#I'll log out again now
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hey maybe I'll just stop watching shows from now on :) maybe that's an idea. never love anything and all that
#kind of. really wish I hadn't logged onto here or like found out about it ever and just stayed like this waiting in excitement or whatever#my throat and chest have been really tight for like. a good while now#I genuinely can't believe I have to go to college and continue working I'm actually gonna throw up#this is lockwood and co all over again I was grieving for weeks back then but this is just. hm. worse#maybe because I was actually holding out hope with this one for some reason? like I believed this had a chance and I had#a bunch of reasons I don't remember now it doesn't matter anyway#gonna be honest I don't really have any hope for it being like. saved or anything I don't have the energy to hope#and steve yockey giving out spoilers was just. the icing on the cake so.#:)#I have SO much love for the fandom here tho. all the fic writers and artists and organizers and yappers like me in general im so so serious#and im really sorry that all this was so rudely kicked out of the door. what a day huh#what a thing to wake up to#alr I will get out of bed now I'll literally go get to work. fucking amazing really fucking awesome#there is air in my lungs and im normal#dead boy detectives
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what if You wanted to "post on kofi", but Kofi said "log in"
#im. Im Already Logged In. what more do you want from me#i click log in. it tells me im logged in. i click to my page. it tells me to log in#HUH????#i act like this is new! this has been going on! for A While!#but i've just now decided to publicly bitch about because im. well i want to! who am i if not a Complainer!#LET ME POST. MY ART. THERE.#YA LIL FUCKER!#let me innnnn LET ME INNNN#absolutely unprompted#it also Bugged The Fuck Out when i tried to sign in#and it was like 'ouuuuughhhhhh your password is wronnggggg reset it'#ok. Ok. i'll reset it#and then kofi showed me my 'old' password and it was THE EXACT SAME THING I HAD BEEN TYPING IN. TIME AND TIME AGAIN.#who do i have to maim! huh! WHO!#point me at a jugular i can rip out with my teeth!#kofi: this is what you can do. log in or tip yourself#EXCEPT!!! i cant log in. bc im already logged in. but no im not#i ask kofi Am I Logged In and it says 'well yes. but actually no'#you know! this goes right in line with how my life has gone so far! this is very On Brand!#i dont know how i do it#but i manage to fuck things up in new never before seen ways! i genuinely consider it a Skill!
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random picture dump :)
#cat update: theyre good#clancy update: he just ate roast chicken so hes also good#jess update: Im good#im happier rn than anytime since 2020 i think#still up and down but way less up and down- if that makes sense?#its nice its good- its autumn now and i always look forward to winter#suffice to say: i hope you guys are well too#i saw in an email i have messages on discord but last time i attempted to log in it wouldnt allow me so... if you msged there and i never#responded its bc i cant get in to respond and tbh#i think discord was maybe terrible for my mental health#which is a little sad bc that was the main way i talked to people but also... idk#jury is currently out on that front we'll see maybe i'll download it again#but regardless i miss you but im well and i hope youre well and i hope one day coming back wont feel so daunting#relationships are hard arent they? i hate things changing and ending more than anything else in the world#side effect of my dad dying when i was little i think#but the main thing thats been making me feel guilty and uneasy lately is feeling guilt about disappearing from people so again!#im trying and we'll see !#yeah :)
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archived. like this and i'll follow you on a new blog!
#out of character.#( this is in no way personal with anyone but every time I log into my dash I get overwhelmed )#( i think there's so much going on at once and I just need to move for my sanity )#( specially since i keep thinking i want to log in and remember I've missed so much and i need to catch up )#( so i think moving is key. sorry I'm doing this again )#( i'll also review my roster as i do it )#( i have an extra character i wanted to add too )#( okay this is too long now! )
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are you leaving? sorry for asking :/
Not sure yet :') being in this fandom takes such a huge toll on me when shit hits the fan that i cant really justify to myself staying and being invested in the same capacity as I have been. However I love my mutuals and this community too damn much to just up and leave completely 😭 for now im gonna take a break from tumblr and just give it some time. I could never leave tumblr fully though I fear I'm a yapper at heart so maybe I'll just end up posting about whatever. I really don't know ! I'll figure it out !!
#Don't really want to talk abt the whole situation on here I'm not the person for that#But yeah you all will hear from me again god knows I am incapable of shutting the hell up#And I want 2 say i truly consider dtblr to be my favorite fandom I've ever been in despite all the (very low💀) lows#You all are so incredibly funny and creative and kind and I really am so thankful I got to be a part of it all#When I think abt the friends I've made I could rlly just cry I love u all so much !!#Okay now it sounds like I'm writing a fucking eulogy DORRY ITS NOT THAT DEEP IM JUST NOT LOGGING ON THIS WEBSITE FOR A BIT GODDAMN#Like for all I know tomorrow I'll be like damn it wasn't really that serious and reblog dnf sucking cock or whatever#I'm joking^. It would probably be a frog picture#OKAY whatever I'm rambling I'm just gonna go and log out of my account on here CIAO#asks
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Last night i dreamt that the whole chat history between me and my most beloved ex-coworker had been deleted. Truly one of the most horrifying nightmares i've had in a while
#first thing i checked when i logged in this morning was our chat#i was so sad in my dream lmao#also the way his name is so far down i have to scroll to find him is truly upsetting#ahhhhh#today was the first tuesday without him#(tuesday is urology newsletter day and i always worked for him that day which meant lots of fun exchanges#today was my first time being responsible for the whole newsletter too. scary)#(also it's not like i couldn't just reply to him on whatsapp and maybe get a reply back so we can stay in touch#i just genuinely suck at staying in touch outside of work. like please just let me send messages‚ brain‚ I'm begging you#)#tomorrow is office day again and i gotta say I'm really not looking forward to it#(also i really don't want to take the train lol. i know that it's stupid but i still think of that sound and jolt of the impact yesterday#i'm aware the probability of this happening twice on the same route within such a short time is very low#but it's still unpleasant to imagine- maybe I'll just stay in the back of the train from now on lol#or at least until I've forgotten about it)#okay oversharing time is over and i shall go to bed now#void screams#(but seriously do they delete these accounts at some point or do people who left the company stay there as ghosts#with a permanent out of office note~ i hope they do.)
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finally got every rabbit to lv220, time to start buying up the entire shop
#this is all i've been doing on skyblock#i havent played since last mining fiesta. i dont have anything to do :V i just log in for hoppity#been playing wobbledogs and splatoon and yesterday i rearranged my room#been drawing a bit too :0#sorry this blog is basically dead now but. eh whatever. was sorta fun while it lasted kjfhg#dont get me wrong i still LIKE skyblock i just ran out of content i am interested in#and i can only talk about mining so much. there's only so much to say lol#one day i'll do higher slayer levels or get back on the catacombs grind but for now i am having fun with squids#and by october i will be in mario mode. im so excited#my main is gonna be active again it'll be crazy kfjhkg#chat#sb
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Even though I'm really old now, I started feeling like a child again. I haven't been this vulnerable in my whole life and my family is like... Not there for me. I live with my own family and they don't want to talk to me. I'm really scared it's only a matter of time that they ask me to move out of the house and even though I've been preparing for this for years I still don't have any options. I think I've wasted all my chances for some sort of a safety net and don't have anyone to depend on anymore due to my own stupidity. And what then
#I keep imagining what if like maybe they suddenly find out im trans and kick me out. Do I have anyone to as much as keep me overnight#I know it's mostly unlikely - if anything they'll just start being more hostile to me than straight up kick me out#But i still can't think of this place as of my home#I feel like I'm supposed to have been out of here for years now#Overstaying my welcome for far far too long#Anyway yeah. This is really all I can think about these days. Sorry#I need to log out again or I'll drive myself even crazier#pogaduchy
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Gonna also get my license soon. This time for real.
Need to find that sheet of the driving times... hmmm
#speculation nation#gonna get some more practice to increase my comfort but im generally a good driver already regardless#i just need to have the damn driving log sheet#which ive never actually filled out but certainly i have enough experience#(never recorded anything bc my dad told me from the start aka fresh 16 year old that he cared more about ability than experience#so even if i didnt log as many hours as required if he felt like i was ready then he'd have me take the test.#this makes more sense when U know he was a UPS driver so he was all about driving safety above all else.)#so. im just gonna make some shit up. but i need the sheet to do so lol.#if i cant find it maybe i'll go on campus and print one out. i think i can still do that even tho im in an online class rn#worth a try at least. if not then Uhhhh i guess i could try to buy a printer lol. probably would be good for me to have one#and they cant be That expensive can they...??#oh well i'll try the school first. if i cant locate it in my apartment that is. idk i'll just have to see.#either way im gonna get my license soon bc i dont wanna be stuck without easy transportation again#now that i no longer have a girlfriend to drive me places :p ya kno#i want the freedom. and this time for sure im gonna actually do it.
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screech
#tag rant incoming#the wait until results day is killing me#6 days 17 hours until I log onto ucas and see where I'm going in less than a month#time will not go faster no matter what i do I'm an anxious mess all the time and all I look forward to is going to bed so when i wake up#there's 1 less day to wait#I want to get into my first choice so so so badly and I'm not sure how I'll take it if I don't#my second choice is an equally good uni and course but it's just not the same to me#I'll go anyway if that's what ends up happening cus I know I'll enjoy it eventually but yeah#god has a plan everything happens for a reason etc etc but I'm Scared™#ok positives#today i bought my new laptop that I've been saving for for months - there wasn't any in stock at currys so I'll have to wait for delivery#so now I can finally join discord calls and make silly PowerPoints again#the end of my job is in sight - I wasn't put on the schedule for my last week so now I just have 2 ish weeks to go#on Monday I'm going round to a friend's to play stardew valley#rwrb movie comes out tomorrow#no matter what happens on results day my friends and I are going to a gay bar in Belfast which I'm so excited for#followed by a sleepover with another friend#the future is happening very soon and it's very overwhelming but I will get through it#I am just the unfortunate combination of anxious and impatient#ellis exclaims
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oops
#it's once again 12.30am#I started a movie and stopped it just over halfway through#and then stayed up another 45 minutes....#could've finished it lol#also also that guy that ghosted me sent me a msg saying he got locked out of the app and could only now reply lol what#not locked out I meant logged out#lmao what am I supposed to do with that it's been over a month#and yes that does mean I didn't unmatch with him whatever#it just sends me into hysterics every time I think about it#what am I supposed to do now. sleep??? HA#I'll give it a try I guess
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//
#As usual‚ logging off until the translation is out. Feel free to hmu for when I'm back!!#I really hope for some sskk this chapter I feel like I need it more now than ever 🥺🥺#I hope the new chapter will be enjoyable for everyone!!!! Have fun :D#random rambles#Also just found out the sskk feed broke again so I'll probably be trying to fix it as I wait 😔#I have no clue why it keeps happening let me be ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡
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Samsung guy also had the audacity to tell me to "just make a new account" and I got so mad cuz like. my only hope of seeing any of my memories from the past 5 years of my life are connected to that one account, and it's not even a guarantee. But it's still a small hope and I'm not giving it up.
#so I told him my daughter died and my only chance of seeing her again if I was able to log in to the cloud from my samsung account#shitty thing to do? yes ofc.#but also I'm frustrated with people continuously telling me to just make new accounts when my entire life from the age of 10+ is trapped#inside of accounts that I'll never be able to get into again without the help of like. 3 key accounts.#and 2 of those 3 have done fuck all to help#I'm just tired and this entire week has been a nightmare.#and it has been 8 days now. 8 days of damn near endless agony.#I'm gonna get a goddamn ulcer at this rate#anyways. I'm gonna try again tomorrow. My mom will let me use her phone to call a few places and hopefully I can get everything sorted out#please. god. universe. whatever or whoever. the bitch that cursed my ass.#it was funny and I've learned a very valuable lesson of hubris and patience and whatever else I was supposed to learn#can I just be okay now. can it be over. can I get on with my life and go back to being depressed over stupid shit#I'm just soooooo tired now.#flip-flopping between apathy and rage is an exhausting exercise
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I'm a photosensitive cockroach and instagram is like a theater reflector
#I CAN'T and WON'T post my art there EVER AGAIN.#Internet shady corners are too comfy. Guess I'll die starving#I just logged in after ages and freaked out#actually I haven't logged in to that account specifically for.... MORE AGES#all the people I knew from school and uni have professional looking art accounts#I can't be weird there#where do I sell stuff locally now#I'm trying to reach someone that is not a gringo on fiverr#seriously though how do you endure the actual nightmare of exposition
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got attached to the bear only for the 3rd season to fucking SUCK
#i have to exteriorize my disappointment here or i'll explode i think#the way this show let me down in one season is actually kinda crazy#had next to no expectations except keeping the same energy that the first two seasons had that was very specific#but it sucked!!!! I have to say it!!!! It fucking sucked!!!#i'm letting it out now so hopefully my rewatch will prove me wrong#hopefully hopefully#but everytime i think about watching those 890 760 claire flashbacks again i put it off for another month#sorry i thought people were just being haters and i liked her to some extent and for what she kinda represented for carmy's developpment#but season 3 reeaally made me dislike anything about that plot point#season 3 made me dislike season 3 and i will never forgive it for that#shit made me log in to tumblr again that's crazy
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LET ME WATCH MY GAY PILOT SHOW OML WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
#I've been banished#apple tv just cut me off >:|#aka my brother signed in and logged the tv out so I'm mad now.#guess i'll just watch top gun again then#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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