At A Time At Eighteen
I stopped being proud to call myself a happy person
I felt guilty of what made me happy
I saw too many things that were unloved
I told myself I cannot run out of love
I had finally learned not to cry in the shower
l let the water flow down my face and thought of writing a poem
I figured out all my worries are in numbers
I thought of death and told myself nothing really matters
I wondered if this made me look like a sad person
I asked myself what's wrong with that
I thought of prolonging the list of things I wouldn’t write about
And I'm happy to take this one out of the list
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Five? I'm here. Sorry it took me awhile, I thought we'd be here faster. Are you okay?
It's alright. Are you alright? The trip was fine?
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Talking to myself; nothing serious.
I still miss her. Or at least the idea that things could have gotten better somehow. I hate that Marlene is the only person she has left and that we've dragged her into this whole mess. Now she's stuck there instead, and that...
That isn't fair to her. Rose likes her at least. But.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I miss having that connection to someone, miserable as it was. It was something.
Everyone else is gone. Maybe it was my fault for burning the last bridges myself.
I'm too old for this bullshit, ha...
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He hit me with a croc again
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This is definitely 1 of those nights when I’d normally be having a shitty brain time and complain about it here with weird overdramatic metaphors until I find something to distract me, I can feel it. This staticky numbness under the surface. But Honey’s here. So everything’s okay, and fine, and safe, and I’m fine and real and normal. And I mean it.
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way :{ I can provide comfort or advice if you need anything,
-🦭🦭🦭
Thanks but iits fine.
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FUCK! Why is he so pretty!?
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