nyrator

[nyrator]

[nyrator]

High res. Relaxing in Room Vil groovy

[nyrator]

Pomefiore Dorm Song 「La volonté」 FULL MV 🍎👑

NOTE: I do not claim nor claim to own or be affiliated with Disney or Aniplex (US or JP). I am simply a fan of Twisted Wonderland wishing to assist the fandom in whichever way I can. By sharing this clip with you all I am hereby confirming that by sharing such falls under the terms of fair use. I will make ZERO profit from this nor do I wish to.

See My YouTube Channel for the PMV:

Our Discord

Tag List: @bibiddibobiddi-boo @achy-boo @rubiadraconia @1vector1

To become a member of the tag list please send me an ask box request!

Please consider following my other blogs @twisted-wishing-well and @heart-aid-cafeteria for character interaction posts for their respective fandoms.

Previous MV - Savanaclaw

[nyrator]

Console-tans~

Finally completed all the designs I had set out to make.. I may do more in the future, but my goal was mainly mainline Nintendo/PS/Sega/Xbox stuff

Wonderswan, Atari stuff, etc might be waiting for me in the future.. maybe even stuff like PocketStation, PSTV, the Nomad, etc etc.. but for now, I'm satisfied~

(I have a Famicom and Super Famicom outfit designed as well though didn't draw them for this sheet..)

Console-tan Reference Sheet 2025

[nyrator]

I should really use this blog more...

... though at the moment I just want to gush about Disney anime boys...

I saw the Cater SSR announcement and my mind was going wild.. ever since they revealed they're going into character dreams I was hoping it's be Cater given all the mystery behind him (and the fact that he hasn't had his own SSR in four years..), but now the whole King of Hearts theory coming back... it'll be revealed in due time but still like to get my brain working over it..

He's the only one not from the Kingdom of Roses and the only one with no strong history or connection to the rest of the cast (or maybe not, if he was the former housewarden..) Like yeah he's Trey's friend but that's about it..

His nickname is Cay-kun/Cay-Cay... aka K-kun, for King...

The previous housewarden for Heartslabyul was mentioned several times in passing- described as being easy going, wearing sneakers instead of heels, etc.. interesting to note them over any other previous housewarden

Cater, the boy who caters to everyone... of course he'd be easy going to losing his spot to Riddle to avoid causing a scene, and he talks in depths about how he caters to his sisters to make them happy despite it making him absolutely miserable.. I'm so curious how he really feels...

Vil is my husbando but Cater is my boy-toy and easily the most interesting character to me... he's so fun and happy-go-lucky, but it's all such a facade..

The subtle bags he has under his eyes, be it from constant phone use and/or exhaustion...

How he loses his smile when alone like in his robes vignette or during lessons when he's not called on..

The obvious hints with the labwear vignette showing he's deeply depressed and crying deep inside, and other scenarios where he's called out on speaking insincerely...

And of course the one time we see into his head with the Halloween SSR where he's so bitter and annoyed with everything...

And yet we've barely seen any of this darkness yet, just the facade with the tiniest of cracks.. I love fake smilers who make everyone else happy and act so happy-go-lucky but deep down are just dead and miserable inside... Keeping up appearances, his casual empty flirting with characters like Vil or Epel/'s family, hiding any of his dislikes at his own expense like his hatred of sweets, his chronic use of social media.. he feels to me like he must be so hollow and miserable inside... there's so many things I love about Cater and I'm so excited to see more inside his head...

[nyrator]

And the art challenge I did this month...

I did each of these the night before, stayed up all night on almost every single one... overall I'm happy with how they came out.

I came up with the design for Niki on a whim on the day of, and most things were impromptu essentially. I've had the idea for a character like Niki for a while, and I feel like I'm still not fully satisfied with how I've created it, but still glad I was able to accomplish this this month.

An October daily art challenge of my OCs, Ren and Niki. Day 31 in the previous post.

[nyrator]

Ren... my weird freak OC, a nyan that isn't a Rotten Nyan so it's enough degrees of separation away from me that I can do anything I want...

I censored it a bit to be on the safer side- they're a weird creature that I know isn't to everyone's tastes, but I felt like being cringe and free and exploring whatever weird character concepts I wanted to make with them and go all out with them.

(also a lot of these minus the ref sheets and the Pumpkin art were all responses to questions on Twitter or Retrospring and I feel the questions have attracted a certain type, gomen to those who aren't into that stuff..)

Ren, an OC dedicated to exploring weird concepts.

[nyrator]

I guess for a life update..

Overall doing okay, but just drifting it feels like

I've been working my chocolate shop job for almost a year now, they treat me pretty nice thankfully- my birthday was recently, they took me out to dinner and an amusement park, and they got me a lot of My Melody presents like a big pillow and a lamp and a Hello Kitty mug and a big tub of our store's peanut butter cups (the last one we had that they stored away for my birthday)

I'm still dirt broke and living in a subsidized senior apartment but still managing to break even somehow still..

I'm working on an October art challenge and so far I've managed to hit every day so far.. Might try to post them here when it's done somehow, 31 images is a decent amount of images though.. apparently Tumblr allegedly allows 30 images now at least? So hmm..

Been streaming a bit less- would like to stream more, but burnout is strong and lately it feels like I don't really have any kind of goal or dream or motivation to do anything.. just going through the motions, I guess.

I'm still in therapy every week, and I've also started taking medication recently... First Zoloft, which worked really well, but it might be causing liver damage according to my blood work, so my psychiatrist is having me swap to Wellbutrin.. at the moment I've been hitting some lows but hopefully that's just from the transition period

I have throat issues (EoE, my throat's basically allergic to random things that are hard to pinpoint) and still struggle to eat most foods without choking/vomiting, and I've gained a lot of weight lately with my current diet (apples+peanut butter and chocolate from work with the occasional protein shake/yogurt/gluten free pasta dinner), feeling really bleh about the weight gain and want to lose it..

Been a bit more open about the nyan issues, both personally and in art- even got a medical prescription related to it, though the prescription itself still hasn't come in yet and I don't trust it to work well to be honest.. it's just an expensive bad habit. But I'm more open about it, which I guess is the important thing.

In terms of art, I don't know what I want to do exactly... I have a few short term goals- update my stream a bit, do some updated console reference sheets, draw nyans, but otherwise not sure.. Rotten Nyan's on indefinite hiatus since I can't get myself to work on it anymore, but I'd like to go back someday. I want a big project to work on, though, I just don't know what.. I have Ren, my latest vent OC, but they're very weird and I still feel self conscious about them, and don't really know what to make with them.. at least I've been doing that October challenge with them though.

In short just in a mental space where I'm just drifting, no goals, no desires, nothing I want to watch or play or experience, no one I feel like hanging out with, just kinda drifting 24/7... but at least my menhera's gone down a lot since medication, I used to have some concerningly bad thoughts before I started taking them which thankfully have dissipated I think..

Also Twisted Wonderland is still good. Vil is good. Cater is good. Jade is good. Lilia and Epel and Leona and... Boys good.

Here Ny's current anime boy husbandos (I wanted to fit Hiiragi too but 7 is such a weird number to chart..)

[nyrator]

hey nyrator! im aware you MAY be inactive, and i hope you really focus on ya mental health and stuff! i just have a small question about yume nikki how-tos ...... nasu. please explain the magic of nasu.

Hello, and thank you~

Yeah, I tend to basically be away from the YN scene for the most part, aha.. A good thing to note is that NASU is mostly Picture events instead of using Chipsets/Charsets, with Variables that determine the location of all the picture sprites depending on the animation or player input. I'm only really going to cover the menus to give a basic idea, but the game itself is essentially a big evolution of that.. more than I think I can explain, aha..

Lots and lots of Picture Events, Variables that determine button pressses/Picture's X and Y coordinates/etc~

From looking at the files, a basic idea of how it works:

Basically, they have an Action Event (the Famicom) which interacting causes the following: (note, the second page is only to prevent access when Mado has a Crick in her neck and instead play a buzzer sound)

Disable button inputs, movement, and menu access

Use Picture events for the graphics (such as the text, the cursor, the logo, and even the character, and move them around however they want to animate them)

The Control Variables (0071 and 0072) are set to determine screen position of the Cursor Picture. 0002 (Key Input A) is reset to zero.

End the event by turning on the Menu On Switch, which triggers the following Parallel Process event on the same map (in the top left corner of the bedroom for Yume Nikki):

So, what do we have going on here? This event is basically the first menu that says "NASU" or "Quit Game".

The Key Input A from earlier is determined like so, so that only the up, down, and select keys work for the cursor, and it waits for the player input:

Now we have a set of Conditional Branches for these Variables, depending on which of these three keys is pressed. If it equals 1 (down) or 4 (up), calls an [S] Event (aka sound effect common event). Then it does another branch: If the Y of the Cursor is at a certain position, it adds or subtracts to move it to the next option, basically. Since there's only two options, it just picks one or the other, and then moves the Cursor Picture.

If it equals 5 (select), it'll do a branch depending on which it's highlighting. The first option is "NASU", the second option is "Quit Game", for reference. If you pick NASU, it'll fade and activate a new Switch. If you pick Quit Game, it essentially removes the photos and gives you control again.

So, what does the Switch do when you hit NASU? It activates an Autorun event.

I think the transitions and such speak for themselves, but the important things:

The player is teleported to a new dedicated game map

The Score Variable (0099) is displayed in a certain position, and the number displayed is determined by a Variable (0087).

Now, this is all just the intro menu... there's so much more than tumblr will let me type (or that I can fully comprehend in one night), but I recommend checking out this map in the files: It should be the second to last one in the list, right above the Ending map. That's where all the NASU magic happens..

[nyrator]

Finally did some art again..

Trying to make a character that's both a nyan but not necessarily Lave, basically something a little more experimental and detached from my personal "canon" so I can be more creative without feeling too much pain from how close it is to me..

Will it work? Probably not, but may as well try. Been in a huge funk lately in terms of art and purpose and fulfillment and all those thing, aha..

[nyrator]

I haven't been reblogging much art here, have I.. to be fair, still feel ashamed of a lot of my art recently.

But it's My Melo's birthday and thus have a My Melo nyan~

[nyrator]

I wish I could ramble about the nyan complex without sounding like a freak... or just draw it without second guessing myself so much (or stop drawing it entirely and actually be able to think of better ways to make vent art other than things that inflict severe mental damage to me specifically..)

I really hope that stuff doesn't ruin Rotten Nyan for people and I hope it's not always so invasive..

[nyrator]

Got the Rotten Nyan tumblr queued up with art I've neglected to post on there.. keeping a few more sketchy doodley art still on Twitter/the website, but should be all up a little after midnight my time~

... still feel really self conscious with the kind of content I've been making vent art of lately, please don't be afraid to message me with any concerns or criticisms... I tried tagging it all with a custom warning tag (that way it won't nuke the post, I think...) hopefully that's enough... if not hopefully people let me that as well

In other life news, I'm seeing a therapist, got a job, etc~ More in the cut

So, yeah. Life.

Still a vtuber, but feels like I've stalled lately... Not in terms of growth (if anything I keep growing), but in terms of motivation. I have a list of games to play, but I just can't focus on playing games anymore, it's rough.. mostly do zatsus, but even those are pretty hit or miss and sometimes I spiral into really dumb personal unprofessional rambles...

My art commissions are picking up- more than I can handle, honestly... My clients have gotten pretty big and it's getting me recognition, I have a few big offers in store once I can get around to them and I'm excited about it... but commissions are hard. I'm going to raise prices in January, and I try to accept five a month... but I can't keep up. I can't even do one a month it feels like... And yet I keep getting dozens of requests..

So in spite of this, because of my own doing and lack of doing, I've been bleeding a lot of money. I'm at a dangerous point of money... so I finally got a seasonal job at a local chocolate shop.

Haaaaaaaa.....

It's rough... I was in a huge depression over it, and I still don't want to work... The people are nice, the hours are light, and the pay is better than expected, but it's still so stressful... My social anxiety is terrible lately, it makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. I can't stand it, I can't stand being seen, I can't focus or memorize anything on the register, I can't handle dealing with customers or fast-paced environments...

They say the season lasts until Easter because of the nature of the store, but maybe I'll leave after Christmas time if it doesn't work out.. It's really a pain, and also could affect things like my food stamps and subsidized rent. Plus, the gas I have to spend, the clothes I had to buy, etc etc.. I wonder if it'll be worth it (probably, but nyeh)

I'm in need of money, though... one, my phone is on its last legs. The battery barely lasts an hour, it's very slow and unresponsive, and the 32 GB of storage is becoming more and more unwieldy.. Going to maybe buy one tonight...

My throat is also been a mess lately- I've had trouble swallowing, to the point I was unable to eat anything without a 50-50 chance of just choking on it. Drinking water was like waterboarding, it was like I was drowning. After raising my mattress, it's helped a lot, but not entirely, so I think it's something to do with scarring thanks to acid reflux- been trying to get an endoscopy for a year and finally have one scheduled in mid December. I'm worried how much it might cost.. hoping insurance covers it, but I still had to pay almost a thousand for my colonoscopy a few years back, which terrifies me...

Other small things- items I'd like to own, taking care of Bootsie (she's fine but overdue for a checkup and she's like 13 years old), etc.

But yeah, therapy. Also started taking that- we're trying to avoid me taking any medication, but I'm afraid I might need it.. I see her every week and I've been going since early October, and she seems like a decent therapist- she's the same age as me and understands a lot of internet culture, which.. is weird to talk to someone like that who "gets it" (she's a cosplayer, for example, and knows of vtubers), but it's nice.

Been reliving a lot of past stuffs... Been trying to improve, had some good phases, but fell back apart recently and not sure how far I can really get... keeping my apartment clean is hard, feeding myself is hard, drawing and doing anything is hard. I don't watch any media these days besides some indie vtubers I know, I don't really do much of anything but be depressed.

My biggest issue, as always, is my complex/trauma/whatever you want to call it... I've started trying to embrace it the past year. I've openly admitted to it, I made an alternate Twitter account for vent art of it, etc. But it makes me hate myself so much... It's become an addiction it feels like. Do I let it consume me and fully embrace it, even though it will push people away and make people think worse of me? Even though it will attract strange people who want creepy things from me? Even though it's expensive and gross and exhausting and uncomfortable to manage?

Or do I try to quit cold turkey? Get it all out of my system, and then never talk about it again. Delete the vent account, stop drawing it, stop being paranoid without things to take care of it, and just move on. I don't know. It's a part of me. But I hate it. And I really hate myself for it, it's my biggest tool to hate myself with.

But I've tried to embraced it, and that's what the RN update will have, and I apologize for it. I don't know how to move forward now. Therapy reopened a lot of thoughts about it- it really is a weird trauma, and a lot of it stems from my childhood... I want it gone. I want to be okay and not hurt myself mentally...

But such is life I supposeee. Again, I apologize that most of my art lately has been venting about it.. even if I embrace it, I don't want to be exclusively that kind of artist, you know? It's just one of many aspects. But it's invasive. And I don't want it to be invasive, but I don't know how to handle it.

The main goal of therapy is to get me drawing again. To give me what I've lost- a drive and motivation to continue. It feels like I just go through the motions when I draw. It's awful. I can't picture anything, no ideas. Rotten Nyan is completely stagnant lately. I don't know what to do about it. Life is just empty and depressing, it feels like. I gave up on myself, and now I don't know how to un-give up. But that's what therapy's for. Hopefully it helps... She brought up medication again, and I wonder if I should try it at this rate...

My anxiety is very bad. I end up relying on my complex trauma coping methods a lot when anxious. It's embarrassing and gross. And it just fuels my anxiety more using those things. I can't stand driving, or being around people, or crowded situations. I can't handle stress, or excitement, or being praised, or anything. My nerves are shot and I just have to curl into a ball. I don't know how I'm going to improve, but I have to try...

And then my focus, which I just can't focus at all anymore.. I don't know if it's depression/anxiety, ADHD, or what, but I just can't focus at all. It's awful. Very forgetful, very not-able-to-draw.

Otherwise, not much different. Got the new Nagata Kabi manga (I still worry about her a lot... she's so relatable though, she speaks to me, but she flares my anxiety like crazy too...) Still obsessed with my Disney anime boy gacha game, it's great, Vil's great. Vil, Cater, Lilia, Jade... so many good characters....

I guess that's all for now. Hope everyone has a happy thanksgiving- will keep doing what I can to try to improve.

And again, I'm really sorry about my art output and that most of it is just gross vent art about a gross personal trauma... I'm sorry...

[nyrator]

Aaaaaaaa thank you Jammy, I love this so much..

Happy late birthday @nyrator

[nyrator]

hii, so, i am currently trying to make a yume nikki fangame and i saw a really old (6 years old) post of yours and you talked about "releasing an English version of Yume Nikki’s coding eventually". did that ever happen? and if you're comfortable sharing, do you have the file / link for that? By the way it was really cool browsing ur blog (ive never used tumblr before), also saw your most recent post, even though idk you personally, hope you're doing well! (thank u for your tutorials)

That I did! I didn't really advertise it much, but here ya go! (for some reason I thought I edited the post with the link, I should do that..)

I never fully finished it so stuff like filenames were never translated, but hopefully it's a lot more readable now to help understand how the programming works

And thank you so muchh, glad you enjoyed it! I be hanging in there, aha.. thank you again

[nyrator]

I hope you're doing well. <3

Thank you, I be hanging in there.. A rough time mentally, but life just keeps going day by day

For a general life update for everyone: Kinda want to use this site more, but just not sure what I'd use it for.. Rambling time~

(tl;dr: anxiety's a butt, going traveling and cosplaying and will finally be seeing a therapist in a few monthss)

I've been in a huge art rut lately and just struggle with coming up with ideas what to draw, and have a lot of insecurities about the content of my past few pictures (which I think are against guidelines here so I probably won't post them on the RN tumblr after all.. I did update the website with all current images at least, but I still feel sick thinking about what I've made and regret it..)

Was in a huge wave of depression the past few weeks, but slowly climbing back out of it.. Still jobless and living off of being a vtuber on Twitch and art commissions, which is a struggle, but I'm just managing to scrape by- definitely been feeling the burnout, though..

Also going traveling across the country next week- meeting up with some online friends and going with them to a con, got a cosplay made and everything to go as my husbando Mizuno Yuu (I'd prefer a better cardigan, though.. the one I got was more yellow than I'd hoped and the only decent alternative I've found on Uniqlo won't be in stock in time, I think)

Still anxious about it, though.. will be gone for ten days, my social anxiety is very bad, and I'll be in an unfamiliar place hanging with people for the first time for ten days.. I'm not really interested in the con at all and I'm pretty scared about going, but will try to just keep my brain turned off and try to have a good time.

But yeah, otherwise just existing and floating around day by day- haven't been able to do much of anything and it really gets to me.. My anxiety has been so severe that it interferes with everything and I can't even think of doing anything because of it- anything can give me a bad panic attack these days, and I'm too afraid to take medication to treat it just yet, though I think it's needed at this point.

However, I did get a new primary doctor earlier this month, and they were able to find me a therapist for depression/anxiety and a nutritionist to see for my eating disorder- I'll be interviewed for that once I get back from my trip, so hopefully those go well..

[nyrator]

I should really post more here, huh...

Have some random favorite images I've compiled over the past several weeks~ Feel free to judge my tastes accordingly.