knock on his door. It‘s in the middle of the night and Jaskier doesn‘t expect guests so he‘s surprised. He does open the door to find a man standing there, wringing his hands. He‘s got long white hair and yellow eyes. He looks mildly uncomfortable.

Neither speaks.

„I came here with a bus,“ the man says. „I still don‘t get why everyone uses them. What happened to horses?“

And Jaskier understands.

„Geralt,“ he whispers, „You came back.“

And finally, finally they hug and Jaskier buries his face in Geralt‘s shoulder and he listens to Geralt‘s breathing and the murmured words, „Of course I came back, Jask. You‘re my home.“