#I'd go the long and intensive route if it means i can keep them all alive but i know a lot of people don't swing that way

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:

Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay. i promised myself i would do some long reflective journaling to sort through some Big Feelings and I keep kicking the can down the road because idk sometimes you don't want to sort through the Big Feelings in case you don't like what you find there. but I have a morning of uninterrupted time and I am in a good headspace and I think I will just write through some stuff under the cut.

it sure looks like i might be having a baby next summer, which means that things are moving out of the hypothetical realm and into the realm of being Very Real. so i am experiencing the expected levels of "oh shit oh shit oh shit i am about to be responsible for a living being???" that i imagine all prospective parents experience. more than that, though, i think i am having to confront the reality of single parenthood in a more emotional way than i was expecting! and this is partly because it might be about to become real for me, but also because some people i love very much who are very close to me are pregnant now too, and i am watching them live an experience of pregnancy that is very different from the one i've had thus far and much closer to the socially "normal" path. and i think that is surfacing some unexamined and semi-unexpected feelings of grief/loss for me as well as a complicated mix of horrible bridge troll jealousy feelings. i want to write through some of that so i can get a better handle on what i'm feeling instead of letting the big emotions unexpectedly avalanche over me at random times.

let me think first about my own experience of getting pregnant.

I'm glad I am pregnant and I am extra, extra grateful that things are going well thus far after experiencing a pregnancy loss this summer that kind of turned me inside out for a while. I also know that despite how excruciatingly drawn-out this process has felt, I was able to get pregnant a lot faster/easier than many people are and I don't take that for granted. but man oh man I think getting pregnant via assisted reproduction can really fuck with your head and heart in ways I wasn't anticipating when I started this process a little over a year ago. everything is so intensely medicalized. my life has just been going to appointments and getting ultrasounds and having blood drawn and giving myself hormone shots and undergoing painful medical procedures and healing from an emergency surgery and reading medical journals and swallowing pills and recording symptoms in a tracking journal. I don't feel like I've spent this year preparing for and then actively trying to conceive a child; i feel like I've spent this year receiving intensive treatment for a medical condition (not being pregnant) that requires obsessive anxious monitoring and might be rooted in some deeper flaw or failing in my body. almost no part of this experience has felt private, intimate, precious, spontaneous, joyful, sacred, sexy, or fun in any way. it's all felt mediated by doctors and by an incredibly expensive industry that jacks up the prices knowing most people going this route don't have an alternative (because they're gay or they're single or they have medical conditions that impact their ability to conceive naturally). and the ectopic pregnancy just like intensified and heightened all of that, because all of a sudden i DID have a life-threatening medical condition and all that obsessive monitoring WAS justified and my body HAD fucked up, and everyone afterwards spent a lot of time warning me i'd need to subject myself to even closer monitoring next time because i was at increased risk of it happening again.

idk man it's just been a lot!!!!!! and i think that even though early on I was like "i'm going to try to carve out some part of this experience that can be just mine, separate from the medical aspects of assisted conception," i just kind of failed at doing that. i don't think it's my "fault" or whatever, because idk, there's a lot of cultural pressure to medicalize and pathologize and turn our bodies over to doctors or whatever, and it's hard to swim against the current, especially when you are stressed and spending a lot of money and willing to do whatever an expert tells you to do if it'll get you the thing you want so badly. so i don't blame myself but i also have to acknowledge that i haven't had a very positive experience of trying to get pregnant and i think that the single precious, sacred moment of this whole entire year was when that very kind very gruff tech let me watch the heartbeat on the ultrasound right before the surgery and then went to get warm blankets from the dryer to wrap me in. and maybe also the night that my mom and i had the little burial in the woods. that was it, those were the only sacred moments, and they were moments of deep and wrenching grief, not of joy. even finding out i was pregnant again only a few months after the loss wasn't really a moment of uncomplicated joy, because i was so immediately consumed by anxiety and so instantly sucked back into the vortex of endless medical monitoring. so idk i think i have some unresolved grief around the experience of trying to conceive/early pregnancy i got compared to the one i might've hoped for.

when i found out my SIL was pregnant, in the immediate aftermath of my own loss and on the same timeline i would've been on, i just spent a long time feeling like the most horrible bridge troll version of myself i could possibly imagine. i was just eaten up inside with jealousy and it wasn't just that she was having a joyful, healthy, uncomplicated experience of pregnancy while i was healing from a very raw and painful loss. it was also this feeling that like, she was supposed to be pregnant, she was expected to be pregnant, and the whole world was smiling joyfully upon her pregnancy, and everything was unfolding smoothly for her in ways that it hadn't for me. they're young, they're married, they own a house, they have two good incomes and will easily be able to support a family, she's thin and blond and very pretty, and (while i don't know this for sure) it seemed like they got pregnant for free on almost the first attempt, on the exact schedule they'd decided they wanted to have their first baby. and idk just watching my parents excitedly prepare for their first grandkid and make all these plans for how they'd be involved and coming out to tour fancy daycares with them just sucked! you can be so happy and excited for someone you love and also you can feel like the bitterest, ugliest, most horrid little bridge troll inside. i just felt like, i'm going it alone, i'm older and i have fertility issues that might make it impossible for me to do this, i make less money, i'll never own a house, i don't have a partner, blah blah blah, and even though most of those things are choices i've made about the type of life i want to live, it just felt like... idk. i was just eaten up inside by jealousy!!!! like i know nothing about their experience of trying to conceive or what her experience of pregnancy has been like so far, but my ugly inner troll voice was like, why was it so easy for them and hard for me, why did i have to pour $15,000+ into this process, why did they get to have fun joyful let's-create-a-future-together sex while i had to go to a doctor every other week to get stuck with needles and prodded with ultrasound wands and have an insanely painful cramp-inducing dye injected into my fallopian tubes, and why, WHY did our babies conceived at almost exactly the same time have such different fates.

i mean the answer is just like, this is the world we live in! this is the reality of being a queer person and an unpartnered person who wants a family! these are the life choices we make! this is the randomness of conception outcomes and a healthy dose of plain bad luck! but it was hard (and is hard) to not internalize the differences as like, something is Wrong With Me and something is Right With Them. and i think on the most basic level i was just jealous of their shared joy, and was feeling the ache of, i'm in this by myself, i have to weather this loss by myself, i am the only person who cares about this as deeply as i do. and of course that wasn't wholly true, of course i had my mom and my sister and my closest friends who grieved with me and took such good care of me, but idk. i think it stirred up some feelings about being unpartnered for me that i hadn't really examined all that closely before.

and i think... like... i think that is probably the other big piece that i am going to have to spend time grappling with, maybe for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life! with my students, we often talk about the idea of animating questions, like the big preoccupations you find yourself wrestling with again and again, these questions that won't ever be resolved because they don't have a simple or straightforward answer. they are questions you don't ever answer once and for all, but wrestling with them over the years is what gives shape and meaning to your life as a person on a quest for purpose, for clarity, for deeper understanding. i am carving out a life path for myself that looks different from most of the people around me and i think that sometimes i really really wrestle with the question of, like, does this path represent a failure or a choice? and if i have chosen this path have i made that choice out of cowardice or from a place of strength?

i still have to untangle what i mean here or what i feel around this, but i think like... i don't know... i don't really crave partnership, i don't feel its absence in my adult life, i have cared deeply about past romantic partners as people but i have always felt immensely relieved when relationships end because i get my own space & life back, and i feel like almost all of my human emotional needs for connection are met through my friendships and my work. i like sex and i like the idea of a live-in best friend but i also feel pretty sure that modern dating on the apps is not the avenue through which i would find that person and i don't really know of other ways to go about building relationships like that at this stage in my life. but idk man the cultural PRESSURE you feel to do the expected life path thing is immense!!!! and i think that while most of the time i'm able to set that pressure aside and just live my life, the decision to have a child on my own suddenly reignites all of those uncertainties and some of that shame around like, why isn't this a thing i want, does it mean i am emotionally stunted in some way, will it impact my ability to parent well, blah blah blah.

i suspect i will spend a LOT of time in this next chapter of my life trying to untangle those feelings, so i am not going to put too much pressure on it now!! i just want to begin naming them so they aren't just like, swirling around in the back of my mind seeping into everything. i think what i can say definitively right now is this:

i have never felt a strong impulse towards or yearning for romantic partnership, and thinking about dating mostly just makes me feel tired and like i would be doing it for other people, not for myself. if i really think about it, i can imagine myself in a shared partnership with someone who shares my interests and values and sense of humor, but i truly can't imagine getting there through hinge or bumble or whatever. maybe that is where the sense of tiredness comes from when i think about dating, lol.

that said... i HAVE, for a very long time, felt a very strong impulse towards becoming a parent. i feel nervous about this (money! time! blowing up your life! being responsible for a small person!) but i feel no ambivalence towards it, you know? i want to be a parent and i think i'll be good at being a parent (i mean i am sure i will also feel like i am a Very Bad Parent for much of the time as that seems to be a feature of parenting, but on the whole i feel confident in my ability to provide the love and stability and structure necessary to raise a reasonably happy, well-adjusted kid). i have never been able to imagine a life where i do not become a parent by some route and i feel a deep, wrenching sadness when i imagine a life where i don't raise a family.

i think the sense of total clarity and joy i feel around the choice to parent vs. the profound ambivalence i feel around the idea of dating signals something important! but it is just challenging, you know, to carve out a life for yourself that goes a little or a lot against the grain of what other people's lives look like and what people think would make you happy. i know i am very VERY lucky that over the past five-ish years my parents have gone from being extremely skeptical or worried about my life path to 10000000% supportive and on board and ready to help me make it work. but i also just think i gotta wrestle with the cultural demons in my own head/heart you know!! i am going to have to work hard to get to the point where i feel really secure in my choices!! i know that the horrid bridge troll feelings about other people conceiving easily in the context of happy marriages are normal and okay to feel - it's just human to wish that your own journey was easier, simpler, cheaper, less painful. but i also think that, as liz says all the time, security (in yourself and in your choices) is a gift you give to yourself and everyone around you. i might not be there yet, but i want to work hard to get to a point where i am so secure in the choices i have made that i can experience other people's experiences and choices as simply theirs, not as a reflection or a shaming judgment on mine. i want to be able to say, i am so happy for you, and i am also so happy for me, because we have both worked hard to create the lives we needed and wanted for ourselves, and now we get to live in them. I want to know with total certainty that I, not other people, get to decide what my life means.

but also.... i want to think of this journey not just in terms of Struggling to Make Peace With My Choices but also in terms of like... sometimes taking a different path can produce unexpected joys that people on the regular path won't get to experience. for instance, i can already tell that my mom and my sister are going to be incredibly involved in raising my kid, and that my parents are going to feel an extra sense of responsibility to provide my child with a life that is incredibly rich and full of love. so i am going to have a life that is rich in family relationships, maybe richer than it would've been if i was part of a traditional nuclear family unit. i am going to have to learn to depend on and lean on other people in wholly new ways, which will challenge me (a person who tends towards insularity and independence) to really stretch and grow. i am also going to get to have a different experience of parenting in the home! i am going to have to learn to work things out with my kid without another adult there to help mediate conflicts. we are going to have to figure out how to be a good, functioning team because we are going to have to share responsibility differently than in a two-parent household. and i hope that through this experience i also get to meet and talk with other single parents (something tumblr has already allowed me to start doing!), and i get to develop a deeper, richer understanding of alternative family structures and life paths that don't look like other people's.

i want to be honest: there is some real grief there! i have chosen a life that is different than the one i hazily imagined for myself as a younger person... and already that has meant that i've had a very different experience of trying to conceive/being pregnant than the people closest to me, which has sometimes felt very painful and lonely. and i imagine that as i navigate parenting i will have to keep grappling with the grief of like, living in a culture where it's not "normal" to parent alone, where other people will judge the choices i make, and where i will be missing out on some of the joys of shared childraising i see other people around me experiencing. but i don't know i guess i just have faith in my ability to make meaning out of my life, and i think that the grief will be counterbalanced by joys i'm not able to anticipate from this vantage point because i haven't lived them yet.

and also if i stop for a second and think: would i rather not go down this path at all? the answer comes back to me so clearly and so immediately. of course not. i want you so badly, little seahorse. i'm so ready for you to come into my life. i'm ready to shed my old self, my old life, and become somebody wholly new, in a wholly new relationship with a wholly new human being. hey! i love you! come here and be my baby!

[your-bigender-big-brother]

I'd like to talk about a thing I struggle with, which I've put below the cut because it talks about menstruation. It's mostly just a vent but I also want to use it as a way to validate people going through the same thing.

Nothing makes me more acutely aware of my own body than my period. And for me, it's particularly difficult because I have dysmenorrhea - that means the cramps and the "flow" are a lot worse than other experiences. Nausea, lightheadedness, hot flashes, all that.

It really sucks, and I know that other trans guys deal with this very same thing. You spend so much time binding or wearing baggy clothing and doing what you can to ignore your body, only to have your period show up and now all you're thinking about is how there's an entire uterus in there tying itself into knots.

If you're dealing with this same thing, just know that I definitely see you and feel for you! This can be very miserable and a lot of people will never experience this kind of thing. Some people don't even realize how bad it can be and they may shrug you off when you try to explain what it's like. I didn't even have a name for this condition until I was about 16 or 17, and up until then a lot of people in my life couldn't believe I got so sore and sick every month.

I don't have any advice but I can tell you that on your transition journey, there's a way to make this go away if you choose that route. Testosterone will cease your menstruation as long as you stay on it (It comes back within a few months when you get off T) and a hysterectomy will stop it entirely - Keep in mind that these are just options and you don't have to go through with them if you can't or don't want to!

I stopped testosterone two years ago because of money and mental health, so my period came back within a few months and it feels rotten. It feels like I've regressed backwards. The dysmenorrhea symptoms are a little less intense nowadays, but they're still pretty awful to deal with! I'll probably get back on T within the next year because it helps a lot.

(T would be great. Then I'll get all my body hair back lol.) - Your Bigender Big Brother 💙💚

[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

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tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

[itsclydebitches]

I'd like to ask an ozqrow question, if I may. With multiple volumes of non-interaction since Jinn's Trauma Theatre, it's getting more and more difficult to imagine a canon-compliant reconciliation, let alone anything leading to shipping. What steps do you believe need to be taken for the reparation of their relationship? How would you handle it, for fix-it purposes? (Aside from getting Oz his own body to bypass the main hurdle of leaving poor Oscar out of it)

Ozqrow question, woo!

Yeah, 'difficult’ is putting it mildly. Ideally, I would fix things by completely rewriting Volume 6 onwards, perhaps even going back to the end of Volume 3 and changing Ozpin’s fight with Cinder to eliminate the body issue with Oscar entirely. If the show isn’t going to grapple with the merge in a consistent—and therefore compelling—manner, I’d prefer to just get rid of it and free them both up for popular ships like ozqrow and rosegarden.

If we’re talking actual canon though… the only clear route forward I can see is leaning into Qrow’s recent isolation. It’s like this: Qrow loves Ozpin. It doesn’t matter whether fans see that love as romantic, sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, whatever. You don’t work with a man for so long, speak so highly of him, march across Remnant with the sole goal of giving him his cane back, and everything else Qrow has done without loving him to some extent. RWBY may have forgotten that bond, but that doesn’t mean it has ceased to exist. So you’re Qrow, you love this man, and that love has led you to lashing out in a pretty violent manner. It’s only because he cares so much for Ozpin that he feels that level of betrayal when he learns he was keeping secrets. But that was months ago now. That anger has had time to cool. Qrow should be in a place where he’s beginning to miss Ozpin, despite their now complicated relationship—just like Ironwood missed him despite how often they disagreed, just like Oscar welcomed him despite simultaneously being upset about the merge. Humans are complicated like that—and he is, crucially, also in a place where he has no one else to lean on. Literally everyone we have seen Qrow form an attachment to is gone, either literally or through distance. Raven has both sided against Qrow and is currently in the wind. Glynda is off in Vale. Tai is off in Patch. Summer is dead. Lionheart is dead. Ironwood is dead. Clover, the man he just formed a budding relationship with, is dead. His nieces, the only family Qrow has left, are “dead” on some level of reality, and are currently missing based on what any non-islander knows. The only person Qrow has to turn to is Robyn, a woman he had a single heart-to-heart with because it was either that, or chat with Jacques in the jail cell. Not much in terms of options.

So I’d emphasize all that. Qrow is at his lowest here, having lost everyone, everything (the Kingdom of Atlas sinks below him), and he’s cut off from everyone except the remaining Ace Ops and maybe, possibly, Maria and Pietro. They have a long flight to Vacuo and the grief eats at him until he realizes—or a more objective party is able to point out—that he hasn’t actually lost everyone. Ozpin, arguably the most important person to him outside of immediate family, isn’t gone, just rejected. But Qrow can change that. It was Qrow’s actions that pushed Ozpin away and I think only Qrow’s actions can bring them back together, especially given the intensity of Ozpin’s self-loathing. Based on the snow scene, I think he honestly believes that keeping himself separate, outside of practical, world saving matters anyway, really is to everyone else’s benefit. I think it unlikely that Ozpin would extend the olive branch first, not because he feels like he shouldn’t apologize—as we saw with the group, he was willing to apologize again—but because he fully believes that Qrow deserves better than to be with him—as a friend, a partner, anything. Hence his willingness to lock himself away in Oscar's mind when Qrow said he was the worst thing that ever happened to him. That wasn't out of fear of facing his mistakes (Ozpin's most famous line is owning up to his mistakes!) but rather a centuries long understanding that he makes others' lives worse. Why wouldn't he separate himself as much as he can then, especially for those he loves? Qrow needs to teach him otherwise if he wants to salvage the relationship. You're one of the best things that has happened to me. What I said before, born of anger and hurt, wasn't the truth.

Which he could absolutely be in a place to do provided RWBY consistently engaged with the themes its laid out. Having Ruby tell Ironwood the exact same lies SHOULD have been a big red flag; a moment to consider why he’s willing to let his niece get away with that, but not Ozpin. Is it because she’s family? Because he’s helping to lie to another, rather than being lied to? Qrow is a grown-ass man with the intellect of one of the strongest huntsmen around. Let him be emotionally honest with himself for once and realize that though he was angry, is to some extent still angry, enough has happened now that he understands Ozpin’s position. When push came to shove, he took the exact same route. Can he really still blame the man for doing what Qrow himself chose? Can he really blame Ozpin for doubting him on any level when Qrow doubted Ironwood the second they crossed the border? Now, outside the heat of the moment, does he really believe all the good he's done as a huntsman is worthless because some random magic woman is immortal? Let the man develop some!

Or hell, if he’s really going to stay emotionally constipated, let someone blunt like Maria beat the facts of the situation into his head. Qrow can pick her up on his way out of Atlas and fill her in some, considering she shouldn't know 99% of what was going on in this arc, simply by virtue of hanging out with Pietro and getting stuck on Amity. If she were to hear everything that went down (and if the show kept the personality they introduced her with, not the ‘Yeah, screw adults!’ mentality she developed so no one would shoot Ruby's speech down), then I think she’d have a lot to say about how foolish they’ve all been. Maria's too old for this nonsense. Get your head out of your ass and make nice with your friend again. The world is literally on fire.

Now take that emotional work and combine it with some practical incentives. A Kingdom is gone. Ironwood is dead. Salem is on the move. Ruby and Yang are missing. Like it or not, there are bigger problems now than who kept what secrets several months ago. Like, WAY bigger. I think Qrow could arrive in Vacuo having finally (mostly) worked through his anger and, even if he hadn’t, he needs Ozpin for this war and to find his family. Let Ozpin apologize for doubting Qrow and keeping that secret for so long. Let Qrow apologize for punching him (and Oscar!) and reducing their entire relationship down to a single choice—one Qrow immediately turned around and made himself. They’re two complex characters living in an even more complex world. If you write them with that in mind, they can move past this simply by virtue of accepting one another’s faults, acknowledging that they’ve each made mistakes, knowing that they’ll make more in the future but, crucially, they’re both promising to hold onto what they have together. Their relationship, whatever it is, is too important to toss aside. That’s the kind of hard work that’s going to beat Salem. Combating division is accepting that the people you love will never be perfect, will never fully agree with you, will never live up to the high standards you have in your head. But you’re just as imperfect as they are and you’re both deciding to love each other anyway. You're deciding to work at it and grow together.

Qrow and Ozpin have so much to reconnect over, simply because RWBY did do the work of writing that foundational relationship in the first place. Much like all the Team RWBY girls slotting back together after being separated post-Beacon, even after some major disagreements (Blake and Yang), Qrow and Ozpin should be able to slot back together after a couple months of silence. Let them grieve over Ironwood. Search for the girls. Help the people and refugees of Vacuo. You could even do something similar to Oscar and Ozpin's reconciliation, where practical concerns take precedent—omg we’re being tortured; omg half our group fell into a void—and then later, after days/weeks of working together out of necessity, they look over and realize that the residual anger and hurt they were harboring isn’t there anymore. Or, it’s lessened enough to push past it. Being forced to function as allies rekindles the stronger feelings that were always there. They like each other. That’s why they were friends in the first place. They both just need to reach a point where they can acknowledge that.

And then it’s revealed that Ironwood gave Theodore a prototype transfer machine, they make a new robot body for Ozpin because in this version of the show androids aren't stripped of their identity and difference is embraced, and everyone goes home happy. Or, as happy as anyone can get with a grimm queen on the loose :D

[jimmygibbsjrrr]

I have a lot of thoughts about the Slaters

namely, I've been wonderin why the Fairfield Survivors got thrown off the boat in Death Toll

in this panel of The Sacrifice comic, Francis confirms the fates of three of the rescue vehicles:

Image ID:

A panel from The Sacrifice: Part 1. Francis is sat in the rescue vehicle from Blood Harvest, speaking to Louis. His dialogue is as follows:

"Louis, I hate to be the one to break this to ya, but we been heading to the safe zone four times now. Helicopter: crashed. Plane: crashed. Boat: kicked us out and left us to die."

/end ID

the chopper from No Mercy was confirmed crashed in Crash Course, and as for the plane from Dead Air, it was pretty easy to guess (and would have been confirmed in the cut campaign Dam It).

but the part about the boat? that's the Slaters' boat from Death Toll. this is the first time we learn this information.

so...why? what happened?

(more under the cut, ended up writing wayyyy more than I expected over these past few days and don't wanna clog people's dashes lol)

so. let's take a quick dive into the last chapter of Death Toll, to see what we can discern about the Slaters from their dialogue.

the rescue vehicle in Death Toll is a civilian boat, Saint Lidia II, owned by John and Amanda Slater, a married couple. Amanda is never heard in-game, but John's reactions to her can be heard over the radio.

the Slaters are explicitly looking for "anyone out there with firearms". John later adds that "once you get on this boat? Your job is keeping our asses alive". it appears that their motivation for saving the Survivors is selfish from the get-go.

this is undoubtedly true in Amanda's case, however, some of John's lines betray a more selfless attitude. he will berate Amanda for not "think[ing] about the little guy". he will ask, "So what, then? We leave 'em to die? I can't do that, Amanda." whilst Amanda is thinking purely of their own survival, John still feels compassionate towards his fellow survivors. despite this, he says that "I don't want our first act of kindness to be our last", acknowledging the conflict between his compassion and his self-preservation.

so. these are the Survivor's saviours in Death Toll. a conflicted married couple looking for bodyguards, offering to take the Survivors upriver to a military safe zone in exchange for protection.

as for why they get thrown off the boat...well, the easiest explanation would be Amanda.

but, stay with me here, because I think it's a little more complicated than that.

this boat? fulla tension. there's the obvious tension between the Slaters, who we've established seem to fight and disagree regularly. then there's the inevitable tension between them and the Survivors. I reckon Louis, with his generally positive and friendly attitude, wouldn't have much of a problem with them, might even attempt some friendly conversation or something. however, he's about the only one.

the comic fully establishes Bill as caring about nobody except the Fairfield Survivors - the most obvious evidence of this being the words he lives and dies by, "we look after our own". he isn't particularly interested in other people, unless they can help the group out. and he'd likely recognise the unstable and conditional nature of their rescue. while I'm sure he'd try and keep the peace, in any reasonable disagreement or fight Bill's likely to take his friends' side, and if anyone's getting thrown off the boat Bill is going with them. this goes for the whole group, to be honest; I don't think they'd want to split up at this point.

Francis hates boats, hates water, and can't swim, so (and I'm getting a little speculate-y here) would probably be in an even sourer mood than usual on the journey. being as abrasive as he is, plus this additional stress, it's fully possible he could piss off the Slaters enough to get himself (or all of them) thrown off the boat.

as for Zoey? well, I don't imagine a married couple who constantly argues is gonna sit well with her, considering her backstory. similarly to Francis, the situation they're in would make her far more stressed, making it more likely for her to lash out.

Amanda didn't want to save the Survivors in the first place, so while I think that John wouldn't throw them off the boat without reason, I reckon she could persuade him to throw them off if they 'caused trouble' - and they would get into an argument with her far easier than they would with John.

in short: yeah, I can see them getting thrown off the boat by the Slaters after some huge fight or disagreement. I think that's a reasonable interpretation of canon, and definitely an interesting concept.

...however, I do wonder if this tension would really be enough to destabilise their mutual need, after everything they went through to come together.

which is why I'm going to bring up The Last Stand!

I gotta quickly address something before this segment: yeah, I'm totally aware this campaign isn't canon. this evidence works with the fact that it exists in an 'alternate timeline'. also, I am missing a few citations for this section - if anyone can provide them I'd really appreciate it, but just a disclaimer that I currently can't prove some of the things the wiki claims members of the Last Stand Community Update Team have said. here and here are the wiki pages where I got this information. in short - the above explanation is simpler and more canon compliant, the conclusion I draw at the end of this post is backed by shakier evidence but I believe is more interesting, and you can make of all that what you will.

allegedly, members of the Last Stand Community Update Team confirmed a strongly-suspected fan theory about The Last Stand: that it branches off from Death Toll in some way, in a non-canon alternative timeline. as well as this, they allegedly confirmed that in this alternative timeline, the Survivors still end up in Newburg for Dead Air. even without the confirmation, this remains a solid fan theory, due to the constant references to Riverside and re-use of many of Death Toll's assets.

who rescues the Survivors in The Last Stand? John Slater. no Amanda - just John. despite her lack of voice actress, if she was still present John would give some indication of this at some point. it can be speculated that whatever happened to her contributed to the lack of rescue at the boathouse that forced the Survivors to take an alternative route. either way, he ends up at the lighthouse when the Survivors call for rescue, alone, and picks them up.

and then later...throws them off the boat. into Newburg.

what reason would John have to do that? without Amanda, surely he wouldn't have that push, as he wanted to rescue the Survivors for multiple reasons in the first place. without his constant arguments with Amanda, Zoey wouldn't be nearly as stressed. and between the three of them I'm sure the other Fairfield Survivors would stop Francis from pissing John off enough to get them thrown off the boat. in short, less Amanda = less tension, and no reason for the Survivors getting chucked off the boat.

...right?

I'd like to remind you that a symptom of the Infection is paranoia.

what if, in both The Last Stand and Death Toll, John and Amanda are infected by the Survivors on the way to the military safe zone? after all, the virus is confirmed to occasionally be airborne, and I doubt two civilians have completely effective, sustained protection against that. likely the only reason they hadn't already been Infected is because they got out on the water early on in the pandemic, and hadn't come into contact with anyone else since. it's unlikely that one of them is immune, and even more unlikely that they're both immune (especially considering those with XX chromosomes may be genetically less likely to be carriers). wouldn't Francis have mentioned it if their rescuers turned or were obviously Infected? yes, but it's possible that the airborne strain works slower as well, meaning that the Survivors are thrown off of the boat after the symptoms kick in but before the Slaters fully turn. even Church Guy had at least an hour from being Infected to turning, and he was bitten. Newburg isn't too far from where the Survivors are rescued in Death Toll anyway (the burning city in the background of the finale is Newburg), so the Survivors clearly didn't last long on the boat anyway. as a result, the Survivors wouldn't realise it was the Infection intensifying the Slaters' paranoia - they'd just think the Slaters were being dicks. Francis also explicitly mentions that they were "left to die", implying negativity or even hostility from the Slaters as the Survivors were being thrown off.

so yeah. that's why I think they got thrown off of the boat in Death Toll - a combination of the intense tension between the two parties, and the Slaters falling victim to Infection-induced paranoia. but an explanation minus the Infection is equally as plausible. it all depends on what you find most interesting, I suppose, and both feel like they fit pretty well into the world.

lord this is a long chunk o text. I know most fandoms prefer art and fanfic over this sorta thing, so please let me know in replies or something if you're interested in more stuff like this. also if any of this makes sense because I like to ramble.

oh and if you'd like to use any of my interpretations in fanworks like art or fic, I'd love to see it :)

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here wishing us a happy 60th SaL song! In honor of our 2 months of flailing let's have some feelings and talk about Earth. So this is one of my favs, as usual Ryan's singing and the music are intense, but it's the lyrics that really do it for me, they are exquisite and so very Malex. The first line is Michael after Rosa and all it changed, the second Alex after the shed leaving to protect Michael. God the chorus, hiding their feelings until "the siren sounds" (Caulfield, kidnapping) 😭

I'm sorry, did you just say SIXTY?! How is that even REAL?! Also how are there still so many songs I know we haven't talked about?! Thanks for taking me up on that offer two months ago to flail about Sleeping at Last and for brining utter joy to my inbox on the daily. *socially distanced hug*

Also it's kind of hilarious that you picked Earth to talk about today because something in one of the last couple asks made me think of that song and I was looking at the lyrics and almost put in something about it, but didn't. And then you picked it to talk about anyway! We are on the same wavelength it seems, bestie!

So this song is also one of my faves, it's so interesting and a bit of a contrast to the other songs in this series (aside from Mars with it's war theme) and I always interpreted it as like, the greed of man, carelessly harvesting from the earth without regard for it's health, but also about a person's personal life, their whole "world", and how it can implode because of lies and secrets, but also how sometimes when the whole world feels like it's crashing, it's just building something new. Which is gonna bring us back around to looking at this through a Malex lens!

i dig ’til my shovel tells a secret, swear to the earth that i will keep it, brush off the dirt and let my change of heart occur.

sold soon after the appraisal, the hammer struck the auction table louder than anything i’ve ever heard.

You're right, naturally any secret thing is going to make me think of Michael keeping what happened with Rosa a secret from Isobel and Alex, plus the alien secret as well. I'm also thinking about Michael and Alex changing and hardening after That Night and oof if the hammer striking in finality doesn't hurt right in the Teen Malex feels. 😭 (Also, not to get too outside Malex, but finding a secret you promised to keep and immediately selling out? I'm mostly thinking of Jesse Manes and how Tripp hinted at bringing him into things but all we know now is Jesse went the "actually, I'd like to commit genocidal crimes please" route (which we'll probably never find out more about because they killed him off too soon 🤬) but also catch me side-eyeing Liz for pretty much immediately telling Kyle after being sworn to secrecy🙄 but I digress.)

fault lines tremble underneath my glass house. but I put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

Oh man, I love this chorus so much. This makes me think of Michael and Alex trying to bury their trauma rather than deal with it, both being a little reckless with their lives due to self-worth issues, and choosing not to look to closely at things because that would mean actually addressing their issues. Luckily it looks like that trend is fading out and I'm excited for season 3 to give us some good talks that push them forward, even if they're hard conversations. Enough with the miscommunication!

meanwhile, my family’s taking shelter. the sparks send the fire down the wire, a countdown begins, until the dynamite gives in.

the echo, as wide as the equator, travels through a world of built up anger- too late to pull itself together now.

Oof oof oof, all this explosion imagery is getting me in my Caulfield feels. 😭 But this speaks again to Malex and their miscommunication, and this world full of anger they have built up around themselves (especially Michael) and how by refusing to address it, it's seeped into everything until something sets it off, and everything comes crashing down. (Definitely thinking about lost decade and 1x01-1x03 Alex, and season 2 Michael)

fault lines tremble underneath our glass house. but i put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

there was an earthquake. there was an avalanche of change. we were so afraid, we cried ourselves a hurricane. there were floods, tidal waves over us, so we folded our hands and prayed. like a domino, these wildfires grow and grow until a brand new world takes shape.

And here is our hope moment for this song! The imagery of natural disasters, things that are unavoidable, devastating, life changing, and things that literally change the shape of the planet we live on as metaphor for big, unexpected life changes that feel like the end of the world but are building something new? Brilliant. And so perfect for Malex and all that they have gone through both physically and emotionally and I am just WAITING for season 3 to have that brand new world start taking shape!

fault lines tremble underneath our glass house. but i put it out of my mind long enough to call it courage to live without a lifeline. i bend the definition of faith to exonerate my blind eye. “’til the sirens sound, i’m safe.”

So now that we did the Malex of it all, I just gotta say, the power of this chorus is *chef's kiss* Starting with the idea of a glass house, which is often used to point out people being hypocritical? Ignoring clear danger just to get points for being brave? Twisting the idea of faith in the "unseen" to justify turning a blind eye and not seeing things that need to be addressed? The attitude that until something happens to me it doesn't need to be addressed? Like, Ryan is not fucking around with these lyrics and as a known person of apparently Christianity-leaning faith, these words are very telling and is one of the reasons I love this song so much.

Here's to another 60 songs, nonnie! It may just be the two of us shouting into the void, but it's always nice to know you're not alone!

[arinlangdon]

some quick customarily long-winded reactions before the new set in less than an an hour

episode 4

wow, i would love to have Arin teach me all about tea in real life. i'd listen to them for hours

also i like how Arin knows FMC likes citrus. i bet they have her food preferences memorized

"steep" not "seep"

and their lines about relishing the feeling of anticipation before the satisfaction felt like a little tap on the fourth wall. i see you. i see what you did there

episode 5

so i'm taking the scene with Sly to mean that Kipling, Lewis Carroll, HC Andersen, and the Grimms were (are?) part of The Brothers Grimm, and the latter were perhaps the founding members, considering the name. and that Mary Shelley was not—good on her.

one moment Arin asks for space and the next finds opportunities and excuses to stay close to FMC. bud. you're so smitten. when will you realize it.

but that moment when they both realize it's time to part ways and they refuse to let it come to that just yet? and Arin asks to walk her home? and she agrees in the condition that they take the scenic route? augh. my heart.

gasp, i'm so aggrieved that Whitethorn can't grow strawberries locally. they're the best fruit. why, golden silkworms :(( tiny dresses in strawberry patches is a cute mental image though

Arin says that, but it feels like the pot calling the kettle black

the hand-holding... Arin pulling back ;;

why indeed

i don't think i need to say that i feel the same. u_u

episode 6

"I bet they were adorable at that age" what are you talking about, FMC, they're still adorable

i'm glad we're finally getting more information about Arin's family and home life. it sounds like they had a happy one, so now i'm wondering even more why they've refrained from talking about it.

and. are they the eldest, like it's implied? are we ever going to meet the family (probably not)? don't they ever keep in touch via video chat or at least phone calls? how many siblings do they have and what's their relationship with them like? how old are they? how much do they look like Arin? what does their mom do? is their father still in the picture? and and and...

whenever i imagined a massage scene with Arin, i always figured they'd be on the receiving end (goodness knows they need one). not complaining, but when does FMC get to return the favor?? rhythmically thumps table. let us. take. care. of Arin!

Connecticut Woman jealous of her own dang self. more news at 11.

love how she hears about Nora's and Ezra's past lovers and doesn't mind at all, but once she finds out that Arin brought some friend along with them to their super secret job, she gets jealous. (like many things, this can probably can be chalked up to different writers)

i'd love to read those journals of the very first Guardians. they must be fascinating god why aren't they real??

one more mention of Arin's look of intense concentration. i appreciate how much she appreciates the small things about them. me too, FMC, me too

yeeees more Guardian lore... the very first one was a witchy woman and i love that. and if The Brothers Grimm were originally witch hunters, how did they eventually become a power-hungry secret society of writers? i hope we get more history lessons.

and That Scene. the forehead kiss!! the unknown words!! god it's so sweet it's so sweet

it breaks my heart how Arin only allows themself to show their affection for her when nobody else is around and even she's not aware of it.....

but also, What did Arin say to her as she was falling asleep. was it... cute fluffy stuff? serious romantic stuff? confused pondering on their or her feelings? a confession of how much they wish they could be more honest with her re: the memory spell? what did they say?? will we ever get to find out?? i need to know Arin please tell us when will you tell us

how is she going to react to waking up in Arin's bed. how do they feel about her feeling asleep in their room

[typinggently]

I know you're not taking prompts any more, but I just want to tell you how much I love them— especially the Frank 'n Billy drabbles. Should you ever be inspired to do a "filth special" for them again, I'd go utterly wild. These two are my absolute problematic favorites and the way you write Bill is smoother than cream and sharper than glass. Hotter than a shot of vodka set on fire. Spot on nailing it. I'm in love!

Honestly I keep coming back to this message? Thank you so much for your kind words, I’m speechless. 💜❤️🧡💛💖 I just?? thank you so, so much! I’m so happy that you enjoy my writing!! 

and yes - they’re the ultimate problematic fave and I love them so, so much!!!😭

(Also...I know this took me super long but I’m always open for prompts or questions of any kind!!! I’m sorry that I gave the impression that I wasn’t!)

But without further ado. Please – enjoy this humble little offering of filth!!!

(I took the liberty and just picked something I wanted to write...)

-

8. convincing the other to try something they’re not interested in and then making them like it 

-

Warning: (mild)BDSM, slightly under-negotiated kink (Frank goes with it all and doesn’t even notice that there’s a conversation to be had, but it’s not exactly good bdsm etiquette on Billy’s part.)

-

Honestly, there are a lot of things those two convince each other of, but let’s go with this:

Blindfolds.

And I have to start this by acknowledging that Frank is a nasty filthy beast, but I’m p sure he doesn’t think all that much? Like, he didn’t sit down and google bdsm etiquette. He just does whatever and is naturally decent enough to make it work. He’s the type to get a little wild, but he’s not very educated about the subject.

I’m saying that because while he’s 100% up for a bit of breathplay here and there, some rough shit, some tackling etc etc, but he doesn’t think about it. So when Billy brings that whole thing up, he’s all “hm I’m not sure, I’m not really into that kinda thing.” (Cut to Billy giving him a very blank look)

It takes a lot of soft purring and pouting until Frank finally agrees that alright, sure, I’ll try it, fine.  (and by “a lot” I mean maybe 10 minutes of it, since Billy is very pretty and very convincing and Frank isn’t all that strong. But don’t judge him for it. 10 minutes of Billy with his hands in his hair, kissing his neck and telling him how good it’ll feel is a lot to handle).

Now. Frank on his back on the bed, shirtless with his wrists crossed over his head, blindfolded very effectively and very luxuriously with a silk sleep mask. Truthfully, it’s probably Agent Provocateur simply because Billy’s a creature of luxurious pleasures and the pretty pink box? The silk he gets to tie behind Frank’s head? …nice.

What we have to take in account, of course, is that Billy is a very smart man and he uses his intelligence for evil. Which is to say that agreeing to try new things with Billy means you agree to at least 2 things more than you thought you were agreeing to, because you don’t read the fine print.

In this case, Frank wasn’t aware that agreeing to blindfolds would mean agreeing not only to light bdsm but also to edging.

Billy didn’t tie up his wrists, of course. He’s too smart for that. He told him that no problem, don’t worry, just keep your hands over your head, yeah?

Frank (idiot supreme) was alright with that, because the thought of getting tied up isn’t all that nice but he can keep his hands up, no problem. Except. You know. He didn’t exactly expect how hard it’d be to keep his hands down when Billy’s touching him.

That’s where the teasing comes in. And sure. The whole point of this was to experience touch more intensely, but Frank didn’t really think it would work. Now he’s quite literally in Billy’s hands and at his mercy. And Billy I staking full advantage. The gentlest touches, most delicate – fingertips trailing down his chest, over the quivering-tense lines of his abs and his biceps, just above his waistband, along his jaw. One could think he’s never touched Frank before and now has to make up for it. Not that Frank’s thinking that, because really, he’s not thinking at all. This is way more intense than he’d thought and he’s shivering before Billy even puts his mouth on him.

And that? Poor Frank? He has no real way of knowing what Billy’s going to do, and his mouth is so hot, so soft. A mix of body worship and self-indulgence – Billy’s just wholeheartedly enjoying what he’s doing, taking his time kissing down Frank’s sternum, dipping his tongue into his bellybutton, nipping on his lips, sucking on his throat, slipping his tongue into Frank’s mouth, …

Now, when Billy undoes Frank’s fly, Frank could hope that it would give him some relief but this is Billy we’re talking about. He gives Frank’s cock the exact same treatment – feather-light touches and soft-hot kisses, the occasional, playful flick of his tongue. It’s a lot. Frank’s an absolute mess.

And if he tries to speak up?

“Bill, I swear to –“

“We’re not doing gags today, sweetheart, that’s not what we agreed on. Just shut up now, we can try that some other time. That’s a whole other conversation to be had and I’m not sure you’re up for that right now. I mean, there are many different options.” And here, the bastard just goes off. 5 minute monologue on gags, his personal aesthetic preferences, the in depth-differences, etc.

Talking, of course, means even less attention for Frank’s poor, throbbing cock, which is especially cruel since Billy isn’t just not giving him what he needs, he’s also making matters worse by painting such pretty pictures for him. And with his eyes closed, he has no way of distracting himself from the mental image of Billy, flushed and pretty with dark, hooded eyes, jaw working and chin dripping –

You know, handcuffs would actually make this whole thing a lot easier.

But Billy’s not made of stone. So eventually, he too can’t take it anymore, overwhelmed with how he’s affecting Frank.

Honestly, it would be p easy to go the Bottom Frank route here. I’m not doing it, though, because truly, the Billy sinking down on Frank’s cock after all this teasing? Frank moaning, pressing his shoulders and wrists into the sheets in an effort to keep them there, shivering, writhing, gasping...that’s good shit

Billy may be the one riding his cock, but Frank’s the one getting fucked. He’s a mess. No clear thought to be had, absolutely drunk on pleasure. And he can’t keep still. He tries, but his hips are twitching, he’s throwing his head from one side to the other, abs twitching with the half-hearted attempts of stilling.

Billy’s having a great time. Watching Frank lose control like that, flush spilling down his chest, powerful body shaking and twitching… That’s something indeed.

And to make things worse, Billy won’t let him come. Ranging from “Come on, Frankie, you can do better than that.” To “Don’t you fucking dare”

A (gentle) hand wrapped around his throat to feel his pulse flutter and Billy’s riding him hard and fast, his own voice finally slipping, desire bleeding through until he finally gives Frank permission to come.

I truly think Frank would lose time for a little bit. The whole thing is entirely too intense. The darkness, the heat, the what felt like hours worth of teasing all finally culminating – it’s overwhelming. And it goes ON. Frank’s shaking, he’s moaning, body twitching almost violently.

(Billy takes it all with a glint in his eyes. Frank’s never looked this pretty and he feels so good – a combination that pushes Billy over the edge pretty much immediately, and he get’s to enjoy the heavenly visuals while enjoying his own orgasm, one palm resting on Frank’s chest to stabilise himself)

To make it short: blindfolds are a SUCCESS.

(naturally there’s aftercare – Billy’s very good at soothing and gentling Frank, and he even goes as far as to let himself be snuggled even though they’re both sweaty and sticky)

-

💜❤️🧡💛💖 thank you again for your lovely message!!!💖💛🧡❤️💜

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Forget Me Not Jim Mason x Reader 50 First Dates AU Pt 1/?

A/N: Not long ago seen an ask on @michael-langdon-appreciation blog by an anon asking for a Jim Mason 50 First Dates fic, I know she is busy and got quite a bit going on so I took on the task. I decided to go not entirely by the 50 First Dates story line there will be parts of it yes but going in a bit of a different direction, this will be multiple parts. Hope you like it anon let me know what you think, as well as my followers feed back is appreciated! 💓

“Hi, l'm Jim Mason maybe you can help me? l'm looking for Y/N any idea where l can find her?” Jim walked through the boat till he made his way downstairs to the cabin, making his way to the door calling out…

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N Mason?”

She can’t remember yesterday…

When a freak accident on a storm-swept road leaves Y/N with a memory full of holes, she can't remember her own email password, much less how the little pink "positive" on the pregnancy stick got there. She's at a loss to explain what happened, or when ...or with whom. But what the mind forgets, the heart remembers. Still, it’s going to be a long, hard ride to a happily ever-after for two, plus one.

2 months ago...

Jim closed the distance between them and touched their lips together. Soft. Sweet. More intense than any kiss he'd ever given her before. Her breath escaped in a puff as he pulled back, warming his skin.

"Oh. That was nice." Y/N replied softly.

"Hmm, you ready for better than nice?"

She opened her mouth to answer, and he caught her lips separating them. His tongue eased into her mouth, and he tasted her like he’d longed to for months. Sweetness, a touch of cinnamon, but mostly her. This was far better than nice. He dug his fingers into the fabric at her hip to stop from exploring anywhere else. His other hand locked on the truck frame to make sure the only thing he used on her was his mouth.

He wanted to consume her.

Kissing was only the beginning because, oh hell, every nerve in his body had gone on high alert, especially when she curled her hands around his back and stepped against him. One leg on either side of his thigh. Bodies tight together, her warmth enveloping him along with the scent of her perfume. His head spun from even this much contact.

His throat moved as he swallowed. Whispered, “Say it's not crazy. Say this is what you want, even though I'm leaving tomorrow. " I want you,” Y/N confessed. "And it’s not crazy-not completely." She reached behind her and unhooked her bra.

Her bra joined her shirt on the floor, and that was it. Discussion over. Jim had her in his arms; her feet dangling in the air as he carried her down the hall to her bedroom. Their lips connected, the worn fabric of his T-shirt soft against her naked chest. He paused to take off his shoes, and they bounced off a few walls en route. Her legs were wrapped around his hips, her hands traveling over his shoulders and back as she savored finally getting to touch him.

Jim lowered her to the bed and stepped back. He reached over his head to grab his T-shirt, jerking it forward and off his muscular torso. His biceps flexed, chest muscles and chiseled abs clearly visible in the light streaming through the window. She admired the dark dusting of hair on his chest, another dark trail leading down into the jeans that were even now being unbuttoned, unzipped and frantically cast to the floor.

"Get naked," Jim ordered. "I want skin and nothing but skin tonight. I want enough touching to make me crazy for the next months hell even the next years.” She wiggled off her jeans and undies, staring at him in awe. "I'd ask for a picture, but your image is branded on my brain. You're gorgeous, Jim."

Jim traced the edge of her jaw to her neck, kissing his way up to the sensitive spot under her ear. Kisses and caresses, his lips on her torso as his fingers plumped her breast. His tongue tracing circles around her nipple a second before his lips closed over the tip and he sucked. A sharp, aching need shot from his mouth to directly between her legs, and Y/N could no more hold back her groans than fly to the moon.

It wasn't just one thing, it was the complete seduction. His hands on her stomach, sneaking over her belly to tease the folds of her sex. His mouth doing sinfully good things to her breasts. Y/N's heart pounded, her body growing slick as he teased her, fingers on her clit, fingers slipping inside her.

"I’m going to make you come, and this first time? I'm going to watch." Jim hung over her, his face only inches away as his hand worked her, a rapid thrust of his fingers driving her toward a peak faster than expected. His pupils dilated further as she groaned his name, her nails digging into his broad shoulders.

He kissed her breathless then vanished, sliding down her body like a human tornado. More caresses, long slow strokes –he avoided her sex for a moment, and she was glad until the continued touches made her twitch with the desire.

"Hmm, delicious." Jim opened her legs with his shoulders and dropped to tease her folds with his tongue. Gentle at first, then bolder until she was arching up to his mouth, grinding against him as he thrust his tongue deep. As he covered her sensitive clit and sucked, flicking the tip with his tongue until she broke into a million pieces.

She turned into a puddle on the mattress, barely able to focus. He snatched up the condom and covered himself, lowering over her to touch their heated foreheads together.

Jim breathed out slowly as his cock nudged her core. "You ready for me?"

Years ago. Forever. All the words she wanted to say she held back, instead simply nodding.

He slid inside, and she shook, fighting to keep her eyes open so she could add the expression on his face to the whole experience. Bliss mixed with the hunger, and a moan escaped him as she crossed her heels against his lower back. The change of position slipped him deeper so they were all-the-way connected.

Skin to skin, fully engaged as they stared into each other’s eyes. Jim pulled his hips back, and pressure skittered past sensitive nerve endings, making her entire body heat further.

He thrust forward, and again, catching hold of her hip to lift her higher. He pinned her in position as the pressure and tempo increased.

"Sweet Y/N. Oh my God, so good." Jim tilted his hips at the end of each thrust, and she gasped.  

"Okay?" he asked.

"Oh, this is..." She couldn’t breathe to get the words out, but she didn't want him to stop. "Yes, good. So good."

He kissed her, his breath hot on her cheek before he tangled their tongues, thrusting into her mouth in imitation of his cock.

Y/N saw lights sparkling before her eyes when they broke apart to gasp for air. "I’m close. Oh, Jim, how? How can this…?"

"You feel it, Y/N? How good we fit? How fucking good we are together?" He pressed her to the mattress and grabbed her thighs, looming over her and opening her in a whole new way. The changed angle increased the tension, and when he slipped his fingers over her clit, she was lost.

"Jim ..." Y/N shouted his name. She clutched her thighs as he drove in one final time, his cock held deep while her body convulsed around him.

Stars floated past her vision as he shook, his body gone taut-his abdomen, his chest, all the lovely muscles under her exploring fingers.

She closed her eyes, and everything reduced to sensations. To the touch of his lips to her cheek, the added heat as he rolled them to the side. Jim hitched her leg over his waist, rocking his hips gently as his hard-on continued to stretch her.

Y/N opened her eyes to discover his sexy smile waiting for her. That one lock of hair was back over his forehead, and she brushed it away tenderly.

"Hey." Her cheeks flushed with heat.

Jim traced his fingers over her shoulder. "Hey. That was..." His sigh screamed of satisfaction as he met her gaze.

"Trust me, you're nothing short of mind-meltingly sexy, and I want to do that at least a couple more times tonight."

To: Angeleyes@gmail.com

04:07:00 Sunday, September 13

Made it to Redondo Beach. That was a hell of a drive at the start. The storm didn't ease off until I was past Lomita. Held me up enough I didn’t get in until after midnight, so I didn’t want to call and wake you up.

I'll be gone by the time you get this message. Leaving early hours Sunday. I miss you already. I can't wait to get back so I can date you properly. Getting to share Friday night with you was a dream come true, but as hot as the sex was? I want more for us. I mean it. This is something I’ve wanted-you're something I’ve wanted-for a long time.

Baysurfer_jim@hotmail.com

p.s. I love that you used your nickname for an email address

November, Palos Verdes…

Y/N slapped her palm against the door to her small house, slamming it shut behind her. The door reopened not two seconds later. "Will you stop running away from me?" Medina demanded. "I asked a question."

"I don’t know the answer, okay? And it's pissing me off," Y/N snapped. "Oh." Medina sighed, kicking off her shoes before easing herself onto the back of the couch. She planted her feet on the seat cushion and nodded sadly. "Another of your memory gaps?"

Y/N glared over her shoulder as she draped her jacket on a wall coat hook. "Memory gaps. Such small words for such a huge, fucking nuisance."

"Hey, stop being so rough on yourself. The doctors said things should come back. Sometime."

Sometime was another not very reassuring word. Y/N stomped across the room to stand with folded arms, glaring at her friend. “Medina, I still haven't figured out the passwords to my computer. You had to help me pay my bills so my power didn’t get cut off. I'm relearning how to do the data entry at the office, which means I’m basically a freeloader with my own friend."

“I don't mind. None of us mind." Medina shook her head. “Please, stop beating yourself up. Stop acting as if, since your car wasn't totaled, you don't have the right to be injured. A few obstacles are worth dealing with until you’re back up to speed."

Obstacles. Fah. Another word that was as bad as memory gaps.

There might be holes in her memory, and lingering frustrations, but there were a lot of good things in her life. Between Medina  and her family, somehow she’d get through this rough patch, and make it out the other side.

Of course, thirty seconds later she was running to the bathroom to throw up, which erased a good portion of her optimism. It was tough to stay positive while bowing in front of the porcelain throne.

HE HADN'T EXACTLY SPED the whole way home.

Jim was sure there were a few sections of highway where he'd briefly slowed to the speed limit. When there were too many cars for him to dodge.

Since the plane dropped him off at six a.m., he'd been going nonstop. Pretty much like he'd been going for the previous two months. Working like a madman before falling exhausted into bed for a few hours to get up and do it all over again.

The good part was the blistering pace kept him from obsessing about Y/N before falling asleep. It did nothing to stop the dirty dreams that invaded his brain and had him waking with more than simple morning wood.

He wanted to see Y/N.

Driving with one hand, he used the other to check his mail. There were a mess of texts and emails in his inbox, most of it spam, but none from her. The message he'd sent to Medina moments before leaving had bounced back as well with a Message undeliverable. Recipient's mailbox is full. Fatal daemon error.

Curses drifted through his brain. He punched in Y/N's number only to have the phone die on him, the battery dead. Fine. It was more important to be there and do the next thing in person anyway.

Like sweep Y/N up in his arms and kiss her senseless.

The entire drive he daydreamed about where he’d find her. Timing-wise she should be at home, so he ignored his own place, and the garage, and took the back loop. The sight of her car in the drive made his heart leap, and he parked in the second free space in a rush, damn near leaping from the truck. Somehow he forced his feet to a walk instead of rushing her front door and bursting in like a maniac.

He rang the doorbell.

Knocked.

Rang again.

It might be rude, but he even leaned over and peered in the window, to see if she was around. A pair of shoes lay haphazardly under the hall coat rack, a small puddle of water pooled under the soles. Her coat was there-only no sign of her. He moved to knock a second time but was interrupted by Y/N's less-than-ladylike cussing. Jim  tried the front door, and it opened easily.

“Y/N? You here?" Both feet still on the outside stoop, he stuck his head around the door frame to make himself heard.

A new set of sounds greeted him, less amusing than the curses. Retching and coughing, and Jim couldn't stand it any longer. He stormed forward and headed toward the bathroom.

“Angel eyes, you okay?"

She was seated on the floor, her cheek resting on one arm as she basically clung to the toilet. Her eyes were closed, and her face twisted in a grimace as she shuddered then leaned forward and spat.

"Oh hell, you got a stomach bug?"

Or that’s what Jim intended to say. He got out the oh hell part before Y/N's eyes flew open and her gaze landed on him, all traces of nausea and exhaustion vanishing as she opened her mouth and screamed. She scrambled to her feet, hands flailing, a riot of noise and motion.

Damn.

He held out a hand toward her. “Y/N, hey, it’s okay. It's me, Jim." He ducked away from the toilet plunger she'd swung like a sword. At the same time he examined her quickly-noting her pale skin. The dark shadows under her eyes.

The business end of the plunger wavered in front of him as he took in her extremely short-cropped hair, the H/C strands that usually would have covered her shoulders only about an inch long over her entire head. It was a radical change from before. Kinda cute, really, but unexpected.

"Jim?" She squinted, her head tilting to the side and making her rather adorable. Well, adorable if she weren’t still threatening him with a toilet cleaner.

He took hold of the handle and tugged the shaft from her fingers, putting the weapon back in its place. "Yes, Jim."

"I don’t remember this at all," she muttered. "You're not you."

He laughed, and then caught her as she swayed. "And you must be running a fever or something."

She squirmed out of his arms and backed away slowly. "No fever. My stomach's upset. Feels better now." She looked him up and down quickly. Utter dread joined the disappointment in his gut.

He headed back to the living room, pausing to remove his boots and wipe up water from rain he'd tracked in during his mad rush to help her. That’s when he noticed there were other changes in her house since September. A lot more stuff for one thing. Fabric and paintbrushes in the hall, a stack of clothes draped over a chair in the kitchen besides a sewing machine. He had to move aside a pile of what looked like jigsaw puzzle pieces before he could sit on the couch.

Jim rose to his feet as she approached a few minutes later. "Better?" She waved away his concern. "Fine. Just a touch off for a few days." He couldn't wait any longer, closing the distance between them. If she was sick, that eliminated a too-personal welcome home, but that was okay. They'd leapt in at the start. Now he could go a little slower. Care for her. Take his time to make sure they had a solid foundation. He caressed the peach-fuzz softness just above her ear, stroking gently. "I like your hair."

Y/N touched her head self-consciously. "It’s okay. It's grown a lot since the accident." The bottom fell out of his stomach. "Accident? What accident?" She snorted before jerking to a stop, the golden flecks in her E/C eyes flashing at him in the light. "You're serious. You didn't know I went into the ditch?"

He grabbed her hands tight. "I had no idea. Y/N stared at their joined hands, her mouth hanging slightly open. "Umm, Jim. It's okay. I mean it happened two months ago." Her unease increased, and her body grew stiffer. Instead of curling up against him like he'd hoped, she withdrew, and the whole situation grew more awkward by the minute.

When she pulled her hands free, he let her go. Let her increase the distance between them. She was leaning on the wall opposite him now, a good five feet between them. Jim felt wrapped in cotton. "So...how do we get from your great ditch driving to your hair being cut off?"

Y/N took an enormous breath and let it out slowly. "They told me I bumped my head. Hard enough they shaved my hair off so they could attach test thingies.  After a week's testing when nothing showed up on their machines, they told me I was fine."

Jim was the one frowning now, his entire body tensing as he slipped the clues together. "You keep saying ‘they told me'. You don't remember the accident?"

She shook her head, frustration obviously rising. "I don’t remember the accident, plus there are a few other gaps. I lost a ton of long-term memory as it relates to math-passwords, formulas and things like that. So it’s nice you sent me an email, but I never got it. I had to set up a new email account because I couldn't get into the old one."

His jaw had to be hanging open, and his feet were pinned in place now, hands dangling uselessly by his sides. Y/N had lost her memory?

Had she forgotten them? If so, she'd have forgotten what they'd done. What they'd planned. It would explain so much in terms of her discomfort with him-more than only nerves at having him back around after a long break.

He forced himself to speak even though his mouth had gone totally dry. "So...this amnesia. How extensive is it?"

Y/N shrugged. "A couple weeks before the bump are fuzzy or gone-I'm not sure now what are real memories and what are things I've been told."

"A couple ..."

It was true. In one swoop their future was rearranged. He wasn't  about to pick her up caveman-like and tell her that they were another thing she'd forgotten.  Not when she was still fighting frustration along with whatever else had her at less than one hundred percent physical health at the moment. He also had no intention of letting her get away. The dilemma of how to move forward threw him into a tailspin.

As out of control as a car skidding into a ditch.

Credit to @carolthors formally Skyofsong

[mxmearcstapa]

Naked Madlions Update #1!

Welcome all to the exciting adventure that is the Naked Madlions, my Maddening playthrough of Blue Lions without New Game+! (All updates are going to be tagged with #Molly's Madlions) As a warning, I've played all 4 routes and as this is a playthrough, it gets pretty spoiler-heavy. I might, and have in previous posts, talk about plot elements, comparisons, and other details.

Basically, spoiler warning for potentially all of FE3H, but most specifically Blue Lions.

With that out of the way, here's how it's going!

Prologue:

GUYS I FAILED THE FUCKING PROLOGUE AHAHAHA. We stole Claude and Edelgards' weapons and shoved them behind a wall to keep them out of danger. I put Dimitri in a bush and said, "yeah, he's sufficiently tanky, he can--" and then he took one hit, and he was okay, and then he took the second hit, and then he wasn't okay. And I thought, "oh, I'll Divine Pul--oh...right." Anyay, I've now seen what the Game Over screen looks like.

With more liberal healing and less aggressive tactics, we succeeded. :P

Mock Battle:

Battle requires Byleth and Dimitri, and I took Dedue, Mercedes, and Ingrid for other slots. Dedue has a swell personal ability which makes him excellent at taking physical hits. Mercie I took because she was the only one who could heal. Ingrid I was really on the fence about, as my past experiences with her have not been the best, but I picked her for her Res, which came really in handy this battle. I made sure to stock up on as many weapons as I could, and I equipped everyone with 2 vulneraries. It did take several restarts to find the right combination of actions, and I admit that Mercedes went down, but because this is like, one of two battles that aren't permadeath, I just left her down. She was out of heals anyway, and we were close to winning. Her survival is, of course, more important to me moving forward. Even so, it took 26 turns (and several swears) to complete three mock battle. Bleh.

"HEY, KOSTAS, REMEMBER US?":

Oh, my Divine Pulses! *cries in joy* oh...there's...only 3 of them. Okay. Cool. I'm used to like...10, but this...this is fine.

This is a tough fight to start out with, because most of these dumb babies are still level 1. No one got to 5 from the practice battle because, like a dingus, I split my exp a little more evenly before thinking about what might happen next. Plus, those Poison Touch Archers are AGGRESSIVE. All the Swordbois have Pass, so we had to watch our backs to make sure no one was sneaking behind us to stab the squishier ones. Most of the battle, we kept to the initial bridge and let the enemies come to us. The bridge gives a nice choke point to control enemy movement. Much to my own surprise, we kept everyone alive and didn't need to use any Divine Pulses (oh me of little faith). As long as you're mindful of archer range, it's workable.

DP Used: 0

Mutiny in the Mist:

CATHERINE IS AN EXP THIEF. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

*ahem*

Fog...sucks. About half the army had torches ready, and we only lost of one of our allied soldiers (because he ran himself through an enemy weapon. I cannot help you, sir), so not too bad! About midway through the map, I used a Pulse to pull Sylvain back up (STOP. MISSING.). At this point, Ingrid and Sylvain had learned their basic Reason magic, but their Magic skills are craaaaaaap. Sylvain I know will grow better, and Ingrid we're mostly expecting to crit, but it's a weird progression. I've never gone for straight Magic Ingrid before. When not using magic, she's been proccing her Crest fervently in the hopes that I will reconsider and have her focus on the Lance. *laughs in distance*

At the very least, having Annette, Mercedes, and Dimitri all healing was a boon. Dedue actually crit Lonato to low health, which blew away a lot of his difficulty.

This map is also funny, because I forgot I don't have access to adjutants in the very beginning, so we have to court Ferdinand the old-fashioned way. :P HE SHALL JOIN US YET. If nothing else, his weapon and vulneraries both get restored after each battle, which means "resources I don't have to worry about." As long as he's not stealing exp getting KOs, we're all happy.

DP Used: 1

Gimme My Sword!:

So I was nervous about this because I know there's a lot of mages here, and the Lions aren't super Res-blessed as a whole. But they were okay! I did split the party--Dimitri, Byleth, Dedue, Ashe, Annette, and Ferdie to the left, and Sylvain, Felix, Ingrid, and Mercedes to the right. With Ingrid's Res, Felix's Crest-laced bow shots, Sylvain's raw strength, and Mercie's healing/Res/magic, the right side was only in deep trouble at one point. I was afraid I'd need to reset entirely, but Felix just straight dodged a lethal hit, and they pushed forward. Plus, Ingrid and Sylvain both knew Heal, which was helpful.

Meanwhile, Left Team slowly fed Annette axe kills, and Dimitri and Ashe dispatched the reinforcements. The kids are shaping up well!

DP Used: 1

Closing Thoughts:

it's, uh, it's tough. It's a completely different set of resources to work with. Having 3 Divine Pulses instead of 10 really changes how careful I am: if there's an issue, I am closer to restarting the battle than being able to rewind, which is more time spent. I knew I wouldn't start with a lot of activity points, but I had forgotten how desolately you begin. Mostly I have using my AP for faculty training and cooking for the stat boosts. My truest love, fishing, returns to me as I attempt to raise my professor level. But because I'm not dining with students, they often have low motivation, which prohibits me from training as intensely. With the battle time being longer overall, it's not as prohibitive towards weapons, but magic has limited uses, so if I'm not pumping that in lessons, they learn it much more slowly. AND, even though we're getting weapon exp, it's at the cost of the weapons themselves, and this army is NOT made of money. So striving to find a balance is something of an issue, but I think I'm getting it.

Roster Progression (Post Tomb-Raiding):

Byleth: 10, Mercenary

Dimitri: 11, Priest

Dedue: 8, Soldier

Ashe: 8, Fighter

Felix: 10, Archer

Annette: 8, Monk

Sylvain: 8, Monk

Mercedes: 8, Monk

Ingrid: 9, Monk

Current Professor Level: C

Time Stamp: 14:45

[theorangestar]

Do you still write bopal? If so I'd love a link to your fanfics! Also what's some of your favorite head canons for them 😍 I just re-watched legend of Korra and I'm so in my feels about them and I used to look at your stuff all the time! Hope you're doing well!

Hello Anon! I’m fine, thank you! I’m glad you’ve come back to my blog for a visit. :)

Yes, I do still write bopal. Unfortunately, I got severe writer’s block with my latest chapter, and it took a long time to motivate myself to finish. (I should post it soon, even if I know I won’t ever be completely happy with it, or else I’ll keep writing myself in circles.) Also, I was conveniently kidnapped by a robot lion and dragged into Vo!tron, so that’s been taking up a lot of my time.

All my fanfics are here on tumblr, but I’ve also posted them here on ff.net. Enjoy!

Some headcanons (I’ve got others scattered throughout my blog, but these ones I haven’t done before):

- Opal can’t cook. Never trust her near a fire. The most she can do with a stove is boil water and instant noodle cups. She can also bake those air nomad fruit pies, but after intense training from Pema. She’ll make salads, veggie wraps, stuff that just involves chopping and dicing fruits and veggies. She also looooves popsicles. She has 3 trays of frozen fruit juice pops at any given time in the ice box. Bolin is the one who does most of the cooking. He’s no gourmand, but his food is at least edible. 

- They love radio dramas. They spend many nights curled on the couch listening to all sorts of shows, and Bolin has memorized every commercial jingle. They are some of the first people in the city to get a TV, and they are hooked. 

- Bolin loves Opal’s hair, but sometimes he really wishes that she’d grow it out. He likes to brush it, but he thinks it would be much more fun if it was long. While Opal never grows her hair even to her shoulders, both of their daughters have long hair. He adores doing their hair in the morning and putting in little braids and fancy hair clips. 

- Their house was a wedding present designed by Baatar (sr or jr, i haven’t decided). Bolin helped build it, and they have the largest backyard in the neighborhood. It’s got plenty of room to practice bending, as well as having a garden and housing for Juicy and Niji (Niji is their son’s bison). 

- During the kids’ summer breaks, the family takes vacations over to the air temples, rotating between them every year. They spend most of the time at the eastern temple, since it’s the nicest area, but they also regularly check out the Northern and Western Temples, which have since been restored as historical sites (Bolin helped rebuild the Northern temple). They rarely go to the southern temple because of the distance. 

- There was a lot of discussion about their first child’s name. If the baby was a girl, Bolin reeeaaaally wanted to name her Toph Beifong II, but Lin refused to acknowledge a world with two Toph Beifongs running around. She vowed she’d never come visit ever again if they did that, so Opal put a stop to Toph Jr. Instead, when the baby is born a girl, they decide to name her after Lin (by then Lin and Opal are very close, and Bolin and Lin view each other as family, they’re just not sure what yet). Of course, Lin would never want a Lin Jr; there is only one Lin. So they go the subtle route and name their daughter Meiyu, which has the same meaning as Lin, which is jade. When Lin finds out, she’s incredibly touched, but tries to not let anyone know. They know.

- AND MY FAVORITE - Opal is the one who proposes to Bolin. I won’t go into anymore detail, because I have a big fanfic planned for this. >:)