#I'm projecting onto a fictional dan..

[phanisnotonphire]

I swear that I'm not mad at you, but I can't share your bed now.

Dan finds out about infamous 'heart eyes howell', it brings panic, and conversations with himself he would rather not have...ever.

cw : some internalized homophobia going on here.....generally sad idk how to write them happy sorry 😇

heart eyes howell.

that's what they're calling him.

his eyes rapidly rake over the Tumblr home page. taking in every word they were saying. fingers flying across the keyboard ready to defend himself. the words weren't true. the 'weight of love' wasn't in that stare. how could he have let that slip in the edit? how could he have been so careless? what else was in that video? what about the hundreds of other videos on the channel?

dan flies to the YouTube page. scrolling frantically. there was too much. too much to go through. what else did he miss? where does he even start? heart beating out of his chest his hands quickly meet Phils shoulders. more often than not he slept in dans room. because it was true. how could it not be? but that didn't make dan- it didn't make what they were saying true.

"phil." he says urgently. "Phil please." he says desperation clear. Phil groggily opens his eyes and goes to pull dan in but meets the sheets, not expecting him to be sitting up in bed on the laptop. "Dan? what are you doi-" he started as he squinted his eyes up at dan. "We need to delete the video" he rushed out before Phil could finish. Phil groans and props himself up on his elbow and rubs his eyes "what are you talking about?"

"It has to come down they-they're" dan says progressively sounding more panicked. Phil quickly realized he wasn't going to be going back to bed, so he sat up, clicked on the light and placed his hand on dans shoulder. what he didn't expect was dan to flinch away as if his touch just burned him. he retracted his hand quickly "dan what is going on? what are you looking at?" he says reaching for the laptop "no! no sorry. its- it's not true" he stutters out pulling the laptop close. "Okay, hey what isn't true? it's okay we can fix it whatever it is." Phil says softly

dan shakes his head. "We can't fix it." dan says shoving the laptop towards phil. he grabs the laptop and turns the screen towards him. all he saw was a screenshot from the video they uploaded earlier that day. Phil was smiling widely at dan who was looking back up at him with a soft stare. He almost found himself smiling but then remembered how worked up dan was. but...this was the big problem? his eyes filtered down to the caption.

heart eyes howell.

that's what they were calling him.

"Heart eyes Howell? is that what you're worried about?" Phil askes confused trying not to sound dismissive. when dan didn't answer he looked up from the screen, he was staring right back at him with silent tears rapidly running from his dark eyes. "Oh dan" he says closing the laptop. "They- they think I'm gay Phil" he choked out.

ah. there it is. "Okay, okay." Phil says starting to grasp the severity of dans panic in this situation. "I'm not. I'm not gay." he says digging at his eyes with the heels of his palms. Phil silently processes this. dan was obviously very shaken up by people thinking they were together. but they were. they weren't public about it but he didn't think it was such a secret. he pushed his own feelings down because as much as this would also affect Phil it just wasn't about hm right now.

"Just because they think they know something from a screenshot doesn't mean they do dan" he offers. "They already are obsessed with the idea of us, and- and now they have this picture. and a name for it. and they're going to find more. and everyone will kn- everyone will think they know" he struggles to speak.

"Hey. dan, they know nothing-" he starts but was cut off by a gasping dan "I'm not gay Phil" he cries. Phil swallows. he sees what is happening. dan is nowhere near ready for what they had started. what they had created. "Yeah, I know. that's okay bear. it's not true, okay?" he says opening his arms. he sighs a breath of relief when dan collapses into his arms.

"it's okay. we can delete whatever, alright?" Phil says wrapping his arms around dans shaking body. saying this made his heart throb. the thought of deleting the proof of their bond, their life. it killed him. but ultimately, he just wanted dan to be happy.

they stayed like that for a while. he's not really sure exactly how long. eventually dan pulls away. "I'm sorry." he says watery. Phil smiles and reached up a hand to sweep through dans now slightly curling fringe. he kissed the top of his head softly and let his chin linger for longer than he normally would. he throws his legs over the side of the bed and took a deep breath willing the tears to stay down for a minute longer. he stands up and walks towards the door. "Wait- where are you going?" dan says quickly. "My room Dan." he says softly but with a strange sense of finality that both of them silently understood. "phil... I love you" he says truthfully. not that they weren't aware the other loved them. it was well known. but they didn't say it so...plainly.

Phils throat tightened, and he smiled a tight smile before flicking off the light and closing the door behind him.

there was obviously a conversation to be had at some point in the future. but for now, they woke up and waited for the other to get up to have breakfast together as they usually did, neither questioning when both of their pillowcases ended up in the wash as they both watched morning tv with red eyes.

[manonamora-if]

February Check-In

From here on out, we should be back on track - IRL be damned (crossing fingers with that). Unless someone throws another wrench...

Anyway, let's not think about the bummer stuff...

Here's to a hopefully "normal" month with stuff actually being checked off a list!

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

IF Events in the Next Month

Plan for the next month

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head over to itch.io!

January Progress

Welp... there wasn't much of a list in the January Check-in, since it was the retrospective, which included the yearly plan. Still, I did make a mini one on itch. Put together we'd get:

Still play more IF and maybe review. ✅

Finish the edits of Harcourt Ch5 ✅ and coding ❌

Fix one of the semi-completed games: ❌either the Egg parser or TRNT (and make it a proper parser)

Complete the Seed/Shuffle-Comp entry✅

Honestly, not bad... The first one, obviously is done and dusted. IFDB says I posted 60+ reviews in January - covering the Short Game Showcase, the ShuffleComp, and the Recipe Jam helped quite a bit. And that also meant... I'm 3rd in the Reviewer ranking! Only 100 more to second place...

MelS and I finally stopped playing ping-pong with the editing of Harcourt (later than we wanted...), and I'm currently sitting down to edit the whole maze. I had hoped to be done by the end of this month, but it wasn't feasible... It was close - I only have half a dozen passages to code, to check it works, and do the formatting. I used to laugh at his complaining of working all the rooms for this maze (because he chose to do that many), but now I'm the one suffering... Don't do mazes... Or don't do 30+-room mazes... (I'm not joking here) Also: If all goes well, March/April should be editing of Chapter 6, June/July coding of Chapter 6 (+ re-edits of previous chapters), August/September beta/edits, October? completed game.

As for the ShuffleComp, I made it realllll close to the deadline. But (not so) strangers in the night was completed just in time! Aaaannnddd, got 1st place in the Use of Songs category! Yay me :D Also submitted to the SeedComp! and the Zach Jam.

As for fixing the parsers.... whomp whomp, didn't manage that.

Buuuutt:

I made another parser! Not Another Sad Meal is a slice-of-life cooking sim of easy difficulty (and clickable elements for help!)

Also made a Zine! CTRL+SHIFT+ZUT+ALORS Lost content meets weird technology. I probably will never make this game, but you can use it as inspiration if you want!

And spent a few days working on a collaborative virtual card for a friend. While that will never be made public (for obvious reasons), You can find the basic interface [here].

Also won kuddos of best puzzle for An Eggcellent Preparation (even though it kinda broken)!

So yeah... not huge updates for projects, but some good progress and a few mini-new games. I'm not expecting people to check those out... But it would be neat if you did!

What’s happening in February?

There's always something happening in the IF world. I don't think I ever find all that happens anyway... but. Here's the ones I know!

The Queer Vampire Game Jam ends in about three weeks. Got a vampire/human story with a LGBT+ cast? Then this is the event for you! (unranked) Also they are doing a fundraising/matching donation with submissions!

Obviously @neointeractives got you covered for Valentine’s with the Smoochie Jam: it’s all about kisses, love and romance (unranked) - Be also on the look out for the next Neo-Interactives mini-jam which is happening mid-March.

The SeedComp! (Sprouting) ends at the end of February. Come transform someone’s idea or asset into a new IF game! See @seedcomp-if for more info ;) (ranked)

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2024 se termine dans un mois! Viendez faire des histoires en français!! <3 (ranked, duh)

The Spring Thing is waiting for your intent to participate until March 1st! After that, the submissions are due in April (also ranked)

Got a cool talk idea regarding Interactive Fiction, narration, or gameplay? Consider submitting a proposal for this year’s Narrascope! They are still looking for people!!!!

Note: @neointeractives will have jams all year long. One a month/or so. And the next Planting Round of @seedcomp-if will start as soon as the results are dropped.

The PLANtm for February

Shortest month, and one busy months in events (I'm at the head of two... what am I DOING WITH MY LIFE....)... So much to do, so little time. But also, ONE EXTRA DAY THIS MONTH! :D

What are we hoping to do this month?

Play more games! Because there are a bunch of jams happening and a backlog of games I'm trying to clear. Also I want to get to that second IFDB spot! (1st won't ever be attainable...)

Finish the Code Ch5 of Harcourt. This is attainable. This is doable. I will finish... because I am already 80% done. MelS is working on Chapter 6 for this month - hoping to have a rough draft for me to check too by the end of the month...

Finish fixing The Roads Not Taken. This is your month. I swear I am manifesting it hard. This is happening. I will finish you. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you....

Jam Entry number 685470w8698... probably. Maybe do a Queer Vampire/Smoochie Combo. Maybe even a French Comp game?

ALSO: I will probably do an another AMA mid-Feb.

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

New year, new list. A more feasible one, according to January-Me.

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent - this year should be it - for real)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm getting ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

[fallhound]

hi @charlottan, book tag game :3

Favorite books: It is so so hard for me to pick favourites. uhhhhhh... Night Watch by Pratchett, and honestly I could put a lot of Pratchett's books on here. but I won't. Wiedźmin Sapkowskiego, a lot of polish romanticism, satire, and war nonfiction; Sienkiewicz, Mickiewicz, Krasicki, Bia��oszewski, Borowski. A lot of Brandon Sanderson books; mistborn came to mind first

Favorite authors: a lot were mentioned above. Pratchett is probably the highest up there.

Favorite genres: fantasy, post-apocalyptic (or what I like to call: post post-apocalyptic) and historic nonfiction. Yuri.

Book(s) you’re currently reading: Sideways in time by Murray Leinster, After Sappho by Selby Wynn Schwartz, Macbeth by Shakespeare (plays count, shut up)

Books on your to read list: waaah too many to mention. I still have like 8 ones I've picked up from various used bookstores, my library holds currently are for The Terror by Dan Simmons, Hamlet (particularly choice audiobook), & The city and the city by China Miéville.

Books you loved as a child: Felix, Net i Nika Rafała Kosika, Animorphs by Katherine Applegate, Eragon by Christopher Paolini, Strrraszna Historia (various authors)

Preferred book length: with how I get INTO a book and refuse to put it down until it's over; I wanna say like. 100-150k words??? I dunno tho, I also like small books I can devour in one day, and I also like Project Books.

Books you couldn’t finish: I generally don't bother to remember things that I didn't enjoy or at least disliked in an interesting way. The most recent book I didn't finish was a 2 dollar used bookstore pickup Falling off the map: some lonely places of the world by Pico Iyer. the premise was amazing but then it just ended up being a bunch of British privileged takes on people the author clearly deemed as lesser. HOW IS ICELAND OR CUBA "FORGOTTEN"???? I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE TINY TOWNS, ACTUALLY INTERESTING THINGS, NOT WHOLE FUCKING CULTURES YOU FUC-

Fiction or nonfiction: as a Writer I lean fiction 95%, and as such read a lot of it and learn from a lot of it, but also as someone who was always interested in history of People's, not armies, I've read a lot of nonfiction; journals and such. Both are great, recently I've been on a larger nonfiction kick tho

Buy, borrow from library, or read online: I'm sadly also a buycel, I love physical books. However, I'm also huge on audiobooks, and used to use my kindle a lot. In reality my sortof. division would be: buy from used bookstores, borrow audiobooks from your local libraries, steal ebooks and put them onto a cracked eReader as last resort.

Author you’ve read the most of, but DON’T recommend: I dunno! I mean, hm. I don't know how the Witcher translations are, translating from a nice and juicy language into English is lossy as hell so those version gotta be mid and I would not recommend anyone learn Polish unless you have a damn good reason.

Favorite book character: Can I put a cop on here? cause first character I thought of was Vimes from Pratchett's city watch. He's complicated and a bastard. honestly, a lot of Pratchett's characters. Angua, Carrot, Vetinari even.

If you at some point stopped reading but then started again, what book/books got you into reading again: Gideon the ninth :) I used to read 2-4 books a week as a child, then depression hit, then immigration, money and space and house insecurity, and I stopped until pretty recently :) now I'm back babey

Tagging ANYONE in this, if you do do this, please tag me :)

[crypdoezoology]

I've followed you for years and while I do respect your opinion I don't agree with attacking people for their taste in fictional characters. I don't even think I've seen you lash out this bad before. Get well soon.

you really think that's an attack huh

i'm not just going to sit around and say only half of what i mean, i think ppl owe it to themselves to think harder about what they project onto. idc if you LIKE these movies or the character, but if folks are really out there watching reanimator and seeing all that shit and they walk out w/ "omg kinspiration! he and dan should kiss" then they are terminally online and need to try to boot up the old critical thinking machine that's been moldering away in the back of their head since 8th grade english class

and yeah. it bothers me that people take "hey think harder about that" as some kind of personal attack. it's not the kind of mindset i want to be around where we have to sit around in the herbert stan hug box and pretend that idolizing a man w/ literally. i mean LITERALLY. no personality outside his dehumanization of women and complete egomania. and that's ALL he needs for ppl to claim he's the paragon of transcoded media. that. bothers. me.

so no i'm not gonna get well soon, or ever probably, i'm 26 i'm only gonna get older and more bitter from here

[koreinkorein]

Wow! I don't usually engage in these discussions (or actively use tumblr at all lol) but I just gotta tell you that this was maybe the wisest opinion on the "current situation" I've read so far. I've always struggled with the definition of ship (a relationship I want to be a thing? Or one that I'm convinced of?) and what you're saying is absolutely true! Recently the whole ship-culture just seems so inappropriate for Dan and Phil

thanks! haha yeah I’ve been in this fandom for 2 years now and so far despite the community being so big on shipping them I never felt like I was actively “shipping” them. It just feels like i never have to reach for a clue? I don’t need to be “proven” they’re together its just in my gut that they are.  

One of my friend told me that its actually possible to ship an actual couple but to me that just doesn’t make sense, especially with how people took it as (this post by hank green sums it up the most) like why would you have the desire for two people who are already together to be together? I get maybe if they’re fictional, cause even when they are canon, the thought of them being together only comes alive when you think about them together and when you put your own definition of a perfect relationship towards them. But if its a real person we’re talking about, if two people that you coincidentally “ship” are actually confirmed to be dating irl, what you do is bless them well and hope they have a great life together and that’s literally how i feel towards them this past year. If we’re talking about couples i admire, I have lots, I admire melix, bcouple, and matpat and his wife, these are all the couples I admire whether that be in how they act around each other how they make each other laugh and how much they have fun with each other and I hope to find that kind of companionship in life, dnp conveniently has always been within this group of couples I admire and not two boys i want to kiss on cam. (then again I dont think i ever want to see them kiss on cam- is that weird) I would be very sad if any of them were to break up (knock on the wood) but I wouldn’t be devastated and blame them for it because its a real relationship that I have no control of and I won’t ever know about and relationships can be so rocky that its impossible to just rely on a couple to be happy together forever but one can always dream.

So personally I think that dnp is definitely more than just a ship, I understand that there are people who might still project their ideas onto them as we tend to live vicariously through these people we see in media, so I get that, thats why people follow celeb gossip religiously but I don’t think I’ll ever relate to people who force them to make a video to come out or to force them to make anything that screams they’re in a relationship. 

I’d rather them take their time knowing what they’d like to share and what they wouldn’t share with us, and us in return being sort of this moral support for them and making sure that no matter what their decision is we will be there along the way, as a support group cause hey internet support group ill let myself out