#I would read your essay on how Charlie deserves better tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leedaehwi · 6 years

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I remember you mentioning about a Daehwi group chat and I wanted to ask, how will you describe each of your members?

Yeah! I formed a Daehwi GC a few months back with a few of my favorite Daehwi mutuals and I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH. In fact we’re talking right now! I love them all and am so happy that I got the chance to talk to them. They are a group of wonderful, lovely, amazing, people who always support me, and who always support Daehwi. I’ve met some of my closest online friends in this GC which says a lot to how close we are, ILY ALL!!! Anyways i’ll answer this now. We have 11 people in total ( 11 get it like w1) so there’s a lot but I still love them all. Actually when I describe them i’ll add something from their application for the gc ( I had people submit a form/ application thingy to decide who would be in the gc) since they’ve been asking me to show them the applications for a while anyways.

1. Me - the ultimate daehwi trash

2. Ashleigh @lee-daehwiis - A ballet queen. She is so gorgeous, talented, and hardworking. A soft who stans a lot of under rated groups and who just wants to spread love and happiness. Talking to Ashleigh always puts me in a good mood. Or whenever I see her snaps of her in her ballet stuff. I’m like wow Ashleigh is really out here making her dreams come true. She’s such an inspiration to me and I LOVE HER. Ashleigh said this in response to what she liked best about Daehwi in her form: “Is everything an acceptable answer? This is a difficult question! It’s hard to explain, but I feel like Daehwi has this quality that can just put everyone in a better mood. He can lighten up anyone’s day just by being around. He has a very positive attitude and pretends like nothing is wrong, even if something is. He went through so much and never complained. He inspires me in so many ways, and not just to be a better person.”

3. Amy @idaehwi - She’s such a talented GIF maker! She contributes so much quality content to the Daehwi tag and that alone makes me love her to the moon and back. She is also such a sweet pea, she’s been a bit busy recently, but we all have. When ever she does appear though she always screams about Daehwi and leaves us nice messages. When asked why she should be chosen to join the gc, Amy responded with: “bc i’m me :-)”

4. Charlie @wannaoneioi - MY FELLOW LOONA STAN. Charlie has a great taste in music and in memes. 10/10 always lights up the conversation. Even when the topics r a little weird hahahaha. Charlie introduced me to loona and dragged me down so lfjsafkajsfklj but thx charlie ;’) I love crying over girl groups. When asked what Daehwi’s best trait is, Charlie responded by saying: “screams in Daehwi” (in Charlie’s defense Daehwi does scream a lot kfljsaljk)

5. Colleen @furryowo - Colleen has to explain this at least once a day, but she is NOT actually a furry fjkdsalfjadklsf. Ok seriously tho, Colleen is probably one of the sweetest people in the gc. I first met her when I found out that she was my anon who kept leaving me sweet messages. Colleen is still as caring as when I first met her, and she always checks up on all of us and makes sure we’re ok. Colleen is kind of like the mom friend I guess. Colleen is also super smart and hardworking and I know she’s going to have a bright future. Colleen’s favorite hair color on Daehwi is Ash Grey, which is my favorite too! Surprisingly only Colleen picked Ash Grey as her favorite hair color, which further shows she is an intellectual.

6. Hana @wannabl - Hana has been super busy with school recently (me too big relate). She kinda reminds me of a younger me. Hana always stays up late cramming for tests and pushing herself to get into a great school. What I like about Hana is that she’s smart but still knows how to have fun ( LA parties seem wild). Hana is also really creative and funny and knows how to take a joke. We always tease her about her typos hahahahaha you really can’t understand what she’s saying. ILY HANA! Hana wanted to be added to the gc because, “GIRL DAEHWI MAKES MY OVARIES HURT”

7. Hatice @soweakpunchs - I am convinced Hatice is an angel. SHE IS SO NICE AND CARING AND SWEET AND ALWAYS LOOKING AFTER ME AND IM

8. Jenny @asianbro10 - JENNY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Jenny is one of my closest buds ever. She has helped me through so much, I am forever grateful. Another angel fkjdsaflksadfkl love her. Jenny even wrote us all some Daehwi fan fiction, it was a Harry Potter AU and it was stellar. Jenny is an amazing writer she writes so eloquently, so it was an amazing read. She would also always send us one shots which we died over. It was great. She also makes such amazing fan art. I am in awe of her tbh. She’s so hard working and puts in so much effort into school and everything she does. I have so much more to say about her, but I would probs end up writing an essay so i’m gonna end it with an “ILY JENNY”. What Jenny likes most about Daehwi is “Everything. Every. Thing. His irreplaceable talent, adorable aegyo (I’m trash), charming personality and he cuTe as heLL.”

9. Jini @daisydaehwi - Such a precious cinnamon roll that deserves so much better. She’s so nice and sweet and I wish things start looking up for her in 2018. Jini always has the best memes. Tbh whenever Jini sends memes, I save them and steal them because they’re great (sorry Jini) Jini has such a loving personality and JIULEEN IS REAL AND I SHIP IT. Jini also chose light brown as her favorite hair color on Daehwi.

10. Maria @dearestguanlin - Maria has been busy and hasn’t been too active hahaha but whenever she shows up we’re like wow it must be a Christmas miracle. I’ve known Maria wayyyyyy before the Daehwi gc, she was one of the people I became really close to when I first joined Tumblr. She has been nothing but supportive of me. Maria has put up with my screaming in caps lock for months, which is an impressive achievement. Maria is like my intellectual bestie. We always rant about school, and education in our countries and suffer together. Maria is very smart, and sweet, and creative AND I LOVE HER SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH. Maria wanted to join the gc because “Im your mutual? Jk i love Daehwi and would like to scream about him Ex. OMG LEE DAEHWI LOOKS SO GOOD IN PINK”

11. Pingdi @dae-hwee - Pingdi our resident intellectual (she goes to an ivy league y’all!) If Colleen is like the mom, Pingdi is like the cool aunt. She’s very straight up but still very loving towards everyone. Pingdi is not only smart but an amazing dancer too! She’s shown us her covers and i’m always shook fklasdjf. Pingdi is probably one of the most determined people in the gc. She pushes herself to the limit and does her best. Pingdi is also an amazing GIF maker and always makes such smooth gifs. ILY TOO PINGDI~ What Pingdi likes best about Daehwi is “Yo his English cover that he submitted for Produce 101. He’s got those Sunday morning voice vibes and I love it.”

fljkdsajfasfkjlasdk sorry for the typos, this is really long and I didn’t feel like making sure it was grammatically correct rip but in conclusion, I LOVE MY DAEHWI GC THEY ARE ALL AMAZING PEOPLE AND I’M GLAD TO HAVE MET THEM

#anon #this is really long rip #i'm just full of so much love for these people

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diary4 · 6 years

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4/8/18

Well I mean technically it’s the 5th but it’s the early hours of the morning so doesn’t really count.Been at work for the past two days. It really is so much fun, and I really do properly like Fran and Willow. They’re just easy to get on with - their just just like me, you know, one of us, part of the furniture. We were never not going to be friends - especially with Fran, I kind of feel like if it hadn’t been through work then there always would have been something that would have forced us together, and we would naturally have hit it off. Too much in common, too many people in common, too much sense of humour in common, etc. Anyway, especially after confiding in them about you-know-what i feel pretty bloody close to them, and also like I can let loose around them like I can’t with anyone else. Just like Eric said we would, we’ve moved past the awkward stage of them finding out and thinking I’m a prick. Now we laugh a lot about it, and about whether or not I’m gna dump Charlie or not, and about the whole situation. Take for example today, when me and Fran were leaving work (got sent home earlier than we wanted because there was nothing to do - Jess and Maria, the two under managers, are getting properly pissy with us taking the piss all the time, and they get rid of us as soon as they have the chance to) and we bumped into Alex in the kitchen. He told us to stop moping about leaving work and go and enjoy our Friday night, go get a drink. When we said we couldn’t afford drinks he told us to find some men to buy them for us, to which we dramatically replied that ‘I have a boyfriend...’. Alex then teased that, since he was so far away, I ‘get rid of him’, to which Fran and I make a deliberately cringe face at each other and she says, ‘um, pending’, which was just fucking jokes tbh. And I thought, there’s the kind of lighthearted fucking attitude I want from a friend.Anyway, so since my essay is nearly finished and ergo I’m nearly ‘allowed’ to message Eric, and since I doubt I’m going to get any shifts next week, I’ve been reconsidering the old idea of going down to Bristol for a day with him. You know, kill two birds with one stone - move my stuff out of the boys house, which is playing on my mind, and get to fuck Eric. But the more I put the gears in motion to formulate this (asking Charl if I can borrow his key) the worse I feel about it. It’s just too fucking symbolic - moving my stuff out of Charlie’s house with Eric then sleeping with Eric? Using Charlie’s key to use Charlie’s house to sleep with Eric? My new house is different because I’ve never been with Charlie in it - but I think if I see his bed with the Bowie poster, and all his silly stuff, then I think my heart might break. Even now, I just suddenly thought of my room last year and all the morning waking up with him, or all the evening waiting for him to come over so I’d have someone to cuddle. I know I keep saying that Charlie’s been shit through this whole thing with Mum and using it as an excuse to treat him like shit, but I think I know that in reality he’s been a lot better than I give him credit and he’s actually kind of always been there for me. In a sort of way. When I think of how I’d cuddle up to him and he’d always be warm and soft - and that Mum and Dad and Auntie Mary are the only people who have ever made me feel that safe and warm. I guess I’ve lost a lot of the most important and safe people in my life so why am I now trying to push the rest away? Defence mechanism? Damaged goods? What a convenient explanation.Another thing that makes this hard is that I could never tell Charlie I feel all this just like I could never tell Mum or Dad. He’s too close. You know who I could tell? Eric. I guess I feel like if I had a chance to start over and be totally honest with my partner then I could just tell them so much more. Do I really need a clean slate? Do I really want one?There are a few things I’m actually certain of. The first is that the absolutely right and best thing to do is not to contact Eric again until I’ve told Charlie that I want an open relationship or broken up with him. Charlie is a good person and he’s been good to me and he’s my friend and I absolutely owe him this because he absolutely doesn’t deserve the opposite.I also know that it’s the best thing for me to do things this way. This feels like more of a maturity test. It’s like Eric said. As it goes on like this it stops being about one decision. It starts to define you as a person. I think maybe that if I carry on being a bitch like this then I’ll lose a part of my soul. Sorry to be so melodramatic, but that’s just it.I also know that every night when I ‘kiss goodnight’ to mumma, I miss her a little bit more. Don’t be deceived by ‘little bit’ - it’s like comparing an extra 5 p a week to an extra cavern carved out of a mountain. Aches.So here’s my motherfucking plan that I’m going to motherfuckinng stick to, alright. This week I’m going to focus on ‘getting my shit together’. It took Eric a whole fucking gap year but hey ho I got 7 A*’s at GCSE unlike him so I’m going to do it in a week.I’m going to polish off all my essays, and when I’ve done that I’m going to read a lot, to devour some books in a cold bath. I’m not going to eat, I’m going to drink black coffee and if I need to indulge I’m going to smoke a cigarette. I’m not going to spend any money except on postage for all the keys I’m going to sell. I’m going to focus on getting my finances in order and if I go out in the day it will be to walk to the post office. And whenever I feel bored shitless or desperate to talk to Eric or sexually frustrated or impotent or any of the things I’ve been feeling all summer that have made me think drunken binges and some stupid affair are the right course of action, I’m going to WRITE. I’m going to write up the sordid affair, and fuck market research, I’m just going to get it down on paper. To channel those useless emotions into something real for once. That’s what Mum would have wanted me to do. Then perhaps I’ll stop missing her so much - perhaps she’ll feel less far away.It’s not enough to make your own life into some kind of romantic novel. You can’t really orchestrate that in real life. But you can literally write a novel about it. That’s the only way to become a heroin. To tell the story.

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