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#I’m either dropping it unhealthily and not eating or I’m binging and ballooning
sassmill
·
1 year
Text
Oh fucking no
#tw body image
#tw body weight
#tw body dysmorphia
#okay so
#I just threw on my favorite pair of shorts from last summer that fit me pretty lovely
#and they are now TIGHT
#they are supposed to be loose comfy linen shorts and they fit like bike shorts
#so I’m going to do everything in my mental toolkit to not let this send me into a massive fucking ed spiral
#but does anybody else’s body weight fluctuate this dramatically every single fucking year
#my coping mechanism has been to just buy clothes that do fit rather than pressuring myself to fit into what no longer fits
#but that’s fucking expensive and wasteful and I really don’t enjoy buying a new wardrobe every season
#because I can’t just maintain one weight
#I’m either dropping it unhealthily and not eating or I’m binging and ballooning
#but 95% of the time it’s all triggered by my work schedule
#and the fact that I can’t always have a meal or a snack when I feel hunger
#I can’t get into a meal schedule which is what I need
#I either have to eat when I’m not hungry because I know I won’t have a chance to later
#or I’m not eating all day and then binge when I get home because I’ve been so fucking hungry
#and I’m fucking hoping that once I get this group trained and into our regular rotation I’ll be able to have more of a routine
#but I’m also getting a promotion because one of my bosses is quitting
#so im going to have a completely new routine
#and we’re just getting to our busiest season
#and im already feeling so out of control
#I love that putting on shorts to leave the house leads to this
#I have to host a dance concert in a month and a half and I know the dress I wore last year will not fit
#so im faced again with: buy something new that does fit or try to lose the weight
#I don’t like either of those options. I just want my body to stay the same and keep wearing things.
#it fucking sucks.
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