#I’m so bored lately all the irls are busy and I’ve had too much free time for shit posts

[darlingod]

QoN Ch.18, “I haul around and slap him. It’s a stinging blow, smearing the gold on his cheekbone and causing his skin to redden. We stare at each other for long moments, breathing hard. His eyes are bright with something entirely different from anger.”

Cardan:

[manekicatwriter]

hellooo! i was wondering if i could make a request for an modern au sbi x gn sibling reader where they’re around 17-19, and they’ve got depression. they’ve had to go away for a few weeks after a bad episode ended in an attempt and they were hospitalized and sent somewhere for rehabilitation and now they’re coming home and they’re all anxious and quiet and stuff- so the boys do their best to like comfort them and reassure them that they’re loved and they belong there? i’m sorry if that’s an awkward request, i was just recently discharged after a similar situation and honestly the comfort would be great. it’s totally your call if you chose to write it tho, i understand that this is a difficult and triggering subject and not everyone is comfortable with writing things like it. if you aren’t comfy please feel free to just ignore my ask! <3

you’re here, and that’s what matters.

TW: mentions of attempted suicide. please proceed with caution.

hey! i just wanted to let you know that i’ve been through a similar situation and understand how you feel (though my case was not as severe). i wish you a safe road to recovery.

note, i think you asked for their characters but it leant itself towards their rl versions. i have a feeling the dsmp versions would be too chaotic for this sensitive subject.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! please do not be afraid to send in an ask. ANON IS ON!!

Phil:

- phil was very scared about you being so gravely hurt, it kept him up for some nights. thankfully, you pulled through.

- he visited whenever he could. if he couldn’t, he was busy making sure coming home felt as comfortable for you as possible while also educating himself on how to take care of you.

- phil would listen to how you felt, and be understanding of your feelings.

- “You don’t have to tell me why you did it, I’m just glad you’re here,” pulling you in for a warm hug.

- when you got back home, he made sure he and the boys had prepared your favorite dinner and desserts.

It was the day you had just got home from rehabilitation, and you two were sitting on the couch. You hadn’t said much, you felt like you had nothing to say. Phil had asked for you to sit down so you two could talk, one on one.

You couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” your voice started to crack. “For making you guys worry about me.” Tears started to form from your eyes and you wept into your hands.

Phil immediately reached over to you to hug you, letting you cry on his shoulder. “We don’t blame you. We don’t blame anybody. I just want you to be here safe with us. Let it all out.” He pat and rubbed your back soothingly as you kept crying. But it was a good cry. He was just glad you came home.

Tommy:

- even though many see tommy as a loud and obnoxious boy with a general disregard for others, we all know deep down that’s a persona. he will go out of his way to make other comfortable in his presence if he truly cares for them. which he does, for you of course.

- he wants to make you happy! when the time is right, he’ll crack jokes and offer to play minecraft with you.

- would tone down the yelling. not because you asked, but he’s afraid of triggering you. treats you like glass. if you notice he’s being quieter than usual and you don’t care, you tell him you don’t.

- if you’re feeling it, he’ll take you out to fun places and to eat. nothing that’s too outlandish like a theme park, but just enough to have a reason to get out of bed that day instead of sleeping in.

It had been a week since you had gotten home and Phil had instructed you to maintain somewhat of a schedule to upkeep yourself. Right now was your nightly routine, washing yourself, brushing your teeth, and finally sliding under the covers. It felt nice. The blanket of sleep consumes you easily…

…

Until you bedroom door opens you’re being aggressively shaken awake. You groan, shying away, but they’re persistent.

“Ey, wake up, it’s morning!” Tommy shakes you again.

You realize you didn’t dream, but think nothing of it. “Tommy please, what do you want.”

Finally, Tommy pulled your warm sheets from over you, making you flinch. “I wanted to go out to the park today! Feed the ducks! Yeesss!”

You sighed. If you didn’t comply now, Tommy will refuse to stop nagging you for the rest of the day. You rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. You could very clearly hear Tommy’s cheers.

You two had gotten ready, eaten breakfast, and said goodbye to the rest of your family so you could head over to the park. It was close enough that it wasn’t unbearable to walk to. Even if you weren’t completely yourself yet, you were glad Tommy was.

After the short walk you two finally reached the park. Tommy immediately bolted toward the pond and you jogged behind. He had already started throwing the ducks some seeds, and even threw it on a duck. It didn’t seem too pleased.

You two sat at the edge of the pond as you watched the ducks eat. “Hey.” You hear Tommy call to you, and you turn your head to him.

“Can we talk about what happened? With you? Is it okay?” You could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“Go ahead, what is it?”

“When Techno found out what happened to you, and told us the news, I was scared shitless.” He let out a sad huff. “I thought we were going to lose you.” Tommy kept his eyes fixed at the pond in front of him. “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have brought this up. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He sighed.

You put a hand on his shoulder. “Oh Tommy…” You started, “I’m sorry for making you worry. You shouldn’t have to feel like that because of my actions.”

Tommy was lost in thought for a moment, before finally speaking up, “No, please don’t apologize. It’s not anybody’s fault this happened, right?” You nodded.

Tommy stood up, dusting his pants off from the grass. “Come on now, let’s go get some ice cream!” He pulled you up from the ground.

“Last one to get to the shop has to pay!”

Immediately, Tommy bolts in the direction to the ice cream shop, and you catch up to him. No matter the circumstance is, he never seems to fail at putting a smile on your face.

Wilbur:

- i HC wilbur being the oldest, being older than techno by 3 years and older than tommy by 8, like IRL. :]

- i think out of all of your siblings, wilbur exudes the most “protective older brother” energy, yeah?

- remember when tommy lied about his mother being in trouble and how worried and anxious wilbur got? turn that up to 11 with what happened with you.

- with wilbur being the oldest, he of course had the responsibility of taking care of everyone. but somehow you and him didn’t spend as much 1 on 1 time as much as wilbur did with his other siblings

- wilbur definitely was going to change that, realizing that and not wanting to make that mistake again.

- he decided that finding a new hobby with you wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

You were sitting at the dinner table, being the last one there. You were poking at your food for the most part, and Wilbur got home late from… whatever Wilbur thing he was doing. Phil cooked pasta for dinner tonight. Wilbur put down his bags at the door connected to the garage. “I’m home! What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta.”

“Mmm, I love some good ol’ pasta.” He said, already taking a plate out to serve himself. “Also, hey, I bought something I wanted to build with you. Do you mind?”

You finally looked up from your very interesting pasta. “Build..?” You had no idea where this was going.

Wilbur placed his plate on the table and approached the bags of groceries, going through them to find the bag he was looking for. He pulled out a LEGO set. More specifically, a LEGO City set from the looks of the box? “Wilbur, how much was that?”

He blinked at you innocently. “It was only, like, £25. And look! It’s got a little submarine we can make with a rock and ugly sea monster—“

“But why?”

“Why not? It wouldn’t hurt for you to do something new, yeah?” He smiled at you, shaking the LEGO box in front of him to show it off. You sighed, but smiled. “Alright. But maybe you and I should eat this pasta first before we start building.” Wilbur nodded.

“Speaking of water, don’t you think I could teach you how to swim or something?”

“Oh, fuck off with that!”

Technoblade:

- i think out of everyone in the family, he understands you the most in terms of how you feel.

- not suicidal, but just generally having depressive episodes due to his ADHD.

- techno’s generally closed off, but started to really open up to you because he wanted to show he cares, even if it meant going out of his comfort zone.

- techno suggested journaling. once a day or once per week, it didn’t really matter. just as long as you could write down your feelings somewhere.

- he didn’t explicitly say it, but he also bought a book for himself so he could do it along with you. although, he more often than not just forgets to write in it until you mention your own journal.

- if you want to be sad and quiet, you can be sad and quiet with him. his room is a safe space for you if you ever need it and you’re always welcome to come in, just as long as you knock first.

With one hand on your mouse scrolling through the internet, and another resting your head on it, you were safe to admit you were utterly and completely bored. Honestly, you thought about taking another nap after your last one, but a knock on your door stopped you right before you pulled the covers over yourself. “Can I come in?”

You rose from your bed. “Come in. Oh hey Techno.”

He gave a simple wave and his signature “Halloo.” He walked right over to you and handed a journal and a ballpoint pen. “I got this. For you.” His stare was sharp but you could sort of tell he was nervous.

“What for?”

“I dunno. Writin’ your feelings down or drawin’ or somethin’. Whatever helps you vent.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Oh Techno, thank you. That’s very sweet of you.” You gave a slight smile, but saw that he still had another journal in his hand. “You have two journals?”

Techno raised his eyebrow in confusion before looking down at his hand. “Oh this? It’s for me. So we could do it together, I guess.”

You let out a happy hum. “That’s nice. Say, why don’t we go to your room? I want to see your new lava lamp and stuff.”

Techno shrugged. “Sure. I’ve got more stationary too if you want.” He waved his hand before letting himself out the door, with you following not far behind.

hi hope u enjoyed reading as much as i did writing it. this format was new for me but very fun!

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[punkscowardschampions]

Libi & Bobby

Libi: Guess what I’ve just seen

Bobby: ?

Libi: Had art first lesson

Libi: Look what was on the noticeboard when I got out

Libi: [Audition sign-up list]

Libi: !!!

Bobby: You haven’t written our names down yet

Libi: 😃😃 yeah?

Libi: The premise sounds interesting

Libi: not the worst; remember that Cinderella knock-off they did when I first started? That was REAL cringey

Bobby: There’s loads of people I’d fake kill, none I’d stay out til midnight 💃🕺 with

Libi: Maybe the ‘glass’ slippers are still in the cupboard

Libi: you can make it your diva request

Libi: you really FEEL your character would wear shoes made out of sellotape in every scene

Bobby: sticking to the floor might make me a bit easy to catch ❌🏃🏻🚔🚨

Bobby: I’ll probably save them to wear backstage

Libi: Power move

Libi: In English now, but I’ll go have a loo break and sign us up

Libi: There were only a few names already on there

Bobby: Hang on, is there anyone signed up that’ll put me off? You left that off the pic

Libi: Signing up doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll get a part

Bobby: yeah but

Bobby: whose name are you deliberately not saying

Libi: China must’ve had music, she would’ve passed by it too

Bobby: She’ll only be after the lead

Bobby: be alright when you get it, we won’t see no sign of her

Libi: There’s the 😇/😈 leads though

Libi: Which one do you think Jake will like? OMG! 🙄

Bobby: 😈🤘🎸 DUH

Libi: She already thinks she’s a femme fatale in her day-to-day

Libi: I hope someone else gets it, she’ll be seething

Libi: Mean but can you imagine?

Libi: She’d be unbearable

Bobby: You heard me say you will, unless you’re seriously gonna just audition for 😇

Libi: You think I could pull that off?

Libi: I’ll take any role I suit

Bobby: I think you’d suit a one-woman show but sir bothered to 💭 up all those roles now so it’d be a bit rude

Libi: You overestimate my abilities 😚

Libi: but it is encouraging

Libi: I think it could be really cool if you were the 😈 guy if I WERE to be the 😈 girl, because we could basically secretly communicate and no one would clock it was us ‘til the end and it’d be such a good reveal that we were signing in plain sight, you know?

Bobby: You underestimate yourself, that’s such a top idea, for 1.

Bobby: I was still trying to work out how to audition nevermind how they’d sort it if I got given the role

Bobby: 🏆🥇🎬

Bobby: Gutted you’re not directing it and all for 2.

Libi: You didn’t think I was going to volunteer us without a solid idea, did you?

Libi: Work on your brooding cold stare, Bobs 😝

Libi: I think they film it, but I also think Mr Mullan sets up a static tripod at the back of the hall and if anyone’s ma or da gets up the ‘shot’ is ruined 😷

Bobby: I never thought you wouldn’t get there, Libs, just wasn’t expecting it that fast

Bobby: I’ll stick on Clockwork Orange and The Shining and Voila! 👍

Bobby: Yeah? Didn’t have Mr M down as such an amateur

Libi: 🏃‍♀️

Libi: Oh, we have to have movie night

Libi: let Jim and Jan know it’s basically homework 🤞

Libi: Makes sense to get ahead of the competition

Libi: You’re free, right?

Bobby: If I wasn’t I’d be cancelling plans

Libi: I’d question who I was talking to if not

Bobby: 💔 if I’d been hacked and it took you this long to work it out

Libi: Never

Libi: not even in a bad teacher-written Agatha knock-off

Libi: too far fetched

Bobby: Sir sounds like he’s not above a 🔪 in the back murder if he’s still team tripod

Libi: I can’t wait to get out the corn syrup 😋

Libi: We can watch Scream even though it isn’t strictly genre

Bobby: Taxi Driver, The Godfather and Kill Bill too then for the 🥇🩸🏆

Libi: Now you’re talking

Libi: we might need a weekend marathon

Libi: now they’re boring adults, can’t pull all-nighters, even for 🥇🩸🏆

Bobby: maybe we can bribe them with back instead of front row seats

Bobby: not having to sit next to China’s mum could swing loads for us

Libi: Oh God

Libi: She LOVES to talk

Libi: and treat them like she’s known them since/they’re still kids

Bobby: I don’t wanna 🤞 that neither get roles, America’d probably be decent at the over the top stuff sir’s gonna want to make people laugh

Bobby: distance’ll have to do

Bobby: I’ll 🤞 instead that she don’t notice them sneaking in or out

Libi: She’ll for sure get a role, if she’s auditioning

Libi: Which I bet she will, the get-out-of-lessons-free pull is real for us all

Libi: She’ll be too busy making her own 📹 I reckon

Bobby: 🤔 How many lessons do you reckon we’ll end up missing?

Libi: The nearer the performance the more rehearsals they usually end up pulling for

Libi: But it’s Wednesday and Friday after school, so sometimes we get to miss last lesson on those days

Bobby: Alright, I’ll get over my 😳

Libi: You’ll be great

Libi: I wonder what other boys will audition

Libi: There’s never quite enough boys

Libi: What about Sean?

Bobby: I can’t imagine him learning lines

Bobby: Jake’s mates though, easy to 💭 of them trying to take over

Libi: Totally, every school event is a popularity contest as far as their egos are concerned

Libi: Some of them will think they’re too cool to even do it for a laugh but really it’s just 😳

Libi: As long as we have each other, it doesn’t matter

Bobby: It’ll be great, me and you, even if it takes me a sec longer to find my feet without sellotape 👠

Libi: 😚

Libi: It’ll be good to have a school thing we can actually do together

Libi: this school needs better clubs

Bobby: I bet he’ll let you start a 🎥📽🎞 club after the play

Bobby: when he’s 🤞🤩🤞 you’ll sign up for the next one

Libi: Okay I don’t know about that but that would be fun

Libi: even if it was just you and me again because no one else has seen a film that isn’t in Netflix’s catalogue 😆

Bobby: Even if it’s just us he’ll have a hard job ❌😒👎 when you’ve done such a good one

Libi: We’ll see 🤞

Libi: Usual spot at break then? I better go do some actual work now 😓

Bobby: 👀

Bobby: Me too, dunno who said there wasn’t any in transition year

Libi: They want to make it seem like there’s a break between exams, but as if they’re gonna let you get away with doing nothing

Libi: not got enough ideas to keep you busy 😏

Libi: Guess it is nice to have all that time to decide what to pick for next year but if you’ve already got a good idea… 🤷‍♀️

Bobby: Reckon if they could force everyone in the year towards that sign up sheet they would

Bobby: about as far as their ideas go

Bobby: good thing I can sort myself out

Libi: With a little help 🤏

Libi: I know my Grandma will help us out loads though, she’ll be buzzing about this

Bobby: Yeah 🤏 of work with Jim at his for a start

Bobby: when I’m not fake murdering people with you anyway

Bobby: he’ll be buzzing at the chance to art and craft again too 😏

Libi: Awh

Libi: Bet he’s missed school so much, like

Bobby: 😂

Libi: [Skip to day where they put the roles up]

Libi: I think I’m going to be late

Libi: If you want to walk to school without me

Bobby: I don’t mind waiting, not got loads on first thing

Libi: I can’t get my hair to do anything

Libi: stupid, I know

Bobby: I get it, you wanna look worthy of your starring role

Bobby: you’ve already earned it though

Libi: More like, I don’t want to look a total mess if I already made an idiot out of myself in auditions

Libi: China’s gloating will be insufferable enough without giving that satisfaction too

Bobby: I was there Libs, you didn’t

Bobby: China’ll be the one dreading the list and you can 😁 all you like

Libi: Lowkey feel like I’m gonna barf, this is ridiculous

Libi: and no one seems to know if they’ll put the list up break or lunch-time

Bobby: if you wanna stay home, I’ll keep lookout for it

Libi: No, I can’t do that

Libi: but thanks, I’ll only be 5 more minutes, max, promise

Bobby: enough time for me to make you a congrats card

Libi: Only if you make yourself one too

Libi: If I get a part, it’s only because of you, so you will too

Bobby: if I get a part it’s only because of you, more like

Bobby: and Jake’s mates messing up most of their lines

Libi: Okay, it’s not me admitting I was amazing to say some of them were awkwardly bad 😬

Libi: Thought Sir might start crying/have his nervous breakdown before we’d even started

Libi: Oh God what if one of us gets a role where we have to be all 😍 with one of that lot instead, that’ll be so… 😰

Bobby: I’d have to drop out of it before being 😍 with her

Bobby: save me from my own breakdown or her from a real murder

Libi: We can’t let you go that method, let the 🤩 go to your head

Bobby: You keep my head the right size, I’ll keep you from 🤮

Libi: Keep your hands clean of any real 🩸 it’s not that play

Libi: 🤐 on the name

Bobby: You don’t reckon I could play Scotish royalty? It’s not like I have to bother with the accent

Libi: ‘course you could

Libi: and she’d make an excellent witch

Libi: totally a compliment 😇

Libi: alright, I’m ready

Bobby: So’s your card

Bobby: If I was as 😇 as you, I’d have made her one saying sorry she missed out

Libi: no substitute for 🌹 at her feet, I feel

Libi: let’s 👀

Libi: [can skip again to after we actually know, ‘cos clearly that would be in person at school]

Bobby: [fuck that teacher for having a marvelous time ruining everything]

Libi: [could’ve been brave and taken that risk but nah, so rude]

Libi: hey

Libi: you awake?

Bobby: [at least IRL he could focus on being happy for her cos he is instead of having to pretend it’s fine when it’s not fine which she obvs would’ve seen through]

Bobby: You don’t need to keep worrying, you got the part over her and she’s still got one to keep her too busy if she fancies sabotage

Libi: I’m not worried

Libi: just bummed out, I suppose

Bobby: prospect of spending that much time with Jake’ll do that

Bobby: maybe China’ll bully him into quitting

Libi: he isn’t even her boyfriend

Libi: not that it matters, because it’s acting

Libi: I really thought he’d go for our idea

Bobby: I probably should’ve known he wouldn’t

Bobby: sorry for getting your hopes up, Libs

Libi: It’s not your fault

Libi: it feels kind of… wrong?

Libi: but not in a provable way, arguably he was better for the role and you still have one so

Libi: I don’t know

Libi: I’m sorry, are you alright?

Bobby: It’s not yours either, and yeah, maybe he was better

Bobby: face, and more importantly voice, fits

Bobby: we still get to hang out, that’s what’s alright by me

Libi: I don’t think he’s better

Libi: but yeah, that’s what it’s all about

Libi: and there’s plenty other people who got cast who are actually nice

Libi: we could do our own rehearsals separate to the regular ones, once a week or something, with those people, do some bonding

Libi: friday nights maybe? get takeout, watch a relevant movie or show, it doesn’t have to be all serious and 🤓

Bobby: Then I don’t care what sir thinks

Bobby: I’m in and Sean will be too, I don’t see why crew should be left out

Libi: 😊

Libi: Totally, whoever wants to come can

Libi: just think it’s fair to assume that they won’t wanna come any more than we’d really like them there

Bobby: What’s the first film or show gonna be?

Libi: That’s the question 🤔

Libi: [The relevant Poriot episodes] One of these, for sure, but how do you decide between a deadly murder mystery party and a deadly halloween party?!

Bobby: You were ready, have you been watching them both instead of 😴?

Libi: Maybe

Bobby: Your dreams are gonna be so on brand, let me know about it if you kill Jake

Libi: Bobby 😂

Libi: Imagine the look on her face if I was overheard dreaming about Jake

Bobby: 😡🤬🤯

Libi: Not trying too convince him it’s real, just the audience

Bobby: Neither of them need much convincing, they’re sure everyone’s 😍💘🌹 for them and their mate group

Libi: It’s so weird

Libi: How are they so unaware?

Bobby: I dunno but it don’t help now that sir has fuelled the 🔥

Libi: Yeah 🙄

Libi: Main characters of the School

Libi: must be nice to be so in 💘 with yourself

Bobby: You got a bit of their usual 👏🌹 today, what did you think?

Libi: I wouldn’t go that far

Libi: we all got parts

Libi: I don’t feel any different or better, that’d be weird

Bobby: 🤏 I said,‘cause I knew you wouldn’t

Bobby: but alright, I’m glad you’re still you

Libi: You thought I’d turn into a total diva? 🥺

Libi: how very rude 😏

Bobby: I’m just sulking ‘cause Mullan literally cast me as a mime, white gloves and all

Libi: Oh no

Libi: Can’t unsee 😬

Libi: but you’re gonna make it so much more than that

Libi: even if just to spite him, prove how 🔥 you can be without a voice

Bobby: and for the next play, unless it’s a musical or something even more 😬 than Cinderella

Libi: There’s the whole Disney catalogue to go through…

Libi: OMG

Bobby: Just don’t start dreaming of Jake as your prince charming

Libi: NO

Libi: LET ME STOP SHOUTING

Libi: but how cool would you as a boy Ariel be

Libi: unless you really want flowing long red hair

Bobby: BUT it’s such a fun throwback 🔊❕📢❗️

Bobby: 🤔💭?

Bobby: put it in the school suggestion box tomorrow in all CAPS

Libi: Hey! 😳

Libi: I was much younger and even more foolish back then

Libi: I’m reticent to give any more of my good ideas to Mr Mullan now

Bobby: yeah, what’s his excuse for being a poohead?

Libi: If we’re bringing up past embarrassments

Libi: I remember PLENTY too, FYI 😜

Libi: Honestly, I don’t know why J&J didn’t try harder to tell me to 🔉

Bobby: You’d never 😳 me when I’m down

Bobby: and you shouldn’t be 😳 for then, it was 🤝 not 👊

Bobby: your heart has always been massive and right where it should be

Libi: Backatcha Bobs 😊

Libi: Best friends for a reason

Bobby: Exactly, so you don’t have to worry

Bobby: we’ll have as much fun doing the play as we planned

Libi: That’s all I care about

Libi: well, I’d quite like to not shame myself and do a good job with this play

Libi: definitely 🥈 though

Bobby: Well that’s a given and all, didn’t you read your congrats card?

Bobby: I’ll have to get some real 🌹🌹 to chuck, you won’t be able to ignore them

Libi: Of course I did

Libi: but you’re my best friend, you HAVE to say all those things

Bobby: I’m a non-speaking character, saying it in spite of that

Bobby: must be important

Bobby: 🤏

Libi: I’ll stop worrying at full 🔊

Libi: It’ll be good

Libi: Do you think I should like, try to get together with Jake and Louie, get to know them and work out how to make our respective 💘s work?

Libi: I can’t think how to word it without sounding like I’m being thirsty

Bobby: *at any volume

Bobby: It will be good, I promise

Bobby: you could ask if they wanna run lines, see how they react, if they take it as you’re 😍💘🌹 1.’cause it’s them you’re expecting that and 2. it’s such a 😇🤓 request they’d be the ones who look 🤤

Libi: Ugh, how is that easy for you? 😎

Libi: That’s perfect

Libi: they signed up for the play too, they must wanna put some effort in too

Bobby: I wouldn’t go that far *😳

Bobby: It should work alright though, they bothered to learn their lines for the audition on top of signing up

Libi: Louie is alright

Libi: I’ll start with him

Libi: Lucie who’s playing the maid is cute

Bobby: He is, you’ll be alright

Libi: Don’t you think so?

Libi: She could be your 💘 and she can really beef up her role and be devastated when you get whacked

Bobby: I don’t mind her being 💔 if she wants but I don’t think I need a 💘

Libi: Married to the job

Libi: I see it

Bobby: There you go, it makes loads of sense

Libi: Plus Lord whatshisface might be being a rogue with her

Libi: that makes more sense

Bobby: 😂

Libi: Do you wanna go to the shops after school tomorrow? 👀 inspo even if we just window shop

Bobby: There’s loads of props I wanna have a go at making so I do need to have a look about to get them right

Bobby: it’s a date

Libi: I’ll wait on the 🌹🌹

Libi: Really should do some work for them first

Bobby: I can always put to 🖍 paper or fold you a paper one

Libi: Only if you colour it in [her favourite crayon colour name]

Bobby: [We’re obviously doing that as we watch these Agatha eps so prove of both those things in progress is gonna get sent]

Libi: 😇🤓 points x1000

Bobby: That’ll be why sir didn’t give me the 😈 role, if we asked

Libi: Hmm

Libi: He’s just failing to see your full potential but not for long

Libi: no one can ignore the talent

Bobby: He’s seen my potential for carrying a tray, might be as far as it goes for him

Bobby: least until my 🔈🧜‍♂️ starring role changes his mind

Libi: You are old enough to get that part-time job

Bobby: Imagine serving China and her mates ☕️ every day though

Bobby: not to disrespect the family trade but

Libi: 😅 I’m sure Jim would NEVER wish that on you

Libi: At least Asia was kinda nice, she could be anyway

Libi: Comparing her group to China’s now, feel like you’d be worse off

Bobby: he might wish the tips on me, but I reckon you’re right about it not being worth it

Libi: That’s true, it’s probably the best 💰💰 part-time

Libi: I want to get one, to help out, but I don’t know what I’ll do

Bobby: I’m gonna see if a proper job’ll come of going to work with him this year, even if that’s just doing ☕️ for everyone

Libi: That’d be ideal

Libi: I can totally see it happening, you’re enjoying it and they’re all impressed with you

Libi: 🤞🤞

Bobby: And we’ve got time to find a job for you 🎥📽🎞 that isn’t just scooping 🍿 into a carton

Libi: If I got to watch all the films for free

Libi: but that kind of slacking would make the whole job bit of it pointless 😅

Libi: We’ve got time

Libi: maybe I’ll be a maid

Libi: or a socialite, without the social-standing

Bobby: I bet [the name of a cinema that still plays films in an old school way] would train you as a projectionist

Libi: 😱

Libi: I can’t believe I’ve never thought about that

Libi: Do you think they would? That’d be-

Libi: -well 😍

Bobby: I’d put 💰💰 from my first wage on it

Bobby: you know loads of complicated stuff about 🎥📽🎞 already, I reckon they’d be 😁 to have you

Libi: I’ll take an IOU on a commission instead 🖼

Libi: 😘

Libi: Definitely going to look into it, I’ll have to see what hours they’d allow… nan and grandad might not be cool with the late shift a cinema allows for

Bobby: they might if J or J agree to pick you up

Bobby: but either way we’ve got a deal 🌹 not included

Libi: I could ask

Libi: but I don’t wanna put them out either

Libi: anyway, what am I even worrying about, it’s not like it’s happening yet, if at all 🤨🙄

Libi: Play hysteria is real

Bobby: by the time it is maybe you’ll let me pick you up 🚗

Libi: Maybe… 😱😜

Libi: Seems crazy you aren’t still 6 sometimes

Bobby: 😲!!!

Bobby: You must mean that I’m SO 🤴🗡🐲

Libi: Of course

Libi: You know I didn’t mean anything bad by it

Bobby: I 💭 you meant if we were still 6 we could do our own play with no adults telling us how

Libi: That is an 💭

Bobby: one that’s keeping us up

[a pause for realisation when she hasn’t replied that she’s fallen asleep lol]

Bobby: * me anyway 😂

Bobby: night Libs

[murfeelee]

My OFFICIAL Best/Worst TS3 EPs - REVISED 2019

I did a 2014 Sims 3 countdown list here, but since then I’ve played a lot more, and changed my mind about a few things. (Except the SPs -- I stick by what I said about those.)

Disclaimer: My “best/worst” is really just my personal favorites, with no real bearing on how well I think EA actually created the game, the quality vs quantity, how they executed the concepts, or anything like that.

With that said, let’s go Worst to Best this time! >:D

11 - Late Night: My opinion hasn’t really changed; if anything it’s gotten worse, especially after Boroughsburg went and dookied all over Bridgeport. XD

10 - Island Paradise: I’ve yet to even touch Isla Paradiso (I plan to...eventually), but the mermaids are meh & I was bored underwater (there’s not much to do); I don’t give a eff about resorts; and though I really like all the boats, they’re a EFFING HEADACHE to route & control. The new collectibles & items are cool, but I don’t feel my gameplay expanded all that much, as most of those objects are just a new, more colorful/tropical coat of paint on the regular stuff we already have. (Formerly #9)

9 - Generations: A huge expansion, yes, but when I’m not playing with kids (which is most of the time, outside of my Malec gameplays), I sometimes forget this pack exists. I disabled Memories & Imaginary Friends almost as soon as I installed Gen, and Story Progression on Day 1, so all I ever really use is the toys. It REALLY should’ve been basegame, or added in a free patch the way the TS4 Toddlers stuff was. Especially considering it didn’t include a new world to play in. And for all its claims, it effing ignored Elders, lbr. The new CAS & Build/Buy items get the most use from me by far, and the new sorting/filtering systems they added. (Formerly #7)

8 - University: I have zero intention of ever using the university mechanics, or going to the world at all (RL school already traumatized me enough; thanks). But I really like the Plantsims (a heck of a lot more than Mersims), and again, the collectibles & new CAS/Build/Buy items are the coolest part for me. I LOVE the harvestables, possibly even more than the ones in Supernatural. And the Buy Mode objects are effing cool -- the wealth of hobbies & skills stuff especially. 

7 - Showtime: My feelings about SHT have been conflicted since it was first announced. I still feel like it’s an expansion of an expansion (*cough* Late Night *cough* cuz it needed one -- or two *cough* Supernatural *cough* -- I’m ALLERGIC to EA’s BS!). I never used Simport, I don’t like Katy Perry, the Genie lifestate is glaringly out of place, and Starlit Shores is just ok. But the keeper for me is hands down the new professions, particularly the Magician, and I absolutely LOVE the CAS & Build/Buy items. (Formerly #6)

6 - Pets: I. Am. IMPRESSED. I think this is possibly the second best EP in the whole game (the best =/= my favorite). I’ve owned Pets & IP for years, though I was never able to run them on my old laptop, and had to wait till late 2017 before I got a new one with better specs. While IP was a letdown for me, Pets certainly isn’t; it’s so cool having pets & wildlife in the game! (Formerly #10)

—The rest I didn’t change my original ranking for, I just have more to say—

5 - Seasons: Still the best, most well-made EP out of the bunch (which says a lot, cuz it had its flaws, too). Winter is still my favorite (which is ironic, cuz I effing hate snow & cold IRL), but I still think the “holidays” mechanics & content are really bad -- EA was so busy trying to be politically correct that they watered down each and every one. At least small yet welcome additions/improvements were made in TS4, but TS2 still had the best, IMO. I miss Father Time. 

4 - Into the Future: A STAPLE for sci-fi gameplay, along with Showtime & Ambitions (and Seasons, for sneaking in the Aliens for no effing reason). But I am SO IN LOVE with the Build/Buy items, that I use them all the time. (I frikkin hate a lot of the CAS nightmare fuel, though.)

3 - World Adventures: I get tempted to bump WA up to #2, but I honestly don’t use the tomb exploration much at all, the mummies scare me, and I never cared for Champs les Sims; I think Monte Vista’s much prettier, with more interesting townies. I just love the fact that they added new cultures and lifestyles -- the worlds (plural!) are the biggest draw. 3rd best game, because they could’ve done so much more, but for the first EP out the gate, it’s a great expansion.

2 - Ambitions: Granted, I disabled Laundry (cuz eff chores); I don’t play in Twinbrook much anymore; and ITF’s Plumbbots make the Simbots look like a bad joke. But the content? The content. Dude: they’re EXPANDED. The traits, professions, hobbies & skills are sooo good. And I refuse to give up the CAS & Buy Mode items, not to mention that some of my favorite Build Mode content is from Ambitions (especially the plants). (Magnooooooooolia Crawford XD)

1 - SUPERNATURAL: Cuz duh, of course it is. XD Major flaws, particularly with the lifestates, but the content is just too integral for fanciful simmers to pass up. I have gripes with each and every lifestate (y’all know I raved a bunch about the 3rd party mod that added magic for kids), but I still have loads of fun with what we have (even the vampires, when I suspend my disbelief >_>).  

[determination-and-familiars]

When You Befriend A Soulless Flower

It's been so long since I've added to this there have actually been some headcanon changes, such as what year it takes place. I hadn't actually gotten bored with this AU, just so many things happening IRL and then some of my actually diagnosed ADD making me keep jumping ahead and either write or draw scenes from later on in this AU. I finally actually forced myself to focus on adding more to the AU's set-up. There is still one more part.

This is more of a montage of scenes of how fun it is living with Flowey while he's still soulless

The other parts of this AU setup are under the tag “AU Story”

It’s under a read more for being other 5k words

Vines snaked under the bed covers and wrapped tightly around Frisk’s ankles. Careful to not wake the sleeping girl, the vines pulled her out from under her blankets, lifting her up even higher. And then released her. She landed with a thud and pained yelp. Groaning and rubbing her head, the human rolled over to shoot a glare in the direction of the fertilizer tub.

“Oh, good! You’re up!” chirped the flower, vines slinking back into the soil. “Oh golly, are you ok? That sure looked like it hurt.”

“This isn’t going to become a morning thing, Petals.” Frisk pushed herself up from the ground, and felt around for her glasses on her bedside table. She then looked at her alarm clock. “5:30 again.” Yawning, the human covered her mouth and sat down on her bed. There was a shuffling sound and soon she spotted vines climbing up the side of the bed. Reaching over the side, Frisk lifted the flower up and set him down next to her. She yawned again. “What’s up, Flowey? Why’re you such an early bird lately?”

Flowey shrugged his vines. He then climbed down onto the floor, and scuttled towards the door. “C’mon! All those annoying people won’t be up yet!”

Frisk stood up just as Flowey managed to wrench the bedroom door open and began skittering downstairs. Throwing off her night-dress and pulling on a shirt and shorts, the brunette joined the blossom downstairs. Stepping into her shoes, the human quietly tapped out the code to unlock the door. She turned down to the flower, who glared up at her impatiently. “We won’t stay out too long. Mom will freak if she wakes up and we’re gone.” She bent down to offer an arm for the plant to climb on. He refused it. As soon as the door was opened, Flowey scuttled outside. Frisk followed then turned and touched the keypad to relock the door.

It was mid-summer, but this early, there was a cool morning breeze.

Flowey actually waited for Frisk before scuttling down the sidewalk, little petaled head turning this way and that, taking in everything. Frisk was mindful to not accidentally step on the flower’s vines trailing behind him as she kept pace.

This was turning out to be the best exploration yet for the small flower: he was already beginning to feel the warm sun as it rose, he was getting to explore the surface, and there weren’t crowds of humans around. There was only one he could mildly tolerate at best.

Frisk stayed quiet, only occasionally glancing down at the curious blossom while he explored. She yawned every so often, but her tiny friend almost seemed happy as he darted about; something she’d never seen from the plant unless he was faking it to lure someone into a trap.

As their surroundings changed from a light blue to bathed in the warm yellow of morning, people left their homes to head off to work. Some eased into their autocars, and snapped opened a paper as it drove off. Others zipped silently by on e-scooters.

A certain group of people caught Frisk’s attention.

“Hey, Flowey, let’s go this way.” She gestured down a random road in town. She kept watch on the group.

Flowey followed her gaze before looking back up at her. He opened his mouth but Frisk bent down, scooping him up, and turned down the road. “What? Are you being bullied or something?”

Frisk gave a forced chuckle. “No. Uh, let’s just say some people aren’t so happy that monsters are here now. And equally not very happy with the human who brought them up. I’d just like to avoid any scenes.”

“Well what if I wanna cause a scene?” the flower challenged.

“Flowey. No. Not this time. They’ve almost killed monsters before.” Frisk’s face was stern, her mouth in an almost straight line.

Flowey raised an eyebrow, but otherwise looked unimpressed.  “I’ve actually killed monsters before and you have no problems cuddling me. Just do your stupid mercy on them and make them your friends.” The flower began squirming to get out of the human’s hold. “Lemme go, and let’s go mess ’em up!”

“Flowey, I said no.” While the human talked, she’d begun walking home. She made sure to keep a firm hold on the flower. If he wiggled free, she just knew he’d burrow over to that group. “I’ve been ok with you doing a lot of things: I don’t care about when you’re rude, or wake me up by dropping me on the floor. I don’t care when you throw food on the ground if you don’t like it. But I’m not letting you do this.”

Flowey grumbled and lowered his petals.

“… How about this: you leave them alone and I’ll get you a full plate of bacon.”

The flower’s petals perked up instantly. “Bribe accepted!”

…

Flowey climbed out of the flowerpot he had insisted Frisk leave downstairs. Frisk’s mother was at work, and Frisk was at an ambassador meeting. The perfect opportunity for the flower to properly explore his new home without either human in the way. There was a small square of paper next to his pot; Frisk had left a note. In it, she wrote there was food in the kitchen within easy reach if he got hungry, as well as her number, but to please only call if there was an emergency since she would be in meetings all day.

Crawling over the note, and wrapping his vines around the table-leg, the small flower slowly slid down to the floor. Uncoiling from the table, Flowey began scuttling across the floor, using his vines like spider legs. He was in the living room, the largest room in the house. He’d only ever passed through this room into the kitchen and hadn’t actually spent much time in it.  There was a large bookcase against the far wall facing the staircase that held mostly books, a small collection of DVDs, and a few boxes marked as ‘Games.’

Flowey crawled closer and wrapped a vine around a game, pulling it out for a closer look: ‘Battleship’, whatever that was. While the main picture on the box showed what Flowey assumed was the game, on the sides there were pictures of what he could only guess were ‘battleships’ blowing up. He couldn’t help but snicker at the thought of such a pacifist like Frisk owning a game like this.

Dropping the box, Flowey continued his exploration of his new home.

Scuttling across the room, Flowey checked out the couch and smaller coffee table. The couch was soft and Flowey liked the medium blue of it. Maybe next time he’d have Frisk leave his flowerpot on there instead.

Moving past the couch, Flowey scuttled out, ignoring the kitchen, and into a little room just to the right. This was the mysterious room Luna walked out of on his first night on the surface. It was an office of sorts: there was a desk with screens above it, and several narrow bookcases and file cabinets. The screens interested him, and the desk surface had rows of letters and numbers. A computer, Frisk called it. Different to the one in Alphys’ lab. After a moment he decided he didn’t want to use the energy to climb the desk just to find he couldn’t make the screens do anything. Flowey backed out of the room.

Skittering back through the livingroom, Flowey approached another door, and gave a quick peek in: just a small, boring bathroom. Flowey made his way to the stairs. Using his vines, he slowly climbed them: he placed two vines on the step above, and pulled himself up. He repeated this until he finally reached the second floor.

Glancing into his and Frisk’s room near the top of the stairs, Flowey continued down the hall and peeked into the first room he came to. A bathroom, larger than the one downstairs but not very interesting. Ducking out, he scuttled further down the hall before trying the next door. This one was locked.

Frowning, the flower thought about shooting it with his pellets until it broke, but ultimately decided against it. That wouldn’t exactly help Frisk’s mother warm up to him.

The next door opened. This was a bedroom but other than a bed and nightstand the room was completely empty.

Closing the door, Flowey maneuvered his way downstairs to see what food Frisk left for him. There was still the basement, but Flowey… didn’t feel like exploring that. He could do that later when Frisk was back.

… Frisk groaned as she glared down at the paperwork covering almost the entire surface of her desk.

“Just write that everyone’s fine and they should butt out of everyone’s business already!”

The human turned around towards the flower sitting on the desk. A flowerpot was next to him. He wasn’t in it but he was idly drawing figure 8s in the soil with a vine. He was resting his petaled head on another vine.

“I can’t say that. It needs to be professionally worded.” Frisk sighed.

Flowey huffed loudly. “I’m bored!”

“I know! I’m sorry! I am too, but I gotta finish this first.” Frisk ran a hand through her hair. “Once this is finished, I promise, I’ll find something fun to do – as long as it’s legal.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Flowey grabbed the paper with his vines to look it over. He then gave it back. “Ok. I’ll help you finish this – and then I wanna go outside and play. Find something fun that can only be done up here.”

Frisk nodded in thanks.

The human had to write quickly while the flower talked about the other monsters. Some things she knew from talking to the others herself: like how Toriel and Asgore adopted a human who fell, without hesitating, or how Papyrus always tries to inspire others. Some things she didn’t. Like how Nabstablook would sit and talk to someone for hours if they were truly upset. Or how the bunny who ran the inn, if someone desperately needed a warm place to stay the night but had no money, would let them stay anyway.

Or how the skeleton brothers had once taken in a homeless child.

Soon the spaces provided on the paperwork were all filled.

“Thanks so much, Flowey!” Frisk said, stacking the paperwork in a neat pile. Thinking for a moment, she then asked, “Have you ever been on a bike before?” At the confused look she added, “Two wheels, you ride it around?”

“Chara used to talk about those. You actually have one?”

Frisk nodded. “Yeah! Though I’m going to insist you go in the pot. I don’t want you being blown off during the ride.”

Once the flower nestled back into the soil, Frisk picked up the pot and went out to the garage. Grabbing a basket and some straps, Frisk clipped the basket to the front of her bike, set the flowerpot in it, and used the straps the secure it. She then popped a helmet on and walked the bike outside.

Flowey stayed quiet, mostly just enjoying the sun while Frisk pedalled along the road. However as soon as Frisk rode down a hill and the wind rustled through his petals, Flowey actually started to enjoy it. He closed his eyes and stretched himself taller in his little pot.

Frisk circled around the neighborhood in order to go down the small hill again and again, and only stopped when her legs needed a rest.

After the break, the two rode around town for a few hours, Flowey at one point directing the way. Rolling through town on the bike allowed him to explore quickly.

…

“Ok, I’ll be right back and then we’ll head out.” Frisk stood up from her desk and ran upstairs.

Flowey for a change had actually already been in one of his little flowerpots. He turned to look out the window while waiting for Frisk.

Footsteps caught his attention. That was fast. Turning around expecting Frisk, instead he found Luna. She was holding a watering can.

“Um. … Hi?” she tried. When Flowey didn’t respond, the woman spoke again, stepping closer to the desk. “We got off on the wrong foot. If you really did help Frisk escape, I do thank you for that.”

“Uh, yeah…” Flowey looked towards the stairs, hoping Frisk would hurry up.

“You’re name’s Flowey, right?”  

The flower nodded, but said nothing. There was another awkward silence. “Do you want some water?” she added.

Instead of answering, Flowey turned away.

Luna hesitated, then stepped forward and raised the watering can. Water poured onto the soil surrounding Flowey.

“Hey!” Flowey whipped around and actually bit the woman on the hand. He didn’t draw blood but it startled her, and it hurt.

Luna flinched away, inspecting her hand. She slammed the watering can down and stomped upstairs. She passed Frisk who was finally heading down. “Frisk, do be careful that that weed doesn’t bite you too.”

Frisk could only blink, mouth open slightly as she quickly darted the rest of the way downstairs. She flew over to Flowey, who now had his thorns out. “You bit her?”

“She watered me when I wasn’t thirsty!” Though glaring, he retracted his thorns as Frisk lifted his flowerpot.

“Did you tell her you didn’t want to be watered?”

“…No. But I turned away when she offered!”

Frisk sighed. “Flowey… You need to use your words. Heck I might have taken that as a yes, with you turning away so the water wouldn’t splash on your face!”

Flowey huffed as Frisk carried his pot outside.

“We’re going to work on your manners.”

…

Undyne shot a glare at the small flower, who responded by sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry, before she grinned at Frisk. “Alright! Like usual, we’re gunna start with a few warm up stretches and maybe work you up to lifting fifteen pounds this time!”

Flowey called from across the room, by one of the training dummies. “When’re you gunna kick her butt?”

Undyne fixed the plant with another glare. “I’m not gunna kick her butt, it’s not that kind of training!”

Flowey giggled. “I meant Frisk kicking your butt!”

Groaning, the blue fish monster turned back to Frisk. By now the human had finished her warm up stretches. “Ready?”

Frisk nodded.

Neither Undyne nor Flowey knew why Frisk brought him along for these sessions, but the flower watched intently. He was kinda curious what sort of ‘training’ Undyne actually gave the human. There was no need for the girl to fight, so what was the point?

By the looks of it, it was mostly self-defense: Rather than throwing punches and kicks, Frisk was dodging and twisting away from various holds.  

After a while, Undyne brought out the weights. “What do you want to start with?”

Before Frisk could answer, Flowey piped up. “Go for the heaviest!”

“Will you butt out?!” Undyne yelled. “I’d like to see you do better!”

This only made the flower laugh more. “I’m literally a flower. There’s no way I could! I dunno why Frisk even brought me along.”

Frisk grinned. Apparently she was waiting for him to say exactly that. “But Flowey! When I went down to get you, you caught me just fine when I fell and even lifted me back up to that tree root when we left! And I’m about twice your size!”

Flowey sank in the dirt while Undyne turned from Frisk back to him, motioning with a finger for him to come over. Unhappy where this was heading, Flowey reluctantly burrowed closer.

“How much can you lift?” Undyne asked once he was close enough.

Flowey made the mistake of raising two vines out of the ground in a shrug. He realized his error at the way the grin spread across Undyne’s face. Before he could lower the vines back underground, Undyne set the entire box of weights on them. For a moment he almost dropped them, but then he tightened his vines around the box and held it in place.

“Not bad.” Taking a weight from the box and handing it to Frisk, she then added, “While still holding those, pick up Frisk as well.”

The human laughed lightly as vines snaked around her before lifting her up.

At the flower’s almost smug grin, Undyne said. “Alright. Now come out of the dirt and lift something.”

Flowey’s grin fell.

“C’mon, Flowey! It’ll be fun!” Frisk added.

Gulping, the small flower set Frisk and the box of weights down before his roots disappeared underground and he carefully uprooted himself, climbing out of the dirt. He glanced around nervously, feeling very uneasy at being out of the ground and exposed like this around the fish monster. Without soil, his vines could not grow and protect him. If she wanted to, she could easily spear him before he could slip back into the soil.

Flowey swallowed. But instead of attacking, Undyne reached into the box and pulled out a dull metal weight with a ‘2’ in large numbers etched into either end. The two pounder was the lightest one in the box. Undyne held it out to the flower.

His vines looked shrunken compared to before, without soil to give him strength. Reaching up with a much smaller vine, Flowey wrapped it around the middle of the weight. And was promptly pulled to the ground with a clunk. Coiling a second vine around the narrow middle of the weight, Flowey tugged at it, leaning back and grimacing. The weight did not shift.

“Looks like I’ll be toughening up both of you,” Undyne smirked.

  Later, Frisk headed for home with an exhausted flower laying limply across her head.

“Are you ok?” Frisk asked, glancing up.

After a moment Flowey sighed and then responded. “Yeah. It was actually kinda fun. I’m,” he stretched out a vine, “tired. But in a good way.”

The human beamed, her eyes still rolled upward, trying to glimpse the tired flower. “Wanna come again the next time?”

Now the flower hesitated. “Uhhh… Maybe. If you can convince her there’s no way I’ll work up to lifting 20 freaking pounds in one single freaking day.”

Frisk giggled and nodded, reaching up to softly pat the flower on the head. This time he didn’t shove her hand away. “Deal!”

The sun was setting, and in the falling dusk, Flowey didn’t see a small happy smile turn up the corners of Frisk’s mouth. This was great! He liked it. Her plan just might work:  Flowey was still a little ball of aggression. This could be an outlet for him to work some of that out without harming anyone.

…

“Where are we going now?” the flower grumbled from his perch on Frisk’s shoulder. Over her other shoulder was the strap from a backpack which held one of Flowey’s flowerpots.

“To see my dad!” the human chirped. “You haven’t met him yet!”

Flowey shut his eyes and unwrapped a vine in order to shrug with it. “I just assumed you didn’t have one and you were created in some lab. Some experiment on how to make something freakishly happy all the time.”

Frisk raised an eyebrow. “Flowey,” she said, adding a slight whine to her tone. “I’m not freakishly happy all the time!”

“Sure.” After a moment, Flowey added, “Why aren’t they together? Is it like Mo- … Toriel and Asgore?”

Frisk glanced away with a slight wince. After a moment the human finally responded. “It’s … complicated. They technically aren’t divorced but they’re struggling to stay together.”

Flowey raised an eyebrow. “That’s dumb.”

Letting out a sigh, Frisk shook her head. “It’s just a … it’s complicated. I don’t want to see them fight anymore, but I also hope they can work things out and maybe get back together someday.”

Flowey rolled his eyes and fell silent again.

As the two waited for the bus, the pair couldn’t help but notice how many people gave them odd looks and the occasional glare. As one solar bus sighed past, silent except for the wheels crunching on the road, Flowey stuck his tongue out at passengers frowning through the windows.

Frisk sighed again. “It’s better to just ignore them, Flow-Flow.”

With his tongue still out, the flower pivoted his glare to the girl before pulling his tongue back in. “Yeah. That’s a nickname that’s not staying.”

Finally their bus came. As the door slid open, the bus lowered almost to the ground, and an elderly woman crept slowly off. Getting on, Frisk walked to the back. Flowey climbed over to the shoulder closest to the window, looking out. The bus pulled away from the side of the road and joined the cars, bikes and motorcycles flowing down the street.  

As the view outside passed by, the small flower reminded Frisk of an excited puppy on a car ride, the way they bounce up to a window and fall back down, then finally place paws on the door to see out. Flowey also was trying to take in everything. He kept moving from her shoulder, then down onto the seat, then climbing back up on her shoulder. At one point he was stretched so far forward on his roots, when the bus stopped Frisk had to quickly catch him from falling.

Finally Frisk pushed a button on a grab-pole in the aisle. The word STOPPING lit up on a screen near the front, where the driver was located. The bus slowed, then pulled to the side of the road and stopped. Frisk gathered up Flowey and headed to the door. The pair were greeted by an average height Hispanic man in his forties.

“Hi, Dad!” Frisk exclaimed, running up and hugging the man.

“Ah mi hija, I hope the bus ride was alright?” He returned the hug. When he pulled back, he asked, “And who’s this?” while offering a friendly smile to the flower perched on the girl’s shoulder.

Well, Flowey was beginning to see where Frisk gets her annoying smile from.  “…Flowey.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Flowey. My name’s Dante.”

Unlike Frisk’s mother, this guy didn’t make even one comment about the fact Flowey was, well, a flower. He was simply greeted the way another monster might greet him. Very weird coming from a human, but a nice surprise.

However, as good as it was, Flowey was curious about how calm this Dante was about everything.  The human’s other parent seemed to still have such a huge problem with him. “Um, how are you so ok with a talking flower?”

Dante let out a soft chuckle. “Why shouldn’t I be? You have every right to exist as I do.”

Flowey wasn’t able to respond, rendered silent in the way only Frisk and Papyrus had managed until now. Never before had a human said something like that. He still didn’t even fully like his own existence. After technically what could be years and years of being bored with nothing new, he wasn’t sure how to react to so many new and surprising things happening all the time. The flower remained quiet. One group of humans were so dangerous Frisk walked a different route. Others glared, or stared, or frowned. To Frisk’s own mother, he was a weed! But to Dante? He had a ‘right to exist.’

Maybe Frisk and Dante shared more than just the tendency to grin like idiots.

…

Five a.m. rolled around once again. Flowey blinked awake and yawned as he unfurled his petals. Sunlight was just beginning to peek through the bedroom window. The human lay quietly in the bed. It wasn’t fair she was sleeping with the sun starting to rise.

A toothy grin spread across the flower’s face as his vines stretched forward out of his fertilizer bed to snake under the blankets. The vines had only just barely wrapped around Frisk’s ankles when she sudden spoke.

“Don’t you even dare.” Her voice sounded half asleep though.

“Whaaaaat?” Flowey feigned innocence. “I wasn’t going to do anything!”

A tired groan escaped the human as she pushed herself up on one arm, turning her head to peer down at the flower. She caught Flowey quickly withdrawing his vines back into his dirt tub. “So you weren’t about to throw me out of bed again.” It wasn’t a question. She knew.

“Why would I do something so mean to my bestest friend ever?”

“You’ve done this every morning for the past week and a half!”

Flowey dropped his innocent act.  “I’m bored, ok?! I stupidly synced up with the stupid sun and so I’m forced awake at stupid-early o’ clock and have to wait for your stupid butt to wake up! So I get you up so it’s less awful for me!” The small flower raised three of his vines and crossed two of them, imitating folded arms while pointing the third accusingly at Frisk. “You never warned me that coming to the surface included these side effects!”

The human sighed, though not in annoyance. Pushing herself the rest of the way up, she stood and crossed the room to the dirt tub. She knelt down to be eye-level with Flowey. “I didn’t realize. You’re the only sentient plant I know – well, other than the Vegetoids – but they didn’t seem to sync.”

Flowey only glared. “Fix it or find something for me to do and maybe I won’t throw you on the floor every morning.”

Frisk exhaled through her nose and ran a hand through her hair. She hated being dragged out of deep sleep every dawn. Still, she couldn’t really be upset with him for being pissed about being dragged to the surface just to spend hours alone every morning. After a moment an idea came to her.

“Maybe I can set up a little ladder next to Mom’s computer. Teach you how to use it. Then you can watch videos or something while waiting for everyone to wake up,” Frisk suggested.

The little flower snickered. “Ok Google: How to kill all humans?”

Frisk cringed. “Maybe I’ll think of something else for you to do…”

Flowey’s little face twisted into one of disappointment, tiny mouth ajar. “No, no! I won’t! The only computers I’ve seen were Papyrus’ and Alphys’! And they weren’t hooked up the actual internet!” He even shifted his face to resemble his old Asriel self: large red eyes, shining and watery, little fang-y snout turned down in a pout. Complete with a little quiver. “Please? I’ll be good!”

He’d even altered his voice! He’s dropped the normal distortion and crackiness, but kept the childish tone. It brought Frisk back to the night the barrier broke.

How was she expected to say ‘no’ to that?

Frisk sighed in defeat. “Ok, ok. You win. But if it was illegal to do down there – don’t look it up online up here, ok?”

The flower’s distress fled far too quickly. He shifted back to his flatter flower-face. “Deal!” he exclaimed, in his normal scratchy voice.

Frisk held out her arm for the little blossom to climb onto. “Well I’m up now. C’mon.”

After easing out his roots one at a time, Flowey coiled them around Frisk’s wrist.

Yawning, the human stood up, heading downstairs.

  The next morning Flowey glared at the window, as the blackness began greying and then lightening up to a medium blue. He was tempted to fling the human out of bed again. So tempted. But he ultimately decided against it. While still in the soil, he used magic to extend one of his vines to the doorknob, twisted it, and swung the door open.

Climbing out of his dirt-box, Flowey scuttled out of the room. Reaching the top of the stairs, Flowey peered down into the gloom. He grimaced in annoyance. There were a lot. Careful to not trip over his own vines, the flower started climbing down each tread. Using his roots, he lowered his bulb first before crawling to the next step and repeating the action.

Flowey huffed in exhaustion when he finally reached the ground floor. Why did humans have to have stupid stairs?

Pushing himself back up on his roots, the little flower tapped across the livingroom until he reached the room just right of the kitchen. Luna’s home office. Slithering inside and next to the computer desk, the small blossom began pulling out drawers so he could climb up.

The little plant hoisted himself onto the desk. Looking down at the holographic keyboard, he tapped a key to wake the computer up. Where was the mouse? Other computers Flowey had seen had an oval device one could slide around to move from one section of a screen to another, or to click a button icon. Aha! A small grey rubbery section was embedded in the desk. Flowey stroked it, and an arrow moved across one of the screens.

He perched by the keyboard and slid a vine across the mousepad. A report with many words was open on one screen.  Flowey didn’t close it off but minimized it instead. He then opened Firefox and pulled up Google. Flowey paused to think about what he actually wanted to look up.

After a moment the little plant tapped his three other vines across the keyboard and a search for movies came up on one of the computer screens. Using the mousepad, Flowey scrolled the page for a moment before going back to the search bar and adding the word ‘horror’.

Scrolling this page for a while, and clicking the star to bookmark the ones that caught his interest, Flowey finally stumbled across one from roughly 340 years ago. A very old film from 1974 called “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre”.

Flowey clicked on that and skimmed the description, glad Chara taught him how to read human words. Liking what he saw, Flowey started the film.

~*~

It was the screaming that woke up Frisk and her mother; the high pitched shrieks of a woman in terror. Practically falling out of their beds, the pair rushed downstairs, following the cries to Luna’s home-office. This is where they found Flowey, perched on the desk and grinning with sharp little fangs while watching the movie. Volume turned up to the max.

Frisk darted in and paused the film.

“HEY! I was – You said –”

“That’s way too loud! And that one’s way out of your age demographic!” Flowey actually growled, glaring daggers up at the human girl. “We’ll make a list of ones you’ll like that’re more … appropriate.” Frisk held an arm out for him to climb onto.

Flowey, still glaring, instead chose to climb down the desk and onto the floor and then sulk out of the room.

Luna crossed the room and after closing off the browser, checked the documents she’d left open the night before. She sighed in relief when she found they’d only been minimized. Turning to her daughter she asked, “I’m guessing you said he could browse if he woke up before you?”

Frisk nodded. “Yeah, sorry mom. I told him not to close anything off and taught him how to use Google.”  And told him not to look up violent things, she added silently, deciding against telling her mother about Flowey’s interests. Luna would lose it. She was still getting used to monsters in her town, and in her house.

“Next time teach him about volume control too.” Luna ran a hand through her un-made, messy blonde hair and checked her wrist, blinking upon realizing she didn’t have her watch. It was a rather rude awakening. Yawning, Luna went back to her room.

Frisk sighed as she left the room, off to hunt for a pouting flower.

…

Sprinting upstairs and throwing the door open, Frisk beamed from ear to ear as she looked around the room for Flowey. “Hey, where are you? I’ve got some great news!”

Flowey crawled out from under the bed.

Frisk gave him an odd look. “What were you doing under there?” At Flowey’s lack of a response, the human sighed and continued. “Anyway, the people at the embassy were really impressed with the paperwork you helped me fill in before. They invited you to come along to the next meeting!”

Flowey raised an eyebrow. “Why would I want to do that? Sitting in a room of grumpy old humans being grumpy and old? Sounds boring.”

Crouching down, closer to the plant’s level, the girl tried again. “Flowey, this is great progress! In just a month they’re going to start listening to what monsters have to say!”

“What if I don’t want to? What if I wanna stay home and watch TV instead?” The flower paused, but before Frisk could speak again, he added with a wink: “Buuuut, if maybe you offered me a reward for spending my time with boring humans…”

“You’re serious. I gotta actually bribe you into helping monsterkind get equal rights.” She ran a tired hand through her hair. “Alright, what do you want?”

Flowey tapped a vine on the ground. “Hmmm. A full plate of bacon and there’s a movie series – Saw I think – I wanna watch that!”

“Fueling your addiction to bacon and gory horror movies.”

The flower crossed two of his vines. “Hey – hey! I don’t have a bacon addiction!”

Frisk snickered. “Of course you don’t.”

“So, deal?” Flowey asked, uncrossing his vines.

“I’ll need to think about it – I’m not sure how healthy all that human-food bacon is for you.” She paused, then added, “And I’m not sure how good seeing all that gore would be either.”

If he had feet, he would have stomped. “I’m not a baby! With all my resets I’m probably older than you!”

“I just said I would need to think about it. And how about proving that maturity and settling for a compromise?”

The little flower grumbled. “I’ll think about it.”

[heyscience]

If I Were Inquisitor - Ask Meme.

@batsintheshadows @tea-me-and-smut @foxywolfmeerkat13 @howling-at-night OMG THIS IS SO FUN YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT!! Thanks so much for writing yours, and I’m so stoked to finally share mine!

If you are reading this and want to give it a shot, please reblog the original post and I’ll send you an ask! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE READING PEOPLE’S ANSWERS. THEY’RE ALL. SO GOOD!!!!

1. Race: I want to be a giant muscley mountain of a Qunari. I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was, at smashing my enemies’ faces in and giving the best goddamn hugs there is. 

2. Class/Specialization: Two-handed Warrior/Champion. I like hitting things, and I love the idea of getting involved in all that pompous Orlesian chevalier bullshit and RUINING IT for ALL OF THEM.

3. Your homeland? It’s gotta be somewhere warm and by the sea (because I love the ocean and also I can’t deal with the cold cos I am WEAK), so I’m thinking Rivain. Ooh! And that would mean I’d have a bunch of sick tattoos and piercings! Rad.

4. Your family? (Ok so I’m basing this loosely off my irl family because they’re my best point of reference I guess????)

So, my family. I love them, but they’re a mess.

My Mum was the ideal Tamassran. A devout adherent to the Qun. She worked as a healer and was very well respected in her field.

That was until she met my Dad, who in short, looked at the Qun and was like ‘fuck this shit I’m out.’

Dad was a soldier and one day he was wounded in battle, ended up in the hospice where Mum worked, wooed her, and they ran away together to Rivain.

They had my brother and I and then realised that they’re actually polar opposites and it’s a wonder they were ever attracted to each other. They split up, re-partnered and had more kids. So I have a pile of siblings that I have varying degrees of blood relation with, but we all consider each other fully part of our extended, convoluted family (for serious - irl I have 9 siblings).

Mum taught me business sense and how to tend to battle wounds, Dad taught me how to fight. I’ve got a lot of family of various races all over Thedas, all related (not necessarily by blood) one way or another. People say lovely things about my Mum, and the craziest things about my Dad - the stories of his exploits are so outrageous it’s difficult to believe any of them are true (like irl my dad was involved in organised crime for a while but quit cos he got bored????).

I love my family but I’m really bad at keeping in contact with them, so I get the occasional letter from Mum being like ‘ARE YOU DEAD?!’

Leliana has taken to sending her reassuring updates preemptively.

5. Who were you before? I imagine I’d be part of something like a dnd adventuring party.

We started out as a ragtag group of misfits, travelling the land in search of gold and glory. It was mostly treasure hunting and mercenary gigs, and some of the work we did on the high seas was um, legal-adjacent (piracy). But occasionally we’d stop to lend a hand to those in need, pass ourselves off as bards to earn extra coin in small-town taverns, and we even involved ourselves in vigilante justice a couple of times.

We grew into our own little family, and eventually we found ourselves wanting to do the type of work that really mattered. That’s why we signed ourselves up to work security at the Conclave, with a plan to move into aiding refugees in Ferelden afterwards. It didn’t. Quite. Work out that way. Unfortunately.

6. Would you be religious? That’s a hard no.

7. Do you have a mabari? YES PUPPY! Who is also a fully fledged member of our adventuring troupe I might add.

8. Your opinion on other races? Elves = rad, dwarves = awesome, humans = eh, dragons?? = HELL YES

9. What would Varric’s nickname for you be? Stubby.

10. What would your tarot card look like? This one is hard! I’m thinking a lot of compass imagery (because the sea and travelling and finding your way etc.)...and I’d have to be facing at an angle that best accentuates my glorious biceps.

11. Where would you hang out in Skyhold? I like to be in the centre of the action, but I’m not sure where that would be?? Probably in the main Skyhold courtyard near the entrance, in amongst the merchants? It’d be a good spot to see the comings and goings, check in with recruits and workers for the Inquisition, and also play with any kids who might be around. 

It’s important to make sure the kids of the Inquisition are happy and healthy and, um, ok Josie I’ll admit it, they’re also way more fun to hang out with than that stuffy noble whoeverthefuck you just brought in from Orlais.

12. What would you do for fun? Knock back beers in the Herald’s Rest with my companions, come up with dirty drinking songs with Sera, get blackout drunk with Dorian (although I’ll eventually realise it’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism and encourage Dorian to join me in cutting down the booze), swap stories and quality bants with Varric, beg Vivienne for fashion advice, gush over romance novels with Cass, have tea and gossip sessions with Josie, poke fun at Cullen, spar with the Inquisition recruits (and scare the shit out of them), and, just anything to distract from the looming horror that is Corypheus.

13. What armour would you wear? Heavy, shiny, and bloodstone red.

14. What would your room look like? Organised chaos. I love playing host so my room would look mostly neat, but the writing desk would be an absolute mess. It would probably make poor Josie hyperventilate (which is why I’d always suggest we discuss things in her office, or at least give me plenty of notice before swinging by my chambers so I can tidy up). 

15. Who would be your friends at Skyhold? I’d wanna be friends with pretty much everyone, but I think I’d be closest with Dorian (BUT of course only after giving him a solid scolding for his views on slavery, and I’d only continue talking to him if he came to his senses).

We have a very similar sense of humour, and. Oh man. I have way more feelings about this than I thought I would. In short - I can imagine both laughing with him and collapsing on the floor together with a bottle of wine (each) and many tears.

16. Would you have any friends outside of the Inquisition? This makes me sad because my closest friends outside the Inquisition would be my adventuring party and they..would’ve...the Conclave...EVEN MY MABARI. MY POOR PUPPY. OH GOD WHY. TOO MANY FEELINGS.

17. Who wouldn’t you get along with? Cole. It’s not that I don’t like him, I’d just be super awkward around him, like ‘HELLO SPIRIT CHILD HOW ARE YOU TODAY. OH, IS THAT AN INSECURITY OF MINE YOU JUST POINTED OUT?! WELL COOL, GOOD TALK.’ 

18. Who would you romance? I know this isn’t possible in Inquisition but I would like to be in a polyamorous relationship with Isabela. SHE IS MY FICTIONAL SOULMATE OK.

(Also I’m more than a little bit in love with Cullen but I hate myself for it so)

19. Would you do pranks with Sera? AbsoLUTELY.

20. Would you sleep with the Iron Bull (casually if not romance)? 100% YES. It’d only be an occasional thing tho, cos while I’m a masochist and I like being tied up I’m not really a sub. I’d mostly go to him for bondage tips and um. Requests for. Demonstrations.

21. Would you keep Cole around? Yes. I’d still be weirded out by him, but I acknowledge that it’s completely not his fault. I’d take his word for it that he just wants to help people and let him have at it with that freaky mind-reading and vanishing shit he does.

22. Can you play the game (politics)? A little bit. I’d have to work the scandal angle. Being a Qunari I could never hope to assimilate into the realms of the nobility, but I could win their favour by being something of a novelty. Much like Casanova in this brilliant adaptation starring David Tennant - watch from 10:42.

You see, you don’t have to be liked by everybody, just the right people, and you can usually get them onside by just being very fucking entertaining.

23. What would be on your tombstone in the fade (What are you afraid of)? Ghosts. I’m not sure how well that translates to a Thedas setting but still, it’s my biggest fear so I’m sticking with it.

24. Who would you recruit to seal the breach? Mages.

25. Opinion on Mages versus Templars? Ok, so I have a proposal for how to fix this bullshit:  

1. The Chantry should relinquish any and all control over the affairs of mages. Separation of Church and State, simple as that.

2. The Templar Order should be disbanded, and the practice of indenturing soldiers by saddling them with a lyrium addiction should be banned.

3. All people in Thedas (and I mean ALL) should be taught about magic from a young age, both the gifts and dangers of its use. Everyone should learn about magical safety and how to resist demonic possession.

4. Mage children should attend the same schools as everyone else, but they can hone their skills in their late teens to early adulthood in mage colleges, with free tuition paid by the State (of wherever part of Thedas this is). They can research magic, learn a trade or train in combat, whatever they choose. Mages will be allowed to earn money, marry, have families, and have some actual freaking rights. None of this ‘hunt ‘em down and lock ‘em up’ bullshit.

5. Also the Rite of Tranquility WHAT THE FUCK. I can’t believe it’s a thing people actually agree to do. This rite should be downright fucking outlawed, and severe penalties levelled at the people who attempt it.

26. Who would be put in charge of Orlais and why? Briala. I wouldn’t suggest to Briala that she should get back together with Celene, because honestly their relationship was really fucked up and Celene abused the power imbalance between them. Briala deserves better (like for example me..maybe...but y’know, only if she wants to..)

So I would keep Celene on the throne but hand over all real power to Briala. Celene is a crafty one however, so we’d have to corner her with blackmail and keep a hidden killswitch on hand in case she tries to pull a fast one on us (just like the Voltron kids should be doing with Lotor, which sorry, I know that isn’t related but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT).

27. Would you sacrifice the Chargers? NEVER.

Seriously Fuck the Qun. The Qun actively promotes eugenics with how they selectively “breed” their people. ALSO the Qunari are gaslighted into believing that they will literally go insane if they don’t follow the Qun?!!!?!?!!??!??! FUCK THAT SHIT.

So yeah, I was never keen on the idea of allying with the Qunari, so when Gatt’s like ‘if you sacrifice the dreadnought there will be no alliance’ I’m like ‘I am ok with this.’ Also, of course, I love the Chargers with all my heart and couldn’t bear to lose them.

28. Would you go after Blackwall? Yeah. He should put all his moral posturing to good fucking use and try being an actual hero. I’d make him join the Wardens, cos it’s effectively a death sentence (or an early grave at least ) and I don’t 100% dislike him, so I know he’d be cool with it because he has a giant fucking hard-on for the Wardens (Jesus fuck). 

29. Would you drink from the well? Nnnnnoooooooooo..and it’s because I would fucking die for Morrigan. I wish I could say I have a well considered reason, but I’m just pathetic like that. She could say jump and I’d say ‘I’d rather not, but, counter offer - would you instead like to sit on my face?’ 

30. Where would you go if the Inquisition was disbanded? Minrathous. It’s warmer there (I love Skyhold but fucking hate the cold), and I would involve myself in the inevitable slave uprising - helping out in whatever way I can. Also I’d just be having a fucking great time terrorising the Magisters, rocking up at the Magisterium like ‘LOOKIT ME I’M A RAGING QUNARI HERE TO INVADE, RARRGHH!! oh hey Dorian, what’s up babe how’ve you been????’

31. How do you react to the egg telling you he is an elven god? The five stages of grief:

Denial - lol no ur not, you’re our painty pyjamas nerd! 

Anger - Wait, so it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED AT THE CONCLAVE??!?! I AM GONNA GUT YOU AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR INTESTINES SO I CAN USE YOUR WEEDY BODY AS A GORE PINATA YOU FUCKING MONSTER 

Bargaining - but you’re a god right? Does that mean you can bring them back? Can you undo all this somehow? You gotta have superpowers or some shit right??!?

Depression - After all we’ve been through...you never even saw us as people, did you? Did you ever think of me as a friend? Or anyone else? How could you be ok with murdering your friends? Solas, please, you don’t have to do this. I know that if we work together we can find a better way. You don’t have to destroy the world to save it.

Acceptance - ..................I fUCKING HATE YOU SOLAS.

[hydrus]

Version 443

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

I had a great week doing nice cleanup and quality of life work.

Hey, we had a problem getting the macOS release to build this week. The macOS link above goes to a build using a simpler and faster method. It should work fine, but please let me know if you have any trouble. As always, back up before you update!

highlights

Popup messages can now launch complex jobs from a button. The first I've added is when a subscription hits its 'periodic' file limit. The situation itself is now better explained, and a button on the popup will create a new downloader page with the specific query set up with an appropriate file limit to fill in the gap. The second is if you try to upload some content to a repository that your account does not have permission for (this is affecting sibling- and parent-uploading PTR users as the shared public account is changing), the popup message that talks about the issue now has a button that takes you straight to the manage services panel for the service and starts automatic account creation.

Subs should now be more careful about determining when they have 'caught up' to a previous sync. Small initial file limits are respected more, and the 'caught up' check is now more precise with sites that can give multiple files per URL or very large gallery pages.

I gave options->speed and memory a full pass. The layout is less crushed and has more explanation, the options all apply without needing a client restart, and the new, previously hardcoded cache/prefetch thresholds are now exposed and explained. There's a neat thing that gives an example resolution of what will be cached or prefetched, like 'about a 7,245x4,075 image', that changes as you fiddle with the controls.

The client has recently had worse UI lag. After working with some users, the biggest problems seemed to come in a session with lots of downloaders. I traced the cause of the lag and believe I have eliminated it. If you have had lag recently, a second or two every now and then, please let me know how things are now.

If you use the Client API a lot while the client is minimised, you can now have it explicitly prohibit 'idle mode' while it is working under options->maintenance and processing.

full list

quality of life:

when subscriptions hit their 'periodic file limit', which has always been an overly technical term, the popup message now explains the situation in better language. it also now provides a button to automatically fill in the gap via a new gallery downloader page called 'subscription gap downloaders' that gets the query with a file limit five times the size of the sub's periodic download limit

I rewrote the logic behind the 'small initial sync, larger periodic sync' detection in subscription sync, improving url counting and reliability through the third, fourth, fifth etc... sync, and then generalised the test to also work without fixed file limits and for large-gallery sites like pixiv, and any site that has URLs that often produce multiple files per URL. essentially, subs now have a nice test for appropriate times to stop url-adding part way through a page (typically, a sub will otherwise always add everything up to the end of a page, in order to catch late-tagged files that have appeared out of order, but if this is done too eagerly, some types of subs perform inefficiently)

this matters for PTR accounts: if your repository account does not have permissions to upload something you have pending, the popup message talking about this now hangs around for longer (120 seconds), explains the issue better, and has a button that will take you directly to the _manage services_ panel for the service and will hit up 'check for auto-account creation'

in _manage services_, whenever you change the credentials (host, port, or access key) on a restricted service, that service now resets its account to unknown and flags for a swift account re-fetch. this should solve some annoying 'sorry, please hit refresh account in _review services_ to fix that manually' problems

a new option in maintenance and processing allows you to disable idle mode if the client api has had a request in the past x minutes. it defaults disabled

an important improvement to the main JobScheduler object, which farms out a variety of small fast jobs, now massively reduces Add-Job latency when the queue is very busy. when you have a bunch of downloaders working in the background, the UI should have much less lag now

the _options->speed and memory_ page has a full pass. the thumbnail, image, and image tile caches now have their own sections, there is some more help text, and the new but previously hardcoded 10%/25% cache and prefetch limits are now settable and have dynamic guidance text that says 'about a 7,245x4,075 image' as image cache options change

all the cache options on this page now apply instantly on dialog ok. no more client restart required!

.

other stuff, mostly specific niche work:

last week's v441->442 update now has a pre-run check for free disk space. users with large sessions may need 10GB or more of free space to do the conversion, and this was not being checked. I will now try to integrate similar checks into all future large updates

fixed last week's yandere post parser link update--the post url class should move from legacy moebooru to the new yandere parser correctly

the big maintenance tasks of duplicate file potentials search and repository processing will now take longer breaks if the database is busy or their work is otherwise taking a long time. if the client is cluttered with work, they shouldn't accidentally lag out other areas of the program so much

label update on ipfs service management panel: the server now reports 'nocopy is available' rather than 'nocopy is enabled'

label update on shortcut: 'open a new page: search page' is now '...: choose a page'

fixed the little info message dialog when clicking on the page weight label menu item on the 'pages' menu

'database is complicated' menu label is updated to 'database is stored in multiple locations'

_options->gui pages->controls_ now has a little explanatory text about autocomplete dropdowns and some tooltips

migrate database dialog has some red warning text up top and a small layout and label text pass. the 'portable?' is now 'beneath db?'

the repositery hash_id and tag_id normalisation routines have two improvements: the error now shows specific service_ids that failed to lookup, and the mass-service_hash_id lookup now handles the situation where a hash_id is mapped by more than one service_id

repository definition reprocessing now corrects bad service_id rows, which will better heal clients that previously processed bad data

the client api and server in general should be better about giving 404s on certain sorts of missing files (it could dump out with 500 in some cases before)

it isn't perfect by any means, but the autocomplete dropdown should be a _little_ better about hiding itself in float mode if the parent text input box is scrolled off screen

reduced some lag in image neighbour precache when the client is very busy

.

boring code cleanup:

removed old job status 'begin' handling, as it was never really used. jobs now start at creation

job titles, tracebacks, and network jobs are now get/set in a nicer way

jobs can now store arbitrary labelled callable commands, which in a popup message becomes a labelled button

added some user callable button tests to the 'make some popups' debug job

file import queues now have the ability to discern 'master' Post URLs from those that were created in multi-file parsing

wrote the behind the scenes guts to create a new downloader page programmatically and start a subscription 'gap' query download

cleaned up how different timestamps are tracked in the main controller

next week

I am now on vacation for a week. I'm going to play vidya, shitpost the limited E3, listen to some long music, and sort out some IRL stuff.

v444 should therefore be on the 23rd. I'll do some more cleanup work and push on multiple local file services.

Thank you for your support!