#I’d join the discord too but discord communities can be scary places so I’ll wait and see what the verdict from others is on that

[toadtusks]

I missed all of today’s news because I was buried at work but wow, so much!!

I can’t wait to dig into the extra Beacon content, loving what I’ve seen so far.

And LOVM SEASON 3 NEWS FINALLY. FALL THIS YEAR. Can’t wait.

And BH live show too! 👀 With Brennan!

So much to look forward to.

[nyrator]

Random Ny updates on Ny things

lots of photos, cosplay progress, ffxiv stuffs, life feelings and rotten nyan bleh feelings of insecurity

bought myself a new friend on a whim while shopping with friends about two weeks ago

the costume so far

still need to add fur to the bottom, but apparently I still remember how to sew by hand- need to figure out the best way to attach it, though. The collar I put on like a dress shirt kind of collar, but I don’t think I can do that for the bottom part (other than just sewing the fur backside to the shirt frontside, which almost seems too easy to be right- the cuffs I put front-to-front and folded over afterwards, giving them that flat edge on top, but not sure if I want that flat edge for the bottom...)

the tights, I made a mold of my leg out of duct tape (what a silly idea), but only had enough for one go around, so it was very flimsy after being removed. I decided the smarter method would be to fold the mold in half and cut the shape out of cardboard, which I did.

I don’t think I’ll have enough turquoise paint for the stripes, so I ordered more about a week or more ago... except it was undeliverable, because they sent it to Florida, and now they’re reshipping it, and estimated date was anywhere between the 23rd to Nov 5th, so yeahhhh. Last I checked, it got to the right place (PA), but then ended up in Delaware? so we shall see what happens

Haven’t even worked on the skates at all, which worries me, but the party is planned for Friday roughly (getting my friends together is always a thing). I notice distancing tends to be pretty lax around here, they deal with people on cash registers all day though so they’re used to being exposed and I don’t need to protect my mother anymore so hm (should get a blue mask and put some graffiti on it, though)

Tomorrow sounds like it’ll be friend-crunch-day, helping another friend with their costume and such as I try to fix mine. Haven’t worked on mine in a few days because dealing with blehs, but should get back to work on it (only a few days left...)

ALSO MY BOY IS REPAIRED

they sent that shoulder piece fast, like super fast- It was here by the 21st, mann- this is the piece they sent, arm and everything

First I thought, okay, just remove the jacket and put it on the other one- but then I realize, oh, wait, no that won’t work, it won’t stick, and this new jacket is glued on. I thought to super glue it on, but trying to remove it started to tear the peg, so I decided, okay yeah no leave it alone and figure out how to remove his torso

so I removed his torso, which took a bit of force, but now he’s back together and much looser but looking good, godd

also I turned 29 on the 11th, a pretty uneventful day all things considered. Friends came over the other day to deliver gifts (though one forgot his, twice, somehow), the other was a purple DDLC girl plush and pin because she’s purple (I should probably play that game to completion), the photo I have would dox me though and too lazy to get another photo at the moment

Otherwise playing a looot of FFXIV recently, beat the main story (first one at least), got the DLC and doing the Red Mage things (as a former fencer I am down though critical of my lalafell’s footwork), slowly trying to make glamours for every class, and the latest mission thing I’ve done was fighting Moogles to knock-off This Is Halloween, what a great fight (somehow managed to get like 8 unique moggle weapons and it makes me happy they exist), mainly a BLM/WHM/RDM/Weaver though Ninja was also fun (white mage is scary but Kresna is very good at doing crazy pulls when he’s the tank and I somehow help people survive by the skin of our teeth)

the crew (myself, Kresna aka Kure, my friends Spired aka Yomi, and James aka Sebastian, who only plays FFXIV in order to play mahjong with us), we all really enjoy mahjong now if you couldn’t tell (also Kresna’s character is great and now he’s making a Rivers Cuomo lalafell and we’re all going to be bards in a Weezer cover band, also shout outs to how cute Yomi is and the magnificent pompadour and sideburns Sebastian has)

But now to the less nice things

So, hmm. Still dealing with depression, a lot of it caused by interpersonal relationships, I suppose- My flaws and anxiety-induced communication issues make it really hard for people to feel like I care or am interested in them, I think. Seeing how I hurt people, and being powerless to help people on the verge of collapse or even suicide, it eats away at me. I can’t just leave them to their depression, and I want to stay connected and I genuinely value them in my life, but it’s taken such a toll on my own mental health and I absolutely cannot leave them alone, either- the type who can and would genuinely go through with taking their own life if left with absolutely nothing. I’m not sure what to do to help them or myself, but it’s hard just watching and being the only one who can listen.

Finally drew a Rotten Nyan picture today, but not that happy with. My feelings keep swaying between good and bad, and I think I’ll add more bad in a follow up doodle as well.

I worry I speak my mind too much- to other people, with these tumblr rants, with my tweets, I feel like I talk an unnecessary amount, mostly about myself, but never about what’s important to other people. I feel I make other people feel less appreciated by how little I talk to them or about them in comparison.

I feel like what I want to make makes me a creep, and that the people I consider friends, or at least close followers, would slowly vanish on me if I keep making it. Or I risk getting labelled as something, or being mocked for my creations. It’s a weird paranoia.

I’ve had some good talks with some friends this week that helped me feel more productive, watched some artist stream and forced myself to join another discord for that artist to try to interact with other artists, as well as trying to force myself to communicate and compliment their art as much as I reasonably can. It’s hard, very hard for me, but I need to treat people better and gain more connections.

But these things have been lightening my mood a bit, and trying to inspire me to draw more. But the uncertainty still lingers- Middle Lave for example, all I think of anymore is being mean to them, or remembering the bad or the humiliating instead of making more cute things. Any time I think of any scene, it just gets twisted. I can’t think of any good scenarios, either. Thinking of all the situations that make MLave cut themselves, or cry, or how frequently MLave had restroom issues (I could write pages and pages on that nonsense alone at the risk of it becoming some fetish work or something, I already feel like I’ve written too much about it), nonsense like that. Which, is it fine to just write about that anyway? I don’t know. I’m told there’s an audience for anything, and if people want to read it, they will, and if they don’t they don’t have to, but I’m still scared of pushing away an already existing audience- Followers are one thing, I don’t expect people to keep following something they don’t enjoy, but I guess just people I’m closer to, followers who take the time to interact with me frequently, I worry what they think of me and losing them (though I don’t want to be clingy or guilt-trip anyone either).

I also think of some of the word choice I’d use- it’d be accurate and authentic, but I worry with how people will take it (for example: Lave’s nickname growing up was “retard” or “r-tard” by their sister, and “faggot” by their father, and I know that kind of language is frowned upon even more so these days, but it’d be a disservice not to include it I’d think)

I have a separate twitter for Rotten Nyan though, I just haven’t used it, so maybe when I finally update the comic I can just keep all the twisted stuff locked away on it and the tumblr accounts.

There are lots of weird things I worry about, since on the topic- I feel like I’m just very naive. I see a lot of people enjoy “bullying” my character Dolly, and at times I wonder if I should encourage it, or speak against it, or what. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, and it makes me wonder if I’m a creep for enjoying tormenting Lave, enjoying portraying self-harmful or humiliating or self-deprecating scenes and wanting to talk about them or draw them, it feels wrong. I think of Suicide Boy, where I feel it takes it a bit too overboard, but I wonder if I’m any better.

Other things I see, say, pacifiers for example, I see them a lot in my pinterest feeds and some artists I follow. First I worry they’re some kind of kink I don’t know about, and if I had them to my character it’ll sully my art somehow unexpectedly, but then I see Animal Crossing add them, so there must be some fashion trend or something to it, maybe? I probably wouldn’t actually draw art of one honestly, but it’s a weird trend I don’t understand I guess, and I wonder if I’m weird for thinking it looks cute sometimes and weird at others.

I guess overall, in short, I’m just afraid of making something that drives people away from me, or being known for something I don’t want to be known for, or something. At the same time, I feel like worrying about it and talking about it so much also makes me a creep, somehow.

Anyway, if you couldn’t tell I’m just rambling at this point, but I should change subjects.

I did lose 10 lbs / 4.5 kg since I officially started my diet two months ago, which is nice. I still am too embarrassed to say what my weight actually is (gained a little bit of weight during quarantine), but I’ve basically lost what I gained this year and am almost halfway to a healthy BMI. Afterwards, I see no reason to change my diet (other than maybe how little energy I feel eating less than 1500 calories a day), so I’ll see how far the diet takes me before it plateaus. If I can be a bodyweight to cosplay Kuja by the time I’m 30, that’ll be ideal (of course, I’d still need to put in effort to get rid of a belly and eat healthier foods, but yeah). Still surviving mainly on 100% whole wheat bread, skippy peanut butter, and kraft mac and cheese / spaghetti with meatless sauce, but in measured portions at least with three meals a day.

Also, mann, between depression and FFXIV, I’ve really been neglecting ACNH- still try to play it every day, but usually only late at night when everything’s closed, so missing out on a lot of Halloween stuff I feel.

[teenietots]

Teenietot mod applications under the cut. Please read all applications carefully! Then, vote for your favourite 3!

Cindy. Mods Winniekids and Kidhearts discords. “Because I wish to be more active in chats, and generally be kind and a supportive carer to anyone who needs a person to talk to. I'm always there to lend an ear and helping hand!”

Rhys. Modded a kik chat. “i think i'm very nice and i am a carer and teenie! i do my best to help everyone but also know when i need to relax for my mental health. i'm also usually active !!”

Atlas. Owns a 200+ member discord and mods another. “Although I've recently joined this community, I'm very interested in being a part of it! I have a plethora of experience in modding and making sure servers run smoothly, so i wouldn't have to learn too much about that. I really like the vibe of this server and really want to help it grow!! :>”

Lykie. Previous modding experience in non age re communities. “I absolutely love helping people! I love helping people smile! I want to help everyone be happy!”

Mabel. Mods magicalregressors, kinzkids, Disney-kiddos, and discord mods a few others. “I should be a teenietot mod because over the past couple of months, I have taken a very personal interest in making sure all of the teenies are comfortable and happy. I try my very best to help everyone in any way I can and I would like to do that on a bigger scale. I love each and everyone one of the teenies and I want to help us move past the current problems.”

Kaida. Previous modding experience. “I try to do lots for the teenies in way of services and products and I’d like to help in even more ways!”

Kife. Mods several servers including a large one. “I really love helping out!!”

Bubbles. Modded kittytots. Currently runs a daycare discord and kin discord. “i really want to help out and try my best to make everyone feel safe, i have a ton of free time so i can be around pretty much all the time(still need sleep but you get the idea) i hope i can be of help♥”

Nabi. Runs a few small groups here and there. “I'm good at supporting others and giving advice, I'm available to help often and I care about every teenie!”

Bunny. Has previous modding experience. “I love love love Teenietots with all of my heart! It’s begun to feel like a second home to me; it’s there for me when no one else is, and I hope to be there for people just like Teenietots is for me!”

Blake. Has previous modding experience. “i love being involved in agere communities and i love being a part of teenietots! i love the diversity of the members and how everyone comes together despite our personal differences. i feel like i would add a different perspective to the collection of mods as both a minor and a person who regularly experiences predjudice, allowing me to better understand the needs of the teenies. along with this, my pms are always open if you need help with anything, you need someone to talk to, or you just want a friend. with mod experience under my belt as well as interacting with other mods to learn from them, i believe i would make a great addition to the mod team.”

Cinna. Previous mod at pridekids, and owned own community. “I’m active on both the teenietot discord and on tumblr, I’ve never been involved in any drama, and I know how to handle stressful situations in tactful, professional, and mature ways. I’ve been in the age regression community for ages and I would love the opportunity to show everyone that I can be a mod! 💖🌸 I don’t have any enemies here and I love every single Teenietot, and I would assure everyone is safe and happy here as a teenie!”

Ruby. “Teenietots make me genuinely happy and I honestly want to help out more in the community! It makes me feel safe and I want to make it feel safe for other people. I'm fairly active there too, and I have the free time to be messgaed for troubles or worries.”

Skylar. Modded for tinysquishies. “I’ve always rlly loved teenietots and enjoyed being a part of the community and it would be an honor to be a mod nd help out nd help care for the teenietots members and give back to the community for all the good it has brought me! Thank you so so so much for your time!!”

RJ. Teacher at teeniewitches, currently mods foreverchildren, infinitykids, and sickkiddos. “I would love to be a teenietot mod because I love caring for teenies! Everyone in the community is so wonderful and nice and makes me feel so loved that i would adore being able to repay them! whether it's through just little daily positivity messages, activities posted, being a mama for those that don't have one, and everything in between! i know i don't talk much right now, but i absolutely will if i become a mod! i wanna help! i would love to be a teacher, caretaker, listening ear, friend, and role model to everyone in the community! thank u! <3”

Spencer. Mods heavens cherubs and runs league cryptid. “I want to help make things better! I have been a mod for several chats outside of agere and I'm also currently a mood of heaven's cherubs. I would most definitely find a way to make league cryptid still work wonderfully!”

Subob. Lots of modding experience. Used to mod teenietots, another large active discord and a Minecraft server. Helped recreate Teenietots during the server move. “I'm friendly and fair at all times. I have buckets of experience and I work part time, meaning most of my free time would be spent on the Teenietots discord. I'm not the kind of person to get into arguments or anything. I never yell or lose my cool. I'd love to mod again, I made a huge mistake leaving.”

Luna. Has previous modding experience. “Because after everything that's happened as of late, I want to help take care of teenies and make sure they get through it alright. Even after this, I want to be more involved with the community and watch over everyone, and hopefully prevent something as stressful and scary as this from happening again.”

Will. Mods and sometimes does apps for the bigkiddos club discord. “I like to consider myself pretty objective and level headed, and I think I would be good at helping out around the discord when needed. Im able to rationally handle any issues that might come up as well.”

Oliver. Co-ran multiple Instagram accounts. “I'm always online! I'm completely unbiased and will not pick favorites! I love interacting with people and i am really in tune with myself and know how to weigh out situations well! I also am in school for social work, so interaction and psychology are parts of my personality! Thank you for looking over my application! (Ps all mods are wonderful and you all are doing wonderful)”

Keith. Admins a few servers and modded another. Took over running a server when previous owner stepped down. “This community means a lot to me, it has helped me meet so many other regression friends and made me feel like i had a place, ive always wanted to help out in the server but i just didnt know how, but lately ive found more confidence in talking in the server, i really love helping all the teenies and being a person that people can come too if they need someone to lean on”

Ashlynn. Modded teeniewitches, headed small witchies, and was mod and admin on several non age re servers. “I really love helping people out whenever I can. I always seek roles in modding because I tend to strive in that category. I take Critism well and I’m always willing to learn and adapt. In the servers I used to run and mod I always was trying to actively participate to make things fun and easy for everyone involved. Also, I just really love this community and all the people in it. I know that a lot of people are hurting right now and I want to be able to help any way I can for this to go back to the old community that was really an always growing positive place. Good luck to whoever gets the Position!!”

Aru. Has previous modding experience. “Because I am usually cool headed and logical, im not usually impulsive, i work well with others and wait for their opinion before making decisions, I care a lot about the things I mod and making sure it's a safe place for as many people as I can, and even though I don't talk very much in the server I love teenietots a lot.”

Bee. Has previous modding experience. “While I can’t be on 24/7 (I can be on mornings, evenings, and nights, and all day on my days off) and I know this might be why I may not get the role I have been here since May and have seen ups and downs, I have strided to make this community safe as the mods have as well. I love this community and would love to help it grow to the fullest of its potentional while keeping safety, rules, and happiness in mind aswell.”

Vermillion. “I wished to apply because I've never gotten a chance to become a mod before, at least from what I can remember, and it seems like fun. I think I will do a good job if someone shows me the ropes. I'll take care of the community, as other people before me have. That is all :3! I just joined today, so hardly anyone knows me, but I just wanted to seize the chance to become a cool person like the current mods are.”

VOTE HERE! http://www.strawpoll.me/14415503