#I’ve been using procreate for like 6 years and only just now realized it had halftone lmao

[longhands-the-second]

I’m scribbling him in again

[recurring-polynya]

Hi Polynya! I’m curious and in the spirit of Ginrei’s birthday, what do you think are his opinions of Rukia and Renji separately and together?

Ha ha, this is such a simple and straightforward question and my answer is going to be so long and so complicated and have almost nothing to do with Rukia and Renji because Ginrei's feelings toward Rukia and Renji have almost nothing to do with Rukia and Renji.

So, I want to start out by saying that Ginrei is a lot like Hisana in the sense that he's a canon character, we get the idea of him and what he's there for, but there's no actual characterization of him, which gives fanfic writers a tremendous amount of leeway to do whatever they want with him. I'm not going to try to justify anything I say here, it's just my ideas and how it goes in my fanfiction. I love it whenever a writer tries to take on the Kuchiki clan and I'm always interested to see what other people's takes are, even when they vary wildly from my own.

I love the fact that "Kuchiki" means "dead tree." We meet Rukia first, and it's sort of a delightfully spoopy name, very appropriate for this salty, overdramatic, grim reaper girl, but it takes on additional meaning when we meet Byakuya, the noble and powerful scion of a dying house.

The thing that makes Ginrei interesting as a character to me is that he is the one who ruled over his house as it fell. I tend to regard filler episodes as semi-canon, so I like the idea of Kouga, even if I don't want to acknowledge the rest of the Zanpakutou Rebellion shenanigans. I think that the main line of the Kuchiki was already running a little thin, Soujun's health was a big concern, and so they marry in this guy who is a scholar and a powerful shinigami. They never say what Kouga's previous social status was, but given that they emphasize what an accomplished dude he is, I think he was chosen for his skills, not his lineage, to strengthen the Kuchiki bloodline, except it backfires. Then Soujun dies, too, a few years later.

Ginrei strikes me as the type of leader who thinks he can control everything. He manages his clan with an iron fist. He is pragmatic, not sentimental. He’s not bad or mean, but he can see that he does not have a lot of room for missteps, and he takes his role very, very seriously. Despite this, he’s lost the generation under him, and all that he has left is Byakuya. There are cousins and branch families, but to the pride of the Kuchiki is its main line, descended from great generals and heroes and the very founders of Soul Society. Byakuya, in a lot of ways, hearkens back to the great Kuchiki of old, and Ginrei sees that he has the potential to reclaim the power and glory of his house. He’s hard on Byakuya and has high expectations for him. Ginrei loved his son and he loves his grandson, but after Soujun’s death, he often wonders if he was too soft on him because of his health, if Soujun would have lived if Ginrei had just expected more of him. Byakuya is the last hope of the Kuchiki and Ginrei knows he can achieve great things, and Ginrei is determined to do everything in his power to make sure Byakuya achieves his full potential.

And some ways, Byakuya is the perfect Kuchiki. He’s strong and he’s hard-working. He’s principled. He’s working on his self-control, and he’s very good at when it comes, to say, sword practice, he’s just not so good at in when it comes to interpersonal relations, but he’s coming along. Then he meets Hisana.

Hisana is absolutely unacceptable to Ginrei. Byakuya needs a marriage with a woman with strong spiritual pressure and a noble lineage so that he can gain some alliances from the marriage and then she can pop out some strapping young heirs while also managing his social life for him, just like Ginrei’s wife did for him. Hisana obviously isn’t going to check any of these boxes.

I headcanon Byakuya as demisexual, in the sense that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction very often, and if he does, it’s only to someone he’s already got strong feelings for. He was sort of okay with the vague idea of marrying someone for the purposes of procreating until he met Hisana and realized how much that would pale in comparison to actually being married to the love of his life.

Up until this point, Byakuya has had some minor rebellions against Ginrei, but they’ve never really gone at it, but this is one time that Byakuya stands firm. Ginrei is super-pissed. He lets Byakuya marry her because he figures she’s going to die soon anyway, but he’s mad about it. He never comes around to Hisana and he’s mean to her and this is really the nadir of Byakuya and Ginrei’s relationship.

Finally, we are getting around to what you asked. Hisana dies and Ginrei softens a little toward Byakuya in his grief. He retires and turns the clan and Squad 6 over to B, hoping it will be a distraction and that Byakuya will finally turn his focus over to what matters. This seems to be going well for about one year and then BAM! Byakuya acquires an orphan.

I am guessing that Ginrei didn’t know about Byakuya’s promise to Hisana to take care of Rukia, but even so, I think if you asked him, he would have regarded Byakuya’s duty to his clan and promise to his parents as more important. It’s not that Ginrei isn’t an honorable man, it’s that his concept of honor doesn’t necessarily extend to a dead peasant in comparison the Noble and Ancient House of Kuchiki. So Byakuya adopts Rukia and Ginrei’s immediate reaction is panic. What is Byakuya doing? Is he going to marry this girl? Is he going to name her his Heir? Has he cracked? And it turns out to be none of those things, he’s just going to keep her around as this sad ghost that haunts his house, but Ginrei’s initial reaction toward Rukia is that of interloper. He thought this Hisana nonsense was overwith, but no, we’re still doing this.

When Ginrei first meets Rukia, she is in her overwhelmed, lonely stage of first becoming a Kuchiki. Ginrei also criticizes her for being small and meek and basically useless. She’s a mediocre shinigami. She’s not beautiful or talented, so Byakuya can’t even marry her off for political gain. The real issue, though is that Rukia is just emblematic of the fact that Byakuya doesn’t intend to move past his grief and remarry. He works his ass off as Captain and Clan Head, but other than that, he’s just gonna be a sad widower and sit in his big house and write letters to his dead wife and the Kuchiki are going to die off. There is really nothing Rukia could do, no way she could be different that Ginrei would approve of, because it was never really about her in the first place.

Fast forward a few years, and now we come to Renji. I also headcanon that in his retirement, Ginrei has moved out to a scenic portion of Rukongai, so he doesn’t interact with Byakuya much on a day-to-day basis, but he hears stuff through other family members that come out to visit him. He’s never actually met Renji, all he knows is that Shirogane retired, and Byakuya hired some tattooed goon from Squad 11 instead of one of the dozens of Kuchiki cousins that are lying around. In my fanfic Call Me Back When the War is Over, Byakuya explains to one of his aunts that the reason he did this was because he didn’t have a relative who was capable of passing the Lieutenant’s Exam. She replies that he just should have pulled some strings so that someone (preferably her own son) could pass, assuming it’s a mere formality. Now this is exactly what Ginrei would have done. This is a problem, though: it involves choosing sides. I’ve got the top seats of Squad 6 set up as follows:

- 3rd Seat Ohno is the Heir to the most powerful Kuchiki branch family. His father is arguably the next in line for Clan Head, based on power terms - 4th Seat Kuchiki Choei is an actual Kuchiki, but he’s a younger son and he’s a clown, meaning that he got bored standing in line for Clan Head and wandered around the corner to vape - 5th Seat Kuchiki Takehiko is the actual closest of Byakuya’s relatives to him, and is arguably the next in line for Clan Head, strictly on family line terms

Pulling strings to help any of these three become the next lieutenant would be a very political move on B’s part, tantamount to anointing his successor. Ginrei assumes that B picked an outsider for the purposes of recusing, of saying “I shall simply refuse to die and remain Clan Head myself, forever’, with the addition fuck you of picking the Actual Worst Person Byakuya Could Find for the job, instead.

This really isn’t the case at all, it is literally that Byakuya feels that you shouldn’t be a lieutenant if you can’t pass the exam. He’s basically a rule-follower, and also it’s a good rule, and also his dad died as a lieutenant and I think he thinks a lot about how that could have been avoided through actions, whereas Ginrei tends to think of it more of a thing that could have been avoided if Soujun was better.

So, that gets us up to the beginning of canon. I am (in theory) working on a fanfic that takes place in the 17-mo timeskip where Ginrei comes to visit and actually gets to know Rukia and Renji and (spoiler alert, but is anyone really surprised) he ends up liking both of them a lot. Part of it is just Ginrei has chilled out somewhat in his retirement and realized that it’s okay to have parts of your life that are not completely devoted to the Good of the Clan. Part of it is that Ginrei loves Competence and Rukia and Renji are so, so competent. Part of it is that Byakuya is obviously doing a lot better than he was, and it’s just really obvious why. Like I said, Ginrei does and always has loved Byakuya, he just wants what’s best for him. It’s just that if there is one thing Kuchiki are terrible at, it’s expressing their love for one another in a positive and healthy way.

As to Ginrei’s feelings about Renruki as a ship, he’s for it, actually. Conniving family members have been trying to marry Rukia for years in hopes of getting an in with Byakuya, and I’m sure they’re setting their sights on Renji, now, too. Ginrei likes them well enough, but he can imagine what a shitshow this could turn out to be, and he finds it very convenient if they were to just marry each other.

I’m rather fond of the idea of Byakuya appointing them as a branch family to the Kuchiki, because I’m not super keen on them going full-Kuchiki if Renji married in, but I think Byakuya would be upset if Rukia married out and he wasn’t able to provide her with the lavish lifestyle he thinks she needs (she does not). It’s a nice compromise that lets them be a part of the family, but out of the limelight. In any case, I think that was Ginrei’s idea, thanks Granddad!

[audiblesmirking]

erratic heartbeats ~chapter 6: you gotta love them over-affectionate characters~

Legend: "English unless stated otherwise" --- 'Thoughts' --- "Telepathically speaking" --- [Authors' Note]

"what are you saying, mother...?" Azumi's eyes glistened with the tears she's been suppressing. "you had other intentions...?"

Akina sighed exasperatingly, raising a hand to rub her temple, trying to ease the growing headache. "... This wasn't the right time to tell you."

"Well, when were you planning to tell me?! Years later after I've mastered my psychic abilities?!"

"Yes." Aiken answered bluntly, looking straight at his daughter's eyes as it darts from his to his wife's. The look of betrayal was prominent on Azumi's face; with eyes the widest they have ever been since she was a child, and eyebrows furrowed in denial. She refused to comment on her father's brutally honest reply. Not like she could anyway; a lump had already formed in her throat, preventing her from speaking clearly without her voice cracking midsentence. As if a rope of thorns are wrapped around her neck, occasional sharp pains pricked her throat.

"There was no other options to choose from so quickly. We feared your powers would be too much too soon, so we went with the best decision we thought." Aiken explained, maintaining eye contact as Azumi takes unconscious small steps back until her calves bumped the sofa. At the unexpected impact, she almost lost balance and, fortunately, didn't fall on her butt on the couch. It would have been embarrassing to argue after just falling.

"This issue involves me! Why didn't you consult to me first?!" She was now yelling, the dam in her tear ducts breaking and sending rivers down her cheeks. "If you thought lying to save you the trouble of talking to me would be best, you were wrong!"

"But I suppose you're too busy with other things to care about—" Azumi cut her sentence short went she silently choked on her saliva. Usually, she'd be embarrassed, but she was too deep in emotion to be feeling only a specific one for a moderate amount of time.

"What does that supposed to imply?!" Akina joined her daughter in standing, seemingly understanding her words despite it being abruptly cut. "We're doing this for you! For when you've given up all your powers you've had your whole life to your child! When you turn into an ordinary person, atleast you'll live in comfort. In luxury!" Azumi was irritated at her mother's assumption of procreating. How dare she, she doesn't get to decide on that. Whether she decides on an offspring is up to Azumi.

"I don't need luxury if it means I have to be neglected by my own parents! Parents who could always spare time for their lonely daughter, who spent all her life trying to achieve all her parents' expectations hoping to be rewarded with praise and attention." Azumi tried not to sniffle too loud, not bothering to wipe her tears. "and receiving nothing after all those years." Azumi walked away, the first time she's done that to her parents, and she felt a new sense of freedom by doing so.

"Azumi—!" Aiken was already by his wife's side, shutting her up.

"It's fine. Let her be alone for the remainder of the evening. We'll discuss about this again some other time..." He looked at his wife in the eyes as he held her in place, knowing she'll follow their daughter to her room demanding an explanation for her deplorable behavior. "We're also at fault here, Akina."

——————————

The next day, Azumi woke up all puffy and blotchy after crying so hard last night. She intended to wake up just after Aiken and Akina left for work, so she could prevent running into them in breakfast and in departing. Not like they ever encounter everyday in the morning, anyway.

.

.

.

Azumi arrived at school early, so she decided to take a detour from her usual walk straight to her classroom. She headed to the side of the school, where very few people would choose to walk through, and sat down on the concrete bench surrounding one of the trees. It was a windy morning, mild gusts of air blowing from the east, providing Azumi with the coolness she needs to feel as comfortable as possible. She was content on simply watching the leaves sway and fall from the wind until the morning bell chimes, but she was interrupted.

"Huh? Little buddy?"

Azumi turned to see Nendou approaching her. 'I didn't pin Nendou to be one of the early birds.' She gave a small wave, before redirecting her attention to the sky. 'But maybe it's just for today that he arrived here early, I do remember him mentioning about some early morning try-outs.'

"What are you doing here? Let's go to our classroom!" He beamed, before shifting his expressions to a more playful one. "Or did you forget where to go? Don't worry, little buddy, I'll show you the way!"

Azumi smiled at this. "No, I didn't forget. I just thought of clearing my head before school starts." She watched as he walked closer to her to listen more clearly to what she was saying, before another gust of wind blew the trees and drew her attention back to them.

Nendou decided to sit down next to her, planting each of his palms on the concrete beside his thighs and leaning back, using his arms for support. "Eh? Clear your head? Where will your brain go then?"

She lightly laughed, sparing her friend a glance. "It's not that type of clearing. I just want to forget about what happened to me last night."

"Huh, something happened to you last night?"

"Say, Nendou, how is your relationship with your parents?" Azumi realized her confession, and attempted to change the subject before her companion pries too much.

"I only have my mom. My dad died before I was born..."

"I–I'm sorry to have brought it up." Azumi felt bad for being so insensitive, she intertwined her fingers together and broke eye contact with Nendou. "How is your relationship with your mom, then?"

"Oh, we're doing fine!" His drastic change in expressions is questionable. "She got a new job at this company that she says pays more. I'm really happy about that, because my mom says she can buy me new shoes now! Though, last night she made me clean my room because I came home late and made her worry... Oh yeah! What happend to you last night? You hadn't told me that yet"

'To think that he came back to the topic after my distraction.'

"A–Ah, that..." Azumi hesitated, 'I guess telling him would be fine. I mean, he's not one to judge the lives of his friends, right? I'll just leave out the whole psychic powers thing.' She sighed.

"... I had a fight with my parents..."

•°●•°●•°●

"I feel like a kid who got beat up by a delinquent on their first day at a new school."

Azumi wanted to talk to Saiki about what she found out from her parents last night. She wished to tell him, most likely out of spite from being lied to, but also because it involves him as well. Just after she rounded a corner, she was surprised to see an unfamiliar student walking next to Saiki as she was heading to her classroom. She raised a hand to fiddle with her ear cuff, curious to know what his relationship was with the new student.

"I don't get why you want to hide it. Psychic powers would get you all sorts of attention." The new student was being too loud with his words in their sort of environment.

Azumi raised her eyebrows at the thoughts incoming behind her and hid in an empty classroom. She felt Teruhashi about to walk by and pass the two boys walking ahead of her.

"That's what I don't want."

A few seconds and a gasp later... 'Looks like the new transfer student fell for me, too.' Kokomi cheered in her head as she leaves the hallway, bringing Azumi out of her hiding spot. She furrowed her brows at what Teruhashi had done, confused on why she would actively search through the school looking for the transfer student only to receive a mere gasp for her efforts. She can always wait for him to hear about her and watch as he finds her. Atleast in that way, she can just sit pretty.

"Wh–Who is that beautiful girl?!"

"That's Teruhashi-san. She passed by us on purpose. You should be thankful."

Toritsuka Reita reacted loudly, shaking the shoulders of Saiki, before quickly being flocked by girls. All of which are curious about the news that spread about his psychic abilities.

"Saiki-san..." Toritsuka began, seemingly shocked by the crowd, but easily recovering. He smiled and gave a thumbs up in Saiki's direction. "Maybe I can settle for this."

'It'll die down, soon enough' Azumi thought, taking the chance to stand beside Saiki as if she had just arrived. She kept her hands in her pockets as the two psychics witness Toritsuka do his job in impressing the girls before him. "Who is he?" Azumi feigned ignorance of the situation, turning her head to look at the friend beside her.

Saiki shortly glanced at her in masked skepticism, before looking back at the gathering people around the spirit medium. "Toritsuka Reita." Azumi nodded in response, turning as well to watch the commotion in front of her.

Takahashi and his friends insisted Toritsuka tell their spirit guardians after initially being ignored, which inconvenienced the spirit medium in his quest to woo every girl that are around him. "Okay, let's see..." Toritsuka deadpanned, sparing them only a quick look. "Geezer, hag, hag, and hag. Okay, it's done."

Azumi got overwhelmed by the growing number of people gathered in the hallway, she sought solitude. In her attempt to walk away, she drew the attention of Toritsuka. "W–Wait—! You there, don't you want to know your guardian spirit?!" He gaped as she ignored him and left to go to her classroom. Toritsuka turned to the psychic he knows. "Saiki-san, do you know her?!"

"Ah, that was Kanasawa-san. She was new here on the first day."

"She's got a crazy powerful guardian spirit. Maybe even a psychic...?" He whispered to Saiki, to which his words piqued his interest.

He was about to repsond, when Kaidou came and interjected. "Guardian spirits? What nonsense." He acted uninterested, despite his thoughts telling otherwise. "Still, I'd suppose it would be rude not to hear you out. So tell me what my guardian spirit, or whatever, is."

Toritsuka was about to deadpan at him as well, but his guardian spirit was too interesting to not comment on. "Huh? Your guardian spirit is quite abnormal."

'Seriously?! 'Quite abnormal'?! Is it a demon?! A sealed monster?! A dark spirit?!'  "I-I see. So what is it? Tell me." Kaidou had an obvious blush on his face, but despite his excitement, he lowered his voice to maintain his appearance of uninterest.

"It's a chihuahua."

"Ch-Chihuahua?!" Kaidou exclaimed as the students around started laughing. Looking down on his clenched fist, he started mumbling to himself. "How dare he?! I bet he's a fraud!"

Toritsuka faced Saiki. "Introduce me to her so I can tell her about her guardian spirit." His favor sounded friendly, but adding in his expressions and his true thoughts, it became too friendly and borderline perversion. 'Cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute. She looked so cute...' Not like he wasn't a pervert, anyway.

"What was that about, Kanasawa-sensei? Are you feeling alright?"

"Quit repeating 'cute' in your head...!"  Saiki directed his thoughts to only the spirit medium, irritated at his noisy mind.

——————————

Aiken looked up from his desk, seeing the faces of two of his co-workers. "Hmm? What do you mean, Kinji-san?" He addressed the hospital resident who was with him in the OR, lowering the pen he was holding.

"In the surgery a while ago..." Kinji started.

"Why, what about it? Did I cut something wrong in any way?" Aiken knit his eyebrows, worry bubbling within him.

"No, it's not that. You did everything perfectly."

"So what's the problem here?"

"The problem is, you did everything. It was as if there was no one there to assist you in the surgery." The other doctor, Taiji, replied. He was there to confront Aiken after having been approached by Kinji. 'I appointed a number of residents under Kanasawa-san, because he was the best of the best, but how can they learn from him if he doesn't give them a chance?'

"Yes, is there something bothering you? This normally isn't the case." Kinji held on the backrest of the chair on the other side of Kanasawa's desk, contemplating if he should sit down or not.

Aiken sighed, leaning back on his chair. "It's a family issue. I apologize. I promise it will be ameliorated by tomorrow."

.

.

.

"Kanasawa-sama, the new managers of the marketing department have arrived. We are waiting for you to teach them the ropes." A petite young woman entered Akina's office after notifying her presence with a knock.

Akina looked up from her documents, she had finished little in the span of the morning, and the executive secretary took notice of this. "Is that so?" She turned back to the papers on her desk, lifting her pen to scribble in her signature. "Call in one of the presidents to lead on the managers. Whoever you choose that best fit the role will be my substitute." She spoke after a moment of silence.

"Are you not feeling well, Kanasawa-sama?"

"Yes, and so I entrust the decision to you, May-san." Akina looked at the young psychic in the eyes, an aura of superiority radiating off of the CEO. "Good luck."

"Come on, Saiki-san..." Toritsuka pestered Kusuo after he followed him around the whole day, through lunch and even now as they were walking out of the campus.

"As you wish, Kanasawa-sama" She bowed before leaving the room. May heard the sigh coming from her supervisor right before she fully shut the door.

——————————

Toritsuka mistakenly thought Nendou was a ghost a while ago, having swung his bag at him, and were now on their way to his home at the temple to explain his reason for assault.

"Just tell me more about Kanasawa-san!" He whined like a child that was denied from eating candy. "The ghosts avoid me like the plague when I ask about her from them."

"They do?" The new information grabbed Saiki's attention, but he didn't turn to look at his companion. "Well, they should."

"Is she a psychic like you? Because I think her guardian spirit might be an ancestor of hers. They look alike..." Toritsuka gave up on his begging, knowing that Saiki will not let out information even if he cried all night. Toritsuka leaned his head back on his interlocked fingers, before his saliva was practically drooling from the corner of his mouth. "But if she is someone with psychic powers, then I should've come to her instead."

Saiki smacked the back of his head with his psychokinesis, glaring at him from the corners of his eyes. "Hey! Don't go changing your mind after annoying me last night."

"Ow—! That hurt you kno—" Toritsuka cut off his own sentence when something in him clicked, as if the slap urged the gears in his brain to work. "Kanasawa... Does Kanasawa-san live next to you?!" He held the shoulders of the psychic beside him.

Saiki frowned at his personal question and invasion of personal space. "Why would you want to know?"

"Last night, while I was walking to your house, I passed by this huge house that was beside yours. It had 'Kanasawa' written in the gate's plaque." Saiki raised an eyebrow, having already known the information, but Toritsuka continued. "It was strange, because there were no ghosts hanging around and in the lot. There are a lot of ghosts that prefer to hang out in mansions, so it came as a surprise when I saw absolute zero ghosts when I passed by."

Saiki hummed in response, before throwing off Reita's hands from his shoulders using his powers. He contemplated with the new information he received, continuing with his walk. 'Her family is a mystery, even with the help of ghosts. As I thought, there is no other way to figure them out without getting close to them.'

"We're here. Okay, could you touch me while using your psychometry?" Toritsuka said after they stopped infront of his house, making Saiki push the topic of the Kanasawa's some other time. "I think you'll know why I made the mistake I made a while ago."

As Saiki stared at him suspiciously, he held his shoulders and activated his psychometry. "This is..."

Kusuo trailed off as he saw a Nendou lookalike sleeping on the ground while leaning on the stairs "Let me introduce you. This is my guardian spirit" Toritsuka looked ashamed, and didn't even look at Saiki in the eyes when he talked.

"You really do have it tough"

•°●•°●•°●

Azumi dreaded to enter her house, standing in front of the double doors and contemplating whether to enter or to retreat to a nearby park. 'No, I shouldn't postpone this any longer. It is bound to happen, anyway.'  With gathered confidence, she pushed opened the door and walked in.

'They're either waiting in the main living room, my room, or the dining room.' Azumi hoped they were in the dining room, but the call she heard after being halfway in walking past the main living room, proved otherwise. 'Living room it is...'

She silently entered and sat in the exact spot she was the other night, feeling the gazes of Akina and Aiken as she does.

A heavy silence hanged in their air, each member of the family waiting for the other to speak up. Aiken chose to start. "It has come to our attention that you have been feeling neglected and ignored by your mother and I... and, we wish to amend the mistake we made and be given another chance to become proper parents to you." He spoke slowly, thinking over his words before it would be said, so as not to offend anyone. "I hope our talk today will enlighten all three of us of the hardships we each have encountered, and discuss a proper solution to help."

"There should be no raising of voices. We are here to talk and to listen." Aiken finished, looking at the expressions of his wife and daughter to see if they understand and agree or not. The two nodded, making Aiken nod as well.

The Kanasawa couple met gazes, and Aiken prompted his wife to talk. "I... have come to realize that I oftentimes cut you off... Zumi-chan. I didn't know it would have a greater effect on you than waiting for you to finish what you're saying. I'm sorry. This is more on a problem of self, so I don't wish for you to change because of what I've done."

Azumi stared at her mother, harboring mixed feelings on the apology she received. She looked down, thinking over of what to say. "An apology is the first step to redemption... and so, I accept your apology." She took notice of the wistful look on her father. 'Ah, I guess he has nothing to talk about, because we almost never talk—or do anything, really—alone.' Despite Azumi thinking her father had nothing to share, she was surprised to hear his voice.

"I apologize for not spending any of my time with you, Zumi-chan." He looked down, with his eyebrows low, he refused to look at his daughter. "I will make it up to you over time. We'll be bonding together atleast once a week, now."

Azumi furrowed her eyebrows at his words. "But your work..."

"I can always have a number of leaves a month. Since I'm a talented volunteer, they treasure me enough to let me manage my own schedule."

"And I can always reschedule." Akina added in. "You were right. No amount of money can ever replace the love from your parents." Akina genuinely smiled at Azumi, who slowly returned the smile. "I'm sorry it took so long for us to realize."

"it's okay, as long as you both won't forget." Azumi weakly said, afraid to hear her voice crack as a lump formed in her throat just as what happened last time.

"Ah, before I forget. About what you said of being well-rounded yesterday." Aiken raised his head.

"A–Ah, that. You can just put it off as me blabbering because of anger. I wasn't thinking straight last night."

"No, what you say matters." Azumi locked eyes with her mother. Her eyes widened by a fraction at the words she never expected to hear from Akina. "I cared too much about you being powerless, I pushed you to be perfect in every aspect. I hoped that even without psychic abilities, you can live your life whatever you wish, and pursue your dream job, as if you had them. I was obviously wrong."

"I'm sorry, as well, that I made you master various martial arts. I was simply concerned for when you encounter immoral people, and had no other way to protect yourself. By the time your powers awakened, you've already achieved all the highest honor of belts." It was Aiken's turn to lock eyes with his daughter. "I'm very proud of you."

"I pushed you to perfect every instrument, sport and hobby I give you. And I truly am sorry for everything I have put you through." Akina said after her husband finished. "I am very proud of you as well, Zumi."

Everything was going too fast and is overlapping with each other in Azumi's mind. She heard an apology and words of praise from both her mother and her father, so why isn't she satisfied? Was she too stuck up to genuinely accept their words? If so, she's feeling very horrible right now. Nevertheless, she forced a smile and wordlessly nodded. She didn't know what to think of right now, and ought to think it through the night.

"We'll be holding something similar to this every week, so we can improve our communication with each other." Aiken concluded, standing up from his seat, his family following suit. "Now, let's have dinner. I'm famished."

——————————

It was Saturday, and Azumi woke up pretty early; that is, if you can count 10:15 am as early. She had a sports lesson with Furushima Yumi, the volleyball captain she met during 'chapter iii.', and ought to prepare before their agreed time of 11:30 am.

She finished everything, from changing into her sports attire to packing water and towels in one of her bags, after almost an hour. 'Alright, 15 minutes is probably enough time for me to arrive at the school. But only if I run... Should I take the car?' While she was contemplating whilst headed for the stairs that lead down to the ground floor, she saw, from the corner of her eye, a frantic boy in front of her gate. 'Toritsuka-san?'

Azumi watched as he shouted at seemingly nothing, elaborating huge gestures as he does. 'What in the world is he going on about?'  She was curious to know what has gotten him so worked up. 'Kusuo-san's house is over there, anyway.' With her heightened hearing, without touching her power limiter, she listened in on what the spirit medium has been talking about with the air.

"Come on, it'll only take a few seconds to peek inside..." Toritsuka dragged on, slouching his back and hanging his arms, slowly getting tired of all the ruckus he's been creating. "What's so terrifying about that mansion, anyway...?"

He stayed silent for a moment, most likely listening to the ghost he's conversing's explanation. "Eh? Is that so?" He looked at the front door of Azumi's house, before sighing. "I guess I'll wait for Kanasawa-san to come out. Oh, I bet she'll be super cute today, too~!"

Azumi grimaced in disgust at his last words. 'Yeah, I should take the car.'

.

.

.

"Azumi-san—!" Furushima took notice of the approaching figure of Kanasawa, placing down her water bottle and excitedly jogging towards the girl. "You're here!" She beamed, eyes creasing in delight and arms open to hug.

Azumi slowed her walking at the gesture the volleyball captain was showing, hesitating on whether or not she was comfortable enough to accept the hug.

In the end, she awkwardly wrapped her arms around Furushima, choosing to be polite and accept the gesture of affection.

After the first few volleyball lessons that happened between the two, Azumi thought they were close enough to be called by each other's names. "ah-hah... Did I make you wait, Yumi-senpai?" She let out a short nervous laugh before stating her question.

Furushima released herself from the hug, but let her hands rest on Azumi's forearms, smile unfaltering. "Not at all. But I have missed you since our last meeting." Before the psychic could respond, the volleyball captain was already ushering her towards the court, a hand gently guiding her back. "I thought you were ready to play with a team, so I invited a few of my friends, if you don't mind."

"No, it's fine. It's a fundamental part of playing volleyball, after all."

As if Furushima's smile couldn't possibly get any bigger, it just did. "You look pretty as usual today, Azumi-san..." Once again, Kanasawa was unable to reply when one of Yumi's friends yelled their greeting once they saw them walking towards the court.

==========

A/N

discuss plot holes of "erratic heartbeats" with us! @ the link in my bio.

[anerdinallherglory]

Approaching Sun (26)

Author’s Note: Happy New Years! I realize that it has been a LONG time since I have updated this story. The school year has been an absolute killer. Not to mention that I am also working on my master’s degree and taking a ton of classes this summer.

In regards to this chapter, I ended up running out of time and decided to cut it in half due to the coherency of the story and the length. I wanted to give Satou and Isao a bit of a wrap up that does the story justice. However, the good news is that the second half will take less time to be posted. I will definitely be trying to work on this story because I have a LOT planned for it and it’s only just getting to the good parts (one coming up next chapter.) For my patient readers, this will be good news to you. For those who aren’t patient, hoping you’ll stick around to read J

Also, next to Naruto, reading and writing are my passions and my New Year’s resolution is to encourage more people to read. I created an Instagram account called read_with_rich where I will be posting about high-interest books in order to encourage non-readers to read by using the social media platform that can introduce people to books without them going to libraries or book stores (which they won’t if they don’t already read.) Give me a follow if you are interested!

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

Chapter 26: Monsters

There was a sharp mix of pungent smells permeating the air around them as Sasuke looked over Sakura’s shoulder at a particular herbalist book. His friend was sitting at a table in the center of the greenhouse, flipping through the Sunagakure plant log, scratching down a list of all the ingredients she would need to create the military ration pills.

When Sasuke commented on the smell, Sakura replied with “You get used to it.” And then she went into a detailed explanation of why plants even created all sorts of different smells--why many flowers had sweet aromas, but other plants had fouler scents. Sakura elaborated that it all had something to do with procreation. Something about bugs being attracted to them in order to spread pollination. She even went into the genetic purposes of tastes in plants. Sasuke listened with genuine interest at the wide variety of facts that she possessed.

Sasuke turned and leaned against the table as she spoke, tucking in his chin to his chest and closing his eyes. When he was sure she was distracted, Sasuke peeked at her between the lashes of his right eye. He noticed that her brow was furrowed as she searched for the plant she had written down. After a few minutes of this, she began to tap the end of the pen against her bottom lip, a subconscious behavior many people did while thinking. Sasuke couldn’t help but realize that he hadn’t paid much attention to anyone’s small habitual behaviors in the past few years except for in battle scenarios. To watch the cogs spinning in Sakura’s mind, had Sasuke feeling like he had missed out on much in the last several years.

After another few seconds, Sakura explained her concern: “I’m going to have to find a substitute plant for the medicinal aspects of the pills. Sunagakure doesn’t grow Tikasia in abundance here. The amount that I would need would deplete their entire reserve.”

Sasuke considered her word for a few seconds before his eyes narrowed a fraction when the door of the greenhouse opened. A white-coated man with sandy colored hair beamed hugely and raised his hand in greeting as he entered. “There you are, Sakura-san. I’ve been looking for you!”

Sakura broke from her deep concentration and turned from the table as she picked up on the calling. Sasuke raised his eyebrows slightly at the familiar tone the young man used. This must be a staff member from the hospital, a colleague that was working closely with Sakura while she was here. His presumption was confirmed when Sakura returned both the smile and call.

“Sorry Mako! Hope you haven’t been looking for too long.”

Mako?What-- are they on a first name basis or something? Sasuke pondered with a frown of disapproval.Sakura barely knew him, or at least, that’s what Sasuke thought. At least Makohad the decency to add the proper honorific to her name. Not that Sasuke could be the one to lecture on the topic.

The young physician made his way over to them and immediately offered a respectful bow to the both of them. Sasuke was never very good at returning these customs of respect, but after a minute of awkward staring, the Uchiha nodded his acknowledgement in a very uncaring sort of way. After bowing, the medic immediately turned to Sakura and glanced at her work on the table.

“Are you creating another medicine?” Mako asked, crossing his hands behind him in consideration, boldly reading the list she had compiled next to the herbal catalog.

Seeing her co-medic’s interest, Sakura picked it up and handed it to him while simultaneously pushing the book in his direction, an invitation for his opinion.

“You’re just the person I need right now actually.” She explained to Mako how she was creating a batch of military ration pills, a notion at which the male medic’s facial expression turned to one of surprise. Sasuke understood his disbelief; not many people knew how to make such a desired sustenance that tipped the scale in favor of those who consumed it in battle. When bringing up the topic of the ingredients she needed, he raised his thumb and forefinger to his chin, pinching it in contemplation.

Sasuke stiffened slightly when the young man pulled up a seat to sit beside her, pulling the book closer so they could both look at it together. “What about Ashuwa?” he offered, flipping to a plant towards the front of the book. Sasuke peeked over towards the illustration and noticed a shrubby little plant with bright yellow flowers.

“Ashuwa?” Sakura questioned, frowning down at the picture. “That belongs to the nightshade family, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” he informed, “but it’s not fatal like many of its other relatives. It’s actually quite safe to consume unless the patient has some sort of allergic reaction to it.”

“That’s interesting. I’m not very familiar with it. What are its properties?”

“It’s a little stronger than Tikasia but more acclimated to our desert climate, so we have plenty of it here. Its primary effect is a boost in brain function. However, we have observed an increase in energy and muscle mass along with it. Some ninja even claim that after consuming it, it relieves them of stress.”

“All that?” Sakura pondered, dropping her jaw.

Sasuke raised an inquisitive brow as well. With benefits like that, it was a wonder they didn’t add it to every meal here. There had to be missing information obviously…

Sakura must have been thinking the same thing Sasuke had, because she immediately responded with. “What are the negative effects?”

Mako smiled at her insight. “Just like Tikasia, you crash and suffer chakra depletion as a result. You have to take far less of it than Tikasia. Like I said earlier, many people have severe allergic reactions to the plant which is why we don’t use it often.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but frown at the pair of doctors who discussed plants so casually with one another. Mako had a sort of charisma about him, and Sasuke could tell why Sakura would rely on him while she was here. The young man’s temperament sort of reminded Sasuke of their old schoolteacher, Iruka-sensei. However, Mako’s knowledge was so thorough that he almost reminded Sasuke of Kabuto; Sasuke had witnessed many in-depth medical conversations between Orochimaru and he.

Still leaning against the table, Sasuke closed his eyes, adopting an uninterested guise to go with the frown. Seeing them together, discussing their common interests, reminded Sasuke of something despite his epiphany last night. Watching her familiarity with this person reminded Sasuke that just because he had finally admitted to himself that loved her, didn’t mean that he should do anything about it. Sakura had told him firmly that she would only ever choose him and to not assume that if he left her alone, she would fall in love with someone else. Sasuke truly believed his female teammate about this. But seeing her cheerfully interact with Mako made Sasuke want to believe otherwise. Even though it stung him to think about Sakura loving someone else and another man being a part of her daily life, waking up beside her and hearing a confession from her lips, Sasuke knew it was what she deserved. He could never be that sort of man for her, especially not in the near future.

But now that Sasuke was certain of his feelings, would he be able to only ever be a close friend to her? Would he be able to watch someone else come into her life and become the person Sakura swooned over and built a family with? He would, Sasuke told himself. He hadto. Sasuke had already chosen in his heart to be the Itachi of this time and make the sacrifice for the greater good so that his loved ones like Sakura even had a future. He had to keep reminding himself of this.

Without meaning to, he let a low exhale of self-defeat escape his mouth. Realizing he had done so, Sasuke quickly glanced to his right to make sure no one noticed.  Sakura, who Sasuke now noticed had stopped what she was doing, was now watching him despite the fact that Mako was still flipping through the book and explaining something to her.

His kunoichi teammate locked gazes with him, furrowed her eyebrows, and tilted her head in silent question. Sasuke broke their eye-contact immediately and Sakura returned her attention to Mako. It’s for the best, he thought to her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mako lead Sakura across the greenhouse to the white-labeled bushel of Ashu that he had spoken to her about. She measured out the amount she would need and began cutting it carefully with his assistance. Sakura had been surprised at this substitute that Mako had offered with certainty at its effectiveness. She pinched a sizable piece of it and placed it on her tongue and began to chew. With it being a nightshade after all, she wanted to be certain that it wasn’t toxic. Nightshades were highly cultivated by humans and most were safe to consume like Mako said, but since she had never heard of this plant and it was unfamiliar to her, she wanted to double-check Mako’s claim. Besides, he said it could cause allergic reactions.

Just so Mako’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt by her taste-testing, Sakura simply announced, “This actually tastes quite yummy. Much better than the bitter Tikasia.” Then she called out loud enough for Sasuke—who had been casually leaning against the table since their arrival—to hear, “You’re in luck, Sasuke. Maybe these pills won’t taste like ‘mudballs’ this time like Sai famously calls them.”

Sasuke peeked open his right eye at her, clearly not grasping a word of what she was referencing. Mako, on the other hand, laughed at her statement.

“Tikasia israther bitter. Is Sai a friend back home? Your friend really called them ‘mudballs’ to your face?” Mako laughed.

Sakura chuckled to herself a bit, returning her full attention to Mako. “Sai is a sort of special friend. He’s brutally honest; always has been.”

“Sometimes we need friends like that,” Mako said reassuringly, helping her pluck the stems and flowers of the plant and wrapping it up in paper.

Sakura nodded in agreement and instantly recalled many of her friends back home and a sort of homesickness radiated in her chest at the thought of them. She wondered how all of them were doing. She also thought of the hospital and Lady Tsunade in that moment too, and made a mental note to write a letter to check in on them.

She glanced up at Sasuke for the twentieth time that day, and her homesickness disappeared. When he was absent, she was always sick with longing for him. It suddenly surprised Sakura that she had never felt more at home than when she was with this man. She had confessed this to him before, but when he was gone, it felt as if she was alone. Sakura would fall asleep with thoughts of him and miss him just as much the following morning. That feeling had disappeared on her journey and this was the first time the kunoichi had missed someone else since she had picked up her bag and followed Sasuke down the cobbled street that night a few weeks ago.

Mako’s statement returned her to the present moment from her thoughts. “Isao slept well last night. After you left with Gaara, he was distraught and restless after what happened. We ended up giving him your dosage of the sleeping medicine and he didn’t experience any sleep terrors.”

“That’s terrific!” she exclaimed, almost jumping for joy in her excitement. This was exciting news. If they could eliminate the terrors, then Isao would be okay. Maybe he could stop taking the medicine once his body adjusted.

“Satou, his father, however,” Mako began as they made their way back towards the center table towards Sasuke. “Well—he’s a bit hysterical in the hospital. The man definitely needs to be there, but we are not quite sure what to do for him. He’s actually the reason I came looking for you. I figure you might be the only one able to talk to him.”

Sakura nodded as they came to a stop and she set her items down. “I see.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  

Sasuke had been thoroughly pissed when Sakura had announced to him her plans and handed him the bundle of paper-wrapped yellow flowers. “Will you grind these up for me while I quickly check-in on a patient? They should be dry enough on their own. We need to mix this in with the rest of our batch as soon as possible.”

The Uchiha nodded with a “hm” but had half a mind to shove the flowers and grinder toward Mako since he was inclined to be so damn helpful.

Apparently, she was duty-bound to go see some hospital patient with an attitude problem and Sasuke had guessed easily who it was. After seeing the bruises on her chest last night, it was hard not to think about this patient of hers. It settled like a knife between Sasuke’s shoulder blades as he began to pulverize the flowers in the mortar with the stone pestle. He glowered after the two medics as the door to the greenhouse swung to a shut behind them.

Sasuke knew that Sakura was aware of his eagerness to get the pills so he could return to his mission. And because she predicted this, Sasuke knew without a doubt that Sakura had played him. She had given him this little job to keep him occupied for a few minutes because he couldn’t put the task off. But what shedidn’t know was that it certainly wouldn’t take him as long as she hoped. Sasuke removed another heap of flowers from the paper and began to smash them forcefully.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .  

Sakura had managed to come up with a small plan in the few seconds after Mako had informed her about Satou, Isao’s hysterical father, whom Sakura and Gaara had placed under the care of the hospital yesterday. The first and most necessary part of her plan was to keep Sasuke busy and away from her patient. After seeing her teammate’s reaction to the small bruises on her chest last night, she didn’t want the two ninja to have the least bit of interaction.

The second part was to ensure that Isao was kept far, faraway from his father. If the child was showing any progress at all after having distance from him, then Sakura would be damned if Satou meant to screw that up. Trailing closely behind her, Mako confirmed her hope that Isao remained at the mental health children’s clinic and was being strictly supervised.

Finally, the last rocky bit of her plan was to try her best to remain calm and civil with Satou despite what she predicted his treatment of her would be. Sakura anticipated every bit of an angry temper and possibly aggression.

Having Mako with her made Sakura feel more reassured. In the back of Sakura’s mind, she knew she didn’t have anything to worry about because she could rely on her abilities as a ninja, not his, but it was still a comfort to have him with her as a steady, supportive presence.

When they finally reached Satou’s hospital room and they entered, Sakura gasped. Apparently, Satou had considered this place a prison cell rather than a patient room. The bed was tipped, and the curtain torn from the rod above the windows. The massive punched out crevices in the walls around them were threatening portraits of warning. Sakura heard Mako echo her surprise. Sensing their presence, Satou turned from the window and glowered at them.

“Glad to see my warden has finally come to see me,” the man spat viciously.

While Mako’s expression was one of disbelief, Sakura erased the emotion from her own, slipping on a blank pretense. Forget step three of her plan, then. It was obvious what kind of man Satou was. He had no respect or care in the world for anyone and her kindness would be seen as a weakness to bully her for. Pretending to be civil would be an entire waste of her time because Sakura recognized the hate in Satou’s eyes, glassy pools that reflected the darkness in his heart. How bitter it made Sakura—to see Sasuke’s formal self in one of her patients; how hopeless this conversation would be even though he was the one person who needed it the most.

Sakura believed this man deserved her gentlest persona, but Sakura had tried playing this game before and failed miserably with Sasuke. If Sakura—a former teammate and close friend—couldn’t have reached into the depth of Sasuke’s darkness and rip him from it, then how could she expect to be successful with an absolute stranger? She thought of Naruto and Gaara and how they might approach this. Adopting Naruto’s methods before, Sakurahad fought Sasuke to knock some sense into him, but Sakura couldn’t just go starting fights with her patients.

Confidence then. Sakura crossed her arms behind her back and raised her chin. “I’m not your warden; just someone who is trying to help you and your son.”

He began to laugh—that psychotic pitch that set Sakura’s heart racing. It frightened her to see that this man was more lost than she had thought. This wasn’t just a man who had taken his anger out on his son. “That’s what pisses me off the most about you leaf village filth. You think you have the right to march in and do as you please.”

Mako responded before Sakura could silence him, “Be careful what you say. Haruno-san is an honored guest of the Lord Kazekage and he asked for her assistance at the hospital.”

Well half true. I did invite myself here I suppose. Sakura didn’t correct Mako; Satou was completely prejudiced toward Konoha and its citizens.  She reminded herself to steer clear of the political past between their two villages. Satou’s next comment brought an immediate halt to Sakura’a analytical approach to reasoning with him.

“You’d think the Kazekage wouldn’t give his whores a false sense of entitlement in village they don’t belong in.”

It was hard to contain her inner voice at that moment, who happened to be screaming loudly. WHO THE HELL DOES THIS BASTARD THINK HE IS?

Sakura let out a calming breath and put hand on Mako’s arm who was surprisingly doing a good enough job for the both of them at giving this terrifying ninja a piece of his mind despite the aptitude gap.

Before she could respond, the door opened and someone stepped in. Seeing Sasuke momentarily took her aback because that powder job should have taken him at least 45 minutes to complete, yet here he was a mere 10 minutes after being assigned the task. He must have a question.

And then Sakura saw his face. A red and purple combination flashed towards Satou and Sakura’s stomach dropped to her feet. Had he just heard what Satou called her?

When Sakura reached him and placed a hand on his arm, his gaze snapped from Satou and landed on her. “Did you need something?” she asked kindly, assessing the situation and deciding to act casually. Maybe if she came off as unaffected by Satou’s comment, then Sasuke wouldn’t feel the need to react.

“Here,” he responded gruffly after recovering some composure, shoving the mortar she had given him earlier towards the space between them. “You said you needed this quickly didn’t you? Go on ahead and make the batch. I’ll talk to this guy.”

Sakura briefly savored the startled look on Satou’s face before turning her body towards Sasuke so she could whisper in private with her teammate. “Sasuke, I don’t think that’s—”

“It’s fine,” he softened his murmur to match her whisper. As he said this, his sharingan faded and his emotionless mask slipped back on. “Just a talk between ninja.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” came Mako’s eager voice behind her, “I’ll stay too. You go on ahead and make that batch before time runs out.”

Sakura snapped her head towards him, shaking her head with large eyes in silent begging, but Sasuke was the one who spoke. “I didn’t ask you to stay. You can leave too.”

“He stays,” Sakura volunteered, to which Sasuke glowered at her for. “A doctor must be present during an exam, after all.” This was most definitely not professional, but Sakura had used a “time” excuse to keep Sasuke busy earlier. Mako knew as well as she did that it didn’t matter what time the Ashuwa was added to the mixture, and he was using her lie against her. She didn’t know her friend of a medic could be manipulative like that. Mako knew she didn’t want to tell Sasuke that she had fibbed about it.

Grabbing the mortar, Sakura peered up into the Uchiha’s eyes, reconsidering her fear of the two ninja meeting. If Naruto or Gaara weren’t here, maybe Sasuke was the next best person to talk to him. Now that he had come back to the light, perhaps Sasuke could reach Satou in a way that Sakura wouldn’t be able to. Sometimes people who had experienced trauma would only listen to someone who had shared a similar pain. And it had been proven to her throughout the years that sometimes only monsters could understand monsters.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sasuke waited until Sakura’s footsteps receded far enough down the hall before his eyes locked onto Satou for the second time.

“Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke isn’t it?” Satou inquired, daring to speak first. “I never would have guessed I’d ever see your face again after the war.”

“Good. You know me.” Sasuke announced, fully entering the space and leaning against the right-most wall, just fifteen feet away from Satou in this small room. “Then you’re aware of the terrible things that I have done to better men than you.” To be honest, Sasuke hated to play the reputation card—in fact, he wanted to get as far from his past as possible, but he needed this bastard to know just exactly what he could still do to someone that pushed him far enough.

He noticed Mako shift excitedly at the left of the entrance. Apparently Mako was hoping for a show. Good, Sasuke thought, he needed to hear this too if the male physician had future plans to stay next to his friend.

Sasuke got straight to it. “The truth is that you’re not going to listen to anyone, so this is going to be a waste of time and breath.” Sasuke knew because he had been in this exact same frame of mind before.

“So why bother staying?” the man spat, rage leaking from his mouth like saliva from a rabid beast. Sasuke was correct in his analogy. Like Sasuke himself had once been, Satou was nothing more than a creature that there was no hope left for, and it needed to be taken out of this world. That’s what Gaara had practically told Naruto to do—take Sasuke out and do the right thing as his friend. It’s what Sakura had tried to do and failed.

But Naruto had done the impossible. With memories of his friend in his heart, Sasuke sighed and willed himself to put at least a little bit of effort into this for his friends’ benefit.

“For the sake of the woman you just called a whore. I care more about her and her goal than the few minutes I could be doing something more beneficial than talking to you.”  Of course, he would never tell her that.

Sasuke felt like there was no point in beating around the bush. His voice would give out if he continued talking at this rate. He reminded himself that he didn’t owe any explanation, any psychological nonsense, just the cold truth that Satou needed to hear. Despite how hard he might try, Sasuke wouldn’t be able to pull this off like Naruto. Naruto would have marched up to him like a bull, grabbed his collar, proceed to threaten him for saying such a thing to Sakura, and then somehow miraculously convince this man to change.

Sasuke on the other hand, was less predictable. Depending on which part of his life you looked at, Sasuke could have had several reactions to Satou’s comment. The Sasuke before Orochimaru would have been angry but level-headed, at most offering the man an analytical glare. Sasuke immediately post-cursemark would have gutted him in the same mania he had broken that sound ninja’s arms in the Forest of Death. Vengeance-bent Sasuke would have completely not cared at all. But the Sasuke he was now? Even though he was on his path of redemption now, something in him had become honed again, sharpened along with the internal acknowledgement that he had feelings for Sakura. Despite his accepting of the truth, Sasuke hadn’t anticipated feeling this defensive and this is what scared Sasuke the most about himself—his unpredictability.

When Sasuke had tried to sever his bonds, it was to eliminate the feelings that came with them. He had seen it as a weakness. If his attachments were few, then Sasuke could remain loyal to a way of life he hoped for, one of peace. But having Sakura near again and feeling responsible for her had Sasuke fearing for the worst about his character. He had relayed this concern to Naruto before he left the village several weeks ago. “What will keep me from the darkness? From choosing the path of revenge?” “I will,” Naruto had responded. “I’ll stop you.” If men like this were regular in Sakura’s life, how could Naruto guarantee that Sasuke wouldn’t snap one day and kill every single person who threatened to do her harm? What if one of them succeeded? Could Naruto prevent everything? Stop, Sasuke told himself. Stop thinking like that.

Satou didn’t laugh again for the entire conversation. He remained standing by the window, narrowing his eyes at Sasuke in wary consideration since the Uchiha had arrived—not scared necessarily, but an enemy weighing his odds and deciding to avoid major triggers. Smart, Sasuke thought. Not completely brain dead then.

As Sasuke was consumed in silent thought, Mako stepped in for him. It was the first time all day Sasuke liked the medic. “We know that your wife died. Is that the reason you are abusing your son?”

Unlike with Sasuke, Satou revealed his temper, like a bomb going off without warning. “WHAT I DO WITH MY SON IS NOBODY’S DAMN BUSINESS BUT MY OWN.”

Unaffected by the sudden rise in volume, Sasuke surveyed the damaged room around them. Satou sure made it look like he was being held against his will, but the truth was, Sasuke realized, that if Satou had truly wanted to leave, he would have. There was nobody physically stopping him from leaving. The only thing really holding him here was Gaara’s command. Ah, so that was it. Badmouth the Kazekage all he wanted, Satou still respected one thing and that was power.

Sasuke tested the theory with, “The Kazekage believes it is his business.”

“Everything is apparently his damn business,” Satou growled in his direction.

Sasuke immediately noted that this was not a shouted response like he did when Mako spoke. Sasuke deduced that Satou held enough respect for the people he feared. That included himself. Damn. How annoying; Sasuke was going to have to do all the talking after all. To be honest, Sasuke had just wanted to remove Sakura from the situation and came up with the “talking” part to get Sakura to leave. Now, he supposed he would have to deliver.

Mako tried reasoning with him again: “Does the child remind you of your wife? Is that the reason you mistreat him?”

Satou’s eyes grew wide at Mako’s question. “HOW DARE YOU-“

Forget it. Talking like this was getting them nowhere. Sasuke’s visual prowess was nowhere near restored, but what Sasuke planned to do wouldn’t take up much chakra anyway. This wasn’t his typical style, but trying to talk with this man sure as hell wasn’t his style either. Sasuke revealed the black tomoes of his right Sharingan, instantly immobilizing the man where he stood.

“What are you doing?” Mako asked with concern, walking up beside him. “You’re not going to use a genjutsu?!”

“Just shut up and stay out of it,” Sasuke announced in annoyance. “I am getting the answers.”

Satou’s mind was a black, fiery wasteland that Sasuke stepped out on. The ninja’s memories appeared before him like colorless corpses rising from the grave. Sasuke walked forward toward the past surveying memories in order from most recent to oldest. The first memory that shaped in the air before him had Sasuke considering deactivating the jutsu. Whether he had subconsciously looking for this memory or not, Sasuke didn’t know, but he watched it play out before him. His pink-haired teammate was standing her ground, glaring up into the face of the man whose memories Sasuke violated. Sasuke frowned in hatred at the image of his fingers jabbing into her chest. Satou was looking down at her with a ferocity that he had yet to display towards anyone else. Why?

On cue, another memory emerged, connected to this one and providing Sasuke with the answer he wanted. It was during the war and Satou was immobilized on a cot, bandaged and regaining consciousness. Pink hair came into the ninja’s vision as he tried to roll to the side. “Miss,” he called toward the female ninja. “Where am I?”

“Stay still,” Sakura ordered him, pushing him back down on the cot. “Your leg is severely injured and needs to remain immobile.” She began giving orders to her assistants when a boom suddenly sounded somewhere nearby. Satou watched as she got to her feet and headed in that direction as someone began screaming her name.

“My wife,” he croaked, trying again to rise. This time, no one stopped him as he began to fumble towards the line of patients, some unconscious, others screaming. “Rina,” he sobbed, searching the faces of the incapacitated. “Where are you?”

He finally found her in the back row and he began limping faster toward her. “Rina!” he screamed, falling to his knees beside the woman who was bloody almost beyond recognition. Sasuke looked away from the memory as Satou began searching with hands for the wound on her body. Somehow the woman had reopened her injury and was now bleeding through the bandaging.  When Satou found it, he began to moan. Satou clutched onto his broken wife and lifted her despite his leg. He was barely able to support her as he began limping back toward the medical professionals. “Haruno!” he tried to shout after the woman who had disappeared in the rising clouds of debris and dust. “Haruno!”

When a medic finally arrived to assist him, it wasn’t the one Satou had hoped for. “Please,” he begged them. “She’s dying—bleeding out!”

Sasuke saw the man’s world shatter on his face when the medic began to shake his head after checking the woman’s pulse. “I am sorry sir. She’s already gone.”

“No!” he began to scream, picking up his wife again and limping after the woman he believed could still save her. The memory ended after Satou disappeared into the rubble screaming after someone he clearly never found.

So that was it, Sasuke realized, stepping toward a new memory that materialized in the swirling darkness. He blamed Sakura for his wife’s death.

The next memory Sasuke played was Satou returning from the war and staring into the face of the child he and his wife had left behind. Sasuke was shocked at the resemblance the child held of Rina; Sasuke witnessed Satou experience the blow of pain that came at seeing the same likeness. When the child reached for him with tears in his eyes, Satou turned away from him, covering his anguished face and stepping past the threshold. Isao’s current caretaker reached for him to relieve his father’s neglect.

Sasuke felt like he had ashes in his mouth. He was more familiar with grief than anyone, but grief affected people in different ways. Sasuke both understood and didn’t understand. He didn’t dare go further; Sasuke knew what happened next concerning the child and didn’t want to see it for himself.

Deactivating his Sharingan, Sasuke withdrew from the black backdrop of Satou’s mind.

“What did you just do?” Satou asked, sinking to the floor on his knees and holding his head, an aftereffect that had Mako looking between the two ninja in fearful concern.

Sasuke saw no point in explaining to either of them. Satou was more than aware of what just happened. “I could erase a couple of those memories,” Sasuke explained to the whimpering man on the floor who gazed up at him in anger. “Is that what you want?”

Satou hesitated before saying, “You could really do that?”

“Is that what you really want?” Sasuke asked bitterly, “for someone to reach into your mind and take away all memory of your wife or child? To dishonor the both of them?”

“No,” Satou declared at that. “Not if it will remove them from my memory. The pain— just take that away.”

“Pain is a part of life and not something I can tamper with,” Sasuke deadpanned. “If you let it, your pain will turn into darkness, consume you, and taint every aspect of your life. Your son is the only thing you have left of your wife. You should value that and cling to that as your light.”

Sasuke understood what Sakura meant earlier when she told Sasuke her conversation with Gaara about the past generation affecting the next with their toxicity. Satou didn’t repond and Sasuke didn’t say anything else. He had said what he needed to although it left the Uchiha feeling like a hypocrite.

Turning to Mako, Sasuke declared, “Send the son to the Leaf’s mental health clinic; get him as far away as you can. The child needs to be in a different environment, or he will turn out like father. It’ll give Satou some time to reconsider what’s important to him.”

Opening the door, Sasuke thought twice before exiting. “Also,” he remarked to the man who began to sob on the ground. “The next time you lay your hands on my friend, you’ll have me to deal with, not the Kazekage.”

Satou began to scream in anger, throwing things against the walls again. The door swung shut behind Sasuke and Mako, closing the prisoner in his self-made cell.

[sometimesrosy]

Anonymous said:Maternal and paternal figures don’t have to be romantic though lol so you are still delusional..

What?

Im sorry what?

Okay. Okay little pumpkin pants. 

1. It’s an INTERPRETATION. An interpretation is how you put the information together and come to a conclusion on a meaning. Seeing as there is basis for my interpretation in both canon and real life, I am not delusional. It is possible that I have a wrong interpretation or partially wrong interpretation, and THAT’S OKAY. As new information comes out, I adjust my interpretation to fit the new information. There is really no other way to understand a story or situation that is ACTIVELY happening and changing as we experience. You HAVE to go with the flow.

2. That’s not what delusional means.

characterized by or holding idiosyncratic beliefs or impressions that are contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder."hospitalization for schizophrenia and delusional paranoia"

based on or having faulty judgment; mistaken."their delusional belief in the project's merits never wavers [google it]

You don’t agree with me, but reality and reason don’t disagree with me and I don’t have a mental disorder that would interfere with my ability to analyze a story. There’s evidence for BOTH romantic AND parental Bellarke relationships. Do you want them to be both? No. Is it faulty reasoning or contradicted by reality? No. Stop thinking that things you don’t like are evil or corrupt or crazy. Your preferences do not dictate human morality.

3. In order to become the mother and father, a couple needs to have a baby. The archetypal way, the original way, to have a baby is to do the horizontal mambo and make one. So the ESSENCE of a mother and father couple is, actually, BY DEFINITION, they had sex. CAN a parental couple adopt all their adorable babies. SURE WHYNOTNOPROBLEM. But to call describing a mother and father pair as a MATED pair, aka not platonic in nature, is not delusional. 

4. A mated pair, mother and father, husband and wife. No, it’s not necessarily romantic. And that’s because ROMANCE is kind of about courting and falling in love. An established relationship doesn’t actually need romance. Maybe you don’t realize this because you are still in a juvenile level of development, where your focus is on finding someone to bone, so the primary concept of mating for you is about “omg does he/she really like me?” But I am old. BTDT. So is JR, actually. Old. AND BTDT. He has said that he has modeled Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship after his relationship with his wife. That is an established couple, with two children, that has lasted what? 20+ years? I’m guessing. No. It’s not all about boning anymore. Guess what? That’s not so bad. Does it EXCLUDE romance and boning? No it does not. That’s still a part of an established relationship. A MATED pair, means, literally, they are mated, have mated are mating. Mating means literally boning to procreate. That’s how you get a family. Not the only way. But that’s how they start, my little confused everlasting gobstopper.

5. Every time one of you says I’m delusional, I get depressed about your education. I’m pretty sure most of you are calling me that are not under 18 and actually have made it through high school english. I need to explain something. I’m not doing something esoteric here. I am doing BASIC literary analysis. This is what you were taught in high school. Come up with a hypothesis, defend it with evidence from the canon text, and then come to a conclusion on what it all means. This “meta” you guys get all het up about? This is a simple analytical essay. True, I have more of a background in the topic than most people, so I am pulling on a wider range of evidence than most, from literature to science fiction to fashion design to film making to comparative religion. But just because I know more about a topic than you do does not make me delusional. It actually makes ME an expert, and YOU a novice. Not knowing something about a topic doesn’t make that topic invalid. And it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. It is VERY easy to google the topic and learn a little bit. When someone talks about a book or a concept that I am unfamiliar with, I go straight to google. I literally do. Here. New tumblr interpretation that I’ve never heard of? Let me check that. Oh hello, wiki. This is why I am not ignorant. Because I don’t assume that things I am unfamiliar with are delusional. If you have no idea what I am talking about and it seems delusional to you, I suggest you google what I am talking about, and you will find hat I am talking about, generally, an academic discipline that has been around for centuries if not millennia. Now, scifi? That’s more like 100 years, Well, I mean, it does actually go back a little farther but TV scifi is like...while pulp novels started earlier, the genesis of sci fi as more than just silliness is Star Trek. But anyway. STILL not delusional. Just over your head. Do you hear the *whooosh*?

6. Please stop calling basic literary analysis “delusional.” You are making me really depressed about fandom’s ability to think critically. And then you lol at me for having theories and interpretations and making connections, and you just sound so freaking willfully stupid. Please god start thinking. Stop listening to fake news, and thinking alternate facts are real. Go to the source. Look for evidence. Question speaker’s agenda. Don’t be a sucker. Use a dictionary, please! Google shit, for godsake! JUST FUCKING GOOGLE IT SO YOU DON’T SOUND SO IGNORANT AND YOU AREN”T LED ABOUT BY YOUR NOSE BY PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT FOLLOWERS.

7. I did my best with this fandom. I can’t be held responsible for them anymore and I’m washing my hands. Y’all want to keep up with your dumbass fanwars, acting like JR is your enemy? Keep me out of it. 

[keepforward]

7SEEDS: Last chapter, translation and thoughts

TL;DR: I translated the very last 7SEEDS chapter. KEEP IN MIND IT’S THE VERY LAST ONE, AND MIGHT BE SPOILERIFIC. Also, I have a lot of feelings, thoughts about the romantic couples, Ango’s situation, and more~

Of course, Spoilers for EVERYTHING. 

Finally, about a year after its release, I finished translating the last chapter for 7SEEDS. It’s been a wild ride, and I am honestly impressed with how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve managed to learn along the way. Resources like Romaji to Kanji and Jisho have been an invaluable source of help and knowledge, which I feel deserve credit here.

Since this might not be making much sense: I’ve been translating the unreleased 7SEEDS chapters on Otakumole (if anyone has an account there—hello!! This is lisahey :D). Unfortunately, the very last one was not updated there, and I have no photoshop skillz, so.. this is as close as I can get to releasing my own version of this chapter, partly as a tribute to Tamura’s wonderful work.

Now, to talk about the ending…

Let’s talk about the pairings. I’ll admit it: I’m a huge shipper. Aramaki and Ayu were probably my favorite couple, and I would have loved to see at least an awkward little first kiss between them. Still, I know—both still have a long way to go, and I feel like Tamura made it pretty clear that they would eventually pair up. When Ran mentions something about having a lot of couples, we can see a shot with Semimaru/Natsu, Aramaki/Ayu, Gengoro/Akane, Haru/Koruri, and, naturally, Hana/Arash, so I believe we could call it canon. Even so… I still long to see more of my favorite characters T_T Perhaps I will have to resort to writing fanfiction to get over all these FEELINGS.

In that same topic, I recently saw an illustration with the 7SEEDS couples, which features Ayu holding both Aramaki and Tsunomata’s arms. Could Tamura be trying to say both could work? I believe so, but—I get the feeling that, from now on, Aramaki will be more proactive in their relationship (he did admit to Haru that he felt jealous), and eventually win over, whereas Tsunomata just… doesn’t care. I mean, he did just find out about his dead girlfriend, and his frozen baby, so— the guy might need some time to process that. Weirdly, I could see him pairing up with Botan… if only for the fact that he mentioned that he likes older women with big breasts, lol.

It is also worth mentioning that Ango is #foreveralone on that illustration, but also sort of… blends in with Ryou and Matsuri? … I’ll admit, with how close Ryou is to Ango, I could picture a threesome there. They WILL be travelling together for a long time, after all.

Natsu/Semimaru is… alright. Now that he’s decided that he likes her, Semimaru is clearly quite proactive (I believe he’s kissed her several times already?), while Natsu remains somewhat insecure. Clearly, she cares about him, but… is it really in a romantic way? I feel like Semimaru will have to learn to be more tender before he can truly win her over.

Karita/Ran was just… weird, to be honest. It sort of made sense for Karita to have a crush on Ran (she IS pretty awesome), but for Ran to return those feelings seems a little out of the blue. Karita… is a good guy, but I don’t believe he’s an equal to Ran in terms of maturity or, ahem, intelligence. I kind of get the feeling that Ran is using him for sex, and because, while not terribly bright, he’s loyal and reliable. I guess that might be enough for her? Still, Ran/Nijiko makes a lot more sense, in my eyes. There is that sexy panel with them discussing about the house—and, let’s face it, Nijiko is more on Ran’s intellectual level. Buuut I guess that, in this world, procreation is important…

Sakuya is also alone, apparently looking in Hana’s direction. Am I the only one who found him irritating? My guess is that he eventually paired up with someone… but whom? Who’d be willing to put up with his condescending, smug, unbearable ass? D:

Character bashing aside… I’ve seen some criticism for Ryou/Matsuri, but, personally, I enjoy it. Ryou can be mean as hell, but I think he’s demonstrated that he both needs and enjoys the company of cheerful, caring people, like Matsuri and Koruri. Matsuri sees the world differently than he does, and she has the courage to face him when he’s being a dick—and I think he’s come to realize that he needs that. While he might not be able to return it, he needs Matsuri’s cheerfulness, and her caring. Otherwise, he gets trapped in his own world— something I think is laid bare during the ‘ship and atom bomb’ arc, where he was constantly on edge, thinking of reality as a “test” full of traps. I have a lot of feelings for them! <3

…Though, I do wish we had seen more interactions between Ango and Matsuri, seeing as she is basically dating his best friend now, and they will be travelling together—possibly for YEARS.

Other than that, I wonder about the children. Will Hibari ever become less of an insufferable brat? After the dogs saved her, I thought Tamura might choose for her to work with the animals, but that seemingly wasn’t the case. On the other hand, she’s working with Momota, so that might lay the grounds for them to pair up in the future. I wonder about a triangle with Hotaru, further amplifying Hibari’s hatred and jealousy, but… I DO hope it wouldn’t come to that. Maybe Hotaru can find ~love~ in someone older, seeing as most of them are only about 4-6 years older than her.

Now… to talk about something a little more serious: what did you guys think about Ango’s redemption arc? It kind of broke my heart that there was clearly no going back, and that even close friends like Koruri and Gengoro were turning their backs on him. In a way, I think he’s self-exiling, trying to atone for his crimes. Will they manage to open the Ark? And if they do… will he be able to live a normal life with the others? Or will he keep travelling the world? Either way, I just hope the kid can finally find some peace.

In that vein of thought: was anyone else slightly irked that everyone was acting pretty… sanctimonious-like? Like, hey, Gengoro… remember when you okayed using Momota, a 12-year-old child, as bait for dinosaurs? Remember how you did nothing to help him as Ango forced him to climb a cliff, claiming you “understood how he felt”?

I also regard Ran’s comment about them “paying their respects to Izayoi” with a grain of salt. Akio and her, are believe, and some of the greatest offenders—and yet, no one ever brings it up, or tries to hold them accountable for any of it! They acted as villains at some point, stopping Ryuusei from getting water (which he needed for Kurumi, who was pregnant at the time), they locked in Hara and company inside that underground shelter, leaving behind their own teammate to possibly DIE down there, had they not managed to escape— they beat their team if they didn’t finish their chores, they stole and killed Izayoi’s animals, driving him to a failed mass murder attempt—BUT NO, Ango is the ONLY bad guy here, amiright!?!??! Poor Izayoi! They were such close ~*~friends~*~.

And, now, don’t get me wrong—I know Ango did something horrible, and I actually think that Hana’s fear of him is very legitimate, and well executed. I just wish the others would admit that they, too, aren’t perfect.

Despite my complaints, I still regard 7SEEDS as one of the best mangas ever written. It was a pleasure to translate it—and, I admit, I got somewhat teary eyed when I typed in the final “*END*”, as well as Tamura’s last, grateful goodbye.

Thank YOU, Tamura, for giving us so much throughout the years. You made this world come alive, to the point where I could simply never get enough of these many, beloved characters. I want to see them continue to grow, to mingle, to develop— but I understand that all good things must come to an end. And what an ending! I enjoyed that little background about Chimaki’s father, and was very touched when it turned out he did, after all, remember that single memory he had with his father. I hope you enjoy this translation, and, if you have any questions or recommendations, please let me know!

Wow this turned out long o_o

[new2otomelol]

SCM - The Mate - Chapter 6

Hey guys, it’s been crazy and a really long time since I’ve posted, but I promise I will see this to the end, even if it may be weird and might not get a lot of reads, but I have many ideas that I am working on. Here’s another chapter of my Star Crossed Myth Fanfic that has to do with all sorts of things. Please give it a ty and hope you like! Voltage owns the rights to SCM and it’s characters.

A snap was heard once again and suddenly Zyglavis, Huedhaut, the King and I were all back in the dais of the Heavenly palace. “Rhea, the dark king has become stronger within each passing day; however, he needs the powers of the former goddess to fully return.” Zyglavis states and turns to the king to let him continue. “My child, we do not know what implications this can have to your dragon side, but we know for a fact that your soul, and the power embedded within it, can be drained.”

I’ve always felt sure of who I was. No matter what hardship befell me, the people that surrounded me and my circumstances acted as my anchors of security. Listening to the last words uttered by the king, I felt as if the world before me shattered and there would be no crawling back to the safety I held so dear.

“How long has it been since his return?” I can’t believe I am asking this, but something inside is pulling me to do so. Zyglavis looks at me with resolve and responds “there’s been a recent spike in violent crimes on earth; my department is having a hard time keeping up with the punishments… people seem to be affected by a dark force. It’s been five months since we’ve seen this pattern. Once the Wishes Department found you, we noticed darker energies around your complex and thusly decided to act. We didn’t expect for the demons to be hunting you so fast, yet, you still managed to escape…”

I tune Zyglavis out, I just need time to think, to process all of this and come up with a plan of action. I take a deep breath and stare into the most magnificent eyes I have ever seen. “Your highness, I need some time for myself, if that’d be alright?” Zyglavis quickly tries to interject, but the king raises his hand to stop him and smiles warmly at me. “Go and rest my child; just know that you will have to have someone with you at all times in order to protect you.” The dragon pride in me flared and it took everything in me to contain it. Perhaps sensing the sudden shift in me, Hue quickly embraces my shoulders and tries to pacify me.

I take a deep breath and release to let the frustration out; dragons don’t need protection; however, my circumstances aren’t what they used to be. The king draws a slightly amused smirk on his face as he notices my reaction that only seems to infuriate me a bit more, but I must remain calm. I continue to look at the king straight on “I understand and request for Hue to be by my side in the meantime. One important thing that I need from you three, I need for you to be the only ones aware of my shifting abilities. I think you can comprehend this as ONE of your children smells different than the rest.” I had not intended to mention this, but Partheno’s scent, in particular, bothered me from the get-go. The king arches an eyebrow and loses his smirk. “You don’t play, do you?” Damn my temper, I can never keep my mouth shut. “Look your highness, I’m sorry, but I must always be cautious. I’m more than sure you have your reasons and your plans, but you and I both know, there is no predicting the future when it comes to the type of darkness that you are referring to.” He walks to his throne and sits, “rest assured my child, no one else beside us shall know. Now go and rest, we shall meet again within two days’ time.”

 Hue takes my hand and leads me out of the throne room with Zyglavis staying behind to speak with the king. “Rhea, you will be staying with me in my room so that I may protect you. Plus, we need to discuss this ‘mate’ business.” I blush as suddenly it all comes back to me, the kiss, almost marking him as mine, blast it all! My breathing increases as I feel an overwhelming sense of walls closing in on me and my back becoming painfully stiff. My vision seems to blur the closer we get to the door that I presume leads to Hue’s room. “Rhea, are you okay?” I feel his warm arms surround me as black spots float in to my vision and everything goes dark.

Flashback…

“Rhea, run to the others outside the castle, the bastard found us.” I grunt in frustration as I hear the sounds of battle surround our beautiful home. “But I told you I can help! He’s just a vampire!” My uncle growls as he is pushed down on the ground by a very ticked off supernatural being. “A handsome one my dear, and one that is in need of a new bride… seeing as your uncle and your kind sought to destroy my three loves,” he states in a very heavy Romanian accent. I gasp and look around the room. Where? Where did we put those damn stakes? I run around going through my uncle’s desk drawers, the shelves, anywhere I can look while the two struggle on the carpet. Wait, I remember, he placed them under the chair!

I run around the fighting pair and make it to the chair behind the desk. “My dear, whatever you’re looking for, you need to stop, I don’t want my bride to be tired, especially for our ceremony.” Damn this guy is creepy and maniacal. “Shut it Dracula, she’ll never be yours.” My uncle yells back as I reach underneath and grab one of the stakes. My uncle reaches out as I throw it to him and the vampire steps away. “This isn’t over. I WILL HAVE HER!” He lunges towards me as my uncle quickly follows. I try to run but feel Dracula’s arms embrace me from behind and hold me tight. “You will learn to love me Rhea…” I scream as I struggle to get out of his hold… I’m still a young dragon! As his elongated fangs graze my neck I hear a sickening scream pierce my ears followed by a horrid smell. “Never again vampire! No more girls for you to kidnap and kill, ESPCIALLY MY NIECE!”

“NO, I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR BRIDE!!!” I scream out loud as I suddenly realize, great, it was all a memory from a couple hundred years ago and I probably startled Hue now. “Rhea? Are you okay?” Right on que, Hue, I let out a little laugh as I think of the pun I just came up with in my head. “Rhea, you’re seriously starting to scare me… what’s this about you being a bride and why are you laughing? I take a deep breath and let out a long sigh, “well, I’ve lived a few hundred years now and let’s just say that thanks to my Uncle’s extra-curricular activities, I’ve come across a few unsavory characters. Now Hue, I believe we need to talk.” I sit up from what feels to be like the most comfortable bed in the world and take in the beautiful room filled with books. “I believe we do, but first, would you like some wine?” Just what I need to soothe my nerves. “Yes, please.”

I prop some pillows behind me and sit up in bed as Hue pulls up a chair and hands me a glass filled with light pink liquid. I take a sip and let the wonderful rose taste fill my taste buds. “Now Rhea, please tell me, what is this ‘mate’ thing the king referred to earlier?” I laugh, well, might as well let the cat out of the bag. “Supernatural creatures have what we call ‘soul-mates.’ This is due to our need to procreate and maintain the secrecy of our species. This includes dragons, werewolves, fae, and though I hate to even admit, vampires.” I shutter as I remember Dracula’s semi-bite and reach to feel the small scar left as a reminder of that fateful night. Hue furrows his brows as he looks upon me. “How come the gods aren’t aware of all these creatures?” I smile and take another sip of my wine and reach to hold Hue’s hand, feeling the wonderful connection that electrifies through our hands. “There are many creatures out there Hue and we all mask our auras and our actions so that we don’t meddle in the affairs of gods and humans. From time to time there will be a mating with a human, however, thanks to the bond shared by their pairing, they usually become a creature themselves. Vampires on the other hand, do have mates, but they are able to choose who they want themselves.” I shiver as I remember the feel of Dracula’s body burning around me as my Uncle stakes him. “Trust me, I almost became one of Dracula’s brides, and though the benefits package seemed good, I knew he wasn’t my true mate.” I smile as Hue looks upon me with a face of complete shock.

“Now all that aside Hue. You are my true mate, yes, I have the soul of a former goddess in me and I have her memories and feelings, but I am more than what I use to be. I am a bundle of weirdness, a rarity in my own kind and now for some reason I am… I am… ugh…” I feel a headache coming on. “Shhhh… relax, I’m here and I will never let you go again.” I feel Hue embrace me and I drop the wine glass I was holding. I return his embrace and take in his smell… so sweet and intoxicating. I angle my head over the area above his collar bone and begin to lick. Hue begins to moan as he holds me tightly. “Hue, I’m dangerously close to marking you, please let go.” Hue holds me tighter and I feel many emotions flooding in to me. “Whatever marking means, I don’t care, just do it.” I shake my head on his toned chest. “But you’re a god and I don’t know what will happen. Maybe we should…” I am instantly cut off as I feel Hue shift me in his arms and kiss my ear whispering sweetly “nobody knows what this will lead to, but I’m willing to find out because I’m NEVER going to let you go again.” I feel a tear form but I let go of everything holding me back. I growl as I get on my knees on top of the bed raising him along with me. I undo his arms that were embracing me and gently move my left hand behind the back of his head, cradling it in support. I move my other arm around his neck and pull him closer as I kiss along his neck. I feel his arms embrace me once again around my waist.

“I, Rhea, the only female dragon and former goddess, claim you Huedhat as my mate. I swear on my life that no harm shall befall you.” I kiss Hue on the neck one more time as I feel my fangs elongate. I slowly sink my teeth in to the area where his neck begins and feel him moan. I hold on to him for a few seconds as I complete the link between us and I release him helping to lay him down on the bed. His beautiful blue eyes look up at me as he pants… “th… that was…” he couldn’t speak. That was beyond amazing. I heard the voice in my head, his voice. I smile and kiss him on the cheeks. “That it was my beautiful mate and yes I can hear your thoughts now. We’re linked.” Hue gasps and I feel a sudden surge of questions hitting me all at once. “Calm down Hue, all will be answered in time, for now just know that we can feel each other’s emotions and thoughts. You can always talk to me with your mind.” I move up and hover over him ensuring that he’s well. “Can you sense what I am feeling now?” He boldly asks me as he snaps his fingers and find that we are both now naked under silk covers. I feel myself to a new shade of red and quickly try to cover myself more. No my darling, you can’t escape me, we need to complete this now, don’t we?” I hear his voice in my head as he pins me underneath him. That night I went through the most passionate and amazing time of my life. I had never experienced anything like it and by the looks of my sleeping mate’s face, neither had he.

I wake up in the morning scrounging to look for my clothes as I feel the bed shift around me and arms suddenly embrace and push me back down. “Where are you going my little dragon?” I giggle at Hue’s nickname for me and reach out to move his hair away from his eyes so that I can gaze at them. What?! It can’t be! I hold his head with both of my hands and begin to move it back and forth as I observe the new abnormality in his eyes. “Rhea, I’m not sure what game you’re playing, but can you let go of my head?” My jaw drops as I realize what happened. “H… Hue… your stars, you have two different consolations now, one in each eye!” Hue quickly snaps his finger and a mirror appears before him as he looks on to check his eyes. “But, how could this be? I gave my stars to save your soul, there shouldn’t be anything there, much less a new constellation.” I quickly get up from bed and pace back and forth. “It must be our bond, I must have healed you when I marked you, Dragon blood can do that. But why a new constellation? Do you feel different?” I stop and look at Hue who is still sitting in bed looking at me with a sexy smile. “Well, yes I feel very different, I feel like I have an unlimited amount of energy and looking at the beautiful naked creature in front of me suddenly gives me many ideas on how to help me tame it.” I quickly grab a bed sheet and cover myself, I’m so stupid sometimes. “Hue, get a hold of yourself you perv, this is serious! We should talk to the king!” I hear another snap and I find myself in bed once again being pinned down by the love of my life. “Sure thing love, but first, I need to release some energy...”

To be continued...

[peacefulwriter88]

Dear Chris Evans

I had absolutely too much fun writing this. Sorry this took so long. @xgminigypsy this is exactly how I’d tell chris something important lol @im-rocking-and-rolling but I truly hope you enjoy

Dear Chris Evans,

I really can’t resistcalling you by your formal name. Probably because, even though I have only knownyou for two years, it still blows my mind when I look up from a book I’m readingor making us dinner or waking up and having you sleeping peacefully (thoughsometimes loudly when you’re really tired Mr. Snorer) beside me and I realizethat this isn’t a dream – I have this wonderful human being that I love as mypartner in crime and life. I’d like to think you’re the Clyde to my Bonnie but let’sbe real – you’re really the Mike to my Sully, the Sebastian to my Ariel.

You will humbly denythis – probably already are – but you are an incredibly special human being. Ithink that there have been very few people in my life, ever, that have shown methe tremendous amount of care, devotion, wit, humor, talent and kindness thatyou bestow the people in your life. Whether it be someone you will onlyencounter once or someone you’ve known all your life – you are such a treasurein someone’s life.

When I met you two yearsago, honestly, I had about given up on humanity. Its hard working in a serviceindustry and sometimes even more disheartening working in education – and I’mno longer in the classroom. I was tired of dating and honestly had moved out toBoston to test it out for a few months. I’m a West Coast girl and I wanted toshift my paradigm – wanted a breath of fresh air so imagine my surprise thatwhen I finally shake myself to do something, you are the gift I received inreturn.

I never thought I’dadmit this to you – normally my pride would deny me – but as this new marker inmy life has become I must give you all my honesty because not only it is whatyou deserve as my boyfriend to hear but is necessary for what our future maybring together. When you came over to me as I sat there, talking loudly tomyself in anticipation of the book I was reading in that crowded, hot asscoffee shop, I nearly shit myself when I realized Chris Evans was coming overto talk to me. You were someone I…. ok admittedly I had a wee fangirl crush onyou because your fucking handsome so that’s not fair you’re also in a plethoraof movies I’ve enjoyed watching, but also because you’re an actor I’d recentlylearn to admire. And then you’re asking what book I was reading and asking ifyou could sit with me because there were no other seats and offering me dinnerthree hours into our conversation…. I thought I was dreaming because shit likethat never happen to people in real life. Especially me, someone who wasrolling off a wave of really tough life events.

But it was and I’venever been happier for it.

Because you remind methat it’s important to be kind to others even if it’s hard to be kind toyourself in the moment. That selfless, though may not be thanked daily for it,is a worthy path to go down if it means a better outcome for someone else whomay not be in the place to be selfless for themselves. That humor is themedicine to life. That even though family and friends might drive you bloodyinsane, they also link you together. That it is also equally important to beselfish because that’s the only way you can take care of others. That competitioncan be fun, even if we are both prideful, stubborn dicks about it. That love ispossible for anyone and that we must cherish all form of it. That anxiety anddepression are just a part of dealing with the stresses that life throws atyou.

But most importantly youtaught me all this by not saying anything at it. By just finding value you in meas a friend and loving me as your girlfriend.

I hope that I too havegiven you equally something as great in our time together.

Because…..I found outthat in 6 months, 9 days and too many hours that I honestly am too lazy tocalculate that a little piece of me and a little piece of you will be joiningus. I have never been more excited than that moment you told me, while we werelooking for couches for my place no matter, that you loved me. Will neverforget that look of pure joy and pride that twinkled in your eyes as I lookedup from the price tag and watched you back, hungover and sore from our previousnights activity.

I am so happy that I canshare in the joy you always fill me up with and continue to do so.

So get ready, Mr. Evans,because you are in stow for a long ride. Also, when I come back from thegrocery store I fully expect you to have actually picked up your things (andall of Dodgers toys) from the living room. PLEASE! Your mom and dad are comingover for dinner and you better believe I will not be cleaning up and cookingnow that I’m carrying for two (hah!)

Also, I can’t eatice-cream for the next few months sooooo that’s why you’re getting doughnutsfor dessert. Because I’ve been craving them and if I can’t have ice-cream, you can’thave ice-cream. Consider it….tribute for impregnating me.

I love you,

Y/N

P.S. ….whenever youshare with the world you better believe I am changing every social mediadescription to C.Evans 4Real Baby Mama ha ha…I’m sorry this is who life haschosen you to love and procreate with 😃

[mccumbersalecsander93]

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Can You Get Pregnant With Early Ejaculation

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[chroniclesofawkwardness]

Candy Kane

I’ve never been a big fan of family pictures, or holiday celebrations. When I was about seven, my brother Derek and I had our picture taken with our cousin Kyle, who couldn’t have been much more than a year old. Kyle was smiling, but also pointing at something off in the distance (probably a prop the photographer was using to make him laugh). Derek and I had on clip-on ties that were recycled from a previous Easter. I wore thick, almost square-framed glasses. if I left the house with them on today, they would almost certainly impede my ability to successfully procreate. I had little choice at the time since I needed corrective lenses, and wouldn’t start wearing contacts for at least another six years. 

By the time I’d made the switch, the photo of Kyle, Derek, and me belonged to a museum exhibit—frozen in time like the Iceman—of pictures my grandparents loved, but their grandchildren wished no longer existed. By 1999, they’d moved into a house much smaller than the one in which they’d raised their six children, and the photo had been relegated to a literal wall of shame in their basement. Along the wall were senior pictures of my mother and her siblings, and various photos of the nine grandchildren, including that of a triumvirate of boys c. 1988. I can’t think of a time anyone whose picture was on the wall expressed fondness when looking at it. Each of us probably thought about what we’d tell our younger selves if we passed them on the street, or secretly wished to remain arrested in that state of childhood development, our entire lives uncertain, unfolding, before us one day at a time.

The biggest reason I’ve never been a huge fan of holidays, family pictures, and especially family holiday pictures is because the only capture one moment in time, moments that, for better or worse, are frozen on film or stored in cloud of data and never really gone. Whenever the holidays come around, I have a tendency to cram an entire year’s worth of socializing into 48 hours, or however long I get to spend with my family and friends.

In my family, those occasions are typically when we celebrate some Puritans surviving a hard winter despite wearing ridiculous hats, and the birth of a boy who somehow managed to erase his teenage debauchery from the record. You know he had to screw up those miracles dozens of times in private before nailing them (oops) in public by his early thirties. This must be why we never hear about the zombies of Arimathea he couldn’t quite bring all the way back from the dead, or the numerous weddings he crashed around Nazareth during puberty, flexing to prostitutes about how he could turn water into wine in exchange for performing a number of sins his Dad didn’t have to know about (but would later be considered deadly because Mary Magdalene couldn’t keep her mouth shut) only to deliver vinegar.

I guarantee you Jesus promised Joseph of Arimathea eternal salvation as thanks for the years of resurrection practice, and in return for the use of his tomb one Friday night. Mary Magdalene showed up at the tomb three days after the crucifixion because she finally realized how serious Jesus had been about her fucking up his chances to keep holy the Sabbath day with a bridesmaid, before he hit it big and all the lepers wanted a piece (oops again) of him.

Anyway… If family pictures remind me of who I used to be, holidays remind me of things I used to wholeheartedly believe in.

My first picture with Santa was probably taken in 1982, before I had the surgery to straighten out my leg that left me with a cool scar. My enthusiasm for the holidays faded as I grew older and began to challenge my beliefs that one man could deliver presents to all the world’s children in a single night, and the three wise men could find Jesus just by following a star.

After passing at least numerically through teenage angst, I started to realize how incredibly fortunate I’ve been instead of complaining about what other people had that I didn’t. But what really got me comfortable in my own skin was volunteering, a series of activities in which I put myself in some very uncomfortable positions by surrounding myself with people and places I didn’t know. Still, my desire for the uncomfortable hasn’t weakened my ability to attract the absurd.

I recently had a chance to volunteer at Santa’s Workshop. I put on my elf hat (which I later found out had been on backwards all night) and got to work in the arts and crafts area, but that didn’t last long. Macaroni pictures weren’t doing it for me. I needed a different challenge.

Soon enough, I found my way to where Santa was. My backwards elf hat and I had to keep the line moving so every kid would have a chance to see Santa before closing time at 6 PM. Thee were all kinds of characters around me. Rudolph was there, and so was this character that had Pinocchio’s face, but looked how I imagined the Frisch’s Big Boy would if he’d been on a liquid diet for six months. “Who’s THAT?” I asked the event coordinator. “That’s the Elf on the Shelf,” she replied. “Oh… shit… I was way off,” I said. Whenever I caught the characters waving to children and their families as they passed by, they looked like those people from 80s and 90s workout videos who got stuck doing the low-impact versions of the exercises everybody else was doing at full speed. I wondered if they were secretly asking themselves why they agreed to do this, quietly cursing themselves for not auditioning to sell shit on QVC instead.

I’m not sure if the first child whose Santa aftermath I’ll remember for a long time was just really upset, had a cognitive deficiency, or both. Either way, he or she was not happy. My first post near the man of the hour was standing outside a fence they’d set up around Santa’s chair. My job was to wave the kids and their families forward once the previous family had enjoyed their moment in the makeshift winter wonderland. As the child left Santa’s lap screaming bloody murder and passed through the fence with his/her parent or guardian, they let out a sound I can only describe as a Home Improvement-era Tim Allen grunt mixed with visceral cry for help: UHHHAAHHHOOOOO! 

Before I knew what was happening, the child headbutted themselves against the exterior glass of the Lazarus building, like Kane and the Undertaker from another spoiled childhood fantasy of so many— professional wresting. All the person accompanying the child said was, “Now honey… Don’t hit your head.” All I could think was, “Damn.” But as a man wearing a backwards elf hat, I couldn’t say shit to them.

Not long after witnessing a pediatric concussion, I found myself in the path of low-impact Rudolph herself. I slightly embarrassed myself by giving her a fist bump and talking to the person in the suit as though they were the red-nosed reindeer in the flesh. I came back to my adulthood while low-impact Rudolph was in the middle of muffled sentence about candy canes. I noticed had a bucket in her hands, which I assumed had been filled with the striped holiday icons. There were no candy canes in her bucket, but I did notice a set of Toyota car keys. In my confusion, I almost blurted out, “Shouldn’t you be guiding a sleigh instead of a fucking Camry?” Some things are best left unsaid.  

For the first two hours we were there, the line to see Santa seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see, which made the next encounter I remember even more excruciating. A lady walked up and stood right next to me, thus blocking my view of the line and preventing me from doing the one volunteer task I was explicitly asked to do. To make matters worse, she started offering a running commentary on all the children she saw in Santa’s lap, like a color commentator at a sporting event who didn’t know when to just shut up and let whatever moment they were witnessing wash over them.  

It didn’t matter whether they were boys dressed in identical suits for the obligatory in-lap picture with the big man (Oh, how cute!) or babies whose faces became contorted with red hot agony upon being separated from their mothers and embraced by a strange man (Oh, he is NOT having it!) The line seemed to grow infinitely longer during her soliloquy and I found myself thinking it was a shame the crucifixion of the guy whose birthday everyone would be celebrating in few weeks didn’t draw a crowd like this. In Survivor, Chuck Palahniuk observed that on some crucifixes, Jesus looks jacked enough to be modeling Ray-Ban sunglasses and Guess jeans without a shirt on. I can’t help thinking Chuck would concur that since not everyone will reach that level of supposed piety or physical fitness in a lifetime, it’s a bigger draw to remember God’s only son immediately after he humbled himself to share in our humanity the same way we all started—as a baby.

Anyway… as her commentary droned on, found myself wishing I could be the elf in the holiday classic A Christmas Story who tells Ralphie to get a move on before Santa kicks him down the slide, “Let’s Go!!!” But it bears repeating that in my backwards hat, my powers of persuasion were limited.

Not long after the soliloquy ended, I was approached by what I assume was a mother and daughter pair who were wondering if they’d ever get to see Santa. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it,” the older one said. “Let’s just take my picture with the elf.” “Actually, my name’s Dav…” I wanted to protest, but with my powers weakened, all I could do was acquiesce to their demands. The younger woman held a smartphone at what seemed like six different angles during our impromptu photo session. By the time they were done, I felt certain I was destined for Instagram infamy.  

Eventually, the powers that be decided that I should move inside the fence and stand on the glitter-covered red carpet in an effort the speed up the queue after sunset. Before I went to the other side of the fence, someone asked me if I knew whether or not they’d be cutting people off at 6 PM. I didn’t, but I wished they would. I was growing tired of head injuries, seething, teething infants, and watching people taking selfies or recruiting the other elves to take pictures of them standing under one of the arches leading up to Santa’s chair.

I must have been distracted. The next time someone tried to get my attention, I was accused of holding up the line. The man had on a white, short-sleeved polo shirt. The woman wasn’t wearing a coat, but had on something I never thought I’d see on Santa’s red carpet: a leopard-print dress and dull pink high heels. “I used to be a Santa’s helper in this building,” she exclaimed. She said something else, about 1978, but I was too busy trying to avoid another “Damn” moment to really pay attention. “Actually, we just want our bathroom done. He’s working on our house.” “Fine.” I muttered. She proceeded to throw herself at Santa like he was Hugh Heffner, and she was Playboy Bunny. The whole scene looked ridiculous, but so did I.

After the final patrons had paid Santa a visit, the other volunteer elves and I sat for our own picture with the man himself. It was likely the first time I’d had my picture taken with him since the year the picture of Derek, Kyle, and I was taken. I wasn’t filled with regret over my evaporated childhood and its beliefs, or terribly concerned that no one said a word about my backwards elf hat the whole night. I was glad I’d put myself in another uncomfortable position and come out clean on the other side minus the glitter that will be stuck to the bottoms of the shoes I wore that night for months. I was reminded of the importance of not trying to cram everything into one season, or in Santa’s case, one night. Let the kids have their beliefs and grow up to challenge them. I didn’t have to sit in Santa’s lap to tell him that wish come true was all I wanted for Christmas. I have a funny feeling that whoever he is, was, and has been, he knew what I wanted long before I ever asked.

[polyrolemodels]

Liz Thompson

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

I think I began to normalize my poly dating habits around 20 years old, so about 10 years now. The most serious poly relationship I ever had lasted just under two years, from 2011-2013. I got engaged only a few months before and after reconnecting with a long-time friend, we realized our dynamic was really evolving into something more. At the time, this friend was in an open relationship and cohabiting with her partner (who I also knew from our college days). After we all spent a bit of time together talking through our feelings and discussing mechanics of the path forward, my friend and I starting dating. Unfortunately, her primary relationship ended soon after (and not on great terms), but they continued cohabiting through the end of their lease - which made for some very awkward sleepovers!

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I am a cisgender black bisexual femme married to a cisgender black hetero man. We are poly, and he is my primary lover and friend. I tend to be attracted to folks who are masculine of center. My spouse and I see our bedroom as a private space for the two of us, which aligns with my preference to maintain some separation between my marriage and my other partners. My spouse and I have been friends for nearly 15 years, and married for 5, so we share a really deep bond.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

I excel at emotionally bonding! I enjoy the process of building bridges between all our lives, and immersing myself in the experience. I'm from a big family- I love communal living, and generally feel very warm and open to the emotional needs of others.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

I struggle with balance in my poly relationships. I'm empathetic to a fault, and can sometimes neglect a partner, or myself, at times of high stress. I'm a solutions-oriented person, and over the years I've realized that I can't just carry over my monogamous dating practices into a poly relationship. I'm still struggling with trusting other people (friends and family) with the knowledge that my husband and I are poly.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

This is two-fold for me - I was diagnosed with bipolar mania about 5 years ago, so I had to re-contextualize the struggles I experienced from the condition and all the ways it affected my perception of others, especially those I love and/or date. Therapy, medication, and dinner parties are my go-to's for dealing with stress in general, but especially romantic troubles. It doesn't always work, but I think wisdom and experience will ultimately be the best guideposts for addressing my struggles.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

My spouse and I are tested twice a year in general for STDs to include HIV, and both use prophylactics when engaged in fluid-bonded sex. The biggest part of this has been keeping lines of communication open (across all partners), so that "in the moment" moments can be bolstered by general awareness of any other partners with whom we are sexually active.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

This is tough to address. The worst mistake I made was setting unclear, muddled boundaries for a new partner who I desired to be a co-primary, and expecting my spouse to "get on board" rather than be an active contributor to the structure of our relationship, as we had discussed. There were a lot of hurt feelings in the process, particularly around the idea of a future plan to all live together which dovetailed into a discussion of procreation. It was only then that I discovered my potential co-primary was very uncomfortable with the idea of my having a bio-child with my primary which ultimately led to our break-up. I am not sure I've completely rebounded from that event - I got an IUD implant after that relationship ended to give myself a 5 year "grace period" to thoroughly think through aspects of family- making in a poly relationship. It's an ongoing journey of self-discovery, and I'm fortunate to have the support of my primary as we navigate our future together.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

I'm a black bi-poly switch femme, secular Pisces, writer and wife. Being poly intersects with *all* of these identities and has intangible and tangible effects on how I move through the world. I tend to seek out femme-friendly queer intellectual spaces, but recently I see how important it is to move beyond comfortable intellectual communities and seek bonds across other aspects of my life, with a particular focus on building a strong black femme network.

[dralentines-day]

Gift #22, @moonshoespotterr

You better put on your moon shoes for this one. This gift is out of this world! Happy Dralentine’s, @moonshoespotterr ! 

Our gifter says:

“Happy Dralentine's day! I hope you enjoy my gift to you, and I hope your day is absolutely lovely! xoxo”

Blind Wait - Two failed blind dates result in something much better. 3k. 

Tags: no smut

10th February, 2004 — 8:00 p.m.

 Narcissa Malfoy knew what was best for her son, even if he didn't believe it.

 It was their most common argument: Draco, at the ripe old age of 23, was still single. Narcissa, at the tender age of 48, was of the belief she should be a grandmother in a few years’ time. Draco was homosexual, and had no interest in marrying and procreating with a woman. Narcissa accepted and loved her son, and would never view any children he adopted as anything other than family. Draco didn't know any other gay wizards. Narcissa didn't think it likely that he would meet any, since he left their home only to go to work. Back and forth, every few weeks they found they found themselves squabbling under a thin veneer of politeness. Holidays always found the argument coming up more often, and with Valentine's day fast approaching the two Malfoys found themselves losing patience with one another.

 That Tuesday night found Draco reading the day's news in his favorite chair by the fire, a generous portion of wine in his free hand. Narcissa was out, presumably with her social club of other middle-aged rich women with a surplus of free time, and he was enjoying the moment of peace and quiet. He worked as an apprentice under Mr. Mullpepper, the apothecary who ran a shop in Diagon Alley, and his workday had been chaotic. The elderly potioneer couldn't quite handle the shop any longer, and relied on Draco to do most of the upkeep and customer service. Draco didn't usually mind; it was nice to not live under someone's constant supervision. Today, however, had seen a random influx of customers, and he hadn't had the opportunity to sit down, eat, or even think all day. He sighed and further settled into his chair, content to read all about whatever the airheads at the Prophet considered newsworthy.

 As he turned to read the society pages (Celestina Warbeck had apparently just tied the knot with husband number eight) the fireplace flared bright green and his mother stepped daintily over the grate. Before he could look up at her, she planted a large kiss onto his forehead.

 “Good evening, mother.” He folded his paper up and set it and his glass of wine aside. “Did you enjoy your day with the ladies?”

 Narcissa beamed at her son. “Indeed. I have wonderful news. I've found him.”

 Draco's eyebrows flew up. “You've found him? Who is ‘him’, exactly?”

 “The second father of my future grandchildren,” Draco groaned even as she spoke. “He's a nephew of one of the ladies who join us for bridge. Tall, dark, handsome, terribly charming, wealthy, he's the total package dear!”

 “Mother, must you meddle? I can find a partner on my own.”

 “Oh? Have unsolicited suitors begun calling here? I hadn't realized.” She clapped her hands twice and a House-Elf appeared seconds later with a glass of port wine. She took the drink, and the elf disappeared with a bow. “Honestly, my dear, he's really a lovely young man. You must give him a chance. What harm could it be?”

 Draco sighed and studied his mother carefully, weighing his options. If he simply agreed to meet this person, his mother would be delighted and he'd never hear the end of it. Worse still, if they didn't hit it off, she would take this as permission to continue to search for a match for him. On the other hand, if he flat-out refused, his mother would be annoyed and he'd never hear the end of it… and truthfully Draco really did not mind the notion of having a boyfriend. He found most people tiresome, and many still loathed his family for their part in the war, so all of his feeble attempts at dating had ended in disaster.

 Plus, even he could admit his social life lately was non-existent. Almost all of his friends were married with children, and the few who weren't were either abroad or in prison.

 He pinched the bridge of his nose before replying. “All right, mother, I'll make a bargain with you. I'll meet this gentleman of yours,” she gasped with delight but he soldiered on “however, I don't want to hear of this again until at least Christmas. Do we have a deal?”

 Narcissa kissed him on the forehead again, spilling wine into the carpet in her excitement. “Oh, yes my darling! You'll see, you won't regret this! You have a blind date with him this Saturday at seven o’clock.”

 He was immediately annoyed. “Mother! You went ahead and made plans for me behind my back?”

 “I was confident that you'd agree.” She replied smugly, sipping her wine.

 He sighed again. Tricks like these were commonplace with his mother, so being cross over them wasn't useful. “All right then, what's his name?”

 “If I told you, it wouldn't be a blind date, would it?”

 “But he knows my name!”

 “Yes, that's about the sum of it. He'll be wearing a red hat.” She scrutinized his face and laughed. “Oh, don't pout, sweetheart. It'll be fun!”

 14th February, 2004 — 6:45 p.m.

 Narcissa had given Draco the address of a very posh bistro in London. It was in a muggle neighborhood but, judging by the way the muggles looked right past it, it appeared to be wizard-owned. The Siren's Song, the black sign read in simple white lettering. Inside the walls were white bricks and the decor was black, clean, and minimal. There were twenty or so small tables, each with a single red rose as a centerpiece. Nearly all of the tables were occupied by couples. Draco scanned the room for anyone wearing a red hat. While he did not see anyone fitting that description, (not a problem, he had arrived early after all) he did notice Harry Potter sitting by himself at the end of the bar.

 A hostess made her way over to him, but he waved her off, making his way to the bar as well. Potter’s eyes met his, and they nodded to one another. It wasn't the first time he'd seen Potter recently. Potter came by the Apothecary regularly for potion ingredients. He often made sure to stop and make small talk with Draco whenever he stopped in; he asked about his mother, chatted about the news of the day, brought up what restaurants had opened up nearby and whether they were any good, things like that. In fact, he had seen Potter exactly twenty days prior, and knew that he'd most likely be in any day now for more supplies.

 He didn't care to examine why he was so keenly aware of how often he saw the other man.

 He ordered himself a drink and adjusted in his seat, so that he would see the man in the red hat when he came in. After fifteen minutes, the ice in his drink had melted and he assumed his date was running late. After twenty five minutes, he had finished his drink and began to grow annoyed. After thirty minutes, he was reaching into his robes for his coin purse to pay for his drink so he could leave and stew in his embarrassment at home when a warm hand suddenly lay on his shoulder.

 “Could I get two gigglewaters please?” Potter had come over beside him and was smiling at the barkeep. He looked down at Draco. “I think I've just been stood up, would you mind terribly keeping me company until your date arrives? It's less embarrassing this way.”

 Draco sensed that Potter was perhaps not speaking only for himself, but he didn't comment on it. He merely nodded and turned his back to door. If the man with the red hat came in now, he'd find Draco getting chummy with Harry Goddamn Potter, and then wouldn't he be embarrassed!

 The barkeep returned with the drinks, and Potter slid one over to him. He took it and toasted the other man before downing it in one gulp. Though he still felt annoyed and embarrassed, his face immediately split into a grin. He was privately thankful then that he wasn't a muggle, and therefore didn't burst into laughter. A few more would – of course – get him to that point, but he didn't want to look like a lightweight. Potter nodded to the barkeep and their glasses immediately refilled. Wanting to keep his composure, Draco took one delicate sip and set the glass aside. He turned again to face Potter, resting his arm on the bar.

 “So what brings the famous Harry Potter to a place like this, tonight of all nights?” he asked. “Back at Hogwarts, I thought for certain you'd be married to Ginny Weasley by now.”

 Potter chuckled. “Honestly, back at Hogwarts I thought the same thing. Luckily, I worked out that I'd rather shag blokes before it ever got to that. I imagine a divorce is a lot messier than splitting with a girlfriend.” He laughed again at the look of surprise on Draco's face. “I know, I know. Hermione was apparently unsurprised, but she was the only one. I've been more or less ‘out’ for a few years now. As for why I'm here… same reason as you, I suppose. I was supposed to meet some fellow a friend knows. That'll teach me for trusting the judgement of a work friend.” His smile was sheepish now.

 “Where is it you're working nowadays anyway? I heard you left the Auror corps a few years ago.”

 “Keeping tabs, were you?”

 “Old habits die hard.”

 “Fair enough!” Draco wondered if Potter’s eyes were always so green. “I'm actually teaching, at a primary school for young witches and wizards before Hogwarts. It's a lot of fun, the kids are amazing to work with.”

 “I can see you enjoying that. You did that Defense Against the Dark Arts club back at school, didn't you? Your pupils were pretty amazing back then, I can only imagine how much better you are now.” What was he saying? Why was he blathering out compliments like an idiot?

 Potter grinned and looked down, his face blushing attractively. ‘... Oh, that's why.’ It hadn't escaped Draco's notice that Potter was handsome, it was just that he only saw him at the Apothecary and was always too busy with his work to actually spend time looking at him. Apparently five uninterrupted minutes of looking at his face was enough to turn Draco into a simpering fool. He shook his head before continuing.

 “So is that what’s bringing you into the apothecary so much? Teaching?”

 “You’d noticed? I hadn’t realized.” His face had become redder still, though Draco couldn’t imagine why. “Er, yeah. I need to keep my first aid potions stocked, and it’s cheaper to just brew them myself. Children have an incredible talent for injuring themselves, it turns out.”

 “I can imagine. My mother keeps reminding me that she wants grandchildren soon, but honestly I don’t know if I could ever properly care for a child.” Draco admitted.

 Potter inched closer to him. “Do you ever see yourself having kids? Down the road?”

 He shrugged. “Maybe. It would depend greatly on whether I’d found a steady partner or not, and when. I think I’d like having a family, but I don’t want to be raising children by myself and I don’t really want to be too old to keep up with them.”

 “I can’t really imagine you having a hard time keeping up with anyone.” Potter’s tone was sincere, and Draco’s chest gave an odd little lurch at the peculiar compliment. “I’ve always wanted a family. I think that’s what I found appealing about Ginny, in the end. Her family is… well, you know. Huge. I’m very lucky to be so close to them, but I’d love a family of my own. For now I’ve got my students and my godson, Teddy.”

 “That’s my cousin’s son, right? Nymphadora’s son?” Draco asked. “How is he?”

 Potter nodded. “Fantastic. He’s the best of both his parents. He’s nearly six now. Your mother spoils him rotten. Now I see how you became such a brat at school.” he laughed, winking.

 Draco gasped in mock offense. “I was nothing of the sort! I’ll have you know, Potter, I was the most delightful child in the history of the world.”

 Potter laughed again, draining the last of his drink. “Of course. How silly of me to forget. And, er, you can call me Harry, you know,” his tone was suddenly serious, almost nervous. “If you want to, I mean.”

 “Harry.” Draco tried the name out, rather enjoying how it felt on his tongue. He, too, finished his drink, “In that case, I insist you call me Draco.”

 “Well, Draco, if you insist.” Harry winked at him again and Draco decided that he must have not eaten enough at dinner, because his face felt warm and it must have been because of the alcohol. It must have. “Say, Draco, when was your date supposed to arrive?”

 “Hm? Oh, seven o’clock.” Draco replied absently, still concerned over the warmth in his cheeks.

 “I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news… but it’s nearly eight now.” So it was. He had spent nearly forty-five minutes talking to Harry and it had flown by. “Did you want to continue to wait? Because I bought an obscenely expensive bottle of wine to impress my date, and I won’t appreciate it at all. It would be terrible to let it go to waste.”

 Was Harry Potter asking him to go home with him? Draco was too surprised to respond for a moment.

 “Er, sorry. That probably sounds really weird.” Harry’s face had gone red again. “I swear I’m not going to, you know, take advantage of you or—”

 “No, no, I’d like that. The wine, I mean.” Draco attempted a reassuring smile. “Tonight would have been a humiliating disaster for both of us had you not stepped in, the least I can do is drink your expensive wine.”

 Harry barked out a laugh that seemed to partially deflate him, like he had sighed with relief. Draco found that he rather enjoyed getting Harry to laugh. “You are the very soul of charity, Draco Malfoy.” he paid for the drinks, and stood to leave. “Do you mind walking? My home’s not far from here, and it’s a lovely night.”

 “Walking sounds nice.”

 While they walked back to Harry’s place, they talked more about small things — their hobbies, their friends, things like that. Harry walked closely beside him, accidentally brushing against him often, and Draco’s entire focus would zero in on the places their arms and shoulders touched each time it happened. This made him absolutely useless at conversation, but Harry either didn’t notice or didn’t mind. Draco really wasn’t sure which he’d prefer to be the case. It wasn't long before they stopped on another muggle-occupied street. Harry began walking right between two houses, then paused when Draco did not immediately follow.

 “This is it,” he said, gesturing to his apparent destination.

 “Po— Harry, I can tell when a house is under a Fidelius charm.” Draco rolled his eyes. “You're walking right into a wall, as far as I can see.”

 “Oh. Er, right, sorry. I forget about it all the time, so many people are Secret Keepers now… er, it's 12 Grimmauld Place.”

 And just like that, Harry's home appeared. It was noticeably older than the houses on either side of it, and in a considerable state of disrepair. “This was Sirius Black’s home, wasn't it?” Harry nodded. “What happened?”

 “The war,” was Harry's simple reply, as if that explained everything. For the time being, it did. “Don't worry, it's much nicer inside.”

 And it was. Inside the walls were freshly painted and, aside from the ornate light fixtures, a few portraits, and the odd heirloom or two, one might never know the home once belonged to an old pureblood family. Harry led him to a comfortably furnished sitting room.

 “Wait right here, I'll grab the wine.” He seemed oddly jumpy all of a sudden, but Draco could empathize. It had been a long time since he had last been in another man's home. Even if the evening didn't lead to romance or sex, the experience was novel.

 Once Harry left the room, Draco took the moment of solitude as a chance to investigate his surroundings. In the corner of the room was a glass terrarium, where a small, pale yellow snake was coiled on a little log. The walls were covered in photographs, both magic and muggle. Featured in these photos were, of course, Weasley and Granger, other members of the Weasley family, Lovegood, Longbottom, and several others whose faces he remembered from school. Most prominently featured was a small boy who seemed to be a metamorphmagus. While his hair color changed from one photo to the next, the Black family features were unmistakeable on his face – it had to be Harry's godson. Draco happened upon a small strip of four black and white muggle-style photographs. They depicted Harry and the little boy pulling silly faces at the camera in the first three photos before dissolving into giggles in the last one. Draco couldn't help but smile at the love evident on Harry's face.

 “Those are from Teddy's fifth birthday.” Draco nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Harry's voice. “I took him to an arcade downtown. He's obsessed with all things muggle.”

 Draco turned to see his host pouring two glasses of sparkling white wine. “Have you met Daffodil yet? She's Teddy's snake.” He gestured to the terrarium in the corner. As if she understood him, the snake lifted her head up, her forked tongue flicking with interest. Harry hissed something at the animal, and she rested her head back onto her coils.

 “What did you say to her?” Draco asked curiously.

 “Truth be told, I'm not a parselmouth anymore. Not since… well, you know.” Harry smiled at him. “I just try to hiss from the heart. I think she understands.” He handed a glass to Draco and raised his own, his smile turning thoughtful. “To… new connections.”

Draco raised an eyebrow but raised his glass in turn, clinking it against Harry's. The wine was cool and sweet, but did nothing to help the heat rising once more in his face. Harry topped off both of their glasses before sitting in a plush loveseat. He gestured for Draco to sit beside him.

 “So Draco, what poor sorry sod passed up your date tonight?” he asked, settling back in his seat and looking him over appraisingly.

 “So you could tell I'd been stood up after all, eh?” Draco asked ruefully.

 “I'm something of an expert on you being cross, so… yeah.” He laughed. “You looked positively livid at the bar.”

 “I may have been… slightly disappointed. Mother tried her hand at matchmaking. She's been trying to see me matched for a while now. I had a boyfriend for a little while right after Hogwarts, but it didn't work out so she's in a panic. She and father were already married when they were my age, so apparently since I'm still single I'm going to die alone. At least that's what you'd think if you heard her go on about it.”

 “It sounds like you didn't want to go out at all.”

 “As I said, I had a short relationship after Hogwarts… and nothing else since. I wasn't necessarily against meeting someone, it's just… I suppose I'm not really a fan of letting mother know when she's right. I was a bit reluctant.”

 “And now? Do you regret going out?”

 “Honestly? Things sort of worked out perfectly. You're proving to be good company, which I'm perfectly willing to admit I'm lacking, and Mother was wrong about her mystery match.” He drained the rest of his drink, which Harry immediately refilled. “Best of both worlds.”

 “I'll be honest with you,” Harry scooted closer to him. “I'm actually very glad your date didn't show up.”

 It was a crime Harry had spent so much money on the wine, because Draco was suddenly gulping it down in his nervousness and couldn't taste it at all.

 When Draco didn't respond, Harry continued. “I mean, when you walked into that restaurant tonight, dressed to kill…” he let out a long breath. “I was not looking forward to seeing someone else sweep you off your feet.”

 “What about your date?” Draco hated that he couldn't manage to get his voice above a whisper.

 “I was just about to leave when you walked in. I don't know why I stayed. I'm glad I did.” He seemed to catch himself. “I'm… I'm so sorry, that was incredibly forward of me. It's just… I don't actually need that many first aid potions. At work, I mean. I just had no idea how else to see you. I didn't even know if you were gay, but then I heard your mother talking to her sister about you so I started coming by more often, but I couldn't pluck up the nerve to ask you out. Then I tried to see someone else and then you showed up and… yeah.” he finished lamely, looking down at his lap.

 This was footing Draco was more accustomed to. At least now he knew that whatever was blossoming in his mind wasn't going to be thrown back in his face. Emboldened by the security afforded to him by Harry's admission, he set his glass aside, gently lifted Harry's face by the chin, and kissed him.

 The kiss began as chaste, but quickly escalated. It had been a long time since Draco had received any proper kisses, and the small moans of happiness coming from Harry hit him like air to a drowning man. He wrapped his arms around him, carding a hand through messy black hair, and was rewarded with the feel of warm, wide hands on the small of his back. They remained like that for a while, acquainting themselves with each other physically, before Harry broke the kiss.

 “I want to ask you to come up to my room.”

 “I would very much like that.”

 “I want you to agree to go on an actual date with me first.”

 “I would very much like that also.”

 Harry's grin was wide as he took Draco's hand and led him upstairs.

 14th February, 2004 — 9:00 p.m.

 Two wine glasses clinked against one another in triumph. Upstairs, Teddy Lupin slept peacefully.

 “So what was your story?” Andromeda asked.

 “Some cock-and-bull about a nephew of a friend, yours?” Narcissa replied.

 “I had a girl he works with 'set him up’ with an imaginary fellow.” she smirked. “You're certain Draco's interested as well?”

 “He talked of nothing but Harry Potter for years, and even now he makes a point to gush about every single time Potter turns up at his work. I'd be willing to bet anything he's with him right now, and he doesn't come home until tomorrow.”

 “It'll be nice to have Harry in the family properly.” Andromeda sighed happily.

 “It'll be nice to see Draco with someone who really loves him.”

 Narcissa Malfoy knew what was best for her son, even if he didn't believe it.

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Unturned Cheat Codes

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[sportsandfitnessinfo]

New Post has been published on http://fitnessandhealthpros.com/beauty/why-not-having-children-doesnt-make-me-selfish/

Why Not Having Children Doesn’t Make Me Selfish

I have a full happy life. I’m very fortunate. I also don’t have children. And honestly, I don’t feel like something is missing from my life because of that. I’ve never questioned that. At least not until recently.

Recently, it was brought to my attention that by not having children at my age, I’m selfish. That dumbfounded me, especially since “selfish” isn’t something that I’ve ever even considered myself to be or something that anyone had previously called me. See, I never consciously decided not to have kids, but I’ve also never had the ingrained instinctive desire to have a child that I believe many mothers possess. In other words, my biological clock has never ticked. And if I’ve never felt that urge to have children then how could I possibly consider taking on the life-long commitment of being someone’s parent? I thought that was called being responsible.

I’ve never felt guilty or bad about not having children. I’ve also never felt pressure from my family or peers to procreate. It’s just how things have turned out for me. While my friends were getting married and starting families in their 20s, I was exploring the world and all that it had to offer. Besides working and caring for my pets, I lived a care-free life.

By the time I hit 30, most of my friends had married and were trying for their second children. I was in a long-term relationship with someone who shared my passion for travel, exploring, and adventure. How could we possibly do all the things we wanted to and be responsible for a child at the same time? One of us would be missing out (us or the child) and what kind of parents would we be if we had regrets about things not done. From what I’ve learned, missed opportunities are usually the things we wind up regretting the most. And how could we teach someone to follow their heart and dreams if we didn’t do that ourselves?

Now at 36, having checked off a chunk of things on my bucket list, I’m still in the same committed relationship, and children still haven’t found their way into our home. It’s become our norm, and may I’ve taken that for granted.

In the past month, the topic of being childless has come up several times in different circles. More so recently than it ever has in my life in fact. And truthfully, something that I’d never really spent a lot of time thinking about has suddenly become all I think about lately. I continually have an internal dialog going on with myself. Why don’t I have kids? I like kids–but do I actually want one? Am I less of a woman for not having children? Am I really just being selfish?

When my best friend called me irate that she had just had the battle royal with her family about being married and not having kids yet, I didn’t know what to think exactly. Having never had experienced this kind of invasion of privacy, I wasn’t really sure how to respond. In this day and age, I didn’t actually think these conversations went on anymore. And the theme of the conversation came down to basically, that being our age and choosing not to have children just makes us selfish. It was as if having a child outweighs all the other life accomplishments. Never mind that my bestie is super smart and educated, or that she started her own business, or that she bought her own home all by herself, or that she’s happily married or one of the most all-around amazing people I’ve ever met. Apparently, all those things take second string to being a mother according to some perspectives. And forget the fact that maybe she’s not even sure she’s ready to be a parent or that she rather wait until she is  more financially secure, or what if, God forbid, she and her husband couldn’t have children. How does any of that translate to being selfish?

The whole conversation left me feeling overwhelmed and a little off balance. I wanted to chalk it up to being a generational thing and forget about it. But then I had a random conversation with my step-mom. She’s in her early 60s and never had children of her own. I’ve never asked her why because honestly “the why” never seemed important, and it’s really none of my business. She chose career and travel and the experiences that come with that over having a family. She was telling me that to this day, people still ask her, “How come?” That blew my mind. Really, what possible answer could she give that would satisfy someone that was so invading to ask that in the first place. The decision to have or not have children is such a personal one that should only be discussed by the people involved in the choosing process. It’s not a matter of public opinion. It’s a private, intimate, life-altering choice.

And so after thinking, analyzing, questioning my choices, and replaying both conversations in my head, I had to ask myself, why don’t I have kids? And the answer, well, because I just don’t. It hasn’t been in the cards I’ve been dealt up to this point. I know that as time ticks on, my options become more limited, but I’m not really bothered by that. Do I want kids someday? I truly don’t know. Maybe–but my guess is probably not. I’m happy being the “cool aunt” to my sister’s children and an amazing pet parent to my four-legged brood. I’ve never had the innate desire to be somebody’s human mom. Of course, the thought has crossed my mind over the years, but it’s always fleeting. And that’s a better argument for me not to have a child than it is to have one.

Do I feel like I’m less of a woman for not having children? Just because I’ve never had a child doesn’t make my experience as a woman any less worthy. Women become mothers in different ways all the time, and a lot of mom’s never birth children. Like life experiences, some people can relate to yours and others can’t. The same is true for the experience of motherhood. Not all motherhood is the same. Just because it’s not your experience doesn’t lessen it to those who’ve had it first hand.

And lastly, am I really selfish? Really? I don’t think so. To me, that word implies a choice for one’s self-interest. My choice not to have a child is no more selfish than the women who decides, “I want one.” They’re both just choices. Simple as that. When it comes down to it, we’re all just trying to make the best choices for ourselves to live the lives of our dreams. And that’s not selfish…it’s inspiring.

Also by Danielle: Aging Gracefully in Your Thirties

How I’m More Like My Parents Than I Realized

Related: 6 Things We All Love to Hear but Don’t Say Enough

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Photo: Brooke Cagle via Unplash

Danielle was born on a spooky Halloween night in Santa Barbara, Ca. She moved to Los Angeles at the age of two where she lived up until 10 months ago. She currently lives in the forest with her true love and their menagerie of animals. Danielle is an artist, designer, baker extraordinaire, a little bit country and a little bit rock n’ roll.

Originally at :Peaceful Dumpling Written By : Danielle Lujan

#Children, #Doesn’T, #Having, #Selfish #Beauty