#I've been feeling sick for weeks anyway and it's unrelated so

[reallifepotato]

Am positive for covid

[aireia]

The night I fell in love with you. — Gojo Satoru

tw/cw: gn! reader, fluff. not proofread. ooc.

note: I wanna know how I've been sick for 2 weeks —masterlist

Social events are common amongst clans. They help strengthen the bonds and relationships between clans, which makes it easier for them to come to agreements on matters.

For all he can remember, Satoru hates social events. He can’t remember how many he’s been to since he was a child, but he can remember the whispers among the crowds and the feeling of eyes on him. He can’t differentiate whether it was admiration, jealousy, hatred, or some other emotion. 

But he has to go. He’s the head of the Gojo clan, one of the most expected people at these private events. He doesn’t really see the point in him showing up, anyway. He doesn’t agree with the views and opinions of any other person there. 

It’s by the time he’s eighteen, maybe a decade after he started attending these parties, that he finally goes to an event that’s worth remembering, because he met you. Someone who agreed that these excuses of events were a bore. The both of you ended up laughing with each other over small talk, completely unrelated to the other people talking about ways to get rid of dangerous sorcerers.

The both of you had a lot in common. For example, your hatred towards the way the elders choose to do things. Satoru didn’t take long to realise this wouldn’t be the last time he would see you at these places, and jokingly asked if you wanted to meet up at these events and go to some corner of the room to talk shit about everyone there. You accepted. 

Maybe that’s when you fell for him. You kept each other company during these times, and laughed together so much anyone would mistake the both of you for friends that hadn’t seen each other for years catching up with each other.

About a year, or two after you met, there was a gathering that required everyone to have a partner to dance with. Now this was becoming ridiculous. Who organises these?! Because he sure as hell didn’t. Satoru groaned  loudly into his pillow when he first received the notice, and reached for his phone on his nightstand to text you about it. 

“We can be each other’s partners.” “I’m sure it won’t take too long.”

He stared at the screen for too long after that. The thought of dancing with you made heat rise to his cheeks. 

“...Satoru? Are you still there?” 

-

On the day of the actual event, he finds himself looking forward to dancing. He has to stop himself from straight up dragging you towards the centre of the room as the music began.

Have you ever seen a rose bloom? Watched the way the petals slowly unfolded? 

Satoru has.

Because that’s what Satoru Gojo saw in front of him when you were dancing together. The vibrance of the petals paled in comparison to your smile, and suddenly, he felt as if he were the thorns that pricked anyone who dared to touch them, for he never wanted this moment to end. His mind flashed back to one of the texts you sent as he got drunk off the sweet scent of your perfume. 

“I’m sure it won’t take too long.” 

No. He hopes the song is a hundred, a million times longer than it is. He never wants this to end. He doesn’t wish for this to become a memory, for he wishes to live in it forever. 

He can see the flames dancing in your eyes, and he feels liquid with the way your bodies move together.

Each step you took was lighter than any falling feather, and in his mind he thinks that maybe he’d have to describe you as a free bird. And he thinks about it, over and over, all the way until the final note of the piece. 

By that time, you’re everything. You’re a rose, you’re a dove… From what he sees through his cerulean eyes, you’re the sun that lights up the sky, yet at the same time the moon that grants dreams through slumber. You’re the waves of the ocean, and you’re the calmness that resides in the deep sea. 

You are his everything.

-

“Satoru?” you walk up to him on the balcony, where he seems to be lost in thought. “It’s getting late. We should go to b– Satoru!” you yelped when he suddenly grabbed your arm and pulled you close to him. 

You know exactly what he’s thinking about, and you can’t help but smile and sigh. 

“May I have this dance?”

by user @ aireia, do not plagiarize and/or translate.

[spiritually-a-blorb]

headcannons for Apollo and Meg after all the books beacuse all I've been doing for the past days are spinning these scrunkly guys around in my head at terminal velocity <3

- Meg always carries a pack of sunflower seeds with her when she goes to school.

- Whenever Meg takes ancient history and they cover Greece, she manages the worst grade beacuse Apollo tells her facts that the book literally dosent know and he thinks it's blasphemy that's she's failing.

- Apollo will literally never shut up about his kids now. he hears literally the smallest detail that reminds him of them and he talks for hours about them

- Artemis is around Apollo a lot more, and she's definitely more protective/worried about him. Apollo likes the extra time he gets with her.

- Apollo returned Paolo's bandanna, but definitely not before finding one for himself. he wears it everywhere, Artemis has tried to burn it like 20 times, but somehow it always returns to Apollo in one piece.

- Apollo cannot physically hear or look anything in a shakesperian accent without wanting to commit mass destruction/cry

- Meg never gets sunburnt. like ever. plus, her crops always manage to get the right balance of sun without her help.

- One day, Meg manages to teleport directly to Apollo. As it turns out, since Apollo got himself up out of Chaos, no one ever really broke the master/servant bond. Apollo conveniently does not mention this until the last moment possible, beacuse he likes feeling connected to Meg, even when he's away.

- Apollo kept his scars. In doing so, older scars seem to pop up, that he was definitely sure he didn't get while he was mortal. They cover his body, and he can't seem to get rid of them without the ones he got while being mortal going away too. So, he hides them, and only shows off the ones he got as a mortal.

- Apollo is allowed to visit Rachel, beacuse he wants to prevent something like Python from happening to his oracles again.Zeus buys this, but only beacuse he weighs in with Athena first. Athena was totally not bribed into this by Apollo with actual intellectual discussions, no sir.

- On a totally unrelated note, he tries to connect with Athena more. They have little discussions about different topics every week or two.

- Apollo likes trying to connect with all his Olympian family. He realizes that they all suffered under Zeus, and if they are closer, like an actual family, maybe it will lessen the blows.

- Meg somehow never gets sick. it is both a blessing and a curse, since she always has to care for her siblings when they are sick

- For some odd, very mysterious reason, whenever Apollo visits Rachel, his kids or Meg are ever-present, and after he visits for some time (some days he visits longer, others it is shorter) they just pop in. weird, but since he's here visiting his Pythia, and technically not his kids, Zeus isn't gonna pay that much attention to mortals

- Since Apollo's sacred animal (one of them, anyway) is a red cow, it's totally not far fetched that it falls within his duties to check on the herd at the Waystation. After all, what God wouldn't check on their sacred animal! some mortals might mistreat them, after all!! and since he needs to talk to the owners,, he might as well catch up with them, right?

- Camp Jupiter is totally in need of more renovations, right? and it makes sense that such a devoted group should deserve some kind of reward. plus, since Apollo made the mess with the whole war thing, it makes the most sense for him to go and help! and later, he needs to check that his work is top notch!

- Apollo always visits Meg on Sundays. Technically, he's visiting Herophile, since he needs to check on her too! she's an important oracle! but Meg lives there, so they are bound to run into each other, and it's totally not weird that these meetings take a day (or two) beacuse that's a mere blink in the eye, for a god, anyways.

[mypoisonedvine]

I hate hate hate having to talk about this stuff because I know 98% of y'all are not the problem, and the remaining 2% are probably not going to care in the slightest. but I need to set some boundaries and explain why I'm getting frustrated before any more resentment builds.

I've been writing for cillian murphy characters since july 26 when I posted 'thoughtless', since then I've released well over one hundred thousand words of content for him. I'm not exaggerating, I counted. it's been five and a half weeks and I've posted 14 full-length one shots which means I'm posting more than twice a week. that's not even including drabbles/requests.

I'm getting concerned that this has set a precedent that people are holding me to and I'm getting annoyed by the entitlement in some of my asks and comments.

first things first, and I know nobody means anything bad by this but it's pissing me off: stop using the phrase "full smut" in your requests, it's driving me crazy. this started abruptly after I posted a bunch of drabbles in one sitting based on y'all's ideas and requests. I did that as a way to try out new ideas and appease people who hadn't had their concepts written about yet. instead of people being happy with what I wrote for them, people got frustrated that the drabbles were drabble-length and not thousands of words long like my full fics (which take me several days to write, rather than an hour or less which is the point of short requests). ever since, people won't stop coming into my inbox talking about making a "full smut" for a certain character or idea as if they're terrified that I'll only post something short. I usually don't post short things. I feel now like those drabbles were a colossal waste of time because all they did was make people afraid I wouldn't write longer stuff; I wanted to open requests again because I had fun, but now I feel like it's a bad idea because it'll just leave people frustrated when they see it's not whatever a "full smut" is and then tell me it's incomplete and I need to write more. a short drabble can very well be a complete story. stop asking for "full smut" PLEASE. just tell me what you're interested in reading and trust that, as the author, I will tell the story in the correct length of time.

secondly, the way people are asking for stories about new characters is getting out of control. I think you guys don't realize that I only post less than half of the asks I get, because they are so repetitive and constant. I have literally over 2000 unanswered asks currently. if I answered all the asks I received, I would lose followers because it clogs the dash and half of them are the same questions.

and I'm just gonna say this one explicitly: please stop asking me to write for cillian's character in the movie 'anna'. I'm not saying that I won't or that I don't want to. but I need you to understand that I get easily 3-5 asks a DAY about this character and I am exhausted. I'm not particularly interested in watching the movie. not only does it look like it's probably just not that good, but on a very personal note, I am in recovery for an eating disorder (and relapsed recently) and I just... don't wanna watch a movie with a runway model in the leading role right now. I'm sorry if that feels like body shaming or something but I've been waiting until I feel like I can watch it without feeling sick or enraged. it should come as a surprise to no one who is familiar with my work that I'm not a particularly mentally healthy person. but that's only part of it; I answered asks about this character for a while saying I wanted to write for him eventually, but I had to stop because people just asked about him every day anyways without reading my very recent posts with the same question. I'm still not ruling it out. I'm just warning you guys that it will be a while.

people are now commenting requests for new characters ON MY CURRENT FICS FOR UNRELATED CHARACTERS. how entitled and dense do you have to be to do that? I can't believe this has to be said, but comments on my fics should be... related to the content of the fic you're commenting on.

to be clear, I'm not mad at anyone for doing this stuff (except that last one, that's unforgivably ridiculous) because I think the intentions are pure. but now that I've explained why this stuff bothers me, I'm asking you to put a little more thought into how you phrase your questions and comments. to be clear: for the most part I feel incredibly supported and appreciated here and I've been very impressed by this fandom's ability to not be morality police and manage their own content consumption. a lot of you have reached out with concern about the speed at which I was producing and I totally understand and value that. I honestly think I can keep up that pace for a little while longer... I just wanted to explain why I'm getting a little irritated and hopefully decrease the amount of asks I get repeating the same two or three things.

so, tl;dr -- I've been having a lot of fun writing and I plan to keep doing it as much as I can. some people are spoiling the fun for everyone by being (usually unintentionally) entitled and impatient. I don't mind you guys showing enthusiasm for things you'd like to see from me, in fact it's helpful because it tells me what might get a good reception. but please be thoughtful in how you make these requests and please support what I've already written if you want to see more. I think non-writers have a hard time understanding how inspiration works (hell, even writers don't really understand it in ourselves lol) and so it kinda just seems like if I can write about one thing I can write about any thing. but I only write so much and so fast because I write what speaks to me and not other people's ideas. again, thank you so much for all the love and support this past month!!

p.s. I also get asks multiple times a day asking when I will post a fic, especially if I've announced it. I always post fics between 4 and 5 PM central US time. I would recommend calculating when that is for you and I promise you'll find me posting very reliably at this time on days I have fics announced. hopefully this saves us all some trouble in the future lmao

[whythewords]

Days 267 - 280: What it might be...

Quicker turnaround than many of the last posts (yes I'm mentioning it again) and with perhaps an odd (or possibly perfect) juxtaposition with the sad yet hopeful nature of the end of that last entry.

I'll start by saying things have been pretty good. Aside from an incredibly annoying but relatively infrequent lingering cough, the COVID symptoms seem to be a distant memory. Two negative tests and I was back on campus. It was a busy week, but I got the shit done that I needed to do and then quickly realized today, as the school week has come to a close that we're about to enter week 6. That means I'm just a couple of weeks away from reading week which is not only a nice little break to look forward to, but the halfway point of the semester... My final semester...is almost halfway done. Holy fuck. The coming workload seems daunting but it seems doable and I am inching closer to the finish line that, when I started this journey, seemed barely even visible on the horizon.

It's a good feeling.

You know what's a bad feeling though? The massive, unrelenting headache I got this past Wednesday night.

You know what's ANOTHER GOOD feeling though? Getting a 'like' on one of the dating apps (yes, I went back) from a girl who actually seems kinda cool on her profile and that I actually seem to have (at least at first glance) a mental and physical attraction to. But I've played this game before. And it ain't the first time. Hell, it's one of the reasons I keep suspending the apps off and on in the first place. There's a connection, there's the beginning of a conversation, and then there's nothing. It's played out exactly that way several times since first getting back on the horse after my the separation. Why would this be any different?

Couple this with the fact that it was the very day I had this unrelenting headache. I came home from class gung-ho to get a head start on some labs that were due in a few days, but just collapsed into my bed and begged the universe to let me sleep off whatever demon boa constrictor had wrapped around my brain.

I saw the 'like,' I looked at the profile. The boa constrictor loosened its grip on my brain long enough for me to have some passing thoughts on the situation: "She's cute. She seems cool. Also, I'm dying. This shit seldom works out anyway so I'll respond to her later."

A few minutes go by and I remember that podcasts help put me to sleep sometimes. I grab the phone to load one up. A message. y brain pipes up again: "Shit. Okay. Well it's weird if I confirm the match and then say nothing, so I'll confirm the match tomorrow morn-oh shit never mind I just did it by accident." That fucking demon constrictor strikes again.

I respond. We chat. The conversation goes on much longer than any I've had on the apps since the first time I dove back into them post-separation (but that's not saying much). But the conversation was nice and it distracted me from my headache. She was present and she was funny and was engaged in the conversation, moreso than anyone else I had talked to on these apps in a long time, maybe ever. The conversation went on for a bit over an hour and then drifted to food in our respective locales. I took the opportunity to ask her out next weekend. She said yes.

What the fuck just happened?

Did I actually fall asleep while trying so desperately to get rid of this headache only for my mind to play a sick prank on me? Nope. This is just...a thing that's happening.

I'd gotten back onto the apps around mid-August, not too long after my August 14 entry here where I briefly talked about the idea of going back. At first I just had them there on the phone and didn't really use them, just waited to see if an occasional match would spring up that would catch my eye. It was infrequent. And when it did happen, it wasn't anything I was particularly interested in. As the weeks rolled on I started swiping a bit and trying to throw out the occasional 'like' or message on the apps that allowed such interaction. The results didn't change much. The occasional promising match, the exchange of a handful of messages, then silence.

These last couple weeks I was coming in hot. "I'm gonna try it" I told myself. "I'm gonna use up all the likes, and the swipes and send as many messages as I can and just do one last blitz. If it doesn't work out I'll jump back off the apps, at least until school is over." There were a precious few more matches than before, but the results were pretty much the same. Here I am, not even fully sure I know what I'm looking for or why I'm looking now, and then...Wednesday happens.

It was only two days ago, but we've been chatting a whole bunch since. And I've been in a good mood these last couple of days. But herein lies the caveat (because of course there is one): this COULD be nothing. The biggest mistake I made when I was first doing this online dating thing (several years ago when I was broken up with my eventual ex-wife for the first time) was getting too invested. There were at least a couple of times when I found myself anxious and excited for a date, only for the date to transpire and for the person to conclude that they weren't interested in me, or for me to conclude the same about them.

I have to prepare myself for that. I have to let myself know that this is a trial. I'm trying it out and hoping it works. And it might not. I haven't even met this person yet for god's sake. But the key here is finding a line. Striking a balance. Know what this is Joe. Know that it is fleeting. Know that it is as likely to disappoint as it is to go well. But enjoy it anyway. And I am. I'm enjoying it. I guess that's kinda the point of this shit right? I thought about it earlier today in the sense that if this doesn't work out, at least I'll have had this strange, fleeting high for the couple of weeks leading up to the date. I impressed a stranger. I was charming in some way. I'm capable of being interesting or attractive to someone. I dunno. It feels nice. The feeling might not last. But I guess it's okay to hope it does? I've been in this same situation a few times before and I've hit the same damn adage every time. PREPARE for the worst.

But fucking....just...hope for the best.

Right?

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 22 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Simon

"It must've been terribly difficult for you," Sam muttered.

"But you are far braver, far stronger than any of the rogues I've seen here. To go through what you have, to experience such pain. No matter what anyone, even what that Alpha says, you are worth it. You deserve so much more, Simon and for what it's worth, I'm glad you're alive. Glad that you're here to tell your story."

It was the first time anyone had said anything like that and suddenly I couldn't stop the unrelenting stream of tears that fell and when Sam reached over to hug me like his life depended on it, I felt a sense of intoxicating warmth that I hadn't experienced in such a long time.

I didn't ever want to let go.

"I feel bad for a lot of my patients," Sam broke the silence, his tone softer as if guilt filled his voice.

"They come in so broken, so helpless. I help them, heal them. Offer food, water, supplies, whatever they need but eventually, they have to leave and I can't provide one thing. I can provide them a healthy new start, a little happiness but that's just it. Eventually, they'll feel hurt again. Feel helpless. They may go hungry or dehydrated or worse and I can't provide the one thing they so desperately need."

I frowned, his face dejected, as he stared at Belle and the young pup.

"I can't give them love."

He sighed.

"Not the forever kind. I can only provide a temporary sense of love and comfort until the outside world hurts them again. It's why I quit being a human doctor but even as a vet, I'm finding it so difficult to give them the love they deserve. Animals forgive so easily but it's not fair. I can't cure their loneliness. I can't cure their broken hearts and it breaks mine. They deserve so much better."

I extended my hand, resting it in his.

"But you're doing so much for them..."

"I don't think..."

"You are," I squeezed his hand, reassuringly.

"That brief moment of happiness is enough to help them get through things. So they don't lose hope. Without it, Belle wouldn't have even survived to give birth to her pups. Those rogues would have died from a simple injury. I would have been dead on the side of the road. Believe me, what you're doing is more than just helping, it's empowering, really."

He gave me a half-hearted smile, squeezing my hand back.

"Thanks, dear."

It was about two in the morning by the time Belle had successfully delivered her other two pups.

A girl and another boy.

Belle was a trooper, even though she was exhausted and clearly in intense pain, she cleaned the other two, licking the three of them assuredly as they ate.

Not until they were all full and asleep did Belle officially fall asleep.

Sam looked just as exhausted, he had dozed off a few times only to jump back awake, when one of the pups made a noise.

He yawned almost every three minutes, as we cleaned up, providing warm blankets for Belle and the pups.

Sam stretched, before gesturing toward the office.

"We should probably go to sleep. I'll take the sleeping bag, take the cot in the office."

"Isn't it uncomfortable? I can take the sleeping bag."

"It beats the night I slept sitting up after your surgery," he laughed.

"I think I finally got the kink out of my neck just yesterday but jokes aside, I'll be alright, the cot will be easier on your injury anyways."

I didn't argue, even though I wanted to.

I reached for my cell-phone and wallet, going to charge it.

I feared seeing the messages and calls I probably had from Aspen.

He was probably worried sick, looking all over for me or maybe he had finally given up.

When my phone started booting up, my anxiety flew through the roof, as I waited to see the messages rolling in.

Sure enough, hundreds of messages popped up, mostly from Aspen, a few from Cedar and a couple from Xavier.

Most of the phone calls appeared to be from Aspen, all spanning throughout the weeks I've been here.

A few from last night.

A few messages read:

Where are you?

Please. Come home.

I'm not mad at you.

Are you safe?

Are you hurt?

And the most distressing one:

I'm sorry.

My heart sank. Usually, Aspen would just yell at me, be mad that I didn't follow his instructions to stay home but this was different.

He must've been worried sick.

I probably picked up and set my phone down about ten times debating whether to talk to him.

He would drop everything and respond in a heartbeat if I messaged him but I didn't want him to worry for another second.

So I hesitantly grabbed my phone, opening up our chat.

'I'm okay,' I sent before turning my phone on silent, covering my face with the blanket to not tempt me to check it through the night.

[anonymousreductionjournal]

First off, this is a weight loss journal

The background: I've always been larger. A couple of years ago, I did a fairly strict and extreme diet (in a personally safe way) and was able to lose a lot of weight in just a couple months (around 60lbs / 27.25kg in 2.5 months) but was promoted to manager at my old job.

Things got super stressful and I fell off watching my weight and started stress eating. Eventually the stress eating became habitual and while I am at a much more laid back job now, I'm not healthy by any means and I weigh more than I originally did.

I lost my old scale when I moved so I hadn't weighed myself in some time and finally did and it was like a punch to the gut to read the number.

So I made this sideblog to document my numbers and progress.

My information and rules to my diet and personal rules for my blog below:

Blog rules:

First and foremost, while I may occasionally interact with potentially pro-ana posts, this is primarily for recipes and as a whole, I do not support anorexia. Numerically speaking, as per the rules of my diet, some can consider it falling under anorexia in the long term but one of my main rules for my own diet is that if I am feeling unwell or sick, the diet is called off for the day or extra consumption is added but more details will be added further down.

Second; I am an adult. I suffer from bad body dysmorphia regarding my size and even for the sake of progress, I do not photograph myself and will not share photos of myself on here. The only pictures I might share will be of meals I enjoyed with the recipes for later reference

Third; I am not expecting followers as this is mainly a tagless blog (aside for a specifically unique tag for the aforementioned meal posts) but considering the mental health, the extremes to which people can take diets, and self body image of people, I will block any minor that follows this blog. I do not want to endorse the idea of extreme diets to minors. Be safe and smart.

Diet rules:

1. Food content does not matter outside of calorie count. I do not care how many carbs or what the level of transfats are in a food, I specifically only count calories

2. Calorie restriction is going to be averaged at 1000 per day with some minor wiggle room. I will aim for 1000, if I hit 1200, itd be disappointing but is still in the weight loss range and isnt a big deal. I will not go above 1500. If I do go above 1500, the remainder would be reduced from a strict 1000 the following day. For example, if I eat 1700 cal, the 200 over would be removed from the next day, aiming for now 800.

2. 1 day a week will be allotted for a cheat day. I can but probably wont count calories on this day. This is for when I spend time with friends or have meals with my partner on a mutual day off, or to just eat unhealthy fast food.

3. The following day will usually be a fast day

The typical schedule is that my partner and I typically have sundays off together (minus my occasional working sunday) so my diet schedule would be Tues-Sat, cheat Sunday, Fast Monday. But the days arent definite as it more revolves around availability of friends and such when I will have the cheat day.

And most importantly

4. The diet will be on hold if I am ill. If I am horribly sick, or struggling for the day and feeling like I might pass out or having unending horrible migraines that keep me from doing my job, the diet is canceled for the day. I will eat so I feel better and I will not hold it against myself and I will not reduce or fast the following day (unless its currently a cheat day, in which case feeling ill should be unrelated to the diet anyway)

5. Not a definite rule, but I will attempt to post basic weights daily for me here. These posts will be very short, just the date and weight, with body measurements potentially once a week. Weights will be taken in just underwear for consistency and accuracy. While I have "they" in my bio, I have a male body so if you see measurements for bust/waist/hips/thighs, take this into consideration. Thigh measurements is the circumference of my right thigh, not both thighs at the same time.

----

I dont really have an end goal at the moment, anything is better than what it is right now. I may set periodic goals but considering I cant adjust my diet further, I cant plan to weigh this or that by a certain date. The previous time I did this diet, I lost 20+lbs/9+kgs a month but I had a job on my feet versus my current desk job so rates will differ from last time.

Please dont give me hate or attack posts for me being large, I know I am and that is why I am starting this.

April 3rd, 2024

Edit, all weights should be applied to my physical height of 6'2 / 187cm

[ungodlydandelion]

Huge vent under cut

Ex: [actively yelling 5 inches from my face] I hate when people are loud!

Me: [suffering] yeah... me too...

💫

Ex: [immediately after asking me for money and also making me do their adult phone calls and handle their schedule] You can just treat adults like children and people are so bad with their finances these days! Making someone else deal with your financial situation is unfair.

Me: [coughing]

💫

Ex: [sees me kiss my partner on the cheek] Ew, gross. Anyways I'm watching this show about designing sex rooms for people. Do you want to watch with me? Or maybe talk about the kinks I just discovered [cybersex partner] has? Or watch this movie - it has lesbian sex in it! Onscreen!

Me: ... uh I guess what's the. Plot? Of the lesbian sex movie...

💫

Ex: You have to be positive around me. My anxiety makes me assume that any negative emotions you have are aimed towards me. Also I don't want to talk about anything that doesn't bring me joy - if it doesn't bring me joy, I assume it can't bring anyone else joy. Also, you cannot yell or have a stern tone while talking to me. Also I need you to hang out with me all the time, because I'm lonely, and I get too anxious to meet anyone else.

Me: I think. I am suffocating for some reason.

💫

Ex: I'm a problem solver! [Proceeds to not do any task unless every step is explicitly spelled out to him, and stops doing the task if there is any road block. This leads to legitimate dangers to the health of household pets which I am not aware of because he told me he would deal with it and didn't tell me that he just stopped due to a solvable issue.] Oh I just don't want to burden you with problems!

Me: [desperately trying to play catch up on things that he told me he had handled and didn't, show him step by step how to do anything, and double check all of his work after finding out he endangered my animals and ruined some of my dishes, pans, and silverware] it's less exhausting to just do stuff myself... you're older than me and have done all this stuff on your own for years, how is this happening?

💫

Me: [my partner & I get horrifically sick, are bedridden for two weeks] can you please keep up with the animal care, upstairs chores, and water the plants while we're sick? And possibly order food? I'll send money for it.

Ex: [does not do any of that]

Me: [desperate scramble to get all three of us fed and the pets (including his cat) cared for during the few moments of clarity and wakefulness I got during the illness, then another scramble to catch up with household tasks afterwards]

Ex: I was just so lonely while you were sick :(

Me: for some reason I really feel violent about you saying that, odd.

💫

Ex: [zones out of conversation for 10 minutes, then stops everyone in order to show off a completely unrelated video]

Me: can you not zone out of conversations and then come back to interrupt, off topic? Like if you don't want to have that conversation, you don't have to, but [partner] and I were talking?

Ex: oh, I mean, with my mother will just talk at you and you can just ignore her so I figured it would be fine to handle conversations with you that I'm not interested in the same way.

Me: I'm. We are not your mom??? We're nothing alike????? Why would you think that's applicable here? We've been close friends and family for 5 years and that has never been how things worked?

💫

Ex: [misgenders me, ignores my requests, ignores or tramples my stated boundaries, spends multiple-day, highly visible pouts in the living room if I seem upset near him, ignores me in conversation, ignores when I say no or need privacy]

Me: man, I don't understand or appreciate how you've been treating me. And it feels like you don't respect me or the sacrifices I've made to make this work. I thought we were family, that was the plan? Here's all the issues I'm having and what I think we can do to start not having those issues.

Ex: [doesn't talk to me for an entire week and somehow suddenly has his own money to order McDonald's that whole week] I don't think of you as family, I just went along with that because it seemed like that's what you wanted. I also lied about and hid my financial situation from you because I thought you wouldn't let me move in with you if you knew the truth. I think the problem is that we just have a disconnect of expectations! So let's have a series of singular discussions over each issue in turn so we don't overload my anxiety. [Does not acknowledge any of the issues except to be vaguely defensive]

Me: How am I supposed to have adequate expectations when you're just lying to me and never allowing reality to exist near you??? I'm fucking done. Get out of my home and my life. Enough. I am going to need so much more therapy after this. I'll even pay for it and help you pack.

Ex: [packs and leaves within a week with no help from me - pointedly ignoring any help I offer, showing initiative he's never displayed while here, leaving behind about 30 random expired foods and a huge mess]

Me: [still dealing with the aftermath and finding myself repeating old trauma patterns] I just don't understand why.

[daddyiluvhim]

omg this is so overdue. sorry that I wasn't doing it this weekend, I've been really sick and tired from my vaccine, my period, my allergies, etc. and my grandmother passed away on friday and we had to travel across the country to help out. the funeral is this week and we have to do a bunch of stuff before to prepare. also there was some drama with planning the shiva because my grandparents' friends are hosting it at their house but they were arguing about covid restrictions so then my grandfather decided that we weren't having it at the friends' house because there was too much drama so my aunt texted them that we were doing a different venue at the exact same time that the friend texted that they would be "ever so pleased" to host the shiva at their house lmao 😭

(I hope that made sense lol)

but anyway tumblr is probably gonna hear about my grandmother sometime this week or next week if I can get my act together so enough of my problems for rn

I feel like he's been running his instagram this past week (and it's great so let's not mess it up!)

Miss Emmy Award Winner where are your interviews?

Antneeee ty for telling us stuff but we're greeeeedddyyyy. the people wanna know moreeeee

*also unrelated to the wheel but I'm in central time now so my lunch break is an hour earlier so Anthony just so you know to place the Blessings mv content at the correct time*

[exeggcute]

glad to know you are mostly recovered from covid! if i may ask, could you describe how where your symptoms or at what pace you got them? the information i've got from both medical / govermental sources in my country is contradictory at times. also, what would you recommend drinking if i found myself to be with covid?

first off: WATER!!! drink water!!! I mean you can probably drink whatever as long as it’s moderately healthy and you’re staying hydrated (my drink of choice while sick is red gatorade. it has to be red or it doesn’t work though) but water is always a safe bet

also I’m happy to share my experience, just know that (1) I am not a doctor, just a professional Sick Person and (2) I never officially got tested thanks to a shortage of coronavirus tests in my area, but I’m pretty damn sure my symptoms were aligned with covid-19, so take that as you will

the first thing I noticed was a sore throat... but I have sore throats allll the time because of my other health issues, so I didn’t think much of it. I did start to notice my sore throat was getting better (from a previous mystery illness that knocked me out for a few days, and which I initially thought was strep but was probably just a bad cold) before suddenly getting bad again. I also had a day where my sore throat was especially pronounced and I had that Really Tired Feeling you get when you’re sick. I guess we can call that day one, but at this point I definitely didn’t think I had corona

that night I noticed some chest tightness, which I initially wrote off as an anxiety attack (and considering my extremely anxious personality and the fact that we were battening down the hatches for a pandemic, that seemed like a fair assumption) but using my inhaler didn’t help--in fact, it made the pain worse! but it did pass eventually, more or less, and I forgot about it

(side note here that if you think you have corona, do NOT use your albuterol inhaler or any kind of steroid inhaler unless you’re having a legit asthma attack with wheezing and all the works. using your inhaler can make the corona symptoms worse, but obviously if you need to use it then it’s important to keep using it. consult your doctor. also another similar note: if you think you have it, stay away from most NSAIDs if you can, as those can also make things worse. tylenol is okay though as long as you’re careful about the dosage--not as a corona thing, you just always need to be careful with tylenol dosage. and it’ll help keep your fever down, which is important!)

then over the next day or two I noticed the chest pain flare-ups but wrote those off as well. they were short-lived and mainly seemed to happen at night, but the inhaler always made them worse. around this time I also started experiencing some general GI upset for a few days (not to get too into that...), but I have a very touchy digestive track and was taking antibiotics at the same for other unrelated reasons, so I was like “well it’s probably nothing” but was starting to get worried.

then about five days later, the chest tightness really made itself present. like, it lasted all day and was constant. I was concerned but not immediately freaking out, and it was really windy that day so I kind of chalked it up to allergies, but as a very allergic person I’ve never had chest tightness like that from allergies (and my other allergic symptoms have improved considerably since I started allergy shots, so it would be weird to have a new symptom crop up out of nowhere like that).

then the next day, and the next day, the tightness wasn’t going away. this was clearly not allergies. I started to seriously think about corona tests, and I even called my primary care doctor, but she was extremely dismissive (all she did was call in a prescription for an old allergy drug that never even worked for me in the first place) and it was downright impossible to get tested. I was freaked out, but not entirely sure.

it’s about day seven at this point, and the chest tightness is in full swing. when I first wake up, the pain isn’t really present, but after about an hour of wakefulness my chest starts to get tight, congested, and kind of has that rattle-y feeling when it’s full of mucus and crap from the postnasal drip. not much congestion otherwise, but I’m so hopped up on antihistamines at all times that I don’t really get congested in general. the best way I can describe the chest tightness is that it feels like when I exert myself and my asthma makes my chest seize up and it’s hard to catch my breath (aka every single PE class I was ever forced to take as a kid), but my inhaler doesn’t do shit. my throat is still hurting pretty bad too and I feel vaguely fevery, but I don’t have a working thermometer at home. overall I just feel shitty, like that feeling you have when you know you’re sick (and I get sick a lot so I’m pretty well-versed in that lol). for quarantine purposes, this is the day I’ve been counting as the “first day” of having obvious corona symptoms, but it was really predated by the things I described above.

several days pass like this, I keep trying to get tested and call all sorts of places but it’s all dead ends. I also develop a slight cough, which mostly comes in bursts or when I speak/eat. by day twelve I manage to get a primary care appointment, and they do an EKG to make sure it’s not cardiac pain (the EKG came back fine) and a throat swab to see if it’s something bacterial (it’s not). they do confirm I’m running a slight fever, although my body temperature is usually so low that even a fever of 99 is high for me. my primary care doc basically tells me to fuck off and stay home, which I was already planning on doing. she also didn’t even wear a mask or gloves to look into my throat, despite the fact that all the other nurses in the practice were wearing masks and gloves when they interacted with patients... so I’m not exactly full of confidence in her judgement here.

the night of day thirteen, the day after seeing my doctor, I have a night where I can’t sleep because my airway feels restricted (both in my chest and my actual throat being swollen from pain). I used my inhaler, like a fool, and when the inhaler didn’t help the first time I tried using it two more times. big mistake! I ended up lying awake gasping for air, taking huge gulps just to feel like I was getting the teeniest bit of oxygen, and feeling stabbing pain when I took these deep breaths. I was too afraid to sleep and almost made my girlfriend drive me to the ER but I hate going to the ER so instead I just tried to calm down until I got exhausted enough to fall asleep around dawn. I also kept alternating between sweating buckets and shivering to death, no matter how I kept adjusting the temperature and my blankets, so I assume I was having a crazy fever that night.

the next day, roughly day fourteen, I decided to suck it up and go to the ER to get a chest x-ray. they said my x-ray looked fine, which was encouraging (hopefully no permanent lung damage there), and they took a flu swab and a strep swab just to rule those out (both negative, of course). at least two other people were there with me in the ER complaining of similar symptoms, but they didn’t have any tests for us so the doctor just told me to go home, act as if I had it, and keep taking tylenol and drinking water. this doctor is also the one who told me to stop using my inhaler--and the fact that my inhaler kept making the pain worse is one of the things that really tips me off here that I probably had it.

things are pretty much uneventful for the next week: still having a tight chest, a fever that seems to come and go, sore throat, cough. no more crazy attacks like that one night.

by day nineteen (yesterday) I start to notice a bit of improvement in my chest pain. it’s not gone, but it’s not as bad and I’ll have slight reprieves from the tightness. today is day twenty (more or less, my numbers are a little rough here) and I actually felt okay most of the day. by the evening the tightness returned and I’m still coughing every now and then, but far less often. I think the fever is gone and my throat doesn’t hurt too bad, either! I’m well past the point of being contagious, so I actually went to the grocery store today and got a few things. I’m not totally out of the woods yet, but I think (knock on fucking wood) the worst has passed.

anyway, I hope my anecdote is helpful for you, and I hope you stay safe and healthy!

[theangstking]

okay so.

I need advice.

I've been coughing rlly fucking bad for almost a week. since Sunday I think?

it's Saturday.

it's so bad, it sounds like a smoker's coughing.

some of the stuff I'm hacking up looks like what a smoker would hack up.

I've coughed so hard it's made me feel like I'm going to vomit multiple times, and I've almost choked because of the coughing.

I'm also starting to get really bad headaches, idk if it's because of the coughing or unrelated but still.

also my mom asked me if I wanted these things that would make it that if I was getting sick it'd probably stop it, on Monday, and I said no, so I'm kinda nervous that she'll be upset with me for that...

problem: we don't have insurance rn.

but.

but should I ask my mom to set up a doctor's appointment anyways?