thoughtsintheory-blog

[dhaaruni]

Do you have any suggestions on sources to check out to understand American conservative ideology? I’m honestly trying to make a good faith attempt to understand it and why so many Republicans don’t seem to appreciate things that Democrats do for their income bracket (if they’re lower income) just bc of their stance on immigration? Like to me, Biden lowering bank overdraft fees matters more than immigration

Books, podcasts, articles, documentaries, anything!

I'll list out sources for you at another point but first of all, I think you're really misunderstanding how the conservative mindset works. You understand that people by and large vote on social issues and not economic issues right? That's why rich liberals vote for Democrats while poor conservatives vote for Republicans. The way it works is that the ethos of cultural conservatism is about preserving culture, and immigration changes the culture of a country and here's the key part, this applies even to people that aren't interacting with immigrants. They have to press 1 to get English sometimes when they call the pharmacy and that's enough to drive them up the wall! Moreover, the reality is that social liberalism is tied to education and also wealth, and the people who have less money are more likely to want to preserve what they do have, which in essence, is the "culture" of their nation.

Now, those people aren't going to vote Democrat anytime soon but the reality is that even during the peak of Stephen Miller putting kids in cages, Americans still didn't want to increase the amount of immigration, they just wanted the *visible* cruelty to stop, they're totally fine with welcoming asylum seekers into the country, giving them warm food and a hug, and sending them right back to where they came from. That's why Remain in Mexico helped Trump so much, Mexico did the dirty work of detaining and sending back migrants for the US like Turkey does it for the European Union, and the wealthier countries didn't have to get their hands dirty and their citizens often had no idea what was happening.

The issue that Democrats have right now with regards to immigration is that "elites," both Democrat and Republican, are more open to immigration than voters of either party although obviously Republicans are more opposed. Plus, liberals are opposed to high-skilled immigration from China and India in particular because Asian immigrants compete with them and their kids for education and jobs, like just look at how Democrats talk about how affirmative action negatively impacted Asian kids when it objectively did! Like, white women didn't benefit the most from affirmative action, that's a blatant lie.

The reality is that if only elites voted, the United States would be a center-left country but obviously it's not. Like, the huge negative reaction residents of blue cities are having to Republican (and Democratic!) shipping migrants up north is just so telling because it's very evident that Democrats don't want poor brown migrants who don't speak English around them, they just want to virtue signal about being pro-immigrant sanctuary cities without putting in the effort. That aside from the fact it's extremely obvious that most of the "asylum seekers" who show up at the southern border aren't qualified for asylum under international law, they're economic migrants, which is why people are demanding changes to asylum laws.

The reason that most non-white working class people still vote Democrat is because the Republican Party is extremely racist, with the exception of Black people and that's due to the history of slavery in this country. If Republicans toned down the racism even like 15% and stuck to racism against Black people and kept their mouths shut about Latinos and Asians, Republicans would get 40% of the Latino/Asian vote like Greg Abbott did in 2022 in Texas even if they likely wouldn't get to 60% like Ron DeSantis did in 2022 in Florida. And obviously, you understand as well as I do that if Republicans won 40% of the Asian and Latino vote nationwide, they'd get 400 electoral votes due to their also cleaning up among non-college white voters. Black people are 13% of the country and they can't carry Democrats without Dems winning over enough white voters and people are just allergic to admitting this fact.

All this in essence is why Democrats being reliant on rich liberals to pay for social programs they don't use is biting them in the ass. People with money, who are by and large college educated, simply don't want their taxes to go up, and to win non-college voters, Democrats have go right (on policy not just in terms of messaging) on cultural issues, primarily immigration, climate (no "green energy" or being mean to the oil/gas industry and fracking), and anything related to LGBT issues beyond "keep gay marriage legal" (even though nobody except like, Muslims in Michigan, is voting on LGBT issues one way or another). Abortion is the one "cultural" issue which helps Democrats but that's because kids are expensive and a huge undertaking especially if you don't want them, so it's still selfish and not really for the "greater good" that most people, including many Republicans, are pro-choice.

Moreover, Democratic donors and the "groups" (shadow network of activists, think tanks like the Center for American Progress, and Dem staffers who are well to the left of elected officials) don't want to move away from cultural liberalism since they skew wealthier than the general population and would rather talk about mincing the definitions of acronyms nobody uses and canceling student loans for the overeducated and downwardly mobile than public schools not letting kids take math classes and Medicaid negotiations because those issues don't impact them or any of their friends and families.

At the end of the day, the reason conservative ideology doesn't die out is because when push comes to shove, people prioritize their own self-interest. Obviously there are caveats and sometimes people opt to help others and society at large, but placing ourselves and our loved ones over the rest of the world is an intrinsic part of human nature and one that we need to understand if we're intent on changing society. Does that make sense?

[transwrongs]

humans are humans are humans

i’ve been thinking a lot about the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason” and i think i’m comfortable saying that that’s true. i actually think it’s kinda insane how true it is. but explicitly not in any fucked up christian way. in fact these thoughts come about specifically because of my former hatred of the phrase bc of its religious connotations. i hated it bc it was used to *justify horrid behaviours/events, or justify inaction in response to said behaviours/events. it was used as an excuse for christians to avoid difficult conversations about reality, to push anti-intellectualism.

the thing is, everything does happen for a reason. simply cause and effect. religion warped this to mean “everything happens for [Gods] reason (and therefore technically nothing bad can ever happen)”. but reality tells us that, no, reason is neutral. neither good nor bad. if you push someone and they fall over and got hurt, they got hurt for a reason. everything literally does happen for a reason, or else nothing would happen. but i wanted to push this further. bc it started to sound like… really profound when i started to actually apply it.

(i might just be describing me discovering critical thinking and empathy right now, i’m not totally sure <3)

so, i’ve been thinking about how jarring certain things feel to me, like an opinion/worldview someone has or some cultural phenomena that just doesn’t make sense to me,,, and this kinda helped me feel less, idk, lost? because i think of myself, and all humans, as inherently and naturally creatures of reason so when i see or hear people doing things that seem to go against that worldview it’s hard to reconcile ya know? hejanfhsjakd

thinking about why people think the way they do, vote the way they do, watch what they watch, make what they make, etc. it all happens for a reason. nothing happens in a vacuum. and because humans, IMO, are naturally “logical”, if you step back and look from a truly objective standpoint, you can see the “logic”. i think seeing that reason is the first step to bringing people away from the harmful patterns. because sure everything happens for a reason, cancer happens for a reason, disease happens (spreads…) for a reason, natural disasters happen for a reason, death happens for a reason.

but they don’t HAVE to happen. or we don’t HAVE to let them destroy us. another amazing human trait is our resilience and our adaptability. abilities that WE fundamentally have. everything happens for a reason and that means we have ways of preparing, predicting, and planning accordingly.

PS: more lighthearted, WRT to pop culture. pop culture is popular for a reason. they may not all be great reasons but to deny this fact by sticking your head in the sand and going “booo popular thing dumb” you’re really…. you’re really missing out on life… take it from a fellow hater/contrarian, you gotta let it go a bit and at least acknowledge that even the dumbest thing in the world that you fucking hate the most is liked by somebody because…. reasons!

[honeymoonjin]

TGM Bonus Content #11

HELLO folks this was a long time coming but here is the week 2 elimination from Tae’s perspective ;;;-; also i know BC are usually irrelevant to the main story but this one has some pretty important info so i suggest you read,,,,, it’s only 1.8k 

---

Everything feels way too official.

It makes Taehyung’s throat dry. It was a little easier to say fuck the competition earlier with Y/n. Now, after being properly voted out and Sejin directing him to the confessional shed, things were different.

It isn’t that he regrets his decision either; it’s just a little scary leaving everyone else behind. The loneliness feels almost tangible, like a film of sweat on his palms that he can’t wipe off.

He stands outside in silence for what feels like a icy eternity. He knows what he has to do, and yet he waits at the door of the confessional instead of going inside.

Eventually, Sejin returns. He’s quiet for a moment, clearly trying to give the recently eliminated contestant space, but that’s exactly what Taehyung’s stomach turns over. His heart skips a beat when the producer gestures towards the shed, and Taehyung forces himself to speak up.

“What changes now?” Taehyung asks, voice croaky. “I can’t have sex with Y/n, I know, but what else?” He eyes the door of the shed warily. “Is this the last time I’ll use this?”

Sejin shrugs. “The confessional booth has never been an enforced requirement, it’s just preferred for the players in the show. You don’t have to come here anymore.”

“No, that’s not-” Taehyung forces himself not to feel too nervous, aware that his anxieties are making this bigger than it needs to be. “...I like kinda talking to the fans, that’s all. I wanna come back.”

“Then you’re welcome to,” the producer responds easily, before his face softens. Reaching out to place a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, Sejin gives it a reassuring squeeze. “You’re no less important on the show, and certainly no less valued amongst Y/n and the others just because you’re eliminated, okay?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes, even as the warm touch soothes him. “But you were going to send us home once we get voted out.”

Sejin breathes out slowly, lips moving silently like he’s deciding whether to speak or not. His eyes lift towards the cameras attached to the exterior wall of the house, before using the grip on Taehyung’s shoulder to step inside the shed. Kang and Shin are nowhere to be seen, and the small room is cool and quiet. “A lot of things are changing on the show,” Sejin answers carefully after he slides the door shut again, flicking the light on. “Partly because of the viewers’ response; partly because of all of you.”

“Us?” Almost like instinct, Taehyung finds himself going to sit on the stool. Sejin’s ruggedly handsome face is a little pinched as he double-checks the confessional camera is turned off, and it makes the boy worry.

“I’m telling you this because I trust you with the information, but do not forget you’re under a legal non-disclosure,” Sejin warns. After receiving a bewildered nod, he continues. “All of this was a gimmick,” he explains wearily. “The higher-ups told us our viewership was tanking due to bigger competitors and that we needed something to capture the attention of younger demographics, the 18-30 bracket, and I know from my girlfriend how addictive those reality shows on television can be. All of this - the big house, the pool, the prompts - it was all just a marketing gimmick.”

Taehyung doesn’t know how to respond. Sitting there with his mouth open like a fish seems sufficient, as Sejin continues.

“My boss just wanted all the pretty visuals and clickbait to get people’s attention. He couldn’t care less about the show or the people on it as long as the viewership increased. I don’t believe I ever told you this, but I’m from the HR department. I’m not even meant to be working directly with shoots, but the original proposal was so shocking that I applied to take it over. I tried to budget in for things like proper food and personal items, adjusted the application form to try and get genuine and safe people.” Sejin sighs out, arms crossed tightly in discomfort at the honesty. “My boss wasn’t happy about cutting corners in other areas like expensive sex toys and cameramen, but once the views started skyrocketing and the fanbase on social media began to grow, he became a little more comfortable with the idea.”

Taehyung closes his mouth with a small frown. “And now he’s happy with it?”

The producer laughs without humour. “He doesn’t get it,” Sejin admits, “can you believe that the views peak when the eight of you are together? Every breakfast, lunch, dinner, or meeting, they shoot up. Sometimes more than the actual sex, the viewers want to see you. So that’s why it’s not important that you’ve been eliminated. We made the decision to keep everyone around because I don’t think it’s wise that we separate you. And my boss wants fatter pockets, so he can’t afford risking the view drop if the house gets emptier and emptier. Do you understand?”

The masseuse nods mechanically. “Yeah, I think so.”

The uncertainty isn’t enough for Sejin, who purses his lips, brows knitted together. “Taehyung, I’m telling you this because I want you to prioritise your enjoyment here. I can see you are becoming close with some of the people in this house, and I want to encourage that. Not because of the views, but because I know they’re all good people that care about you, and you deserve to get something out of this experience. The CEO and main council of Bangasm would wring you all dry if they could, so don’t feel guilty about taking full advantage of whatever they’re giving you, whether it’s food or WiFi or, I don’t know, the pool. And please don’t forget that I’m on your side.”

Sejin clearly isn’t expecting the hug, because when Taehyung launches off the stool and wraps his arms tightly around the larger man, he stumbles back a few steps. After a moment, though, he brings his arms up to return the embrace, and Taehyung tightens his grip and savours it for a moment longer before letting go.

“I knew you were a good egg,” Taehyung announces proudly, setting himself back on the stool. “Let’s do this exit interview!”

As he sets up the camera and pulls out his phone to find the questions, the producer tries to hide his fond smile. He doesn’t do a very good job, but Taehyung chooses not to point it out.

“Okay, Week Two exit interview, Kim Taehyung,” Sejin announces in the smooth tone he always uses for anything official. Taehyung prefers his regular voice, but decides not to mention that either. “First of all, how do you feel now?”

Taehyung hums. “Should I pretend to be sad for views? I can fake cry if you want.”

Sejin sends him a warning glare, but that smile hasn’t left. “Honesty is preferred.”

“Okay,” the younger boy allows, deflating a little. “I feel okay. I was sad before, but I want to turn this into something positive, like an opportunity instead of a loss, you know?”

“And were you surprised about Y/n’s choice?”

“A little.” Taehyung pouts at Sejin’s raised brows. “I’m not lying this time! I know that I told Y/n to vote for me and we decided it, but I guess I kinda thought maybe she’d change her mind and save me. But now that it’s done, I’m really glad it’s not the others. I don’t want to see them upset.”

Sejin’s head drops, almost seeming touched by Tae’s response, though he busies himself with reading off his phone. “Is there anything you would have done differently if you could start the competition again?”

Taehyung bites his lip, thinking hard. After a few moments, a frown has graced his features. “I think I would’ve been a bit more selfish if I knew I was only going to get two weeks when everyone else got more. I just kinda wanna go back in there and kiss Y/n, but I can’t. That part definitely sucks.”

“What are you going to do now that you’ve been eliminated?”

At this question, Taehyung brightens back up again. “I want to spend time doing the things I love. Watching anime, gaming, I wanna train Mango so that maybe she can become an inside dog. And I want to get closer with the others now that I don’t have to worry about competing against them.” If Taehyung is honest with himself - which he does prefer to be - he’ll admit that he never felt like he was competing against anyone.

“Finally, since your elimination, the fans have been tweeting their reactions real-time, and the #WeLoveYouTaehyung hashtag has actually entered the trending tweets for South Korea. Is there anything you want to say to the viewers of the show, to those that support you?”

It’s hard not to tear up at the thought of people at home, cheering him on and supporting him. He blinks hard, nose twitching. “I’m sorry I couldn’t win for you. But I hope you continue to support me, and I’m going to try and chat with you all on Twitter more now. Thank you for the love.”

Sejin smiles sadly, reaching up to switch off the camera. “That’s all, buddy,” he says in a small voice, “you did well.”

Taehyung waits for the disappointment or the cold realisation to creep up inside him at those words - that’s all. But they never do. Yes, maybe Taehyung is done with the competition. Maybe he wouldn’t win the mysterious unknown prize, and maybe he’d have to restrain himself from kissing or touching Y/n like he wanted to. But there was a kind of liberation in not having to worry about that stuff anymore and just focus on enjoying himself.

An idea lights up Taehyung’s head suddenly, making a grin stretch across his lips. “Thank you, PD,” he says with a small bow, “I’ll go head upstairs now.”

Sejin reminds him that he’s in the bunks from tonight onwards for the week, but even that doesn’t damper his excited anticipation. He dashes inside, catching sight of the guys and Y/n in the kitchen, clearly preparing a meal of sorts.

Everyone’s staring at him, probably waiting to see if he’s going to put on a smile or burst into tears. Taehyung chooses the former. “I’m going upstairs to have a shower,” he says, “don’t wait up. I’ll come back down when I’m done.”

Y/n bites her lip, guilt stricken on her face, but before she can pull him into a conversation, Taehyung hurries back out and up the stairs.

For the first time in almost the whole two weeks, Taehyung locks his bedroom door.

It takes barely any time to open his computer and load the site he wants. Down the sides of the page, sponsored ads mingle with genuine ones, but the top banner is exactly what he’s after.

He clicks through, enters his credit card details, and grins when the confirmation comes up, displaying the purchase information and a link.

Thank you for your purchase! The order was successful.

Click here to go to the Bangasm TGM livestream site.

[kuviras-eyeliner]

Hey! I just found you and love your blog 💞 I was wondering if I could maybe get a matchup for ATLA and LOK? 🥺👉👈 I’m a scrawny little five-foot-nothing bi girl (I’m pretty feminine and more attracted to masculine types, regardless of gender) and I love hiking and being outside in general! I’m an INFP personality type, a Hufflepuff, and I’m a STEM major in school. I’m a coffee addict, I love fall, and I have an unhealthy obsession with buying holiday themed blankets and socks lol. I have a pretty even temper and I’m more likely to stand up for someone else than myself if another person is being mean, but I don’t really like confrontation. Bc of that, I end up being the person in the friend group that everyone else feels the need to protect, even tho I am 100% capable of handling myself! I’ve also been voted as best hugger of my friend group, which is my proudest achievement in life 😌 wow ok this got rly long I’m so sorry! Also my ATLA/LOK side blog is @jasmine-iroh but I can’t send an ask from there, I’d love to be your friend tho!! Your writing is so good and I love your positive vibes 💞

Ahhh sweetie I’m so sorry this took so long!! I’ll make sure that this is extra detailed to make up for the wait, I’m so so sorry!! 🥺🥺🥺 You seem like such a lovable and sweet person, and literally want to give you the biggest hug in the entire world, because even though I’ve only read one snippet of who you are you just seem so cute ajajajjajajaa

I match this lovely human marshmallow with...

Toph!

⁽ᵇᵘᵗ ˡᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵗ ʰᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵍⁱᶠ ⁱˢ ᵃˢᵈᶠᵍʰʲᵏˡ🥺⁾

When I saw that you sent this, I literally squealed because OH MY GOSH, you and Toph would be such a good duo that I literally can’t with myself-- you sound like such a caring, gentle, yet underestimated person (but wanna say for the record that I can tell you have a lot more potential than what people see!). I can tell that even though you might not be very book smart, you’re more street smart and you know a lot about life and what’s in store for you. You know so many life lessons and apply it to your life and take it to heart, then spread it to others. So, with Toph! We all know that Toph is one of the most aggressive yet absolute butt-kicking queen out there. She might be seen as this invincible, strong, powerful rock, but I think you’d be the first person to realize that Toph is human as well and that she can’t stay strong forever. Even though Toph isn’t big on physical contact/bonding, with your hugs, she might say she doesn’t like them, but of course, she really does. Toph also loves to show you just how much she really cares about you but through a lot of side-punches. She makes sure to be more gentle around you and tries to control her temper when she knows you’re there. Toph knows more than enough that you can protect yourself, because she usually doesn’t look past just how much potential someone can have. Toph might not be open about many things, but with you, she’ll let herself smile every now and then out of just how beautiful you are. On your worst days, even though Toph isn’t big on hugs and physical comfort, she might make an exception for you and hug you first. She’ll be really verbal about how you feel, and Toph does anything in her will (even though it might be awkward at times) to make you feel better. She’s also there to be with you, right beside you, even though she might not say it out loud. Toph makes sure that you feel comfortable around her, and you can always find her (this is a headcanon I made I’m so sorry if it sounds wack as heck but still) trying to cook, but unfortunately, things don’t go as planned. Overall, Toph is just there to stand with you as a best friend, and a lover. You two are inseparable, no matter how far physically you may be away from each other <333

Next up, we have:

Bolin!

I think we can all make it clear that Bo is one of the most precious characters in The Legend of Korra-- so yes, I ship you with Bolin! A lot of people (I KNOW I BRING THIS UP IN EVERY SINGLE MATCHUP, BUT PLEASE BARE WITH ME) overlook just how ripped Bolin actually is?? Like he was in a fricking movie film, and people think he’s not attractive?? No, no, absolutely not, he’s beautiful just the way he is ;U; <3 Bolin loves you to pieces!! He really likes how much you value your time with people, and how you’re a firm believer in giving people second chances. Bolin also makes sure that in moments you feel down, that he’ll literally give you the biggest and softest hugs ever, and he’ll pull you aside and cry with you. When you cry, he cries-- when you’re happy, he’s happy. When you laugh, he laughs: the only thing he wants is for you to be okay with yourself and then those around you. He loves getting hugs from you, and he’ll never look over how much potential you have! Bolin loves you to the point where playing Pai Sho with him every night has almost become a religion, and that he assures you nothing bad can happen in your life. He’ll laugh randomly whenever you do something that’s iconic, and when you ask, he’ll say, “I’m laughing because I can’t believe I fell in love with someone so perfect,” and he’ll make as much time for you as possible. Bolin makes sure that you feel loved and at peace with him-- -although, yes, he might be a biiit overprotective, Bolin also makes sure that you feel like you’re more than enough around him. In most situations, he’ll let you handle things on your own, but when things get really tough, Bolin makes sure that no one hurts you.

Thank you so so much, @jasmine-iroh!! I appreciate your ask, I had a great time writing this one. Stay safe, luv!! <hugs!>

And requests are always open for anything! I love y’all to pieces <333

<HUGS!!>

(and shoulder pats ;D)

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 1)

One world ! 24 other players ! I 

I'm too old to be here but... it's happening! I made it on Tumblr Survivor mom! Determined to not be first boot!

Also I'm aligning with Jordan Pines because I love chaos and these newbies won't know what hit them

Well this is certainly something. I'm going to try out seeing who pms me without me saying anything. I'll pick up the activity tomorrow, so it doesn't really affect me, let's see if anyone takes the initiative so I don't have to. If I get dragged into a majority alliance then that's cool. I don't think that this group is great in terms of teamwork as of yet, but we'll see. There's so many tribes our chances of going to tribal are pretty slim, even if we suck. We're kindof underdogs, so sucking might not be excusable. 

First day of surviving the Survivor survivorship...survivor. These forms are going to take some time to get used to, but I'll manage. Got conversations from Beck and Sammy so far - might scope the field, see what's out there. Or, I can lay low and do what I need to do for my team until merge hits. 

i actually really like the people on my tribe and i'm excited because i have hopes for us. i've also made some nice friends so far and i'm hoping that pays off later but even if it doesn't i'm glad my first day in a skype survivor org has been positive! woo!

Fuck this complicated ass first challenge 

Hello! Guess whose back? It me! Anyway, it’s been a fun first night. Things are going okay. I am worried a little bit about the One World mess, I don’t want to come off too social right now but at the same time I need to secure a good place. So here is the breakdown analysis of my tribe: Chris Stoner: hello ???? I didn’t know they let stoners into the Olympics, didn’t we drug test? I haven’t spoken to him much but we did play Crossroads together although not really together. Anyway, fun to see him. Don’t know if I’d work with him but I guess that’s to be determined. Karen: KARENNNNN! I wasn’t expecting to see them here but now that it’s happening I am very glad to have someone who I have worked with before around, and a solid foundation of working together. Right away I felt like I had someone who had my back and I hope I’m not misreading that, because Karen and I always seem to work together until a certain point. Hopefully we can work together longer than usual this time! Kevin: uhhh soooooo love Kevin but we don’t have the best track record? He was in Circle with me we had a little fight where I may have called him a racist for being mad at Asya anyway it SEEMS as though that’s not an issue anymore and I think we might be able to work something out. I don’t wanna have to vote Kevin out before Stoner or Tommy. Tommy: ok no offense to this man but he is so hard to talk to so far. Every conversation feels flat and even though we are talking about subjects I could go on about for a while, it feels like the convos are going nowhere. I feel like there’s a sort of slight bond between Karen, Kevin and I but then Tommy and Stoner are kind of...hopefully who they’d want to kill off first, I’m probably wildly misreading every situation rn. Outside of my tribe I’ve talked to Juls who I am going to take under my wing as my daughter and she will win this season if I don’t get to! I love her so much she reminds me of my old school Skype babies and I feel like a cool mom when I talk to her I’ve also talked to beck briefly, KING love him bc he’s dating Asya and I don’t necessarily want to bond based on that. I also know beck is a good as game player bc I’ve watched him play so......I’m gonna be nice and observant and maybe we can establish a threat/threat symbiotic relationship. I also talked to Jacob C. who I love so much and he and I have been comparing some notes. He’s already told me Sammy has an idol that he can only use for three rounds so heh heh heh. OH SPEAKING OF SAMMY I love that man he’s such a doll and I really hope we can work together if I get far. At this point I love this cast but I really feel like I am not gonna vibe with the newbies, they’re like very....quiet in the PM’s but loud in the one world chat? I find that backwards. I’m hoping the newbies I do like will be able to  get rid of the newbies I don’t like so that when we merge the newbies I do like will help me get rid of the returnees I don’t wanna work with. That’s what we are manifesting, 2020 vision yeehaw. 

Showmance, eh? I might play dumb, surprise them all later? I could play the role of disposable pawn while possibly orchestrating things behind the shadows. Could be a long, long shot, but it could work. 

AAAAHHHHH IM HERE HI MOM IM ON TV IM SO EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING IM ALSO SCARED AS FUCK CUS EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DONT 

omg okay this is all so crazy i love it i can’t stop shaking AAAAHHH dhdkshHSJDHEVSJbokayOKAY so like i LOOOVE my tribe we’re the fuckin best tribe here cus we’re all so cool like we’re the FRIENDSHIP tribe and being able to make friends is a useful skill in this game like no offense but being the “dominant” tribe or “champions” tribe or whatever tbh it’s pretty unskinny bc that’s a target on you forever whereas my tribe we’re all friendly and trusting!! 💖💞 xoxo lets hold hands all the way to finale and have fun! 🌈✨

okay i forgot to talk about strategy lol anyways yeah I looOOOVve everyone on my tribe and that’s great but also sucks because there’s only 5 of us, it just takes 3 votes to send you out so I wish there was some oblivious cocky dick on our tribe we all could hate so we’d have an easy first vote like that guy Billy.. why is he on the respect tribe¿? anyways i love everyone but I think Will and I are becoming the closest we talked for a lil while last night yknow things got a little steamy 🥰�� (you’ll have to pay for ts all access for that footage 😘) we bonded really well and I think for this first vote if we lose, Will and I are definitely gonna be voting together.

Alright, so here we are at the 2020 Olympics.   I came in as a last minute replacement, so I feel like I have to prove myself more than some others who applied weeks before hand and made the cut.   As well, got some past players, and past winners, which makes the competition stakes that much greater this season.   Then, to top it all off, at the One World style camp, so can talk to everyone which is definitely a nice touch.   Now, regards to my tribe, I honestly like the people on my tribe, and find that we're going to be a solid crew.   Here is my actual impressions on my tribe mates thus far though: Beck - Probably one I recognize most, just due to being in a discord org vl with her, definitely seems like a friendly gal, and when time is right, I feel she could end up being my closest ally on the tribe Ben - Probably one so far who I have talked the most too, and I feel like we're connecting alright thus far, so going to keep building up a bond with him and his route could end up being as my first ally of these Olympics. Kathy - Haven't spoken one on one with her yet, just in the tribe chat somewhat and main chat, which she definitely seems like a cool person, and hoping to get to know her a bit better, but terms of this game, hard to say if we'll be on same side or not. Bailey - Speaking with her a little, but kind of same lines as Kathy currently with her, just not sure if Bailey will end up being an ally who will be with me, or someone who will be against me. Overall, time will tell how this game goes, but hopefully it goes well for me and I come out with at least something worth while.

HOLY SHIT I FOUND AN ADVANTAGE OH MY GOD!!!!! I GOT AN ADVANTAGE ON DAY FUCKIN TWO OF MY FIRST SURVIVOR EVERR HOLY SHIT!!!! okay so it says i can get an extra vote IF at the next tribal i decide to NOT vote and save that vote for later so i’d have an extra vote. Now the hard part is making my first tribal an easy vote so i can save my own.. hopefully i’ll be able to do this! i’m so scared ohmygod

okay i’m in a serious predicament... so I may not vote at the next tribal meaning there’s only 4 votes. While looking at the cast reveal i discovered something.. Nik is a drag queen, Eve also does drag as well... what if they applied together from some drag community or are bonding because of that. That’s 2 votes together already on a tribe of five.. that’s dangerous especially when I’m not allied with either of them! If they vote together and i don’t vote... they’d have half the votes already and may get rid of my ally Will! I’m hoping to god they don’t know each other but if they are aligned then Will or I could be out! I want this advantage but i don’t know if i can take it.... fuuUUUUCK

I’m really enjoying my tribe and I think that the people in this game are super awesome! However with that being said, I can definitely see who could potentially be an issue down the line and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for them!

whoa. this game is a lot. I managed to message everyone on day one because I just rely on my social abilities. I tried to be as relatable as possible to everyone but literally some people were dead fish. Some newbies have asked me for advice already and they said returners are intimidating so I said "I mean only the returners that won" hahah and they were like "oh yeah so true" sorry I threw y'all under the bus. But ummm kathy is playing and we are from the same hometown so I am hoping we end up on same tribe sometime soon. I love juls too!! OH AND JACOB IS MY RIDE OR DIE. we had a tribe call and I was so uncomfortable because I felt like I had nothing to add to the conversation. my fav 2 on my tribe are Jacob and Caeleb tho! umm okay last thing I searched for the idol....AND BIH ON DA FIRST TRY I GOT ONE BLSFSI only good for next three tribals I attend tho. I told Jacob. it was in a yellow condom. okay sorry this was very choppy I just wanted to get it all out.

This tribe seems to be working fine together, while I'm still terrified of losing, I think we stand a fighting shot. This cool little band of misfits would be a cool sight. I've kept my quiet for the first day, time to ramp things up just a tad. I've talked to Landen and I feel pretty alright about him, and given this tribe is as small as my will to life after playing QWOP, we only need one more! Landen's probably talking to everyone, so I just need to seal the deal with him. I think my challenge performance will suffice for being enough to keep me around, but I need a bit of a backup just in case. If we go to tribal, there's not a "stay UTR" option. It's either I'm in an alliance and I'm calling some shots, or I'm being (in)directly blindsided. But, I picked my strong suit in flash games for a reason fellas. The one world chat has quite a bit of activity. I'm quite and that's fine, if we swap I can readjust. If we go to tribal I'm sure I'll become just a tad more popular along with the other 9 that go. tldr:I'm winning duh

Ayo, tribe energy looking DOPE AS HELL BAY BAY! We all seem to be getting along pretty well, seeing as our communication during this challenge is pretty dope! No bad personalities in sight. I gotta wonder though, how nervous do I have to be? I know for a damn fact if I start talking more to these people they gon' be fallin' as hard as underage kids seeing the hottest girl in school enter their club. Thing is though, I'm fresh meat coming into this, so any pre existing relationships in this game are like dust mites to me. Can't see em' but GOD DAMN they annoy me. Nonetheless, I gotta work my magic in case we go to Tribal. I ain't letting anybody take out a rookie, especially a rookie who has somethin' to prove, and someone who at his best is the damn king of the world. See me work bay bay!

[pekorosu]

31. Ash and Eiji have won first place for leading male character and supporting male character respectively.

----- Thank you. They're both enjoying their time off at a ski resort, so I'll let them know about it.

this is from a short interview with yoshida akimi in the april 1995 edition of “pafu” where banana fish won previous year popularity polls in 5 categories. the interview itself doesn’t have much info bc she’s really curt lol, but anyway if you’re interested, the rest is below.

Yoshida Akimi “Banana Fish” Sweeps 5 Categories

Interview

1. “Banana Fish” and "Garden of Light" won first place for the long series and short story categories respectively. Congratulations. What are your thoughts on winning this?

----- Thank you. I feel encouraged.

2. What was the reaction of people around you once serialization had ended?

----- I was called a "killer".

3. While drawing this series (including the side stories), which scene did you have the most fun with?

----- Doesn’t ring any bells... but when I drew the huge scenes I had a "Take that!" (the heck is that?) sort of feeling.

4. Which scene was the most painful for you?

----- Nothing specific comes to mind... but it’s really troublesome to draw scenes where many characters appear.

5. What is your favourite phrase or moment in the series?

----- I can't think of anything... Honestly, nothing is coming up.

6. Are there any interesting backstory anecdotes? Anything you couldn’t draw, or had to abandon?

----- Answer to #1... Blanca was a woman at first.

----- Answer to #2... The story for Ash's mother.

7. Is there anything you felt like you’ve overlooked or didn’t draw well enough?

----- That applies to every single thing.

8. Please tell us what references you used when writing the story (books, movies, etc).

----- There are too many to list down.

9. When you were drawing "Garden of Light", was there anything you found difficult or were particularly careful with?

----- I tried to make it so that it wouldn’t be overly sentimental, but it always ends up that way.

10. How was the reaction of people around you to Sing's height?

----- Generally positive.

11. How was the reaction of people around you to Eiji's long hair?

----- Generally positive. But his personality had gotten a little gloomier so apparently it gave a sense of unease.

12. Did you plan on having Sing grow so tall since the very beginning?

----- Yes.

13. After this, will Eiji cut his hair? If he does, when does it happen?

----- I never thought that far. (sorry)

14. How do you personally feel about the pair Sing and Eiji? Also, how was the reaction of people around you to them?

----- I had not thought of it as "Sing and Eiji" in particular. The way I see it, they're just part of the same crew.* As for the people around me... there isn't anyone else who reads the manga besides my assistants, so...

(*tl note: she uses “nakamauchi” here. “comrades” sounds too formal, “friends” isn’t wrong but sounds slightly off... idk)

15. How will the relationship between Eiji, Sing and Akira change over time?

----- Akira will become Sing's wife.

16. "Garden of Light" takes place 7 years after the final chapter. Do you have the story between those two points inside you?

----- I do, but it’ll get way too long so I'm not going to draw it.

17. "Garden of Light" differs from the other side stories in that it's set in the future; it is a sequel of the main story, so to speak. For you, which one is the last scene?

----- I have to say, it’s the one in the main story.

18. Do you plan on drawing other side stories about Banana Fish next time? If you do, who will be the protagonist, and what kind of story will it be about?

----- Not at the moment, or rather, I think I probably won’t.

19. Will Banana Fish characters appear in your other series next time?

----- I think they might. I'm gonna reuse them.

20. Looking back now, what do you think of yourself when you had been drawing Banana Fish?

----- I was really worn out.

21. Did you get a good rest after serialization ended? What did you do during that time?

----- Went skiing, played tennis and went diving. (the usual, I guess.)

22. What kind of year was 1994 for you?

----- Not a very good year.

23. Please tell us about any manga that you found interesting that you read in 1994.

----- I only read one manga called “Doubutsu no Oisha-san”. Nothing else to compare it with.

24. What was the happiest (or most fun) thing that happened in 1994?

----- Nothing. (flat out)

25. On the other hand, what was the most upsetting (or unfortunate) thing?

----- Too many to list down.

26. Is there someone or something that has caught your interest lately?

----- Nothing comes to mind.

27. Please tell us what you can about any plans for a new series besides Banana Fish. What kind of story will it be, and when will it be published?

----- I will be doing a sort-of-series in Bessatsu Shoujo Comics around springtime. The protagonist will be a high school student and it will be a love story (wahaha). Please do check it out if you're interested.

(*tl note: this is probably referring to lover’s kiss)

28. Please tell us the schedule for Banana Fish comics.

----- In spring (it's already spring though), the side stories and a really, reaaaaaaaally old story about Eiji and Ibe's first meeting will be compiled into a book called "Private Opinion". Eiji from before is old art so it looks really weird! It's fine if you laugh but do give it a try. However, it's not in the standard size (is that what it's called?) so it's a bit expensive. Sorry.

29. What are your hopes for the year 1995, outside of work?

----- I want to try snowboarding. (right now I’ve plateaued with skiing so time to jump ship!)

30. Lastly, please give a shout out to Pafu readers!

----- Thank you. I really appreciate your continuous support. (how trite!)

tl note: banana fish won the comics category (a category for individual volumes, volume 19 in this case) along with the other 4 mentioned above. i think “pafu” was mainly targeted at female readers, because there’s a separate page with what seems like a separate long series poll for male readers, in which banana fish took 2nd place following yu yu hakusho. btw ash won lead male chara with 888 votes, which ironically is a very lucky chinese number lol.

[yobaba30]

~ Tim Wise

1/ If the Dems blow this election it will not be because they were "too far left on policy" or because they "weren't left enough." It will have little to do with policy at all. They are making a mistake caused by traditional consultant theory that does not apply here...

2/ And by listening to influential pundits in liberal media who also don't get the unique nature of Trumpism, relative to normal political movements & campaigns...this election is NOT going to be won by talking about all your "great plans" for health care, jobs, education, etc..

3/ And the reasons are several...Let me begin by saying that I have experience confronting the kind of phenomenon we see in Trumpism, and far more than most. Any of us who were involved in the fight against David Duke in LA in 90/91 know what this is and how it must be fought...

4/ So before explaining what the Dems are doing wrong right now, a little history...In 1990, white supremacist David Duke ran for U.S. Senate in LA, and in 1991 for Governor. He lost both times but both times he won the majority of the white vote (60 and 55% respectively)...

5/ I was one of the staffers of the main anti-Duke PAC at the time & ultimately became Assistant Director. In 90, even though our Director Lance Hill, myself & a few of our founders wanted to focus on Duke's bigotry, ties to extremists and appeals to white racial resentment...

6/ ...after all, that WAS the issue--it was a moral struggle against racism--we had mainstream Democratic consultants who warned us against focusing too much on it. They said that "played into Duke's hands" and allowed him to set the agenda....

7/ So sure, we could discuss his ties to Nazis & such, but we shouldn't make a big deal out of his contemporary racist appeals, per se, bc "lots of voters agree" with those appeals...they even encouraged us to talk about utterly superfluous shit like Duke paying his taxes late..

8/ Or Duke avoiding service in Vietnam, or Duke writing a sex manual under a female pseudonym (yeah he did that)...although Lance held firm that we needed to talk mostly about racism, we did end up talking about some of that other stuff too, sadly...

9/ I say "sadly" because doing that normalized Duke as a regular candidate. Attacking his generic character or bill paying habits (or even discussing his inadequate plans for job creation, etc) treated him like a normal candidate. But he was/is a NAZI...

10/ And none of his voters were voting 4 him bc of jobs, or tax policy or support for term limits, etc. And none were going to turn on him over late tax payments, Vietnam, etc. Indeed throwing that stuff out there & downplaying the elephant in the room (racism) seemed desperate..

11/ It allowed people to say "well if he's really this racist, white supremacist, why are they talking about all this other stuff?" It actually undermined our ability to paint him as the extremist he was/is. And as a result, the threat he posed was not clear enough to voters...

12/ And this didn't just allow him to get votes he might not have gotten otherwise; it also depressed turnout among people who almost certainly disliked him but didn't think he could win or would be all that big a deal if he did. In fact I recall convos with "liberals"...

13/ ...Who said they weren't going 2 vote bc after all Duke's Dem opponent was just a shill for the oil and gas industry, and that was just as bad, blah blah fucking blah...because some lefties can't tell the difference between corporatist assholes and actual literal Nazis...

14/ But we bore some responsibility for that because we got suckered into playing this conventional game and "not playing into his narrative." Anyway, Duke gets 60% of the vote, black and white liberal turnout is lower than it should have been and Duke gets 44% of vote...

15/ In the Governor's race we dispensed w/ all that bullshit. We talked about Duke's ongoing Nazism and the moral/practical evil of his racist appeals. We discussed how that moral evil would have real world consequences (driving tourists and business away, rightly so, from LA)..

16/ Because it was wrong, and it was not who we wanted to be, and it was not who were were. We were better than that and needed to show the rest of the country that...

17/ Now, did this flip any of Duke's 1990 voters? Nah, not really. Indeed he got 65k MORE votes in the Governor's race than the Senate race. But it was never about flipping them. We knew that would be almost impossible...

18/ To flip Duke voters would require that they accept the fact that they had previously voted for a monster, and people are loath to do that. Our goal was not to flip them, but to DRIVE UP TURNOUT among the good folks, many of whom stayed home in 90...

19/ And that is what happened. The concerted effort of the anti-Duke forces (not just us), challenging Duke's "politics of prejudice," and making the election about what kind of state we wanted to be, drove turnout through the roof...

20/ 28,000+ registered on one day alone, between the initial election and runoff (which Duke made bc of the state's open primary system), with tens of thousands more overall: most of them, anti-Duke folks...

21/ When it was over, Duke had gotten 65k more votes than in 90, but his white share went to 55 (from 60) and overall to 39 (from 44) because the anti-Duke turnout swamped him...So what does this have to do with 2020 and Trump? Do I really need to explain it?...

22/ First, trying to flip Trump voters is a waste of time. Any of them who regret their vote don't need to be pandered to. They'll do the right thing. Don't focus on them. That said, very few will regret their vote. They cannot accept they voted for a monster or got suckered...

23/ Duke retained 94% of the folks he got the first time out (and got new people too), as Trump likely will. So forget these people--or at least don't wast time tailoring messages to them. And policy plans for affordable college don't mean shit to them, nor health care...

24/ Their support for Trump was never about policy. It was about the bigotry, the fact that he hates who they hate...Second, as for the "undecideds." ...Not many of these but seriously? If you're still undecided at this point about this guy...

25/ Then there is almost no way to know what would get you to make up your mind...I doubt it's a plan to deal with Wall Street though, or infrastructure, or tax policy...

26/ If anything, I would say crafting an argument that this is an existential crisis for the nation--and making it about Trump's bigotry and who we want to be as a country, would be far more effective in inspiring them to make up their minds...

27/ And what I know for a FACT is that this message--that Trumpism is a threat to everything we care about and love about this country--is what will inspire the Dem base to vote...and THAT is what this election is about...

28/ I'm not saying the Dems don't need policy ideas, but focusing on wonky, look-how-much-I've-thought about-this stuff is not going to move the needle in 2020...

29/ What the left never understands is: we need to stop approaching elections like the goddamned debate team, and start approaching it like the right does, like the cheer leading squad...

30/  The right knows psychology and we know public policy and sociology...great. The latter does not win elections...

31/ People who say the Dems should ignore Trump's race baiting because its some genius political strategy calculated to distract us, are idiots. He is no genius. And if you downplay it you NORMALIZE him. If you make this about policy, you NORMALIZE him. He is a racist...

32/ He is a white nationalist.

He is an authoritarian.

He and his cult are a threat to the future of the nation and world because of their hatreds.

His movement betrays the country's promise.

THAT is the message that will drive turnout. Not debates over marginal tax rates...

33/ Or how we are going to fund schools...And anyone who says we should ignore the race baiting to talk more about Mueller and Russia is an even bigger fool...that's like talking about Duke and late tax payments or other corruptions...it might all be true but is not the point...

34/ Not to say the House shouldn't impeach over that stuff. They should. But the 2020 candidates must craft a message that is not about that.

Trumpism is the threat to America, more than Putin.

And Putin didn't birth Trumpism.

Conservative White America did...

[cleosahar-blog]

[casey frey vc] what’s popppppppppinggg! i’m ari and i'm 20 + use she/her pronouns, and i’m in the est timezone. i’ve whipped my gorl cleo quite literally on the spot but def msg if you’d like to plot <3

( medallion rahimi, cis-female ) did you hear how CLEO SAHAR is applying to columbia university as a ART HISTORY major ?! the 21 year old is living in the EAST CAMPUS. i heard that they got in because they are + TACTFUL and +OBSERVANT, but honestly i think SHE can be -CUNNING and -TEMPERAMENTAL. they’re a real NIGHTSHADE. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.  

+ dark lipstick, dried flowers, black marble, the dead of winter, cigarette dropped in a glass of wine, candles left burning for hours, lighter touching a tongue, scribbled notes

her pinterest board!

tw mental illness

cleora “cleo” sahar is textbook slytherin. born to a russian woman too smart for her own good, named with something archaic via her mother’s fascination with everything grecian, cleo was basically born to be the personification of a nightshade

her father is an iranian immigrant who had enough charm to convince her mother to go on a date with him after three tries. her mother, nikita, always loved to tell this story.

cleo resembles her mother in many ways. from a cutting stare to her obsession with control, cleo had always wanted to be like her mother -- erudite to the point of possessing the ability for world domination

was a bit of an elitist growing up because of the above — she was able to go to a good all girls private school on scholarship which led her to columbia

fascinated w mythology, art history, film, etc

extremely sarcastic and cold most of the time. her familial pressures were enough to make her household tense, and the largeness of new york never allowed her to keep many intimate relationships or friendships growing up

has a god complex that she doesnt like to admit

uses her beauty to her advantage in most situations n has a reputation of a heartbreaker ever since she realized that all the boys from the public school downtown would ogle her on weekends

she isnt as reckless as the usual femme fatale — there’s this refined edge to her. like a glowing flame that never truly goes out

a scorpio..... ???? i literally cnt decide this is subject to change bt her personality? stereotypical scorpio perhaps

she was classically trained but ended up sticking to guitar/bass, is very talented and her tendency to be drawn to harder rock music/punk from her uncle landed her in a band in her freshman yr (think fiona apple/mysterious frontwoman of every 90s rock band)

honestly an enigma like even her close friends are usually like [waka flocka okay gif] when talking abt her bc she’s a wildcard in the sense that no one is truly close to her

exclusively wears red and black 

winter is her favorite season

prone to depressive episodes extremely easily... despite her love of winter

voted Most Likely To Slit A Man’s Throat in high school (an unspoken award)

bisexual bc who comes out of a girls private school straight

moral compass? questionable. she’s not one to be the most reckless simply because she doesn’t care enough for the thrill the way her peers do, but she’s been known to be a kleptomaniac in her younger years for the sake that she was damn good at it

her intelligence makes the world limitless and her passion for art and music only confuse her intentions for her future... it’s like her ambition is on overdrive towards something intangible n cleo has a constant fear of grasping at straws bc of pressure from her mom

constant need for power n control due to her upbringing n probably some undiagnosed ocd... she has irrational problems that are more obscure in terms of what she needs to have control over bt she tells literally no one abt these

literally has an elaborate pocket knife in her bag at all times

WANTED CONNECTIONS

exes; people who have felt the brunt of cleo’s coldness and/or wrath. most likely on bad terms or she truly jst... does not have the mind to care abt them

the odd ex that she actually does care abt?? their relationship is... strange but if opportunity came she wld not say no to hooking up

fwb/hookups; u kno the drill... we love power play n unrequitedness n the confusion of who likes who more bring the angst 2 me!!!

unrequited crush?? cld go both ways... maybe someone who sees cleo so often that she’s jst curious enough to keep them around / someone who’s pining for her but she enjoys the game / someone she likes v easily (uncommon) n she truly.. doesn’t kno how to cope

NEMESIS 

childhood acquaintance that cld be fwb or hookup or weird friend...or  something.. idk.. cnt decide if her cleo’s mother is a prof or someone in academia yet bc if so then this person cld be  a child of one of her colleagues?

all friends any type welcome pls she’s so stone cold that she needs 2 loosen up... ive written a gd VILLAIN in my head

[transvladking]

(1/5) Thank you for sharing your discord ID with me! I’d like to stay anon for now ;; I know it’s a bit unfair to not give you a way to initiate contact with me but I hope you’ll be okay with it. Also, thanks for your compliments // it’s very encouraging! I think Monoma is implied to be in the stands for the entirety of the Sports Festival 1v1s (given that he comments on Ura vs Bkg), so he is aware that Deku’s quirk is powerful enough to blow away Todoroki’s attacks (+ the boy himself).

(2/5) I believe he’d probably copy the quirks in their original form w/o obtaining the 9ish generations of power, so he’d effectively be quirkless even after and be very confused. Since contact is the only stated requirement for copying a quirk, I’m assuming Monoma does NOT need prior declarative knowledge to copy; he can tap a complete stranger and obtain their quirk. So the problem then becomes: does he gain procedural knowledge of said quirk? Or must he already have some idea of it to use it?(3/5) There’s nothing so far showing that he can copy and use quirks he’s never seen in action (which would be the strongest evidence that he gains procedural knowledge), so we may never know. Maybe he can tell that he’s copied two quirks instead of one (the feeling of it, maybe?), etc. and would thus immediately be able to derive how OFA works. However, what could be drawn from this situation no matter what is that Deku’s quirk is not what it seems(4/5) Given what I said above, I’ve no idea how much physical fitness would tie into curbing self-destruction when controlling the quirk, but that’s a comparison I missed—Deku did become considerably more fit by the time he took the entrance exam but Aizawa commented that his fitness level was still a cut below the others (presumably, Monoma included).(5/5) Re: LN, I’m inclined to say it’s not canon (I operate w/ the Conan def) but you’re right, it’s not too farfetched esp if we assume contact = getting DNA! Plus, Horikoshi-sensei at least (probably) gave it a pass. What LN vol/ch was it in, if you remember it? I would love to read it! As a side note, Monoma’s quirk is listed as an emitter type on the fan wiki (tho I didn’t find the original source) but I think it’s a transformation type lol. (6/5) Also, re: the plotline thing. I think the impt thing to remember that BNHA, at its core, is about school. More than just action, it is slice of life! It follows students through societal upheaval, but these are ultimately tied to their school exp. Even Overhaul was only relevant because he was what Deku’s internship office was working on. Each villain (even Gentle) invites another look at the social fabric. But, I agree that Horikoshi-s could have done better to weave it together.

Hi! No troubles if you want to remain anon, I promise. Talking to people is hard! I really appreciate you taking the time to come  and talk with me! Now, to monoma

Since Midoriya got the nine generations vis a vis DNA (eat hair), I believe monoma could obtain all that power himself, if my theory is correct. I also know the physical thing is involved, bc All Might was like “youre a little twig boy, if you dont get BUFF, you’ll be killed by my quirk”, and its implied all might was chosen because his body was so,,,godlike. There’s also the fact that just, all around, we don’t know if this counts as OfA being Passed On, or if he could copy it as strong as it is. So, maybe he cant even copy it without permission. But we’ll never know, because I don’t even think the author knows.

I also don’t think he inherits the skill used! But, I think the reason he has an easy time picking quirks up is that 1) hes crazy smart and 2) things you can apply to one quirk can be transferred to another. Like, I’m not saying all quirks is the same, but if he learns how to control temperature management with one quirk, then he could apply a similar technique to using todorokis quirk, and vice versa. Using bondo’s quirk and mina’s quirk would have similarities, etc, etc.

I don’t remember, i think it was the second light novel, chapter..6? maybe. I know you can hunt it down somewhere.

Monoma’s quirk is hard to classify, because it’s all quirks, haha. But yeah, I vote transformer type.

re:re: plotlines, I think it would be easier for him to weave together these weird arcs if he just showed it ACTUALLY EFFECTING characters. Like, the trauma these kids are going through is so much more than what’s shown in canon, there’s so much nuance and change and difference, but it’s sorta scrapped bc lol shounen, so it feels very disconnected (like how in yugioh they just. never fucking acknowledge season 4, before or after)

[autumndiesirae]

Response to @bigmeangatekeeper’s ‘Why I’m Exclusionist’ Page

So recently I came across by far one of the most bigoted exclusionists I’ve seen in a while, that being @bigmeangatekeeper. Normally I block and ignore these sorts of people but given the exceedingly harmful and frankly disgusting rhetoric espoused on this person’s blog, I felt it was necessary to make a formal response, even if the person in question isn’t going to listen to reason or care.

I’m going to be mentioning @herefortheace​ and @justaphobethings​ in this post for their reference, as the arguments presented here are common exclusionist rhetorics and also to share my resources with more inclusionist blogs.

DISCLAIMER: This is not intended to be a ‘callout’, not is it intended to call upon my followers/anyone to attack this blog. This is merely a response to tired old exclusionist rhetoric by an asexual who is sick of people legitimately trying to act like their gross views haven’t been time and time disproven. I also won’t be addressing this blog’s status as a truscum as that isn’t relevant to this post.

TW FOR RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT DISCUSSION AND RAPE APOLOGISM.

PAGE LINK

First thing’s first. While I do not automatically exclude LGBT aces, I exclude cishet aces AND homo/transphobic or homo/transphobia apologist aces. It’s not just about the cishets. It’s about so much more.

As stated hundreds of times before, there definitely are homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, sexist, and racist asexuals. There are also apologists for these asexuals. Absolutely no one is arguing that these are problematic people. However, exclusionists like to pretend that the occasional ‘bad’ asexual is somehow a representative of the entire community, to which I respond ‘how then do you feel about TERF lesbians or biphobic gay men?’ Because if a few bad members of a sexuality are enough to warrant that entire community being removed from the LGBT community as a whole, then this rhetoric should be applied to every single sexual orientation or gender identity. Yet, asexuals and aromantics get singled out for this time and time again. It’s almost like exclusionists are unwilling to admit that they just want to remove asexuals as a whole and are only grasping for excuses so much that they will use the occasional problematic ace as a gotcha to push forward their ideologies. It’s funny because half the time what exclusionists define as ‘homophobic asexuals’ are often either blatantly obvious trolls or minors simply making jokes or having fun with their identity.

Also, thank you for including SOME aces! We appreciate you soooo much for driving a wall between our community! /s

The standard of “SGA and trans” as requirement for entry to the LGBTQ community is used nowhere outside of aphobic tumblr, and it seems crafted specifically for the purpose of excluding aces, aros, NBs, intersex people, and others not deemed “gay enough”.

There are also many “SGA and trans” aces who are against the gatekeeping and feel that they are hated by these aphobes.

You’re not protecting me by being an ace/aro exclusionist.

What we hear when you say “I only support SGA Asexuals/Aromantics”

my favourite thing is when aphobes try to tell me that their aphobia doesn’t apply to me / affect me because “[i’m] queer for other reasons”

okay, you wanna know why I’m for including all aces in the LGBT+ community?

Why your acephobia and arophobia is really just bullshit

it really annoys me when I see Discoursers say they support LGBT+ aces, just not cishet ones.

when you say “i accept sga and trans aces and aros but not cishet aces/aros because they’re straight”

Suffering! Suffering?

when people ‘accept’ sga/mga/non-cis aces and aros, but not others, what it actually means is they accept the part of you that isn’t directly tied to your asexuality/aromanticism

if ur gonna fuckin claim those four letters cover them & the whole damn community, they sure as fuck can cover aces as well

“Ace discourse” is really a Tumblr-only thing

I’m a lesbian ace and I’ve never felt more worthless and disgusting than this ace discourse

The reason even trans and bi/gay/pan/etc asexuals get defensive when you talk about cishet aces/aros not being part of the LGBT+ community is because you’re erasing a part of our identity??

If you talk shit about aces/aros with the disclaimer “cishet” it still affects all aces. Saying “notably cishet aces should all go die” still makes all ace/aro people feel like they are being called out.

Your “discourse” is harmful to all asexuals. And PS, your rhetoric is literally indistinguishable from TWERF rhetoric.

It’s about the blatant homophobia, transphobia, and serophobia in the ace community.

Again, this may exist in some members of the community, but that does not magically erase the status of the community as being LGBT. If it did, TERFs lesbians would have caused the lesbian community to be no longer considered LGBT.

It’s about there being no consistent definition of asexuality, thus allowing literally anyone regardless of relationship status, libido, etc to claim the ace label, and thereby try to shoulder their way into the LGBT community.

There is a consistent definition of asexuality. It’s ‘a lack of sexual attraction’. Libido, relationship status, etc, do not have any role in the asexual label. This has been the definition of asexuality for years. Looking up ‘asexuality’ on Google literally explains this:

I found these in one quick search. What’s your excuse?

The reason there appears to be ‘no consistent definition’ is the fault of non-asexuals and exclusionists pushing their own definitions of what asexuality is so that they can later pretend that its the asexuals who are changing the definition. The idea that asexuals never have sex was a misconstruing of the description of sex-repulsed asexuals. The idea that asexuals don’t have a libido also came from this. Asexuals can and do masturbate (for pleasure or stress relief), have sex (for pleasure or to have children), etc. These are not related to the definition of asexuality.

Additionally, if the fact that there isn’t a consistent definition of asexuality bothers you, then why not address how bisexuals and pansexuals don’t always have a consistent definition for their sexuality either? Some bisexuals claim the bi label is only for men and women, some say it includes nonbinary people, some say bisexuality is a transphobic label compared to pansexuality, etc, etc.

It’s about asexuals telling traumatised people/mentally ill people/dysphoric people/autistic people/CHILDREN that they’re ace rather then encouraging them to consider other reasons why they might feel sex repulsed.

Telling an individual ‘have you considered you may be asexual’ is not the same that saying ‘you are asexual, no arguments, you just are’. A person suggesting a label is not forcing anyone to co-opt that label. In addition, sexualities are fluid. I know many people who identified as ace at a younger age and then identified differently at an older age. I know many people who are the reverse. Are there individuals who identified incorrectly as ace at one age and feel upset or angry about it? Absolutely. But that is not the fault of any asexual who suggested the label. And, again, sex repulsion is not the requirement for being asexual.

It’s about asexuals not understanding that asexuality is not comparable to other sexualities bc it’s about how you feel attraction instead of who you feel attraction to

“Human sexuality is the way people experience and express themselves sexually. This involves biological, erotic, physical, emotional, social, or spiritual feelings and behaviors. Because it is a broad term, which has varied over time, it lacks a precise definition.” From Wikipedia

A Definition of Sexuality

Sexuality is no longer just about ‘who’ you experience attraction to.

It’s about asexuals hypersexualising all other sexualities (most particularly gay people) and making us out to be fucking sex craved deviants

Citation fucking needed. Also, yet again, a few asexuals doing this (not that I have ever seen any aside from one extremely obvious troll doing this) is not somehow a representation of the entire community.

It’s about asexuals pushing the toxic and harmful split attraction model even though it’s been shown time and time again to allow people to explain away their internalised homophobia/biphobia, and encouraging microlabelling that just confuses people more and causes divisiveness in the community

What we call the split-attraction model was first described by Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a gay advocate from the 1800s, as “disjunctive uranodioning”. (source) (credit to this post)

There is absolutely no evidence aside from exclusionist rhetoric to uphold the idea that the SAM is homophobic or toxic. Additionally the SAM is used by non-ace and non-aro people regularly - I am familiar with many people who make that distinction in their romantic and sexual orientations, such as one friend who is pansexual but heteroromantic (in that she will have sex with all genders but prefers to romantically date men). It seems your bigger issue is the existence of microlabelling, which while that is a debatable problem in this community, at the end of the day it really isn’t any of your business. The only real source of divisiveness in this community is gatekeepers like you.

It’s about asexuals erasing gay history and literally just fabricating false stories for asexual representation, usually at the expense of gay people

Citation needed, once again.

Asexuals recorded as “Group X” in the 1948 Kinsey Reports

What is asexual history? The 19th and 20th century

From The Westminster Review, a political magazine, in 1907; an essay by Helen Fraser called Women’s Suffrage, on how if women got the vote, butch and ace women were gonna dominate the whole thing and screw it up for all the Real Ladies.

The Spinster Movement, and how they were treated as queer

From “Feminism,” by Correa Moylan Walsh, 1917

the “aces/aros were part of the bi community until they very recently chose to split off, so stop telling them that they have never been queer or that they don’t belong in ‘the LGBT community’” masterpost

asexuality existed before David Jay and AVEN

“Where were you when…?” A History of Asexual Inclusion (Part One)

“Where were you when…?” A History of Asexual Inclusion (Part Two)

It’s about asexuals stealing autistic terminology, and creating false axes of oppression that make literally everyone who isn’t ace their oppressors

The ‘actuallyasexual’ tag supposedly being stolen from the ‘actuallyautistic’ tag was never proven to be a legitimate claim. Autistic people have repeatedly come forward saying that this was never the case. Since I am not autistic, however, I won’t press on this particular point. If anyone is autistic and has some information on this, please DM me.

It’s about adult asexuals literally acting like children and using the ‘uwu im a pure ace’ response

Citation needed. I’m sensing a trend here.

Any asexual who partakes in, excuses, or explains away this behaviour in the ace community is dangerous and could easily cause harm to the LGBT community.

Once again - TERF lesbians, transphobic gay man, etc. should also be included under this rhetoric if you’re going to treat asexuals this way, otherwise you’re just being a hypocrite.

Asexuals are not oppressed under homophobia or transphobia. The LGBT community was not built just to combat oppression, because that would mean women and POC would automatically be LGBT, which is absurd. The community was developed specifically so that SGA and non-cis people would have a place to get away from societal homophobia and transphobia, and to push back against legally instituted oppression, like fighting for gay marriage, and to get laws put in place that protect us from hate crimes.

Firstly, SGA (same-gender attraction) is a term that was used and is still used in Mormon conversion therapy, so as one can understand,a lot of people are very uncomfortable being labeled with this description. 

Secondly -

“The LGBT community has always been about fighting homophobia and transphobia/we came together to fight homophobia and transphobia”

“Homophobia and Transphobia”: What does the LGBT+ community fight for?

The modern American movement was first known as the “gay community” when cis gay men refused to even accept lesbians, then the “gay and lesbian community”. (Good reading on the subject.)

“After the elation of change following group action in the Stonewall riots in New York, in the late 1970s and the early 1980s, some gays and lesbians became less accepting of bisexual or transgender people. Critics said that transgender people were acting out stereotypes and bisexuals were simply gay men or lesbian women who were afraid to come out and be honest about their identity. Each community has struggled to develop its own identity including whether, and how, to align with other gender and sexuality-based communities, at times excluding other subgroups; these conflicts continue to this day.” (source)

“From about 1988, activists began to use the initialism LGBT in the United States. Not until the 1990s within the movement did gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people gain equal respect.” (ibid)

These are scans of a gay magazine from 1999 showing that 48% of those surveyed did not believe that trans people should be a part of the gay community.

The community’s boundaries have always been in flux

Insisting that LG people have always been accepting of bi and trans people is incredibly revisionist and does a great deal of injustice to those who have been excluded.

While I agree that asexuals go through some discrimination, ‘aphobia’ is not an axis of oppression because it is not institutionalised. The discrimination asexual and aromantic people face is based within rape culture, toxic masculinity, traditionalist values, and misogyny.

You sound like transphobic sexists who claim trans men do not experience transphobia that is specific to trans men (transmisandry) much in the same way that trans women experience transphobia specific to trans women (transmisogyny).

First of all, what do you use as the definition of ‘institutionalized’?

Second, why are you acting like asexuals are seen as some ‘other’ group rather than a part of the LGBT community when institutionalized discrimination is being discussed?

Third, ‘institutionalized discrimination’ was never a requirement to be LGBT. By that logic, a gay man who lives in a country/state where gay marriage is legal, conversion therapy is banned, and who has never experienced any form of anti-LGBT discrimination in his life is straight. That’s an asinine proposition.

For some examples of asexual-specific discrimination - 

“My parents keep telling me that I’m something else, and it’s making me doubt my sense of judgement, not just about my sexual identity, but also about everything in general.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers keep referring to me as an inanimate object in a manner that’s clearly meant to humiliate and devastate me. Nothing I say will get them to stop.”

“My parents vocally/bodily forced me to undergo medical examinations, some of them concerning my sexual organs, many of them concerning blood tests and other trauma-centric procedures.”

“My family is intervening with my private life by changing my schedule to include exercise, socialization, friend influences, and whatever they think can ‘change’ me.”

“My friends/co-workers no longer respect my bodily boundaries when I came out to them, because they no longer see me as someone who should be respected. They regularly touch, fondle, grope, and prod me without permission, and/or verbally harass me, and don’t take my objections seriously.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers no longer just harass me, but also anyone I’m currently dating because they view my significant other as pathetic, underserved, or even being abused.”

“My date got irrationally angry and confrontational when I came out to them, in a manner that made me fearful.” (SO many of these.)

“My date immediately lost any respect they had for my boundaries, no longer asked for consent, and {tried to} force themselves upon me.” (A lot of these, too)

“My date tried to verbally circumvent any boundaries and issues I confessed to, and it made me feel like I was in danger.”

“I didn’t come out to my date at first, and when they found out, they radically changed their behavior in an attempt to control and manipulate our new relationship to their benefit.”

“My partner has forcefully and radically changed our long-term relationship after finding out about my asexuality, and I’m now trapped and controlled in a way that I wasn’t before.”

“My partner broke up with me/is fighting with me because of my asexuality, and trying to make it seem like I’m hurting them. It’s made me doubt myself and my ability to trust my own intentions.”

“My partner is slowly changing from what was once supportive of my asexuality, and I’m wondering when I have the right to be worried and when I’d be overreacting. I’m aware of the worst case scenario, but I also worry that I’m being selfish and childish - which are things I’ve been told all throughout my asexual experience.”

“I don’t trust my ability to say either yes or no in sexual situations, and this has extended to my life in general. I don’t feel comfortable in my ability to self-determinate.”

“The lack of authority, definition, and schooling of the concept of asexuality has made me very uncomfortable with what I think I am, and that uncertainty haunts me every waking moment.”

“I think it’s too late/too early to tell if I’m asexual, but the longer I hesitate, the worse my mental health and emotional wellbeing gets. I’m effectively stuck.”

“I see no benefit in coming out, or even identifying as asexual. There’s no positivity, role models, or supportive community for what I consider a big and scary part of my overall identity.”

“I think this was sexual abuse, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfishand childish.”

“I think I was treated badly by my parents/friends/partner, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfishand childish.”

“I want to believe that I’m deserving of equal freedom and human respect paid to other, not asexual people, but people tell me I’m being selfishand childish.”

“No one encourages this part of me. And that makes me feel forgotten and abandoned in general.”

Dr Gordon Hodson wrote this about his 2012 study:

In a recent investigation (MacInnis & Hodson, in press) we uncovered strikingly strong bias against asexuals in both university and community samples. Relative to heterosexuals, and even relative to homosexuals and bisexuals, heterosexuals: (a) expressed more negative attitudes toward asexuals (i.e., prejudice); (b) desired less contact with asexuals; and © were less willing to rent an apartment to (or hire) an asexual applicant (i.e., discrimination). Moreover, of all the sexual minority groups studied, asexuals were the most dehumanized (i.e., represented as “less human”). Intriguingly, heterosexuals dehumanized asexuals in two ways. Given their lack of sexual interest, widely considered a universal interest, it might not surprise you to learn that asexuals were characterized as “machine-like” (i.e., mechanistically dehumanized). But, oddly enough, asexuals were also seen as “animal-like” (i.e., animalistically dehumanized). Yes, asexuals were seen as relatively cold and emotionless and unrestrained, impulsive, and less sophisticated.

When you repeatedly observe such findings it grabs your attention as a prejudice researcher. But let’s go back a minute and consider those discrimination effects. Really? You’d not rent an apartment to an asexual man, or hire an asexual woman? Even if you relied on stereotypes alone, presumably such people would make ideal tenants and employees. We pondered whether this bias actually represents bias against single people, a recently uncovered and very real bias in its own right (see Psychology Today column by Bella DePaulo). But our statistical analyses ruled out this this possibility. So what’s going on here?

If you’ve been following my column, you’ll recall that I wrote a recent article on what I called the “Bigotry Bigot-Tree” – what psychologists refer to as generalized prejudice. Specifically, those disliking one social group (e.g., women) also tend to dislike other social groups (e.g., homosexuals; Asians). In our recent paper (MacInnis & Hodson, in press), we found that those who disliked homosexuals also disliked bisexuals and asexuals. In other words, these prejudices are correlated. Heterosexuals who dislike one sexual minority, therefore, also dislike other sexual minorities, even though some of these groups are characterized by their sexual interest and activity and others by their lack of sexual interest and activity.

This anti-asexual bias, at its core, seems to boil down to what Herek (2010) refers to as the “differences as deficit” model of sexual orientation. By deviating from the typical, average, or normal sexual interests, sexual minorities are considered substandard and thus easy targets for disdain and prejudice. Contrary to conventional folk wisdom, prejudice against sexual minorities may not therefore have much to do with sexual activity at all. There is even evidence, for instance, that religious fundamentalists are prejudiced against homosexuals even when they are celibate (Fulton et al., 1999). Together, such findings point to a bias against “others”, especially different others, who are seen as substandard and deficient (and literally “less human”). “Group X” is targeted for its lack of sexual interest even more than homosexuals and bisexuals are targeted for their same-sex interests.

From news coverage of a recently published study (2016):

What should the average person take away from your study?

Since I first became interested in the issue, I have come to conclude that U.S. society is both “sex negative” and “sex positive.” In other words, there is stigma and marginalization that can come both from being “too sexual” and from being “not sexual enough.” In a theoretical paper, I argued that sexuality may be compulsory in contemporary U.S. society. In other words, our society assumes that (almost) everyone is, at their core, “sexual” and there exists a great deal of social pressure to experience sexual desire, engage in sexual activities, and adopt a sexual identity. At the same time, various types of “non-sexuality” (such as a lack of sexual desire or activity) are stigmatized.

For this particular study, I identified thirty individuals who identified as asexual and asked them first, if they had experienced stigma or marginalization as a result of their asexuality, and, second how they challenged this stigma or marginalization. I found that my interviewees had experienced the following forms of marginalization: pathologization (i.e. people calling them sick), social isolation, unwanted sex and relationship conflict, and the denial of epistemic authority (i.e. people not believing that they didn’t experience sexual attraction). I also found that my interviews resisted stigma and marginalization in five ways: describing asexuality as simply a different (but not inherently worse) form of sexuality; deemphasizing the importance of sexuality in human life; developing new types of nonsexual relationships; coming to see asexuality as a sexual orientation or identity; and engaging in community building and outreach.

I hope that average people would take away from this study the idea that some people can lead fulfilling lives without experiencing sexual attraction but can experience distress if others try to invalidate their identities.

Some of the social isolation we aspecs experience comes from religious communities. Indeed, the popular myth that religious people revere aspecs is very much NOT TRUE. For example, read “Myth 8″ from the VISION Catholic Religious Vocation Guide:

MYTH 8: Religious are asexual

Question: What do you call a person who is asexual?

Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist.Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity. Those who repress their sexuality are not living as God created them to be: fully alive and well. As such, they’re most likely unhappy. All people are called by God to live chastely, meaning being respectful of the gift of their sexuality. Religious men and women vow celibate chastity, which means they live out their sexuality without engaging in sexual behavior. A vow of chastity does not mean one represses his manhood or her womanhood. Sexuality and the act of sex are two very different things. While people in religious life abstain from the act of sex, they do not become asexual beings, but rather need to be in touch with what it means to be a man or a woman. A vow of chastity also does not mean one will not have close, loving relationships with women and men. In fact, such relationships are a sign of living the vow in a healthy way. Living a religious vow of chastity is not always easy, but it can be a very beautiful expression of love for God and others. Religious women and men aren’t oddities; they mirror the rest of the church they serve: there are introverts and extroverts, tall and short, old and young, straight and gay, obese and skinny, crass and pious, humorous and serious, and everything in between. They attempt to live the same primary vocation as all other Christians do: proclaiming and living the gospel. However, religious do this as members of an order that serve the church and world in a particular way. Like marriage and the single life, religious life can be wonderful, fulfilling, exciting, and, yes, normal. Yet, it also can be countercultural and positively challenging. It’s that for us and many others. If you thought religious life was outdated, dysfunctional, or dead, we hope you can now look beyond the stereotypes and see the gift it is to the church and world.

NOTE: YOU CAN BE A GAY CATHOLIC PERSON BUT NOT ASEXUAL, BC ASEXUALITY DOESN’T EXIST (yet somehow we’re also “most likely unhappy” and “oddities”). I sincerely hope and believe that not all religions characterize us aspecs this way. But here are some personal accounts I found on a reddit site answering the question “Do any religions have a negative stance toward asexuals?”:

Please note that the Christian pastor in the last example was fearful (or something?) that an asexual was helping to lead a youth group and kicked them out of the church as a result.

(Not to mention that there is now a published dissertation with a whole chapter dedicated to understanding why a-spec people have been erased from history and virtually invisible up until recently, which is a very real issue in this debate that cannot be ignored).

This argument is as tired as the rest of the ones you’re putting out. And since i know you’re just going to ignore this with some backhanded commentary - 

If we give primary sources based on lived experiences (which is the basis of qualitative research, which founded so much of the fields of psychology, sociology, anthropology, and more, and is still used today as a very common research practice), such evidence is dismissed because it’s not academic or in a news publication. Never mind that this practice of citing tumblr blogs for personal experiences is similar in practice (if not as rigorous) as netnographic research (a practice developed by Rob Kozinets, whose book on it has close to 1500 google scholar citations, and whose seminal article on it has over 2000).

If we give articles from press outlets, they are dismissed as commercial and therefore not acceptable. (I could find a lot more of this, but look, it’s happened a lot and not main point here).

If we give academic citations, such as the study that was published a few years ago (what I’ve seen referred to as’ the Group X study’ by discoursers), they are dismissed (read, not ‘debunked’ because that is a different thing) because popular press such as psychologytoday.com dared to cover the story, or because they don’t believe the need for such study exists, and because someone hadn’t read the original research so felt free to critique it’s methods (????).  Slightly more legitimately, I’ve seen it dismissed based on the use of convenience samples (though I can’t find the link), but it’s worth pointing out that the actual research also used a sample drawn from the general public. And if you’re dismissing a study based on the use of a convenience sample, you can also throw out about 90% of academic research done in psychology and related fields in the past 40 years. Almost all research uses convenience sampling, and this study actually went beyond that anyway.

(For the record, that study also goes a long way to explain why intra-community aphobia exists, if you read the full article, and finds that the more biased people are also more right-wing authoritarian and endorse social-dominance orientation, basically meaning they “endorse dominance and inter-group hierarchies”).

Source with more information

Literally every argument for ace oppression, like corrective rape for example, is not ace exclusive. On the other hand, gay and trans people face specific pointed prosecution for being non-cis or SGA.

“The term ‘corrective rape’ was coined by South African lesbians and should only be used by lesbians”

No one means any disrespect to lesbians or other victims of corrective rape, but this is not a correct statement.

“We’ll Show You You’re a Woman” describes the violence directed towards LGBT people in South Africa, stating, “Negative public attitudes towards homosexuality go hand in hand with a broader pattern of discrimination, violence, hatred, and extreme prejudice against people known or assumed to be lesbian, gay, and transgender, or those who violate gender and sexual norms in appearance or conduct (such as women playing soccer, dressing in a masculine manner, and refusing to date men).” It goes on to say, “Much of the recent media coverage of violence against lesbians and transgender men has been characterized by a focus on “corrective rape,” a phenomenon in which men rape people they presume or know to be lesbians in order to “convert” them to heterosexuality.”

The Wikipedia article on corrective rape in South Africa states that, “A study conducted by OUT LGBT Well-being and the University of South Africa Centre for Applied Psychology (UCAP) showed that “the percentage of black gay men who said they have experienced corrective rape matched that of the black lesbians who partook in the study”.”

It is not only lesbians, but also bisexual women, transgender men, gay men, and gender non-conforming people in South Africa who experience corrective rape. This is not in any way meant to minimize the horror of the epidemic or shift attention away from lesbians, but other victims, including asexuals, deserve attention as well. Do not silence or speak over victims of rape by policing their language.

And regarding ace-specific discrimination, I provided a wall of it, if you’d like to scroll up and read it again.

I’ve been beaten bloody while called a fag and a tranny and left for dead. I’ve had a guy rape me while aggressively misgendering me and telling me what a freak cuntboy I was. Those attacks were specifically because I’m trans and gay. Ace people are attacked because they won’t have sex, not because they’re ace. It’s just good old fashioned rape, there’s no hate crime element I guarantee it.

I’m very sorry that happened to you.

I was repeatedly molested by my first boyfriend because he told me that “wouldn’t be ace anymore when he was done with me”. I’ve been punched, thrown to the ground, and had my nose broken because I wore an asexual flag pin on my backpack, with people calling me a disgusting queer. My girlfriend of five years, the person I intended to marry, cheated on me with a mutual friend because I was asexual and ‘didn’t validate her body’. And, as I already shown, my experiences are commonplace for asexuals. Your trauma, as horrible as it is, does not give you any right to say that an asexual who is raped and told “I’ll fix you” is not ‘good old fashioned rape’.

Please read this and tell me about how there’s no hate crime element to it:

“‘I just want to help you,’ he called out to me as I walked away from his car,” she explained. “He was basically saying that I was somehow broken and that he could repair me with his tongue and, theoretically, with his penis. It was totally frustrating and quite scary.”

Sexual harassment and violence, including so-called “corrective” rape, is disturbingly common in the ace community, says Decker, who has received death threats and has been told by several online commenters that she just needs a “good raping.”

“When people hear that you’re asexual, some take that as a challenge,” said Decker, who is currently working on a book about asexuality. “We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual attraction and sexual relationships are seen as something alive, healthy people do. They think that you really want sex but just don’t know it yet. For people who perform corrective rape, they believe that they’re just waking us up and that we’ll thank them for it later.”

“There is a real fear even among the asexual community that people who identify as anything other than heterosexual will be harassed and assaulted,” wrote “Angela,” a self-identified aromantic ace. “They have a reason to be upset and a reason to be afraid, it has happened to many people before.”

In response to the post, an anonymous user wrote, “[A]sexuality is not a thing. You are just ugly and no one wanted to date you, so you made up a thing to cuddle your lonely self as you cry into your pillow. Also, I hope you get raped. It has a dual benefit, you’ll get laid finally AND put you into your place as well.”

The comment triggered a firestorm, with some asexuals speaking out and sharing their own experiences involving sexual violence.

Asexuals and ace activists say the conversation about sexual assault in the asexual community is part of the wider societal discussion about rape culture generally and about corrective rape in the queer community specifically. They also say it speaks to a bias and an invisibility that asexuals face in everyday life.

Source

Asexuals and aromantics are notoriously homophobic, transphobic, and serophobic in their arguments. I personally have seen them say things about inclusionists like ‘I hope they get antibiotic resistant gonorrhoea and crabs in the same week’ (actual quote), I’ve been told ‘you probably have aids’ because I’m a gay man, I’ve seen them argue that non-ace people can’t be raped because we constantly want sex and have had my own assaults denied, etc. This wasn’t just one incident, it’s a pattern. Over and over ace people wish violent sexual threats on non-ace people. They call us disgusting. They call us filthy. They call us ‘the oppressive monogays’ and ‘filthy allos’. I’ve had them go so far as to fling homophobic slurs at me, and say we deserved the aids crisis. Sorry, but any group that is totally fine with even some of its members being that actively, unabashedly homophobic has absolutely no place in this community. I wouldn’t let my grandfather who called me a pathetic fag into the community either, no matter how much sex he did or didn’t have.

I like how you say ‘actual quote’ and yet do not provide a single link, screenshot, or even falsified anonymous message as proof of this.

For the 100th time - the behavior of a few asexuals does not represent the entire community, otherwise TERF lesbians, transphobic gay men, biphobic trans people, etc, would mean their entire community are no longer considered LGBT.

Would you like a glimpse at some of the behavior exclusionists that are ‘real LGBT’ bestow on asexuals?

Comparing aces and aros to Trump  (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence  

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol. [Eta: my wording here was misleading before, they weren’t talking to me - I’d also called them on this but they ignored me. Sorry for the confusion!] Also, I have a tag somewhere with several non-black/white ppl who made Rachel Dolezal comparisons to shit on aces/aros). Another example of talking over us here complete with condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”?Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

If you’re interested, some way back I also made a link-less post that is important to me talking about how nasty and harmful the racism and erasure of ace and aro PoC in all this has been

These are not even referring to more recent horrors that the exclusionist community has forced down our throats.

They don’t have a coherent definition of asexuality. Literally there’s no cohesive definition. None. Some of them say it’s people who feel no sexual attraction, some say it’s people who feel no sexual desire, some say you can have and enjoy sex and still be totally valid uwu, some say you can only have sex to please a partner, some say you have to be sex repulsed, the list goes on and fucking on. If we let in a group that has a definition that’s this fucking loose, we are opening the door for literally anyone to shoulder their way into this community.

I’ve already addressed this. There is a consistent definition. One Google search gets you that definition.

And even if there wasn’t, or if certain people reframe the definition to better mesh with their own personal experiences, why are you not extending this same rude-ass rhetoric towards bisexuals and pansexuals who constantly argue over the definitions of bi- and pansexuality? Why are you not extending this towards cis lesbians who argue if trans women can or cannot be WLW? Why are you not extending this towards cis gay men who argue if trans men can or cannot by MLM?

No one is ‘shouldering’ their way into any community. The asexual community is already a part of the LGBT movement. They’re not leaving just because you make rude posts like this.

Almost every single exclusionist I’ve spoken to has thought at some time or another that they were ‘demisexual’ or ‘grey-ace’ or some other bullshit ‘aspec’ term.

Exclusionists who do identified or have identified as asexual are not some sort of ‘gotcha’ for how the asexual community is bad. Once again, ace people expressing their experiences and suggesting to someone ‘you might be ace’ are not somehow homophobic or forcing people to be LGBT any more than the people in my life who told me I may be trans or agender were transphobic or forcing me to be trans or agender. If someone no longer identifies as asexual because of any given reason, that isn’t the fault of the asexual community for expressing that the option exists.

Have you ever spoken to an asexual who first found out about the definition of asexuality? Let me share my experience - when I first discovered the definition of asexuality and realized ‘oh, that’s me’, I sobbed tears of joy and relief for hours. I spent ages pouring over asexuality resources and participating in forums and embracing my new identity. And my experience isn’t some one-off thing - if you look into asexuality forums and websites, this is something many of us experience. In a world so overcharged with sexuality and people constantly telling us ‘you’re broken’, ‘you’ll find the right person’, etc, etc, an allosexual will never ever know what it’s like to have this feeling of relief that an asexual experiences when they first find out that’s an option.

Asexuality isn’t a spectrum. You either want sex/feel attraction to some degree (non-ace) or you don’t (ace). You don’t need a label for not wanting to fuck strangers. In fact, most people don’t want to fuck strangers. Demisexual is the norm!

“Why is there no coherent/consistent definition of asexuality???”

“Here is my (wrong) definition of asexuality! If you disagree with it you’re a homophobe!”

And that’s why the ‘asexual community’ should never be allowed in bc it’s an excuse for cishet people who don’t like hookups to invade spaces that were specifically made to get away from cishets.

We’re already allowed in. The ace community isn’t some out-group trying to get into the LGBT community. We’re here, and we’re staying, even when whiny exclusionists like you try to make these gotcha-style posts. Asexuals aren’t cishets, no matter how much you cry about it.

“Straight” isn’t a sexual orientation, it’s a position of power.

A-Spec Identities are Not Secondary.

Invisibility is Not a Privilege.

“passing privilege” is not a real thing.

Straight-passing privilege: a myth

Bad arguments against allowing a-spec to identify as queer

Having your identity erased is not a privilege.

asexuality, like bisexuality, is deliberately misunderstood by out groups in order to exclude us.

ace/aro people don’t “only” experience attraction to the ‘opposite gender’ or any other. that’s the point. we also experience a lack of attraction, either romantically or sexually, and that lack of attraction is part of our identity.

Straight is not default.

How many straight people do you know that want to kill themselves because of their orientation?

The closet is not a privilege

On that point—you can absolutely be ace and cishet. First of all, you can be asexual, cisgender, and heteroromantic (or aromantic, cisgender, and heterosexual). That’s pretty obvious. If you can have gay ace people, you can have straight ones. But that’s not even the most important point.

Yes, you can be a ‘cishet ace’, in the contexts you described. The reason people despise being called ‘cishet ace’ is because it’s being referred to in the traditional ‘cishet’ context of ‘non-LGBT person’.  Some het aces identify as straight. Some het aces don’t identify as straight, they identify as asexual, and it’s not your place to label them against their will. There is no world in which aroaces, people who experience no attraction to anyone, are straight.

Let’s talk about the marginalised sexualities in the LGBT community. Prior to the introduction of the wholly unnecessary, toxic, and damaging split attraction model (I’ll get into that on my next point), homosexual meant homosexual and homoromantic. The sexual suffix designated the sex of people you’re attracted to. Homo meaning same, thus, same sex attraction, because that’s how Latin works. Same for bi. Same for hetero, even. Asexual is the only one that attempts to redefine this system. It should mean a- (meaning none, or lack of), therefor attraction to no sexes. It’s pretty simple. But the pure aceys saw the sexual suffix and immediately thought ‘oh that means fucking right?’ And decided they had to change shit.

Once again, citation needed. Stop trying to redefine asexuality and speak on behalf of asexuals. Asexuality IS ‘attraction to no sexes’. You’re so desperate for material that you’re pulling shit out of your ass to pin on ace people.

The split attraction model is massively harmful. It encourages internalised homophobia and compulsive heterosexuality. My gay ass for AGES was like ‘I’m grey-ace homosexual biromantic uwu’ because I thought I couldn’t just be a filthy homo, I had to be special somehow, I had to make myself available to women in some way even if it wasn’t sexual availability. The SAM causes LOTS of developing LGBT kids to struggle with denying their own identities under the guise of embracing them through microlabelling. Among teenagers it’s almost like a damn contest, like who has the most obnoxious, convoluted label. It’s stupid and damaging.

Can you provide any non-tumblr sources about the SAM being problematic? Because I have only ever seen exclusionists on this hellsite trying to claim this. Additionally, your experiences are not universal, they are not a ‘gotcha!’ for the ace community, and they are not a valid argument. I spent 5+ years believing I may be transgender, before establishing I likely was not. I do not in any way blame the transgender community for making me think that way, because it was not the fault of any trans person for providing resources for me and supporting the possibility. Healthy exploration of one’s sexuality and gender is OKAY. It isn’t a bad thing, despite what exclusionists like to claim. If you identified one way for a while, and then no longer identify that way, that is HEALTHY EXPLORATION AND GROWTH, not internalized homo-/transphobia and not the fault of any asexual.

Also, the SAM is only commonly used amongst ace and aro people anyway, since it offers a chance for us to distinguish what kind of ace we are. If you can acknowledge that ‘cishet aces’ exist who are heteroromantic and asexual, then you shouldn’t have any issue realizing that biromantic, panromantic, homoromantic, etc aces also exist and may, you know, want to acknowledge that part of themselves? I am romantically interested in men and women - should I ignore the SAM and just call myself aro/ace anyway even when that isn’t an accurate description of who I am? Am I hurting myself by giving myself a more specific label?

Another serious topic I need to discuss: Ace advocates encouraging children and teens to identify as asexual. Literal children shouldn’t be experiencing sexual attraction. I’ve seen ace people telling a TWELVE YEAR OLD that she was asexual because she didn’t feel any interest in sex. She’s a child. Of course she didn’t. I was told when I was 14 that I was ace and I, being a vulnerable child, embraced the label and carried it til I was 17.

No one ‘encourages’ children and teens to identify as asexual, ESPECIALLY not children. Once again, someone saying ‘you might be ace’ is NOT forcing that label onto someone. YOUR EXPERIENCE IS NOT UNIVERSAL. YOUR HATRED FOR THE ASEXUAL COMMUNITY IS NOT A STANDARD.

I was 14 when I discovered asexuality. I was ruthlessly mocked in school for not having a boyfriend. Many people in my class were discussing how they had lost their virginity and the sexual endeavors they took part in. Yes, at FOURTEEN. 13+ year olds are not innocent children who do not experience any form of sexual attraction or libido. It is far more damaging for teenagers growing up to NOT know there is an option to be asexual and force themselves into dangerous and harmful sexual situations to ‘fit in’. The number of asexuals I know or have spoken to who were forced to have sex, send nude pictures of themselves, or otherwise been put in a sexual situation they didn’t want to be in, simply because they didn’t know that being asexual was a valid option that existed and thought they were broken, is immense. THAT is a unifying asexual experience that an allosexual will never understand.

The reason you can be too young to identify as asexual and not too young to identify as lesbian/gay/bi, is because LGB people experience attraction of ALL sorts to the gender(s) they are attracted to, and romantic attraction develops much earlier than sexual attraction (that’s why we have puppy love and not puppy lust). Asexuality as it is defined presently is purely about sexual attraction.

I thought you said there WAS no coherent asexuality definition? Can you at least try to have a coherent argument?

By your logic, 12 year olds who feel they are transgender and go on permanent body-changing hormone blockers/HRT that they may eventually regret are more valid than a 15 year old using the label of asexuality that they may eventually move away from without any damage. That is asinine.

Honestly it’s far more creepy that way exclusionists constantly talk about minors and sexuality. You guys are more obsessed with it than any asexual who suggests or acknowledges the existence of asexuality to someone.

Lastly, asexual and aromantic people absolutely deserve a sense of community, a sense of belonging. They absolutely need a place where they can interact with people who are like them! The problem is, LGBT people and ace/aro people don’t have that much in common. At all. We don’t face the same issues either. If LGBT people could make our community amidst serious legal and social ostracisation and oppression, without the help of the internet, ace/aro people can absolutely make their own community in the cyber age that is relevant to the issues they face so that they don’t talk over the serious topics the LGBT community discusses.

You cannot in one breath say “Asexuals are valid” and in the next deny their experiences. Spend five minutes in the community and you will see testimony after testimony from aces describing their abuse, their sexual assault(s), the countless times people have called them confused, broken, wrong, mentally ill, inhuman, sinful, and how these experiences have left them feeling hopeless, alone, alienated, subhuman, depressed, and suicidal. Almost every asexual out there will tell you a story of how their orientation has caused them pain and struggle, and you can’t call them valid while at the same time calling these experiences invalid and nonexistent.

Bonus: This is a list of all the mainstream LGBTQ groups that include asexuals.

Also, we do have our own community, because every letter in the acronym has its own community and yet is still part of the acronym, and yet you fucking shits won’t stop sending us hate and bombarding us with shit meant to trigger and harass us.

I genuinely don’t expect you to read or attempt to acknowledge any of this - that’s simply the way exclusionists are. However, you are wrong. You are not helping anyone by being an ace exclusionist. You are simply a vocal minority and a bigot - nothing more, nothing less. 

A full list of resources and information can be found HERE for further reading.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Katniss’s unreliable narration sometimes comes across as a betrayal. Like she’s even hiding things from herself. The example someone else gave about when she told gale she never felt right kissing Peeta bc of him (?!?) is one instance. But also when she voted yes on another hunger game “for Prim”. She knew what she was doing there so why didn’t we? I mean there’s unreliable narrator and then there’s intentional hiding and shading to shock. I’m not a writer so maybe I’m just missing something?

Honestly Anon, I go back and forth on the voting scene you’re referencing. Most of the other examples, especially regarding Katniss’ feelings about Peeta, I can justify her unreliability as a narrator as part of her characterization. There are enough clues throughout the trilogy to piece together when she’s not being completely honest with her pal Gale, herself, and us. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that since it is so hard for her to make friends and trust people, she holds on to the ones she has at almost any cost. Hence, she says things to Gale that might not be 100% honest in the name of protecting her friendship with him.

Katniss tells us up front that she’s slow to trust and slow to forgive. Within the first chapter, we know she’s paranoid and a deadpan snarker to the point of almost being inappropriate. In the first chapter, she tells us “We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared out of our wits.” She’s talking about the Games there, but it applies to her entire outlook on life. Katniss says some things that come across as dark and a little heartless that contradict her own inner monologue and deep seated desire to not really hurt anyone. It’s both a sign of her confusion dealing with stuff in one of the worst situations imaginable, and also a way of protecting herself. Poor girl is living out a romance on a national stage. I don’t know about you, Anon, but I’m not sure I’d handle having the relationships I was going through at age 16 to 17 played out on a national stage. Not very well, I’m sure.Now add a couple death matches, extreme poverty, and the trauma of essentially being orphaned at age 11... Yeah trust is not exactly rampant in this scenario.

Back to the vote! Some days, I think it’s a bit of brilliant writing because we’re dealing with an already unreliable narrator who tells us that she has a hard time trusting anyone or opening up to people, and yet she’s spilling her guts to us, the reader, albeit with some degree of unreliability. She’s a traumatized, grieving 17 year old. So part of me thinks: Of course we’re a little clueless what she’s planning. Girl’s got no reason to be completely up front with anyone. Including the reader. But it’s not just that.

In each of the three books, there is a shot Katniss takes that we’re a little clueless exactly what’s going on until it’s over, partly because the action is so fast, Katniss doesn’t have time to tell us everything that she’s thinking before she does it, and also partly because these shots represent a CHOICE that she makes. We get a real quick internal debate/lead up. With each book, that debate gets increasingly more vague and convoluted because the choices are more complex.

In The Hunger Games, it’s when she shoots Cato in the hand instead of in the eye. She makes the choice because she doesn’t want to kill Peeta inadvertently. It is a choice to save not justherself, but also ONE other person that she has the power to save.

In Catching Fire, it’s shooting at the force field (symbolically bringing down the Games and the Capitol) instead of shooting Finnick, which would ultimately bring either her or Peeta one step closer to surviving the Quell. Her choices keep getting less about herself and more about others.

And in Mockingjay, it’s shooting Coin, so that the Games will end for real and Panem actually has a real shot at moving forward and changing, instead of shooting Snow, which has been Katniss’ goal, her focus, for the entire book. She’s choosing between the good of Panem and her own personal vendetta. It no longer matters if it was Coin or Snow who ordered the parachutes dropped. Even getting revenge for Peeta’s torture and hijacking takes a backseat to this last choice to give Panem a real chance. “Nothing will change. All those people I love, gone.”

It took me several read troughs to convince myself of what was going on with that vote and with her choice in who she would shoot. I’m not sure she made the choice to shoot Coin instead of Snow at the execution until she was standing on the stage and saw that she had a perfect opportunity, which is why the vote feels misleading. After reading the whole thing a dozen times, I’m convinced she did it to get Coin nice and comfortable so Katniss would have easy access to kill her at a future time, but as you say...that is not made inescapably clear to us so it does feel like Katniss is intentionally deceiving us.  

Which leads to the other part of me, the one that remembers that we’re dealing with an author who used to write for TV shows, and it is apparent in her style. Ever notice how all of the chapters end with that feeling you get when the screen goes black and then you get the deep voice over, “Next time on...”? She freaking baits us and leaves going “WHAT THE EFF JUST HAPPENED???” Most of the time. So sometimes I feel like the vote scene comes across as too much of Suzanne’s style and not enough of Katniss’ character. Too much ambiguity in the name of achieving SURPRISE!!!!

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

---

it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out! 

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT 

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

---

autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty 

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few  weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

---

cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

---

I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif  

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

---

Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge. 

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

---

khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

[eveningclouds]

Um avanti i hope this isn’t too personal and if it is or you just don’t wanna talk about it totally ignore, but i think you’ve mentioned your parents are trump supporters and i’m wondering if there’s anything you do or tell yourself to make yourself feel okay with that fact?? like i just found out my stepdad voted for trump AGAIN even tho he made us all think he begrudgingly voted for biden and usually he doesn’t talk about politics with us bc he knows we all disagree with him but even if/when he’s silent i still KNOW and i’m so fucking mad and hurt that someone i love and who says he loves me would again support trump and i literally don’t want to look at him or live in the same house as him bc it HURTS and we’ve tried to explain and he just doesn’t listen/understand and does a loooooot of “what about-ism” and i just need some tips from anybody on how to deal with it sorry i sound dramatic and am dumping on you ignore if you need to!! ily tho and hope ur well 💞

i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. it’s difficult to live with a family member who you love & who supposedly loves you, who still betrays your trust and actively supports harmful, dangerous ideologies. it’s not dramatic - it’s reasonable for that knowledge to hurt you! for me, what helps:

1) complaining about my parents with my sister...gdndkfjh & if u don’t have a supportive sibling, complaining abt them w ur friends <3

2) learning when to let things go...if you have tried again and again to educate him and he refuses to be receptive, there’s a point when it’s like...you can’t change him unless he wants to change. and you can’t force that! you can point out when he says things that are actively bigoted, but you are not singlehandedly responsible for his political or moral beliefs. it sounds like you’ve made several efforts to talk to him! that’s really all you can do. his beliefs aren’t a reflection of you or your ‘failings.’

3) this goes for political arguments too...if my parents aren’t saying things that are /actively harmful/, i do my best just to disengage & leave the room & distract myself. if ur fighting futilely w ur parents all the time, it leaves less energy for u to do work that is productive n useful!

4) volunteering!! donating places!! investing energy - even an hour or so a week - to a cause u believe in. for example i help high school students who are the first in their families to go to college, to apply to college. it makes me feel more purposeful!

5) someone can love you and still be deeply deeply flawed. it’s unbelievably hard & painful to remember this, but humans are sooo complicated. your dad might still love you, and it’s okay to love him - he’s your dad! & that doesn’t make it less painful that he supports trump & otherwise hurts you. anger & love can coexist n it’s ok to acknowledge that!! (& it’s also 100% ok if his political beliefs make u love him less). family is super complicated and messy and difficult and you’re doing your best!!

6) take care of yourself!! some things - like this - don’t have easy answers. do your best to be a good advocate, activist, & ally, which also means investing in yourself & your wellbeing.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty) 

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe. 

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens. 

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe 

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me. 

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3 

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind! 

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting. 

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right 

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them! 

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass. 

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm

[thecrossroadsdemon]

Big Brother is fixed!

So this season of big brother is soooo fixed I had to post about if even though this is mainly a supernatural blog. Literally I think this season has been more fixed than any other season and we are only at the second week. First the most obvious, Christmas. No one has ever been allowed to leave the big brother house and come back, for medical or personal reasons (with the exception of competition wins/prizes). If this was any other player and any other season, her medical condition would have forced big brother to take her out of the game. Not only has she left multiple times for dr appointments and surgery, but she was not even present for the live eviction! Since when are players allowed to phone in their vote? Never! If she is this seriously injured, she should not be allowed to continue. Since she seems to be a fan favorite bb could always bring her back next season like they have done with many house guests in the past (including paul this season). I'm sure derek and Frankie would have wanted to leave the bb house and come back when their grandparents died back to back. But they were not allowed to leave to pay their respects and then come back, so why does this rule not apply to christmas? Also, she won the power of replacement right before the veto that would seal cody's backdoor fate. So basically even by some crazy luck that he got picked to play, he would have been replaced. He was already going home before he was even nominated. Next is paul. Last season paul was one of my favorites, second only to victor. But the blatant obvious favoritism bb has for paul has made me root against him bc it seems like he is being handed the win. Like seriously just give him the check now and spare me the rest of the season. So paul entered the house but could only stay if someone chose to take the 25,000 dollar temptation. Well when you offer the biggest competition prize in history you pretty much guarantee someone is going to take it. It's the same amount of money that America's favorite wins. So obviously he stays. Then bb give him those friendship bracelets that he gets to hand out to 8 players. Essentially giving him an alliance. Now he has 8 people that feel grateful to him that he gave them safety and that may feel like they "owe" him, or giving them a false sense of trust in him. He was originally a huge target being the only returning player. It would have been so easy to get him out early. Que his temptation prize. Safety for 3 weeks. This is an unprecedented prize. Lucky he got it when he would have have been going home. Well, not so much luck as producing (fixed). So now, not only is paul safe, but because cody missed his target, he has to nominate a 5th person, yes a 5th person in one week. That's 1/3 of the house for those keeping track. Too bad cody doesn't have Paul's "luck". Oh yeah, I forgot to mention how when paul won his temptation and he had to curse another houseguest at "random", that was not random. Sorry to burst your bubble. Yes he had to choose a space with a number that corresponds to a houseguest. He does not know who each number belongs to, he doesn't even get to see the numbers. But... big brother doesn't tell us, the viewers, who the numbers are assigned to either. So they essentially could choose who ever they wanted to get the punishment and just say that paul chose that player. Now let's circle back to Christmas. Remember when I mentioned the convenience of her temptation win. How it guaranteed cody's eviction. Well she also got to straight up choose the players who got the punishments. It was pretty obvious to anyone watching who she would choose. It's clear to me who bb favors this season and who they do not. I'm reminded of something paul said on Wednesday's episode. Essentially, that it takes luck to win but strategy and skill to make it to the end. But he forgot to add producing/blatant favoritism in that sentence. So this is essentially why this season is soooo fixed and fake. Im sure there are other things i missed but these were the things that stood out to me. Hopefully you like paul and christmas because you are going to be stuck with them for a while if things continue the way they are. If you actually read this rant of mine, then virtual high five!

[olivieraa]

its been over a year now since I came out as a lesbian and its been really, really interesting...

a lot changed. a lot. and its so damn hard to describe.

I could compare it to a random ass door appearing in front of me the day I said “I’m a lesbian” and I walked through it into a whole new world. or I could compare it to how it feels to be in ANY country other than your own.

and then... your eyes are opened to even more ignorance than you knew existed.

hearing men talk about feminism, hearing straight people talk about homosexuality, hearing white people talk about racism - you almost wanna shoot yourself when you feel forced to listen to that bullshit. its like... how dare you talk about shit you have no clue about. how dare you.

and then you have Americans who have never left the US, but have only ever been from state to state, speak about all kinds of topics like they think it applies to the rest of the world in the same way. again, you want to shoot yourself.

people need to STOP talking about things that don’t apply to them at all like they’re so educated and “woke”.

me realising I was a lesbian just a year ago does NOT mean I have suffered from homophobia my whole life. that would be so fucking SELFISH of me to compare to those who have been out longer than I have, who have legimiately suffered and who have been fighting all this time.

I always believed I was bi and like... the only form of “oppression” I faced were people (gay and straight) thinking bisexuality wasn’t real. that and a few other minor things.

doesn’t even BEGIN to compare to the shit I have faced as a woman.

so coming out as lesbian, that new door was opened and I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know it was this bad. like I knew of gay people being killed and kicked out of homes, and abused and not being accepted, no representation, etc etc, like I knew all of that already. but the absolute HATRED for lesbians from the fucking LEFT as you Americans call it, I... was shocked. completely shocked.

before I get into that I just wanna say that even as a feminist who adores women, even as a lesbian who adores women, I am STILL plagued by internalised misogyny and heteronormativity.

I always hated pretty women bc 1) jealousy and 2) I felt like anything a pretty woman did was always for male attention.

Megan Fox for example. I “hated” her bc she was hot. bc dudes wouldn’t shut up about her. bc she was always dressed skimpy. cause my brother had a giant ass pic of her on his wall that I had to constantly see. she was the hottest woman in the world when the Transformers movie came out and then she just got bigger and bigger and me and my friends would go “WHY tho. there’s much prettier women out there. like she’s alright but nothing special.”

and then when she basically did role after role of her being half naked all the time, I was like “clearly she cant act, she’s just getting these roles bc of her body”

and it wasn’t just Megan Fox. I hated so many female celebs for the same reason.

Taylor Swift is another big example. I legit hated her cause she was pretty. she wasn’t half naked everywhere so I couldn’t hate her for that. then when tumblr was pretty new, there were constant hate posts about her and I was latching onto those hate posts like “yessss, now I can use these as ACTUAL reasons to hate her”

enter feminism.

one of the most memorable posts on this website was how girls are not allowed to have confidence unless men say so. and to start agreeing with men that call you beautiful. you dont have to be humble and say “nooo I’m nooot” if you’ve gotten enough compliments in your life to KNOW that you ARE.

and it made me realise, ofc Megan Fox and Taylor Swift know they’re pretty. to think otherwise wouldn’t make sense. especially when you’re constantly listed in top 10 most beautiful women in the world lists as voted for by thousands of people. there’s NOTHING wrong with women knowing they look good. they dont need a man to tell them that. even if they covered themselves head to toe, they’d still have men worship their asses. so why do I think anything they do is for men??? I had to ERASE thise line of thinking. 

despite this, despite feminism entering my life, there were still women that I just could never... accept.

I never really liked Katy Perry. I felt like she flaunted too much. her boobs were always out there. and I always felt like she was trying too hard to be quirky or something like that. when feminism entered my life, I came to a neutral stance on her. I couldn’t bring myself to praise her so I just... never said anything about her. and when the Taylor/Katy beef came about, I was like, “well OBVIOUSLY I’m on Taylor’s side cause she’s a feminist and Katy is not, she just sticks her boobs out so men will praise her and her songs kinda suck and--”

enter lesbianism.

still neutral on Katy but then she comes out with Chained to the Rhythm early this year and I saw her in a new light. her song/video has lots of hidden messages, one sticking with me being the Asian woman and black man falling on the hamster wheel thing but you never see the white man fall, but the BIGGEST one was when she was on the roller coaster with the dude and it shows the likes she got compared to him, and that’s something I have brought up on my dash numerous times. in that you can be a famous white dude and woc will let you have a free pass and let you away with p much anything but a white woman is held to a way higher standard. or you could compare it to how much hate Amy Schumer gets from men cause she doesn’t fit the conventionally attractive mold and talks about her vagina and feminism, and yet male comedians have made careers out of hating women and have legions of followers. 

it made me see Katy in a new light.

bc the internalised misogyny is still inside me, yet I knew this song was sure to piss of dudes and... and it did. the hot non-feminist female who I assumed did shit for male attention completely flipped that bullshit upside down.

if she was looking for male attention, why make a song and video like that?

and then what did she do.

she cut her hair.

and you can be hot af to men all over but only some women can get away with cutting their hair and STILL look hot to men. Scarlet J is one. but Katy is not.

and now she’s been getting a lot of hate. she’s just “not as hot” anymore. and she doesn’t care.

and now, as a lesbian, who can see that she DOESN’T do shit for male attention, I finally find her attractive.

and this really sucks to me.

I’ve seen posts from lesbians on this site saying that realising you’re a lesbian so late in the game is so enlightening bc you REALLY start to not give a shit about what men think. there’s so much you do day in and day out for men that you don’t realise you do until you realise you dont have to do it anymore.

and I have only felt that a little bit.

I laughed at my dude friends joke that wasn’t funny at all. when left alone with the lads and one of them started talking about a video game they played recently, I pretended to be way more invested in what he was saying than I should have. just a few more things I cant fully remember right now and its like, I dont want that. I want to not give an absolute SHIT what men think.

I cared less so after becoming a feminist, and I cared less after realising I was a lesbian. but its still there. 

the internalised misogyny of only becoming attracted to Katy Perry AFTER realising her look and personality wasn’t her just being fake for male attention. the heteronormativity INGRAINED in me to think men’s opinions matter on this and that and everything in between is so important.

its something I still need to work on.

and it is hard.

I’m still working through it.

the side of me that loves women, no matter what they look like, is more dominant. but there is that side of me that’s still so jealous of beautiful women to the point to makes me hate them.

you’d think coming out as a lesbian I’d be more like “give me ALL the pretty women, just let me look at them!!!”

and the crazy thing is, so many other lesbians are like this.

its not something I knew until I opened that door I talked about at the start of this post.

you assume you know what its gonna be like and it surprises you. being a lesbian is a lot different to what I thought it would be.

also I am constantly, due to this heternormativity, questioning my lesbianism. constantly. 

when I believed I was bi, it was just that.

as a lesbian, its just opened up a new set of problems. a hundred problems. 

it just shows you the difference on the oppression scale, and I pity any lesbian who has been going through this mindfuck a lot longer than me.

cause dealing with misogyny is hard enough, but your own mind playing tricks on you, to violent homophobia going on in the outside world, to the disgusting lesbophobia on this site where we are CONSTANTLY threatened with death - meaning its not safe for us ANYWHERE - its made the world that much scarier.

but... 

its a new stage in my life I just have to work through. and I have made so much progress over the years from being an anti-feminist teenager to who I am now.

its a learning process, and Ima just keep suffering through it.

cause that’s the requirements of being a woman, and a gay woman.

to be a strong boss as bitch who wants to get to a point where I dont give a fucking SHIT what a man thinks, cause they are of no relevance to me whatsoever.