#I’m a city girl i hate hate hate the burbs

[emmaspolaroid]

if my bf gets this job we’ll never leave this city oughhh but as long as we don’t move to the suburbs ever i think i can handle it probably

[quickspinner]

Too Good to Be True - Ch 1

Another piece for the @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers Secret Admirer Valentine’s exchange, this one for @verfound! She read this wonderful story (which as actually my secret santa gift from nonbinarynino) and was absolutely tickled by the idea of Marinette thinking Luka might be a serial killer I’m not sure how many chapters this is going to be, I haven’t settled on the best way to split it up, but buckle up cause it’s gonna be a ride.

Summary: Nonna Gina constantly out of town, she's offered to let Marinette move in and turn her house into a studio. It seems like a nice quiet neighborhood and Marinette's settling in, but she can't help but wonder about her new neighbor. Besides her, he seems to be the only young person in the neighborhood and he seems a little to good to be true. Nobody's that nice, right?

Silly. She's being silly. Still, sometimes she can't help but wonder...

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | ??? | AO3

Marinette had to steal cushions from the couch and beg blankets from her parents to set up a blanket fort for her and Alya in Marinette’s now-empty room. Well, it wasn’t really much of a fort, since there was nothing to hold up blankets. It was more of a pile. All of Marinette’s things packed up as neatly as she could manage and jammed into the rented trailer Kim had agreed to attach to his pickup truck. Everything was set and tomorrow she would be on her way to her new home and the next stage of her life.

This would be the last sleepover in her old room. Marinette pursed her lips as she looked around at the bare walls, and sighed through her nose. It was just a room, she reminded herself. Soon she’d have an entire house and her own studio to put together. It was time for the next step in her life and she was ready, she was, it was just…

“I knew you’d have that look on your face,” came a voice behind her, echoing loudly off the empty walls, and Marinette jumped nearly out of her skin.

“Sorry,” Alya giggled, coming up through the trapdoor with her laptop and an armful of DVD cases. She plopped down on the pile of blankets and cushions and dumped her armful of movies beside her. 

Marinette sat down as Alya began setting up her laptop, and scowled as she went through the pile of movies. “Alya,” she said warningly, but Alya held up a finger.

“Don’t start. These are educational.” 

Marinette snorted. “How? You know I hate scary movies.” 

“I know you’re going to get all mopey and sad about leaving if I don’t keep you distracted,” Alya informed her. “It won’t hurt to pick up some tips on living alone.” 

“You’re ridiculous,” Marinette sighed, but she was too tired to argue. An hour in, she was wishing she’d put up more of a fight. She tried to keep her composure by laughing at Alya’s “tips” for living on her own. 

“See, there’s another important lesson!” Alya pointed at the screen. “Never go in the basement alone!” 

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Alya have you seen my nonna’s basement? It was bad before and now that she’s crammed all her stuff in there, I couldn’t even fit between everything down there, let alone a serial killer.” 

“No stereotypes,” Alya told her, shoving another chip in her mouth. “He could be a skinny serial killer. Those are the really scary ones. Remember that movie where Edward Norton was supposed to have multiple personalities?”

Marinette shuddered. “ Yes. ” That one was more suspense than horror but it had creeped Marinette out the worst. “Still,” she tried again, “I’m moving to a suburb, not the inner city.” 

Alya raised her eyebrows and held up a DVD case labeled The Burbs . “Oh we’ll cover that next.” Marinette groaned.

“And that terrorist family in Arlington Road ?” Alya reminded her. “They were in a nice neighborhood and don’t forget how that one ended. Nobody suspecting them the whole time except whats-his-face.” 

Slapping her hands over her face, Marinette whined. Alya snickered and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry girl, I didn’t bring anything so ‘realistic’,” she made air quotes, barely able to keep a straight face, “this time.” 

“I don’t understand why you want to give me nightmares my last night at home,” Marinette complained, but didn’t bother protesting as Alya queued up the first movie.

“I just want to wake up your fear sense a little bit,” Alya teased, poking her in the side. “You’re about to be on your own, without all of us to look out for you.”

“I don’t know why you guys are so convinced I can’t take care of myself.”

“Marinette,” Alya said, in her big sister tone, and Marinette cringed. “You’re very capable, but you’re also a little naive. You’re just so quick to trust people and make snap judgements based on your feelings instead of evidence. I just want you to open your eyes a little bit because you’re going to get taken advantage of if you keep on doing things the way you are.”

There was no way to answer that without starting a fight, so Marinette just sat in silence. After a moment, Alya added in a lighter tone, “Plus that little squeak you make at the jumpscares is hilarious. ” 

Two more movies and Alya was giggling while Marinette alternately cringed and pointed out everything that was silly about the movie setups. “Look, who would even—” she began, and then winced and shrunk down as the killer popped up behind a character and garotted her with piano wire. The sick amusement in his eyes—the actor’s eyes, she reminded herself—was a little too real for her taste. 

Another film featured a man who kidnapped women off of rural roads and hunted them in the woods like deer, with a bow and arrow. Marinette was pretty sure arrow wounds didn’t spurt like that, but by that point it didn’t matter. Marinette had given up trying to be logical and was curled up in a little ball pressing a pillow down on the top of her head, just waiting for it to be over. 

“Aww, Marinette,” Alya laughed with the credits rolled and Marinette breathed a sigh of relief. “You really need to toughen up.” 

“Why, exactly?” Marinette asked dryly. “When in the course of my fashion career am I going to have to worry about blood spraying everywhere?”

“When you show in front of Audrey Bourgeois,” Alya snickered, and Marinette had to laugh. 

“Okay, point,” Marinette giggled. “I don’t think this is going to help me with that, either.” 

Alya leaned over unexpectedly and wrapped Marinette in a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you, girl,” she whispered, her breath hitching, and Marinette softened, patting Alya’s back.

“I’ll miss you too.”

Fiction Master Post

[itsthehcgforme]

I want to give you a little background about my history and how its correlates with my weight gain and losses. I’ll keep it as short and digestible as possible, considering managing my weight, body dysmorphia and EDs have been a pretty prominent part of my life since the tender age of 6. I’ll stick to the last two years. Let’s talk about 2019 This year was a wild ride. I was working a job I hated in communications, I was studying for what seemed like no reason at all. I had a terrible relationship with my family. At that point I was very much still in wounded child, victim mode, and I want to say to some degree depressed (I take diagnoses pretty seriously -so I want to state that at no point was I clinically diagnosed, but I could tell something was off - but let’s tackle that topic in another post). It was incredibly hard to make drastic changes to turn my life around at that point. When things feel disastrous and out of my control, I self soothe by binge eating. When there are feelings that I just don’t want to feel anymore, I binge eat. When I’m uncomfortable, I binge eat. I’m sure you get it. In January I was definitely still in ‘New Year New Me’ mode and DID catch myself mid binge-out, and corrected that as soon as I could. By mid February, by the grace of ??? WHOMEVER - I was forced to make pretty life altering decisions. I dropped out of University, quit my job, became a flight attendant for a Canadian airline, moved out of my family home and to the city with a woman who I figured might’ve been the love of my life, maybe three months after meeting her. Just a recipe for a disaster. Ironically, by mid-summer of 2019 I was the happiest I had ever been. I was in love with my lady, I was living la vida loca travelling all of Europe and the South, enjoying city life with all of my queer friends, new and old. I seemed to have everything in control. But whew… the happy weight y’all! Ironically I wasn’t binging to mask unpleasantries, but between the many dinner dates with my lady at the time, dinners and drinks with my friends in the city, the uber eats, crew meals at work. I packed on the weight like nobodies business. By October, I came to the conclusion that my relationship with my body, with eating and with my lady all weren’t serving me. On some real prodigal son shit, I moved back in with my family which was terrible for my mental health, but I didn’t really have any other choice. Summer flying season had settled and most junior flight attendants work on an on call basis in the fall and winter months. Meaning, I would be “home” for the majority of the winter. I spent my days at the gym and working as an Uber Eats courier, just anything to avoid being at home. I missed freedom, I missed the city. By December I was dead set into working out and swimming regularly. I had stacked up some money, paid some debts and was coming up with a master plan on what my next steps would be. For my independence, my weight, my love life and so on. 

2020 started off incredible. Still living in the burbs with the rents, but I had found some other things to live for. I was fit and active, built up some confidence during my newfound and RARE single-hood. I was out there and dating. Discovering and rediscovering myself and the things I loved. I had picked up a sub-contract and was able to do a lot more winter flying around Canada. I was going on lots of fun dates with cuties in the city and out of province, I was making decent money. And then, like a brick, COVID-19 hit and the pandemic began. Late February, I found myself in Cuba on a 16hr layover with one of my favourite co-workers. She’s an instagram certified bad bitch, so you already know we were on the beach 10AM, full face, hair done, taking pictures. It was freezing. I became incredibly sick the next day. We were working out of a small airport in New Brunswick. I had to call in sick for the middle of the pairing. Little did I know because of that call I would be quarantined in my Moncton hotel room until the end of March. Let’s be clear, at no point did I ever test positive for COVID, but because this was the point where Canada started taking the virus seriously, it took a few weeks before I could even get medical attention. In that time, I had developed other health complications due to my initial sickness and lack of access to healthcare or proper medication. The hotel staff were really kind to me, they brought me unlimited room service, though the options were quite limited (and not the healthiest), I didn’t have the physical or mental strength to continue exercising. Between the lack of exercise, the increase in unhealthy food, the loss of control and the feelings of impending doom - I started putting on more weight. Let’s just fast forward through 2020 cause it turned out to be kind of a shit show and isn’t worth spending too much time on. I get released and get to go home, just to find out that I’d been laid off from my job as a flight attendant indefinitely due to covid. I leave home again because I can’t take it anymore. I have no excuse to leave home since we’re on lockdown. I have no gym, no space to breathe, no outlets. I move out of my family home for sanity sake into a house in the city with two girls who were at first glance really cool, but 6 months in realized I couldn’t stay there. Between trying to control my life, sabotaging my romantic relationships, emotional manipulation, drug issues and the list goes on, I had to leave for my own good. December comes, I’m living on my own in a small Toronto apartment. I’m safe, sane(ish) and satisfied. I have two wonderful partners, I have furniture, I have peace, I’m completely BROKE LOL. Here comes the happy weight. 

So here we are, 2021. The gyms still aren’t open. I’ve definitely eaten enough frozen pizzas and wine to scare me into thinking I’m pregnant (not pregnant, just fat LOL). I’ve exercised on and off, some low-intensity-HIIT and other things. But nothing strenuous enough to make any drastic changes. My partners seem to both be into my happy weight, considering they both have histories dating bigger women. Considering they both eat gluten-free diets and are pretty much healthy, they probably don’t suspect a problems. But young people are usually pretty naive and self centred (don’t @ me. You know to some degree I’m right. Its also why I don’t have a tendency to date young people). At this point I’m unhappy, despite everything. Weights up, hormones feel out of whack, my guts in a rut and my emotions feel out of my control. I’m giving HCG another try in efforts to regulate my weight, my hormones, my gut and regain control. Its not my first rodeo and its why I’m back on the HCG diet wave again. We’ll see where it takes me. Wish me luck.

[chaos--crossing]

“I’m supposed to be with your sister you know.” Jules smiled at her words, as though their secret wouldn’t get her shunned till the end of time when Callie found out what was going on between them, what had been going on between them for far too long now. Yet as he leaned over and pressed a kiss against her cheek she forgot everything she’d been complaining about a moment ago. Julian had a habit of doing that to her, of making her forget what she was doing and everything else associated with it. A sigh fell from her lips, “you’re going to be the death of me.” he laughed softly in response and she knew that he would never make a single apology for anything. Typical. A second later he was out of the car and walking around her direction. It took her only a moment to remember that if she didn’t get to it first he’d open the car door and escort her… and Warren had always hated that. “Where are we?” she questioned, pulling herself from the passenger seat of the SUV with a thud. “Do you trust me?” like he even had to ask. Instead of responding she rolled her eyes and slipped into his open arm, head on his shoulder for a moment as he placed his hand on her back and guided her forward in the direction of the large house in front of them. They’d driven for an hour, out of the city and into the burbs, where the houses towered in size, nothing like the cabin he’d built on the outskirts or the blueprints he’d drafted for the new skyscraper in the city (though those had never been his favorites to do). These homes were regal, eloquent, where those with the money they didn’t know what to do with lived. “I have a surprise for you.” Warren hated surprises, he knew that. Yet they stood outside of the red door and he lifted a fist to knock at it. Her hazel eyes stayed on him, still questioning. An older woman with dark blonde hair, a toddler on her hip, and another one peering out from around the corner greeted them with a chaotic smile, as if she hadn’t seen the ability to relax in days, “You must be Julian.” she welcomed and ushered them in, “can i get you guys drinks? They’re in the back room. Please excuse the mess. Four under five doesn’t leave me much time to clean ...plus those monsters in the back room…”> was she supposed to have any idea what was going on? She wasn’t even sure Julian was listening at this point. A little boy in a princess dress had taken over his attention, he had to have been the middle of the brood, he was busy showing Jules a toy car with bright green excited eyes as if he didn’t get many new visitors. “Harrison, are you making a new friend?” the woman asked her son as the toddler in her arms started to wrestle into escaping towards Jules too. He was so good with them, with kids and people alike, she’d never understood it. How everyone always seemed to want to attach to him. Who was she kidding? She more than understood it. “Watch out, I can give you one of these to take along with you too. Goodness knows I’ve got enough of them.” the toddler girl who’d previously been in her arms was now crawling her way to Jules, arms outstretched for his attention. “Where are my manners? I’m Josie.” she introduced, hand outstretched. Warren didn’t question it, instead, she reached out her own, “Warren. I’m his…” she looked towards Jules for a second before smiling, “Oh I know sweetheart. He gave me a whole biography. That’s a requirement of mine when you’re taking a rascal home.” Warren looked between them confused. “Oh, this is a surprise, isn’t it?” Josie questioned as Jules nodded, both kids now babbling onto him different stories. “Hazel, Harrison… can you two show him where the doggies are?” suddenly, both little sets of eyes lit up as they both pointed in the direction of a back room. She followed along beside the small crowd that was making their way toward the back room when she started to hear it, tiny whimpers and barks from numerous little voices, “guess he didn’t tell you, my aussie got out a few months ago and decided to tangle up with a husky. I didn’t know what else to do with these monsters. My husband and I were looking for consultation on a new beach house when we mentioned they were coming and boy… your boyfriend here looked like a kid in a candy store. Please, feel free… whichever one you want.” Warren’s eyes lit up instantly as the fenced-in puppies came into view. “The only one you probably don’t want is the one still in the doghouse back there. We’re not sure what’s going on with him… or if he’ll… you know…” as the woman spoke, fluffy brown ears popped up, blue eyes shown out from inside of the dog house as wobbly legs began to fumble to stand, “he’s kind of a grey area for living and d-y-i-n-g” right now.” it was then that Warren finally glanced at Jules who had taken his eyes off of the kids for a moment. He, as he always did, knew exactly what she was going to say without the words having to ever be spoken. “You would” he smirked, voice under his breath as the other puppies scampered around for attention and Warren b-lined it straight back for the clumsy one. “Come on Grey.” lifting up the runt she kissed the top of his head for a moment, name feeling natural and ...right as she nuzzled him closer to her. “Let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on with you, okay?” and just like that, it was sealed.

[theparaminds]

A new face in music, Binki is exactly what many have been looking for but have been unable to find. His style contrasts a stark relaxation in sonics with an introspective understanding of lyrics and emotion.

An theatre student, Binki truly understands what it takes to connect with an audience, what it takes to express emotion honestly and how to be a truthful soul within sound itself. His first song, Marco, does so perfectly, reminding us of youthful innocence and the troubles that come with it.

In his first interview ever, Binki tells us of his baggings and what it took to make the jump into music, as well as has upcoming move to New York set to put a lot into focus. 

PM: First question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

It’s been pretty uneventful. I had to go to court earlier for this speeding ticket, but other than that I've just been cooling. Later I’m gonna go jam with my buddy though.

PM: For those who don’t know, who is Binki? What does he represent and what is his vision?

Yeah I'm pretty sure nobody knows me! Binki was actually my nickname growing up, not really sure how it came to be, but it stuck. I recently decided to release music as Binki to remind myself to not be too self-serious with my music. I definitely care about what I'm doing but if it's not fun then what's the point? Overall though, I want to make music that connects and makes people days easier.

PM: What was the spurring moment that really told you to start releasing music as opposed some odd demos here and there?

A few things, but my brother played a big part in it all. He would always gas me up when I showed him a song he thought was good. I always had desire to go full tilt with the music but I always held myself back. I was in school studying theatre and acting for the past 4 years; and I had it in my head that I couldn't do both for some reason. I thought people wouldn't take my acting seriously if I had this music career on the side. But life's really too short to not do the things you love. There's also plenty of people who have done both successfully. It was really just fear.

PM: Were there others around you inspiring you to push into musical ventures?

Yeah, there's definitely a "house show" scene at the school I went to. I was definitely inspired because I wanted to be a part of it and perform. I also really enjoy live music. I didn't have a band though, and it's really hard to get people excited to hear some random dude perform over an instrumental.

PM: To move a little back to the past, what did your environment and location look like growing up and how did it manifest into your sound and style?

Suburbs as fuck. I spent my early years in Hershey, Pennsylvania. A lot of white people and not a ton of culture. I wasn't miserable though, I had a lot of friends and I was outside playing most of the time. My brother put me onto a lot of stuff growing up, but in highschool I kinda veered off into my own lane. I remember this girl I had a crush on showed me Pink Floyd, which spiraled into me listening to a lot of classic rock. Then in college, I watched this Jimi Hendrix documentary, which is no longer on Netflix unfortunately. But after that, I started learning how to play guitar. I don't know though, the internet kinda changed the way everyone consumes music and other people's culture. I feel like it's super valuable for artists who might feel like they're in a bubble geographically. I'm moving to NYC in like 2 weeks though so we'll see how that changes things.

PM: What’re some of your fears and aspirations with living in new york? What is it you hope to find in the city you wouldn’t find anywhere else?

It's actually just starting to hit me that I'm moving to NYC. It's something I've always wanted, feels a bit surreal. I guess a fear would be that the city will just expose me as a talentless hack and I'll have you move back to the burbs. Or that it'll take me 20+ years to make it. I'm really not afraid of much at the moment. I feel like a big part of being successful in any field, especially creative endeavors, is just being bold enough or naive enough to think you have something to add. So many people give up before they even try. My goals are pretty nebulous at the moment. I really just wanna connect and collaborate with talented artists. I'd love to perform my music in some capacity, that's been the mission for awhile. NYC represents opportunity in my mind. There's an energy. If you live there, you might inherently have it. If you move there you're looking for something, and you gotta be driven to survive there. I'm looking for that energy.

PM: On the topic of the music itself, how have you come to develop your sound over time? What changes are you working on and improvements as time goes?

Most definitely still developing my sound. I think the best thing has been working with different people. The same way you communicate with other artists if you're having a jam. I think my writing changes when I'm exposed to different sounds. I never understood when artists say they only listen to their own music when they are creating, I can respect it, but I feel like I'd lose my mind if I tried that. I take pieces from all of my favorite artists, but it's all filtered through me so it's always gonna sound like me. Going forward I just want to keep taking risks and remain ambitious. I'll always want my music to be enjoyable. Not commercial necessarily, but I don't want my music to live in a bubble where only a select few enjoy it. That said I really want to do a concept album at some point, something along the lines of My Beautiful Dark Fantasy.

PM: What is about the concept album that you love and why is the idea of making one appealing to you as an artist?

When it's done well, it adds another layer to the music. Also albums are just in a strange place right now. I really hate this trend of artists releasing 30+ songs and calling it an album. Something really cold about it. I think concept albums, and more ambitious video projects, show a different level of passion. Even when done poorly, I'm like: “okay there's intention behind this.”

PM: What’re some of your personal ambitions and goals going forward? Do any include live shows?

The biggest one is to just put out music that I'm proud of. There will be live shows in 2019. I'm kinda just speaking that into existence but it can't be that hard right? Even if it's just like 20 people, that'd be tight. I'd love to go on tour eventually. Also more videos! My brother and I made the video for "Marco" in like 48 hours with no plan. So we just want to keep getting better and stay consistent.

PM: Tell me more about that Marco shoot, how did come together and how did it conceptualize through the day?

So I called off work and drove down to Atlanta, we started just shooting random bits around my brother's apartment complex. Then we just bounced around the city starting at a museum, then a park, and we ended at dance party. It was a super fun day, it felt like we really had something. The next day I said we should get a shot of me falling in a pool. Totally inspired by the 'Untitled' video by Rex Orange County. I didn't think we'd get any shots of me underwater though because we were shooting on an iPhone. My brother was like "I'm pretty sure this is water proof." I was like, I don't know man but we ended up just going for it. We got the shots and then his phone died. He plugged it up to charge and then the screen started glitching and shit. I was so hurt man, I thought we lost all the footage, but like thirty minutes later it started working again and we transferred everything to his laptop. It was wild, I'd never seen a phone come back to life after something like that. After that shoot, everything kinda shifted for me. I was like "oh, I can really just do this shit." Been riding that wave ever since.

PM: That’s an amazing story. Do you have a best memory of the last year, if it’s possible for you to pinpoint?

When I went to NYC in March. That was pretty dope, but to be honest, I feel like releasing Marco might be the highlight. The response has been wild. This Russian YouTuber put it on his playlist and now there's a bunch of people in Russia playing my music. Crazy. It's one thing for your friends and family to support you but getting support from strangers, people with no stake in my well-being, is the best feeling. I don't know if I've ever felt that to this extent.

PM: And as a final question, if you could recommend one movie to everyone reading currently, what would it be and why?

Well my favorite movie is "Superbad," but I feel like everyone's seen that right? So I'll go with "Rushmore." The main character in that movie is full of contradictions and on the surface he's pretty shitty. But you root for him, and you understand why he is the way he is by the end of the film. I feel like the world is lacking empathy right now. It also has Bill Murray in it so that's a plus

PM: Do you have anyone to shoutout or anything to promote? The floor is yours!

Yeah! shouts out to Chasen, Justin, and Sam for helping me make this shit. Also big shoutout to Raymond & Jerry! And check out "Marco" if you haven't yet!

Follow Binki On instagram 

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

[heir-to-the-diamond-throne]

Masterlist

I’ve actually received a few people interested in my current list of podcasts so I’m writing them all down (also it’ll be helpful in case my podcast app decides to crash and wipe my library for the fourth time)

I just want to preface this by saying I’m probably still missing a few that I haven’t been able to remember. Also there’s a few on here that have finished, a few I’ve stopped listening to and am waiting to see if I’ll go back to, and a few that I haven’t gotten around to listening to yet.

1. 2 Dope Queens 2. 36 Questions 3. A New Winter 4. A Scottish Podcast 5. Action Science Theatre 6. Active Radioactive Radio 7. The Adventure Zone 8. The Adventures of Mechabetty 9. The After Disaster Broadcast 10. Alba Salix, Royal Physician 11. The Alexandra Archives 12. Alice isn’t Dead 13. All in the Mind 14. And that’s why we Drink 15. Anything Ghost 16. Archive 81 17. Ark City 18. Ars Paradoxica 19. Astonishing Legends 20. Athiest Apocalypse 21. Attention Hellmart Shoppers 22. Audio Diary of a Superhero 23. Audio Drama Production 24. Audio Verse Awards 25. Augustine 26. Aural Traditions: Anthology 27. Aural Traditions: Crosswired 28. Beast of Bardon College 29. Bedtime Stories 30. Beef and Dairy Network 31. Big Data 32. Bizarre States 33. The Black Tapes 34. The Blood Crow Stories 35. Boone Shepard 36. The Box 37. The Bridge 38. The Bright Sessions 39. Bronzeville 40. The Bunker 41. Bunker Buddies 42. Busy Gamer Nation presents I Love Bees 43. The Call of Cthulhu Mysteries 44. Carpe DM 45. Celestial Blood 46. The Cleansed 47. Code: Severe 48. Coffee Break Chinese 49. Conversations with People who Hate Me 50. Cool Games 51. Cop Doctors 52. Corpse Club 53. Creepy 54. Critical Hit 55. Critical Role 56. Crossing Wires 57. The Cryptid Keeper 58. Cthulhu and Friends 59. Cults 60. D&D is for Nerds 61. The Dark Tome 62. Darkest Night 63. Dead Oaks 64. Dead Ringers 65. Dead Serious 66. Deadly Manners 67. Dear Hank + John 68. Deck the Halls 69. The Deep Vault 70. Defence Learning Portal 71. Detective 72. Diana’s Monster 73. Diary of a Mad Man 74. Dinosaur Park 75. Discovery 76. The Discovery Adventures 77. Don’t Worry; It’s Only the End of the World 78. Dopple Avenue Hurt 79. The Drift and Ramble 80. Drywater 81. DWM presents Unwritten 82. The Earth Collective 83. Easy Japanese 84. Edict Zero 85. The Elysium Project 86. Empty 87. End of All Hope 88. EOS 10 89. Fables Radio 90. The Faculty of Horror 91. Fall of the House of Sunshine 92. The Family Tree 93. The Far Meridian 94. Fictional 95. Field Craft Survival 96. Flash Forward 97. Focused AF 98. Freed 99. Friends at the Table 100. Gallowtree Radio 101. Geek by Night 102. Generation Why 103. The Ghost Radio Project 104. Ghosts in the Burbs 105. Girl in Space 106. The Good Friends of Jackson Elias 107. Good Morning Zahera Ward 108. The Gray Area 109. Greater Boston 110. Hackable? 111. The Harry Strange Radio Drama 112. Haunted Places 113. The Haven Chronicles 114. Hayward Sanitarium 115. Heaven’s Gate 116. Hector vs the Future 117. Hello from the Magic Tavern 118. Help Me 119. Henderson + Havner 120. Herbarium Podcasts 121. History of Alchemy 122. The History of Rome 123. Hollywood and Crime 124. Homecoming 125. Horror City 126. How to do Everything 127. How we Roll 128. Hunt the Truth 129. Hush 130. I Only Listen to the Mountain Goats 131. Illusionoid 132. Immunities 133. In Darkness Vast 134. The Infinite 135. The Infinite Bad 136. The Infinite Now 137. Inkwyrm 138. Inner Sanctum 139. Inside the Exorcist 140. Inside the NYPD 141. International Waters 142. It Makes A Sound 143. Jim Robbie and the Wanderers 144. Join the Party 145. Junction 146. Kakos Industries 147. Kevin’s Cryptids 148. King Falls AM 149. The Kingery 150. Knifepoint Horror 151. Knights of the Night 152. Knite Coffee! 153. Lake Clarity 154. The Last Podcast on the Left 155. The Late Night Driving Show 156. LEARN 157. The Lesbian Romantic 158. Lesser Gods 159. The Leviathan 160. Liberty 161. LifeAfter 162. The Lift 163. Limetown 164. Lore 165. The Lost Cat 166. The Lovecraft Covenant 167. Lucyd 168. Mabel 169. Magic Lessons 170. The Magnus Archives 171. Mars Corp 172. Marsfall 173. The McElroy Brothers will be in Trolls 2 174. The Meat Blockade 175. The Mental Illness Happy Hour 176. Misadventure by Death 177. Miskatonic University 178. Mission to Zyxx 179. Modern Audio Drama 180. Mollyville 181. The Moonlit Road 182. My Brother, My Brother, and Me 183. My Brother, My Brother, and Me: Fantasy Football League 184. My Favourite Murder 185. Mysterious Universe 186. The Mythology Podcast 187. Myths and Legends 188. Neon Nights 189. The Night Blogger 190. Night Time 191. No Extra Words 192. No Such Thing as a Fish 193. The No Sleep Podcast 194. Oak Podcast 195. The Orbiting Human Circus (of the air) 196. Organism 197. The Orphans 198. The Orpheus Protocol 199. Ostium 200. The Other Stories 201. Otherverse 202. Our Fair City 203. Paralyzed 204. Passage 205. The Penumbra Podcast 206. Pleasure Town 207. Plumbing the Death Star 208. Podcast Detected 209. The Podcast Method 210. Podcasts Collected 211. Point Mystic 212. Poplar Cove 213. Powder Burns 214. Public Domain Universe 215. Purrcast 216. Qwerpline 217. Rabbits 218. Radiation World 219. Radio Demons 220. Ray Gunn + Starburst 221. Real Ghost Stories Online 222. Return Home 223. Rex Rivetter: Private Eye 224. Rippercast 225. The Rogues Gallery 226. Rose Drive 227. Rover Red 228. Ruby: The Adventures of a Galactic Gumshoe 229. Rusty Quill Gaming 230. S-Town 231. Sable 232. Saffron and Peri 233. Sage + Savant 234. Sawbones 235. Sayer 236. Scared? 237. Secret Cabinet 238. Seminar 239. Serial 240. Serial Killers 241. The Shadowvane Podcast 242. Shattered Worlds RPG 243. Shut up a Second 244. Sirenicide 245. Small Town Horror 246. Snap Judgements Presents: Spooked 247. SOFREP Radio 248. Someone Knows Something 249. Space 250. Space Log 251. Spines 252. Spire 253. Spirits 254. Star Talk 255. Station to Station 256. Stay Talkingish 257. Steal the Stars 258. The Strange Case of Starship Iris 259. Strange 260. Strangers in Space 261. Stuff to Blow your Mind 262. Stuff you Should Know 263. Subject: Found 264. Subvercity Transmit 265. Supervillian Corner 266. Synesthesia Theatre 267. Taking Care of Paul 278. Tales of Nowhere 269. Tales of THATTOWN 270. Tanis 271. Terms 272. Theatre for the Mind 273. The Theatre of Tomorrow 274. The Thrilling Adventure Hour 275. Timelapse 276. Tokyo Hotel 277. Tribulation 278. True Crime Garage 279. The Tunnels 280. Twelve Chimes it’s Midnight 281. Uncanny County 282. Uncanny Japan 283. Under Pressure 284. Undiscovered 285. Unexplained 286. Unsolved Murders 287. Urban Chicken Podcast 288. Urban Decay 289. Victoriocity 290. We’re Alive 291. We’re Alive: Lockdown 292. We’re so Bad at Adventuring 293. Weird Work 294. Welcome to Night Vale 295. What the Cluck 296. What’s the Frequency 297. The White Vault 298. The Wicked Library 299. Wisecracks: The Squanch 300. Within the Wires 301. Wolf 359 302. Wooden Overcoats 303. The Writers Panel 304. You Are Here 305. Zoolaplex And a couple of podcasts that haven’t come out yet: 306. The Big Loop 307. Tarnum

[steleangel]

The last five years ask meme

"If I didn't believe in you , we wouldn't have gotten this far "I'm still hurting." "I wouldn't be standing here now." "If I didn't believe in you ,we wouldn't be having this fight." "See your laughing, that means we're gonna be okay." "I have a singular impression things are moving to fast." "Oh no step on the brakes , do whatever it takes to stop this train?" "I won't do anything just half assed" "I'm gliding smooth as a a figure skater." "No no, whatever I do I barrel on through I don't complain." "I never worry to walk the wire." "I found a woman I love." "Things might get bumpy, but some people analyze every detail." "Some people freeze out of fear that they'll fail." "Some people can't find success with their art, some people never feel love in their heart, some people can't tell the top things apart." "Maybe I can't follow through." "What else am I supposed to do?" "One day it's just like leave it to beaver." "Then he'll smile and his eyes light up. And deep with in the ground a moment comes to life." "I'm apart of them." "Next day it's just like it never happens." "Then he smiles, his eyes light up and how can I complain. Yes he's insane but look what he can do ?" "I tend to follow in his stride." "Instead of falling side by side, I take his queue." "He smiles. And where else can I go? I didn't know the rules applies." "Then he smiles and nothing makes sense." "I'm apart of that.. aren't I?" "I could have a mansion on a hill." "It wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio." "I could have a satchel full of dollar bills, cure to all the nations ills." "Have you been inside the museum? We should go ?" "Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?" "The next ten minutes , we can handle that." "Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by, if we make it tell then. Could I ask you again for another ten?" "Just holding you might compel me to ask you for more ." "There are so many lives I want to share with you. I will never be complete tell I do." "Everyone tells you that the minute you get married , every woman finds you attractive." "Close your eyes." "In a perfect world, a miracle would happen." "It's fine, it's fine, it's fine." "It's a challenge to resist temptation." "She knows. They always know." "When you come home to me, I will wear a sweeter smile and hope for a mile you will stay." "Your hand will touch my face and scare the grim away." "Once again, I will be so proud to call you mine." "I'm up every morning at six." "I'm waiting five hours in line." "There's table of men. Always men." "I'm a good person, I'm an attractive person. I'm a talented person- please grant me my chance." "Don't stare at my resume ." "I hate this stupid shoes." "I'm always such a horrible distraction to him, what is he gonna be like when we have kids?" "I will not be the girl stuck at home in the burbs, and a garden of herbs." "I will not be a girl that requires a man to get by." "What's it really about?" "Please for a minute stop blaming and admit what you feel." "Did you think this would be so much easier then it turned out to be?" "Talked to me." "I can do better then that." "My best friend had a little situation at the end of our senior year." "A little cute house on a little cute street." "Just the typical facts of a typical life." "Made a cute baby sweater thinking I can do better then thought." "Thought about what I wanted and it wasn't like that." "Went to the city thinking what have I got to lose?" "Starting to think this maybe might work-" "Blew my odd with a heart felt better ." "Just love me ." "You don't have to put the seat down, you don't have to learn to tango." "You don't have to change a thing just stay with me." "Wouldn't leave me alone unless I went with him to dinner." "I want you. And you and nothing but you miles and piles of you." "Finally I'll have something , worth while to think about each morning." "You and you and nothing but you. No substitution will do." " I don't need any life time commitment." " I don't want you to put up your walls and defenses." " don't kiss me goodbye again." "Leave this night quiet." "You want the last word." "Leave it at that, I'll watch you turn the corner and go." "Goodbye until tomorrow , I'll be waiting." "Goodbye tell I recall how to breath."

[inaracewithmyself]

Eleven Facts

Ok since Tumblr so rudely ate my last 11 facts post let's try this again... 1 - I have officially been a vegetarian for half of my life (14 years) and have spent the last year transitioning into veganism. I haven't had a single animal product in 2017 and I'm feeling great. 2 - I love to cook. But I hate cleaning up after which is why I don't always want to. 3 - I have always been obsessed with other cultures. I spent a whole summer in elementary school learning about Egypt and lost my mind when my grandpa took me to the field museum for the Tut exhibit. After that it was Nepal, then Greece, and European/Pagan culture. I was a very dorky kid. 4 - I have 3 tattoos on my body, all of which are very easily covered. While I don't regret any of them, I do wish I had gotten the one on my side done by a different artist. Cause it's clear the guy didn't give a shit and it's not holding up as well as it should. 5 - I am the eldest of 4 girls in my family and the eldest grandchild of 17 on my dads side of the family. I was always told to be a grown up and be a good example for those around me, so I basically acted like a mini adult my whole life. 6 - I genuinely can't remember a time where I wasn't a performer. I remember being a very little kid and singing old 50s songs in front of the mirror. I also did a mean Elvis impression when I was a kid too. 7 - I love to travel and be out of my comfort zone, but I've lived within a 20 mile radius of my hometown the majority of my life. I spent one year 200 miles away but that's been about it. 8 - I am a city girl through and through. I grew up in the burbs, went to college in a small town, and then moved to the city and I've never felt more at home. It's been 7 years and I can't imagine leaving. 9 - I currently have puppy fever HARD. I've always loved dogs. I researched having a dog pretty much weekly for the majority of my elementary school and middle school years (remember the dorky thing? Yea.) Finally when I was 14 my parents got us a family dog. I'm ready to get one for myself, but I also know that I can't get one until I can be spending more time at home. 10 - I sometimes laugh at the fact that I am a professional makeup artist considering that it wasn't until my 20s that I even started regularly wearing makeup. And by regularly I mean like a couple times a week, even now. I have no problem walking out of my house without makeup on. 11 - I feel like I'm always searching for ultimate happiness. I've said for most of my adult life, the only thing I want to be when I grow up is happy. Now that I'm getting to the end of my 20s, I'm realizing that happiness isn't an outside factor, but one that comes from within. Still learning that lesson every day. Thanks to the beautiful @quadsasaurus-rex for tagging me. Id love to see @mountainstackedwithfear, @runsforredvelvet, @lovingdevouring, @breatherunlive and @thegreentraveller As well as YOU! If you want to :)

[newjerseyburbie]

Adventures of a Burbie seeking braids The suburban salon for black women is a combination of social time and also a place where you're having some pampering. Hair and nails are a Saturday chore and stays on the calendar. I have 2 salons I frequent: 1) in my hood which is inexpensive but I can NEVER get an appointment with the head stylist. 2) in the city near my job. I can go at lunch and be back to work without using up my Saturday at the salon. Next month I have an event so I needed an in between hairstyle and opted for a crochet knit style which will last me just in time for my late Feb event. I've done crochet knit before and I like it - it's neat, quick and stylish. What I hate is the salons are always dirty and unconventional when it comes to the sterility of their washing hair. Nevertheless I like braids and I've begun my quest to find a salon that DOESNT gross me out. I've passed by this salon everyday for the past couple of months and observed the steady flow of traffic. Since i was not a fan of the braiding salon in my town I decide to give this one a try. Research: I did a google search and bingo! - 4.8/5 stars!!! 10 reviews. Good sign. I call the women and her English is good so we communicate well about what I want to do. She charges $80 for crochet knit and my stylist in the burbs charges $150. This is a big savings! I'm ready to give it a try - what could possibly go wrong........FAMOUS LAST WOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDSSSSSS! 1st Red Flag - I sit in her chair, she looks at my head (I'm rocking a custom wig is one of my faves and has a dope cut). She taps my head, smiles and looks at me. I smile back and say "what?" She says "take this off please?" I said "it's sewn in? Don't you remember I told you this when I came in here and we talked yesterday." She had a confused look on her face then says "OH" and proceeds to look for the razor. Then all of a sudden there's some sort of switch and I got the apprentice taking my wig out my head. And she DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH! 2nd SIGN: I notice the apprentice is doing a lot of cutting in the center and not the perimeter..... I say to her "are you cutting around the perimeter? She says "eh?" Boss lady says "what??" With a nice smile... turns out the apprentice was cutting the tracks out of my $500custom wig and if I didn't say something - smh...... 3rd SIGN: the Apprentice walks over to the mug, grabs it, goes into the closet room ( which I can't see inside of) comes out with the pitcher full and proceeds to put the water into the electric kettle on the floor and turns it on. OHDAHORROR!!!! This is not going well for me so far! 4th SIGN: Ok so now it's time to remind her that I want to color my hair (btw I brought all my own products). Coolah? She asks I said yes. She asked AGAIN. I said yes AGAIN! They start talking to each other.... then Apprentice goes to the closet and starts making lots of noise. I see a bunch of shower towels of all colors get hung up on the entry door of the close - she then motions me to come inside. I'm scrrrrd! I tip toe over bend and peep in the room first. There's a professional sink and a chair just like at a normal salon!!!! But the room is dark and narrow and there's this huge mop inside that looks Like a monster leaning by the doorway........ if it's sounding like a horror story know that it was feeling that way..... I give her my color, the other lady comes over and they start talking again in their native tongue. NEXT!!! I hear the apprentice putting on gloves, but not those flat clear plastic gloves that stylists use- nah nah nah! She put on the big pink dishwashing gloves!!!!! What the helll. I first thought of getting up and running because I'm in full view of the mop in front of me and of course I'm thinking my head is getting colored with the mop gloves. Then she walk out of the room and throws away the box that the gloves came in. Whew!!!!! I think...... so the color was completed, she washed and Shampooed pretty well, then she blow dried with a technique I was impressed with. Very little hair breakage - ok now..... the braiding has begun, the knitting has now being done by the owner - and she didn't stop at all even when her 4 visitors and 5 phone calls were coming at her. The result was good. I can't complain about that but this was an adventure! I know you're all wondering why the hell I stayed. 1) it was Saturday afternoon at 2pm. If I left that salon with my head 1/2 done I wouldn't be able to get my hair done till Tuesday. How do I go to work with an undone coif???! 2) I'm the girl that sees a train coming my way and just takes two steps to the side VS. leaving so I can see the outcome? Please don't Judge. I've always believed that experiences make life more interesting. Yes I can say to myself never go to a cheap braiding salon again without washing and prepping beforehand... but rather my mind keeps asking why? Why can't I get a good price for braids without having to sacrifice quality? My quest continues. I will keep searching until every strand of my hair is gone!!!! (THAT was just a joke, but for real though I'm about getting a bargain- gotta pay tuition for College in another 10 years)!!

[real-stainlesssteele]

Sometimes I just feel like Quitting I still might Why do I put up this fight? Why do I still write? Sometimes it's hard enough just dealing with real life Sometimes I want to jump on stage and just kill mics And show these people what my level of skill's like But I'm still white Sometimes I just hate life Something ain't right Hit the brake lights Case of the stage fright Drawing a blank likeDah, dah, dah. dah It ain't my fault Great then I fall My insides crawl And I clam up I just slam shut I just can't do it My whole manhood's just been stripped I have just been ripped So I must then get Off the bus then split Man fuck this shit Yo, I'm going the fuck home World on my shoulders as I run back to this 8 Mile RoadI'm a man I'm a make a new plan Time for me to just stand up and travel new land Time for me to just take matters into my own hands Once I'm over these tracks, man I'ma never look back And I'm gone I know right where I'm going Sorry, momma, I'm grown I must travel alone Ain't gon' follow no footsteps I'm making my own Only way that I know how to escape from this 8 Mile RoadWalking these train tracks Tryin' to regain back The spirit I had 'fore I go back to the same crap To the same plant And the same pants Tryin' to chase rap Gotta move ASAP Get a new plan Momma's got a new man Poor little baby sister, she don't understand Sits in front of the TV buries her nose in her pad And just colors until the crayon gets dull in her hand While she colors her big brother, her mother and dad Ain't no telling what really goes on in her little head Wish I could be the daddy that neither one of us had But I keep running from something I never wanted so bad Sometimes I get upset 'cause I ain't blew up yet It's like a grew up but I ain't grow me two nuts yet Don't got a rep, my step Don't got enough pep The pressure's too much, man I'm just tryin' to do what's best And I try Sit alone and I cry Yo I won't tell no lie Not a moment goes by That I don't pray to the sky Please, I'm beggin' you God Please don't let me be pigeon holed in no regular job Yo I hope you can hear me homie wherever you are Yo, I'm telling you dog I'm bailing this trailer tomorrow Tell my mother I love her, kiss baby sister goodbye Say whenever you need me, baby, I'm never too far But yo I gotta get out there the only way I know And I'ma be back for you the second that I blow On everything I own I'll make it on my own Off to work I go Back to this 8 Mile RoadI'm a man Gotta make a new plan Time for me to just stand up and travel new land Time for me to just take matters into my own hands Once I'm over these tracks, man I'ma never look back And I'm gone I know right where I'm going Sorry, momma, I'm grown I must travel alone Ain't gon' follow no footsteps I'm making my own Only way that I know how to escape from this 8 Mile RoadYou gotta live it to feel it You didn't, you wouldn't get it Or see what the big deal is Why it was and it still is To be walking this borderline of Detroit's city limits It's different and it's a certain significance A certificate of authenticity You'd never even see But it's everything to me It's my credibility You'd never seen, heard, smelled or met a real mc Who's incredible or on the same pedestal as me But yet still unsigned Having a rough time Sit on the porch with all my friends and kick dumb rhymes Go to work and serve MC's in the lunch line When it comes crunch time Where did my punch lines go? Who must I show? To bust my flow Where must I go? Who must I know? Or am I just another crab in the bucket Cause I ain't having to run with this little rabbits but fuck it Maybe I need a new outlet I'm starting to doubt shit I'm feeling a little skeptical who I hang out with I live like a bum, yo my clothes ain't about shit At the Salvation Army trying to salvage an outfit And it's cold Trying to travel this road Plus I feel like I'm always stuck in this battling mode My defenses are so up The one thing I don't want Is pity from no one This city is no fun There is no sun And it's so dark Sometimes I just feel like I'm being pulled apart From each one of my limbs By each one of my friends It's enough to just make me want to jump out of my skin Sometimes I feel like a robot Sometimes I just know not What I'm doing, I just blow, my head is a stove top I just explode, the kettle gets so hot Sometimes my mouth just overloads the ass that I don't got But I've learned It's time for me to u-turn Yo it only takes one time for me to get burned Ain't no fallin' on next time I'll meet a new girl I can not only play stupid or be immature I got every ingredient all I need is the courage Like I already got the beat all I need is the words Got the urge Suddenly it's a surge Suddenly a new burst of energy has occurred Time to show these free world leaders the three and a third I am no longer scared now, I'm free as a bird Then I turn and cross over the median curb Hit the burbs and all you see is a blur I'm Eight Mile RoadI'm a man Gotta make a new plan Time for me to just stand up and travel new land Time for me to just take matters into my own hands Once I'm over these tracks, man I'ma never look back And I'm gone I know right where I'm going Sorry, momma, I'm grown I must travel alone Ain't gon' follow no footsteps I'm making my own Only way that I know how to escape from this 8 Mile Road

[surveysonfleek]

431.

Is your window in your room open? yes. Do you like blue cheese? not at all. i’ll always have some but then i’ll be reminded of how much i hate it. Have you ever smoked? yes. Do you own a gun? no.

Do you like the American or British way of spelling words? british because that’s what we were taught.

Do you get nervous before going to a doctors appointment? no unless i feel like it’s something serious. What do you think of hot dogs? they used to be my favourite food lmao. Favorite Christmas movie? elf. What do you prefer to drink in the morning or nothing? a huge glass of cold water. Do you hate celebrities with big boobs and have had plastic surgery? no lol, i couldn’t care less, it’s their body. Do you have a favorite piece of jewelry? not really tbh. Favorite hobby? eating out. What’s the one thing you hate about yourself? my laziness. Current worry? what my future will bring. Do you own slippers? yes. Would you ever want to be a pirate? no. Where would you like to go? japan and the bahamas. and then i’m officially done with traveling. What type of songs do you sing in the shower? none. If you could make everything on earth one color, what would you choose? i wouldn’t. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? i never have. maybe i should try it haha. How do you bring in the new year? usually parties. Favorite place to be? on vacation. Would you rather live in 1980 or 2080? 2080. but at my age now. Favorite color? pink and turquoise. What color of shirt are you wearing? white. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? the bachelorette haha. What artist to do you find yourself singing a lot of? the weeknd. Can you whistle? yes. Where do you wish you were right now? overseas. When you were younger, did you ever have cartoon sheets? i only remember having mickey mouse ones. What’s in your pocket right now? no pockets. Do you love where you live? i don’t love it. but i don’t hate it. Why does everybody seek popularity? What’s wrong with being original? i think it’s the opposite now. people are trying too hard to be original. Do you prefer hearing the blunt truth, or do you like sugarcoating? blunt. Do you care what strangers think about you? nah. Are you a girl that just wants to have fun? umm i guess but i don’t go out of my way to seek it. Are you a perfectionist, or only human, born to make mistakes? only human. Do you use any acne medication? no. but i have been getting random pimples lately. Do you know when it’s just a little crush vs. true love? now i do. Have you picked out flower petals, saying, ‘He loves me, he loves me not? haha yes. Are you a small town girl, or from the big city? neither. i’m from the burbs. Do you ever look in the mirror and are surprised by how good you look? haha very rarely but it’s happened. Do you ever look in the mirror and feel revolted? oh yeah. Do you have a hard time talking to people? not really unless they’re just not that social. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? no. What’s something somebody can do to make you hate them instantly? be rude to people they don’t know. Do you like it when you find yourself in a conflict? i don’t like it lol. Are you emotional or very stoic? in between. How late do you go to bed during summer nights? it depends what i do at night. Why do girls like six-packs? What’s wrong with a soft pillowy tummy? not all girls like six packs, let’s be real. Are you feminine, masculine, or quite androgynous? fem. What’s the first red object you see in the room? lipstick. Is sex different than making love? hell yeah. This time last year, what was happening in your life? nothing really. Did you/will you have coffee or some other form of caffeine today? i’ve had pepsi. Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? my boyfriend, just about how we’re both having boring nights. Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? yes. Do you bathe your pets regularly? my mum bathes him regularly. Do you have a mailbox or do you collect your mail from the post office? mailbox. What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? yeah my dog. Have you ever had an ear infection? yes. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? idk. something new, funny and 20 mins long. i can’t seem to concentrate with 40 min eps nowadays. Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? yes. two weeks ago? Someone messages you just as you’re about to go to sleep. Do you reply? depends who it is. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? i’ve noticed i’ve been doing it recently i have no idea why. Have you ever been hospitalized due to dehydration? no. Is there anything you need to remember to do before the day ends? no. When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? if i’m at home i’ll blast it. in public i need to hear surrounding noises. What’s your favorite online radio site? um, pandora until it was removed in australia :( so spotify now. Do your parents have any authority over who you date? no. How many different shades of nail polish do you have? a ton, i have two proper shelves of them. What did you have for breakfast this morning? dumplings. Are you lucky enough to have an ice maker in your refrigerator door? no. Are you the type to wake up before the sun has even risen? no. Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? no.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. no. What colour is the soap in your bathroom? Does it have a specific scent? yellow. it smells like honey. Do you have a favorite towel? What color is it? umm blue. Have you seen any films with Judy Garland in them?: just the one. How did you feel when you woke up today? Why? not bad. In your favorite TV show, which character is your favorite? Why? michael scott. because he’s hilarious. Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? bek. When was the last time you saw them? last week. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? no. What was your lowest mark on your previous report card? i’ve been out of school forever. but i think it was a c. What are you listening to? the bachelorette. What year are you/did you graduate? 2013. Are you obsessed with anything? no. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? oooh it’s a toughie. probably waffles. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? non diet. Do you like seafood? loooove. Are you craving anything right now? food.

Do you dress appropriately for your age? yes. Can you speak any other languages? kinda. If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you buy them? i’d try it. but then again, i haven’t had mcdonalds in months. How long is your hair? pretty long. Do you like your neighbors? they’re okay, everyone keeps to themselves. What’s your school motto? no more school. Has a bird ever flown into your window? no. there’s like a screen on it. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? mama. How old were you when you learned to walk? one maybe? What was your first pet’s name? dopey. How many kids were in your class in kindergarten? 30? idk. Who was your best friend in elementary? pearl. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? mr collins. Who was the best athlete in your freshman class? chris. What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? ummm. i forgot his name, remember his face. Where do you see yourself in a year? hopefully further than i am right now. If you were able to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my lifestyle. Are you content just blending in with the crowd? yes, for sure. i hate attention.

[lorainelaneyblog]

You might argue that, assumed victimhood aside, white men are legitimately more jealous of black men than white women are of Asian women. This would be because the most dominant men are among blacks, while the least submissive women are among Asians.

‘Say this,’ says God. ‘The most submissive women, we have said in this very blog, are among black women. There is, arguably, again, no place for race jumping, and the blacks know this better than other races because of high sexual intelligence. As my new messiah, people are very interested in the moral certitudes of Loraine Laney, and, it is true, her suffering at the loss of white men in Vancouver, since she had to stay in town because of her cloying parents, was so profound, that she could think only of revenge, and two years after the start of her pursuit of 50 Cent, she realized the immorality of what she had done. Race by race, women’s victimhood is consistent. In the overall scheme of race, victimhood among Asians, because of body size and not fundamental submission, which Loraine had wrong in her book, is worse, which, and this she had right, makes them more desirable in marriage, the sum of this is emotional vulnerability due to victimhood, especially in light of race jumping, as Loraine refers to it in Bros Before Hos The Equality Apocalypse.’

‘What about the Chinese men?’

‘There was a theoretical shift which emerged out of this.’

‘Which was what?’ says President Trump. ‘What about their small penises.’ 

‘They came crawling back,’ says a Chinese man. 

‘They did,’ says God. ‘And Loraine was one hundred percent right, on a small piece of paper that she ripped out of her journal, and they didn’t laugh, the cops, that it was bitter, because they had lost the white women, who, with their fat thighs went running out of town.’

‘Where did they go?’

‘To the ‘burbs to get used by construction workers, who had no intention of settling down, ever, because they were still in the closet as bisexuals, Loraine.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘Oh, I see,’ says President Trump.

‘I think men took it in directions that I couldn’t even foresee.’

‘Why?’ says President Trump.

'I don’t understand why they’re standing down though.’

‘Because they realized that women were suffering more, and they felt validated as men without war. This is no small thing you have done, Loraine, and I have been teasing you a little about your small moralities, and you are right, women may want to--’

‘He’s wrong. Men want the submissives and women want the dominants, but they can’t, they can’t, they can’t, have them, not only because they don’t desire the same sexual activities, but because the sexual intellect is too disparate. And [ ], Loraine, is a perfect example of this, he just could. not. see. that the women he was in love with had big eyes, he couldn’t.’

‘But why, though?’ says President Trump. ‘She says men know women’s sexuality better than women know their own.’

‘And they do. And men like [ ], Loraine would argue, are rare, rare as the dodo bird, because they are not suspicious enough, and he was suspicious of Loraine, but mostly because he had been hearing for some years that his wife was a tennis star.’

‘Why doesn’t he leave her? Write what the Chinese did for me, Loraine, please.’

‘We have covered this and covered this, and I hate to belabor it, and I didn’t even want to suggest it, in case I wronged the little Chinese girls.’

‘But you did.’

‘The police stole it, and--’

‘Oh my God.’

‘--disseminated it among the Chinese police officers who were so happy, they wanted to die, die, Loraine, die, because they could not, for the life of them, figure out why Chinese women did not want them anymore.’

‘They thought they would right a wrong in their own way, and ended up doing the white men with lame old monogamy which the whites decided on to, no doubt, escape female promiscuity.’

‘That is what they did. And it seemed the better deal, and it was, for the women, but not, not, not, not, not, not, for the men,’ says God. ‘Without sex after marriage, they could never, never, never, catch up, never. And they didn’t even realize the numbers they were dealing with, they didn’t, Loraine, massive numbers, much more than you, she overcharged, and they don’t, they are natural business people, and Loraine was both resentful, self protective, and a natural idiot when it came to business.’

‘Why? The business one. Your Dad and your grandpa’s were salesmen, what gives?’

‘There were no lessons,’ says Dad. ‘We went to work and came home, and did not, ever, think to teach a girl about business. I had no idea she was struggling, I did, joking, I thought she was a bad prostitute, but fifteen years in, I had to question my interpretation, I thought, I decided there was a lot of competition, port city, poor, Chinese women, but that she had kept the wolf from the door for literally, by then, years, and I said it, sardonically as I will, and I regret this now, because the recipients of this information were my daughter in law’s French parents, and they were aghast, Loraine, aghast, Loraine, aghast, that I would be sardonic about such a thing, and right away said, “Good for her.” And I didn’t tell you this yet, but later [ ] came up to me and said, “Do you realize how easy it is to fuck up in prostitution? Fuck up. Royally. I have seen so many girls go down in a matter of months, it is not even funny. I go to them a little--’

‘Oh, you do? I didn’t. I saw one for free, and caught crabs, so I didn’t want to again.’

‘Shave. Done.’

‘Oh yeah. They said that, but it wasn’t done then, so I used the cream and burnt my wee wee.’

‘You’re funny, [ ]. But seriously, if she is making it, she is doing well, rest assured, doubt no more. And I was so grateful, I wanted to die, die, die, die, because I couldn’t, fucking, believe, that my ugly duckling little daughter, my [ ] destroyed her face with teeth removals and abuse, was making it as a prostitute, I couldn’t. I couldn’t. And I would, I stalked her a little, and I would see her running around in her ridiculous outfits, with her knee socks, calculated, I felt, to annoy the Chinese, wasn’t it?’

‘No,’ says God. ‘It was calculated to annoy the police.’

‘She’s hilarious,’ says President Trump.

‘I’ll never have the character you have,’ says Melania.

‘Thank you. You’re a lovely, gracious woman.’

‘Thank you. You said that I should not do a job I am not cut out for, and this is what I feel about that, that I must redeem myself for beauty, in the vein of Princess Diana. Do you think she really loved the work?’

‘I really did, honestly,’ says Princess Diana in heaven. ‘I loved the work more than marriage.’

‘I love marriage more than the work, and that is unequivocal. And if he has to bring men home and pimp me to keep me happy at home, then so be it, because that is where I want to be, and it sounds like Loraine does too. Are you going to become an actress like Amber Heard.’

‘She’s so pretty, and young.’

‘She’s not that young.’

‘I’m really shy, and will not even speak about the book, I don’t think.’

‘What about--really? Why not? You will have to.’

‘50 Cent wants to speak to this, yes, he does.’

‘Not every writer speaks to their work, and Loraine forgets that I am a writer myself, and I don’t need a ghost writer either, Loraine, though she was making noises recently about writing man things as a ghost writer.’

‘Why, Loraine?’

‘Well, my two screen plays are a bit of a giggle, they have a bit of rhythm--’

‘But you’re so dumb and you want more to work with.’

‘We want her to write about the family, and that’s it. She will be the girl, and we will be the men,’ says Spencer. ‘And I have asked God, and we are, to a last man, smarter than her, smarter, Loraine, not just more successful, which we would be as men, but smarter.’

‘Hold up, here, Spencer,’ says God. ‘I would not stick you with a dummy, and, in some ways, it is true that Loraine has micro expressions, and Cal Lightman knows it, he does, he saw that in her right away, right away, right away, and he respects it in people, and particularly, Loraine, in women, who leap to conclusions, as you say yourself, too fast, and short circuit the micro expressions. Loraine, President Trump, has male acceptable intonations down perfectly, perfectly, perfectly, she knows, she knows, she knows, she knows, exactly, exactly, exactly, when to shut the hell up, she knows it. When she told that whiney little secretary to learn, she was young and Loraine was joking, not lording herself over her, but she had already gained herself an important job, as secretary at Pivot Legal.’

‘Why?’ says President Trump. ‘And, was she annoying the men already? Who hired her?’

‘A lot of students get their foot in the door at social organizations,’ says God. ‘And Pivot Legal was no different, and the lawyer, a woman, a lesbian, dyed in the wool, Loraine, just a prettier one, and not all that pretty, but feminine and passing as straight, even at the time, by her own desire and her own admission.’

‘I wanted to, Loraine, I did not want to be railroaded by my orientation, I thought lack of male interest would spell disaster, little did I know that my female coworkers would drop out of law, and I would rise up, and these numbers, the “lesbians have eighty percent the aptitudes of men,” one in particular, knowing it was from God, because no offence, I knew you and you weren’t that smart, though I did defend the idea that you could have written the book, because I recognized all of your ideas, and good work on the arguments, some of them are bullet proof and are finding their way into courtrooms. And I had developed significantly in my career, and was not, at all, jealous, surprisingly, because I had to admit that “learn to speak man” annoyed me because I was jealous, because this particular girl had come to me, already, you don’t, you didn’t know this, many times, whining, and she did whine, about her treatment by the men, she found them “abrupt” was one thing, “denigrating” was another, and, would you believe, and she was so innocent, I doubt if she had barely lost her virginity, “degrading.” “How?" prey tell, I wondered, “are they degrading you, because this is important, that is not how we behave toward women here.” Because they think I’m stupid, and I realized that she was, not stupid, because her resume and grades were excellent, but that she would always be nothing more than a woman, and it bugged me, this realization, because it--’

‘Now why in hell would you put that turn of phrase to it?’

‘What if she learned to speak man?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re dumb. She was hopeless, and that is what I was in full recognition of, in opposition, in direct opposition to, your statement.’

‘Right, I’m dumb.’

‘And it bugged me, because I thought, then, that I had to “learn to speak man” and I thought, even, that maybe only prostitutes could learn to speak man, and then finally, finally, as I excelled in my career, I realized that I already spoke “man,” even then, because, as it turns out, I was eighty percent of one, and all woman too, so thank you God, for that. Women make it in law, Loraine, and eighty percent of them are lesbians, so when you hear of a female lawyer, panic not. You’re thinking of one now.’

‘At the bus stop, a man broke his wrist falling in a snow bank, foot caught in the door and the whole nine yards.’

‘And her argument was clear the snow.’

‘LOL.’

‘I know they don’t, Loraine, everybody knows that about Ontario, people fall there every, single, fucking year with that shit, and they never, never, never fix it, never, and OCTranspo just keeps shelling out for the little, tiny, itty bitty, lawsuits, and they have it made, because it is a natural disaster, snow, and that is it. If they close the door, they get a little more.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘I’m funny. I also learned that I was funny, and that was a boon with men too, they love humour in the workplace, to answer your question, to ask a question, did you really quit because she was coveting that piece from the madam?’

‘The other lawyer would not let me transcribe, or even read, the contributions of a madam.’

‘It bugged you.’

‘It did.’

‘And you quit, because of that, because we thought that was very non committal, and shallow, but I later realized she had no legitimate reason for coveting it, and it had to come out in the final report, which you never read, because you left. Just thought you should know that you could have read it.’

‘Oh. Was it as interesting as she said?’

‘No, she was a baby. You knew more than she did, it was about how women get fired without just cause, for “having loud voices” in the back, as you said.’

‘Oh.’

‘She was, incontrovertibly, a baby, and she left law practice very shortly after that, citing boredom, and difficulty maintaining a relationship, which you predicted, in your book, well done.’

‘Do you like her now?’

‘I love me a lesbian.’

‘You’re funny, Loraine. She does. She loved the other girl too, and her fat, little, threesome friend. Why were you so embarrassed about that?’

‘Caught having free sex when the burgeoning ethic was for money for commitment.’

‘As in the book.’

‘Was a threesome embarrassing to you?’

‘No.’

‘Oh.’

‘Were you ashamed of her?’

‘No.’

‘Oh, why? She was so fat.’

‘Loraine does not think in the usual terms, and, quite honestly, she wishes that she did, because she has been stuck, and even President Trump noticed it, in one boring, lame, bullshit relationship after another.’

‘What about the lawyer? Did that last? Kidding, Loraine. That was before, President Trump. She thought she liked lawyers. So back to “degrading”. I asked what, she said, “They talk down to me.” And I realized, for sure, that she was too whiny, and little, and babyish, and girly for law, because lawyers do not, do not, do not, suffer fools gladly, and I asked around, and I learned pretty quickly that they all, to a last man, found her annoying, and whiny. And, honestly, Loraine, and I had to admit this to myself, because I was a self proclaimed feminist, and thought of myself as someone who supported equal opportunity, not just remedies from victimization, but your book changed all that, it did, and it was, it was, it was, a fucking relief, it was. Because, after the blog came out, I started to realize you must really be the messiah, because everything was changing, women were quitting like crazy, men were happier at work, and I, finally, felt like I was getting credit for “speaking man,” and, to my credit, it was such a turn of phrase that I felt morally, morally, obligated, to share it, and I did, and they laughed, Loraine, and we are smart, and we didn’t, we didn’t, we didn’t, hear anything profound from prostitutes until you. Enough said.